Unsubscribe Podcast - Comedian Ryan Long Tells The Best Joke Ever | Unsubscribe Podcast 251

Episode Date: February 16, 2026

Stand up comedian Ryan Long joins us this week to talk all about the comedy scene! Watch this episode ad-free and uncensored on Pepperbox! https://www.pepperbox.tv/ WATCH THE AFTERSHOW & BTS ON PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/UnsubscribePodcast 👕 Merch & Shoes https://bunkerbranding.com/pages/unsubscribe-podcast 🔋 Energy Drinks https://drinkechelon.com P.O BOX: Unsubscribe Podcast 17503 La Cantera Pkwy Ste 104 Box 624 San Antonio TX 78257 ------------------------------ THANK YOU TO OUR SPONSORS! THE PERFECT JEAN Get 15% off The Perfect Jean with code UNSUB15 at https://theperfectjean.nyc/UNSUB15 GHOSTBED Get an extra 10% off already reduced prices at GhostBed with code UNSUBSCRIBE at checkout—visit https://ghostbed.com/unsubscribe to get started. SHOPIFY Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial today at https://shopify.com/unsubpod TURTLE BEACH Level up your game and get 10% off @TurtleBeach with code UNSUB at https://turtlebeach.com/unsub ! #turtlebeachpod ------------------------------ FOLLOW OUR SOCIALS! Unsubscribe Podcast https://www.instagram.com/unsubscribepodcast https://www.tiktok.com/@unsubscribepodcast https://x.com/unsubscribecast Eli Doubletap https://www.instagram.com/eli_doubletap/ https://x.com/Eli_Doubletap https://www.youtube.com/c/EliDoubletap Brandon Herrera https://www.youtube.com/@BrandonHerrera https://x.com/TheAKGuy https://www.instagram.com/realbrandonherrera Donut Operator https://www.youtube.com/@DonutOperator https://x.com/DonutOperator https://www.instagram.com/donutoperator The Fat Electrician https://www.youtube.com/@the_fat_electrician https://thefatelectrician.com/ https://www.instagram.com/the_fat_electrician https://www.tiktok.com/@the_fat_electrician ------------------------------ unsubscribe pod podcast episode ep unsub funny comedy military army comedian texas podcasts #podcast #comedy #funnypodcast Chapters 0:00 Welcome To Unsub! 5:54 Ryan’s Stand Up Comedy Career 29:10 Live Podcasting Vs Stand Up 43:58 Writing & Testing Material For Comedy 1:00:30 Social Media Algorithms 1:11:03 How The Comedy Scene Has Changed 1:23:25 Canadians In World War 1 1:30:33 Military Stories 1:36:00 Crime In Canada & New York 1:46:55 Our Favorite Comedians 1:48:25 The Comedy Scene & Inspirations 1:56:41 Influencer Life Vs Hollywood Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Oh, and this feels like actually what the Texas I read about. Was it the Mexicans? How did it? Click. All right, well, I guess I'm doing tomorrow's show. Oh, I'm very good at being racist. Yeah, I don't know if she'd be blind dating without skin. Bare minimum.

Things I want my partner to bring to the table. Skin. Pretty reasonable expectation. Bare minimum. Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambiguous. Brandon. His hair is full.

fucking fabulous. Don't I a dark joke disposition and there's a fat electrician will come to unsubscribe.

Fuck yeah. All right. Well, we get to kick it off. I know. Oh, grab your drinks on the count of three? So we crack these on the countdown

from three. One, two, three. Hi, everyone, and welcome to the unsubscribe podcast. I'm joined as always by Eli Double Tap world famous comedian

Mr. Ryan Long, soon to be Congressman Brandon Herrera and myself, Bassman. Fish guy. Fish guy. Fish man, and it's great to have you today. Ryan, what's the like?

Thanks for coming down, dude. Do we bring the guns out now or how does this happen? Oh, whenever you'd like. Welcome to Texas. We need way more drinks. You think people at the table don't have guns? It's crazy. We sit with those.

You know, it's funny. I feel like obviously in the Internet, you're in sort of different worlds. People are where you guys are that side of the internet that, to me is funny, where you just kind of like, I'll see a video of yours and be like, who's this guy and just some random guy that's got like 8 million views on every video? You know what I mean? Just like, who are these?

Like what is this? It's like, you look at the podcast chair. It'd be like, Rogan, some guy named Dave. You know what I mean? Yeah, right, right. That is weird. The different spheres of influence. Yeah, but yeah, there's people that before, if there was like some enormous TV show,

you'd be like, everyone would know that. where there's just you on the internet being like enormous and you're just like, what's going on over here? Meanwhile, you just show up all the time like my Instagram reels and shit like that. I'm just like, ha, racist joke. That's funny.

And we are like two minutes in. All right. It begins. Dude, it's weird seeing, as you're saying, those big names that you have no, you just do not recognize. It's like, cousin Bill is number three on charting on all of Spotify.

And you're like, who? It's cool, yeah. Cycle through, what the fuck? I've never heard of that individual. Dude, I follow Nate the Hoof guy on Facebook. Like, I watch this guy. He just, all he does is clean hoofs. This guy's probably a billionaire by now.

Oh, I know what you're talking about. Like, like, horses? He's a failure. Oh, no shit. He just cleans the horses hoops, but he's got every video, 10 gazillion views. He's probably, you know, bigger than 90% of Netflix shows just cleaning horse hoops. He doesn't even have to clean him anymore.

He does it for the love of the game. You know, you know the people that go to live. like film school, that's got to piss them off. Yeah. Of course. Like I was going to be the next Scorsese and here comes hoof guy. Well, we gotta spray some iodine so make sure it heals nice. A little better. And that's it. It's every

episode is just talking what is wrong with that hoof on that cow. And then... Yeah, and other people are doing so much stuff, having extras in their videos and everything. And this guy's just like, here we go, another billion dollars. Beast games are a hoof guy. You're getting equal viewership and you're like, motherfucker.

It's the, what is that? The law of diminishing returns, I think. It's like, oh, you could just clean hooves. That's crazy, yeah. You can mow yards. The lawmower guy's one of my favorite. He's just mows yards for an hour. Your cousin?

No, he's a white guy. It's weird. He hires my cousin. But he gets fucking 10 to 30 million views per upload of just mowing a yard. He does it for free now. for love of the game. Well, yeah. He's like, it kind of you box yourself in

because you're just like, you have your job that you didn't want to do. And you start, we were talking about there's a subway guy. He just films himself at Subway sandwiches. And he's like, well, now he's rich, so he doesn't have to work at Subway.

But if he, that's his business, is filming his own subway. You fuck, really painted myself into a corner here. Subway, you know if they got him to. That salary. Yeah. He's 725 an hour. He's the first guy that if he loses his job at Subway,

he loses half a million dollars. Jared Fogel, I think. Who would like to say something? The second guy. There's the guy who records himself making sandwiches and the guy who fakes children. Sorry, editor. We're at, what, two minutes?

I'd rather be the sandwich guy. I hope. Yeah, plumber influencer. That's another one. There's a few that are plumbers. They're just like, I don't want to be cleaning toilets anymore. But here we are. I mean, if I had electricians started Nick,

started as an electrician and he was just doing little history beats in between and tell that one. I mean, he still has his electrician's license. Like, he still does that from time to time, which is kind of cool. Yeah, yeah. It was just his boss when the bus was like, hey, you're going to have to make a choice. You have to either focus on the internet stuff more or the electrician. And Nick was like, all right, so I would choose if I were you the one that makes more money. He was like, I, so I can see you at Monday.

Oh no, I'm going to the internet. Sorry, I got to clock in for the internet. Yeah, I mean, that is hard in jobs, Ryan. How'd you get into comedy? Yeah, your boss is like telling you, he's like, hey, you're late for your shift. You're there with like a gold chain, Lamborghini, like, oh, am I?

I can buy you. You're late to life. You pull the Bruce Wayne where you buy the hotel. Yeah, what got you into comedy, as Mr. Connor was saying? I'll tell you, also comedy used to be a job, a little bit that everyone would kind of do to then get out of it.

Like every stand-up used to be like, then you go to be movie star and you don't have to do that anymore. But now it kind of feels like it's its own thing where people do want to do that. Do you get that weird spot also now with I think Matt Rife set the standard of that crowd interaction?

Because I know a lot of people went to film. Matt Rife famously the first guy to do crowd work. I know, but filming it to that level. That took... He might be the first guy to be doing arenas and doing crowd work. the entire time literally it shows for you there

487C all right I know I was just fucking with you but like his entire show is crowdwork yes no to be honest I don't know exactly but I've seen people do do that I remember even like Russell Peters was doing big theaters and he does a lot of crowd work

and I remember they have like three camera guys and they film the guy that they're talking to and put him on the screen and you know it becomes a whole art for him You got an Olympic sprinter is your camera guy just getting all the way across I'm so tired Yeah, yeah But no, I started in Toronto

In the Toronto scene I fucking picked up on that Canadian accent You can tell, eh? You also mentioned hockey earlier I was like, oh, nobody cares about hockey Except fucking Canadian Some puck, Texas guys go We're in real Texas here too, right?

This I've never, when I'm in San Antonio This is the first time that I felt like I was like Oh, this feels like actually what the Texas I read about It was the Mexicans Yeah, we'll tip you up I think there's the fireworks stores, to be honest. That's Mexican. When I see like five fireworks stores in a row,

now we're talking, all right. I hate that. Fair enough. I was driving to the podcast, there's like fireworks store, fireworks store. Pretty much everywhere on any highway around San Antonio, you've got fireworks stores that are, like they only open like fucking three weeks a year or two.

Like before Fourth of July. Are they money laundering operations, you think? Most likely. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It's like, what's the Halloween? spirit yeah

so Toronto when's about yeah Toronto that's where I started doing comedy was there for like 10 years moved to New York which is probably

the opposite of Texas right now yeah yeah you guys think that cold and shitty yeah it is kind of if you think

about it a little bit sorry Rich that's our buddy he lives yeah we got a friend who lives do you guys do you guys hate

New York or do you like New York I would never live there I've never been to New York City. I mean, living there is insane. It's $10,000 to live in a rat hole. See, that is, I'm good. No, uh, I, I just the going to a place where all of the streets smell like piss all the time. Oh yeah. I know why Spider-Man's superpower was not having to touch the sidewalk. Yeah, yeah. Just gross. You don't have a choice too. Like, I remember when I first moved there, you're just like,

everything's farted. You're walking around everywhere and you can't use a bathroom. So you're just like, yeah, Yeah, people are just during the day pissing everywhere. Oh, legit. Yeah, kind of. Well, it makes sense. It smells like it. I could, mm-mm. No, like, even that move, we visited multiple times,

and the second I land or I have to deal with anything in a big city, I'm like, mom, I'm golden. Yeah, yeah. It's quiet all day long, and then $10,000 for a rat hole. Yeah, yeah. Good to go. But the comedy scenes big there? The comedy scene, so people that would say that New York's kind of like,

Right now it's New York, L.A. Austin's kind of like the third contender is like the part of the comedy scene. Like it used to be you had to move to New York or L.A. And probably a lot of things were like this for finance. You had to be in New York. And it feels like that's decentralizing, you know, a little bit where a lot of people, you can move. You can make it work in new Austin. And then also there's kind of a theory that a lot of people talk about where kind of like new scenes and energy happen in places where people have low rent. So if everything gets interesting.

Like if you think of a like I mean even in music that happens where people's parents can afford a garage So a band can actually have drums, you know So in a city like New York, you know, if you go there and you're 20 years old like it's pretty hard to make it work So if you go to somewhere where you can kind of live with a bunch of people and it's super cheap You can spend all your time on you know doing whatever art you're up to for the next six years well no one's paying attention It's kind of like wherever you can have like a little incubator house yeah a bunch of like artists living together or whoever. Incubator is the perfect world because it's kind of like you almost need to have like low stakes making mistakes with no one paying attention to make good things.

So these scenes kind of always like pop up in different places. But all the good, all the best comedians in comedy clubs technically are in New York. So that's kind of like the Silicon Valley of comedy, I'd say. Hmm. Yeah, I knew that, you know, there's different like comedy clubs and stuff like that that are like very famous in like L.A., but I didn't know it was that big in New York. That's just me not being in the industry, I guess. But it's kind of like same as Broadway, like live performance, the live performance part of it took him. People used to say, they go, go to New York to get good and then go to L.A. to get famous. Right. You know, all of the things are changing, because everyone, you know, there's some Atlanta. There's just a bunch of guys doing the, you know,

their thing in Atlanta and a bunch of guys in Chicago. And now it's like, you're like, well, I don't have to be there if I'm like a touring act. And people are kind of skipping steps where it used to be, okay, you go to New York, then you go to L.A. or, you know, some version of that. And then you get really good in L.A., and then you're on some TV shows. And then you're kind of touring to your audience. And you're like, oh, maybe I don't have to live here anymore. Whereas now people are getting there. Right. Especially, well, like now that the internet, I feel like has jailbroken most of that.

Yeah, yeah. You're able to just, if you're good and you're funny and people like you and you get out there and you make enough content. Well, I feel like you can tell me if I'm wrong, but I feel like they're stylistically is kind of a difference between New York comics and L.A. comics. Yeah. What would you describe it as? How do you see it? He didn't think that'd feel like that. No, no, no.

No, I was going to, I was going to compare it as like slightly grittier. and funny and then just like gay guess which city's which the world may never know yeah it used to be I feel like New York comics used to shit on LA

now Austin people are shit like there's a kind of like war is always between the cities but I feel like the Austin shit is kind of getting a little aggressive aggressive aggressive in regards to the like saying the word retard is funny

dude every criticism we're back to 2008 every criticism criticism about a scene, there's probably like some true parts and then some overblown parts. You know what I mean? But yeah, it used to be LA as kind of, well, you think actors, it's like more energy than funny. Kind of was the criticism before in New York. Maybe you could say you iron out all your personality and it's just a guy like doesn't move

and tells jokes, but the jokes are really good. There's a lot of cynicism there too. Right, yeah, yeah. So you can kind of say like a good thing and a bad thing about every, you know, type of comedy or scene. They always have like the part of it that's good and the part of it that's, corny. Interesting.

And then what made you start in, you were in Toronto first, and then you're like, hey, okay, now I've expanded into Illinois. So I used to, I was in like a band, so I was like a music guy.

You music guy, you got tattoos and stuff. Oh, no, Army and anime guy. He hates music. I don't listen to music. Like, Connor's right,

I just do not listen to me. It's weird. We call it psychopathy. Yeah, yeah. A lot of people that I've talked to, it sounds like the kind of the culture of like being a young band guy might be compared to being like an athlete.

Like, you know, the same kind of like a team, you know what I mean, might be the same as sort of like a, you know, a young band scene. And the same as the Army, a lot of people said. All right. Three things. It's kind of this, you know, just a group of guy. If you're bad at your job, you get shot. Yeah, if you're bad at your job, you get shot. Obviously, the bass player usually takes one.

Yeah. Eli famously bad at his job. I know. Shit is that. You said the music thing, were you in a F-Kaa band? Yeah, kind of like a punk, reggae rap, Scots or nothing yet. I could be a goddamn detective.

I don't even know what that is. This is selector. This is the, it was originally, this is kind of the specials logo, but it was also like a record label in the UK. So you're telling me that's... Ghost Town by the specials. I fucking love that song. You telling me that's not a blues brother?

It kind of looks like a blues brother, but it's a selector. Fast forward. elect a... You never heard of that? No, not at all. I'm sorry. If I'm just not cultured.

I listen to the specials all the time at your house. Really? Yeah. Oh, no shit. Yeah, and then his special opened with a ska song. Yeah, that was a band called. Oh, so you had prior knowledge for you. That doesn't...

Yeah. He did slip out of the night. I could be a detective Connor before me. Yeah. He had himself on the back a lot. So I googled you before I showed up. No, no, no. I let me in text you.

Shut the fuck up. Did you also listen to his special this morning? No. Oh, suck my fucking I saw the fucking low I saw the specials tattoo on his arm

he's opened his fucking special with Skah. There's a reggae band I'm a special. And Captain Hydez He was in a van. Oh, shut the fuck up.

