Unzipping Taboos: Candid Conversations about Sex - Don’t Make It Weird: It’s Just Lube

Episode Date: April 29, 2026

Lube is one of the most normal parts of sex play—and one of the least talked about.In this episode of Unzipping Taboos, we get practical about what actually matters when it comes to lubricants. We break down the three main types—water-based, silicone-based, and oil-based—and how to choose the right one based on your body, your needs, and the kind of sex you’re having.From pH balance and vaginal health to condom compatibility and allergic reactions, we unzip the details that often get overlooked—but can make all the difference in comfort and safety.We also get into the nuance—why not all lubes work the same for every body, how preferences like texture and feel play a role, and what to avoid when you’re in a pinch (because not everything in your bathroom belongs anywhere near your body).This is a candid, judgment-free conversation about making informed choices, asking better questions, and normalizing something that never needed to be taboo in the first place.If you have a story, thoughts and/or a topic or question for Dr. Sue and Charlie please share your ideas here:  ⁠Show suggestions

Hey, everyone. Welcome to Unzipping Taboos, candid conversations about sex with Dr. Sue and Charlie. We're here to explore questions you've always been curious about, but maybe don't always feel comfortable asking out loud. No judgment, no shame, just open, honest conversations. So zip down and let's get candid. Today, we're going to revisit a topic leading into May because what is May Dr. Sue? It's International Masturbation Month. So today we're going to talk about lube and all things lube. All things lube. That at least I can think to ask. So listeners if you had a question that I didn't ask feel free to send those questions in. But before we unzip the topic of lube, before we unzip to lube, with lube,

for lube, Dr. Sue, how's it going? It's going well, Charlie. How are you? I'm doing well. Thank you. Would you like to give our listeners a little bit about yourself? Yeah. A little bit about your background? Yeah. I'm actually excited for this one because this is how i got started so i got started in the health world because i come from a health education background and i got started i was one of those dorks in college who like would go around to like well back in the day they were called dorms now i guess they're res halls um but i would go to like the dorms and like greek life and student clubs and be like wear condoms and use them right and we talk about lube like that's literally how i got my my start in this field um so i started i

have a bachelor's and a health uh and a master's in health education because i started down that i wanted to be a health teacher like that was my whole goal i kind of am but i thought i'd be like i thought it'd be high school but anyway um so a bachelor's and a master's in health education and then i decided to get really specific super specific for my i was gonna say you went niche um and i have a phd in human sexuality education and so with a phd i did what many many many phds do and I went and worked in academia which is where my day job is which I absolutely love doing and I publish and I speak everywhere they let me and then in places where they don't let no I don't get controlled of what they what I can and can't say but to do more work I also have my own

consulting firm so I can do more stuff in more places because I really really really think this information should be available to everybody yeah um and so that's my big thing like I do the academic stuff and I think it's important and um I can't put a link into it because we didn't clear this through the ethics board but I can mention that I am in the middle of doing a survey on pleasure um and how we experience pleasure um so I gotta find a way to of getting that out there um yeah because that's the stuff I want to talk more about because it's it's no you guys talk more about this stuff anyway so that's me um for those of you who everyone should know you but for those of you who do and who don't know our co-host charlie

uh charlie is our curious co-host who's always ready to i gotta i gotta put that unzip in better i don't flow as well and as you do charlie's always just ready to unzip all those taboos around all this stuff that we cover on the show and probably lots of stuff we don't cover on the show to be honest with you but you should tell us more I am that that curious kind of person and someone who for many topics I won't say every topic but for many topics that maybe people shy away from I'm I'm comfortable being that person you can talk it out with and and I'll be I'll be curious and i'll ask questions and i'll try to understand you know the root of why maybe we're shying away from this particular topic i also really really really enjoy challenging expectations

um that were put on me and conditioned into me as a woman in society american society um and just asking why like a three-year-old why oh but why why why um and i find that that really that helps that just helps when you meet new people um you having a this energy of you're a blank slate to me so i have i have no information other than what you're willing to share and give and how deep I'm willing to, to engage in, in that discover in discovering you as a person and a human. And my favorite thing that I like to classify myself as a psychology hobbyist. And I say that very intentionally, because while I do have some training and education in psychology I am nowhere near a professional there are plenty of amazing people

out there that have committed their life to being incredible mental health experts and professionals and they are amazing so I do not put myself in that category I'm just like oh that's really interesting that's oh I'm curious about that um that's my hobby being curious this is starting to feel a little ted lasso i'm not gonna lie be curious well i yeah i know i know which is great i mean you like ted lasso i know i read you at least it's not sicking sickening yeah no but it's the first time i'm like oh this feels like that pub scene but it's true but it's true yeah so that's that's me lube yeah I'm not lube but lube so so in this thing that we've started doing oh I don't know like 30 episodes ago we started kind of giving a how did we get here and if you haven't

already you should listen to the last episode we did with Dr. Burnett from Johns Hopkins University talking about prostate cancer and prostate health and one of the things that I took away because we started it with like a what's your prostate yeah and it just reminds me sometimes like we've done some we've done some really deep concepts and topics which are important but I also love to get back to the basics because I'm very often reminded when I talk to people of how little they know about their body and we're just like we'll use lube and I'm like okay did anyone ever tell you the difference in lubes and like what do you mean the difference in lubes so we wanted to break it down and get it back a little bit back to basics um it was i was really inspired by dr

burnett to remember to like sometimes we gotta start with the 101 stuff yeah um and it is may is international masturbation month um so in preparation we should talk about some lube um so yeah that was that was kind of where we started it for me i talk about this when i'm when i'm in a classroom i talk about the lube when i do female anatomy and it is always mind-blowing to me a what women don't know about their body yeah it is not mind-blowing to me what men do not know about women's bodies i mean but also the flip side like men don't know much about their bodies and women don't always know a lot about so like the basics of a net like i i would like to think even if you're getting really crappy sex ed which most

of you are in this country if you had any sex ed i would like to think you're at least getting what I call the plumbing but it becomes super obvious that a lot of us didn't get that and so I do it in the female anatomy portion and then I found so a while ago when I was living in the Washington D.C. area I was doing a lot of work with seniors and and staff who work with seniors and one of the biggest complaints for women as they age is pain during intercourse and a lot of times it's because they're not lubricating the way they used to. And I would start mentioning, like, oh, well, if you're suffering pain, like, just grab some lube.

