Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Bashir and Sultan Salahuddin

Episode Date: December 11, 2021

Bashir and Sultan Salahuddin, creators and stars of HBO Max's South Side, play our game called "Welcome to the Real South Side!" Three questions about Antarctica. They are joined by panelists Cristela Alonzo, Luke Burbank and Maeve Higgins.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Roll up that sleeve, you're about to get your bilster shot. I'm Bill Curtis, and now at the Harris Theater in Chicago, Illinois, a man who not only paid full price for his ticket for today's show, but sprung for the Get to Host It 2 package. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. It is great to be here at the Harris Theater for Music and Dance, now known as the Harris Theatre for Music and Dance, usually. Later on, we're going to be talking to Sultan and Bashir Salahuddin, creators and stars of the TV show Southside,

which differs from every other TV show set in Chicago in that it is actually about Chicagoans rather than attractive Los Angeles actors wearing brand-new Cubs hats. So we want to hear all about the characters in your hometown, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Megan Stone calling from Columbus, Ohio. Columbus, and what do you do there in that august state capital? I am a stay-at-home mom to, like, the best seventh-month-old. Columbus, and what do you do there in that august state capital? I am a stay-at-home mom to, like, the best seventh-month-old. The best? All right, I'm glad you qualified that. Yeah, I know.

It's downhill from here. Is this your first? Yes. Oh, and how are you finding motherhood so far? It's so tiring, but it's great. It's the best. It really is. It really is. And is there any chance that this baby of yours will be interrupting us during this call?

You know, I'm hoping he's good. He's been sleeping through the night, so, you know, knock on wood. I'm sorry. Did you say he's sleeping through the night at seven months? Yes. Oh, my gosh. That's great. All right.

You win. Welcome to the show Megan Let me introduce you to our panel this week First it's the host of Legends of the Hidden Temple Sunday nights in the CW It's Christella Alonzo Yay Yay Ohio

Next the host of the daily podcast TVTL and also the public radio show Livewire which will be live At Revolution Hall in Portland. On December 16th, it's Luke Burbank. Hey, Megan. They're booing for how much you brag about your baby. And she's a writer with The Guardian U.S.

and her new book, Tell Everyone on This Train I Love Them, comes out in February. It's Maeve Higgins. Hi. Maeve, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Yep, I'm ready. Let's do it. Your first quote is from a sports fan who was commenting in the New York

Times. I was so looking forward to seeing some diplomats. That was a reaction to the announcement about U.S. diplomats boycotting the upcoming what? Oh, the Olympics. The Olympics, yes. The U.S. has announced a diplomatic

boycott of the Winter Games in Beijing. The athletes can still attend, but the delegation of diplomats and government VIPs will be staying home. This is so sad for everybody who had trained their whole life to make the tariff negotiating team. You know, Joe Biden did this against his will. He was so looking forward to competing in skeleton. Now, as I said, the U.S. athletes, all the teams, they get to go and compete. But can you imagine how devastated they are at this news? They thought that they were going to go to China and meet Tom Vilsack.

they were going to go to China and meet Tom Vilsack. So that is our big way of showing the Chinese that we take their sort of human rights record very seriously. Yes, exactly. Is not sending some people that they would have had no idea are actually there. Right, pretty much. Sometimes I go to stores like Walmart and buy everything, and I'm like, take that, China. That's really powerful. I'm buying stuff because it was made in your country and I'm supporting it but I'm not sending my uncle

to the Olympics you know soft-bodied diplomats I'm assuming um they should just go to Ireland for the Irish Winter Olympics which is um know, walking to school through the mud. You know, like, it's easier. It's like making a fire out of bits of yesterday's fire. You know, like, that's what they could do. Right. I just learned in this Olympics that diplomats go. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't even know. I had no idea. They're like, we're going to take it away. I'm like, oh, we had it? It is complicated because if you don't send the athletes, and the athletes are the ones that suffer, and they've been working really hard, you know?

We boycotted Russia, right? We did. We didn't send anybody to Russia. That was 1980. Yeah, that was my year, too. You'd be festooned with gold if it weren't for that peanut farmer. Pairs, figure skating. I was going to do both parts.

It would have been a really upset win because that was a summer Olympics that we boycotted. That's what made it such a special skill set. And that I was four. Megan, all right. Megan, here is your next quote. I have been repeatedly assured that there was no party and no rules were broken. That was UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson reassuring the British public

about something that there definitely was one of and that definitely broke the rules. What was it? I have no idea. Well, we're guessing Johnson insisted on standing under the mistletoe all night. A party. A party. A party, yes. Boom. So this is actually the biggest political scandal in the UK in decades.

