Video Gamers Podcast - [Bonus Round] Bad Secret Santa - Video Games Podcast

Episode Date: December 4, 2023

Video game elves Paul, Josh and Ryan are in the Christmas spirit and we’re selecting the best gifts for some of our favorite video game characters. We take turns presenting the best gifts to various video game characters and then let the judge decide who wins and who fails in this awesome gaming filled episode! Thanks to our LEGENDARY Supporters: Redletter, Gaius214, Nate, Kiitaclyzm and Morgau Connect with the show: Support us on Patreon: patreon.com/videogamerspod Join our Gaming Discord: https://discord.gg/Dsx2rgEEbz Follow us on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/videogamerspod/  Follow us on Twitter: https://twitter.com/VideoGamersPod  Subscribe to us on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCU12YOMnAQwqFZEdfXv9c3Q   Visit us on the web: https://videogamerspod.com/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Paramount! Behold! My name is Maximus Intertanius, and I come to you with big stars in big dramas, like Gladiator 2, Dexter, Original Sin, and 1923. Stream Paramount Plus for $6.99 a month. Hello, fellow gamers. Welcome back to another episode of the Video Gamers Podcast. Today we have a very fun bonus round where we are going to be talking about Secret Santa gifts that we are going to give to some of our favorite video game characters. Since it is finally December, felt like the right time to do this kind of episode and uh also we want to give a shout out to discord user and legendary supporter on patreon morgao for suggesting the idea i am your host paul and joining me his christmas came early this year because just today he christened his very first smoker it's josh yes i mean welcome to the club buddy dude i i will

here's man he has smoke and fire yeah and i it's funny because like i'm very excited about this this is these are the things that old men get excited about you know it's just being able to smoke meats um but i i will say thank you to both of you because i have been the annoying little kid that is asking like a million questions about everything and you guys are like yep yep yep that's right yep nope that's what it's supposed to do okay yes yeah just put it in there close the lid now walk away for an hour okay you don't know you don't understand how exciting this is for us because you think that you're annoying but no we finally get to use all this useless knowledge in our brains that we've

accumulated over the years i'm part of the club i think the three of us chatted more today on discord than we ever have and it was all because of josh's smoker and josh i'm not mad that the first thing you smoked were chicken breasts. I'm just a little disappointed. It wasn't going to happen. Trust me. I have plans for Saturday. It was going to be the real thing, but I was very anxious to just put it through its paces. And I don't know, news alert, chicken just isn't all that delicious no matter what.

But yeah, I'm doing a pork butt on saturday so all right well moving forward everything's gonna taste better than that chicken josh so that's that's the good news all right and then joining josh and me i'm i'm putting him on blast he is not so good with time management so i'm'm going to say my secret Santa gift to him is going to be a watch and an alarm clock. It's Ryan. Oh, dude, you can call me out like that. First my wife, now you.

Wait, you mean there's other people in your life that have issues with you being on time, Ryan? Listen, dude, like I said before, time is a man-made construct. What is time, dude? It's relative. Relative to Ryan. Oh, I love it. It's the same for everybody else. No, to Ryan's credit, Ryan is just so excited to do anything that he says yes to all of it. But you work so much, Ryan, that I think sometimes

you just get real excited and say yes to stuff, and it just doesn always work out why do you think i appreciate yeah it's not like we're mad about it it's just i wish you had more time you know to do all the fun stuff you want to do i'm very i'm very excitable it's easy easy to get me hooked into anything it's very true all right well a little bit of housekeeping before we get this going you can find us on socials everywhere at video gamers pod and please also check out patreon support options when you have a moment All right, well, a little bit of housekeeping before we get this going. You can find us on socials everywhere at Video Gamers Pod. And please also check out Patreon support options when you have a moment. Our show only continues because of the generosity of our listeners. And we have many of you out there.

So thank you to everyone who's already supporting the show. I like to think that we offer a little bit of a niche market in the podcasting world. We are not explicit. We keep things very, well, not very family-friendly, pretty family-friendly. And we don't dive into politics or anything like that. We just try to have fun, provide some entertainment while you're commuting, cutting the grass, stuff like that.

To help support our kind of show, you can head over to MultiplayerSquad.com. You can sign up. We have different tiers. They start at five bucks a month. You'll get perks like a shout out on the show bonus episodes if you even want to consider it a cheap christmas gift as a tip to us then you can always sign up for just a month or two and you can always quit

all right enough begging one last piece of housekeeping we do owe a shout out to someone who did sign up on patreon they just joined a couple of days ago we want to say thank you so much to bad gamer dad well sounds like my kind of gamer all right now do you guys think that he's bad at games or do you think he's just a bad dad because he's spending all this time gaming this is the debate i'm gonna go oh i don't which one's worse i don't a bad dad is it which one's worse i mean but then that means you're getting wrecked in all the games you play all i know is today he said that he liked my idea of skyrim and bourbon on a rainy day and so i'm all for the guy nice all right guys let's get into our bonus round idea here for this week. How do you guys feel about us picking video game characters and then needing to come up with gifts that we're

going to give them? I love the idea. Honestly, Morgale, like I said, credit to Morgale. We mentioned that in the beginning, but we love when listeners come up with these fun ideas. It took a little bit of work because we've got a big old list of characters to pick from. Yeah. And you guys know I like to wing things. I'm not, I don't do a whole lot of prep a lot of times, but this one, I like actually had to think about a lot of these characters. So it did give me some homework, but I'm pretty excited about it too.

