Unsubscribe Podcast - 87 - Tarkov Wipe ft. Tweak

Episode Date: January 5, 2023

WE FOUND TIME TO RECORD A PODCAST BETWEEN TARKOV STREAMS. Tweak showed up at our house asking for potatoes, and now he's here to tell you how much he loves America, especially Pah Pies-- I mean Popeye's. How's your Tarkov wipe going? ------------------------------ GO FOLLOW TWEAK @tweakirl @TweakGG https://www.twitch.tv/tweak https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoO-0okwn3ohKIg7MP_PYew https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy6ivbHlCivVyytprHOcOuA https://www.instagram.com/tweak_gg/ https://twitter.com/TweaK_GG ------------------------------ CHECK OUT TODAY'S VIDEO SPONSORS, Adam & Eve - Go to http://www.adameve.com, select any one item. Use code UNSUB, U-N-S-U-B This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast so be sure to support our show and use this code UNSUB to get you not just the 50% Off, but also the 100% Free Shipping - Code UNSUB! Go to Adam and Eve dot com right now! Manscaped Get 20% OFF @manscaped + Free Shipping with promo code UNSUB at MANSCAPED.com! #ad #manscapedpod www.manscaped.com ------------------------------ OUR MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast JOIN THE PATREON NOW: https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast WE HAVE A SUBREDDIT??? https://www.reddit.com/r/UNSUBSCRIBEpodcast/ CHECK OUT https://outofregz.com/ CODE: UNSUB http://gfuel.com/discount/baddie CODE: BADDIE ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o MORE LINKS! https://linktr.ee/UnsubscribePodCast ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie- @Baddie Streams https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -DonutOperator- @Donut Operator @Operation Donut https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCwkm_Wcyh0pc7UUmZZfL-6w https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator/ https://www.twitch.tv/DonutOperator https://twitter.com/DonutOperator -Eli_Doubletap- @Eli Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by Fluck https://www.twitch.tv/fluck twitchcon 2022 reaction Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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Alright, real quick. Eli, talk to me. Tell me how pretty I am. Hi, Batty. You're beautiful. Sound check. Take this. Pick a side just so you don't block your face. Yeah. I guess here is fine. Hey, I'm... No, stop. Tell me how pretty I am. Hey, buddy. You're really pretty cool

Um, I also think I'm quite pretty perfect sounds. Oh, that's here. That's your thing like every time it is now It is now starting it right this second. I just want to hear you call me pretty Look like pretty any time. Oh Wait, what did you fuck up? Nothing I just wanted to get ready to pop it. Oh. Are we doing it all together? This is, oh yeah, this is your first time. I forgot you've been here before. You just haven't done it.

I just haven't done it. Ready? Three, two, one. Oh, that felt good. That was a good crit. And you got Chris. Clap. Oh.

All right. I'm like, like a, ah. Open your hands. Yes. That's an American clap. You almost said it. There you go. You said like a meh.

Like a meh. You caught yourself it. You said like a man. You caught yourself. Clap like a man. I straight said clap like a man. Oh, I thought you were catching yourself. Use your man hands, your big mitts. I like you were like this. It's like riding clap.

Eli. It's racially ambiguous. That guy's fucking ridiculous. ride and clap Eli is racially ambiguous baddie that guy's fucking ridiculous don't that's

harder to rhyme but he's a really nice guy welcome to unsubscribe

hey guys thanks for watching unsubscribe podcast um make sure wherever you're

listening or watching whether it's on youtube uh castro spotify apple google amazon podbean stitcher or Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or that's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do.

It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that. And we want to make Donna eli happy today yeah for five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top don't say something motivating and that's where the you come that is come subscribe welcome to the unsubscribe podcast today as always you have eli double tap myself baddie streams and my beautiful sweet irish baby boy, Tweek. Hello.

All the way here, all the way in Texas from Ireland. He moved here. I got you this. I wanted to ask if this actually smells like Irish Springs. Oh, my God. Let me see. Did you buy him? Is that a box of Irish Springs soap?

It is. It's empty, Eli. I know. It's upstairs. Is that Irish Springs? Oh, my God. Show. You know what this smells like?

Sorry. Show's off cam. Do you remember Radox bath salt? Like my God. Show, you know what this smells like? Sorry, shows off cam. Do you remember Radox bath salt? Like you get a bath when you were a kid. Bath salts? Yeah. Don't do bath salts. That actually, that's actually a very nostalgic smell.

This is why you guys have troubles. But it doesn't smell like an Irish spring. Irish springs just smell like water and grass. Irish approved. Okay. That's the podcast. Bye everyone. It's just, that's it. My boys this is the podcast. Bye, everyone. It's just that's it.

My boys, hi. Welcome, welcome. Stop touching the guests. He can touch me only once. I like this. This is more attention than I've gotten in years. She's right there. She's right there. Oh, man.

Run. This is starting low. It never starts good. The intros of the podcast are kind of like a car wreck. Yeah, man. Run. This is starting low. It never starts good. The intros of the podcast are kind of like a car wreck. Yeah, yeah. We're just slamming. Cars are hitting. It's like an icy road and just more cars are piling up.

Eventually, one will plow through and we'll have a clear path. But until then, it's just a car wreck. And you can't look away because it's a car wreck. You're like, oh, there's a guy dying right there. This is the clear path. I'm going to watch. Yeah, oh, there's a guy dying right there. This is the clear path. I'm going to watch. Yeah, the booze. No, this is helping.

This is great. Everyone gets in that smooth drunk phase. We don't care at that point. Also, Eli poured like this much vodka in here. So it is New Year's Eve, though. Yeah, happy New Year's Eve. Happy New Year's Eve. Or New Year's Day.

Cheers. It's going to be 2023 when you watch this. Sorry, hoes. Wonderful supporters. He's got to blur your finger. He's got to bleep everyone. We're well past the minute. No, we're not.

We're within five minutes. It's the first 15 minutes. That was some bullshit. Five minutes. It's 15 seconds from the conversation I had with the YouTube rep yesterday. We're still... Five minutes, Fluck. We just...

Still, I feel like I have to do this. F*** you, Caleb. You just call him Caleb? Yeah. Call him Fluck. I call him Caleb. No, everybody knows his name. Everybody knows him as Fluck.

Okay. Don't call him Caleb. He's not a real person. The moment you give him a name, he's a person. Listen, ever since I shared a drink with that man, he's had a warm spot in my heart. He's a cutie. He's a cutie. He's a cutie.

We got to get him down here. We're trying to. Yeah, yeah. He's going to be episode 99. Is he? We didn't want to fuck up episode 100. We're going to have to be like actually fun for episode 100, you know? Yes, Christ. Don't worry. We're going to shit on you soon you soon no that's fair i probably i probably deserve it this is

what we do don't worry you can also make fun of us that's allowed but just know we're gonna give it 10 times worse when we give it back that's how you know your friends i know that's true friendship today's gonna be about Tarkov and Ireland. Tarkov and Ireland? Lucky charms. What else did you guys give us? Sorry, one second.

Turkey tree, potatoes out in the field. Sorry, hang on a minute. We got beef and Guinness stew. Bogs. Haggis. What's the weird Irish language? The language? Yeah.

That's so weird. Wait, you guys. I swear there's another... Sorry, like... Like Gaelic or something like that. You speak fluent Mexican? Yeah, all the time. Do you?

No, I don't. I speak terrible Mexican. Have you ever heard my Mexican? No. Absolutely wretched. Uno mas tequila por favor. Donde esta la biblioteca? Donde esta?

Donde esta? El banano. What's the Gaelic? Yeah. It's actually like a really like hard language to learn. I've had people that say to me like, yeah, I'm going to learn Irish before I go there. I was like, well, first of all, there's like 11 people in the country that speak it so for anybody that doesn't know like irish like used to be spoken by a lot of people but now it's only spoken in

places called gueltux and there's only a few of them left and they're like out in the boonies it's like really small communities of people that still speak the language what the gueltux can you spell that for flux because he's gonna put it on the screen because we're all idiots it's like g a e l t a e c h t or some i forget there's too many letters yeah it's it's a long it's a long thing but like good luck when i was a kid like my parents used to send me there and you go there for like three weeks it was like a summer camp but and it sounds really bad until you like get there and it's actually really fun but but you have to speak Irish the entire time you're there. It's like church when you're a kid. Yeah, kind of, except like you're in a house with like, you know, 15 other dudes or 15 other girls if you're, if you're a girl and you're going there.

But like, it's just, it's a mess, dude. We send our children to these old guys. They're not allowed to speak a certain language. It always is like a really old like couple that like runs the house as well yeah because they like cook you dinners din your dinners and shit and they lock kids in the basement don't they if you speak english yeah no no no they don't they just send you home if you do that wait if you speak english they send you home yeah you've got like three strikes you're out like if you're caught speaking english like they'll send you home and

it's like it was expensive to go there yeah what the fuck that sounds like a boring ass fucking fun camp no it was actually really fun like after like because before you go there you think this sounds terrible because we had to do irish in school like we we learned all that where in school what's that like a school education eli like Stop mocking our guest's accent. A skoo? A skoo? A school. So when I was a wee lad, we used to go to a school. I love it.

