Unzipping Taboos: Candid Conversations about Sex - Sexual Milestones: Who said you only get one first time?

Episode Date: June 4, 2025

In this episode, we’re taking a fresh look at sexual milestones—the kind that don’t revolve around “losing your virginity.” That term? It’s vague, outdated, and honestly, we’re not fans of that term. So instead of centering one arbitrary moment in your sexual journey, we’re celebrating all the deeply personal “firsts” that shape our sexual lives: the first time you had an orgasm, the first time you got tested for STIs, the first time you tried a sex toy, or talked about a kink with a partner.These moments may not get talked about much, but they matter. A lot.We talk about the emotional weight of these experiences, especially if you are healing from trauma, navigating body changes, or just trying something new later in life. We even touch on milestones like choosing to end a relationship that is no longer right for you—a powerful act of self-care that deserves recognition too.It’s all about curiosity, compassion, and shifting the narrative around what it means to grow sexually. No matter your history or where you are in your journey, we hope this conversation helps you embrace your own timeline and feel seen in the “firsts” that you’re excited about.If you have a story, thoughts and/or a topic or question for Dr. Sue and Charlie please share your ideas here:  ⁠Show suggestionsTake a listen to Dr Sue talk about virginity on Talk Sex With Annette here: Virginity is a scam!

Hey everyone, welcome to Unzipping Taboos, candid conversations about sex with Dr. Susan Charlton. We're here to dive into the topics of sex and sexuality that you might be curious about but don't always feel comfortable talking about. No judgment, just open, honest conversations, so zip down and let's get candid. Today, we're going to get candid about kind of what I think I like to call beyond virginity, like the first times, celebrating first times other than your first physical encounter with sex.

But before we do that, before we unzip that taboo, I'm here with Dr. Sue. Hey, Dr. Sue. Hey, Charlie. My longtime badass friend. I'm going to stick with that one. I like that. even though we stole it from someone else yeah yeah who will be joining us who will be joining us yes in a future episode i'm very excited about that we'll stay tuned listeners more about that to

come unless we do this out of order in which case we've just screwed ourselves well you know sitcoms do it all the time so it's fine so either you would know who the person is or you will know who the person is. Your optimism is always so contagious, Dr. Sue. Said no one ever to me. Ever. On that note, my dear longtime badass friend, Dr. Sue, do you want to talk a little bit about your background for our listeners

before we unzip? I guess I can't just say I'm the co-host of the show, huh? I mean, you could. I could. Yeah, I'll get them somewhere. So I have been doing sex education in academia and in the real world. I love when I call outside of academia the real world. In academia and also in the real world.

Live events, work with community groups, also basically anyone who wants to listen to me talk about sex. and i also am hey dr sue from in from social media so you can find me on instagram and all that stuff but people will submit their anonymous sex questions and once a week i answer one and i put it all over the place um so that and uh yeah the podcast that's that's that's my thing i do actually have a background do i need to like do the actual official background sorry we're having a mood today. It's towards the end of the work week. Spring is springing in all the allergenic ways. So Charlie might be a little high on her allergy medicine. So this should be fun. Okay. So for those of you who don't know Charlie outside of being high on

her allergy medicine. She is our curious co-host who is always, always ready to talk about all those taboo topics that we as a culture so rarely talk about. Do you want to tell us more? No, I think that sums it up. Okay, cool. So let's dive in. Okay. a kid a kid uh dr sue and i have been friends for many a year and found that we had a kinship as far as challenging taboos and talking um unashamedly about topics surrounding sex and sexuality um and i am intrinsically a person that does enjoy challenging taboos and expectations

expectations society puts on me as a woman. And so and I enjoy talking into a microphone and with my friend, Dr. Sue. And so here we are. We're going to talk about firsts other than your virginity. So to get into this, I think that I would like us to start with this idea of what counts as a milestone, a sexual milestone. And does that even matter? No. There we go. Thank you. Have a good night. Thank you for joining us on this episode of because milestones are so they're so personal they're very subjective very subjective yeah can i do a little bit about kind of how we wound up here absolutely so the person we were alluding to before who called me a long time badass and it's kind of stuck um is annette from talk sex

