Unsubscribe Podcast - 99 - 2 Truths And A Lie ft. Caleb Francis & Jarred Taylor

Episode Date: April 1, 2023

I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW I DONT KNOW. im so sorry. Unsubscribe Podcast Ep99 - 2 Truths and a Lie ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS!! Manscaped Get 20% Off and Free Shipping with the code UNSUB at https://www.manscaped.com/. That’s 20% off with free shipping at manscaped.com, and use code UNSUB. MANSCAPED® Beard Hedger, one stroke, one guard, 20 lengths. Kershaw Knives Use Code UNSUB20 for 20% off at https://kershaw.kaiusa.com/ Orders over $100 ship for free!  ------------------------------ OUR MERCH: https://www.bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast JOIN THE PATREON NOW:  https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast WE HAVE A SUBREDDIT??? https://www.reddit.com/r/UNSUBSCRIBEpodcast/ CHECK OUT https://outofregz.com/  CODE: UNSUB http://gfuel.com/discount/baddie CODE: BADDIE ------------------------------ WHERE TO LISTEN Spotify https://spoti.fi/2Ye8YOU Apple Podcasts https://apple.co/3cbqY4k Amazon https://amzn.to/2YbzQia Google Play https://bit.ly/2YcWmaD Stitcher https://bit.ly/3cbnY8o MORE LINKS! https://linktr.ee/UnsubscribePodCast ------------------------------ Follow the Cast of Unsubscribe -Baddie-           @BaddieStreams   https://www.twitch.tv/baddie https://twitter.com/BaddieStreams https://www.instagram.com/baddiestreams/ https://www.youtube.com/baddiestreams -Eli_Doubletap-             @EliDoubletap   https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://www.twitch.tv/Eli_Doubletap https://twitter.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap ------------------------------ Edited by Fluck https://www.twitch.tv/fluck twitchcon 2022 reaction Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

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I can touch. Record. You have everything but your shot. What's happening man hey trust me a couple weeks ago I hit it twice

that was one button sometimes it's one sometimes it's twice the cameras really don't give a today I'll just do what I want they're just like wait did you get a popper what are you cracking I got a can cheers I'll still crack are you guys? I got a can. Cheers.

I'll still crack. Are you guys sponsored by Dr. Paper? What's going on here? Get that shit out of here. Get that shit. Get those toilet papers. Holy shit. Holy shit, guys.

Dr. Paper's sponsored. This is a very, very stiff drink. You did it. You did it. You did it to yourself. And it's gone. Oh, Jared's gone. We're getting white. Well, let me pull out the rest for you.

Here we go. Only the small bottles, you know, today. We'll go ahead and just do a little resub right there. I always say Jared has the most like he hates drinking face. Have you ever done it? Yeah, you just gotta get it done. His face, every time he drinks watching like me today because I'm not drinking like me today.

Ouch, ouch, ouch. It hurts. I mean, you know, you gotta live up to the I used to drink out of a France press or a French press is the real you actually say. No, it's a France press. Yeah, it's a French press is the real. Yeah. You actually say. No, it's a France press. Yeah.

It's a French press. And it was because I could make a quad vodka soda. And I wouldn't have to. When we first started our show back in 2015, I was thinking ahead. So I had a quad drink. Quadka soda. Yeah. Quadka soda.

Boom. You guys have been together too long. And then. And then. I've done. I've done shows laying on the floor We've never ended on the table on the floor We've finished Period honestly, how if we remembered to turn it off turn everything off? We have streams where we have it

People would be calling me stream we just fell asleep you've like crashed like literally did that to heather like two months ago yeah after stream everyone's like somebody should tell her i just like when jared though you can black out and it'll be like 5 a.m.

you're like like where's this hangover right everybody well i mean like that i just chugged that was probably a triple i just chugged it and like my a triple. I just chugged it. And like my body just kind of went back into normal flight mode. Like I was kind of feeling.

Oh my God. I really want to be like, wow, that's awful. But like, I get it. The crazy thing is, is I've had my liver tested and it's like above good. Did they get the right liver? I don't know. I mean, it's a small child. Let me tell you that story.

I'm not going to lie. It's racially ambiguous and batty. That guy's fucking ridiculous. We don't know. Best not to ask yourself why. But my friend, you've arrived welcome okay let's see if i can do this 15 seconds to do an ad there goes three one new merch boom boop the tiger get the horns new merch over at bunker brandon go check that out thank you angry cops thank you fine electrician duck it betty go

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If you don't already have honey, you could be straight up missing out. And by getting it, you'll be doing yourself a solid and supporting the podcast. Get PayPal honey for free at joinhoney.com slash unsub. That's joinhoney.com slash unsub. I do need to tell you guys about that because it took a while. Like what happened was, is I went to that one of those men's health clinics right yeah and i wanted to get blood work done so i get the blood work done and it was kind of weird because responsible the doctor came in like like literally like four minutes after they took my blood i was like well that was fast

and he's reading off he's like hey you know you're pregnant your testosterone levels are really low he's he's like but i'm seeing some some stuff here that i'm not really used to seeing i'm like what do you mean he's like well i need you to go home i need you to jerk off 10 times and video it and text it to me and i was like okay he's just why i guess he wanted to see so like i did that i got all the codes yeah i sent it and then the doctor's office didn't call me back so i went in i was like hey i saw the doctor the other day and and he told me to do this and they're like no that wasn't the doctor that was just one of our patients that was waiting for other lab results he's a janitor he's gay as hell apparently i just sent him like 10 jerk off videos

like you don't even get a refund from the doctor's office or anything they were just like we can't help you i was was like, he was, all right. Now that I think about it, he wasn't. What? I guess it's always gonna be like, the whole time myself, Matty streams, and our two beautiful, powerful, strong, wonderful, a little unhinged guests,

and of course fucking Jared Taylor. The JT. To the T. I miss. Hi boys, hi. I miss back in COVID when I would just jump on your Discord and give you a fucking bat shit idea. And I'd be fucking just playing Tarkov, and I'd be in the zone. And all of a sudden, batty! I'm like, fuck!

I just found a place where we can buy bears! No, the one on the number, he's like, listen, what if we bought one of those UFO space fucking rides from the fairgrounds? Yeah. Yeah, that shit's been in his head for way too goddamn long. Don't do it. He needs one. No, he does not. He needs one on the roof. Yeah, we were looking for brackets to put it on the roof, and there's a reason for that, though.

So you can look at the sky. Whoa, whoa, whoa, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hold on, hold on, hold on. There's so much to unpack in this real quick, but before we do any of that, brackets to put it on the roof. Cause you gotta secure it because it's spinning so fast. Like the Gravitron is what it's called, by the way. They're about $45,000. I found two for sale in Illinois.

So we gotta put it on the roof. Tell them why. Cause the horses will get into it if they don't it fucks them up yeah shreds they get in it and they can't handle the jade yeah horse bones Yeah. Horse bones. Yeah. Is this real? Yeah. Horse bones can't handle positive G's. So they just break apart. Horses are very strong, but they cannot handle those J's.

No. That's why you got to put it on the roof because our horses, you know, we don't want to lock them up. And they're old. Yeah. Yeah. The old horses are really brittle yeah they would go to pieces so yeah what happened to the zonkey at the ranch yeah it's still around yeah it's still that's all

the other day yeah which one got murdered no no one got none of them got murdered i think they said one just died they said yeah they said that they wanted that they the the ranch people said they wanted us to kill one of them and evan went out, but he couldn't find it. I thought one of the donkeys died, though. I think just the donkey, the mom donkey. The mom donkey? That's even worse! Yeah, the nice one that everybody loved. They said that one did just die.

Like, it was just old. And the donkey, that was the donkey's best friend. That was his mom. And that was the only thing you would hang out with, right? Yeah, that was its mom. Yeah, oh my God. That makes the story way more interesting. So the donkey's still alive.

We have a new baby donkey,, it's the story wait. Yeah We have two miniature donkeys one of them lives at the house right a miniature donkey. Yeah, man There's aren't donkeys already like fucked up genetically. No donkeys are fine. No donkeys are found. That's a mule Oh Mules are apparently pretty awesome. They can't breathe. Yeah, they yeah, they're like French power. Yeah. Yeah like her tiger line I know I know what they're real You have to be like like a liger. Like French bulldogs. Yeah, liger, tiger lion. I know, I know what it is. They're real. I know, but the fact that you have to be like, like a liger.

They can't breathe. It's such an absurd sentence. God, could you imagine a French bulldog the size of a tiger? No. It wouldn't be able to breathe. It would die.

Okay, come on this train with me though. I don't want to get on this train. Please, come on this train with me. Think about this. I'm on. Think about this. You ready? Yeah. So, come on this train with me. Jerry, I'm on. Think about this.

You ready? Yeah. So if we get a Gravitron. Betty, knock on wood. Now imagine Caleb did a cooking show because the center doesn't spin. Yeah. So you could have cutting boards and everything. And then all of us are in the Gravitron and he's throwing the food at us as we spin around.

Like hibachi, dude. It's so weird. The rides being out. He's like, oh, here's a dozen oysters. We're getting hit with fucking oysters. I'm throwing the oyster knobs

out to you guys. I have my little like squirt bottle of sake and I just spray it in one direction and you all spin around. Just spin around. Yeah.

That would be a great cooking show. You're just sick because it's spinning. Yeah. I'm just trying to watch you guys. He's like, all right, it's lobster tail time. That's even worse. You just say, I have blinders on.

And you have to time it. It's like Eli's coming around. He's like, here's a lobster tail. It hits you right in the mouth. It stabs into you. Batty's just like, what the fuck are we doing? He's been eight minutes, nine minutes and I am so utterly bewildered. Betty, just imagine this is a D&D campaign and we are you are.

