Unsubscribe Podcast - 96 - Poppin' Hot ft. AngryCops, The Fat Electrician & Nikko Ortiz

Episode Date: March 9, 2023

MUCH LIKE ALL OF YOU ON YOUR LAST MILITARY "TEST" THIS EPISODE IS POPPIN' HOTTTTTTTT GOOD LUCK. lol GO CHECK OUT NIKKO ORTIZ  @NikkoOrtizzz  @nikkoshorts   https://www.tiktok.com/@nikkoortizoff... https://www.instagram.com/nikkoortizzz/ GO CHECK OUT THE FAT ELECTRICIAN  @the_fat_electrician   https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_T3Zsw2257Ke-g3F20ZCRA https://www.tiktok.com/@the_fat_electrician https://www.instagram.com/the_fat_electrician/ GO CHECK OUT @AngryCops   https://www.instagram.com/angrycops/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCN3rhkHmloHwqgat8LHk2yg ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS!! Manscaped Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code UNSUB at https://www.manscaped.com/. That’s 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com, and use code UNSUB. MANSCAPED® Beard Hedger, one stroke, one guard, 20 lengths. GhostBed Right now GhostBed is offering 30% off everything if you use the code UNSUBSCRIBE at checkout or visit https://www.ghostbed.com/pages/unsubscribe Kershaw Knives Use Code UNSUB20 for 20% off at https://kershaw.kaiusa.com/ Orders over $100 ship for free!  ------------------------------ OUR MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast JOIN THE PATREON NOW:  https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast WE HAVE A SUBREDDIT??? https://www.reddit.com/r/UNSUBSCRIBEpodcast/ CHECK OUT https://outofregz.com/  CODE: UNSUB http://gfuel.com/discount/baddie CODE: BADDIE ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o MORE LINKS! https://linktr.ee/UnsubscribePodCast ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie-              @BaddieStreams   https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -Eli_Doubletap-              @EliDoubletap   https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by Fluck https://www.twitch.tv/fluck Unsubscribe Podcast Ep96 - Poppin' Hot ft. @AngryCops , @the_fat_electrician & @NikkoOrtizzz ​ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's a pleasant experience, isn't it? What? I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't had one yet. When is yours? Oh, years. I got time. Years?

I got a few fingers on my ass. It didn't take a few years. Not yet, but one day. The Hot Honey McCrispy is so back at McDonald's. With juicy 100% Canadian-raised seasoned chicken, shredded lettuce, crispy jalapenos, and that completely craveable hot honey sauce. It's a sweet heat repeat you don't want to miss.

Get your hot honey McCrispy today. Available for a limited time only at McDonald's. You're missing out. You're at the age. You're at the age. How old do you think I am? My age. Oh.

No. How old are you? Oh, I just look old. It's what war does to you. You would know the age. How old do you think I am? My age. Oh, no. How old are you? Oh, I just look old. It's what war does to you. You would know. Oh, 28.

And I look like dog shit. I don't know where I didn't even go to war. I just thought about it. I just thought about it. I thought about it for a good long time. I just had to hang out with people like you for six years. That alone. I think we would have bettered you by now.

Brought to you by Bush Light. Broken dreams and hookers. Oh yeah, ready? Everyone's already popped it. The official drink of people that know how much Sudafed you can legally buy. Sudafed? Fucking Breaking Bad over here.

I've been hearing him practice that joke for the past hour and a half and he still fucked it up I got you all right not that today not today. Wait, what is 1990s hair? I'm just saying how it looks called. Okay, wait. Is this 90s hair? When you go like this? Because that's what I do. Eli just told me. By the way, I was fucking asleep maybe like 30 minutes ago.

Nico, go put Joe in your hair really quick. Okay. I'm here. Are we allowed to talk about why your pupils are the size of pie plates right now? You can talk about. Go for it. Because, I mean, he was super asleep up until five minutes ago but his eyes are like

it's racially ambiguous and batty that guy's fucking ridiculous so we don't know best not to ask yourself why but my friend you've arrived welcome down subscribe He walked here he took a dog sled and shows my people and then everyone attacks him viciously. That's why his people are that way. He doesn't see this much light in his situation. You guys got moving cars? Normally when he sees this much light, he's running into it and the semi has to break. Oh man. These are like

three people that have never been in the same room together. It's going to be fantastic. It's going to be trash or really good. You. Us three in the same room together, it's going to be fantastic. It's going to be trash or really good. Us three in the same room. Yeah, you guys have just met for the first time. But you guys have been. We've kissed before.

We haven't. Yet. Wait till you get on the... He has the best fuckboy face. Have you seen? No. Show them. Go. you get on the... Yeah, that fuckboy. He has the best fuckboy face. Have you seen... No, look. Show him.

No, which one did we just... Yeah, go. Nikos is always the pinnacle of fuckboy faces. Bro, maybe I need to start doing it more. Shit, maybe I'm sleeping on some potential right now. I was going to say, you look like the fuckboy of special education. My son would be mad. I don't know.

Instead of here, just go... Hold on. Yeah, wait, wait, wait. Keep doing the face. I don't know. Instead of here, just go. Wait, wait, wait. Keep doing the face. Keep doing the face. I just want it on his face and then my words. I don't know how to cut in between the lines, but I know how to do your girl. Bitch.

Just dubbing over. It's going to be a slow push in while he does this baddie's gonna watch this episode behind your flight oh mine yeah it was cool i was pretty fucked up for a majority of like all of it good i immediately woke up started drinking because i was gonna panic i knew it oh yeah the fucking anxiety oh yeah it's if you think about flying is just it's a big fucking metal tin can he's jumped out of airplane jesus take the wheel i have no problem jumping out of a plane with a parachute but if you fucking put me in a metal cage in the sky and say

well you know good luck for the next like two three hours then i kind of have a problem with that because i have no ability to like fight it and no control, no nothing. Yeah, isn't that? That would be a release for me because I'd be like, I should kill me, please. I'm going to play like, well, so you know how to fly it? No. Either accept your death or find a magazine. Where's the AR?

Where's the manual for flying this Cessna I'd be thinking of wild shit bro I'd be like bro I'm the weirdo who like when they do like the safety thing on the plane I'd be looking around if people are talking I'd be looking around I'd be like yelling shut the fuck up yo the flight attendant

is talking I'd be pulling out the manual in the back of the seat I'd be like okay so this one I flip it to the left the one in the back behind me I gotta pull fuck up. I'd be pulling out the manual in the back of the seat. I'd be like, okay, so this one, I flip it to the left. The one in the back behind me, I got to pull it this way. I'll be like, we living, baby. I'm doing different shit on a plane. We can't talk about that. Because apparently in some states, it's a misdemeanor.

Shame. Oh, I forgot we talked about that. So I watched a whole documentary about planes. I'm never sitting first class on a flight ever. I don't think I was going to. Oh, because when they crashed, they're all dead. Yeah, when they crashed, the whole cockpit and first class just pops off and gets ran over by the rest of the plane and everybody else is fine.

And they're like, it's because that's all the people that can afford a fancy lawyer to sue the airline. Like all the poor people at the back of the plane that can't afford lawyers, they get to live. They're a class action lawsuit at best. All the rich people are up front and the employees, done. I didn't even think about that. That's exactly what it is. Everyone just dies at the front of the plane.

Yeah. And that's a normal. Yeah. You watch Crash. Everyone just dies at the front of the plane. Yeah. Yeah, and that's a normal statistical. Yeah, you watch Crash Bandits, it's like the whole front of the plane. Well, for some reason, the plane does this when it fucking lands. Whoop-bop! And I'm like, it was fucking going straight on the ground. What are you talking about?

And I'm like, it just fucking pops off. I'm like, what the hell? On some windy days, You're like landing sideways. Oh, dude, you see that footage where the place like this, the place like, and you're like,

bro, we're going the wrong way. Why am I looking this way at the land? It's true. I've been in a plane and it's landing like a, like a, like a high school or on Healy's. It's like,

you don't need to walk and skate at the same time. That's not appropriate. I told, I've told him before we were going into Seattle, which has a lot of turbulent air and riding. I was going to say tuberculosis. Right in. It is fucking like people are freaking out and I'm like, we, cause I got my kiddo with me and Ryan's like, like, he's just like, Oh, it's fun, daddy. And he's having a blast. Cause I'm like, we, cause I got my kiddo with me and Ryan's like, like, he's

just like, Oh, that was fun, daddy. And he's having a blast. Cause I'm making it. Listen, are you trying to say that your son claps when the airplane lands? Cause I hate your son. No, he was having fun on the turbulent, like the drops and everything. That's fun. Everyone's freaking out.

And he's like, did everybody clap when they landed though? Good. Yo. Yeah. No, Ryan doesn't. All right, see, he's an angel.

I would slap him if he did. So you can, you can laugh and have a great time on the way down. Don't you ever clap without doing their normal job. Until they get paid to do it's the minimum is to knock it as kill. Do you want a pro roll up? No daddy. I went to war.

Fuck these guys. They're pussies. Okay. So he's having a blast. We land. And then the flight attendant walks up. It's like, hey, you did a really good job. Yeah, I don't want my kid. No, he might die right now. Not the last thought.

I'm like, hey, this is really turbulent. You want to be fucking terrified with Papa? Yeah, he was like, she's like, you did a great job I'm like, oh my arm. As he snaps it. It just fucking breaks. I think you're like, oh! You're gonna go to the gym, son. It's a scene in Moral Combat, but it's like your hand,

it's like the finish him. Cuckoo, cuckoo. You just see the bones break. Yeah, the x-ray vision. I'm like, oh, right in. Whatever you want, my son. So you all had good flights. You made it in one piece.

