Unsubscribe Podcast - The BEST Moments Of Unsubscribe Podcast Ever

Episode Date: December 29, 2025

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How the boy's going to relax if they can't send each other pick from strangers on the internet? General Kenny, sorry. General Kenny actually wrote down board. Spread his ball sack wide. Long-range discrimination radar. Oh, that's like us. They shouldn't have a convention. They're not going to.

Say hi to Eli. He's racially ambitial. Big you as Brandon His hair is fucking fabulous And don't I A dark joke disposition And there's a fat electrician Will come to unsubscribe

My thing up, but for real? Has his fucking mic been off the whole time? I already seen it. Oh no. When did it go? What? Oh God. We were in like Salt Lake, I think. We were in like Salt Lake, I think.

Salt Lake City, like my best friend, he was the best man in my wedding. We were like in high school at the time. I've been with my wife like since high school and he's like, bro, I just don't like going down on women. I'm like, why? He's like, it just, it doesn't taste that good. And I was like, was it sour? And he's like, no. And I'm like, did it taste like ravioli and pennies? And he's like, oh my God, how did you know that? I'm like, she was she was like just. about to go on her period or just got off her period try again in a couple days and I go good taste like the heat coming out the back of a PlayStation that shit that's just

smells like hot electronics it's perfect I Not that You know it's going to be Fantastic when she takes her pants off And it smells like she's been mining for Bitcoin all night It's going to be great

I just I just think I just did daily reminder my parents watch this podcast. Oh, that's right. On your feet. No. No. No. Oh. Oh. Oh. Wait, no. Wait, wait. Not yet. Wait. Oh, yeah. We got that.

I have the official memorandum from the Department of the Army. On your feet, damn. For commander. United States Army Civil Affairs, Psychological Operations Command, Airborne, Fort Bragg, North Carolina. K-Pock, you're one of me. Subject. The acceptance and wear of former foreign badges. Under provisions of AR-600-8-22, Appendix D, Section 7342, Title V, U.S. Code, the following individuals authorized to wear the Latvian parachutist badge. Ah!

Can we pin this bad boy on? Can we read the name? Because that's ridiculous. It is. Jesus Christ. Bro. On three gentlemen, one, two, three. Bam,

Bebba- Bad-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-da-B-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Brandon's like, oh, it's not over yet. How does this fucking happen? When you're a hero, Brandon, people do things for you. You're an American fucking hero. That's a full-on. I feel like I'm smuggling stolen Valor from my deal box to you.

You're my forced Valor dealer. His commanding officer, his name fucking escapes me right now this second because I've been focusing Carlos Hathcock for so long. But General Kenny, sorry, General Kenny actually wrote down early on in his career that he was concerned about Richard Bong because he felt that he was such a nice, kind-hearted mid mid-western kid like pause the dude was like border

was this yours that was mine I thought it was a chip and I went to buy it into it and not chip nope that's my old I know my old Zen packet yeah sorry 100% okay I went and I thought it was a chip

and it wasn't a chip Connor we're not going to call that Eskimo brothers but what are we going to call that Eskimo cousins yeah what is your favorite We like you. Yeah, what is your favorite? Let's get into that.

We'll just start listing them and tell us where Ranking 1 to 10. You'll in tier, a tear iceberg. S to F tier. And slurs, ready to go? We'll go all right down. All right down the list. That's true.

Oh, that would be so good and I hate it. That would be so my rule. Okay, right here we're going. It's just all blurred out things. We need to do this. Pepperglass. I'm just saying a fun skit, Nick, where we don't actually show the words. Nick, like, why not?

We'll just have our lawyer Jake come in and say it for us so we don't have to say. We'll just say what category it's in. Oh, no. Or we can get one each person from each category to say it for us. We have a call us to here. I don't think that's what he meant. It was like the forging of the four slurs. Seven to, oh, man.

I call S-Tur. That's a shirt by itself. I want to do, we rank those. That's a good clip. That is a hilarious clip. Awesome. We're doing that this tomorrow tonight. There's your new merch drop.

Is that merch? Is that merch? Yeah. There you go. Bad bitch. Okay, dude. Yeah. We got the mugs too.

Yeah. I saw you wearing the merch. Wow. Dude. I need a mug. You guys got a mug for me? Rich is a bad bitch. I'm not on the man.

Yeah, I'll use yours. Don't clean it. We all spit it. Is this kind of need to be in the offenders or we haven't done that in a while? Oh, yeah. You actually would be a. Oh, God. You know about the offenders?

No. So it's our, it's our superhero group. Okay. um so how this works is you get to pick a superpower yeah yeah but your superpower has an offset that's a negative and we get to pick what the offset is so for example okay uh i can fly but i have to shout racial slurs got you okay i think i saw something like yeah so it's like it's hard going to like section eight housing communities to save children over and everyone's super mad cody's using so i say the power you guys tell me my negative correct yeah correct yeah so you said

A lot. Who's every, can we go through everyone? We have so many, honestly. So many. He's super speed. He's flight. I'm like, uh, Professor Xavier. Okay.

He can't, he regenerates after he dies. Um, pretty much any power is open at this point. You just pick wherever you want. Shit, dude. I'm really thinking about this one. Don't worry. Careful spun bob. Yeah.

Careful Spunned Bob. Yeah. You're going to keep out of everything. That's what got rich. A tea cat. A tea kettle over there. Fuck. I love that over there.

I'd say, okay, so I feel like the Spider-Man thing's a little. I don't think anybody's done that. I don't think anybody knows Spider-Man. Dude, I fucking love Spider-Man. I mean, I'm born in New York, so I've always had dreams of being Spider-Man. Okay, cool. The web comes out of your dick and you have to deliver pizza for seven months in between a shot. Fuck.

What? Wait, hey, he gets one dick's wing, and then he's like, oh, no! Because you get one shot? He loses his powers, and he's like, oh, fuck, no. I like, give him all the powers. He just has, they just shut off at random time. Okay. But the Chinese government gets to choose when to shut your powers off.

For seven months in between before they give it back. So it's got to come out of my dick. What were the other details on that? I like butt. What about his butt? Oh, yeah. You guys watch the boys or no? Oh, yeah.

You've seen the, like, it's the Spider-Man, but it's out of his tailbone or his little ass, whatever the fuck is. I like the butthole that way. It's a little web. There's really creepy. It's just brown web. It's just brown web. The brown web. Yeah.

The brown web is good. So I do have one more. And I'm just going to hijack. hijack the whole thing. So I have an idea for a sporting goods store, right? And you guys are going to like this. So, you know, there's sporting goods stores, it's mostly for men, right? You go in, it's mostly men in there. And so I thought a great idea would be dicks for women. The idea is catching on in Thailand. It's huge in Thailand right now. Dicks for women. Women's dicks. And so I thought, it's coming here we'll build off that it's kind of this coming here so we're going to build off

that and you know there's really not a sporting good store for kids for children god and so the idea guys does anybody want to say the punchline i don't know it's kids dicks children's dick kids and children's dicks so you go in there and it's you know it's a bunch it's yeah sporting sporting good store it's got you know like a skiing it's got kids pole and stuff like that. You know, baseball's got kids balls. So it's just a, I don't know, it's just I'm putting it out there if you guys want to invest.

If anybody out there wants to invest. Invest in kids' dicks. Invest in kids' sticks. I think people are going to love kids' dicks. What's not to love about kids' dicks? You know what I mean? Speed running, becoming a famous YouTuber. So.

Let me see your phones. This is a picture of Cody in a mirror. No, no, no, no, roll on, run one. You guys are wearing matching shirts. Yeah. God, even now, I've been around us since 11 a.m., dude. I've been drunk since 7, so. Tyler running in him today.

Like, Tyler, just when he came up today, who's like, I'm going to be honest, I just now found out Cody and Brandon are different people. because we weren't on that podcast. No. And that's what I was like, oh, that's hilarious. Holy shit. Speaking of Shot Show. I think that was, we did that in the Shot Show episode where that guy was convinced. He came up to you convinced that you were me.

Yeah. He hit me a challenge coin. It's like, Brandon, thank you for so much. Just sitting right behind him. I was just like, yeah. Turned around, sees you. Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck.

So the best one, we did talk about you weren't there, but when they thought you were Brandon Herrera. Oh, you don't know about that. this story. No. What happened? At the USCA thing. When you were, we were, what's it? He was there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know about this story that happened to you. Oh, no, I was there for that. I'm so tired, dude. Yeah, where they thought I was Brandon Herrera for the whole time. The lady? Yeah, they're like, went up to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My son loves you. He's a huge fan of a kid. Keep doing what you're

doing in Texas. That's the thing. I was like, hmm. He lives in Iowa. that was the first time I think that will and probably last time that will happen me and Brandon a lot of physical characteristics in common

yeah I mean if you count the ink I mean you're kind of brown that's fair how you all doing Nick welcome back we've been chaotic

this is when was the last time you're in Texas it's months it's been months range day probably probably yeah range day it was the last time

I was in Texas because then it was the tour and then Vegas for a shot show and now I'm here. You know, speaking at Rainchay, our boy Matt, he's piecing out.

I know, we get, thankfully we'll have a close-out episode with him Monday, right? Monday, we'll film that, yeah. That'd be a good one. We, crazy, 15 years, how long did he do it for? Forever. Since like, I don't know what, like 2007. It was pre-Google owning YouTube. I know that.

Yeah. He, uh, I'm fucking proud of our boy. though like he like the way he's going out he's like man I just I want to I've made my millions I just want to watch my kids grow up like that's just a such a good attitude man he's living the dream and for the most of the internet they no fuck here's back yeah more content like some of the comments like whoa oh wait the whole like I took out a pretty big loan to buy into bunker branding but like the whole like I'm dead saying it's like the the whole the whole reassuring thing to me was like the like the second or third time I ever

talked to Matt. I was like, hey, man, I'm in town. Can we come talk about this? And he's like, it's killing me. I fly out. I fly in Friday night. I fly out Monday morning at like 6 a.m. You want to get together. And he's like, I'm really sorry, man, I can't. Weekends are for my family. And I was like, I respect it. I like that. So no, it was awesome. My first story, or the first time I ever came out to Bernie to go hang out with Matt, I remember it was, it was right after he fully like, and he'll, he said this to me. Like, the beginning. He's like, I totally ripped your AR guys versus AK guys that he did with you, Eli. And he was like, he text me. He's like, hey, I got this number from a friend. Hopefully this

is an awkward. I totally stole your video. And meanwhile, I was like a nobody YouTuber. I was like, that's so fucking cool. Devil Rand stole my video. And he was like, yeah, do you want to come out and like we'll do another variation or whatever? I'm like, yeah, dude. Like, just let me know and I'll, I'll be there. And after we filmed, like, normally like, I had already met you at this point and like a bunch of other shit like I figure like oh we go out like you know have a couple drinks or whatever we went to uh I think it was like Cibolo Creek brewing oh yeah Bernie which like now I know but back then it was like oh crazy we did trivia night and he had two beers over like three hours he's like whoa shouldn't be driving home like just complete family man like opposite

end of the spectrum of the dichotomy of YouTubers he's we did we did a celebratory shot when I became a part owner of Bunker and it was fireball. Can you do fireball? I'll survive. I'll make it. I'll survive. His fascination with fireball

will never not be funny to me. Is his character a college chick? He is the hottest college chicks. The most wholesome gun YouTuber for sure. He's such a good dude. He was like the first time cursing. Like, I think we had the first curse I think he ever said on the...

On the internet. Yeah. Frick. Frick. Yeah, he said frick. Like, oh my God. Then he started ranting about Jews. That was really uncomfortable. We had to cut that segment.

He was like, not when I'm retiring. He can't defend himself. So we get to control his narrative now. We get to make up our own mat more. Stop it. Let me tell you guys why he's retiring. Monday when he shows up for his retirement. on said episode we should just have a Burger King crown there for it did did you

want to wear this for no reason in particular wait wait why don't even want those people on this plane that what or who no we can kill us we love character dude i think through all of our years in business on the internet we've all used shopify i've used it for merch and my skate shop and a couple other businesses. I will actually agree 100% on that. Everything we do is run through Shopify. Even bunkers run through Shopify. Our shoes, which is a separate company, is run through Shopify and they talk together because of Shopify. Shopify runs the world. Did you know Shopify will actually help you design a website also, Cody? I know I didn't know about starting an online store when I started my career online and Shopify just made it super, super easy for my dumb ass. Brinner, what happens if people

haven't heard about my brand though that's actually easy ely shopify helps you find your customers with easy to use email and social media campaigns step cody waboos if i get stuck shopify is always around the share advice with their award-winning 24-7 customer service step support bro you got my back and your front shopify helps millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the u.s from household names like metell or jim shark to new brands just getting started on some shoes on some merch bunker no We've all been doing this for over a decade, and Shopify is the easiest e-commerce platform we've ever used. I think every single one of us has used Shopify at one point. I think all our businesses right now are using Shopify.

No, except mine, but that's because it's done. Can't do that. Just one of them can't. Turn those dreams into SFX, Chaching, Shopify new cell sound. And give them the best shot at success with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com slash unsubbod. Spotify.com slash unsubbod.

My mom wanted me to do commercials and stuff and she put me in all these. I would have never found that that thing. You were bred for him. That is exactly what it was. I did the commercial for that on Nickelodeon. I was the kid holding the camera in Nickelodeon. Wait, what? Yeah.

Why? I never talked about that. Where? How do I find this ad? I don't know. I've been trying to find it for years now. It's out there somewhere. Wait, you're, oh, we're going to find it now.

How much did they pay your mom? It's like $5,600 bucks, something like that. $500 bounty for the first person who can find the Cody Garrar original digital blue commercial it was like 13 first person

I've got a three week head start on you motherfucker what the fuck how is that never

well it's so random that you that is also just found this out two bit

photography it's two bit two bit two bit no no mega before that no killer

before just bit Jesus that is Wow. Oh, I might have found it. I will say, I started console gaming. That one?

After I had surgery? That's extremely frustrating. No, the one with 269 views. I'm watching it right now. Yeah. Oh my God! Holy shit! That is Young Cody!

He's running a yellow shirt! He's right here. In the back. Yeah, look at him. That's young Cody. Wait, let go. right there's a close-up later there's a close-up of him later just oh my god this is not scripted we right after this there's a close-up of Cody hold on right after this girl

that's Cody no that's not no that's not Cody and here he is no no that's it's there there oh my god Cody holy shit that is the most 90s commercial I've ever seen to bro okay backwards white hat what the Whip Biscuit was really cool then, okay New Cody Lord just dropped Yeah, with his hit single break crap Update the Wikipedia page Got to start to fame

Nickelodeon commercials So I've told me about that Years ago But you didn't tell me it was that specific commercial You just told me you did like a couple You had a digital blue I had a digital blue That was where I started in like

filmmaking or whatever That is weird synchronicity We're just We've known these guys fucking We've known each other forever And we're like hang around each other all the time, and we still find weird shit like that. We're at, uh, whatever.

I just like the general reaction of, like, r, r, I found it first, 260 views. You, I found it first. You only $500. The boy's going to relax if they can't send each other dick picks from strangers on the internet. Everybody knows that big Goliath black guy with the dong. We can't share that.

Oh my God. I think I've told this story before. The funniest army prank I've ever seen was one of our cadets. was a college wrestler. He was fucking jacked, absolutely shredded when he was shirtless. And he had just got back from vacation right before AT. And he had all these pictures taken to him on the beach, just jacked his shit, looked great, and he had just uploaded him to Facebook.

He's a cadet, Mr. Squared away. He had his phone put away way before everybody else, before we were going into the field. So some of the guys in the platoon took all those pictures off of his Facebook. and put them on a Craigslist, men seeking his men's ad with his phone number and asked for dick picks. And then we went into the field for seven days. His fucking phone had a seizure when he turned it back on. Miles and miles of dick got sent to that guy's phone.

You know it's a lot of dick and you have to measure it and feet. That's 5,300 and some odd feet a dick. I've been so mad at my friends. so mad I'd have been laughing I'd have been laughing oh yeah I'd laugh

I'd laugh and then like oh my god those voice messages so the only thing that would have fucked me up is like the buttholes

are you ugly you know they're butthole pictures oh for sure not a fan of butthole pictures the man a man's butthole

is probably one of the ugliest creations God had ever made in his entire existence it's almost the only thing you could look at and be like

wow I wish that was Medusa actually yeah I'd rather die I've never intentionally looked at a men's butt hole, a man's butthole. And the moments that I have looked at a man's butthole,

I've been like, oh, oh, oh, why. Well, thanks to you, all of San Antonio's seen a man's butthole. That's not true. They can see it through the forest. I combed all my hair inward that day, so it just looks like a dark crack. You can't see anything through it. It's a callous star. It's that PG-13 censorship. I get a thong

of ass hair. Oh, what a horrible phrase. terrible combination of words. Maybe think of Hakuna Matato when he said a horrible phrase. It's a thong of that's hair for the rest of your days. Holy shit. God, I missed you guys so much.

Do I have to pick the good part? Yep. Teleport. Oh, no one's teleporting. Oh, my God, this works so much better. Oh, my God. We know what it's all said is. What's it going to be?

We talked about it. So you have a bell. I pictured this is like, Diamond's utility belt. I don't mind a brown sack either, though. A sacks really good. Yeah. A brown sack makes sense, I think.

Because that's actually pretty hilarious. So in order to activate your teleporting powers, you have to euthanize a kitten. Every time in order to do this. So you're like... Do you have a sack full of kittens? Yeah. A utility belt of kittens. Chicken's real bad.

You start swinging the bag. I need to kill like four for this one. All right. Yeah. I mean, I would only use it if I needed to. If I could save a human life, I'd kill a kitten, sure. But every time. Every time I save a human?

Yeah. What's the guy on X-Men that can, like, poof? Yeah, it's going to be like that. But every time he does, like, a poop somewhere, he has to, like, just pop that flashbang around. That's a fucking glow stick? It's a gloat stick? It's a glow stick until the kitten's life leaves its eyes. There's like a bunch of kids.

He's in a burning house. He's like, um. So instead of a big puff of smoke. when he leaves, there's just a dead kid. That's his trail. You just see a kitten's dead body. I'd like to welcome you officially to the offenders. I like the idea of slowly, you're just like, the needle.

Yeah, and you're like, I'm sorry. You have to think of the news too. It's like you show up to this burning bill news is like, Jim, I was here to save them and you're like, God damn it. You take out one kitten. Oh, man. Yeah. Mouth!

The needles just heart. Just injection. He's gone in his dead kitten. All right, here's the deal. What happens when I pull up and there's like a burning tree and there's a kitten in the top of it? And I'm like... Which one? The fire department's got this one.

I'm not needed here. Strodinger's kitten. Level, right? When he put a pull-in trial? Duh. Alright, great level. And I show up and I go, Mike. Have you level?

And he goes, huh? Have you leveled it? And he goes, I'm trying. So he has not like an above ground inflatable pool. Yeah, no, he had not leveled it. And so we were taking two by fours, put on like an arm, and lifting up the pool as he's digging it out, trying to raise it up. And I was like, I swear to God, if you weren't a hero, I wouldn't be here.