This is a D&D game and you know what would happen me is the DM would have rolled the dice behind my screen and said shit guys a rock falls. You're all dead that fake doctor and all those jerk off. Thanks to just texted me back And then we deviate to that The rock is so big you just die What's that mean mother fucker It's a mother fucker. 20 is great but it's not instant success. You all rolled 20 and you

lift the rock magically. No. No they don't. They all die. I want to get married. Why can't I get married in this D&G adventure? You're absolutely married but the rock still kills both of you. Oh, okay.'ve died together in your arms. What about Jared? Is Jared still alive in the adventure?

No, you guys all got married together. Yeah, in the Gravitron. That's how we travel? In our D&D? That's our way? Wee! Wee! Caleb's in the middle.

Caleb's speeding up. Caleb's speeding up. Wee! He's cooking hibachi. He's cutting a bunch of fish. Turn those volumes all down. Sushi. I can ask constantly. Betty, when's unsub D&D going to happen? Never.

We need to wear a costume, right? Oh, yeah. I'm going to dress up like that doctor. I'm going to be a cowboy. I'm going to be a cowboy. I'm going to be a scientist. We're just on the day of the week, is it? Where am I?

So my 20-year high school reunion is in July, and I was actively looking at renting a real space suit. Cause you remember that episode of family guy where he showed up as the, as the astronaut cowboy millionaire, I have a real NASA space suit with a cowboy hat and the money and the money chain. I just walked in. I'm an astronaut cowboy hit pause on whatever you're listening to and hit play on your next adventure stay three nights this summer at best western and get 50 off a future stay life's the trip make the most of it at best western visit bestwestern.com for complete terms and conditions really well for him wow he's he's crushing. You're lying. You're doing great.

So, Patty. Good. Good. Are we good? Well, first off, let's go on to, I want to know Jared's superpower right out the gate. Right out the gate. We're going right into the offenders. I know. And then we'll go to video boys.

Oh, Caleb. Huh? Never mind. We were discussing. We were discussing your superpowers. And then we were having a very good debate about it. And then we read about everyone's and we were like, what was Caleb's?

And he just make babies and then just transform their little malleable heads into weapons. Yeah. That's pretty much it. Yeah. Which is downside. We're like his soul, where his soul ends up?

Probably. He's going to hell. He's going to hell for sure. So, Jared, on the podcast, we have a super group. It is called the Offenders, much like the Offenders, the Defenders. The Avengers. The Justice League. Got it.

And we all have a superpower, whether it be my super strength or Eli's super speed Caleb's I make babies ability. I have a backpack and it's there's a hose that runs directly to my dick Yeah, I just nut into it and it forgot about that part. It makes babies like immediately. I just use the babies as weapons Like yeah, it's invisible. That's great. Yeah. Yeah, they can transform into any weapon. Yeah, I can mush them together into stuff. Like, they're heads. They're like plain old babies.

Yeah, they're still soft so I can make them into axe heads and stuff like that. Oh, that's sweet. Yeah, it's really cool. Yeah. But,

do I pick mine? You gotta pick a superpower. Oh, yeah. Yeah, you figure it out. It's stinky cum. Oh, stinky. Yeah, and it can shoot up to a mile.

And it hurts. And it stinks. It hurts you or them. No, dude. Okay. It stinks so bad. Yeah, and it can shoot up to a mile Everybody gets together then I show up, and they're like, oh, damn it. Jared, we said a super power. You guys need the strength, like, because we need to be a team to fight, but you all are like, fuck, that's going to stink. Like, so you're all saying, no, maybe you, like, hang out back and, like, just wait and see if we need you. And it's like, no, I'm, like, charging a bit. It's already all over the place.

You're like, oh, it smells so bad. Oh God. You got a lot of dead animals. How bad is this? Yeah, it smells horrible. I mean, it's like take the worst smell you smelled and multiply it. And what's it do?

It just burns people. Yeah, remember that chicken we found in the fridge? It just sticks to them and it's like really, yeah, it's really sticky and thick. Probably gives them a rash. And then it sticks sticky and thick. Probably gives them a rash. And then it sticks, yeah. It definitely gives them a rash. Like a mild irritation.

It's not like, it's just like, ow, ow. So you're Spider-Man. But stinky cum. But stinky cum. It's real sticky. Can you swing on it? Yeah, but I don't like to because it makes my hands smell. So it's like if it's life or death.

Yeah. It's like, and then you guys are all like, no. Okay. Wash your hands. Damn it. But why? No, no. So I'm okay with every bit of this, except for the stinky hands.

It's already coming out of you. You already stink. If I'm swinging on it. If I'm swinging on it and it's just all over my hands. It comes out of your dick. You already reek. Yeah, he's right. I do stink.

I do stink. You're going to stink real bad. What's your outfit? I mean, it's kind of like a cowboy like chaps with just the opening on the crotch. Okay. I think flying through New York City. Full boners. Yeah. Not even

holding on to it. Just like. Yeah. And when he breaks loose and does a flip. And it looks like the lip ragdoll effect. Like ragdoll physics when he cuts his wing finger the next time shoots another love yeah he's like

ah and it's like on demand too I don't even do nothing yeah he just like boom boom does it get sensitive no

the stink has killed all the nerves down there the smell is bad yeah it kills small dogs like a french bulldog or anything smaller than like kind of a fox. It struggles to breathe.

Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. You're the first offender where we're like, no, you're not welcome. Yeah. It's like you are a supervillain, I'm pretty sure. Yeah, he kills babies and we're fine with it. You're the first one. You're like, no, Jerry.

That's the whole point. It's like, no, you got to fight over there. Like you're all like, fuck, he got the message too. It's like, you got a fight over there He got the message to it's like yeah, we all have the same beacons like hey, what's up? Thank you, sir You're like, oh God, he's disgusting. I hate that guy. He's pushing a baby's head into an axe. I show up for our second fight and I'm sponsored by Axe. So now it just smells like axe and the stink. It's a gym. I smell gym.

Just axe and cum. Your name is Dick Stink? Why, man? You're gonna see. I carry Peter Dinklage in a backpack. No one knows why. He's just happy. Like he's almost in like,

like one of those jamboree things where it's just a strap. Yeah. And he's just facing outwards and he's just, he's just happy as hell while I'm swinging from a dick. Is he there against this will? No, he's happy. I just like, he has no backstory or lore. He's just he's just happy as hell while i'm swinging from my dick is he there against this will no he's happy i just like he has no backstory or lore he's just there like a papoose yeah on my back yeah and he's facing outward so he's not he's not facing forward so yeah he just sees the bag he has a tiny got your six little pistol that's pink okay yeah what's it do i mean the pistol's just a regular gun he He's got a tan magazine. Oh, shit. Okay.

It shoots my cum also to water. He's stinking, too. He stinks. You and Peter just stink. He's wearing nose plugs. Yeah, he has one nose plug. And beats by Dre because he loves his tunes. So he doesn't talk to anybody because he's got headphones on. Okay.

I like when Caleb's like, okay. Okay. All right. so he doesn't talk to anybody because he's got headphones on okay all right that makes sense yeah maybe that makes sense and we're both always kind of nervous because we've been pretty late on our taxes so like we're trying to hurry up and fight the crime to get out of there and you guys are like god why are they here and then him and i are arguing about our tax guy yeah look if you guys ever wonder what is inside jared taylor's head this is a perfect fucking example this is when the cork is removed yeah it just flows freely hey batty guess who's been making knives since 1974 is it it Kershaw? It is. Woo! Kershaw blades. These things are awesome. If you're wondering how sharp are these blades, look at this Santa hat. All Kershaw knives are

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keep it in your pocket, just a little folding whatever to a toss so go to kershaw.com use code unsub to save 20 and for every hundred dollars uh you get free shipping boom code unsub 20 kershaw.com be you be the best version of you what in the hershaw blades i'm warren jesus christ jerry first person it's like my cum stinks okay what's the power talking about life it's like rotting you ever smelled dead fish and eggs? Yeah. Every time.

Once they looked at it under the microscope and all the sperms were dead. They're like, oh, this is rotten. They're rotten. There's tiny flies around like each sperm cell. Yeah. What the fuck? There's maggots in your cum. Oh, God. There's maggots in your cum.

That just came out of you. I'm like, yeah. I got worms. I got a lot of worms. I got cum worms. I picked that up in Nicaragua. I was swimming in the wrong parts of Nicaragua. I'm real sick.

Patty's face right now. Cum worms. We'll save it for after the show. Caleb and I have a story for both of you after the show. Because look how nice Eli looks. He's healed. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's healed. We'll save that for later.

Find out why I'm healed later. Make sure you stay tuned. He took the creams. I've been taking a medicine for yeast infections. Yeah. It's going sad man.

It's going away now though. I got to turn down that AC. This is real. Oh my God. Yeah. You actually had it. This part's real. I forgot what's real. Oh my God.

This is actually real. Yeah. So they gave me women's yeast infection medicine from that doctor. Do you know the one? Come on. Yeah. The doctor that one come on the doctor that actually has yeast infection meds yeah that's actually serious yeah i posted about it the other yeah i that one i'm

actually fucking i was confused because i seen you post and i don't know if i'm truly awake right now this feels like the worst vivid dream i've ever had. How did you get it? I think it's just what is in it. It's an antifungal because it's a fungus. So I needed to get rid of it. So they were like, I don't know where I got it though. That's the crazy part. It's probably back when I was like single and doing Tinder.

You tend to get a fungus when you do Tinder. Some people do have fungus. Tenders have some fungus. They will have tender. Some people do have fungus. Tenders have some fungus. They will have fungus. Every time. Roo. Yeah. When does fast grocery delivery through Instacart matter most?

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Groceries that over-deliver. Fucking Jesus, there was a train ride. Thank you for that. Oh, can we get off the train? Oh, buckle. Hold it off. Do you want the photo? No.