Jesus Christ. Don't rub your hands around here. You get a three strike rule to get the fuck out. Jesus. Okay. If it gets too bad, just punch him in the face it's fine it's fine after we get drunk and we'll wrestle i i am so used to the absolute abuse that i've incurred my entire online life being somebody who's irish because it's just like

everybody first of all thinks you're an alcoholic thinks you know is a leprechaun and yeah and watch those are all true and watch boondock saints which is actually a good movie as you're drinking alcohol as you know a leprechaun. Yeah, pretty much. But yeah, no, it was actually a lot of fun. I met a lovely lady. It's confirmed.

A lovely lady there. We did our thing and then I never heard from her again when we left. So, yeah. And now you're married. Can you speak Irish? I can.

What do you want me to say? You let him go fuck himself? He like fucking Kerr, Ishby and Sustahone. Yeah. Can you speak Irish? I can. What do you want me to say? So what? Tell Eli to go fuck himself. Eli, fucking, Kerr, Ishbeen, Soos, Dahon. So that's about as close as I can get to saying, go fuck yourself. That means, Eli, put a sausage up your ass. Kerr, Ishbeen.

Kerr, Ishbeen. Ishbeen is sausage. Kerr, Ishbeen. Soos. Why are you so German when you're trying to say it, Eli? Dahon. Dahon. Dahon.

That's your ass. Your bum. I love the hon. The hon. The hon is where the heart is. The hon is where the heart is. That's the new shirt. The hon is where the heart is.

The herm is where the ass is. That's my herm. Where are you from? Me lucky charms. The Herm is where the house is. What? That's my Irish accent. Darwin, Darwin, Darwin. Where you from? Me lucky charms. You just passed. I heard you started going German into Hispanic to the fucking Swedish chef in J-5. Also, oh.

The man of Minnetonka. One funny thing. I gotta say this because this pisses me off, right? Everybody tells me, right? Do you eat Lucky Charms for breakfast? No, I don't. Because in Ireland, we don't have Lucky Charms because it's not an Irish company. It's an American company that made

them. Okay? I'm just saying. What's an Irish cereal? An Irish cereal? Oh, God. Are you like Kellogg's show? I just put a picture of potatoes falling into a bowl and then they pour milk on their potatoes. They're just like, oh my. Can I leave?

Potatoes, they're magically delicious. It's just like everything. Do you just imagine that every time an Irish person opens their press, whether it be a bag of bread or a box of cereal, it's just all potatoesals just potatoes potatoes rolling out and then for littler things it's like table tots it's just like everything's made of potatoes or shampoo or dish soap or like okay baddie we have a question he already knows the answer what is the stone or rock from ireland

oh good job oh you knew that yeah yeah they kind of have to shut that down because of covid oh yeah who'd have guessed you're you have to kiss that one isn't there a famous yeah it's like mega sketch i didn't know this but like it's up like a castle and they like hang you over an edge to kiss it i didn't know that upside down you have to go like upside down yeah yeah yeah it's it's wild but i feel like uh so the blarney stone's a super spreader yeah so now when you gotta kiss the blarney stone you gotta wear a fucking mask why would you kiss that's like every you you're gonna see the people in line that you're gonna kiss that in front of you you're like oh yeah man you just bring it with disinfectant like you wipe it clean real quick you're like because like my parents used

to run to bed and breakfast and like we'd be, what are you doing today? Oh, we're going to go kiss the Blarney Stones. Yeah, you're kissing fucking 10,000 other people. You hooer. Who are you? Oh man, that's freaking great. If you're going to say it, say it right. You hooer. You hooer. Good, good, good, good.

Well, we're glad to have you. You beautiful son of a bitch. You're actually hanging out. You're learning firearms. You're learning the American culture. Sorry. Yeah. Sorry. You're actually,

this is great. He moved here. He is losing weight while eating American food. This is, that's true. To be fair, um, history,

I might be the first person in human history that's lost weight by eating Popeye's. Cause I got food poisoning. No, that's pretty common thing. Honestly, no. Dude, I lost like three pounds in like two days. It was great. Oh, God.

Was it coming out both ends or just one? You were trash binning while shitting yourself? Nice. Yeah, it was. Hell yeah, bro. We've all been there. All I gotta say is I'm really glad that apparently we moved into those two bathrooms because I got some privacy. You ruined one.

It was. Yeah. There was some serious porcelain painting going on. Like just yellow tape. Yeah. Go in there. It was like the scene. Yeah.

The winner of last year. That's how my house two years ago. Yeah. I guess. So. So how are you feeling right now? You a little tired. I'm actually streaming a lot lately.

So I'm actually good today. I slept for like 12, 13 hours last night after the 36-hour thing. I was surprised I got through that because I made it to almost 24 hours. Well, here, hold on. Before we do that, why? What do you do on the internet? Oh, I play video games. Hey, I played like Tarkov.

He's a fucking nerd. Yeah, I'm a nerd. I'm a big nerd. I do Tarkov YouTube videos. I stream Tarkov. I play video games. Hey, I played like Tarkov. He's a fucking nerd. Yeah, I'm a nerd. I'm a big nerd. I do Tarkov YouTube videos. I stream Tarkov. I stream other things, but mostly Tarkov. Mostly Tarkov. A little escape from Tarkov.

We all know you love when we talk about that. Since 2017. He did start playing some Modern Warfare. I didn't just start. I dumped like 250 hours into that game in like two weeks. He was so good. Oh, it was so nice when like Zex also fucking terrible english and then you i was like he doesn't speak terrible english no but it's two accents that just i'm just having a heyday because he's not used to zex either in

sexism hey okay we're going here okay everyone go here oh my god there's guys right there where are we going hey what are you doing man and you're like tony montana's on the other line we're here we're making calls jesus christ laughing our asses off but i uh i told zex is like hey we're gonna have tweak and he's like who's that i was like yeah trust me you'll like him and day one he was like oh man i got a text from him he's like man the tweet guy he's really good at causing stuff man i was like yes tony montana he is very good at calls that's why i like playing but we got a dub like we did we did get a dub after yeah oh we got that spicy fucking dub yeah that was dude that was like the i was so sad because that game i did nothing but like all the other games i felt like i was doing great and then when we finally won one i was like oh i hoped i'm here too and like in like

the after game screen it's like you were on the way back and then it was like the supply dropper it was like it's like the fucking token medal for the dude that lost or whatever you know and i'm like okay i brought the ammo box guys here you don't want to open the scoreboard you're like just keep it close it was a good game though because like towards the end there was like five minutes where it was just like all comes and it was just like yeah we got we fought like an open water we were like we're like pushing that was that one right it was like that wake we're making

calls everybody's shooting like just fucking sparring fucking nerds oh I know so recently Tarkov Tarkov's doing drops right now Tarkov just wiped doesn't know what that means the game we play way too much of. Just did a big reset. Big update.

The biggest update. Oh, for years. For years. Since like Interchanger Labs. Okay, yeah. Probably. Yeah, like this is a big one. And they're doing an event mixed with Twitch where there's these drops where you get free

items if you watch the shit while it's going on. And basically what that means is every Targov streamer burns their life to the ground and streams non-stop like tweaky did 36 hours yeah i did 26 and then 16 the next day yeah it's like it's like that one time of the year where it's like all hands on deck i imagine it's like christmas day for santa claus you know santa claus he's real. He's real. He's making a presence with his elves and shit, you know? It's like that one time a year where you just stay up for like two days to get

your job done because we moved and we spent all our money getting here. Amazon gives us a lot of ad money. Shows like standing just out of frame like a whip.

Be any more entertaining. You're not even getting enough subscribers. So yeah, that's what Drops is for us. It's a fun time of year though, but you wouldn't want it like every month. Once a year. I might be able to do it a second time.

Maybe, but like my voice is shredded. I'm fucking exhausted. I might be able to do it a second time. Yeah. Maybe. But like my voice is shredded. I'm fucking exhausted. I slept like four hours yesterday. Like I ended my stream at like 8 a.m. 9 a.m. This morning. I said that to show when she got up. I was like, he's asleep.

Like, what are you talking about? He just finished a few hours ago. She's like, oh, yeah. I was like, yeah, now we're here drinking. That was our phone call yesterday. He was like, oh, this is like podcast. He's like, I our phone call yesterday he was like oh this was like podcast he was like oh i ended it and was like let's do it p.m and then he was like i'm gonna do this this and then today it was like i'm gonna go get the sign do you want to get food

first i was like nah we can just go to the podcast i would like to get food first got it bro i need food right now i was like but then we're good we'll get food first. Got it, bro. I need food. I need food right now. I was like, then we're good. We'll get food first. Also, I got to say, I'm unsure of the authenticity of that Irish bear. I don't think I've ever seen an Irish bear that serves orange chicken. It's surprisingly good, though. It's not that it's not good.

