Unsubscribe Podcast - 88 - Try Not to Laugh Pt. 3 ft. Chris Ramsay & Wes Barker

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Starting point is 00:00:20 Please play responsibly. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. If you have questions or concerns about your gambling or the gambling of someone close to you, please contact Connects Ontario 1-866-531-2600 to speak to an advisor free of charge. Brett. Do they love when you do that? Do you have a magic trick you can do with a clap? The clap?

Starting point is 00:00:39 They can do all their tricks with a clap. I can make it disappear. Wait, now we got to start with this and bring out the new camera opened it. Yeah, yeah Yeah, no they're frozen you're not gonna drink shit from that oh Oh, no, no, no, oh, I see what you're right the paper towels Do you need that this one? It's nothing happened in there Why is your beer queefing?

Starting point is 00:01:07 I don't know. Why are you all having so much trouble with opening a can? I don't know. Because A it was frozen and B he threw them. I didn't- Ah! Ah. Okay, we got- wait.

Starting point is 00:01:20 I like the fir- we- we started- we got a brand new table and the first thing you guys do was do I know it's going I just was coughing from the amount of Experiment over here there's a fresh pack of truly's I know we're fucking drinking what is happening I've never seen this phenomenon in my life say hi to Eli it's racially ambiguous baddie

Starting point is 00:01:53 that guy's fucking ridiculous and don't hurt that's harder to rhyme but he's a really nice guy welcome to unsubscribe hey guys thanks for watching the unsubscribe podcast.

Starting point is 00:02:06 Make sure wherever you're listening or watching, whether it's on YouTube, Castro, Spotify, Apple, Google, Amazon, Podbean, Stitcher, or that's all of them. Please leave a comment, like it, thumbs up it, give it a rating of five stars, whatever you do. It helps the podcast out immensely. And Donut and Eli will be very happy if you do that and we want to make donna eli happy today yeah for five stars on everything and a comment if there is possible because we need to be at the top donut say something motivating and that's where the you come that is come subscribe As we have a lot of myself bad streams and Brandon Herrera, yeah our two wonderful beautiful amazing guests West is the vision in Chris And we're representing the country bottom of the barrel oh god you gotta really get it bottom of the barrel podcast, go subscribe bottom of the barrel podcast, bottom of the barrel podcast

Starting point is 00:03:08 alright, alright I think we got it we'll probably get like a thousand people now we'll get a thousand people now just because of that, probably they're like oh snap everyone remember Fluk put in something of like a bottle breaking or batty screaming, I shit myself

Starting point is 00:03:24 he did, I saw it it was crazy in my ass Find the bottle Everyone's exact same Joe I forgot I should be stressed as hell right now. Oh, yeah Now we're here to relieve that tension. I just realized you weren't donut We call this the big roast spinning on you magic tricks to make you feel stupid. We roast you! I'm having fucking PTSD from the last one. Shit.

Starting point is 00:04:14 Oh, it didn't even fucking open. Fuck this. You're just gonna drink your fucking- It's a prank, bro. It's just a prank. Just, thank you. I literally put these here for-, I know they're literally frozen solid Freezer I don't know they were in that cold ass fridge That's a freezer Yeah, well the fridge gets cold ass

Starting point is 00:04:39 It freezes Okay, so first episode you guys were on the house just got done you were the first one now We got the sign up you are the first Hell yeah, there's no echo now the audio is way less terrible this back wall to the paneling here is beautiful We like that Watch probably but I saw it in person is so different But you just have a very bellowing voice that just kind of fills the room do you think everybody that goes on joe rogan watches joe rogan dude what the fuck

Starting point is 00:05:10 that's not a thing that's true you know what's crazy i used to watch every episode of this fucking podcast before we put it up just to make sure it was okay and nobody's getting canceled about 30 40 episodes ago i gave up i did that like if they haven't canceled us by now i think we're safe i watch them just to make sure i didn't look like a fucking idiot which is almost always you should really not watch this You should really not watch. I'm looking forward to it. This one's gonna be one of those drinking ones. I was like is it hey Let's go I'm glad you guys you guys are some of my favorite literally I can hands down say you probably my favorite guests other than mine our guest host Brandon The semi host semi guest ready is a regular

Starting point is 00:05:52 There's a vagrant is what I think I wasn't invited here. I just know the address He showed up with guns they're like, okay You don't knock on the door unless you have a gun Yeah, he showed up with guns and they were like, okay, I guess I'm in. Come on in. That's normal. You're in Texas. Everybody has guns. Yeah, you don't knock on the door unless you have a gun. But now you guys are back. We're going to have a good fucking time.

Starting point is 00:06:13 You brought magic shows. Yeah. They brought magic shows. Yeah, multiple. Yep, so many. So many shows. Yeah, we brought some stuff. We'll entertain.

Starting point is 00:06:22 We'll regale you with some wizardry if you like, if that's what we're doing. Well, Fluck cut that word out. I think it's bad. Regale? Calm down. Are you using regale with the heart? Regale's fine. Regale's fine. I just don't want any of my future kids dating one.

Starting point is 00:06:46 All right. All right. All right. This is going to be the one. Great start. Oh, this is going to be a good one. This is the one that's going to kill my liver. Hi, everyone. This is going to be a good episode. You want to tee it up? Oh, God.

Starting point is 00:06:56 Oh, they won? Oh, they won? Not you again, man. I specifically said... Is this where you pee yourself? Is that Toby McGuire's comment? The audience has no idea why that's funny either. Is this where you pee yourself is that It is You just pass out This is his job

Starting point is 00:07:33 I'm good Okay, so I got you guys. This is like sword swallowing. Okay, but it's stupider You don't have to use the balloon if you don't want to. I'm right here. I'm sure you get all that in frame. There's a big balloon. There you go. Yeah, perfect.

Starting point is 00:07:53 Stop. His uncle taught him this trick. How do you not laugh? Scout Master Kevin, no. Why did you use the the head and throat? Why is there a vein pop? Oh my god. Our girlfriends need to take this class.

Starting point is 00:08:14 Who do you think taught them? Now do you pee yourself? Hey! Now do you pee yourself? Wait, what the fuck? That's a small balloon. Are you a poop it out? We are gonna hear a suppressed fucking balloon It's just the strangest thing. It's a small balloon! But like the whole thing was, okay, okay, for the audio listeners it was like a long wiener balloon. And he made it really provocative.

Starting point is 00:08:53 It's somewhere in the Netherrealm sitting next to a Corona bottle. It's in my house! I was just gonna make that joke about like, oh, oh no! We also call it, we also refer to your asshole as the nether realm. Oh, yeah. Everybody does. I was doing that trick. I like to start a lot of my stage shows off with that trick.

Starting point is 00:09:10 And I'm doing it in a really small town in Saskatchewan. It's like a town of 600 people in it, right? And I start with that trick. And then in the front row, there's these two old fucking guys, old cowboys that are like dead but minus an age. Like whatever that age is, right? And so I start. and just as I start, the one guy leans over to his buddy,

Starting point is 00:09:28 he goes, the goddamn quote date. And so I stop, and I look at him, I'm like, what's your name? And he's like, Bruce. I'm like, okay, of course. So I take a Sharpie, I write Bruce in the blue, and I write Bruce in the blue,

Starting point is 00:09:40 and I just do it anyways, and I stare at him. Fuck that old guy, he was great. Yeah, he had a fucking raging heart he loved it yeah I'm still what the fuck Just like knowing that there's he's squeaking Okay like now Brandon turn us I Turn us out, we're gonna pull it out. Oh! He... Alright, let's try it. What the fuck?

Starting point is 00:10:08 I'll take your mind off this wizardry. I gotta try to figure out magic. Well, either way, there's a balloon in him, that can't be good for you. It's not. I'll do it for you guys. I'm confused and have a boner. I don't like this at all. Reminds me of high school. Alright, I'm 90% straight.

Starting point is 00:10:24 That's how the trick works. It doesn't mean I want to blow one out of ten dudes. It's not how it works. It just means I'm sexually attracted to Ryan Reynolds. I'm not saying I would. I'm just saying a push can't be shoved. I'd push him down and shove his dick down my mouth. That's all I'm saying, alright? You know what I'm saying? Is that alright? One out of ten dudes does agree you are straight. That tough guy did not like it though. I'm really upset. Weird.

Starting point is 00:10:49 Democracy in action. Oh, this is gonna be one of those. This is the bottom of the barrel podcast. Yeah, not bad. Bottom of the barrel is pretty sweet. You guys should definitely check it out. Check out our Patreon. Alright, we gotta go. So I put it up right here? Alright, I got a deck of cards here, Brandon. This is up right here.

Starting point is 00:11:06 I got a deck of cards here, Brandon. This is for you here. I want you to see I've been shuffling these cards. They're all different. You can attest to that. They're all different. They're all shuffled. Take the deck. And under the table, I want you to cut the deck anywhere you like. In half or wherever you like.

Starting point is 00:11:22 Just cut the deck. Don't look at where you're cutting. Not with a knife. No, no. put it away. Cut the deck and put the top half to the bottom. Top half to the bottom? Done? Do you want to do that again? No. Okay. If you want to, go for it. If you don't, don't do it.

Starting point is 00:11:38 Whenever you like, take the top or bottom card. I know this one, I think. Whenever you like, take the top or bottom card without looking at it and just sit on it. Don't look at it. Top or bottom card? I don't know if he knows this one, I think. No, no. I'm just watching how it's shipped everywhere. Whenever you like, take the top or bottom card without looking at it and just sit on it. Don't look at it, top or bottom card, just sit on it. Don't look at it. Well, he's gonna grab it out of your ass.

Starting point is 00:11:52 Give me the deck. God, I hope not. You took a card. You have no idea what that card is, correct? I have no clue. Nope. You're certain about that? I'm certain I have no clue, yeah.

Starting point is 00:12:00 No. We have the most amazing technology in our pockets, right? Don't guess my fuck. No check this out Are you gonna pull the balloon out of your mouth with the card? That would be freaky So if you have a picture of the card on your phone No, we I have no idea what your what your card is I have there's no way I could possibly know what your card is that makes the two of us

Starting point is 00:12:22 Yeah, yeah, no one in this room. no one at home knows where your card is. That's the whole point of this trick. But as a magician, if I were to figure it out, that'd be pretty impressive. But I think what's more impressive is the technology has gotten to a point where it can fucking almost do that, right?