It sounds vomiting. Part of the ride. I'm part of a Facebook group that sells those trains that you could ride. Like where the tracks are this big. They're expensive, though. I don't know what is real. sells those trains that you could ride, like where the tracks are this big. Man, I really... Okay, we were talking about this. They're expensive, though.

I don't know what is real. We were talking about this recently. That's why I wanted them together. And Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch has it around, like his whole ranch, like a tiny train. Oh, dude, did I get the ads all the time now? Would that not be so cool?

Imagine like over at the farm or over at the ranch, there was just a train that went the entire length of the ranch, and you could just ride on it. That'd be awesome. I would go out there every day for a train ride. Dude, that would be so cool. Just kill a Chinese train. I would actually hang out with you.

You want to go ride that train? Yes, I'd say yes. I'm selling my mini train. This is how each ride starts. We just sit down and we just ride. It's like four hours long. It's a four hour. Yeah, this is how each right Three miles an hour around the ranch. It's real long heels are like really slow Major like we're gonna like put like little shovels of coal in. I mean, I thought about it. It's like a toilet on the back. He's in full overalls with the hat and he's covered in coal.

Even though there's only like just a tiny little box of coal. When he has a shovel, it's this big. Yeah, it's like a spoon. And then you open the little oven door. Like a tosser. I can't be around the matter. I can't. I just might imagine. Think about this.

Like, I think, like, I thought about this once is, what if we got real track? What if we made a circle? Like, and it's not a huge, it's not a huge loop, but it's a decent loop. And then we bought a bar car, and then we put electric motors on the wheels itself, and it would just go like three miles an hour in a circle, and it was just a place for us to get hammered.

I like it. I mean, that would be awesome. Actually, that's a pretty great idea. That sounds really cool. There's got to be laws that say you can't just put a train track down. You absolutely can. on your own property. I feel like there's regulations with trains.

That was like the entire transportation for everyone. There's a lot on surplus. You can get it for a good deal. What's that one thing Mason wants to get? He wants that fucking... There's a plane you can fly without a license. Oh yeah, the tiny car like one? I think that's a plane you can fly without a license oh yeah the

tiny car like one i think that's the one you're talking about it's like a three-wheel one it's a plane and you can fly my plane that i don't need a license for yeah good yeah no i'm gonna die i was like mason what the fuck how what do you have to stay under he's like 10 000 feet and i was like i was like what the fuck i said she would have played right yes oh my god yeah the jet yeah the fucking went for a jet ride well that was you don't regret it do you know but i will say as like jared's like oh the but my friend's here we'll do this you want to go so i'm like oh this will be dope i get a ride along and then when we sat down we got a jet real quick the l39 albatross 1982 check okay but the when sitting down and they're like okay uh so i'm gonna pull up to here you're gonna do

this and then you're gonna take the controls and do the same thing i was like huh what he's like okay and then when we were in there we did the flip or the loop he's like oh okay you're doing good you're doing good man okay you play sims with jared and stuff i was like no i did not know i was flying today uh i was uh here for a ride that was it i didn't know i was taking the fucking sticks and when he's like do a loop and they kill the engine and then let it fall and they kick the engine back On to pull out of it and you're like what? one more time Kill the engine

I passed myself out in it twice. Dude, that G4. When I was flying. Oh, yeah. We were coming into Tallahassee. We were at like 22,000 feet and air traffic control clears us to two. So I just flip it upside down and pull the stick and head straight to the fucking earth. And I woke up and we were landing. He was like, yeah, you went out.

It's crazy. That tunnel vision is so real. It's black and it just goes like this. And you feel pressure everywhere. And you're like, okay, I see you. And you squeeze your butt cheeks. And you're like, ah, ah, Stuart, I see little hearts. Yeah, here, leave me alone.

Just little diamonds. Your demons are finally arriving. Then you wake up and this guy that's dressed like a pilot is cleaning his hands. Oh, it's the doctor. That doctor snuck into the cockpit. Hey, I was at the gym. I was just finishing up at the gym.

He's like, hey, you want to ride in a jet? I was like, that sounds pretty cool. He's like, all right, here's the address. Come to the airport. I was like, okay. I was just in gym clothes. I was wearing sandals and shit. I was wearing sandals and shit.

And I can barely fit in this jet. And I get down into it, and I'm in there. And I just have the headphones on. And his pit vipers. Yeah, I was like, oh, shit. And we take off and stuff. And he does a few loops and does a few barrel rolls. And his pit vipers. Yeah, I was like, oh, shit. And, you know, we take off and stuff, and he's doing, he does a few loops and does a few barrel rolls,

and he does, like, three loops back to back. And, dude, I could feel myself, like, going. I was like, the first one, I was like, okay, this is cool. But then, like, after two, I was like, oh, no. And I was like, I'm going to go. I'm going to go. And then he was like, hey, you still awake back there? I was like, yeah.

He's like, dang. He's like, that's pretty awesome. He's like, I was trying to put you to go. And then he was like, hey, you still awake back there? I was like, yeah. He's like, dang. He's like, that's pretty awesome. He's like, I was trying to put you to sleep. I was like, I'm really close. I'm doing it for the rest of the trip. I was like, man. Dude, it drained you. My legs were so sweaty.

Like, my sandals were soaked when I got out, dude, because it makes your adrenaline spike so much. Like, I was pouring sweat. For the rest of the day, I was fucked. When I get adrenaline spikes, my knees sweat. Like behind my knees. Oh, yeah. It's like a faucet is turned on.

My cunt stinks. It's real stinky. I can't tell if this is Jared or if this is the super. Are you okay? Do you need medication for your stinky cum? Back to my yeast infection. But also, the yeast. The yeast makes my cum stink. It turned it brown.

I make bread. I just cum in bread. It's gotta be brown. If I cum and leave it, it'll rise like dough. I can just bake it. I can bake it and make little cum loaves.

And gift them to my friends. I get them, man. Would you like some baked bread? It's salty, dude. Yeah, it's real salty. It's kind of stinky. It's a miniature muffin. Yeah.

It's got some cheese. He takes that little razor knife and cuts cool little designs. It's a miniature muffin. It's a miniature muffin. He takes that little razor knife and cuts like cool little designs, you know, like beautiful blueberries. It's as big as the month. Okay. Okay. Do they stink? Oh yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh yeah, horrific. What did you bake? What did you bake that smells like poop? It's my gum. What is this little cookie nugget? It's cum. It's cum. So this is episode 99, huh?

You guys just were like, let's take this thing for a fucking ride. Is this 99? What are you doing for 100? We got fucking... We're like, let's take this thing for a fucking ride. Is this 99? Yeah. This is 99. Oh, shit. What are you doing for 100? We got fucking. Go on.

Go on. Kentucky Ballistics and Demo. Perfect. Nice. That was last night. We fucking filmed that one. We were like, oh, get this. Okay.

And this one is fucking rambling. And then you beautiful people were like, I'm down. And I'm down. I was like, uh. I was only home one day this week, too. Yeah. Well, I was like, if we down, and I'm down. I was like, uh. I was only home one day this week, too. Yeah. Well, I was like, if we have Caleb and JT. You know I popped a rib out of socket twice with him.

Twice? I've laughed so hard that I've popped a rib. Caleb, is this true? I guess so. Caleb. He does go into some pain fits. Yeah, like I've fallen on the floor. Yeah, he's been like, oh, my back.

You're my big, strong gym boy. You're you're a lot of me i'm not okay i guess it's true man he gets into some we start going on and on the first the first one i think was it the clam chili that first time no the first one was milk chicken okay and then clam chili clam chili yeah so what they do is no reach in grab two words we just keep going oh he was pretty fucked up that night. And Travis Pastrana was over and he was like, he was like, you should,

you should, you should do a dollar general brands. Travis Pastrana is clam chili. And it was, and it started out because I was, there was so many people there and it was like a lot of kids and I was cooking. And so I just made like a bunch of random shit.

We had like hot dogs, hamburgers like you know everybody loves my favorite food american stuff but then there was clams and steaks and like ribs and stuff like that and chili and then travis was like reaching for a plate and like making it for his kid or something and they wanted like chili and clams they wanted clam no and then he was reaching for a hot dog. I was like, let me put some chili on there for you. I was like, Travis Pastrana's

chili and clam. Clam chili. Dollar General brand. We just started going on and on. I was like, man, you should make a full outfit and get a dirt bike wrapped in clam chili. Dollar General clam chili. The commercial was Caleb sleeping and Travis is just burning out

That's why I win everything Travis it's so early throws me the can. I'm like, I don't have a can opener. You know what wakes me up in the morning? Just cut setting me eating clam chili. I'm just like, oh, there's like a really smoky... It's a can? Yeah, it's a can. It's a yellow label. Of course. It's really smoky because it just keeps ribbing and I'm like, I can't open this. I don't have a can opener. My eyes are like watering from the smoke

and it just keeps ribbing. He's like dumping it through his helmet. It's all over his fucking helmet. And I'm like beating it on the edge of my bed trying to open it. And I fall asleep. The can art is him. It's that one second after like and cut.

So it's like he's starting to turn away from the photos. That's like the image. He's like walking away. It's like one way. And there's like a goofy animated clam with like a face and stuff. It's like barf and chili. With a rainbow coming out. A bunch of stars, the American flag.

It's like Travis Pastrana's Dollar General brand clam chili. There's an eagle on the back. Just like carrying the calorie count. Ingredients just say clams and chili. It's like a calorie cap. Ingredients just say clams, chili. It's like a thousand calories. Yeah, it just says a thousand calories. It doesn't tell you what it is. It doesn't break down past that.

Energy version. Not with energy. What? With caffeine? It just says caffeine. Tarring. And teeth whitening. Yeah. and teeth whitening.