with annette and we're not really sure the order of episodes you may have already heard her and if you or she may be coming up soon who knows um but i was on her show talking about virginity and we'll put a link to that show in our description um so we were talking about virginity and like we talk about losing our virginity and we also have our own episode about virginity and how much i hate that term um because we so rarely actually define it we just all assume it and we know what it means right so from one person if they go oh i lost my virginity you assume they meant penile vaginal intercourse which they probably did but it can mean so many different things like you can engage in so many behaviors with a partner or by yourself before ever engaging

in penile vaginal intercourse or maybe never engaging in it but still having a happy healthy sexual life so that term is just the term is the term so it comes with a lot of baggage we very rarely define it which is really my big irritating thing and then we just it's this whole idea of like losing something and I don't want to reiterate our whole episode that you and I did or the one I did with Annette but it just so I was coming out of that episode and having that discussion and then we were kind of figuring out like what do we want to talk about yeah yeah and so we wound up here yeah And so starting off with, I think, off of that kind of springboarding off of that, rethinking this idea of firsts as the sexual milestones.

Because as you say, everybody, when someone says they lose their virginity, there is tends to be an assumption that we that we are all operating from the same definition of what that means. and that it's the only thing that we ever take note of and the only quote i mean maybe there's first kiss like first french kiss oh forgot about first kiss yeah but those are like the two that people and society just always kind of points to makes movies about makes sitcom episode sitcom episodes about me you know um so so i would say that maybe the cultural first milestones are really first penetrative penis vaginal penetrative sex and first kiss i had to let me just say let me just say. I hesitated on the pronunciation because I was getting a memory of a mispronunciation of

vaginal. And I had to catch myself. Gotcha. Okay. So apologies, everyone for that awkward pause. So I think what what we are thinking about is, what is a personal milestone for me is a personal milestone for me like my first date is it what are what are your personal milestones based off of maybe you're just internal hopes that you haven't really communicated with anybody versus what society and culture has conditioned you to think are the first to celebrate and then is there is there a consideration for so you've had what you feel is a first milestone in your sexual journey is there a consideration or an understanding that is needed of what the what like your doctor might consider a first right most doctors at least for women are only

going to be worried about the first time they've had penetrative intercourse because that's when they feel those conversations should start about contraception and birth control um yeah and if you're not sexually active the way they define it they may not be having conversations with you about sti testing and yeah and so that gets into the implication of like what what is celebrated and what kind of lives in silence you know if uh i think when we were well i know not i think But I know when we were having our pre-episode conversation, I was thinking of someone who may have been closeted for a long time, has come out and has had their first experience, sexual experience that aligns with their sexuality, their sexual identity, all of those things. but that's not really celebrated in a similar way that heteronormative firsts around sexual experiences are celebrated.

Well, and it's hard for me to use the word celebrated with virginity because the way we phrase it, like losing your virginity is not celebrated. Well, unless you're a guy. Well, right. Sorry, I caught it. Because that was part of our virginity episode, this idea of someone loses it, someone takes it. Yep.

And it tends to be along the males take it, gender, the male gender takes it, and the female gender has to hold on to it. And then when they decided to, then they lost it. So there's like conquer and defeat. Do we want to talk about some things that we, I know I have a list. The reason I'm asking is do you want to is because I have a handy dandy list right here. of things that may be things that are really not and not like they may not be huge for everyone but they may still be important milestones for whatever reason it is to that person so i don't know if we wanted to start talking yeah i think talking about milestones that kind of we skip

over because it's not again it's not that social that mainstream socially conditioned first or milestone to be celebrating out loud okay where would you like to start why is it me because you have a list I feel like you set yourself up for that so so for some folks it may be their first orgasm and that might be on their own or that might be with a partner or both and that's exciting that can be exciting absolutely especially when you realize it's probably nothing like porn yeah oh watching porn for the or getting porn for the first time you know the old school magazines that are still out there that some people prefer but like watching porn for the first time i know that some of my students talk about the first time

they ever watch porn and like a lot of them are underwhelmed so I don't know if it's something that they want to actually celebrate they're like is this all there is um but for some people it's whether it's because of where they are you know especially if you're watching porn online and they're checking your IP address not like stalking you but for age verification um and for some States, Pornhub is no longer available. Decision made by Pornhub. So it could be like the entering this world and realm where like this information is easily accessible to you and it's a little taboo and it's a little exciting. You get to explore. Could be the first time using a sex toy for those of you that have listened to our sex toy episodes. We just circle back. Thank you.