I made it alive, yeah. I was sweating and shit, bro. I'd be getting claustrophobic and everything, bro. Your text, he's like, every one of you text before you take off. Not Nico. I know Nico's in his head. I don't give a fuck about nobody, bro. I don't give a fuck about shit.

I'm just getting, my job is to get on that plane and fucking analyze and study all the exits so I can live if that bitch goes down. You know what I'm saying? That's it. I don't give a fuck about shit. But I'll text you when I land. I want to make you an airplane mix.

Like, you know, like a nice little CD you can put on your Discman. I'll buy you a Discman. And, I don't know, you're in the middle of like the midwest you're poor you could probably handle it that's me wrong person you can mail him that's me you're drunk mail your mom's discman to him anyway you can still have one for the family discman and then when you it well there was a walkman for oh you're still in like the 80s. Discman is for CDs.

You know when you would burn a CD for your friend? Man, he's really good at killing the joke and the conversation. Ladies and gentlemen, the fat electrician. Ryan Green. Get off. You're going to fucking make a match. I've been making a match all night. There are very few things that you can be certain of in life.

But you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning. You can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink. And of course you can rest assured that with public mobiles, 5g subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month with all of the mysteries that life has to offer. A few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for.

Public Mobile. Different is calling. playing something me what i was gonna make you like a mixtape about like you know breathing and anxiety and probably by bands that died and plane crashes just to make your anxiety worse but no i'm glad that you brought up what a discman and a walkman was it made it great good you have a nose ring i thought it was a blackhead The whole fucking day. I was like, what the hell is that? It's that fucking shit right on his face. He's been looking at it like, I was like, ah, he's got a fucking zit. Whatever. Take care of your fucking shit. It's got a shimmer to it now.

He's got greasy skin. No wonder he's got it. Now that I'm close enough on this side of you, I'm like, oh, he's got, you know, he's just gay. And so... Oh, Jesus Christ. Man, if, he's got, you know, he's just gay. And so Jesus Christ. Man, if that makes you gay, Batty has prestige. Multiple times.

He's like, oh. He's floating around. He's got a hoop. He's got a closeted nose plug. I still have a real job. I'm not allowed to wear a nose ring.eted nose plug. Oh, he's prestige three times. I still have a real job. I'm not allowed to wear nose rings. But you

have hand tattoos, don't you? Yeah, well, he's a laborer. You can do that. You can have hand tattoos, but like I'm an industrial electrician, so I work in like food facilities and they don't like you to have piercings at all. Really? Because it could fall off into the food granted i do i do fucking jujitsu with my nose ringing and it's never

came out but it's that motherfucker's gonna jump off all right dude you're brave they let you roll with it though i'm the coach who the fuck's gonna tell me okay bro i mean i'm trying to do with my earrings and shit and like my should be looking infected as fuck because he'd be getting ripped all the time on everything, bro. I wouldn't do earrings because, I don't know, just call for it, but you're a lot more cautious of your nose. Nothing's sneaking up on your fucking nose. You know what I mean?

True. Do a cross face, though? I feel good. You haven't had an aggressive girlfriend before. All of a sudden, you wake up, and that thing is right there planted on your face. That's an aggressive nose. What's that? Is that an offer? Did you get rid of your bits so you transitioned fully?

What? This is fast conversation. That's why I wanted this. I was like, we'll put you two together. Yeah, I was like, they can like you guys can like. If you're going to sneeze, I'll take your butthole from the back, you know? What? I'm game. Who isn't? What? I'm game. Who isn't?

What? Jesus fucking Christ. I'm just really enjoying the conversation at this point. I'm just like, yeah, I'm like trying to dictate where the conversation goes. This is one of the rare times where I'm like, fuck. Eli, the great conversation penis potato. Yeah, that's me. That's what I'm known for period what are we talking about

you everybody this is the lull in the conversation where we try to figure out what topic we talk to next no i got below on what shenanigans no i got this we're gonna go it's just his fleas on the side of his head i already know where this no i got i know where to pivot this this we've talked about this multiple times every time time somebody knows Nico's content, they just see Nico for his content. They're like, man, that dude's going to be a fucking douchebag. I'm not going to get along with him. Every one of my friends has said

the exact same thing. I was not let down. I can't go be friends, bro. I just stay in my house to myself. That's why I said on the right side of him because this year's good and this year's already deaf. So it's just like, wow make friends, bro. I just stay in my house to myself. That's why I said on the right side of him because this year is good and this year is already deaf. So while he's screaming, I'm like, this is the appropriate level for me to hear things. Does that mean that

you've picked me? He's just forcing it now. I like this. Just kiss real quick. It's going to be rough. It's going to be, you're going to hear some like what are we going to hear? You're not going to to be you're going to hear some like fucking gorilla. What are we going to hear? You're not going to hear some tub thumping.

Anybody know what tub thumping is? Chumbawamba? No. Wait, the song? I get knocked down. But I get up again. You know that you're too young for that song. You don't know that song? He was born in 1999. He's barely a teenager.

Nico is by far the youngest boy. He's just a child. You want to feel old? Somebody born in 1999 is literally in their mid-twenties. Oh, you made it. Wait, what year were you born? 95.

Wait, you're fucking like the same age as me. I know. I was just letting it ride. You guys are the same age. Is this what it looks like when you do like Joe Rogan level amounts of marijuana and PCP? See, that's the thing. I don't even smoke and shit. He barely drinks.

He barely even drinks. The only time I drink is when I'm like out here. That's right. That's fucking it. I'm not to say like, you know, I'm against like the people who do drugs, but I don't, I'm against it. Oh yeah. I've never.

He's a smart guy. He knows what I'm saying. Huge nostrils. They look great. They're like caverns. I want to go snorkeling. I know I'm deaf on this side. I can hear the echo

coming from inside those things. I need you to turn the cop off. I can't fucking breathe. I'm just inquisitive. I can't help that I'm like a puppy trying to figure out a new world. Slowly fumbling and bumbling into the massive nostrils

of this astronaut. Why is that blue? The caves over here go spelunking. Yeah. You ever see the surface of the moon? Craters. Just like this guy's nostrils. Asteroids that would demolish the world have landed inside

that guy's sugar catcher, but they're cocaine. It's cocaine. Can you imagine what I would be like on cocaine? I do not want to know. Dude, I would probably fight because you see me when I'm just regular. Why would you start with fire? I would probably fucking fight everybody. I would just randomly throw it. No, for sure.

That's one of the few people in the group who have been around me. Bro, because by nature, normally I'm like, yo, that dude looking at us weird. Let's go fuck his ass up. I think you'd be paranoid. I think you'd be in the corner just like, ah, shit, man. Ah, shit. Yeah, Nick's looking at me. I think he wants to fuck me.

I don't feel really good. I'm really thirsty. I'm breathing really good, though. I'm really thirsty. Honest to God, he would immediately go for a fucking 12-mile run and we wouldn't see him until the next morning. That's what would happen.

You would be famous not just for your podcast, but for like all the murder mystery podcast. Dico Ortiz, gone. His body dismembered on the side of the California hiking trail. People say that Satan has covered his body with ants and that they sacrificed him to the Lord of Bahamut. And

no, you just you were just high and cold. The last footage is the last footage is the fucking security camera of him just running off naked. You guys are here. But it's like that Terminator to sprint where it's like no upper body 2 Sprint where it's just like

No upper body movement just arms pumping That's how I run Dude you should actually Dude I've They've got like a local Like a fucking horse Like homeless guys I saw him running

He's wearing no pants They looked at me and said God is upon us and kept going. Straight through the acreage. Straight through the acreage. I don't know if the man has a death wish, but he had a hammer hanging between his legs.

He was fully erect and running. God rest his soul. The amount of blood going through his wiener. I'm surprised he can walk and talk at the same time. I haven't been brain dead. Breaking news. Manscaped now sells beard product.

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guys visiting and then you slept in a van to think it was funny oh we were in utah yeah oh yeah there's no one imagine telling a joke when your audience is no one entertaining bitch he took this dude will do is like they're gonna find this hilarious No, not there anybody this is going to be hilarious. I lay in the back of a van. I go, go to sleep, bro. Yeah, dude. I don't know how to play. The next morning, he's like,

slept in the van last night. Did you get locked out of one of the three houses that we had? Airbnbs? No, I just thought it'd be funny. Okay. Why is all your shit in here? And why is like the blanket pillows and everything in there?

And I was like, that'd be funny to sleep in there. Just a hard ass metal fucking bottom. Thought it'd be so fucking funny. But thank God I was so drunk. I just knocked out. It was great. You tell me a story. I don't thought it'd be so fucking funny, but thank God. I was so drunk. I just knocked out Say no man, I don't do drugs Holy shit, so I don't even know what the fuck happened this night in full but

Rich just digest You put it in parking reverse You put it in reverse. Why did you hit me? What the fuck? I'm not judging you, man. Just fucking tell me the truth. Or just don't say the bullshit you're trying to tell me. I thought I was sleeping in the back of a truck

because it was funny. No, dude. You were fucking high as shit. This is a great idea. Like every cut-out white boy does when he says, we had a great conversation. Like every cut out white boy does. He says, we should make this into a podcast. Now,

what about being drunk as fuck at the club and then saying, oh my God, I know it's like midnight right now, but it'd be so funny if I walk 12 miles back to the house. I haven't. No, I've done that because I've been too drunk and I'm like, I don't want to ruin anybody's good night so I'll walk home drunk

not Nico we had a ride he declined I was like dude this is gonna be I looked at Brandon and I was like good night started just sprinting into the darkness bro Brandon was like

we need to get Brandon's like perspective on this too cause Brandon was like I was like where the fuck you going I was like, we need to get Brandon's perspective on this too, because Brandon was like, I was like, where the fuck are you going? I was like, goodnight. I'll see you tomorrow. So let me get this straight. You decide to, after a night of drinking with your friends in a bar, a place where no cocaine is ever sold,

you decide to run six miles, 12, 12 miles, 12 miles, even shorter. Half as half as less. Yeah. I need to excite myself.

