Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Anna Konkle

Episode Date: June 19, 2021

Anna Konkle, co-creator and star of Hulu's junior high comedy PEN15, plays our game about a drink that will give you a junior high: Red Bull. She is joined by panelists Dulcé Sloan, Faith Salie, and Luke Burbank.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Get ready for a nutcracker. You're going to the billet. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, the number 14 pick of the 1998 NPR Draft, Peter Sagan. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody out there. We have got a great show for you. Later on, we're going to be talking to actor Anna Konkle. She created and stars in the hit comedy Pen15, in which she plays herself as a seventh grader.

We have lots of questions, including what bet she lost that forced her to go do that. We know you are happy as an adult because you have the independence to call us up and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Karen Depenu from Silver Spring, Maryland. Hey, Karen. Silver Spring, Maryland, that beautiful suburb of Washington, D.C. I know it well. What do you do there?

Well, I'm a student and then I'm also a barista. So I make coffee for a living when I'm not in the classroom. Oh, I see. Are you one of those very serious baristas, the kind who like takes 20 minutes to like slowly hand pour hot water over the coffee grounds? Are you just like me and you just whatever? No, I'm really casual about it. I do get annoyed when people don't know the difference between a cappuccino or a latte,

but that's it. Really? Do you refuse to serve it to them? No, I still do it. You just silently resent them. I understand. Come on, people. Well, Karen, welcome to our show.

Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a contributor to CBS Sunday Morning and the host of the new parenting podcast, Stroller Coaster. It's Faith Saley. Hi, Karen. I still don't know what a flat white is, so be nice to me. Next, it's the host of the daily podcast, TBTL, and the public radio variety show, Live Wire. It's Mr. Luke Burbank. Hey there, Karen.

And a correspondent on The Daily Show and the voice of honeybee on the great north it's dulce sloan uh of all the things i could say there's nothing that i could say that would be okay for what i thought a flat white was so i'm gonna leave that off the table i think you should karen welcome to the show you're gonna play who's bill this time bill of course, is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes.

All right, Karen. Here we go. Your first quote is from somebody who had just spent four hours in a room with President Biden. There's no happiness in life. There's only a specter of happiness on the horizon. So we'll cherish that. Who maybe didn't have the best time in Geneva? Was it Russian President Vladimir Putin? Yes, the answer is Vladimir Putin. President Biden and Vladimir Putin met in Geneva on Wednesday for another important summit where the U.S. and Russia ask each other to stop doing something and then they

both laugh and keep doing that thing. As always, these summits aren't about issues but stagecraft and dominance displays. Biden scheduled his arrival after Putin so Putin couldn't keep him waiting, then very deliberately put out his hand and made Putin step forward to shake it, right? In response, Putin then urinated on Air Force One, and both of them inflated their throat pouches to appear larger. You know, Putin showed up at 1.04, right, for a one o'clock meeting, which must have made Donald Trump furious because one time he kept him waiting 45 minutes. And one time he kept Angela Merkel waiting four hours. Well, apparently, and this is true, Putin is known for this.

Yeah, that's his power. So they actually said the protocol people said, OK, Mr. President Putin will have to be there at one and Mr. Biden will arrive at one thirty just to keep him from doing that. They're on to his tricks is what I'm saying. Can't Putin just reschedule? Hey, sorry, just got out of the shower running late. Sorry, squashing a coup in my country. Going to be there at three. He's like texting parking right now.

He's in the shower still. Putin's body language. I research this this story the way i i researched most news articles i just did a google image search and just looked at all the photos of what was going on and putin's body language when they're sitting in the chairs and that like library yeah it was very telling he looked like a kid who was waiting to talk to the principal but thought it was total bs that he had to be there like he slouched biden is like sitting up pretty you know sort of upright and like looks pretty plugged into what's going on and putin just looks like this sucks he really is the judd nelson in

the breakfast club international tyrants smoke him up john right. Here, Karen, is your next quote. We are closed because I hate this job. That was a note left in a McDonald's drive-thru. One of the many businesses facing a surge in their employees doing what? They're quitting. Exactly. Quitting. The pandemic is coming to an end.