Cause there's a lot of different, I like any bonus round where things can go like 100 different directions and you can kind of think outside the box, you know, that kind of stuff. And you don't ever really know where it's going to go. And that's kind of how I feel about this one. Yeah. So you can watch me freeze up and then go. Yes. So basically, we just put together a big bank of characters. I think we have 70 on there. And then we don't know who we're going to bring up in this episode. The way it's going to work is we're just

going to go around round robin style. Let's say it's my turn. I'm going to pick one of these 70 characters. And then you're each going to present a gift to that character. And then I'm going to pick the winner. So it's a little bit like apples to apples or cards against humanity. Maybe points for being funny or clever, maybe points for the perfect gift. However, the judge is feeling in that moment, they will award the winner and I'll keep track of that list here.

And we're just going to see how many rounds each of us wins. And we'll just keep going around until we run out of time. Yeah. Sounds good. Who doesn't love getting gifts? Oh, boy. Who wants the honors of going first on this one? Not it.

I'll go first. All right. All right. Okay. So I do not present a gift you to present a gift exactly okay just making sure everybody's following along here um let's go with a a podcast favorite let's go with kratos oh what gift would you give to kratos so all right kratos definitely a fan favorite definitely gets brought up i'd say in like half our bonus rounds so i'm not surprised about this at all uh ryan you got

any ideas or do you want me to go first on this one you can go first i'm looking through my list all right so i i'm a big fan fan of dad jokes and bad puns. Oh, here we go. And so as I'm thinking about like Ghost of Sparta or like the Blades of Chaos, I got to come up with something here with a pun. I'm going to go with Shades of Chaos sunglasses. They are going to be shaped with the rim with the blades of chaos. And these are sunglasses that Kratos is going to be able to wear. He spends a lot of time outside. He needs shades.

So why not make them shades of chaos? I just snorted. Oh, my goodness. Okay. All right. We fell off the rails real quick. This is what you wanted, Margo. This is how it's gonna go.

Shades of chaos. Shades of chaos. Well, I'm gonna go with something. Josh may not appreciate this, or maybe he will appreciate this greatly. For Kratos, a big, hunky, muscular man, he's missing one thing. oil no hair get that handsome hair

on his head i'm getting kratos a hair transplant for christmas just a toupee to go on kratos that would be even better i gotta when he's doing flips it'll flap in the air and stuff i gotta go to ai art and uh tell it to give me a picture of what kratos would look like with hair because i cannot imagine this at this point think of how ridiculous that would look uh i yeah it would look ridiculous and number two kratos don't need hair he he he looks just fine without it paul i'm giving it to you for your cheesy shades of chaos. Shades of chaos. Sometimes something's so terrible, it's actually good. Well, this is going to bode well.

Because I'm going to have a lot of really bad things. The name did it. Oh, boy. Yeah. All right. Ryan, do you want to go next or do you want it to be me? Your call. You can go.

All right. Let's see. We got to cross kratos off the list there we go all right let's go with um hmm i'm going to pick trevor phillips another another fan favorite of the pod What do you buy the world's biggest psychopath? I'm very curious to hear what you guys may have come up with. But of course, Trevor Phillips, famous from GTA 5. Why don't you guys hit me with it? What are you getting him? I am getting Trevor Phillips a gift certificate to a very esteemed rehab clinic. Okay.

All right. Because I care about you, Trevor, and I want you to accept this gift. Do you care about Trevor? I do. Dude, I've mentioned many a time I would pick Trevor as a roommate. I would pick him to have a beer with. I think Trevor knows how to have a good time, man, which is also why he needs help.

And I'm getting him the rehab gift certificate. Okay. It's a good, it's a very good practical gift. Ryan, if you say a barrel of meth, I'll just give you the win right now. Wait a minute. Two barrels of meth. No.

What is something that you would not want a psychopath to have uh a gun the ability to go all over the place or take things all over the place what if he got the portal gun oh wait oh boy wait are we doing this we could give oh man what do you mean give fictional fictional items to fictional characters i mean you just what have you done to the world right this is like this is why superheroes are born to stop mad men like you could you imagine that man with the portal gun unbelievable all right he'd just be portaling into banks and bathrooms. It'd all be used for crime. Yeah, absolutely. Yes.

Crime and specifically probably a lot of murder. You know, I'm going to have to give this to the practical gift, the gift certificate to the rehab center. We care about Trevor. I'm too scared. I'm too scared of Trevor having the portal gun. So, Josh, I'll go ahead and crown you the winner here on this one. Sweet. Yeah.

All right, Ryan, you're up. Hmm. There is a lot to choose from here. Let's go, my boy. Oh, yeah. This will be a good one. Solid snake. Oh. oh yeah this will be a good one solid snake oh now now I to be fair

I did change the list to put venomous snake from Metal Gear Solid 5 because that's the only one Josh knows so is that alright yeah that's fine alright venomous snake that's where I went with my answer yeah okay yeah well I've got one for this

I am giving him a beautiful set of orthotic inserts for his shoes. Because if you've ever seen this man run, he clomps around like nobody's business and that cannot be good for his knees. You know, he's getting older and the man needs some orthotics so he can run a little bit smoother i have never seen anybody in a video game run as hard and stompy it is funny because like as he runs the whole camera's like yes i'm like dude you gotta stop this this is gonna you're gonna

destroy your knees man yeah and he's already only got one arm yeah and now he's gonna lose you know use of his legs and knees here pretty soon yep so you're welcome venomous snake all right so for this i i'm just thinking what what does snake love i mean he loves to hide he loves to be stealthy i'm i'm i'm keeping this simple guys i'm getting him a giant cardboard box i'm calling it a day that's all i'm getting him he can travel with this anywhere he wants um you know he gets to put these boxes in his pocket pull him out whenever he needs it he can hide at will so i'm just to get him a giant cardboard box. Doesn't he already have cardboard boxes, though? This is going to be a classy cardboard box.