Last December, a year ago, when the rest of the country was on lockdown and forbidden from gathering together, the staff at 10 Downing Street were having not one but two raucous, secret, illegal Christmas parties. Suspicions of this party happening arose when someone leaked a photo of Boris Johnson with his hair combed. Oh, they denied it, even as their hands were covered in the grease of a Christmas goose.

I feel like Boris always looks like he just got off a three-day bender anyway. You show up and you're like, did the party end or did it just start? Like underneath the helicopter? Yeah. He looks like he was at a three-day party under a helicopter. Why are we having the party here?

Plus that man always has COVID. Like he permanently has COVID. He's COVID. And this is crazy. This is actually a huge scandal. This is the biggest scandal Boris Johnson has ever had. And we were talking about a man who literally is not certain how many children he has. Right.

Okay? Yeah. Then they felt, this is great. They said, well, it was just this spontaneous thing. One of our staff members was leaving. And, of course, we had to give him a toast. It really was nothing planned. It's been revealed that at this spontaneous party,

they had secret Santa gifts. It's the most premeditated Christmas thing, right? And the worst thing was that Boris Johnson, for his secret Santa gift, got a smoking gun. You know? All right, Megan, here is your last quote. It is from a terrifying report this week in the New York Times. Zabars is running low.

Pick a bagel has only a few days' supply left. That was the Times reporting on a crisis, the citywide shortage of what? Groceries. No, well, specifically a shortage of something that you get when you get your bagel from places like Zabar's or Pick-a-Bagel. Cream cheese? Cream cheese! A cream cheese shortage.

That's right. So the bad news is New York is facing a cream cheese shortage. The good news, bagels are healthy now. Have as many as you want. It's just fat, chewy toast. Oh no, I guess this means we'll all have to eat donuts. How sad. Are you freaked out by this? The lack of cream cheese?

Yes. You are a New Yorker. You know what I tried to do is put ricotta. Yes, I do. And that is basically like a looser cream cheese. It's been around. That one goes to second base. Exactly. It kisses anthills.

And believe me, it's available. It doesn't have the firm moral code of a cream cheese. Anyway, this crisis over cream cheese really speaks something deep in our species. The evolutionary need to spackle our food. It goes back into our ancient history as hunter-schmirrers. it goes back into our ancient history as hunter schmearers but you know what is a crime in New York

if you ask them to take out the bread in the middle of the bagel they get so angry at you no I saw a girl doing it in front of me once before she was like can you scoop it and the man was like what do you mean and she was like scoop it scoop the bagel take out the inside and so you have like can you scoop it? And the man was like, what do you mean? And she was like, scoop it.

Scoop the bagel. Take out the inside. And so you have just a shining shell of bread. Yes. And he said, I don't do that. And she said, well, can you? And he said, I can't do that. This is fascinating that someone would ask to do that and also that Linda Blair from The Exorcist

is doing that. I'm glad she found a line of work for herself in a tough few years. Bill, how did Megan do on our quiz? She and her baby got them all right. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you so much for playing,

and have fun with that baby. Thank you. Bye-bye. Thank you so much for playing and have fun with that baby. Thank you. Bye-bye. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Luke, late one night this week, the staff of Finland's prime minister learned that she had had contact with someone who had tested positive for COVID,

but they couldn't reach the prime minister to tell her to quarantine. Why not? Because she was in da club. That's right. She was down in da club. Yeah. She was at the afters. Yeah. She was out until four in the morning partying. She was, this is all true. She was clubbing till 4 a.m. and she left her work phone at home. So she missed the messages. and she left her work phone at home, so she missed the messages. Were you with her? You knew everything. Yes, I was. I mean, she is the youngest.

Was she the youngest world leader elected at her time? She is 36 years old. She is the youngest world leader currently in office. Like, for instance, this is not going to happen with Joe Biden. No. Presumably. Joe Biden would never have done that. He would not have gone out clubbing when he was 36 years old.

Music hadn't been invented yet. Wouldn't there be like a gramophone? I'm just, I'm sorry. I'm imagining a DJ up on the stage. He's got the headphone, you know, one cup on, he's holding it. And the other one, he's cranking the Victrola. Everyone's waiting for the beat to drop on the flat foot flugie. Coming up, what's 2 plus 2 for the shocking answer?