Okay. To your hotel that you probably don't even remember the address of because you think it's funny. What was your train of thought there? You want to do it because why? Nothing. I was thinking about how I took a nap on a lawn before i continued the running which is pretty funny too any we have photos of you on the yard because he'd sent them

you're shifting i can order you're like i'm no longer i'm gonna make fun of nick tonight i am now focused solely on this man to my left. You're like, hold up. Nigga don't give a fuck. We gotta talk about this boy right here, bro. This motherfucker retarded. We gotta go for him. You're not retarded. You're just high as shit on cocaine. I love to run 12 miles in the middle of the night after drinking a bunch of beers with my friends.

I'm not tired at all. I've got a whole bunch of energy. And cocaine? Drinks. It's going to be of energy. And cocaine? Drinks? It's going to be so hilarious. So funny when this happens. Guys, it's going to be so funny. I can't wait to talk about it. I said,

because Brandon always says this, he said, brother in Christ, never let me walk anywhere ever again. And I said to him that, he's like, oh God, did you manage to actually get back to the house? I was like, nah, this grass mad soft son. 3.

13 a.m. In the morning. I've done that when I walked home, but I was drunk. I wasn't coked out of my mind running to a mile. It was like two. It was like a mile and a half, two miles. And I was like, I crashed on the lawn because I was so drunk. I was like, I need a breather.

And then after like 30 minutes of like a mild nap that I was like, still like semi awake for, I threw up all over their lawn. And it was a very expensive lawn. It was a very nice home. And then I continued walking. What's that? It's an expensive lawn. He lives in New York.

Yeah. Oh, it was like, it's like one York. Yeah. Oh, it was like a, it's like one of those grasses, like a sign of wealth there. It's a fucking inconvenience. You got a lawn, bro. You rich,

rich. You made it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You ain't growing corn there. It's corn.

I just love it. Nico, are you just like, is it 3 a.m. You're just like, like no moving. You're like powering down, laying down, were you just like, 3 a.m. You were just like, no moving. You're like powering down. Laying down and you're like, yo, dog.

This is mad. This grass mats off. Did you see Steel Blue that he gave him when he was like, I just ran 12 miles. Steel Blue. No, it was Fuckboy. It was Fuckboy 5000. That's his T. There's T1000 and Fuckboy 5000.

That's him just jogging with the fuckboy face. You're like. God damn. I knocked out because I just got done panicking because one of the highways. That's definitely not good. Well, imagine this. You can see and everything's bright and then the lights go out because

are the fucking freeways. Really bumping, the music's so good. The music's so good. What the fuck? bright and then the lights go out because I was on a freeway but it was the back road once where there's like no lights because there's all these cars I'm cooking things right now. Freeway, yeah. No, you've got me. I'm with you, bro. I'm with you. I understand. Yeah. I get that. Hey, listen. I get that. It makes sense. I get it. Yeah.

Yeah. But then all the cars disappear. Oh, my God. Yeah. So there's no light. You're right. And then I was like, what the fuck? Do you do?

Terrified. Wow. I started fucking sprinting. You sure? Yeah. I was like, fuck, I gotta get to light. Of course. Yeah.

I would run towards the light, too, if I was done. No, no, no. There was no light. Yeah. There was like a shimmer the light too if I was dark. There was no light. There was like a shimmer of like something. You could see like a horizon in the darkness and I was like, bitch, I gotta get over there, bro. I can't see shit. Did you look behind you? There were probably demons. I looked behind me. That shit, there was nothing.

It was all dark, wasn't it? It was fucking dark. It's called hell and you were on a bad trip. It's called night time in the fucking woods and i'm a dumbass why are you running through the woods now it's on the side of the fucking thing so i when the cars won't buy i hear like crickets and shit and i'm just like oh i don't like this this is fucking terrible i was like i'm so scared right now i was like i gotta get the fuck out of here you are way too ready to be in the woods alone. For sure. This is a rhetorical question. What is rhetorical?

It means you don't need to answer it because I already know the answer. How much acid did you do? And then before, did you crack your spine before the night and then it reset? I can't do drugs. I'm still in the military. I still get drug tested. I picture your...

That matters. Does that suck to anybody? Have you seen the fucking special effects? Did you guys smoke on coke? That's because their fucking piss test don't matter. Yours does. Yes. You couldn't use a whizinator. You couldn't just like literally grab a bush white can full of

piss and just like pour it in bush white can full of piss. To be fair. And just like pour it in and be like. No, I can't. Do you know how the army does piss tests? Yes. Because it's fantastic. Yeah, bro. This is a penis.

Me. No, no, no. After that. The percentage test. It's all contaminated. After they all go in the box, everything in that box has to be done perfectly. And then it gets mailed to the only laboratory that has the contract to do all the piss testing for the army, which is in Hawaii. So then they have to mail it to Hawaii.

And then it can't get fucked up in transit because if anything gets fucked up in transit, they throw out the whole fucking box. I've seen them throw an entire box in Hawaii. So like, even if you did do drugs, there's still a good chance. Like your entire box is going to get thrown out. Yeah. That's well, I've still seen people suffer from, I'm not saying I'm cocaine.

Not you. I'm just saying, do you want me to do cocaine with you? Is that what you were saying? No, I'm saying that you should stop. No, no Spears, no, no Spears saying that you should stop no spears no no spear no spears no spheres you guys never did i don't know okay for for drug testing

you gotta watch the transformation from like hey article 15 for doing a hard drugs to oh now we're kicking people out because you did wartime you a guy that like during wartime that guy was they did not care it was just like third time getting popping hot like the dude was a moron like he did an okay job but then he would blow lines like the night before drill

and you're like dude it's the night before drill probably don't do coke Friday and so they would not Sunday for a piss test. And they'd be like, hey, it's Saturday. We're doing piss tests. And he would literally jump through a window because he'd put guards at the doors, right? He would jump through a random window and drive away.

They'd be like, where's Butel? Sorry, guy. You're a fucking shit bird. Where's Butel? And they'd be like, I don't know. He was here earlier. He signed in. He's the crackhead that flew out

of the story. Bounce rolls gets in a car, drives off. He's like, I think that's a five foot two fat dwarf. How did you miss him? How did he even get through a window? I'm not magical. And

then be like, are you going to come back on Sunday? He just wouldn't answer his phone and be like, all right, you got to come back on Sunday. He just wouldn't answer his phone and be like a wall, but not because he signed in on Saturday. I want to do the paperwork. Where are you? Oh, you don't know.

I'm sorry. Let me, let me rephrase that. You'd call him up and ask him where he was. And he'd be like, you won't believe this, but I'm totally sober running on a highway there's deer around me there's crickets can you hear them i'm six miles away from home check that 12

do you hear it that's cricket this this this yard is mad soft And then the phone goes off. It's like, yeah, he's high. Yeah, you said it, the picture back. He goes so high, he's not hearing crickets. He's hearing cricket wireless signals. You hear a cricket text message between you and him. Yeah, that's what. Oh shit. Cause during war time, you do, you could do all the drugs

and it would just be like article 15. Were you in the war? What war time? Dude, you? Article drugs and it would just be like article 15 were you in the war what dude you article 15 it was just article 15 to get kicked out we were overseas he was at military intelligence pissed hot before they came overseas active component pissed off second time it's always the maybe but anyway he pissed out uh before he came over they deployed him and then they were like hey we're kicking you out. Once you get back home, which is great for a guy that's got a loaded weapon and a family, you know, all overseas.

Just, you know, won't think about if I just do this, my family will be taken care of. Forever. Forever. Core memory. A core memory. So squints in that movie forever. You're like the grown up attractive version of what he could have been and he's the grown up

unattractive version of what he is. Does that make sense? Yeah. To be you, it'd be like you look like you look like as a right now as a grown man. If you were a child, you could be squints, but it got way too complicated.

I've never seen anybody give a backhanded compliment to one person while insulting somebody else at the same time. No one does it better than rich. You look like you were squints as a child, but you had like a really good like coming of age story, whereas squints

looked like you just came. It was and that was it. He just came. I'm here. Who was Oh, go back to the military story. I forgot about this in Iraq. We had one dude. It was Sergeant Major

or Command or one of the Lieutenant Colonels walked into a port-a-john. Guy is passed out in the port-a-john with a can of duster oh yeah you just huffing he got he got off of it he got out scott free like what sergeant major like he comes to him like what are you doing what the fuck are you high off you're doing dust he's like so what what I was doing was I was putting the

can of my butt in spraying air for pleasure was J Owings our major we can't prove that he wasn't spinning up his ass he was the only one there he had a sworn statement I don't know what you want me to do he's like I would never huff this I put it in my ass well I do ever

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free of charge i'm not a freak all right i was like dude and we were like how the fuck did homeboy get off wait did that work he's like yeah i'm sorry so every time you go in with your fucking duster cans, you're just going to, you know, what's funny is that there was a whole bunch of dumb grunts. They were like shoving the entire duster can up their ass, like a dildo thinking that it was okay to get away with and getting away

with it. They weren't actually spraying. Just a can of duster, specifically the can. Yeah. Duster spray, not like pledge or anything. It's gotta be duster spray. If you shove that up your ass, you're going the can. Yeah, duster spray, not like pledge or anything. It's got to be duster spray.