Starting point is 00:12:36 It can probably help me with some type of algorithm to figure out the chat GPT three or whatever, figure out what card that is by probabilities and whatnot. Sure. So I'm going to ask Siri. I'm going to go, Siri, what's the card that he's sitting on? See if this works, okay? I'm not your fucking slave, magic boy.

Starting point is 00:12:56 Why don't you grow a pair of balls and find the fucking card yourself? Okay. Grow the fuck up, you stupid man child. You literally have the worst tattoos I've ever seen and I don't even have any eyes Pussy boy stupid pussy boy. Okay Yeah, I feel like she's been she was maybe a little bit maybe a little bit thrown off She has a virus. Yeah, let's see.'s been she was maybe a little bit maybe a little bit thrown off. She has a virus Yeah, let's see. Let's see if I can uh while you're doing this I keep checking my fucking thigh to make sure that I still have okay

Starting point is 00:13:34 Please pretty please Can you tell me what the card is pretty pretty please can you tell me what the card is? Let's see if this works tell the guy in the front to get his fat ass off of the four of diamonds. Oh, thank you, Siri. I really appreciate that. You fuck. What the fuck? It's the four of diamonds. Wait, hold that up to that fucking, what the fuck?

Starting point is 00:13:56 And that is on your new iOS if you download it right now at bottom of the barrel. So I only have one question. Yes. What age did you start worshipping the devil? Ah. When you get to be as good as I am,

Starting point is 00:14:13 the devil starts taking notes, my friend. What the fuck was just that? Is this a picture of your butthole? Honestly, it's just an app. It was an app the entire time. It just tells me where your card is. I feel like we were having more fun before you started doing magic Well now I'm just like what the fuck

Starting point is 00:14:30 He says the guy deep throated a fucking 20 minute car That's fun Chris That's a good time Chris I was a blue balloon, I tried a black one once and almost choked the guy Try a yellow one Oh I'm just'll give that a try Was that a raider tonight? What the fuck was that shit?

Starting point is 00:14:52 God damn it, I got nothing on that one Can I see that deck of cards? Oh shit I just like Brandon It's all different, man! What the fuck? It's still all different Here, Nate, Nate, Nate, I'll shuffle it, I'll shuffle it. While I shuffle, name any card, name any card.

Starting point is 00:15:10 Oh, this is it. The day you finally ask for that big promotion. You're in front of your mirror with your Starbucks coffee. Be confident. Assertive. Remember eye contact. But also, remember to blink. Smile, but not too much.

Starting point is 00:15:23 That's weird. What if you aren't any good at your job? What if they dim out you instead? Okay, don't be silly. You're smart. You're driven. You're going to be late if you keep talking to the mirror. This promotion is yours.

Starting point is 00:15:36 Go get them. Starbucks. It's never just coffee. Name it. I don't know. Fucking eight of spades. Eight of spades a space It's not as impressive

Starting point is 00:15:55 It's not in the deck Get up oh get up stand up Right here I am so fucking uncomfortable Right now They're gonna think we planned that You guys did We did That's what we did before we started the podcast Remember I told you to say the four diamonds

Starting point is 00:16:24 I was just looking at a dick before we started the podcast. I don't... Oh, yeah. Toby's? Alright, I was already kind of mildly impressed before. Now I'm kind of... That's... Brandon's enough Mexican where it's like, what the fuck, white people?

Starting point is 00:16:40 What is this shit right now? Yo, Brian! Yo, man! What the fuck, man. Don't keep it. What the fuck, man? Knock that shit off, man. I'm going to church and shit. I brought out the Mexican.

Starting point is 00:16:56 Jesus. When Chris and I did our magic TV show, and when we filmed it, we're like, can we film it? It was called Big Trick trick energy by the way We were like can we film this in New York, please and they're like no we're gonna film it Vancouver, Canada When you fuck with someone in Vancouver, Canada, they're like, oh buddy I'm sorry buddy. Your trick didn't work so well. You pissed yourself. Or you do a big one and they go, oh that's a good one eh? Oh I like that one eh?

Starting point is 00:17:30 So we wanted some real reactions. In Canada you just go thank you. You show up at a trick and they're like, oh thank you. And you're like, you're welcome man. I'm gonna go back to Texas now. Try filming it in Atlanta. That would be a fun time. Yeah, they're like, wow, blah blah blah.

Starting point is 00:17:48 I never do Atlanta. Makes it to Donuts Channel all of a sudden. Makes it to Donuts Channel all of a sudden. Two magicians shot in the street. Two magicians shot in the street. To bleep out his blah blah blahs. To bleep out his blah blah blahs. Make him seem super racist.

Starting point is 00:18:04 Make him seem super racist. Oh man. I think if I got canceled more people would be watching me. I keep fucking looking under my seat now. I know, it's like where's that balloon gonna be? You just poop it out later. Nope. I'm so upset about everything. Holy fuck. You guys just had one of the most extravagant planes I've ever fucking seen. I've seen it on your stories.

Starting point is 00:18:32 I didn't see it on yours. Yeah. I wasn't with him this time. He went to Dubai for New Year's. But we both went to Dubai last year. And this time, actually, I was only flying business. Explain business. Well, business Emirates. emirates business emirates

Starting point is 00:18:46 Yeah, but like like that's still not as good last week when first-class Emirates So they have a they have it you have a little room with the doors a shower before you say anything We didn't pay for this shit. Okay, just so if you were thinking like must be fucking subscribe to our podcast so we can pay for our own fucking flights, right? On Emirates. Because we had literally a Saudi sugar daddy flight. And it was awesome. I'm not complaining. It was awesome.

Starting point is 00:19:14 You do it too. Fuck off. Chris and I didn't know what the fuck. This guy, he tempts us with this sweet flight. Chris and I, we'll be there. We don't know this guy. We'll be there. And then 14 hours of this amazing flight

Starting point is 00:19:25 we're landing we're like googling can i look a woman in the eyes in dubai like we don't even know anything well it's so funny that like are you allergic to acid i talked to this dude i talked to this dude on the phone right oh and i was like i was like he invited me and i'm like can i bring my best friend? Right. And so he didn't want to die alone. I literally, I said, can I bring my best friend Wes? I'm like, he's my best friend. And he goes, oh yeah, no problem. He's like, man, we're going to be best friends by the end of this.

Starting point is 00:19:54 In the same sentence that I said, can I bring my best friend? He said, we're going to be best friends. I'm like, I'm going to have to kill Wes. Wes is going to get killed. I'm going to have to kill him. You were the sacrifice. I think he was going to squid games us. That's what we thought we were going into. He's gonna wear your skirt. Wes is gonna get killed. I'm gonna have to kill him. You were the sacrifice, the bear with the brain. I think he was gonna Squid Games us. That's what we thought we were going into.

Starting point is 00:20:07 Oh, that'd be so cool. We get there and then we show up in the middle of the night and then he's like, hey, Chris, you're gonna be in that room, what's your room? This room, they're so far apart in this house. And we're like, okay. And then my door, I'm like, there's no lock on my door. The guy's like, oh, it's fine.

Starting point is 00:20:18 I'm like, is it? I got it. Is it? It's a sick house. It is so dope. It was actually fun. No, no, the flight. Go back to the flight. Yeah, the sick house. No, no, the flight. Go back to the flight.

Starting point is 00:20:26 Caviar, champagne, hookers. It was insane. There's a... Tobey Maguire. There's a shower in there. There's a shower. You have a shower? Wait. We took showers in the sky.

Starting point is 00:20:37 We took showers in the sky. We jerked off in the shower. Yeah. Stop it. The shower was like, the bathroom was like 20 feet long. You could do push- it was heated floors. You could push them in the bathroom. Is there such thing as like a solo mile-high club? Well, we hit it. Well, I mean I hit that in every plane In the in the lounges, I think.

Starting point is 00:21:06 Ah, a classy man. Yeah, they had a lounge wank. Classy man. They gave us pajamas in this plane, too? They did. What? And slippers. I still wear them every day. Dude, you guys had a bar.

Starting point is 00:21:14 Like, that was what? We had a bar. We had our own rooms, essentially. And we were like, our rooms are connected because we could close, like, our doors and stuff. You had bunk beds in the plane? Yeah. This is all in the plane. There was a bar.

Starting point is 00:21:24 All $25,000 seats. And, like, besides.? Yeah, this is all in the plane. There's a bar. 25,000 dollar seats. And so it's a two-story plane. I have looked at 25,000 dollar planes. Yeah, yeah. This is a two-story plane, so all the peasants are sitting on the floor beneath us. I love you, Carl. In the cargo hold? Yeah, pretty much. Might as well be.

Starting point is 00:21:40 Instead of they have their suitcase with them, they're holding it like this. Yeah, yeah. Like when you flush the toilet up there, it goes down for their dinner. In their suit. In their suit. They have their suitcase with them. They're holding yeah, like when you flush In their soup they have goulash for dinner Like this at all not even close right now, I'm normally that guy so I was really I really like pissing on the peasants, right? Cuz I'm like Great by threw it down there. I see what they do Like you know these seats still cost like four grand The flight attendants I'm gonna fly in this way at this point It's a personal waiter that stands by your room in case you open the door and might want something

Starting point is 00:22:40 Yeah, Chris is like we'll get a whiskey the guys comes back with the bottle of the John Walkerer blue label I think I'm a lot to me. She's like here. You go. It's a 14-hour flight. We're like okay, so we crushed that bottle Yeah, we we thought we're gonna stay sober in Dubai as well. Yeah, we didn't know how it Dubai We're not you get you drink in Dubai drink to my no problem. You're a man you can Yeah, thank goodness. But we also- Allah cannot see what happens between 8am and 9pm. We're pretty close to Allah riding around on that plane 40,000 feet in the air. On the second floor. I don't really want to be- if there's anywhere I want to be close to Allah, it's not on a plane.

