Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Ashima Shiraishi

Episode Date: June 13, 2020

Ashima Shiraishi, mountain climber, joins us along with panelists Jessi Klein, Josh Gondelman, and Negin Farsad.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey there, summer. Don't forget me. I'm your backyard Bill BQ. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, wearing a tie with his work-from-home tank top, Peter Sagal. with his work-from-home tank top, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill, and thanks to our fake audience, which this week is cheering for the 1979 edition of Battle of the Network Stars, which ESPN will be desperate enough to rebroadcast by the end of this month. Later on in the show, we're going to finally get outside, at least virtually. We're going to talk with the greatest female rock climber there is right now, Ashima Shurishi,

who, of course, unlike the rest of us during lockdown, has been literally climbing the walls. But first, we want you to rappel down to your telephone, give us a call, and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That is 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, it's Courtney from Columbus, Ohio. Hey, how are things in Columbus, a city we love and have been to many times? They're good. Things are starting to open back up. Yeah. And do you find people like wearing masks and doing social distancing or are they all just like French kissing and that sort of thing? Absolutely. I don't go anywhere without my mask.

That's good. Well, Courtney, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up is a writer and producer for Desus and Mero on Showtime and the host of the brand new podcast Make My Day available wherever you listen to podcasts. It's Josh Gondelman. Hello. Thank you so much for having me. Always a pleasure to be here. Next, a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, whose latest short film, The Morning Papers, can be seen at naginfarsad.com slash stream. It's Nagin Farsad.

Oh, hey, hello. And an Emmy Award winning writer, the voice of Jesse on the animated hit Netflix show Big Mouth, and the author of the New York Times bestseller, You'll Grow Out of It. It's Jessie Klein. Hi, everyone. Thank you so much for having me.

It's great to have you back, Jessie. Well, Courtney, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bo Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yep.

All right, Courtney, let's do it. Here is your first quote. Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna do? That, as I'm sure you knew, are the lyrics to a theme song for a TV show that was just abruptly canceled after 30 years on the air. What is the show? The show is Cops. The show is Cops. Yes, canceled.

They canceled Cops. It's like this week one lucky protester was given a wish by a genie and she just wasn't specific enough. Cops is a long-running reality show in which funny, caring police officers arrest supposedly real criminals who are almost always drunk and often naked. But it's now off the air. Most people celebrated the news,

but others say we need a professionally produced show like Cops because amateur videos made of goofy police hijinks are too often ruined by all the tear gas. Have you all watched Cops? Because I have to admit, I never have. I mean, it's only been on for 32 seasons, and I feel like you kind of need to let a show like that

find its audience, and, you know, I never found it. I was told that season 18 is great, but you have to start from the beginning to understand what's happening. You're right, to understand what happens. It's like, who are these characters yeah i know uh speaking of cops protesters and activists are now calling to defund the police this has freaked out many people mostly police who wonder how they're going to deal with jaywalkers without a tank the idea is to have

police just do police stuff instead of the many other things we send them to do that other professionals could do better. It makes sense. But it just won't be the same at the bachelorette party when a studly guy walks in wearing a really unconvincing social worker uniform. Hello, ladies. Did somebody need some sexy mediation? I feel like we've been letting the strippers be police for too long. Really? Yeah.

I want to see other more friendly jobs represented with strippers, right? I think we need that. For too long, we've been saying cops are the sexiest job. Like what, though? I mean, what do you, like nursery school teacher? That would be gross. We can't have that. I mean, I used to teach nursery school, and I would have loved to have seen sexy representation in the media.

I would have been like, that could be me someday. Yeah, if you don't see it, you can't be it. Also, I think defund the police is like kind of an aggressive, ambitious activist slogan. And I think it's something a lot of people can get behind. But if you can't get behind it, just think of it as a slightly less aggressive NWA lyric. That's true. I think that's what they did in their children's album. That's what it was called, actually. Yeah, kids bought the NWA to fund the police.

All right, Courtney, here is your next quote. You might want to hit the subway seats with Clorox wipes, chief. That was somebody replying to New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio on Twitter about the city's plan to do what starting this week? Open up. Yes, exactly right. So New York is opening back up. During the pandemic, many New Yorkers tried to simulate normal city life by leaving bags of rotting trash all over their apartments, but it's not the same.

They're excited to get back outside, but according to many reports, people have been using the streets as a toilet since all the restaurants and cafes have been closed. It is very weird to realize the thing that we really miss about restaurants is just having a place to go poop. These are just, but can I just say, these jokes are BS. These are from the perch of a Chicagoan, if that's whatever you call yourself. And I feel completely offended. First of all, I have not seen one single human poop.