Nobody would have intuited that that's called intuitive reasoning It's logic. I applied it. I could be a goddamn detective. If only

shit that Sherlock Holmes used, you can all suck my fat. If only detectives, had access to Google. What do you mean? I watched his special. Appreciate that. Problem solved out on YouTube.

I had watched a lot of his content beforehand. I didn't need to research. I just figured I'd come in ready with all of his jokes fresh in my mind. Oh, I love this stuff. Also found it. Welcome to Antsup. Feel it. Oh, my God. It's the perfect genes. Right?

I can leave. Get on his shoulders. Up here, big boy. Try the perfect jeans out as earmuffs. Brandon, how perfect are they? Feels like the perfect jeans. They're so flexible. I'm fat.

I can actually do squats on them. Usually it's an issue. I'm not kidding. I'm picturing you doing squats in the gym with these jeans. I could. They are like, Eli's just magging on the audience right now. Finn, make my dick talk.

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Oh, pants. Very odd that the same day you were in San Antonio last year, you're here again. I've been here before? Have you not? I thought I hadn't, but that happens to me a lot where I had. Good tour. Oh, there was a pin comment on your video that was from a year. go.

Dude, it's very possible. But I just told him I've never been here, so. Oh, shit. In my mind, I had this. My first. Glad we made an impact. Drugs.

Dude, I knew that all. I was there, front row. Do you remember? Great joke. I still don't like know America that well, so I do do that where I go to place and kind of forget, or I think I've been somewhere I haven't.

But if I've been here, last year, he's like, oh, Mexicans. This year is like, ooh, Mexicans. If I've been here, that's crazy. because I've been saying it's the first time here. No. If he was here last year, he'd be like, oh, Mexicans. If he's here this year, where did the Mexicans go?

We sent him back. God damn, have I been here? That's crazy. But I do do that. Same. Detecto. Yeah, have the information I learned is false. That's possible.

For sure, possible. I don't know who's wrong. I'm loving this one. No, then, yeah, so I was doing the music thing. and we were pretty kind of pretty popular in Canada tour to America a decent amount but like had a bunch of records

and then during that time we started doing this like cable access show me and the other guys from the band like Tom Green kind of you know that world like we were doing it was like a lot of on the street stuff 2000s what time would have been I actually don't know years but I'll tell you how many years ago

you can yeah I'm 40 now that would have been when I was 24 okay yeah yeah 16 years ago everybody so 20 10 26 years ago. It's like, oh.

2006, 2006, 2007. I can't do subtraction. 16 years ago, 2026, 2010. Yeah, so. God. I was about to bust out of fucking calculator. I was going to say, you got TBI. Like, you have an excuse.

I dropped out of high school. I mean, I have so many excuses. I'm 40. You must have been into jackass and Tom Green, all that sort of stuff. While you said Tom Green, it was like, oh, you're my age or around there. Yeah, the goat. Yeah, there was like 03.3. Yeah, we were doing all these DVDs.

Back in the day, it was DVDs. Oh, so you're recording, like, old camcorders show. In high school, I was huge into the film and everyone. And then, you know, you take the stuff. You put it on the TV. You have to watch it there. You can only kind of, like, edit it on the thing. Your parents are way better than mine because you could afford a camcorder.

They were that expensive. These, like, super crappy ones? And you don't need one for the squad. Oh, that's true. That is true. But, yeah, that is, oh, man. That was the game back then, yeah. And then you'd kind of, yeah, you put them.

And then I remember the first, I had like the first I movie and figured out how to edit and you're just like, sick. Windows movie maker. Yeah, Windows movie maker, yeah. What do you guys think play? It's a slow intro with sparkles. Yeah, the star-ripe transition. Yeah, you felt like a wizard. That's fucking sick.

I'm basically Scorsese. Yeah. So you were doing that and then you're like, okay, hey, we're. Yeah, we said we're doing all these DVDs and bands. stuff and you know whatever like just film on all sorts of crazy little videos and then we made a put it together into a pilot and sold this cable access show that you you know made $400 an episode for did some of that then sort of turned that into this show at like bite TV called Ryan Long is challenged and then during that time I started doing stand-up it's called

Ryan Long is challenged yeah that's fucking rad not bad yeah I actually put some episodes on you challenge or Ryan Long is challenged that is fucking dope yeah it was like a fake it was a fake fake reality show where every episode there's like a new challenge but they're all it was all messing with people on the street stuff that was kind of the whole thing his challenge is a while

yeah so just doing all that stuff and then during that time it was kind of like oh yeah maybe I guess I should also try stand up and then you try stand up and you're like I guess that's my life now because you think it's just like yeah you just sort of do that

and then you're just like no if you want to do that it takes over everything in your life and then you're just like then I guess I've done stand up almost every night for the last 15 years now no sure kind of yeah Jesus.

I mean, at least like three, four times a week even. I probably haven't gone a week without doing stand-up since I started, yeah. So I think I know the answer, but I'm just curious. Like, are the jitters now completely gone? When you stand up in front of a crowd and you're doing like, you know, crowd work or something improv, like do you just know, like, hey, I'm a pro at this point. I can just do it. Yeah, I feel like the only time you get jitters is almost the reverse of what you'd think

where, like, if you go do some like huge show for 2,000 people, that would not. I could literally be just like talking and then go on. It wouldn't even anything. Yeah. But if I was doing a show for like seven people in the city and it was crappy and then someone that I care about their opinion walks in the room, then all of a sudden you're kind of like, oh, right. And then you start, then that's when your brain starts going.

Like these weird moments, you kind of get nervous for a second. So what you're telling me is that you don't care about your fans. No, it's easy because I know. No, I think what makes you, well, I've thought about this before. I go, what makes you nervous? Like even with anything, you go, nervousness comes from I'm not sure how this is going to shake down. Whereas if I'm in like a theater with tons of people.

I kind of know exactly what's going to happen, and there's nothing that could happen that I couldn't handle. Yeah, like performing to one person sitting on a couch is nightmareish. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's just like a blur. Yeah.

Oh, okay, we got this. So it's like a lack of control. Yeah. Yeah, but that's my worst for performing in small rooms, like to a handful of people. Especially when it's a black couch with a camcorder. It's just a very, there's a lot of pressure of energy.

I know what's going to happen. It's the side of control. Yeah. Yeah. But no. No, I've been here before. Okay,

couldn't you say like, if you were putting on it, like, I can even, you can probably relate this even like to guns, not that I'm saying that's the whole thing

or whatever, but like, imagine you were being like, I'm going to put it a demonstration for my fans. You probably like wouldn't be nervous, but imagine you were kind of messing around and someone that was like really good

was like over your shoulder. Yeah. No, okay. I know exactly what you do. Yeah. If, yeah,

if every video I did, I had Ian from forgotten weapons, like right over my shoulder, like analyzing everything I did. Yes. I would have a bit of a complex. Like all of a sudden, then you're kind of like, oh, am I?

Do I even know how to shoot a gun? Like, I know that fact's correct, but is it? Yeah, yeah. So I feel like those little moments, like, kind of get in your head. And when you say, like, people that you respect, like somebody whose opinion you respect walks into the room, you're talking about, like, other comics. Yeah, might just be even like your boy that you haven't seen in a while.

So it's a lot of times, you know, everyone's out on the road, then your friend, you know, people are on the road, and then you kind of see him in the city. You're like, oh, what's this guy been up to? You kind of watch his set for 15 minutes. Yeah. watching me. You know what I mean? But yeah, then someone comes in that you haven't seen in a while and you want them to think you're funny. So then they can come in and then you're all of a sudden like, fuck, I was planning on bombing right now and like we're planning on. I was planning on bombing? Yeah, no, you're like, what was that changed to go to comedy? Because that is like what you're doing a band element and now it's, well, I'll just tell jokes. That's an interesting switch for me. Yeah, because that is we get up. We'll perform in front of like a lot of people and it's just a podcast it's crowd interaction it's an

amazing time but it sounds sick don't have that fear of walking up by yourself and be like yeah alone's spooky like like boo like like I'd crumble immediately by myself yeah everything just becomes normal I mean I probably wouldn't want to do whatever you did in the army unfortunately I don't think most be bad at your journey I mean that's a fair Yeah, that's a fair jump I'd rather like I'm in front of 700 people That hit shot in the ass I'd rather bomb on stage than get bombed

Yeah, that's pretty Yeah, I think most people take that Trade to be honest But then it becomes normal probably at some point, you know? It does, it really does. Like I mean, okay, My normal is like, if they shoot me, I hope it's here.

Yeah. It'll instantly not be my problem. Yeah, and I'm not worried anymore. You know what, it's probably the truth, It's stand-up is the hardest one for the first, like, five years in that it's like, it's, it's super hard to not be that good at. You know what I mean? And it's hard to know there's an easy learning curve.

Yeah. But then after. It's pretty hard for half a decade. It's, you know. Yeah, probably seven, eight years for people. And then after that, it just becomes anything else. Like, once you've been doing it for eight years and you're like, okay, have an hour. I can do this.

Then it becomes anything else. Whereas, like, then now I go, sometimes you'll be like, man, this is kind of rough. And then you're just like, yeah, but the other version that other people are doing, you're like, then you go in an octagon and fight people to the day. You know what I mean? So you go, it's hard to be, oh, man, this is so hard. I got to go stand in front of people and speak. I will say there's something to be said, too, about like,

especially our podcast format is because, like, when you're up there with five of your boys and, you know, you got an audience that's already like, they fucking love, you know, a lot of the shit we've done before. And so, like, they go crazy. They're there for you. Yeah, exactly. They're there for us.

Like, we built that community. but like being able to have that versus going up into a crowd of you know for example two 300 people that you've never fucking met before that maybe don't know you at all yeah and have to make them laugh that seems like a totally different skill set yeah it all just becomes like it's becomes regular where you're just like well but you know how to do it you know what I mean yeah it becomes the like to use the octagon analogy of like yeah that would be hard to have to go fight the best fighter in the world every night but you're like, that's not really what you're doing in that scenario.

What you're really doing for that UFC fighter is beating up a guy in a bar. You know what I mean? We're like, that actually wasn't that stressful or hard. Oh, got you. Because you're like, you work that you're putting together this hour, and it's like now you have this jokes and you're like, and then the things that work, it works every time. It's kind of like magic in that sense where you're like, I have this thing. It almost always work. And then you, your instincts, you have so many different instincts that, okay, if this happens to do this and it become microscopic and it becomes like second nature, I guess.

You just do the thing you always do. Yeah, I think everything like a mass. you got good at. Mastery or whatever, it probably works similar in like everything. The difference is probably with stand-up

why it seems maybe sometimes scary. It's like if you're like a, there's 16-year-olds that like form a band and then it's pretty good or YouTubers like even that are, you know what,

I'm going to start making some sketches and then within a year, you're like, oh, that's actually pretty funny. That one, that curve is more like five, six years probably. There's very few people there's just like, oh yeah.

Well, you're also directly facing the like the number one fear of most people, which is not only public speaking, but public speaking where you're expected to make people laugh, which is far harder. Yeah, yeah. So, like, you have, like, I guarantee you, if you talk to most of the people in the audience or whoever, they would rather jump out of a plane than do a 20-minute set in front of 500 people.

I'm saying on the podcast, there's so much comfort because, like, every time I've been on stage, it's like, if you throw out a joke and it fucking bombs, I can just flash eyes at Brandon. I'm like, take over. Yeah. Like, it's not up to me to, well, you guys didn't like that one. Instant feedback. And that's what you have to deal with that instant feedback. I mean, you are right, that stinks.

Like when you're just there and you're eating it and there's nothing you can do and you're three years in, you don't even have the tools. You're like, this is the worst thing I've ever experienced. What's the hardest you've ever bombed? So many times. I mean. What's the one that sticks in your mind though? I remember one that's funny is there's certain people that you're just like really not

equipped of follow when you're young. And I remember some like, there was this guy. He was in a. a wheelchair and he went up and he was just like crushing for it was in front of a black audience too so black audiences get like wow you know and and what are you saying I'm joking to lose them they're highs are highs but if they turn on you they're like fuck you so you know what I mean like that those the best reactions like that they are if they like you yeah audience to have because it is over that top reaction to them they they they they

Yeah, I'm like, Mexicans, I'll call them they too. All white people, they. I mean, that's not. Black Rooms is a thing. Yeah. That's definitely a thing. But you lost them. Well, this guy went up with a wheelchair and he had like a hand that had cerebral

policy. Cheat codes. And this guy was like talking about how he's like fingering girls in his hand. And just black guys are falling out of their chair, dying laughing, right? And then I went up immediately and I said something about like, gay people and like everyone in the crowd was just like, yo, hey, yo, like, oh. And I remember just being like, I have nine more minutes. And then about three minutes in this black room, they have like a DJ that plays like get off

stage music. Oh, shit. Oh, no. And I'm like, I probably, maybe a year into comedy. And this guy's just like murdering. I went up. Talked about gay people. Everyone was just like, about to puke.

Like, and then the DJ puts on like music to kick me off stage. Everyone starts bursting out laughing. And I walked off stage and just, like, walked into an ocean. And I was like, I'm not doing stand-up anymore. But, yeah, but then ten more of those. Click. All right, well, I guess I'm doing tomorrow's show. It sucks, dude.

Stenup stinks. Have you ever woke up and felt like your mattress punched you in your sleep? I still think it was my wife, but yeah. Eli, do you have the mattress? Right here. A pillow? No, that's an Eli-sized mattress. Exactly.

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What is it? Now, do you see your show has to change depending on what location you're at? Because I think that is a big element. Like a very large element. We had that same experience with even the employees at certain locations. Oh, we're way more opening.

Certain locations. Certain locations in New Jersey. would say. We're way more respect. They liked us versus just hating us for no reason. Oh, really? You see that. That's like your shows?

Yeah. That's interesting when you, it's like your fans and then, what do you think it was? Do you think that they just kind of were like expecting something different? No, the fans loved it. It was the employees. Oh, the employee.

Employees at the venue. The fans were pretty much great everywhere. You could feel their energy of like a lady walking around like giving you. Oh, no. Like, yeah, they made it known. they like out the gate we've never been patted down to go in a green room before or in the backstage like yeah like you're patting people down for weapons for our sick fuckhead like they're just assholes like the entire time and we didn't know what we did it was a because we

start the show we tip every all the employees out the gate like the first thing we do we haven't seen how you're going to work it's like here's tips blah blah bum i just enjoy the show have fun you take care of the people that take care of you you know like if you guys have you know whether you're putting on a, you guys are here helping us put on the show that allows us to do all this for our fans. It's like, yeah, we'll, you know, we'll make sure that you're paid accordingly. These people, and well, also, Jersey, they weren't allowed to get tipped out. They're not allowed to get fired and they're not allowed to get tipped. Wow.

I wonder why their performance f***ing sucks. Yeah. It's like. And that's the only time we've ever had a bad experience ever. Yeah, and it kind of weighs on you. You're on stage, like, knowing the energy of these nine people that don't like me and there's nothing I can do about it. Our phones were going off. We were getting texts the entire time, like, where all of our staff that's, like,

dealing with shit behind the scenes is, like, they're bullying us right now. They're like, hey, as soon as you guys get off stage, like, while we normally, like, hang out and everything, bail. We're, we're leaving. Did you guys talk about it on stage? Did you be, like, the staff's a bit much here? No, we were still fucking super nice. Even said, hey, make sure you tip them out.

It was that when we got home, we did an IG store. And then they found out the power of the internet or really fast. They got review bombed like crazy. You guys, caroned them. Oh, dude. I wanted to care in someone last night. Or what happened? Tell the story. I went to the Alamo rental place.

No shout out to Alamo. And they wouldn't give me a car because I didn't have my passport. I don't have my permanent resident card. And they're just like, you have to have a passport. And then they got the manager. And she goes, I don't know what you're trying to do, but you're not getting a car. And I was just like, I'll show you. I pulled up their website.

And it was like, you just need a valid government ID. And if you look up valid government ID, permanent resident card counts. like your status card or whatever. And then I, so I have my Toronto license. I was to say, would your Canadian driver's license not count? I have my permanent resident card and then like three credit cards, like whatever it was. And then she was just like no. And I'm like, I'm showing you the thing.

And then she was like, you can show me all you want. Like you're not getting a car. And then I go, that's Texas law that you need a passport. And then I go and then so I fought with her for a bit and then walk to the next booth over and the guy gave me a car. But I had, yeah, I was just like. Texas law. Yeah. Exactly.