It's just definitely not an Irish pub. You're saying O'Connor's is not? No, it was Conroy's. Oh, Conroy's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, like, I donor's is not? No, it was Conroy's. Oh, Conroy's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, like, I do actually know a few people with the last name Conroy. So that is an Irish name. Yeah, but none of the staff are Irish, so that's a no-no for me.

I guess we have to cancel him on Twitter. A bunch of Mexicans working there. Yeah. Did you see the guy cooking our food? Dude, that really is dope. Huh? Food? Delicious.

I found that place the other day. I was like, hey, they got fucking whatever. Shepherd's pie. I was like, this is not. Huh? Food? Delicious. I found that place the other day. I was like, hey, they got fucking whatever. Shepherd's pie. I was like, this is dope. We'll have to get a show to make you a real shepherd's pie. Because what you got wasn't shepherd's pie. They pile. I forgot. I have to tell them not to put gravy on it because they put like an inch

of gravy. It's so much. It ruins it. It really does. That's why I scoop it off. But fuck, man. You want me. That's why I scoop it off. But fuck, man. You want me to catch up? I can catch up. It's a bit early in the day. It's like 4 o'clock, right? Yeah, it's 4 o'clock.

That's like 10 p.m. Irish time. Shut the fuck up. That is true. I should ask Ryden. Ryden would know. It's 6 from the East Coast, I think. That is true. I should ask Ryden. Ryden would know. What time is it? Oh, it's 8.07 because it's 6 from the East Coast, I think. No, it's 6 hours.

I was talking to my mom the other day. I was like, it's 6 hours ahead of me because it was 6pm. She was like, yeah, it's midnight. Thanks for calling me so fucking late, asshole. She actually rang me one time by accident. I woke up and I was like, oh God, someone's dead. Because my mom was ringing me and it was 6am. And I just woke it up. And I answered the phone and she was like, yeah, yeah. like you get calls in the middle of the night from your family or something

and I was like oh someone's dead but I answered the phone and she was like hey how's it going and I was like yeah I'm fucking sleeping and she was like oh yeah and I was like well you know goodnight I'm fucking tired I can call Batty any time of the day and he sounds like that I'm fucking sleeping

it's like it's not good it's not good at all hey i don't know what's happened since i got here but like i've been like really good about it i've been like up up early, been streaming during the day, you know, off early, reasonable hour, bed at reasonable hour of the night, you know? Yeah, it's weird. I was even going to the gym for a while until I got sick. And what's your excuse now? I'm waiting for Tarkov drops to be over. Yeah.

Yeah. And then my excuse for when it was coming up to Christmas, I was like, oh, it's Christmas. It's cold outside. The sun's out. It's got chilly cold outside yeah before that it was cold yeah fuck it's really nice now though okay we're not talking about the weather this is not a fucking 80 year old podcast everything it had to be way worse last year though though. Either that or everyone in Texas is a massive pussy. No, they're all massive pussies.

Really? Dude, I was outside and I was like, yeah, it's a bit nippy. People out there in these big Gore-Tex jackets like, oh my god, I'm gonna die. And I'm like... We had that... We fucking filmed a podcast episode at like 60 degrees. Oh my god. We walked outside and it was 20 degrees.

The day that shit hit hit we were here at like 11 a.m we started early that it was like an 11 a.m podcast we filmed and it was like 50 degrees we walked outside it was like 20 i was like what the fuck just happened it was a fucking switch holy shit what the fuck just happened? That's fucking miserable. Yeah, because at home, it's just miserable all the time. That's part of the reason why I moved here. Most people are like, why did you move from Ireland? It's such a great place.

It's like, well, because everyone's depressed, and the weather sucks, and so do the taxes. Good place to visit, though. I'd always recommend Ireland as a good place to visit, but as far as far as living there goes not so much a lot of people just don't they've never traveled done a lot of different things explored they just see this uh this preconceived idea it's like i want to live x y or z and then no you don't no you don't yeah take it from someone who actually did live there dude there's so many people as well that um since i've moved here and like streaming and stuff people like why do you have Ireland

in your tags? And it's like, because I'm Irish. It's like, what, is like your granddad Irish or something? It's like, no, I am Irish. I just moved here like two months ago. And they're like, you're not Irish. You're just using it for views. And I'm like, so... What a stupid fucking... Yeah, so it's like this whole

time... That's what we're going to talk about today. How stupid the fucking internet is I've just had like this this masquerade for like the last however many years I've been streaming since like 2017 that alright show here's what we're gonna do We're gonna pretend to be Irish and then we're gonna move to America and then we're gonna really milk it over there You know, it's like. It's your evil plan. Yeah. Everybody knows the Irish do great over here. Apparently.

Yeah. Oh, actually they do. Do they? Except I was getting my haircut the other day and the lady asked me where I was from. And I was like, oh, I'm from Ireland. And she was like, sorry, where? I was like, Ireland. And she was like, where?

I was like, she's like, is that in Texas? I was like, it's in Europe. And she's like, oh, like where France is. And I was like, is that in Texas? I was like, it's in Europe. And she's like, oh, like where France is? And I was like, yeah. And then she was like, so where's Ireland? Called public education. And I was like, well, it's like in Western Europe. She was like, you know where, I said to her,

do you know where like England is? And she was like, no. And I was like, okay, you're getting a tip. This conversation is not going anywhere. Can you just finish cutting my hair, please? That was the first time ever. Did you go to great clips? Oh, where'd you go?

I don't want to put it on blast. It was in the rim. Okay. As long as it's not like a friend, never get your haircut in America to like a great clips, a sports clips, anything that says clips in the name is it specifically clips with a z or if you can walk in day of and get your haircut like and it's like a guy that's like they're gonna fuck your haircut okay i mean she did a pretty good job barbershops have always been pretty good to me though oh yeah Oh, yeah. And also, the haircut was $50 fucking dollars.

And that was before the tip. And that flew me away. I've never spent more than $20 on a haircut. Yeah, there's a difference between a barbershop and a walk-in salon here, for sure. Hi, Batty. Do you like sex stuff? I do, too. With the opposite sex.

Sometimes. With all the bad news about these prices these days, it's nice to know that Adam and Eve is still offering the best deal. What kind of deal, Eli? You're talking about adamandeve.com. Get 50% off plus free shipping. That's 50% off an adventurous new toy. How adventurous?

That's a dildo. Massive. You see that mushroom behind you? Turn around. Fluck. Punch in. That could be a toy that could insert inside you, and it could be 50% off. I like 50% off.

Be adventurous. Maybe some slippery lube or almost anything else you desire. What is your desires, buddy? Butt plugs. Me too. Speaking of which, that mushroom. Our podcast listeners will get 50% off almost any item. What's the code?

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Imagine ordering like a full, like a box, like a big old box of dildos, butt plugs, fucking just every, like cock rings. No, a sex doll. Just. And full display. Abanese, can you make sex dolls of me and Eli? But don't wrap them when they ship. I want it delivered with. It's just. Just a shipping label.

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Right, Fluck? Anyway, now we're talking about haircuts. So we've got the weather covered. The haircuts. My bursitis was acting up. Yeah, shit. Dude, I'm asthmatic when I first moved here. The hay fever.

My God. Did you actually? Cedar fever. Did you do cedar? I had it for like a week. Yeah, no, no, no. Anybody who's in Texas, fuck you for the cedar fever shit. Do cedar fever oh i had it for like a week yeah no no anybody who's in texas fuck you for the cedar fever shit dude cedar fever no fucking joke like annihilated me for like a month i was like a month bro i was fucking ruined jesus it took me like a week and i was i was all right i was adjusted i have pictures of my that's i got bit by red ants it was a little

fucking the ants don't fuck around here either. But I had that. And then I didn't know I got cedar fever because I have no allergies until that one week that I never had my life. Never again. Yeah. But fuck my life. Did that cedar fever went to Krispies? I got those bites.

My foot. I look like the elephant, man. I just had this log that went down to five toes it was just a tube of meat with like five toes sticking out i was like oh i need to wrap it and then like they're like what's wrong i was like i'll take some something there and then i like turn around and they're like why is your face swollen and red i was like why i look in the mirror i was like oh fuck my life what the fuck is going on i'm like taking medicine i'm like yeah okay so you see that episode the big bang three where howard accidentally eats seafood or something it's like one frame is like the other frame is

literally i was like i gotta go home i gotta wrap my foot i gotta i'm dying and then two days later everything's gone never had that ever again i was like fuck my life and like ah cedar fever i was like that's it and it's only cold for like two weeks out the year so that's pretty fucking amazing. It's kind of worth the pain of like the chronic sunburn. I'm not looking forward to, as my brother said before I moved here, I'm going to

turn into a puddle of milk. A puddle of milk? Yeah. Because like in Ireland, like the weather now, like it's, for me I would say it's like 20 Celsius to do your fucking conversions. Pluck freedom math, please. Yeah, freedom math, Pluck, the weather now, for me, I would say it's like 20 Celsius to do your fucking conversions. Pluck freedom math, please. Yeah, freedom math, Pluck, on screen now. Picture bullets popping up, a flag,

McDonald's hamburgers, equals, and then it's Fahrenheit. It's like, this is a Fahrenheit. I've already, I've already, you're going to keep talking, as you're adding and shaking. You're going to keep talking. He's just going to go. As you're adding.

