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From Relay, welcome to the Upgrade Holiday Special.
This is episode 543 for December 23rd, 2024.
This episode is brought to you by Squarespace, Vitaly, and Lex Games.
My name is Mike Hurley and I am joined by either my co-Santa or my elf, Jason Snell.
Hi, Jason.
Why aren't you my elf?
Hi, Mike.
How are you?
We're co-Santas. I'm either Santa or you're an elf. That's how this works.
We're co-Santas then. Okay. I'm Santa, you're co-Santa? Is that how that works?
Nope, you're assistant to the regional Santa. That's how that works.
There we go. We got him. We got him. This is the holiday special. My word, do we have a weird show for you today?
Oh, do we? I hope you enjoy it. I hope you enjoy it.
I have a Snelltalk question for you.
I think you mean...
Oh, Jason, what do you think?
It's time for Snelltalk.
It's Jingle All the Way, or I mean,
Jingle All the Way. Jingle All the Way.
The jingles are back.
The jingles are back.
We will talk about this later on,
but I would like to thank Lex Friedman for another selection of incredible jingles are back! We will talk about this later on, but I would like to thank Lex Friedman for another selection
of incredible jingles in this jingles episode.
But I have a snow talk question for you and it comes from Aaron who wants to know, Jason,
what is the mix of Christmas-like colors that you went for for the holidays?
Um, well, I can have any colors that I want, Aaron. That's the answer. I can have any colors that I want, Aaron.
That's the answer.
I can have any colors that I want.
They know that.
That's why they wanna know what did you choose?
Well, no, so on the outside of the house,
there are a bunch of different things
that cycle through.
There's like a little flickering green and red.
There's like one with green and red and white
that kind of slides along the house.
Like I've got a whole bunch of different animations
out there.
And likewise for the tree, I've got that.
I've got the led lights that have a bunch of animation.
So sort of every day or two, I'm changing it to a different animation.
Right now it's one where it's like a white, red and green that kind of cycle
going around the Christmas tree.
Cause it can do that.
Cause it knows the shape of the tree.
It's bananas.
So all the colors is my answer.
Really all the colors is my answer, really. All the colors. I love that we now live in a
world where I can just program the colors as we go. I've got a Hanukkah pattern for when Hanukkah happens, that will be
mixed in with the Christmas pattern. It's all, I mean, we're just, I'm using every color of the rainbow. That's what's
happening.
Beautiful. I love that for you. If you would like to send in a Snow Talk question of your own,
it's very easy to do. Just go to upgradefeedback.com and you could help us start a future episode of
the show. Jason, would you like to introduce our next segment which we're calling Tech Gifts with gifts we'd like.
The only reason we're doing this is because of that version of this, the classic money money money jingle that everybody wants forever.
It's all about presents now.
It's all about presents and Santa has them. So this is the conceit of this topic, which is technology gifts that we would like, that we do not have,
and there is no budget.
That's where I am.
So I was like, well, let me think,
like say, oh, I would like this or that,
maybe like a book's palm or whatever.
That's fun, I suppose.
But that's something I could have for myself,
but not necessarily everything.
So Jason, would you like to begin?
What is a tech gift that you
would like that you do not have?
I was thinking about this because I am fortunate that since my job is technology, right, like
there's a lot of technology stuff that I I end up getting for my work, right? Like, it's a
really nice thing about this. So I my first one is going to be,
I was thinking about this a lot.
And I think the one thing that I've thought about
and I've had open in web browsers,
I'm never gonna get it.
I'm just never gonna get it,
cause it's impractical.
But if there were no budget and no object,
I just could do it.
A retro arcade cabinet.
There are a bunch of companies that make these.
I think what I would ideally like is something
that looks like an arcade cabinet,
but is actually a fully built emulator,
but it's got all of the neat input devices on it,
all the buttons and sticks and track balls
and all of that stuff,
so that I can play classic arcade games.
Now there are places that'll make like,
there's little packs of them,
or there's one, just it's a replica of one.
I'd really rather not.
I'd really rather have it be all the games of all time.
Although if you got me a joust cabinet,
I would be fine,
because that's my all time favorite arcade game.
But I like the idea, I've thought about it,
about getting a full onon retro arcade cabinet.
I do have one of those X-Arcade tank sticks
that's got like the input device for it.
It's this enormous, enormous input device.
But you know, all I have to do,
I have to pull it out and hook it up to my Mac
and set it up and it's just not the same
as standing at a cabinet.
So retro arcade cabinets, they're not cheap.
They're kind of impractical. They take up space that my house does not have. But yeah, I would put
that on my wish list.
Do you remember at the podcastathon, there was an arcade cabinet on the set. And I was,
I think you were the same, just constantly draw to it.
I was like every time we were in rehearsals, I was just playing, it was Miss
Pac-Man and I was having a great time.
Arcade cabinets are just, they draw you in, right?
And that's, that's a very good picking.
Yes.
These days I actually think they're all emulators of some kind, like, because that's
just, it's just so much easier and more efficient.
You just put a raspberry pie in it or whatever.
And that's just how the thing runs.
Because why would you do anything more than that?
Just why not?
It's going a million all the way.
I'm actually gonna meet you in this space.
I would like a full racing sim setup for playing F1 games.
Remember at your bachelor party,
we went to that arcade and they had the sit down race
car setups where you could race against other people and stuff.
That was pretty good.
That is what I want.
And you can get the ones where like the chairs are kind of they're on like hydraulics or
whatever and they move and rumble and I want the whole thing and we've monitors all around
me, right?
It's covering my front and peripheral vision full on.
And these things, you can like get started in a SIM
for like a couple of hundred dollars,
but you can go to like thousands and thousands
and thousands, like with the more that you add
into these things.
I mean, but you can get too much.
Like there are some SIMs which, you know,
they'll hurt your arm, you know, If you crash, they're just gonna,
these things are gonna fly around.
But yeah, that's what I would like,
some kind of racing sims out.
All right, I'm giving you another one?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
We're doing a round robin now.
It's not a draft.
No, we could get the same thing if we wanted to.
Mm-hmm.
I consulted with my, my guy,
my TV guy, my, my high end high quality, what's the best TV I should buy right now guy. His
name is John Syracuse. Yeah, not surprised. And that's why I'm putting on my list the Sony XR77A95L Bravia XR-A95L 77 inch QD OLED 4K HDR Smart TV!
Give me the biggest, best OLED available.
And probably, as an aside, some sort of smart curtain installation that I'll need to install in my living room because one of the reasons I don't have an OLED is because my one wall of my living room is
entirely window and therefore OLED is not great with that like kind of bright
lighting condition so I'll probably need a smart curtain for when I'm watching
things when it's bright outside. But yeah, basically,
I'm up for a beautiful TV and as big as possible. I like my TV. My TV is great,
but it's, you know, it's, I know that I know what I'm missing by not having an OLED. I know that the
the dark grays that I see should actually be black, but they're not. And so yeah, sure,
if money is no object, let's do it.
Let's give me that quantum dot action. That's what I want.
I'm reminded of when John Sirica, I think we did we have, or
did I, I think I did a standalone mic at the movies for
Kill Bill with John, I don't think it was on this show. I
think it was like a standalone that I did, because it was what he wanted me to watch. And I remember his instructions
telling me that I had to close the curtains or close the blinds. Okay. I had to watch
this movie in the dark and that's just like a funny thing for that. So, yeah, that reminds
me very much. I'm going to continue. No, I'm going to, I'm going to go in a completely
different direction actually. Now I'm going to continue. No, I'm going to go in a completely different direction,
actually.
Now, I'm going to describe to you, Jason, what
would be my ideal computer setup for this desk.
It is an M4 Pro Mac Mini with 64 gigabytes of RAM,
2 terabyte SSD, 10 gigabit ethernet adapter,
and two studio displays.
That was what I would like.
OK.
Are you going to get that?
Probably not that exact configuration.
Like the two studio displays?
No.
That's why this is a no budget thing.
I'm not going to do that.
At some point in the future, I hope
that Apple will release a high quality display.
And then I will move that to where I have my studio display
on my other desk, and then move that studio
display to this recording desk.
But right now, the two, like the one LG
and one Dell display that I've had for years
just doing the job.
But why not go to studio displays if one has no object?
I like having two displays for when I'm recording.
It's really good.
I was thinking about how I wish Apple made a state
of the art super high-end display It's really good. I was thinking about how I wish Apple made a state
of the art super high end display
because I would put that on my list,
but I have a studio display and it's fine.
And I don't want their pro display XDR
that's been out there for years now unchanged.
But I do want a promotion, like the whole nine yards.
I want a 27 inch monitor that is built with the same technology of what you find in the
MacBook Pro, right?