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Find Tia Rosa Tortillas at select grocery stores and get the good vibes going. Tia Rosa, Tia Rosa. select grocery stores, and get the good vibes going. there like the chili's like falling out of my hands and he's still raving and smile holy shit hi buddy welcome we weren't ready we weren't ready yeah i wasn't ready it was really good it'd be a really good commercial. I'm absurd. He just popped the fucking rim out again. Holy fuck.

Oh, he's in my eyes. Yeah, it was good. Oh, okay. Now we can go on a video game. We went off a fucking diary. One question later is like superpower. And now we're here. I have a... Oh hope you're raising your hand

Jared I think I finally have some video game chops for you guys I've been playing Assassin's Creed Valhalla and I'm on level 380 is the one game I haven't played

I mean level 380 is the one game I haven't played. I'm like, uh-huh. I mean, level 380. Continue. That's the character is at that level. It's pretty high. Okay. Do you keep leveling up in that game? I don't know how it works. Yeah.

Yeah. Every time you... I feel like there's more to this story. No. I mean, that's it. I mean, it's just anybody that plays that game will be like, oh, man, you've been playing that one for a while. Yeah, you've been playing that one a lot.

Yeah. Oh. I mean, it came out how many years ago? Well, I just started recently. It's just anybody that plays that game will be like, oh, man, you've been playing that one for a while. Yeah, you've been playing that one a lot. It came out how many years ago? Well, I just started recently. That was two years ago? It was because I was watching The Last Kingdom. And The Last Kingdom and Assassin's Creed Valhalla take place the same year. Well, you just recently got a PlayStation again, didn't you?

You started doing games again. Yeah. Because JT used to be a huge gamer. That's why i sent you the picture of my the mark 23 because i knew you yeah jared's first is that the real one yo is that fucking the real one i'm like uh-huh uh metal gear solids kids it's like instantly yeah instantly from that. I've got a FAMAS airsoft gun. So we've got the complete bill. I know. And I have a PSG one being made.

I mean, it's kind of sad because, you know, Metal Gear needs to come back. Well, they're teasing a remake of all of them. What was I saying? Number three? Yeah. Oh, the three sets? Snake Eater. No, Snake Eater. No, Snake Eater.

Oh, Snake Eater would be fun as shit. Dude, that's the one I beat the most, man. I think that was my, even now, I think that was still my favorite one. No, four was my favorite one. Really? I played through four like probably 12 times because you accumulated each time.

Yeah. Well, and that's why I did that video on them. I forgot some of the dumb shit on number four, like when they're getting onto arsenal gear to fight ocelot do you remember how they got onto that from their battleship they flew out of a cannon or essentially they got on those fucking metal rides and it's a catapult and it just oh it's like jared's train yeah yes you get on and it launches you Launches them on the ship. They're not wearing parachute. So in the cutscene, they're like They were all like what fuck who thought of this and that is how they get on Arsenal gear and then you go I mean, I just want the cartoon where we travel everywhere in a Gravitron. Caleb's just in the center.

He's like, it's like Matt Vip. It's like Matt Vip. I carry Buckle Up. Where are we going today? He's making hibachi. Into the Summit Canyon shit is what that is.

Yeah, it's almost like Magic School Bus. I was going to say that. I was like, today we're going into Batty's Prostate. And it shrinks down. But it shrinks down to like this size. So you're like, wait, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, down This size It's just like drills

You're pushing full force it spins faster. We're vomiting There's smoke coming out And then it cuts to just Betty wearing an adult episode four the gang goes to baddy's prostate but it didn't shrink small enough it only got kind of small it only got kind of small yeah

we're fucking a lot of stuff up that right there is another superpower it's like I didn't shrink kind of small Arbitrary today, kids. We're fucking a lot of stuff up right here. That right there is another superpower. It's like, I am three. Kind of small. Like a little bit small. You're just three feet tall. We're useless.

We're jammed up again. Give it some gas, man. It's like damaging the walls. It's like a Beyblade. Batty's trying not to cum. Not on my bra, Steve. Why is it Steve? I'm like, sorry, I'm contagious. I'm contagious.

You give him your stink cum. My stinky cum is contagious. I'm contagious I'm contagious I'm contagious sorry whoops oh goodness breaking news manscape now sells beard product I had to get rid of my address

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Give it some gas. We're stuck. We're down here we got loose and rough looks like a ping pong ball episode 99 you decided not to drink you could have

no that'll be that's a dark road oh shit okay we'll take a breather from that one yeah sure no I was like wait what's going on

okay before you're fucking Oh, let me borrow. I was like, wait, what's going on? He's going to say Resident Evil 4. You're fucking. Yeah, I'm about halfway through it. I'm about to fight the little midget George Washington guy. Well, he looks different now, doesn't he? Yeah, he looks more like George Washington.

They switched him up. Yeah, they switched his face up a little bit. I don't know. Fuck off. My knowledge of Resident Evil is this big. I don't give a fuck about Resident Evil games. I don't know. Fuck off. My knowledge of Resident Evil is this big. I don't give a fuck about Resident Evil games. I never have. I don't really know. I never played.

Especially now. To be honest, Metal Gear and Resident Evil, two of the biggest games I never played growing up. They're my. I know. Listen to all you guys talk about. I'm like. It's a good time.

What I know about Metal Gear is Crab Battle from Newgrounds. He's got a knife. That's what I know of Metal Gear know of god i haven't seen that one village was really good that i feel like that so i did an entire watch i didn't play it oh okay yeah man they were both seven and eight seven and eight yeah but like i loved some of those story games like last of us or which just came out yesterday the remake on pc just really bad i played it glitches Have you seen the glitches yet? Yeah, a lot of people were having issues with it.

Have you seen the funny ones? Because they're already having break. There's already like ridiculous shit. It's like Ellie's eyebrows turning these huge, like everything's getting real jank. Nice. Real jank. It was like one of the Assassin's Creed's

when their faces would flip inside out. That was terror. That was Unity. Unity was so bad. It was like her eyes are like here yeah just all shepherd but i've been seeing people do mods like for that on resident evil where their eyes like when they had leon's mouth was it constantly a giant smile oh it was really goofy looking and then like the other lady that was on like your comms her eyes were sticking out of her head. Her lips were really big. It was just goofy shit.

So every time they would talk, it was hilarious. Ruff, ruff, ruff. Yeah. No, the new Resident Evil, if you haven't played it, it's not going to play. Yeah, it's been a good time. I mean, the first time I played that Resident Evil 4 was on GameCube.

And I didn't have it, and my friend had it growing up and he just had a game he's like i beat it a couple times he's like borrow my gamecube i was like okay yeah i beat that game like four or five times like back to back and i loved it and it was hard man i remember like the first time i played it that just the very fucking beginning like most of my friends were like dude i couldn't even get past the fucking village the very beginning part they're like i just kept dying the remake's just as hard i was like i died like twice i was like oh shit i was like this is this is how it was the first time i played i'm like okay i'm just running for my fucking life and like turning around like shooting a few times and

like punching boxes and like and like there's so many bullets to kill anybody half the time even like headshots like you'll be like oh fuck five headshots in a row and they fall again you're like thank god and they get back up you're like what and they chase all dudes running yeah and he's just like killing everything you you think you can win this that's what fucks it up it doesn't say just survive yeah you're like oh to kill all these so you're wasting everything win, and you're dying every fucking time. Because there's so many people that come, and you keep getting stuck on them. But then it's like, oh, you survived long enough, and then a church bell rings.

And then they ignore you. And they're like, all right, whatever. And then we go into church. And you're like, oh, shit. I shouldn't have wasted all that ammo. This was pointless. And then you stockpile ammo for a little bit, and then you're like, man, shit. I shouldn't have wasted all that ammo. This was pointless. And then you stockpile ammo for a little bit, and then you're like, man, this game's too easy.

And then there's a billion pieces. It gets retarded. You're like, oh, you're looking around. You have two bullets. You're like, oh, no, this is really hard. I'm going to die. There's a new VR game I've been playing that's really good. It's called Port-A-Potty Disasters.

And you're a port-a-potty pumper. And, like, the first level is a construction yard right after burrito day i hate that this could be a real sim and it's like yeah vr you got the pumper and you're like oh dude some of the doors you open up and it's like oh god i hate this can be a real game and i don't know jared's lying you're like pressure washing simulator border body disasters it's like oh god the new vr's like have a little smell everywhere it's like you're like oh lies doesn't exist that just reminded me though real quick there was an episode of uh

all right what is the fucking show there are very few things that you can be certain of in life but you can always be sure the sun will rise each morning you can bet your bottom dollar that you'll always need air to breathe and water to drink and of course you can rest assured that with public mobile's 5G subscription phone plans, you'll pay the same thing every month. With all of the mysteries that life has to offer, a few certainties can really go a long way. Subscribe today for the peace of mind you've been searching for. Public Mobile, different is calling. I want to believe. Fuck, why can't I think of it?

X-Files? X-Files, there we go. I'm glad you picked up on that. I was like, I want to believe. I was thinking Sarah McGlockland. I was like, that's an old. Is that a Sarah McGlockland story? There was an episode I remember seeing when I was little

about a monster that lived in porta-potties. I remember being like scarred from it, dude. It was like a monster that escaped from some test facility. We need to watch this episode. Dude, it was like a monster that escaped from some like test facility we need to watch this episode dude it's like a giant like albino fish man and his lips are like

inside out and he's like hiding in toilets and shit and down in the sewer and being a little kid and being like what the fuck

and like the guy was like pumping the the uh port-a-potty and it like supposedly he gets sucked up into it and they drop him off and he's like

killing people and shit and I was like holy fuck like I was so scared of port-a-potty and supposedly he gets sucked up into it and they drop him off. He's killing people and shit. I was like, holy fuck. I was so scared of port-a-potties for forever. Yeah, because that fish man. Yeah, I was like, holy shit. The shit monster is in these port-a-potties. The shit monster. Dude, that's why I always would reach in to make sure that they...