Businesses are opening up, but apparently nobody wants to go back to work. This phenomenon is being called the big quit. Employers are absolutely desperate to get people to come back. They're offering hiring bonuses, higher wages, and forgiveness for exposing yourself on a Zoom call with the rest of the staff of the New Yorker. People now are like, you made me work from home and and now I just don't want to work at all? Exactly. I mean, it's a lot of things. Many of us have discovered that it's really nice to be home with our families doing what we want. Some of us have started our own businesses or new projects,

and also none of us know where our shoes are. Nah, man. Listen, during the pandemic, I quit wearing drawers. For what? I'm the only person here. Why am I putting on panties? Exactly. So why would anybody given that pleasure and freedom ever want to have to

put drawers back on? You see what I mean? I mean, but also they're calling this the big quit, but that's only like a certain level of, like you have to be at a certain income level

to do that. That's the thing. How are people going to pay for this? Because a lot of people did quit. They were like, because a lot of people, like you saw these articles were just like yo i really hated my job

exactly do a new job and life is short but isn't i mean isn't a lot of this also kind of generational like like definitely oh definitely like i feel like people who are younger than i am are like uh this doesn't feel good. I don't like it. I don't want to spend my life doing this, so I won't. I don't know what happened when they were programming them, but I think there's a glitch in the system. Because when they programmed me, I was like, all right, I'm going to work. I'm going to be unhappy. I'm fine.

Yeah, it is a generational thing. The other layer is the parents who have had kids at home because that's the job I want to quit. And you can't.'t like you can't. And there have been all these articles recently, like how to quit gracefully. And I read them longingly. And it's like, you know, and I just think like if I could sit down with my family and just negotiate new terms, I need a different payment structure. Just imagine when you're interviewing for your next job as a parent and they're like, what was this four year gap on your parenting resume?

You're like, that was when I lost my mind. Exactly. That's how I feel. All right. Here, Karen, is your last quote. I wasn't swallowed. I was in its mouth. That was a man named Michael Packard who made the news this week when he was pointedly not

swallowed, ultimately, by a what? A whale! A whale! Yes, Mr. Packard was diving for lobster off of Cape Cod last weekend when he says he felt a big bump and everything went dark. And his first thought was that he had just been attacked by a shark. So imagine his relief when he realized, oh no, I've just been swallowed by a whale! a shark. So imagine his relief when he realized, oh no, I've just been swallowed by a whale. Then, he says, after about 30 seconds in which he

was absolutely sure he was going to die, the whale spit him out. This is the craziest story. You hear people like challenging him, saying he's lying. Like, can you imagine? And all his like lobster hunting friends are like,

no, no, no, no, no. He wouldn't lie about this. Yeah. He's the most straightforward lobster diver we know. I mean, this is there's a long history of being swallowed by whales and not being believed by the larger public. This is a whole thing. Yeah. It's a whole I mean, there's a whole book about it. Besides, we know this works.

If he was lying about it, his nose would be growing. Right. be growing right there was some whale expert who somehow figured out that this whale was probably like a teenage whale and got all flustered like a puppy of a whale listen you're you're out here you're you know you're young whale out here in these ocean streets and uh got a shark buddy and he's like you can't eat a human he's like i could definitely eat a human like you can't eat a human watch me and he gets it in his mouth. He's like, what's wrong? And I was like, my throat's too small.

I don't have teeth. He's still moving. And it's like, spit him out. Spit him out. You're going to choke. Now, you have to imagine what this is like for the whale. I mean, whales eat plankton, right? This is like if you were just eating, say, popcorn, and suddenly you had lobster diver Michael Packard in your mouth.

Hey, I don't know that man like that. Come on, dog. Don't do that to me. Bill, how did Karen do on our quiz? Karen even got the whale question. She's got a perfect score. Congratulations, Karen. Thank you.

Well done. Thank you. Thanks. Amazing. Thank you. Well done, and stay away from teenage whales. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Dulce, according to the Wall Street Journal, now that Apple has given us phones and computers and watches and headphones, they're working on giving us what? A break. I wish, but no. Um, I know I saw this. Can I have a clue? Yeah, it's weird because we thought an apple a day keeps these away. Apple doctors?

Yes, Apple health care. Say hello to the unaffordable, but it's so shiny you buy it anyway, care act. The idea is that your health is already constantly monitored by your Apple Watch. So instead of you waiting till you get sick to see your boring old Android doctor, a spiffy Apple doctor calls you up and expresses surprise you're able to answer the phone given what they know about your cholesterol. I paid extra for a feature on my Apple Watch. This is is not a joke or at least i put this setting on so if i fall over like during a run it will call 9-1-1 that is a setting on this watch such an old man thing to do well you know it was an extra five bucks a month or whatever i sprung for you put a life alert on your apple watch exactly listen do you set that when you

get into your walk-in tub i really have that my watch, and it really is something that gives me a certain amount of comfort. The problem is that when you use your lift chair in the stairway, you don't get credit for the steps. Am I right, Luke? No, that is one of the downsides of the system. Anyway. My vital organ would come, and I would never remember my password. That's another problem, yes. Can you imagine having to show your face

to a lung so it starts working? Can I tell you that the face ID on my iPhone stopped recognizing me this week, and I know we've all changed during the pandemic, but that was That's a blow. The phone was telling me we no longer recognize you, Mr. Burbank. You know what?

