Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Adam Rippon

Episode Date: May 16, 2020

Adam Rippon, American former figure skater, joins us along with panelists Paula Poundstone, Tom Papa, and Negin Farsad.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Got COVID? Don't worry, you're about to get a hot bill injection. I'm Bill Curtis and here is your host, a man who was actually banned from the Chase Bank Auditorium for reasons having nothing to do with coronavirus. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill, and thanks to the recording of people from a distant happier time. Thanks to our producer, Mike, as always, for those comforting sounds. This is the third month of our new life, and we thought we'd celebrate by talking to famed American figure skater Adam Rippon, a medalist at the 2018 Olympics and now a commentator on the sport.

You might say, it's spring, this year's Olympics have been canceled, this makes no sense, to which we might say, what does? But first, we want to see your short program. Call us up. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Well, hello. My name is Thomas Daugherty, and I'm from Dallas, Texas. You are from Dallas, Texas, and you have the accent to prove it, which I just love. Are you from there?

Yes, sir. Native, born and bred. What do you do there? Well, I'm a musician, and I also work for FedEx Freight. Does that mean you get to continue to work because we need our stuff? We do what we do. I work the overnight shift, and I actually work a dock. I don't drive. You ever tempted to just open up a bunch of packages and see what people are buying? No, no, no. With the freight end of the business, it's everything from diesel motors to pallets of flour. You name it, we ship it.

It's heavy freight. And it's hard to pick up a big box of diesel motors and shake it to see what's inside. We use forklifts. Well, Thomas, it's great to meet you. Welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, whose latest audience-less stand-up comedy for TED Talks is on an internet near you. It's Nagin Farsad.

Oh, hello. Next, a comedian and writer whose new book You're Doing Great and Other Reasons to Stay Alive is just out now. It's Tom Papa. Hello. Big fan. And you can hear her weekly podcast, Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone, and she's just released a social justice rap song, Not My Butterfinger, available for download on her website and at all digital outlets.

It's Paula Poundstone. Hey, Thomas Story. Hey, Paula. How are you doing today? Good. Well, Thomas, welcome to the Paula. How are you doing today? Good. Well, Thomas, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes, sir. All right, Thomas, your first quote is the governor of Wisconsin. We're

the Wild West. The governor was describing the state of his state after the Wisconsin Supreme Court decreed he had to do what? To open it? Yes, to open up the state, throw open all the businesses. The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruling finally gives people the right there to go wherever they want and do whatever they want, even if, especially if, it kills them. Wisconsinites celebrated the ruling the way they celebrate everything, going out to bars and getting drunk. Many of them were wearing the traditional Wisconsin foam cheese head. Oh no, wait, that was just big clumps of the virus.

So are you guys, are you guys here itching to get out of the house and hit the clubs as soon as you possibly can? I was kind of comfortable with being at home. I was starting to feel like spending time with my family. I've got two teenage girls and my wife, and I thought this was, I was actually getting used to it and didn't have any desire to go out. And then I was told that I chew too loudly and they can hear me

breathing when they watch TV and they're demanding I go out. Well, there you are. I say hi to people at the grocery store. That's like a club. Sure. It's very much like a club. It's an angry club, but it's a club. There's liquor. There's a wide variety of appetizers. I do wish that there was a way of letting people know what your facial expression is underneath the mask. Someone told me you have to work on smiling with your eyes.

They call it smize. Yes. And I tried it. It does not work in my grocery store. You really look dead in the eyes tom i can't i can't assert that i was really coming in like we're coming in hot and i actually saw them start to weep and run down the aisle if you're not if you don't have to smile anymore out of like you know societal poly tests you you're not gonna get the wrinkles so i feel like that is a silver lining that the skin industry doesn't want you to know about

so back to wisconsin the people there are very happy to be out they missed the conviviality of drinking in bars the people the pickup lines like so come here not once in the last two months? Do you want to hear a great post-COVID-19 pickup line? Yeah. Yes. Well, there's a curve in my pants and it isn't flattening. Oh! Boy, Peter, if you weren't married, you would be scoring right and left.

They'd be flocking to me. You could do something like, I got some antibodies. You want my antibodies in you? What? I don't know. I'm just working it out, guys. I'm not a pickup artist. I've got antibodies, and I'll put them in anybody. There it is.