I hate you so much. It's not like a doggy pool. Bro, stick to shooting active shooters, okay. So he's like, you're fine, you're fine, you're fine. Long story short, I'm pulling this up, doing this like this. and it wasn't paying attention and he literally knocked me unconscious and I just go, I'm going home. I'm going home. I don't want to do this anymore. And so when Brandon came in town, he's like, come help me build a deck. And I was like, not a fucking chance. I'm not going

over there. He's texting you and then he's texting me. He's like, hey, you and Zach need to come over. Like, I'll grill some stakes, but like, are you free tonight? Oh, you're trying to do. He tried to finesse's into coming to build his deck. It's because on Easter weekend. He knew my last name was Herrera. He's like, cool, a Mexicans in town. All right, I got a deck that needs to get. Where are you? I'm at Home Depot. I don't see you.

He's like, Zach's fine. It's just one concussion. I'm like, dude, I don't know how many I've got left. It's like the never-ending story

part too. I don't know how many more wishes I have available. I don't, you know, I'm going to hit my head probably when I leave here. How many do I got

for the rest of my life? Maybe five? I'm not rolling him. Bro, I love our friends. Yeah. We have the weirdest fucking friend group ever

in the history of mankind, I think. Yeah. Yeah, you and, You and Brandon. We're all good people, but you'd never know it. We gave them false reports.

Ah! See, and that's why you... Welcome to unsubscribe. That's why you don't flip my fucking nose, Nick! Can we... Right there! Can we get a camera that you guys have your lighting sitting on a fucking cardboard box on top of a piece of Tupperware? And some of the quotes from Benjamin Franklin's published works are the funniest shit on the planet.

I have a good one of those. on those yes please benjamin franklin renowned womanizer right yeah like fucking everybody okay he wrote a paper and published it i believe it's called advice to young men on their choice of mistress not girlfriend not wife mistress yeah how to pick a side ho by the founding fathers okay this is we got to go back guys we got to go back everybody's like what would the founding fathers think about this? Like, you forgot. The revolution was started in a bar. Yeah, I probably think it was pretty. Dude, Zach had the funniest fucking joke about that about the founding of the Marine Corps and Tun Tavern. He's like, he need to realize the Marine Corps is founded by a bunch

of dudes drinking at a bar that went out, raided the British, came back for more beer and went, guys, we should go pro. I fucking love Zach, man. That's the American energy that I just fucking love. Yeah. I wish more people knew about that stuff. Oh, God. Do you guys want to hear some Benjamin Franklin quotes? Yes, please. Hit us. Quote, because in every animal that walks upright, the deficiency of fluids that fill the muscles appears first at the highest part.

Gravity is talking about gravity. The face first grows in lank and gets wrinkled, then the neck, then the breasts, then the arms. The lower parts continue to be last plump as ever. Is he just saying like it's okay to bang? This is a published paper on how to choose a mistress, and it's literally like a 36-page paper on why you should be fucking cougars as a young man. I do know he loves smashing old bitchy. Yeah, I was just going to say, I knew that. Quote, because as they have more knowledge of the world and their minds are better stored with observations, their conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreeable.

She's got experience. They got that slop top down. We'll get there. quote quote the glug glug five thousand oh we're going to get there quote because there is no hazard of children which irregularly produced may attend with much inconvenience less likely to have kids because in every animal and indeed every vegetable honor decays with age and the most virtuous women are apt to relax their vigor and permit more generous freedom with their persons They're loose. Old bitches do anal. Oh, God.

They grow up camera saying they do. Because they're prudent, because of having more prudence and less beauty than the young, they are less subjective to censure. Hold on, I didn't get that one. They're not going to judge you as much. Oh, that's fair enough.

Quote, and lastly, they are so grateful. They had a hard-ass laugh. I love how we published this as like, this would be useful for young men to know. The old bitches will cook you breakfast in the morning. Homies just out there with a fucking key on a kite and its fucking balding mullet and swinging dick in France the entire revolution.

What a champ. We need to make that mandatory reading for college now. That entire paper. Dude, he would love tender. That man would be Cougar finder. Yeah. We need We need to have a Benjamin Franklin

impersonator on the podcast. But one, a good one. A good one. One that knows all that shit. I really want, like, he's got to be like the Genghis Khan of France. He's got it. He was banging everybody in France, but we're never going to find out because DNA tests are illegal there. Are they? Yeah. Why is

that again, Nick? DNA test are illegal in France. Why? They have like some bullshit reason, but like the hush, everybody knows why reason that nobody wants to acknowledge is because promiscuity is like so not frowned upon in french culture that they're worried if dna tests weren't you literally have to get like a court order like 23 of me all that bullshit it's banned you need a court order from a judge to get a dna test you can't just go get one so like with all the migrants people they're actually doing yeah that wasn't that wasn't the direction that i was going at their their reasoning

is that they cheat on each other so much they're worried it would ruin too many families How could they not? They get it from their great-great-grandfather, Benjamin Franklin. Exactly. That's what I'm saying. It's like Japan prostitution's normal. Like wives are like, oh, yeah. As long as they're paying with money and not love, I don't care what they do.

And that is on both sides in Japanese cultures. Fucking wild. That's weird. Yeah. So you're saying I've got to move to France or Japan is what I'm getting out of here. Your wife's going to see. Or get a good. She's going to kill me.

This one. I'm clipping, like, fuck, I'm sorry. This is the clip that's going to get something thrown at me. This is right here. Yeah, well, we said Japan or France, and for whatever reason, he still moved at Thailand. Yeah. No kids. Well, yeah, Hustle.

Oh, dude, Benjamin Franklin would love Thailand. Hey, no bitch is getting pregnant. This is probably going to have to get cut. It's probably going to have to get cut, but it's because you can reach around and pretend you went all the way through. That's, uh... One of the superintendents. at this company was just every picture you took he had it set up so

it was backed up by the cloud well the whole company shared one fucking cloud and he didn't understand that if you get anything yeah go ahead do you want to get real do you want to come in on this bit oh god come here dad

Papa electrician here do you want to sit on your son's lap for a bit oh I'm sorry no you're good he did so So edit out the name. So he worked with me at your job. My work.

And he got a job at a... He is a very woolly human. Right? Who? Me. It's like a belcro pad sitting next to you. It's what I always say when he sits over here, all I feel is that fucking belgium.

I feel my triceps are clean. Where did you get that from? Not you. So anyway. This dude, he got a new job, and his job was to go around and take pictures of culverts. He works for his county, the road department. Oh, okay. Sorry.

DOT. Basically, the county DOT. That makes it so much work. He's like, don't say where I work for it. You're just saying where you work. You're giving every detail of you. I'm not Toler County or his name or anything. Yeah, what zip code?

Everybody's got a DOP. He's fine. So, his job. was to go around and take pictures of these culvers and ditches and whatever you know road work and he his phone fucked up and he had to go and get a new phone and it downloaded everything from his phone onto his county phone oh already see where this is and there was dick pics how old was he my age we're not going to suppose that That nasty old man.

One of them, he had spread his ball sack wide and made it look like a heart and told his wife, Happy Valentine's Day. He was doing the... Okay. He was doing the batwing. The batwing. Yeah, dude.

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I assume everyone here is familiar with the bat bomb, right, from World War II that we... You did a video about... Say you're not. What, would you say bat bomb? The baton. Oh, my God. You can teach you because mine's not the bat bomb, but... Meg.

Go ahead. America weaponizes everything. I really love this. Dentist in World War II. Ted Dev started again. Today we're talking about the bat bomb for like the fifth time. I didn't know I was like one of the foremost leading experts on this on accident.

So in World War II, they had this really unique problem. They had all these different programs trying to develop essentially a weapon of mass destruction at the time. You had the Manhattan Project over here, and then you had this other, extracurricular project where we were going to strap napalm bombs

to fads. Oh, fuck, I'm in. Because the Japanese lived in houses made out of paper and wood. So there was a dentist from Kentucky who was also a part-time inventor. He had previously invented a fried chicken vending machine. Clearly a fucking genius.

Why am I first hearing about a fried chicken vending machine? I got you. We were living in the future back then, man. We got to go back. It's 35, said you. hit him, buddy. It's falling back. We have so digresses at the week. Oh, dude, it's horrible. So he gets this idea

of like, I've, this is going to be brilliant. We're going to strap incendiary grenades to bats. And then we're going to drop them off over Japan right before dawn. And the bats are going to go and they're going to roost in attics in any nook and crevice that they can possibly find.

And then two hours later, the incendiary grenades are going to light up and it's going to light the whole fucking city on fire and burn that bitch to the ground. I'm in. Yeah, I like it. So he writes this down in a letter and sends it to the government. Never would have made it anywhere. But this dude just happened to know FDR's wife. Sends it directly to the first lady.

She gives it to her husband and her husband forwards the letter to military intelligence. I don't, I can't remember the exact quote, but it's something along the lines of him telling his generals. This is not a madman. I think he's got a perfectly. good idea. We should look into it. So they start developing bat bombs. They end up harvesting thousands of Mexican freetailed bats from a cave right outside of San Antonio. There's just thousands of these motherfuckers because they were the best bats that we could

find, apparently. They make up a bomb that essentially looks like a large colander that when you drop it, it just kind of like opens up and all the bats fly all over the fucking place. And they go to test it and then drop. intrigued right now. This is how we felt when you were talking. So they go to test it on this airfield out in the middle of the Nevada desert and the

army is running the program at this point in time and they drop all these bats off. And they're like, bad news. We forgot to take the fuses out of the incendiary bombs. So they almost burned the entire airfield to the ground. They blew up the general's fucking car.

So the army is like, I'm out. I want nothing to do. with this. It works. It's like proof of concept, right? Right. There was one Marine General that heard about it and just fucking showed up uninvited. And he's like, this was dope. So he assumes control of the program.

I love Marines. Dude, yeah. I did a whole video on it, but like literally, if we, if the Manhattan project wasn't done in time and we resorted to bat bombs, it would have been like 12 times deadlier than the atomic bomb was just because it would have,

Like, we killed more people in incendiary bombings in Japan than the atomic bombs did. You think of, like, the psychological factor on that, like, bats flying in with bombs? Like, the drone stuff now. Here's the thing. They wouldn't even know it was bats because it was literally just like they'd roosted. Their house would just combust in the attic. And it would literally just be the whole city or town would burst into flames at dawn. That is.

Awesome. Horrifying. A hurry shit. There's a fire everywhere. Everyone was just in terror after that moment. There was a program that actually predated that, and it showed some promise, and this is the one that I found out about. Oh, no. And it was originally, it was called Operation Pigeon, and then it was changed to Operation OrgCon, which stands for organic control.

What they did, America weaponized everything. We created GPS before GPS. So what they would do is they built a bomb, and the explosive was in the middle of the bomb, but in the nose, they would have one to three pigeons that had. well I was sorry one to three is what I read it's like they were three and they would teach these pigeons they would show them one is done like a picture of a of a target

and every time they would see the picture they would get like a grain or something like that if they pecked at it it would release a pellet yeah and eventually they trained these things one of them was like pecked like 10,000 times in 45 minutes and what they would do is steer the bomb onto target as it was falling out of the air

so they were using pigeons to create glide bombs. This is a real thing America did. They had the three pigeons were averaged out amongst the three. So they would average out where the pecking was to calculate the best out of the three. It was literally pigeon democracy on who we were going to fuck with a bomb. I'm not going back to boot camp, but I wanted this program. It's so.

Resurrection. This sounds awesome. Oh, shit. Off the podcast and I can get it to Chase whoever's editing this. You can see the video footage. like they recorded the shit of the pigeons pecking at targets it was like actually highly effective yeah it showed real promise like there was a guy who was a behavioral scientist who like came up with

the concept it was like no no no we can use pigeons and it it was pretty effective and i don't i didn't get to why they canceled the program maybe you did uh but i said that it eventually moved on to the bat bomb and then of course the manhattan project i did a video i forget why they canceled that product they brought it back after world war two for something else and then they just microchips caught up and we went to guidance that way but yeah it's really hard to make money off pigeons yeah and Mike Tyson was going to be pissed I mean yeah he's going to hit us so we cancel it yeah so that was the one that I learned about I was like we made a pigeon bomb like we was just I googled I got bored and I was like weird missiles and like all the rest of them

I've already talked about so that was the only one I was like huh so then I started Googling pigeon bomb. And I was like, well, let's see what this thing is all about. Yeah, I learned about the pigeon That's something you want to do on your work computer. No, no. Well, I mean, for me, though, being in the missile space, they'd probably like, no, he's doing research. And it's fine. And he's good. Yeah.

Dude, holy shit. I love, these are always my favorite. It is like, hey, we're learning all new tag across a more. Random facts. From you to you to you. I'm just like, holy shit. If it exists, America either has or will weaponize. I said at one point in time. I can't hold it in anymore.

I have a gift. Hold on. Aloha, Bob! Battery shoots. Close. You start stabbing, Brandon. Chase, when you... All the other kids with the popped up kids.

Quick story. A friend of mine found out exactly how much a Medal of Honor is worth. Wait, oh my God! Did you? I got to go to the bathroom real quick.

It's $120. at a pawn shop, at an antique shop, don't, don't get your heart set up. It's not a metal of honor. Thank God. So, so I'm going to be doing a video on it. Supremely uncomfortable. I know, I know. So I wasn't going to give you a real metal of honor.

The guy from fucking, uh, the airplane's like, yeah, no. No, it's far more embarrassing. So, so he found a metal of honor and these kids were like hovered around it. They're like, oh my God, this is going to be great. We can put it like on our airsoft uniforms and, play like Airsoft and Payball with it. And my buddy's like, what would you look at? And he sees it some metal. He's like, is that, is that real? And he asks, he's like, is that real? It's $120 for a Medal of Honor. I forget the, um, soldier's name that received it. It was in

Vietnam and he was from New York, a couple hours away from Buffalo. The guy's a part of the VFW that this dude like grew up in from the area bought it for $120. He's like, what do I do with it? I go get a nice jewelry case with like the white mannequin thing, put it around it. He's like, I'm going to give it to our local VFW and, you know, make a ceremony and stuff. He hasn't done it yet, but he's got the stuff, just hasn't done the ceremony. But I like Brandon's like on edge. Brandon, I did get you from, uh, this is, this is, this is from a viewer. And he, he gave this to me and said, I have to give it to you.

So this is from a veteran. This is from a veteran who said, I have to give this to you. It is your Purple Heart. Holy shit. Everybody, Connie leading away with that double salute. Nick, stand a tinge, a tense parade

rise. You know what's really fucked up is we're not even at the one year mark of the ambush that Eli put me through last fucking year on the Veterans Day episode. I told nobody about this. I had to keep this a secret for like six months. Chase, can we get a

flashback to when fucking Eli tried to pin his Purple Heart on me and that started this whole shit. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You're an honor for a Marine Purple Heart member today. I can't you. You want an honor.

No, no. Dude. We're AI. I think Brandon's Army and a Marine at the same time. You need to. What are you? I like,

pin him. That is a, fuck you. Hold on. I've got. That is a. genuine honor that is very cool i have the letter so much um shut up oh i have the letter oh no okay i have to cut out some of the words because i don't want to give away this this guy's

personal information brandon no one ever said it had to be the u.s military you need to serve in order to consider yourself a veteran your secret is safe with us comrade looking forward to seeing you in congress that's how all this is Let's go, Brandon. Dospadagna. Let's see. Hold on. I'm waiting with bated breath.

Well, anyway, it's a long... Brandon is just like... I hate my friends so much. Each and every one of you for all the support you do for the members of our veteran community. Please hold on to your Purple Heart while I see this.

Now, hold it up. Do your Medal of Honor or do your Purple Heart. for some respect. All right. You earned it. So don't be a jerk. Thank you for everything that you do. The supporters of the veteran community as well as raising money to support autism, charity and programs. Having a child himself, he understands how important it is. He loves everything that you do. And Brandon, having been made an honorary veteran, we welcome him with open arms into our community and can't wait for him to be elected. Slow burn, because you lost. Once again, from my heart, thank you sincerely so-and-so.

I won't say what branch or his rank but he had a purple heart in his possession and thought that it would be only appropriate to give it to you out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran please hold it up while I'm talking about it out of thanks for what you've done to the veteran community so a veteran who and who are we to tell you

what to do with the things that you've earned has bestowed this enemy marksmanship medallion to you. No, please hold it up. Thank you. And we thank you. Brandon, we all thank you. On your feet? On your feet? Everyone? Add it to jump. My favorite part of this.

This is like having happy in a Texas roadhouse Um, I Have you going to talk about it, please hold it up, thank you. I would just like to point out the fact that We had a very complete brunch this morning where you were knowingly waiting to ambush me and said nothing, like, did not tip your hat at all. So that is over six months of waiting. Fuck me.

Well, for everyone who earned it, I greatly appreciate the sacrifice that you made for your country. I did not want to. And we appreciate your sacrifice, Brandon. This forced valor that has been pushed upon me. We're not going to close it. No. Well, you know what? That could just sit here. Put the shroud back on it. It's a very nice metal.

It's a very nice metal. This is very full circle considering this all started with Eli trying to pin his purple heart on me and me refusing it. Having a record never served in the armed forces of any kind. That's not what AI says. AI, and I quote, is Brandon Herrera a veteran? Yes, Brandon Herrera is a veteran.

He served in the new National Guard, known as a K guy. Then you ask it again. What branch did he serve in? Brandon Herrera served in the U.S. Marine Corps. Where I don't think I would have done that bad on the aspect? Hold on. Where he held the rank of sergeant and worked as an infantry machine gunner.

He deployed to Iraq and then Afghanistan during his time and service and saw combat in those regions. I feel the need to point out the time. None of this is true. None of this is true. I did not do any of those things. I have been a... Could you say that while you hold this really much?

Civilian side fuck up my entire life, but this is a very nice medal, and thank you so much for whoever put that out. Bray, I'm so sorry. I never... Trust me, when I say this... Oh, fuck you. Don't you even pretend like this? Oh, I find it hilarious.

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We're going to the aquarium. Yeah, let's go to the aquarium. Surf Shark! Then we finally made it to Bethesda Hospital, and I spent a year there, learning the walk, learning to get rid of the anger that I felt. You know, I didn't trust anybody. I didn't want anybody behind me. You know, I don't even trust these guys here.

They look like they rob banks. It's fair. Fair enough. Branded it because he's Mexican. Yeah. Also, fair enough. How long after that was that picture taken? Oh, yeah.

I came home as an officer, and they sent me to Marine Barracks' foot meet. And the Marine Corps at that time, or the military, was trying to bring more minorities in the Brain Corps. and they weren't doing very well. So I got a call from the secretary. I was in, I was in, no, they sent me to Marine Barracks Fort Meade as an officer. Then the secretary of the Navy called me and told me I'd been selected

to head up a campaign to get more African-Americans and minorities into the Marine Corps as officers. or just get them in. And I said, well, Mr. Secretary, you know, however you think we ought to do this thing, I'll help out best where I can. He said, I've got a program going down where we're going to make you a superstar. I said, what the hell is that, Mr. Secretary?

And he said, well, we got a company that, The J. Walter Thompson Company in New York, and they came down for three days, and they took 600 pitches. I had me on a golf course, and I mentioned the sad part about this whole thing, is the guy who was holding me up in the rear. I couldn't hardly walk, but I was standing there, and this ring there was talking to me. The one in the back left of the photo. It's probably better on the big one. Yeah, shut the big one anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right there. So the gentleman right. Right. He was holding me up because I couldn't stand and he was saying to me. Here, Brandon, can you hold it? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So that gentleman there? Yeah, I heard him say, Lieutenant, it's okay. I got you. And he had his hand in my back. You know, my legs had been broken and, you know, I didn't really want to be there.

when i told the secretary navy secretary that i'd do what i could the kid there he didn't make it he died then the demons come home again and i couldn't make sense of it all you know i come on from this war zone and then the boy is holding me up saying it's okay lieutenant i got you I still hear him the day. He helped me stand up because they had me all dressed up and my blues, you know, blue uniform. When I went to Quantico to get the officer's uniform, they told me no.

