Unzipping Taboos: Candid Conversations about Sex - Think About It Before You Stick It In: What to Know Before You Buy Sex Toys

Episode Date: May 28, 2025

Think about it before you stick it in! In this episode, we unzip the do's and don'ts of shopping for sex toys — because when it comes to your body (and your fun), a little knowledge goes a long way. We break down why non-porous materials like silicone, stainless steel, and body safe plastic are the best options, and why you should steer clear of porous materials like jelly and wood (yep, even if it looks cute).We also get into the nitty-gritty of toy care: how to clean, store, and maintain your toys so they stay safe, fun, and ready for action. Thinking of grabbing a random veggie or a household item? We share why that’s a risky idea.We highlight tips for shopping smart, whether you're hitting up a local boutique for a personalized experience or browsing trusted online retailers like Adam and Eve. We even touch on things you might not have thought about, like noise levels, discreet designs, and toys for people with medical or mobility considerations.Whether you're shopping for your first toy or upgrading your collection, we are here to help you navigate the shelves (and the search results) with confidence. It’s all about making choices that feel good, are safer, and support your pleasure — however you define it.If you have a story, thoughts and/or a topic or question for Dr. Sue and Charlie please share your ideas here:  ⁠Show suggestionsIf you want to ask Dr Sue a sex question for the weekly Q&A you can submit it here: Ask a question

Hi everyone, welcome to Unzipping Taboos, candid conversations about sex with Dr. Sue and Charlie. We're here to dive into the topics of sex and sexuality that you might be curious about, but don't always feel comfortable talking about. No judgment, just open, honest conversation. So zip down and let's get candid. Today's episode, we, for those of you that may listen in order, we did an episode about sex toys and kind of wrangling your feelings around wanting, maybe wanting to explore sex

toys, or you found your partner has a sex toy that you didn't know about. So more about the kind of, I don't know, shame and feelings surrounding sex toys. Well, today, we're going to talk about so now you've dealt, maybe process some of those feelings, and maybe you want to get a sex toy. So we're going to talk about buying sex toys, engaging with sex toys, that kind of thing today. But before we do, Dr. Sue. Hey, Charlie. Hi, how's it going? Going well. Good. I'm glad to hear that. Would you like to tell our esteemed audience a little bit about how you've become a longtime badass as a sex educator? I'm not sure. It's funny because we were just talking about how I often skip this part to try to get to the meat of it. And one of my former students

called me out. I was like, why are you skipping all the things about you? I'm like, oh, so I'm going to do a longer than normal intro for me, which feels like 10 minutes, but will probably be all of 20 seconds, but probably get to kind of reestablish my creds. So I have a PhD in human sexuality education. And on the academia side of life, I have been teaching in multiple colleges and universities across the country as i try to find my forever home um so i've worked with public private school public schools private schools for uh four year two year graduate all all over the place um and i write textbooks and i present at conferences and i'd be all dr milstein um but then also i i do a lot of stuff in the community and i try to i try to help get the information

out about sex wherever i can um that's consensual if you ever sit next to me on a plane don't ask me what i do because you will get the length of the plane ride to have a conversation um but i i do i do live events uh i do educational sessions for folks um across the lifespan across disciplines about sex and whatever people want to know sex and aging sex and gender sex toys stis um and that's how i became hey dr sue that was not five minutes but it felt like forever I really hate talking about myself. I'd rather talk about sex toys. But actually, really, I'd like to talk about you, Charlie. No. Or at least open the door for you to talk about you.

For those of you who know Charlie or don't know Charlie, Charlie is our Curious co-host who is always ready to explore relationships, the ins and outs of sex, and the taboo topics, including things like sex toys, that we as a culture so rarely talk about. Charlie, you want to tell us a little bit more? Sure. I am someone who has gone through her life enjoying challenging taboos and societal norms, especially surrounding what's expected of me as a woman in society and really challenging those feelings around shame and other things that women are largely taught to feel around sex and sexuality and pleasure and all of those things. And Dr. Sue and I have been friends now for a while. And we found that we had these types of conversations almost right from the beginning of our friendship. And that it was, I don't know how many people like me you've encountered, Dr. Sue, that don't feel the shame or don't flinch when you first tell them what you do. Or don't back away slowly while trying to find an exit or blush or any of those things. So we just found that we have this kind of mutual curiosity.