I went back. And I was just like. with the guy was like, oh, you have $250? Here's the keys. Yeah, but it was like late at night. You stole it. I was infuriating. I was like, want to review on them.

Of course. Got the girl's name too. But drop it. Considering it. So is that though, like the different... If I was on stage in that scenario, because that's what you're sitting in there in that energy, I would figure it a way to get rid of that energy as soon as possible.

So if I was... For you, you're like, this thing's... I would be talking about that immediately, be like pretty weird interaction with the staff. Like that would, because... Oh, our audiences are a lot of my... We love our community, but... You can do it in a way, though. There's an elephant in the room, right?

This is just on Instagram stories. We're in a room full of elephant hunters is the problem. This is... You're saying you'd be like, staff's really weird. Yeah. Stop, stop, stop. It was a... A review bomb.

This is, and this is just that evening at like 11 a.m. Or 11 p.m. till 2 in the morning, we're doing stories about it. And they have probably a thousand reviews already at that, like on every platform. Against them. Just one start. And that is a thousand like in a three hour window. And you're like, whoa. And some of it was pretty.

I can't remember. Some of the stuff they did was pretty egregious. Like not only was it like mistreatment. It was like harassment of certain people. And just like, they just all around were just a terrible fucking menu. Everybody, it. And we've never had that before. No, ever.

Out of 20 shows, maybe, roughly. And you still don't know what it was. Like, you never got to the bottom of why do these guys have a bone to pick with us? My theory is just Jersey. I don't like that place. Sorry, if you're from Jersey, but you should get out. It was a wild one. It was the exact same set, exact same.

Like, everything we do, we modify a small amount, but the starting's the same. we're always going to use the same jokes at the beginning when we're introducing calling people out. And it was just like instantly like, no, no. They just, say like 50, 60% of the show is the same. Like there's a lot of ad lipping. We're all just bros on stage hanging out. And like we're, especially toward the end. Yeah, we got a structure, but we're also on stage like trying to make each other laugh,

which is I think always kind of a fun vibe. Yeah, hell yeah. And that was just, nothing was inordinately different. But. But them, they were very different. And no matter what we did, just. We're just never work with a union in that side of the space ever. We didn't even get to do like a sound check.

That was union? It was a union check. I mean, those are hard to deal with, man. Every time you're just like, hey, I'm thinking about putting just like a small thing on the wall. And they're like, oh, we're going to need the small thing on the wall guy. That's $7,000. That's another $2,000. It's everything.

You're just like, hey, I'm going to be wearing a lot. hat? Is that a problem? And they go, oh. Well, you didn't tell us we had to hire a hat guy. Tony, who's the hat guy? How would you call us for that? We got to call Tony two hats. You get

this hat or this hat? Which hat do you want to wear? No, you can't wear that hat. What is that? It's a red hat? Oh. Dude, they, oh my God. Tony, no, we got to call fucking Nick. He's the red hat guy. They didn't let us do a sound check,

because they said, oh, yeah, no, we have our dedicated, like, two-hour smoke break. If you don't get your sound check done by this time, then you don't get to do one. I'm like, okay, cool. And then afterward, we had, like, a medical emergency. Yep. There was somebody who, like, actually had passed out and they were trying to get EMS in there. They turned off the lights. And they're like, oh, well, union rules, you want the lights back on.

It's $2,000. It's like, are you that shitting me? No, that's genuinely. This is an actual light. That's an expensive fucking light switch. I've experienced this tons of times. Yeah. That was our rule.

Dude, I made a TV show that was like Union. I was just like, for the bane of my existence, just every day. All right. Well, you open the door? All right, TV show that was union. Tell us about TV show. Oh, it's just the exact same thing. Well, it was when I did my show at CBC, we did, I did like this digital series called

Trontopia, which is just about Toronto. But it was just every same thing where you just like, you want to change anything. Okay, I want to just like, for example, you know how you guys are filming? You're like, you know what? Let's put our boy in for one shot. You're just like, okay, that's going to take a month of like prep. Everything is just, you know, enormous. And then I didn't do it.

So I was kind of like, I can, where it's small enough, I could probably, you know, get away with this stuff. So I'd just be like, we need an extra. Like, you know, let's put the camera guy there for a second. And then, you know what I mean? They tracked me down. They're like, you owe me $20 grand. You might be tempted to let Taco Bell's new Lux value menu go to your head. Because 10 indulgences for $5 or less makes you feel fancy.

Like you might think you need cloth napkins. Well, you don't. Just use the ones that come in the bag. Don't let the lux go to your head. It is wild. We had to do working with Union, and it was part of a video game high school. And the crowd, we needed a reaction crowd shot in an office. And it's like, okay, everyone go.

And they start screaming. And I was like, no, no, no screaming. No yelling, no nothing. Just because you have to pay for that. That is an additional charge. You're not silent on camera. Yep. Dude, the dumb rules

The gay shit I ever heard in my life. It's fucking wild Yeah, but they want the theaters The theater ones they've really The live theaters They've really got on lockdown And you're in some small place

Like I wanted to do I think I was in Toronto I wanted to do like a A minute long intro video And it was just like I mean they want your first born It's crazy I feel like Hollywood's like that

That Spider Man pointing at Spider Man meme It's like who's killing Hollywood you guys with your dumb rules like of course now the barrier to entry is so far allowed to do shit on the internet now yeah yeah and they're happening

simultaneously right yeah so it's kind of a weird position where we're like we're gonna make it harder at the same time people don't need us yeah we're gonna make it harder in a time where our competition is so much more prepared to overtake us for the war on attention

I remember in like acting unions which I've been in at some point the film actor's good Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Film actors, Guild actor. I was like, watch apps wait for con atrax. I said, ha! Yeah, very highbrow stuff, yeah, for me. And then,

and act, you know, I don't want to talk about my craft of acting, but they, no, it would be, there was a point where they were saying that if people wanted to make Instagram videos on their own channel,

they can't because they're a union actor, so they have to pay the fee. And it was just like, you know, you guys, are you trying, are you trying to make yourself obsolete? Because this is, so everyone's just like, okay, well, I'm not not doing social media stuff. So I guess do what you got to do. And then there's like, oh, you're kicked out.

And I'll be like, oh, no. Whoa. Oh, no. I have to make money on my own. Oh, no. It feels like the train industry as soon as commercial flights started taking off. You're like, oh, yeah, you do your silly airplane business.

We'll be here for. forever. Yeah, yeah. And then it would be the equivalent of the trains being like also there's a three-hour process to get on the train. And then you have to pay $14 trillion. And then also your permanent resident card will not be registered. Yeah.

I don't need you. So what is the locations you do perform the best or you have to modify? I do their comedy seller, New York Comedy Club, the stand. There was a club called Williamsburg Comedy Club. I was doing a lot, St. Mark, Cindy. York. But yeah, the comedy seller is kind of like the main club in New York, you might say. And then the stand in New York Comedy Club. I've never heard of that. Is that like kind of like the like the comedy store? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's then probably the New York that. Yeah. Thank you for

knowing exactly what I was talking about. But as I could not have come up with the name on the spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, LA is the comedy store, which is kind of as like a, I don't know, that is cool energy because it's got this old like, feels like, you know, people say it feels like it it has ghosts there, but like LA has this weird kind of, you know, vibe where it feels like someone was killed there. And I think there has been people shot there and stuff like that. So it's got kind of like a romantic vibe in a weird way. It's kind of like old Vegas in a sense where you're like, there's all these people that have been through here. Like these are the people that performed. These are the people that like

built this place up. Like you're like, oh, fuck, I'm standing in the same place as these people did. And comedy seller has a vibe too where I'm actually, honestly, since I've been there, I've even been able to be conscious of it. Whereas like a lot of times, you know, you You know, when you kind of look back in times, you're like, oh, that was sick, but you didn't notice it at the time. I feel like comedy store, I've, a seller, I've actually been able to, as I'm there, be like, oh, yeah, this is cool, you know? And it's like, you know, walk, and I've lived, like, super close. You'd, like, walk there, and just every famous person's there, and the shows are all good, and the rooms are perfect for comedy. And just, then you kind of finish your set, have a beer, watch Dave Atel, and you're just like, oh, yeah, this is, like, I bet you, like, years from now, I'll be like, oh, this was sick, you know?

Now, when you say when the room is perfect for comedy, what do you mean by that? I'm not like the best guy in the world and knowing the exact dimensions and stuff, but there's like a science. But the simplest one is low ceilings. Sometimes you're just like, pretty obvious. Low ceilings have carpets. Yeah. Like your chairs are better acoustics. You know, there's certain backgrounds that look better than others.

Don't have like a crazy backlight where you can't see it. But most of it's sound. Most of it is the audience is dark enough because when, the audience is bright, they don't laugh as much, you know, little things like that. Because I was told, like, the worst thing for like a comedy show like that is to have an audience that, let's, for example, you got a thousand seats, 400 of them are filled. It's better to have, like, a room that seats 400 with 400 people. Oh, yeah, for sure. If people aren't shoulder to shoulder, they don't laugh.

They laugh more when they're, yeah, because the energy, you know, it's an energy, right? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then when they're bright and think they're cool, the worst clubs are bright and, like, hip. like people like a guy like you you're well-dressed dude like a guy like you that's there with like a hot date you know what I mean and they're sitting there

and it's like any any guy that is there with like a girl and he's kind of like trying to impress her and she's hot like no guy is going to be like you know what you're right right you're like embarrassed you know most you're gonna be like like everyone's trying to be cool right and then on top of that it's bright so it's not even like dark where you could lose yourself

so like hip bright tables instead yeah that's the kind of Those are the worst ones in the city I find. That kind of sucks because it sucks the fun out of the audience, too. Like you're not allowed to laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What you want, start intro. What you want is like on the road club where this guy's been with his wife for 10 years

and he doesn't give a shit what she thinks of him. You know what I mean? If he's like, oh, my God. Like he could be dying laughter and she's not going to, and she's like, oh, that was a lot. And he's like, yeah, I want to go, whatever, do something. What are you going to leave me? He's still fireman's carry to the Uber. Yeah, yeah.

You're going home together no matter what. I think through all of our years in business on the internet, we've all used Shopify. I've used it for merch and my skate shop and a couple other businesses. I will actually agree 100% on that. Everything we do is run through Shopify. Even bunkers run through Shopify. Our shoes, which is a separate company, is run through Shopify and they talk together because of Shopify. Shopify runs the world.

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No shit. We've all been doing this for over a decade. Shopify is the easiest e-commerce platform we've ever used. I think every single one of us has used Shopify at one point. I think all our businesses right now are using Shopify. No, except mine, but that's because it's guns. Can't do that. Just one of them can't.

Turn those dreams into SFX. Cha-ching. Shopify new cell sound. And give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today is Shopify.com slash unsubbod. Shopify.com slash unsubbod. That's super interesting in psychology because you don't have control of like, hey, I just want, we always set at the beginning of the show, it's like, hey, kill house lights and then stage lights.

Here's the beats where we will want house lights to be turned on and then kill them right after. You have zero control of that on just on random shows day to day. Yeah. I mean, that's up to, I mean, part of the city, when you're in the city, part of it is more like, if you're, think of if you're like a fighter or an athlete, you kind of think a city shows a little more like the gym. You know what I mean? So it's like, I'm actually not, what you're saying is like, oh, you might not be able to like lift as much or hit your mat, hit your PRs or whatever. And you go, that's not, I could care less. You know what I mean? So I'm really there and you're like working on Yoka. I've sat there all week or all day and being like, I have this new thing. I'm trying to try and this and this. Oh, maybe if I do that there. And you're kind of trying to get a read on that. I'm not there to, for, you know, if people kind of say this, but like, if I go to the cellar and I'm like, oh, that guy had killed, he had the best set. It's like, yeah, because you kind of like were a, you know what I mean? Like, a lot of times there's shows where that's me, like, there's a lot of times where there's shows in the city where I go on and I'm like, I go really kill and people were just like, oh, that was, you were like the best one. I'm like,

yeah, because I'm a, I was going to go and like work on all this new stuff. There's too many people here and everyone was watching and I was like and instead of doing that I went and killed like you know what I mean the thing just like did your good shit Yeah, yeah, yeah, or the yeah the new things I was working. Yeah, it's like so some of it is like cowardice when you're killing Do you that's like a fine line? Do you think there's like a reliable way that you can workshop new new material without having to go in front of a live audience? You just always like I've got to hear what they? I wasn't going to repeat it in front of the fucking mirror you a psychopath? Well, you know what I mean? Like there's there's a way we're just like You're like, I think this is going to be really good, but it's just one of those, like, until first contact with the enemy you don't know. Yeah, that's what I'd say.

And you, and I believe me, every person and probably me a ton when you start, obviously, when you get busy and things are working good, like, you're always like, how do I make this more efficient? Right. Obviously, the answer is like, what if I could not do that part? And then, yeah, but you end up wasting more time because you kind of sit there and being like, this, I've figured it out, like, this is going to work. and then you end up wasting like a day working on this thing

that if you just went and did it, you'd be like, actually no. You know what I mean? Like the vibe was wrong. Yeah, no. As soon as you say it, you're kind of like, you know, that kind of doesn't feel right. And you can get a vibe.

You can weed some out where it's like, you know, saying stuff to your friends and saying that we're like, I can weed out where I'm like, I can weed stuff out. But if I'm like, oh, I think this is good. And I say it to some people and I'm like, I think, and then you go on stage and you're like, ah, it wasn't really. You know what I mean?

Yeah. I'll do that a lot to like friends sometimes too. I'm just like, if I'm working on a joke for a video, I'm just like, ah, like, I'll throw it out. I'm like, oh, that didn't get the response I wanted. All right. Well, let's maybe workshopped out a little bit. Yeah, also there's kind of a thing with maybe other format, even like making funny videos or, you know, doing people who do funny articles or other funny things.

It's like, that game is a lot about having like a lot of sevens consistently. You know what I mean? Even like in TV, a lot of jokes, there's like it's about, we're standups more like the threshold of this makes it into the hour is like so much higher that there's like a higher weeding out process you know so if you're just making like there's videos where it's like okay I put out a video and then I had you know 30 kind of laugh points in it and some of those probably were bees some of them but like pretty consistent where stand up if you went and did 30 of those you'd be like maybe I have one thing you know yeah so the threshold is just so much higher what was one of the jokes you did that

was like you're like this will crush I think this is going to be the one and then you just watched the opposite happen. Oh, that's funny. The, yeah, just the joke, like, where for a week I've just been like, well, I solved comedy. Yeah. And you go on stage, you go, it turns out, I didn't solve anything. I didn't solve shit. This is it.

The platinum joke. The one everybody's been working for since the dawn of time. This is my e-acted. So you made that comment about post-inconsistent sevens, and that's how I built my career. And I took great offense to that. man whether it become girls or jokes nothing wrong they're just hitting that right now field every time

just get out there's no home run so far but it's worked out just fucking fine yeah I always even just recently you'll have a thing where you have a small point where you go like you have this whole bit and then just the one tiny part of it is like you're like I guess that's something

but this nine minute thing that I thought was and I was just like, you know, family is really important for poor people and then you go, that's it. And then this whole other thing, I go, this one little line at the beginning was getting a laugh every time and then I was just like, and then this whole, so I guess like maybe when I have a joke about family, I can get that back in there.

There has been times where I've had things personally where I'm like, oh, this is, I know it's good because I know I'm like, I have a good, I know I'm like on to something here, but it took me nine years to, you know, because every time I've kind of finished a special or I'm like, you know what, let me look at all my old notes and maybe there's something there.

Every time I'm like, why did I ever, this is gold. And then you bring it out, tried for a week, force it, and I go, yeah, I'm back in this closet with that. You know, why? This is, oh my, you're disgusting. I mean, it really is like a girl where it's like, you get back with the hot girl and you're like,

why did I ever stop? Dude, this girl rule. And then like week three, you're like, that's why, right? Crazy. Yeah, she just crashed my house. Yeah, she's crying again. That's what the reason.

