Unzipping Taboos: Candid Conversations about Sex - Butt Wait, There’s More: Talking about Anal

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

Anal sex is often wrapped in stigma, misinformation, and awkward silence—but we’re here to change that. In this episode of Unzipping Taboos, we break down some of the myths and misconceptions about what can make anal play safe, pleasurable, and well-informed.We talk about the essentials: consent, communication, and why the right lube can make all the difference. We get into the nitty-gritty of preparation, hygiene, and common health concerns, including the risks of STIs.But this isn’t just about the physical side—we also dive into the social taboos that keep people from talking about anal sex, why those stigmas exist, and how we can change the narrative around pleasure and sexual health.Whether you’re new to the conversation or a seasoned pro, this episode is here to give you the facts, challenge the myths, and help you feel more confident talking about (and experiencing) anal play.If you have a story, thoughts and/or a topic or question for Dr. Sue and Charlie please share your ideas here:  ⁠Show suggestions

Hey everyone, welcome to Unzipping Taboos, candid conversations about sex with Dr. Sue and Charlie. We're here to dive into the topics of sex and sexuality that you might be curious about, but don't always feel comfortable talking about no judgment just open honest conversation so zip down and let's can let's get candid and today we've got some important shit we're going to talk about and i have a little glint in my eye of mischief with that little pun there because today's topic we're going to be talking about anal but before we get into that shit dr sue charlie how's shit going

that's a loaded question it's it's going yeah it's going all right well in that vein do you want to give our listeners a little bit about your background before we get into the important shit if i must um so let's see I know, because you told me to. So I kind of have different personalities. I don't want to say that. I do different things. So during the day, I'm an academic and I talk to college students about health and sex and stuff. and then outside of that I used to work in reproductive health clinics and also do a lot of community education and as taboo as sex is in general it's amazing how there's a whole another level when anal sex like almost I said gets brought up but so often it doesn't get brought up because people are so embarrassed so so yeah educator educator in the real world

educator in academia I love that I always separate out academia from the real world um but that's a little bit about me um and then charlie for those of you who don't know charlie or those of you who do charlie is our curious co-host who's always ready to explore all the ins and outs of sex relationships and all the very very taboo topics that we very rarely talk about do you want to tell us a little bit more about you sure i am just someone that has been naturally curious about many things in my world, and someone that enjoys challenging taboos and societal expectations of me as a woman in the world. And so when Dr. Sue and I became friends several years ago, we found that we enjoyed having these kind of topics. And we found we also found

that we didn't really have a threshold for what was taboo to talk about with each other. And so out of that camaraderie and just intellectual conversations that we were having or just bullshitting, we decided, hey, Dr. Sue does a lot of very important work and we should bring it to the masses as much as we can. and so here we are here we are talking about the taboo shit for those of you listening you can start a drinking game on how many times i'm going to say shit during this episode it's yeah i just feel like it's the most apropos it really is well and the way it started was that we were having a conversation

of you know we do a little bit of prep well that's a whole also and that's a different episode no is for this one it's perfect yeah yeah yeah um but we do do a little prep before we get started and and we were having conversation about shit because if you're gonna do anal you kind of have to expect to be some contact with it and then that became well the whole thing so and then we started recording so yeah we're a little off our rockers today so it's it's it's been a month um it's been a year it's been a year it's been a decade it's been so just bear with us this is part of the first part of the year this is part of that witty banter that that's why yes that's why you turned in some of us just tune in you know because they're on their way to work and they have

nothing else to listen to when that's okay or they do and they've chosen yes yes my let's not discount the choice here that's right anyway thank you for listening thank you for choosing to listen all right anal dr sue yeah what is it and why do we care it doesn't really work here um so it's interesting because i i i recently did for those of you who follow me on hey dr sue um i recently had a question about ass to mouth and whether or not that was safe and so i was talking to some other folks about it and then you and I were having conversations about what topics we want to come up and then I was doing a live event recently and the question about anal sex came up so I think it's important