but yeah the excitement of of discovering oh this this toy got me right away mm-hmm and the euphoria of that and then but how because and again in some of our in our sex toys episode there can be certain implied shame around using a sex toy so you just kind of live with that excitement of that milestone by yourself who who who do you get to celebrate that with who gets to go fuck yeah and give you a high five for you know getting getting the toy and and and enjoying it and and getting to to that orgasm that a different type of orgasm that maybe you never had before giving you a high five after you've cleaned the toy and stored it and washed your hands and stored it correctly yeah um hygiene is important listeners or even the idea of like

getting the sex toy in the first part i mean we talked about this in the episode on like how to buy a sex toy i don't think that's what it's called um but again and so so the reason i'm talking about my students a lot is that for one of the papers that my students write for my college class they have to go experience something new there are rules like it's got to be legal it's got to you know they got to be able to look me in the eye when it's done i had to institute that after very graphic paper um that was a fun one uh but but for a lot of them they choose to go to a sex toy store for the first time ever and for some of them there's a letdown um when i was still living in the when i was still living in the washington dc area they went to one and there

was like a there was like the sex toy version of a bodega cat living there but it was amusing because they went i had i had someone went with another person in the class But then another person went with another person. So we had two random pairs who actually ran into each other at the store and they all talked about the cat. So I don't know what was up with that with the cat at the sex toy shop. But they talked about like the nervousness of approaching the store. And I get that wherever I've taught. It's always been like that. If I go to the store, like is someone going to be there? like the unless you're in like your hometown and there's a very small hometown like the chances of you running into a stranger at a sex toy shop um but it's like that excitement and then they walk in and they're like and they're overwhelmed so even just the get like going to the shop if that's what they're doing or buying the toy or having a conversation with the person who works there or no and then even if you've done all that before going with a partner i mean there's so many

things that could be like celebrated in this, in this idea of like, yeah, I've gone and bought my own sex toy, blah, blah, blah, blah. And now you're like, you want to go with me? Like, if you've done that before, that's a great way of opening up conversation. Yeah. And exploring a level of intimacy. There's also to, to go off of that the first time, maybe there's a first time that you've expressed a kink. Like you finally have a partner. You feel you finally have a partner who will receive this information won't won't feel intimidated won't make you feel like they are intimidated or judging you or when they say no that they're if not when if let me correct that if they say no to that kink that they won't shut you out or shame you for it

they're just like you know I can't do that with you but let's let's explore who can let's find an outlet for that kink because that's important your enjoyment is important i mean that's a huge first for many people is just being able to say the desire out loud and finding the language to do it especially if you've never engaged in it like trying to find that language of like i don't even know how to say the words sometimes or and that's i mean my thing is always showing them if you can through video but yeah um but i want to play off something there that you brought up that tickled my brain can i go there yes explore the tickle it was the idea you said about feeling safe enough to tell someone that sense of safety can present itself in so many

ways and so many firsts so whether it's like the first time you're getting naked with someone i know you may be like really we're talking about the first time you're getting naked with someone but for some people that could be a huge thing especially if they've had some kind of major injury or illness that has changed their body in such a way that they've never felt comfortable getting naked like that that can be a huge win like or if you've had you know gender affirming surgery and it's your first time like sharing your new body with your partner but that sense of safety is so important especially for folks who are coming out of trauma like yes that first time you feel safe is a huge even if you don't do much like even if you're just cuddling

naked or getting naked or having conversation or that sense of safety for and for some people I think we may disappoint some people because I think some people might be like I've never had that sense of safety and i'm sorry if that's you um and hopefully we'll help you find it somehow but that idea of feeling safe with someone coming off of whatever it is getting rid of a you know a lifetime of shame brought up by your religious background um a lifetime of body shaming depending on what you look like like there's body dysmorphia right there's for some people that first time and i've talked to people who've kind of navigated whatever that first may have been and they talk about how they were crying in the moment and they were like

you know I didn't I didn't want to like turn my partner off that they thought I was crying like it was so miserable and I'm like well I'm hoping that if you felt that safe your partner got it but but that idea of I feel so safe with you that I can bear my soul or bear my body or bear my deep dark secrets or yeah there's there's a level of safety that that can be a really amazing first to celebrate if you reach it yeah absolutely absolutely the um continuing on this uh idea of first to be celebrated um it's your first time getting naked wanting to be intimate being wanting to be touched after perhaps a severe illness that you've come through to the other side on. Yeah, I can I go off that? Sorry. Yep. So I used to do some work with prostate cancer