Fuck, I was stupid. Yeah, I definitely feel like jokes have, you've probably had things like that. But yeah, jokes can kind of be like that where you're just like, whoa, this is perfect. And then you're like, no, it wasn't quite perfect. That's why. And you could never solve that last little part of it. Do you have one where it like sticks out in your mind where like,

this joke is the one it will solve comedy. And I'm going to present it. and the platinum joke. Oh. Well, I'll tell you, I'll tell you that this is me teaching you about colonization, but. Oh, thank you. Because I'm going on. I love your skin.

For the record, I do not think this is going to be solving comedy. That's not my current opinion on what I'm about to say. No, on record, Ryan Long says this is the best joke ever written. He wrote it personally, the funniest joke, thank you, sir, ever written. He compared it to colonization. I have achieved comedy Now that I've done with comedy You know, I gotta do something out

This is retirement joke Next up is cancer Obviously, yes Probably easier actually That's why I said that You're sneaking Zinckees down there No but I can get anyone fun Oh you got one? May I?

Yeah, buddy Oh, thank you As the guest on the podcast Thank you so much sir Oh there's citrus too I love you sir Yeah, good flavors. The 60s? Yeah.

You ever done gines? No, I'm not a guy. I haven't done those. They're illegal in Canada. Well, when I was in, I did like a Europe tour and they had like 16s and these crazy numbers. And it's funny because you first do it and you're just like, it's, you're like, this is insane. Why is anyone? And then by the fourth one, you're just like pop.

It's like, your body adapts quick. You start a losing feeling in these three fingers. Yeah. I've seen the ones that like from Europe where they have like the first. 50 milligram like zims and shit. Oh yeah. Wait. It's like to me, I'm like I would be immediately physically ill within like three minutes.

Yeah. There's no way. Ryan was about to tell the funniest joke ever told. Oh, that's right. Yeah, ever of all time is what he said. I sort of pivoted out of telling the joke in an interesting way I said I'm going to do something else. Chase, pull up funniest joke ever. I was going up really set a tone from this.

I said I was going to teach you about colonization. Do you guys know about colonization? Do I have to teach you? What happened? Well, because I'm Irish, which is the original colony and the original terrorists, which you probably know about. But for your audience who doesn't know about colonization, back in the day, England used to go to all these other countries and improve them. And because they're... Ask for a few spices, nothing crazy.

You know what I'm saying? And asking for all the spices and using none of them. Yeah. It would be like your buddy coming to your house and clean the place, puts in a soda stream when he leaves. He's like, mind if I take some oregano? And you're like, what the fuck? But then... Yeah, they used to try to help.

They'd call these other countries, be like, India, we have toilets now. They'd be like, we already told you, we're good, click. You know. It's 10. They'd be like, Australia, you guys need criminals. They'd be like, we don't, we already, we don't need any. They're on their way, you know. Then England went to.

Trust me, they had plenty. They had a few. But they knew more. And then England went to the Middle East and gave them the best present you could ever ask for, which is 85,000 Jews. And we had so much to thank you, by the way. I wish I had 85,000 Jews. Jamaica was jealous.

They're like, we want Jews. They're like, you already have black people, don't get greedy. And they said once they become reggae stars, we're still going to need a few Jews to manage them. And they said, the Jews can't help because they're busy sending over the black people. Now, that is 20% historically accurate. I'm going to tell my kids that was the trade triangle.

I hate that. That is the viral clip that just happened. I will let you know that is the viral clip right there. Hey, editor, when you clip that up into a short, please leave my face out of the thing. For the record, I'm just telling you. It's all floating away. Is that not correct? Like right now,

that's why America has to be the colonizer, and that's why America's running on money. They're going to have to start an only fan. Because if you think about it, you tell me, we're carrying the baton for Britain? Why do you think Britain has a mosque on every corner and putting people in jail for speech? Because they're trying to disguise themselves as Muslim in hopes

that someone colonizes them for a change because they're always the colonizer never the colonized. Well, you know, once we get Greenland. Who knows? That's what I said. I said Trump's been spinning a wheel just to figure out which a dictator he's going to remove. He's like, green, Greenland. It's yellow. He's like, Kim Jong-un's going to get it.

He just has color palaces. Yeah, brown. He goes, London. Shut there. You got your viral clip doc. That's good. That's good. That's a good. That's, yeah. I don't kill here in San Antonio.

Made it a third of the way through that white cloth. finally opened up. You bullied me into doing a joke. Brandon. Brandon. Cody, call him the one word. Win AK50. I sense the disturbance in the force.

What's up? How do you like those Channel Beach noise-canceling headphones? They're the stealth 700. They're fantastic. The noise canceling is so good. All I hear is Tinnitus. Ah, God, these are comfortable.

They're really comfy. Yeah, those are dope. Turtle Beach, make some range ear pro. You want genuine or actually, Cody, actually, like, put those on. Oh. Nice. Those are legit comfortable. Turtle Beach, what you doing over there, girl?

You make it some hot-ass stuff. I like your squishies. 3D spatial audio to improve your gaming. That would work really good in Tarkov, hear people's footsteps. And in PubG. I can't wait to use a Turtle Beach headset to listen for footsteps. and Tarkov running the new AK-50 while I get still killed from a wood line. I can't see. What?

Eli, there's a global cabal that's working behind the scenes to control all media banking. And that's why we should have never gone off the gold standard. Hey, hold on, hold on. 80-hour battery life. 80-hour battery life. Holy shit, there's a lot of switches. Can't stress enough how comfortable these are. And if you've been in a long gaming session, which I'm sure all of us have, unfortunately.

I wear adult diapers when I play World of Warcraft. You should be euthanized. Ha! Also, controls. Headphones, great. This. Game hard. Head to Turtle Beach and use code Unsub for 10% off your entire order.

That's 10% off your entire order at Turtlebeach.com with using code Unsub. After your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support Unsub and tell them where you got them. Tell them Unsub sends their regards. See, that's what's crazy. A joke like that will work in some areas and then it's not good. No, I do almost, I'm in New York, dude. So my, to be honest, for me, it's, because I know the question you're asking, for me,

it's sort of the opposite where I'm like a, you know, like I do better in, I'm like a city urban guy, you know what I mean? I'm from Toronto, then New York. Like all my jokes are made there where sometimes, uh, in places like this, I feel a little more, I got to change it a little. No shit. Yeah. In what way?

in what way do you change it i guess well a lot of times you're you the vibe of like okay so in new york people have like things that they think that they agree with oh i mean it can go both ways but like let's say you were talking about gay people to people that are new yorkers that is different than talking about that to someone who maybe isn't even like about it got you they're not even open up to the jokes for it or even that community that they don't even know what you're talking about yeah they're like sometimes i remember like in tron i would talk about like indian people because like dude all like my boys are indian and it was very like part of the culture and then indian friends yeah i've i remember even like being in you've come to some places here you'd be like

indian you know indian dudes like this and they're just like i guess like i'll take your word for it yeah it's not that they're if they've never been to the casco yeah they're not even like offended or not offended they just don't know what the fuck you're talking about interesting You see all these New York comics come out here and talking about subways and everyone's like, I don't know, is that what happens on there? I don't take the subway. It's a relatability to the joke. Yeah, yeah. So sometimes the pushback that you're like the joke is built on like a certain amount of pushback that no longer exists.

Then you're like, well then what are we doing here? That and I wonder like do you have to like kind of adjust because I guess it's easier to be edgy in like L.A. and New York. Yeah, it's a different type of, it's a different thing that's edgy. Because like a certain element of comedy is like, okay, you're doing the thing you're not supposed to do. You're saying the thing you're not supposed to say, and that's what, but it's relatable. Some part is, yeah. I guess there's an element of comedy in that. Like, do you find it harder when you go to places that aren't so much in those spheres?

Well, you just go the other way. They still have their things. Oh, that's true. I guess that is true. There's kind of different, like, if you think of, there's more, like, Texas is a little more serious, right? So Texas people, you know. Depends where you go. Well, I know what you mean, but I was kind of thinking, like, if you think of, like, if you think of, like, Florida trash.

Yeah. You know, it's kind of in my mind, I was thinking, like, if you talk about it, about like a Texas guy, but like why his guns, it's like, well, it's a Second Amendment. And there's kind of like a philosophy. If you talk to Florida, it's like, why do you have guns? Like, so someone doesn't steal my pills. Yeah. You know what I mean?

In case I get serious about that X-Y's. It's like, you know, yeah. Getting from like a hooker at NASCAR. Like Florida trash is like a different type of. So there's a reason the Florida man vibe exists. Yeah, yeah. So Texas people are serious in the way that, you know, sometimes, you know, people are serious, but just about different topics.

you know. Interesting. So you'd kind of go the other way. You know, like maybe talking shit about God to certain people is obviously, like in New York, that would be like the least edgy thing you could ever do. Right. They're like, yeah, that's what we all believe. Here it's just like, oh, well, you know.

Yeah, yeah. Like you flip it. It's like it's edgy to talk about probably a law in New York. And here, you could probably say whatever about a law. But like, if you go real hard on Jesus, people might be like, shut up. Yeah. But well, and then there's the balance of like, okay, how do you turn that into comedy? because there's like, okay, there's offending people,

and then there's offending people in a funny way, you know? Because, I mean, I feel like, I mean, just to be honest, that's offensive as much as people think I am. For the audience's sake, not your sake, I'm not trying to teach you how to do comedy because God knows you know how to do it, but. No, but I'm like, no, but you're, you actually are right. Like, there is, there is a difference between, like,

the purpose of this was to, like, offend people, and then the other part of it is, like, the purpose for this was to get someone to be like, ah, that actually is good, you know? I just had that. At Medcan, we know that life's greatest moments are built on a foundation of good health, from the big milestones to the quiet winds. That's why our annual health assessment offers a physician-led, full-body checkup

that provides a clear picture of your health today and may uncover early signs of conditions like heart disease and cancer. The healthier you means more moments to cherish. Take control of your well-being and book an assessment today. Medcan. Live well for life. Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. moment of self-awareness. I'm like, I don't want to come off like I'm mansplaining to the comedian. Let me tell the comedian how to do comedy. Comedy is such a stupid thing to be an expert

on because it is obviously, but it's, if you're like an engineer and you're an expert, we don't all do a bit of engineering. You know what I mean? With comedy, you're like, I'm an expert comedy. Everyone's been joking around with their friends for their whole life. So everyone also does this. Well, I made a comment this morning to Brandon, not to fucking suck your dick. But I was like, no, he's just, he's got that natural inclination because there was a joke you made where you were talking about, you were like, I've been getting pushed this

targeted ad for an entirely female based, not to fuck up your own joke, but an entirely female based moving company. And then just very subtly you go, so like a really sh**ing moving company. Yeah. I was like, oh, it's just, oh, you slid that right in.

It's like, oh, that's perfect. My algorithm right now I've been saying this, but it's like, it's funny because I have like, just all disability shit, like it's there's a guy who no arms no legs he rolls around because they send you one and then obviously you look at it yeah and then the algorithm's

like yo that's your shit I love like my algorithms like all right now sea lions and yours like no paraplegics just it's my things that bring me joy they that's what happens there's this one woman she's got this no skin condition she's always posting about like

no skin I mean I'm talking about her because she's she posted she was like I want to this blind date with a guy and he was so surprised by my appearance and I was like yeah I don't know if she'd be blind dating without skin. Like bare minimum on a blind date

I'm expecting skin. Like I don't think that's a lot. Things I want my partner to bring to the table skin. Pretty reasonable expectation. Bare minimum. That's kind of on you. That's fucked. Yeah. It's like if I hate that skin so much

accustomed to them talking. That's hard cut back. Right. It's just, huh. I guess the real Yeah, the real piece You got a little something on Never mind

No, no, all right Yeah The real piece that's It's your buddy You set you up on that blind day And you come back You're like, how to go? You're like,

didn't have skin You might have mention that And the writer Set me up with the fucking California raisin Yeah The The ghoul

The gold Was it? Zoidberg Dijk D. Wop Bro you

Yeah Lord It's odd from Power Rangers. But it is funny, yeah, when you're just getting like, actually, I was, you ever getting like another, like an algorithm for like Black Twitter or, you know, like, some like Muslim algorithm where and you're just like, realize, like, I don't know any of this shit. Do you just go down those rabbit holes? As soon as you get exposed to it, you're just like, okay, I need to know more.

I'm going to like this one because it's going to feed. If you catch me on the right time, I'm feeling sassy. Mine's Spanish because I, I, I speak Spanish. I speak enough Spanish that I like I can read it and I can speak it conversationally. But like on Reels, it's the same thing where I'll open up like a Spanish meme and it takes me longer to understand Spanish than it does English obviously. So I'll open up an English or a meme in English and it's like boom flick. And I open up one in Spanish and it takes me twice as long to comprehend it. And they're like he loves this.

And then I will just have the most Mexican feed on Instagram. for like a week and a half. Well, that's the problem. Sometimes I'll fall asleep while like doom scrolling or whatever. Like I'll wake up in the middle of the night, check my notifications or whatever. One thing leads to another.

I'll like, I'll open up my fucking, you know, feed and then I'll fall asleep on it. So like the algorithm says like, my watch time is 100% dedicated to whatever the fuck that was. I'm like,

oh, great. Well, I know what my next three days looks like. God, I love the algorithm. It just, it learns you self level. You ever reset it?

That's, it takes balls. I've, no. reset it. I don't know either. I haven't looked, but my buddy did it. And he's been pushing it. Now he's like, yeah, you can reset your algorithms. Dude, it goes stock settings. It's terrifying because what happens, I had, it will start presenting you your old stuff you used to watch. When I started say hi, that's a brand new, that's a brand new channel. Everything. So I started

watching content on that. Bro, did that not just start feeding videos I've already watched before? It's like, oh, I think you'd like this. I'm like, oh. And do you pretty quick? Yeah, like in a couple of days It was like, oh, you probably like this I'm like, I've watched that video before How did you know that? There's also a difference too Between like if you like go to your buddy's YouTube account

Like you're just like at your buddy's house And you pull up the smart TV It's like oh okay well this looks like fairly similar to my feed But like with a couple of my buddies eclectic interests When you go to like an Airbnb Where somebody's still logged in And you just like open that up And you're like this is somebody who has no access to my circles

I have nothing in common. You're living in a different world. You look through their feet. It's like, oh my God, I'm just suddenly getting blasted by Mr. Beast and all this. Like, you're like, oh, God, what, like, what's going on here? Yeah, yeah, you're like, someone, I guess I knew someone was watching him, but I've never seen him in this video on my feed. It's just, oh, here we are.

Different worlds. I was talking about this on stage before, but like, they're kind of setting up dudes because they only send you, if you're a dude, guaranteed the first thing they, try is like hot chicks, right? Oh yeah. And then it's, no matter what you're, you have to go boom, boom, boom, or the algorithm is just like feeding you hot chicks. And then if any like if your chick looks at your things, like it's all hot chicks and

you're just like, I'm being set up. You know, like. Sampard knows mine looks, I, I look just autistic and retarded. It's like cars, space, cars, space, cameras, cameras, because they won't recommend gun stuff anymore. So like that would, that's what my feed naturally. It used to be. Holy shit.

Oh, they don't recommend gun stuff? No, no, it's been years, years and years. It's on YouTube? Holy shit, I didn't even think about that. Yeah, even IG or anything will not recommend a single fucking firearm, even though that's our space. Yeah, so now it's just, it's tits and cars, but like in reality, like 95% of what I actually consume is firearm stuff and like my actual feed. That's interesting. I never get it.

Yeah, I definitely never get any firearm stuff, but you guys like sea lines and dogs and all I can consume is tis. I'll spend a little bit more time here. here in Texas. We'll show you around. Yeah, I mean, I fired a gun once in my life. Ever? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was kind of like...

I like both times you said that. You've done the gun machine. Yeah. I've shot a gun. So like... Twice in my life. And then you did it again when you brought that. Wait, in what context?

I like went to the gun range of the guy. We're at. We're at. In Toronto. And honestly, I was just kind of bored. They had must. What is a Toronto gun range in evidence locker? How is it?

Yeah. Gunpowder. Yeah, we busted out the daisies. It was pretty crazy. Two, three minutes to load it. You'll never believe it. My buddy shot his eye out. Yeah, that big, there's a flag that says bang, and then some sparks come out.

God, we'll have taken you shooting if we ever know. Like, here. Yeah, we'll take you out with some of my toys. Yeah, that would be cool with you guys, yeah. But this one, when I went, he did have a lot of guns. And I remember by gun four, and I was like, okay, that was cool. And he was like, yeah, there's 12 more guns. And I was like, all right.