And they're like, from where? I'm like, oh, what do I look for? There's so many. Yeah, and they have, like, a ton of questions. They want me to give recommendations, which I will not do until I am paid. Even then, I probably won't. Yeah. But I started talking a lot about this with my seniors, regardless of gender,

just the importance of lube as we age and then um i wind up talking to teenagers when i walk with like young teenage groups and then their parents because their parents are like i just want them to use a condom i'm like and lube and they're like oh yeah like maybe maybe i should talk to them about that but they're so awkward talking about the condom that they're not thinking that way yeah so i do wind up talking about lube much more than i realized until just now um but even with me out there you know banging the lube drum like there's a lot of people who aren't that visual is did you have a yeah lube everywhere uh so so yeah so i feel like this is important for everyone if you're a parent

raising a kid and you plan on having like a be careful speech you should probably mention lube if you are sexually active at any age you should probably be thinking about lube if you're not sexually active and you're masturbating you should probably think about lube like everybody everybody think about lube so where so now that they're thinking about lube what what comes to mind for me is um what types of lube are there so many so many so many actually so many it can be overwhelming it can be i remember the first time i had um one of my classes i had them go out they had so they had to buy lube and condoms two different ways they didn't actually have to purchase it because i don't like me making people spend money for school um they had to go to

a store and like figure out which one they would buy and why and the other option was to and then they had to do it online and they're like online was easier because you had fewer options staring you in the fate like once you picked one you could just read about the one but the ones who going into like the local grocery store or the local like i don't know what we call target is what's the generic name of a target like a like a drug store or something like that um it's just a wall of lube and a wall of condoms and they're like i didn't think it was as complicated um so it can be really overwhelming um so with all the choices in all the land it really it really breaks down to three kinds three types and then each type is going to have like

options um but essentially we're looking at water-based oil-based and silicone-based then we get into like flavors and warming and yeah and sensations and yeah yeah all right so before we get into the varietals of the types and if it's not from the french region it's just tingly lube um all right let's start with silicone-based lubes yes most people don't know about these yeah and that's that's why i wanted to start there yeah most people familiar with water and oil and that's that's kind of where their brains go so silicone is not something that people are familiar with it's actually a really good option for lots of things it's safe to use with every

type of condom because not that everyone's using condoms but i'd like to go to that prevention first um you can use it for anal sex oral sex vaginal sex um that you can use it during water play oh yeah yeah that's something that we don't talk about a lot of like if you're having shower sex and you're still using lube and i know people like well you're in the shower why do you need lube because because water dries you out man yes creates a lot of friction so um you can use it for water play you can do all sorts of things the two times you should probably think twice well one is an absolute no if you have a silicone sex toy you should not use a silicone lube it is a chemistry issue i have never quite understood someone tried to explain it and chemistry and i do not get it

along so listeners just think of it as like this like a magnet putting the same ends of a magnet together just repelling yeah think of that we don't have to get into that because i to chemistry no no that's yeah um so if you have a silicone sex toy you should not be using silicone lube that's that's a period understory okay silicone lube can also stain fabric oh so if that is a concern for you like if you don't want it on your bedding or your sheets or your favorite clothes that happen to be under your under you while you're having sex play yeah yeah so so that is one of the big drawbacks of of silicone is that it's um it can stain fabric not a can it stains fabric and people like i have never in my life thought of that before

until you've ruined your favorite sheets you probably haven't because we definitely are not talking about that in school or that beautiful like piece of lingerie or that super amazing thing that makes you feel so sexy going into sex play and now you're like oh now there's a grease stain on it yeah so it's not it's a great lube for a lot of different things yeah um you you did mention anal play oral and vaginal what about like self-pleasure yeah absolutely um as long as if you're using a sex toy um that you are again that it's it's compatible with the material of the sex toy so if if you're using a sex toy yes if you're just using your hands to get off um yeah no problems except the staining because most of the time

people are not just like standing in the middle of the floor with nothing around them fully naked yeah masturbating um but if you're best but if you are that's great good for you um don't send us pictures uh no but if you're reciting in the shower and like you have no toys or anything it's just your hands or whatever is getting you off or the water itself like the water the the pressure from the water um if you are using your hands then yeah silicone nib is great there too all right are there any other materials that it's not compatible with just fabric so so kind of a good utility player on the roster a good a good man all around yes yeah yeah all right so the next one uh oil so oil

sorry there's a deep sigh and then i said nothing because for a long time it was like water or oil And so I think people were just like, oil's bad. Oil is not my favorite for a lot of reasons. But if that's what you've got, that's what you've got. Oil can also stain. So let's just start. Let's go backwards then. So oil can also stain.