He said, you don't look much like an officer. I was skinning bones and my skin is scarred and they said well go home and come back I was turned down from getting the uniform that I already did now

my wife was in the car when we went to the car she said you're okay I said yeah I didn't get the uniform they were very expensive of uniforms but I was enlisted man now I'm an officer I got to do all this stuff officers do she said that's okay we'll we'll go home and I'm going to fatten you up and we're coming back

we're coming back and we did and we did and I came back and they took me in and measured me and they got the uniform out and I looked in the mirror. I didn't recognize that person. That was not me. But they had about three or four guys that were measuring and doing all these kind of things and with this historical wrinkle uniform.

Now I've got it on me. And what do I do now? I got it I went back to Fort Me where I was stationed with the Army base and they took me to a golf course along with some rings there

and they had me marching around with that uniform on and they took 600 pitches and this is the one they decided to go with I believe it's called Ask a Marine Has that Chinchilla been there the whole time? I'm such a fan. I was like, what is he doing?

What is he doing? And then I was like, uh-oh. Cody. He's gonna shoot you later. Probably. Two there. It's like the moon. That's how I equate.

It is a moon and it's just craters and road. And when the ROE changed to, hey, you can just, if they look shady, shoot him. I was like, wow, wow, that's a new engagement. a new engagement. And you are like, this is a real bad area. Because it looks like the fucking moon. The roads are just blown to shit.

So you know what I'm talking about. Yeah. A hundred percent. It is. Yeah. And you're like, it's not a good, it's not a good neighborhood. I was holding on to the old shit handle for dear life as they're driving through there. Okay, so the way

I got permission to go there, because when I went into Ukraine, whole thought was like they weren't going to let me go to the front because there's a lot of americans that go there and they're like this guy he's just here to like you know it's like war tourism shit like that and there's a lot of people that they see there and they don't let go to the front essentially you're going to tell me that somebody high ranking is a youtube fan of yours aren't you no no no it wasn't well what you do go to trump it was like it was a little bit like that but basically I got to

I fucking knew it I didn't want to like I didn't want to act like oh I got I wasn't there and I was like Oh you're a fat electrician Let me take picture When you're right

You're right So I feel You can't fly into Ukraine It is a They'll shoot your plane down And they've done it before You have to fly into Poland into Warsaw

and then take a 17-hour train ride into Kyiv. And there's no men on that train ride because it's, it is martial law. That shit is locked down. If you are a man, you are not coming in and out of that country. So it's just like women and children on that train ride. You get there. As you get more and more east, you start to see the signs of war. There's like bunkers.

Get to Kiev. And I'm, I'm like, let's. So I, we, we have. hired this fixer. This guy on the ground. He's like my producer, translator. And I'm like, let's go. Let's go to the front. Let's go to the front. He's like, no, spend one day in Keev. It'll be worth it. I wanted to, I wanted to be like, no, I'm paying you. Like, you got to do what I say. But then I'm thinking, I'm like, you know what? Maybe I should listen to this guy. Like, he was born in Russia, lived in Ukraine since then for many years. Maybe he knows something.

I don't. Okay, I'll put my ego aside. Really glad that I did because when I'm there, we went out that night. I got annihilated with these Ukrainian intelligence guys. It's like basically like the CIA, but Ukrainian. You got drunk with them. Just completely obliterated. Don't use annihilated with war. Yeah. That's why I don't have my arm. Yeah. Like I got a, there was this drink that they have that I don't know what. It was kind of like a Red Bull vodka bizarre drink that got me, it got me turned. I just like this is the day before you're going to the front line. Well, so we're like making, I'm like making fun of Ukraine.

He's making fun of America and we're bonding. And he's like, you know what? I like you, Chris. You're a good guy, Kappi. And I was like, I like you too. Happy Army. He's like, what can I? Yeah.

Nothing says I like you, like sending you into Russia on the front lines. I was like, he's like, what, what, like, how could I help you out? And I'm like, get me into, get me into Kursk. That would help. He's like, actually, I'm very good friends with the guy. Like, I used to be in the same unit as the guy that's in charge of the Kersk operation. I'm like, sure you are. Okay.

No. Like, all right, cool. You'll get me into Kersk. He's like, no, really, I'll set it up. All right, sure. Then it really did happen. Drunk capy. Dude,

Patrick Regretted future future Cappy Hayes Cappy wakes up sees a text you're going to

curse glowed up he's like fuck I can't imagine a worse text message to wake up to like you're going to the

front line in rush I like formation I did not want to show up for last night oh

so keep going yeah I'm here for it yeah I said, I'll stand by it, I go, wow, get drunk and volunteer for the Russian front. What an idiot. I wanted to know what was really going on there.

I wanted to know the truth. And curiosity killed the guy. John Capies this, you're eye-jog this. He got super-security. It's Asian, yeah. Oh, the truth comes out. One drink. One shot.

Okay, go on. All right. So, we meet in Sumi, which is like an hour. I told you guys we got across the border and the artillery fire. So as we cross the border, they're like, okay, this is the part where it's the worst part. you basically the infiltration to the front they're like this is under enemy fire control so where if you look at what the situation was like in kursk basically we're surrounded on three sides by the russians they're to the the west east north all around us and they just floor it

and they turn on their jamming device and it's loud as fuck it's like e w thing that's i'm probably going to die early from the radiation yeah exactly okay you hear it it's like wong And I can feel my brain, like, a little bit get scrambled. Fuck. I'm, like, picking up FM radio from the States. And it is, so they're just flooring it down this road, you know, where you see the border situation. The border has, like, the, it says Russia on this big, giant, like, Soviet blocks that was probably made in the 80s. And it's the most surreal experience.

crossing that border and we get into suja and the outgoing right away as soon as i get out of the uh vehicle i was not prepared for like the outgoing even and it's just the explosions or she this you couldn't really see in the video but you feel the earth like move from the outgoing rounds from the one five five that they're sending out constantly because basically they're doing uh covering fire because they know that okay we have the one american journalist coming in correspondent coming in and so i get to speak to some russian civilians that basically anyone that's staying there at this point are people that they're like we've lived here forever and we're not going anywhere like this is my home that we built 30 years ago do if like the ukraines are occupying it

Russians are occupying it. This is like a very poor part of the region. And I asked them like, why are you here? They get them in touch with their family. Like, here's your daughter. They're begging you to leave. And they're like, I'm not. I'm staying here. It's my home. And that's basically the prevailing opinion of the Russians that I spoke to that were there. Like the Ukrainians, they had a mission with me. Like they wanted, you know, their propaganda purpose. They wanted to show the American audience that like we're not there killing and pillaging that was their goal right and my goal was to show basically I wanted to show people the logistics of large scale war like I wanted to show people and front line yeah yeah I went I spoke to the

Bradley guy the guys that run the Bradley's there the guys that strikers the guy that's the type of vehicle that I was in Iraq I got to see it in Kursk the 80th aerosol units that were Like with the Bradley's, the Abrams there, got to meet all those guys that are fighting on the front and Kursk. And that was like my goal to show that story. Ukrainians have the story that they wanted to show. And the Russians have their side of the story that they are trying to tell, which is they're claiming that the Ukrainians are coming in and just killing everyone. And it's like, yeah, of course, wherever war goes, people die. People are dying.

Civilians are dying. I saw Ukrainians living out, you know, they're taking shelter in houses and the Russians are bombing houses, straight up just like air strikes on houses and Ukrainians are staying in them. Russians are also using houses. It's not like American military in Iraq, we're on bases, right? But if we were to fight a near peer war, would not be able to do that. Dang China man had to make fireworks. Man, just working in like being working in trades and like just seeing new tools and new technologies come out to make the job easier and how much pushback and resistance and shit talking there was from that older generation of tradesmen that are like, you'd have older dudes that would like talk shit if you liked using an impact instead of a drill. What? Just like people do not like changing and they'll just shit talk anything new that's more efficient and they'll like make funny you for it. like oh you got soft hands you're using power tools shit like that 24-7 I can't imagine the shit talking oh you're gonna use that magic black power of stuff

that just goes broke pansy ass why don't you stab a guy in the face like a man like you're much money I spit on this armor you're you're gay I'm cooler than you because wasn't there like that kind of pushback I might be making this up entirely but when they transitioned from bows to crossbows right so there was like i mean you can talk on this too but really it was not necessarily a big pushback oh shit edmund's here no it was more like there was there was an idea that like they they said the pope made cross pose illegal and things like that because it was too powerful and stuff like that but really there wasn't a big gap between the performance of it it was just the amount of

training required that was so minimal that you could arm people so quickly and have a similar result but overall it would be outpaced and outperformed by a good war bow or a long bow on almost all counts except for the fact that it was easier to mass produce easier to train like a bow the there was an old trait an old saying like you want a good long bow men train start with the grandfather so it's literally like a generational training to be able to be able to functionally use a weapon of war that can actually do damage downrange as opposed to a crossbow which had very similar one to ones but it would just take a weekend you know you get someone to vote

crossbones like all right let's do it I didn't have to change your bone density on half your back you're good at it so it's like the problem it's like warm attrition click yeah he walks to no more next yes

he can jump over the spears damn this guy's good oh you've seen some hopscops like that before Godch came from. My God, what if it did come? I know.

He did the one foot thing. Holy shit. Achilles Reborn. Welcome back, Brad Pitt. Dude, crossbows, even those, you're just drawing back with the giant metal lever thing. I mean, there's a few different, he's got the goat's foot, which is, yeah, I got bicycle cranks. Yeah. the windlass, which is like, that's a 1,200-pound crossbow, which is like, you know, it's going to be steel, but steel is horribly inefficient as, like, to generate momentum, 1,200-pound crossbow, steel's not going to transfer as well is if you had, like, a well-made composite bow. So if, like, you have the bows of the Eastern Empire, Ottoman bows, Turkish bows that are composite, that have, like, tendons and horse and things that take a year to make, they have those, those can go, they've had shots up to like 700 meters. That's like the world record, I think, for an actual bow. It's a composite bow.

with a recurve and that's like the world record but of course 10 meters yeah no it's legit yeah so like you can look it up but they have it's very it's made for flight it's more of sport than warfare because the arrows are light they're not going to do damage on the way down they're small I wouldn't want to get hit by it yeah true but it's more like don't even worry about it 700 meters fucking insane

yeah yeah I don't think I want to be hit by anything that has the ability to go 700 more meters yeah god that is fucking wild did you get into any sword stuff no I do a lot of that

like I haven't done hemma or anything like that that's like this sword style everything and so I do a lot more stuff with like less training weapons so I use a lot of war hamans wore picks blunt type damage because I feel like that's just like a lot of archers would have like an act or a warhammer or a mall or things like that so it's not like this it's not as much finesse but you just freaking nail some armor sponsor I've got a sniper rifle and a shotgun yeah yeah if we're sponsoring anything we got to get this guy some fucking ballistic dummy heads because I I don't want to see what a fucking battle, a warhammer does to that.

Oh, yeah, that would be so satisfying. I just did one recently. Get ballistic high speed out here. Oh, dude. I've been doing some of the, I do a lot of the bone, right? I'll buy like beef ribs or femurs and things like that to test it out because it's just like that's, the ballistic dummies are expensive. But even that with just like the warhammers and things, I had one just recently where I had layered. I had, I had brigandine armor, which is 1.5 millimeter chain mail, and I had a padded game.

It's in. And then I had beef ribs behind it. And I just got a new war, war axe, basically a battle axe. And so it's Orleans battle axe. And so I took it with got a really sharp pointed point on the back. And it went through everything and split the bone. It actually hit it right in the actual rib. It went through and in.

So it was through like three layers of armor in through the actual bone, which is way thicker than human. And like in the back. And I was like, that's, that's brutal. I wish there was a way. I know that this would be logistically kind of difficult, but I wish there was a way to get with ballistic dummy labs and get them to do like a 50% larger head

so you could do the David and Goliath shot Oh, I know, yeah, yeah. That would be gnarly. Yeah, guys, we've got the Nephlin bust here. Yeah. It's an abomination from fallen angels. To quote my son. Giants!

Have you seen the, uh, it's almost, it looks like, uh, it looks like competitive paintball, but it's archery with like super blunted arrows. Have you ever done that? No, I've never done. I don't want to see you do that. Yeah, no, I've never done that. It's like, you know, like,

paintball with the inflatable, like, obstacles and stuff. It's one of those, but they have, like, little bows and arrows. It's like a, it's like a Nerf, it's like a Nerf ball on it. So you're playing. You're getting Nerf arrows. Yeah, but they don't go. It's like, probably, like, it's like, whee. Yeah, I went to a pickup game with my war bow and then they kick hold the police.

After I kill three people. They're like, boo. That's what I always hear. That's what I'm like. Hipo is the closest thing to be. Like, when you shoot. there's a few animals that you can be so remote there's not a village anywhere around like you shoot an elephant or you shoot a hippo or certain things you know you start gutting that thing you turn

around and there's like 60 people with buckets there yeah so yeah hippo is like the prize meat it's delicious interesting yeah because i mean like that i like you always like innately feel bad thinking that it's like endangered because we never see it but like it i didn't realize this but like iguanas in florida like people shoot all the time because they're just an invasive pest but you never seen iguana so you just assume like oh i guess you can't shoot that but they shoot them fucking all day long and then hippos are aggressive they kill way more an alligator it's like they're scary they are territorial is fucking fast it's probably the number one thing that in crocs it kill natives and africa it's number two when you count mosquitoes oh yeah definitely

like malaria yeah malaria yeah mosquitoes are number one and then hippos and then crocs and hippos run like 30 miles per hour or faster you see how fast they fucking swim yeah they're little fucking oh that you know they run like they're always touching the bottom yeah they're just top that's what they're bouncing so if you see like a hippo like if you get all the fat and everything off of it it is like red and it's like oh that's how that thing runs so fast just has all this like fat on it so it can be very buoyant and stuff but yeah if you hippo in the water is like it'll chase

your boat and fuck you up but um the hippo on land if you cat if you get but when it goes out to feed you get between it and the water yeah hippo hunts are very exciting when that happens because you have to dome it like it's gonna fuck you up so you have to you have to dome it oh we're going we are going

for like a week or two and a hippo is like what five to six thousand pounds it's about the size of land cruiser they're very bad Dude, that's almost as heavy as the cyber truck. Yeah. That's fucking crazy. Have you watched a pop watermel?

They just put the watermel? It's like, just the guns. This is Deval and the Joe Rogan podcast. I love it. I fucking love it. I pull up a video of a chimpanzee. You were locked in for like six weeks on that one. Yeah.

Until I started handing you fucking Jack Daniels. Immediately after. There's a clip. Chase, I think we can put that up. Me in the middle of my post-fight conference. and Cody's hand just gloved hand comes into frame and immediately hands me a shot of Jack. Like, oh, God, thank you.

I haven't drank in six weeks. I showed up to the fight with an airplane bottles of Jack Daniels because I know Brandon hadn't drank in six weeks. And they were like, hey, you want to be a corner man? Okay. And so I just found some gloves and I put some little gloves on. I was in the corner. That was your corner, man.

If we're telling the real story, you weren't allowed. to be the corner man. I wasn't allowed to be the corn man. We found out the only reason, the only thing that the security delineated being a corner man or not on was the purple gloves. So we just asked for an extra set. Oh yeah. I forgot about that. And just gave him to you and you just walked out with us confidently and nobody fucking stopped us. I think I'm going to show up to fights as a cornerman from now on. Right. Every time. Guys see the gloves? I forget that. Well, you had, uh, Eli and then what's his name from the bottom? Tony. Yeah, you had Eli and Tony and they're like giving them real good information. They're like, do this, do this, do this. I'm just in the corner.

like, yeah, this is cool. Do it, Brandon. Hit him in the face. Hey, when you hit him in the face, it looks like he bleeds. Do that again. Hit him harder in the face area. It would be great. God, I missed.

That was a good ass time. That was, that was like crazy, like being there. Like, I could see all y'all up on the end. Just me and Nico and, like, Nico's screaming at the top of his lungs. Put your fucking hands up. He's pushed on the rail and the rail starting to shake. and I'm leaning on it too, and they're like, stop. And he's like, no, that's my fucking boy.

That's my fucking boy. No offense at all. I almost forgot you were there because in the entire time beforehand, I was like tunnel vision. Yeah. I completely understand. Yeah. It was like I was. No, stress at all.

No. It's like, oh, yeah, you're about to be shirtless on live TV and potentially knocked out. Think, think, think. You know what I was worried about? This is like a weird fear, but I was told that this is like a normal thing that like has occasionally happened. I was like, dude, what if I, what if I get knocked? knocked out because like I was about to run into a fucking a campaign a congressional campaign a month after I'm like I've got to win this

or else this is just going to be I'm going to look like a pussy in front of God and everyone I was worried about getting knocked out and shitting myself understand because they don't let you go to the bathroom after you get your gloves taped no you are the second you're taped and they write it off yeah because you get your autograph they sign it whoever uh checks the wraps yeah then they sign it and then you have to be visual in visual yeah line of sight yeah yeah the team so you don't dip them in

you had plaster or whatever yeah they do the plaster diff so they hardened throughout the fight very dangerous for fires co um

make margarito he was notorious for that and got caught doing it interesting and then he got the fucking pack yow

beat the fuck out of that dude because of that yeah that dude looked like Passion of the Christ God yeah at the end of his face was just mangled

but I I did didn't know that and like I don't know about you guys but like if I'm like super fucking nervous about something like I'll get like kind of like temporary yes yes stress shits yeah I got pre-get all the time I wanted to shit so badly but I was not legally allowed to I've been like watch me shit please white for me got my gloves on let's see how good of friends we are I was like you know what I'll just drive here it's better left my other car here for like god knows how long but yeah no flying no thanks I'm good I always forget that and then I

remember. I'm like, oh yeah, that's why he never visits. It's the death. I'm like, I'm good. I don't need to fly anywhere ever again anymore. I just stay at my house at this point. But now you guys are like a 30 minute drive away. So this is fantastic. And we made you fly anyways. We drove him to San Antonio Airport. I've got an Uber picking you up helicopter. Fly crazy. The helicopters fuck with you? No, isn't that weird? I love helicopters. I love helicopters. I think it's so much. better and funner. Yeah, the thing that beats up air in order to stay floating. Dude, okay, you know what the main thing probably is?

I just don't want to fall out the sky for two minutes knowing I'm going to die. Fuck! Like, no, it's, oh shit, what the fuck? Done. Like, that's nice. You're already given the box of panic attack. I know, this guy's really, this is why he hasn't been here in a while. But yeah I'd be so annoyed

I'd be like Dude we're gonna dice Please My last two minutes I don't want to hear you screaming At the top of your fucking one I'd be like them fix the plane Dude

I'm gonna make sure you were the first person On this plane to die And people like Oh well if you're that word You can like go and get like You know skydiving license And I'm like that's great But if you go through TSA with that thing

One I'm gonna look like a terrorist Two I can do that But I don't know how to pack a shoot. I don't want to repack a shoe. I hold on. They can go through it. Nico walks and thwarty. Hold on. Stop. Did F. D.B. Cooper give you advice.