But that's not what I'm asking for because they don't make that, but I would like that
like DeckTel M4 Pro Mac Mini and then I have a good time.
And that Mac Mini is in my future.
I just don't know when.
But if hey, if Santa's got all the presents,
then he could just give me that. Sure, Santa does have all the presents, Mike.
Santa does. That's what the song said, so I'm expecting he would give it to me. What's
next up on your list? I have two cats and I have also, I also, oh boy, no. I also
have toyed around, a lot of this is stuff that I thought about, like. I also have toyed around,
a lot of this is stuff that I've thought about,
like should I, and I just haven't done it.
I'd probably get or ask for a litter robot,
basically a, first off, robot in the name is great,
but like an automatic cat box cleaning thing.
I've heard mixed results about whether,
some people love them, some people say they're not worth it, but if it's a gift list item
with no budget coming from Santa, I would give one of those a spin.
That would be great. I would love to try to reduce the the cat box maintenance in
the house with technology. That would be great. Great question from ZMNOX in the Discord. Is the little robot a robot?
I don't know.
Don't ask me.
No, I mean, it doesn't go anywhere.
No, I want you to know.
It doesn't go anywhere.
So I think no is the answer.
That's the what I think fundamentally flawed argument
that John Circusa gives, right?
If it has to move, I don't think that that's-
Shots fired.
But yeah, I mean- I mean, I've issued this to John before,
so I have no problem saying it out loud.
I think, does it move as the rubric for robot or not?
Doesn't make any sense to me.
Okay, I mean, it moves internally, I guess.
It spins, it's little bin and all of that,
but it's a brand name, so we don't need to debate
whether it's a robot or not.
Hey, you're talking to the guy who's tea maker,
I call a tea robot, and it's not a robot.
I've been told it's not a robot.
I know he doesn't like that.
My next up is the PlayStation 5 Pro 30th anniversary edition,
something that is very not available anymore,
because they sold out very quickly.
This is the PlayStation 5 Pro,
which is not really something that I want,
but if I was gonna get it,
I would want it to look like this.
So Sony basically recolored the PlayStation
and all of the accessories
in the original PlayStation gray colors
with the colored logo.
And I want everything that it comes with,
with the two controllers that are colored this way,
the stand, it comes with a cable
that you can plug in to your controller
that looks like it's plugging in
the original PlayStation controller.
Overall, the package is fantastic,
but I had no need for it
and would not spend the money for this
because I don't feel like I've gotten the most out
of my actual PlayStation 5,
let alone thinking about a PlayStation 5 Pro.
But again, if Santa has all the presents and he's going to give one to me, I'll take this.
All right. Makes sense. I like it.
I am going to next ask for a proper set of reliable video cameras for the outside of my house.
Okay.
Santa, I hope Santa's got a startup.
Some VC funding.
Santa cam.
Look, he's got to do something for the other 11 months of the year.
I mean, he sees you when you're sleeping.
He knows when you're awake.
He knows if you've been bad or good.
How?
So therefore he is really part of the surveillance state already.
Yep.
You know.
Cut me in, Santa.
Yeah, I've explored a bunch of different video cameras inside and outside the house.
None of them are reliable.
They're very frustrating.
I'm not really willing to spend the money on something.
And I just want a couple of cameras out there just to,
I mean, first off, some of it's just for my own entertainment
but also just to be able to appear out there.
I can keep it on during recording
to see if somebody's there. I could keep it on during recording
to see if somebody's there.
At one point, something happened to somebody's car
on my street and they're like,
oh, you've got a camera, did you see it?
And I was like, let me check.
Oh, the camera completely failed.
And I thought, why am I even doing this?
But if I'm gonna do it, I want it to actually work.
And the stuff that I've got is just terrible.
So I'm just gonna say, I don't need your recommendations.
Tell Santa what product I should get.
Cause I think the truth is the amount of time, effort, money I would have to put
in to get this is more than I'm actually willing to spend, but, uh, but I'll put it
just out there, that would be one of those things where it's like, I don't even
want to do the shopping
and ask for the particular product.
I want a team of elves to come in
and install an entire infrastructure
and cameras and wiring and everything.
And I want to give zero input about the entire thing
because I'm kind of fed up with it.
My last two, I'm actually gonna do together
because they are two sides of the same coin.
It is the remarkable Paper Pro and the Google Pixel 9 Pro Fold.
These are devices that I find so interesting, but I know I would not use.
I would like them for like a day, right?
Or like for the occasional thing,
but they are way too expensive for the amount of use
I would personally get from them.
So the Remarkable Paper Pro is the color version
of the Remarkable, right?
So it's like the thing where you can draw on it
and you can read on it and-
It's an ink tablet with a stylus.
Exactly.
And then the Google Pixel 9 Pro Fold is the folding pixel, right?
And I think both of these things, technologically, are fantastic.
And they look like great versions of what they are,
like maybe even the best versions of what they are.
But they're just not products that I would use enough,
partly because of the ecosystems that I'm in. Right.
So like the Google Pixel 9 profile, like if Apple made this, this would be my phone.
Right.
Because it's like it's got all my stuff and like, and if I, I don't know, annotated
documents more like the remarkable would be great.
It's like both of these pieces of technology, they're really interesting to me.
But I know that I know about myself enough that I would not use these devices
anywhere near enough to justify the price.
Uh, I was going to say the ecosystem that you're in for the remarkable is that
paper and nice pens, because that's the thing that I think would probably kill
that product for you is that in the end Yes, you actually appreciate paper and pens and having to use a stylus and a and a paper substitute
Tablet would I think you would hate it
Yes, because
look
They cannot make this feel like pen and paper
They can't they can't especially to me someone who really knows what that feels like. Well, that's somebody who knows, yeah, exactly.
I'm sure it feels great to write on,
but different to pen and paper.
All right, I'll give you a last one,
which is, again, vague, because I don't know
if there's one out there that really fits the bill
right now, but I have a lot of hardwood floors,
especially in our living room and kitchen. And although I have a lot of hardwood floors, especially in our living
room and kitchen.
And although I have a Roomba that we use and is very loud and, you know, robot vacuums
are best used when there's nobody in the house and I'm always in the house.
So it's not ideal, but I do like it.
It does.
We don't sweep every day, right?
And so the robot going through and vacuuming our floors every day is great.
But what I've thought a lot about is probably could have a robot mop because we also don't
mop on a regular basis, maybe once a week.
And what I've read is, first off, they make combination mop and vacuums that are apparently
not very good.
I'm going to say I have the Roomba combo
and I have been very happy.
All right, well, see, there you go.
Anyways, and I've got a Roomba, so I could get a combo
or I could just get a robot mop
and they could fight it out, right?
The Roomba and the robot mop could fight it out.
That's fun.
But that's on my list.
If again, it's not a thing I've bought,
it may not be a thing that I ever buy,
but I have had that thought because I do
like my gadgets and I do have that expanse of wood floor that could probably use a
proper mopping more often than it gets done.
So I'll put it on my Santa list.
Again, this is the, this is the whole idea here.
Is it stuff that I, at least I approached a lot as stuff that I've thought about
buying and then thought, no, like some part of me
overrides it, like it's not practical or it's too expensive, or I might not use it or I don't know how well it works.
And, and, but for a, for a gift list works for me.
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I eat for Christmas. There's so much I eat for Christmas.
There's so much I eat for Christmas.
Could you grab me a beer?
Good advice.
We're gonna tier list.
We're gonna tier list.
Let's go.
Tier list time Christmas food.
All right.
So we have established a list in our document here
of different things that I'm assuming the two of us like
or don't like to eat for Christmas.
I don't know.
And we're going to collaborate on a tier list.
S-A-B-C-D-F is the tiers,
in case you've never done this before.
I'll put a link in the show notes.
If you feel like, what's a tier list?
I'll put a link in the show notes
to what I think is a classic episode of Upgrade.
I will put the video version in the show notes, in fact,
so you can see us tier list the app icons from the Summer of Fun this year, which was a great time.
Oh yes, that was a good one.
But we're going to do a tier list of food, and I think the only place, for me at least,
that you can start with Christmas is Turkey, because here in the UK, we don't have Thanksgiving,
so the Turkey dinner is at Christmas.
Ah.
Turkey is...
I think you could make a case for Turkey to occupy essentially every spot on the tier list.
I think different people could make that argument.
I personally would say even good turkey is B tier.
I don't know how you feel about turkey.
I'm pro turkey.
Okay, you're in the turkey lobby?
I agree with you that turkey can be bad.
It's often overdone.
So it's dry and awful.
But you know what my favorite sandwich maybe
is a turkey sandwich.