You said it was like a lot of guns or shotguns. Cute. Yeah. He had a brick barrel 12 gauge. How do you? Do you think it's a city thing a little bit? Because I was even, I don't know if this is funny, but like the idea of, yeah. And I agree with like, you don't want the government to tread on you.

But like when you're in the city and everyone's there and there's a guy like yelling and screaming on crack in the subway, you're like, the government could tread on that guy a little. Yes. I wish the government would. do 60 cc's of trend on that guy at the moment. You get a bit of treading on that guy at least. Just a needle that says tread. Yeah. Are you from Toronto?

Yeah. Oh, like right outside. So you've only ever lived in big cities. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've never. Yeah. I was never.

We started the conversation talking about Toronto. Like it's like a little podunk town in Canada. It's a huge city. I think it's third or fourth biggest metropolitan in North America. Because my understanding of Canada, like most of the population is like, toward the United States Canada border and it's like mostly in like a pocket of a handful of cities. Yeah, yeah, kind of. It's southern Ontario is like the big spot for sure.

It was like population of Canada is what? Like 40? Yeah. Toronto is south of Detroit, if I'm not mistaken. Is it really? Yeah. Latitude-wise. Yeah, kind of.

I guess that does track. Don't put me on the spot with the Joker. You go up and over. You try to make me look stupid. Well, because you were talking about. rent in New York. Yeah, I've seen like rent prices in Toronto are fucked too. Yeah.

Toronto's high. Vancouver's the highest. Like, that's kind of like how Silicon Valley is the higher. Yeah, California of Canada. But I said, yeah, I've said half the country wants to get rid of illegal immigrants and half the country wants to get rid of guns and there's way too many of either to make a dent. And they have some similarities. When you see either on the subway, you say, yeah.

No, in your house. And I keep one of each in my trunk for protection. How often do you go back to the homeland? A couple times a year. Everything, I mean, you guys are busy dudes too. It seems like, you know, you have like multiple channels. You tour in. Like, everything that I say I'm going to do, I do less of.

Like, I have so many things. I'm like, oh, I'm going to go to Austin more. I'm going to go to L.A. more. And then, oh, yeah, I'm going to, like, I just, my list of things that I'm going to do is ever increasing and none of I do. That was my, I think my New Year's resolution, like two years ago was, Oh man, I really enjoyed that elk hunt, me and Cody did. And like, I'm going to do more hunting this year because I really love it.

Yeah. That year, I did zero fucking hunting. It's like, well, all right, fuck me, I guess. We find two whole days next to each other where I don't have shit going on. Me and my boys went to Puerto Rico, just like me and like some of my like close friends from Toronto. And that was like the first time in a little bit, I've done just like a random, went for five days. And you're just like, yeah, I'd laugh being like, we have to do this every weekend. And you're just like, maybe 2029.

Even Cody's Bachelor party was so nice. It was so relaxing. And then within two days. Everybody left early. It was like, I got to get home and get shit done. I'm so behind right now off of this two days of being off. So the first time I slept,

I fell asleep in a fucking hammock. That was the most peaceful I've ever been in my entire life. But you got like five people who like are constantly like in this lifestyle. We're like go, go, go. And then we had three days of. off. Just doing nothing, which was kind of weird. Like no expectation of content, no expectation of any.

I don't think we filmed a single fucking thing. No, nobody was on their phone. Which is probably good, because there's nothing worse than when you're just like, all right, I'm going to chill. And then four guys are like making videos. Oh, I would have been pissed. We can't do one day. My body went, they went to the, I think it was the Yankees game.

And he was just like, there's five, we went with five guys. And he was like, three of the guys were filming like Instagram videos the whole time for the, and he's like, what are we doing? Fuck off. Yeah. Yeah. No. Thank you.

Influencers. Yeah, but I mean, it is out of control. But yeah, so, I mean, that's as you get older, period, you got to really. I think that's why things like even, I mean, I know that you've made like a career out of it, which makes it different, but like all the stuff you're doing, like, it kind of is a reason to hang out with people. So you kind of systemize. I mean, comedy is a bit like that too.

I tour with my boys and you're at the club with your boys. So you almost like need your life to already include, you. You know, your social stuff or it's hard to make it work. Right. Probably. I don't know. Maybe there's a better way that I don't know about it. It makes sense.

Especially when you have people with like similar interests, similar careers, whatever. Like you naturally gravitate toward each other. Yeah. Because otherwise, I mean, then otherwise you're just like I never, like everything is just in a like on a treadmill. Yeah. Oh, and you're not learning from that at all. Yeah. Now with it, do you learn more from when you bomb or when you do a good show?

probably when you well if you're working on a joke I don't know if learning is the right word but yeah probably learning more from your bomb but it would be like anything I would say there's a depreciating returns you know what I mean like you wouldn't be just like well I've just been bombing for 10 weeks straight

I'm really learning yeah I'm looking so fucking hard nobody laughed last night I don't think you learn if it's going on for two weeks from the bad setup. Just non-stop learning for 15 years. I'll make it like this shit.

It sucks. You're gonna look like fucking Ya-Koove with the giant. I've learned so much. It's the worst comic ever. Yeah, your buddy has a good set, taking a night off, I assume. What do you consider, like, the life cycle for a joke? Like, how long will you run, like, a good one?

These days, it's, it's, for people that are kind of, like, in the game where you're, you know, tour in, and then you want to come back to that place with a new hour, It's like, it's different now than it was 10 years ago. It really is like you put together this hour. You kind of over the course of year and a half to two years, you know, probably tops. And then you record it and then you start again, which is that's the part of the torture. Like when you're talking about what socks, what socks is going and doing an hour where you're like, I have maybe like eight minutes.

You know, and you're just like walking the plank when you don't have to. It's probably I guess it would be like a fighter fighting with like his arms tied behind his back or something. just like, I can kill this guy. It's kind of, that's, that's the part that that cis cycle moves like fast right now because you kind of, that's the expectation, but you're like, oh, I have to, you want to put out of specials and then you, also you want to go back to a place with like a new act, like new act where they, you know, didn't just kind of see you do that already. So that cycle, like, that's the part that stinks.

But yeah, so the life cycle, depending on where it was in that, you know, maximum two years. Because I guess that's the interesting part about comedy now, like outside looking. is that so many people record like, you know, their best, everybody wants to do like a good reel or a good short or something like that and you take some of your best material because you wanna put your best foot forward, but you're also robbing yourself

of your best jokes for a live show. So like where do you find that balance? Well, sometimes you can put it out like at the beginning and then it kind of keeps getting better and then you're almost putting it out at the end too. I have noticed that people care less than you think, you know, where all kind of, you know, you toil, toil over like should I you know

just about reusing this sham that I have they want to hear the greatest hits type shit yeah you start you kind of you do think a little bit more than other people do where it's like well if I burn this then it's done and it's obviously the best joke in the world so how could I do and then you know you kind of

put it out and then I put it on my special and like no one says anything I mean look at the donkey story oh yeah that we've repeated that one for every I mean since the the second tour started we've done that same joke the only time we actually were feel-thru.

And it's an actual good question. You don't want to tell it a third time? No. It's not his story to tell. We can explain it a little bit. Like our buddy, Zach, like veteran with signs, telling a story essentially about, forgive me you two audience.

Yeah, so I'm sorry for making them do that. A deployment to Afghanistan where him and his buddies are watching a bunch of potential insurgents sodomize a donkey. And we acted out live on stage Which is like, it's a really funny. You guys go in the two-man donkey costume?

No, thank God we don't. But poor Richard. Angry. Close. She's the donkey every time. So we have that story. It's pretty aggressive. It's pretty aggressive.

But it's still funny. Yeah. People love it. But when we did the Iowa show, we did a show back to back. And some of the people stayed for both. 40%. So we changed. So we changed in literally everything.

We were also shit wrecked. It was 100%. We were drunk as shit at that point. So the second show changed completely. And you get to see that interaction. Oh, man, I thought you would do the same set over. This is a completely new set. And then it's like, oh, no.

And they would have been fine with it, you think? We don't know. They love the second set. They love the fucking... You'd be in your own head, dude. I'll say I try to be like... Well, no, I told the guys out there. It was like first or second show because we were so shit wrecked.

And I was like, second show killed more, I believe it. And then we started asking the audience to like, second show was fucking. We just took your word for it. Yeah, dude, the second show, like everyone fucking, like even Jake and everyone that was there on our side. They're like, holy shit, you guys killed that second set. And it was drunk, not giving a fuck. Oh, we got to put on something new for the audience. Oh, it worked.

Have you done that in comedy where you have to do a back-to-back show? Okay. I mean, in the city, I'll be like talking to the, if I do a club and they're like, oh, yeah, we're going to have the same audience stay. I'm just like, can you not? tell him to beat it like what are we doing here how does that go for i wouldn't do it i would if i you're like now fuck off no i mean if i was in the city and i'm like hey i'm like we've been raining all day i have this like new thing i'm like working on and then i was like okay i'm gonna do these two shows at this place and they're like oh most of the audience is staying and i'd be just like okay i'm leaving

to go somewhere else because i'm like well there's no point um at my audience like if i'm doing my hour like no i don't have a backup hour that i'm doing right now which is crazy like doing a That was my question. So you're obviously your special's an hour. Do you like do an hour every time or is it like? Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

Oh, every time. It's, you never like, oh, let me pop up for 10 minutes type of thing. Oh, in the city. Yeah, yeah. City's 10. When you say the city, do you mean New York City? Any city. I mean, any city that has like a.

We're not headlining. Yeah, non-headliner clubs. Yeah. Oh, okay. For example, tonight in San Antonio, you're going to do an hour? Yeah. Oh, fuck. Or more.

Like, yeah, hour. No shit. Yeah. Okay, God. Yeah, see, that's so intimidating to me. Like, to stand up in front of an audience just to see a people and just, if you bomb 15 minutes in. Okay, but no, how you say you have that, like, one story that you say works every time, right? Sure. Okay, now imagine you had 85 of those. Like, would it now be intimidating? Like, or now you'd be like, well, no, I have these 85 things that I say that, like, work. at least in my mind and I know that's something

that like you said that there's a big you know the learning curve's fucking crazy once you get good at it you're good at it but like at least to me because I don't have people to bounce stuff off of

that would be very intimidating to me yeah you know one of the hardest things right now probably period is people that are trying to put together like a live performance while they're like popular and running their business

because it's like it almost requires seven years or five to seven years of like this is all that I didn't thought about, you know. But that's, that that's to be like a stand-up, to be competent where you're like doing your live performance with your boys and what's funny and we had stuff. Like, you know, that's maybe not that's not that, you know. To be fair, I feel like that's, I feel like that's, probably proficiency in anything though. You know, you've got to just dedicate so much time to

it. Because especially like how many people start out in comedy versus how many people succeed in comedy. Okay, but the reason I, like, I'm not even trying to put comedy higher, but I describe it as if you think of, if you were a really, really good football player runner, right? And you started playing basketball and you're like, you know, 15 years old. You start probably in two years, you're going to be pretty good. Like if you're the best football player, right, you go, stand-up's more like you started playing hockey. You're like, we can't skate, you know? So if you're like the best football player, you were a track star and you start playing basketball,

it's pretty likely in a couple years you're also going to be really good of basketball. So that's why so many Canadians. If you start playing hockey, you're not going to be that good in two years. Yeah. That's why so many Canadians are comedians. Yeah, yeah. There's a lot of Canadian comedians. The reason, the hockey knowledge.

Yeah, see, now that makes sense. All right, I get it. Basically, all you got to know is that mic is like a puck, you know, and you're just trying to put it in the other end of the night and just get fucking two points up on the scoreboard and have a good time out there, boys. Yeah, well, no need to get gay about it. You don't need to get all hockey about it.

Have you seen the new hockey show Heated rivalry? You guys haven't seen that? No. It's the number one show right now. You're talking to two Mexicans. It's not hitting your algorithm. The only Canadian show I'm aware of is Kenny versus Spenny. Ah, those guys are good.

I'm friends with Kenny Oats, yeah. No shit. Toronto guy, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah. Neither of them knows what the fucking I'm talking about. Great Canadian show. Well, hockey's getting sort of popular in America, but this was, this is a show that's popular in America, but it's funny because it's a hockey show, and it's essentially

the two stars of each team are in like a gay relationship. And it's popular. not with hockey fans. I can't imagine why. It's literally like Sidney Crosby. No, Vetchkin. They're like fucking after the game. It's like a hilarious show.

Great candidate. Making it the second gayest show next to actual hockey. But yeah, it's like kind of a hit and sort of, you know, I guess girls like it or something. It's just taking off right now. I've never heard of this show. Oh, it's so funny. But I mean, I'm kind of saying.

inside of hockey stuff, but I'm not the biggest talking about hockey guy, but you guys have made me feel like I am. I never heard it brought up ever before, aside from Canadians. Fine, fair enough. I feel like I know New York guys that are into hot. Like the Rangers, people

are always going. Sounds like a very white community. Yeah, it's cold as shit. You're sitting next to two Mexicans. What are you, like, baseball or something? How about them Blue Jays then, huh? Now, me and Eli had stickball. Stickball.

Oh, yeah, soccer with no shoes. Mowing Yards. Yeah, Mowing Yards Olympics. Our favorite sport was paying rent. Are you Mexican, too? Yeah, a little bit. Okay. What did you think he was?

Well, I thought, I guess I'm Spanish, some type of Spanish, so it's sort of Mexican, right? Yeah. Yeah, got some German, mostly Hispanic, and then I've got that Lebanese nose that gets me stopped at airports. A little Middle Eastern. Yeah. A midsection of the face. The midsection of the face. It's like, oh, excuse me, sir,

you look randomly selected. It's my professional racism. One of the first times I met Brandon and I go, you got a a little Lebanese nose. You're part Lebanese. You nailed it? They did immediately. Oh, I'm very good at being racist. I was like, who told you? Like, that's like, no.

I saw it in your bone structure. Interesting. Now it's just broken. Thanks, Eli. So you got everything, Lebanese, Mexican, and what did you say, German? Yeah, German. My great-grandmother was actually a World War II civilian in Germany. So she grew up in Mannheim.

She was actually a former podcast guest. Is that what she told you? Civilian. Yeah, civilian. She was there at the parades. Brad is like, I Oh, the song.

Tell the story about the song. Okay, so I love my omen to death. She's 92 years old now. She genuinely grew up in a German city like during World War II. And that's amazing stories, like just an amazing woman. Just telling like that entire time period in history. But I fucked with her one time and I feel kind of bad about this. I started playing.

What we, I took her on like an eight hour road trip, uh, down to Orlando, Florida. So meeting up with some more family members of mine. Uh, so I grabbed her. We drove down. We're like four or five hours into the road trip. Uh, it's just me and her. And then I played that, uh, it's like a German marching song from World War II. It's called Erica.

Yeah. You know, everybody knows it as like, it's like the German song from World War II. Um, just to see, because I've, you know, phones on the oxcore. I'm like, ah, I'm curious to see how you were. respond to this. She started singing the words in fluent German. Oh, yeah. And then she told me a story I had never heard. And I'm like so glad I did it because I was just fucking with her a little bit. I'm like, ah, curious. She started singing along. She said, I used to sing this song when I was a kid because her name is Erica. Her, yeah, yeah. And she said that she's like, I would watch the GIs.

It was just the word that she knew is, you know, soldiers, whatever, marching on the street. Like, I would watch the GIs. They'd march by singing the song. And every, yeah, and every, you know, time they said Erica, I would say, that's me. She's like nine years old. Yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, just a street full of, you know, Nazi, you know, World War II German soldiers walking by. Wow.

It's just crazy to hear the experience of somebody like growing up in that time period and just, I mean, God, the thing she had to go through was crazy. And, fuck bad, yeah. My actual great grandfather fought in World War I for Canada. No shit. Oh, dude, the World War I Canadians. The other side. The World War I Canadians went crazy.

The Canadians of World War I were the reason some of the rules of warfare were written. Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You guys were rough. You guys were gnarly. I don't know this. I didn't know that. Mm-hmm.