It's just like motherfucking Eli with his. Sorry, joke. But this is like peak Irish summer. Right now. This is about as hot as it gets. You'll have some days where it might creep up into like 30 Celsius, but that's rare. Yeah, and we get that for like a couple of weeks a year. And then the rest of the year is just like miserable and rain so this is a great

you're doing what i'm doing i'm like 30 celsius that's like 90 or something i think i think ain't no way it's 90 that's hot as that's hot 90s hot is it i don't know you're talking about how mild it is to us i'm like man it's fucking 15 glifo how mild it is and you're like, it's 90. I'm like, man, it's fucking 15 gliphoids out right now. You're like, what the fuck's a gliphoid? Exactly. What the fuck's a Celsius? None of us know this. A gliphoid? Is that what

the glip flops use to tell the temperature? Glip flops measurements. That's the distance. Jesus Christ. There's another good shirt. What the fuck is a Celsius? We got to get that one before the fat electrician steals it. Which Nick has come up with our new shirt design.

He came up with the shirt design? Oh, yeah. He texts it to me today. Are we going to spoil it for everybody right now? Fuck yeah, we are. Eli's the king of spoilers. Any cool secrets? Omega

ligam cum. Ligam cum? Dude, you should go hand those out at a bunch of colleges. That would be hilarious. None of them know what that shit means. Omega ligam cum. It's fucking cold.

Is that not genius? I wasma cum. It's fucking cold. Is that not genius? I was like, you're fucking genius, Nick. Larry, I love it. I hate that I love it, but I love it. Can it be yellow like that too? 100%. I love that. We gotta do like the bright fucking college colors and shit with that one. Frat color.

Can't wait to rip the snakes off one. Do a keg stand. I'm gonna stop my joke there because it doesn't get any better what was it leading to it's not funny we're talking about the biscuit lads don't don't be silly wrap your willy all right well that that's the mildest fucking. He wouldn't know what Limp Bizkit is probably. Oh, like Soggy Biscuit? Oh, you call it.

Oh, yeah. We have a different name for that in Ireland. I never played it. Limp Bizkit? Like the band? I can't tell if you're fucking with me. Wait, what's Soggy Biscuit? We can play later.

Okay, so what? No, no, no, no. I don't know. I don't know what this is. He doesn't know Limp Bizkit or Soggy Biscuit. What? Really? You're not here. I'm like, why are we connecting on this?

Yeah. Is this a college thing? I didn't go to hell. I didn't eat. Batty, I'm Mexican. I 100% remember college. What is this? I don't know. I genuinely have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. I think Limp Bizkit, I think of a band and now I'm going to rip someone's face off. You know, like fucking slamming.

Are we really about to explain what this is? Yeah. It's where like there's a biscuit in the table. We all get naked jerk off on it. Yeah. And then the last person that comes on it has to eat it. Yeah. Soggy biscuit.

Yeah. I never did it, but I heard of people doing it. I play it every Friday with my friends. Can I come? Yeah. Cool. Two times. Yeah.

I know I'll win. So i'll win so that's why that's why i want to play win or lose hey guys in the comments below can you just let us know if you've ever played limp and or soggy biscuit i just just you never yet i've never heard of this wait get the fuck that's crazy it's been in like a bunch of movies and shit too like yeah like what are those like movies about like american students and shit no like american pie and i swear it's like an american pie or something american pie there are some movies jerk a dog off into some fucking donuts like oh wait you've never seen van wilder classic movie oh you're gonna have a Dude if we start down the rabbit hole of shit

That I haven't seen We'll be here for the next seven weeks Like I'm so bad at movies We don't have TV or movies in Ireland Yeah you've never heard of Lord of the Rings You were talking about that Okay I have one thing to say about the Lord of the Rings And I don't care what everyone says

Watch your fucking I'm telling you right now Yeah I will fucking We will literally You're in You're gonna be the biscuit Show and I tried to watch it Like last year

We got halfway through the fellowship I fucking turned it off. I was bored out of my fucking mind. I've seen them all. I just don't like them. Get! I am a Star Wars. Get the gun!

I'm a Star Wars stat. Get! Eli has weapons. I just left. You remember our startup? Drive up. I need my son here. He just comes down and sits here.

He's just up here. He's just like, he sits down. He's like, all right. can we play disassembly vr now i'm still terrified your son's gonna learn how to disassemble a human they made a movie about that it's scary dude his little things i was like how was your flight it was good it was four hours and 28 minutes of course you fucking know that and then they were playing superpowers of what date falls on when i was like when's your birthday it's on a thursday or whatever i was like how the fuck do you know this your brain works so different how's your day going my brain just doesn't work that's cool mine not working having a brand that doesn't, no, I wasn't talking about you. I mean, we got to rewind.

Why the fuck don't you two like Lord of the Rings? Where's her voice? I don't know. I was yelling at my autistic son. He hates loud noises. That's another game we play. Eli's bullying the children again. I don't know. I just find it like really boring, but like I like Game of Thrones, but like there's just again I don't know

I find it like really boring but like I like Game of Thrones but like there's just I don't know I'm just not into it it's like here's these long scenes of all this beautiful scenery in New Zealand and like we're going here and it's just like oh we're walking here and we're talking about how great the Shire was and oh no

and it's just like goes on for hours and hours and hours and hours it's just I can't I've sat and binged watched the extended editions of it's like 14 fucking hours the director's kind of i sort of i don't think i got up to piss just i love it how do you do you know what it might be back when we had the bed and breakfast my dad used to say i never fucking forget i hate enya because of this but he had the lord of the Rings soundtrack and he used to play that for the guests when he made them their breakfast. So every fucking morning I'd come down, I'd hear fucking Enya's voice. May it be

the darkness falls. And just every morning I'm just like, oh my god. And I'm just if I have to listen to this one more fucking time, I'm going to kill myself. Your dad's a marketing genius. I just want to know him and your mom's converts.

Like, honey, I got the, honey, I got an idea. Oh, he made the decision. Yeah. It was his idea. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Is that your Irish accent? We're going to put on the song. We've been watching Peaky Blinders. Where's he from? put on the song your dad's just putting on that cd every fucking day as serving breakfast for sure too right it was oh yeah yeah yeah this was this is back in the day

this was when like this is before i went off to college because they stopped doing that. This had to have been like, I don't know, 2007, 8, 9. They did that shit for a while. Maybe that's why I hate Lord of the Rings. You have to watch the two towers. I've seen them. I'm just not into it.

Star Wars, I'll watch on repeat forever. I don't care. No shit. The old ones or the new ones? 7, 8, 9 can fuck off. As far as I'm concerned, delete those. I don't care. The old ones or the new ones? 7, 8, and 9 can fuck off. As far as I'm concerned, delete those movies. They're trash. I don't care. I still enjoy them.

What about episode 1, 2, and 3? I didn't like them when I was younger. I love them now. I feel like just as I grew up, I just started liking the characters more. Like Hayden Christensen. I like the Supercut version. You guys have seen that hayden christensen and i like uh the super cut version you guys have seen that one dude that went cut out all the filler dumb shit i think so

yeah it makes it so much better of an experience they got rid of the dumb shit and they just like cut the political stuff it's the filler fluff shit like the kiddie humor it's all the dumb shit like jar jar bink shit oh okay cut all that out and they made a streamlined movie, which actually turned out really good. I don't like that part, but like, a lot of people say they don't like the politics shit, but like after I watched... I like that. I love politics shit. Yeah, because like, after I watched Clone Wars, I was

like, I'm so glad they left it in because it made it so much more interesting and so much more real that like, there's actually like politics and shit going on. So this is my fucking hill to die on with that whole fucking thing, because i love one two and three those are my favorite star wars movies that's fair and that's because i grew up with those it's the same reason anybody who's five years fucking older than me goes no four five and six are the best because you grew up with those i have that nostalgia i was nine years old when the first star wars movie that episode one

the phantom menace came out. Patty, I won a fucking drawing contest to get free tickets to watch Star Wars. Yeah, because you couldn't afford to go normally. No, God, no. I had to win tickets for my family.

You stole tickets probably. I mugged somebody. What show does to him? My family did that. Drawing. I'm like, yes, mom.

Submit it, please. We have to go see Star Wars. And then we're there. I loved it as a kid. I was like, yay, because I was young. And then watching as a doll, I'm like, man, there's a lot of fluff. And as a movie, I write doing all that shit.

You don't like Star Wars? Still love it. Love Star Wars. Oh, OK. I understand there's things wrong with them and stories are fun. Same thing with the new Star Wars movies. I enjoy watching them. I do because visually, they are fucking beautiful.