Like, especially like sliced turkey breast
and like, oh, that would give me put some other things
that we're gonna mention later.
Probably on that sandwich, boy, that's good.
I love it.
Leftover turkey after Thanksgiving, it's great. But it can be made badly. It can
be made very badly. And I've spent a long time as I've detailed on this podcast
trying to make good turkey. So I, you know, I think I kind of came in expecting we would just acclaim this as a great Christmas food,
but I will go with you.
If you're willing to go to B-Tier, I'm willing to park it there because it is so variable.
There are so many bad turkey experiences you can have.
And also, there are just, in my opinion, so many things better than the turkey on my plate.
Like, even if the turkey is good, I just feel like I can't have it occupy a higher spot
based on everything that surrounds the turkey.
So now, there's Foment and Discord in the Discord right now.
Of course.
Suggesting that I might be in the pocket of big Turkey.
And I know that was meant as a joke to TJ,
but it's almost true because perhaps the best purveyor
of turkeys in America, especially like high quality
farm raised turkeys is Destel,
which is based in my hometown.
And I actually went to school with a Deestal.
Oh, the heir to the turkey fortune.
I am kind of in the pocket of big turkey.
Wow.
I mean, I'm not, I have no gain,
but I was very close.
At one point I was very close to the pocket of big turkey.
Big turkey bias on this show is what we're saying.
Big turkey bias, big turkey bias.
How do you spell that?
D I E S T E L.
Look at this, as they say, meal time, snack time, any time that is not
nobody thinks of Turkey this way.
People think of Turkey as one time.
That's what I like about this, right?
Meal time, snack time, any time. No Turkey is one time.
You could try, Deestal, as hard as you like.
I'm just going to say as a representative of big Turkey, not a week goes by that I
do not have Turkey.
I'm sure you do because you're in the pocket.
Everyone else is like, Hey Turkey, I know when I'm having that, you know, they beat it.
Turkey, one time beat it. Turkey in America two times. Maybe I'm gonna ask
you to bring the next two actually, because I can't believe that these would
even be up for consideration. Okay, well, beef like roast, a roast or a steak, and a ham, like how we had the honey baked ham
at Stephen's house.
Yeah, yeah, I-
These are alternate, alternate proteins
for the holiday table, for the Christmas table.
Ham I can understand more,
because I've had it as part of Thanksgiving
and enjoyed that, right?
So like, I can understand,
if you've had turkey at Thanksgiving, that
you would have ham. So you're not having two turkey dinners a month apart, even though
it's already established. Actually, that's fine because you can have turkey for mealtime
snack time anytime. So any time to two turkeys a month apart, no problem, because it's no
time. How am I get more? I can't personally imagine a steak with don't you have like a
Christmas roast though? Isn't that a thing and roast beef? No, I mean roast beef as part of a
roast dinner, which it could be any time of the year, any Sunday I get yes take right. I can't
imagine so much roast beef, maybe ham. I was, I'm not so much of a roast beef fan anyway.
Oh, interesting.
I would say.
The king is disappointed in you.
Maybe, I mean, for me, I would put,
if I was putting these, just where I would put them,
I would put beef as a C and ham as an A.
I think ham is a better meal than turkey,
a better meat than turkey for this.
But I would like to know what you think
uh i well we don't have ham in our house because lauren doesn't eat it that's a problem i enjoyed
the ham at uh stephen's house because it it reminded me of when i to to your previous point, got so tired of having turkey both holidays
that I insisted we do something else for Christmas and we got a ham instead.
It's fine. I think you have correctly identified my issue here, which is if you have a big turkey for Thanksgiving,
having another turkey, which we're going to do this year, can be very samey. which is if you have a big turkey for Thanksgiving,
having another turkey, which we're gonna do this year, can be very samey.
And so I have definitely had that where it's like,
that's too much effort, we just had one,
I'm just gonna make a roast or a steak
or something like that, or I suppose a ham,
but not in my house.
So I don't know, let's put,
we don't need to talk about steak.
We'll just put, we'll put beef, roast beef on the list.
I would say at a C tier.
Okay.
And ham, I think, I think is, is too high.
I would put that at like B or C tier.
What do you think?
I would, let's put ham at C tier too.
Okay.
I want to uphold the tradition of turkey for Christmas.
All right, the turkey wins that one.
I think that's, I think you're right.
I think that's how it should be.
Alternates below.
I have what I think is an easy S tier.
Okay.
Roast potatoes.
Roast potatoes.
Now, how big are these? Unbelievable.
Are these individual little potatoes?
Are these sliced potatoes that are then roasted?
Like in chunks?
What form do roast potatoes take?
Where we would like chop them up
so that a big potato became a bunch of little tiny pieces
of potatoes that were then roasted.
Well, not tiny.
I wouldn't say tiny.
Let's imagine a decent, a regular potato,
we'll cut that up into quarters or sixths.
Sixths. And that will be roasted.
And so you end up with this perfect thing.
That's for me what worst potatoes are.
Some people like to roast them whole.
I don't understand why you would do that.
Like to me, cut them up. Well, that's a big potato.
That's a big potato. No, you can take smaller potatoes
and you can dress them up and roast them.
Yes, you can roast small potatoes. Yeah can dress them. Oh, yes. Yes, you can roast small potatoes
Yeah, I think this is basically the same parboiling
Put them in with oil
roast them
This is my favorite thing
On the christmas meal like interesting without a shadow of a doubt. I come from a strong roast potato household. I see
That's good roast potatoes are very important to me.
And I have carried on the tradition in my family
of good roast potatoes.
So that's, I actually, just right now, Jason,
I made a note in our document.
I keep, so I keep a list of all the edit points, right?
Yeah.
For the show.
And I just made one for a cross talk.
And instead of writing cross talk, I wrote roast potatoes.
So if you wanna know how much I'm thinking
about roast potatoes right now, I got them on the mind.
So I'm all roast all the time,
including at 44 minutes and 13 seconds
in our show recording.
Good note, good note.
I appreciate it. holiday special note.
So are you saying S tier?
I mean, I'd put them at A tier, easy.
They're great.
If you can't imagine a world for S tier,
but I think roast potatoes are an S tier material.
Okay, let's put them up there.
They're great, they're great.
But now we have controversy,
because you know what I like?
I like mashed potatoes.
You Americans.
I like the mashed potatoes.
You gotta liquefy everything, you know?
Just the only one go.
I like mashed potatoes.
I do, I do.
Not as much as I like.
I like roast potatoes.
I haven't written mashed potatoes down in a head-end note
document, if that's what you're
asking.
Yeah, that's right.
Well, that's really the tell.
I don't even know what we're doing here.
Why don't we just post, why don't you just read out your document and that'll tell everything
about how you feel about all these things.
I feel like mashed potatoes are very, very good.
I love them.
They don't have to be S tier, but I would put them at A or B. I think that mashed potatoes, they're a good A.
I just think potatoes are great in all forms.
Oh yes, I agree.
But I don't think they're as good as roast,
but I would put them up there.
Well, we'll put them in A tier,
which brings us to the other potato related thing that we've got on this list.
A thing my mother always made. The candied yams! These are sweet potatoes.
Is this AKA sweet potato casserole?
No, this is... you have baked or roasted sweet potato that is then covered in a melted marshmallow
right sauce I mean I do love that by the way sweet potatoes and marshmallow I
love that now not a Christmas though I mean you're going a step too far that is
a Thanksgiving food in my mind I would not have that on the same plate
it's my Christmas meal this is one of my childhood foods that I have, I have ex communicated from my life,
from my holiday plate.
I'm fine with that.
Like I've only ever had them as an adult and I've had them like three times.
I could imagine every year if I'm eating this every year, I
don't think I could do it.
So I put it down as a, is it an F?
I doubt it. is it an F? I doubt it.
Is it an F?
I mean, I have a very strong contender for F later on, and I don't think you're going
to want candy jams in there.
I do too.
Let's put it a D.
Yeah.
I'm going to now pick, I'm going to talk about my favorite vegetable side for my Christmas
dinner.
Okay.
Maple glazed root vegetables.
I would choose parsnips and carrots for this
as a little extra.
Now, this is the stuff, right?
So they're roasted first.
They're roasted in oil and maple syrup.
And it's so good, so good.
So even 10 years ago, I would be decrying this,
but I've discovered over the last 10 years that if you roast terrible
vegetables they're edible.
Yes.
That's the best way to do it.
I've just got to point out in a discord, because this is incredible to me, that Zach says Mike's
picks are very British.
What else would they be?
You know?
I'm not eating an American Christmas dinner, you know?
Like, come on.