we're bringing it up because like I said at the beginning like as taboo as sex is and all the things that surround it like anal sex depending on the populations that you're in and who you're who you're talking to that's like even more taboo even though it's actually not that uncommon especially for straight folks and I I do want to make sure we're saying this like I when someone says they're engaging in anal sex I am not assuming anything other than that there is an anus and something to stick in there because it could be two men it could be male female it could be two folks who are non-binary it could be two women with a sex toy it could be straight men and women but she's got a strap on on and there's some pegging going on so I want I want to make

sure I'm being really clear here that when we're talking about anal we're not making assumptions about your body parts or your orientation we're just talking about the act of yes i think another thing there's an anus but you know yes um i think the other thing that we wanted to make sure that we prefaced our conversation with was a lot of what we're going to talk about assumes mutual consent right for anal play yeah yeah I mean I think that's the goal I mean there should be there should be consent in all times but also just because you've and I think this goes for every sexual behavior just because you've done it once with a partner doesn't whatever it is doesn't mean like it's fair game all the time like there should be at least a quick check-in of are

we cool with this is this something you want are you into it today like yeah yeah so piggybacking off of that um the the conversation the surrounding it and and I think what we're also assuming with this and or maybe not maybe this is just my assumption is that it's partners who know each other oh not a versus yeah yeah versus hey you look like we could have fun tonight yeah I don't know if this is the first thing that comes up for everybody um right I I would like to i mean in an ideal world i mean because there are people who hook up and this is what they do and like you'll hear about younger folks doing this so they can oh here come the air quotes so they stay virgins that they'll engage in anal or oral so they can stay virgins so like they're

not even partners they're just kind of fucking around and this is what they're doing that we've on the virginity thing i'm not talking about that again um so ideally though there would be a conversation before you're in the moment like not just hey get ready this is about to happen but there'd be some kind of like if is this what we're cool with because there should be again in an ideal world some communication about what's about to happen um if it's not something you've ever done and especially if it's with a partner you've been with for a while if it's not something you've ever done don't ask them while you're while you're fooling around like because if it's not something you've ever brought up before there's going to be a lot of pressure there and we you want people to

make this decision in a time and space that they feel comfortable being able to like think about it and is this what i really want and is this going to hurt and i'm okay with you know like thinking through the ramifications of it so right right i also know when the ideal world conversations like that don't always happen because they're hard to have yeah so if we were thinking of of some of those kind of real world situation not situ I don't know situations how what are some of the key things that that you have advised for having this conversation to prepare for anal play like for bringing it up or for actually doing it yes um so if one than the other if it's something that's new for you as a couple um and again if

it's just some random person you're hooking up with like just being you know depending on body parts involved there may be limits of what you can do if you've got two men like there's not going to be any vaginal intercourse so there's going to be assumptions about how many behaviors and what you can engage in um but doing the quick like like is this cool or like feeling out the situation exactly how it sounds like sometimes you can you know start introducing fingers and places and touching and be like is this okay um again sometimes i could put a little pressure for the person to say no if they don't feel safe to be like i'm not okay with that but if it's something that's brand new there are things that one of the big questions i always

get when people ask me about this is is anal gonna hurt and it's not if you've never done it before it's not going to be the most comfortable thing of your life, which I think we can say about a lot of things. But my big thing is use a lot of lube, a lot of lube, a lot of lube, and preferably lube that's kind of designed for anal play. And if we have time, we can get to that today. A lot of conversation, a lot of conversation about how slow or how fast. And then I like the idea of having a safe word or a safe action so a safe word is something that's going to stop the behavior stop the play immediately doesn't mean you have to stop forever could just be like this stops i need a moment yeah um for those of you unfamiliar with with safe actions if the person is cannot

talk for like maybe they have a gag in their mouth by their own consent or maybe you're behind them so you can't hear clearly which could happen with this kind of situation something that could be drop that was very obvious that like oh this but this this got dropped that means it's a stop um so a lot of communication a lot of taking it slow if that's what you're into if you're like i kind of want a little bit of pain and i'm okay with that maybe you don't want it so slow but all those things have to be talked about ahead of time um but lube lube lube lube lube lube we need to be sponsored by lube um and with those conversations i mean i think i know for me when i hear the word conversation i automatically think everything prior to and because it's conversational it's

a back and forth and so i think it's also important to emphasize check-ins during you know and that that can feel unromantic but it you can it can also be very romantic romantic if that's the motivation sexy you know um intimate all of those things you can make it something that aligns with the mood of of the moment so check in as well and And then what do you think about highlighting aftercare? I'm so glad you brought that up. So after, because this has come up a couple of times recently, and I know you and I were talking about this came up at a live event I was doing.