If you shove that up your ass, you're going to fuck. Soup's hard, dog. Soup's fucking hard. Don't snort, man. Is it going to be a new can? I heard if it's a new can up your butt, it's really good.

Because they're like, they don't know how things work. That's one of the few times in the mid't know how things work. It was one of the go on. Did you ever watch Blue Mountain State? Yeah. Now the fucking TV show that all the football players start going down from heat casualties.

They hire a specialist to help prevent it and he just shoves icicles up their ass and they get super high and the whole episode is just guys trying to become heat they get super high and the whole episode is just guys trying to become heat casualties. Just get this icicle shoved up their ass and they get super high. And they just go, uh.

I hate that sound. That sounds so good. We're not in the right age bracket. Me and you are not in that right age bracket right now. You can do it, bro. Be a heat casualty, Eli. You want to go for a 12 mile run real quick nico will lead the formation you're just like running to our left we're in a lot

oh shit he's a drill sergeant he just hates it he's like, this is what privates do here. And in moments like this is when I just say like, it's so awkward to be the guy with a normal job surrounded by idiots. Hey, just like yelling to microphones and it's okay where I have to deal with the consequences of what's said around me. And then just, you know,

probably hanging out with a coke head that ran six miles to his home. Probably, that'd probably get me in trouble. Like, oh, sir, I didn't, you know, that that guy was on drugs. Wait till they find out who I got it from. Then that person's going to really be in fucking trouble. Well, whoever that guy is would probably shoot the snitch.

Hypothetically, Well, whoever that guy is would probably shoot the snitch. So, if hypothetically it was somebody, it wouldn't be my supplier. That guy better be winner. Right? This guy's really fucking fast. Fucking right. Are you flying away from home now, Texas, a border state? A lot of things could happen to a body. Especially when you're running 12 miles back to your house.

You'll never find me. Go to the woods, bro. But Niko Ortiz found dead with a cocaine overdose and fentanyl. Fentanyl? Who put that in there? He didn't just start with cocaine, he was just fucking fentanyl. He just started starting it. Just punching in every time

where you were like, Nico's such an addict. That was just like sweeping up crumbs with a little broom and shit. And he snorted it right out of the house. He started fighting me over the crumbs. He started just like picking up breadcrumbs and trying to smoke them out of a glass pipe. Being like,

this is good. It's mine. I bought it earlier. I was like, dude, no, I just made toast. What are you doing?

It's just a shake from the toaster. You guys are so polar opposite. I'm like, everything you do is polar opposite on like your contest style. Every age bracket. Random shit whenever I wanted to. I like how his opposite for smart was random. Everybody would be like smart and maybe a different word. He went with random.

And that's how he feels. That's how he feels. One day I just said, I'm capital R retarded, baby. And we just run with that now. That's what it is. Capital R retarded. Did somebody else tell you that? All by myself. Man, a blind squirrel can find a nut every once in a while.

Can't they? My God. I tell you what, I'm proud of you. You made it this far. That says a lot for these kids. Don't clap like that. Stop clapping like that. Don't lean back and do this and make happy smiles. Some people call it a disability.

Young Nico here made it an ability. Is that what you did? You leaned back and you're like... You look like an autistic dolphin. That's a seal. That's a seal. I'll get it one day. Animals are hard, buddy. You look great. Is that LA looks in your hair?

All right. Just picture Niko. The cow goes upstairs playing with the thing. The cow goes moo. Niko's like, playing with the thing. He's like, the cow goes moo. The cow goes moo. Niko's like, not when I punch it.

I haven't kicked the shit out of the cow for years. Those arrogance motherfuckers are more like a meow. The cat goes meow. I was like, no, it doesn't. It goes meow. Into the distance. Okay, so what was the first video you've seen of his? I was like, no, it doesn't. Into the distance. Well, okay. So what was the first video you've seen of his?

I'm going to fucking reverse that question too. Oh God. Are you asking me? Yeah. I want to know what was the first video you've seen of Nico's and Nick's? Oh no. Oh yeah. Don't do me.

Oh yeah. He's attacking Nico. I like this. My wall of China is up right now. He said, I mean, you know, I don't know. There's so many of them that I haven't seen. You're the only person. The wall of China you saw.

You're like. Just slowly pull it back. God damn it, dude. Go on. Jesus. Damn it, dude. Hey, Braddy, guess who's been making knives since 1974? Oh, is it Kershaw? It is. Kershaw blades. These things are awesome.

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What in the Kershaw blade? I'm Wolverine. What was the first video you seen in Nico? It was a short. It was a YouTube short. Or, no, no. I feel like it would have been a TikTok. A TikTok a YouTube short. No, no. It was TikTok. A TikTok or some shit.

Tell me more about what I know about you. Appreciate it. It was a TikTok because then we made the videos after because I wasn't posting. So defensive. Consistently, yeah. Consistently. Consistently, yeah.

But we didn't do that one video that we did together until. Bombed. Oh, trash. Man, that was embarrassing. I was really hoping that it was going to take off and it just shit the bed. You guys did a video together? Yours is good. Mine.

Yours is like normal for your views. It was like, I don't think it did great. I think it did like normal for your views. No, mine did normal, yeah. And mine was like. You guys did a video together? Yeah. That's how memorable it was. So many people are like, dude, you should do a video

with like angry cops. Are you fucking with us? Are you fucking with us? You did an actual video together? What was this about? It was angry drill sergeant shitting on all the branches. And so like I put the drill sergeant hat on and I was yelling at the Space Force.

Well, Space Force was last. I was yelling at like the Coast Guard, the Army, the Navy, the Marines, and then Space Force. All the branches. And he did the reactions to like me yelling at them. And I thought it was funny. I liked it. You want to. No, it did good.

Like I said, on my end, I liked it. You want to know it did good. Like I said, on my end, I liked it. I was like, is it quick, easy video? Super fast because. Yeah, I mean, we literally did that. And it's like in an hour. We just sent the shit back and forth. Well, we kept talking for like a couple of days. I'm like, what are you going to do this?

When are you going to do this? I know what you want to do this. And we. Yeah, I was like, it's the weekend. Freak it. And so. yeah i was like it's the weekend freak it and so i say a joke that is so stupid. I break myself and break it. That's like a nineties gay guy.

Yeah. I saw and like on MTV and it like came into my brain. I was like, hit it. And I fucking, I did it too well that my brain was like, nailed it. You high fived yourself. Oh yeah. Straight up. I straight up high-fived myself.

When I'm not patting myself on the back, we linked up and after like a week or two of us just kind of like bullshitting and figuring out what we wanted to do and then waiting for a day to just get some time to do it. It was like the weekend and I knocked out the video when I sent it to him and I was like, show me what you think. Edit it together, do your thing and I'll repost it unless I don't like it. And then I'll edit it my own way, but you did a great job. And I'm sure you probably weren't on Coke that day.

And so, and his, like you said, his did normal for his views. It was like, oh, sweet, normal video, good stuff, angry cops, whatever. Yay. We're friends on the internet. Not for real. And, and then I posted it and i posted it and i think you know uh tiktok heard my sarcasm because they were like no see bro bro tiktok or whatever like y'all said people don't fuck with me like by nature

look at me like oh nico's here like the podcast for instance people like on you cuz I love Nick Nico's on the podcast. Ah fuck. I gotta go I'm just like Jesus, so that's what I think probably have with yours is like oh cool. It's old fucking Nico Fuck this video. I get it. I'm here. I'm just here so I can get paid. You just tried to push that guy off a cliff and he grabbed you and pulled you down with him. We're going. Both of us.

We all go together. There's like a movie scene where I've seen that where it's like Gandalf, I think. No, no, no. It's like even whiter. Run, you fools. Rich the white. Oh, I mean, yeah.

Rich the whiter. I'm a bald cop. What else do you think it was going to be? It could be Puerto Rican. Dump them. And then when's the last time you, or when was the first video you watched of Mr. Bad electrician over here? Let me guess. I haven't seen one all the way through. Fuck. Yeah.

I'm going to be completely honest. I've seen a couple of his tech talks that I've watched a couple of his YouTube videos, not all the way through three minutes. I think I've only watched, I think I've only watched like five, but I knew right away. I would like him more than Nico. No,

I've watched, I've watched about like, I've watched more tech talks from him. I watched about like probably a dozen tech talks from him and like three or four YouTube videos. And I mean, it's, it's, it's probably the, like three or four YouTube videos. And I mean, it's, it's,

it's probably the, like the meanest compliment I think I can give, which is sincere, which is, I knew I liked you. So I didn't have to watch the rest of your videos. I just knew that I liked you. And then I just,

I was like, here's the sub and I'll see you whenever you pop up in my feed. Drop a like, I'll get the fuck out. You know? Yeah. That's usually how it goes. Yeah.