All right, Thomas, here is your next quote. If anyone is arrested, I ask that it only be me. That was a noted freedom fighter and billionaire saying if anyone is arrested when he opened up his car factory, it should have been him. Who is it? That would be Elon Musk. That would be Elon Musk. You're right, sir. Yes, Elon Musk, an eccentric billionaire who named his new baby X weird letter thing A12. But he's really been acting strange lately.

He decided to reopen his California factory even when local authorities said it's too dangerous. But he, Musk, said that Tesla is an essential business. It is essential that the nation's D-bags get their high-tech golf carts. Can I just say, get off my chest real quick, that I think everything that Elon Musk says and does is just so gauche. He, like, those pickup trucks are really ugly and offensive looking. Mars, I have no interest. I barely want to go to the suburbs.

Like, why would I want to go to Mars? It's just all of everything that he's into, I find just offensive. You're really blowing your chance to bear his next child. You really are cooking your own goose there. And you know, we may have to go to Mars, and right now you just moved your name down the list, Nadine. Speaking of his baby,

do you think it's a coincidence that Musk demanded to be allowed to go back to work one week after the birth of his new baby? Oh yeah, I gotta go back to work, honey. Yeah, I like how you're all acting like this is a human being we're speaking about. There's a reason this

organism is trying so hard to get back to Mars immediately. This is how the machines have taken over. All right, Thomas, very good. Here is your last quote. It's a very unsexy fall. That was an entertainment executive talking about the changes coming to what this fall? Movies? No, you're awfully close.

The screen is smaller. Television, then. Yeah, TV network, TV shows. We are using up all the TV. It's like a famine, and we've broken into the storehouses to eat the seed corn, except the seed corn is just reality dating shows. Now, normally at this time in the spring, the TV networks all announce the new shows that will be coming in the fall,

but right now TV production is shut down, so they won't have any new shows. What are they going to do? Well, one thing they're doing is, this is true, they're buying TV shows that have already been shown elsewhere and will show them on their network. So for example, tonight on NBC, an old CBS show about the Korean War starring hot young stud Alan Alda. Some shows like The Blacklist, which partially shot their episodes before shutting down, they say they're going to fill in the missing scenes with animation.

So it's like, so it's detective, it's time to meet your new partner. What's up, doc? This is like the end of soap operas. When soap operas started to decline and they had no more money and they couldn't shoot on sets. They started just shooting them in the dressing rooms. They would literally just come in a dressing room and shoot a scene.

All of a sudden, everything happened within two rooms. Oh, is that true? It's going to be all of television. Well, that's actually, it's interesting you mention that because there are two shows around the world that are resuming production and they're both soap operas, EastEnders in England and Neighbors in Australia. They're quarantining their casts on set, but they also have new rules. There's no kissing between characters, no fighting, right? And as you're right, soap operas are going to have to change in coronavirus time. Like, oh no, it's Phil's evil twin. No, it's me. I just haven't shaved in two months.

no, it's Phil's evil twin. No, it's me. I just haven't shaved in two months. I love it, Tom, that you say when soap operas began to decline. They were big for a while. Yeah, from those lofty heights. Phil, how did Thomas do in our quiz? Thomas did great.

Thank you so much, Thomas. Take care. Bye, Thomas. It was my pleasure. Bye, everybody. Thank you so much, Thomas. Take care. Thank you. It was my pleasure. Bye, everybody. Thank you. Right now, panel, it is time for a new segment we're calling Bill's Listening with me, Bill Curtis. Many people are cooped up all alone at home and just need someone else to talk to. So as a public service, if you're one of those people, Bill is here to listen to everything you say.

Bill, go ahead. What's on your mind? I'm listening. Hmm. Go on. Uh-huh. Well, have you tried telling her that? Oh, wow. Uh-huh. Well, have you tried telling her that? Oh, wow. Uh-uh.

And it smelled that bad? Good one. Good one. Oh, dear. Never wash wool. Uh-uh. Yes. No. Well, everyone likes yogurt. Oh dear, I'm getting an email, which means I have to go. But it sure was nice talking to you. I love you too. Bye-bye now.

Remember, everyone, Bill was speaking directly and only to you. As always, thank you, Bill. Coming up, our panelists are back to living the high life. It's a luxurious Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Face masks have become the new normal as we continue to grapple with the ongoing pandemic. But when did we start wearing masks for our health and safety? This week on ThruLine, the origins of the N95 mask and how

it became the life-saving tool it is today. ThruLine from NPR, the podcast where we go back in time to understand the present. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Tom Papa, Nagin Farsad, and Paula Poundstone. And here again is your host, wearing a ketchup-stained T-shirt that matches his gravy-stained shorts,

Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Bill. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. Hi, who's this?