It's going to be like a glossy cardstock on the outside. Like the really thick ones where you can see the corrugated in the middle? Yeah, yeah, exactly. This end up, little handles for the holes. It's going to be the most comfortable cardboard box you've ever sat in. You're getting him a gift that he already has. I'm getting him a gift that's going to save his his limbs and at the same time technically make him stealthier because he's gonna run quieter now oh man dr shoals inserts yeah make it quieter make you run quieter

oh man uh even though those are i guess two practical answers i'm gonna have to go with the box the box yeah what's in the box what's in the box but he doesn't have a classy box he doesn't have a class he to be fair he has multiple cardboard boxes so he does not mind having more than one he just likes to pick the one that's best for the and this i would argue this is going to eliminate all the other cardboard boxes this is the only one he's ever going to need is this the all-in-one box all-in-one maybe it's even all in water you can so you can cut a can and then cut a tomato with it you sure can all right you can open bottles i'm sold tell me more, Paul. With four easy payments of $19.99, this box can be yours. All right, Josh, we are coming back around to you.

Who are you going to pick here for the next round? I'm going with my boy or girl, depending on how you played the game, V. Ooh, V from Cyberpunk. What do you get a person that has cybernetic implants? They're at the top of their game, running around Night City, dating Pan Am, guy taking over his brain. I mean, what do you get for the person that has it all? The person that has it all.

Apparently, everyone on our list has it all yeah if v qualifies so for this one i i you know a lot of these gifts are practical if they're not puns this is going to fall under the practical category i'm going to get v a nice big doormat and that doormat's going to say no cyber psychos allowed and that's going to sit in front of v's apartment okay that's what i'm going to do all right paul has something against cyber psychos do you think cyber psychos are going to listen to the doormat well yeah they have to right that's how it works can they read you say no guns allowed people don't bring guns, right? Like, this is how it works, right? Oh, I missed that part. My bad.

Man, there's so many things to choose from for V. I'm thinking since I guess I went a lot of actual not real life items. So you're going to get a lot of video game items for me because I'm keeping it in the realm. So I'm going with the pit boy from fallout retro style cyber tech old school cyber tech you can control everything i'm giving it to you right there that's a good hold on hold on no no no everybody loves retro stuff josh but it's like a real working pit boy yeah do you remember how much we trashed how bad the Pip-Boy was in Fallout? And it's kind of like having a Game Boy nowadays,

where you would play it and you'd be like, this is terrible. But back then, it was the greatest thing ever. Dude, do you remember how it used to be like this? Yeah. Dude, I'm telling you right now, if V was walking around Night city with a pit boy people would think it was the coolest like stylish fashion thing to do man is just go retro tech on his wrist how you even throwing shade at me paul you suggested a mat a floor mat

who wants to get a floor mat for christmas that this this would be like buying someone a pager they'd be like what am i supposed to do with this that wouldn't be cool if i was walking around with a pager on my belt i would think you were awesome if you walked around with a pager i'd be like paging dr paul dr paul yeah all right that's it's all right it's a good pick all right coming back around to me so far oh i've i've already won two rounds i was gonna say i like it i'm not gonna win over a doormat and he's already defending it i'm shooting for 100 guys all right all right let's let's move on how about i'm gonna pick my absolute favorite video game character of all time he's famous for being a little bit grumpy he's another rock star character not in gta

but from red dead redemption 2 i want to know what you guys are going to buy for my boy arthur morgan oh oh i actually know this i did my research guys it's called i am getting arthur morgan a bottle of isoniazid i isoniazid isoniazid what is that isoniazid is a modern tuberculosis medicine treatment oh my gosh okay stupid did i steal it there's no way you looked up tuberculosis it. It's actually streptomycin is what it's called. It was invented in 1949, or the first person it was given to was in 1949. Yes, I did my research. And yes, I actually asked Paul to specifically ask this person so that I could say it. It was the only one that Ryan said, just make sure you ask about Arthur Morgan.

Really? Ah, yes! Snake. Poached. Snake. I should have jumped in right away. only one that Ryan said. Just make sure you ask about Arthur Morgan. Snake poached snake. I should have jumped in right away. I just cured Arthur Morgan, by the way. So well, actually, I don't guess you can cure tuberculosis. You can just make it non-lethal. You can treat it. Yeah, wait a minute. There's a cure.

Yeah. All right. Well, I'm going to give the win to Ryan becauseosh didn't pick me last round all right so ryan is the winner fair enough fair enough that's what you get all right ryan's on a street i'm pretty sure ryan had the wrong medicine because i did a lot of tuberculosis research bro i watched like 20 minutes of videos well i will say streptomycin sounds more believable than a bottle of isoniazid is that what you said i s n i a z i d yeah ryan's is easier to pronounce so i'm giving it okay all right that's fair i mean we did there's there's no criteria for the

judging in this thing zero it is It is not objective at all. All right, Ryan, coming back around to you. Hmm. Ooh, I know who I'm going to pick. What would you get? Deckard Cain. Oh. I can't do Deckard's voice.