And, and then double tap, scroll, scroll, not watching the video. whenever you pop up in my feed. Drop a like and get the fuck out. That's usually how it goes. Double tap scroll. Not watching the video. Well, no, because some of the stuff I know and then some of the stuff is interesting but then the algorithm doesn't show me shit and if I don't look for the people the algorithm doesn't show me, I just don't see them.

But the videos that I've seen, I like. Yeah. Wow. just don't see them but at the videos that i've seen i like yeah wow man i feel like i just uh told a kid that he's retarded sorry kid but you are not going to college you told two kids you should really think about boces you like cars you want to be a mechanic? No? Oh, jeez. I feel like a guidance counselor at a special ed school.

You want to star in a Barney episode? You've bit people. Ah, jeez. Do you have other? God damn it. Dang it. Oh, boy. How do you feel about dogs?

You strangled two. That's too many. Two is too many. If it was one dog, we could let it go. But you strangled two. They were pit bulls? Oh, no, that's fine. Oh, wow.

You're strong. Usually those eat kids in size. Good job. Wow. Good job. I just like how you can go on an entire tangent. And then you can continue that tangent. Your uncle is Nate Diaz. It makes a lot of sense.

You can't form sentences. You sound a lot like him. What's that? Nate knows where I am. That's an insult. I'm dead. Oh, shit. All right.

Nico, you want to do a bump and carry me home? Let's do it. Let's go, go, go, go. Yeah. We can start a podcast on the way. Start a podcast on the way. Okay. I got this fucking on my bag. He's got we're on Niko now. We're fucking moving on in the

forest in the woods the whole fucking time. You have your phone. Why is his body so still while he runs? It's like a glide camp. It's like a chicken. His head stays perfectly still. Yes.

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Learn more about Samsung Vision AI televisions at Samsung.com. His government's been using it for years. Number one. He, uh, he, uh, you put a camera on the head and you glue it you do a glue and here you go like a like a chicken you raise the shoulder but the head stay down you lower the shoulder it stay there move around and here to stay wait i can't do it. Never mind.

I'm fucking bad gyroscope. Wait, what? When he was talking about it, I was like, wait, my shoulders. Yeah, my shoulders move. I'm like, oh, I'm a terrible gyroscope. I can't do this at all. You're a Russian gyroscope. You stick, you move it, lift it right, and they follow you.

Holy shit. Wait, hold on. Russian, you just fucking from the last podcast. Why did you hate... Oh, bad, bad. Give me your hand. Why did you hate Chernobyl? Oh, the TV show?

Yes. It's not the show. The show was fine. I absolutely resented that every hipster that tried to convince me that Karl Marx was a genius and that we need to convert to capitalism. What? Sorry, communism.

What are we talking about? A fucking TV show? The Chernobyl TV show. Have you seen it? Yeah, but you just started saying a bunch of... About the Chernobyl meltdown. Okay. When it first came out, it went viral and all these people that I knew from my personal life that were like fucking hardcore like Karl Marx is a genius communism is awesome we need to do all this bullshit we're like hey this Chernobyl shows really good and it's

like you don't understand that the form of government you're advocating for led to that disaster do you? That's different. It's a different type of communism. It seems like the same. I really love it when Ben Shapiro breaks down movies. Ben Shapiro.

That was bad. Why do they call you angry cops? Probably because of the stigmatism of cops beating down minorities. You got to set the username, though. Thank you. He's shielding me from anger. Shielding me for retro.

I mean, I tried to beat him down a while ago, but he came back up and rose again. Couldn't keep him down. No matter how many hoses I sprayed on him or how many dogs we sicked on Eli, he beat me. Why were you spraying me with hoses? It was making the joke between racist police officers

spraying down people. People? What kind of people? All jokes here about policing are not a representation of me or the police department that I am a part of. They are all in satire making fun of stereotypes of police departments and the

history of policing in the United States. Thank you. That's my disclaimer. Are we going to play that at the beginning? To really hook the audience. To hook the audience. Oh man, this is going to be a spicy episode. And they're just waiting for it.

Yeah, he says that and then it's just me doing this. Yeah. Audience like oh man is gonna be a spice. Yes, and they're just waiting how do you feel i feel fine okay i'm gonna just drink my bush light over here you should do what i did what's that line of coke do one of these get fucking shredded by angry cops over here 25 minutes He's harmless. Yes. Do it. I've got no teeth. Huh? Huh? You've got low teeth? No. No. Yeah.

I said no teeth. He just turned into a really good joke. That's a really good joke. Yeah. You've got low teeth. That's a really good joke. You've got no teeth. You've got low teeth.

No wonder you're so aggressive. Probably got small peeches. That's why you became a cop rice too rice long you this is one of those episodes where it's just like baddie's gonna watch him be like see that could be even worse because if you're doing the accent it could be too lice but because you can't say L's very well. What? Asian accent? You can't say lice.

You have to say two rice and you'll be like rice or lice? Yeah, two rice. Yeah, two rice. You got lice? God damn. We had the conversation yesterday. I was like the Japanese are the ones that struggle with L's and R's.

Yes. But everyone's like, what, who was doing the R's for the Chinese? I was like, you know, that's not how it works. And like,

what? I know Chinese. Can you say a high, very good. Is that for like South Park or some shit? Oh yeah. You have the South Park. Yeah,

that's all I do. That's good. That was South Park. I saw it. I think I like it. I don Park one. Yeah, that's all I do. That was good. That was South Park. I saw it. I've got like a, I don't know. Yeah, there's not a large Chinese population in my city, but there's a lot of Burmese

and that's not close enough. So I have to go to South Park in order to get my acting education. That's it. You just study. Very traditional Chinese acting. South Park on the TV. I went to the acting school of Comedy Central.

And then Nick's just like, I'll do American accents and be very white in this corner right now. Nick's like, do you want to hear me talk about a Wikipedia page? This is the F27 triple fister. It was started in the Navy

in 1976 to combat the gays. How did you make that up? I'm like, bitch. I'm going to get in trouble for that somehow. He said that he said this. His lips on your face

and it's going to be the fact that you said it would be the first time tonight Nick's face is f27 triple fister hates the gays and makes on there on the wiki page Never said it. It's him quoting even though. It's your boy People let you up a lot or what no no okay? I also feel like your your community won't come for you or anything yeah Here's it yet. We'll get you or anything like that. That's fine. We'll get you. Nerds fucking hate me.

Well, they're probably like, that's not the correct information. Yeah, that's actually a good topic. I get zero hate. Thank you for that. I don't know why. I appreciate it, but for the most part, there's no hate where it's like whatever jokes are made like his son's autistic and he's fucking retarded so we're good but i get

zero across the board versus everything you said was true exactly that's right if anybody's gonna be in a short bus oh yeah it's me and my kiddo oh no i'm, I was just going for you, dickhead. I'm not talking about your child. Your kid's fine. God, yeah, your kid's smarter than you. At least he rides a short bus. He rides a short bus. I said you ride the short bus. We both do. Together? Are you guys making fun of his kid?

Damn, hey, I'm sorry they did that to you. Fucking thank you, bro. Oh, yo, you came out fucking I say you shit when you said bro. That was racist as fuck came out fucking I say shit when you said, bro. That was racist as fuck. You started coming out with the right hand. You can make inappropriate jokes. But the second I make a joke, you're like,

I ain't marrying you. That's racist as fuck. He hands me a switchblade. I'm like, you fucking cut hands. Yeah, dog, it's okay. This guy fucking doing almond dyes. And you being like, you fucking cut hands. Yeah, dog, it's okay. This guy's fucking doing almond dice. And you'll be like, hey, we're writing the short bus together. Okay.

Me and my chalupa. Where's my fucking taco bell? I have my chalupa. Mi fajita from the east side, lower west side. My number four. Baja blast. Fruits. Them shits smacking. the east side, lower west side. My number four. Baja blast. Them shits smacking.

Oh my God, that's going to be my slang term for small Spanish people. My little Baja blast. This is my Baja blast, man. Because you know I was blasting inside his mom and now he here. I'm here, father. Baja. Baja.

Surprise. Baja. I hope I get called for jury duty when that's in the evidence. Oh, I just have to say I'm a police officer. And they're going, we don't want you. I just say I'm mentally unstable. I don't want to send in a record. I'm in the jury for your court case.

And that gets wheeled in as evidence. If you come in, it had to be federal, which will be probably like a couple months, right? At least. Everything that man said is true and how he feels. None of it was a joke. What? Because I'm going to read it. I'm going to read it

super bland. Especially for him. The second he sees you show up to his court, he's like, you are my bomb blast. Ride the short bus. Hashtag little chalupa. This guy is doing almond dyes. Officer High, what did you mean when you said this man is doing almond dyes? It's because I'm Chinese, bro.

Oh, are you really? I fucked up. Him. Everyone just starts hating. I was like, bitch! Everybody hates the Chinese. Like your honor, his people.

No, I'm not quoting. His people. His people, bro. I'm going to look at the jury. I'm going to make sure there's a lot of whites His people Put up the balloon China China Air mailing inflation to America

China They put it up in the air They said hey is this a good balloon No it's the worst balloon The worst balloon in all of the balloons And then we shut it down Is that what you're going to do at the courthouse And now The worst balloon in all of the balloons. And then we shut it down. Is that what you're going to do at the courthouse?

And now, other food is in 15 minutes or less or it's free. Shut up, Chinatown. Back chicken. Down chicken. Where's that one going? I don't know. You're just on a ramble. That was waiting for you to save me.

No, I have zero saving on that that. I was hoping the Asian would just burn itself out eventually. It's going fucking hard. Burn out Sneeko. How are you doing? I'm tired. I can tell. You're ready to go to bed.