Stay tuned in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Luke Burbank, and Cristela Alonso. And here again is your host

at the Harris Theater in Chicago, but somehow still stuck on mute. Peter, you're muted. You're muted, Peter. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. It's Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me bluff elicitor game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. This is Spencer, and I'm calling from the city of St. Louis, Missouri. How are things in St. Louis? A wonderful place.

Oh, yeah. You know, the other day it was 25 degrees, and tomorrow it's going to be 70. You know the Midwest trauma. It's like living in many places in one place. It's fabulous. Yeah. What do you do there in St. Louis? Yeah, so I'm an academic advisor for the business school at Washington University.

Are the business students all rapacious monsters to be, or are they nice? Oh, I want to keep my job, Peter. All right, very good. Spencer, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Spencer's topic? Add it up.

Math is important for many reasons, and not just for blowing the cover of British spies. He said maths. Get him! Our panelists are going to tell you a story from the news about the importance of knowing your arithmetic. Pick the one telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

I am so ready. Let's do it. First, let's hear from Maeve Higgins. The market is abuzz with a new app called KidCount, a math app for adults who need help keeping count of their kids and the numbers associated with them. Parents who can't do math struggle with many aspects of parenting. Try picking up your kids from school without quite knowing how many there are supposed to be.

KidCount helps keep track of how many kids you have and also tracks the passing of time. Two many 15-year-old kids are being jammed into strollers and fed mashed sweet potatoes because their parents never quite grasped how many units of time they owned them for. At the launch of KidCount, an exhausted woman named Doreen Richardson told reporters, This app helped me to understand that I have five children. It was a shock for sure, but it explains a lot. Plus, they are all different, oh, what's that called?

Yeah, different ages. So that's interesting. All right, I got to lie down. Kid Count, a new phone app to help parents keep track of their kids, how many they have, that is. Your next story of pluses and minuses comes from Luke Burbank. America, land of the free, home of the not particularly great at math, which I know sounds a little harsh, but there is evidence to back that up,

specifically the story of A&W versus the McDonald's Quarter Pounder. Here's what happened. Back in the 1980s, the Quarter Pounder was a huge success, so A&W decided they'd try to get in on the action. But by actually doing one better, they were going to introduce the A&W third of a pounder. In a random taste test, participants even said they liked the A&W burger better. So it should have been a runaway hit, right? Same price, larger burger. Well, not exactly, because you see those same taste testers also reported they'd be less likely to buy the one-third pounder than the quarter pounder because they thought it was

smaller. Flash forward to 2021 and A&W's recent announcement that they are trying again to take on the quarter pounder with their new offering, the A&W three-ninths burger. That is right. Three-ninths of a pound, which is way bigger than a quarter of a pound. The burger is a limited-time offer, but A&W says if they run out of the three-ninths burger,

customers can special request a two-sixths-of-a-pound burger. Only in public radio is that a laugh line. All right. in public radio, is that a laugh line? Alright. A&W having failed with their one-third pound burger, because three is less than four, has gone for the three-ninths

burger, hoping that will work. Your last story of math in the news comes from Cristela Alonso. One of the most popular TV game shows in Japan is Truth or Dare, in which contestants, just like at your slumber party, get to reveal an embarrassing truth or accept a dare to win a huge prize. Kubota Kenta thought he had it made.

All he had to do to win $10 million was eat mochi, that small sweet rice snack, for 24 hours straight. First hour, one mochi. Second hour, two mochi. Third hour, four. Oh, you get it, right? Like so on, doubling the number every hour. The first few hours were not a problem. He even had a couple extra in hour four because he said he was hungry and eight mochi wasn't enough. By hour 15, as he stared at the 16,384 mochi piled on a table in front of him, he began to realize his error. I should have just told them about that time I farted, he was heard to whisper. All right.

He was heard to whisper. All right. Which of these is the real story of trouble with math in the news? Was it from Maeve, the introduction of Kid Count? From Luke Burbank, the story of how A&W's third pounder burger failed, but their three-ninths burger might do well? Or from Cristela Alonso, the story of a contestant on a Japanese game show who just didn't realize how big things get when you double them every hour.