Maybe just one poop, though. But not more than one on the streets of Manhattan. How often have you left your house, though? I say nay, sir. I say nay to your Chicago jokes. And to imply that people weren't pooping on the streets before. Yeah, I mean. That's the inaccuracy.

As a native New Yorker, I must raise my hand and say I, too, notice that as well. This has always been part of our identity. Have they opened? Are they going to open the pigeons? What do you mean open the pigeons? Are they opening the pigeons back up? The pigeons are phase four pigeons phase four rats phase five i heard that the rats went feral during the course yeah they

did open and they were just roaming the streets you might have thought you had it bad as humans but apparently the rats in new york city have been starving to death and there have been rat wars how is this not a replacement for the show bad rats bad rats now i'm sure a lot of people in new york are wondering as they open up what are the rules about getting it on but don't worry because the new york city department of health has a revised standard for sexual activity as we come out of the pandemic uh that's what i look at forget Forget the Kama Sutra. What does the state of New York say? What's Cuomo telling me? Peter, I truly can't tell if this is real or these are just...

It is absolutely real. It's in like a pamphlet or something? Yeah, you can download it. You can see. I mean, it's guidance for you to pursue your actual activity. Oh, I'm going to download it. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.

Talking 30 on like a 3-1-1 call. All right, Courtney, we have one more quote for you. Here it is. What's up, doc? That's a quote from a classic show now being retooled for the modern age. What is it? Looney Tunes. That's it.

Looney Tunes, Courtney. Yes. Looney Tunes is famous for Bugs Bunny and Coyote and the Roadrunner cartoons. It's being rebooted for HBO Max, but there will be changes. This in particular, they are taking away all the guns. Seriously, in a new cartoon, Elmer Fudd is hunting Bugs Bunny with a scythe. This is better. It's terrifying.

It is I, the Gwim Weepa. scythe. This is better? It's terrifying. It is I, the Gwim Weepa. Yosemite Sam is just going to show up at an old-timey saloon with piano wire, like, alright, he's getting it. They are, by the way, allowing cartoon violence, like blowing each other up

with, you know, those classic red sticks of dynamite. I think that would be, in fact, a better world to live in. No one is going to rob a convenience store by saying, give me all the money in the till or else I'll run across the street and push down on the plunger over there. And by the way, don't move this barrel. I'm leaving right in front of you. I think even the cartoon violence can be too much.

I don't like to talk about this a lot, but when I was a kid, I had a friend die running into the side of a cliff that he thought was a tunnel. And it was really hard for me and his family. Yeah, it's tough. On the other hand, you know what they say, Josh, the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is an anvil falling from the sky. I think we should try it. It's better than what we've been doing for Gun Control so far. Bill, how did Courtney do in our quiz?

Courtney won with three and a one. Congratulations, Courtney. Thanks for having me. Thanks for playing. And we'll see you out there if I can pick you out with a mask. Bye-bye. Bye. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about the week's news.

Nagin, NPR this week broadcast a plea from the nation's literary agents. Please, people, stop sending them what? Wait, oh, stories about the pandemic? Yes, stop sending them your quarantine novels. Hey, you know what would make a surefire bestseller? The story of a brave woman who managed to go three months without Zumba classes. I know it would make a surefire bestseller, the story of a brave woman who managed to go three months without Zumba classes. Apparently, many first-time writers have taken advantage of being locked inside to write that novel, often about being locked inside.

And scientific studies show that 100% of these novels are terrible. A literary agent told NPR that first, if you wrote your novel in less than three months, you'd probably read like it was written in two months. And second, any cool idea you have about a pandemic story, it's been thought of, bought, published, and has already failed. What a cool voice of encouragement to people. I know. Stop. You have nothing to say. Shut up.

What a chill vibe from that literary agent. That still little voice. I mean, let people just, people are just pecking away at it. Let them have something. No, I'm sorry, Jessie. That still voice inside you, crush it. I don'tcking away at it. Let them have something. No, I'm sorry, Jessie. That still voice inside you, crush it. I don't want to hear it. Guys, you're going to love my novel.

Mine's different. How much does it take to just not respond to an email? I am actually working on a second book that is not about the pandemic or coronavirus. And I can tell you, it's not going well. The crushing anxiety and the unschooled child are not melting together to form a perfect book. If it makes you feel any better, I'm having a hard time reading a book. a hard time reading a book. Coming up, our panelists do some sleuthing in our Bluff the Listener game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with McGee and Farsad, Josh Gundelman and Jesse Klein. And here again is your host, a man who is currently building a fake audience out of old napkins and cardboard. Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff,

the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Jeff from Durham, North Carolina. How are things in beautiful Durham? Good. Very, very hot, though. And what do you do there?