Sorry. So for those of you not familiar with aftercare, aftercare, we hear a lot about it in the BDSM world. And I actually think that, I mean, it'd be great for all people at all times. It's a conversation ahead of time about what do you think you might need after. Knowing that might change. Like, I may say, you know, afterwards, I want you to get me food and drink and cuddle. And afterwards, I'm like, just get the hell out and leave me alone. Like, I don't I don't need any of this. But some people, especially if it's something that makes them feel vulnerable, they they may want to make sure that they're getting some special attention to making sure they feel good. Or they may want to make sure that they're feeling it could be something that's like feeling warm and having a blanket nearby or how you're going to clean up and but how you're going to take care of each other afterwards. It's all parties involved, how you're going to take care of each other afterwards. The thing about it, and we should probably do a whole episode actually now on aftercare

now that I'm thinking about it. Are you adding that to our list as we're talking? We have a list. You can get on this list, by the way, or at least not you, but your topic. There's always a link in our show description for how to submit topic ideas, show ideas. But I think it's important to have that conversation, especially if it's a newer behavior for the couple assuming again that you're an established couple and if it is just a random hookup this was the question that drove me nuts i know i already told you all this before we went on but i was

doing a live event and mostly college students and it was like oh should i expect aftercare after a hookup and someone's like yeah and i'm like no not if you're just like if you're just having a random hookup and you don't even know the person's name like i don't know why you're going to be expected to be taken care of afterwards like that's that's a real vulnerable moment to like after play like take care of someone um so if you don't think the person's gonna do that for you because it's just like you know hitting in a bathroom at a party or whatever it may be thinking about what you might need for aftercare um so you can you can do your own if that's necessary i'm gonna pivot a little bit back to anal into some different shit

that's only like three like you went a while well i did yeah i'm impressed um what are some of what's some of the language surrounding anal play and perhaps you know for instance um hetero male receiving is typically called pegging is is there different language and nuance that happens around different kind of couplings intimate couplings that's actually a really great question and i think it's i think it's going to be different based off who's involved like i'd love to say that there's a term that might be used in the gay male community but is not a member of the gay male community i don't know if i'd be as as into some of the language same with some of the folks who may be gender non-binary like they may have terms

um i think it really becomes a couple thing more than a gender or orientation thing because i was working with a couple and they had tried pegging and i was like oh how did the peg you know there's actually a book like p is for pegging i think it's called and the guy was like well we don't do pegging i'm like i'm i'm sorry maybe i misunderstood like i thought your girlfriend was wearing a strap on and she was doing up the ash because yeah we were doing anal i'm like okay cool um so i think part of it is more about how the term works for the people i'm sure there's language in subcultures and cultures i'm not part of um do you have any terms no yeah i've only the only other term i've encountered other than anal is pegging it's so funny because i think

we've talked about before that communication exercise i do with my students where they have to like come up with words for the term and there was one class where they used um doggy style for both vaginal and anal and I'm like well that can be really confusing so like yeah even if you're getting consent like it's like wait no this is not what I consented to so now the conversation becomes what does doggy style mean for you oh right and like someone was using the term tossing salad which is ass to butt or analingus or rimming or whatever you might call it and then someone's like oh that's when you go down on a woman and i'm like well kind of but not where most people think of so yeah usually anal um you know i've heard i've heard lots of