I mean, I'm eating eating an American Christmas dinner, you know, like come on. I mean, I mean, in a good British Christmas dinner.
So, you know, the king came over and he was like, I spoke to Tim
and now I'm here to tell you what to do.
Yeah, I love these again.
S tier. No, they are not made.
A tier. I would say yes, because look, I like carrots and I like parsnips.
I like them. They're fine, they're great roasted.
But you know how they're even made better?
You put maple syrup on them.
Yeah, I get behind that.
Like I've eaten these things roasted and they're edible.
And believe it or not,
like the fact that I can eat a carrot at all,
I'm never gonna like carrots.
Yeah.
I find it ironic that I actually prefer broccoli to carrots
when they're roasted,
which broccoli was literally like my least favorite broccoli and cauliflower.
And now I actually like them quite a bit when they're roasted, olive oil, a little salt.
Carrots, I would never say I love them, but they're edible.
And parsnips, same. They're a little more potato-like, I guess. So that's good. Uh,
you know, Mike, I'm never going to really get behind this. Um, I don't, but I don't hate them.
So what do we do? I mean, I don't, you know, you would eat them. I would eat. Okay. Here's what
here's where we are with this as As the plates are getting passed around,
and there's a plate with maple glaze,
parsnips and carrots on it, and it comes to me.
Now, classic Jason move in a lot of these events
is just keep on passing that plate.
Would I take a little bit of parsnip and carrot
and put it on my plate?
I would.
Would I eat it?
I would.
When that plate comes back to me again,
or somebody holds it up and says,
anybody want more parsnips and carrots?
Would I ask for more?
No.
Well, here's what I'll say.
Here's going on what you're saying there.
Plate is given to you, right?
And they're on there.
Like you've been given the plate and they're already on there. You've got to have to you, right? And they're on there. Like you've been given the plate
and they're already on there. You've got to have some vegetables, right? Cause otherwise
someone's going to say, Jason, you're having no vegetables. These are the vegetables you're
going to want.
No, the, the, the number one vegetable is yet to be picked here, but, uh, but no, but
it depends. I think I know where you're going. And that one depends. Maple glaze, passips
and carrots. You're always going to enjoy it. Cause. Maple glaze, parsnips and carrots.
You're always going to enjoy it.
Cause it's at least going to taste good.
I'm not.
You're always going to enjoy it.
I'm not.
Okay.
C?
I mean, if you're offering C, I'll take C.
You seem so upset about the vegetables
that I feel like I can't get you to go to B.
No, I'll put them on B because you love them.
All right, let's go with B.
I'll put them on B because you love them, I'll put them on B because you love them,
even though, like I said, I would eat them.
And you love them and I would eat them.
And I figured that we'll average that out to a B.
All right, speaking of vegetables, what you got for me?
Green beans or the classic American green bean casserole
loved by Midwesterners everywhere.
Okay.
Mike, I'm gonna make my pitch for you.
Are you ready?
I'm ready.
Green beans are the worst, F.
Okay.
I put this on the list so I could say,
green beans stink, green bean casserole,
you're like, we put a bunch of stuff on the green beans.
You know what you did?
You put stuff on bad stuff.
Like it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter what you put on them.
Green beans are awful. Down with green. Thumbs down. What a terrible,
terrible vegetable. The worst. Merry Christmas everybody.
We, I like green beans.
I've got to tell you, I like green beans.
I've never had a green bean casserole
in the way in which you describe it to my knowledge.
So I cannot speak to green bean casserole.
Well, let's take a tour
through the green bean casserole recipe.
Okay.
Born in the Campbell's soup test kitchen in 1955,
it has stood the test of time, boy has it.
Just five staple ingredients and the test of time. Boy has it.
Just five staple ingredients and 10 minutes of prep.
No wonder it's a beloved family favorite.
One can of cream of mushroom soup.
No, thank you.
Half a cup of milk, a teaspoon of soy sauce,
four cups of cooked cut green beans,
and then over the top you sprinkle French fried onions
and bake it in a casserole dish.
I don't like the soup here.
Why is there soup?
Well, in the 50s, Mike, in America,
all food got covered in cream of mushroom soup.
See, I like the idea of green beans
and I like the idea of fried onions.
I don't like the sound of mushroom soup.
Yeah. Yeah. Mm. Midwesterners. I love you. I have friends who
are Midwesterners. This ain't it. I'm sorry. It's okay. Then
we had it. We had a dish that we had frequently when I was a
kid. That was chicken and little soft onions
and cheese and green bean casserole,
or not green bean casserole and cream mushroom soup.
Cream mushroom soup.
And it was pretty good.
But like, again, I'm reminded of the fact that
my mother is from Western Pennsylvania,
which is technically, I would say again,
point of contention, the Midwest,
very Midwestern if it's not the Midwest, Western Pennsylvania. And that was a very Midwestern
kind of dish. Put cream of mushroom soup in it. Where are we putting this, Mike? Please
make it go down low, as low as possible. I've never had this. I don't like the sound of
it. So I'm happy to put it in F. I just want to let people know I've never had this. I don't like the sound of it. So I'm happy to put it in F.
We're gonna put green bean casserole, which is a holiday dish.
I've never had it. All right. So I'm going on how that sounds and your description.
Just trust me. Trust me.
Okay.
Trust me.
I will. I trust you.
That brings us to Brussels sprouts.
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
First off, Brussels sprouts have a terrible reputation.
So bad.
But little known that over the last 30 years, 20 years, they have bred Brussels sprouts
to be less bitter.
They've literally changed what the vegetable is because people refused it.
And modern Brussels sprouts are actually pretty good.
They're not as bitter, and you roast them and they're tasty and you can
they are great roasted. They are great roasted with a little balsamic vinegar. There's a dish that we often make for the
holidays where you actually use some garlic and some sriracha and you make kind of Asian influence. It's from a it's
from a restaurant in Austin, Texas actually is where came from, and Moises told me about it.
But they're like soy garlic sriracha,
Brussels sprouts, kind of crispy,
because they're roasted, they're so good.
Brussels sprouts, I'll tell you,
this is how much I've changed as an eater,
is if there are Brussels sprouts as an appetizer
on a menu at a restaurant I go to, we absolutely order them. Like every time.
Because Brussels sprouts roasted with some stuff on them,
some cheese or whatever the dish is, they're great.
I'm completely bought in on Brussels sprouts now.
I don't like Brussels sprouts on their own, really.
I kind of do. I don't like love them.
But I really like them with bacon. Like that, that has, for me, Brussels sprouts and bacon
is what opened my mind to see how good Brussels sprouts can be.
I can't do that in my, in my household. I can see why that would be good, but there
are so many ways. This is the thing is like,
The fact that we have multiple ways of preparing very good tasty Brussels sprouts would suggest to me that they should go pretty high.
Now again, I can't imagine breaking the B ranking to be honest.
Oh, I think Brussels sprouts are a tier.
I really go for it.
Put them in.
Okay.
I'm going to put them in stuffing.
Now, if you're going to have a bird, you're going to have them in. Stuffing now.
Well, if you're going to have a bird, you're going to have to have stuffing, right?
That's the theory anyway.
Yeah.
I don't cook stuffing in the turkey.
Now British stuffing tends to have sausage meat in it.
Interesting.
And it's real good. Basically deconstruct a sausage and add some bread to it or like
a stuffing mix, maybe some onion. I love stuffing. I think it's fantastic. It tastes super good.
I think it is a honestly stuffing. It's my favorite meat as part of my Christmas dinner.
Oh, interesting. Yeah, it's real good, real, real good.
So first off, health note,
you shouldn't actually make the stuffing in the bird
because there's cross contamination that's potential
and you could get sick.
So you should just make it.
And yeah, I like stuffing.
I don't love it, but although you just described
a stuffing that sounds a lot of fun too,
I think it's good.
I think it's a, I think it is maybe the best bread
related option as well in some ways to have a,
you want a little starchy kind of thing there.
I mean, you've got your potatoes,
but like you can get like rolls or bread or something,
but stuffing's good.
So where should we put stuffing? I would say it's an A tier. I'll go with that. I'll let you do that
I'm not I have no objections to that, but I would like to add another A tier
sausage friend to my
To my plate here now. This is what we call pigs in blankets, which is
Americans think of pigs in blankets
are what we would call a sausage roll.
Pigs in blankets to us are little sausages wrapped in bacon.
Right.
Where pig in blankets for us are little hot dogs in a pastry or like a crescent roll.
Even that's not what I would consider a sausage roll.
But yes, I've heard of this before.
I've seen this before.
But let's say little sausages, cocktail sausages, I've heard of this before. I've seen this before, but let's say the little sausages,
cocktail sausages, as they're sometimes known,
wrapped in pieces of bacon.