And I think any of us who've ever gotten an oil product on us know this. Oil can stain. It is not recommended for oral sex. Okay. Because it's a choking hazard. because it's thicker please do not experiment yeah with this um i don't know if there's ever been an actual like choking death related to to lube i i don't can you imagine being the person who gets that happen um but it is thicker and so because it's thicker silicone is also thicker than

than water um because it's thicker it does have a choking hazard silicone not so much the choking hazard um but there is a choking hazard with oral sex um with oil with oil and oral sex um not okay with latex condoms okay okay for other condoms not okay there's another episode i know not okay for latex so essentially like the the condoms that we talk about these days um are polyisoprene and nitrile and latex and if you have no idea what nitrile is the next time you go to your doctor's office you know when there's like the wall of gloves yeah if you look at them they're probably nitrile people don't people have fewer chances of having a reaction to that than they do latex so we're looking at internal condoms and

external condoms the main materials we're looking at because we're not talking about natural skin condoms um we're looking at latex polyurethane nope not polyurethane sorry just kidding latex polyisoprene and nitrile and you can use oil with nitrile and polyisoprene okay but most people are buying latex condoms yeah any other considerations with oil like allergies can i tell my story about the oil yes you should you totally should sorry i skipped ahead no no it's okay so i was i was telling Charlie this in the pre-show when I was a little baby wannabe professor my very first full-time job interview now I've been working there part-time um so they knew me which I feel like although I feel like I do this in any interview so I knew I was going to have to

teach this sex education class as part of my my teaching load um and so the problem with oil because I think we say no oil and latex but we don't explain why and the reason is that oil causes micro tears in the latex and those micro tears can be big enough to let sperm through and hiv and other viruses and bacterias so basically it's like you're not wearing anything the problem is they're micro my my micro um so you don't notice them yeah so you're not going to notice them um and so to demonstrate so i was doing a condom i was talking about condoms that's what i was doing my teaching demo you do academic your interviews for academia are very different from your interviews in the private sector so we have to do a teaching demo so I blew up a and I do this

in my I used to do it in my classes you're about to find out why I don't anymore so I blew up a balloon I blew up a condom like a balloon tied it off grab my handy dandy Vaseline because we all walk around with that by the way I don't think Vaseline is wonderful for lots of things not so good with latex condoms so as I'm talking about whatever I was talking about like availability of condoms or all whatever i'm like rubbing the balloon condom and in the middle of me doing and i'm watching the committee like because they know it's gonna explode and so it exploded and instead of like poof and exploding which is what i was hoping for it exploded backwards and stuck to my jacket so like this piece of latex with vaseline like slowly falling i got the job cartoon yeah

well there you go it was the commitment to the bit i i gotta tell you though when i i used so i don't do that anymore because it gets messy um and i also don't do it anymore because i when i was in the dc area i had a lot of former military and they don't like loud noises even though when they know it's coming so i it was getting a little traumatic for folks so i stopped um but i will tell you that that was such a powerful image because condoms are pretty indestructible um if you don't if you take care of them i had my students we were trying to break condoms sorry we're like often condom that we found out that they make really bad water balloons because they don't break and they just hurt when you

so if your condoms are breaking all the time it's probably a storage issue it's probably a balloon yeah it's well it's probably your fault because of how you're storing it or how or whatever but we should probably do something on condoms anyway i have like whole things we can pull out um that sounded bad um sorry but oil-based lubes well i'm getting i'm getting so but i will tell you that when i used to do that that demo because when you just say like oh don't use oil and latex people are like all right don't use oil latex when you watch a condom explode into pieces that is a very dramatic thing and one that will absolutely stick with people and i had people be like got it don't want that um the one person was like will that feel good if

it happens i'm like you're not actually gonna feel it explode like micro tears yeah okay sorry back to lube um so oil-based lube should not be used with latex condoms but they can be used with nitrile now i'm back in like teacher mode but they can be used with nitrile and poly poly isoprene um also stained fabric i already talked about that good for water because oil and water don't mix so you can use it for water play um a better option i know we didn't talk about water yet um a better option than water because for anal sex same for silicone because it's a little bit thicker um so just for the extra the extra like i don't want to say cushion um but just having a little bit of extra material or a little more oomph to the lube um silicone and oil a little

more stamina to the lube yeah it's usually a better option for anal sex um with either of these let's start with oil are there any allergy considerations nuts i'm actually saying nuts not like um if you're like ball but if you're allergic to nuts you need to be really careful with um oil based lubes um same with shellfish okay shellfish you should be careful with oil-based lubes if you are allergic to latex and not just lubes this is just in general you should put you to avoid aloe products because true aloe has actual natural latex in it so that's just a random fact that's not a lube fact that's a it's a random and is is that aloe um that's present in oil-based or silicone it can be water it can be in all three okay the problem it depends though on how

it's processed like sometimes it's so processed it's not really aloe anymore okay um if you are using aloe straight from an aloe plant i would be careful okay if you're latex allergic or latex sensitive good to know all right and now we get to the most common one perhaps water-based yes i'm trying so hard not to say water do it it's an actual thought in my head so water-based lube is i think what most of us were kind of taught like use water-based but again we didn't talk about what it's good for and what it's not so what it's good for does not stain the only one of the three we're talking about that does not stain um good for use with all types of condoms yeah i feel like there should be more for water and there's really not

yeah um water-based is not going to be helpful in the shower it's just going to wash away it's water-based just going to wash away in water like the silicone and the silicone the water and the water they're going to cancel each other out um can be used with almost all sex can be used with all sex toys i'll say not hold on my brain is processing something on oil-based lubes and sex toys there's one type of sex toy that oil doesn't like folks if you're getting a sex toy read the read the damn booklet the last thing you want to do is spend a lot of money on a sex toy and then destroy it by using the wrong lube and and if you're buying in person leverage the knowledge of the people working in the store because they're incredibly kind incredibly