Wait, what? What was he up to over there? Oh, they were cleaning up trenches. Were they using all the fun gases? So the Germans, or, yeah, the Germans were in their trenches and they were like, oh, we all have to follow the rules of war. and the Canadians showed up and they were like,

what are rules of war? Because at this point it was probably a bunch of like trash Irish people too. Yeah, just showed up. Welcome to Canada. What was the, I know there's a story

about the grenades. Yeah, about like how they would talk and this, I don't know if this is real or not. I mean, they were tossing over the food cans. They were tossing over cans of food in the enemy trenches. And so they'd all like bunched up because they're all starving.

Yeah. They're just, oh, oh, okay. Okay, cool. Like Canadians from their trenches were chucking over cans of food, over to the German lines over and over and over again. So the Germans were all bunch up because they're star. Pavlowe's dog. Yeah.

And then day six, they chuck over a can of food with a fucking grenade. And all the Germans team up. And a bunch of hand grenades. Yeah. Yeah. Team up and boom. Yeah, that's not part of the Geneva Convention, eh? Not as well, it was prior to.

Which also think you are. in this time period without the age of information and then they're trying to pitch this rules of war where people are trying telephoning a rule of war to me? Yeah and then it's like no dude you know you have to kill him the right way. You fuck it with me. In the right you're fucking with me.

In the words of Patrick Swayze from the 1984 Red Dawn, Geneva, I ain't never heard of it. It's the hardest shit to wrap your mind around especially in that time frame. I just I would have done the same. It's like oh I'll just fucking throw it. Like, I found a good way to kill some people.

Yeah. I don't know how to tell you this, but... Tuncans. Tuna cans grenade. A lot of people thought the same thing after the Geneva Convention and did that. It still's going. Yeah. The Aussies in... Where'd they fight?

It was a big battle in... The Mediterranean. World War I, yeah. The Aussies were in... We were just talking about it the other night. Yeah. It wasn't Gallipoli. Somebody...

Turning about the Swiss Alps? No, well, that's a different story. But in the Battle of Gallipoli, and comments will correct me because I'm wrong, but they were dropping cigarettes with leaflets. And they were like, you know, surrender to the Brits. This is a battle. It's not worth fighting for. You shouldn't be dying for your government, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And the Ottomans were like, oh, free cigarettes.

and they did that over and over and over and over again for like six weeks over the course of this entire, you know, long-term campaign. So it's like six weeks in and boom, here comes the package. And everybody's like, oh, here are the fucking British propaganda cigarettes again. They had laced them with opium. So all the Ottomans smoked these cigarettes and we're like, I'm really fucking sleepy. I'm just going to take a fucking nap. went to bed and I think it was

it was either the Brits of the Aussies just like rolled over the front lines and everybody was asleep and they captured like 60,000 fucking soldiers plot twist it made them impossible to bayonet to death because they won't die damn it

yeah that's fine man it's wild yeah the warfare's so wild I mean you know the whole thing about the like the trick What are some of the war crimes you did searchlight pictures presents in the blink of an eye on Hulu on Disney Plus,

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He's told those stories before, allegedly. They've all been cut from the podcast. Well, you know, like the whole like drip rifle stuff, right? No. I think that was also the Australians. But I'm not sure. That was the Australians at Gallipoli with the piss cans. Yeah, where they would just basically they, they were trying to retreat.

And so they were trying to like show that they were still there on the front lines, like occasionally taking pop shots while they withdrew all of their troops. And so they had set up rifles with. They would shoot. Well, they had like a, like essentially a water bottle. with a can below it that they would have a steady drip stream going and when it got heavy enough from dripping it would pull

the trigger of the rifle. So like sporadically throughout the night they had a couple hundred rifles that were just firing off shots. They had retreated while they're pulling their guys out. They all pissed in oil cans, yeah. That's fucking wild. See, I don't even know that story.

This is all stuff that Nick could tell better. No. But he's got to be in Iowa. Nick's in Iowa. let me open up my notes for YouTube videos. Tell this exact story. Ideas I stole from Nick. Type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type, type.

Yeah, when I grew up, I knew one guy that, like, joined the Army in my entire life. Isn't that, like, crazy the difference? Like, I would imagine you guys probably knew a bunch, right? I mean, three people at the podcast are veterans or did something with it. Like one guy. that I went to high school with that out of all of my extended network, I knew one guy that went to join the army. That's wild to me. I guess it greatly depends on where you grew up. Like I grew up Fort Bragg. So like everybody, like all my friends' dads were all like,

you know, Green Berets or, you know, Rangers or whatever. So. But you're also in the U.S., like how much of, how much do we spend on the military each year? A good bit. Yeah. It's a good career path once you get out. Some people I use the same. that like the the one guy my brother knew he was like I went there but the I think a lot of times of the Canadian army would go like train the Taliban or no train the Afghanistan people to then just go get the shit kicked out of the Taliban yeah they would spend like three years training them and then they were just run out there we never did that either yeah we never trained the a or the IA did you do training oh no no I was I was I was talking about the American like was

A and A? IA and then AA So you have the IA's Iraqi army A's the Afghan army But it's interesting You're just like a lot of times You're just like the army And you're just training you're supposed to train them

You're training like a guy that was You know Was a cashier two years ago Yeah and you're training these individuals That haven't You think okay what is the dumbest private I have and how hard was it to train him With weapons or anything

The jumping jack footage That is just going to go there To go to is okay now I need you guys to do this one, two, three, four. One, two, three, four. Crazy. We're doing that. And you get to watch the struggle of their life.

And then now it's like, oh, I have to lead these individuals into combat. Have you seen you have an Afghan army story? Yeah, yeah. It's a monkey to monkey bars. Oh, dude. It's like, the ISIS monkey bar videos. Shane Gill is talking about it. He's like, dude, they're weird flip-flops.

They're posting their videos of them on monkey bars. like they're the kings of the combat. You're like, I want to fuck with them. They're terrified it. Yeah, you're just taking like a bunch of random farmers and you're just like want to be a militia and they're like, I guess we have no choice. And you're doing the best you can with it

and then you see how much they hate each other and you're like, oh, oh, okay, well, war crimes, we weren't even even, okay, you guys are going to do that on your own. Got it. Did you guys see stuff like that where you're just like, oh. You can't do anything.

A lot of that stuff is against, Like, you're like, hey, okay, hey, we just did this ambush. We have these individuals alive. And we need you to arrest them and do whatever you're going to do. And then you see fear and the guys we arrested eyes because they're like, fuck, they're assuming the Shia. Oh, the Americans play by the rules more. We are. Yeah, exactly.

It's like those guys are just going to kill us. There is no, they're not going to interrogate and they're going to let us out. All that's gone now. I guess it's kind of like World War II Germany where it's like, oh, well, you can surrender to the American. or you can surrender to the Russians. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like, ha, guess which one you want to surrender to? And that's what was happening a lot of times.

It's like, okay, cool. Hey, IPs, even the Iraqi police is like, hey, we got these guys. We round them up, fucking take care, do whatever you want. It's like, okay, they're excited. And then you see fear. It's like, whoa, we're not getting arrested by you guys. It's like, oh, no, we don't give a fuck. Like, you, we're letting you all internally handle this.

Family business. Yeah. Yeah, and it's just like, Mr. Mr. No, no. They're not good guys. Homi, you're just trying to kill us. I don't think anyone right here is good guys.

Where you were just like, no, no, you were just shooting at my boys. Like, fuck off. I don't care what happens to you. We didn't even look at, like, at that time, it's just so ingrained. Like, getting shot it was no big deal. As long as you didn't hit one of us. It's like when you hit one of us. I got, again, you're in so many gun fights.

Like, you do not get, I got in a good fight. You shot him. I don't give a fuck. Like, you're team B. I'm team A. Fucking team P lost. No animosity. It was nothing past that.

And now we're handing you to Team C, have fun. But if, well, yeah. Team C's going to probably kill you, but because they said they're not going to, but hey, we're just handing it off. That's literally how that is over there. Yeah, Team C signed the paperwork. They're not going to fucking murder you. Yeah.

We're good. Yeah. Or you're dropping off Team B back where, like, the most we would do is, okay, hey, we grabbed a bad guy, we interrogated, there was no proof or anything. We found wires. We found copper. We found anything that's not like actual warheads. Okay, well, just drop them back off.

And you just drive them, you escort them, and then you're really kind when you drop them off to their neighborhood. Dude, thank you so much. Here's some water. Appreciate everything you're done. Now, what does everyone that views that interaction look like? Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, so you just talked. Yeah. Even though we didn't do anything, we just handled water and said, hey, thank you for everything. Thank you for supporting the American troops. And now I don't know what happened That's it

You follow the rules We really get a following the rules War's weird It's the best way you can do You look back at being in there I mean like That was kind of fun Or like

I don't know fun's the right word Like fondly Or do you look back Being like that was fucked Well Dude Dakota was the best example When he was on Because he got an incident

He's like man Indie individual that was like Oh I miss the gunfats I don't miss all that But you probably weren't a lot of gunfights. The second you're in a gunfight, that's an instant,

oh, this is not as much fun as you would think it is. This sucks. Actually, this is what I thought, jumping out of helicopters, jumping out of planes, getting into gun fights, war would be an amazing thing. It's an experience everyone should have

goes out the window after like round one gets close to you. Turns out when you leave the two-minute highlight reel, it's a, getting to get kind of shud. Yeah, and especially when it's like, you're getting shot at. No, you have to run towards said gunfire.

Yeah, yeah. And you're like, why? We could stay in this vehicle. It's protecting it pretty well. It's just pinging off of it. No, you're dropping ramps and you're running towards that. But I mean, eh, oh, we're going now.

Okay, let's do this thing. I guess what he's hitting at that I don't think I've ever even asked you as a friend is, what's the element of the army or being deployed that you miss the most? I know there's the camaraderie aspect of it, but. It's protecting your own. It's being there for your friends. That level of friendship, brotherhood, you will never find anywhere else. Because these are individuals that will lay down their life.

Related to the fact that you were potentially going to die at any moment. Yeah. And it's I would put my life in front of my own for my buddy. That is very hard to have anywhere else. It's why I get along. Like, you guys get to see like those guys, Eli Crane or like how fast we just. get along and that's why it's that oh you've done that same you've had that same experience you put your life and you you gave two shits about yours because you cared more about the people next

you're left and it's like you you may not have been in my trench but you were in a trench yeah and you let's always find gibbs from nc iS always has a special bond with other military man yeah thank you that's a great welcome to the comedy podcast unsubscribe the comedy podcast it's probably the Featuring comedian, Ryan Long. It's probably the most comedy-oriented podcast we've had in a while, even though it's technically a comedy podcast. You just hit it with those deep ones. Ryan, tell us a story about the time you were shot at.

Me and Streets of Ajax, Ontario, then. Well, you are from Toronto. They did have, my high school did have, there was a bunch of shootings in the front, so you have to do metal detectors, and then we had a bunch of bullet holes in our front door for a while. You had Mexicans? I'll tell you one.

No, the other kind. Oh, yeah. Do you think Mexicans walked all the way up to Toronto, Canada? They got to Los Angeles and said, I probably take a nap. East cold. They don't even make it up to New York, usually. So I just kept on walking past the southern border.

You think they forced gumped up to New York? There was a guy at my school that held up a teacher at gunpoint, but he was like kind of a guy we were friends with. And we used to have these notes you could write to get people out of school, like a doctor's notes we stole. And our my boy, there wasn't the band, actually. He wrote this guy a note to get him out of school

that he then used to hold out the teacher. And then there was the helicopter chase to this guy and then got him in his house. Then they eventually arrested him. I got in jail forever. He was in your band, you said? No, no. The guy who was in my band was my boy.

Oh, he had the notes. Yeah, but the guy who did it was kind of like a buddy. Not like in the squad, but he was like... Six degrees from Kevin Bacon, I guess. Put it this way. We knew him enough to have, he had a nickname. What did he tell the teacher? No, he came to the, he went to some other teacher, got a, had a note that I'm not in school.

And then for some reason went to, we had these things called portables, which is these little like outside of the school, the little fake classrooms. And then went, took another teacher. It was like, I want your purse and money and shit like that? Like a double wide or like, what was it? Like a trailer type thing? They kind of are like trailers, but they're not on wheels, yeah. It's called a portable, but it would be, I guess, if you went to, like, a manufactured home. You know when you see in Africa and they have like a little schoolhouse?

We have, like, outside of our school, they need to expand the school. They don't have enough room, so they have, like, 40 of these, like little mini schools. For poverty. Well, it's just because they don't have any more room, you know what I mean? But that's what they make these, you know, they add these things. They have more room, but they don't have the budget. Yeah, and poor neighborhood. It's a, we'll stand this up.

We'll call it. These things are pretty normal. I don't know, I guess you probably have a different name for them. You ever have that? Like, you have your school and then they have a bunch of like a little outside. Oh, yeah, no, I spent second grade in a single wide, yeah. Single wide, okay, that's what you call? You were home school.

What's up? You were homeschool. Last three years. Oh, really? Yeah, just the last three years. Like your mom? I was like my parents, but mostly it's like they get like a, a curriculum. Like you'll buy a curriculum where like that's where I learned like instead of going to the public school,

I did three years homeschooling, so I learned, like, speech and debate. I learned, you know, finance, I learned business and a bunch of other things instead of learning what I'd learn in public school, which is that I was gay. You had to learn that in the real world. Yeah, exactly, right? That was hard earned is what that was. So correct me if I'm wrong, Ryan, but Toronto is like the Chicago of Canada, is it not? Like in terms of, it's pretty dangerous?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, fairly dangerous. We made it alive, though. It's expensive and dangerous. It takes a certain type of guy. I'm like that, though. Oh, shut the fuck. I'm that guy though, you know what I'm saying?

Type shit. So, it depends who you are. Obviously, you'd have trouble there, but you know what I'm saying? Well, it's Canada crime. It doesn't count. Yeah, it was getting pretty loud. Hey, like, maybe don't do that, eh? You're all right.

Hey, buddy. Yeah, there's definitely, I think after I left, like, carjackings where they went real light on carjacking, so it was just like everyone was getting stolen. Kind of the craziest thing. I don't have you ever heard, like, the accent that, like the people have in Toronto were like, you know, this weird kind of like gangster accent. No, I have no idea. There's a gangster Canadian accent.

Toronto accent. Big on TikTok. Look at it. It's cute as hell. It's so cute. Yeah, you know, I knew someone would know it. It's like, I got popular. You know what I mean?

Could you try to do their best representation of it? I can do it. Good. Yo, honestly, dog? Yo, men's is actually crazy, eh? Yo, Crotie, don't fucking talk to me like that, eh? If that's what it is. That's pretty good, right?

Oh, wow. So this dude, like, held up kind of like an old woman and shot her for her car because she ended up, something happened, he shot her. And then he was on the run. And then he was making TikTok videos being like, yo, I didn't even want it to go down like that, eh? Yo, I'm kind of mad that I shot that old lady still. Are you fucking shitting me?

No, this is like four months ago. Oh, my God. You sound like a Mexican-Canadian. It's a mix of like Jamaican and whatever else. But wait, they banned handgun sales in Canada. How is that possible? You see how do the criminals get guns if they're legal? That's crazy.

No one knows. No one knows. This should... Ryan Hedzick's supposed. This should be studied. Excuse me. You're not even supposed to have that? Actually, that's a good for law.

That's illegal and I think you'll know that it's actually very impolite for you to have that handgun here. I don't mean to be that guy, but if you like just, if you walk away, like I won't tell the Mounties that you got that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can both walk away, but... Yeah, yeah. So I don't know.

When they're stealing my car, I didn't... don't point out like buddy i mean you're the one that's in trouble yeah we both got problems because i don't know if you're at the charter but that you're you're in some hot water there about just turn it up oh my god the the british cops like stop or i'll i'll yell stop again yeah i mean i've new york feels a little more dangerous in tronon tron's

probably like only certain areas new york feels a little while like if you're on subways in New York, it feels wilder than Yeah, yeah. You feel like there's just not enough like shit oversight? Like, uh, like just are people overseeing like the crime stuff or like there's more more law enforcement in Toronto or just. In my New York outside of my, I lived in the East Village and there would be a fight outside there every day while you're trying to sleep.