This is Linda Kreidler in Cincinnati, Ohio. The beautiful Queen City. What do you do there? I am a landscape designer. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, it's wonderful. That's what I'm doing in quarantine. Yeah, have you decided to plant vegetables in case the food supply runs out? You bet. I wasn't going to do any vegetables or food in the garden this year, and that plan changed. I bet it did. Well, welcome to the show, Linda. You're going to play our game on which you must try to tell truth from fiction.

Bill, what's Linda's topic? Only the fanciest of fancy pants will do. All of us can agree the most important thing right now is making sure rich people are okay. Fortunately, we heard a story this week about a high-end business finding a way to make it work in the corona era. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's not lying and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? Yes, I am. First, let's hear from Paula Poundstone. Virus or no virus, the genteel class has children that must be amused and kept tidy. But how,

pray tell, to keep them virus-free? Au pair Amy Francisco has created Baby's Best Bubble to meet that need. Her sought-after roster of au pairs care for the children of the 1% within a large plastic bubble. The children love it. What kid wouldn't love rolling their adult companion across the living room? It's like a beach ball, but there are extensions for the caregiver's arms ending in very flexible gloves, says Francisco. So the caregiver can help dress the children, prepare cold snacks, and help with online education. Creative Children of the Wealthy have even set up bowling competitions within their gated communities, with each household using furniture, lamps, and stacks of china to roll their au pair crashing into and posting videos to authenticate their scores. I watched some videos on the internet to figure out how to roll myself effectively in the bubble,

says au pair Julie Farrell, a kind-faced woman with traces of a gash still healing on her forehead. It's not easy. I rolled down some stairs once, and the child I was caring for used acrylic paints on the living room wall while I figured out how to roll back up. Big plastic bubbles so au pairs can still care for the children of the wealthy. Your next story of a luxurious innovation comes from Tom Papa. Is your wife upset that your luxury cruise has been canceled? Is she staring at you from across the room and wishing she could throw you off a gangplank?

Then take her down. To the bottom of the sea, that is. For discerning guests with very deep pockets, Platinum Select Submarines are offering exclusive getaways to the only place on Earth that is virus-free, miles below the surface of the ocean in a luxury submarine. Platinum Select is the brainchild of retired Captain Paul Haskell. I realize we could recreate the entire cruise experience. We even have an all-you-can-eat buffet.

The only difference is that on your way to ours, your ears might pop. These refurbished Russian subs have been retrofitted with all the high-end amenities normally found on luxury cruise ships. Multiple dining rooms, private suites, and even those cool phones next to the toilet. Underwater excursions start at $10,000 a day and hold up to 12 passengers at a time. Submarine adventure packages include as close as we can get to Venice, around the Bahamas, and nearby the Horn of Africa. Luxury cruises that are safe because they're underwater. Your last story of the wealthy overcoming terrific odds comes from Nagin Farsad.

Restaurants in Virginia will soon be allowed to reopen, but only at 50% capacity. Northern Virginia restaurant The Inn at Little Washington is up to the challenge. This Michelin-starred restaurant wants to make pandemic dining an affair to remember by seating mannequins at unoccupied tables. Restaurant owner Patrick O'Connell said when they needed to reduce the restaurant occupancy by half, they still wanted the restaurant to look busy. And quote, the solution seemed obvious,

fill it with interestingly dressed dummies. And they're not just dressed in the boring attire of 2020. No, no, these mannequins are dressed in the fineries of the 1940s, evoking a simpler time when the country was merely war ravaged and not virus ravaged. And don't think the mannequins will be ignored. Oh no, waitstaff is instructed to engage in one-sided, not at all humiliating conversations with the humanoid plastic objects, whom they will also be serving with martinis and wine, or surely temples for mannequins who are off the sauce. O'Connell went on to say, quote,

We're all craving to gather and see other people right now. They don't all necessarily need to be real people. The little inn will be open at the end of the month and operating under their new plan until there's a vaccine or at least until the mannequins become self-aware and take over. All right, so let's say you're a wealthy person. Somebody has come up with a way to make your life just a little bit easier. Is it from Paula Poundstone, you can still have your au pair looking after your kids, they'll just wear a big plastic bubble. From Tom Papa, you can still take your cruise, but it will be in a submarine, complete with buffet. Or, from Nagin Farsad, you can still eat at a fancy restaurant.