That was bad. I like how you both tried to do it immediately. I am getting him an iPhone so that he can FaceTime people so he doesn't have to try to get you to stick around. All he wants is for people to stay there and talk to him. That is all he wants. And hang out a while.

And so now he can have friends without having to have them there in person he can talk to all these people they can go do whatever they need to do so they can go out and slay diablo and facetime him while they're out in the field all right love it all right um deckard kane of course um you know diablo 2 is what i associate him most closely with i am gonna go with a custom-made t-shirt and it's going to say i survived tristram and all i got was this lousy shirt oh man and and he's gonna he's gonna wear this in the world of diablo, and it's going to be fantastic. I'm coughing.

Oh, darn it. Ryan's choking. Dang it. That's a really good one, but I like, because whenever I think of Deckard Cain, he does. He's just so lonely, that poor man. He's just standing there.

Listen, he's just that old guy that wants people to hear him and hear his stories and share his wisdom and knowledge. I'm going to have to go with the phone. He's got a lot more versatility with the phone. You just made an old man happy instead of a mockery to the rest of the citizens. No, you're not that old. You're not that old, Josh.

Oh, touche. Ryan, get us back for the watch and the alarm. Yeah. Yeah. Nobody's off limits. Now you do know you're gonna have to pick up all those FaceTime calls from Deckard. Yeah.

Right. I'll just set the phone. Yeah. Now that the answer is locked in, I don't know how he's going to charge this phone. Magic. Magic. Yeah. A scroll, a scroll a scroll scroll of all of

charging thunderbolt yeah that's all you need get thunderbolt cable yeah because it's awful yeah yeah okay no there you go anyways all right well it's time for us to take a break and we'll be right back. card bill in full and on time every month. Level up from bill payer to reward slayer. Terms and conditions apply. Alright, continuing our generous spirit as we are giving out these gifts to fictional characters. Now that we're done with Deckard Cain, Josh, we're

coming back around to you. You get to pick the next character. Oh, it's my pick. Okay. Let's go with a recent fan favorite uh this character is absolutely the epitome of a survival character uh able to just you know to forge anything uh excellent at farming pumpkins. Let's go with Paul's rust character. Oh, yes. And I have an answer that I'll throw in at the end of this, too. I am so glad that this got picked. I was most proud of putting this in our spreadsheet. I cracked up when I saw it.

Out of all the 70, I'm so honored. This is easy. I'm getting him a jockstrap because this man needs some support. And when I say some support, he needs a lot of support. We're talking the magnum-sized jockstrap. He's struggling from scoliosis. It's all I

know. Is that from carrying the team or? Carrying something. Carrying something. Yeah. Remember guys, family show. Didn't Roosevelt say something about someone walking with a big stick? Something like that? Yeah. All right.

So, jockstrap from Paul. Okay, jockstrap from Paul. So, I think, what does a Rust character need so that if something happens, you can continue on and not lose everything you have. I'm going with a one-up mushroom from Mario. Okay. In Rome, that would be very handy. You die, hit that bad boy, back to life. They'd just be looting your body and then you just pop right back up and just club them in the head.

I'm back. Now, I will say, I don't know how much good one single one-up is going to do, but I like where you're going with this, Ryan. My answer, I actually had an answer for this one, and my gift to Paul's Russ character is aim. Oh. That would be very good or a or an accurate or a an efficient anti-cheat software would also work really well yes yeah um i man i'm going with the jockstrap on this one i've had the unfortunate uh privilege of hanging out with Paul's Ross character. Some things you just can't forget. Yeah, you just can't unsee some things.

Yeah. Oh, I like it. All right, coming back around to me. Let's see, where are we going to go next? Hmm. I am going to go with... How about Doomguy? We all know how much Josh loves Doom.

I started playing Doom Eternal again the other day. Oh, wow. Oh, nice. It's such a good game, man. I know what Doomguy needs. And Doomguy, especially since I've been playing uh you know this guy he's a little high strung man you know he needs to he needs he needs to just take the edge off just a little bit so i am family show giving doom guy a xanax prescription oh it's prescribed

that's good yeah yeah of course. So the legal drugs. Yes. Got it. Okay. Because then that'll just chill him out just a little bit, and he won't be so angry all the time. Are you worried he won't be as effective killing demons? Well, I mean, he already saved the Earth, right? So he deserves a break, is what you're saying. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. All right. I can get on board. What about you, Ryan? So on Doom Eternal, does it still have the face in the bottom like the old school doom no oh man because what what would his face look like it would like yeah it would change you guys can't see paul made the best face ever right now i wish i took a screenshot of that just very happy oh that was so good oh man

alright I tell you what what do you get the man who has everything I know like all the characters we were picking I think what do you get a guy that loves guns and loves to shoot stuff

you get him more guns so what is a great gun that you don't have guns and loves to shoot stuff? You get him more guns. So what is a great gun that you don't have to be there to shoot? The laptop gun from Perfect Dark. Throw that bad boy in a room. Walk around to somewhere else. You can clear the areas out. Come back and pick it up.

Easy peasy. Laptop gun. Now, for a man who loves guns, is that going to be as satisfying? No, because it shoots itself. Dude. Yeah. He walks into the room. There's like 40 dead. He wants to get up close and personal with them demons.

