Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Best of WWDTM

Episode Date: August 24, 2019

As summer ends, we revisit our interviews with Matt Smith, Fabien Cousteau, and more.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Say what you want, Bernie Sanders, you'll never take down this billionaire. Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. It's that time of the year when everybody goes, Wait a minute, summer's almost over? And then they all run around like maniacs trying to pack as much fun as they can into the short time remaining. That's what we're doing in this hour. We're packing in so many memorable moments and great

conversations that, well, by the time we're done, you'll be ready to go back to work just to get a break from all the joy. First up, when I was growing up, I loved Jacques Cousteau, the famous ocean explorer. Now, so did Fabien Cousteau, which makes more sense because Jacques was his father. When Fabien Cousteau joined us in June of last year, Peter asked him how he was introduced to the undersea world. On my fourth birthday, it's slightly different. I actually went to the bottom of the pool with a family friend who was reading the newspaper while I was buddy breathing with him.

So buddy breathing is when you're sort of sharing one respirator back and forth, right? That is correct. And he's reading a newspaper at the bottom of a pool? Yeah, I guess he was bored. There's not much to see at the bottom of the pool. We didn't throw any fish in there. I understand. And did you always want to go into what I guess is the family business in the Costo

family? I was actually never pressured to be is the family business in the Cousteau family? I was actually never pressured to be in the family business. I was always encouraged to forge my own path, but the path always ended up turning back towards what we do as a family. That's funny. I'm just going to say this because I grew up watching your grandfather's

TV show, The Undefeated World of Jacques Cousteau. And I mean, to me, what I remember as much as the film of the fish in the Calypso is your grandfather's amazing French accent. But of course. Yes. Ah, des Matins!

Diving into the briny deep. I know. That's the problem. I mean, literally, I'm talking to you, and I can tell that if you do not speak in a really elaborate French accent, I will not take you seriously. A mermaid stole it one time when I was seven.

Now, your specialty is sharks, right? I saw a film of you diving with sharks inside, well, I don't know how to describe it. It's a big artificial shark you hide in. A shark shaped submersible, yes. I'd always wanted to approach great white sharks in a different way than the ugly bubbling creatures in the cage throwing chum at these wild animals. The best way to go and learn a little bit more about them is to become a shark. So that became reality in 2006, 2007, where I built a shark- shape submersible. Little did I know that doing such a thing was more challenging,

and I ended up on the bottom more than I did with the sharks. Really? So it was just like you'd go down there, and you'd be like, hello, fellow sharks, and you'd just continue to sink right down, and the sharks would be like, what's wrong with that guy? Well, you know, it was meant to be a polymorphic shark where you could do male and female. Unfortunately, it got so complicated, we left the male parts behind. And as a female shark, I was hoping that, hey, maybe this is going to attract a shark and we'll have mating behavior here.

You were hoping for that? I was the first human to do that. So wait, you had female shark parts on this immersible? Submersible. The submersible, and then you had male shark parts? But they were detachable. That's right, the male parts were detachable. You know, hey, male sharks have two penises or claspers, so they're lucky.

Unfortunately. I'm not sure I would consider that lucky. I'd say that's minus two points. It's twice the maintenance fee. It's terrible. Wait, I do have one more question, which is how accurate was finding Nemo? In my child's heart, very. Yeah.

Well, Fabian Cousteau, it is a pleasure to talk to you. We could talk to you all day about the ocean, but we have, in fact, asked you to play a game with us, and this time we're calling it Man, Just Get Cool With the Flow of the Jam, Man. So you know a lot of fish, personally. But what do you know about the band Fish? of fish, personally.

But what do you know about the band Fish? We're going to ask you three questions about the legendary Vermont band that even some Grateful Dead fans find a little too meandering. Answer two out of these three questions right, you win our prize. One of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might like on our show

on their voicemail. Bill, who is Fabian Cousteau playing for? Robert Loving of Los Angeles, California. Alright. You ready to do this? Let's go for it. Bill, who is Fabian Cousteau playing for? Robert Loving of Los Angeles, California. Alright, you ready to do this? Let's go for it. Alright, here's your first question. How Fish got its name? It's P-H- I-S-H, by the way, Fish. How Fish got its name has been a subject

of interest for their fans for decades. Which of these is a possible explanation from a fan quoted in Newsweek? A, that's what band leader Trey Anastasio says instead of cursing, oh, fish! B, it's an acronym

meaning psychedelic, hypnotic, instrumental sounds are happening. Or C, it's a take on the fshh sound that comes out when you're filling a balloon to do nitrous oxide at a party in Vermont.