You'll just be sharing the place with very classy-looking mannequins. Which of these is the real story in the week's news? Okay, I've got to say number three with the mannequins. You've got to say number three with the mannequins at the Inn at Little Washington. All right, that's your choice. That's the Nguyen story. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the true story. Your dining room can only be 50% full, so he is filling it with mannequins dressed in 1940s costumes. That was Ann Limpert. She was the food editor at washington magazine and before everybody writes in she was talking about the in it little washington which has three michelin stars

they'll let you know that if you screw it up congratulations linda you got it right you're in the point for nagin you've won our prize the voice of your choice on your voicemail thank you so much for playing with us today well thank you and Linda. Thank you, and I love your show. Oh, thank you so much, Linda. I really appreciate you calling. Bye-bye. And now the game where people who have worked very hard to get where they are get to attempt something that requires no work whatsoever.

It's called Not My Job. Adam Rippom was the star of the U.S. Winter Olympic team in 2018, winning a bronze medal with the national team, but he truly became famous for being outspoken, opinionated, and charming as heck. Let's see if that holds up. Adam Rippon, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. That is quite the introduction, so I'm going to do my best. Yes. First of all, how are you? Where are you quarantining? With whom? And how's it going? Yes. First of all, how are you? Where are you quarantining? With whom? And how's it going? I'm quarantining alone right now. It's going well. I'm trying to go on a health journey now because probably about a week ago, I felt like my organs were competing,

like which one would fail first. So now I'm feeling much better. So what are you doing to stay in shape? now I'm feeling much better. So what are you doing to stay in shape? So, I mean, I don't want to brag, but three days ago I started doing Shanti's workout classes online. Am I supposed to know who Shanti is? Yes, you are.

Who is Shanti? I'm sorry, I don't know. Well, I mean, who isn't Shanti? So Shanti, he's like this choreographer and fitness guru. And so like, maybe if you like, I'm sure if you saw an infomercial, it would all come rushing back to you. Like it was yesterday. But like, I remember these infomercials.

It was like, try the insanity workout. It was like a 90 day workout. And they took people, they took actual just like whales from the ocean and they turned them into people. And I'm hoping to be one of those whales. Speaking of your athletics, you of course became very well known in 2018 as a skater. Did you start skating early? Like all the, all the figure skaters do when you were a little kid? I started when I was like 10 years old. So it was kind of later in life to be like an elite Did you start skating early like all the figure skaters do when you were a little kid? I started when I was like 10 years old.

So it was kind of later in life to be like an elite athlete, especially in a sport like figure skating where like it's such – there's so many hours you need. It's not just about like being in physical shape. It's like there's such a skill involved to just being on the ice for so many hours. So it was kind of late. And I think that's why I went to the Olympics pretty late, too. I was 28 when I went. Yeah, that's like a grandfather at the Olympics, right? Oh, yeah. It was like one step away from asking for a pension because my teammates were 17 and 18.

Wow. Yeah. Wow. Did they think that you had wisdom? I told them I had wisdom because when these younger kids are coming up, they were better than me. So the only thing I had going for me

was that maybe I wasn't a virgin. That was probably it. And I remember once your competition ended uh in in Korea during the Olympics you then became a commentator right you were talking about other skaters uh so they offered me so this is a funny story I don't it's it's not that funny but I'll tell it to you um I'll spice it up um please so I was offered this position to be a commentator the day after I was done competing. Wow. But I didn't know I was offered the job.

They just assumed that I would accept it. So they announced it. And then once it was like announced that I was commentating, I had a few like calls and it was like from the Olympic committee and from like us figure skating, who was like our governing body of the figure skaters. And I of course was like, they're calling me to congratulate me. I'm like, that's like for all the things I've done, like, of course they're calling to congratulate me. They were calling me to tell me that now that I was like, was a media personnel I was um I had 24 hours to

leave the Olympic Village oh no yes so I turned the job that's so aggressive yes I did because if I couldn't be in I wanted to support my teammates like I went there as an athlete and even though I sort of like I felt like I was turning into something other than an athlete while I was there. I wanted to live that full experience as an athlete. What's funny is I could have sworn I saw you doing commentary, but of course I'm wrong. I guess I just saw you on TV talking a lot. I was probably just running my mouth like usual. Do you miss it, being a competitive figure skater?