Even worse, if you looked into your phone to turn it on and it said, oh, I'm calling Apple Health Care. Yeah. Call me. Because I'll be there to show you I care. Call me. Call me. Coming up, we cause an international incident in our Bluff the Listener game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Legendary oceanographer Sylvia Earle has spent eight decades exploring underwater, and she has good news. Areas that are protected, you can see recovery. How We Save the Ocean, part two of our series on the TED Radio Hour from NPR. the TED Radio Hour from NPR. From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Dulce Sloan, Faith Saley, and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host, broadcasting from inside the wet mouth of a humpback whale, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Ew.

Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. You are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Lauren Rulings. I'm calling from Boston, Massachusetts. Hey, how are things in Boston, one of my favorite places? Things are very good here right now. Nice weather. Who can't, you know, who doesn't love the summer in the Northeast? It's kind of like the spring everywhere else. It's true, except with black flies. And what do

you do there? I'm a professor of psychology. Wow. Well, that's really great. So what's your favorite personality disorder? Well, I'm actually not a clinician. I'm a social psychologist. So I study things like racism and other types of prejudice and discrimination. Well, what's your favorite hate group? I'm partial to the Klan just because they got the best costumes. Lauren, welcome to our show. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Lauren's topic? Crisis averted.

The eyes of the world were on Europe this week as Presidents Biden and Putin tried to quell escalating tensions and then the eyes of the world glazed over because it's all pretty boring these days. So we're going to look back at how they used to solve global crises in kind of a more interesting way. Pick the panelist who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Absolutely. All right. First up, it is Dulce Sloan.

In 1991, a new book arrived in bookstores in China causing a national crisis. Adults were missing work. Kids were leaving school because they were all trying to figure out where's Waldo. It all started simple enough. A father in the Chengdu province saw how popular the book was with kids so he decided to dress as the book's namesake and walk through markets and parks so the kids would have a chance to find Waldo in real life. What he didn't know was that his sweet gesture would take on a Pokemon Go level of popularity. Thousands of Waldos hit the streets, factories were losing shifts, soldiers were going AWOL, and kids were skipping school because everybody was out looking for Waldo. The Chinese

government pleaded with people to end the game but to no avail. So the Chinese government created the National Office of Children's Book Characters so only authorized and licensed Waldos were allowed in the streets and the Waldo search could be regulated. And to make sure that the game came to an end, the licensed Waldos would go out in the middle of the street and go, I'm right here every two hours. Now go to work. A Where's Waldo crisis in China solved by China making their Waldos official employees of the state. Your next story of a crisis contained comes from Faith Saley. In June of 1996, Chuck Elward and his crew were fishing for Arctic char and walleye pollock in the Bering Sea when a small Russian naval ship began issuing orders for them to evacuate or be fired upon. All I could think

of was to yell, Nyet, he says. But that didn't work, so we started blasting the Macarena at them. The Russians retaliated aggressively by also playing the international hit. Finally, Elward and the Russian commander rode to meet each other and agreed on terms. Send your best dancer to the bow. Winner gets the fish. Thus, on that white night in 96, did a burly bearded fisherman named Tonk Stewart wiggle his hips and do all that arm choreography as patriotically as he could, while an unnamed wiry Slavic sailor in uniform gyrated for his motherland. Tonk was the uncontested winner when he ripped off his

flannel shirt and went rogue, performing what Elwood can only describe as the world's first twerk. Both vessels returned to their home waters without incident. vessels returned to their home waters without incident. A crisis showdown between Alaskans and the Russian Navy solved by a dance contest. Finally, your last story of someone stopping an international incident comes from Luke Burbank. It's a scientific fact that the best part of any Columbo episode was that moment when Columbo, having asked all his questions, would take a long pause and then say, oh, sir, just one more thing, because that's when the case was about to be cracked. Well, it turns out Peter Falk himself did one more thing in the 1970s to preserve peace in Romania. As was pointed out this week on Twitter back in 1974, Romanians were so obsessed

with Colombo that when the national TV network ran out of episodes, citizens took to the streets, accusing their government of hoarding them. This led to the truly weird moment where Peter Falk was brought into a hotel room in New York by the CIA and Romanian diplomats to record a message explaining that there were, in fact, no more Columbos to watch. The plan apparently worked. A revolution was averted. While the CIA eventually authorized Falk to write about the event in his memoir, there is still no word on if they're finally ready to let Angela Lansbury from Murder, She Wrote divulge her role in the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. Here are your choices, Lauren.