survivors. And the treatment for that can be a little nasty on your body. And this guy came into the group once. And he's like, I had my first erection. I don't know. I don't think he did anything with it. I mean, I think he celebrated it. I don't know if he dressed it up, took a photo. He probably took a photo knowing him. But he was so excited at having, you know, that first erection. And to him, it was his like, I'm really healing. Like, I'm really getting past this prostate cancer, even though his doctors had assured him everything looked good. Like that first erection after prostate cancer treatment was so powerful for him gosh i imagine it it made made him feel a sense of himself again yeah he wasn't fighting he wasn't constantly

getting treatments he wasn't constantly going to appointments it was it was his air quote old self yeah his pre his pre-cancer self and that's incredible that's beautiful women surviving getting through a breast cancer journey wanting to be naked again as as you were talking about feeling safe and comfortable to bear their new body that has the incredible journey that they've navigated through and come out the other side to that's that's beautiful mm-hmm and and for some women post childbirth it's a brand new body yeah well well it's a different it's a different body right it's not brand new of all the changes that a woman's body goes through um being pregnant yep your your bone structure changes your whole everything

so so if something I think for me this this idea is if something feels like a milestone and you are alone or with a partner say hey this this feels this is really important to me and this is kind of like, this is a first for me. Um, so I'm excited and I just wanted to let you in to celebrate with me. And if you're on your own and you have a friend that you know, you can talk to about these things, um, celebrate it with them. And if you don't reach out to us, we'll celebrate with you. Absolutely. Absolutely. We'll send you a virtual high five. I was wondering after you wash your hands it was funny because one of the things i was thinking about um we don't see it as much anymore but we saw it about 10 years ago that people were celebrating divorce it was this

idea that yeah i remember those i don't know where they went oh they're around what was the idea for those of you who haven't heard of it it's this idea that if weddings start with cake and champagne they should they should end with cake and champagne and I know some of the conversations I've had with people especially if they're getting divorced it's like depending on the divorce and why it's happening they kind of gear up to tell people like you can just see their defenses raising and I I don't come from that perspective because I almost said I don't believe in love but I've already been called pessimistic twice this week I don't need it again I do believe in love sort of um but but but I had I had someone that I knew who was like hey I'm getting divorced I'm

like oh my god that's great and you could just see her whole body relax and she's like what and I'm like it's you've been miserable for a while I assume this is a good thing right and she's like you're not going to console me I'm like what do you want I can want I know I can do whatever you need here but i had seen how miserable she had been and how unsafe she felt and this was this huge thing but she'd always kind of gotten these defenses because she knew that with most people she's like i got a divorce i'm like oh so sorry i'm so sorry it failed like that was the language we were using i'm so sorry the marriage failed it didn't fail it doesn't work anymore right it changed right so yeah so either divorce itself or since we know fewer people are getting married

getting out of a relationship that's not good for you anymore like yeah you're probably going to still go through all the things you do with a breakup but if we could put that spin of like next chapter or if it was hard for you to get out for whatever reason like I got out like I ended that relationship this was good for me this was good for them because relationships ending or just relationships ending it doesn't mean someone failed right unless someone did and I can think of several but then unless there was a trigger yeah that was unplanned but then people call me a pessimist yeah how dare you i know but how dare you it's so funny because i when i talk about love in my class and i joke i'm like all right here we go love and relationships really simple

everybody ready no such thing don't get in one have a good day um and that would be the first time i got called a pessimist in the last week um but we we talk about different theories of love And I'm not going to get into all of them now, mostly because I don't have my PowerPoints. But we talk about this concept of ending and I'm not I don't want people being like, woohoo, every relationship is deserves to end. But I think one of the things we don't do in this country is we don't acknowledge that ending is not failure. Right. So just to make sure I'm on track where people are, my students can vote in my class using their phones. And I ask them, like, do you know someone who would be better off getting out of the relationship they're in? would you like to guess how what percentage said yes 96 100 i had never felt more validated

so i feel like you do that poll just to validate your pessimism pretty much i would too if i were in your space see i told you no but it's this dialogue and then you know if they feel comfortable and there's that that always exists in my space like if you feel comfortable and you want to share can you talk about why with some of these relationships and it's always like they're not a good fit they don't respect each other they're both cheating there is mental or verbal or physical abuse there's you know all these things that we're like yeah yeah those are probably good reasons for it to end and yet we still associate ending a relationship with failure of some sort so my thing is if if it feels right for you celebrating the