I know it's extremely grueling that last time. I, you know, there's, there's a huge part of me that's like, I absolutely never want to compete ever again because I never really enjoyed competing. I loved training, but I didn't love the competing. But one thing that I loved was the structure. It was just like, you knew exactly what you were going to do every day. You knew when your events were, you scheduled things accordingly. It was so structured. And now, you know, like I said, you know, just a few days ago, I thought a few organs weren't going to make it to this like podcast. So Adam, we were researching you and looking, of course, for controversy in your Olympic career. And we found one, it turns out that you were accused at one point in your career

of having a fake butt. I was. I mean, what an allegation. Wow. Why would anybody think that? So they thought I was wearing pads so that I would, like, if I fell, like, you know, you're protected. But no, I wasn't wearing pads.

I just have a fat ass. So the accusation, though, was that you were using an illegal safety device, But no, I wasn't wearing pads. I just have a fat ass. Sean T can fix it. The accusation, though, was that you were using an illegal safety device, not that you were trying to make yourself look more bountiful than you actually were to impress the judges. I interpreted it as a Kardashian situation. Yeah, that there were implants. Yeah, I went full injection because I thought,

what would make me lighter is something dark matter into my hips. So did you have, when you were skating, did you have any, did you have like a signature move? I understand like something that, Oh yes, we're going to go watch Adam do this. That's what he does. Um, I have one, um, one element named after me. Um, and it was, it's called a rip on Lutz and basically it was a jump but a rip on Lutz, a rip on Lutz. Yes. That really tickles you. And what is a rip on Lutz? Oh, well, a rip on Lutz is when you, um, do the, you do a jump, but instead of putting your arms like into your chest, you put them over your head. Oh, right.

So I actually wasn't like, I struggled with the quad jumps, and I was trying to do different variations of the triple so that I could stand out. So then I did that jump, and they renamed it to a rip-on variation. Not to be

confused with the pound stone lutz, which is the same move with two diet sodas in it. And, you know, I had to make that clarification. Well, Adam Rippon, it is a pleasure to talk to you. We have invited you here to play a game we're calling... Rippon, try these rip-offs. That's right.

Your name's Rippon. We're going to ask you about rip-offs, namely people who steal other people's ideas or products. Answer two out of these three questions correctly, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, to ask you about rip-offs, namely people who steal other people's ideas or products. Answer two out of these three questions correctly, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose in their voicemail. So Bill, who is Adam Ripon playing for? Sutro Bridge of San Francisco, California. Okay, here's your first question. A lot of companies like to rip off expensive brands with cheap imitations. There was once a brand of fake Air Jordan sneakers

that you could tell apart from the real ones only by noting what subtle difference. A, the asterisk after the name Jordan. B, the leaping Jordan icon is not wearing any pants. Or C, the sneakers were made of balsa wood. I'm going to say the leaping Jordan wasn't wearing pants. You went right for that and you were right. Wow. Exactly right. If you carefully examine it, you can see sort of the crease between the buttocks.

He was not wearing pants. Very good. Very good, Adam. All right. Thank you. Next question. A lot of fake products and brands originate in China. In fact, if you went to China,

you could find fake versions of which of these? A, American movie stars to China, you could find fake versions of which of these? A, American movie stars, such as, quote, Angelina Wowie and George Clooney. B, entire European cities like Paris, London, and Venice. Or C, fake African wildlife, which are all just dogs with things like rhino horns and elephant trunks attached with Velcro. Oh, wow. The terrible thing is I could see all of these things happening, but I'm going to go with fake African wildlife. I'm afraid it was actually fake cities. You can go to China and see complete replicas of the centers of Paris with the Eiffel Tower

or Venice with canals to save you the trip. It's true. Yeah. We should all go. Let's go now. Let's just go now. Yeah. All right.

Now, you still have one more chance. If you get this right, you win everything, Adam. Here we go. Now, The Asylum is a very well-known studio that produces mock busters. Those are the direct-to-video rip-offs of big Hollywood movies that used to be meant to confuse people who were browsing at video stores. Which of these is a real movie made by the asylum? Was it A, Snakes on a Train, B, Transmorphers, or C, The 18-Year-Old Virgin? Is it Transmorphers? It is. In fact, all three of them were real. Those were all rip-off mockumentaries made by the asylum.

Bill, how did Adam do in our quiz? Two out of three, and you won the crystal ball, Adam. Welcome. Wow. Oh, my God, it's amazing. All of a sudden, people are throwing stuffed animals at Adam. We don't even know where they're coming from. I'm being pelted.