I come from it. I like to call myself an amateur psychologist because I just have an interest and have done some schooling, but I'm not an official therapist or psychologist. I'll just throw that out there. but um but coming at at a lot of these topics from that what what are we kind of what are us non-experts feeling about this and how do we interact with this information so that's why i'm here and i wrangled dr sue yeah to keep me in line so that's me in a nutshell for any austin powers fans out there um all right sex toys yes

yes we want to start with everyone should know and consider that this industry is a non-regulated consumer industry Yeah. So there's not, there's really no regulation of it. And especially because you don't have to actually call it a sex toy. And I know like when we go back in time and we look at old catalogs, like you'll see them advertised as like massagers and things like that. Personal massagers. Personal massagers. And Charlie, do I have your consent to talk about what happened right before we went on the air? Yes. So in talking about just how unregulated this was, I brought up I went to Etsy.com and I just typed in the word dildo and then Charlie, like literally anyone who has an Etsy store can create something and they can call it a sex toy. And so it is a highly unregulated field. And so if you're buying something, you just kind of need to be aware of what it is you're buying. So we'll give you a few heads up on things to look for, things to I think you should avoid. Maybe talk a little bit about where you can get them.

I'm not saying Etsy is a bad place, but I would make sure to check into the seller and see if this is like the random one-off thing. There are great sex toy sellers on Etsy, and that is what they do. But then there are also anyone – I know we saw a few that were like handmade sewing projects. Yeah. Charlie had a moment. Which, which if that, if that is your yum, I'm not trying to yuck your yum, but there maybe after this episode, there's some additional things to consider if that's the sex toy that you choose to engage with.

Yes. Yes. So. So yeah. So where shall we start? You want to start with materials? Yeah, I guess that's a good place to start. Yeah, why not?

there's like 18 logical orders we could do there really is uh there's not a hierarchy here there's where to start when considering sex toys more like candy land like right exactly it's like yahtzee just shake it in a cup and see what happens i am not a fan of porous materials so this is anything that's got holes openings that you may not be able to see wood is one of the big examples um wood is porous and so um bacteria can get into it and things can it's harder to clean because things are getting into it um so i am a big believer in using non-porous materials um i'm thinking things like uh silicone um metals i know some people use glass um i would just be careful of how those were used and make sure they can actually take like you know someone wasn't

just like crafting something in the backyard he doesn't know what they're doing with glass um but but really like body safe plastics um silicone but yeah avoiding things like wood and absolutely avoiding that like pvc jelly stuff um so i used to when i was teaching a sex and tech class in the washington dc area in order to support my local business i would have um a local sex toy person a local person from the sex toy um the sex shops in the area come in and talk about whatever it was they wanted to talk about and they were saying how they had taken one of those like jelly um dildos and they put it in this container and just left it like by the by the cash register and they were just watching it break down over time that's wild yeah and it's it was and the

thing is like when i say that in my classes that's usually the if people have a sex toy that's dildo shaped oftentimes it's jelly because it's cheap but but now you know why it's cheap um it's not really good materials so i i do one of the big issues i have with sex toys is that they are inaccessible in a lot of ways both price point and and use in terms of like accessibility like um i know we talked about this in the last episode i think we talked we did it all blends together um but the idea of is it accessible in terms of someone being able to have the dexterity to use it or if they don't have if they're not capable of getting a full-on erection can they still use it or if they have arthritis or they're missing a hand can they still use it so um the

accessibility issues for me are one from that physical standpoint but then also the price point like it can be really expensive to buy a sex toy and so a lot of the times the college students that I talk to they're like yeah we've got these jelly ones I'm like oh god please no like like I but I get it I get it because those are cheaper and if it's your first and they're usually fun colors and i know we saw a couple when we were looking at the etsy that were like glow in the dark which is like fun but not fun if those chemicals aren't body safe and you're putting them inside your body yeah and then also the cleaning issue so anything that's porous is going to be much harder to clean and your sex toys can get built up to bacteria and you can

actually transmit stis that way though it's harder to do um and if it's porous it's easier for things to kind of hide in it yeah so i um i feel like that's a great segue into cleaning yeah we should probably do cleaning now i guess yeah yeah we always after yeah we always have a plan about by the way about what we're gonna say and then like we hit record and and then we have choose your own adventure choose your own adventure um cleaning your sex toy is really important both before and after especially if it's been collecting dust please please please clean that dust off before you before you use it again um if it's something where there's inside ridges i'm thinking something like a fleshlight those can be a little bit harder to clean out so when i say clean i mean