words for it in my class that probably none of them need to be repeated um riding the hershey highway stuff like that um yeah i i think it's going to depend more on the subcultures or the communities that you're part of and then you the language you're comfortable with some people do not like using the term anal like it evokes something for them yeah well and in the example that you just gave of the straight couple he was very adamant that they weren't pegging yeah that's not what we were doing we're having anal right okay great because and which i again those of you the amateur psychologist in me finds fascinating because of the associating pegging with submission and there's weight around that you know yeah probably yeah that's a different

type of podcast um but yeah i think it i think it is and it's one this i think this is one of the really hard things about sex in general is that the language is just not consistent from human to human subgroup subgroup age group to age you know and i've would you say it's muddy a little bit oh if you could only see the look she just got shot right there um that was one of my better ones um but like also having taught around the country the slang that i would use would have to change for the audience just based off shifting states um yeah but i think like saying anal has a pretty specific meaning but then a lot of people don't like saying that word because there's this assumption and especially for men if they're

enjoying being on the receiving end whether it's with a man or with someone who's non-binary or with a woman like there's this oh this means i'm gay and that's absolutely not what that means unless you're turned on by the man who's doing it to you in which case then possibly um so i i think there's a i think that's one of the hard things about this kind of behavior is that the word anal and like i know i'm saying anal and i'm sure there are people like flinching every time i say this being like can you use another term um but then how do you even have that conversation if the word makes you uncomfortable right and if we used another term then we wouldn't be breaking down that taboo that's right so we're saying anal to desensitize that twitch you may

be having every time you hear it we should have made that the drinking game instead of shit um preparation yeah for uh i'm gonna say for receiving because i i hope those giving but and we're let's just talk preparation for anal play yeah we don't have to wait conversation about sex sexual history in terms of sti risk if you're not going to use a condom there's got to be i mean i think there should be a conversation even if you is if you is even if you is yeah english is good um even if you are using condoms i still think there should be conversation about sti risk just because the numbers are well i can't tell you because the cdc is pulling stuff down um so i think there needs to be a conversation about

sexual history risk i think if you're i think if you're if you're involving the anus and this was a big thing i had when i was answering the question about rimming um in order to reduce your risk of other diseases that may be bacterial or parasitic like i know this sounds weird but like a basic gut health check like if the person has been sick and had runny diarrhea you probably do not want a ton of contact with that just because you don't know what's going on so making sure everyone's healthy making decisions about um condoms if you're going to choose to use them making come having conversation about lube um i think have we we haven't done a lube episode have we haven't really no um we've talked about it in several episodes and the ph and

etc but we haven't so we haven't done a deep dive into lube because we need a sponsor um so lube for this normally i i recommend water-based um a lot because why do i reckon water-based oh because it doesn't stain sorry so water-based oil-based silicone-based um water-based doesn't stain it also washes away really easy so if you're involved in water play that's not a great option for any kind of sex play um if you're going to like have sex in the shower whatever the sex behavior is don't use water-based it washes away it's water-based uh real quick want to clarify if you're having sex play in a wet environment is what you mean right did i not say in the shower you did you did prior and then as you were reiterating it was like don't you

oh yeah i just wanted to make sure we were very clear yeah that's all anything you're doing in the water don't use water-based because it's gonna the water's gonna wash the water um silicone and oil may be better options because it's a little bit thicker so that might be a better option for anal play if you do have a partner who has both an anus and a vagina you cannot use the same lube for anal sex and vaginal sex you want to get one that's ph balance if it's water-based or the same condom yeah oh yeah thank you yeah you're welcome thank you um and if you are using condoms no oil-based so that's going to really limit you to silicone-based but if you're using a silicone sex toy you can't use silicone lube so we may just have to do a whole like matrix

on lube um you know i i think that would be very beneficial for many people choose your own adventure if you're doing this yeah um so conversations about condoms if that's something that you are going to use that's going to change kind of what you can use in terms of lube but definitely lube lube's going to be your friend unless you're into the raw dogging it i mean if that's your thing and you want and that's gonna and you're into the pain more power to you um i wouldn't necessarily recommend that for your first time um but talking about depth speed i mean it sounds so technical like you have to have this report card of you know like 20 questions of what speed would you like i think that's more about like how do i check in with you or um what are