Excellent, just excellent.
Just a great time.
Give me some pigs in blankets.
Some sausage stuffing.
And you have that at the holidays?
You have that at the holidays?
Yeah, it's part of Christmas, yeah.
Sausage, pigs, pigs wrapped in pigs.
The blanket is more pig, is what you're saying.
I will say in England, it seems like,
while turkey is the,
it's like, oh, it's the turkey dinner.
There's really a lot of pig on the plate, to be honest.
I see.
It's a lot.
Now I know this is gonna be complicated for you.
What kind of bacon is this?
I have to ask that question
because bacon can be different things.
Tends to be streaky bacon
because it's gotta be thin, right?
Right. So it's more like American bacon.
Yeah, it's more like American bacon.
Because we're good at wrapping things in bacon too.
Because the streaky bacon is more wrapable.
Well, okay.
I'm willing to put this, I'm willing to put the concept of pigs and blankets up high
if you will acknowledge that it could be either kind,
because I actually do kind of like an American pig in a blanket.
Sure. I mean, hot dog in pastry sounds fantastic. Like that, that, that sounds fantastic. Yeah.
A tier. Oh, let's just do it. I mean, I feel like we're building a great dinner. Sure.
All right. Well, I'm going to ruin it. I'm going to ruin it.
Let's ruin it.
What's our next item?
I demand this is created last year when you told me that story.
So let's put it in there.
Aspic.
Whoa.
F tier.
This is something that I have had as part of a Romanian Christmas dinner.
Meat inside gelatin.
So it's meat and vegetables suspended inside the pork. One of, one of the traumas of my life.
I apologize to everybody, uh, in Eastern Europe, but just the worst.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this, uh, terrible.
Well, there's, there's no tier below F so F tier it is.
I love, I love that aspect and green bean casserole are sharing a cell.
That's how I hope this would go.
I don't understand this next item. So why don't you tell me about it? So chocolate is a big thing at Christmas.
You know, you got to have little treats around the house, right?
Okay.
And you're just like, you're eating them every now and then.
Oh, little chocolates.
Yeah, little chocolates.
Cabri, they are the purveyor of good chocolate and they produce lots of,
there are a lot of companies that do this,
but I like the cabri ones.
And there's a couple of different things
where they're essentially assortment boxes
of individually wrapped chocolates.
And my favorite, and it is like a classic for me,
is from when I was a kid,
they make something called cabri roses.
You only buy these at Christmas.
And they're a little various chocolate. You might get just a Dairy Mc one, maybe one with nuts
in it, one with a like a strawberry sausage. I've got sausage on my mind now. A strawberry filling, maybe an
orange cream filling. This is just a good time. This is, to me, an S-tier part of Christmas.
Just the in-general idea of boxes of chocolate that are just open that you can freely eat
at any point in the day.
Just a great time.
I'm going to suggest that we just put chocolate in the S-tier.
That is absolutely fine.
We have similar things here for different holidays, but also at Christmas there are
like Hershey's Kisses.
No, don't write me about Hershey's,
but like again, just like the idea
that there are various kinds of chocolate
that are just around is great.
Whatever chocolate you want.
Chocolate novelties.
To me, Hershey's tastes like chalk.
So I cannot buy it.
Well, you can't spell chocolate without chalk.
Chalk-lent.
Done.
Done.
I don't mind Hershey's chocolate, but I don't choose it. I choose good chocolate. Done. I don't mind hers, she's chocolate,
but I don't choose it.
I choose good chocolate, but I also don't mind it.
It's like fast food chocolate.
It's fine with whatever.
Okay, really quickly, we're gonna get through
the desserts here.
Pumpkin and or sweet potato pie.
I love it.
I think it's necessary.
I put it up at very high,
having one of those nutmeggy kind of pies.
I love it.
What do you think?
A tier?
I like pumpkin pie a lot.
I like pumpkin pie a lot.
It's good.
Sweet potato pie is just like pumpkin pie,
except I think better.
Ginger snaps or gingerbread?
S tier.
I agree.
Ginger is the best.
Gingerbread is the best.
And again, this is the time of year
where there's just like ginger stuff laying around
for you to eat whenever. I to build a red house every year
It's my favorite thing, so you know, you know the story right about how I terrorize my children
Have I told you that story but tell me again? Yeah. Yeah, cuz they wanted to eat the gingerbread house
So I got a hammer and I smashed it and my children like
That's a legend for all time and finally eggnog I
Really like eggnog, but it's complicated, you know?
I don't.
Actually, you know what, Mike?
I've never had eggnog, because it sounds so disgusting.
That's the thing.
So eggnog sounds disgusting, tastes great,
in my opinion, with alcohol.
Why don't we C tier it?
Because it is complicated, even though I like it.
It is complicated.
Okay, so we conclude the Christmas food tier list
S tier, roast potatoes, chocolate,
and ginger snaps or gingerbread.
We could stop there, quite frankly.
We can.
Odd plate, though.
It is, yeah, I mean, you can't stop there, right?
You're not allowed to stop there.
But then let's mix in the A tier,
mashed potatoes, Brussels sprouts, stuffing,
pigs in blankets and pumpkin pie or sweet potato pie.
B tier turkey, maple glaze, parsnips and carrots for Mike.
C tier, the alternates, roast beef, ham,
as well as eggnog.
D tier candied yams and F tier, the other, the alternates roast beef ham, as well as eggnog.
D tier, candied yams and F tier, sharing a space in the dungeon,
green bean casserole and aspect.
The worst plate.
Boo!
Put the yams and the casserole and the aspect together
and hand that to a person you don't like,
your mean old uncle.
But the yams and the casserole.
And shake them both up.
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Now, now what would what would a special episode be without a draft?
Christmas content draft, favorite TV shows, favorite movies of the Christmas season that we like.
Do they have to be Christmas movies?
I don't know, we'll find out, I suppose.
Jason, what's your first pick?
A Charlie Brown Christmas.
Very good.
It is, the soundtrack alone,
I've already listened to multiple times,
and I will try to find time to watch
a Charlie Brown Christmas.
It's short, it's sweet, it's very Charlie Brown. It's the most Charlie Brown
peanuts thing that there could possibly be and it's a classic of my childhood.
And it's on Apple TV and high def so easy for me to get to. So Charlie Brown.
We had the family over at the weekend. We were doing like little Christmas things
and all gonna be together at Christmas So we just came together and someone asked everyone to go around, pick
their favorite Christmas movie to which started a debate of the home alone versus home alone.
Oh, that was the debate. It's not the debate you think. Oh, good. Thank goodness. Yeah. Home
alone versus home alone too. And I, after having the spirited conversation came down on Home Alone 2 as being the more
Christmassy of the Home Alone movies.
Okay.
Okay.
I mean.
Home Alone 2 as well is the reason that everybody outside of America wants to go to New York
at Christmas.
Oh, interesting.
This is like a thing.
Yeah.
Growing up, everyone wanted to do Christmas
in New York, and I believe it's because of Home Alone 2.
You know, one year at Macworld Expo in New York,
we stayed at a hotel where they were shooting
a Christmas movie, so it's July,
and the entire place is dressed like Christmas.
It was so strange.
That was Made in Manhattan,
starring Jennifer Lopez, I believe.
Oh, wow. Made, M-A-I-D in Manhattan, but it, I believe. Oh, wow.
Made, M-A-I-D in Manhattan.
But it was like a...
Yeah, of course.
Back when they made Hallmark Christmas movies
as regular movies, basically,
before they just became cable TV movies.
What many people would call the glory days of cinema.
The best days of all.
So my pick is gonna be something that my wife introduced me to that I'd
never seen before and I think legitimately is my favorite Christmas
movie now and it's a classic and I highly recommend it to people. It moves
along fast, it's an old movie but it's super enjoyable. I just I think you would
like it. I think it plays well to a modern audience. There's
good jokes, there's a good message.
It's Miracle on 34th Street.
That was a huge surprise for me
when we did it as Mike at the Movies.
Yeah.
I did not think that I was gonna enjoy that movie.
An old black and white Christmas movie.
But it has some twists and turns.
It really does. And jokes.
I mean, there's also jokes.
It's not the movie you think it's gonna be
when it starts to where it is.
It's really not.
It's not sappy or anything.
No.
Truly great movie.
It was very high up on my little short list here.
I'll put it this way too.
The guy who plays Sandy Ann
got nominated for an Academy Award, okay?
Like, it's a good movie.
Yeah, it's a very, very good movie.
It's a very, very good movie.
Has a lot to say about customer service, by the way,
which I think is interesting for upgrade listeners.
It has a lot to do about how companies
treat their customers.