I was trying to do. You took my fucking joke. Who the fuck is telling you all of your nervous just pack a parachute as you're carrying on? Because then I won't be afraid to get on the plane, Nick. Well, I understand where you're coming from. I'm saying what psychopath gave you that advice like that would be. It was actually my idea and then everyone agreed with me, okay? Did they agree with you before or after they found out that like, even Even D.B. Cooper probably didn't survive jumping out of a fucking commercial airliner with a parachute.

At least I have an option. I just like during this plane wrecking, you're going to be like, okay, we'll just unbuckle. We'll walk to the back. It's going to be smooth sailing. Well, not violent, turbulent, smashed around. You're going to open that back door and be like, okay. And then you're going to hit the wing die. It's sucked into the engine.

I jump out, hit the wing. My shoe just floods up. And I'm like, oh, God damn. Now you're just dragged down. You're caught on the wing. I'm just hitting the plane. Just flat. The ironic part is that the plane would have been fine

until his body hit the wing. They're like, oh, we regain stability. Oh, God. Oh, shit. No, my plane is, I was like, you know what? Maybe I'll buy like a nice little plane and then I'll just have parachutes on it

and then I won't give a shit. That's a good idea. No, they don't like my idea. Okay, I'm going to go fuck myself. It's a great idea, Dingo. Yeah. I will pay money to try to see you bring a parachute in as your carry on. Well, so I've thought about this.

Is that a loud? Yes, it is. Yeah, you get a free cavity search with every one. Pretty much. The problem is that you can do that, but the TSA can open the shoot. They can inspect it and do all of that shit. And I was like, well, if you hate me and you want to fucking kill me and you like, take little scissors and do whatever to me.

Like, I don't want to repack it in the airport either. I don't even know. if I could. That would be fucking hilarious. What did you do to the TSA? Pay no attention to the man repacking his parachute in the middle of the terminal. Now, imagine, oh, something worse.

Imagine he's repacking the shoot and you realize he's in your, on your flight. That's how you can't rid of the terrorists on the flight. They're like, oh, he's got this one. I'll pick a different one. I'd just be terrified seeing you. You're on the phone getting mad trying to repack this. And as an outsider that doesn't know you,

they're just like, he's fucking all over. the place. This guy yelling and then quiet and smiling and then doing a weird laugh and then a happy laugh. What? It's the uno reverse card. An Arab guy sees a white dude on his flight and change his flight. Oh, hell no, no, no, no. We're going to get her to go back to Canada and we're going to get her to liquidate all our assets. She just sold a house up there. Liquidate all the assets, take all our liquid money, buy gold, and then put it on wear it. and then cross the border. And then never go back.

And they do that a lot, though. You're going to have to do a lot of squats and farmers carries to prep for that. You know, gold, things like gold. Yeah. I figured it like what. Silver. You're just walking through.

I figure it like work. I figure. I think. You're like the wife of some white collar criminal that like goes to the airport with 18 watches on the other side. Exactly. What's the time?

Only, only it's Caleb. Caleb's the wife. He has gold duct tape to his chest. How does it feel to be a trophy husband? This is how we do it in Virginia. Trophy husband. Walks across the border covered in gold. I need to claim asylum.

Don't tell anyone, but Justin Trudeau kind of wants my shit. Governor Trudeau. Governor Trudeau. that's a bitch. I had a Trigger grill right there. I was cooking. Like, we're good. I had the steaks.

I was like, bro, what? Why don't you want to fix my dad? First off, it's a fucking steak. It wasn't fix it. It was just helped me build it. Oh. Big difference.

Oh. This motherfucker claims to be Hispanic. Can't build a fucking deck. My deck is not crooked. Now, I will also say, we'll get back to the other stuff. But Zach did knock his head, helping me level.

it when I first put it up. When you're first put it up. Yeah. That's interesting. You want to talk about that too? All right. So the wife says, let's buy a pool. We go to Walmart.

We buy like this crappy pool and we're like, this will work. We'll try it out for the summer. It's midsummer. You got an above ground pool? Heck yeah. Dough. Yeah, we do what we got to do. We put it up.

And when I put it up, I was just like, hey, let's just get this pull up and see if the daughters even like it. And then we'll address. the other things later when i pop it up it's a six inch difference from one side to the other i'm like oh we can fix that real fast so it's not crooked though at that point it was i'll admit it was uh so we take these two by fours we make this you we're putting it on the frames and we're bending it up and we're putting bricks under it to level it zach calls one day he's like hey what you doing it's like oh we're doing this he's like oh well come by he's like all yeah

i'll take the help so he shows up he's not even there five minutes when he's helping lift it up and it just breaks and wax them in the head and he just steps back he's like yeah i got a concussion i'm going home you even said it like you would say it you really do sound like zach when you say he goes i was like sack you spent longer driving to my house than you did he being here goes home he doesn't talk to me for like three days he's so mad it's when he was calling us talking shit about yes he was so mad well if you're So fast forward a whole other year. And I'm like, all right, I'm going to take the pool down.

I'm going to re-level it. And then I'm going to build a deck because all the previous year, my daughters ran it every day. Like, we're going to redo this now. Yeah, I should have done it right the first time. I get it. But I'm just thinking of like, are you competing with Al Qaeda for how many gray spots? so I go to put it up for the second time after fixing it and that's when I was like hey I want to come help build the deck and he's like

no I'm not helping you build your crooked deck last time I almost had a concussion same whatever it's just like same above ground pool yeah same above ground pool but I had leveled it this time I bought all the equipment to do it right I hired a buddy to come help out and we built this deck and then he's like you hire them but you're like I got stage for you unsub boys eight dollars I was almost done at that point I was thinking about coming over and Zach's like coach me he's like no don't do that you'll have a concuss you so like I get done with I take a picture of it and Zach's like there's the proof it's crooked it's not crooked bro well fast forward again even more Zach sends me a text one day

he goes hey my daughter's making these bracelets you and the family want to come down to this flea market and buy some like yeah we'll swing by. So me and the wife grab our daughters and we drive out there. We buy these bracelets. We're walking around at this point, checking out other things at the market. Zach sends the text. Says, hey, my wife's coming by. Why don't y'all swing back by over and come say, hey, just we're like, all right. So we swing back over there and we start chit-chatting. And somehow, in the middle of this conversation of our wife's talking, the deck comes up again. And this is where it gets crazy is we have houses now divided in relation to this deck ordeal.

my wife looks at Zach and says no the deck's crooked it is a hundred percent crooked well yeah we're watching the kids play with a ball and one of them's just dropping it and rolling it to the other she's like I'm so team Zach on the crooked deck and then Zach's wife she's like no I saw pictures of it it looks straight I'm I'm team Michael it's straight and now we're like all right what do we do our families are torn on the simple fact of this deck being crooked or not it's never going away do you own a level so like total watch nerd my favorite watch is a tutor pelagos

and I was like oh the dude across the table from me has the same watch and I like brought it up in conversation he's like I mean yeah kind of sort of not really and he shows me his and on a tutor pelagos it says pelagos in red on every pelagos period

and his is in gold and he's like yeah there's not a whole lot of these go ahead I don't know it goes back The Tudor Company and Frogmen go back way back, right? So one of our guys, we were looking for a squadron watch and he had a connection through his father who was a watchmaker or whatever.

I don't know the whole story on that. So they made a deal with Tudor, and they made Squadron watches for us. And mine says it's in gold because I was Gold Squadron. The Red Geys are in Red, the Blue guys are in Blue, silver and silver. Imagine you're in Red Squadron and you just get a regular Tudor watch. fuck yeah it's still different there's something else that's right yeah so i mean how many of those pelagoses are in existence if you had to guess like 30 60 maybe ever there's probably of these with yeah with the gold pelagos there's probably 100 150 maybe yeah ever and you got

to be like a special old person to get one it goes even worse than that because this uh the the serial number on this one it's attached to my name so if this shows us up on the black market, some of the gray market. Tudor will be like, what the hell? Because I can't sell it. Can't give it away? You, so you're not allowed to sell it, period. Nope. Oh, no shit. No, I can't sell this. That's kind of cool. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck it. Watches are more regulated than like Super Bowl rings and Olympic medals. It's kind of wild. You miss some really funny shit. Bro, it got aggressive after you left. We almost got in a fight. With him? With who? an 80s action movie villain literally bear in mind we stayed up till three in the morning the night prior watching both versions of roadhouse and then we almost got in a bar fight the next night i feel like that was completely not our fault we were sitting there minding our own business and a woman that apparently was 40 based on what she said and loudly recently divorced that she said five more times came up and was hitting on some of us and uh

You know, we were polite or whatever, and we were like, yeah, cool, blah, blah, and she talked for like five, ten minutes and then like went off. Like standing over our tables while we're just trying to hang out. I was like, oh, vodka, you guys, they were offered by drinks. How did you know she offered to buy us vodka? I was there. Oh, for the first part. You were there for the first part. The first part was like, yeah, I was like, oh, da-da-da-da-da-vaca, blah, blah, blah.

And I was like, well, I got to use the restroom real quick. And I went and fucking shit because that cheese. When I came back, they weren't there. I was like, no. So she went and was like making out with some other dude that she went and found at the bar for a while very aggressively, like licking tongues at the bar. Like they were getting kicked out of the bar. It was aggressive. And then as they were leaving together, she stopped at our table again.

And it was like saying hi again. Because you have three exits to make up your mind. Yeah. Was her phrasing? and then the dude that she had left with has already walked out and he comes back in like two minutes later

and he's got like a Hawaiian shirt with like the bottom two buttons done like his whole chest is out and he's got one of those like Colgate flosser picks in his mouth and he's chewing on it like a 1980s cool guy with a toothpick it's like you come up with me

or you're staying with these boys ginn trout looks around like did that just we all did like just was so last is off like not saying we're hot shit but this is a bold table

to have that attitude with him. A less gross man. Any table of three grown men by yourself to walk up and be like these boys is insane. You have this 250-pound gorilla right here. You're going to call him a boy

with Brandon and fucking trowl sitting there. That's my boy. Also he's like, I'm getting late at night. And then the girl's like, my I forgot about you three. I'm kind of, I'm encouraged to think of you.

I don't know how to say this, but, like, this guy doesn't look like one of us. Like, it's just a very mid, skinny white guy. He looked like a 1980s tough guy at a bar, and we just got done watching Roadhouse. And in the back of my own, it was like, all of us can post bail. This is it. Like, man, I just wanted to go home. There's some mugshots that won't be good for my career, and there's some that would. And this is one that might be pretty cool.

It worked for Trump Just saying He sold a lot of shirts, man It's kind of my thing I just remember them being shit wrecked When they approached And then It didn't get better

I didn't figure that I'm like Okay I'm out I'm sorry Okay I dadded that one I went home last night I was like I want to go see my son You guys went out

And almost got into a fucking bar fight With the 1980s villain You would have been so pissed if we got in a bar fight without you. I know. That would have been horrible. I was asleep. Her drunk friend comes up. I've never seen a man so openly displaying his wedding ring.

And I was like, okay. How are you sitting? I was sitting like this. With your wedding ring hidden. Because she was like standing above me. So I was like this listening to the conversation. And her friend walks up like, this guy is trying to show off his wedding ring. And I was like, no, but also.

I'm just in a defensive posture because I don't know you and you're hovering over me. Because I'm uncomfortable and you're dressed like Han Solo in January. That is pretty funny now that I think about it. Don't talk shit about the whiteweed in Houston. Oh my God. She did say that. She was so drunk. She's like, after we just watched her make out with a dude at the bar.

I was a lot. I went home at 9, 10, by the word. This all happened over the course of 30 more minutes. I shouldn't be doing this. just got back from church from worship and she's like, I go to a black church. They call me the White Whitney Houston and I'm trying. I had to

get up and go to the bathroom. I was laughing so hard. She's trying really hard. Dang, 30 more minutes. Damn. That should have stayed long. Sounds like you guys were not picking up what she was putting down. I don't think we wanted to pick up

but she was putting down. NPC behavior, dude. What was the random encounters from GT? What is strangers and freaks? It was like, oh, fuck, all right. This is entertaining. To celebrate the Army 250th.

I appreciate you coming out here. You actually went to military school because you were a troublemaker. Oh, yeah, man. I got some shit. I got sent. So here's the thing. My mother was actually threatening to send me since I was eight years old. And she would like, send me, like, she'd give me brochures to show me she wasn't playing around.

I looked at the brochures. But she could never really, she could never afford it. And then finally, when I was, when I was, um, I was 14 years old. I actually, she said, I'm going to send you the military school. And I was like, I'm like, Mommy, I know. And she's like, no, you're going next week. And she sent me to a place called Valley Forge Military Academy in Pennsylvania.

And I remember, you know, when I first got there, I ran away five times in the first four days of that school. I couldn't stand that place. How did they get, wait, how far did you make it? And how did they catch you? Probably about a quarter mile each time. They called me because the school is in the middle of the woods. And so they always told us there was this train station out there in Wayne, Pennsylvania. So I was always going to try to find this train station.

And in fact, so true story, the last time I tried to run away. Second last time I tried to run away, they actually drew me a map on how to get to the train stations. It was like, it's just pathetic that I kept on getting lost. And they're like, so they came to my room and they told my roommate to leave. They're like, you know, they told me like, we got to attention. And they told my roommate, they said, get out. We're going to talk to more. And I was like, all right, well, you know,

whatever's about to go down now is going to be bad because they don't want witnesses, right? So I'm standing there. They tell me to take a seat. And I'll never forget it. His name was, his name was Sergeant. Sergeant Austin. His first name was Dallas.

And I thought that was hilarious. But he was my squad leader. He sits down and he's like, listen, it's obvious you don't want to be here. And quite honestly, we really don't want you here. So I've drawn you a map on how he gets a train station. So he gives me this map. And it has, like, handwritten.

instructions. It has a pace count. It has landmarks. And I'm literally like tearing up because I'm so happy. And I tell this dude, I'm like, listen, I'm never going to forget you. When you know, when you get out, let me know, we'll grab lunch or something. And he's just like, just get out of there. So that night, I had this whole big, great escape. I followed this map into the middle woods. And I'm just going deeper and deeper and deeper into the woods. And you often understand. So like I knew cities until that point of my life. I don't know anything about the woods. And so like the only thing under the woods is like in horror movies. This is where folks go and don't come out of. So eventually I just sit down and I start crying because I'm terrified and then I started hearing footsteps and I thought it was just like Bears or Gorillas or whatever's chasing me in the suburbs of Philadelphia And then I hear laughter and it was my chain of command because they follow me out the map was completely fake They just enjoyed watching my flashlight making circles in the middle of the woods and And finally they let me come when they brought they brought me back to campus and they told me they said um you're allowed to make one phone call They said, I don't care who you call, but you got five minutes to make a phone call. And I called the only number that I knew, which was my mom. And I was complaining and tell her how I wanted to go home and all the kind of stuff.

And finally she said to me, she's like, too many people have sacrificed in order for you to be there. And she's like, and they're proud of you. And you got to give it a shot. And so after a pretty tumultuous few days, I finally gave it a shot and it ended up working out for me. Your mom saved up, though, to put you through that school? It was crazy. I mean, she, she saved. My dad saved up for Christmas Christmas.

And your mom's like, bye. But you know what's crazy is that, you know, and my mother's not a person who like makes empty threats. Like when my mom makes a threat, she's like, she's not playing. She's literally couldn't afford it. And so she was asking around like people she went to church with and saying like, I really want to sell my son. And people were giving what they could a couple hundred dollars here. But she was going to be thousands of dollars short. So it was my grandparents who actually immigrated to this country.

My grandfather was born in South Carolina. but was run out when he was just a just a child my grandmother was born in cuba and immigrated to this country and my grandfather was a minister my grand my grandmother was a schoolteacher and they had this little home in the Bronx and and when they realized my mom was once again going to be short they ended up taking money out of their home i actually get emotionally about it but they they they took money out of their home to give it to my mom so she could have a couple a couple thousand extra dollars to uh to send me away to military school 55 end of it 55 gentlemen and they spent it's like 20 grand modern time or some stupid uh no it was like i think it was like

18 thousand dollars modern which is still a while five friends yeah you see that's a six tax 20 night out man 18 dude bro you're waking up after sight you don't know you made America. When you wake up, you wake up and you're like that. You wake up and met a nation. I've got it. The bar tab of the 1787 farewell party for George Washington.

The founding fathers drank 54 bottles of Madiera, 60 bottles of Clare, eight bottles of whiskey, 22 bottles of porter, eight bottles of hard cider, 12 of beer,

seven bowls of of alcoholic punch. There were 55 attendees. Bro, eight bottles of whiskey? Okay. Eight bottles of whiskey with 55 people is already, like, kind of like, all right, everybody's going to have an okay night. I think it was one of you guys that said we should have 55 of our friends over,

and we do that same thing. Try to recreate, like, the founding fathers. Oh, the founding fathers party. The founding fathers, maybe not that title. But. Oh, you will. Yeah. Gang bang, the founding fathers.

We'll switch that one out. The gang drinks a lot. All right. Eli's over here thinking of like the fucking constitutional equivalent of Debbie does Dallas. Oh, I would hate that next day. You're coming. Oh, that's going to be fucking awful, frankly. 55 of us and we have to finish it all.

Oh, that's the bit. We have to finish it. Oh, we have. 55 of our closest friends and we have to finish it all. just as the founding father's intended yep dude kim's

and then we have to shoot muskets terrible then we defeat an empire it's trying to blur which project and then I hear there's a boat full of tea coming into the harbor

yeah holy the camera's doing what the people are and like the further you get in the video the more that the vignette just like closes in the frame rate goes down to like eight frames a second yeah uh dude like just double yeah i'm trying to do the map moments of lucidity you good bro yeah yeah yeah i'm here

a bottle of whiskey is we do that with like five of us it's like jack how i think it really matters how long the party is because there's a difference between consuming that in three hours versus like 10 hours. Well, it was the bottles plus the seven bowls of alcohols of alcoholic punch. How big is a bowl? They didn't really say. They didn't specify. It's definitely going to be like

We don't want to put you out on the founding fathers. No, no, no. Punch bowl. Yeah, punch bowl. Yeah. Punch bowl. Yeah. Go to Walmart, buy a punch bowl. That generic Mark one motto punch bowl. We're going to need more. Oh, God, I wish we had more than 55 people because that's, that's a heavy order. dude we are like all of us are hurting that is and we have to record the podcast after

I would quit do a piece of it ever like hour as you go along oh yeah oh that's actually a really funny idea just all go into this new hour one hour two hour three hour five through ten is us passed out we have not moved it yeah it's just I'm just That's actually really funny. It looks like Johannesburg. We should... Oh, I've got an idea you guys are gonna hate, because it's gonna lock us in on it.

We should do this for the 4th of July. I wish I was younger. Brandon's... Eli. You're not getting any younger. You wish you were younger. We make a list for 55 people. And then we do the drinks.

Your hangover is gonna suck. Oh yeah. So much. Oh, Mark's coming. Yeah, Mark. He's coming. Oh, yeah. You're formally invited to our 4th of July part.

party. 55. I'm formally accepting. Oh, beautiful. We'll be there. Nick, you're going to love this. Remember the 55 gentlemen thing where we read off the bar tab of the Founding Fathers? Yeah.

We're doing that for the podcast on the 4th of July. I'm game. We're inviting 55 friends and we have to finish how much they finished. I agree. Including overthrowing a nation. That's fine. Yeah. We're going to overthrow.