you thinking like when you think about anal and you get turned on by it is it fast is it slow is it deep like what are the words that come to mind um so i think having those conversations um definitely having that safe word of that safe action but yeah checking risk I think that's a big thing I mean anal sex comes with some risk in terms of STIs and other diseases if it's not protected so would you talk a little bit about a little bit more about that right well so vaginal sex the vagina is made to expand right and i don't think from from my very basic sex ed that didn't likely serve me well having been friends with you for many years now are you counting me as your sex ass yeah um the anus doesn't is not made to expand that way

not there's not the same musculature so it's not it's not designed to expand to contract the same way i mean you can definitely expand it like we've all heard of like the butt box which is the thing at ers where people you know the things that they take out of people's asses um so it can be made to expand quite a bit it's just not because of the musculature it's not going to be the same i wish you could see the hand gesture it's like a c anatomy i don't know what that is it's muscles um but i think it's it's a different kind of musculature and it's not going to act the same way it can expand but it's just not going to be the same feeling um so yeah you're gonna have some differences there uh toys using toys yes so during the holiday season oh sorry

during the holiday season oh no i came across an emt's instagram oh no oh and while amusing was also very i felt informative of don't please don't put these commercial products from a retail store a big box retail stores shelf like a holiday gnome oh my yeah not built for anal play basically do not put these things up your anus even though they are kind of shaped yeah maybe anal toys they are not designed for anal play yeah same thing actually for vaginal toys like people using i don't even want to give people suggestions um so i kind of don't want to do that yeah um using things that are more designed for it if you're using a toy um you want to make sure it's got a flared base which just means that the base

is wider than the entrance because things can get lost up the butt um and that is an embarrassing trip to the er but an important trip to the er to make so you want to be able to either has like a lot of times with balls that are connected by thread as long as you can hold on to one of those on the outside or that's got a flared base i still don't even like the idea of that leash at the end of the balls because that could easily get yeah that could easily get broken yeah yeah um so you want to make sure you're wearing using a flared base um you can get stis from sex toys so i know you said sex toys and i say clean them most people forget to clean them before and after before and after um ideally with something that's designed to be used with the sex toy but if not soap and

water and dry that thing off please like completely yeah because mold can grow in places not so much with the anal toys that we see um if the toy is made from silicone you shouldn't be using a silicone with it so that's that's going to be an issue if you're using produce in either the anus or the vagina please clean it because a lot of those have um pesticides on them and when it comes in contact with the delicate area of your anus or vagina you are going to have a not very pleasant reaction um so yeah yeah wash wash things wash things and use look for things use things designed for the play yeah and just that you are looking to engage in yeah and just because it says it's safe for play i mean i've something

seen some things on etsy that are like people like oh that it says like vibrate or dildo i'm like that is not okay to shove inside your body it's got like cactus thorns on it like let's think about this folks yeah um we should do a whole thing on sex toys i don't think we've done something on that either we haven't oh there we go it's in our parking lot there we go um yeah because i mean sex toys can be expensive so i understand why people reach for excuse me something closer to them because sex toys can be expensive and if you're struggling with things like arthritis in your hands like if you have something that you know you can manipulate the size shape depth whatever it may be it may seem like something safer than a vibrator which may be too uncomfortable

especially with people with arthritis so yeah um be careful what you're shoving up into holes all the holes it's important shit yeah there you go really no one would be drunk after it unless you just want to say i know i know i thought i was gonna be a lot more full of shit yeah oh we should during this episode there we go there we go look at that look at that sequitur i know i like that one like i planned it there's there is some debate about whether or not you should use enemas before before anal play and i know some people are like it's common courtesy if you're the one whose anus is being involved in the in in in the sex in the sex i don't know you know it's only common courtesy to like flush out the system as best as you can some people are