Starting point is 00:23:09 Dude, you can- You're not gonna drive around the plane and get in the building? I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building.

Starting point is 00:23:17 I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. I'm not gonna drive around the building. It's not on a plane

Starting point is 00:23:36 That's how you get in that's how you get into heaven I thought I thought that's how you get Not our country we don't care If you learn to fly a plane that's how you get into heaven you don't have to learn to land yeah no absolutely not i remember flying over iraq because we flew over iraq uh because you got cameras around this plane they're like hd cameras we have like 27 inch we had like 27 inch monitors right and we can and i was just i remember eating caviar and sipping champagne while while watching like i had a little alarm wake me up while we were over iraq and i'm like i want to see iraq from the top and we're flying over and i'm like this is iraq and i'm eating caviar yeah on a giant extravagant bus yeah it is insane i was like what is this life

Starting point is 00:24:24 right now and and then i I tell the flight attendant guy I'm like, oh my wife's a flight attendant. It was blue. Oh her fucking mind. Yeah, she lost her shit She's like so confused that why would I I make my wife go to work if I can afford these seats? She's like so what do you mean? And I'm like, yeah, my wife's a... Fuck. She likes to have her own thing. Yeah, I was like, oh yeah, no, her money's her money.

Starting point is 00:24:52 My money's my money. Is this you or some oil tycoon or something that made his wife work? I paid her annual salary to be in this seat. Yeah, exactly. It's fine. Three, two, happy New Year's! Cheers! Happy New year's from our friends over at manscaped the ball is officially dropped but don't drop the ball on your balls in 2023 just you just read over there i'm gonna i'm gonna take care of something real quick while we're doing this yeah yeah yeah

Starting point is 00:25:18 i like it whether you had a new year's whether you had a new year's kiss or not, the leaders in the below the waist grooming have you covered for your much needed resolution. Bringing sexy back. Trimming that lower area. Join the 7 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped with our exclusive offer to go to Manscaped.com and use code UNSUB for 20% off using code code Unsub over at manscaped.com. And free shipping. Let us have a toast for the new year, a new you, and no pubes. Maybe like a little bit of pubes,

Starting point is 00:25:53 like if you shave it into like a little heart or like a diamond, a little landing strip. Get creative. Have fun. Check it out. Use the new lawnmower. Talking points. Do not read.

Starting point is 00:26:00 I was talking about new grooming. Don't read the part that says do not read. Oh, okay. Sorry. Inside the performance package 4.0, you'll find the... This is the performance package 4.0, right? Oh, yeah. That's it.

Starting point is 00:26:09 I don't know. This is a pretty awesome package, though. It says manscaped. Let's ask Ryan Reynolds what he thinks about that. Inside the performance package 4.0, this is my Ryan Reynolds face, you'll find the signature Lawn Mower 4.0. The advanced skin-safe technology reduces the cut and nicks on your delicate parts also comes equipped with your 4k led spotlight that will shine a light to the promised

Starting point is 00:26:31 lands 2023 looks to be how you like that ryan reynolds i don't know how i use that voice for him it's a weird it's like his weird quiet voice it is hey yeah hi Ryan Reynolds here That was embarrassing To complete this set Manscaped Threw in a shrewd travel bag and Anti-chafing box of briefs As a free gift to keep all those Goodies stored comfortably Just like that underwear does for Batty's balls

Starting point is 00:26:59 I'm wearing those right now Batty show your balls No Just blur out his face. We'll pretend those are his testicles. That's rude. And shave your testicles that are now your face. Call to action.

Starting point is 00:27:12 You already did that part. Yes, it's already done. You're so bad at ad reads. So you guys fly. You live the mile high club. You're just fucking. We made it out there I mean out there was amazing

Starting point is 00:27:28 Are in the back of the plane to buy you have a bar in the plane? That's what was crazy to me. I need a bar if they just bring you bottles of liquor That's what the guy was confused by super Christian. I like we'll go to the bar guys like why yeah We want to get away from the guy who's being overbearing Chris's I think he might have been a fang as he was like non-stop like at my door And I was like we're just gonna and he's and he tried to talk us out of going to the bar like multiple times he's like i'll make you anything you want we're like no we just literally want to get away from you i'll come in close the door please go away yeah they have a la carte dining by the way

Starting point is 00:27:56 which is wild it's not so when you go to play normally you're like okay there's food time and you have an option of like these three things you got the pretzels the nuts maybe flavors of cardboard right if you're in business, you have three different flavors of cardboard. Right. If you're in business, they give you like, oh, you're the chicken, the veggie or the beef or whatever. But it's all shit. Yeah. Right.

Starting point is 00:28:13 No matter what anybody in the bag, if you've never flown first class in your life, it's not worth it. It is not worth it. It's not great. No, the food is not worth it. So here it's like, oh, no, there's a chef and it's a la carte. So you eat what you want, when you want it, and he makes it for you. Proper steaks.

Starting point is 00:28:31 This is sounding like Snowpiercer. It really was. I was like, I don't care. Do you know how hard it was? Do you know how hard it was to come back to this? To come back to find... To this? Dude, to come back to flying. Why did you have to like, to this?

Starting point is 00:28:46 To everything. I mean, living like a prince for 14 hours, dude, is the best thing in the world. Like, you get used to it instantly. After an hour, I was like, yeah, this is my life now. This is reality. This is me forever. It's just like all of us now.

Starting point is 00:29:00 I'm going to identify as rich. Yeah. It's just like all of us. It's like if we ever lost the gig that we've got, we've got the best thing we could ever possibly have. Oh yeah, 100%. We're gonna lose this tomorrow? No.

Starting point is 00:29:10 Immediately. Just wait till you hit that next level. That's what I'm saying. Like we hit that next level for a second. We were like, oh wait, I didn't get used to it. I understand why billionaires go to islands now. That's all I'm saying. Hey, it's what they do there.

Starting point is 00:29:22 I'm not a huge fan of. Hey, what are you guys thinking? What do you guys think? What do you guys mean?yugiana. Hey, what are you guys thinking? What do you guys mean? What do you guys mean? I'm just saying islands. Oh man. I think it's funny, we went from killing ourselves to the one guy who didn't kill himself. Let's talk about it. Fluck, I'm sorry, I don't know how you're gonna edit that.

Starting point is 00:29:41 He's gonna have a good time. We can talk about it. I've seen you get demonetized. Is that a trigger word? Not anymore. I think you're good. I think that was... What's better than a well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue?

Starting point is 00:29:53 A well-marbled ribeye sizzling on the barbecue that was carefully selected by an Instacart shopper and delivered to your door. A well-marbled ribeye you ordered without even leaving the kiddie pool.

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Starting point is 00:30:32 Like there are people who literally think he himself. That wasn't what the science was. I'm not warranted. Too many things happen. We just like left. I'm like, all right. I'm just showing him. It wasn't that Great story, Chris.

Starting point is 00:30:46 Next subject. Okay, okay, deep state. It's just hard to stick him with the temple hat. It's just random. I thought you guys hated her here in Texas. It's just weird to me that people actually think he's a c**t. I would just fuck. She's out there being like, no, of course he's a c**t.

Starting point is 00:31:04 I'm like, what? I know I made these jokes, and I know a lot of other people did before he actually c***ed himself. Oh, God. Dude, they're like, oh, yeah, he's gonna, he's gonna. Oh, he's gonna do this. Oh, watch it. And then it happened. We were all like, ooh.

Starting point is 00:31:16 Ooh. Ooh. This shit ain't fake, man. And they're so brazen that they're like, yeah, he c***ed himself. And there's nothing you can do about it. You're like, okay. I just, Fluck, I'm sorry, man. I know.

Starting point is 00:31:24 That's exactly, Fluck's like, God damn it. It was, you're like, okay. Flock, I'm sorry, man. I know, that's exactly, Flock's like, god damn it. It's like, beep, self, beep. I didn't say I was going to **** myself. I said **** himself. Okay, to the audience, if you're looking for context clues, what did Epstein not do? That's what we've been saying. Fuck mature women.

Starting point is 00:31:46 Oh, man. I think that was fine. I don't know what to say. That was okay. Why is that okay? That was okay. Just to be clear, none of us thought of Ryan Reynolds ourselves, so if it happens in the next week...

Starting point is 00:31:59 Not us. Here's my superpower. We had our, uh, wait. Yes. Nish. We were drunk.

Starting point is 00:32:11 That was a blind. You were blind. You peed yourself. It's a bit worse than that. I didn't piss my pants. I pissed on my pants. That's a lot different. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:32:23 I woke up and my pants are on the ground soaking wet. And I was like, the fuck's this? And I ran down and just pissed. I'm like, oh no. And he told me to cheer me up. Because I was having a bad time. And he's like, this will cheer you up. You're not kidding, are you?

Starting point is 00:32:40 I look like... That's like drunk you being spiteful to sober you. He's like, you're spiteful to sober you. He's like, you're going to have to fucking deal with this, asshole. Take this, sober Wes. This will teach you for getting drunk. He doesn't know how piss works, I guess. Because I look at my underwear, and I got just a wad of toilet paper. It stopped the leak.

Starting point is 00:33:03 It stopped the leak. You felt like a fucking toilet paper. He's like, this is not a container. I can go to your wound patch. I was like, I can go back to bed now. He's got his fucking TP diaper on. I'll worry about it in the morning. It'll be fine. I got fucking hammered last night. Just absolutely obliterated, unfortunately. Like, I went with some friends. About four o'clock in the morning, you know, we finally call it quits.

Starting point is 00:33:20 I wake up this morning at, well, this morning, I wake up at four o'clock. I'm like, I'm gonna go to bed. I'm like, I'm gonna go to bed. I'm, just absolutely obliterated, unfortunately. Like, I went with some friends. About 4 o'clock in the morning, you know, we finally call it quits. I wake up this morning at, like, well, this morning, like, 1 o'clock in the afternoon. I walk to my fucking bathroom. Like, my master bathroom, and my pants are sitting in the middle of the floor. And I'm just, I'm curious.

Starting point is 00:33:41 I'm like, I'm everywhere. What is the context for that? Okay, so the bigger question is, why isn't that normal? Because that's normal for me. I'll wake up my pants in the middle of anywhere. My bedroom floor, that's fine. But this was my master bathroom.