non-judgmental and and have a wealth of information for you yes um and we can talk about buying lubes online versus buying lubes i should write that down hold on sorry so water-based um okay for all sex play maybe not as sturdy maybe not as anal yeah um and you'll probably have to reapply a lot that's really the big thing with oil with water bases you have to reapply a lot and ph yeah i was gonna get to ph okay there we go um so oil base not good for water play good for oral anal vaginal though not really the highest recommended for for um anal because it's not as thick and so um especially if you're new to anal sex you may want that little bit of extra cushiony kind of feel um safe for sex toys safe for all condoms does not stain fabric which is

usually like the big one where people are like yes thank you please yeah cut no pun intended um there is a concern with water-based lubes that we do not see with shut up with for those of you not watching you're in your head i didn't do shit you're about to laugh um one of the concerns with water-based lubes over oil or silicone is that you have to worry about the ph and this is absolutely something we don't mention and i cannot tell you the number of times i have spoken in classrooms or like groups or senior homes where people will come up to me and be like i didn't realize that was the problem was my lube um so this is and again only true with water basically you have to worry about ph so p like regular chemistry like ph balance um the

normal ph of a vagina is about 3.5 to 4.5 if we're doing that like 1 to 14 scale 1 is super acidic 14 is basic or alkaline and 7 is neutral 3.5 to 4.5 is your regular vaginal ph my brain wants to go two places at once and it can't pick which way to go okay we'll go this way first okay and i'll write down the other one okay if you are using a lube that is not in that ph range you are going to cause um micro tears inside the vagina which can lead to infection the number of people who thought they were allergic to latex when really they it wasn't it was a lube issue like i can't tell you how many times it happens where people like i it's not latex like someone used a latex glove and i didn't have a reaction i'd be like

what was your lube like i don't know just whatever was on the stand um so not having the right lube can lead to sex becoming painful after a while it can also lead to a high risk of infection once we break the skin open there's a risk of infection so i'm not like you know i got all serious because sex i mean if you're into pain that's one thing but to me sex shouldn't be something that causes you to have pain and infection later um and so trying to like but i'm using lube but it was the wrong lube right um so you want to be in the 3.5 to 4.5 range ish if it's 4.6 you're fine and that's that's water-based for vaginal that's water-based for vaginal because here's the thing the ph of your butt is seven to eight so you need two different lubes you need a lube for your butt

if you're doing anal play and you need a lube for vagina if there's vagina if there's vaginal play And you have to make sure you're using the right one because of the risk of infection. And infection is just not – I don't think infection is sexy. Let me own that. I don't think infection is sexy. And so you want to make sure you're using a pH that's correct. So one more thought – well, two more. Hold on.

I got to – sorry. As you age, because one of the things that happens to us as we age is our tissue, all of our skin, everywhere, head to toe. it's going to get thinner and less elastic and so that's that's also happening inside the vagina for a woman she's also less likely to lubricate as easily it's just like the physiological reaction yeah just a normal zone yeah normal byproduct of aging and so lube is probably even more important for women as they age but as you start to get to menopause and after menopause the ph of your vagina gets a little bit higher so not like up to seven but it's going to be more in that like four to five range a little closer to neutral getting there but not yeah not really

passing past yeah okay if you had a lube that worked really well for you in your 20s 30s and 40s and now you're grabbing it in your late 40s early 50s and 60s and you're like what the fuck like why am i why isn't this working yeah why does this not feel good it it may be a natural byproduct of aging that your body's just not reacting the way you want it to but it may also be the change in ph um so absolutely need to talk about ph yeah here's the thing most companies do not put the ph on the packaging i remember talking about that last time we talked about lube was like we we spent some time on this ph the ph piece here as we are now but how do they find the ph if the companies aren't doing it you got to do the research and that's that's where it starts

to become overwhelming between like do i buy in line in line or on person yeah to each their own or online and in person how you engage in being a consumer dr sue i have no judgment as they say here in the mainland um so my students um over the last few years i've i've like assigned them they choose one based off the name and then they go and they see if they can find it and some of them it's right there on the on the you know as soon as they get on the landing page for that loop they're like i found it and others are like it's five minutes in why can't i find this i'm like that's a good question yeah i don't know why it's not more readily available it's not required to be on the packaging which to me is problematic um so yeah you may have to do some research online

if if you already have one you really love i'd say just look at that one online real quick and if you again if you started like i don't know why this is bothering me or why sex has suddenly become more painful than it used to be or um you i would just say do a quick loop check and if the ph is off that that may absolutely be the thing that's causing the problem okay once once you find one you like you don't have to keep checking it i'm hoping they're not going to change the formula yeah well that's the other thing that could happen too not just aging related right they could change the formula they could change any number of the packaging could impact the reaction of it sitting in the packaging right um yeah or they decide they can't

use one ingredient anymore because it's too expensive to get so they use a different ingredient in and they're not gonna they're not gonna announce that right um so yeah so that's where can we wander into the buying online versus in person yeah there was so you came to a fork in the road and you went one way and then you wrote down the other way you wanted to go and i want to make sure we give space for that i did it was the aging and then it was the lack of information okay because like i'm sitting here telling you like know your body and know what you need and you may need two lubes like if you're engaging regularly in vaginal and anal play you need two lubes yeah to make sure that and if you are using a condom for both you need a different condom