From Dulce Sloan, the government of China solved a craze for people trying to find out where's Waldo by making Waldo an official employee of the state and telling him to reveal himself. by making Waldo an official employee of the state and telling him to reveal himself. From Faith Saley, a potentially violent dispute between a fishing fleet and the Russian Navy in the Bering Strait solved by a dance-off. Or from Luke, how Peter Falk himself had to intervene and save Romanian society by letting them know that they were not, in fact, hoarding Columbo episodes. Which of these is the real story of a crisis averted? As much as none of these seem to be possible, I feel like the last one has got to be it.

Okay, that's your choice. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we were able to bring you some archival tape from history. You should understand that the Romanian government bought every Colombo show available. He said the problem is that the people don't believe the government. That was, of course, Colombo himself, Peter Falk,

talking to David Letterman back in 1995 about the great Colombo crisis in Romania and how he himself was brought in to revert it. Congratulations, Lauren. You got it right. You earned a point for Luke. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail.

Congratulations. Thank you so much. Thank you for playing. Have a good one. Bye-bye. And now the game where we ask people who've done something very interesting about things that do not interest them. The comedy Pen15 was created by Maya Erskine and our guest Anna Konkle, all about their adventures in junior high school. Apparently, they couldn't find anyone else to capture their particular combination of geekery and awkwardness, so they decided to play themselves.

And it is really strange to watch how easily full-grown adults fit right in in the seventh grade. Anna Konkle, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much. I'm really excited to be here. We are very excited to have you, and I want to congratulate you, I'm really excited to be here. We are very excited to have you. And I want to congratulate you because it was just this week that the New York Times posted a list of the 25 best comedies of the 21st century so far. And Pen15 is on that list. We were very surprised.

Very happy to be there. Very surprised, I repeat. So I just have to have you explain. I don't know the origin of this extraordinarily unusual television show. Yeah, well, Maya and I met in college, we became best friends. And then we, along the way somewhere started writing. And maybe seven or eight years ago, we began sharing the most rejected stories that we had. And they all revolved around the same time. And we started to realize that there was this void. I'm sorry, did you say, did you say rejected stories? Yeah, just this most kind of rejectee stories. You know, that time just brought up a lot of memories of sadness and humor. And we realized that it was time that we had kind of been conditioned to not talk about that the R-rated

stuff at 13 or the R-rated feelings or the more complicated things. There wasn't a conduit that we were watching at least to tell those stories. So, you know, we kind of got inspired that we could be the conduit. We could tell the R-rated stories and be surrounded by real 13-year-olds and go through the trauma ourselves and not make 13-year-olds and go through the trauma ourselves and not make 13-year-old actors go through that. That is the thing, because you're right. It's not a story that's often told. There are one or two other shows that are delving into that. But what makes this show really astounding is that you and Maya play essentially yourselves, Anna and Maya, as 13- 13 year olds and and was that like how you knew

you were going to do it or did you just come to that idea after trying to cast actors as yourself yeah we knew that we wanted to play the characters but we had said if it needs to be you know when we were trying to sell the show long long time ago if it needed to be famous people that would be fine but it needed to be adults and and that would be fine, but it needed to be adults. And that was the point that the adults were the safe space to tell the real story, not the Nickelodeon story. Right. Because among other things, it would be very weird to have actual child actors say some of the things that you say. True. The women on our staff who are about your age are adamant that this is like the most important television show ever made.

They talked to me about how important it is that it centers about a relationship between these two young women who legitimately love each other desperately. And that's really important. Do you get that reaction from a lot of people? Do people come up to you and say, oh, my God, the thing that happened to your character? I thought I was the only person to whom that happened. It was just like me. Yeah, I think I mean, first of all, that's so nice. But yeah, I mean, the things that we were the most shamed about internally and the things that we felt were the most specific or the deepest secrets are the things that more people reach out and say that exact thing happened to me.

I did that exact thing. More people reach out and say that exact thing happened to me. I did that exact thing. Everything from like pretending and fully believing that you're a witch to the intricacies of divorce to, you know, secret sexuality stuff, you know, all of it. It's really crazy. So it's been kind of healing in that way, but also masochistic. Do you ever find doing the show emotionally exhausting? Yes. Like you say, I have to go be an adult.