like really give it a good clean soap and water will usually work for most things um you want to they do have like sex toy cleaner which is usually ridiculously expensive like designed for your sex toy if you just read the directions on your sex toy these are directions i think people i mean i know like some people hoard every set of directions and some people are like screw directions when you get a new sex toy hold on to give it a good read yeah or take a picture of the cleaning section so you have it in your phone most of the time soap and water will do it if it's something that's electricity based be careful about submerging it underwater to clean it oh then we can go into like sorry my brain just went somewhere else um but you do want to give it a good wash soap and

water and you do want to dry it thoroughly um especially if it's got again i'm thinking of things like flashlights where there's a lot of areas that may not be as easy to expose to light and make sure it's dry you want to make sure it is drying and then store it somewhere it's not gonna get covered in dust till your next use to or just just store it somewhere that's you know or put it right on your shelf. I don't really care what you're doing with it. This is going to sound gross, but this came up in class once. If you have a pet that likes to lick things,

maybe not store it outside of a holder. A lot of them come with holders, whether it's a bag or a plastic protector. Maybe not store it out in the open if you have pets who like to rub up against and lick things. that was quite the moment in class when that came out yeah I'm sure I am sure um in that vein as well I don't I don't know if any of them have lithium batteries but in that in that pet safety instance if you have a pet that likes to chew things consider that as well um for some of those toy maybe more powerful toys consider the makeup of it and if they chew it will that spark a fire

if you're gone or something along those lines so probably safer on a high shelf or in a drawer not because you're trying to hide it but because you're just trying to protect your pet from it yes um you want to get from it and it from your pet yes let me go one more place hold on sorry okay so with the idea and i know i had shown you this t-shirt um the the everything is a dildo if you're brave enough um people again this idea that sex toys are expensive you can use things around the house though i'd be careful with them um one of the things that i hear about a lot is people using uh our toothbrushes the base of it not not the actual like toothbrush not please This is one of those times I wish people could see our faces.

And we're not judging you if you're using a toothbrush. We're just saying don't use the part that's going to go in your mouth. Those are not necessarily designed for that, but I get why people do it. It's reasonably priced. You can get them at CVS or Walgreens or whatever your pharmacy of choice is. So you can use those. Just make sure you're cleaning it. But one of the things I hear from actually for my EMT friends a lot is people who are using vegetables.

which makes sense, though, if you're using it for anal, make sure it's not like, make sure you can hold on to it and it's not going to get lost in the rectum. You have to clean those very well, especially if they have pesticides on them, because you can and probably will, if you don't have a very bad skin reaction to pesticide being inside your body topically. So yeah, I've had more than more than a handful of my friends who are emts be like oh we got another one okay so i understand why you may be using a squash or cucumber whatever it is um just make sure you're cleaning that really really well that that was all i wanted to add to that section before we moved on yeah well i was gonna actually go back to um you mentioned just soap and water and i i imagine that

there could be listeners out there going well is all soap okay like people may have like really floral hand soap or do you want like a mild non-fragrant soap or or just make sure it's antibacterial soap which i think most soaps are but um is there any any clarification around that believe it or not that's the first time i've had that question nice in my decades of doing this you're welcome i have but i have heard questions about cleaning your genitals so my answer is going to be the same um low fragrance low fragrant low fragrance low low um the scented like anything that you're adding to the soap could potentially it may not be a problem on your outside skin but you may find that if you're using that and then you're using it inside your body that you're

going to have a reaction the more things we add to the soap the more potential for reaction so i would just say a mild cleaner. Same for cleaning your genitals. Yeah. And, and I'm assuming warm water. Warm. Not ice cold. Not ice cold, not scalding hot. You don't get points for hurting yourself. I mean, if that's what you're into, more power to you, but that's not what we're going to recommend for people. And then I'm going to just jump back to your EMT friends. That reminds me, that makes me think of this. There's an Instagram, probably several Instagram accounts of emts that around christmas time they go they go into different stores that sell their that year's christmas decorations and they walk through and they they just kind of ask please no please

don't use this um so so just kind of consider consider the materials consider the intended use of what materials or products you may be looking at figurines etc just consider yeah if it's got sharp edges it has the potential to really do some damage if you insert that in your body yeah yeah because i'm thinking about a couple of star-shaped objects that i have seen yeah yeah um well the i feel like we're doing kind of flawless segues here so that leads me to what does that lead you to charlie yeah types of sex toys dr sue so you name it i think one of the maybe one of the first questions um that will i that you say that you ask is what do you want it to do yeah what do you want to do do you want it to move