That's fun. If you go into that fun movie. That's it. And that's my thing. I don't go into any Star Wars movie at this point and expect a coherent story because there hasn't been one since the beginning. Even with 4, 5, five and six there was just shit that like the jedi and sith are mentioned like once in four five and six the entire time i mean

to be fair like it's a lot of information to put into a movie obviously but it's like well it's like it's it's as bad as saying it's going into like fast and furious and expecting citizen kane i'm going to have a good fucking time i'm not going to hear about van diesel and his family like family it's a good time i think the the best way to like look at um how corridor broke down the the terrible stunts that i think the is it the the imperial fight with like emperor snoke and everything oh jesus and how they're dancing the guards are just dancing in the background doing moves that are making like if you're watching the movie the first time that goes through i didn't even fucking i didn't notice a single bit of it

the moment i watched it again i'm like wait what and then i watched their breakdown i was like oh that's fucking awful you're right it's shit it makes no sense it's poorly done but visually for just going in for fun. Yeah. It was great. Like that scene, because like we went to go see the theaters when the new movies came out. I don't remember which one it's in, but that scene where that one lady who was like the head of the rebellion or whatever sent the ship through the Star Destroyer. That was one of the most beautiful fucking things I've ever fucking seen in a cinema.

That was one of the coolest movie scenes ever. It was incredible. It was super cool. Three, two, happy New Year's. Cheers. Happy New Year's from our friends over at Manscaped. The ball has officially dropped, but don't drop the ball on your balls in 2023. Just read over there.

I'm going to take care of something real quick while we're doing this ad copy. Yeah, I like it. Whether you had a New Year's kiss or not, the leaders in the below the waist grooming have you covered for your much needed resolution bringing sexy back trimming that lower area. Join the 7 million men worldwide

who trust Manscaped with our exclusive offer to go to manscaped.com and use code UNSUB for 20% off using code UNSUB over at manscaped.com. And free shipping. Let us have a toast for the new year, a new you, and no pubes. Maybe like a little bit of pubes. Like if you shave it into like a little heart or like a diamond, a little landing strip. Get creative.

Have fun. Check it out. Use the new lawnmower talking points do not read i was talking about new grooming don't read the part that says do not read okay sorry and so the performance package 4.0 you'll find this talk this is the performance package 4.0 right oh yeah that's it i don't know this is a pretty awesome package though it says manscaped let's ask ryan reynolds what he thinks about that inside the performance package 4.0, this is my Ryan Reynolds face, you'll find the signature Lawn Mower 4.0. The advanced skin-safe technology reduces the cut and nicks on your delicate parts.

It also comes equipped with your 4K LED spotlight that will shine a light to the promised Lance 2023 looks to be. How do you like that, Ryan Reynolds? I don't know why I used that voice for him. It's like his weird like that. Ryan Reynolds. I don't know. I use that voice for him. It's a weird, it's like his weird, quiet voice.

It is. Hey, yeah. Hi, Ryan Reynolds here. That was embarrassing to complete this set. Manscaped through in a shrewd travel bag and anti-chafing box of briefs. It has a free gift to keep all those goodies stored comfortably.

Just like that underwear does for baddie's balls i'm wearing those right now baddie show your balls no just blur out his face we'll pretend those are his testicles that's rude and shave your testicles that are your now your face call the action you already did that part. Yes, it's already done. You're so bad at ad reads. Yeah. You know what I'm excited for? Fucking Oppenheimer. Oh, Oppenheimer?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know why? Fucking he did a real nuke explosion without doing a nuke. That's why everyone's freaking out. So Nolan, Christopher Nolan, always uses practical. He replicated a Nuke. Which Nuke? Fucking Hiroshima.

So Oppenheimer is about the bombing of Nagasaki and Hiroshima. Oh, okay. So Oppenheimer is one of those guys. Isn't it about the- The scientist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the Manhattan Project. Yeah. So it's, he fucking captured one on camera.

I don't know how they did it. I can't wait. But everyone that's seen it or did it that were there on location? It's fucking insane because the practical it's supposed to be late next year, right? Yeah, but we have a fucking like a mushroom. I'm like, oh, they shit This is gonna be fuck you guys If you guys have you guys seen like the YouTube videos of like the was it called the sar bomba and all that shit going? off the Russian the the biggest are dude they were sorry? Dude, they were told before they set that bomb off

that there is a chance that you will set the atmosphere on fire and the earth will cook itself and we'll all fucking die. And they set it off anyway. Well, do you know they only did half load? That was a half load, the videos you've seen. So the SAR was supposed to be a 100 megaton bomb. If you don't know, Hiroshima and Nagasaki are 18 kiloton bombs. Um,

that was the biggest defining moment in all of boom, like explosions at that time. Uh, then we got into megatons. So kilotons, we can do that with J fat. Electrician is rolling over in his gray, right?

He is furious that we're talking about this and he's not here to correct us on everything. We're saying wrong. This is actually, I know all of this. This is like tism moments in the comments below tell us how many times eli's wrong in this story go he didn't kill the tons boom that's gonna be here a fat boy and little man those are the two bomb names dropped from nagasaki and hiroshima but we progressed into the 60s is when the sar bomb dropped it was a hundred megaton fucking nuke they halved it to 50 just for the test

and that's what we see which if you've seen the sar bomb t-s-a-r yeah it is fucking ridiculous it's like they set it out over underwater didn't they no that one's in russia over that up in the arctic circle yeah where it's just like boom yeah that is like you watch that video and you're like yep we did we did that humans are doing this no it's not going to be a meteor it's going to be us we're absolutely going to be in our own civilization you fluck put up a picture of the sar versus the hiroshima nuke because it is a zoomed in picture showing it and then you have the star yeah it's fucking ridiculous it's like that video where like they show like planets compared to suns in the solar system or whatever yeah which random tangent right now uh this not a tangent but off topic

for suns have you seen the new sun uh that was discovered oh the new sun new star so uh the theoretical star of a black hole star which is fucking ridiculous so uh the sun you're talking about is uh soul the star you're talking about is uh h x y yeah put your tism hands up we have two stars that are really big and why can't i remember beetlejuice and no beetlejuice is our closest relative stars i thought it was still really big wasn't it no i mean it's bigger it's a red star yeah just bathing in the the fantasticism of what's happening you know why do you know this shit jesus christ he's actually like i'm listening to him, like listing off letters. I'm like, oh my God. He's like. X, Y Majors. Or Canis Majors.

So that is like a fucking monster. So why do I know that? Yeah, good job, paddock. Which is like a mammoth. Like we're like a pixel. Our son is a pixel to that one. Now we have black hole stars, which are fucking ridiculous.

They make Canis Majors look like our sun compared to them. They are mammoths. So the one that they have. Unfathomable is the word you're looking for. Unfathomable. You literally cannot. You can't put the scale to that. It's 2.2 times the size of our solar system.

Jesus. One star. How do we find that? The new telescope, which now mitism is dropping with the name. I think they might be talking shit with all that. Hey, we found this new thing. No, you're just making stuff up. I mean, I find that you're talking about the Earth, dude.

The Earth's flat. I know it's flat. I'm sorry, dude. You give me one of those cameras, right, and give me some dirt. I will make a picture. And I could go on Twitter on the NASA account and go, we just got this picture taking off blah blah blah blah blah. And like everyone would go, wow, that's so amazing. It's so beautiful.

I'm like, what are you seeing? Like all these pictures we're getting from space, they're just blurry things. And it's like, they're like, wow, that's incredible. That's so beautiful. I'm like, You're like, I don't get this. No, like, it would be cool if I could see what I was looking at, you know?

But, and I, you know. Sorry. Back to Star Wars. Back to Star Wars. I liked them. They're shit. I liked them, but they were shit. Four, five, six.

One, two, and three. Breakthrough in a lot of cinema shit for like VFX. Oh my God. Episode two with 3D troopers the entirety of the movie. There was like one helmet that was actually real in the whole fucking movie. Really? Oh, wow. for like vfx oh my god episode two with 3d troopers the entirety of the movie there was like one helmet that was actually real in the whole fucking movie really oh wow go back and watch episode two it's every every fucking goddamn clone trooper is damn near uh rendered which which is which makes sense because they're clones which is good yeah and it's like i mean all

the stars actually like did really cool technology even mandalorian they're the one that started the new filming technology for how they do uh documentary was incredible digital yeah yeah that room they have is insane if anybody watching this who hasn't seen it watch the making the mandalorian it is unbelievable what they're doing with that show our boys corridor they're using that for their new uh they do that for the son of a dungeon yep so the dungeon series they actually use that they built their own homemade one which not homemade if you haven't guys go check out uh son of a dungeon on uh corridor's channel it is an unbelievably fun

if you're like if you're looking for a fun dungeons and dragons and fun dnd experience they're they're breaking into it in a cool cool fucking way cool but they're doing that uh but i mean star wars at the time like all the minis all the practical they they did that's the story dude that i it makes me happy every time i think of this but in for episode uh five where they were out in the snow on Hoth and there was like this one guy who was recording the whole sequence with the AT-ATs and he would come up from a trap door into the scene, move it, come down, take a picture. The stop motion AT-ATs. It just makes me happy. It's so insane.