Adam Rippon is a former Olympic figure skater. they're throwing stuffed animals at Adam. We don't even know where they're coming from. I'm being pelted. Adam Rippon is a former Olympic figure skater. He's the host of Useless Celebrity History, which is streaming right now on Quibi. Adam Rippon, thank you so much for joining us. You're such a delight to talk to. What a pleasure. Oh, my pleasure.

Thank you so much and take care. In just a minute, Bill recites an ode to his favorite piece of furniture. You don't want to miss it. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message comes from Best Fiends. Best Fiends is the five-star rated puzzle game with thousands of levels, tons of characters to collect, and fun stories to follow. The game updates monthly, so there's always a new challenge to master. Help these cute and courageous characters while you play through engaging puzzle levels anywhere and anytime. No internet required.

Download in the Apple App Store or Google Play for free. That's friends without the R. Best fiends. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone,

Tom Papa, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host, a man who insists a little Febreze is better than a shower, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill isn't Elon Musk, but he loves Grimes. It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. I'll be right in our panel with some more questions for you from this week's news. Rick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at one triple eight. Wait, wait, that's one eight, eight, eight, nine, two, four, eight, nine, two, four.

But right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. I just have to tell you one thing, please, Paul, you know, um,

they're, they're hiring people now to make sure that everyone stays socially distanced. Did you know that? I was not aware of that. Where are they hiring those people? Uh, in New York, they're hiring people to say you need to stay apart. And so I've just been practicing ratting people out. And I just want to tell the listeners that as we're making – wait, wait, don't tell me right now.

We are on Zoom, so our heads are all in squares and we can see each other. And Peter was just touching his face okay go ahead really that whole interruption was just an arc on me well you know what i don't get to go to theaters and tell my little jokes anymore and so yes i am that's exactly what that was an audition take for my new job. All right, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. Paula, people are so desperate for entertainment during the quarantine that many of them are turning to what? Radio? No, that will never happen.

Nobody's that bored. It's not that bad. That was crazy. I was kidding. not that bad. That was crazy. I was kidding. I was kidding. That was crazy. I was just trying to go out there as far as I could. I'll give you a hint.

Well, this isn't the best of times. It is definitely the worst of times. Reading? Reading what specifically? Charles Dickens, Tale of Two Cities? Well, in general, I'll give it to you. The classics. The classics. The classics.

People are turning back to the classics of art and literature. A survey shows that people are reading and listening more and more to classic works of art, like the jazz of Louis Armstrong or early Justin Bieber. The reason researchers are citing, other than, of course, we've literally watched everything on Netflix, is that people are now more introspective and they're longing for time-tested wisdom. Also, that old story about some man pushing a rock up a hill for all time to no purpose really resonates these days. You know, I listen, I have the audio version. It's unabridged, but I do have an audio version of um grapes of wrath and i listen

to it more as a training film than anything else if it uh if it ever becomes necessary to flee with their meager possessions you'll be ready to go exactly i want to know exactly how to fold grandma into the back of the truck Elf Beauty Products has released a new line of makeup in collaboration with what other major consumer brand? Cheetos. No.

I'll give you a hint. Would you like flower, corn, or eyeshadow? Oh, Chipotle. Yes, Chipotle. Yes. Elf Beauty Products has, in fact, partnered with Chipotle for their new line, and you are going to look so hot, medium, or mild.

Oh! Elf Makeup, which is a brand, it's not a concealer for pointy ears, has teamed up with Chipotle for a burrito-inspired collection. It's got eye and lip shades inspired by your favorite foods at Chipotle. Hey there, beef mouth looking good. Finally. An easy way to get that sexy I'm a burrito look. You know, this is like a makeup.

This is like a bluff story that wouldn't be picked. Right, exactly. This is absurd. This doesn't make any sense. And I would have loved to have been in on the pitch meeting That's ridiculous You know the Chipotle thing Kind of makes sense

Because there's been many times after a late night party Where I've woken up with Full nachos on my face You need to wash it off Before you go to bed Tom You know that Coming up it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more Wait Wait in Your Week, just check out the Wait Wait quiz for your smart speaker. Because at least your robot isn't sick of you yet. Hi, you're on Wait Wait, Don in your week. Just check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. Because at least your robot isn't sick of you yet. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, Peter.

This is Andy Wagner from Raleigh, North Carolina. Oh, how are things in beautiful Raleigh? Oh, things are beautiful here in Raleigh. It's a beautiful day today. It's a beautiful day in beautiful Raleigh. I'm glad to hear it. And what do you do there? I work for a nationwide infrastructure design firm.