I already have a trial. I'm ahead of the rest of you guys. We overthrow you. you the the UK again just to fucking prove a point yeah just in case you guys were feeling upity Nick you like this idea

I mean they're not allowed to own butter dial what could they do no I'm at the drinking a whole bunch I grew up in Northern California and I was stationed at Camp Pendleton California

not I don't think there's probably a better place to be stationed as a Marine a better worse place You have access to everything and a lot of fun, great time. When you say everything. Everything. Yeah, pretty much everything. I think, man, probably 2019, in the 2020, we had like 10 dudes all at once get busted in a cocaine and steroid ring.

No. Yeah, unfortunately. Some dude got beat up and they moved all. Unfortunately, they got busted. Yeah. Yeah, they moved all the grunts to where all the Pogs live. And, yeah, as you can expect, it was like 100 infantry Marines, 200 infantry Marines versus everyone else who wasn't, and a lot of things happened there.

But, yeah, no, I enlisted 2017, went to boot camp, MCRD, San Diego, and then I was in 03-11. I just, you know, I knew, I knew that being, I grew up, I didn't grow up seeing the, you know, dress blues, Marine fighting the lava monster and the dragon, but I saw like the recon Marines coming out of the water. And, you know, I had no idea that recon Marines and SF and Marsock were all different things. I was just like, yeah, I want to be special operations or I want to be special forces. And then my recruiter's like, you're a fucking idiot. And he was, I ended up scoring like a 90 or 91 on my ASVAB. And he was like, you're not going to be a grunt. And I was like, that's the only thing I want to do. Yeah. And. And, uh, he was like, that's the only thing I want

do yeah and so went that route uh i went to school of infantry west at camp pelton as well uh once i got out and i was in early 2018 and then went to second battalion first marines uh segmentatine first marines i was a boot uh very junior marine um that's you know the the derogatory phrase but the the proper phrase is you know being a boot and i got nj p pretty early on so what'd you do? Yeah, non-judicial punishment

so what did you do? D-U. What was that? No, not D-I Jesus. It was crazy

That's always everyone's first like article 15 No, no not it really It was really dumb He just comes out swaying And they're like

Oh yeah I got this, this This is you beat your wife Yeah I was like fuck dude Yeah I was manslaughter Yeah

Awesome Yeah No I That poor family of five We were out In the gas line district in San Diego, definitely not, um, underage drinking. And I allowed, uh, one of my friends to alter my

ID. Um, and so, you know, I was born in 98. We made it look like a like a three, I think is what it was. And I never used it. Like all the, all the bars down in San Diego, all the clubs, like they know fucking that's Marine, you know, central. So like, they let you in as long as you're not being a jackass. And, uh, so I never used it to like buy alcohol underage. Never even used it to get in the club underage we were always able to get in but right when i got to the fleet so i got out infantry school like boot camp infantry school got to the fleet um we were there like two months two and a half months before our unit got back from that last their last appointment and so it was just a lot of like you know hard training and uh and whatnot waiting for the unit to get back and then

they get back and you're fresh Marines to the fleet and everyone fucking hate you yeah everyone fucking hates you already just you know it's it's tradition it's it's it's what it's supposed to be. Especially if they're just getting back from there. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, they came back from their, uh, their war-torn country of Japan on their UDPs.

Oh, God. Um. Jerse. Yeah. It's like, bro, you, you're just watching anime for eight hours in a day. Shut up. Um, but yeah, they, uh, they pulled us all in, you know, we're doing the whole, like, running around being, uh, being a young junior Marine, learning things, getting things thrown

at you physically and, uh, you know, um, you know, hypothetically I guess but they pulled all of us in one day and two of my buddies there was probably about 10 to 12 of us that had had their IDs altered and two of my buddies at the time fucking dumbasses went to pass an ID and they're like their chips and their cards like to you know to put them in the little cack reader stopped working and so they needed to get new IDs we're doing like Daniel training and whatnot and the pass and ID place on base confiscated their IDs and they're like yeah you guys fucking altered their IDs and they had drawn in Sharpie on the back of their IDs to thinking that that was going to cover their asses and make it look like they hadn't

fucked with their IDs so they got them confiscated called the battalion pulled all the junior military IDs they fucked with yeah yeah yeah they went to yeah they drew in Sharpie on them yeah and so that is a federal property yeah and and so they they pulled pulled us in and confiscated all over IDs. And one of our staff sergeants at the time was like looking out for us. He didn't, he pulled out like two more IDs out of the stack and he was handing them back out.

And our gunny at the time was like, let me see those ID staff sergeant. And he was like, I already checked him, Gunny. And he was like, I want to check him. And he was like, I already checked him, Gunny. And he was like, give me the IDs. And he took the IDs from him and pulled out like eight more. Handed out all these IDs.

and there's like, you know, 10 of us standing there. And he's like, all right, if you didn't get your ID back, see us in the company office. And so we all go to the company office. And everyone immediately just like, you know, we're like, we're fucked. This is the end of the world. Worst thing ever. Like this, how did this happen? And everyone but me accepted the NJP, like on the spot.

They signed the paperwork. They got the two weeks of restriction slap on the wrist. And like, you know, nothing, nothing really happened. and promotion restriction. My mom was a family law attorney my whole life growing up and she was always like if you ever get in any trouble legally

like civilian or military request a lawyer like no matter what it is request a lawyer. So I'm like I want to speak to a lawyer and they're like you what? You want to speak to a lawyer? And I was like yeah I want to speak to a lawyer

and so I had to wait like three days and to get an appointment on the main side and so I'm just I spend the next three days fucking cleaning the CP getting screamed out by every single person in the battalion and they finally get over to the lawyer and he was like brand new fresh lieutenant JAG and he was like hey well your NJP paperwork says

that you altered your ID so you didn't your friend did you know according to your story so you know go into NJP and like it's going to get fucking sent away so I followed his advice to go on there and deny NJP battalion Sergeant Major calls me up to his office super thick you know Mexican accent he's like you think you think NCIS isn't gonna figure this shit out if I can and I'm a stupid sergeant major and I'm like stand there at parade rest like holy fuck like my life's over I'm I've been in the Marine Corps for eight months like I'm getting kicked out what the fuck's going on and he

slams my ID down on the table opens his drawer and he pulls out a razor blade and he throws in the desk and he was like have some fucking integrity and he sits there and he takes the razor blade and he's like scratching it back and forth across the spot that was altered and it's like getting stuck in that one spot. The ID didn't look bad, but, you know, I was born in 98, like saying 93, it was, you know, messed with. And so he's like, it's like getting stuck. And he was like, if I can figure this shit out, you think NCIS isn't going to be able to figure this out?

I'm like, fuck, fucking he's like, have some fucking integrity. Like, tell me the truth. I'm like, Sergeant Major, like, this is what happened. This is what the Jack told me to do. You know, I made a mistake. And he was like, all right, he's like, thank you. He's like, I'm going to push for a 60105 or page 11, whatever it is. And I go back.

back down. It's not up to him, though. It's up the company level. So I go back down there. They pull my NJP paperwork, tear it up in front of me, type up new fucking NJP paperwork saying that your friend fucking altered it and NJPed me. And, you know, it was like company level. At the time, I was like, oh, this is it, the end of the world. You know, I'm like fucking tears in my eyes, like, oh my gosh, like talking to my squad leader, my platoon sergeant, and they're like, you're a piece of shit, like you, but, you know, do better. And so it was honestly the best thing that could have happened. From then on out, I was like, I have to, you know, I can't fuck up where I can, like, got to learn to not get caught.

And so, you know, from there on out, I was like, I need to be, you know, the best that I can be and it was, I was on my P's and Q's and when it was honestly the best thing that could have happened. I mean, from there on out. So we go out, this is the San Diego show and everything's going great. She does her little delete me bit. She goes out in the crowd, me, bye, I love you, go watch me perform, whatever. I come back out after the show to find my wife in the crowd.

and my wife is on fucking Jupiter I'm like what the fuck is going on here oh Hannah ate the entire chocolate bar Oh oh Okay

How much Is an entire chocolate bar She wasn't feeling it by the way You know But it wasn't just a chocolate bar Yeah It's not doing anything You want to take a guess

On how much A chocolate bar was She doesn't do any weed At all yes 100 milligrams Yeah I was gonna say about 100 Yeah, out the gate.

Thanks for playing. Dude, if I do 10, I'm legless, and I'm a big guy. I was like, oh, God. Yikes. She was, she was paranoid. It was aggressive. It feels like you're dying for several hours. It's a horrible experience.

You got to realize she was in a crowd with 1,100 people that all knew who she was, and they all wanted to come up and talk to her. That's just not fucking like. Dude, I walked up, I was like, you're good? I was like, you go eat and lay down. And she like, I'm like, she just started to, she just started to sending you to heaven. I'm not, I'm not buying you dinner.

I have, I have questions. Does she normally do that? Not a thing. So who convinced her to eat the chocolate bar? Well, she like, oh, this will take the edge off? She wanted to have like a little tiny bit, like five milligrams. Sure. And then.

Like a little slimmer of, at some point, like it was broken into five milligram increments. Like it was like a kit cat. And like the only edible they could buy, apparently was 100. milligrams altogether and they were going to like i don't know save it share it whatever the fuck and her brother who does you know do edibles and stuff and he turned around and she was like yeah she just ate the whole thing because she said it wasn't working and now it's definitely fucking working that is the way that is the roller coaster that people get on it's like ah man it's been 10 minutes i don't feel a thing 20 minutes this isn't working wrong this christ kilo ran calm yeah the good news

is that's a mistake you typically only make once yeah i've jumped guarantee i've been to multiple of those houses yeah multiple and they're sitting i've had one guy who's just sitting on the curb just freaking out i'm like what's going on he's like oh i just like my heart's racing and like what did you do something different today he's like i ate i ate this edible and i was like there it is yep there is because how much you eat i don't know now they're strong plot twist i ate the entire edible they're strong but they're also so you know depending on where you buy them from like they sell them 20 milligrams 100 milligrams you get the gummies the chocolates, whatever food choice you want.

But the beauty of it now, like, is it's become so mainstream, is you can really have a reasonable idea of how many milligrams you're having so you can dose it correctly. I'm thinking back to like when I was in high school, I just had my buddy Zach who was like dealing cocaine at the time. They're like, dude, I made a batch of brownies. I'm like, okay,

how many do I have? He's like, I don't know, a couple. I'm like, okay. And literally it's literally brownies. Like, I don't even, he didn't even like make it into butter. It was just like nuggets of weed. It's just like in the brownies. He's not good at mixing either. Yeah, this is a

I eat two. I'm like, of course, of course, same thing. This is like back when edibles weren't as mainstream, and it was probably one of my first experiences. I, like, smoked off and on through high school, blah, blah, blah. So I eat two brownies and same thing. I'm like, well, this isn't working. I'm like drinking a fucking, I'm drinking like a zima or something at the time. I don't even know.

So I ate like two more brownies, and then, you know, fast forward three hours. And I'm literally like plastered on the tile kitchen floor like this, just like spinning. for six dollars. I'm in danger. Dude, it is, we had one of my and that summed up the time of my life. The best night I've ever had here. There's, oh, my one buddy, he

eats him. And then he's like, oh, once I was like, oh, no, I'm good. I was like, what, what does that bottle say on the dosage? He's like, oh, they're 400 milligrams per cube. I was like, excuse me? Huh? Take care. Why? Why? He's like, well, there's 10,000 milligrams in his box. I'm like.

Like a boon cube? You made a fission a stil or something? Why the fuck? You're going to make it like a chicken noodle soup. You're supposed to drop those into a cauldron for a party, dude. Jesus Christ. And honestly, I feel like some of the most impact that we made is those dudes that are working 16-hour shifts, far from home, sleeping on the floor. We're just giving them energy drinks and shit to get through the day.

And it was funny because you're offering people watering Gatorade. Oh, we're good. We're good. Hey, man, you want an energy drink? Fuck, yeah, I do. Like, they don't get to leave and go to convenience stores. like oh also also kindest thing i'm going to glaze you guys one more time because you need to no this is this is incredible so we go out to eat at a steak restaurant and these lovely people are

like oh yeah we heard what you did we know who you are they come the entire meals and then you guys tip like four hundred dollars to the people of this restaurant good deeds not on cameras very rare from streamers these days because there's a lot of people like oh i'm gonna go do i'm going to do some charity yo chat check out me doing this shit right now and they We'll only do good stream, good deeds on the stream, but, uh, I mean. If you call me a streamer again, you're going to have to beat my ass. I'm sorry. Okay.

Oh, thank you. Oh, are we shiny? Yeah. Okay. I just looked at it. I was like, yeah, everyone got this little glazed to them. That's, dude, the tip, tip your, tip your servers unless they suck, then don't tip them. But always tip your fucking service.

I will say, I fucking hate tip culture, bro. I think it's so bullshit. I understand it's out of control. It's, you know, we have to operate within the confines of American culture, but, uh, I mean, it would be nice if employers, lawyers would just pay their fucking employees. All right, reservoir dogs. The line was when Subway

started asking me for a tip. That was, that was the line for me. Subway asked for tips now, yes. That's crazy. No, sandwich artist. He's like, bro. As far as I'm concerned, I'm the manager in this situation. I mean, to be fair, like I told you exactly what you do.

I've watched you do it the entire time. Did you tip me for telling you how to build it? It's everything deserves a tick now. turn the machine around you're like you I just I bought groceries I we went to that one store that's near the house a head shop and they have tip on there seriously yeah oh dear god yeah like I don't understand if your job is to sit at the counter like if it's if it's somebody like you're a server you're running around you're grabbing shit you're putting orders back in the

kitchen you're running out to the tables you're running around you're being super polite and everything yeah tip the fuck out of that person like that's awesome if your job is to ring things up And then just, like, hand me an iPad and look me in the eyes. Like, that's, that's bizarre. Yeah. That didn't used to happen either the last couple years. No, I get confused on even if, like, an electrician or, like, an AC repair dude comes. I'm like, do I still tip him?

Because he was not, I don't know. Here's $20 extra dollars. Yeah. You know how many electricians just unfollowed me because of that? Did it for 10 years. Guess how many tips I got. Five. Really?

Oh, okay. Really? Zero. I need to stop tipping. Yeah, you're right. I just had a guy come to redo my lawn, and it was like, he paid me $3,000 off of the service. I'm like, is that enough? Or like, do I give him an extra 10%?

How does this work where you don't come back to my house and break my windows? Because you know where I live now. So, yeah, I did him $300,000. Is that crazy? I give him 10% extra. Maybe I'm an idiot. I don't know. I'll tip on services like that when, like, for example, a couple, like, neighborhood kids came.

And they're like kids, like young teenagers. just came and asked if they could cut my lawn. I was like, yeah, it's cool. Sure, fuck you, all right. I can't stand that shit, bro. I can't say people come to my f*** house and offer me shit, bro. It's like I'm getting ads in real life.

It's like, so annoying. You slam the door on these kids that are trying to like make a hustle and you're just like, this is why I've got the brave browser. These things called LRs, long range discrimination radar. Oh, that's like us. Cody and reach. Yeah.

Cody, you and I do long range. That's only in like underprivileged neighborhoods. Now, yeah. You guys were the everything. You were beat cops. That's short range. It's, you know,

he's still got it because we were driving through Texas the other day and he was just like, minority. And then he locked the doors. And I was like, yeah, he's got it. What color of the silhouettes that you guys shoot at in training? The color of the shit.

American American. Black, shit. What do we call? I'm going to get a water. Anybody need anything? no no like like just to stop eating them i'm sorry i'm sorry no you're on your tism right now i have never seen anyone bully so bully people so well on twitter

i thought i thought i was good at bullying people on twitter but when people start talking about missiles and attacking the united states or attacking other countries you're like no it is a fake honestly i learned from you so i i will say that i got twitter when brandon was running for office because you guys were in a knockdown dragout battle with with his apart own it. And I was like, I just want to watch. And then I watched you, of all people. I started seeing what Cody was saying on Twitter. And I was like, I could do that. I can do that. And now me and you are tag teaming, I ran. It's my favorite past time. Like, honestly, more than any social media, I open on my phone,

Twitter is number one. I'm just like, all right, let's see who's day I can ruin. Let's just scroll through this. It's my favorite pastime. I love how they're parading around. Like the Iranian military is like parading around cripples information. They're just like, we could fuck up the United States. I'm just like, dude, you guys are the people that, like, are the tutorial of the game we actually want to play. I broke it down mathematically because I did a video, USA versus, it's my USA versus the World Series, and it was versus Gaza. And what I ended up doing for most of the video was talking about the history of Gaza and Israel. And frankly, the more I read, the less I know who the fuck it belongs to.

I have no idea why everyone wants to kill each other for that chunk of land. But, you know, like, beautiful area. Yeah, I guess. but Gaza is I originally I was like let's just see if I can prove this mathematically how fast did the US take Iraq okay we took it in X amount of days

it was like 33 days how many square miles is Iraq was like 7,000 square miles okay how big is Gaza 141 square miles I was like okay let's do some math break this down 26 minutes by the way United States could take Gaza

in 26 minutes that was on my list of shit to look up I mean 32 minutes the whoppers will be ready To be fair In actuality it's taken Israel A few thousand years That's fair

Don't make those people mad Brandon I was going to say I feel like those people is worse What are they going to do Donate millions of dollars Against this political campaign God forbid

Like a pack of them A super backup of them? I don't know how much of that we can even keep. That was I'm going to get another water

that I'm not going to get to get you. Just put black bars over Brandon's eyes. Redacted, Brandon.

Yeah, just pops up and it comes away. Punished Brandon. But jumping back to the Golden Dome. So is it,

you know, a lot of people ask me like, is this, is this realistic? Okay, first of all, you got to

understand we're the United States of America. Anything we want to do is realistic. Like we just, we do shit

because we can. We have a missile. We have just like crazy amounts of shit that the United States is built and it's just like, why not? Like that's kind of the U.S. mentality. So is it going to be expensive? Yes. However, the goal is to build a network of sensors that all talk to each other. Now, sensors that talk to each other and say, hey, I see this here is an easy thing. The world has that. But sensors that say, hey, I'm looking at this thing. I need you to fire your missile and guide it until it's within my radar fan. It's like we were talking about last time with the relay race of like sensors and missiles. imagine like you're a sniper and you have spotters all along your path and every time like you squeeze the trigger your spotter as it gets into their their flight path takes control of that round and guides it where it needs to go it's the same principle it's a really difficult concept is it possible yes absolutely but then we get into like what is considered and this is the part of my job that i really hate it's kind of like playing god we do what's called a CVT assessment criticality vulnerability and threat now is pot tuckett's farm in fucking pennsylvania Cancel tuckie Iowa important? Yes, because we need sustenance for our forces. However, is it important as where we build bullets, bombs, ships, things like that? No, it's not as important in the short term. So we need to protect those assets more. It's kind of like the fight club thing of like where they do the mathematics on, you know, is it more expensive to do a recall versus the lawsuits on the people they kill? Exactly. Like, hey, D-Day is happening at this time, but then it keeps getting delayed and pushed back. And you're, you're. adrenaline trying to sleep during this 72 hours? How long did that take before from time of mission

supposed to happen to when actually D-Day happened? Well, I'll start from scratch. Okay. There's something to, I'm going to tell you, the next thing I'm going to tell you, it's never heard that before in my life that you could do that. How do you think Eisenhower got over there to D-Day?