That is true. He wants to see the light go out. I'm going to go ahead and give that one to Josh. I think the prescription for Xanax is a very outside the box pick. So I'm going to reward that one. Sweet. All right. Who's pick?

Ryan's? Next one is Ryan. Let's see here. Let's go with Joel from Last of Us. What are you going to get a man in an apocalyptic world? What do you get a man who literally has nothing? Now we're going the other way. Exactly the opposite.

Okay. Man. You go first, Josh. Yeah, this is one of the ones I couldn't think of anything good on. So I am going to say if there's one thing about Joel that I know he loves and he wants

more of, it's flannel shirts. So I am getting him a flannel shirt, brand new, doesn't stink, still has the tag on it. All he's got to do is go to Target. He can find a bunch. There's no Targets anymore, Ryan.

They're around there somewhere. All right. I hope I win this one, but we will see. Joel, he loves playing guitar. You can actually play individual notes on guitar in The Last of Us Part 2, which is actually quite funny i am going to give joel guitar hero joel edition where i am going to put joel in as the rock star inside guitar hero and when he has time to take a break he is going to rock out

to uh to guitar hero joel edition gosh. Could you imagine Joel playing Guitar Hero? He can play real guitar. He can pick up Guitar Hero, no problem. He would smash that fake guitar in a heartbeat. Oh, it'd be toast. No way. He's going to play it with Ellie. Yeah, and he's going to be a grumpy Gus

and want to beat it to who get all mad do you really need to make come on Josh I was gonna say if you picked like literally anything else you would have won the man loves no that is that is a horrible pick a flannel shirt I'm going with

guitar here it's no doormat thank you but it should be all the winners put that flannel down it's good to go it's man i do love that josh prefaced that pick with i literally have no good ideas for this how about a shirt he was one of the ones where i just drew a blank the whole time yeah some of them were tough all right josh coming back your pick all right my pick let's go with a guy who's getting i kind of like nope nope i got it okay we're getting professor garlic a present because she deserves one let's be honest right one of the hardest working professors in all of hogwarts i i mean

just you know cares about the students cares about their education is gentle she loves plants she loves the world and she you know all that hard work and just being being good deserves something okay i like it that's a good pick i got something for professor garlic starts with a d oh a dendrochronology kit oh all right that is used to study tree rings and analyze the age and growth patterns of trees so i mean obviously that's what comes to mind for professor garlic that that's what i'm going to give her what a letdown wow i thought it was gonna go so better so why what are you giving her ryan oh it also starts with the d no i'm just kidding i am gonna get that beautiful professor a ring. I'm going to put a ring on it.

Oh, Ryan, you win. Come on, baby. Ryan, coming to Papa. That's fair. You win. You can teach me anything you need. Professor Garlic's not totally up my speed, but I know you're both quite smitten with her,

so I'm not surprised. That's one word for it. I respect educators, Paul. Hey, if you like it, you should have put a ring on it. I know, Ryan. Way to go, man. Congratulations, by the way. Thank you.

Thank you. Yeah. I got to go tell my wife. Yeah. Got to give her the head notice. All right. I'm curious to see what you're going to give some of the other women on this list, Ryan, because I know you've got a couple crushes out there.

Yeah. All right. Let's see. Oh, it's back to me, huh? All right. Next person on the list here. I want to go with... How about Chun-Li from Street Fighter? Ooh. oh all right it's a very very famous maybe the

second most famous street fighter character behind ryu maybe ryu and ken and then chun li top three is fair um what do you get chun li this one This one, you know, she works out. You want, I'm sure she spends hours and hours a day training and you go, you want something to just make life a little easier, a little more simplistic, maybe a little faster in the workout. And,

you know, there was one piece of exercise equipment around in the eighties that was honestly just perfection. And it was called the thigh master. And so i am getting chun li the thigh master so that she can save time during the day with her workouts and and focus on the muscle groups that she obviously cares about over under 29.5 busted thigh masters for ch for Chun-Li. You're going with the over. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

She's got tree trunks for thighs. So you're telling her her thighs aren't big enough? Is that what you're telling her? No, I'm trying to make life easy because she has obviously put a lot of effort into those. And now she has an at-home workout. She's going to say, what do you want to change me? You can do it in the comfort of your room, Ryan. Am I not good enough for you, Josh?

You can do it while watching TV. on your side thai master just squeeze well i i am going to give her something that she will actually enjoy a doormat that's you no flannel shirt, obviously. Flannel shirt. I am going to get her an unlimited subscription to a massage envy. That woman works out nonstop. She's fighting nonstop. What does she need to do? She needs to have some rehab, recovery, relax. She's going to get unlimited massages nonstop for a year.

By any chance, did you just get hired at a massage envy ryan is that driving this pick well we do not endorse or support massage envy there's your disclaimer all right so we got a thigh master or a subscription to massage envy boy those are both really good answers i'm gonna say that the thigh master she's probably just gonna break immediately so i'm gonna give the slight edge to massage envy it's a good pick ryan i like it i was gonna ryan got two in a row i was gonna argue but man i love a good massage so i can't argue with that it's what i buy my wife every year for mother's day it's just massage and honestly if i got that gift i would be pretty stoked so that's a good one i am glad you said thai master though josh that's absolutely what i was going to say yes if one of you picked her

and then ryan topped it so i gotta i gotta give him credit all right ryan you're back up uh let's go with paul's character from no i'm just kidding paul's character from deep rock uh let's go with a recent character for josh oh let's go with our lady quiet oh boy oh no oh i got a really good answer on this one guys buckle up what do you get a woman that doesn't speak a ring yeah you're already married ryan what is this um i'm getting her some airpods uh okay the gen 2 airpod way. So, you know, none of the cheaper, older stuff, man. But look, she doesn't want to have to listen to people.