Stir it around. I would just punch. I would feel the punch. Okay. So every time before I go, I make sure I can touch the bottom. That's smart. Make sure there's no monster in there. Yeah, because if I can touch the bottom and I know that it's not a false floor, then you're

good to go. Or if you have a gun and you can just fire a few rounds into the toilet. Yeah. Yeah. Just say a one-liner is shit splatting up when you avoid. Okay. All of you have experienced this. I know it.

In the military, when you go out to those desolate fishing in the shit. Well, not me military when you go out to those well not me will you go out to it caleb those desolate ranges that never get used in the military and there's a one port-a-potty and you're like no no what is it you open it and you look down and it's like an eight-foot hole but the tp's still sticking on the top of the toilet i've seen that before so no those weren't the ones that got still sticking on the top of the toilet. Dude, no. I've seen that before. Those weren't the ones that got you. It was the ones where it was the actual restroom buildings out in the middle of the ranges

and it was just the row of seats no dividers. Oh, yeah. Like Fort Pickett, Virginia fucking type shit. I've been to Fort Pickett. It's awful. And it was just like a trough in the bottom of the toilet. It was all one big thing. I got peed on at Fort Pickett. It's awful. And it was just like a trough in the bottom of the toilet. It was all one big thing. I got peed on at Fort Pickett.

Wait, go on. Well, I was hammered. Did you pee on yourself? No. And I was throwing up on the bus, so they pulled over. And I fell in the ditch and was throwing up. And while I was throwing up, two of my buddies peed on me. Yeah, that's pretty mean.

I mean, it's kind of funny. Jared has the most I pee on stuff when he gets drunk. I don't know if you know this. Jared pees a lot when he is. I pissed on my own curtains twice. You have two. Yeah, you're right. Okay, it's two.

How many do you have, Jared? I've heard. I've had multiple people tell me about you peeing on things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I peed on my guy's internet router, my buddy's internet router once. I don't know why.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what's going on in my head. No. We have so many. Oh, my God. One of my favorite Jerry stories is we went to a bar and I convinced the man. This is Utah five years ago.

2016. I convinced Jared. We're at Gracie's upstairs in the booth. This was the most planets align for him. Like this was the most shot in the dark thing out of control that it worked out this way. I'll let you finish. Yeah. So Jared, there's two girls

me and jared jared gets up to use the restroom and i'm like i'm sorry he's autistic yeah he's very autistic he has his it's he has these little corks uh if you ask him any song he's gonna know the exact lyrics and everything every lyric of every song in the world and and she's like what they're both like get the fuck out of here really and he was like pick a hard one yeah pick a hard one i was like but i just love him he he is autistic jerry sits back down and he's like hey what's up i need to do another drink doing jared looks like laughing making jared jokes and they're like hey what song did she pick the decline by no effects 18 and a half minute song that I know every word to. And Jared did this.

He's like, and then he starts singing. And the girl turned to me. He's like, oh my God, you're right. Holy shit. Yeah, because it's like the hardest, most obscure song you can think of. An 18 minute NoFX song from 1999. Okay, to be fair, knowing you, that makes sense to me though. No effects.

Two random punk chicks, they thought they were gonna school me. That worked. And all I had to do was, like, and I didn't do this on purpose, but I could not remember the first lyrics, so I had to play the intro in my head. I was like,

na na na na na na. So it looked like, everybody needs some time away. So when they got up to get a drink, I was like, Jared, I told him you're autistic. And then he was like, wait, for real? I was like, good job. He was like, you just nailed that.

We're getting laid. And one of them was like, I call the retarded kid. Yeah, they're at the bar, I call the retarded kid. Yeah, they're at the bar. I get the retarded one. Yeah, girl. I bet he fucks like an animal. Your hips are going to hurt. Yeah, he's getting a fucking world up.

You don't know what's going to happen. He's going to kill kill you he doesn't know how to stop i bet his cum stinks i was staring at you because i knew brown i knew it was i bet he's got retarded i was just waiting give me them muffins i baked you these fresh baked poppy seed muffins. I baked you a few of these little long loaves. These little mini loaves. They smell bad. Why do they smell so bad? Why are there blueberries on them? I made them.

I made them for myself. Wait, did you say you made them? No, I made them from myself. That's my stinky cum. That's me. This is going to just be an hour of back. He's me. It'll just be an hour of bad. Oh, there's a great cut

down here. That's just keeps cutting to your face. The preview for this episode is just watch why Betty almost throws up. You won't believe what will happen next. Doctors hate him. Jared got nine C-cell batteries stuck in his urethra.

He's got worms in his cum. You're all sick. You have problems. The worst thing about putting batteries in your urethra is you have to use two flathead screwdrivers to pop them out.

I can't wait for the comments section on this one. It's going to just be F-I-E. Just a whole bunch of Fs. F in the chat. Yeah, F in the chat. No, it's going to be Ws. All right. They got the dubs, boys.

I mean, this happens with us. This is every night. Oh, man. Yeah. Yeah, that's why we only hang out like once a week. Yeah, because I get like a fucking migraine. Yeah, my head hurts for a while. I'm literally like ill. We are adult roommates.

I have to go like lay down. Oh, my God. That's silly, isn't it? Literally, we'll be like. We're 38 years old. We'll be like coming out in the bar or like whatever. Like I've cooked something and then we actually hang out and then it's too much, man. I literally am like, I have to go lay down.

I gotta go. My body hurts. I gotta go bed. I gotta go lay down and I need something. I need like a lot of water and fruit or something. Water? Last Tuesday, we had 68 pounds of crawfish with uncle i saw the fucking uh oh yeah shit it

was just uncle laser was like i'll come over tuesday i was like cool and then we found a crawfish guy yeah which is a random crawfish he apparently him and his brother owned like the best crawfish place in new brothels and he was like telling us like they figured out the best way to cook crawfish and everything. You know, like, yeah, okay,

whatever. Oh, they did. He's really, yeah, that was probably the best, the best stuff I've had. Even all the sides were really good.

He was, he was awesome. I've never once had crawfish in my life. Really? It's an art. Like once you learn it. Yeah, I feel stupid.

Like I always feel nervous. Like I'm hoping nobody watches me. I'm always like, like sneaking over the trash can, figuring it out again. Trying to open it. Like twisting it and pulling it and then doing the little squeeze and push and waiting on somebody to judge me. I'm like, oh, shit, you've never had crawfish before.

I hurt my crawfish thumb. Oh, no, no, no. Yeah. I've never had crawfish. I don't need to start punching. I'm fucking dumb. I'm just putting the whole thing in my mouth. Is this right?

Is this how I do it? Because the night before, I got really hammered with donut. And I was like, John was on one of my crazy cards. So I was like, come over here, John. Let me show you how to drive that. And I went like three seconds. Hey, little boy. I fucking scraped my elbow.

I'm bleeding everywhere. My crawfish arm is all fucked up. And my crawfish hand. My crawfish hand. Tomorrow's a big day. How am I going to crawfish with this? It is. It hurts.

Like, I couldn't do the crawfish. Like, dude, I could eat five pounds in one minute. It's embarrassing. If I just boom embarrassing boom boom boom all because i tried to show john and i flipped the damn crazy car it was in five seconds i was like fuck my arm all up. I was bleeding. John was cool, right? He's like, oh, boy. He had like a wrist sprain. He's like, oh, God, no. You're dying, Mr. Jared.

Oh, my God. Jared, are you okay? I almost accidentally **** myself once. Once. Once. I love that he's sober and he is just like, what the **** is going on? I wrecked a jet ski like really bad. And I cut my eye open like right here really bad. And I cut my eye, my eye open like right here,

really bad. And Heather ended up driving me. This is where we all live in Florida. Heather drove me home and dropped me off. And I was on the phone, hammered calling every PJ I knew to come. So my face back up. And,

but I think I only got to like three of them and they were like, yeah, dude, I'm out of town or I don't have sutures on me or whatever. And then I passed out my bed. I woke up, there three of them and they were like, yeah, dude, I'm out of town or I don't have sutures on me or whatever. And then I passed out my bed. I woke up, there was blood everywhere. I was like, Oh fuck. I'm not doing so good.

I'm kind of dizzy. I need some orange juice. You know orange juice is in good games. I'll take this handful of Molly. That'll help. That's the wrong idea. Dude, I almost died once as a kid. I remember I think this was the closest time I ever came

to fully dying me and my friends like we were just fucking nerds dude and we would like build weapons like when I always had this group AJ and Travis when they would come over and we would just build nerdy weapons and I took a kukri

and it had like a hole in the back of it and I ran like this nylon rope through it and I tied it to the end of like a really long like deep sea fishing pole jesus so it was like a whip so it was like a really sturdy whip with a huge curved blade at the end of it i was like whipping it and it'd like stick into shit and i'd like whip and it would fly back and i'd like catch it with the other hand and like whip it again you caught it it? Dude, yeah. I was like 12 when I was doing this.

Man, we were idiots, dude. We were so stupid. But that was, I did this and it got stuck in the piece of wood we were hitting. I like whipped like a few times and it would not come out. And I finally whipped one more time and it came flying straight at my chest. And I caught it by the handle and the blade was like right in my chest. And I caught it by the handle and the blade was like right in my chest.

And I went... And they both went, oh my God. They're like, you just almost died. And I was like, I should take this apart. I was like,

I shouldn't play with this one anymore. That reminds me of that movie the good son where he had that thing that would shoot bolts dude what a wild fucking dude that is Elijah Wood yeah dude

I was always jealous of Paul was Paul Hogan Paul Horgan is that right? Is that right? I'm thinking Flipper with Elijah Wood. You've got unlimited access to music, but time now that's limited.