I was on the same ship as Eisenhower. No doubt. That's wild. And I came over on the command ship. Can you believe that? I have to ask, what was Eisenhower like? I never got to talk to him. But later in the war,

in the battle of the bones, I'm going to jump up there For one reason, the Germans cut us off. I was in on the start of the Battle of the Bull. They cut us off. I was at Yupin, Belgium. Then there was the massacre at Melmody. That's why the Germans had captured these hundred-and-some Americans

that were observers, artillery observers, or something and had them in the ditch it was snowing and when those tanks went by the lieutenant colonel Pfeiffer ordered his tanks to use the machine guns on the guys that they rolled on by them that was a massacre of Melbity I have seen quite a bit and I observed quite quite a bit. And I tell you, you never find somebody that has been through me what I've gone to. I'm kind of proud of it now. But it always seemed like I was in on everything. And then you guys beached on D-Day.

I got off to the ship. I was the first one into the landing craft. So I sat by the pilot. That's the way to come down these rope ladders. They're carrying 74 pounds. Plot down in the long side. This boy, I don't think he was 18 years old yet. He was in the Navy. He was the Navy pilot. And he was supposed to take us in. So we'd stand about. waist deep he got a little scared he let us off early we were right up to our neck and holding your rifle up above and then you start going across an ocean that is loaded with landmines we were told

we'd be crossing about one million landmines that Hitler had planet there come to find out when they cleaned those up there was a million and a half we received

a lot of small arms fires from the shore it didn't bother me one bit I was afraid of stepping on a landmine I went through six battles I never got a scratch so I could get a purple heart

that's extra time off our Eli Kuevas the extra time off recipient and I didn't get extra time off because I went to the wrong eights when i when i got shot i went to the wrong aid station so i was at work the next i had a mission the next day i got shot in the leg oh see what i mean yeah bum bum bum

i'm like arm's strong when you so that's one thing in your book you said you followed other people you would follow the footprints up the shore oh did i ever man oh man i should That's smart. That's very smart. I'm in the line from just one of those landing craft infantry. There are 30 of us on there. Take how many of those guys are going in in lines.

You're looking over there. There's a line. There's a square water shoots up in the air. Somebody stepped on a line mine. Is that something you thought about before you landed? You thought I'm going to go up behind the guy who's already gone through? We had a rope to go. I was on Easy Red.

I got off of the there and went over to Easy Red route. That's the killing us whole line. I'm going through there and I come out without a scratch. More people were killed on Easy Red than any other landing. How come I didn't get killed? How come I didn't even get a scratch? But I got down closer to shore, and I had two MG-42 machine guns from opposite sides of the cliffs. And they're trying to kill me.

So I got a gun behind a six-eight-inch stone burl. that protected me. They bounced, bullets off of that thing. So I dug out a cigarette, put in my mouth. Reach for my matches, they were wet. Figures. So I sensed a soldier to my left behind. And I hollered, hey, buddy, have you got a match?

I got no answer. So I looked back there. There was no head under the helmet. And God, at that exact moment, it's like the soul of that soldier was saying, get up and get out of there right now and I did you may think this is strange

but those two machine guns shut off just that time I don't know whether to put in more bullets or change barrels or something I got up and ran. And then they started again. I was five foot seven. I weighed 120 pounds. And I thought, these soldiers aren't used to shooting that toothpicks. I really thought that. That woman's

going to be wandering around your house looking for signs of other females. And she's going to be like finding all of Conner's hats that are strewn about, who's this bitch with the tiny head? Holy shit, Connor showed up. Hey, Conner's here. Oh, a trout showed up. Calvin, what did you call his tiny cowboy hat when I put it on? Oh, I was the Yehawmica. I saw the comments called it the Yalmica.

Sorry we all had giant heads, Connor. 73H is a normal song. human head, you fucking freaks. By the way, we found King Trout again. He managed to wander back into our lives. Would you like to come say hello

or do you just want to shout from the cheap seats? I literally woke up five seconds ago. Walk, woke up, wandered out of the cornfield. Now he's hearing. He's angry. Yeah. No, because you insulted my head size.

Fuck. Guys, you got that bedhead right now. The car's back. Good morning. Good morning, drinking trout. It's 4.10 p.m. I have like this potentially false notion. It hasn't been disproven yet, but I have a theory.

You know what's that thing that little kids have object permanence where like if they can't see it, it doesn't exist? In my brain, I assume if I can't visually see you, you're sleeping. I'm going to sleepiest soldier, brother. Thank you. Thank you, G.I. Jane. Shared the gospel of the story of the five minutes that I thought I was God on Earth. So I was in high school. And I was dating this chick, beautiful girl.

And there was this guy who I'm not going to say the name of, just because I don't think I should. And this guy was alleged to be the son of a drug lord from Juanis. And I don't want to fuck with that guy. Now, given he's a little guy, he's like, you know, two years younger than me, he's a little guy. I could have beaten the shit out of him. But I didn't because I'm not trying to get my throat slit and found in a fucking ditch. And then being told, oh, he probably got himself. I fear of that every day.

He probably killed himself. His face was stitched on a soccer ball in Mexico City. What the fuck do you mean? He doesn't have been really bored. I really hated himself. So this guy. He skinned himself with a potato peeler? What the fuck?

This guy would like hit on my girl. He would slap her ass in front of me. And I could not do shit. And I was so angry. Because usually if somebody fucked with me, I can do something about it. You're a big guy. He's a tall guy. And I've always been a very large guy.

And while I just finished watching a show called Death Note, so what do I do? I order a death note. God, you watched anime a lot of nice if you did this. Yes, I did. I ordered a death note to my house. He got there about two weeks later. And I remember he did it again. So I go home like in tears because I'm so fucking angry. And I don't, I didn't know what to do to feel better.

So I'm like, insert name here, dies of a heart attack in math class at this hour. Right? So the next day, I go to school. Balloons everywhere. And there's a big banner that says his name on. the front of the school and I'm like it's this fucking guy's birthday we have to celebrate this piece of shit like I don't even want to show up right and then I go and I see these three girls and they're crying and I'm like what's going on they say he died this guy fucking died apparently

he got shot up in like Juarez during a drug deal right and I sit there and I think I'm God I think that I'm the main character Now I want to ask you What do you think I did I would have Wrote a couple names down Like one could be a fluke

I get to the day I go home Immediately open up that book And I write down My fucking history teacher's name Jesus Christ I go to school the next day he's fine but

but for that day swear to God I was I was like oh man I'm about to fucking just wreak havoc on this fucking school you are like you didn't have any grandmaster class don't kill so many teachers you are the embodiment

the actual life use case for like why the death note could not be a thing oh my god fuck holy shit the most powerful I've ever felt my entire life. Oh, my God. I was really, like, giggling in class. It was so bad, bro. Like, holy shit.

So bad. He's doing that evil laugh. Yeah. While he's running. You're just giggling about it in class later. Your teacher's like, hey, that's enough out of you, John. You're like, watch him out. That's sir to you. Holy shit. Yeah. That's fucking wild.

He told that story of brunch. I'm like, Eli wasn't paying a thing. Eli. death note story. I'm glad I wasn't. That is amazing. Oh, there was another story that I wanted to share with you guys. It's kind of embarrassing. It was the first time, oh my God, this is so lame. This is the first time I ever tried to tell myself. I was in third grade. Started young. Yeah, very young. And, you know, my... Early bird gets the worm. Yeah, I was, uh, I had, you know, you guys know Pokemon.

I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cut that. I'll leave it in if you want. I know. Early bird gets to do you. I used to be heavily addicted to Pokemon. Still am. Still play Pokemon Go every day. You had that little thing in your pocket that plays Pokemon Go for you. Yeah, I have this thing. I bought this mod.

It's probably banable, but they don't know who I am. It's like a, it's a modded Pokemon Go thing that just plays the entire game for me. It's fucking awesome. And it throws great balls and ultra balls and spins the stop. So I just get the hell of XB when I'm not even playing the game. But I had this score at all. He has a girlfriend. What's your excuse?

Anyway, it's very easy to be, to get a girlfriend. Just a quick side note. If you just give a shit about what they're saying and you don't look at them like they're just like a fucking body, that's more than what 99% of dudes do on this earth to just actually give a fuck about them and just listen to what they say and be there for them. And it's pretty fucking easy. You know what I mean? I don't know how people struggle.

My rule of thumb is treat them like your guy friends. You will see how far that gets because then you just treat them with a normal conversation. I was going to say, hit them. That's the only thing don't get you your beard. Put her in an arm bar. She didn't lock that. I'm an equality kind of guy. Yeah, I had this squirtle that used to, it was bogged in the factory.

It only spoke Spanish and it kept on saying the F slur. Wait, like in a game or? No, it was like a toy. Like, Pokemon used to be my life. And my entire life, I was like, when I grow up, I'm going to be a Pokemon master, right? Well, it took me until third grade to know that Pokemon don't exist. But I thought that you just had to move to Japan. And that's where all the Pokemon were.

And so I had no life goal. So I sat in my kitchen on the ground with a butter knife on my neck trying to kill myself and my entire family walked out of me doing this and they just laughed at me they're like what the fuck are you doing and i'm like i'll never be a Pokemon master this is big Doug level two dog level two Doug is here god now i need to find that medieval fights because that was it'd be the peasants versus one medieval night and it's not scripted so it is you guys just go and take each other down the only time you're dead is if they like pin you down and like stab you with a like dull knife in the just like real life yeah

but otherwise there's a oh this is there's a really good movie on netflix it's i think it's a netflix original um it's matt damon and adam driver oh my god yeah dude that's based off of the two is that based on your life that's yeah that is that actual i didn't know that yeah that is actually the movie is so good is the one that came out like a couple years ago yeah came out a couple years ago and like the whole concept of the movie is like uh matt daman and adam driver are like best friends and they're like the top knights that get sent out by the king to go like conquer shit yeah and eventually adam driver's character becomes more of like the political guy that stays back home and like does the political side and matt damon is like

the conqueror out in the field like just being gritty and gnarly and he like kind of builds a little bit of resentment and adam driver has the hots for matt damon's wife and he ends up um forcing himself upon her and on what that's what's crazy that is the different narrations of it and that's what actually happened one was oh he uh graped me the other was like no it was okay no this and so all three stories and they tell it really well adam driver was like no she wanted it and she's like so there's ambiguity of what happened kind of thing yeah but matt damon is like matt damon basically goes to his wife and is like just like basically did you you cheat on me or not, because I'm going to kill this guy if he didn't.

And she's like, I didn't cheat on you. And he challenged Adam Driver to basically a duel to the death to determine if he was guilty. And the movie ends with Matt Damon and Adam Driver having a night fight to the death. And it devolves into like a real knife fight of like swords and axes aren't effective on plate armor. We're having a grappling match with daggers. We're punching each other with gauntlets. Teeth are falling out. And then I stab you in the leg.

and then I'm stabbing you in the fucking crotch. So basically like both of them die. No, one of them does. I'll let you watch the movie. One of them definitely dies. I'm just thinking like in, what year is this roughly? 1600s?

14, 1600. I don't know. Nights. Yeah, this is. Knights in plate armor times. Bacteria is still magic. So it's like, after you get stabbed in the femoral and, you know, just like cut in 18 different places

while you're in like pig shit mud. Dude, the wife? No, the wife, they just lock her up and put her on a pedestal. It's like, hey, if your husband dies, we're hanging you and burning you. It's like, yeah, if your husband dies, like, you're getting burned for lying about it. So it was like, yeah. And she was pregnant at the time, too. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. It's a gnarly movie. Straight up like Bowser, Princess Peach shit. Yeah. She lost no matter what, like, that was the crazy thing. It was like the wife. And they're like, what a whore. And then the other side was like, well, well, either.

way she has to stand up here and stand in front of the court and watch this battle. Her husband's going to die or not. But if the husband wins she was innocent. She's fine. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, okay. But it tells like, that's what's crazy. It's all three perspectives. So her perspective is like,

oh, I'm getting raped. And then the Matt Damon's perspective, he doesn't like his wife. It's like, uh, he like hit her and on her kind of thing or like. It's back in the day when it was like she's property. So he like slaps her. It's like, why do you let the, Gray Papin, like, hits her. Why didn't you fight back?

Wild sentence? Yeah. Dude. It's a wild movie, but it's really good. We used to be a proper country. Well, this was... That wasn't our country. I don't care.

Dude. Same principles apply. Cody's like, let's go back to Preimanokta. That was pretty cool. Yeah, dude. Like, public hangings. Last dude. The town I graduated high school and had one of the last public hangings in the U.S.

Really? Oh, you know, last. or fucking two weeks ago, we just had the first public execution with the firing fire. Yeah. In a while, yeah.

In 2010, at least. They did want a while back in Idaho, but this was like the first one in a while. You know, because I mean, the guy was a shithead, but he was basically, he was like,

I don't want to die by injection because they mess it up sometimes. I don't want to die like by getting electrocuted because that would suck. Yeah, that would suck. Yeah, he's like, I just want to get shot. 105 howitzer, if you just, if I had a choice and I'm like, you're going to die, but okay,

lots and some buddies, get some YouTube. Oh, yeah, for sure. And then stand me in front of the 105 here. Jamie, pull up the grand thumb clip. Not the body. I want my head just like, right on. Oh, it don't matter. Nothing would make me happier than the last thing I see is some drive tanks guy,

borsighting in the back for it. Yeah, don't move, fucker. The last thing you hear is ears. You still go like this. Your arms are standing there still. You just freeze right. Your head's gone.

Jesus. Dude, I really don't understand how we don't have not even public execution, but public humiliation these days. The flogging. Yeah, we're like if you steal from your neighbor, we're going to let the town come by and just throw vegetables at you. The town, I,

And no one's going to steal after that. The town I graduated high school in, Charles City, Iowa, I think they had a public hanging in like 1959. Like, it was one of the most recent ones. There was a dude, I think he was, it was either murder or sexual assault. And basically, so like in the town, there's a river that runs midway through the town. There's two bridges. It's literally the courthouse and like 80 feet outside the courthouse door, which is also the jail. is one of the bridges, like Main Street Bridge.

Apparently, like 200 people just showed up to the jail one night, and we're like, we're taking that motherfucker. Are you letting us do it? Or are we going to make you let us do it? And the jailers were like, fucking, I guess you're taking him. And they walked him outside and threw them over the side of the fucking bridge. Based. Also, thank you make great first impressions, Don.

We've already hired you to beat the fuck out of our interns. HR. It's official. Hell, you'd hire anybody for that. Like the opening line was. Fenn could fuck up a two-car funeral. That's on a good day.

You're going to die, Finn. You're like, what I do, dog? So I asked you at breakfast, you got two daughters. Yeah. To which I immediately said, what was it like the first time they brought a boy home and you got kicked out of the house for that? I was already kicked out of the house.

who's your dad no one no we'll talk about your dad's name why don't you tell me your dad's name his nickname's the predator well the last name of fry should give some concern oh man oh hell my you got kicked out I got kicked out yeah my youngest daughter her I guess they don't talk about it you know because um you youngest daughter, her boyfriend didn't know anything about me, you know, for a while until my friend says, do you know who her dad is and what he did? No. He said, sit down. Let me show you this DDD. I was about to say him walking into your house, seeing like a trophy here and a ribbon there

and just like, I don't have those. Oh, fuck. I don't have those. You don't? No, no. They all disappeared in the divorce. A lot of my, a lot of my shit. More than a more. Half of it, some might say. Oh, more than half. That had to be a... Half I'd be happy. A f***en rude awakening, though, for that guy.

Yeah. Oh, shit. I'm alive because he wills it to be so. I can't break up with her. I'd tell you, if they can handle my daughters, then I'm nothing. I'll tell you. Imagine getting compared to your phone. father-in-law like that, your whole

life. You know, my dad would have done blah, blah, blah, blah. I bet. My dad can beat your dad up. I know. I got it. I understand that. You have no rebuttal other than that. There was, there's one, oh, it's such a funny

picture. It was like a normal dudes Instagram, like 50 followers, normal guys Instagram. Bigger, stockier, black, dude and he's very obviously at like a middle school wrestling tournament sitting on the chair on the mat coach and his kids and he just takes a selfie like this and in the background is Daniel Cormier looking at the mat and he goes, man, Daniel Cormier is the other team's coach. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

It just like went viral. You're screwed. Yeah. Go home. And I keep getting them sent to my PO box. So here's your Army Achievement. This guy has class A's. He has full class A's.

Is that what's? That's his. That was made for his. When you first walk into the door here. This is not the impressive part. This is the impressive part. I'm going to go ahead and have you read how this gentleman earned this Army Achievement Medal. He's reading it or I'm reading it?

You're reading that. The highlighted part. During AT in an act of selfless service and courage, SPC Moody decisively acted when an observation Post reported a bear quickly approaching their position. Without hesitation, SPC Moody fixed bayonet on his M-F, bro, what did he do? What the fuck? And proceeded to charge, they misspelled this.

This is the army, bro, and charged up the hill towards the bear, as SPC Moody confronted the bear with just his bayonet. on his M4 he managed to scare and distract the bear and provide I was thinking I was going to get to the end of this and he killed the bear with his bear hands he scared it off provided overwatch as other soldiers evacuated the observation post and returned safely to the company talk what a bunch of homopholes with bro he didn't kill the bear wait this is legit yes if he if he went revenant on that bear I would expect more than just an Army achievement at all. That's fucking hilarious. Well, the funny thing was, you know they were training

so he didn't have ammunition, so he fixed bayonets and confronted a fucking bear. That is the crazy part. We're rolling, you know? Was it a black bear? Where is this out of? Oh, this isn't a gay guy? Where is it out of?

He confronted the beer. No, it's just a black bear. I don't know. I didn't it say. The bear tried to do five. violently fuck him Ohio says

it's probably leather no Nick in a gipsuit running at them like to be fair I would also

fix me in ass that's wild what year was this 2021 what? Yeah April 16th 2021

that sounds like an M14 World War II story M4 M4 on M4 confronted

the bear bayonet on his m4 i was thinking i was going to get to the end of that and he he stabbed the bear yeah he just scared the bear you get more than an army achievement medal if you kill a bear with a bayonet that's well it's a black bear i don't care black bears are pretty they're pretty tame ain't they i mean they're it's like black bears are big raccoons essentially yeah yeah it's like bear in the woods or man in the woods who would have wanted rather get caught with you just had the showdown right there i just like it's like he managed to scare distract the bear and provided Overwatch as soldiers evacuated.

Like, go, go! No one's helping him. They're like ex-filling out. It's like a mission. What? To be fair, if you fixed bayonets and confronted a bear, I would like, I would be, hold on. He's got this.

Moody's got this shit, dude. I don't want to ruin the moment, you know. You're trying to shine. down 100% I'm up, he sees me I want to hear that whole story. There's more to that story than that. Oh, for sure. There's way more to that story than that.

So you got a full on How many is that now? Oh, God, I don't know. Army Achievement medals, like 30. He's a fake Medal of Honor. Clint Romas-Shay. We've got Clint's challenge going up there still. Damn. Well, someone sent me their grandfather's

World War II medals to my P.O. box for him. Straight up. And these are, like, rad accommodations, too. Like, he was a gunner on a plane, I believe. Yep. Like, smoked a bunch of German planes. And our buddy sent us, sent me, sent him to my P.O. box. And so Brandon now has World War II medals.

Which we've, like, specifically asked people, like, okay, I get the joke and I get the part of the joke is that I'm not supposed to like this. Please don't send me family heirlooms. Please don't send me family heirlooms. I do not want family heirlooms. For the love of God, keep that in your family. even if you don't give a shit about it, like your kids might. Like, come on. Don't send family heirlooms.