do you want it to do you want to move and it stays still do you want it for your butt do you want it for your vagina do you want to go around your penis do you want on your nipples like what do you want it to do and where do you want it to go and I know let me let me say this if you've never bought a sex toy and you tuned into this like I know at the top you're like if you have shame like even if you don't have shit whatever if you're just coming into this you're like I want to buy a sex toy and now I'm like naming all these things I could see how this would be overwhelming so take a breath my students have this when they tell me that they go to a sex shop for the first time they're like I walked in and I couldn't like I was just overwhelmed

um so take a breath you'll be okay hopefully you'll be able to find something that works for you um there's vibrators and there's dildos so vibrators and I know people are like aren't they the same thing dildos are just solid pieces of hopefully solid pieces of things and that's all they are they may be shaped differently they may be we've seen some interesting shapes Etsy has some really fascinating stuff on it I artistic you know mad respect to those designers right yes so so dildos are just that they're they're just objects they don't they don't move they don't you can move on them or around them or with them vibrators are going to vibrate and I know that sounds like a really stupid differentiation people like oh that's obvious it's actually not

for some people. And some people who have never used a sex toy and are trying to insert it either into their vagina or their anus or both, if you're doing both, make sure you're cleaning it before you go from one to the other and back. It may sound overwhelming to have something that can vibrate. You may just be like, I'm not even sure I want to stick this anywhere. The thing to keep in mind is if you think you might want vibration later on, it may be easier to buy a vibrator now and just leave it off and use it without power that is always an option um so yes there's a difference between dildos and vibrators you look like you have a question yeah um should if you're looking into those into uh vibrators um

Um, should part of the consideration be, like, are you planning to use this in water? Mm-hmm. Are you planning? Why would you want to consider that, Dr. Sue? If you're going to be having sex in the shower, I guess in a pool, too. I try not to advise people to be having sex outside in public places because it is illegal almost everywhere. But if you're like having sex in a shower or a hot tub or a pool where there aren't lots of strange people around, unless you get off on that, but also illegal, you may want to have something that's submerged or submergible. Check into how it's charged.

If it has something where you have to plug it in, make sure that it is something that can be submerged when you unplug it. There's lots of different options for charging. Some things are rechargeable. You hook it up to the recharger. sometimes you actually have to plug into walls that we're seeing fewer and fewer of those there was something else i was going to say about that and i completely forgot what it was anyway how it's charged okay yeah um and you talked about dildos and vibrators um but what about like fleshlights yes so things that are going to mimic either a vagina or an anus um

you can have those and those those may also vibrate or they may just be a sheath that you stick your penis in um those have all i mean you could buy ones that like mimic famous peoples you could have partners make a mold of theirs like there's all sorts of things you can try to do with that um for some folks who like nipple play there's nipple clamps um that may come with very pretty decorations um some have chains on them some do not again if you're like what the hell i'm feeling overwhelmed take a breath you're gonna be okay a lot i throw in the nipple piece because a lot of people don't think of nipple stuff as sex toys and i mean you may just wear it because you like it um but i like to make sure i'm being inclusive of whole body there are some

that will stimulate your g-spot and the angle is different if you're doing it for women for people who have vulva vaginas or people who are for the anus because g-spot for men is up their butt also called the p-spot so that's going to be the idea of curving see the hands this is when the hands are really important to say no one would know if you don't call attention to it so there'd be some curving of it but it would be a slightly different curve if it's a g-spot stimulator for men or for women um there are ones that you can that will both stimulate your clit and your g-spot at the same time um there are toys on the market that will simulate um oral sex on a woman so like that will do puffs of air or provide suction around the clit

like there it's not just like here's a massage here's a massager have a nice day there's literally like you have to really think about what it is you want to stimulate and how you want it stimulated if you're using it up your butt you need to make sure it's got what we call a flared base that's where the base is wider than the opening because things can get lost up your butt and i know people all the time talk about the butt box at ers which is like the stuff you have to have taken out of your ass um so you want to use something with a flared base or something that's got a string that's like a leash but you don't you have to make sure that that leash stays on the outside. So there's a lot to think about here. And I know people are like, I just wanted

a sex toy. Really think about what it is you want it to do, though. Do you want it to do nothing and just sit there? Do you want it and you do all the work with it? Do you want it to vibrate? Do you want it to focus on your clit? Are you using it up your ass? Like, yeah, just thinking about what you want it to do and then yeah finding one that does that yeah i love that what about um toys the the emerging technology yes with sex toys yes sorry that's okay she's having pen difficulties everyone because i'm taking because so many times i'm like i forgot what i was gonna say and so i've been trying to take notes um there's been there's been a huge change in technology that's been happening for probably over at least a decade if not more um and both in design and material