I could wake up right now. You want to go run? You could wake up right now. Is he asleep here go to the bathroom real quick more terrifying from the bad bad trip? Yeah, Jesus Christ Wake up, but I'm awake aren't I am I? We live stream Nico getting gas lit into adopting a coke habit

for an hour. This poor kid's just like snorting white powder that he finds on the ground. Anything. It tastes like salt. Oh my god. I found this at Baja Blast. Wait, what?

Oh, Baja Blast? I was like, wait, wait, okay. This is my Baja Blast. Oh no. Bro, that's the stupidest thing for a mijo. Hey, have you met my Baja Blast? Hey mijo. I can't even say it.

It's so stupid. It's the dumbest thing ever. Like, hey, mijo, you're my little Baja Blast. I don't know why I find that hysterical. It's so stupid. It's Taco Bell represents our people. It's authentic Mexican food. Live Moss.

See, dude? I like the widest word. Live Moss. Hi, man. Do you like Mexican food? Taco Bell is the place for you. Live Moss. We got so much oatmeal inside that ground beef.

You're basically a vegan when you eat here. It's true. My sister worked at Taco Bell, and they put so much oatmeal in the ground beef. It's like 50-50 ground beef and oatmeal. I know that pregnant women are not supposed to eat Taco Bell. It's on their website. You can go on the Taco Bell website. It's not recommended

for women that are pregnant or may be pregnant. Very interesting. Is it the steroids or how they make the meat? I don't feel like oatmeal would be bad for a baby but i mean the shit that you pump in the meat might be speaking of pumping and meat nico yeah i know what's going on i'm waiting for it i know i'm like what and go yeah oh no that was it i was just i was you was. And you were just saying, you were like, Nico, what are you doing?

Let's go on, Nico. Speaking of meat. Nico. Nico Ortiz, everyone. Shift. You just go in your fucking, fucking face. Keep doing it. Keep doing it.

Keep doing it. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. Keep doing it. I really like Taco Bell. Keep going. You have to do the face.

So we punch it on it. Taco Bell is my favorite food. Sometimes we got cinnamon twists. Okay. Back to you. Go on. No, you got to. No, that was it.

What do you mean? Get back to me. Okay. Back to me. I was just talking. Well, it was his voice. I don't know what you're. No, that was it. What do you mean? Get back to me, okay? No, no, no, back to me. I was just talking. Well, it was his voice, but yeah. I don't know what you're talking about. That was you.

Damn it. This is all I want. I was like, let's just have chaos for like a solid hour and a half and then we'll be good to go. I just wanted to watch you guys. Just, I'm not your fucking experiment guy. You are.

You are. No, don't act like you're the volunteer. In case you didn't know, we watched you talk. This is, this, you're, your fucking experiment guy. You are. You are. No, don't act like you're the volunteer. We watched you talk. This is, you're an experiment. You motherfucker. Eli is literally a child. We're like, oh.

This whole time was just a ploy to get me to make coke jokes about you. So you have succeeded. Man, you played me for a fool. I'm like, wait, what the fuck is happening? Go on, Nick. I'm like, no, no, your pupils have slowly gotten smaller. Eli's like a fucking seven year old

just putting different bugs in a fucking jar together and shaking it. What's gonna happen now? Wait, no, no, no. I wanna show you this. This was missed. This was missed. He says-

I wanna see if I can show you, make my pupils smaller and bigger, okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He thinks and bigger. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. He thinks he can do it. Let me see. All right. Don't fucking. Don't fuck boys. Are you kidding me?

Wait for them to like settle. I'm watching them. Okay. Are they bigger or are they small? They're fucking huge. Okay. Sweet. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most?

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Groceries that over-deliver. Are they changing at all? No, you're just... Fuck! They're getting smaller. Do you love me yet? Mine's got smaller. It worked.

You can't control your pupils. Dude, I just did. That's what I was trying to get to. He's like, I can make my pupils smaller. I was like, wow, science. Science is going to be a bitch for you. He's like, watch this. are they big or small but that means you can't control them if you're asking the fucking question I can make my people smaller ah fuck please don't right now dude I just I just pulled you over cuz you were speeding. I'm gonna make my people small right now

Just touch your nose touch your nose. No, that's how 80% Fucking joke it did that and you're like just touch it and they're like You like wait hold the fuck on don't do it. And they're like, woo. You're like, wait, hold the fuck on. Do it again. Yeah, wait, relax them. People just open back up and you're like, they're like, oh, what the fuck? Every mattress has a 20 year warranty.

Some even has 25 and you can try it out for 101 nights. If you don't like it, you can send it back. How do you put up with him? Do you tune him out like your child? One of my favorite parts about GhostBed is that mattress has cooling technology in it, so you don't get hot at night unless you're Batty.

You can tell he sweats. Do you sweat, Batty? Does the cooling technology help that? Batty, wrong camera. GhostBed also offers bundles. It's kind of like Santa. Still going, Seth.h ghostbed.com is having a 30 off if you use code unsub right now or to go to www.ghostbed.com slash unsubscribe and get your 30 off on your new cooling technologically advanced pillow mattress and

bedding technology bedding technology also i would just like to formally apologize about the superman and the witcher thing what is we love you we love you what is this we love you we're doing ad reads i know it's not a podcast this isn't an ad read are you looking at me you i'm looking at I'm looking at you. Let me see. Use code unsubscribe over at ghostbed.com, guys. Did I ever tell you about what a crazy? Didn't I? Yeah, I think I did.

I think I did tell you. Never mind. Which one? How I went to was I was a rookie in the police department and the guy pulled out a fake badge. Oh, boy. No. Wait, hold on. I'll make it this short.

I went to. I was really long. What's that? Or long. I'll make it short. I said. No. Wait, hold on. I'll make it this short. I went to, I was a rookie. Or long. What's that? Or long. No, I'll make it short. I said. Yeah, so if I make it long, it'll be boring.

You can only stretch it out so far. Weird joke. So I'm a rookie on the police department. I'm with my field training officer. Go to a call. Mental health assistance is needed. So we go to the call. There's mental health people there. We go into the building. We got to talk to this dude. He's got to go get reevaluated at the hospital and get his meds up. Probably stay the night, maybe a week at most getting reevaluated

for his mental health. Right. So we get there and the kid's like normal as shit. Like, man, I don't want to go. I got my meds re-upped like two weeks ago. You're going to make me stay there for a week. I don't want to go. And I'm like, dude, this for like 15 minutes, this kid is like making a valid complaint. I don't want to go to get reevaluated from my mental health. I know what I have. I'm aware of what I have. I have my meds. They were just updated. And I don't want to go back because I know you're going to make me spend a couple of days there. And I don't want to spend a couple of days there. I'm good. And I'm like looking at my field training officer, like, what do you want me to do, man? Like, what are we supposed to do? We're

supposed to like lock him up and take him to the hospital. He seems fine. Like, I don't know what they're seeing, but they're not telling me that he's crazy. They're, well, they're saying that he's crazy, but I'm not seeing any craziness. Like, what the fuck? And he's like, all right, let's talk to him for a little bit. And I was like, okay. Done and done. That was what some people might call a teaching moment, which I wasn't open to, you know, because I was like thinking. You're like, let him go. He's fine.

Listen to him. This dude is okay. Yeah. Let's sit down and have a conversation. Yeah, my FTO was like, good. Yeah, you're right. Sure. Sweet. Talk to him. And I was yeah let's sit down and have a conversation yeah my fd was like good yeah you're right sure sweet talk to him i was like yeah i will he's like good and i'm like not realizing this guy's going fucking talk to him see how it's going no i took it as oh talk to him yes yeah this is great because i'm dumb and so i'm like hey bud you know what's going on this the other thing okay cool yeah super white nice officer here i'm here to save you officer officer privilege showing up

nice to meet you you didn't go to a private school why and so i talked to him and after like still he's normal as shit and after a couple he's like yeah man you know i just want to go and i'm like i'm one of you like you know what? And I'm like, what do you mean one of me? Reset just a smidge. Let's backtrack. What do you mean one of me? I'm one of you. I'm an officer. I'm like, oh shit. Say again your last

what the fuck is going on? Yeah, what do you mean you're an officer? He's like, yeah, man, I'm an officer just like you. And he goes like this. I'll replace. I'll do it to the camera. I'll do it to the camera. He goes, yeah, man, I'm an officer like you. And I go, dude, what was that? And he goes, that was my badge.

I go, can you show that again? He goes, yeah. Exactly like I just did. Show showing nothing, by the way, in case you thought there was. Oh, that was at your- Oh, there was, it was literally this. It was actually fucking- It was just three fingers.

I was waiting for a badge. Like, it's like a metal badge. It's just this. No. Exactly that. Yeah, it's just fingers. You ready to go back in time? This is exactly what happened. Verbatim, real time.

I'm just like you. With that face. Me. What was that? What was that? Him. That's my badge. And I go, how come I can't see it?

And he goes, because it's made out of freon and I go isn't that what you cool your car with like your your car he's like yeah and I'm a rapper and I'm like oh shit spit them bars bro spit them and he was just like uh uh trash absolute trash if a kid thought he was a rapper, he was a crack baby rapper if he thought he was with his split personality disorder. And then he thought he was something else. And then we had to take him to the hospital

to get reevaluated because obviously there he was. We let him go. And then he just walks out. He's like, I did my job. You know what? The meds worked. He's doing great and he's streaming and he's right here. He's doing great. And he's streaming. And he's right here. He's made it out, guys.