Which of these was the real story of math in the news? Ooh, I think I'm going to have to go with Luke's story because I want it to be true. You're going to go with Luke's story of how people just didn't want a one-third pound burger when they could have a quarter pound burger and they're trying to fix that. That's your choice? Alright, well we spoke to somebody who actually knows a little bit about this whole thing. So we just rebranded

with our three-ninths pound burger because three-ninths is clearly bigger than one-quarter. That was Liz Basner. She's the Senior Director of Marketing for A&W Restaurants talking about the three-ninths pound burger. Congratulations to you, Spencer. You got it right. You've earned a point for Luke. You have won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you so much. This is a dream come

true. Oh, it was a pleasure to have you. Take care, Spencer. Thank you. Bye. It was a pleasure to have you. Take care, Spencer. Thank you. Bye. And now the game where people who do really cool stuff do something lukewarm. Hey, can we come up with another temperature name? Now, Bashir Salahuddin grew up with his family in the south side of Chicago.

He made it as a TV comedy writer. He wrote for Jimmy Fallon, some others. And when it came time to create his own show, he chose the funniest place he knew, the south side of Chicago. Bashir and his brother Sultan co-star on the show South Side on HBO Max. They join us now. Bashir and Sultan, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here. So let's start by talking about your background. Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here. Beautiful. It's awesome. So, let's start by talking about your background. You guys grew up on the South Side, right? Yes, we grew up on the South Side of Chicago, in Gresham. And one person, thank you.

One guy up there was like, that's right, Gresham! I came here to make sure you guys were gonna rep. So Bashir, you went to UIDs for college, and you got into comedy writing. You wrote for Jimmy Fallon, right? Wrote for Jimmy Fallon in New York. Lived in New York. Me and my writing partner, Diallo Riddle, lived in New York and wrote for Jimmy. We actually got there before the show even started, and everybody's like, oh, we have no idea what's going to happen.

And we looked up a couple years later. We had some Emmy nominations. We were writing for President Obama. Oh, yeah, I heard that. That famous appearance of President Obama on Slow Jam News. You guys wrote that. Yeah, we did. And in fact, here's something. I wrote the

first pass. And I've never told anybody that, but I'm in a bragging kind of mode right now. Do it. Let's do it. Let's do it. That's right. That's right. And you know, we got to meet the president, and he couldn't have been more nice. How much did he put in his own stuff?

Like, did he improvise? I mean, you know, he's a natural. There are detractors who would say, oh, Obama's a ham. Yeah. Like you just said. Sultan, so he's out there. I'm coming in hot, y'all.

So I'm going to catch up with Sultan. So Bashir is out there. He's doing comedy writing. What are you doing at this time? I was doing stand-up comedy in the Midwest for a while. I was cracking jokes and making people laugh and busting heads. But I went to college, had a couple of kids, did the normal domestic stuff. And then I decided to start writing at the urge of my brother. And we pinned the show Southside at the urge of my brother and pin the show Southside

and send it to my brother. And he pinned it and we went past it and next thing you know, we're here. So wait a minute. So you're the guy, Soltan, who came up with the idea for the show? Boom. Really? Since we're bragging. Now there's a look for radio audiences.

It's not the only one that's cool. There's a look in Bashir's face right there. This reminds me of back when I was inventing the iPhone. The show is about two guys, one of whom you play Sol Tung, who work for a rent-to-own company. Yeah. Spending a lot of time, and they've got side hustles upon side hustles. And Bashir, you play a Chicago cop.

I do. Who is not the best cop. There's a lot of things about the show that I want to talk to you guys about, but one of them is its tone, and I was watching it, because all this stuff happens, and it just gets crazier and crazier and crazier

as the show goes on, until stuff is happening like, what? And I was like, this is like Seinfeld. High praise. All right. Thank you.

You heard it here first, Walt. A little Seinfeld sauce for you. In the classic Seinfeld. High praise. All right. Thank you. You heard it here first, Walt. A little Seinfeld sauce for you. In the classic Seinfeld episodes, somebody would do something small and they'd get dumb about it. And they would just increase in dumbness. The old snowball effect. Right. And I actually heard that you guys actually had that in mind when you created the show. That you wanted to be like a Seinfeld for the South Side.

Is that right? You know, we definitely wanted something that moved the way Seinfeld moved in terms of being funny. I think sometimes when you deal with content, especially black content, there's always this impetus and this need to put something deep into it. As if there's like,

and I don't mean deep as in our show doesn't have meaning, but our show doesn't need you to have characters prove they're from the South Side because they cry. Right. Because they're running from bullets. You know, we don't have very special episodes where I grab and go, hey, brother, what's going on?