like it used to like now we've got softer material that fall it feels more skin like that's that's all changes in technology there are some um i'm not sure if they're on the market anymore i'd have to check but there were some when they first came out it was that you could wear them out and they do have wearables so you stick them in your underwear you stick them up your butt you're sticking your vagina wherever you're putting it and then you literally wear it out like out and about and and either you control it or your partner control it from either controller or an app on the phone if that's what it is i need to come back to something about that hold on um but there was one their big selling point was like you could wear it to like a club

and it would pick up on the bass rhythm and it would like simulate that bass rhythm wow yeah there is bluetooth has been a remarkable advancement not just for like the world but also for sex toys um i've worked with couples that have been separated by distance either because of work or deployment and um the idea that they can get on an app from a distance and control their partner's sex toy is a great way of kind of feeling like they're still connected um so there's a lot yeah there's a lot about the technology that's changed I wanted to talk about, can I, sorry, can I deviate for a second? Absolutely.

So I want to talk about the sound issue. Because if you are wearing something in public and we all hear it. It's not discreet. That is not discreet. Now, maybe you don't give a shit. Maybe you're just like, whatever, I'm getting off and I don't care who notices. What I find often when I'm working with folks who've got roommates, especially folks who are in college, because very often you're not in a single or people who have a roommate outside of college,

they oftentimes don't want their roommates knowing what they're doing. Like that's the whole thing about having a door you can close and having privacy. So if you're worried about the sound, either because you'll be out in public or because you share a living space, that is something to keep in mind as you might want to check out. And it should have it on a website. If you're looking for information on a website, you should be able to find information for how loud it gets. because if you're trying to use it and get off and the whole time you're like oh my god can everybody hear that like i don't know if everyone can hear that is everyone do people know what i'm

doing it's gonna be really hard to get there um or if every time you go into your room to use your sex toy you're turning on the volume of your like radio super loud to cover it everyone's gonna know what's happening right and again maybe you don't give a shit but if that's something that's going to get in the way of you enjoying your experience then then just kind of keep sound in mind it's something a lot of people forget to think about. That is all good info to add to the list of the things when considering sex toy and sex toy use. So we've gone through a lot of what I would say is kind of foundational knowledge to begin to consider and analyze when you're putting yourself out there to buy a sex toy for the first time, um, or just buy a sex toy. It doesn't have to

be your first time. Um, so that, that kind of leads to where, where would be the best places to buy a sex toy? Because we've got, I know in, um, in our previous episode, we really, uh, advocate highlighted that going into a sex sex toy shop can be a really safe environment because the staff in those stores the majority more often than not are really supportive are non-judgmental they're really knowledgeable they can help guide you based and ask you kind of the open-ended questions that get you to consider a lot of what we talked about but maybe you're not quite brave enough to physically walk into a brick and mortar store yet um like we we talked about sometimes it feels safer to maybe order it off of a place like amazon because there's no question you don't have

to worry about the packaging right so um what what would you what would you offer to our listeners who may feel intimidated or a bit shy about buying toys yeah i'm gonna second that idea of shopping small because i do think it's it's it's important for all the reasons you said it was important like it's non-judgmental you can ask questions and get instant feedback without having like scroll through everyone's reviews and you find that one bad review and oh no now that changed everything you think the other reason that i like telling people to go to a place if they can because one they may be too shy they may not feel comfortable because it's a small town that they live in and they may be afraid of who they're going to run into there may not be any in a

geographically accessible area but one of the things that I always love and this is what I've heard from friends of mine who've gone to these just you know who've gone to shops and also from students who write about their experiences is that it's that follow-up of hey oh you got that toy do you have the right lube with it which is not something we've talked about yet right that's a separate purchase that your your brain may just be on i am buying the toy i am buying the toy i'm buying the toy and you forgot lube and then you get home and you're like i don't have lube for the toy um so i like that because they can ask you know those those add-ons like the cleaner they will sometimes try to sell you a more expensive cleaner but again most of the time

soap water dry really well um so yeah and a shout out to the local small sex shops yeah i'm i'm a fan of those um we've already said the word amazon i know i know um such a ubiquitous word now it's like i know no one says search the internet they say google it um you can buy it through things like amazon and i i know some people are having feelings about amazon right now um and their business practices the one thing i will say about that is no one tends to blink an eyelash like no one tells about an eyelash when like they see someone getting an amazon package they're like oh is that like a sex toy most people aren't i mean most people aren't thinking that um but i will say that a lot of the major retail retailers and the ones that i