Starting point is 00:33:55 I was like, it's not in the bathroom, but it's just right next to the shower. You just kick them sluts off. I see, I've always had like a... But why? Why did I do that? I don't know. I just woke up and I pondered that. I've had a dream of mine. A dream of mine. I don't know if it's a fetish or a dream or what it is But it's it's no like this is this is for real. I've always wanted to like

Starting point is 00:34:14 Just unclothed myself walk into like this room and just shit piss fucking Puke and fart and all and just and just have like jets wash me down like and just do it all While standing and not giving a fuck like is that just me does that not sound amazing does that not sound amazing? You want to shit piss cum vomit everything I want to shit piss cum fucking puke That sounds like sweating everywhere That sounds like the scuffed fucking Iron Man where he gets in that like thing that takes the suit off Yeah

Starting point is 00:34:41 Just fucking let it all happen That sounds like what you did I think that's what you did because I think if you live that fantasy out you realize it wasn't that great sound like a poor retarded Tony Stark go Tony Stark if he was the guy behind waffle house

Starting point is 00:35:00 it's just Wes in the hotel room Wes is just like what do you do bro Chris it's just Wes in the hotel room. He's like, what are you doing? He's spraying you down. Wes is just like, what are you doing, bro? Chris, it's just called a fucking shower. You do it all in the shower. Every time I do unsubscribe, it happens. And now you're staying here. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:35:18 Yeah, there's gonna be... I have a history of... There's a tub upstairs. A peen in drawers and whatnot. I think it goes in what not. I have a Pissed on my printer, so I wake up in the morning Try to fax away Fucking way did that I sort of have remembered him no way go to the other room sure enough like all the papers like all dry but all crinkled up I'm like wow I pissed on the fucking curtain

Starting point is 00:35:49 My wife's still sleeping so I'm out there fucking cleaning it Make sure it doesn't smell too bad I'm like pissed and I was like I mean to be fair like I pissed on my curtains I get it like I'll get drunk off I was just trying to remember which one of our friends told this story I got absolutely drunk got out of bed I got pissed just straight Pississ all over the bottom

Starting point is 00:36:07 See black at the work where you married at the time I'm never black out. You like pretty good. I'm like power. I'm streaming. It's like power off go to bed autopilot Go to sleep. i wake up fuck what happened last night i'm an edge of sketch all of a sudden eli's pants are in the middle of his bathroom i'm just like pulling out the wall like eli quit what the fuck i woke up la i was fucking like hard hard night of drinking behind the bar we do like photos all that stuff bartender serve shots with everyone and all I remember is like 5 a.m. and I wake up on my toilet Look at my hand, shit. Look at my lap, shit. Toilet paper rack next to me, shit. And I'm like, what happened?

Starting point is 00:37:08 Why am I covered in my own shit? Look in the toilet, no shit. And I'm like, uh-oh. Oh, no, what's my bed look like? First, I got to shower myself. So first, I, like, scoop all the shit off the floor, like place it. In the toilet?

Starting point is 00:37:27 Yeah. Wherever it belongs. Yeah, I'm like, why am I- Back in there for you. What are you doing out here? Get back in there. I shower, there's shit everywhere. I clean it all up, I'm like, fuck.

Starting point is 00:37:37 You just move. My bed is- I would run it down. Yeah, and I'm like- Burn the house down. I would open the door, I'm like, oh God, this is going to be pristine. Everything's good.

Starting point is 00:37:47 I don't know what happened. I got to my, and there's no shit in my underwear. I have no idea why shit was everywhere. Not where it's supposed to be. Well, because you're like, the last place I need shit to be is in my underwear right now. And I was like, I'll scoop it out and do war paint. Like, PTSD, I'm like, they're coming. Fucking rainbow.

Starting point is 00:38:12 I'm gonna wait for these motherfuckers. Hung the toilet. You're just gonna have to keep saying the term. Yeah, and doing that hungover, like, still drunk. Oh, this is a word. Cleaning up your own shit hungover has got to be the worst feeling in the world. I'm crying. Like, God's a war. Yeah, clean your shit hungover has got to be the worst feeling I'm crying Yeah, there's nothing is as humbling as cleaning your own shit hungover and here I'm drinking bottom of the barrel podcast on spotify apple and youtube it can't be much worse than this

Starting point is 00:38:54 every mattress has a 20-year warranty some stop it even has 25 and you can try it out for 101 night if you don't like it you can how do you put up with him do you just you tune him out like your child no hard feelings one of my favorite parts about this is your fault is that mattress has cooling technology in it so you don't get hot at night unless you're Batty. You can tell he sweats. Do you sweat, Batty? Does the cooling technology help that? Batty, wrong camera. You have to look at that camera.

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Starting point is 00:40:03 Eli, why do you have a Christmas hat on? Because it's Christmas time. Hi guys. Do you want a better night's sleep for Christmas? Maybe you don't want St. Nick waking you up. I don't. That's why ghostbed.com is having a 30% off. If you use code unsub right now or to go to www.ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe and get your 30% off on your new cooling technologically

Starting point is 00:40:29 advanced pillow. I looked at mattress mattress and bedding technology, bedding technology. That's what I'm going to call sex from now on bedding technology. So good. It keeps baddie cool in the evenings in texas not in this house though not in this house still days it's like baddie's old house it just follows it's worse it is it follows i didn't think it could get worse but good thing this pillow has cooling technology to keep us cool even in this literally insufferably hot house not right now

Starting point is 00:41:03 because the heater was off. Yeah. It's not good. It's cold here. It's not cool. It's hot in here. You're hot right now. Hey,

Starting point is 00:41:09 big age. Are you hot? Yeah. Me fucking too. Oh, Merry Christmas. Big Henry Cavill. Also,

Starting point is 00:41:17 I would just like to formally apologize about the Superman and the Witcher thing. We love you. We love you. What is this? We love you. We love you. What is this? We love you. We're doing ad reads. Stop it.

Starting point is 00:41:27 It's not a podcast. This isn't an ad read. Yeah, but you can put it somewhere in there. Dude, don't. Adam, are you looking at me or Big Ed? You. I'm looking at you. Let me see.

Starting point is 00:41:40 Use code unsubscribe over at ghostbed.com, guys. Okay, next magic trick. How you doing? Yeah, it is. It's ghost bed calm guys. Okay next magic trick All the way across by the couch. I gotta go get it. Alright. Don't touch me. Are you ready? Magic! Oh, she's fucked! It just goes in his eye, bro. Ah! Magic. Ah!

Starting point is 00:42:12 You! What the fuck is that? It's my magic wand. The magician never reveals his secrets. And you watch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:42:22 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It just pierces the teeth. What the heck? Do you just keep shit in your pockets? That's what we call a telescoping rod. Yes. I know, but like, how much shit do you have in your fucking pockets?

Starting point is 00:42:36 So much. Because like, motherfucking rat dinner, and all of a sudden I see a flare up in the fire. I'm like, oh, what was that? Off the flashbang. Oh, that's what you did. It was him! Wait, what, oh, what was that? The flashback. Oh, that's what you did. It was him. Wait, what? Was I there for that?

Starting point is 00:42:49 Yeah. Me and you missed it. Batty's the only one that's seen it. I was freaking the fuck out. I was holding on to reality at that moment, to be honest. You have to question everything when you're sitting around. Just like, what? I'm getting shit right over there.

Starting point is 00:43:02 He's like, I'm fucking. He's putting a Corona bottle in my fucking ass. Right here. They start falling out your mouth like a Pez dispenser. She's like. Fucking. I'm still. I'm still traumatized.

Starting point is 00:43:18 My favorite part about this. You guys want to see the appearing beer? Do you, Batty? Do you want to see the appearing beer? Do you batty? Take your pants The appearing I'm a shot you It's just like a frame my house of the rising sun Fuck. Cry. Oh. Fuck. I said appearing beer, not appearing. Damn, I got that one wrong again.

Starting point is 00:44:18 Jesus, fuck. Oh, man. Is it my favorite? Is it my favorite? My favorite part about this is my parents now watch this podcast. They love the one about cum gains, by the way. What's that? These are my favorite. These are my favorite. Okay. My favorite part about this is my parents now watch this podcast. Yes. They love the one about cum gains, by the way. What's that? Cum gains? Cum gains?

Starting point is 00:44:31 Oh, cum gains? Yeah, cum gains. Elaborate. Like gaining muscle off cum? No, no, no. Just like literally enhancing your volume via pills that you take. What?

Starting point is 00:44:43 Those are real? They're real? Oh yeah. Is this an ad read? No, I wish. Cum you take. What? Those are real? It is real? Oh, yeah. Is this an ad read? No, I wish. ComeGains.com? There, it is real. Go to unsubscribed backslash ComeGains. Get those ComeGains you're looking for.

Starting point is 00:44:54 I also figured out that when we did that podcast, the discount code that I said was not correct. Oh. I made zero dollars. They're like, this was punched in a whole bunch. This one. They make it over there. You got your drink from the restaurant you took home.

Starting point is 00:45:12 Yeah, they give you a to-go. I have a bottle of fucking vodka down here too. I'm just topping her off. The Texas Tiki? So if you guys don't know, what Brandon has is these pills that will make you it's shooting, it's ropes pretty much. Makes you cum girthy? It is a volume enhancing.

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Starting point is 00:46:33 I like Connex. It's a bunch of like celebrity. Why do you have so many of them here right now? Because you have to take nine a day. He's like, what? Nine? Yeah, three. Nine.

Starting point is 00:46:41 Is it just someone else's cum and pillow foot? No. Wait a minute. Brandon goes home and reads the ingredients, just says cum on it. He's like, oh, no. So it's a bunch of zinc, selenium, and a bunch of natural vitamins that are actually good for you anyway. A couple of roots. Yeah, yeah.