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Oh, yeah, yeah. I haven't watched Flipper in a while. So like the grandpa or the uncle or whatever he was he had he had a pallet of spaghettios that he that he that he bought from uh from like a cruise ship and i've forever been jealous of that i want a pallet because every day he would just wake up and he had the pallet right next to his bed and he had a fucking can and he would just fucking open it up and be like yeah he is i want I have a new segment we can do once a month it's Jared Lott

that's in the movie Flipper I know but that's what's great you're not just making this shit up that's what Elijah Wood has to eat every day it's just SpaghettiOs because it's like this is all he has I just like it's like JT

you're like I got a stinky gum also this, you're like, I got a stinky cum. Also, this story, you're like, I don't know which one's fake, which one's real. Yeah, two truths and a lie. Let's play. Did you actually play Valhalla? I can't hear you. Just like, I don't know what Jared's doing.

The fun thing about Valhalla, though, is like I said, it takes place the same year The Last Kingdom does. So it's like if you're watching the series The Last Kingdom. Fucking flipper. Does this talk about it? Paul Hogan. Is that it? I didn't look at the guy. Let me see. I got it right here. Yeah, Paul Hogan. His tism's going

on. Oh, yeah. I definitely. Yeah, you're on the spectrum. I've noticed it more now. And I didn't. You got the tits in touch. It didn't click until like three months ago because I don't know why. Three months ago?

That's how long it took you? Well, because it was like, I don't understand why I get so angry when people put like miscellaneous shit on the bar. Like if you have a mess in front of you on the bar, I get fucking irate like inside. i'm like i'm like and then i i'm i'm constantly like wait why do you why do you care like like like if someone leaves their food or anything like that and the bar is like messy i was like oh i'm fucking rain man you're

fucking with my order you get those certain things where people, you just don't understand. You're like, well, I started actually thinking how I recall things and I see it. Yeah. So I, so if you're telling me, if you're asking me to remember something, like remember this can, I can bring that picture of the can up and go, oh, it's out of regs. I'm trying to think how my brain does it. It's like building shots. Cause in my head, it's like building shots. Oh, he literally said that. Yeah. Yeah like i'm like i need this camera angle this camera

angle this camera okay that makes the beat work okay yeah the editing your head is like that but it saves a lot of productions though because i've pointed out things many times on much larger productions than our own where i was like that isn't going to cut together right because you you're on him right now and you're cutting back on him. They're all superpowers. They can remember shit really well but they're kind of fucking idiot.

I'm just dumb. Sometimes every now and then he was healing on piano. He would just randomly walk in and just play like a fucking orchestra every now and then. He plays an orchestra. I just pictured JT doing this, playing the trumpet with his toes.

But he becomes really well at songs that are so random. I'm like, what the fuck is this? It's like a random song from the Lost Boys. I'm like, what? Why? But then somebody's like, hey, can you play this is it oh he said oh yeah and then he just plays like beautiful celine dion something like insane just like out of nowhere i'm like wow that was awesome he's like okay well i'm gonna go back to the lost boys song just can you play the fourth song of leon the professional i love that one yeah that's a

great one i mean dude i used to like i it would take me probably a couple weeks because they're incredibly difficult but i could play every song from final fantasy 7 to include the opening theme oh yeah i can fucking walk that whole opening theme and then tifa's theme and uh and ariath's theme was the ariath's theme was quite honestly one of the most beautiful songs I'd ever heard. What's it? Like still to this day. What's the energy called? M?

What? Let's see how he pronounces it. Materia? No, the energy from the earth. The M. I can't remember because... Mako. Oh, Mako.

Yeah. It's not Mako. What is it? You didn't play... Oh, you didn't play the remake. So everyone says Mako. Well, first off, Ariath isn't named Ariath, right? Mako. What is it? You didn't play. Oh, you didn't play the remake. So everyone says Mako. Well, first off, Ariath isn't named Ariath, right? Mako.

Oh, it's Mako? Remember? We had this discussion. I would never call it Mako. It's M-A-K-O. It's Mako. Yeah. Everyone was, that was one of the biggest.

Sephiroth, Jenova, everything. I literally had Sephiroth tattooed on my arm. Oh, no kidding? Yeah. Wow. Dude, do you remember like. Mako energy. I killed allhiroth tattooed on my arm. No kidding? Wow. Dude, do you remember like... I killed all three weapons. Ruby.

Ultima. And Sapphire. Sapphire and Ruby. And Diamond. Emerald and... Wait, no. Ruby and Emerald were the two... Ruby and Emerald were the two big...

Mandatories. Diamond. Or Ultima, Diamond, and those were the other ones. I killed all of them. You know how? He did? Ultima and weapon. the other I killed all of them. You know how he did ultimate what no not at all No, no Knights of the round with a with a repeat material There is a stack that you can do it would give you Knights of the round like ten times back to back Yeah, it was my materia so you got my ass and then my my my my my everyone's like this is my spell

This is my spell. This is spell this is and it's just and nights of the round was fucking brutal man i don't remember that's there i would love to i can't wait to see the yeah i jumped on like that one day i was like wanted to look into more of the the remake like i just went on twitch to find somebody playing some chick was playing it so i jumped in and I'm like, like, Hey, do they have like, she didn't know shit.

Yeah. I was like, Hey, can you, do you know about the weapons? She's like, what are you talking about? I'm like,

what about nights of the round? Like, what the fuck are you talking about? I'm like, man, fuck this. Like you're just in here and fucking dress like some stupid ass anime character. Like,

Oh my God. Oh my God. You know nothing about this fucking game this game is my life dude that's it's crazy where's the i know when i had a casio keyboard like could, and it had the layered, like where you could record, I can do red seven steam like perfectly with the flute. Yeah.

Like, and then, yeah, this is crazy with, uh, red 13. Oh my God. Yeah.

Red 13. It's red 13. Yeah. It was X. Yeah. What is red seven? No, I mean, I just, I mean, probably just makes Red 13. It's Red 13. Because it was X-I-I. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Red 13? What is Red 7? No, I mean, I just...

Five Aces 7 probably just makes it up. Tis and Brain. The... Tis and Brain. Tis and Brain. No, they had... If you watch the speed runs, it's crazy. It is...

Dude, speed runs of anything are insane. Dude, Vincent's... They just do it with however his ultimate work. It's one shots ruby and emerald it's a single kill yeah because they're like oh you do this with this gun and this material combination it just resets their health so it automatically kills them in one move so it's like they jump it the mega weapons just die and you're like oh i did it the hard way i this fucking that was the time before the internet.

Really? Yeah, you should have figured it out. I had a book that I got years later. Yeah, I had the whole Final Fantasy. The white one. Yep, I still have it. It's sitting in Heather's room right now. That white one?

That's cool. Dude, yeah. You grew up past the age of... Yeah, man. Whenever I first started getting into like longer harder games like that obviously 10 that was the one that had just come out so that was that was my first real intro i played final fantasy 8 a little bit but like i i was too young to like figure it all out yeah 10 was my first real intro and like being able to figure

it out i'm like okay this is cool and like turn-based game that was the first one that i got like really into that was the first one i beat i went back and i beat a like a couple years later but in into uh i didn't play 11 i played the hell out of 12 dude well you talk i love 12 yeah uh i couldn't get on board with 13 i played it for a few hours and I just could not get into it. And they did a 13 too. I think it was the one with lightning and all that. Cause they had like the gun blade and everybody was like, Oh,

gun blade. Awesome. So cool. But it was just kind of not great. I didn't, I've never played a single other one. Yeah. That's kind of like why I've only had one dog.

Yeah. I had the dog. The dog died. All right. Yeah. I played one final fantasy. Six was good All right. I played one Final Fantasy. Six was good with Kafka. I didn't play six.

Three or six. I did seven, nine, 10. Seven story was like so iconic. 14 was the newer one. It was so, I mean, it's practically on par with Star Wars. Yeah. No, it like, phenomenal. It's a universe.

Like that is completely. Yeah, the new one, you should play the new one. It's good It just looks 17 no 7 new remit 15 man the ending yeah the any made no sense we talked about Made no sense, but the new one have you guys seen stuff a new one coming out? I just have first looking pretty good I'm excited. Okay. Have you seen Advent Children? Oh, hell yeah. What a classic movie.

Hell yeah, I did. There's so many. Well, you know, so on Kazaa, I found, you know, this is like 2003. No, no, no, no. I found like this Japanese orchestra had done all the Final Fantasy songs. Yeah. So I was able to download all of them from an orchestra. Yeah. Like, so I was able to download all, dude,

they were fucking from an orchestra. Yeah. Like going from 8-bit to an orchestra, you're like, oh my God. And I mean,

those songs are so ingrained in your fucking head. Dude, that's like, oh my God. One thing, we didn't talk about this ever on the podcast.

I just recently learned this. Just talking about music and then just music in general did you know uh what is it uh tarantino so tarantino's first film reservoir dogs and then any film after that i never knew this about tarantino other than hateful eight he does not do his own he's never done a um a composer for his stuff he just buys old music every time until yeah until hateful it was the first time he actually composed someone composed yes and it was the old spaghetti western dude that was famous for it oh i never knew about this

that's cool i was like wait what the fuck and then uh reservoir dogs what is the song that plays uh during the torture sing is that happy um is that isn't it is that it it's a real happy song no it is stuck in the middle with you so stuck in the middle with you and he's cutting the ear off and all that tarantino spent all his money on that one song. He didn't give a fuck about any other music in that until that one song. He's like, the entire budget goes onto that just for that one song. That is how he did his first movie. All the music budget went to one song.