yes if you're changing holes oh that sounded bad but you know what i meant if you change why did that sound bad i don't know holes just sounded i mean that's orifices that's that's academic people in the streets okay if you go from vaginal to anal anal vaginal whichever way you're going if you're using a condom you need a new condom you can't like turn it inside out please god do not turn don't do that no don't do that get another one um so that helps me clean up a little bit easier just maybe wipe down around anywhere else that the lead may have gotten especially if you're using one that's oil or silicone based and like you're changing position you want to make sure you get all that out of the way um so you're not staining whatever it is you

wind up on if you are not using a condom you are going to have to like clean that up before you go from one to the other um just to make sure everybody's staying as healthy as we can through that so all right yeah so i tell you to go look at the lube so that was the thing so the aging stuff and then the the fact that it's on the data so i tell you to go to go find this and then you're like but i want but then now you're telling me dr c that i'm going to walk in and there's going to be a wall of lube and there's half of them aren't going to have the ph on them the information i need yeah know which one i should be buying yeah so if you do well that's a good question i'm glad you asked charlie what i want you to do is a little do a little research online if you feel

comfortable doing this and i i say that knowing that if you have a shared computer that might feel a little weird. I remember having a comfortable and safe. Yeah, I remember having this conversation. It was a retirement home, not like a big community, like everyone lived in the same space. And it was back in the day where like, there was that general computer in the lobby that everyone could use. Yeah. And people are like, I'm not looking. I'm not doing it. Fair. Those are also the same people. There was there was one place that I remember going to talk and we were talking about safer sex for older folks because gonorrhea chlamydia and syphilis are and hiv well hiv not so much not as fast as the others sorry let me finish the first sentence gonorrhea

chlamydia and syphilis are all on the rise in people over 50 hiv has always been an issue for people over 50 so i don't want to be like no it's new um and so i was i was at a facility and we were talking about like you need if you're going to be sexually active with new people like you need condoms and they're like how are we supposed to get them and i'm like can you just buy them and they said no we make shopping lists for folks and they go out and buy them and this one guy looked at me and he goes i ain't putting condoms on that list i was like okay that's fair um then we can talk about getting them online um so if you feel safe doing some research online i'd love for you use some research online to make it less of like a i've walked in and i'm like there's all these

loops if you're in a grocery store supermarket kind of drugstore kind of thing they may not be as knowledgeable about the types of loops that are out there so you probably want to do your own research on these yeah if you feel comfortable going into a sex shop they like charlie like you said before like these folks know their stuff yeah um and there's no judgment and there's no shame and they're really there to help and they i always find it amazing how well they know like i am now getting close to hovering so i'm gonna leave like better than any other person i've ever seen work in this oh yeah it's like the expressions of body language they all over yeah um so ask them what like i'm looking for lube like i think i'm thinking between these two

what can you tell me i kind of like the idea of buying lubes in person because some people smell is really important to them and some smell a little chemically yeah i don't know why that came out wrong um some smell too much like it'll be like here's your thing that smells like rainbows you open it and you're like oh my god it's too much rainbow um i hate the smell of roses yes yes we're like here's vanilla scented and then you're like oh like yeah yeah anything you bring in the into your sex play that's going to turn you off should not be brought into sex play so i i like the idea of going somewhere where you can like open it and smell it and kind of get an idea yeah possibly depending on where you are if there are testers because sometimes you may you

may touch it and be like yeah no thank you not that you're probably get back in the bottle but like no yeah yeah um that may not be possible you may not be comfortable going to a sex store you may not be old enough to go to a sex store because they do card um there may not be one around you may not have your own transport you may be like dr sue i'm 70 i'm not getting an uber to my local sex store um so i got it so you need to have your community hire me to come in and we'll we'll we'll do a little taste test and um no because how else are you gonna of the varietals of the varietals how else are you going to do stuff like this um so i i do love the idea of going in person if you can um if you can't if that's just not feasible if your privacy is an issue transportation whatever

it may be or it just feels weird for you i don't want you to feel weird about what you're doing so if you're like i don't feel right going to a sex store then don't go to a sex store yeah um there are lots of places you can buy it online um shops specifically that sell sex stuff that you can buy online and if that doesn't feel comfortable I hate to say Amazon because I don't want to push Amazon but you you can find stuff you can also do like brand name drugstores like cvs.com or like your local grocery online um so there are ways of getting stuff online and having it delivered to you where people don't need to know what it is but I do I do think sometimes shopping for it in person can be really important um well the other thing there too is that um

they could have samples of other kinds as well yeah but you might not and you don't have to commit to a whole bottle of a particular type of lube that that's the other reason why we are advocates for going into a sex store is because they'll have product samples and can give you at like five different brands and maybe a couple of different types water-based silicone-based oil-based so that you can figure figure it out more effectively before committing to the price of a good lube yeah yeah now also online they do have sampler packs same kind of thing like yeah like like little packages so if you just you you can also get so yeah so you can also get sample packs online um but i do like the idea of like oh i there's so many thousands of lubes that

you may not know one so if you go somewhere where they're like hey people really like this um or this has gotten a lot of good reviews or whatever it may be like that kind of dialogue yeah there's also a lot of lube is normal i want to just throw that out there we should start with that we should have using lube enjoying lube all of that is normal yeah there's this really mistaken idea out there that if you're not getting wet then there's something wrong with you or there's something wrong with your partner and i mean that may be true it may be that your partner doesn't know how to get you off um it may also be all the things we've talked about like i feel like this comes up all the time all the stuff that's going on in our