Starting point is 00:47:01 There's a couple extracts and things like that. And it gives you more cum? A lot more Not only do you come more harder to you come harder farther longer faster Faster stronger, I feel like it's intriguing It's actually true. I mean you know you're on that you're on that ground. I come for distance I don't know about this. Yeah, I've done I come for distance. I do I I shoot I shoot pretty far Then you release right you hold it for so like an extra no I jump a little bit with it so we get much Energy yeah, daddy's treasure like a hose Are you down on one right now? Are you going to come right now?

Starting point is 00:48:05 On this podcast? I swear to God, if you fucking come on this podcast right now. Can you put the mic next to your dick? I want to make sure our listeners can hear you come harder. The only thing I got in my brain so far is it's the only way to get through the fence of the playground.

Starting point is 00:48:29 I think that says way more about you could think of I'm petitioning only thing really gotta go faster through school zones I hate that they have the schools on so slow Let's speed these perverts up, you know, so I'm like I got a lot of ideas about this No, you don't just get to make that transition I'm reaching I saw you try to divert there. I'm like Sure just punch in a bad face right now of uncomfortable They stop every like This is also known as the

Starting point is 00:49:13 Stop right there all right look at this card actually look at which card Here we'll take another one actually fucked it up. We'll say Right there look back the way stop look at the card you got it Look at it He's cheating oh, he's ripping it watch what's that the card I picked there's a card to pick Not the one before it was the card big man. I want is he You know light on fire Gone check your cum Right now check your cum

Starting point is 00:49:51 Did you come at nine of diamonds I literally just checked I tore You saw me tear a corner off the card And the corner's gone I hate I'm watching for this I couldn't see it which kills me That's what bothers me I'm watching from a different fucking for this. I couldn't see it, which kills me.

Starting point is 00:50:05 That's what bothers me. I'm watching from a different fucking angle, and I still can't figure it out. Where's the corner? I don't know. You know where it is? In your ass? No, hold on.

Starting point is 00:50:19 I'm just going to look at my ass. I will shit a brick. Stop. Check your mic stand. Wait, what? It just I will shit a break stop Check your mic stand wait what? Wait what? All right, if this actually fucking God I don't like you guys. Is that the reaction you're looking for? Yes.

Starting point is 00:50:47 Oh, God, that's the same. I'm going to church tomorrow. Today? Today's Sunday? I really use it. Jesus, help whenever we are on. Jesus, I need to talk to you. I would love to know how you do half this shit. Yeah, I'll show you something.

Starting point is 00:50:58 This is so fucking crazy. I'll show you another thing here. Look, hold your hand. Oh, no. Is this your penis? Take one, take one, take one. All right. Any way you like.

Starting point is 00:51:04 What are your favorite one? Whatever one. All right, anyway, like matter What are your favorite one? Whatever one you got one there? Yeah, one or two. I got two you want that one? Sure You happy that one? Well, I tried looking away on that last because I'm like if I'd I'd be able to watch the why I look away What I wonder about is like I wonder about like suggestion Oh, I still like if I'm like if I was you look right want you to look right all right So ten times you happy that you want different one Yeah, the nine of diamonds got a ten times This so much could you actually hold both your hands out? Do you believe in time travel Brandon? I?

Starting point is 00:51:43 Rightfully maybe I read if theoretically really don't like this Fuck. Why? Because I know you're gonna do some shit that's gonna make me question Hold both your hands out like this Uh closer to me like this Are you left handed or right handed? Right handed He just touched your wrist is the card there? Oh he's doing it again

Starting point is 00:52:00 Uh You son of a bitch That wasn't for you like I got what I do so I was ready to do I was a baby underwatch with the boy I know it was gonna be it was gonna be that was pretty good everyone Christmas you finally did it. Two podcasts, but you finally did it.

Starting point is 00:52:27 And you ruined Christmas, Matty. I got one. I'm going to save the day here. Eli, name any country in the world. Thursday. Good country. New World, sir. No, the capital Thursday? Yeah, Tuesday.

Starting point is 00:52:39 Tuesday, that's right. Okay, never mind. My bad. Try a different country. Okay. I didn't mean name one. My bad. What? Try a different country. I have a real one. Okay. I didn't mean anyone. Say one. One you might go to on vacation.

Starting point is 00:52:49 Say a country. Brazil. Brazil. I didn't make you say that, did I? Nope. There's 197 countries in the world, aren't there? Oh, my God. What was that?

Starting point is 00:52:56 You son of a bitch. There's 197 countries in the world? Oh, my God. You said what country? You said Brazil? Brazil. Get the fuck out of here. Are you fucking kidding me? Don't make this weird. Get the fuck out of here. There's no way there's no way

Starting point is 00:53:09 There's no way he's got oh Fuck He fucked up different country different country Italy Come on go for it You can be. I never said that. You didn't say that. I want to be like you, Wes. After the podcast, I want to be like you. And you can be. All I can say is, I swear to God. Listen to me, everybody. You put two flags down your pants every day, just like I do. And it's just a waiting game.

Starting point is 00:54:17 So sometimes there's a party. Because one day, somebody's going to be like, have you guys been to Estonia? And you're going to be like, what? Hey, guys. I need you to pick a flag. I'll just go to Estonia and you're like That is the quick version Yeah, I'm gonna redeem myself. I feel like I'll try more Betty point your finger out take your card for me, please any card., take it. You got it got it all right Have a look at it Okay

Starting point is 00:54:49 Mim remember it. I got it. It's in my head forever Everybody sees it dad got it Now what it you you shovel a deck of cards right? Yeah, okay? Just gonna fucking it's like twice three times. It's great, right? What was your card? Uh, nine of clubs. Watch this. It goes, boom.

Starting point is 00:55:09 Jumps all the way... ...in my back pocket. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. I'll do it really quick, literally. You see the nine of clubs? Watch.

Starting point is 00:55:18 In my back pocket already. Eli, check it out. He actually... Take it. out. Yeah, actually Oh no snap your fingers fingers I can't oh too many steps Reach after how many how many nightclubs you got now?

Starting point is 00:55:48 What the fuck? My brain is like Are those all nightclubs? I was like, did he have two nightclubs? How do you get the six nightclubs though? It was randomly the nightclubs! I know you're quick but Say stop Right there, look at that card I hate the 6 of clubs though, it was randomly the 9 of clubs I know you're quick but I mean

Starting point is 00:56:05 Say stop Yeah ready stop Right there, look at that card, take it, have a look I don't wanna look at it Shuffle a deck, shuffle a deck I'm gonna throw up You gotta remember this card right? What the fuck are you doing?

Starting point is 00:56:19 That's worse than me Is that a Mexican shuffle? What the fuck is that? That's a Mexican shuffle I can tell you don't come very much. That's what you'd be wrong for. I was thinking about the gospel of walking low. I like your brand new video like- So you know autistic sun shuffling?

Starting point is 00:56:37 Is that a shuffling? I don't know, I don't fucking play- Wait a minute. I'm not a goddamn magician, okay? I don't- You don't want an arc. I'm kidding. Apparently-, okay? You don't want an arm. I'm kidding. Fuck!

Starting point is 00:56:49 You got the card? You know the card. You got the card? Not short, but slow. Just hold this like this. Just hold it like that. You got your card. Yeah.

Starting point is 00:57:07 Fucking visualizing it. Okay. It'd be pretty cool if he was holding your card right now, right? Yeah. That'd be pretty cool. It wouldn't be cool at all. I hate it. But it's not what's going to happen. Have a look.

Starting point is 00:57:14 Have a look. Okay. Not a hit. What do you mean? I don't know. Short blood is fucking up. No, he's holding your card. No, it's not my card. No, he's holding it. I don't like whatever's about to happen.'t know. The short blood is fucking up. No, he's holding your card. No, he's holding it.

Starting point is 00:57:27 I don't like whatever's about to happen. I know. No, I said, listen. Oh, what the fuck? I said, he is holding your card. The king is holding my fucking card. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.

Starting point is 00:57:45 That's what I said. Seven of diamonds. Don't. Buddy, you ruined two Christmases now. Here, give it. Put this one in post so they can close up to it. Here. He's up.

Starting point is 00:58:02 Fuck. Flux, send him a picture. Send him a picture. Send him the picture, Batty. Take a photo of that. He's holding a fucking ser- seven of diamonds, what the fuck? Without ruining it, that has to be a suggestion thing, right? What do you mean? Cause you- you- ah, nine pills a day.

Starting point is 00:58:19 Yeah, that's all it takes. Well fuck it, I get one. That's what it takes to be a magician. So, suggestion is a real thing when we do magic. Like, for instance, look. Don't suggest. No. Give me a number between 0 and 20 quickly.

Starting point is 00:58:33 19. See? Yeah. Right? So there's a way to suggest people into a certain area of things. How the fuck? Yeah. He was one off. Yeah, he was one off.

Starting point is 00:58:45 Yeah, he was one off. But it's in the range, so you can suggest things to people. See, I want to know, that is so fucking wild to me, because I know this shit is like, it's almost like a pseudoscience, but it's really like,

Starting point is 00:58:55 it's a real science. It's a social science. Yeah. I don't know how it works. Like, that shit blows my mind, because that is where the interesting part comes into me. Like, that's super cool.

Starting point is 00:59:04 For me, it's super for me apart worries A witch he's a literal fucking State brandy Pick a card break and try some magic here. Yeah, Eli is actually doing Check that ring out listen this my god, if you're listening to this podcast, you're gonna need to watch it now. Uh, appears so. Alright. Is that a witch ring? Yeah, silver.

Starting point is 00:59:28 Is that Sauron's one ring? Yeah, watch. Actually... He knows it. Yeah, hold it so the camera can't see it. That's good. That's so good. Can you guys see that?

Starting point is 00:59:44 Why is it mushy? What? They're the camera. Why is it... Where'd the goopy part go? Is it on his pants? Where'd the goopy part go? God, that's so weird.

Starting point is 01:00:01 I hate you. Down to the fucking date. Same coin. Same coin. None of this fool don't at all I don't get this Was your fist On the count of three I want you to open your hand. I want you to imagine that the ring is in your hand I fucking hate you

Starting point is 01:00:22 Yeah, I'm a casual watch you imagine the ring is in your hand. Okay one Yeah, not very good imagining Here what if you take it just got bounce it off the new unsubscribe sign and directly onto your shoulder that would be pretty cool Oh You love it I am intrigued You watch magic kind of how Chris and I watch magic boy started was like we kind of know Oh Yeah, this is Let's see what it is. One and a guess. That's not how magic works. That is the card I knew you would pick.