And then this is like during COVID. I remember people would just start setting up shop. They had like tents and stuff like that. Then the guy who was the bodega guy would get in like a fight with them. and then ripped down their tents, then they'd get in a fight. And then I remember when I went on tour and came back and there was like a big blood splot

because someone got like murdered like right in the, you're gone. Yeah, it's just like crazy shit, you know. There's always people, and then there'd be like, there'd be kind of like regulars that were, you know, this guy he had like no shirt on, kind of like jacked black dude,

but like not from working out, just jacked because he'd built like that, you know? And then had like scars all over his face and his back. And like some, one day you'd see him and he'd be like, oh, what's up? How you doing? And then the next day you'd see him and he'd be like,

like, you know, fucking, like, you know, somebody gave him $20. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no,

no, no, no. Oh, God, it's like the, the forbidden, like, seesaw horse or whatever

outside of the fucking H.E.B. He's like, oh, shit, you put 25 cents in the machine. Now it's high. I remember the first time

I got there at a comedy show with this guy, Casey Aurora, who's my buddy. He, I went in New York for 48 hours. And I was doing a show at this place that doesn't exist, L.L. Comedy Club.

And then he went on stage. Someone in the audience started, like, yelling at him, like, you know, heckling him, being like, shut up. And he was like, what the, he wants you shut up. And then he gets on stage, tries to, like, start fight Casey Aurora. The bouncer comes in, huge dude, starts trying to grab him. And then he punches the bouncer, big brawl, the woman's involved. And then this goes on for a good, like, six minutes, huge fight. They stop.

Six minutes is crazy. Crazy. see, they stop the show and then police come everything. And this is like, I'm like, so this is New York comedy, huh? New York comedy's crazy. And, but I've never seen that again, but that was like the first day I was there. But you see, I don't know, just cities are, it just kind of becomes like normal, I guess. But you just know, like, if someone's on the subway and it's like, wild, you're just like, get to the next car. I'm going to try to get involved. So that, that actually reminded me a little bit of like the Bill Burr getting confrontational in

like Philly, I think is like the famous example. Sure, yeah, yeah. Is there a comedian that you kind of look up to that you're just like, oh, I love the way they handle shit like that, especially when it comes to like hecklers. I don't know, but like the number one heckler guys are probably the like one liner, like guys who have the most one liners. Yeah. You know like, you know David Tellis?

He's kind of a guy that like everyone loves in New York. I don't know. And he's like pretty famous guy, but he's kind of like in New York. I think a lot of people talk about it was like the best. Yeah, comedy seller guys. Super funny. Yeah, you know it is.

But they have like, the guys who have the most like one liners and they've been doing it for a long time, I feel like anything that happens, they have like a fucking line of the banger lines for it. You know, because they're just like, you know, if it comes to the point where you've been doing long enough,

you're like, oh, I have a line for like every situation and everything. You got a little book. You're like, yeah, your mind is a book, you know? You're like red shirt. I have a red shirt.

You know, kind of becomes that. but I don't have a specific favorite heckler comic. I think Louis's probably still the best comedian alive, probably, in my opinion. That's what I think, yeah. I've liked a lot of his stuff. There's a guy in Austin who, his name's Kermetzker. Do you know Kermetzger?

Name sounds very familiar. He actually, he's on the Jimmy Dorshow, but I always thought he was one of the first people that I saw that I thought was like doing comedy, like a different way that I was like, oh, that's cool. Like you can just kind of, because I remember when you first start, you're kind of everyone's just, you know, you kind of, there's like five ways that people do comedy. And then I felt like sometimes you see a guy that's just like doing their own thing and it's working.

And you're kind of like, oh, right, you can kind of like beat, you can beat comedy into you where it's like I'm doing the way that I talk. And I sort of, you rejigged it instead of just like fitting a mold of what exists already. That's why I like people like, you know, Norm McDonald. Yeah. Like he was just, he's a guy who just completely broke the mold of traditional comedy. Yeah, totally. You know who Norm McDonald really sucks for? all the other people there that sound like Norm MacDonald

Everybody else trying to be Norm MacDonald Or that actually do sound like that Like that area outside of Ottawa There's like so many, like there's a few comic That weren't trying to sound like him They do sound like them That's just the way they talk Yeah, you know what I mean?

Like yeah you go you go Oh that guy's doing Norm you're like no they all sound like that No they just sound like that Have you listened to his autobiography? I know the one where it's kind of like half fake half real right? Yes Oh my God.

That is my favorite. No, the best stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Dude, just him telling his bullshit life story where he's making up half of it. Yeah, yeah. But that would, you're right. That is a perfect example of a guy just being like, I'm going to like invent a new way of doing something.

I always thought that was really cool. Dude, Kurt Metsker. Like, you're not joking. Homeboy won an Emmy and a P-Body Award for American stand-up comedian. Oh, Kurtz, like, in the world that I thought you guys might know. Monster of fucking comedy. He's a call him some Jimmy Doris. show if you know who that is.

Can you show me a picture? I don't know names. He's like my name. He's like one of my good friends in comedy too. I don't know. I just find him so funny. Because I know the name. I don't think I've ever seen him.

Oh, hey, hey. Yeah, him. Yeah, he was just on Rogan like, yeah, two days ago. No shit. Yeah. You've seen tapped in. He's crushing it.

The holy shit to have those awards. That's wild. Don't you? Yeah, but there's a lot. of like random guys. That's in, you know, in the city, like, there's a lot of like random New York guys were just like, yeah, killers and that maybe people don't know about enough, but maybe will.

Did you, now, did he help you get into the comedy space? Like, hey, I want to try this or was that? No, I kind of made friends with them after. No shit. To be honest. But, like, that was like, I feel like when I was in Toronto, that, like, the popular there was kind of like a group of comedians that were kind of like the hip New York comedians at the time.

But none of them were like that. famous you know gotcha and none of them like did you have any aspirations from big comedians at that point in your life to be like hey I want to join this no at the time who dude when I started stand-up comedy I'd probably seen like Jerry Seinfeld special you're like this is comedy got I can do no because I know it really was I was like obsessed with like like Tom Green Andy Milnacchus Sash Baron Cohen I thought that Jamie Kennedy who I've like kind of hung out with now I thought that show was so funny. Like that kind of on that stuff I was like, you know, I liked Sandler, like people

like that, but that was my... You are the most 40 year old man I've ever made. I will defend, dude, I'm the most like Sandler defender to be right him. I love what he's done. He's got like the best gig ever now where he's just like, oh, I'm going to like pump out these like decent enough comedy movies with all of my best friends in exotic places where we get to just be in Hawaii for three months. It's like, dude, fuck, that's the, that's the American dream. He really did beat the system. Yeah.

But you guys like that. And then I was like, because I was, the way that I thought about it at the time, which that's why it felt different to me, it was like, everything else. I was like, oh, I'm going to do this. And then you do that and do that. And then stand up, I was kind of like, I'm doing all this comedy stuff. And it felt like, oh, if you go do stand up, that felt like a more measurable way in like sports where in acting, it was like, is the.

best actor getting the role, like who knows? You know what I mean? It's kind of, you could really replace people with other people sometimes and maybe wouldn't have made a difference. Whereas in like sports, you're like, no, that guy's the best. And I felt like stand up would have been more of that where you go, if you're like so good, you can't be ignored, in my opinion. It was before YouTube now, there's a versions of it where if you're making the best stuff, like, you'll find your audience. But it was kind of before that, right? You could, in industry, could ignore someone that's amazing. I feel like they can't really do that now. And at the time, I felt like stand up was kind of like a way around that. But I didn't. So then when I actually

started doing it. I didn't realize that you're just like, oh, this isn't like a thing you do. This is like a life you have. I don't think. And what is that like? Because a lot of people don't realize, oh, this is a complete lifestyle. This isn't something you can do half ass. This is, I have to go all in. It's not 40 hours. This is 60, 80, 100 hours a week to make this success. Yeah, probably like an athlete being like I'm like a, you know, I'm, oh, I'm going to like train a little less. You're like, Oh, so you're going to stop doing it. You know what I mean? Unless you're Mighty Mouse,

who like has a job. He's an MMA fighter who's just a fucking, you know, top tier athlete. Okay. With the UFC and everything. But he had a job at Red Lobster while he was the UFC champ. It's incredible. He was, and to that, like, you were talking about a dude, everyone else at that level was doing this full time.

Full fucking time. Mighty Mouse was doing it an hour week without a coach. And then he had a secondary. coach and it was his first big UFC fight that was hard. It's badass. Getting the championship and they're like, hey, so do you want to quit Red Loster? Yeah, yeah. Homie, like put everything into this.

He's like, oh, okay. And then he just started crushing. I'm in the UFC, but Red Lobster's my passion. He's like, I want to be the number one server of all the time. Related to all of that, you said you were living in Toronto, you were in a band, you started doing comedy and then you moved to New York. What, like, what were you doing prior to? Like, what was your full-time job before, like, were you working?

I said, like, random jobs I never had. Like, I never had, because the band got kind of popular when I was, like, in college. So the band was your job? Yeah, and then, but I did stuff. Like, I would, when then the band was kind of popular, I was started this little company making music videos. So I started kind of, and we were pretty, like, in. so I would make a lot of people's music videos

and I have a little company I probably did like 15 a year and then kind of while I was doing that I was doing like we know we started doing the cable access show but I would always have I'd have like a couple you know gigs that just like I don't know you one of you you've done film stuff right

I don't have you ever had like gigs that like came to you over the years but when I wasn't making enough money I'd have these things where it's like oh this person has this video that they make do you want to make it it takes like took me four or five days I would do it with my little company

make like 10 grand a year have like three of those and then you're like okay i make kind of like 25 30 30 with my little thing and then make you know 25 for my music video racket and then make 30 in entertainment and all those numbers are probably inflated but like you add the whole thing up to more like 50 or 60 and you're like okay that was i kind of had like like brackets which an american dollars is about 40 but right so i had like rackets you know what i mean like you'd make and then and you know when i started comedy and you know they're probably after two or three years i was making you know, 15, 20 in comedy and then 1520 here and 1520 here

and then so I kind of, yeah, I never had like, I had jobs jobs before, I worked at a hockey rink I worked at for the city for a bit but like mostly it was after college with the success of the band I kind of partitioned that into having these like rackets and then I had like my series at CBC

that would make money and I had all these little things like that. What was the comedy money? Film probably is the best way to describe it. Where was the breakoff point where you were like, oh, I can fuck off. I make enough money that I can move to New York and do comedy full-time. Well, I couldn't move before. I was, when I was in, I've moved here at like 32. By like 29, like I had a, I was like a real person that, you know. Yeah.

Like I wasn't like I had, you know, enough of these little things. Like we had an office. So me and Danny, who I do my podcast, The Boys cast with, we had a little office in Toronto that was all of our boys who were filmed people. And, you know, if you, it was more like, if you needed more work, there was always stuff, like, and I was a really good editor, right? So there was always stuff I could do if I wanted to. But I always thought that was the best advice for, like, young person that's trying to do something

is like, find out how to make $30,000 a year with the least amount of hours possible so you can kind of spend your time doing other things and then never nickel and dime the career you're pursuing. Like so many people are arguing over like 40 bucks here and there. It's like, figure out a scheme to like get by, you know, that doesn't have, I mean, if you're like a hot chick bartain, is a good scheme, but like, rather figure out a scheme where you can like make enough to survive

without worrying about that that much. And then like kind of, then you can just be like, okay, I can just focus on this thing that I'm building. You build everything. Well, like, we all have like a job prior. Like there was the job that we did while we were doing the thing we wanted to do in the background. So you did it that way.

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people as you're, it's that I will move into this location and get it ready. And then I will supplement that job with everything. else to make sure this lifestyle doesn't change. I want to do comedy. This is how I get comedy done. And maybe I would have thought of that if I hadn't been in this scenario where I was already

like kind of famous before. So there's like a part, you know what I mean? It felt like weirdly like if I was like kind of weirdly like half made it if that makes sense. So I was more like I wanted to figure out rackets like in this thing a little bit. And it helps your overall job because now you're like. like, hey, I'm doing the skit comedy or whatever on the live shows. You could convince yourself of that.

Whether it was true, I could convince myself that kind of it's helping. Dude, I would do that. I'm like, oh, well, at least I'm learning X, Y, and C. And then I can apply it to this and then I can figure. Actually, you're basically doing it. Yeah, I fucking got this all day. Because L.A. was that, I mean, the acting scene or L.A. scene was so different, especially at that time, like 2012, YouTube, no one gives a fuck about.

You need to be in entertainment industry. and then you're trying to pay the bills with the YouTube or the side jobs and then while doing your actors card or a yeah yeah yeah which I mean so many of those people too like I remember the early days like you could think of like Fred or whoever they're like oh yeah the biggest thing is like Fred goes to Hollywood you have somebody who's succeeding in like the influencer YouTube world going to try to be legitimate in the the Hollywood scene and then they tank because like you you don't you don't realize like okay we are actually the new economy.

And in freelance, it's like you're actually, you're, you're working for yourself instead of working for a studio that works for a union that works for who. And you've got these 18 tiers up the chain, whereas reality like you're working. You watch all these people and you're just like, look at these, all those actors who you're now trying to be. It's like they're all trying to start a podcast. You know what I mean? Will Smith started a YouTube channel.

Like, what does that tell you? Although it flips spots so fast with a lot of things because it is, oh, I'm really big on this side, but I can't put. butts in seats. I can't do a lot of stuff. Comedy, I know I've talked to WME or Freddie or any of these YouTube individuals. They're like, man, they think just because they have this audience that naturally that audience will go to a show. They might go once. It has to be, you know. And that is the hardest thing. It's like, no, I have an internet presence. It's like, fucking congratulations. You didn't build a community aspect to it. No one's going to show up.

And now these big theaters, these big shows, they, oh, we'll do a 2,000 seat venue. 300 people show up What the fuck's going on? I thought you said you could sell this out Well I thought that well they watch my YouTube videos Doesn't fucking matter Yeah And that's how is that with the comedian

You like YouTube space Do you see a lot of comedian YouTubers trying to get on shows with you Or they're just not filling out seats Like how is that whole world Coming from the traditional side of comedy Yeah like The community thing that you're saying

is funny because like in comedy in a weird way it's almost, I don't know if frowned upon is the wrong, the right word, but like it feels like all of that stuff of, you know, like the stuff that YouTubers do to like build a community almost feels like you're not supposed to do that or something. You know what I mean?

But we have a longstanding joke. If you say community, we all all have to drink. Oh. So you're, you're, you're, it's a little more like,

you know, this is the stuff I'm doing and I don't, I'm kind of like keep, I'm not babysitting a group of people. I'm making stuff and if they like it, that's cool. But yeah, I mean, that's one of the things that's like in the last three years that's happening like crazy is there's so many people that build this big audience. And then there's a million people being like, hey, you can make a lot of money if you go

do a live performance for them. And then they're just like, what do I do? And then I can't think of, I mean, I kind of feel almost grateful that I was maybe the point where I was really selling tickets. I've been doing stand-up for 10 years so I could kind of like handle, you know, do it. But like being not good enough to do an hour of stand-up and then going in like disappointing, you know,

500 people at night and then be like, and now I'm going to do this tomorrow. And then I'm going to do it tomorrow. It's like I feel like that's torture. Yeah, but I've disappointed one person a night for years. So like it's not that big a deal. And then they go, you know, I even, Louis used to say about,

this is a Louis CK quote, but he used to talk about when you guys were saying putting together the new hours people were like, if you have like an hour of standup and someone's like a big fan and then you come back to their city

like a couple years later and it's this and then they'll come the second time and then if the second time it's like mostly the same kind of thing they'll like they might even still have a good time but they're not coming the third time you know what I mean

so it's like if you want to build like yeah I do these tours and people come see me every time it's like the truth is a lot of those people just aren't capable of that right now from no fault of their own. They're just like not, you know, it's not, if I, if I got famous doing like trick shots and then I had to go play in the NBA, you know what I mean, or whatever it was. So I feel like a lot of people are like struggling with like what to do with that. And some people are figuring out. I mean, you guys are doing a podcast. Some people are like, I do this show where I kind of bring people. I kind of do 10 minutes. Then we do like a Q&A and we, I put together, some people like figure out how to put together like a cool dating show or something. So I think people are figuring out like Zach.