head that gets in that interferes with sex play um like our body may be like yes we're trying to turn on your brain's like but that project is due tomorrow and I don't right yeah sometimes it takes a minute for our brains to catch up and our bodies are trying super hard and we need to help them out a little bit and so having a little bit of extra lube is great or you may be on a medication that makes it difficult to self-lubricate yeah or you may be or get aroused even right um and if you're doing anal play your anus isn't going to lubricate that's not how the that's not how that works so if you're involved does not have that function no no not an option so if you're doing any kind of anal play you absolutely need lube um because that doesn't self-lubricate um if you have vagina

it may be age medication stress whatever yeah could be your partner um but i don't want to bring it back to that if you have a penis um you might enjoy not using lube because you may like the friction but you may find that lube actually makes it feel a lot more comfortable so lube is totally normal anyone who tells you that there's something wrong with you unless there is something like suddenly happening where you can't lubricate normally um sorry naturally is the word i wanted i would follow up with a doctor because that may be a sign that you're starting to go into menopause or maybe like you started a new medication and now this is happening and your doctor should be aware that that's a side effect yeah so i don't i don't want it to be like well i used to and now

i don't but dr sue says it's normal if it came out of nowhere and it's not going away i would definitely talk to her physician yeah keeping in mind that most physicians are going to be very uncomfortable by that conversation yes i uh in that vein i just i want to talk about that vein um it's a day i got an image uh talking about some of the you know the sensations that lube can help enhance there are different as i said varietals yes it's funny because that was one of the things i had next here um and and and so let's talk about that because i know i know one um can be tingly or give a warming sensation or a colon sensation yeah yeah yeah so what what are some of the different

sensations um sensation varietals out there we should totally put together a traveling program i we're trademarking that by the way um so you've got the ones that are warming um to make it feel warmer um and this is gonna really come down to what you like like i've had students talk about they had that and they were like i'm too young for hot flash what the fuck is happening because it's just like why is it so warm one person was like do i have an sti and i'm like i can't diagnose you but i'm guessing not if that was just from the use of the or if you use too much of it and then it's like super fucking hot right and you're like no no no i need a shower um there are ones that are cooling and there are ones that are numbing

and so those have lidocaine in it like a topical lidocaine oh that's a good thing if you have a numbing lube and you are using that for oral sex your mouth will go numb something to keep in mind yes or if the condom has that on it like if it has a numbing agent on it um to make the guy last longer um and you put your mouth on that yeah that's going to make your mouth go numb so be a little be a little warned um there are flavors which are some people say they're really true to the taste and some people say that they're not um and again this is about finding what you like like you might love the smell of what did you say before roses roses eat roses when people drink rose water oh let's go we'll go with the vanilla um so you might be like thank you i prefer vanilla

you know you may be like oh i love vanilla and then you go to taste and you're like that is not vanilla um and now you're turned off from the concept so um there are flavors but for the sensations it's usually into the numbing or the warming or the cooling is there um any consideration for like if you need to use a spermicide how am i doing today dr sue i feel like i'm nailing it so i used to work with a reproductive health clinic that had decided that we always said the spermicides were bad that's concerning but it's not so so what it was what it was coming from was some data that they had done with people and they found that spermicide can cause more

chances of micro tears and so it was actually increasing people's risks of getting an sti specifically hiv but i didn't know because i was young in my career and the internet didn't exist um and i couldn't look it up easily was that that research was done on sex workers who are having probably more sex than the average human so it may not have necessarily been the spermicide that was putting them at risk but the lots and lots and lots of sex but combined with the exposure yeah the exposure um but we were just kind of like no spermicides spermicides are not nearly as popular now as they were a lot of years ago um so whenever i get ready to do my condom lecture i go to the local stores to wherever i'm teaching or if i'm guest speaking

i go to i go to the locals to see what i can find it is getting harder and harder to find spermicidal condoms um so the big thing about spermicide is that people can have reactions to it reactions may be in the form of micro tears or just irritation and that can lead to infection and pain so um but yeah for the beginning of my career i was trained it was like no spermicides um and now we just don't talk about them as much because they're not as common they're just not common yeah okay cool cool cool cool good to know yeah but do you read which is a very early lesson for me of like just don't take the numbers for the numbers like read the damn study that was a message to her students

read the damn book read what's in writing yeah um okay let's see what if oh what if you can't get lube it's cost prohibitive it's it's for whatever reason you are unable you ran out and you're hot and heavy and you know you really enjoy sex play with some kind of um with some kind of lubricant some kind of aid there um what are some i don't want to say recommending because i feel like that puts us on the line yeah what are some alternatives yeah what are some um maybe common alternatives that you have heard about anecdotally that would be safest I cannot write fast enough okay um oh and another thing so many and then one more because I get these questions a lot um can I sneak in something

so I don't forget it before we do that yes especially because I do a lot of college students both at my schools that i'm at now and other schools a lot of a lot of schools have access to condoms for free for students and they will also give away lube sometimes you just got to ask for it sometimes it'll be in a pretty pretty pack and you get like the condom and you get the lube and hopefully some instructions on how to use um if you are a college student take advantage of that please while you can um i know that there is a school where they will deliver the condoms to you in your res halls and it's like a pack it's got internal care package yeah it's internal condoms external condoms information on sti testing information on how to use condoms

um the number for like the health center and loops like it's in the little packet so i just want to throw that out there if because talking about not being able to access it if you can get that for free at your colleges and universities please use that um it's like the student discount use the student thing as long as you can um okay so you don't have lube because you are too overwhelmed when you walked into the aisle oh lube with all the varietals um or you just don't know what to use or you weren't planning on having sex or masturbating or you ran out like you go to grab the bottle and there's nothing left can't afford it can't afford it it really depends and this and i'm not going to recommend specific items um it really depends on what kind of sex you're having