i usually recommend are ones that have been out there for a while um usually at the top of my list and we don't get we're not supported or sponsored by any of these that we're always open to sponsor if they fit our ideals. Adam and Eve is a big one. They also do have some in-person stores, but Adam and Eve does a lot of discreet shipping. So if you're worried about people knowing where it's coming from and you're looking online, Love Honey is one that I recommend quite a bit. Check out, there'll be a thing about like an about section or how we ship and they should say discreet packaging. They know that people have a lot to lose. Like people are fearful sometimes about being judged for what they're buying so most places do do discrete shipping

you can get on some of the smaller sites i you know i'm not gonna but i feel like i could give like a really long list maybe i'll do this as a hey dr sue question maybe someone should ask me this as a hey dr sue question where who are the online retailers you support um but yeah there's a lot of places you can go online and read and I would say you know same thing time the same way we do with any major purchase or minor purchase you know where we're reading a ton of reviews really read the reviews and see what people are saying about the products I like things like Adam and Eve because they don't just like there are some brands like WeVibe will sell WeVibe stuff which is great stuff but it's WeVibe stuff I like more offerings if you're gonna if you're like I'm going

to the website, I'm going to buy a thing. I want you to be able to see multiple brands because multiple brands may have multiple things that you want. So yeah, and a lot of the a lot of times those sites, a site like Adam and Eve does kind of help guide your your purchase experience. And so it can also be a great like foundational place to begin to explore, okay, I want something that does this and you can begin to understand what that look what they look like and other those add-on purchases that you might need to consider because a lot of online retailers have the suggested often paired together yeah exactly so it can be really a great place to start just from a research standpoint so that if you do feel more comfortable going and talking to someone

like being able to walk into a shop you've done a little bit so maybe you don't feel quite as lost or in the dark walking into the shop you have some kind of knowledge that you can um that you can that you can use you just feel a little bit more informed um but i adam and eve i know is organized that way in a really supportive way i'll say and they do have educational stuff on their website too and there are people who would do reviews so if and this is all about if you feel comfortable looking at this stuff online um i know right now a lot of people are like i don't want to be tracked online you're being tracked um but you can always go incognito mode or use duck duck go but there are people who will do youtube reviews of different ones um i have worked in the past

with a website uh women's health interactive where we had a team of people who would like use the products and then write what they thought about it so there are people who'll talk about these um it just it can become a rabbit hole that you that you go down the next you know it's five hours later and you're still sitting in front of you know whatever it is your phone or the computer like reading reviews so just just try not to get overwhelmed and i think that's one of the reasons i also like the in-person stores is it's it's hard to get lost in there it may feel like you're getting lost but it's easier to kind of walk away and be like okay the experience is done whereas like you might spend a lot of time I don't know how much research you personally do but people

could spend a lot of time looking up stuff and it can become overwhelming yeah you can paralyze yourself with the analysis with all the information yeah and the example I usually use I did not clear this with you for consent I'm hoping this is okay it likely is okay if not you'll never hear this because i will edit it out when we were first starting the podcast our biggest thing well finding the name getting a logo all that but the thing that stymied us the most was like what microphone are we getting yeah the options out there like it was for a microphone like i know i spent hours i know you spent hours like trying to figure out the best microphone and that was overwhelming and then i asked other people who had podcasts and i was like just tell me what

to do um it may feel like that with sex toys as well it may feel like i don't know what to do um if you have friends who have sex toys and you feel like you can have that conversation with them ask them yeah um you can also get some cheaper ones like i know they have condoms that come with a vibrating cock ring around it and those are more expensive than a regular condom but way less expensive than and it's it's a disposable like use once or twice and throw out sorry use once throw out um i don't know why i said twice yeah uh use once throw out it's going to be a little bit more it's going to be a bit more expensive than a condom but way cheaper than getting like a sex toy that you use forever and ever and ever but it could be right entree into

the world so an amuse bouche if you will yes yeah um but yeah it can be really overwhelming and i think that that's especially if you're doing it online i feel like it's very easy to get lost in the I don't know, what do I do? Yeah. And I think that's also why I, I suggested using a site like Adam and Eve that does that does sell multiple brands. Because again, you can start to get an idea of what you what you're interested in, interested in, because it's got those those built-in filters i want anal play or i want vaginal play or i want vibration so a lot of sites like sites like adam and eve that are organized that way can help just with just with that first first layer of demystifying um making it a little bit less

overwhelming and then if you if you are able and comfortable walking into a shop and you know dr sue gave an an example of if you have a friend that you know has a sex toy take them as your emotional support human because you know that they that they're comfortable um in that space likely and that they aren't coming with any judgment they are just they are there to support your journey if you have friends like that you know say hey i'm thinking about this they might have a favorite store and that takes one less one one added layer off of where do i begin because they can just take you to where they go and yes to all of that and if you're doing this with a part if you're planning on using this with your partner the two of you can do this together and