There's so many. I don't know the names of the people who do the dating show. shows, but I know there's some of them that seem pretty popular. God, I'm trying to remember his last name, but Zach, he's like the guy that does, like, he brings in the girls and they do, like, the dating show, like kind of stuff. Dude, there's, it's fucking hilarious. Yeah, yeah. So people are figuring out, like, what do I, what does my live performance look like? And then probably after that, they're figuring out, like, do I actually want to do this?

Dude, it's hard because I can't say from that side of the fence, you have, how do I say? It is the company is like, well, they won't tour next year or we'll hold that back on them. And it's like, we don't give a shit about tour. And we're doing this for everyone else. This is not, we just give two. This is not our lifestyle. Zach Justice. Yeah, that guy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I haven't seen his stuff. Yeah. Have you not? You were talking about the white room thing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, no.

I'm, maybe he does a live version, but I'm just saying there's all these, you know, random guys that build this big thing and they have this live, you know, dating where the audience comes up or whatever. Doing that live sounds fucking crazy. Yeah, having no editorial control is, that's a gamble, especially something that sensitive. Yeah, I guess so. But there, well, then, I mean, you got to figure something out if you want a tour. Yeah. But I guess the other side is you don't have to tour. Like, you know. That's a big thing. A lot of people are learning. One of these days, Eli will figure that out. We don't. We do not have to.

Now, it is great to everyone else. Why do we do it, Eli? For the community. Yeah, but podcasting isn't, I don't put podcasting in that same category. Like a podcast going to a live podcast is actually pretty normal. Here's it here. I don't see that is for your category. For yours, being able to do this for a year and a half at this point, almost two and a half years, we now sell out 2,200 seat venues.

Like in a week and a half, we will sell out a 2,200 seat venue. What is 2,200 see venue mean? Just 2,000 people. 2,000. What is the 200 mean? 200 seats. 2200 is what he's trying to say. Yeah, 22,200.

200. Oh yeah, 2200. However you want to say that. I knew you weren't seeing 2,200 seat venues, but I was like, what are you saying? That is how 2,000 or 3,286. Seven shows a day. We do 2,000 bingo holes per year. Why are you doing so many shows? Yeah, but I was like, also awesome. Why are you working right now? Why is every venue 2200 seats? We're really good. That is our max capacity. No more. It was. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's awesome, yeah.

Because how fast that happened, we got truly blessed with being five people on the stage and we get to interact and everyone has a good time. A lot of comedians, when we talk to them, be like, how the fuck that is really quick to scale that size? And at first, we didn't. We were like 400 seat venues and then we barely sold out. I mean, our first one was like 300 seats? Yeah, 300, 400 was after. It was actually, like, tonight, laugh out loud. That was our, and we were nervous as first, first, first.

Yeah, it was, it was 300 seats and we were terrified. Well, I mean, I'm sure there's some places where you'll go. Like, I mean, you know, like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm doing 1,500 in Toronto, and then I'm doing 500 in Houston, and then tonight's going to be 300. Like, so, you know, I'm just saying it depends on where you go. You're like, oh, and then you, maybe if you go to London, then you're like, oh, that's five, you know, it depends on. Right.

So there's always a place where you're selling more tickets and less tickets if you want to go there is a question. But even still, just like, even though it's like fewer seats. I mean, sorry to interrupt, but I know for you guys, it's the exact same amount every single place, $2,200. I mean, we keep it like relatively close because it's big hubs too where it's like Denver, Phoenix, Boston, like, you know, big, big conglomerates like that. But I just go back to our first ever show where we were all just terrified. Like, I just remember the feeling in the green room. And we're like, we've never been on stage before. Oh, and this is.

Oh, this is. It was one of the biggest things. It's like, we're used to talking behind a camera to millions of people. The second that millions turns into 300 in front of you. And you started with a big place? It was like 300. It was a lot, right? Yeah.

I mean, for a lot of people, that is like, oh, but three to 500 during that first tour. Enter stage left, Richard High. Yeah. Exposed his butt hole. and testicles right on the entire crowd it was St. Patrick's day sick he was wearing a kilt and just mooned the whole fucking audience as we walked out and we're like well that sets the tone yeah right fair enough no we don't have to worry period yeah it's it's just that weird spot of how fast it evolved into that size and we're truly blessed because we have a huge audience

but two million people behind a camera versus 300 people in front of them absolutely fucking terrifying to all of us. Yeah, a different scale. Cody. Like, Cody hates it. He has the largest. Locke the fuck out. Do you know, so Boston, I think it's the Wilbur Theater.

I did the Wilbur. Yeah, we did the Wilbur last tour. Yep. And, you know, there's like, there's the base floor, the second floor, and then there's like a third floor way up top. It's cool. They call it like the wall of laughter. Yeah, because they built it, they built a comedy club in the bottom. Oh, no shit.

That's the reason. And like, so if you, like the part that has the tables, it feels like a comedy club. That's why everyone does their specials there. No shit. I didn't know that. Yeah. So it's, yeah, they have a theater, but then they have a little floor essentially in front of the theater that feels like a comedy club. That's fucking cool.

No, no, well, when we did it, Cody, well, because the way the lighting was set up, Cody didn't know there was a third floor. Oh, yeah, yeah. So he's gotten massive stage fright. And like at one point, like one of us just like, hey, Cody, look up there. And he goes, oh, fuck. had no clue there was an entire extra 300 fucking people there isn't that a wild like time though there's there's some podcasts that do like a live podcast

and they do arena and just like man what a wild dude there's this podcast in quebec i think it's mike ward's podcast they did the the like you know basketball sports stadium right just into two guys and chatting and like logical brain it makes sense but like caveman brain none of the shit computes Yeah, yeah. Well, the rules are all nothing. There is none. Yeah.

We were terrified with the 360. Oh, dude. Wait, you guys did it at 360? Phoenix. It was all the way around? Yeah, Phoenix and it was. That's weird. It was a 240.

Like, because it was one of those things. It's like, how the fuck, we are on a table. We are talking. The people behind us won't have a good time. We need to like push everyone this way. Ha. The only place there wasn't people was the entrance ramp behind us. Yeah.

It was, I'm like, oh, yeah, a table full of veterans famously comfortable with people sitting behind them for an hour and a half. Terrified. What is it like for you when you walk out on that? Or are you, do you sit? What's your actual stage presence like? Or stuff like that. Now, are you walking and looking at each area when you walk and talk? Dude, I, like, honestly, this stuff feels, it just doesn't feel like anything to me.

That's why. Like I'm, it really, I don't know, but I guess I've been performing since I was like 16, but it really, it's not even like a nervous thing or not. I'm more like in my head like, okay, I'm going to think about it. I might be thinking about something like, okay, I want to try this new thing or I want to do that. But like the actual, oh, everyone's here.

Like I just feel nothing. It's like irrelevant. So go see his shows. Yeah. He doesn't care about you at all. That's what you want. Humility check. What was everybody's first?

No, you'd be like if you walk into a room, I feel the way that if I walked into a room with my friends. Like if I walked into a room with like my bodies, I'm not like, oh, I'm not like nervous. So you just lost the nerves every time. Yeah, it just feels regular. You do it every single night. You know what I mean? Yeah. It just feels like regular.

The last show, that's when they opened those like, hey, five minutes. I used to sleep before show. I'll take my nap's sprain. It's like, oh, it hit. I'm like, huh? Do you guys have a stand up that does anything before you guys go on? No. It is. You should.

Straight. I've said that. That'll make it easier because going first is notoriously a little harder. Especially in San Antonio, we have so many friends like Justin Governaul, like people that do comedy here. Have a local person do 10 minutes before. That'll make it better for you. I feel like we should. But the crowd, do we, what do we walk out to?

Thunderous fucking applause. At the same time. Yeah. Thunders a clause. I feel like it's also good for the audience too. Like, you know, 10. It warms them up. Yeah.

10 minutes of just like, oh, you know, You're warmed up, you're ready to laugh, you're having a good time while you're waiting for the, you know. That's a no-brainer. That would be like 101 if I was like, like, and I put this for. Yeah, put someone before, have someone do something beforehand, yeah. It'd be interesting to try it because it'd be that, because Jake gets booed going on stage just for his. Jake will be on stage. And this is our lawyer.

Well, that sounds like a Jake problem. Well, he goes on and it's like, hey, I'm speaking for this, not this. And Jake's not even into the intro of like, hey, no cell phones. He does this a little bit. But people are like, we do. pay for you and you're like Jesus Christ audience that's why I would not want to put that on an ending comedian where they're like

Hey what's up it's Justin Governor Lowe We have so many We have so many comedians that are former podcast guests though Yeah do you think our audience is going to be kind of I do the lawyer is getting wrecked To say hey he'll record No what you need is a guy that is a that does film and

And they'll be like tour with us and he's also kind of works for you We're gonna just throw you on stage next next So, well, you can't afford me. No. That's not a lot. All right. Honestly, I bet you you would do it and you'd be like, oh shit, that's way better. It would be a good fucking, let's test it for Dexter.

I feel like we should. Like, I've really, I've been hard on that. I think that, like. You have an opener. Yeah. Because pretty much, even every big musician and whatnot, when they do a big tour, they have openers and stuff. Yeah, yeah.

It's something to keep people entertained if they should. up early, you know, stuff like that. And if people miss it, then they miss it, whatever. But it's, I don't know, it keeps people entertaining. Like a lot of mediums that you're like, we'll do it differently. And then like after a few years, you're like, there's a reason everyone did it like that. You know what I mean? We've had delay shows.

I was a great example. 45 minute delay because 60% of the audience tried to bring in guns. And they had to go back to their car. Now we're delayed. You left. And then they're like, why is it the show starting it? Dude, your baby's like a, your show's like a little baby show. The rapper.

Yeah, literally. Everyone was bringing guns. And you're like, hey, they delayed it by like 45 minutes. Oh my God. Because it was like, everyone's trying to bring in guns right now. They're saying they're having a cat Williams. Well, yeah. It's so funny.

Yeah, you guys are dealing with gangster. out problems. They tried to bring guns in here. It was the the Nashville show where they came back, the management came back, they were like, hey, you know, we're glad you're here, this, this, this. The staff is a little concerned.

A lot of your people are trying to bring in firearms. Like, oh, they're... No, no, not even that. Just like, they're... Just like, well, we're worried that they're going to bring in firearms. We're like, no, no, not our crowd. They know the rules. They know the laws, stuff like that. And then walk outside and there's a guy carrying a fucking AT4.

Like, well, they want us to sign. I check it out. That's so funny. I get it's an empty tube, but when you're dealing with a fucking arena that doesn't deal with this shit. Yeah, I get it. So where's the rest of your tour? That's so funny. I'm just like kind of on tour always.

Like I try to do, I try to do about two weekends a month is like what I think like makes sense for me. So right now, I guess I don't know when this is going to come out but San Antonio's tonight Houston and Austin are sold out but then I'm I don't think you guys have

do you mind if I pull up my dates No not really the purpose Yeah by all means Tell them But yeah then I'm doing Big Theater in Toronto Ottawa still has some tickets Toronto's basically sold out

But then Miami, Naples Jacksonville Little Florida run San Francisco Sacramento Philadelphia Madison Vancouver Portland Minneapolis Lansing Theater, Chicago, Detroit, Winnipeg, Spokane, Phoenix, Santa Ana, Pueblo, Boston, Halifax, Nashville, Kansas City, Calgary, D.C. Providence. Ryan Longcom. And so when's your last date on that tour?

It's always. Like, it's kind of just, so the way that I am currently doing it is not like just one big tour. It's more that I do about 24 weekends a year sort of thing, you know? And that just kind of goes on forever. When I do release a special, I'll probably take like four months off to do press and work on stuff and this and that. But it's kind of just that's like that I'm trying to be in like a you're trying to more like systemize like a manageable life as opposed to like it's off. Then it's on. It's off than it's on. Sure.

Like always. 24 is a metric shift on. And also send that to show so we can put that up on screen. So everyone knows the exact days. Do the read. I get that we all like we're privileged to be able to do the. job that we have, right? Yeah, I think so. Do you still enjoy it? Yeah. To be honest, it's, uh, the, the problem with being busy, I'm sure it's like the, there's too much stuff other than

the thing. Like, you know what I mean? Like, I kind of, it's funny because I used to look back at, you know, when I was probably like four years into this or whatever, and you'd be like, man, it'd be so sick to be there. And then you could just no stand up. And you're like, actually, it's here is when I was, when I had nothing. This is what I can, now it's like, you're doing stand-up while managing a lot of other things, you know? So to me, it's like the thing that I like most is when I'm like my whole life is problem I'm trying to solve is how can I mostly just focus on the things, you know? So with stand-up, I do love. The problem is that it's hard to really do when you're doing a million other things. So my most of my time is spent,

how can I do the least amount of other things and actually just do this? You know what I mean? Yeah. Well, now where can everyone find you on social media? All of my socials are at Ryan Long comedy, and the podcast is The Boys Cast with Ryan Long. Who do you do The Boys Cast with? Danny Polis-Chuck. And he's a comedian also from Toronto that lives in New York as well. You might have seen his stuff.

He does a lot of funny sketches and stuff. Probably, yeah. It's probably, again, it's one of those things that comes across your feet all the time. You're just like, oh, shit, that guy. Yeah. No, that's what I'm saying to you guys. It's like cool. I've obviously seen like your face and your face a bunch of times.

Fuck you, Connor. Who the fuck am I? No, I've seen the podcast and I remember my first note was I was like, that looks really good. No, don't make him feel good. I remember I thinking your shit looks really good. And then I don't know, I was just like impressed with the, you know, it's cool that there's these, you know, just, you're like, oh, just, you know, who's that guy?

And you go, oh, yeah, they're making crazy money just doing this. Like you don't need anyone. And to me, that's like cool when you meet other people that are just in like a different, like slightly different thing. I'm sure there's some crossover on people we know and stuff like that, but I don't know.

I think it's sick. Well, it's been a genuine pleasure to disappoint you in person. Yeah. Yeah, I'm glad you guys are touring, man. I'm glad it's going well. And that's how fucking... If you come to New York,

I'll come to the show. If you come to New York or Jersey again, are you going to come to New York? Have you done New York? We have. We did Jersey. I don't think we'll go back there, but we might do New York.

Who knows? Some cool theaters in New York, man. It's like harder to make money. The idea is our goal. Eli's always always wanted to do, sorry, Eli's always wanted to do Madison Square Garden, so. Yeah, that'd be sick, dude. We've scaled

right now 300, 800, 2,000 sold out. So this one will be 5,000 seats if we can sell at 4 venues at 5,000 seats each, then we'll get Madison Square Garden for 2027. You know on another life hat? I have this fucking dialed into a goddamn size. Well, here's it. It's a, it's a fucking

stretch goal, but at the same time, if we just do one fucking big unsubed tour, like this is the unsubed mecca. Yeah, yeah. This is the only show we're doing the entire tour all on subfans there. I think maybe we can do it. Yeah. We won't sell it out.

Oh, we will. I will make that a fucking thing. Oh, we will make an event around it. Sounds like a challenge. We might rent out, like literally rent out an arena, you know, make the tickets affordable so people will actually do it. Yeah. Cut out a tick, like cut out a ticketing service, you know?

Oh, they get, yeah, yeah. We were thankfully super blessed on even who we work with. on any of that aspect because WMET you would know that. No, the only reason I was saying that is I was like, if you're trying to sell an arena and the goal is like, how many tickets can we sell, you wanna cut out all these, like get it down to 25 bucks. Like you know what I mean?

Like all I was saying was like in this one situation where you're like my goal is just sell like as many as possible and try to like we're like, go ahead, trying to step up. One of the ways to help that is like, how can we get these tickets as cheap as possible, you know? Fill this bitch out and then we have fear. Go Connor.

Soon to sell up. Madison Square Garden. Thank you for tuning in to the unsubscribe podcast. As always, I've been joined by Eli Double Tap, the one, the only, Ryan. Some have called him the longest long. Gun guy. Gun guy, huge gun guy.

Future Congressman Brandon Herrera and myself, Fis. Fish. Fish man. Thank you for tuning in. As always. Ryan, where can we find you? Again?

One more time. One more time. We're just getting rinse repeat. We're very nice with all this promo you're given. Yeah. Ryanlongcom. Right alongcom. YouTube.

Ryanlong comedy. Big dick comedy.com. We love you guys. Kisses. Fuck you.