Starting point is 01:01:28 That was the trick. All the times you've done magic your mouth gets muscles or something. I know. Let's just take the fucking card. Ten of hearts. That was your card. I hate it here so much. It makes for a cool clip.

Starting point is 01:01:46 What the fuck? What the fuck? What the fuck? That's the magician's sign for I'm not doing any more magic. Exactly. We're done with this. Oh, it's safe for me to sit up again. Good. Hi, Batty. Do you like sex stuff? I do too.

Starting point is 01:02:02 With the opposite sex. Sometimes. With the opposite sex. Sometimes. With all the bad news about these prices these days, it's nice to know that Adam and Eve is still offering the best deal. What kind of deal, Eli? You're talking about adamandeve.com. Get 50% off plus free shipping. That's 50% off an adventurous new toy. How adventurous?

Starting point is 01:02:23 That's a dildo. Massive. You see that mushroom behind you? Turn around. Fluck. Punch in. That could be a toy that could insert inside you, and it could be 50% off. I like 50% off.

Starting point is 01:02:36 Be adventurous. Maybe some slippery lube or almost anything else you desire. What is your desires, Betty? Butt plugs. Me too. Speaking of which, that mushroom. Our podcast listeners will get 50% off almost any item. And what's the code?

Starting point is 01:02:54 The code is just use unsub at checkout and you'll get 50% off of any of your sex toys. And free shipping. Just use code just use code. Unsell that checkout and you'll get 50% off. Fuck. That's just in case I can't say sex. I'm not sure. And free shipping doesn't matter what you choose.

Starting point is 01:03:13 All will be packaged and sent discreetly to your front door. Man, that would be weird. It's just a giant box painted black. I got a waste. Like, what if we had like a clear box? Like, I want I want just tape on the. I want people to see the fucked up shit I'm buying because that what better way to meet your neighbors than like, yeah, box of dildos.

Starting point is 01:03:37 It's like a display case. I would love a display case of chips. Can we can we build a display case of dildos over there I love that Like instead of a fridge what if we just Put dildos I like to keep my dildos chilled It's one of the rooms we don't know why

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Starting point is 01:05:03 I don't know why. Yeah. Us. Oh, side note, you guys just flew for the first time. What do you mean? True. Oh, I was like, what do you mean we flew? We're flying with. Oh my god, I forgot. Wonder Twin powers activate. Yeah, I don't know. Shut up.

Starting point is 01:05:19 I want to be in on it. White people. White power. You can go like this and over your hand. You guys do that? Yeah, why people No, it's a Roman salute guys come on it's Roman it's Roman a Mexican I'm good I gotta pass Can't make I'm pretty. I have autism, Andrew. I have autism, Andrew. Good guy, bad rap, you know? You've got such... You have the wrong haircut for this conversation.

Starting point is 01:05:54 I have the wrong hair for Vegas. Yeah. Anyways, let's... Why are you looking at me so seriously? They're already going to subscribe to Bottom of the Barrel Podcast. We're going to do Bottom of the Barrel. I'm just like... you guys push so good. It's just like, we'll just keep inserting this no matter what.

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Starting point is 01:06:52 Let's not ruin that. No, no. Full transparency. Full transparency. We were sitting down for dinner earlier and we were talking about the podcast, everything else. And then we're talking about the bottom of the barrel podcast. And then Eli says there's a few key things that you can't say on podcast or else everything gets demonetized. And of course, as you know, if it gets demonetized, no one watches it.

Starting point is 01:07:10 They kind of like they fucking ghost it. Nobody watches it. But YouTube doesn't promote it. They don't promote it. They ghost it. They shadow ban you kind of for that video. Right. They say it doesn't affect it.

Starting point is 01:07:19 But they obviously it does. You see a straight line go to zero. It doesn't affect it. But every time you see a straight line go to zero. It's super confusing and weird. It doesn't affect it, but every time you do it, it's... There's a wall. It dies. It just dies. Yeah, it goes to dead.

Starting point is 01:07:31 That's a coincidence. But those words are... And you can bleep these out. It starts to see... We can say... Yeah. YouTube can't spell, so it's okay. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:07:40 So, and then also... Yourself, right? Yep. That's the Ryan Reynolds. Ryan Reynolds. The Ryan Reynolds. You guys say Ryan Reynolds? So and and then also yourself right yep The Ryan Reynolds Ryan Reynolds Ryan where you guys say Ryan Reynolds yourself deletion. Yes self assassination other ones we were both Sudoku Just call myself, okay, the words we bleeped out earlier for Wes, we can't say those. Yeah, he's just a racist. Yeah, but that was the N-word. Yo, you, yo, you.

Starting point is 01:08:12 You're just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. You belong for that confident hard R. Yeah, you said it with a smile. Yeah, it wasn't even during a lyric. You weren't even singing, bro. It wasn't even your favorite song. You can't add hard R's to a Biggie song. That's not how he sung it.

Starting point is 01:08:32 That's not how he sung it. That's not how he wanted you to sing it. Yeah, if you don't know, now you know. God, I've never said that word on camera. Batty said it a lot. I didn't even catch that. I Sung it in your car. You're a fucking bold-faced liar. You've sung it in your car on your Tuesday meetings. I've sung it in my car with the windows down.

Starting point is 01:09:10 Chris, what did you say? When you said I've sung it in my car, I didn't even imagine anything else playing. Just you singing it. Oh, just singing the word? That's so much better. Just the one word over and over again. In a melody. It's harmonized, though. Yeah, no.

Starting point is 01:09:31 Fucking, I'm a biggie fan, dude. I'm in my car. Yeah, 100%. I just like this. You're an acapella kind of guy. Yeah. I don't give a fuck. Anybody out there who's like,

Starting point is 01:09:40 no, no, no, fucking fuck you. Shut the fuck up. Dude, if you're a hip-hop fan, I was seven years old when I fucking bought fucking bought 36 chambers dude seven years old and my parents brought me So I got 36 chambers Wu-Tang album your damn right till I was fucking 12. I was singing every word Of course I was a fan. I didn't know it wasn't right Dude I was the culture I was definitely not the Demographic man. I was trying to help

Starting point is 01:10:21 At least you weren't an artist yeah Artist I just want block to punch into baddie during that Yeah, you're good. I'm like that West guy. Yeah So is this the part where you talk about your struggle it's White people uncomfortable nowadays, yeah Yeah, I sit down here and I'm like well There's the day Yeah, I don't know I I might be a lion but I'm just saying fucking whatever did no I always say I will be the first One that always says everyone it's if it's comedy. It should not absolutely regulate the fuck Absolutely, dude. Yeah

Starting point is 01:11:26 My next trick he shows up as a ghost We're burning the crosses Try to turn to a ghost bed out there and you just kill Lower T for time to get out with those prices Is like honestly Uh-uh, uh-uh. The thing I love about this is like, honestly, anybody... This is for real. Anybody this deep in this podcast doesn't give a shit anymore, right?

Starting point is 01:12:12 If you're this deep in this podcast, you're not trying to cancel us. Unless you're digging for dirt. We're digging for dirt. You found it. You found it. There's a lot of Karens with shovels, brother. That's fine.

Starting point is 01:12:24 You know what? They got better shit to do, dude. No, they don't. Yeah, no. Yeah, they do a lot of free time, bro. No, dude They got better shit to do. Oh my god. I was literally just I'm double fisting seltzers drinking have some brown I don't know what's going on. Eli is such a good mom was Right here Almost at the bottom of the barrel. I want everyone to drink. I want to make sure everyone has their drinks, their whiskeys, their drinks. Stop moving.

Starting point is 01:12:51 Yesterday I pulled a fucking magic trick that I couldn't have ever written better. I lied to some girls that I knew. That's a magic trick? Yeah. This guy's been a magician for years. I know, but I summoned the great oh cool

Starting point is 01:13:07 I lied to these girls yeah I know fucking Brandon I told them I knew how to dance I'll take a two step in the night I said

Starting point is 01:13:16 which is just I don't know how to do this and then I go to a bar and I'm supposed to meet in there and they text me like hey we won't be here for 40 minutes

Starting point is 01:13:21 I go into the bar and randomly there's a 30 minute class on how to two step. And I was like, it's happening right now. So I learned 30 minutes. The lady leaves

Starting point is 01:13:30 that taught us all. The band comes on and starts playing. These girls walk in and I'm like, let me show you, let me show you how to dance. So like,

Starting point is 01:13:36 that's a real life magic trick. That's actually pretty impressive. That sounds like serendipity. Yeah. Is that what that is? That's what magic is. A lot of times, a lot of times,

Starting point is 01:13:46 what magic is. You guys have been putting cards under my ass for the last hour. Still am. Yeah. Oh my god. Dude. I would've fucking shitless. Wait until we get to that. Wait until we put the deck there later.

Starting point is 01:13:57 Yeah. Every time you get up, it's just like... Hey, you're lucky he's not using Corona bottles, man. Like, fuck. That's just big. It was wide. But that fuck, that's just big. It was wide. But that is something that's interesting. On a serious magic note, when we do magic,

Starting point is 01:14:10 magicians know this. There are strange coincidences that happen. Serendipity, you want to call it, or fate, or whatever it is. But this shit happens more often than not to magicians. And we talk about this as magicians quite a lot because obviously we perform thousands of times. We travel the world, do magic for all sorts of random strangers.

Starting point is 01:14:30 But more often than not, these strange coincidences will overlap and every magician you'll ever speak to will have a story. And for me, I remember one, I was in Bermuda and I was at a bar and there was a group of girls there, and I was doing magic to them,

Starting point is 01:14:46 and I unlocked this girl's passcode for her phone. Can you describe what doing magic to them means? They're pregnant. We're hanging out. We're hanging out. We're doing tricks. And then I went off before I paid child support. Well, much like the tricks we're doing now.