And also, I, as an actor, am not qualified. Do that level of work. He really cares. Yeah, exactly. So we said, no, we want something, we want people all over the world, and especially on the South Side, to come home and feel lifted up

and to let that ebullient spirit of the show really pervade every morsel and ounce of who they are as a person. And then tell other people about it so they watch, much like we're doing right now. Right. I understand. Ebullient. Ebullient. And I think that's the word. By the way, he debt me $5. I wouldn't use that word.

Are people finding it more now in this halfway through the second season? Yeah, they're finding it more now because they can binge it. What I love is that our show is so joke-dense that folks kind of have to watch it two or three times to get everything, and then we always try to play jokes in the background. There's this one scene where the...

Sorry. See, that's the effect Southside has on you. I love it. Let's go. Come on, I love it. You can't even get it out. Police office, and they're, like, saying, here's what we need to do today. It's, like, gang day or whatever. Yeah, yeah.

Gang week. Gang week, yeah. And they're, like, oh, no, like, we're scared of gangs or whatever. And then, but on the whiteboard in the background, there's a list of, like, the other stuff that they're listing. And one item on the list is firemen that we hate. Chicago. She gets an A+. She gets an A+. stuff that they're listing and one item on the list is firemen that we hate. Chicago! She gets an A+.

All you can handle. Well, Bashir and Sultan, it is a real joy to meet you in person. Thanks for having us. This is great. We have invited you here today. We've invited you here to play a game we're calling Welcome to the real South Side.

So, if you start, say, at the corner of 75th and Ashland, and you head south, and you keep heading south, you will eventually reach the southest of sides, that is, Antarctica. So we're going to ask you three questions about Antarctica, get two right, you win a prize, whatever. Voice of their choice and their voicemail. He's ready.

Bill Hora, Bashir, and Sultan playing for you. Man, let's do this. Jen Freitag of Chicago, Illinois. All right. All right. Hey, Jen. Hi, Jen. Here is your first question. The first person to reach the South Pole was the Norwegian explorer Roald Amundsen

in 1911, and the tent he set up when he got there has been designated as an official world historic site even though what? A. Nobody has any idea where it is. B. It melted and dissolved into the ocean seven years ago.

Or C. It is the place where Amundsen's group ate their weakest member. Do you think he ate somebody? I think it's A. I'm going to support you, and we're going to vote for... Do I get to pick three smart-looking people and ask them?

Can we phone a friend? At this point, you just have to ask three smart-looking pairs of eyes. These guys... We're going to go with A. You're right. That's what it was. Nobody has any idea where it is. Just so you know,

I read about this before we came. Oh, you did your research. They think it's like 50 feet beneath the current surface of the ice, maybe over there that way. They don't really know. There it is. Next question. By the time Richard Byrd led his 1928 expedition to the South Pole Famous 1928 expedition. really know. All right. There it is. Next question. By the time Richard Byrd led his 1928 expedition

to the South Pole, Antarctica... Famous 1928 expedition. That one. You know that, right? Yep. Who doesn't? I'm aware of that. I got a Richard Byrd shirt at home. Yeah. When he led his expedition there in 1928, Antarctica had developed such a reputation for driving men insane in the wild

cold wastes that he brought along what on the trip? A, 12 straitjackets, B, a couch so he could give his men therapy if needed, or C, three seasonal affective disorder lamps. What do you think? You say you're going to go, should we go A? I got to go with straitjackets, A.

I'll support you. You're right, it was straitjackets. Yeah. I don't know. My mom's going to be so proud. We'll see you. You're right. It was straight jacks. I don't know. My mom's going to be so proud. We'll see if we can make her proud. Last question. There are, of course, lots of current expeditions

to the South Pole, but if you wanted to go to the South Pole now on an expedition and you are a doctor, you have to make some preparations before you go, including what? A, you have to bring along a lot of sugar pills, because people get bored and make up reasons to see

the doctor just to have something to do. B, have your own appendix removed. Or C, stock up on wooden medical instruments, because your hand sticks to scalpels in that cold. I know the audience is like, that's actually hard, y'all. Gosh. What's your gut telling you? I'll tell audience is like, that's actually hard. Gosh.

What's your gut telling you? I'll tell you what, what's your appendix telling you? By the way, doctors are like, wrong side, man. It's like they didn't even go to medical school. It's gay. I think it's the Bravo. I think it's the appendix thing They're like that so what's it gonna be I support I'm going I'm going to I'm going with the wood, bro

All right. All right fine. It's fine. I've already won Attendix Sultan is going with the wooden instruments and the winner is Bashir it was in fact. All right. Oh wait In 1961 wooden instruments and the winner is Bashir. It was in fact. All right. Oh, wait. It was the appendix. In 1961, in 1961, a Russian doctor was at the South Pole, his own appendix burst, and he had to remove it himself.