I have to go like drink adult beverages and do my taxes or something. Yeah, I think in the beginning it feel it can feel kind of nice that innocence and how like naive, especially my character can feel just really positive about every sad thing that's about to happen to her. So at first it's pretty fun. that happened to her. So at first it's pretty fun. And then over time towards the end of shooting, I think both Maya and I are like, oh my God, I don't smoke, but this is making me want to, or you know, I just something that kids aren't allowed to do all of a sudden you're like, I need to get back to adulthood. I was just thinking about the fact that Maya's mom is played by her mom. So she's on set, which might lead to some awkward moments. I don't know. Does your parent, do your parents ever get in touch with you and say, you didn't tell us?

How did we know? Why didn't you tell us? Right. No. I mean, my mom repeatedly says, okay, I have to move out of the universe. She gets embarrassed from watching her. Really? I have to move out of the universe?

Out of the universe. Yes. Do you hire your writers by just asking them, tell me about the most humiliating thing that's ever happened to you in junior high school? And if it's really terrible, you've never heard. Like I, I've told a lot of secrets in the room and I think it's because you can't expect the people working with you to do it if you're not doing it. So. Right. Yeah. And otherwise, how could they take your secrets and broadcast it to an infinite number of people for the rest of time? If they didn't, if you didn't tell them. Okay. Yeah, that's true. Just pointing it out. Hey, I have to ask you about something else, something entirely different. Is it true had a candy cart in Brooklyn, which later became

a big factory, Wonderly Candy Company. And candy corn was invented in that factory. So wait, you're descended from a man who helped create one of the most hated candies in American history. Yeah. But it's so good. People have a very weird relationship with candy corn. It's either like, Anna, do you enjoy candy corn? It's the cilantro of candy. True.

I don't like candy corn, actually. Really? Yeah. It's too sweet. It's candy and wax, baby. It's candy, wax, food coloring. It's only for Halloween. They tried to do it

other parts of the year where they're like, oh, it's Easter. I was like, no, don't. If you make it different colors. We still don't like it in Easter. You're not fooling nobody. Come on, Doc.

Well, Anna Conkle, it is a pleasure to talk to you. We have asked you here to play a game we're calling. It's not a real drug. It's just a junior high. So Pen15, as we have been discussing, is about junior highs. We thought we'd ask you about other kinds of junior highs, like the vague sense of agitation you get from drinking Red Bull energy drink. Answer two out of three questions about Red Bull correctly.

You will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might like in their voicemail. Bill, who is Anna Conkle playing for? Alex Smith of Detroit, Michigan. All right, here we go. Here's your first question. Red Bull started as an energy drink popular with truck drivers in Thailand, but it was Austrian marketing genius Dietrich Mitschitz who made it into a global brand. How did he convince college students to start drinking the stuff. A, the slogan, it's like Axe body spray, you can drink. B, you could send in 10 empty cans and get a pre-written essay on Moby Dick in return.

Or C, he just paid them to drink it. C. C, that is exactly right. He would find popular college kids and pay them to throw Red Bull parties. Here's your next question. Of course, Red Bull has become very popular with college kids, especially when mixed with vodka. Now that particular cocktail has been scientifically proven, scientifically proven, to have what effect? A, it starts fights. B, it's the opposite of beer goggles. It makes everyone else look ugly. Or C, it makes men love explaining things even more than they already do. I'm going to go with A. You're correct again, Anna.

They tested its key ingredients of red bull, which are alcohol and taurine, on zebrafish. And the zebrafish got more belligerent than they do on either of those substances separately. So watch out if you come across zebrafish drinking Red Bull and vodka. One more question here for Anna to see if she can be perfect. Oh, no, never. Red Bull once lost a big lawsuit, forcing them as part of the settlement to do what? A, put a label on each can saying it does not include actual bull. B, make a public statement that you were not fully vaccinated until your second dose of Red Bull,

or C, give every Canadian $10 because contrary to the slogan, it doesn't really give you wings. C. You're right again, Anna. It's exactly right. Apparently, the plaintiffs convinced a Canadian court that the Red Bull slogan, It Gives You Wings, was too easy to take literally.

And thus, every Canadian consumer of Red Bull was entitled to a payment of $10 if they applied for it. That's wild. Bill, how did Anna do in our quiz? If I'm right, she is perfect. Three in a row. And Anna, that's a rare feat. That's well done. that's a rare feat. Congratulations. That's well done. That's rare for me.