and if you're using condoms and what type of condom so if you're using latex condom no vaseline vaseline's great for like other things like lip balm great other parts of your body apparently it's better than like under eye cream yeah it's also better than like first aid cream for like the beauty of vaseline great but not with latex condoms um coconut oil has gotten really popular recently yeah that last word though it's oil so if you're using latex condom um not that's a no-go um baby oil same thing people are like oh like i'm giving a massage i'm using baby oil um i think the other thing to think about too when you're looking at like the different oils you might have in in your house um especially like baby oils or um body oils is there a lot

of them are highly perfumed and anything and the compounds to make them smell that way yeah can can be problematic that there can be an allergy an unknown allergic reaction there right and same with with like body lotions and stuff like that so not fun to have allergic reactions in your butt your penis or your vagina it's just not comfortable no um so yeah but i'm glad you brought up the massage oil there are massage oils that are meant to also be personal lubricants and that's how it'll i know that was very like what's with the phrasing that's how to be labeled it'll be labeled as massage oil and personal lubricant it may not even be an oil they're just using that term massage oil or massage lotion check the ingredients if it's oil-based you

know the rules now about oil-based but if it's not if it's water-based or if it's if you're giving someone a massage you're like why is this drying up so fast it's probably water-based which means it's safe to use for sex all sorts of sex and all sorts of condoms um so check it if you have one of those massage oils or the massage lotions um it can double as a lubricant and so and it'll usually save that right on there yeah um coconut oil we talked about body oil just your regular like lotions you're like just lotions again they're usually oil based nothing with menthol or cooling agent please do not use vapor rub or or anything oh sorry are you okay i just i know the sensation of needing to use like vapor rub to clear

congestion i can't imagine that around intimate areas i have gotten a very visceral reaction that may be the highlight of this whole show so um i don't think i mentioned that this would be at the beginning of the show one of the things i do is um i field sex questions from whoever wants to go to my website you submit a sex question i'm very backed up i'm about four months backed up but i will get to your question so people submit sex questions and every sunday at 9 p.m eastern i answer it all over the place medium youtubes social media well social media's link i get questions about hey partner use vapor rub on me and it's not feeling right and i'm like yes it's not feeling right try to wash that off but again it's greasy and it's oil-based so it's

going to be hard oh that's the other thing that oil it's hydrophobic yeah so oil and lube um excuse me oil and silicone lubes are going to be a little bit harder to clean up in general i know we talked about it staining fabric but also it's going to be a little bit harder to clean up than water-based lubes yeah um so people are trying that not charlie from that reaction no so yeah anything that's got menthol or touch me yeah that's a big no-no um yeah and and again just be being careful if you're allergic to latex anything that's got aloe or aloe-based products in it um i'm trying to think of other things that are pretty handy that people grab or that i've gotten questions about yeah i remember when i got the question

about the vicks vapor rub not that vicks isn't great for other things probably not so great on your genitals or your butt or inside your butt um i'm trying to think what else people might grab handy shampoo is not going to be a great i've gotten that question before um first it's probably gonna lather which is gonna make things really amusing and if you're having shower sex it could be easy to be like oh that's a liquid um it will wash off it's i would just i don't know that much about shampoo now that i'm about to say something yeah i don't know if they're water-based or oil based they they maybe some kind of combination because if it will i feel like it's got to be somewhat water-based because you rinse it yeah but again the um but we're not chemistry people

oh we have firmly established that yes um as charlie was saying earlier like the the additives the smell the things that give you know that make shampoos smell all nicey nice um the soap yeah soap is not that's going to dry out um you really don't want to put soap inside vaginas because that's going to really fuck with the ph yeah um cleaning outside like cleaning the vulvas good cleaning the outside in and around the not in sorry around the opening to the anus um not putting it inside the penis like outside topical so if it's topical not internal yeah i'm trying to think if there's anything else people might be grabbing wd-40 like don't gorilla glue but it says it's a lubricant yeah no there's a difference not that kind yeah commercial grade lube and like what you

should be using in the bedroom um i get a lot of questions about spit can i use spit you're gonna have to produce a lot of spit it may be great for like a moment and any any guy who's who's like spit into his hand to to jack off knows that you probably have to do that a few times yeah um it's gonna dry up really quickly yeah so it's gonna it's water-based it's water yeah it's water and you have to produce a lot of it yeah um blood because i get questions about having sex during a period um blood is blood which means that anything that's blood-borne pathogen can be in the blood uh it's not a hard just just from a loo perspective it's not horrible it's but but it is still blood um and so yeah contact well and it and especially during the period it's a

combination of things it's like tissue shedding and mucus like super sexy things but you know if if you know if you're not really worried about if you either know your partner's sti history and your own and you're not you know you're fluid bonded you're not really worried about that um and no one's turned off by it it's just gonna be messy yeah a lot of cleanup a lot of different cleanup yeah i'm trying to think what else i got questions on i should have like made a list um i have gotten questions about sports drinks no really fascinating can i just use sports drinks and i'm like how do you contain like how do you like the lube like when you buy lube it's got a little bit of a gel