of something whether it's divorce long-term partnership or whatever it may be yeah oh you spent all that money on the bachelor or bachelorette party spend the money on the divorce party right yeah and see who's still in your life yeah go through the original invite list do you get your same bridesmaids showing up um the next place i'd like to go with this discussion is uh kind of timelines regarding milestones um implied timelines like oh you hit this age surely you've lost your virginity you know there's a whole movie yeah the 40 year old virgin 40 year old virgin and he's a punchline throughout the movie until he has sex um so that pressure of right time, right age, choosing or through choice or circumstance, choosing, if you can,

your first sexual experience, perhaps later in life, or coming out and discovering new aspects of your sexuality later, like midlife or beyond. You know, maybe there's a lot, maybe you were in a long-term relationship and you lost your partner to death or, you know, through or death or divorce and you never really, maybe you were high school sweethearts. I don't know how common that is anymore, but I, it's out there and good for you if you're happy and still in it. But, um, you had a long-term partner and that maybe you got together in your late teens, early twenties and had, and then lost them in your, in your fifties or sixties. like there's a whole new discovery there and so i i do think along the idea of acceptable celebratory milestones first kiss first time um there is an implication of

you hit this age you should have hit this milestone well maybe you didn't want to maybe you didn't maybe you're air quote late bloomer whatever the fuck that means um some people just are on different paces right yeah and and what's interesting from having taught all over the country um depending on the culture of some of the people i've been working with it is expected that they will stay i don't want to see virgins that they will delay their first time celibate yes that they'll still sell like um that they'll still say they will stay celibate until they're married and it's not just one like it's a couple places where that's that's normal and expected and prized and so it's interesting to go from like different areas of the country

and see very very different experiences with that and then how that's changing so business insider had done an article on this and actually i hear it from my students um that they're waiting longer to have sex and so the things the pressure that our generation may have had or the generations after us the newer generations like meh not really needing it right now so we are like it does change these timelines are so arbitrary and they have a lot to do with your gender and your upbringing your religion your culture and also like the generation that you're in it's just a very different feel right now so it's exciting to watch that happen yeah and i and i would just say if you don't want to and you are in i i realize that this will be a privileged informed statement

but if you don't want to you don't have to no matter what your age is yep it's it's your body your body your choice yeah and i think i think we are starting to see some more conversations about um i don't know if it's conversations i think we're hearing about it happening but i don't most people aren't sitting down and being like yes have you noticed that our generation is waiting longer like that that conversation does not happen right um but it's interesting to see how those norms are changing and being being challenged and changing yeah i think also a lot of that has been helped question mark question mark uh with like tiktok and quick bite-sized videos of people

saying hey this is younger generations going i don't want to and i don't have to so no yeah not gonna and i think it's really important because like i'll get questions of you know i had sex and i didn't love it what's wrong with me like nothing there's nothing wrong with you and it's okay to then decide to be absent or celibate whichever term you prefer um for as long as you're asexual yeah well that's more of an orientation so you know we don't choose orientations charlie that's true that is true but but i think it's giving permission for people to to kind of reclaim that and be like this is I'm choosing to be celibate or absent for now for whatever that means for you yeah have any other thoughts on air quote late bloomers

yeah just not to feel the pressure and I know that's hard and I know it's hard when we're being smacked around with this idea that everyone's everyone's doing it even though we know that that's not statistically true statistics don't make you feel better when your friends seem like they are um so just yeah just to relax and enjoy the ride and wherever that ride takes you and or maybe you're not choosing not to get on the ride right now um but it's everybody yeah i think that's the whole theme is that it's everyone's journey and that may look different and that's okay yeah i would just say late bloomers is a construct that you don't have to subscribe to it's a social your timeline is your timeline yeah you don't have you

not have to yeah um so going back yes I have some sexual health ones because that's my background okay because I did kind of skip over my background so I do I have a bachelor's and master's degree in health education so I'm always kind of coming at it from this health education lens and then I PhD in human sexuality education the first time you go get tested STI tested that's incredibly important and should be celebrated i was working at a clinic that we we served kids in the area like 15 to 19 year old kids um and we had a couple come in it was it was a date they were getting tested as part of their date and it was adorable i loved it oh i love that yeah but then one of them was positive for gunnery and we never saw them again but that's