Anyway, go ahead.
I'm gonna do it.
I'm gonna settle the debate and I'm gonna pick Die Hard.
Die Hard!
It's a Christmas movie. I think honestly, I think anything can be a Christmas movie.
I agree at Christmas. I agree. A hundred percent. Anything. This movie has Christmas in it.
It has Christmas in it. Ho ho ho. Now I have a machine gun. And what could be more Christmasy
than getting rid of terrorists from a building?
You know?
Like, is there anything more in the spirit of Christmas?
I don't think so.
Anything could be a Christmas movie if you watch it at Christmas.
I know that this is, some people deeply disagree with this, but I just don't, I don't agree.
I think Die Hard has, if Die Hard was not a Christmas movie, it has become one.
Exactly. Agre one. Exactly.
Agreed.
Yeah, 100%, that's a great pick.
Another, I would say, latter day classic,
and I know that people don't particularly like,
well, that's not true, a lot of people like this actor.
Some people can't stand this actor
and other stuff he's been in,
but I would say this is the perfect,
perfect Will Ferrell performance.
Yes, I agree, 100%.
Elf.
This is like, there aren't many modern,
like Christmas movies that get added
to what would be the pantheon of like, this is it.
Elf is one of them.
Elf is a great movie, a great Christmas movie.
The story gets a little weird towards the end,
but that's fine.
I think this is great.
Well, yeah, there's,
I think you're probably referring to the moment
where it sort of becomes a Lord of the Rings parody,
which is very strange.
Like, why is the,
is the NYPD suddenly like a monster that is riding evil horses?
And like, it gets real weird, but that's okay, because then the spirit of Christmas comes
upon us all, and it's great. So yes. It's a great movie.
I'm now gonna do the thing about movie
that is now a Christmas movie for me,
but it's not a Christmas movie at all.
I watched for the first time at Christmas last year,
Frozen, and now Frozen is a Christmas movie to me,
and I will be watching it again this year,
and I loved it at Christmas
I think Frozen fits very well for Christmas
Because it's there's ice and snow everywhere and it's just great. I would probably say frozen 1 & 2
I'm probably gonna watch both of them
But yeah that I think the frozen movies are good movies to watch at Christmas
But I understand many parents have watched these movies many times all year,
but the first time I'd seen them was last Christmas, and I think I want to make them a Christmas tradition in my household.
All right, I'm gonna go a little bit off the board now. Let's do it. A little bit unexpected. Mm-hmm.
But a, it's actually a New Year's Eve tradition for us.
Okay.
But it's a silly, silly movie that you can watch anytime.
And I'm gonna go back further back into the past,
even than Miracle on 34th Street.
Whoa.
This is a movie that makes my son crack up
and he is a child born in 2004.
And yet a movie from 1933 totally worked on him.
It's absurd, it's a great way to ring in the new year,
but you can also watch it on Christmas night
or Christmas Eve.
It is the Marx Brothers duck soup.
I've never seen this, but I know of it.
It's ridiculous. It's great. It actually has political this, but I know of it. It's ridiculous.
It actually has political commentary.
It came out in 1933.
It's about the rise of fascism,
but it's also just wall to wall bits,
just comedy jokes, comedy bits that just repeat
and they kill.
So Duck Soup is a New Year's Eve tradition for us,
but I'm gonna call that part of the holiday season
and throw it in there.
It's great, it really is like, watch it.
It's short too, it's like 70 minutes long.
I mean, it's like really short, but it's packed with jokes.
It ends in an absurd way that is, I think, intentional
in terms of their message about war and against fascism.
And it's great.
Duck Soup, the Marx Brothers.
I'm gonna go back to the kind of traditional Christmas fare
and pick a movie that I don't necessarily expect
all the people like, but I loved it as a kid.
So it warms my heart when I see it now.
And that is Arnold Schwarzenegger's Jingle All the Way.
Oh, nice. Why do you like that movie? I've never seen it.
Do you know, I don't know why, right? But like I watched it a lot as a kid. So this is
Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a dad who is essentially not very good
because he, I don't think he's, if you remember,
he's a very attentive dad and he's tasked
with buying an action figure
called Turbo Man
for his son
and he
goes too late and he doesn't
get Turbo Man, he misses out
and then through a
series of events in which he tries to procure a
turbo man gets caught up in a parade and becomes turbo man it's incredible and
ridiculous and very that yes full spoilers for the movie jingle all the
way yeah you've been waiting to watch it, now Mike's ready for you.
Sorry. It's great. It's just stupid and great. It's like, I don't know, I just
see in the 90s, I guess, when just Arnold Schwarzenegger made these kinds of movies,
and this is just one of those. It's basically the type of movie that The Rock used to make
as well, you know? Like that kind of like, we're going to put
a big muscly guy in a peculiar role. Sinbad's in it too. And that isn't the, what is that effect
where everyone thinks Sinbad made that movie, but he didn't make it. Oh yeah, the Mandela effect,
right. Yeah. Sinbad was actually in this movie, also starring Phil Hartman, Rita Wilson, Jim Belushi.
Is it Sinbad or is it Shaquille O'Neal
that they thought was Sinbad or Sinbad
they think it's Shaquille O'Neal?
It's something like that,
Sinbad is somehow involved in the Mandela effect,
but he was actually in this movie.
Yeah, that's good.
That's good.
Yeah, or is it Kazam is a movie starring Shaquille O'Neal
as a genie, but people remember it as being called something else and with Sinbad and
it's just a weird brain thing.
All right, for my next pick, I could be pretty generic here, but I'll be a little bit less
generic. So since 2005, there has been a Christmas
or New Year's special for Doctor Who
almost every single year,
because it's a British thing, right?
British TV.
American TV has basically fled or put football on now
for Christmas, but British TV,
I came to realize, is a thing, right?
Like everybody puts the special everything's on at Christmas.
And so they do Dr. Who Christmas specials, which are great.
But I have two that I want to recommend more broadly
that are my favorites.
I used to have one and now I have two.
There's a Christmas Carol, which is got Michael Gambon
is the star of it.
It's with Matt Smith as the 11th doctor. The ghosts of
Christmas past, present and future appear to Michael Gambon via time travel
because they got a time machine. It's such a good riff on a Christmas carol.
It's fun. It is exactly what a Christmas special should be.
Yeah.
Excellently done. And then the one that I've added to the list is with Peter Capaldi, also written by Stephen Moffat, Last Christmas, which was a few years later.
And that one's got Nick Frost in it as Santa. It's got a good cast. It is fun and bittersweet and also scary.
It is, it riffs on alien, but in a Christmas way.
And I love that.
I think it's just a great episode.
So I actually have a Plex playlist
of Doctor Who Christmas specials.
I'll just put them on in the background
and they just play all 12 of them or whatever.
The Christmas special is a big thing in the UK.
And Doctor Who is one of the shows that
participates in this tradition.
It's a good vibe.
Some of them are better than others,
but those are a good vibe.
And I'm looking forward to this year.
Moffat is coming back to write another Christmas special,
because apparently Russell T. Davis is like,
I can't write Christmas specials.
Don't make me.
And so they brought Moffat back to do another one.
I'm looking forward to that too.
But those two are the best. I'm going to pick an episode of television that is Christmas themed
that you probably shouldn't watch at Christmas, but it is the best episodes of television I've
ever seen. So I feel like it needs to be included. And that is the bear fishes. Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, this is the holiday feast with the seven fishes or the nine fishes or whatever.
That ends with a car smashing into the house.
Spoilers.
Sorry, spoilers for the bear.
Spoilers for the bear.
They're all incredibly emotionally damaged.
I don't think that's much of a spoiler for the bear.
Yeah, if you want to feel very, very incredibly tense over Christmas,
watch this episode of television.
It's maybe a perfect piece of television.
I don't think that it will get you in the Christmas spirit,
but I feel like I couldn't make this list of Christmas content without including it.
It's great. I'm going to go with The Muppets Christmas Carol.
Oh good.
That's a good one.
You know, there should be more movies that are just the Muppets doing a thing because
everything's better with Muppets in it.
I don't understand why-
Rather than like, this is a movie that is themed around the Muppets. No,
about the Muppets. The Muppets are just the characters, but they don't need to be about the Muppets.
I don't understand why they just don't do... Every year there's a thing where there's a classic
something that is being made by the Muppets, and the thing is they'll add jokes, it'll be fun,
it'll be light, and the Muppets are in it. And I don't, that is a franchise
that's really been mismanaged by Disney.
I did an incomparable episode where I pitched a movie
that was Disney's Marvel's Muppets the Avengers
or something like that,
Disney's Muppets Marvel's the Avengers,
where the idea is, yeah, just do a Muppets Marvel movie
and it would be funny.