I know what you're talking about. It's so beautiful because it's. And it's, it's again, how little more frames in a second. Yeah. It like, it is so incredible to think that like, cause like when was that made? 72,

78. Like the shit that they were doing. And like, dude, even the shit they did in the first alien movie is like, it's so underappreciated these days when people go walk back and watch those because like at the time there was people running out of cinemas, people were screaming. They thought it was was real and that's so scared the tech or how it looked

the and those are my favorite like i always said if i got into big big filmmaking i'd do practical i'd go like christopher nolan route where he's like uh tenant that's not that's not a plane tenant that is not a cgi plane wrecking into the building that is an actual fucking 747 wrecking into the building he wrecked a real plane and exploded it this is where i'm gonna give eli a stroke i haven't seen it don't it's not a it's not a great movie oh okay never mind it's trippy as fuck like the the the story makes no goddamn sense none whatsoever but how they made the movie so basically the plot of the movie is things go backwards and forwards and forwards at the same time like there's a parallel universe where everything's happening backwards so like people are running backwards in reverse and like they actually had to feel

like they trained people to walk and run and fight and like choreographed fights were in reverse so instead of punching you're pulling or you're you're pushing your face into a fit like it's super like it's really visually fun to see how they did it yeah yeah it's fucking crazy like watching people have to run backwards like train to run backwards to look like they're running forwards like they had some scenes where people were running backwards so that they could reverse it. And they had to look normal running forwards, even though they're running backwards. It makes no goddamn sense. But the explosions, too, were fucking ridiculous because they had explosions going normal and reverse at the same time.

And how they were filming. Bro, it was fucking like there was a power to make no one does that all the time like how do I make this more how can I make it more complicated it's like if you watch any Batman if you watch Inception like Inception a lot of practical shit

I love Inception it was a good fucking movie like Star Wars Mandalorian I love Mandalorian I think they did a really good job but if that was okay it was the mandalorian with a shit budget yeah it was mandalorian 1.5 yeah like that's what it was it was okay until the mandalorian show it was great yeah and then it was okay to be fair i thought they did a great job with the whole uh sand people oh yeah he like became no that was that so like that was amazing to both i thought was good because it really

it gave answers to things people have been waiting for for yeah 40 30 years 40 years 30 years yeah so like that was cool all the weird city shit was so funny. I'm just thinking of a South Park joke. Oh, it's a roll shoot? Yeah, I thought the roll shoot too, but never mind. Oh, the roll. Yeah, there was like extra like. That guy needs to go to jail. I've redirected that episode.

Should he smack? Look what you've done. Jesus Christ. Jail-wise, you know, same people. My brain immediately goes to that. Dude, that fucking. Did you see that went viral recently with Trey doing the Chinese voice and the Japanese voice? It's been going viral because it was showing him in office he's like did you not know that

japan was separated by bottled water and then it shows him in studio filming the chinese part and the japanese part all at the same time he's going from accent to accent but they can't get canceled in south park like dude was still one of my favorite interview moments ever uh it was an interview way back in the day i think it actually because my brother's got the box sets for south park because they're on tapes back then yeah and i think one of the tapes at the end of one of the box sets was like an interview with trey parker and matt stone oh they're so i remember a bunch of these back in the day and the interviewer were saying to them so you guys have really made like a

really controversial like you know show here it made like a really controversial, like, you know, show here. It was like, yeah. And they were like, you also use a lot of celebrities likenesses. So do you guys get sued a lot?

And they're like, Oh yeah. Yeah. We get sued a lot. Like every week there's like something new. And they were like, so are you going to continue making the show? And then,

uh, they said, as long as the show keeps making enough money to pay our lawyers to stop the lawsuits, uh, we will continue making South Park exactly the way it is now. And yeah. And they have.

And they have. Yeah. Which is incredible. So do you know how they release the episodes? They film the week before air date. Yeah. To keep it topical. And so Comedy Central cannot tell them to go back and refilm because it's already two days before air day.

So that's how they get away with a lot of their fucked up shit and humor because they're like, well, you can't refilm this. And they're like, fucking Comedy Central's like, fine, release it, son of a bitch. And you're like, oh, it's so genius because they do that. the Tom Cruise Scientology episode where the credits is John Smith, John Smith, John Smith, Turkey by John Smith. They put none of their names in it. I would have those guys on the podcast instantly. Oh my God. That would be awesome.

Matt Snow, Troy Parker, if you guys want to come on the Uncensored Grab Podcast, let us know. We know your huge viewers will jerk you off will be the limp biscuit back to this hold on anyway that's where this whole tangent started anyway where how why the soggy biscuit thing yes i honestly i swear like growing up like i just heard about it like i think it's like an urban legend that like people did this but like i have a funny feeling

these motherfuckers have done this listen for sure some of you i know i know because like the way i imagine it is like so as somebody who had never really been to america or knows american culture like when i was growing up like i'd watch movies it'd be like super stereotypical or like tv shows about like all these american like frat parties and colleges and shit. Married by, Euro trip. Yeah. And like. Oh my God, what are the other ones?

That other teen movie. Yeah. But like as I was growing up. Anything by Broken Lizard. But like as I was growing up, I never assumed that any of that was real or actually happened. But now that I'm older and I have people that tell me all the time that they did all this mega fucked up ship for like initiations and stuff i would not be surprised if a bunch of dudes jerked off on a cookie and somebody had to eat it for initiation that would be the last yeah yeah that doesn't even sound bad compared to yeah

was it a military thing when hazing remember remember it was like five six years ago when military hazing got like yeah it actually was probably longer than that it was probably like i was i was still in yeah it was like a decade it was because like some some troops got like yeah they're like actually it's probably longer than that yeah it's been like a decade still in yeah it's like a decade it was because like some some troops got like or maybe cadets got like broomsticks shoved up their asses or some shit oh yeah yeah this was this was fucking mainstream media news headlines join the military serve your country broomstick broomstick yeah dude hazing from from military was wild back in the day she's that's a no-no now did you see all the new shit with the military and your cops was doing about rich i love you he was gonna put your shit on it uh drill sergeants aren't gonna be allowed to yell at people anymore. Oh

Stop and you can't say sir or ma'am because normally they're called so drill instructors are How I was been yes, sir. No sir armies different obviously say sirs are off drill So I was always girls aren't but in the Marines was always so this was a focus on the Marines. It was always yes, sir Yes drill instructor or. Now they're removing that so you don't misgender our drill instructors. Which you can have whatever fucking thing on blah blah blah blah. Military you're

training for fucking war. You know what? That's dying and killing. You are going out to potentially die and you're also going to be in charge of keeping your friends alive. If I have a squad of individuals and I'm like you need to do this blah blah blah and i point to one i'm like you fucking bro sir whatever and then they're like that out i'm gonna be like man if we're worried about this and not getting shot in the fucking face we got problems right here there's a time

and place for everything i've always wondered like with that like man i don't know okay okay this is uh here we go you know what batty hot takes i like my career it's pretty cool you're safe you're safe this is military related me i'm probably gonna get fucked for this one i'm not so one thing i've always thought was weird in the military recently was when they're introducing women to combat arms, I have no issues with. Totally cool. Whatever. Different standards for combat arms. The big no-no.

Because it sucks because here's our standards, which is running PT test rucksack, and they're not adhered to the same standard of like pull-ups they just have to do hanging pull-up versus we have to do five pull-ups as a male those are the standards they get different you're like what the fuck this is completely weird if they're gonna be fine i get shot and i can't move can somebody carry me sorry barbie doll's not carrying 220 pound i love the idea like i've seen don't get wrong i know a couple women that are now at this point in combat arms and they're built stronger than me 100 100 amazing i've met them but it's weird when you come to combat arms it feels so weird to have different standards yeah tell me about it.

Can you blur me out for the rest of this conversation? To be fair, put a fuzzy line over Tweek. Tweek, you were talking about hating women earlier. Yeah. Why? IRA. IRA. You're just blowing up women?

What you just outside women's shelter just fucking blowing car bombs? There it is! I was waiting to see how the IRA was going to be brought into this and boy oh boy am I glad you did it. You're readjusting, you're unplugging, you might just unplug the mic and walk away. Shut the fuck, shut the fucking thing. You're readjusting, you're unplugging, you might just unplug the mic and walk away. Shut up. Shut the fucking thing. When I get nervous, I fidget with it.

I always feel bad because I'm like, eh. I don't worry about fucking anything coming against me. Yeah, but we're on Twitch. I know, and you're white. You're white. Yeah. Way different to me. That's actually, but we're on Twitch. I know, and you're white. You're way different to me. That's actually, I remember somebody came in, and I'm not

going to mention it, but I'm sure you people can imagine in recent years there was a very large topic of, there was actually multiple very large topics to talk about. And somebody came in and asked me about it, and I said, I am white, and I'm straight, and I do not have any place in this conversation. So I'm not going to mention it.

White, straight male. Shut the fuck up. Your opinion doesn't matter. Like, realistically, shut up. Stop talking. I just, you know. Which is crazy to me. Like, I'm like, man, I want to hear everyone's opinion.