But if you have family heirlooms to see and just go steal some from a museum and send them. Yeah. You know about it. Send them on the stolen property. Oh, no. So last night we were doing a party, like one of the parties here, but it was at the Trump. And a lot of great people in there. We were hanging out with, you know, Matt Best.

Don Jr. was there. Just a bunch of good people. Just, you know, hanging out saying, hey. press the flash and just up talking some biz and time goes that we're like we wanted to stay there for 15 minutes we ended up staying for like an hour good minute good minute there it was

it was bad it was probably it doesn't it doesn't help when junior's feeding you fucking white claw that was funny yeah he's like I like white claw you guys like white claw I was like yeah dude right here yeah thank you before this meeting started it was like 30 soft 15 just in and out

But then I watched that area I was like It wasn't like years past though Which is nice Like it wasn't like shoulder to shoulder Like it was breathable Yeah Christian Craighead was there

Oh boy Oh he won and I rode Terry Yeah yeah Terry was there too Yeah a bunch of just a bunch of good people But anyway we were all like bailing out

We're fucking tired It's like okay We need to leave And I'm staying there this year So I went and I door dash Some McDonald's or whatever Something nice and safe So you don't get food poisoning

Yeah McDonald's safe Cody. We have so many stories. Oh, no. But I go, like, my DoorDash is there. And apparently, because, you know, Don Jr. and everybody's there, like, the security. Like, they cut it off. So, like, I had to go meet the DoorDash driver. Run out the street, grab the McDonald's. I get back to the room. And I open it up. I'm like, they fucked up my fucking order.

I wake up this morning. And I go and check the bag. And it says, I'm not. going to say the name but it's it's it's a name that's not me and i was like ooh maybe they didn't fuck up the the order maybe i just stole somebody's macdonalds and then i'm telling the story at lunch at breakfast yeah so so junior's assistant uh so we're sitting in the lobby to tell you what's happening brandon and i were sitting in the lobby and brandon goes to get his mcdonalds and so junior's assistant comes out and he's like oh is brandon leaving i was no, he's grabbing his McDonald's. He's like, oh, I'm grabbing

McDonald's for Junior. I was like, okay, cool. He was like, yeah, Junior just really wanted to McDonald's for him and his friend, like, whatever. And Brandon stole fucking Trump Jr.'s McDonald's. Oh, dude. I am so sorry. God.

Because we didn't find out. He was like, wait, what? Because I guess Braden, you walked by Cody. He's like, good at a good night. And then the sister was like, oh, someone started. or McDonald's. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Because, like, I went out to go fucking,

my thing said, like, okay, your Uber is here. Like, okay, cool. Like, oh, yeah, crap. Who else is going to be here ordering McDonald's at this hour of night? Come on. And it turns out Don Jr.

The love for McDonald's runs in the family, apparently, yeah. Well, they're like, Brandon's like, well, the name said this. It goes like, yep, that's his sister's his name. And then, right, like, so thanks for inviting us to your party. I'm so sorry we've fucking nabbed your McDonald's.

Yeah. So Jack's like, hey, dude, and I'd been friends with Jack. Actually, Jack and I were roommates. I've moved into his guest house for like, I don't know, a year and a half and lived in his guest house. Great, great, great guy. A great shooter, too. Great guy. Great guy.

I mean, dude, Jack can tell you some stories. I mean, Jack was, you know, partying at like 14 years old on. sunset with Paris Hilton and dude he's got some crazy stories he put it this way he was in rehab at 18 literally in rehabit 18 but um legend so jack's like hey dude you want to you want to come you know guard Aussie or you know my dad and I for the show that they were doing called the world detour which I don't know if you ever saw it it was a great show on nat Geo I believe don't quote me on it maybe discovery I don't remember and basically it was just them doing it's just Jack and Ozzy drive around basically doing

learning history and kind of doing cool stuff. I don't know how I'll describe it. And Ozzy, by the way, Ozzy is a huge military history fanatic, by the way. Like, Ozzy loves military history. I remember showing up one time, Ozzie opens the door, and he's like, I'm watching Vietnamese.

That's a good a person. He's like, I'm watching, he's like, I'm watching Vietnamination. He's like, I'm watching Vietnam. we go inside and Jack and I watch freaking Vietnam in HD for like four hours with Ozzy and like he knew his stuff anyways

so I was like sure dude I'll come and you know I was doing body gurney I'd come too so now I'm bodyguarding Jack dude dude I'm body ready so you should

you should absolutely have Jack on the show he can tell you your stories 100% blow your mind back and Ozzy more than welcome Come on. A white Sabbath. White Sabbath. So basically, freaking, I'll tell the Mars one because it's pretty crazy.

So the guy who ran- just, stop, just go. What's it called? Houston, Houston, we have a problem. NASA. The guy who ran NASA at Houston, I guess, was a huge Black Sabbath fan. So somehow they got in contact. You were going to say Nazi. But he's based on that.

Operation Paperclip was a mother. That's more on the covert. So then you names convention centers after So he invites Ozzy and Jack to Houston to the NASA you know, whatever the space center I think it's called the NASA Space Center down there

basically carte blanche, do whatever you want and film it. So they do all kinds of stuff. We got a great tour. Jack and I literally talked to an astronaut for like two hours. It was awesome. It was a great. I learned a lot. Well, one of the things they had Ozzy do was drive the Mars rover. And I'm not joking.

They put Ozzy Osbourne in control of the Mars rover. On Mars. No. Sort of. Oh, no, no. It's here, right? So basically... I didn't know if it was just, like, remotely piloted it.

No, no. It was like... It was a sweet joke. So, by the way, this is... Dude, if you say that, you're joking right now, but you're not... The Dukes of Mars. So it's called... I believe it was called the Mars rover.

If it wasn't, then... That's one emphasis. Yeah, but it's this vehicle built for Mars. It's not a, it's a drivable. It's actually more like, and we can look it up on the episode or you guys can, but it's basically the Mars truck. It was a truck designed for Mars when humans are there. Oh, yeah.

So not like the curiosity. No, no, no, not curiosity. I think they called it the Mars. You didn't drive it. Yeah, but it's actually like an SUV, Mars SUV. I forget what the name was. And they basically had built, you know, in outside, they'd built this, you know, four football field side.

area that had red dust and rocks and it looks like Mars and obviously you know that they built it so they put Ozzie in there now the best part is I'm I'm not in the vehicle in the vehicle is like the guy who knew the vehicle the best Ozzie and Jack right they're all miced up we're you know 200 yards away they said they could it could go over anything and I'm standing with like six engineer straight up nerds from NASA right that like built the thing and the producer and you know a couple other people and we're listening we can hear everything and And it's like, yeah, so this vehicle is incapable of getting stuck. Right?

In the business, we called it's bullshit. And that's the thing is this whole sequence was like it was planned. I was there. Dude, this sequence was not planned. They were like, it's like the unsinkable Molly Brown, this vehicle cannot get stuck, etc. It's got six wheels. Each one's independent suspension. Each one has its own front and reverse.

And they're going on about how, what an engineering. marvel this vehicle is right and so i can just picture ozies like hmm okay challenge accepted right and these engineers are like whispering hey yeah he's gonna you know there's nothing it's it's unstoppable it's the best they ever and they're just whispering in the background some they let and that guy drives around a little bit then they give the controls for ozzie i shit you not for whatever fucking reason these guys put in this area a rock as big as this fucking take table. Just in the middle of the fucking thing. Now, Ozzy starts driving about 100 yards away from it. How fast does this thing go? Not fast, but not slow. It's like maybe 15 miles an hour.

Bicycle speed. Fast enough for you to know where this is going. I'm watching it drive and it just occurs to me he's going to head straight for that fucking rock. Right. Now, it's also pretty obvious to me that no one had ever headed straight for that rock. It's there as like, hey, that's an obstacle, obviously drive around it. Right? No one's like that, that rock is not here for you to drive it. It's obviously that everyone goes around it. You would obviously go around it. Well, you tell Ozzie that thing can go over anything. He's going to freaking go over anything. So he's driving straight at it. And it occurs to me, I'm like, oh shit, this is not going to work out well. the engineer is in behind me as it gets about 50 yards away are like he's not no no and I'm like

oh yes he is dude he hits that thing straight on it starts going up and you just start hearing the whispering oh it'll be fine you know oh this is going to take that no one's ever went over that before yeah but it's designed for it blah blah blah blah blah and he freaking goes up on it and then he gets on top of it and then nothing and dude the panic starts very slowly it's like one engineer going it'll be off in a second it'll be off in a few seconds right and it just starts building and like over the course of a minute you just hear these engineers go from like absolute confidence to absolute panic they're like oh my god you're like no way did he like and by the way i'm missing a piece i should have said in the

beginning in the beginning it i forget how much but it was like a crazy amount of money, like $5 billion that they had spent on this vehicle. Right. It was an insane amount of a small country. It was in that same, it was, yeah, it was an obscene amount of money, right? Dude, these guys just start freaking out. He's on it for, you know, I don't know, I just have to watch the episode. He's on it for like two minutes and ain't moving at all.

And it's this huge boulder. It looks ridiculous. It's just like balanced on top of it. Meanwhile, one of the Doge guys is watching this podcast, just like, Mars Trump, no go, right? And so long story short, they finally freaking, you know, he has to give control over it to the engineer. And that guy, like, adjust the pressure, deflates the time.

I mean, he literally was on there for like three minutes. And finally, he got it off. But, dude, like, Ozzy stuck the Mars freaking rover. No doubt about it. I watched it happen. It was a great episode, dude. you gotta see it um so the FBI story real quick I like that was a secondary

yeah well that was all the ones we have that was all in build up right all right so the FBI story is we're at the FBI so somehow Jack can and the producers convince them to go to the FBI again random so I'm at the FBI Academy again this is what like Quantico uh yeah Quantico yeah and we found out when you're friends with certain people yeah you can go anywhere

We're old choice here. Redacted, redacted. We're at the FBI Academy, and they're doing all this different stuff that showed some history stuff, the guns, all this. And now we're at the, which is pretty famous, which is the FBI's quote-unquote Hogan's Alley, right? So it's like their little tactical training portion, which is very world-renowned, right? And so their shooting instructor starts, or this guy starts doing this briefing. And he's like, yeah, so, you know, this is our Hogan's alley. Basically, they were showing, like, the FBI's training process, right?

And they start saying, like, okay, so this is our Hogan's Alley. It's very famous. And this is, like, the hardest part of the shooting call for the FBI, which is true. Or at least I'm told. And then he's like, you know, and this is our lead shooting instructor. Now, here's a huge mistake that he made. He's like, this is our leading shooting instructor. He is the best shooter at the FBI.

Like, he's the lead shooting instructor. Nobody could beat him. He's just amazing. And I'm like, awesome. Ozzy Osborne beat him. No, so then they go, you know, who here, now we're going to do, you know, who here,

you're not, you're not a blacker's gunned you're not far off. So then they go, you know, who here, now we're going to do a little bit of training. Who here wants to volunteer?

Well, it's Jack and Ozzie are the only two people on the show. So Ozzy is like, oh, Jack, so it was, I want to shoot the big gun. It was pretty obvious to me. me that no one on the show briefed the FBI that Jack is a great shooter oh he's a really good I've shot with Jack a million times in fact Jack and I that's how we met we met shooting on

the range so Jack is a really legit shooter he's also really good at jujitsu right so and to give reference when you're decent shot how many rounds have you probably shot in your me oh I I don't know. I literally used to shoot a thousand rounds a day. That's no joke. When it was free. When it was free.

That is the big indicator. Free for the time period of his life. Free for me. I used to shoot a thousand rounds a day. Yeah, that's true. To be fair, I'd rather spend the money as a taxpayer making sure you can train with free ammo than $5 billion on a truck

that gets stock up. Ozzie Oswald, he crashes into a wrong. buttons don't get me wrong don't get me wrong I love crazy train but I don't want him driving the Mars

if they were smart over the episode they should have played crazy train over the freaking thing they could have got the license so basically it was obvious to me that no one told the FBI

that Jack is like a really good shooter so you know Jack's like oh you know I'll do it And I mean, dude, if you could have seen the, it's on camera, but the FBI, the agent that was like the shooting instructors, dude, he was just so, so confident. You know what I mean? Like, oh, this Hollywood, you know, music royalty, rich kid, I'm going to smoke this guy. He's like, so they get Sims pistols, Sims clocks, right? And they're doing four.

Again, I got to watch the episode. I don't remember exactly, but I'm sitting there. Oh, here's a critical part. For the sake of the audience, sim munition, like sim pistols, oh, yeah, sorry. Right, so it's a, I believe they were using Glock 19s, if I remember correctly using, it was either Sims or FTX, Force, I don't remember. But it's basically shooting a paint, a plastic paint bullet for like a return. So the gun is fucking, and they hurt more than a handball. They do hurt, but they function, it's a real gun, just has a Sims barrel and obviously Sims bullets, right?

And which have a generally a, well, it's a unique casing, but it's a plastic bullet with paint in the plastic. Or a variation depending on the brand. So they get the gut and I, I'm with the lead producer and I just like see this and I just saw, I based everything. First of all, I knew how good Jack was, but I saw the FBI dude, his overconfidence. And I just went to the producer and I go, mark my words, Jack's going to beat this guy. And they set up four drills and I don't even remember what they are. They do the first one. Dude, out of four drills and can, you know, clock the show for hours.

actors here. From what I remember, of the four drills, Jack won, I believe, three out of the four. And the one, if I'm not mistaken, that the FBI agent won, he cheated. You so mad. How'd he cheat? I'm trying to remember, but he did something that wasn't in the rules. I don't remember what it was, but it was like, I don't remember what it was. But I just remember watching it and being like, that wasn't in the rules, right? But this, again, the one he won, after he lost, then he started getting panicking and worried, and then he started cheating.

But the other part is, the other best part is one of the four drills, I think on one of the ones he lost, the FBI agent shot the cameraman. Yeah, with Sims, with the Sims bullet. Pulled a regular Allen. Maybe it was a little bit,

maybe it was a little bit, maybe it was a little bit, maybe it was a little bit rusty. Oh, wow, yeah, go back, really. Good. Dear God. How did they shoot the cameraman? Miss Jack went wide and shot the cameraman.

But, yeah, super easy when you have a done. Jack. Jack crushed him in the drills. And again, I don't even remember exactly what they are, but Jack crushed him. And I was just like, I was like, dude, this guy had no idea what he was getting into. Dude, Jack trains a lot. So it was pretty funny. but that was my uh i mean look man it comes down to it's like you know you're talking law enforcement

federal law enforcement um you know anywhere in my experience it's like dude you got to be humble and just because you got three letters behind your name or just because you were at a certain unit or or agency or whatever dude it doesn't make you better than than anyone else you know what I mean? Every case, every person, every situation is, is unique and individual. And, dude, there are good people in, you know, the higher you get to in the more prestigious units or three-letter places, the less bad people there are. But there's still bad people. There's good people and bad people at every unit, every agency, you know, whatever. And just because you're in a place that maybe has an elite, you know, name or title or image, it doesn't make you

better than everyone else. And anyone can beat you and there's someone always better. The vast majority of the friends or the people that I've met that I have been part of those like tier one units and stuff like that. There are some exceptions. Don't get me wrong, but like those are usually the most laid back chill guys. They don't have a bunch of shit to prove. Yeah. You never know. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I know one of my, one of my best friends. I mean, dude, he is the baddest dude in the world. He's done everything. And that's a you would you know

he would he never wear a shirt that says strong like whiskey for the time no but if he was hearing you guys you guys would have no idea he's just the most chill

non you know it's it's the the people that you think are you know the the the best among us are the people that you never expect warrior's heart owner

like Tom? Yeah, Tom's a machine. Dude, Tom is one of the most unassuming humans you will ever, ever meet. And you're like, and then you talk to him and you're like, oh, yeah, mom. I had that moment last time I was here. We got down filming one podcast. You're like, yeah, we're going to go to the pre-range day party for like 30 minutes.

And we're going to come back and film a podcast with Terry. And I was like, okay, dope, who's Terry? And he's like, oh, it's that guy right over there that was like watching the whole previous podcast. And I was like, okay, dope. nice to meet you Terry, boy, I come over here. Where the fuck is Terry? And he's like, oh, he's a guy that saved Captain Phillips. Oh, okay.

Oh, he got it so chill. Like, we hung out with him for the entire fucking day. Didn't know a damn thing. Like, obviously you could tell, like, for the look of the guy. He's like, okay, he's been there and done some shit. But, like, he'd never be the one to tell you. No, Tom, Tom is that way. I mean, I was in, you know, in, we were in the same,

military well yeah I'm trying to do no shit when you break it down we were in you know a smaller unit together is what I'm trying to say

we high fived each other in the hallways well we were you know a lot of guys you know you don't see because you're on opposite you know places and you just never see him

but Tom I you know I was with and he was much closer than other people were so I saw firsthand I mean he's just he's the baddest dude out there And again, you would never expect it in a conversation with him.

But he's, he's a machine. I did, to be honest, though, if I'm being perfectly honest, while I was there, I thought Tom was like, I'm like, this guy's way too chill. Like, dude, Tom is. You know what is it? Yeah, I was like, I was like, I honestly, I remember back then thinking, man, why is this? And I'm, dude, I was young fucking, you know, young moron. But I just remember like, how is this guy so stoic?

You know, I remember thinking that back then. And then when I was at Warrior's Heart and I was actually talking to Tom and I've kind of talked him about then I was like, dude, I didn't know because I didn't. I'm like, I didn't know that you got sober like, I think in the early 2000s, if I'm not mistaken. So I'm like, I didn't know that about you. And that would have, to me, that kind of solved that stoicism mystery of that time. Like he had already gone through so much personal development, so much personal growth. he was already on like another zen level yeah um i hadn't even not only was i not there i

hadn't even like i hadn't even been an asshole yet before i mean like i still had to become an asshole and then achieved you know some level of personal growth he he would already been through the whole thing so yeah he's he's a great dude he's a super cool dude with you like a j with your side what was one of the stories like probably you've heard tyler or another person tell where you're like Jesus. Fuck, what the fuck? Man,

I mean, there's there was... Can I say this real quick though? Okay. You got to understand. He tells me stories. Like, it's not me saying stories that I'm like, that he's like,

oh, that's crazy combat story. I hear his Hollywood stories, bro. And I'm like, that's the craziest shit I've ever heard. My stories are fucking stupid compared to his stories. Tell you what I... fucking Hollywood stories.

Bro. How many kids in that basement? No way. So I put, I do a man in the middle attack, allegedly. I should always say allegedly before these things. People always get at me and they're like, you shouldn't admit to this because people will arrest you for this. And I was like, here's the thing. No one will press charges for this, okay?

The guy in Nigeria is not going to press charges, but he doesn't know who I am or where I am. So it really doesn't matter. Also, you're a comedian and everything you say is an ingest. It is, of course. Just. Keep that in mind. Anyway, so yeah, so a man in the middle attack may or may not happen. I pull his username and password. His password is happy man for life. And you know what? I like a man that's trying to aspire. Happy man for now. Yeah. And that was correct. So I'm like, what are the odds he has two factor on? Low, because they create so many of these accounts. So I get into his Google account and I've got access to everything. I turn on his location. I can see which device he's using. I can see his phone. I can see everything. But my favorite part is I can see his Google search history.