I do transportation engineering. Oh, wow. So you're designing things like highways, railroads, bus stations, that sort of thing? Yes, exactly. Have you ever decided to mess one up just to see what people do when they can't get out of a cloverleaf? You tend to get a lot of angry calls whenever you get between people and their destination. I guess that's true. people in their destination. I guess that's true. Well, welcome to the show, Andy. Bill Curtis is now going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready

to play? I'm ready. All right, here's your first limerick. Wearing masks comes with one major flaw. It might slow our year-round mardi Gras. To promote outdoor drinking, here's what I was thinking. A mask with a hole for a straw. Right! Wearing a face mask is an effective way to stop the spread of germs, but it's not an effective way to slam down a super grande margarita. So, luckily a woman in new orleans where else created a face mask with a small hole in the front where you can insert first your drinking straw and then in the due course of time your ventilator yeah we're not supposed to use straws either by the way right i know it's sort of one transgression

on top of another transgression remember when we weren't supposed to use plastic bags at the supermarket, and now it's all we got? Yeah, it's all gone now. Forget the dolphins. All right, very good. Here is your next limerick. In the halls of Las Vegas and Reno, we'll keep distance at Blackjack and Keno.

You know we are scrambling to get back to gambling. Come on, open up a casino. Right. MGM Resorts has unveiled a seven-point plan to safely reopen their Las Vegas casinos. The plan eliminates buffets, spaces out the slot machines, and bans anyone from blowing on the dice unless they're certified lucky by the Nevada Board of Health. They also have another plan where they just leave a bucket outside of the casino and people just drop their money in it.

It gets to the same place. It's safer. Exactly. No one gets hurt. I also heard that with the call girls, you can only call them now. They don't come, but you can call them. All right, here is your last limerick.

It's the place where I act like a slouch. For its hygiene, nobody will vouch. I'm smushing my tush in, its soft, fluffy cushion. Like most, I do not clean my... Couch. Couch, very good. A new survey shows that while they are rarely cleaned, the average couch sees 7,000 spills and over 4,000 kisses on it in its lifetime.

Wow. Close your eyes, couch, you pervert. I have never owned a couch. Really? Really. What's in your living room? I have Adirondack chairs in my living room. So Paula, when you want to sit maybe with one of your kids or a friend and watch TV, what do you sit on? I don't want to. Paul is built for quarantine I really am This whole thing though does make you wonder

Why we don't regularly clean our couches They're like a combination between a bed A napkin and your underpants If you were a furniture salesman They would pull you off the floor for that kind of talk Get in the back, Seagal. Bill, how did Andy do on our quiz? Andy scored big.

He got them all right. 3-0, Andy. Good job. Congratulations, Andy. Well done. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you, Peter. I bet he was calling from a couch.

Support for this podcast and the following message comes from Starbucks by Nespresso. From the rich and caramel notes of espresso roast to the smooth and sweet blonde espresso roast, your favorite Starbucks espressos are now available for Nespresso original line machines. Simply relax and enjoy one of eight roasts at home. Sip into a finer state with new Starbucks by Nespresso capsules available in select grocery stores. Now on to our final game. Lightning fill in the blank each of our players now has 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Paula has two. Nagin and Tom are tied at four.

Oh, my gosh. You know, I never really thought of Nagin and Tom as cheaters before, but... Paula, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when you begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, an appeals court allowed an emoluments lawsuit against blank to proceed. Trump. Right. On Monday, the WHO warned that coronavirus cases have jumped in countries that have lifted their blanks. Bans. They're at stay-at-home orders. Yes. This week, the Senate rejected a bill to bar warrantless searches of people's blank.

Uh, uh, uh, computers? This week, the Senate rejected a bill to bar warrantless searches of people's blank. Computers. Close enough. Internet history, yeah. On Wednesday, Republican Mike Garcia won a special primary election in blank. California. Right. This week, a police officer in Boston was able to lure an escaped peacock back to his enclosure by blanking. Pretending to be a peacock. So close, by playing peacock mating calls on his phone. This week, 800 homes in Scotland were left without electricity after a bull blanked.