Starting point is 01:15:02 And I do this. I say, give me your phone i'll try to unlock your your phone and i and i look at her phone and i do this whole process and i go um okay i say your number is this this this i'm like it almost feels like a birthday is that a birthday and she goes oh my god yes and the bartender turns around and he goes what was that and i'm like what's up and i go hold on take your phone out and he goes get the fuck out of here they had the same passcode and they were born on the same fucking day it was like oh it was just oh 291 fucking whatever like they had the same exact denomination the same passcode the same birthday

Starting point is 01:15:43 two strangers who never met who just ended up doing this magic trick and because I was doing this trick like it felt like I was the one who initiated all this so I obviously took credit for it as a magician I was like you're welcome fucking I brought you here to hell here's some towels for your wet pussies

Starting point is 01:16:00 but then it was like that magical moment and that shit fucking happens more often than not to magicians where these connections happen that serendipity that you were saying that happens a lot and and it's happened to you too i'm sure yeah the the the trick there is like you end up being the most excited person yeah right and you're like oh fuck i shouldn't be excited yeah but like in your mind you're like it happens a lot, dude. I have dozens of stories like that

Starting point is 01:16:27 where things just connect, and it's fucked. You get to a point where you're like, you start believing in your own fucking hype. You're like, ooh. It's like, wait, am I a warlock? Am I a wizard? You know what I mean? Because it does happen.

Starting point is 01:16:40 It does happen. I think that's real magic. For me, when I see shit like that, I'm like, that's fucking real. That's like the universe doing shit that I can't explain. You know what I mean? What's the craziest situation for both of you with like a single trick or a like, hey, I'm trying to impress somebody.

Starting point is 01:16:54 What was like that? Was that your like, holy fuck, what the fuck? Play it off. Fucking don't fade. That could have been one of them. Do you got any of those? I mean, I have a few. I mean, well, the one that I witnessed on our show was funny when the guy said,

Starting point is 01:17:08 we had planned this trick where my buddy's going to have a pizza tattoo. Oh, right. And he had a pizza tattoo. And there's going to be a trick involved about the colors of the tattoo, right? With a tattoo artist. And the tattoo artist, before we even get a chance to bait him into this whole idea, he goes, man, you should give so many fucking pizza tattoos. For no reason just says this yeah no we go we go what's the most common tattoo you do and he's like he's like dude fucking like slices of pizza and we're like and this was like yeah

Starting point is 01:17:36 we were like about to trick him into saying this yeah because our buddy just says it we're like what the fuck yeah just got like a pizza tattoo was gonna like show him like the colors of the pizza or the colors that he named would The toppings would be the same colors he named that you said you were you're gonna trick him into saying yes Yes, and he's were you going to do well. He's a tattoo artist weak-minded That's easy enough. We have different techniques. Like Chris has to do all sorts of a lot of fancy things. I'm very eye-extracting with good looks.

Starting point is 01:18:11 So we have different techniques. But these are... That's a good question though. But you can force things on people. And sometimes like... I know. People go to jail for that. It's called the Bill Cosby handling.

Starting point is 01:18:46 It's very subtle. It's a new technique. It's very subtle. I know people go to jail for yeah. So this- Okay, Wes- Wes and I- Wes and I had a debate. Because Wes was like, Fuckin' no, you should boycott it. Me-me lefty bullshit. I'm like, listen- Is that what I said? You kinda what you said. I said- I said, I said, yeah, boycott him. Yeah. And I said- I said yeah, that's- And I said-

Starting point is 01:19:02 I took the rough call that is bad. Yes. Yeah. Controversial, I said- I took the rough call that f*** is bad. Yes. Yeah. Controversial, I know. No, you should be able to joke about f***. I said son. You should just stop f***ing people. These are the things that- But send the ticket money to the f***ing f***ers. Right, I've seen plenty of f***ers. Send the ticket money to the f***ing f***ers. But here's the thing, here's the thing. It's, it's, it's, regardless of what happens,

Starting point is 01:19:18 we're out, alright, we're out. You see- Try to defend yourself. Guy, put yourself in this scenario. You see a theater and it says f***ing Bill Cosby You're out with the boys you go. Ah You're gonna walk away from that No shot in hell dude, I'm walking in there and I'm taking notes I'm gonna be like this is gonna be like something to remember. Yeah, thank you train wreck

Starting point is 01:19:40 Yeah, I'm watching and yeah, okay the money goes to bill. Sorry That's the price I have to pay okay, but I want to see this show enough fucking flight it on Emirates and bill cosby Walks on does a set I jump out the plane Like he's trying to bring it back no, I don't care about that you do bill cosby Bill cosby don't care about that you do bill Cosby What's the material so how do you walk up? Is he gonna do the like Louis CK thing? Yeah, we're a knowledge Bill Cosby comes out and goes, uh, anyways, so the weather... Or he goes, or he goes, Hey, don't worry, I didn't put anything in your drinks tonight.

Starting point is 01:20:32 Oh my god! That's a great open, that's a great open though. That might be the route he takes. He just, he just asks like, Did you see the bartender make your drink? 88. Somewhere in there. You just say numbers? You're a magician.

Starting point is 01:20:47 Ferry the fuck out. Who opens for him? R. Kelly. He just pisses on the crowd. Bill walks out. He's like, so, what's in your drinks tonight? Piss. Just crickets.

Starting point is 01:21:03 He's like, a bit of that boop boop, a bit of that peep peep. What was it, like the fucking boys, where they did that joke? Oh, which- Oh yeah, Bill Cosby. Yeah, I love that guy. Makes strong drinks though. I was like, oh yeah, yeah. I love Bill Cosby, I don't like his comedy though.

Starting point is 01:21:24 Not a big fan of his comedy. Not a very funny guy, but I love him. Big fan of his extracurriculars. Is this the part where we tell them, thank you for watching on this show? No, we're not done. Are we doing a long one? Can we start a new podcast?

Starting point is 01:21:45 This is our last one. It has to be a long one. No. We just saw 20 minutes before the fucking end. Hey guys, don't forget to subscribe to the Huxables here. I don't know what that means. Huxables? Wait, you don't call me, dude. The Huxables.

Starting point is 01:22:01 That was the name of the... It was a great show. I also didn't know Cosby? The Huxables. That's what they're- oh, that's what it is. That was the name of the- Okay, like I want to make fun of you, but I also didn't know. It was a great show. Wait, what? What? What? Did this entire side didn't know the Huxables? No.

Starting point is 01:22:11 What the- How old are you? Y'all are here making fun of Bill Cosby, dude? Wes, how old are you? And not even doing your research? I told you I did not like his jokes. Dude, I know that. That was very specific of what I didn't give a shit about.

Starting point is 01:22:19 My research on Bill Cosby was not- I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I'm not even gonna lie. I know that. That was very specific. My research on Bill Cosby was Nick at night. I was ghost dad for me.

Starting point is 01:22:34 Ghost dad? That was real life for me. I love your dad. Are we going into a ghost mattress? Thanks, Dad. I don't know. I just know for the Jell-O commercials. Remember those? Yeah, Puddin' Pop.

Starting point is 01:22:56 Yeah. Why does this one taste like drinks? I don't know. They're tasting like drinks. I figured it out, bud. You know what's probably ironic? Is that Jeffrey know. That would truly... Figure it out, bud. My clod needs a clod. You know what's probably ironic? Is that Jeffrey Dahmer probably used to watch the Cosbys.

Starting point is 01:23:10 A hundred percent. At that time. What? What do you mean? I'm like, his time for him. I'm like, when did he do this? Is that overlap? I think Cosby really like start. 80s.

Starting point is 01:23:17 Did Dahmer overlap with Cosby? I don't think so. Because Dahmer was like 70s, right? Like late 70s. Is it 70s, 80s? Let me go to our analysts. Yeah. I feel like it was 80s too

Starting point is 01:23:25 no did he get caught in 82 or 92 no dommer actually didn't get caught till 2000 wait no 1978 and 1991 91 he got caught in 92 maybe a little overlap yeah for that cosby's was the 80s show. Ironic. Ironic. I want to watch some from 1984 until 1992. Relax. I just want to watch the Cosby show. Yeah. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:23:53 Sit down. Watch. We're going to watch the Cosby show. I didn't watch Dahmer. That fucking was insane. I saw the meme, but that's my experience

Starting point is 01:24:02 with it. It was a good show. I watched all of it. It was great. I was watching like anime or some shit. That show was fantastic because they didn't glorify him and they just showed it from his perspective, which was eerie and weird,

Starting point is 01:24:13 but it was really well done. And it made you understand him without being fucking rooting for him like most psychopath shows do. So you're not rooting for him. You psychopath shows do so you're not rooting for him you're just understanding where he's understood yeah exactly you understand like why he's fucked up and why he does this shit you're like oh i can see it you know who i felt bad for is the dad

Starting point is 01:24:34 yeah because there was something like yeah not the victims I got him! Yes! That was good. That was so good. I'll give it to you on that one. That was really well done. You know who I really felt bad for? The father. The guy who shaped this young man. The only guy who lived.

Starting point is 01:25:01 The one who outlived them all? Break his head. Oh man. Tell him he's so bad at playing Dexter. Fucking lost that round. Thank you. Jesus Christ. You know the only difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a magician? Oh God.

Starting point is 01:25:26 He's a magician... No, you know what? I'm not even gonna tell this joke. I'm gonna tell Brandon over here. You make the people reappear? You guys can figure it out. I was searching so hard on my phone. Put your punchlines in the comments too

Starting point is 01:25:42 if they get something good. Now I remember because when you guys came down the first time you actually brought up the Dahmer with we had the mannequins out At the range yeah, oh Who threw my fucking mannequin I was like what the fuck is he yelling about Why is he screeching again It was in Dahmer He got so angry about the mannequins

Starting point is 01:26:01 He was trying to make out with the mannequins You guys shot the Barrett there Yeah yeah, because I was there for like fucking five minutes because I had a flight like immediately after. Well we remember, dude, you moved our dicks with that fucking 50 cal. I was so glad. I was on a plane the next day too that one. Oh you missed that entire thing?