again if you can go to a place i always think it's better to go to a place um if you feel comfortable if you're old enough you do have to be 18 to get into those places um some places do card but taking your partner can be a really fun experience it can also be overwhelming you can also learn things about your partner you were not ready to learn because they may be like hey what about this and you're like I had no idea that did it for you um yeah so it can be a it can be an eye-opening experience but but yeah enlisting some helps sometimes be be good um reading yeah and just reading the reviews I just I always get worried about people going down that rabbit hole because it can become overwhelming just because i remember

what we went through with the microphone yeah well and i i'll add that if you know that about yourself if you are an internet researcher and you are easily taken down rabbit holes from suggested searches based off of what you just searched then maybe that's not the avenue for you or you know give yourself a timer like i have five minutes on this subject give yourself a timer set set the timer on your phone set your kitchen timer whatever when you hear that beep you just shut it down yeah yeah i've had to i've had to do that with students who sometimes have to do research projects online where i'm like set a timer i'm like no no i'll be fine and then they'll come in the next day and be like i lost my day i'm like i told you to set a timer like i'm a

longtime badass in this. Listen to what I suggest. I have a few more safety things, if I may. Yes, please. Sorry. I don't know where we were going to go from there. If you had a magic plan. No, I don't. Or a master plan. No, definitely not that. I want to talk about cock rings for a second. And again, most people, when we think sex toys, we're thinking about things up the butt. We're thinking about dildos and vibrators and clit suckers um cock rings i also like nipple play i mean i think it's whole body experience so if you're using a cock ring just be careful the material um if it gets stuck and it can't be easily removed it will have to be cut off in ways in the hospital or burned off in ways in the

hospital that may be very uncomfortable um so i like things that have like a quick release if they can or some and again there's this is where that dexterity piece comes in for a long time i was recommending using oh i don't know if they're still there remember hair scrunchies like the fabric yeah those are great as cock rings because you can by twisting them you can like they're back in fashion are they sweet um so by like you can just twist it a little bit more to get more more tightness and then if it is stuck you can easily cut it off um and i don't i don't want you thinking things are always going to go wrong with your sex toy but they could you always have to think of the exit plan right yeah there you go like always think of the exit always think of

keep the exit plan in mind i mean i don't know i i have friends when they go to concerts with large crowds of people like they think of their exit plan in case anything goes awry um so kind of do just consider it don't go into it thinking oh don't we're not trying to instill fear right or anything like that it's just know that there is there is that that fork in the road potentially with almost every toy so just have an understanding of that and have an have an exit plan is this something i could get off if i needed to is this and and can i hide it out of yeah get out of or and i don't mean hide like it's a bad thing but again if you have a shared living space is it It's something you can store in a way that someone else won't find, whether it's a roommate or children or your pets we've already talked about.

So those kinds of those things you might want to think about is do you have a place where you can keep it? That's not going to be a hazard for children or pets, but also something that if you're if you don't want everyone to know your business, something you can store somewhere people can't find. If you're like, I don't care and you want to display it proudly. yeah yeah but if you prefer discretion do you have a safe discreet place yeah to keep it um to store it and keep it clean till your next use yeah when you clean it before you use it yes the other two things i have two more things yes a lot of things today um the uh the lube that you're going to use with it so i was going to ask about that ah see yeah right there yeah um You cannot use silicone lube for silicone toys, which please don't ask me the science behind it because chemistry and I are not friends.

But you cannot use silicone lube with silicone toys. So if you have a silicone lube that you love and you have a silicone toy, I would recommend getting a water-based or an oil-based, probably just a water-based lube. I would imagine, not being the scientists, I would imagine it's a lot like, you know, putting the north end of a magnet at the end. at the north end of another magnet like yeah i don't it's not opposite enough in the wheelhouse of chemistry probably something like that but again we're not scientists not for us that's not this episode nope nope i and we would need to get someone on i don't even know who would be to come on but yeah um just check out the lube that you can use and again that will be in the direction so if you do have a silicone lube that you love normally for sex play and you have a

silicone tube, lube, excuse me, silicone toy, not a good combination. And just the last thing, if you're using something around the house, because sometimes you didn't go shopping or sometimes delivery's not fast enough, or sometimes you're just in the mood or price point, whatever it may be, remember you're sticking it in your body or on your body or near your body, whatever it may be. And just kind of think it through. If it is a sharp object, it can cause some legit damage either inside anuses or inside vaginas um and if it does cause damage you're gonna have to have that conversation with your health care staff about what happened yeah so while i'm not against using things you can find but lube is going to be your friend lube does not make hard edges soft