I think he was scratching himself on the pole. Exactly right, Paula. It scratched its butt on the pole. Because it didn't have a couch. Exactly. The 1,200-pound bull, whose name is Ron, cut off power to three neighboring villages when he scratched his butt on the electricity pole

and knocked the transformer right off it. It took 18 hours to restore the power. It could be worse. It could be like the time Mrs. O'Leary's cow started the Great Chicago Fire because she just wanted to warm her cold butt over a lantern. Wait, can we circle back to his name was Ron? Ron the Bull.

This is Ron, he's a bull. He's impregnated Sarah, Elizabeth, Joanie, Frances. Bill, how did Paula do in our quiz this time? She got five right for ten more points. She now has 12 points, which is the lead. Oh, yeah. I can really see me hanging on to this. Well, because we are lost in an endless void of meaningless,

I'm just going to say arbitrarily that Tom goes next. So here we go, Tom. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, a federal judge delayed a Justice Department order to drop the case against blank. Mike Flynn. Right. This week, another three million Americans filed for blank.

Unemployment. Right. This week, former Trump campaign chairman blank was released from prison into home confinement over coronavirus fears. Manafort. Yes. This week, Dr. Rick Bright predicted that a coronavirus blank will take 12 to 18 months to develop. Oof, the vaccine. Right, yes.

This week, a man in California was arrested for blanking on the highway. For speeding? For jumping onto a tanker truck filled with wine, unscrewing a valve, and drinking directly from the tank. Researchers reported that as recently as 45 million years ago, saber-toothed blanks lived on the earth. Tigers. No, saber-toothed anchovies. That's a lie.

It's true. I've seen a picture. The salty predators. How do they fit in the can? That's the thing. Well, the thing is like these things are about a foot long and they have this one saber-tooth shooting down from the top of the mouth and that was really dangerous because they could just, you know, puncture their way out of the can.

That's why you can't find them in the stores. I'm sure I've seen that in a Warner Brothers cartoon before. But that's also the inspiration behind the modern can opener. There you are. Bill, how did Tom do in our quiz? Very well. He got four right, eight more points. He now has 12 points.

He and Paula are tied for the lead. Ooh, are we set up for failure now? Oh, let's see what happens. It's impossible for Nagin not to win. Well, how many then does Nagin need to win, Bill? Five. Five to win. All right, Nagin, this is for the game.

All right. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, House Democrats unveiled a new $3 trillion blank bill. A relief bill. Yeah, for the coronavirus crisis on Sunday. Boris Johnson unveiled his plan to slowly reopen blank's economy. The United Kingdom.

Yes, this week North Carolina Senator Blank announced he was stepping down as chairman of the Senate Intelligence Committee because of an FBI investigation. It's Richard Burr? Yes, Richard Burr, sir, on Thursday. Lindsey Graham announced an investigation into the origins of the blank probe. Russia probe?

Yeah, Mueller probe, Russia probe. Through the proof that we're living in a cartoon, a man in Tucson recorded video of a blank chasing a blank. Of a lizard chasing a cat. A coyote chasing a roadrunner. On Wednesday, Uber announced new rules that would require drivers and riders to wear blanks. Masks. Right, on Sunday, comedian and actor Blank,

best known for his role on Seinfeld, passed away at the age of 92. Jerry Stiller. Yes, a German cafe has ensured social distancing by having customers blank. Uh, measure their space out in strudels. No, the customers are all required to wear pool noodles on their heads. What? The Cyborg Cafe in Schwerin, Germany, gives each customer a hat

with perpendicular pool noodles attached to the top. It's great for keeping safe unless a strong wind comes up and you take off like a helicopter. I guess this is the strategy. Make going out so absurd and annoying that you don't want to go out. Really? I mean, there's nothing about that that sounds like a good idea to me. Bill, how did Nagin do on our quiz? Well, it's been a close game, but Nagin had six right for 12 more points.

So with 16, she wins. Congratulations, Nagin. There you go. Thank you. Thank you very much. Came from behind. You got it. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be the new hot TV show this fall, despite everything.

But first, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Day.

Our web guru is Beth Noby. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dernbos, and Lillian King. Our saber-toothed producer is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is

Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will be the hot show on TV this fall? Nagin Farsad. American Horror Story, but it's just CCTV footage of Times Square. Tom Papa.

The Food Network is rolling out a new show, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Hives. And Paula Poundstone. Watching Paint Dry, the series. Well, if we see any of those on TV, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Nagin Farsad, Tom Papa, and Paula Poundstone. Thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal.

Congratulations on getting through another week. We did it together. We'll do it again, and we'll see you next week. Yay! Yay! week. Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! This is NPR.