And this dude is the loneliest scammer in the history of scammers. Guys, it was just a freaking list of followed by what is Mormon. They was just like, he was trying to figure out what, like he had never met Mormons before. And apparently he was trying to scam somebody, I guess, and out of Utah. And so he's Googling, what is Mormon? Harry Stiles height. Nile Horan height. Like, it was.

More than the crossover. He was trying to start a stable of hose. He was, yeah. He had his own harem, but it wasn't going well for it. Harry Stiles Mormon gangbeng. I'm horrified at how good AI is getting because that's going to be a prompt at some point. Oh, it probably already could be. Oh, we're all horrified.

Anyway. Man-made horrors beyond our comprehension involving Harry Styles. Yeah, poor Harry Styles. He's not ready for this. That's, oh, that's taking things in quite a few different directions, not just one. So you had all this information now, and now you're like, okay, I have his Google search history, which is absolutely terrifying. So, by the way, yeah, I had bait him in. I had pretended, because I couldn't be the normal accounts that I'm on, which are normally like older guys or different types of people.

So I became a college girl named Sophie. I was 19. My parents were super overbearing. And so, and I just want to talk to Nile about my life. And Nile just wants gift cards for me. And for me to set up a crypto trade, don't know what's going on there. But I send him first off, because he was super rude to Sophie.

And I was like, first off, I'm not Sophie. Second off, don't you dare talk to Sophie that way. Okay, that is ridiculous. That is absurd. And I go, third. And he goes, I would never be rude to a woman. And I send him his search history. And I go, a bit of a wanker, aren't you?

Now, he starts to panic. And I'm excited. And then I send him. him his location and he blocks me, which is sad until you realize that I'm still in his Google account. So I unblock myself and go, nice try. And he panics and panic deleted everything he had. And I was like, that was incredibly satisfied. You know he burnt his house down, right? Yeah, I hope so. It was five minutes later, he's like, it's just some shirtless Indian dude in his front yard burning his clothes. I don't know about this. Yeah. Could have just had an

Extract the Asian guy. Yeah. Take it, bitch. Oh, man. I want to talk about John's lore this summer, Nick. Oh, boy. What? John's going to be going to camp with Nick for a couple weeks this summer.

Send to Iowa. Two, three weeks. Forget. Yeah. Send to Dagestan, two, three years. Forget. Dagestan two years. Wait, okay.

What's going on? John's going to come do Jiu Jitza and learn to sell T-shirts. Yeah, John's going to live with him for two or three weeks. And they're going to sell. t-shirts and do jiu-jitsu he's going to camp out here yeah no john's making the shirts he's like he's like quag duck okay oh that's that's interesting okay that's why you brought it up when we were talking about asian guy yeah because like yeah just like like straight suffering that's what i'm talking about he's going to go with nick he's going to learn how to how to suffer and

and weave t-shirts quack bang t-shirts on his own that's going to be good when do you get him I don't know. And whenever Somers stars. Yeah, whenever he wants, really. I love this. I can roll now, so we're good. Yeah. It's going to be selling all your t-shirts.

It's like the fucking Dave Chappelle bit. Like, I got a whole ass sweatshop down there. It just means Cody's going to start selling some merch for once. Damn. God. Oh. Jesus. Taking poison.

My heart and my soul. Taking poison damage. Oh. One, one, one. Oh. He's going to come back a little monster. I hope so. He's big enough kids.

He's about your size now, man. He is not 260. Yeah, I know. You know what? He's getting there. He's bigger than me. I don't know. He'd beat Conner.

My sons, but. I love you. Don't set me up to hurt you like that. We were at Top Golf the other day. He was fucking John and Connor were getting into it just like shit talking each other. He's like, am I going to have to fucking fight a 16-year-old? And I'm like, I would recommend striking because I'm not confident about your odds

if he gets you on the ground. Well, I mean, sometimes, you know, we'll be at the house. We'll have a couple drinks to us and be like, all right, fight John. And John's like an animal. Not compared to Nick, but just bring out the rancourt.

John has some ground game on them. So I'm excited to send him to Nick's place for a couple weeks just to have some fun. Do that be a corn? Fuck every time. Cody comes down from his room with John on a leash. It's like hopper, the crazy grasshopper from a bug's life, tore him away from his animate, beat up your friends. Every fucking time we get drunk, running around.

Having a child is basically like having a Pokemon, essentially. Watch it fight people. John, use claw attack. John use claw attack. The sooner you beat up Uncle Connor, the sooner you can get back to your hentai. John, get back. He'd just throw a rock at his head. him out.

Painting red and white with a circle on it. John used boulder. Yeah. John used 9-mill. Just throw a gun next to him. Dun, dun, done, done, done. Oh, God, he's learning from my cop date. John, throw an unregistered firearm near him.

John uses an unregistered firearm. I don't. Nobody is six. how to fight. I don't know if this is like brown great ground breaking internet shit but like black belt at six is breaking news. Nick the fat

electrician says he can take any six year old this is true. I'd do it. Pay me and if I'll beat the shit out of six year old. Line them up on all the blackbells one punch. Call up team star how many can I fight for how much money? I always never understood

the idea of giving kiddos black belts was like they can defend themselves I like Jiu-Jitsu. You're not even allowed to be a blue belt until you're 16. It's not allowed. You know why? Before that, you don't have testosterone or anything. Like, an adult attacks you.

All right, if we do the beating children up competition, we got to take 34% of the revenue for ourselves. Oh, yeah, right. We'll call it, I don't know, creator clash four. Fuck them kids. We could probably make that so much money. We do donate it to all great causes, though. I feel like that's going to be a Russian sport in the future. It's like a mobile game ad.

It's just a child fighting rings that we're talking about starting. But it's adult beating the show. Oh, God, yeah. Or as they called it, my house growing up, Disappointed. I promise we're good people. I just got motherfucking MP7 Hell yeah

Not a fake one No not like a Tommy built clone or anything A real Like factory HK MP7 And Cody Didn't know I was fucking bidding on it No man It's promoting it to his stream the entire week like

Look there's an MP7 for sale Look how high it's gonna get Yeah I'm sitting there refreshing The website the entire time I'm like man who is bidding on this I'm getting on this Two weeks after bidding, he calls me and he's like, oh, go to the MP7.

I didn't even know your ass was bidding on the MP7. It was the last day, like two hours from it. I'm like, it's a 20 grand right now. Like, I might get it. You're like, wait, you were bidding on that? Brandon's like, I hope no one's watching this. Cody's like, here, here, 26, we got 26, 27, 27, 28. It's like, no, no, why is this going up so fast?

Yeah, I was showing that as several thousand people a day. for two weeks. I didn't know it was you bidding the highest on it. Thanks, bud. That was expensive. Buy their wife a boutique. So she has something to do to resell Amazon jewelry so they can fuck the babysitter. And it's a tax write off, right?

Can't they use that? Yeah. It makes sense. Haven't you guys, haven't you guys seen the meme for income levels? The what? The meme for income levels where it's like both parents are working. One parent works with a stay-at-home parent. One

parent works and spends a bunch money and it's like the top highest income level is one parent works and the other one has a business that loses $80,000 a year. Yeah. All of those shops, it's money laundering. I don't really know what money laundering means. Clint's convinced that they're in the back. Yeah. So we all know something's up.

No one's buying $500 tops like ever. Exactly. Thank you. It's dead. Any time I've ever walked in, it's dead. Yeah. Going in and out. How do you keep this open?

It doesn't make any sense. From a person who has a business in downtown Bernie. Right. Trust me, no one's buying shit. Yeah. A lot of flight traffic there. Yeah. You're just like right off Main Street too.

It's really close. But you know it's like it's for fun, right? Yeah. Like, like, 5-0 skate shop. That's for fun. Because I always wanted to have a skate shop. It's not making me any fucking money. It's breaking even every single month.

I will tell you guys that, honestly. But walking down Bernie, like one time I just decided to walk. like like just just down the main street they're like 27 fucking boutiques and they're selling this like you were saying the same shit just like Amazon shit yeah they all order from the same people for sure yeah there's literally the same yeah different yeah yeah we had to get used to we clearly don't look like Bernie people of Bernie we love you guys they have no idea what you're talking about yeah I walk in with all my tattoos at the school and the mom's right that's true

We do have that going for us. Yeah. That's about me. The next quote. Roll it back. You look like we had that going for us. Shit. Put that on the fucking mobson.

Why is this on your resume? I'm white. Privilege, please. You all are going to make you. We're in your business cards. White card wrangler. That's right. Name, phone, number, email.

That's it. White. Do you have my? it's the cover letter yeah it's quite the town I mean I love it it's nice and safe for our kids but it's a great place to raise kids

definitely yeah the fucking the one bar that we go to sometimes I've got the card oh the upstairs one yeah we'll just take the hard to go up there yeah and sometimes they're like do you belong here that's my favorite it's like you're saying with a tattoo

yeah like what I'm going way back to like the baddy days of like first moving to San Antonio and whatnot, like years and years and years ago, when we all went out to that fucking nice, like, uh, really nice steak joint. Yes. I didn't do. Yeah. We all, like, all the guys got up to go use the restroom.

And because like, we're not dressed like, were you wearing a come shirt? I wasn't. Uh, were any of you? A lot of cut off sleeves, tattoos, everything. They body blocked the front door. And others stood in front of the door. Escorted us. Escorted us.

because I was like, hey, where's the restroom? We'll take you. It's like, two people ask or is like, is they don't you're going to run from this fucking place? There's a bunch of Mexicans and white dudes with tattoos. They can't afford this place. They thought we were going to run out on them. And yeah, fucking did that.

We were the only ones in flip-flop shorts, t-shirts. Everyone else, this is like suits, dining out, like an event. They're like, what are you celebrating tonight? I don't know. Thursday. We're hungry. Yeah. we dropped in

I wanted good food that's enough room of slacks gingham t-shirt with a puffer vest on that's casual Bernie for sure that's the upscale casual burning geez they sought me at the fucking the dealership that one time the Ferrari dealership right there

did I ever tell you about that one? No yeah so I had just gotten back from from Key West I had driven a Ferrari around like an exotic car dealership Oh yeah yeah yeah because it's you and Chuck right Yeah me and Chuck Liddell like we went to a Florida right

yeah down in Key West that is where Key West is yeah and so they I didn't hear that part I was like oh did you put that I'm also retarded I'm sorry

they were really cool about it and they gave us they gave me and Chuck a yellow Ferrari to drive around Key West for the weekend we were like super grateful for it we drove it around I get back here to San Antonio

and I go to that that dealership right next to the right out the highway right yeah yeah yeah next right off the highway the mazalian place yeah yeah so like i i was kind of thinking about like i like ferrari's a lot and so i went in there and i was walking around and every single person in their office would like yeah they would look at me and go mm and like dude i'm i'm seriously looking at ferrari's right now and you're missing on a commission bro every single person would look at me and go mm-mm you didn't get help for like 30 minutes or an hour i didn't get help at all oh like even more

I was wearing a t-shirt in a backwards hat, and I was like, hey, I just want to check out this car right here and every single one of them. We pulled up to buy a Nick's Toyota and a McLaren. That's pretty funny. They can't ignore you when you do that, I guess. That's pretty funny. Sir. I'll never forget when I was like, I don't know, fucking 19. There was a Lamborghini dealership passed where I had to drive a bunch, and I showed up one day like just as a

19 year old kid in a fucking t-shirt and then for whatever reason i was doing something where i had to wear like a suit and the difference in treatment between just like being a kid in a t-shirt and a kid in a fucking like full suit yeah immediately everybody wants to talk to you i got a free fucking notepad like you know shit they're like oh yeah don't have this have this whatever it's like wow and we never do that as individuals policing or anything smiling. I would be the same dude at a Lambeau dealership. I'm like 99% that dude with the backwards hat and shorts ain't buying a fucking Lambo. Just trying to get a test drive. Get his ass out of it. If you're just a 1% donut, I'm like,

I missed the commission. God damn. You know we would all do the same fucking. Nick walks in with a, this shirt. I'm walking into places. That's my favorite. I feel like you have a much more honest conversation that way. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, 100%. It's way better. All the time.

That's funny. It's a hard one. You know, stereotypes exist for a reason, I guess. See, I was just... Only hot takes here. Spacewalk was awesome. We spent two years building a suit. And we started with the intravehicular suit,

which is a suit you see all the astronauts wear when they, you know, it's an IBA suit when they get in the spacecraft. And really, it's just a last line defense. You get a fire. you take a micrometeoride orbital debris like look there's a billion bullets whizzing around in space paint ships that come off of a satellite and they're traveling 17,500 miles an hour and there's a lot of energy when they hit a vehicle and they can go right through it so you take a hole in the spacecraft oh thank goodness I got the suit on it pressurizes let's come home and it's emergency but that is not a suit

you do a spacewalk in you don't walk on the moon or Mars in it because when that thing puffs up and fully pressurize you're like the marshmallow man you can't move so we had to start with that and put joints in, you know, bearing rotator cuffs, you know, in the shoulders and the wrists, you know, gloves that actually had dexterity so that you could actually hold tools because what's the whole point here? The point is if you get to the moon or Mars, you get outside your spaceship and you discover things and you build things and repair things. So two years, the best minds there built an incredible suit. We took it into a vacuum chamber at NASA. We knew it worked. We developed a whole pre-breathed to de-nitrogenate so we didn't have, you know,

basically the bends are decompression sickness, and we went out and it was cool as hell. That's something you have to worry about, is decompression sickness? 100%. No shit. Yeah. Okay. Because I know like, so bends, like when you're doing deep sea diving and stuff like that, that's something you have to worry about because you have like multiple atmospheres worth of pressure.

You have to worry about that in zero-g? Yeah, I mean, basically high to low is always the problem. So high pressure, low pressure, generally building up more nitrogen unless you've denitrogenated your body. And then you go low pressure, and that's your opening the can of soda. So when you're scuba diving, you know, you go down like three, four atmospheres, whatever. You've got, you know, you're breathing normal air. You're loading up nitrogen your system. You return to the surface and you're begging all those bubbles to come out of solution.

That's what causes joint pain. And it can, that's type 1. DCS is joint pain. Type 2 is you can have cerebral issues, cardiac issues and such. So think about it in the spacewalk. We're going from normal atmosphere, like one atmosphere, to zero, except whatever's in your suit pressure. So you're going high to low and you absolutely can get DCS. People during testing got DCS and when we were, you know, not any of the crew members,

but there was a whole testing regime of how to de-nitrogenate because we had no airlock. That's kind of key is on the space shuttle space station, you have an airlock. So you got an airlock, you can go and breathe 100% oxygen, not worry about creating an environment where you could have a fire. We didn't have that. We had to throw air atmosphere, so we had to figure out a way to not breathe 100% oxygen for a while and create a fire hazard. So our risk for DCS was higher.

But we figured it out And obviously we had no DCS hits But I mean even you read Michael Collins book You know on the Apollo 11 mission He talked about he would get type 1 DCS on his Gemini mission And then his Apollo mission It's just he was Just physiologically he was more susceptible to it

Oh shit He didn't know what that time I don't know I think he knew he's like He feel for you He knew but he was like You know he's a fighter pilot and he's like I'm not telling anyone I tell anyone I get

I'm susceptible to this like I'm getting pulled from the rotation Oh dude that is true with the government. I'm going to lie about everything. Vommit blood. That was grape juice. I'm fine. It's like, that's my spleen.

So what was then walking out, though, and doing that spacewalk? So now you built the suit, and then you guys are up there and gals, and now it's like, okay. Yeah, so it was short. We basically, the whole operation was just under two hours. We each had eight minutes outside the vehicle. The reason is we're breathing 100% oxygen. We had to bring all our own tanks for this. There's no airlocks.

way or atmosphere so we had to repressurize the vehicle. So we didn't have much time out there and I'll tell you it was not what I expected. So I'd went up before, we had the cupola on my first mission, which was the biggest continuous window in space. And I'm like, I've seen the most beautiful thing you can imagine from space. It's probably going to look like that. And I was wrong. It was so much more intense. It was this big sensory thing because not only did you have that visual stimulus of like you, you know, you poke your head out and you're seeing Earth right in your face you've got all that you got the noise of the oxygen flowing in you got temperature you're cold as hell um we were worried about overheating so it was like extra oxygen coming in to really cool

you down you got the exertion of moving against uh a suit pressurized to 5.2 you know PSI so even any movement was was exertion uh and it and it just was overwhelming come in but it was uh it was awesome nothing around you yeah just earth out the front and then when you looked into the darkness of space that was like the unsettling yeah like what What went through your fucking mind, just looking at it? Yeah, I mean, that was a surprise, because I just did not think that it would feel differently. But I've talked to other astronauts, too. I was like, hey, how do you feel when you look away from Earth?

Because you don't always see the stars, and I know it's another, like, kind of conspiracy thing. You've got to be in the right orbit where you're in eclipse, because if you have any light coming off of Earth, it kind of drowns it out. So you need to be in eclipse, you need the moon in the right spot, and then, yes, you can see beautiful Milky Way stars. So it's like, but why don't I always see it? Well, it depends. If the Earth is illuminated, you're not going to see stars. So I looked out in the, and I've asked people, like, what happens when you just look out in the darkness of space?

And astronauts have been like, man, I felt like I was swimming in ink. Like, I've heard all these things. And, like, most people generally agree, it is rather unsettling because you have an appreciation for just the vastness of space in front of you. And everything you're looking at is trying to kill you. You have no atmosphere to breathe. You got, you know, bullets zinging by the micrometeory that'll pull. pierce your, not only your soup, but everything through you.

You got radiation. My heart rate monitor went down from a rad hit because we were actually in a high radiation portion of the orbit. And it's just like, whatever, that is our destiny to go out and explore among the stars. And we're just going to proceed with caution. Well, you're talking about with after the podcast. Yeah, I'm talking about after the podcast. So he was over-stimulated because we were all laughing.

We're like having a good time laughing. We're like, right and hate smiling and laughter. So he looked at us. He's like, I'm all you're all right. He said, you're all going to die. I was like, okay, buddy. I'm like, bro, you can't say that to my friends. He was like, why?

Yeah, the water move. It's a threat. We were a fucking brunch, and Riden's there with us. And, like, you know, I get it. He gets, like, overstimulated and stuff when people start laughing and bearing teeth and everything. Like, we talked about it. But we're joking around. And then Conner's apparently laughing too hard at something.

And he's got a man Mosa in front of him. And Riden just, like, without saying anything. grabs a glass of water and pours it in his drink. Well, making eye contact, by the way, which fucking autism

doesn't go side by side like eye icon in a Yeah, no, no. Yeah, oh. Just pouring water. It was the most malicious water pour. It was some Sigma shit.

We all started, it worked, by the way. We all start, we're like, cancer. Like, we're like, that moment needs like a TikTok

at it. I'm just like, we're not going to get mad at them. Me, we got. I was like, bro, you can't do that. Wow. I was like, why you did it?

He was laughing really loud. I was like, sorry, Connor, shut the fuck up. He poured water. I'd never see this. So he started to adapt. He done it twice now. Did John, too? Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. He did my son, too. Like, man, that's an alpha movie. Someone's laughing. You just pour water in the drink. I might do that at some point. You just stop what you're doing. It gets silly. No, one's going to do it.

It's the most subvert fuck you ever. When you make it to Capitol Hill, you got to do that. One of the dinners. Just poor watered AOC's drink. Don't say anything. Make perfect icons to test. Well, what a opinion to have. You just look like this.

You'll just be my name. You're going to know my... We'll just be my name.