not the moral of the story no uh but but they like getting tested is a big thing and getting tested on your own is a big thing and getting making the decision and this is i'm gonna go after the younger generation right now because i know we're having lots of conversations about delayed adolescence and but um when i was teaching in the south well so delay letting go of your kids i mean there's a whole we could whatever we're not we're not getting into that but at a student when i was teaching in the south and she was in her she was 20 or 21 she was in her 20s and she was describing to me some things that were happening and it absolutely sounded like she had a bacterial and sti either chlamydia or gonorrhea absolutely sounded like it i was like

you really should go get tested and get treated and her answer was i can't and that worries me whenever i hear someone say i can't take care of my health i get like are you in a controlling situation like what's going on behind the scenes they um her mom had her location on her phone yeah and she didn't want to have to explain to her mother where she was going you know and old school me is like just get a paper map and figure it out um but i also understand that her mother would have not respected her choices like i get get there are so many layers here um and i hope she got that taken care of but but that idea of getting tested either on your own insurance or your parents insurance or you know making your

first appointment or going down there and having that conversation like maybe saying out loud like i'm and you don't have to engage in any sex play i always think it's a good idea to just get in the habit of getting tested whether you're having sex or not that you don't you don't want to wait until you're scared and panicked right so i think everyone should go every six months as long as your insurance is covering it but like saying those words out loud like yes yeah engaged in these behaviors and i'm trying to be safe and healthy um so getting tested if if condoms are a thing from you like getting your first ones that could be exciting now at the university i'm teaching at now they will deliver them to your dorms so sorry res all so i don't i don't know

if that counts but like the first time well it counts for people who don't go to college and live on campus yeah or like people who you know even putting in that order form may feel super like because it's an online form um or the first time you talk to a doctor about hormonal methods or just like the first time you take charge of the agency and autonomy of your body and respecting the decisions you're making with another person involved i think those are huge and they are yeah and i think it's so you can be a teenager and not have your parents depending on state that you're in you can be a teenager like 16 i'm talking and and get reproductive health without your parents permission i don't have the list in front of me of which states are and which

states aren't and if we could teach people to like start that behavior and taking responsibility for yourself like that's an amazing part of like yeah like my body is important to me my health is important to me you're important to me which is why i'm getting tested like yeah that would make me happy you see i'm not always pessimist no you're not it's gonna be the name of the episode dr c's pessimism sometimes she's aspirational not often so yeah sometimes she's still from still from new york yep it's not my native language not our default setting um i think that's all that that is that's incredibly important those are incredibly

important first especially as you are becoming coming into your sexuality and your sexual your sex journey as a teen into a young adulthood and what you say about just kind of making it a habit as long as you can and have access to getting STI testing and having those conversations with your doctor, the more that you do that, the less scary it becomes when it becomes a question, the less taboo maybe. Ooh, you're unzipping your own taboo when you do that. um the other thing the other firsts that i think are incredible are you know maybe you've been in a long-term long-term relationship and it's just been kind of habitual you have this roommate that

you know whatever but then so you've had a dry spell for however long um and you guys the the intimacy is reignited for the first time and the desire is reignited for the first time and and engaging in that intimacy whatever it is if it's sex play if it's sitting talking having a glass of wine together naked whatever is that that intimacy that had been missing that's a first and i know i said reignited but it's a first because it is the first in that relationship in your guys's relationship together that should that is to be celebrated and share you know shared with whoever you can be like yeah we did this too bad there's not like badges like like right girl scout badges or gamify it right seriously level up yeah certain certain emojis

you can use with like your your close friend group that just mean like the little first place emoji did it um there used to be a website called uh I just had sex.com and you could like yeah I don't think it exists anymore or maybe it does I don't know it sounds very late 90 90 right yeah you could see like you could put in like the genders of the people involved and like any notes you wanted to like that i mean as as tongue-in-cheek as that is it's it's still a way of like celebrating what you were doing we talked a little bit about this uh at the top of the episode but the trying something new i just want to reiterate that that first is absolutely to be celebrated. And Dr. Sue is very excited because our lists have converged and we're on the same