like i kind of like the idea that there may be some shit there um there is a danger of using enemas too much and so i do know i know people who like this is the only kind of play they do and they're all about the enemas they work it into their sex play there's some kinks around this there's there is a what do you call it i can't find the word right now um so there's a fetish around it just enemas can be can have an impact on your body that's not great for it um you can have bowel perforations you're changing kind of the nature of what's going on up there um so so i come down on the like i get why people might do that especially if they're weird about coming in contact with poop oh i said poop but not shit here let me throw you there i don't know thank you

yeah there you go we have we have standards here on zipping taboos um so i i kind of get it but if you're gonna play with an ass you gotta you gotta get used to the idea that there may be some shit there uh and if you're not okay with that then maybe this is not the kind of play you're gonna be turned on by not that there's gonna be a ton of it you still shouldn't be um but yeah shit ton yeah shit i do know there are people who like know if this is what i'm doing this is common current like this is what my partner expects this is what i'm gonna do and i'm like okay i get that but also there's there could be a health issue from using enemas too much so yeah i think what you're saying is just be aware of the risk of frequent yeah and

enema performance i don't know frequent enemas yeah yeah yeah and if anything's going if you are engaging a lot of anal sex and i think this just goes like for sex play in general with whatever body part like if vaginal sex anal sex um if if something's going funky with a body part that you've been using for sex play whether it's uncomfortable or there's a little blood like more than i mean there might be a little blood your first time but there shouldn't be that much um if if there's a little bit of blood if there's a wonky odor um if it's if it's drippy if it smells funky like go get it checked out if you've been using enemas and you just started having anal sex and you're using enemas and you're having problems with with your ass like

talk to your doctor um that's not the kind of thing you want to let go on for a while because if it is something wrong you want to address it as soon as possible yeah try try to get over any fear or anxiety and and know that it's not just going to go away yeah without attention though I do I mean medical attention yeah I mean I'd love to say like don't worry about being judged but the truth is is that like our health care practitioners do judge and especially because and I know we've talked about this like you can become a doctor never take a human sexuality class So like as a doctor, you may understand the idea of what people are doing and you may understand the body parts, but you may not know how to talk to them or have learned to address your biases. So I absolutely do understand that some people might not want to bring it up because they're afraid of being judged.

And I get it. And if that's you, I'm sorry that's happening. And please try to find a health care provider who's not as judgy. But it is still something you want to get addressed. Yeah. Yeah, that that fear of medical provider bias is a very real thing. So definitely empathy and sympathy there for those of you that experience it, because that anxiety can be kind of crippling. Right. Especially if like you're in a small town and make you avoid it. Yeah. If you're living in a small town, I had one student. I won't name the state I was in. I was in one. There was one student who really needed to get STI checked.

She really needed from what she was describing, like I need to. And she's like, but but the guy's been my pediatrician since I was like born. And I'm like, OK, I can get, you know, and so we found her some local clinics that she could go to. I'm like, you do kind of need an adult doctor. Like, yeah, engaging in these behaviors, you kind of need an adult doctor who you don't feel is judged by. I totally get like I don't think the doctor would have judged her. I think she felt it. But that bias is real.

And so I have students all the time who tell me, thankfully, not at the school I'm at now, but other health centers like the on campus health center. they felt judged for going in just for STI testing, which is what we want people to do. Yeah. So I get it. Um, if you are a person who primarily engages in anal sex, um, and you receive, and you regularly receive or often receive, um, anal penetration, what are some consider it like long-term health considerations that you that you can think of knowing that we're not medical professionals yeah um unless there's some kind of complication like there's in case there's an infection um and that infection may be an STI infection it may be an you know infection from an open wound or it may be another bacterial or a parasite I'm not not really worried about

long-term complications. Is there any risk for like a prolapsed anus? I would have to defer to medical stuff. This is the first time I think I've had to do that on the show. I think I would defer to medical stuff on that one. I'm thinking about the people I know who've done anal sex their entire lives, but then I'm not really sure they told me that. We're not having sex anymore because glad we could get together for a drink. Let me tell you about my, my partner's anus. um yeah i would have to defer to medical staff on that one which does not usually come up um just because i know people that there's literally all they've done and haven't really had any major medical issues but again not something someone would always