He's like, I don't care. So he can afford to have that one. Yeah. Because he knows it'll be the most iconic scene in film history. Like, because you're marrying it with such a ridiculous song choice oh fucking wild dude i love like you hear that hideo kojima's any of those how they do shit like i'm like see i remember like again like i haven't been into games in a long time but like dude tenchu stealth assassins like fuck where is a game like that again because like the

music in the fucking story and everything was so i mean ghost ghost ghost that's what we called it it was like the new uh valhalla you have got to play ghost okay man i mean i'm about done with they're making a fucking movie it It's what, it's what, and everybody's like, this is what an Assassin's Creed game could be. Yeah. If they like fucking knew how to do these mechanics. What's the,

what's the mode called where you put it into like cinematic. Oh yeah. Oh man. Akira Kosawa. They have Akira Kosawa, the original Japanese director, the fucking pinnacle of Japanese directors. He made Yojimbo. He made, um, seven samurai, seven samurai, the original Japanese director. The fucking pinnacle of Japanese directors.

He made Yojimbo. He made Seven Samurai Gate Fortress. And all these, this is where you have Fistful of Dollars. This is where all cowboy movies and Star Wars came from. Literally this dude. And they have a Kuroko Asamu, which is the black and white. So everything other than the blood is black and white. It looks fucking... The game looks so nice, and it's just

like, you're riding on your horse, and there's nothing that tells you where to go to mission and stuff. It's just the wind blows that. Oh, yeah. You're riding through the forest, and the wind will blow, and it shows you, and you're just falling. There's foxes. It's such a fucking cool game.

Because I'm pretty much done. I'm almost done. Almost done? Okay. Yeah, finally. Jeremy's that guy. He's like level 380. He goes to the last one.

He's like, I'm done. Yeah. Dude, I will like... No kidding. Some days, I won't even do a single mission. I just go to regions and collect everything.

Yeah. Because I don't like seeing it on the map. Yeah. Ever feel like your WordPress site is moving in slow motion? Switch to Kinsta's managed hosting for WordPress and watch it fly. Host your site on Google Cloud's fastest servers with worldwide data centers so your pages load instantly. Need help? WordPress experts respond in under two minutes

and will migrate to your site for free. Try it yourself. First month free at Kinsta.com. That's K-I-N-S-T-A dot com. Kinsta. Simply better hosting. Ghost makes you want to do every side quest. Yeah, it really is that good.

Because you have like, there'll be like Ronans is because you have like there'll be like rogue like ronans and you'll have like full on like duels with them oh the ronin duels are fucking yeah you're into like samurai shit dude i just remember like dude tenshu like it was that was playstation 2 right yeah yeah and like like it came out with a new like it had the best graphics at the time and i just remember like climbing on the roofs in the snow as a fucking ninja yeah look you're just like and it's playing the coolest music i was like this is fucking a classic dude this is like the it was like revolutionary the first stealth ninja game yeah ever assassin's creed ever really existed yeah this is ps1 and

it was it was crazy because you had your grappling hook, you get up and it had stealth mechanics, you sliced it, the fucking shitty blood would splay everywhere. Terrible voice acting. Dude, is that old PS1? Yeah, yeah. It's like the worst voice acting of all

time. Have you heard the voice acting recently? Dude, I've never gone back and looked at it. I have amazing memories of it, though. To shoot bad voice acting, it is oh. I do have to say, because I'm sure there could be plenty of people that watch your guys' show,

I cannot find decent Viking fucking costumes to save my fucking life. Oh, just let me know. I got you. I need wardrobe. Well, I mean, Etsy me know. I got you. I need wardrobe. Well, I mean, Etsy, I don't know you guys. I think it's from Etsy. Etsy always has such good stuff. See, I always avoided Etsy.

I just thought... I have a whole... There's some good Etsy dudes. I have a car right now. I need stuff from Etsy that I've been wanting for like so long. I need whole Viking garb. Yes. Yeah.

They have it all, man. They have... I will hire somebody to just dress me. This is the shit. I want to do that, and I want to do a fucking... I have a suit of armor. I will hire somebody to just dress me. This is the shit. I want to do that, and I want to do a fucking. I have a suit of armor. I know. Dude, I just want to start.

I play D&D. I know. We just want to start building all this. I'm going to dress as a doctor. I know. Just sitting down. Batty's like, I hate you. I hate you.

It's real stinky. It's real stinky. The roots are fucking unhinged. It's real stinky. It's real stinky. It's real stinky. No, Red Dead. Red does the next game I'm going to play. I was thinking about it too. You haven't done that yet? No, I haven't either.

It's so good. This is like new chaos. He's hurt. That needs to be a gif, by the way. Clip that. You might need to play Red Dead before sushi. No. Dude, I don't know, man.

They're so different, but they're so similar. Yeah, they're both really on different ends. Yeah. The world on Red Dead looks... It's just so good, man. The amount of dumb shit you can do on Red Dead. You can do so much goofy shit on Red Dead. Man, okay, you need to go home and download Red Dead.

As soon as you get home, you need to do it. The story is so fucking good. It really is amazing. And all the stuff that you can do in the story mode is so insane. Like, it's beautiful. I don't want to spoil anything. I don't want to say anything. I don't want to give any ideas.

I've been wanting to go back and redo it for a while now. Because, man, I was like, that was all I did for like a month, man, was play the story. Yeah, I was about the same. And just all of the side missions are so good and so in-depth. And there's so much goofy shit that goes on and random stuff that you find. You're like, what? And it's, oh, man.

There's still secrets getting unlocked for this game. Yeah, man, that people haven't found. Okay. It's so good. I mean, i had started it when it first came out but i was like man you just have a fucking horse this sucks but i mean now i've been playing fucking valhalla yeah i'm used to just having a horse yeah it did too well you've been like because you do the western stuff and now i got my revolvers and i can i'm just learning revolver also outspends. I need to buy some revolver. They're the cheapest things in the world.

They really are. Who sells them? 600 bucks and you get... Ruger makes them. Ruger makes them. I want to see one of those revolvers. That's what it is. Cimarron.

Dude, Cimarron is my... I have the one with the cross. Have you seen the revolvers, Jared? No. Dude. Yeah. Here's my favorite segment. Eli pulls out something to look up on his phone for us all to see.

Well, you guys can talk. Jared wants these. They are the most. I do. I need some revolvers. They're $600 a piece. They're like five to six and they look like. They're really not expensive.

The most gangsta. I need that. Yeah. I need those. Mine has. I don't know if I have. I've got that. I've got that.

It's a Vakera and it's got. I don't have a rainbow. I need more guns, man. Well, and then you get to learn how to spin I don't have enough oh shit there it is do your

oh again do side spins none of us are ever going to play Red Dead Redemption ever again I literally did I bought those just to learn spinning are ever going to play Red Dead Redemption ever again. I literally did. I bought those just to learn spinning. I was like, I need to learn Revolver Ocelot's technique on how to do this.

And then when you get into it, first you're like, I love your hyper fixations. Are you going to get the holsters? Yeah, they're on their way. Fuck yeah, dude. I've got a really nice leather holster that I got when I started buying on my cowboy ship. I just got a really nice leather holster that I got when I started buying all my cowboy shit. I just got Clint Eastwood's poncho.

I have so many ponchos right now. Yeah, I've got three now. They're awesome. I've been wearing mine when we were doing that. I got a hat. I was bottom dusted. We need to go find one. I've been wearing mine because I've got one that's like

fleece lined inside. Fucking awesome. Do you have the triangle or the squares? I've got one square and the one I have. Actually, both of them. The two I have right now are my squares. Dude, the triangle? Triangle pot?

Yeah. You know, having these is nice because it's healthy, right? Yeah. Very healthy. Oh, you have one here? I have one here. I left it. Oh, this is just like a practical poncho.

Okay. Oh, wow. That's like a Lululemon. Yeah. It's the Lululemon of ponchos. I mean like, Oh, this is just like a practical poncho. Okay. Oh, wow. That's like a Lulu lemon. Yeah. That's pretty cool. Yeah. Wow.

How do you wear that in Texas? Yeah. I mean, well, honestly, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very,

it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very,

it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very,

it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very,

it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very,

it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, it's been a very, I also really want a full blown Assassin's Creed costume So if anybody makes costumes

That just wants to spend my money and dress me I'm requesting They make wonderful stuff I never knew Etsy was a store Yeah pretty much everybody that does it Is like handcrafted Like by legit people Well I'm going to get that app

And it's just a website I have like a whole cart It's bracers with fur coming out of them. Oh, yeah, man. The shit they make is wild. They have it all, man. I need boots. I need good boots.

They have it all, dude. And then we're going to build the Viking bar on top of my shipping containers. Yeah. So it's going to be like a castle. Okay. But out of wood. I love it. You know, it's got the angled logs.

Yeah, it'll look so cool. By July, there will be four bars on our property. So we will do the first ever Unicorn Ranch Pub Crawl. Yeah. Are they going to go around the circle? Yeah. Every time we take the golf cart. Is there one in the middle?

We're going to, well, we talked about a fifth. So we talked about up at the top towards the fence, we're going to bury a shipping container and turn it into a bunker bar. Bunker bar. The bunker bar. Yeah. That's actually got to get into it.

So we're going to put an old Chevy truck. When you open the hood, that's the ladder. Yeah. And then you take the ladder down. So it looks like it's like an old dilapidated truck. I normally don't like encouraging your absolute insanity, but I love that idea. That's a great idea.

I mean, I think we need to start doing it. Like, I think the future for us is building things that immerse us into, like we're talking about doing the Viking long house, like building that on property. And when you show up, like there's no electricity in it. It's all- Is there wifi?

No, you don't. We need wifi. You're not allowed to have your phones in there. You're not allowed to have phones! You put on your furs, you get on your Viking outfit, you go in, Caleb and I have a barrel of mead we made, and we start roasting a pig in the center there. There's no cum in the mead, right?

And it's a lock-in. Oh, this cum stinks, man. It stinks so bad. Yeah, which I don't trust this mead or- Why does the mead smell like your cum? We've looked up a lot of mead recipes. I used to go to a meadery in Vermont. I had a meadery near my house in Vermont.