He's made it out. The show is that bad. The show is that bad. He still got a debilitating coke habit. But he's making it great. And what he suffered from was permanent fuckboy face. Dude, the chin can cut glass, but the brain is dull as a box of rocks.

I'm a tardy. Punch it, zoom in, play that in slow motion. I'm a tardy. If that is not a sound on TikTok. Oh yeah. I'm retarded.

Capital I'm retarded. That's my ringtone when you text. You can't replicate the authenticity in I'm retarded. I'm retarded. It's so good. And I can just see it like, private, why are you walking around

with a garbage bag attached to the back of a Humvee? I'm retarded. I'm retarded. I was supposed to get these exhaust samples. Private looking around for grid squares. I'm retarded. I'm retarded. E7 sleeping with an E1.

I'm retarded. That's the with an E1. I'm retarded. That's the new military thing. That's a meme. Well, because the fucking big series right now is the whole like dumb ways to die. It's like dumb ways to die. Now it's like I'm retarded. Oh, God. That's where it starts right here.

Do you know how many videos I'll make with that sound? I was going to say, maybe that's me being dumb as fuck. Right here, how many videos I'll make with that sound Started but now I need to do with my own audio could be great race. Why is come on this podcast? Nico Turn it into like a beat. I'm retarded. Nico gets canceled. Oh no. He's retarded.

That's ableism. Is it because I'm a Chinese or a Mexico bro? Yeah, I forget. I'm a Mexico bro. I'm a Chinese. I'm a Chinese. Let's get it. Are we behind the paywall yet or no?

No, not yet. And this is still, I won't make these jokes. Oh, that's the sound. Your flock. I already did that at the beginning. I did. You didn't.

Yeah, I did. I promise you. I will play that fucking thing. Bex. Oh yeah. I clapped. I was so I was like, first thing I thing i was like get clapped fucking 30 seconds in got sap get clapped done already got it oh dang i had a question and i'm like

fuck it was gone i've been there before tbi it's a thing you're one i'm one with the eye the tbi wait when how what was your ID blast? What was it? It was a suicide car bomb. Did it pull like next to it or how? It was in front of a concrete wall. It was like the eight foot concrete wall. It was like 50 feet away from it. Oh dang.

It fucking rattles. Oh, it threw me back. It sounded like a fart. You like that? Yeah. It was to mask the fart. Man, it sounded like a tight butthole. Let go of some hot gas. I'm retarded.

I'd say. Man, if we don't have a theme for this entire podcast. That's going to be the thumbnail. The thumbnail is the fuckway face or the I'm retarded or like cocaine and massive amounts of drugs or something like that. Gonna be the The fuck Cocaine and massive amounts of drugs Nico Ortiz the title Table with like fucking a bunch of different drugs I will just have an eye really big. And then Chinese eyes. And we're like, this is the episode. I'm just waiting to be put on the stand

and somebody's going to read this out loud. I'm like, were you next to a man that said, I'm Chinese? And I'm Mexican? No, Mexico. Mexico. And I'm going to be like, I don't remember that. I'm going to have to see your video.

I had a lot of drinks. You're on her. And here he is. He goes down like, I'm a tardy. I'm going to have to see your video. I had a lot of drinks. You're on her. In here, he goes down like, I'm retarded. All right, next. Did you say you were going to make a lot of videos about being a... No. No, I didn't. I said I was going to use the phrase, I'm retarded.

And if you play it again, it's going to be hysterical. Just one more time. One more time. Can you play it? Why is nobody laughing in the courtroom? I'm just like someone's willing. Nico's

willing out the fucking the TV cart with the VCR. Do you know how dead I would be? How just like crying, doubled over and laughed if an entire courtroom was not laughing at the replay of you going I'm retarded and then be like

is this offensive? I'm retarded. If the room wasn't giggling, I would be in the stand. Why are you laughing? I'm in the stand erupting, just dying while everybody's just like, I'm retarded.

I'm retarded. I'm retarded. I'm retarded. I'm retarded. I'm just sitting there in the corner and I'm like, I'm going to start rapping and shit. I'll have to call you up when it gets played. You can't bring camcorders in there, but I'm sure you can sneak one up your butthole. It's like those crickets I heard when I ran 12 miles.

Yeah, cricket wireless. I heard Donnie texting Sam about meth. I just want I heard Johnny texting Sam about death. I just want Batty to watch this episode so bad. Batty's gonna be like,

we cannot play any of this episode. Flood's gonna be like, we gotta kill him. What happened right now? This is a bad episode, guys. The AI is like, they said I'm retarded 800 times in

45 minutes. I think it's a legit total, probably about 80. I think we said it about 80 times. But the thumbnail is going to be retarded Nico, so it's like confusion set in. Confucius said I'm retarded.

Yeah. Confucius said I'm the top Confucius with the That's the I'm Uncomfortable Nick's like why was I on this episode I could have not been on this episode The whole comment section was like Why the fuck was Nick talking all that shit 100% And Nick's the one that gets Bears before. The whole comment section was like why the fuck was Nick talking all that shit?

And Nick's the one that gets bears. You get cancelled from this episode. I'm going to lie and say I'm batty. We even established that. I have a nose ring. Say hello to Fatty. Look at all the shoes and tattoos on his arms. Nobody can tell the difference.

Same, same difference. We got an overweight ginger with a beard and bad forearm tattoos. Who can tell the difference. Same, same difference. We got an overweight ginger with a beard and bad forearm tattoos. Who can tell? Yeah. It's my life. I used to get nice tattoos. I like the single needle. Where's your tattoos at?

On my back. I decided to be, you know, a normal, you know, hardworking American that could get a normal job and not be a vagabond delinquent on the internet selling their bodies and the useless thoughts of, I'm retarded. I thought I'd get a normal nine to five so I can cover up my tattoos. What's your tattoo of? It's just a family crest. Or is it? It could be

a big black dildo. It could be shit. I can't make all the jokes I want to because they're going to. Wait, what is your tattoo? Is it just a family crest? I can't tell you. Irish? Oh, it's a secret. I'm't make all the jokes. I want to because they're going to wait. What is your tattoo? Is it just a family crest? I can't tell you Irish. That's a secret. I'm going to find out what I don't want to know that off your shirt while you're sleeping. I like this shirt. Oh,

you think I wear a shirt when I'm sleeping? You're going to be pleasantly horrified. You're going to try to rip it off and my chest is going to be knuckled deep in. You're going to be like and then you're going to see knuckled deep in Nico. You're going to be like, rip. And then you're going to see me just sweating and growling

like a bear with bloody chest and my chest is ripped off. And you're going to feel pain. It will not be enjoyable. I disagree. I've seen Nico enjoy some weird shit. Wait, what? Don't worry about it. Pain and violence Nico enjoy some weird shit. Wait, what?

Don't worry about it. Pain and violence is my thing, man. That's the title of Nico's book when he writes one. Pain and violence is my thing. I feel like you had your nipples pierced at one point. No. Dude, you know how many people

have tried talking me into that, though? I'm just like, no. Why? I have no fucking idea what i've never seen for you to do i dare you to think it's way too much too far way down on my 12 mile run do you know what your nipples shape when you got bars in them and you're trying to run you got an all cotton shirt rubbing up and down while you're coked out running really fast. He maintains a seven minute mile for 12 miles. Nico has a great heart conditioning. Yeah.

And by heart condition, it's just never stopped. It never explodes. Sounds like that lady, the black lady that played Catwoman, the original Batman. It's just constantly. Well, I. Okay. If you want to be caught off guard, he when you came down the first time to Texas, you were like, oh, I'm doing my celibate thing. I was like, what?

Wait. Oh, yeah. Fuck on. Wait. You say celibate. Yeah. So tell me more. Does that mean that you like you weren't you weren't masturbating either.

You were staying. Oh, I was fucking jail. Yeah. Jail. Jail Oh, dude, I was fucking masturbating like crazy, bro. Yeah, J-O-N-L-D-O-N. I was going in with my hand, bro. Fucking goddamn. But no girls. He was just like, no girls. Yeah.

Fucking J-O-N, no girls. I was like, what the... What? What's the point? Andrew dated it for two years, bro. And that's why I'm at where I'm at now. I was like, I'm not going to look, talk to girls for two years, nothing, just gonna fuck my hand and and never. And the thing fucking turned out for me.

I just. Do you think, do you think that this is good? It's better than nothing. No, no. Okay. Okay. We're just into different things. That's all.

I don't. Yeah. Go on, Nick, please. I want you to do more coke. If it means you'll stop this. I should be chilling.

No, you're not. Holy shit. You're bouncing off the walls more than a rubber ball in the middle of an epileptic seizure's hand. You just said, I gave up women. I just fucked my hand. For two years. Two fucking whole years, yeah. I went celibate. I was like, I was fucking these bitches, right?

And I was like, fuck. I ain't doing shit. i was fucking these bitches right and i was like fuck i ain't doing shit other than fucking these bitches and i'm not gonna be successful doing this i did what a bunch of random normal dudes do all the time i legit i legit just one day i was like nah bro i was like i'm not focused on anything i was like i have no drive to like be more than what i am right now and i was like i need to focus on myself. Did for two years. Oh, and you crushed it for those two years. Cause that's when you blew up on everything,

which I will give him that. I was like, he, bro, that's discipline. That's discipline. I wish you probably bought stock and Kleenex, but

maybe, maybe it's a, maybe it's a magic hand it's that hand how why is it your left hand because he's busy typing on twitter are you ambi you pulled this one out first i was like where are you left-handed no i'm right-handed i gotta eat with my left hand though does that make me more retarded than I am? Wait, what? Bro, if I like eat cereal or like eat at a restaurant, I eat with my left hand. If I eat with my right hand, I'm in on coordinate.