Actually, I've started learning how to brew my own beer. Oh, my gosh. That's something that I started doing. Yeah. All the breweries in North Carolina are closed. Watch, and they just now opened. Sure. So you've kept yourself in beer while the breweries were closed.

Exactly. And now they're opened back up. And one of my favorite breweries that I go to has allowed me to exchange my beer in exchange for one of his beers whenever I go there. So it's been a pretty good deal so far. Oh, well, that's fair enough. A beer exchange? I like it. Well, welcome to the show, Jeffrey.

You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Jeffrey's topic? Who done it? No, seriously, please tell me. Unsolved mysteries. That's, of course,

the cool enigmatic thing detectives say when they just didn't finish something at work. This week, our panelists are going to tell you about an unsolved mystery plaguing someone. Pick the real one and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am. All right. First, let's hear from Jesse Klein. This week, a team of researchers at UCLA

who have been working for years to solve one of society's enduring mysteries published a paper of their findings, and the scientific community was rocked by what they had found, or rather didn't find. The researchers had been trying to get to the bottom of one of the most confounding sartorial phenomena of the modern age, young men who wear shorts in the winter. We literally couldn't figure it out, said Dr. Lena Hawk, the lead anthropologist on the project. Quote, there is no logical or even illogical reason for people to do this. At first, the team had conjectured that perhaps the winter short-wearing men were displaying their legs as some kind of mating signal to the opposite sex. This theory, however, was debunked after interviews with thousands of women in which it was clear

literally none of them found this look appealing. As Dr. Hawk said, this really deepens the mystery because we don't know how this segment of the species has survived. The team then began to wonder if these men, who are primarily young and congregate in Pratt's, might genetically be less inclined to feel cold. However, the subject's answers were only more confusing because while some of them reported feeling cold and wore appropriate jackets, they still finished off their outfits with Adidas slides. Some of the subjects reported that they kept warm by vaping, although multiple tests proved this isn't a thing. The only remaining theory the team has been able to put forth

is that this demographic might actually be descendants of a distinct ancestor capable of ignoring common sense, known as Frat Bro Magnin Man. Unsolved mystery. Why do those bros wear shorts in the winter all the time? Your next story of a head-scratcher comes from Nagin Farsad. The world has witnessed a lot of suffering, but none more carbon cheese-based than the delivery of unwanted pizzas to a man in Belgium. Delivery of pizza as a prank is a tale as old as pizza delivery. But this bizarre case has taken it to harrowing new heights,

as Jean van Landegem has been receiving pizzas at all hours of the day and night for nearly a decade. The pizza blitzkrieg came to a head one day when he received 10 separate orders. One order even came with 14 pizzas. 14 pizzas and not one order of crazy bread. For Jean, the sound of a scooter coming down the road is triggering. The timbre of the Velcro on the pizza delivery bags is a torture that even extra cheese cannot help. What's more, Mr. Van Londergan has no idea why he's the victim of this prank. Is he a teenager who runs with a crowd of ne'er-do-wells? Is he a vegan? Does he ostentatiously drink kombucha? Does he have a man bun? No, he's a

65-year-old who, when asked what he would do when he finds the culprit, said, it will not be their best day. Whoa, Belgian buddy, them's fighting words. A man getting hundreds and hundreds of pizzas delivered to him for over a decade with no idea who's sending them. Your last story of a clueless case comes from Josh Gondelman. What exactly is the story of Anatoly the Bone Stealer? That's what Peter Volkov of Wishek, North Dakota has been trying to find out. As a child, my grandfather would read to me from this big book of Russian folktales, Volkov said in an interview with the Bismarck Tribune. All the stories involved this two-foot tall man with the feet of a goat and the teeth of a snake. When children would

misbehave, he'd sneak into their bedrooms at night and steal one of their bones and use it to build an addition to his treehouse. Eventually, a persistently disobedient boy or girl would have no bones left and would become what's known in Russian as a wobolov boy or gelatin child, which Anatoly would consume whole by unhinging his serpentine jaws. Unfortunately, Volkov believes his childhood copy of the tome of stories to have burned up in a fire, and his grandfather was lost in a second, unrelated fire. Now the fire is in Volkov's heart, which burns to learn more of the monster man from the stories of his youth. He even traveled to the village his ancestors lived in,

300 miles outside St. Petersburg, for answers, but no one in the hamlet of Wolf Buffet, a rough English translation, knew what he was talking about either. Everyone looked at me like I had three heads, which is so weird, because Anatoly's best friend Tatyana the baby paralyzer actually has three heads, all of which can turn an infant to stone with their gaze. All this research has left Volkov discouraged but not defeated. I can't understand why this book is so hard to find. I just want to find a copy so I can teach my

children important moral lessons like why not to wake a sleeping grandfather or why you should never borrow a grandfather's slippers without asking. Or you know what? I think I figured it out. Okay. There is an unsolved mystery, which I will present to you in the form of a question. Is it from Jesse Klein? Why do bros wear shorts in the winter? From Nagin Farsad.