disclose to a friend so yeah um yeah for me it would be more the issue of like tearing and ripping and an infection that way um yeah would um so again from my limited professional expertise um hpb yeah right um gonorrhea chlamydia syphilis oh i feel like that should be like the new country song a call-and-response song would it no it's uh it's not tiny tunes it's uh animaniacs they had the country anyway with the capitals yeah with the countries sorry we just had a whole moment there sorry what was the question hpv hpv yeah yeah i mean if you have all now witness inside the beautiful mind of dr sue

there's a constant stream of animaniacs songs um sorry yes hpv is a thing it is it is a thing and it's a thing that can be transmitted through um anal sex uh so you can herpes and syphilis and gonorrhea i'm trying not to break into song and chlamydia it could be helpful for listeners to just remember it as a risk i feel like i should make this as an assignment for my students I mean, all of those. So HPV is the virus that causes lots of things, but also warts on the anus, warts on the penis, warts on the vagina, warts on the genitals, but also certain forms of cancer. So there are risks of that. I mean, anyone who's under, in my opinion, anyone who's under the age of 45 should have gotten an HPV vaccine series. And if

you haven't, you're under the age of 45, please consider having that conversation with your doctor it is for all genders um those that vaccine's not perfect it only protect against certain strains um but hpv is a risk actually yeah syphilis gonorrhea i keep bringing up syphilis just because those rates are so terrifyingly alarmingly going up right now uh gonorrhea i feel like that's been a through line in your career because every time you tell me about a story of what city you were teaching in you're like the syphilis right baltimore um gc no i sorry folks um also a different episode yeah no because i remember when syphilis wasn't a thing like like it was a thing but it wasn't a thing we talked about so when i talked to

a population whether i'm doing it for college campus or just a community i i have limited time so i always focus on the infections that we see in that area in that age group and i remember having to suddenly add syphilis into a lecture that i've never done before and then the increase i'm totally making this number up but i want to say in like four or five years it went up by 80 something percent it's it's it's a it's a huge increase um alarming yeah so hpv and herpes you know it's hard with herpes though because we don't really test for it because we basically assume everyone's been has been exposed to the herpes virus which it said on the cdc site before they pulled stuffed off the cdc site there's another thread for today um so yeah i'm sorry warts and herpes

was that go were you just bringing up hpv to see where my brain would go was there a question i am not that cruel today uh no it just i i wanted to bring up the importance uh like the not just certain fissures and tears and we hadn't gotten to the sti risk like hpv is not just genital yep there's not a ton of things that i'm really thinking i mean yeast infections we see more in the vagina but you can see it on a penis we don't see it yeah i mean bacterial vaginosis is like the one i'm not really thinking but you could potentially potentially depending on where things go or it could be a result if you don't clean if you go from anal to vaginal yep um hiv is a risk uh yeah there's not many that i can think of of the standard stis that we talk about

that isn't going to be a risk from sex play um and then also keeping in mind most people don't engage in one type of sex play and most people engage in multiple and if you're like what else is there to do like if you're engaging in vaginal and oral then that's two different things you've just done and um so so yeah all the stis i think we need to be concerned about and then the added ones of being exposed to potential shit um again which is one of those the reasons we want to ask people how their gut health has been which is really not the sexiest question um but it is important i know i come up with a like because i'm in a bit of a goofy mood if you all couldn't tell what like I can't see me asking the question is it safe for you to use a hot tub

which would tell you nothing really other than they haven't had like diarrhea in the last 24 hours but yeah and and I think that's the I mean it's already awkward enough to talk about sex you know and I have this conversation with people a lot they're like well you keep saying just ask like how do we do that and we did do a whole episode on communication and and and I know I've said this before that it's harder to have it is harder to have a conversation about sex in this country than it is to have sex in this country because that communication is is vulnerable on a whole different level and taboo and taboo thank you for circling us back to why we exist but but it's one of the ways we start changing is to start kind of normalizing the importance