Yeah. No one else to do it. So ever since then, get it taken care of before you go. I'm sure he used wooden instruments. Bill, how did they do in our quiz? Get it taken care of before you go. I'm sure he used wooden instruments. I'm just saying. Bill, how did they do on our quiz? They've gone where few have gone before and got them all right.

What? You did. All right. Collectively, together. Oh, man. And guys, I've got to tell you, if you think these guys are funny here, you should see their TV show,

Bashir and Sultan, Sol Hadid star in Southside. It's on HBO Max. Seasons 1 and Season 2 is out now. Watch it. Bashir and Sultan. Thank you so much for joining us. It's a pleasure. Bravo. Really good. In just a minute, if you want to play the Listener Limerick Challenge game,

raise all three of your hands, or just call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Cristela Alonso, Maeve Higgins, and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host, who burst into tears when he was reunited with his podium. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

And it's called a lectern. In just a minute, Bill gets deep vein thrimbosis in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call. 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Christella, Jenna Ryan is the Texas real estate agent who flew in a private jet to attack the Capitol on January 6th

and then bragged after she was caught that she would never go to jail. Well, she is about to go to jail. And in a last message to her fans on TikTok, she says that in jail, she hopes to do what? She's going to lose 30 pounds and do yoga. That is correct. Oh, my God. You even got the number, her target weight correct. So I can tell you're Team Jenna.

Am I right? No, but January 6th is my birthday. Oh, great. Geez. Wait, that. So I can tell you're Team Jenna. Am I right? No, but January 6th is my birthday. Oh, great. Wait, that was your party? So Ms. Ryan became famous when she actually live-streamed herself breaking into the Capitol, and she has managed to keep up that brash can-do attitude as she prepares to do her 90-day stint in jail, or as she calls it, a freedom cleanse. So, like I said, Ryan did a TikTok in a sports bra and yoga pants, and she said she hoped

prison will be a kind of spa with armed attendants and a really, really strict curfew. She said, and this is all real, I'm going to be able to work out a lot and do a lot of yoga and detox. Hopefully, they'll have some protein shakes and some protein bars. Unquote. She is going to be so disappointed when she finds out the only group fitness class they have is knife fights. Well, I can tell you from experience, honey, dieting is another form of prison. And you've got to break out.

That's definitely the kind of weight loss system you get a free one if you buy a MyPillow. Yeah. All right, Luke, on Tuesday, the Amazon cloud web servers crashed. And in addition to the many businesses and services that were affected by the outage all over the country, what stopped working?

Amazon? Well, Amazon had its own problems, yes, but we're talking about some other very specific thing or things that stopped working for people. Oh, Roombas? Yes, the Roombas stopped communicating. This explains so much about Randy, my Roomba, who has been acting weird. And I thought it was because I moved apartments and it's hard for kids to adjust to new environments. But it was AWS being down.

It was. Now, this is what happened. It turns out that just about everything uses Amazon cloud services to access the Internet, including your little robot vacuum. So people all over the country pulled out their apps, right? And they summoned their robot vacuum and nothing happened. It's like, Roomba, come here and clean up the granola I spilled. I'm afraid I can't do that, Dave.

You know what else went down? Smart kitty litter boxes. What is that? A friend of mine has one. What? And a smart kitty litter box will tell you through the internet to your phone, wherever you are, if your cat just pooped. That's because we live in the future. But there's another way of finding out, and that is breathing the air in your home.

Yeah. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can also find tickets for our upcoming shows on January 6th and February 3rd. Of course, if you can't get tickets for January 6th, just storm the doors, break in. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Kathleen Clary-Cook calling from Cheyenne,

Wyoming. Hello, Kathleen Clary-Cook. I do like an alliterative person. What do you do there in Cheyenne? Well, we recently moved here, so I'm not currently working. I recently left a local public health agency in my former state. Right. And have you picked up any Wyoming habits, like, you know, hunting, shooting, wrestling, wrestling, rodeoing, whatever they do there? Mostly we're trying to cope with the wind, which, by the way, is worse than Chicago's. Wow, yeah. That's why it's so flat. All the hills got blown down. Well, welcome to the show, Kathleen.

Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Ready to play? Absolutely. All right, here is your first limerick. West Point's heist is a sad anecdote. With one horn and an old mangy coat, this sad mascot won't do. Go back and steal two. Because it turns out we stole the wrong goat.

Goat. Yes. Very good. Very good. Wow. Before the Army-Navy game a week or so ago, Army cadets at West Point tried to continue the ancient tradition of stealing the Navy's goat mascot,

but they swiped the wrong goat. They took a retired goat mascot who has arthritis and only one horn and is frankly getting too old for this crap. So they went back and they took the two goats currently serving as the Navy mascot, which shouldn't be surprising. If there's one thing the military knows how to do, if it doesn't work the first time,

do it again and harder. What is with the goat mascots? Isn't that the whole story with the cubs? Yeah. It means greatest of all time. Oh, that's why. I think so. Right. But I just feel like maybe we shouldn, that's why. I think so. Yeah. Right.

But I just feel like maybe we shouldn't have goat, like actual goats as masks. Or even, if you want to take it this way, why does the Navy have a goat? They're kind of shaped

like boats. Goats. A goat boat? Yeah. They have the same body. Have you ever seen a goat, Maeve? What? They have the same body.

Have you ever seen a goat, Maeve? What? Here is your next limerick. To prove we're not running an Insta-scam, we'll show that we're giving an Insta-dam. When you seem addicted, your time gets restricted. We warn you to stay off of... Instagram. Instagram, yes. Instagram is finally adding a function we really need,

a timer that kicks you off Instagram. The new take a break tool alerts users when they've been on the app too long and urges them to get off the app. It's great. It's supposed to make you feel better, right? And nothing makes you feel fantastic like being told you have been scrolling through a Mormon mommy blogger's reels for six hours. I gotta know how Caden is doing. Exactly.

The feature activates, actually, after you've been on Instagram for 30 minutes and will be just as effective as that thing that doesn't let you use your phone when you're driving. They should maybe be a bit more graphic about it. You know how, like, cigarette boxes show... Yeah. Like... This is what you look like when you watch it?

Actually, no. And it should just be a picture of you from below. Yes, exactly. Like, when you're not... You don't realize that you're being... Like, sl. And it should just be a picture of you from below. Yes, exactly. Like when you're not, you don't realize that you're being, like when you accidentally turn the camera on

on your phone and then you just look down and you're like, oh! That picture. Exactly. Here is your last limerick, Kathleen.

A vax card works just like a charm. I'll get one today. What's the harm? Well, first there's a shot. Well, I'd rather not. I think I'll strap on a fake arm. Yes, a fake arm. A man in Italy tried to get his vaccine card without having to suffer by actually getting a life-saving free vaccine, which will keep him from dying. And he showed up, this is so clever, he showed up to the clinic with a fake arm in the sleeve of his shirt.

Oh, my God. A fake arm, which the nurse described as, quote, cold and gummy. And also, the skin color of the arm did not match the rest of the person. The nurse immediately realized what was going on, accused him of this fake. The man swore, no, it's my real arm, and he swore it by detaching it and putting it on a Bible. Bill, how did Kathleen do in our quiz? She's the queen of Cheyenne right now. All right. Thank you. Thank you so much, Kathleen. Good luck there in your new home. Thank you so much, Kathleen. Good luck there in your new home. Thank you so much. Lasting arms.

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the score? I can. Maeve has two. Christella has two. Luke has four. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Yeah. Basically, I'm three ninths of the way to win this game. All right. Christella and Maeve, you are in second place together, and I will arbitrarily choose Christella to go first, so the clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, the White House announced that 200 million Americans had been vaccinated. Yes, vaccinated. On Tuesday, the House passed a bill aimed at preventing a government blank. Oh, shut down. Right. After he was fired from CNN, HarperCollins announced they would no longer publish blanks book. Chris Cuomo. Right. According to a report from Us Weekly, Queen Elizabeth has a large and ever expanding blank. According to a report from Us Weekly, Queen Elizabeth has a large and ever-expanding blank. Brooch collection.

No, a large and ever-expanding ball of old rubber bands. On Monday, Devin Nunes announced plans to leave Congress to run Blank's social media startup. Trump. Right. On Thursday, the FDA approved Pfizer blank shots for 16 and 17-year-olds. What do you mean? I don't know. Blank shots.

Oh, booster. Booster shots, yes. This week, passengers on a flight in Nepal were surprised after their plane landed, and they were all asked to blank. Bow down? No. Asked to get out and push the plane to the gate. Oh, it was a Southwest flight? Apparently. Oh, no, please.