Why is this man in Belgium getting pizzas all the time delivered, and from whom? Or, from Josh Gondelman, why can't a guy find anywhere a copy of the storybook about Anatoly the Bone Stealer that his grandfather read to him from as a child?

Well, being from North Carolina, I really wish it was the first story, because we do wear shorts in the wintertime. But I have to say I'm going to go with the Belgian pizza pranks. You're going to go with the Belgian pizza pranks. So somebody getting mysterious pizzas delivered to them for over a decade with not knowing anybody who might be sending him pizzas. Yes, it sounds amazing. All right. Well, we spoke to somebody who is actually trying to solve this mystery.

But the cops can't find who is responsible for this. The pizzas are ordered via different IP address each time. That was Jeff Van Newton, a reporter in Belgium on the case of the mysterious pizza source and why they can't figure out who's ordering them. Congratulations, Jeffrey. You got it right. You earned a point for Nagin and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail.

Congratulations. Thank you very much. Thank you so much for playing, Jeffrey. Bye-bye. Bye. And now the game where we ask somebody special to do something mundane. It's called Not My Job. Ashima Shurishi is a giant in the sport of rock climbing. She's won multiple championships, set many records, and done it all before the age of 20. Outside Magazine described her as a young crusher, and The New Yorker called her a Gretzky of the granite, which is such a New Yorker thing to say. Ashima Shurishi, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Now, we've talked to a lot of

people about where they're quarantining. You're a professional rock climber who has to be training all the time. Where are you quarantining? Where are you holed up? I'm currently in Park City, Utah. And luckily, where I am, we have this indoor climbing wall at the garage. So it's been really convenient. So one of the great things that I found out about you is you often hear about professional climbers like yourself who grew up in the mountains, you know, in say Park City, a place like that. You grew up in New York City and you started climbing in Central Park? Yes, I did.

When I was six years old, actually, I began climbing at Rat Rock, which is in the heart of the city in Central Park. And there was a playground next to Rat Rock. And eventually, I just saw these people climbing, and I was really intrigued by what they were doing. And you know what, like playing at that playground transitioned into this passion that I have now for rock climbing. And so what happened? Your parents took you to the playground, they looked over one day and you were halfway up the rock face? Yeah, that's kind of basically what happened.

Like my parents weren't even aware that I was rock climbing. They just thought I'm the monkey bars. And the next thing, and how loudly did they scream in terror when they saw you doing that? Honestly, I think my dad was fine with me rock climbing. My mom was terrified. She didn't want me climbing hundreds of feet up. Wow. Let me ask you a question. You found yourself very early on your life's path, which is great. But do you think anything might have happened to turn you away from that life's path? Because one of our producers, Peter Grin, would really like his

kids to stop climbing on the sofa? I don't think so. Would you just lie and say right now, climbing is terrible, kids, don't do it? I wish I had picked up something better like accounting. Oh, man, I can't say that. Do you find your skill is ever useful? I mean, to be able to climb almost anything like a mountain goat? Yeah, honestly, my cabinets

at my house, they're pretty high up, so sometimes I climb the table, like the kitchen table. My parents always yell at me, but I have to climb on top of those to get some dishes. Now, are you belayed, or is that a free climb to the top of the table? Oh, that's totally free climbing. If I fall,

I fall in the sink. Oh my god, just the terror of the table? Oh, that's totally free climbing. If I fall, I fall in the sink. Oh my God. Just the terror of that. You fall, right? You train a lot. You climb a lot. You must on occasion fall. Do you have like a technique for that? Do you have a plan for what you're going to do when you fall? Because my plan for if I were to fall from a great height is to scream as loudly as I can until I died. So what would be your plan? I don't think about it very much. There's no plan to fall, but you're always ready to fall because most of climbing is falling. I've always said that. I could do that part. I don't think you're right because if most of climbing were to be falling, I would be a champion. I mean, it's the whole process, you know,

small percentage of that is when you succeed and you get to the top. So you fall most of the time, but every now and then you get to the top. Exactly. Exactly. Be aware that anything can happen and potentially there's a fall coming. Just be ready for it. So you don't panic. This is like a good advice for life, I think. If your mom is ever nervous about a climb you're doing, do you ever tell her, like, I'm not climbing this rock, I'm just holding it for a friend? Halfway up it.