Anna Conkle is the co-creator and star of Pen15. You can watch it on Hulu now. Season 2 is out. Anna Conkle, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. A delight to talk to you in real life. Thank you for having me. Maya and I are big fans. Oh, thank you. Bye, Anna. Bye-bye. Bye. In just a minute, my favorite meat is hot dog in our listener limerick challenge.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Luke Burbank, Dulcy Sloan, and Faith Saley. And here again is your host, who shot a man in Reno just because he used the phrase begs the question wrong. It's Peter Sagal. In just a minute, Bill takes a trip of his own to Rhymania to solve a crisis there in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. 888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. Dulce, Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg posted a video on Facebook saying that he's going to continue to work from home where he is now expanding his skill set by learning to do what? Be a

person? No, that was completely beyond his capabilities. This is something more within his grasp. Can I have one more clue? Yeah, well, he's already got his black belt in dork, so this is the next logical step. A martial art? Yes, he is learning to fight.

That is what he's doing. Mr. Zuckerberg, who is the physical manifestation of the phrase, it's actually karate, is apparently using his downtime between destroying democracies to learn how to fight with ancient weapons. He posted videos of himself shooting arrows at bowling pins and throwing a spear at a sheet of plywood while inexplicably wearing noise protection earmuffs. Hey, you know what's cool?

Not that. He's finally hit the top level of nerd white dude stuff. Oh, absolutely. You know, there's a bunch of swords in his nerd white dude stuff. Oh, absolutely. You know, there's a bunch of swords in his house that he probably got in an auction. He's now the big boss in the video game. Right. There was nothing else for him to do. Also, why is he shooting arrows at bowling pins?

One more reason to never go bowling with Mark Zuckerberg. He's like, oh, do you bring your own bow or do they rent them there? Faith, as part of a just released summer collection, luxury brand Prada is releasing a $1,000 what? Well, gosh, is it a piece of exercise equipment? Please don't tell me it's a water bottle to drink out of. It's not a water bottle. Okay. Barbells? Weights? What's happening? We're not even sure if they inflate it first. A ball? An exercise ball? It's a ball. It's a volleyball.

What? It is part of Prada's new outdoor collection. $995 will get you Prada's signature volleyball. The Tone Demand Servants hired to play volleyball with you will set you back another $10,000. My late mother would call that sinful. That is a sinful price. And my alive mother would call that a hustle. It's true.

Now this is part of a new line. And they'd both be right, Dulcet. Both are right. Both are inappropriate and both are a con job. This is part of a new collection of outdoor goods for people who've always wanted to enjoy outdoor recreation, but were upset by how inexpensive it is. Luke, we observed an important anniversary this week. 101 years ago, the U.S. Postal Service announced that you would no longer be able to send what through the U.S. mail. A hundred and one years ago?

Exactly 101, June 14th, 1920. 1920, you were no longer allowed to send Germans through the mail. No. No, you can still do that. That's the only guess I can think of. Can I get a hint? Yeah, you don't need to lick the stamp because their faces are always so sticky anyway. Children. Children!

Wow. As of June 14th, 1920, you could no longer send children through the mail. And it happened all the time. In 1913, for example, an eight-month-old baby in Ohio was mailed to his grandmother for only 15 cents in 1915. A mail carrier arrived on the train in Jackson, Kentucky with a three-year-old girl who had a shipping tag sewn to her dress with an address and 33 cents in stamps. Well, I mean, you know who I blame for this? The Bible. The whole Moses thing.

Like, you want your kid to grow up and free an entire people? Throw them in a basket, mail them down the Nile. Pharaoh's daughter invented it. But you know this is coming back. Like, they will re-legalize this at some point because Amazon will deliver your small child to their piano recital by way of drone. Yes. The next business that Amazon will drive out of business is obstetricians. We'll deliver your baby in the next day. That's so good. You want to get pregnant? We can give you next day delivery. You don't even have to gestate.

I'm telling you, if Apple is working on healthcare, Amazon is working on this. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can also find out about our upcoming show. Yes, we are coming back!

In Philadelphia at the Mann Center on August 5th. Be there and smell other humans. Also, to get more Wait, Wait in Your Life, follow us at Wait, Wait on Twitter and at Wait, Wait NPR on Instagram. There you can get show news and see that we finally figured out how to put the links in the bio. Wonderful job, Emma. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Millie. I'm calling from New York City. How are things in New York? Is it all opening up opening up yes it is it it feels like we're almost in a post-pandemic world right one of the things

i've noticed on twitter is a lot of new yorkers posting stories like new york is back to normal and then posting stories of some incredibly weird thing they saw on the street right has this happened to you like oh new york's back because i saw some lunatic running down the street holding four trumpets or something uh i don't think lunatics running down the street fully stopped during the pandemic. So that's true. That is a good point. That was really their moment. Well, welcome to the show, Millie. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play? Yes, I am. Excellent. Here we go.