Spirit air. Oh, no, please. Spirit air. Come on, right? No, after the plane got a flat, apparently, passengers were asked to deplane and then help get it to the gate by pushing on its giant tires. Oh, my God. Everyone knew something had gone terribly wrong

when the pilot got in the intercom and said, Hello, are there any CrossFit instructors on this flight? Bill, how did Christella do in our quiz? She got five right for ten more points. She now has 12 and has slipped into the lead. All right. Slipped into the lead. Slipped into the lead.

All right, Maeve, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Olaf Scholz officially replaced blank as Germany's chancellor. Oh, Angela Merkel. Yes, very good. To combat the effects of climate change, President Biden signed an executive order calling for the government to be blank by 2050.

Very different. Carbon neutral Following several delays The house passed a 768 billion dollar Blank bill on Tuesday Dollar No, defense bill This week an anti-cancel cultural conference In the UK was blanked

Was cancelled Yes, on Monday, Medina Spirit, the horse that won this year's blank, died during a routine workout. Wait, you're just telling me that? No, um, like, election? No.

What? No, it won this year's Kentucky Derby. This week, the CEO of a mortgage company is apologizing after he ended a Zoom call with 900 employees by blanking. Blanking on their names. No, he ended the call by firing everyone on the call. The CEO ended the Zoom meeting by saying, quote, if you're on this call, your employment here is terminated effective immediately. He fired over 10% of his workforce that way,

and if you think that's bad, just wait to hear how he plans to break up with his girlfriend. Bill, how did Maeve do on our quiz? Well, she had two right. Yes! Are you serious? Because Angela Merkel, remember? Oh, that's right.

Four more points. She now has six, but Christella still has the lead with 12. All right. How many then does Luke need to win? Four to tie, five to win. All right. Impossible. Luke, this is for the game.

Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Biden met with Vladimir Putin to discuss Russia's military buildup on the border of blank. Ukraine. Right. On Monday, the Department buildup on the border of blank. Ukraine. Right. On Monday, the Department of Justice sued the state of blank over their redistricting maps. Texas. Right. This week, the Senate approved a resolution against President Biden's blank mandate for large businesses.

Vaccine. Right. On Thursday, workers in Buffalo, New York celebrated becoming the first unionized blank employee. Starbucks. Right. This week, a man in Oregon was arrested on an outstanding warrant after he blanked. After he tried to illegally redistrict parts of Oregon. After he went into the police station to see if he had any outstanding warrants.

On Thursday, NASA announced the discovery of a new blank ten times larger than Jupiter. Planet. Right. On Sunday, former Senate Majority Leader and presidential candidate blank passed away at the age of 98. Bob Dole. Right. A man in Germany was awarded workers' compensation for an injury suffered while he was blanking. Checking at the office to see if he had any workers' compensation claims.

No. He was awarded workers' compensation for an injury he suffered while he was walking from his bedroom to his desk. for an injury he suffered while he was walking from his bedroom to his desk. The court determined that since he was working from home, that qualifies as his commute, and he was covered. Wow! That is fantastic. Even better, this means your children now count as traffic. Bill, did Luke do well enough to win?

Well, let's put it this way He had six right for 12 more points Which means with 16, he's the week's winner Luke, Luke, Luke In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists To predict after the cream cheese crisis in New York What will be the next serious shortage To hit a major U.S. city? Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent

Overlord. Philip Godeker writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our social media superstar is Emma Choi. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, Lillian King, and Nancy Seichau. Special thanks, as always, to Vinnie Thomas. The role of the live audience was played by Peter Gwynn today. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller.

Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now panel, what shortage will hit an American city next? Costello Alonso. Los Angeles will have a shortage of Botox. Ah, Luke Burbank.

Seattle will run out of salmon and have to start tossing tech billionaires down a Pike Place market. And Maeve Higgins. Idaho is going to run out of COVID vaccines. Just kidding. They're not taking them. Well, if that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Cristela Alonso, Luke Burbank, Maeve Higgins. Thanks to the staff and crew here at the Harrison Theatre in Chicago, Illinois. Thanks to everybody at WBEG Chicago. Thanks to everybody here. Thanks to our audience. It's so great to see you. We miss you so much. Thanks to all of you at home for listening. We to everybody here. Thanks to our audience. It's so great to see you. We miss you so much. Thanks to all of you at home

for listening. We miss you too. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. Thank you. This is NPR.