I'm in on coordinate. Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no. Yeah. I'm starting up. So you can only, like you eat with your right hand all the time, but not if it's cereal. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not done talking. No, I got to correct you. But cereal, this is what you said, but I'm going to eat left with my cereal. And if I'm in a restaurant, then I got to eat with my left hand. So basically, eating. So you got to eat with your left hand. So, basically, eating... So, imagine utensils. Imagine those. So, utensils.

A fork or like a spoon? Are you trying to describe utensils? Fork or spoon. Do you know what they are? Oh my god, you are on. Do you know what a fork and a spoon is? Yeah, I do, bud I just have to go with my left hand

If I have to go with my right hand, I'll eat Bro, I'll be like Fucking Not being able to fucking properly get that shit To my mouth One of them is literally just a stabbing tool Through your face They're technically both a stabbing tool

You stab with a spoon? Am I wrong? Yes. No, there's a confirmed kill with an MRE spoon. So, I mean, technically. No. No. One guy out of a million doesn't mean that it's a confirmed fact. I didn't say there was two. I said there was one.

Yes, that's what I said. I said one guy out of a million. Right. That's confirmed. I said one and then you said no and then disagreed. No, 30. What? I said confirmed. I said one and then you said no and then disagreed about 30. I said no just because one guy out of a million does a thing doesn't mean that that's what the tool is. It does mean it's doable though. It doesn't mean it's the norm.

Nobody. Yeah, nobody. I can stab somebody with a car engine if it landed on the right angle. That doesn't mean car engines are meant to be stabbed. No, no, no. Gravity could stab somebody with a car engine if it landed on the right angle. That doesn't mean car engines are meant to be stabbed. No, no, no, no. Gravity could stab somebody with a car engine if it landed on the right angle, to use your exact words against you. You're not stabbing shit.

Am I the only person that is not on the spectrum in this entire conversation? And is there a bug on me? Yeah. That's true. Because if I'm not looking around like that, yeah, you're like, am I the only one not on the spectrum? Yo, he's got me.

He's bugged. He's looking at the bright light. Coke is coming out of my fucking nose. I'm excited. I'm talking in riddles. How's it say in Gallup, it's everybody but you? Maybe it's you. I don't know.

Elon Musk, everybody say that. And he's you. I don't know. Elon Musk had everybody say that and he's a gosh dang genius and I'm not going to lie. I am very much Elon Musk when compared to the three of you. In what way? Yes, sir, buddy. Elaborate. Let's extrapolate this. I'd rather dig a tunnel and get away from all of you.

That's what I'd rather do than stay around and have this conversation. But why? I thought you liked us. You're not having fun here? Say that again the way that you just said that. I thought you liked us. There we go. There's the tism.

You're all very scary. I'm here against my will. You are probably going to run me down. I'll catch you. I know you will. I'm very fast. You can tell by the dinner plate. It doesn't take much except for a little bit of fairy dust. I think he's stuck in between us.

I don't know. I was like, oh, these two sitting side by side is going to be a very good time. As you said, it's like bugs. I'm like, just watching in the corner. A spider in a jar. The tarantula is winning. I just sit here and I'm like a jar. Yeah. Shake it. Okay. The deranged is winning. I just sit at home and I'm like, okay, go.

Okay, cool. That's where you think this conversation's been all day. Every episode goes. They're just like, okay. Come on. Go, go, go.

Rich has been on the offensive the entire time. I know. I don't even know what I'm on right now. Not what you guys are on because it is a fucking high level or whatever it is. Autism. Wel or something it's in the air it's like

we're just slowly blowing it fucking in the room it's like a fever dream that is what everyone just looks forward to they're like wow does everyone look forward to it this looks like a really bad joe rogan ayahuasca experiment oh Oh, but it's going to do good. Watch this podcast and eat elk meat and you're going to really see that you're going to see. I've never done the ayahuasca. But neither have I. I don't need to. That's good. Yeah.

It's like eat a tree root. See God. Like I could just not. That's the most terrifying thing for me. And so what that is the most terrifying thing when all my friends explain doing ayahuasca i'm like nah you look you have to you've never heard of ayahuasca dmt yeah it's it's it's uh it's it's lsd on native americans would use it and smoke it and or take it in and then it would create a chemical reaction similar lsd where they would see a spirit and the weird thing about ayahuasca and there's another uh term

for like the medical one that's not right now it's it's so it's different it's close but it's not it's different it's like a stronger form of DMT. Ayahuasca is like the normal occurring natural element chemical compound, but there is also a medical compound where they create it in the lab. It's got a different term. Either way, the thing was when they're on Ayahuasca, when individuals are on Ayahuasca, unrelated events, people, billions of miles away, doing it at different times, never hearing or seeing from one another. I've experienced extremely similar things like seeing or meeting an entity or describing an entity that they've met in like this weird, uh,

plane of existence. And they're like, you know, people say that it's God and whatever, or like, uh, you know, like,

Oh, look into the sixth dimension, et dimension etc it's if you've never the guys have explained it's like oh yeah it's like facing your worst fear for for 48 hours straight and dying thousands of times over until you conquer that fear and then you want to do that and then you're good to go and that's how how people explain it. Yeah, I threw up and shit myself all over and then I was doing that and I was like, that sounds fucking miserable. I'm not doing that.

Drugs, no, no, bro. A lot of people are doing ayahuasca in a synthetic form of it and something else in as medical procedures to rehabilitate PTSD and it's worked for a lot

of people. It's extremely effective. A high effective. High effective. Try it right here, right now. Just freaking freak out, panic. No, but that's what, when you're doing all this, you can be like, so your mind is

in fucking La La Land. You're doing all of this. The world is breaking, shifting your points when you're doing all this, you can be like, so your mind is in fucking La La Land. You're doing all of this. The world is breaking, shifting your points. And you're like this. Dinner plates. You're running 12 miles. You're living lives. You're living full ass lives.

But imagine. Cut to you and you're just like. Nico, I want you to imagine sitting still on this chair but in your mind you might have blown a line and decided to run 12 miles on a highway with you know one side is well lit one side isn't and you know

one side you know be crazy you have the right to remain silent anything you say can and will be used against you and then it's like dude the drug You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you. And then it's like, I'm just like, no.

Dude, the drug kicked in. Ayahuasca and the other one where they like just strap you to a bed. Yeah. What? You're under like observation. You're medical observation. Like they are watching you and checking your vitals.

It is like a full routine, but it just sounds fucking terrifying and miserable. It's like, nah. Yeah. I had vets talk to me about it. They're like, you should do it for your PTSD. I'm like, man, sometimes you just need Tylenol for a sprained ankle. I'm good with just talking to a shrink every once in a while and being like, hey, friends, I'm having a bad time.

Make me feel good. Let's talk about this. And I'm good. I don't need to be like, God exists in my brain. My dog's speaking to me. I don't need that either. I'm in the exact same level where I'm like,

that sounds absolutely fucking mortifying. I just, as you said, it's like, hey man, I'm feeling kind of sad. Oh, what are you feeling, buddy? Well, this, okay, it's like, Hey man, I'm feeling kind of sad. Oh, what are you feeling buddy? Well, this, okay, great. It's not like, you're not the pink Floyd. And they're like, Eli, what's wrong? When I'm there for 24 hours,

not being able to vocalize anything that's going on. I thought that the high lasted like three or four hours. The big ones are 24. Imagine dying. And you're that's 24 hours. It's eight to 24 hours. But in their head, as people said, it is lifetimes that are passing in this time. So like JT talks about, he's like, yeah, it felt like fucking 18 lifetimes.

I'm like, I don't want a hundred years to pass. Like inception. How do you know that you didn't already smoke it? And this is like your 17th lifetime that you're just living through right now. Cause this is just a nightmare, which is what they say. If this is my brain where I'm like, man, I'm on my 18th death. I'm going to start a podcast and talk about the Chinese and balloons. I'm not in a good spot. That means that like nine out of your deaths out of the 18,

half your deaths are going to be white and this is one of the white ones. You're going to wake up in the hospital bed and the police officer that saved you is going to be there, the electrician that's fixing the TV. Oh God. And Nico, my gay lord.

He's like, I got you. I'm the top dude. I'm the top dude. the police report. I'm like, oh, no. Niko's the man. He's just going, he's retired. He's retired. And I'm like, is he brain dead or what? He's retired. And he's just like short-circuiting the TV, playing reruns of fucking Price is Right.

And all you keep hearing is Spader New Year Dog. Spader New Year Dog. Spader New Year Dog. Spader new year dog. Spade, spader new year dog. Oh my God. And on that note, we... Wait, wait. I fucked that up.

And that's the unsubscribed podcast. We have the fat electrician, Mr. Angry Cops, and Nico Ortiz. Where do we find you? Where do we find you at? He's on weretarded.com. you go flex flork's just gonna put that right there he will he will because he's a gem oh fuck is that gem retarded where do we find you mr angry at youtube angry cops that's it and you know what actually take don't even i just start to say, don't find me.

In federal court. Blur out everything. My name? He's a nigga, what do I do? You can look all day. We'll see you on the next one.