She wants her music. She hums to herself all the time over the radio. It's a little creepy, to be honest, you know. But if she had a nice pair of AirPods, number one, she can still work and listen to her music at the same time. She doesn't need any bulky headphones, you know. And she can make phone calls now. Much higher quality than the weird staticky radio that she's always humming over and all that, too. That's true.

Yep. AirPods. I know quiet. We know each other very, very well. And this is the present that she wants more than anything. Very well. All right. I'm going to get her a baseball bat to beat off the perverts like Josh.

I gave her AirPods, man. What the? That's a thoughtful gift. We've heard you previously. You can't save it now. Dang it. Well, being that I'm one of those perverts,'m gonna save josh and myself i'm going with the airpods yeah airpods come on that's a good gift the airpods are expensive man that's like a 200

gift all right quiet gets the airpods from josh fair enough all right moving on josh you get to pick the next one this is my boy you, you better take care of this guy. Okay. Because I got nothing but respect for him. I want to hang out with him. I love his sense of humor. He comes across as a little crabby sometimes, but he's just misunderstood. Is he blue?

He is blue. That's my boy, Brock. So you guys better. You better pull out all the stops on this one is all I'm saying. You're going to love or hate mine. I don't know. Brian, why don't you go first?

Oh man. Kind of want to hear yours. What if we have the same? All right. Oh, there's there. I can't imagine we have the same answer, but I'm going to go ahead and buy Brock in Eiffel 65 CD because he's blue.

Dabba dee dabba die. You were right. We didn't have the same. I'm blue. Dabba dee dabba die. Dabba dee dabba die. Dabba dee dabba die. Dabba dee dabba die.

Dabba dee dabba die. Eiffel 65. One hit wonder. I'm buying Brock the CD. That way that way he can listen to it I feel like that would really tick him off man he relates to it like no other song I don't know yeah okay he's blue he is blue yeah I don't think he wants to be blue though doesn't matter he is blue so he relates to the song Ryan Ryan say just about anything else in the world and probably win this round so don't mess this up oh man what do you get a guy streptomycin is what you get

ryan's furiously googling how do you cure blue how do you how are you cure blue? How do you... How are you not blue? What supplements fix blue? Oh, goodness. Oh, man. I tell you what. What do you take when you're feeling blue? A prescription of Xana either our best episode ever or our worst episode ever i'm not sure which one oh man okay are we going with that or is that what we're going with yeah okay what do you take

when you're feeling blue? Oh, man. It's not a very original answer, Josh, is all I'm saying. I mean, I know. I wonder where he got that one from. I can't abide by plagiarism, man. So I'm giving it to Paul. Yeah. The Eiffel 65.

I actually like that song, too, by the way. It is a good song. Josh likes dance music. I'm playing to the audience. Yep. I know that song so well, but I had no clue who actually sang it. I would not have known that either. I would have never, never known.

That would have been another weird thing to Google. Who sings I'm Blue, Scabu, Daba? Daba, Daba. Just match your keyboard. It's in parentheses. Daba D. Daba D? It's called, yeah, blue parentheses da ba dee

pretty sure if memory serves it's a good way to describe it i know exactly what song they're talking about this yeah all right well it's time for our last break and then we'll be right back all right moving on to our next character it's my turn to pick i am very curious to know what you guys would get this character because he's a villain he's very handsome i'm gonna pick handsome jack another psychopath everything all right there's lots of weapons i know what i'm getting them okay i am getting him a beautiful floor standing mirror the kind with the little pivot you know like you put in the corner of your bedroom where you can kind of tilt it because there's one thing handsome jack loves

it's handsome jack are you going to engrave around it yeah oh it's carved the most handsomest of them all dude the the sides are like carved wood like just you know swirls and all that fancy design and stuff and at the top it's just gonna say best human ever this is some i thought you were going more like snow white mirror mirror on the wall no this is just the most of all and it's always him well it's i mean that's like i said what do you get handsome jack you get a more handsome jack very nice i like it um definitely a narcissist great gift for handsome jack what you got ryan think you can top it ryan's gonna be like a bathroom mirror

a real ornate mirror in the corner it swivels you ever see that movie with the dwarves and like the mirror yeah yeah yeah um i will get handsome jack the man who has everything a gift card to no we're gonna go for handsome jack we're gonna go with a gift card to the mall visa gift card take him to the mall he can get whatever he wants mark my point down

you can just mark my point down now paul yeah yeah ryan that's an indefensible that's worse than a flannel shirt that is worth it and i hate people giving gift cards too gift cards are the worst gift ever what do you give this man it's beautiful look if you chose a specific store maybe that works but when you start saying visa gift card i well i was trying not to keep saying like places but i was gonna say an ulta gift card so he could go and buy like uh cosmetics for his beautiful face i might have

given that one oh man but it's too late too late now did your guys wives ever drag you to ulta uh yes mine never did thankfully i just told my wife the other day that that was the worst place that i would go with her. Trying to hang out in Ulta if there's nothing there that you care about is so boring. You can't even browse around because we don't know what any of this stuff is. You want to get out of there, you start spraying them with different types of perfumes, and then they want to leave. Yeah, you mix them up and then start spraying them.