I love it. Wait, they're called meaderies? Yeah, it's a meadery. Although, I want to try some Viking ale. I don't know if I can get it. They had mead and ale. What kind of ale did they drink? Yeah, they always had beer.

Because the Romans had beer. Yep. So, they kind of passed on. I don't know this shit i want some ale i know mead mead's great big fan of mead honey wine man it's delicious mead and ale mead is stronger it's like nine percent it can be up to 12 i've got i've got the i've got champagne champagne yeast that i'm gonna use for mom and it's like 15 16 is this how he got his yeast in the background? Were you playing with the fucking meat? Yeast again. Gotcha.

Yeah, there was a meatery. It was called Groenfeld Meatery, and they ship meat all over the U.S. and shit like that. They're wonderful. Holy shit. Valkyrie's choice was unbelievably strong. No doubt. See, all this, I'm like, see, imagine.

But imagine you come over at fucking 9 p.m i tell you not to eat all day and and you put your phones in a basket you get your costume and as you walk into the viking hall the torches are lit we're cooking a pig in the center and like everybody's got their seats and we're just in there all night and it's just fucking ripped out of our minds tables yeah like barrels that we can like turn the knob. Everybody's got their weapons. You got your horn. That's like in your little holster.

I know you do. Yeah. Okay. This actually sounds like a joke. Back to Etsy. I got a guy in Belarus who makes me like broken swords. Like I needed a shattered sword. I didn't want a shattered sword i didn't want good yeah i didn't want a narceler clone i wanted my own one so he boards the fucking sword shattered

it and re-sharpened it into a bowie knife type sword it's oh that's bro there you need some fucking shadow on mortar stuff where he that's what i was looking for something in between i should get italian's blade and uharsil. For my front porch. Yeah, yeah, Narsil. What's the broken one? Yeah, two giant Odin statues for my front porch. I think I'm a pagan. Do you really?

What? You really have two giant Odins? No, I want them. If you find a place to get a giant statue, let me know. I need one. Woodworkers out there. Yeah, if you can fucking turn along. Can somebody make me a six foot Viking statue?

Odin. Odin. Yeah, that'd be cool. I think we should be pagan pagan I don't know about that pagan yeah I know I know that you don't want to live as a what live in the woods and pray to the trees. You don't want to live as a what? Live in the woods and pray to the trees. No, you don't have to do that.

Once a month, if we just go and do a fucking bar with this and the drinking. That'd be cool. Dude, we should just dress up. But we also should go out and Bernie fucking fully Vikinged out. That's the next day. The next day, we're at brunch. after we gotta go get coffee the next day we go to jared's at fucking 6 p.m we get shit wrecked until 11 we uber yeah dude whatever bar that we've got a fucking pig leg

might be pillaged it's fine it's fine we'll leave our weapons holster you know what i mean uber excel it's Might be pillaged right now. It's fine. It's fine. We'll leave our weapons holstered. You know what I mean. Uber XL. It's fucking eight of them. It's just like, dude's just like, oh, man.

One of us got a torch holding in the back for light. I just said. We take horses to the back. I leave my coin purse at home. You need some silver. You need some silver. I need some silver. We're paying in silver pieces. Although I've looked into minting my own fucking Viking coin too.

That would be cool. Bars are going to love that. I don't know what you're fucking changing. What the fuck is this? I made it. I made it. That's coin. I didn't see. That's coin. I don't know what your fucking change is. I made it. I made it. That is coin. It hurts. Nichols hurt when I buy it. That's 14

coins. What the fuck is this? You weigh it, you peasant. I don't have these things here. There's a line. I don't know what you're doing. I just want your ID. I don't know what you're doing. The bouncer's like, what the fuck? I just want your ID. I'm bribing you.

Zach, you have a gold coin. Yeah, dude, I just bought. See, I was waving that the other day. I just bought like 300 fake gold bars. Yeah. They're hilarious. Wait, what? Why 300?

Because I'm going to turn Lux into a kingpin, like an overlord. Because she's just the perfect boss. I want to have Caleb getting tortured in the shipping container and Lux is controlling all of it. Lux just being like, do it again. Yeah.

300 fake gold bars. Do it harder. It's just like you were like i don't need 10 i need three yeah because i need to create a stack you know i want to send a pyramid yeah you need to create a shipping container a duffel bag full of gold i'm actually gonna fly to florida like 40 duffel bags i know that's just carry-on it's just fake gold bars oh my god just fucking with TSA they're like what what the fuck is this you know they can compensate your uh they can confiscate confiscate your money or stuff like that yeah yeah i did not know that i was like what you read stories it's like yeah

if you carry more than ten thousand dollars they can just be like it nah you don't get it anymore yeah you were probably gonna be so real and they're just on like the plane yeah or just anywhere okay no no on a play if you're like oh shit i ordered a fuck ton of fake money i don't know where that is it because there's so many amazon packages there's a lot yeah oh you have i ordered a shit ton of like fake hundred stacks i think like i think like like 200 of them why do you have because i just yeah i want to i want to like build briefcases and shit like again like i mean i have an Uzi in a briefcase. I get it.

It's really disappointing when you're like, I want a fucking a hundred thousand dollars in one step. You're like, Oh, there's a hundred thousand. Okay. I thought it was going to be way. I love that. It's just this. You're like, what?

Oh, that's pretty cool. The TV makes it looks like duffel bags. If it's once, 100%. You should get $100,000 in once to just have in here. Or just a briefcase. Yeah, it's just there. Like, what is that? $100,000 in once?

What? We just wanted it. I just wanted it. It's in the fridge. This is a fun thing to have. Wow. This is what we do now. Why do you do this?

You just knock out a piece of the drywall and start stacking cash in there. You leave it broken and open. You leave it broken and open. They're like, what are you doing? Oh, this is where we keep all our money. If you need any money, if you're going to the gas station you know just grab a little just grab all of it though okay okay for cowboy stuff caleb

you're getting super into you're decently into it have you learned spinning yet uh no not yet because uh i want to i want to have another one first i don't have like i've got my 22 revolver and i've got my 357 i'd like to have another one to practice both and but i've got the i've got the holsters i've got the shirts the vest i've got so many cowboy hats and the ponchos and the jackets yeah i've got it all like the fucking trench coats i've got so much fucking my face feels i've got some uh cow skin in my fucking cart right now that i was like, man, those look really nice. But I started doing this because of like working with Henry.

That was the first thing. That's what I see. I was like, man, I was like, I want to get a bunch of cowboy stuff to make some fun, funny videos for Henry. That's like just me in like full cowboy gear. That would be like funny. You have a mare's leg, right? Well, here's the thing. I've got the axe too.

That's the 410 version. This is what I was discussing with Uncle Laser the other day, is that we should just do our own version of a cowboy hillbilly letter, Kenny, at the farm. We have the characters. So what's crazy is how close is the one place like $1,000, $500 or $1,000 a day to rent? It's by? Literally just like not even five minutes past man. It is a full cowboy

Yeah, what every building is like fool like it's a full building like it's not just like Yeah, let's look into that. We just need to go out there and get drunk as fuck. And we already have the outfits. My face is so fucking numb right now. The saloon is huge too, dude. I cannot feel my face.

It's okay. It's fine. I've drank so much vodka today. I know. I know. I was like, oh, Jared's going hard. The bottle's not empty.

It's not. But, I was like, we can open up at 12. No, no, probably shouldn't mix the brown. Yeah, I probably have a meeting at like four or something. Probably probably. Yeah, probably.

Like I do. I probably won't make it. I probably do. That is still there. Yeah. It's still supposed to happen. Okay. We have that fucking cow.

That's why I'm like, man, we can do content. Oh, man. Well, Caleb and I have something to tell you guys about right now. We've recently had to hire an attorney. Oh, okay. Caleb's like, and that attorney is drafting a letter right now to the Guinness Book of World Records. Oh my god, yes!

You texted me about this. Yeah. And I said, wait, let me I'm watching you. Hold on. All eyes are on Caleb. I like this more. Can't, hell yeah. Afternoon word for all y'all. Jared's reply. We can't, yeah afternoon work for all y'all jared's reply we can't we can talk about our letter to the guinness burke already can't wake one work sure go on all right so over a year ago it's been over a year yeah it was like march 21 yeah yeah no 22 yeah caleb and i set out to break a world record it was the most human shit you can put in a cowboy boot size 13 so we packed it in

we've just been eating like a lot of meat yeah it was a lot like gamey meat too so it's like goose like a bunch of like undercooked goose in it there's not much fat in it. There's like no fat. We were just eating like pure protein. And it hurts when it comes out. We packed it all in and we mailed it to the Guinness Book of World Records. And we demanded

that they weigh it. We put some aluminum foil over the top and then none spilled out. They just didn't answer us. They refused to recognize it. So we did it a second time.

We had the other boot because it was a set of boots. So we started over again and it hurt more this time. We put more in. It weighed three and a half pounds more than the first one. We've broken our own record now. They still have not recognized

it. They will not weigh the boot and they will not give us our certificate that we have the world record of most poop in a cowboy boot. And they won't. Thank you for watching the episode of my podcast. As always, me and Eli double tap myself, Batty streams.

And I don't even know what to call either of you anymore. Caleb, JT, thank you so much. Caleb, where can everybody find you? The same. Caleb, W. Francis, everywhere. Grizzly Puncher on kick. On kick. On kick now.

JT, Article 15. That is it. Yeah, I don't have a kick. I just have an Instagram. Yeah, we'll have on kick. On kick. On kick now. JT article 15. That is it. Yeah. I don't have a kick. I just have an Instagram. Yeah. We'll have a kick. That's it.

See you on the after show. There's more. We'll see you on the next one.