Like, I don't give a shit. Period. Nope. I was watching. I'm picking on Watt, though. I need specifics here before I say something really bad. Well, it was like Dave Shepelsky. I was watching that earlier when he was talking about going into PiPi's I need specifics here before I say something really bad. Dave Chappelle. I was watching that earlier when he was talking about going into

pie pies and it's like, but time, what going into pie pies? Yeah. Pie pies, pop pies, chicken, pop pies,

chicken going, Dave Chappelle going into Popeye's chicken. Well, you said pie pie. I was like, what the fuck is a pie pie? Pie pie the sailor man. Popeye the sailor man i remember that when i was kidding say pie pie the sailor man i like sorry school shut the fuck up

there's a whole skit on that he's like it's fucking words i don't give a shit he's like i walk into popeye's and there's a fucking KKK member. And that's their new thing. It's like fucking KKK member serving. He's like, walked up. He's like, yeah, fucking number one. And the guy's like, what else you want? He's like, well, uh, or he's like, do you want two biscuits?

Or do you want a biscuit with that? You dirty beep. And he's like, I mean, I thought it came with one. He's like, I don't give a fuck what he's saying. That dude's serving my food. I just want my goddamn pipe. You know, speaking of this kid,

I do. I have a funny little story to tell you guys. So, um, a long time ago, my brother moved to South Africa. Uh, he had like a girl he met like in England when he was there.

And like, they moved down cause she was from there. So me and my family went to visit. So South Africa is really cool, except it's kind of scary at the same time because as soon as I went to passport control, this was the first part of the story. So I go through

passport control and as I'm grabbing my passport back from the enormous black dude behind the counter, really nice guy, really nice guy. African. I'm joking. I don't even... You got uncomfortable for a second. You apologized.

I was like... Rewind. Play that back in slow motion. I'm just apologizing with horror in his face. He's like, sorry. I was like so sure I had that right and you made me question myself. So fuck you. Sorry. So this massive black dude was giving me back my passport

and he grabbed my hand and he looks at me and he goes, yo white boy, don't go anywhere at nighttime on your own. And like I was, he was like staring, whatever. I don't care. I'm over it. Whatever. Dude's like staring into my eyes. And then I get out of there. We go to this one place and it's Whatever. Dude's like staring into my eyes.

And then I get out of there. We go to this one place and it's like my brother's friend has a bar there. We were eating there like every day. And then my mom and I were like, oh, we saw a KFC in town. Let's go there for breakfast. We're like, okay. So we walked into a KFC and I shit you not in South Africa in a place called Port Alfred, which is

a majority like black town, I believe. And we walked in there and there was all hustle bustle. It was like loud. Everyone was talking. People were getting their food. And then like we walked in the two milkiest Irish people in existence. I hate we're using the word milky to describe.

Milk crickets. I swear to God, I felt like I just walked into like a Tarantino movie, the entire place silent and everybody stopped and looked at us like we were like from fucking Mars. Looked like it was a bunch of glip-clops walking in. Good usage of the word. Yeah. And dead silence. And we were standing there and i looked at my own and we should go and she goes yeah we should go and then we turn around and walk so much more

they all started laughing at us as we walked out of the kfc and it was still one of the funniest things that ever happened to me in my life we should have stayed obviously a hundred percent it's so much more like in there you're oh my God, these people hate white people. Okay, we're leaving. In their head, it's like white people walk in and their heads. It's like, oh, these white guys are like, the blacks are here. We got to go. Oh no, it's not like that.

It's not like that. It's not like that. It's not like that. You said that. I didn't say that. He said that. That's what all that! You said that! I didn't say that! He said that. He said that. That's what all spare mind would do. Oh god. I'm just thinking maybe that's what my mom thought.

It's a generational thing. It's a generational thing. It's a generational thing. Jesus Christ. Oh no. I don't want to tell that story anymore. I used to like that story. I don't want to tell that story anymore. This is what Eli does. Story Takes a wonderful thing that you have

Animate that Oh, Jesus Christ. I want to see that animation part. Oh, God. Oh, God. I'm crying. Yeah. I'm okay. I'm fine. Are you? Are you okay?

No. No. Me neither. This is every episode. I'm like, well, is this the last one? I want to talk about the weather again. I can't do this. I'm going to get demonetized.

Oh, Jesus. Thank God we waited for an hour in before we started getting real spicy one of the real ones will see this dude it's weird we've been trying to figure out the youtube like we we only know one thing that will like real quick for everybody still listening i gotta talk about youtube real quick first of all we try to upload every wednesday It gets uploaded Tuesdays or Wednesday mornings, and normally we're okay. Recently, YouTube has been not restricting, but limiting our monetization or ads or anything like that, which means the worst part is not the money thing. We're like, we're trying to get money. No, it destroys our reach and engagement.

It means that you guys will not see this video if we make it public. So we've been having to hold them till later on Wednesday or Thursdays. And in some very rare cases till fucking Friday. These manual reviews have been just absolutely ruining us. Cause people have been asking me about this review shit. I have a trick for you guys. We already do all the episodes at the same time. Oh really? We do the matter. So you upload the same thing. It's, it's review. shit I asked three I have a trick for you guys I'll show people our dashboard where there's like five episodes and we're like we have one that's green we

have three under review like and I've been trying to explain how that works so people understand a little bit more like what's going on under review is not like oh they're gonna see in two hours it is a fucking week it's been like a 24 hour didn't we have one that took you remember that we had one that was three days no remember the clean one that took like 20 days to get oh yeah yeah yeah no no it was it was a couple it wasn't 20 it was like a week and a half but you know it's really funny too like how much would you guys pay to just have a guy for you uh youtube to just yeah fucking christ you know

what i mean do you know how much money they could be making but how many youtubers are last episode oh my the last episode the sensual dancing we got flagged last episode for fucking sexual contact uh sexual sexual acts in sensual dancing in a professional work and a professional environment and nudity and nudity let me go down one more button like they they flagged our episode with sexual acts or or acts um using toys to uh what's the word remote. Cause nobody thought we had a fucking improvise. Like, uh, no, it's a simulated sex acts using toys,

sensual dancing, stripping nudity. I was like, none of it applied to us. We were dudes sitting around a table. And then the other one was like swearing in the first 15 seconds. And I was like, we've,

I said the word fuck once completely bleeped and censored. Yeah. Nothing else. I'm like, what just happened? So, and that's in the first five minutes we do a real, a flock does an amazing job.

So you're having, he does an all right job. Fuck you. Fluck. Keep him fucking grounded. Come trophy. Got a biscuit in the mouth for you, Caleb.

Sorry, flock. Don't name him sorry he's not a real person i never called him flock i always called him but it's all right anyway it's crazy because you're good jesus christ he's like god damn it we like yelling out flock that's fair he has a bit of a oh you're gonna want to believe that youtube does not like that word i just said i'm so sorry the word is now definitely a big no-no but it's weird because we have episodes our softest episodes are the ones that usually get demonetized because i've had episodes baddie's not on and there is i'm i'm the voice of reason for the podcast yeah but if it's depressing me and Brandon will just be like I just imagine you and Brandon chasing each other around the table like dragging your it's just like it's fucking chaos so and those are always there's like green youtube hates gingers that's really what i'm thinking and then uh but we have it's it's all

over the place and then people will be like why don't you upload to two different platforms because and another video platform is no one fucking uses them. You guys are naming shit. I don't even know. Guess what I do for a living fucking social media. If I've never heard of a platform and you're like uploaded that. No, if I haven't heard of it,

fucking what? 10 people are going to watch the video. It doesn't make sense. It's just a platform that gets uploaded and somebody could grab it ahead of time, re-upload it to YouTube that could get monetized or not monetized and then they can push that content yeah so you're it's it's this battle that trust us we are fucking we are trying to figure shit out i was on with a rep that's the only reason the last episode was not bad. Dude, the episode was so, first of all, your narrator episode was so anime, video game

tape. It was wonderful. Great fucking episode. Immediately. Six hours. Like, if that. Women. But then the other one stayed green the entire time when we never launched.

And then I had to get on the next day. I was like, hey, what the fuck? Blah, blah, blah. That's the one for nudity and all that shit. i was like hey none of this happens they look at it they're like back and forth like oh we'll get okay we're gonna review this again sorry about this because when they review it once you cannot you can't yeah you can't you can't argue so once you hit the manual review button you're screwed yeah yeah you're fucked do you think it's just because like some guys at work and it's coming up on 5pm at YouTube headquarters,

he just finished watching his 30th reaction video, 15 minute long reaction video, and then he's about to clock out. All of Brandon Herrera's got Darwin Awards. He's like, no, no, they're friends with Brandon? No.

It's coming up on 5pm. He's like, okay, I got one more video to do, and he puts it on. It's like an hour and a half long podcast. He's like, okay, I got one more video to do. And he puts it on. It's like an hour and a half long podcast. He's like, fuck! No, no fucking way is this going true. There's no way. You're watching nude yoga on YouTube. Well, that's why we wait till later because they're contractors that review everything.