And like, why not?
Like, why not do that?
Why not, why not take, they make live action versions,
the quote unquote live action versions of all these classic animated Disney movies. I do not know
why they do not also make Muppet versions of classic Disney movies and Marvel and Star Wars.
Like, it would be so fun. And I think people would like them. And I think it would be good
sort of family fair and holiday fair. But that's my rant about the Muppets.
I'll just say Muppets Christmas Carol.
It's a Christmas Carol, but with the Muppets and it's good.
It's really good.
So sure, Muppets put it on Muppets Christmas Carol.
For my last pick.
Love, actually.
Oh, OK. All right.
You know, I know at this point that movie is so played out, right? Like I get it. It's
like memed into oblivion, but it's there was a time in British cinema when movies were
like this. It's like this. Like this is like a British romantic comedy. It is.
And also it's worth remembering because love actually was so successful.
It created a genre of let's get loads of people and put them in a movie and
everyone's having independent stories that mix together.
This was the movie that popularized that format.
Yeah.
Although Richard Curtis had been doing it already.
Yeah.
Because he did four weddings and a funeral and Notting Hill.
I mean, but yes, this is the one that was the huge one.
Yes, like the Richard Curtis movies are all great, but they were still like interesting people together.
But what Love Actually did that I think was unique was like, here are like six different stories.
Sometimes they move in and out where it's kind of like an anthology
in one movie where like say something like four weddings and not inhale there. They have
a more of a, of a typical structure of a move. Like you're telling a story, which is a singular
story and we're following one or two characters through the whole time. Yeah, Love actually is like an anthology almost of little short scenes.
And it's, and it's the cast is so good. And it's like good.
It's great classic and contemporary at the time actors like
Keira Knightley, for example, who was very new in her career then.
Like, and it's also very funny and very well written.
The movie, yes, it is played out. But if you have not watched Love Actually in a long time,
I recommend going back to that movie because I think it will surprise you how good it is,
considering these days how prevalent it is. I just watched it last year and
there's parts of it where I'm like, I, I don't know about that, but the,
it's got a good vibe and the cast is bananas.
Everywhere you look, there's somebody
that you will recognize, even people
who were not famous at the time, you will be like,
wait a second, that's January Jones from Madman
or that's Thomas Sankster who's been in a million things,
but he was just the kid back then,
but he was in Game of Thrones, right?
Like it, everywhere you turn,
why is Billy Bob Thornton in this movie?
Well, I guess he's the president of the United States.
It just keeps going.
It's, yeah, that's a wild movie.
Good pick.
And it really was like,
its thing was, hey, look at all these people.
Like that was the poster. The poster, hey, look at all these people. Like that was the poster.
The poster was just, look at all these people.
And then they ended up being even more of them.
It's a great movie.
This episode is brought to you by Lex Games.
Now we got to talk about Lex for doing all of the incredible work
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We thank Lex and I would like to tell you all about Lex Games as a thank you to Lex. the incredible work that Lex has done in creating these jingles in this episode and in our Summer of Fun episode.
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Well, you know what it's time for now Mike?
I do indeed.
Sometimes you just don't know the answer
and that is tough because
you can't always ask Mike and Jason. Thank you, Lex.
Jingles all the way.
First question comes from Elizabeth.
When is it okay to put Christmas decorations out and when should they have to come down?
Well, in the US, I would say Thanksgiving is a good barrier to Christmas decorations
in the US.
I would not put them out before the day after Thanksgiving, Black Friday, I guess. And they, like, I think, I think they should probably come down after New Year's Day. There's a little bit of a, like, New Year's Day and Christmas are on a Wednesday this year. You've got till the next weekend. But then they, by that next weekend, they should be gone.
But then by that next weekend, they should be gone.
I think that's pretty fair. I would say like we don't have the barrier here, right?
So things can get smushy.
I think in general, December 1st is a good time to go up.
If not the very end of November,
but I think December 1st is a good time to go up.
Please not November 1st, right?
Please not the day after Halloween.
No, no, no, no.
It's too much.
It makes it less special if a full 1 6th of the year
has Christmas in it.
I agree.
Yeah, so somewhere between Black Friday
and the 1st of December through somewhere around New Year's.
But also, you know you're busy on New Year's.
If you leave it till the next weekend,
I'm not going to judge.
We put up our tree way too early this year
because we were going away at the end of November
and at the first week of December.
So I didn't want to come home today being no Christmas tree.
So we put it up a bit early, but that's the reason why,
but I would usually go December 1st.
And I agree, the weekend that is immediately
following New Year's is the right time to take it down.
That's the time you take the stuff down.
Maybe if you're bored on New Year's Day,
you start to like pack things away,
but certainly you can give yourself till the next weekend.
Matthew asks, what is the most low tech thing
that you do for the holidays?
Oh, low tech.
I have my answer.
Okay, give your answer.
If you want me to give you an answer,
you can think of one.
Sure.
So I mentioned it earlier,
but every year I build a gingerbread house.
Like that's something that I love to do.
We'll buy like a kit and I'll make the gingerbread,
like actually bake the gingerbread.
It's easy.
They give you all the things, you know, like all the, and it's all, you just put them all together. I mean, I say it's easy. Uh,
I had to order a second kit because I was, I was, I was halfway through getting things
ready and my mom called me and then I was like, I ended up not getting all of the liquids
in at the same time. So I couldn't bring the gingerbread together as a whole thing. I was
very upset. There's another kit coming. I'm going to build it anyway. Uh, you don't need
my trauma. I like to build the gingerbread house, build it, put, you know, build everything
with icing and then decorate the whole thing. I love doing this. It's something that I love
to do and I am very excited to share this with my daughter in the future. That's going
to be a lovely thing. And I'm happy that it's already like one of the traditions
in our house is that I build it into a red house.
And I very much look forward to taking that into the future.
It's the most low tech thing that I do in the holidays.
Don't smash it with a hammer.
Unless you want to traumatize them, I guess.
I thought it was funny.
And it's like, remember when daddy smashed that thing
with a hammer?
It's like, oh boy, okay, sorry.
I just thought it was funny.
It is funny. If I had used like a comedy mallet, like a rubber mallet or something,
it would have been funny.
Put tinsel around the hammer.
It might have made it more Christmasy.
I brandished a hammer and smashed it.
Gingerbread house.
Anyway.
Uh, yeah.
Um, I would say baking and cooking are the things that are low tech that I do.
So I make, uh, those ginger molasses cookies every year that are really good.
I have made some, they're almost gone.
I'm probably going to make more if there's enough ginger for it
because they have lots of ginger in it.
But they're great. I'll do some other cookie baking or I've got a bunch of cookie cutters.
So sometimes we'll do a round of sugar cookies
because you can cut those out into fun little shapes
and then put sprinkles or icing on them and decorate them.
And they're fine and they're fun.
They're fun to do.
And that's a fun thing to do when the kids are home
or whatever.
Cooking at Christmas is just great.
Like it's a fun thing to do.
So that's my answer.
Yeah.
Sam says, when I was seven years old
I designed a robot to help my mom with the housework and ask Father Christmas for it for Christmas
I got a PlayStation instead if you could ask Father Christmas for one non-existent tech product. What would it be?
Well, what do you have here?
It is a similar answer. This is for me. Not from my mom
I absolutely would want it to be a non-human looking house cleaning robot.
Like, if I could have one thing, technology-wise, that doesn't exist, something that could clean
my whole home for me without me needing to do it is an incredible idea.
Right?
Like, we're not just talking about a Roomba.
This thing is dusting, it's straightening up. It's picking things up and cleaning underneath
like it's doing the whole nine yards. You know, I agree. I agree. The the I'm going
to go with you on this because I think this is right. A robot butler. And ironically,
I just wrote I just read a book about a robot butler and a robot apocalypse, which I highly
recommend. It's called Service Model by Adrian Tchaikovsky.
It might be appearing in the Upgradees. But a robot butler that does not look like a human being,
but what you said is exactly right. So it knows not to be around where I am.
It's straightening. It's picking up dishes and rinsing them off and putting them in the dishwasher.
It's making, it's setting the tea robot
and maybe even bringing me the tea.
Hey, why not?
It's cleaning up, it's emptying the cat box,
it's doing all of those things
so that I wouldn't have to do it
because wouldn't it be great to have a robot butler?
But absolutely does not look like a human.
That is so important to me.
No, one of the things in service model
is that the robot who's the narrator
talks about how they have different, they go through different cycles of the things in service model is that the robot who's the narrator talks about how they have different they go through different
cycles of the fashion of a robot and it's like oh and then we look very human and then people found that disturbing and I
Think he's like almost like a clown mask where it's like a face, but it's just got like
Like dots like like a kid drew it which is even more terrifying
I don't like that. I don't want a human form at all. No, no, I don't want human form at all.