Yeah. Well, Ashima, Shorishi, we have invited you here this time to play a game that we're calling Let's Take the Easy Way Up. You climb up sheer rock faces for fun, but you know what might be a better way? Taking the escalator. We're going to ask you three questions about escalators. Get two right and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone

they might like on their voicemail. Bill, who is Ashima playing for? Sarah Herman of Los Angeles, California. All right. I just want to ask, because I've watched you climb things, which are very difficult. Is there something you say to yourself before you go? Or do you say, OK, Ashima, I just want to ask, because I've watched you climb things, which are very difficult. Is there something you say to yourself before you go? Or do you say, okay, Ashima, I can do this. I've done this before.

Or just another rock face. Or do you say, just take it hold by hold? Yeah, I guess my mantra that I use coming from my dad is to have like a quiet but strong soul. It's translated from Japanese. It's hard to directly translate it, but it goes along those lines. Right. Have a quiet but strong soul. It's translated from Japanese, so it's hard to directly translate it, but it goes along those lines. Right. I have a quiet but strong soul.

I've been going loud and weak. Is that wrong? I knew. I had it so close, but I just missed up some of the terms. Yeah, I knew it was a volume and an amount of strength, but I wasn't sure how to calibrate it.

All right, Ashima, here's your first question. The first working escalator in the United States was introduced in 1896 in New York City. Where was it installed? A, on the outside of the Statue of Liberty, bringing tourists right up to her waist. B, at the deep end of a community swimming pool to speed up the high dive line. Or C, at Coney Island island amusement park as a thrill ride i have no idea um i have not studied escalators

well maybe if you hadn't spent so much time climbing up all those rocks you might have gotten some reading about escalators can i get a hint maybe put yourself in the minds of like the people who have now invented or acquired somehow the first escalator. What are you going to do with it? This escalator, this amazing thing that no one's ever seen before. In New York City, I think it was actually immediately out of order in assembly station. Exactly. All right, maybe C?

That's right, Ashima. That's what they did. Like, say, lad, shall we go on this roller coaster or that crazy moving stairway? Where's your two bits? Now, the first escalator in the United Kingdom, though, was installed at Harrods Department Store, a very famous place, in 1898. But people were afraid to ride it at first, so Harrods provided what to help them along?

were afraid to ride it at first, so Harrods provided what to help them along? A. An attendant with cognac and smelling salts at the top to revive terrified riders. B. An attendant at the bottom who'd say, so, governor, too frightened to ride the wonder stairs, eh?

Or C. Straps to tie the shoes down to the steps so people couldn't freak out and jump off. Oh my gosh. You see? You're gonna go for C, strapping to tie the shoes down to the steps so people couldn't freak out and jump off. Oh, my gosh. You see? You're going to go for C, strapping to tie them down. No, I'm afraid that's not right. It was the cognac at the top.

We imagine people who really wanted a free drink would. I was really hoping that that was the answer. Absolutely. I wish they still had that. All right. This is not a problem. As you say, most of climbing is falling. You get back up, you go. So one more chance.

Here we go. Last question. Like everything else, escalators have a fan base of excited enthusiasts. So if you stan escalators, you can enjoy which of these? A, the People Movers podcast, which for three seasons and counting has been, quote, highlighting the impact of escalators on everyday life. B, the International Escalator Derby in which people race on an escalator at a Vienna, Virginia shopping mall, or C, EscaCon, the convention for escalator fans

who often come dressed as their favorite escalators? What? She's right. I mean, the last one seems pretty extreme. But I might have to go with that one. How would you dress as your favorite escalator? Like, I'm dressed as this escalator, but you're dressed

as that escalator. How could you tell them apart? Someone's not a connoisseur. Guys, I don't want to freak you out, but right now I am dressed as my favorite escalator. I feel like that's my whole pandemic vibe is I look like an escalator. I think the race sounds pretty fun.

So, the race. So, if I understand correctly, you're choosing the one in which people stand on an escalator. Oh, wait, they don't run up? No, no, they just stand up. I thought you were saying they were racing. It's not a stair running contest.

It's an escalator race. Oh, so it compares other escalators from each other. No, they just get in the same escalator and they see who gets up at the fastest. Oh, that's weird. I thought they were running and chasing each other on the escalators. That would be more fun. Yeah, that sounds great. I guess you bottled it down to make the first one A.