Here's your first limerick. My lower lip's hair growth is just rash. The people I meet say they must dash. My lips are entwined by a weird equal sign because I have doubled my mustache. Yes, mustache. Very good. Double mustaches are the summer's hot trend, and by trend, we mean nightmare. People grow a mustache on the regular spot, you know, above the lip, and then a second identical mustache on the chin. No. The problem with your mustache was not that there were not enough of them. The style gives your face a good, oh, what the hell look? I mean, why stop at just two?

If we're mustaching out, keep mustaching all the way down. This is what people have been hiding behind their masks. People just wanted a kind of reveal, right? You didn't see this coming. I mean, who started this? It's like, my mustache is lonely.

I guess I'll shave it a friend. Oh no, now we're both lonely. All right, here's your next limerick. Sausage love makes some folks bratty. They insist it's a tube, not a flatty. But this new one, for fun, fits a hamburger bun. My hot dog is formed like a... Patty?

Patty, yes! Indeed, you won't find one in Chicago. We've all been there. You're making hot dogs for dinner? You only have hamburger buns. What do you do? Well, the answer should be eat literally anything else.

But now, apparently, your answer is round hot dogs designed to fit on hamburger buns. Now, if you're having trouble picturing these, that's because they're an abomination outside the realm of sanity. They're flat discs of hot dog meat, like a really thick slice of bologna.

That is bologna. It is. A hot dog is bologna. We've already done this. You know this. A hot dog is bologna. A hot dog and bologna are absolutely identical. Yeah, man, we are bored.

Now, unlike a tubular hot dog, the little hot dog patties do not have a hot dog casing, just the interior. So if you're the kind of person who loves hot dogs but wishes you could just gum them. Do you know, until this very moment, I never appreciated casing. And now when I think of a patty of the innards of a hot dog, I at least want it covered up with some modesty of casing. Exactly.

All right. Here's your last limerick. This drug test is getting her veto. She claims that she ate tainted Mito. It was wrapped up

with beans. Now her blood isn't clean. She's banned for a bad pork burrito. Yes.

After testing positive for steroids after a track event. Olympic hopeful Shelby Houlihan blamed it on a bad pork burrito. In her defense, apparently pigs naturally produce the steroid that was found in her system. That's why you see so many pigs competing for Russia. Despite her appeals and insistence, it's all a mistake. Nobody believes her.

This is an elite professional athlete. She's going to say, how, what should I do after my carefully designed workout, my daily weigh-in and complete medical examination by an entire staff of professionals who monitor everything I put in my body? I know. Food truck burrito time. Is this real? This is absolutely real. Like she's not making it up. She's not making it up.

Well, now whether or not she's making it up we don't know but it is absolutely real that she tested positive for a banned steroid and that she said oh my god i'm totally innocent what it must be is i had a burrito the other day and the burrito has pork meat which can have this chemical trace in it and everybody was like oh okay maybe and they were actually this is all true, they were going to let her compete in the trials anyway because she was under appeal, but then somebody visited the burrito truck in question and found out it was run by Lance Armstrong.

She did test positive for elevated levels of guacamole, though. It's true. It's true. Some of the story actually checks out. Bill, how did Millie do on our quiz? Millie, who never uses ketchup on a hot dog, got them all right! She's perfect.

Woo-hoo! Congratulations, Millie. Thank you guys so much. This has been on my bucket list. Thank you, Millie. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points.

Bill, can you give us the scores? Faith has two. Luke has three. Dulce has three. Faith and then Luke and Dulce. Great. All right. Faith, you are in third place, so you will start. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday,

Congress overwhelmingly approved a bill establishing blank as a federal holiday. Juneteenth. Right. After swearing in a new prime minister, blank's military launched airstrikes against targets in Gaza. Israel. Right. This week, an ex-police chief was among six militia members charged over the insurrection at the blank. Oh, at the Capitol. Right. This week, blank became the first state to reach an 80% vaccination rate. Vermont.

Yes. On Wednesday, it was announced that disgraced producer blank would be extradited to California to face additional assault charges. Harvey Weinstein. Right. This week, a group of boaters in Washington harassing another boat for their pride flags regretted their decision after their own boat blanked. Uh, sunk?

No, it exploded. It actually burst into flames, forcing them to jump in the water where they were rescued by the people they were harassing. According to onlookers, the first boat circled the one with the pride flag several times and then tried to speed off before sending up clouds of black smoke and exploding. It was a bit of instant karma, especially when the pride boat drove by and rescued them. This is the kind of feel-good story that could only have been better if the nearby gay shark had gotten to them first. Or that gay whale off of Provincetown. Exactly.