to having that conversation and it doesn't have to be again it doesn't have to be like you sit down with this 20 question clipboard and be like so tell me is that i mean you could work it into like some kind of sexy conversation or can you pass the ketchup have you had diarrhea like i don't know where you would go with that um but it would be nice if it was that easy to just have that conversation open and naturally and we're not judging anyone who can't that is a learned skill that we do not teach as a culture and that is an infuriating part of the work that we do um is that we're always telling people oh just have a conversation but we're not going to tell you how to have that conversation so just kind of awkwardly feel your way through it i feel like

that could be a tagline for our show awkwardly feel your way through the conversation way through the shit yeah but it is important that you're having this especially if i'm going to come back to anal sex especially if it's anal sex for you and your partner assuming it's a partner that you have sex play with on a regular basis and it's new like you kind of got to re-establish that are you okay with this is this something you're into might you be interested what are your concerns what might you like about it because i like to do it a little more positive um yeah having those conversations there is really important well in those conversations as well when when you're doing that with a partner that you have maybe been with a time or two or more um you know you can say

do you want just pressure on the outside finger it doesn't always have to go to full-on penetration it could just be well yeah i i enjoy anal play but only like pressure just outside right that kind of thing so it's what i think that's another i wanted to point that out because it doesn't always have to be okay go in yeah i've agreed to what um yeah there can be i mean i hate to say shades of gray because that just feels like i'm invoking something else but yeah yeah it doesn't have to be an all or nothing kind of thing especially if it's if it's new for you whether that's new for you as an individual you're new for you as a couple like you can feel your way into it and maybe not knock everything out you know like in one oh well

they agreed to yes so we're going all the way deep penetration like yeah easing your way into it um especially if they're nervous or worried and that's the other thing i know i'm gonna say this and i know i've said this before to people and they just laugh at me try to relax if you can i gotta remember people can't see my face as i as i make all the facial breathing is important um you may be tensing up because you're worried it's gonna hurt you may be tensing up because you are super excited and can't wait for it but the more tense you are the more likely it is to feel a little uncomfortable at least at first so if you can ease your way into it that might be helpful yeah um i do want to say i don't know if we're getting ready to wrap up i feel like we're

at that wrap-up point i think we are okay i do want to say something about um numbing creams because i get that question a lot like i'm afraid of i'm afraid of anal should i use a numbing cream i am not a big believer and i'm sure there are people out there who disagree with me you can go listen to that their podcast because they don't have them um i'm not a big believer in numbing cream for anal sex um because your body telling you ouch is a very important message and if you can't get that ouch message then you're missing something very important your body's trying to say so i understand why some people might reach for numbing cream in that situation like oh i think it's going to hurt so i don't want to feel it but that that pain is a really

big way that your body is trying to say something to you and you want to be able to tune into your body especially if this is new for you so I would recommend as much as it seems like I don't want to feel pain I get it if that's not your thing but I would definitely not recommend the the numbing creams for for anal it could that could be a problem in the long run also some of the medication some of the chemicals in that are not always so anal friendly and that could burn which you won't feel because it's numb because you've done but you'll feel the important shit yeah the important shit you want your body you want you want to feel the important shit so yeah did we get everything i think we i think we got all the shit all the shit all the shit sorry folks it's been

today was a day but we're here for you and that's what matters but it was important shit to do it was everybody's getting if they're doing the drinking game everyone's getting really now i'm getting all the shit in uh-huh well everyone that is the whole shit nothing but the shit i'm gonna stop thank you for joining us on unzipping taboos today candid conversations about sex we hope today's episode sparked new thoughts and will open up new dialogues worth having. And remember that your curiosity is the key to breaking down barriers and embracing a healthier understanding of sex and relationships. Almost did it and I didn't. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who might

need to hear this. And if you've got a topic or a question you want us to address, please reach out to us via the link in the episode description. We want to give a special shout out to Ali O'Brien for our incredible theme music. Thank you so much, Ali. And until next time, keep the conversation going. Keep unzipping those taboos. Take care. And remember, you all are the shit.