Yes, it's the podcast about escalators. It is, and I have been instructed to tell you that it is, in fact, the very finest podcast about escalators there is. So accept no substitutes. You want to go to peoplemoverspodcast.com. Bill, how did Ashima do on our quiz? Two out of three. That means she won, proving our motto, climb every mountain.

There you go, including this one. That's great. Congratulations. Ashima Shurishi is one of the top mountain climbers in the world. Her new book, How to Solve a Problem, is available now wherever you might find your book. Ashima, thank you so much for joining us, and good luck in all the amazing things you have yet to do. Thank you so much for having me. Take care, Ashima. It's great to talk to you. Bye. Bye-bye. In just a minute, we're tickled pink in our Listener Lumerick Challenge game called

1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPO. Protests over racial injustice are spreading across the country while a pandemic continues to take its toll. The next weeks and months are leading to a consequential election this November. And every day, the NPR Politics Podcast is here to discuss how it could reshape your world. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with McGee and Farsad, Josh Gondelman and Jesse Klein. And here again is your host, a man who insists on staying 1.83 meters away, not six feet, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill's favorite shirt is Rhyme Clean Only. It's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel time for some more questions for you from the week's news. Josh, this week, a study by language researchers has identified a new category of English words. Words that are what? Like super swears.

No, I wish we could use them. I'm sorry, but the swears we have are not adequate to the situation. Give me something even more obscene. No way, it's a new world. We need a more powerful F word. Frankincense or something. No, that's not it, though. That's an excellent idea, and I want language researchers to immediately start working on that. You are allowed to ask for a hint.

Oh, can I have a hint, please? Oh, you want a hint? Okay. You can elongate. Yes, you can stretch them. They're stretchable words. Researchers at the University of Vermont did an extensive study of social media posts and discovered that some words unlike others are very stretchable.

This is an echo of the discovery made years ago of stretchable pants by pants scholars. Wait, this is a discovery about words? Yeah. What they did is they looked... Discovery about words? That's just what words do. Wait a minute. No, but they figured

it out by digging in archaeological sites. Can I just say I feel furious right now? Because these are just qualities of words. It's just a word that's short with vowels is easier to stretch than a multiple-consonanted word. It's just a fact about words. Defund the police, then defund this study. Defund the police, then defund this study. Josh, Japan is reopening this week with some changes to keep people safe.

One of the new guidelines for theme parks is that what be banned on roller coasters? What be banned on roller coasters? You can't do it anymore on the roller coaster. Just to keep everybody safe from disease transmission. You can't open mouth scream? That's exactly right, Josh. You can't scream on the roller coaster, just to keep everybody safe from disease transmission. You can't open mouth scream? That's exactly right, Josh. You can't scream on the roller coaster. Japan's Theme Park Association, which is a combination of two exciting words and one boring one, released their post-quarantine guidelines this week, including a ban on screaming

while riding roller coasters because screaming spreads germs. To help with this, they're unveiling an exciting new ride called Sit Perfectly Still Mountain. I still scream on escalators. As I've always done, and I won't stop. Do you throw up your hands so everybody can see you? I throw up every time. You know, it feels like screaming on a roller coaster is scarier to do,

but watching a roller coaster full of people sitting perfectly still, staring straight ahead is terrifying. And then, of course, the photo they get at the end of just everybody on the roller coaster just sitting there, staring silently, quietly. Because it would be very much the behavior of a dead person. Yes, exactly. And the idea of a roller coaster filled with the dead.

Seems like we're almost there. Yeah, pretty much. That pretty much describes our world right now that was like the original concept behind weekend at bernie's yes my son is turning five next week and he is starting to ask me about death and because he's like what he he was like so wait when you're dead you can't move and i said no and he said so wait he goes so're dead, you can't move? And I said, no. And he said, so wait. He goes, so do people, so you just carry them around? And then I really laughed so hard because he went right to Weekend at Bernie's. Just naturally.

What's interesting is that movie was written by Jonathan Silverman's five-year-old son. So it almost makes sense. Sold it in the room. Elevator pitch bit escalator pitch slightly longer than an elevator pitch doesn't go as far nagim we all know that actual sounds can sneak into our dreams say the alarm goes off and in your dream a church bell starts ringing but new research shows that the brain does what while you're sleeping? This is related to sounds? Yes.

The brain does like a bunch of like cool folio recordings. The brain's like, look, I'm using coconuts to make horse hooves. Can I get a hit? Well, it's like the guys are like, we are not having another dripping faucet dream your brain like is like battling with itself on like what sound effect is like reasonable for the scene sort of i'm going to give it to you your brain edits the sounds that it allows into your dreams apparently so your brain has basically a sound engineer who's in charge of what you get to hear in your dream.