No, no, thank you.
No.
Maybe you already answered this,
but Ah asks,
what are the ideal kinds of cookies to leave out for Santa?
Oh, um, wow.
I would probably, okay, it depends on who the audience is here.
If you want to make Santa happy, you leave Santa
some of those really nice ginger molasses cookies
and probably like a drink, like bourbon or something.
That's what, Phil Michaels always left out bourbon
for Santa when his daughter was younger.
If you wanna make the kids happy,
you put out milk and sugar cookies
that are probably
shaped like, I don't know, reindeer, Santa, snowmen, whatever. And then whatever Santa doesn't eat,
Wait, would Santa be happy to eat Santa cookies?
Maybe. It depends on if he views it as as cannibalism or as branding.
branding. Okay. But I encourage parents to put out your favorite cookie and your favorite beverage for Santa. Because anything Santa leaves behind you can have.
Yeah. Santa likes what you like. That's the good thing about Santa. Santa is a
magical being who likes what you like, yes. Elizabeth asks, do you prefer snow or no snow for Christmas?
And Jason, have you ever had a white Christmas?
I have no preference here
because I have mostly lived in a place
that doesn't have snow.
Growing up, we did have snow occasionally.
My 1988 Christmas,
which was my freshman year in college,
it snowed on Christmas Eve. So one time we had a white Christmas. And that was great. Although you know, maybe my favorite Christmas was when we were in Hawaii for Christmas, Mele Kalikimaka, as they say. That was pretty sweet.
Christmas day?
On Hawaiian Christmas day, that was pretty great. Hawaiian Christmas day was also pretty awesome. So I'm going to say no snow. But if I were somewhere that could get snow, I would probably prefer snow because it was beautiful. I always wanted there to be snow on Christmas day as a kid. And it never happened. I thought it never would. And then my freshman year in college, it happened.
And it never happened and I thought it never would. And then my freshman year in college, it happened.
I think that the Christmas season is made that little bit nicer
when there is some snow during it.
I think it is very fitting.
Of course.
I don't... I've never had...
To my memory, I have never had like what you would consider a true white Christmas.
I have had... There has been snow at Christmas, but like proper like snow at Christmas
I've not had that but there's been around that time and I like a bit of snow. I like a bit of snow
Aaron asks, do you think Santa would be a Mac or iPad person? Oh
Santa's on the go Santa's just iPhone all
iPhone all the time.
See, I would say iPad if we're choosing,
but yes, I get the-
He might have an iPad in the sleigh or, you know,
and back at home, they might have a whole big Mac set up,
but I feel like he's so mobile.
Like he's got to check his list.
I think that list is an app now
and he's got it down the chimney there.
So it's gotta be in his pocket, it's gotta be an iPhone.
So I've turned that question around entirely.
I like that, yeah, I like that.
Andrew asks, this is probably a question for me,
what is the best alcohol for eggnog,
rum, bourbon, brandy, or something more exotic?
I am going to put a link in the show notes
for one of my favorite YouTube channels, Benjy Mubabish.
There is a, I'll put a link to the video that they did for holiday
cocktails.
Um, and I really like Babish's recipe, which is a bourbon and rum, but just
like specifically the entire recipe is, is really good and I recommend that.
Um, so I'll put that in.
really good and I recommend that.
Um, so I'll put that in.
And I will recommend an episode of the incomparable game show.
Episode two 45, where we play a game of mind meld.
And, uh, one of the questions is about what goes into eggnog and, and you'll find out interesting thoughts about what people who don't understand eggnog
put in eggnog. I don't drink eggnog, so I have no opinion here. But I think I put, I
think rum is what I answered for that.
Okay. Yeah, rum is typical, but I think a nice combo of rum and bourbon is good. Anne
asks, Christmas songs, but it's not what you think. What's your least favorite?
Least favorite Christmas song is,
in Christmas, it's a Marshmallow World. What is that?
It's a song and I remember hearing it and hating it.
Bing Crosby, it was a hit.
And then I think there was-
A Marshmallow World, Dean Martin found it.
A Marshmallow World.
Dean Martin did it.
I hate that song so much.
I don't know this by its like title,
but I'll have to go check it out.
Yeah, it's a marshmallow world in the winter
and the snow is humbling down.
It's bad.
Oh, I actually quite like that song.
It's bad.
I didn't know that they would say marshmallow.
It's bad.
And then the other one I don't like is Jingle Bell Rock.
Oh, Jason.
I don't like Jingle Bell Rock.
Oh my gosh.
I think it's lazy.
I think it's super lazy.
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell.
I think Jingle Bell Rock is lazy.
I think Marshmallow World is cloying and bad.
I like, yeah, I've got opinions.
I don't really like the Beach Boys Christmas song either.
I know.
This is killing me.
You know, I don't feel so bad about what I'm gonna say now.
Okay.
I think the worst Christmas song
is All I Want for Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey.
Stop. That's fair. You gotta stop it. You by Mariah Carey. Stop.
You've gotta stop it.
You've got to stop it.
There are better versions of this song.
Mariah Carey, much love to you, all right?
You're an incredible artist with such a great range.
We gotta stop this song.
We gotta stop it.
It has to end.
We need another one.
Please, please another song, please. Like Michael Buble's version? Better.
I think you could say that about most songs. Aaron, final question. Real tree or artificial
tree and why? Which do you have now and have you ever done the other?
Real tree. Always have had a real tree.
Love a real tree, love the smell that it brings.
It's got the tree smell.
Your house smells like there's a tree in it,
which there is, which is great.
If I could get a tree that was like in a pot
that I could put inside and then put outside,
I would do that, but the problem is I think trees grow
and so it would outgrow the pot
and then I couldn't use it as a Christmas tree.
I would love to do that at some point,
but real tree, 100%.
My mom has an artificial tree now,
but we always had a real tree when I was growing up
and I still do.
I've always done artificial tree.
I would like to do real tree.
It was not something that my mom would have wanted.
And when we were in our apartment, we did not have enough space.
We have enough space in our house now for a bigger tree. So we're going to get a
bigger artificial tree. But I, at some point in the next couple of years,
we'd like to try a real tree for the first time.
I think that would be really good. And I would, I know I would appreciate it.
And there are places not too far from me where I could get one and I
could like walk home with it.
Um, but I would like to do it, but I've never done it.
So it's funny.
Cause when you said that you put up your tree early before you, before Thanksgiving,
because then you flew to America, I almost said we would never do that
because the tree would be dying
way before the end of the year,
but it doesn't die if it's not alive.
Our tree is a little bit sad, so in a way.
Charlie Brown asked.
Our decorations are amazing.
We buy decorations in places that we go,
so our tree is full of memories, which I think, for me,
I think is the perfect way to decorate a Christmas tree.
That's the way to do it.
But we have not bought a new tree.
So we found a really small tree.
It's called a slim tree, which we needed in the apartment,
because we didn't have space.
So Ryan made this very small Christmas tree
in the downstairs now, which is just like an open-air space.
Pretty large downstairs, yeah.
Yeah, and it's also actually quite short,
so we have to put it on top of a small coffee table.
Oh.
But we're trying, the tree's trying its best out here,
right, it's decorating nice,
so I think we get away with it.
The tree's doing what it can.
It's doing what it can and what it's got,
but next year, a bigger tree.
My mom has a tree that's probably two feet tall,
but it's every
it's a fiber it's like fiber optic strands coming out of it so it like it lights itself
it's pretty cool. Yeah those things are a lot but good. I wouldn't want that you can do it I would
not want a full-size tree like that but people do do it. No, no. That's too much.
Thank you for sending in your holiday Ask Upgrade questions. Thank you for
sending in all of the Ask Upgrade questions that you send us. You can always
send them in at upgradefeedback.com. You can check out Jason's work at
sixcolors.com. You can hear him at the incomparable and hero relay. You can
listen to me here on relay too and check out my work at cortexbrand.com.
You can find us online on Mastodon, Threads and Blue Sky.
And you can watch clips of this show on TikTok,
Instagram and YouTube, where we're at Upgrade Relay.
Thank you to our members who support us of Upgrade Plus.
And thank you to our sponsors of this week's episode.
Thank you to Squarespace and Vitaly.
A huge thank you to Lex Friedman for the jingles
all the way that we needed throughout
this entire episode. Thank you for listening, happy holidays and we'll be back next week
with the 11th annual Upgradeys. Until then, say goodbye Jason Snell.
Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas my Curly. Thank you.