Nice. There you go. Yeah, I really love this new age of ordering makeup online. No longer have to do the trips to Ulta. All right, coming back around. Ryan, you are up. We're going to go with our lady, Princess Peach. Peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches, peaches.

Oh, yeah. Oh. Princess Peach. What do you get a princess? Okay. I know my answer on this one. All right. Go ahead, Josh.

I am going to get Princess peach a beautiful picture frame and in that picture frame is a picture of kratos so i can show princess peach what a real man looks like okay all right if i were mario i would feel very intimidated yeah i'll just say that yeah okay that's a good one um this one you know i i i'm gonna go with uh with a sweeter gift i'm gonna say let's let's she seems like a girly girl i think she likes girly stuff i'm gonna give her a bouquet is it bouquet or bouquet i always say okay bouquet bouquet oh no it's bouquet yeah a bouquet i donquet? I always say it wrong. Bouquet? Bouquet. Oh, no, it's bouquet. Yeah. A bouquet.

I don't think either of you know. No, it is a bouquet. I'm going to buy her a bunch of flowers. I'm going to buy her a bunch of fire flowers from the Magic Kingdom. I'm going to give her a bouquet of flowers. How about that? Okay. So are they flowers or are they fire flowers? They're fire flowers.

Oh, man. So is it the framed picture of Kratos or the bouquet of fireflowers? I feel like I'm introducing Peach to a whole new world here. Paul has just destroyed the foliage and then thrown it at her, basically. I'm going to have to go with my boy Kratos. Yes! Just so Mario can go. just just just so mario the same that's not a me a mario i don't think peach talks like oh you're okay never mind i thought you were talking as

peach i'm like dude peach does not talk like mario did you get in did you get in some of those annex what are you doing brian i've got like six windows open okay i'm trying to type these answers i'm crossing names off a spreadsheet i've got my own notes i got a lot going on over here all right i am currently using every bite of memory my brain has right now with multitasking all right very it finally clicked all right let's see who gets to pick next who picked brock that was josh right i think you're back up wait oh i'm up again wow okay um let's go with you know let's go with our furry friend we're going with dog meat man's best friend we haven't dipped it hey we buy our pets gifts every christmas i don't know like if you guys our pets actually have stockings their own

individual stockings that get hung up on like the pet wall i like it it's got like like yeah they get like bones and cat treats and catnip and xanax and you whatever. Sure, of course. Streptomycin. All that good stuff. It's a real thing, okay? Oh, dog meat. I'm struggling with this one. It's tough to pick for a dog. As good of a friend as dog meat is,

I mean, I don't know. It's got to be something Fallout-themed. A Nuka-Cola dog dish. You're almost there, Paul, and then you whiffed. dog meat is i mean i don't know it's got to be something fallout themed uh a nuka cola dog dish you're almost there paul and then you whiffed okay okay ryan well i'm gonna go uh something more poignant in honor of josh's new smoker i'm going a big smoked pork butt for a big old dog okay ryan's pandering i like it i like it um man these are both terrible you guys um you pick dog meat dog meats what would you give dog meat counter so he knows where all the radioactive areas are oh yeah that's so sweet counter a collar you can build it into the collar see there you go perfect goodness sure uh all right nuka cola dog dish or a smoked pork butt paul's ready for this

to be done i go the pork butt he's a dog what all dogs want to do is eat man yeah that's literally all they want to do so boy i'm getting crushed i've won one out of the last eight paul was bragging early on too remember he was like oh man i got like three in a row started strong then you guys started just drafting drugs they started winning all right uh oh and i get to pick so i can't win this round either all right let's see let's go with one of my favorite nintendo character oh never mind someone crossed it out all right let's go with nico bellic nico drugs are off the table right i was just gonna say so we can't do drugs no drugs No drugs. No drugs. I know what I'm going to get in Eco Bellic. I'm going to get him a Slim Jim.

No, not the food. The way you break in and steal cars. Steal cars? How much quicker can you steal a car with a Slim Jim than just trying to bash the window open? You don't need that. You don't need that kind of trouble or attention. Bam. Get in the car.

Get out of there. Go take it to the paint shop. You're good to go. I will say he can already steal a car in about four seconds. So this might help a little. What if it's two? I hear you. What if it's two?

It's on brand. All right. What about you, Josh? What are you getting Nico? I'm going to get him a premium gift set from a very high-end salon where it's just got the best conditioner for your hair, skincare. Because Nico, let's be honest, he cares about the way he looks. He wants to look good everywhere he goes. And so you think this man just... It just happens? No, he puts effort into that. He mansca he you know he he moisturizes uh you

know he conditions he does all these things he takes care of himself and he you know he'd appreciate it manscape is not a sponsor of this podcast unless you want to be yeah then please contact so okay so a premium gift set from a high- High-end salon products, like the really good stuff. Not your Walmart stuff. I'm a little disappointed in both of you, because I was thinking a custom-made bowling ball with Roman's face on it, and it says, let's go bowling.

And then Nico could use that to go bowling. I'm going to go ahead and give this one to Ryan, the Slim Jim. He's going to use it 47 times a day, so I feel like that's a good pick. The Salon pick is good, but it's just going to be gone before you know it. I think the Slim Jim is the gift that keeps on giving. That's what I was going to say. The gift that keeps on giving? Yeah.

Yeah, like the Jelly of the Month Club? Yeah. To Clark. All right. We are coming back around to Ryan. Ryan, we got about five minutes left in the show, so this might be your last one. We'll see.