Can I put that in the category of that's also not a study, like a remarkable finding? Because my brain is doing all the mise-en-scene of these dreams. It's all brain, baby. My brain is Wes Anderson-ing all of these dreams. What are you talking about, study? Of course. Do you guys know that I'm working on a study about how hair grows out of your head? It's going to really blow your minds.

I dispute the findings of that study. My paper, peer-reviewed, says hair grows out of your back. Peer-reviewed by my wife. That word study is fully wife-reviewed, like barely even wife-reviewed. No way that's wife-reviewed. If I showed my wife that study, she was like, some words are long sometimes. Here's the results of a study i don't love you anymore four out of five dentists agree get out of here you asked all your dentist

friends this is private here's a sound to edit out i don't want to be married to you anymore. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is Josh Pardes from Tacoma Park, Maryland. Oh, I know Tacoma Park. It's a lovely town outside of D.C. and Maryland, right? It is. And what do you do there? I coordinate public policy and advocacy work for Mazone, a Jewish response to hunger. Right.

The Jewish response to hunger is, I could eat. So eat already. Exactly. Yeah, eat already. There, you did your job. Joshua, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick. For old phones, I once lit a votary. But now they've come back in my coterie.

Come check out my style as slowly I dial. The cell phone I got is a... Rotary. Yes, a rotary phone. A technology company is offering a cell phone I got is a... Rotary. Yes, a rotary phone. A technology company is offering a cell phone with a real, working, old-style rotary dial for people who are tired of all the features in their phones distracting them or being useful. It's a distraction-free device, which is true unless you're the kind of person who's distracted by strangers constantly asking you, what the hell is that thing? My hands are going to be jacked from texting.

They'll move your finger anyway. Yeah, I don't want to waste any time fooling around on my phone, so I want a phone where it takes me nine hours to make a phone call. Exactly. Legally, you can't even make a call from this phone, though. Like, it doesn't work unless you start with, you know, I don't even own a TV. Hello. Here is your next limerick.

A flamingo that raises a stink, gets all the good food and good drink. It turns out a bully develops most fully. The flamingo that's mean is most... Pink? Yes, a new study shows how you can tell which flamingos are the biggest jerks just by looking for which are the pinkest. So the next time you see the prettiest, pinkest flamingo at the zoo, just know everybody hates that guy. Flamingos, we knew this, get their pink color from a kind of red algae they eat. And the more aggressive they are, the more they eat, so the pinker they get.

And you always thought they got pink from when they were medium rare. You know, I've met that flamingo. It's never been weird to me, so I don't know what you guys are talking about. Here is your last limerick. Zoom workouts just might test my metal well.

I've not weights, though, as my lack of sweat'll tell. Store pickings are slim. Can I rent from my gym? There is no place to buy a new kettlebell. Yes, kettlebells. Kettlebells, heavy balls with a handle made for swinging up and down and directly into your wall are almost sold out in New York right now. According to a boutique gym owner in Brooklyn, quote, people are kind of freaking out that their physiques will change without that equipment,

whereas normal people are kind of freaking out about literally everything else. Here's the thing. If you weren't working out before, your physique's going to stay the same. That's exactly right. This is our time to shine, yeah. Bill, how did Josh do in our quiz?

Very impressive, wasn't it? Josh got them all right. This is our time to shine. Yeah. Bill, how did Josh do in our quiz? Very impressive, wasn't it? Josh got them all right. Good going. Congratulations, Josh. Well done. Thank you. Bye-bye. I'm 35 years old.

Still don't know what to do when there's a second Josh. Really? You're like... Oh, yeah. Every time you're like, Josh, how'd you do? And I was like, I didn't do anything. Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, please, can you give us the scores? Nagin has four, Josh has three, and Jesse has one. All right. That means, Jesse, you are in fact in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, a former judge called the DOJ's attempt to dismiss the charges against former National Security Advisor blank a gross abuse of power. Michael Flynn? Right. On Monday, House Democrats unveiled a sweeping Blank reform bill. Police reform?

Yes. This week, Blank cases in the U.S. passed the two million mark. Coronavirus. Right. On Tuesday, primary elections in Blank were hampered by malfunctioning voting machines and closed precincts. Georgia. Right. This week, animal experts in Australia say that the reason the country's nocturnal parrot population is declining may be blank. The parrots are sick. Because they have trouble seeing in the dark

and keep running into things. According to a report from the Wall Street Journal, online shopping giant Blank will soon face antitrust charges from the EU. Amazon. Yes. Following her series of anti-trans tweets, actors from the Harry Potter movie franchise spoke out against blank.