like it's not magic right it doesn't make things unbreakable yeah so just kind of think like i understand where people are like well i can't afford a sex toy or we were just in the moment and we grabbed whatever it may be just kind of think i'm about to put this inside my or my partner's body is that something you really think is gonna and like play the tape to the end do you think that's gonna turn out well right and keeping in mind that sometimes the damage that we do to tissue is they're micro tears but they they can cause issues so it doesn't it's not like if you don't see massive rip him and bleeding that you were okay there may still be micro tears that are concerns yeah anything else you have noted dr sue i just wrapped it hold on let me look at my list

i literally like to check i literally wrote with three exclamation points you're putting it in your body um underline underline underline no that's just the bit that that for me is just the big thing um especially because they're they're inaccessible a lot of times because of price point and i know i keep saying that and i would like i would like to see better options that are more affordable but with recent changes to economy things that may actually make it worse right um but just just think about it before you stick it in there there's our quote for the day think about it think about it before you stick it in there there's the title um you know what we go ahead you have to say something you know what we didn't highlight yet what

used toys oh yeah used toys hold on i'm writing it down um we oftentimes struggle with the with the title yeah of the episode like we'll shoot for those of you who want to know how the the sausage is made um we we do that we we pre we pre-discuss and then we quickly go off our plan when we hit record but then like one of our biggest struggles after is like finding the right title so that's why we're all excited about this yeah so back when i used to have that person come into my class in um don't is in washington dc and talk about sex toys um she would be like please don't order the order them used off amazon and my face did a thing which i'm pretty sure was what i was looking at my students faces doing um you were mirroring yes

very much so and not intentionally um so you and i just want we you and i did this before the episode started we went on to amazon and i was not finding any like you know where it's like here buy it here's some other available from other sellers right all the ones i was seeing were new so i don't know if that is no longer an option but I would be really careful buying no I don't even want to say that I would highly recommend not to I don't know why I was trying to couch that I would recommend not buying a used sex toy you don't know how well it was well let me tell you you don't know what the upkeep was you don't know you don't know especially if it doesn't have the directions you may not have the information you need though I'm sure you

could google it about like care and stuff like that but you don't know if it was cleaned it really comes down to the cleaning issue you can spread infection through a sex toy and if you don't know if it was cleaned how well it was cleaned how well it was maintained i to me that's a no-go yeah so agree yeah as the as the non-subject matter expert consumer person i would i would not buy a used toy yeah yeah if you if you have specific questions i think you're about to tell us to wrap up so i jumped the gun there sorry are we wrapping up for it okay if you have specific questions like i am sensitive to vibration because of a medical issue or i live in a shared living space and that could be either a dorm or maybe you're in uh like an assisted living space

or whatever it may be um can you recommend ones that are low sound or i have these concerns can you address them i'm i'm happy to do that as either a hey dr sue and oh i didn't intro that um so people will submit questions to me anonymously and then every sunday at 8 p.m eastern i will answer one question so if you want to submit it to me that way i'm i'm happy to address if there's something we missed because some people have medical conditions where vibration can be very painful or they have limitations to their dexterity. And so they may be concerned about how do I use this or they may not have great control over parts of their body. And so getting into position to use it may be a thing. So if there's something we didn't

address and maybe it's not a medical issue, maybe it's a sound issue, maybe it's a price issue, maybe it's whatever. Submit it to me. We'll put the link in the description or submit it to us as the podcast. And if we can do an episode on that, we are happy to do that. But if you can't get to a brick and mortar place, and you're like, I'm not asking my friends about this. Ask us. Ask us. Yeah. Great. Thank you. And I want to thank everyone for joining us on today's episode of Unzipping Taboos. We hope that it sparked new thoughts and may open up some conversations worth having. Remember that your curiosity is the key to breaking down barriers and embracing a healthier understanding of sex and relationships. If you enjoyed this show or any of the other

shows, please hit subscribe, leave a review and share it with someone who you think might need to hear this or any other episode. Leave a comment. We want to engage with you as Dr. Sue said. And if you've got a question or a topic you want us to dive into, reach out to us via the link in the episode description. We want to give a very special shout out to Ali O'Brien for our incredible theme music. Thank you, Ali. And until next time, keep the conversation going. Keep unzipping those taboos and everyone take care. Thank you.