Who do you want to go with? Let's go with our boy, Gordon Freeman. Oh, Gordon. What do you get the man that doesn't say a word? Favorite astrophysicist all right uh you go first paul while i scramble to think of something gordon freeman uh you know what we're talking about the gift that keeps on giving i'm gonna give him a crowbar of the month subscription i'm gonna mail him a new crowbar every month they're gonna be

different colors different shapes love it this man loves crowbars so crowbars yeah he's gonna love it what about you josh i'm so glad i went second on this because i'm getting him a subscription to the gravity gun of the month club that was a pathetic gravity guns design have you not ever seen a skin in a video game okay i'm arguing how it doesn't look like anything what is it i'm arguing how crowbars are going to be different right i mean it's just a long strip of metal what's the crowbar i know i was like wait a second wait a secondagiarism does not stand on the show, Ryan. I believe was spoken earlier.

This is a completely different category of item. Is it? Ryan. It is. Yes. And would you rather have a gravity gun? Ryan, would you rather have a gravity gun or would you rather have a crowbar? And don't tell me crowbar.

This is for Gordon, not for Ryan. This is true. This is true. I have a crowbar and don't tell me crowbar uh this is for gordon not for ryan this is true this is true i'm going crowbar plagiarism is not tolerated on this show darn it get that plagiarism out of here too all right josh coming back around to you okay last one for me let's go okay let's go actually might we might still have another round we'll see how it goes okay let's go with somebody that is on the terrible list micah bell what do you get for the man you hate okay Okay. Come on, cowpoke. What you got for this one, Ryan? Oh my gosh.

Yeah, black lung. Oh, okay. And no drugs, right? No, those are off the table now. I'm not doing drugs. Yeah, we're on the back half of the show. I got something. All right, go.

Go, Paul. All right. I am going to subscribe him to everyone's favorite podcast advertiser which does not do ads for us better help if anyone in this list needs better help i mean micah is right at the forefront this man this man needs some therapy so i'm gonna go and say let's get this man the thoughtful let's get him some counseling yeah i i can i concede can i concede this one yeah you can yeah i have nothing for my gabelle a bullet to the brain a bullet to the brain i gotta i gotta i'll give you mine ryan uh i literally wrote down nothing screw that guy perfect yeah see i'm gonna go with nothing screw that guy

i like i like that we're like oh no handsome jack let me give you this ornate yeah i know but micah a terrible person handsome jack's killed way more people than micah uh i'm going with paul on this one since ryan basically conceded anyway i did but uh my only concern there is would he be open to therapy and counsel no yeah no no not at all but i will say um for any of our listeners who like the tv show um oh gosh the name's escaping me it's on amazon um uh fleabag on fleabag. It's one of my favorite jokes is that her dad gets her a gift and hands her an envelope and she opens it. And it's a one. It's a coupon for one free therapy session. And that was the gift that he gave her.

And that always stuck with me. That would be the most disappointing, insulting gift that you could ever receive from someone one free therapy session yeah all right very nice all right coming back around here to me let's see i feel like we couldn't finish this draft unless we included one of my favorite characters from a couple years ago resident evil let's go with lady dimitrescu i knew that one was gonna come up yeah i knew it i already used my ring right yeah you did okay i i will get her uh i know we keep going subscriptions but like i guess i guess another subscription to the dry cleaner no not the blood

of the month a dry cleaner she's got that beautiful dress she's got all that blood all the time covered in blood all the time she's got to keep that thing clean looking snap snappy and sharp boom dry cleaner not a bad pick okay okay know, Lady Dimitrescu has one problem. She's a smoker. You know, she's got that long cigarette holdy thing. She's living in the past. I'm getting her a vape. And that way, you know, it's probably healthier, even though, you know, maybe it's not, but

I think it would blow her mind. It would show that I understand. And it would, you know, It would show that I understand. She wants to be caught up a little bit. Get into the modern times. Okay. I like it. I was going to get her some six-inch heels.

But all right. She's not tall enough. Yeah, she's not tall enough. Josh, I'm going to give it to you. We're going to bring her into the modern day. We're going to let her vape. There you go. We do not condone or endorse vaping. That is very true.

Xanax, yes. Tobacco, never. It's prescribed, Paul. It's prescribed. Uh-huh. Yep, exactly. All right. Well, I think that's probably where we can stop this one

wrap up this secret santa right there uh we went a total of 20 rounds and uh let's see i'll add up the winner and see who got the most i won one two three four five. I think it's you or me, Ryan. Josh, you won one, two, three, four, five,

six, keep going. Seven. Okay. Oh, which I think means Ryan got six, right? Yeah.

Is it a tie? Three, four, five, six for Ryan. Fun fact, Ryan won two in a row, three times, which is kind of funny way to be sporadic very very boom or bust right yep go big or go well we did not intentionally decide to try to uh split this down the middle but seven seven six not bad i'll share it i'll share it with you

paul we can share the podium co-honors yeah i'll i'll wear the crown every ryan take our picture all right put on these flannels flannels all right well that wraps everything up for this bonus round we do hope that all of our listeners are having a fantastic holiday season please remember to follow the podcast that way none of our episodes pass you by and we hope that you'll check out another episode soon. Also, make sure to check us out on socials at Video Gamers Pod and check out Patreon support options at MultiplayerSquad.com. Thanks once again for listening.

And until next time, happy gaming. See ya. All right. See everybody. 🎵