Bill, how did Faith do on our quiz? She got five right. For 10 more points, she now has 12 and the lead. Well done. All right, let's just say, Luke, you go next. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the Supreme Court voted 7-2 to uphold the Blank Act. Affordable care. Right. According to newly released emails, Blank pressured the DOJ to overturn the election. Donald Trump.

Yes. On Tuesday, Mackenzie Scott, the ex-wife of Blank, announced $2.7 billion in new charitable donations. Jeff Bezos. Yes. On Wednesday, the Department of Education clarified that Title IX protects students who are, in fact, part of the Blank community. Trans. Right.

Well, LGBTQ, but that's one of them, convinced he was having a heart attack. A man in Baltimore got help by blanking. Performing CPR on himself. No, stealing an ambulance and driving himself to the hospital. On Wednesday, both GM and Ford announced they were increasing investment in vehicles that run on blank. Electricity. Right.

With pandemic-era moratoriums ending, over 8 million households face blank. Eviction. Right. This week, a couple in Ukraine split up, despite the fact that they blanked in a bid to save their relationship. Renewed their vows. No, they had handcuffed themselves to each other for three months. The couple had been in an on-again, off-again relationship for over a year and decided to test their love by handcuffing themselves to each other for 123 days,

and wouldn't you know it, that test came back negative. As soon as the handcuffs came off, the woman yelled, hooray, and the two broke up. They're both excited to finally move on, but more excited to use the bathroom alone for the first time in three months. Bill, how did Luke do in our quiz? He got six right for 12 more points. He now has 15 and the lead. All right, so how many then does Dulce need to win? Well, six to tie, so she needs seven to win. Alright. Dulce, here we go. This is for the game. Fell on the blank. On Thursday, the governor of Texas said that the state will build its own blank across the border.

Wall? Yes. During a meeting on Wednesday, Kim Jong-un admitted that blank was facing a food shortage. North Korea? Yes. This week, the Consumer Price Index released data that showed blank may be on the rise. Unemployment? No, inflation. On Wednesday, Royal Caribbean announced it was delaying cruise ships after eight crew members tested positive for blank. Coronavirus? Yes. This week, a new petition called on Jeff Bezos to spend some of his enormous wealth by blanking.

A charitable donation? No, they want him to buy and eat the Mona Lisa. On Thursday, tennis star Rafael Nadal announced he was pulling out of the 2021 blanks in Tokyo. Olympics? Yeah. In a bid to attract more workers, GM said they were considering no longer testing for blank use. Drugs! Close enough.

Marijuana. This week, a man who bought a small storage space from a town in Florida discovered he'd also purchased blank. Hmm. You said Florida? I did. It could be an alligator. It could be a pontoon boat. discovered he'd also purchased blank. Hmm. You said Florida? I did. It could be an alligator. It could be a pontoon boat. It could be a meth lab. Pick one.

Alligator. No. The town's entire water supply. The city manager who was responsible for the sale apparently filed the wrong paperwork, so when the buyer showed up to claim his deed, he discovered that he was the proud owner of a municipal warehouse complete with the town's water tower on top of it. The man quickly agreed to sell it back to the town for a token amount, but weirdly, now all the water tastes like jacuzzi. Bill, did Dulcé do well enough to win? Well, she had five right for ten more points, total of 13.

That means that's with 15. Luke is this week's champion. Whoa, Luke! Who knew? You did it, Luke! Oh my goodness. Luke! In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict who will be the next prominent person to leave their job as part of the big quit. But first, let me tell you.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeka writes our limericks, our house manager is Gianna Capodona, our social media superstar is Emma Choi, our web guru is Beth Noby, BJ Lederman composed our theme, our program was produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.

Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas. Regular thanks to Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White, our CFO is Colin Miller, our production manager is Robert Newhouse, our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, who will be quitting their job next?

Faith Saley. Dr. Fauci needs a change of pace, so he's quitting to fulfill a lifelong dream of performing in a production of Jersey Boys on a cruise ship. Luke Burbank. Me, from this show, which I hadn't won for eight years. I'm going out on top. And Dulce Sloan. Donald Trump will stop contesting the election

and acknowledge he is not the right for president of the United States because he has teamed up with Space Force and Elon Musk to become emperor of space. Space, space. Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Faith Saley, Luke Burbank, and Dulce Sloan. Thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal, and we will see you out in the wide, wide world. And then, see you right here next week. This is NPR.