Starting point is 01:26:18 Yeah, I got on a plane, we did film the podcast and 5 am the next day I was gone. We can talk about that. You shot it first. I was like, bamam take me to us We don't have to talk about this fire This we're Canadian It's serious for you guys You guys should really deal with it. In fact, you guys should like start fucking you with it, but in the meantime, we're gonna have a laugh

Starting point is 01:26:49 The dad of the shooter I have a bit and I lost it. Fuck. That was fucking rude. Cheers, bro. This podcast is shit, Joe. He was great in Step Brothers. I don't fucking know. God damn it. I love this so much. No, it's my favorite podcast.

Starting point is 01:27:16 I don't even watch it. Oh, this is way up there. I know. I was like, this is on a podcast. Stop doing it. Stop doing it. I'm going to close it. I'm Mexican. do it. Stop doing it! Stop doing it! I'm Mexican.

Starting point is 01:27:29 Holy shit. God fucking damn it. You guys don't get to get killed in schools. You just wait until the government suggests it later. That was good. That was worth it, actually. Brian was like, we're up in China. In China-da?

Starting point is 01:27:50 They make you wear masks everywhere and all that bullshit. We don't actually talk about this on our podcast, Bottom of the Barrel. We don't talk about COVID. Every time we mention COVID or masks or pandemic, we got to take a shot. Oh, do you? Eli is just picturing how many times this

Starting point is 01:28:05 is gonna have to get censored in the i know i saw your like just okay let it go well you so did you know before we used to say gingivitis we call it we called covid gingivitis so when it get flagged oh because it used to we just yeah we used to take a shot to not say it like we would not say that's one way to do it probably we could well now we could before we used to we just yeah, we said take a shot to not say it like we would not say that's one way to do It probably we played well now we could before we used to talk about a lot But you can talk about how our Prime Minister fucking brown faces that's fine And they're like we don't have a problem with that. That is true. Yeah. When did you do this? He's like, which time?

Starting point is 01:28:46 Literally. He has like different years. It was like four or five years in a row that he brown faced because he got a good laugh the first time. He's like, fuck, people love this. I'm a crowd favorite. I'm going to do it again. And he literally did it year after year after year. And then the supporters are like, dude, it was Halloween. He's like, no, it wasn't. Don't make me like Trudeau.

Starting point is 01:29:09 Stop, hold on. So you guys, when you came down last time you shot, we had you shoot the 22 first. Yeah. Which immediately they went from a 22 to the 50 cal. And the reaction. Which 50 was it? I forget.

Starting point is 01:29:26 Was it the shoulder fired one? Nope. Or was it the table? Yeah. Was it mine? I feel like I left mine for the range. It might have been mine. It was mine.

Starting point is 01:29:34 Was it yours? It was not yours. I left mine for a couple years. I don't know. Your 50, my 50. I'll tell you guys. What's a 50 cal between prongs? From a guy who's never shot anything like you remotely

Starting point is 01:29:45 Yeah, that reaction check of my fucking veneers. I thought my teeth were coming out That's how fucking I was people damn people who've never shot one don't realize like the amount of concussion in just yeah around You can't understand from the video And I was trying to explain that to people I showed it to that when you shot First you shot it before me I was probably about seven feet away from you and I felt the air pressure like a shockwave in my in my soul dude it was like it was

Starting point is 01:30:12 penetrating it was like like inside me I was like you penetrated me when you did that when you shot that like Harley said afterward he's like yeah no I feel like I know why people get pegged now yeah that stripped away all ego all everything I know why people get pegged now. Yeah.

Starting point is 01:30:27 And that stripped away all ego, all everything. I'm ready to be pegged. You know what sort of made me hone in on it when you're like, oh, come shoot this. And you're like, please don't shoot our targets. Don't shoot our targets. I was like, what? Shoot the dirt. And you're like, you shoot the dirt behind him. You cut in half.

Starting point is 01:30:41 What? And he's like, you're going to just, I'm like. And I was like, oh, this is, what? And I had my brain my brain and then I was like and I got like real nervous all of a sudden Have you ever shot a 50 Cal into anything living? No, like a boar or some shit or like no no Not yet. Anyway, not yet anyway, cuz you can't legally yeah That same place, that same property we were at. What would that do?

Starting point is 01:31:06 Would that just cut a hole in it or cut in half? So it would be honestly unimpressive. What do you mean? Why? Because I think I would be pretty impressed. Well, all of the energy dump happens after. So what happens is it just, it enters and then exits so fast that the energy gets dumped into the fucking tree behind it.

Starting point is 01:31:22 So there would just be like a hole. The back of the hole would be a lot bigger. You would have to line up like nine pigs. Oh, it would, yeah. That would be fun. Third, fourth, fifth pig would not be great. Six, seven pig would be very lucky.

Starting point is 01:31:39 Even if you're talking about just an AR-15, that will go through and exit. Yeah. A.50 cal is not going to be much different. You're going to be dumping a lot of energy into the hill behind it. It's the pounds of force hit. And then you have a.20 Mike Mike. What's a.50 cal hits with like 5,000 pounds of force? Or 18,000.

Starting point is 01:32:00 Yeah. 18,000 and a.20 Mike Mike hits with 70,000. That's the difference That's like 76 or something. Yeah, it's a ridiculous amount smaller bullet though I feel like we're talking about 20s on zero right? So 50 is 12.7 millimeter, which is the big guy you shot. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, this is a 20s like you guys Oh metric system

Starting point is 01:32:20 That's the joke, it's like the only time that we use the metric system is to flex. What the fuck are you sniping with that? It's an anti-sniper. Are you shooting people with that? Even 50 counts. Is it legal? No, 50 counts is not supposed to. To shoot a person with a 50 count?

Starting point is 01:32:33 You're supposed, depending on the ROE. We never signed that treaty. Okay. Because there are rules of engagement where you're not allowed to like bomb a person. ROE, yeah. Rules of engagement. Technically, however, Chinstrap's ROE yeah. Rules of engagement. Technically however chinstraps are equipment.

Starting point is 01:32:48 What do you mean? It's anti-equipment. If they're wearing a chinstrap you can shoot them with a bomb? Helmets. You can bomb them? No technically. It's like oh well I was aiming for his chinstrap. It's an anti-material weapon. It went down a little.

Starting point is 01:33:04 There's a lot of ways to get around certain rules Yeah My dead friends Wes We just go, you gotta, wait, you're telling me you gotta Ouija board? You just get a Ouija board and I'm like, yeah, I'm like, it's war fun. It just goes to yes and I'm like, well, they spoke for themselves. It's fun, it's fun, yeah. They said it themselves. You know what, the most fun about shooting guns with you guys the other day was, A, Chris and I left being like, oh, we get it.

Starting point is 01:33:39 This is fucking fun. You both did, yeah. We literally have talked about it multiple times since we left. And the other, my favorite part was when you guys put surprise Tannerite on the fucking name. And you told Chris about it. Batty, did you know about that? Surprise Tannerite's better than Tannerite. It's just like sex.

Starting point is 01:33:56 You know, the surprise. We gave him surprise Tannerite. Yeah, dude. Did you do like firebird targets or something? What did you put out? I don't know. It felt like I took nine of those pills he gave me. It was a steel target. It's like, shoot that steel target. Yeah, dude. I, did you do like, like firebird targets or something? Like what'd you put out? I don't know. It felt like I took nine of those pills he gave me.

Starting point is 01:34:06 It was a steel target. It's like, shoot that steel target. Boom! Yeah, I was like. Creed, no, no, you did what you went, I did that, I did that! Yeah, I was like, that was me! That was so much better.

Starting point is 01:34:16 So, mm, me, I did. Yeah. I felt it, I felt it. It is good. It is a good feeling to watch something get destroyed. Yeah. With your gun. Yeah. It is! It is a good feeling to watch something get destroyed Your gun That's why you shoot at things yeah, right

Starting point is 01:34:31 It's much funner to shoot out things than in a dirt hill like with a 50 cal 50 cal is fun because you feel that burst right but the rest of the guns is fun because you feel what that burst does like if you have a target like ding and That's fun to feel what a bullet does it's so fucking fun with a 50 to actually destroy Something mmm that you're not like just shooting at us because we're just worried about the integrity of the steel Yeah, you don't want to fuck up somebody's expensive So what would a proper appropriate target be for a 50 Cal or whatever you'd like yeah? You talk about 50s. You know I don't know if you have anything. I have a little bit of experience. Thank you for watching the unsubscribe podcast.

Starting point is 01:35:06 As always, we're going to do a double tap. Myself, Batty streams. It's the after party. It's the after party. No, bust that, Batty. No, we're going to do overtime. We're going to do overtime. We're doing a long one.

Starting point is 01:35:17 Well, you've already lost the retention. It's already done. What do you know? It's the after party. After party. And, and, and, um, yeah, no, I'm not going to say it. Thank you. Of course, Brandon Herrera and our beautiful guests.

Starting point is 01:35:33 Chris Ramsey. Bottom of the barrel. Wes. The stunt. I can't wait to watch this in a week for the first time. This goes out Wednesday. But it might. Oh, fuck.

Starting point is 01:35:45 Buddy, listen. If you want to see any more of this, please follow us at the After Party on Patreon. May I? No, do your shill. All right, so I'm going to tell you right now, for those of you sticking around, obviously you like this vibe.

Starting point is 01:35:56 You're going to love us over here at Bottom of the Barrel. But most importantly, most importantly, I want you guys to know this is all for fun, all right? None of this was real. You cut this all. All right? None of this was real. You cut this all out in post.

Starting point is 01:36:07 None of this was real. This was all jokes. Except what Wes said earlier, which we bleeped out. That was not a joke. I figured we were joking after a while. They were joking. Thank you for watching, guys. Appreciate you.

Starting point is 01:36:19 Thank you for watching. Where can we find you beautiful people? I'm going to say your things and stuff. Specifically you, because your YouTube channel sucks. It's worse than mine. I would actually like to shoot that with the 50 cal. you you

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Unsubscribe Podcast - 88 - Try Not to Laugh Pt. 3 ft. Chris Ramsay & Wes Barker ​

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Unsubscribe Podcast - 88 - Try Not to Laugh Pt. 3 ft. Chris Ramsay & Wes Barker