Yeah. So it's just like, are you getting somebody that enjoys and don't give a shit you get it in karen are you getting yeah fucking clarita from california like you have all these different people you're like who's gonna say this and chlamydia and syphilis are out here reviewing too and he's like fuck my life who are we gonna going to get? Who am I going to talk to? And just fucking rolled the dice. So what? They just rolled that job out to just whoever to review videos? Yeah.

I mean, I had a friend back in the day who used to review. He was a content moderator for Facebook. Yeah. Oh, man, bro. Because like the videos they would tell me about. Dude, that was like live leak, but worse. Straight up. The amount of murder and death he was like this sucks but at the same time they're just sitting on computer like just decent i mean there was a reason why terrorist organizations used to upload their videos to facebook because it was like the place to go at the time i guess yeah

that's i've leaked in that right yeah now we're seeing if ai is it's interesting because that's what we think with like ig or anything that flags content with guns we've seen in the past oh man we were just talking about today yeah and they they had that uh that glitch oh man this was three years ago i want to say almost four years ago where it showed ig uh, I G at the time you'd upload an image. Boom. What happened with the gun gun community? It was upload images and the image didn't pop up. What's popping up is what the AI detected in the image.

So it was gone. Women bikini. Boom. So that way it, they're, they're, they're flagged their keywords, the tag words,

their hallmarks that would flag the photo. So it wouldn't, but it wasn't the keywords. It would just look at the image automatically. There's a firearm in this fucking, uh, oh, so that's what would get uploaded women, bikini fire. So it would do that automatically just based off the AI image and then it knew because like Facebook and IG do not like good content. If you want to get shadow banned post ig to post don't yeah no

don't do it don't post gun shit there's a reason neither of us post a lot of gun stuff anymore is because like the moment you do you're screwed for like 60 to 90 days literally you can watch the drop off after 90 days you can see it immediately pick back up okay look cut to his perspective don't i will show you so i emailed them to get on shadow band um i like it was like hey this is fucked up i'm not like what the fuck's going on and oh about five days later i gotta watch when i got on shadow band and holy shit i was like your engagement oh mother is on instagram or facebook or most platforms uh if you post gun stuff you get shadow ban shadow banning means your engagement your reach when you post something your job for content creators people won't see it it's

not pushed out anymore it's very limited to people manually looking for your content which is a very small number um so eli here reached out to them was like hey why am i why is this happening to me and it got fixed yeah which is very unlikely holy fucking shit so the graph he's showing shows a lot of uh small bumps wow and then automatically it goes yeah and what's even more crazy is phone call when you see the gun content stops so i wish it would show non-followers versus so non-followers versus followers now see how it's even that used to be like if you look at a lot of individuals, none of this happens. Those white checks where it's like unfollowers are looking at your content, non-existent. No one outside your followers will see anything. And even then, most of your followers won't see it either.

Dude, that's just like YouTube. Like if you're subscribed to YouTube, like sometimes you just don't see what they upload. Yeah, no. That's why we're strict on a lot of stuff we do here. So're not like going out to the range shooting guns there's like unsubscriber stuff like that because we don't want oh no don't make politics stop seeing your videos yeah fucking politics nope yeah like nope and a lot of no i i don't give a fuck about politics like i love it like i love it he cares so much, so much. But outside of it, I'm like,

I don't fucking care. I don't want to bore you guys or what you guys see and hear every day. Mike, it's the worst shit in the world. It's like when you're streaming and like somebody comes in and they start talking about something really political. Like I'm sitting here in my underwear playing Tarkov and you think this is a good time to start talking about some fucking government

administration i don't care like fuck off let me have my little peace and quiet escape please for the love of literally you don't care about this no i do i just want a minute where i'm not bombarded by it because like i know when i started like the whole reason i wanted to get into it was because i used to use other people's content to like get away from that shit Yeah, cuz like like is it escape? I'm not gonna say I had a really shitty childhood I did have a good childhood, but like you know Yeah, I lived your dad was playing fucking Really nice house

Anyway, but you know like I used to watch other content creators to like, you know Listen, I lived in a really nice house. But anyway. But you know, like I used to watch other content creators to like, you know, stop thinking about shit. You know, my parents were fighting or fucking, you know, my girlfriend broke up with me. I'm just kidding. I never had a girlfriend. He's a gamer, guys.

But yeah, like that's why I got into it. So it's like, dude, I know when people come to like my Twitch chat and they want to hang out, like they don't want to fucking talk about that shit either. It's like, like, like if the day that like something really fucking bad happens and somebody comes in and immediately like, uh, I was like recently fucking what's his name?

Um, somebody died. Oh no, not Andrew Tate. Who gives a shit about him? Literally nobody. But, uh,

yeah, somebody died and somebody committed. It was like really good vibes. And then they come in and say, he died. And I'm just like, Oh, thanks for fucking really good vibes. And then they come in and say, he died. And I'm just like, oh, thanks for fucking ruining the mood. You know, it's just like, I just said this. I was like, somebody comes in your chat.

They're like, hey man, how you doing? Not to ruin the mood, but my girlfriend died. My dad broke up with me. And you're like, thanks for the trauma, bro. You should do next time is just like, bat him as quick as you can and just pretend it never happened. And just keep going. I do that all the time.

When I read chat, I don't want to. I'm like, what's up? I'm like, I just read the next. Don't trauma. We're not your therapist. I'm like, I just read the next comment. Don't trauma dump on me. We're not your therapists. I'm pretty guilty of skipping some comments too. And then they just like keep reposting.

I just don't see it. You know, it's. Nope. Sorry, dude. You don't get a second repost in my chat. Oh, really? No. Okay.

That's fair. You usually don't get a first. So. Yeah. I'll give you that. I'm like, man, whatever. Everyone can say whatever. I'm just not going to read it. Because it doesn't take much for me because like especially when drops is on you so like

oh drops it's just into the ether forever and i don't have to deal with it it's great like i ain't dealing with this shit no it's it's i want to go to streamers i want to watch content. My content is very like anime, movie shit, funny shit, scenes from movies. We're nerds. Yeah. And I'm like, this is all I care for. We're nerds who like guns. That's it. That's the tagline.

We're nerds who like guns. Guns and animated titties. Oh, God. America. There's nothing more American than guns and animated titties. Put the titties on the guns. Let's go. Make the titties guns.

I'm ready. Austin Powers, they did it. I'm here for it. Let's go, man. Titty guns and shoot milk. Hell yeah. My God. Sorry.

Sorry. You guys are giving me skid ideas right now. I almost killed Buddy. I wasn't ready for the milk guns. It's way better when you're just like hey i'm having a good time you fucking if you want to go watch political shit go fucking enjoy it elsewhere never gonna be us probably never gonna be you not like man it's gonna be a pleasure you know i like i have my moments where i'll talk about political shit a little bit but like it usually ends with all right

everyone shut the fuck up we're going back to playing games yeah and that's it and then if people keep talking i ban them because it's like every now and then you gotta drop the cock but like well it's just as well because i feel like as us like people want to hear what we have to say about shit so i'll just do it i'll do like the little spiel just to shut everyone the fuck up and then it's just like yeah because i like i don't want to talk about it in the first place because it's not my fucking job don't fucking listen to streamers for their political opinions because we're morons. Same reason.

We're not doctors. We don't know what that weird growth on your hip is. We can't help you with that. Go to a fucking doctor. Man, I'm so sad. What should I do? I'll see a therapist.

Yeah. I'm sad. Yeah, I'm sad too. See these? These keep me happy. You see this? This helps. Wash the down, the happy tablets.

Batty, how are you doing so good now? Alcohol. We're just assholes like you guys, man. We need help too. I thought my son was just weird. Betterhelp.com. My son's just weird. I don't know what's wrong.

The doctor had to diagnose it. This explains everything. We don't just self-diagnose each other with autism anymore? We're just looking at each other. Casting spells. Looking at each other? No. Sorry.

Thank you. Autistic people don't make eye contact. Oh, really? I've actually never. Go with Grimeman. He won't. I've never actually met somebody who has autism. Never.

You just met my son. Well, yeah, except your son. Like outside of this. Oh, man. He's right there. You're getting cancelled because now somebody's like, we met. I have. First, it was the blacks. And you walked out of the hot pot. He's right there. You're going to get canceled because now somebody's going to be like, we met. I haven't. First, it was the blacks.

And you walked out of the podcast. Thank you for watching the Instagram podcast. As always, we have Eli, Double Tap, myself, Fatty, and of course, our friend, Tweek, who's never going to come back. Tweek, where can we find you? Where are all your socials? List the place for all these idiots to come bother you now. Twitch.tv slash Tweek.

The main place. T-W-E-A-K. And what about your YouTube channel? Just type in tweak. You'll find me. Oh, tweak IRL. Blog channel. There you go.

Help that, please. You're probably going to see some cool stuff with us there. You should probably go check it out. And maybe go check out the Patreon after because there's going to be an after show and we're going to harass tweak more and make him say things he's going to regret. Do it. We're going to harass tweak more and make him say things he's going to regret do it we're going to say really racist shit yeah okay go go go get blackface on We'll see you on the next one.