checklist item. Going to a sex club for the first time. Yeah. Such a freeing experience for people. Whether or not they do anything, like you can just be there and hang out and absorb the scene. Like you don't have to be in the play. Like you can just watch it all happening. But for some people that being in a space with strangers and watching some pretty wild stuff for you I mean it's probably not wild for them like that is can be such a freeing experience and I do I think you should get like a little thumbs up badge when you leave because like that's that's a I'm putting my own value I think it's a really cool experience for people to do the first time and the second time and the third and however many times well I think I think the reason why you say that is that is one

of oddly one of the most taboo spaces and so to to get yourself and perhaps your partner um to go there to get maybe together or individually or um saying I don't like I don't mind if you go it's not for me I'm not there yet but please if you're curious go that's it's so beautiful and it does i think drop a lot of the shame taboo around sex play because you see people that you would probably walk by on the street and never know um i think it normalizes a lot of sex play in a in a very impactful way and even if even if you can't get to a club because maybe there is none around or you don't know where to start right or you would feel really uncomfortable going to that um maybe the first time like exploring this idea of

kink maybe your first time getting online and exploring it with other people in chat rooms or on a website like I feel like every time you do a new exploration it should be something like uh yeah like that was a thing yeah that was your first and it was beautiful i feel like i feel like i wish it was every time do you remember the song by lonely island i just had sex where they have like fireworks and a cake and like like that would be amazing if it was every time someone had a first experience it was something to be so that was wanted and we're assuming a lot of consent here um yeah yeah that's a good qualifier for the basis of this episode yeah we do know that there are other episodes we could have around first that are the other side of

this right but i think i think this idea of like oh well i've done it all i don't know if you've done it all i feel like there's always something new to try and i think that that for some folks it's like okay like we've done all the things but have you like if you make it this thing of like what else can we do that's new even if it's not you know maybe the kink isn't your thing maybe going buying a sex toy you're like yeah dr c there's no way i'm not doing that maybe it's having a conversation you've never had with your partner or maybe it's having sex with the lights on maybe you've never done that like there's so many different things and i feel like sometimes people are like well i've had sex like 50 times so like i've done it all not if you're doing the

same sex every time and so first time new position first time new position first time yeah i mean there's so many things out there and I just especially for people who've been together for a while I get this this thing from them of like oh it's so boring oh and I know we've talked about this in other episodes oh it's it's like scripted there's so many new things you can do and they don't have to be as extreme as going to a sex club or you know going on learning about kinks if that's not your thing it could be something as simple as having sex in a different room in your house like there's so many things you could try that would help make it more fun and if you don't have a partner and you wish you did because not everyone who wants a partner can find a

partner um if there are things that you can find to celebrate that make you feel like you are still being a sexually you know healthy human being like there are things you can do yeah and i think it goes back to what we said at the top of this is that this is subjective in many ways and so if it's a first for you and it excites you that that is a first that you put yourself out there to experience that's awesome and as I said before if you don't have if it's that you don't have a partner to share it with or a close friend or friend circle to share it with reach it reach out to us we'll celebrate with you any other wrapping up thoughts dr sue around this i don't i feel like we got all the things i just i i just want sex to be something that's positive

oh see there is positive there um i want people to have fun i want people to enjoy what they're doing and i and i do know that saying even those words may go against your upbringing so i want to acknowledge that but yeah you know i i just won't want people feeling like oh my first time like that was all there was to look forward to. There's so many other things to look forward to. Mm-hmm. And being able to find those opportunities and have that curiosity and unzip some of those conditioned things that you've grown up with or have lived with, it can really enhance just your life experience overall, not just sex play, but looking for the excitement in that wonder of a first time for something that feels unique, regardless of if you've had sex, maybe

it was a unique emotional connection with a partner for the first time that you haven't felt before. That's something to be celebrated. So, so find the wonder, everyone. All right. Well, I want to thank you all for joining us on this episode of Unzipping Taboos. And we hope that our episode today sparks some new thoughts and may open up some conversations worth having. Remember that your curiosity is the key to breaking down these taboos and embracing a healthier understanding of sex and relationships. If you enjoyed the show, please subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who might need to hear this or who might enjoy hearing this for the first time, maybe. um and if you've got a question or a topic you want us to dive into reach out to us via the link in the episode if you enjoyed this episode or any other episode please feel free to leave a comment your thoughts we want to engage with you and um and if you have a first that you haven't been

able to celebrate that was consensual and didn't harm anyone um please reach out to us and share um we also want to give a special shout out to ali o'brien for incredible theme music thank you ali and until next time keep the conversation going keep unzipping those taboos and everyone take care Thank you.