J.K. Rowling. Yes, true. This week, two inmates who escaped from their cell in Italy left behind a note that said blank. Sorry, y'all, but we escaped. The note said, we'll be back in two weeks, we promise. The two inmates, who used a garden hose to scale one of the prison's walls, were thoughtful enough to leave a note behind promising they'd be back in two weeks. The men said they had a family matters that only they could solve because, and this is all true, both of their wives were also in prison. The wardens say they're already taking serious steps to ensure this doesn't happen again by making all inmates pinky swear never to escape.

Bill, how did Jessie do on our quiz? Coming back strong, Jessie has six right for 12 more points. She now has 13 points and the lead. All right, Josh, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Reverend Al Sharpton and Joe Biden both spoke at the funeral for blank. George Floyd? Right. On Wednesday, Trump rejected a call to rename military bases that are named after blanks. Confederate soldiers?

Yes, Confederate generals. This week, the Federal Reserve predicted that the blank rate will fall to 9% by the end of 2020. Unemployment? Right. On Monday, economists confirmed that the U.S. had in fact entered a blank this year. Recession? Right. In solidarity with the Black Lives Matter movement,

a blank in Rhode Island announced it would no longer offer a discount to police. A restaurant? A donut shop. On Thursday, Moderna announced phase three testing of their new blank vaccine. Coronavirus? Right. On Tuesday, the White House rolled back hunting restrictions on bears and wolves in blank. Maine?

Alaska. After having problems with his Mercedes Benz, a man in Canada blanked. Pushed it into a river. No, he flew to Germany to speak to the automaker's manager. According to the man, he bought the $150,000 automobile because it was supposedly one of the safest luxury cars, but after the steering locked up, nearly causing an accident, he didn't just demand to speak to his local dealership's manager. No, he flew 5,000 miles to Mercedes-Benz headquarters to complain in person.

While arduous and expensive, it was easier than dealing with the automated customer service helpline. Press 9 for we will give you nothing. Alright, how did Josh do on our quiz? He's making it a tight race. He had 5 right for

10 more points. He now has 13 points and is tied with Jesse for the lead. Alright, so how many then does Nagin Farsad need to win it all? Five? Count them five to win. Oh, you can do this, Nagin. This is for the game, Nagin. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump claimed without evidence that the 75-year-old man injured by police in blank may have faked his fall. Injured in Buffalo? Yes. On Thursday, General Milley, the chairman of the blanks, said it was wrong that he accompanied Trump to his church

photo op. Oh, the Joint Chiefs? Yes. This week, the White House demanded CNN apologize for a poll showing a blank leading Trump by over 10 percentage points. Biden. Right. This week, police in Vermont asked for the public's help to identify a man who walked into a Dunkin' Donuts with no mask and no blank. Pants. Right. On Tuesday, IBM announced that it would no longer create blank recognition technology.

Facial. Right. This week, police in Pakistan arrested Blank on suspicion of illegal gambling. Elon Musk. They arrested a donkey. The donkey, whose name hasn't been released, was rounded up by Pakistani police along with eight other gamblers. The group has been charged with running an illegal gambling operation, but police say they expect all the humans to flip on the donkey because he was apparently on a hot streak and acting like a bit of an ass.

Bill, did Nagin knew well enough to win? So close, and I mean in a good way. Five right for ten more points. Fourteen gives her the championship this week. Congratulations, Nagin. Yay, yay, yay. So some good thing comes out of this week, and it's you. It's me. Now, in just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict

what we will finally learn is the solution to the mystery of why that man in Belgium has been receiving pizzas for ten years. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godeka writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman,

our house manager is Gianna Capodona, our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Sternbos, and Lillian King. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our circus class instructor is Peter Gwynn.

Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer, that's Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what is the solution to the mystery of the pizza? Jesse Klein. Oh, I think we're going to learn that every time a pizza was delivered,

it was actually his dream, and all of his dreams were his waking life. Whoa. Nagin Farsad. Whoa Nagin Farsad He once called Domino's a great pizza And then the city of Naples Where pizza was invented Just started sending them

They're brutal Josh Gondelman The man is the true heir to a factory Run by a whimsical yet murderous pizza magnate And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Jesse Klein,

Josh Gondelman, and Nagin Farsad. Thanks all of you for sticking around this week and hanging out with us. We're grateful you're here. I'm Peter Sagal, and we'll see you next week. This is NPR.