to it like that yeah it's got some viscosity to it that's the word i wanted so the water beast um lots of dyes lots of dyes um and some of those i believe can stain i don't really know enough about all the sports and sports drinks and things like that yeah um i mean if you were really stuck some bottled water could work but you're gonna have to reapply a lot a lot a lot depending on how long you have sex um so yeah be careful just be careful just think about what it is and whether or not you want it in your body yeah and i know some people are like i put coconut oil in my body all the time i'm like okay but maybe not your vagina right yeah and maybe not if you're using latex condoms definitely not if you're using latex condoms hold on i'm trying to

see if there's anything else the sports drink was one i remember it gets someone asked me at a live event and i'm like and they had a drink in their hand like that's all your eyes could focus on that's what i'm like because i was just like how would you even do that like because it's not gonna like do you pour it i pouring it on while you're having sex i don't i feel like that's that just seems so excessive unnecessarily messy yeah i don't know if that i'm sure just from like and not from like i'm i'm judging that you wanted to use that because you're gonna if you're in a moment and you just you want to get off you're gonna try and figure something out but then the i'm thinking of the aftermath yeah yeah i know i've seen those kinds of images come through like

people are having sex and they're like champagne everywhere and i'm like alcohol burns yeah yeah so maybe not anything with alcohol that's probably good rule of thumb nothing no rubbing alcohol i get that one no rubbing alcohol I had a guy who asked me a question at a lot after the live event he was like yeah can I ask you a question he's like my penis is really raw and I'm like okay like are you what happened yeah like tell me more and he's like well I've been masturbating and all we have is rubbing alcohol I'm like okay I think I solved this one pretty quick I'm like he he was in horrible pain because it's rubbing alcohol i mean it's meant to dry shit out yes and it was yeah well i didn't kill and kill anything it touches yeah so i just told him the whole

microbiome is fucked yeah so i told him just to leave that alone for a while and let it peel on its own if it didn't get better like go to the doctor but yeah he was yeah baby he's rubbing yeah which now now i'm like trying to remember all the things people have asked me over the years toothpaste i don't think i've ever gotten that question um it's gel enough that you could there's so many chemicals in that that i'd be worried about it and again the aftermath and some of them like some of the smells like some of them are very smelly especially the kids ones anything with mint i'm having like a same vapor rub kind of reaction yeah yeah not as badly as you did that was that was a reaction i just it's so strong it is um yeah just be careful with

whatever you're grabbing that would just be my advice um i know like i'd love to say like make sure you always have your sex pantry all stocked um but the truth is that sometimes we just don't think about it or we've run out or there are more important things or we have to choose between paying a bill and buying some lube um so yeah yeah just be careful with what you grab think about think about what you're putting in your body or someone else's body yeah so those are those are the takeaways for me lube is normal lube is absolutely 100 normal one wanting it or needing it is absolutely normal think about what you're putting in your body or other people's bodies and on them and um don't use vapor rub not that there's anything wrong

with vapor rub for i yeah i look for allergies needing to clean clear up nasal congestion a chest cold whatever but not not near my lady flower lady flower okay if you go to use something as a lube that's just my thing like if you go to grab something as a lube and the person's like what the fuck are you doing that's now yeah okay so sorry so lube is 100% normal to you need or want or both maybe you locate just fine but you really love the smell of that lube and it's going to turn you on um just make sure you're getting something that works with what you're doing and something that works with your body if it's for solo play and then understanding your partner's body for sex play partnered sex play because as we talked about

some of these have can have severe allergic reactions to those who have those allergies shellfish latex nuts nuts not balls nuts yeah and just do a little bit of homework yeah do a little bit of homework do some reading it can be really easy to get overwhelmed so i wouldn't just be like what lube should i buy because you will just go through well first you'll get porn and then you'll go through thousands of thousands of pages so um there are companies sex stores where they have a lot of really good information in their online sites but you can also just go to like your generic um drugstore drugstore yeah and and you'll be able to read labels and then you'll be like oh

that sounds interesting let me just do a little research so the good news is once you do the research you may not have to do it again for a while if it if it works for you yeah and and one thing i will say is if if it works for you ky is a good solid brand no i'm thinking that we did that one for ph and i'm trying to remember if we were able to find the ph for that one oh okay so if if it's a problem but but also it's it's especially for those who are like it's a good like gateway lube right because they've got they've got ones for sensation they've got just the pure just lube no scent no nothing um so it's it can be a way to start discovering lube and and playing with lube during sex play or solo play but check the ph yeah check check

to see if you can find that ph easily definitely ph on issue by the way if you're just using it on or around penises but if the penis is going into thing i don't know where that penis was going up river apparently it's a windy road um so yeah different different definitely check that out i just feel like all of a sudden i felt like we'd done that one in class and we couldn't find it so i'm not sure i don't know that's good to know i had so that's good to know all right lube is normal don't be afraid of it yes sorry for people who aren't watching fine fine lube sampler packs yes yes and don't be afraid to ask questions and if you know and we're here for them yeah yeah and if you've got questions you want to ask us like you can send them to us we can

always do follow-ups yeah don't use vapor rub all right thank you everyone for joining us on this episode of unzipping taboos we hope today's episode sparked new thoughts open up we'll open up conversations worth having, maybe spark some new curiosities. Because curiosity is the key to breaking down barriers and embracing a healthier understanding of sex and relationships. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who you think might need to hear this. And if you've got a question or a topic you would like us to unzip, please feel free to reach out to us via the link in the episode description we want to give a very special shout out to best friend of the show ali o'brien for our incredible theme music thank you ali i

should you know what i should do our best friend of the show and composer ali o'brien yes yes for our incredible theme music ali i'm so i am i apologize for taking me so long to add composer to that. So anyway, thank you, Allie. It's amazing. And until next time, everyone, keep the conversation going, keep unzipping those taboos, and take care.