I love C. I won't say that I've done that before, but I did go to college. Good question. B. You're leaning towards the acronym meaning psychedelic, hypnotic, instrumental sounds are happening?

I'm guessing that. No, it was actually the nitrous oxide. It wasn't? It was the instinct, man. Yeah, well, that's at least the rumor. They've never come out and said. But that was what they... I should have gone with my gut.

Actually, while researching this, I actually listened to a lot of Phish music, and I'm guessing it was the nitrous oxide. All right. All right, next question, Fabian. Lead singer Trey Anastasio was expelled from the University of Vermont for a prank that he has never described in public.

But according to Phish fans, it was one of these. A, stealing a human heart and hand from a biology lab and sending them to a friend with a note, heard you could use a hand. B, getting the gig, playing the Star Spangled Banner at a UV football game and keeping it going for 18 minutes. Or C, pot brownies at a Dean's reception. Jeez.

You know, if I were in his shoes, I would have done the thick, twisted humor of the hand, A. Well, you're right. That's what he did. According to established stories. Now, last question. If you get this right, you win. Phish has a fair amount of celebrity fans,

including which of these? A, Morning Edition host Steve Inskeep, who says he starts every day at 3 a.m. with, quote, a spliff in my Phish bootlegs, unquote. B, the musician Rob Zombie, who says he plays Phish music to, quote, go spliff in my fish bootlegs, unquote. B, the musician Rob Zombie, who says he plays fish music to, quote, go to my happy place.

Or C, actor Abe Vigoda, who played Detective Fish in the old Barney Miller TV show, who once joined the band on stage dressed as a wombat when he was 92 years old. Well, it's definitely not C. I'm going to go with B on that one. Let me ask you a question.

Yeah. Why do you think it's definitely not C? What was your reasoning? Well, 92, well, you never know. Well, I mean, if it's not true, somebody had to make that up. All right. I mean, if it's not true, somebody had to make that up.

All right. I think they all want you to go into the... Sea. Sea. All right, let's go with the sea. You're right. Yes, it was in the book. After 8th of October. Wow.

They did this at one of their famous Halloween concerts where they like to do various funny things. I'm actually friends with Rob Zombie. Are you? Yeah, and he directed one of my stand-up specials and I can tell you for a fact, he has no happy place. Rob Zombie went from directing House of a Thousand Corpses to your stand-up special?

And I killed. Bill, how did Fabian Cousteau do in our quiz? Fabian did well out of the water as well as in the water. He got two out of three, and that's a win. Congratulations, Fabian. Thank you all.

Hey, Fabian. Thank you all. Hey, Fabian. Look, if somebody wanted to know more about what you do down there, how would they find out? Go to FabianCousteau.com. That's the easiest way, or follow me on social media. There you go. Fabian Cousteau is an aquanaut, an oceanographer, and the founder of the Fabian Cousteau Ocean Learning Center.

Fabian Cousteau, what a pleasure to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us on What They Can't Tell Me. Pleasure to be here. Thank you. This summer's been pretty full. So full, in fact, that we had to edit out part of it. Here's a question we asked Roy Blunt Jr. a couple of months ago that we didn't have time to broadcast. Roy, we've had an intense tornado season,

but so far, meteorological technology has allowed people to be warned in time. One problem, though, residents of tornado-prone areas are complaining that the tornado warnings are doing what? Scaring the chickens. No. Scaring the cows. No. It's not scaring any

livestock at all. I had a lot of several other livestock. The tornado warnings are interfering with Rush Limbaugh. You're so close. I'm going to give it to you. They're interrupting their TV shows. Oh.

Yeah. It started a couple of weeks ago when a station in Ohio interrupted The Bachelorette to warn people to, for God's sake, take cover. And countless people contacted the TV station, not to thank them for saving their lives, but to tell them to stop with the warnings until we find out which of these identical asshats

is going home with her. Also, my TV is flying away. Can you do anything about that? But here's the question. Was that done in the middle of a rose ceremony? Let's get real. You're holding five roses and there's six of them. Do not

give me the weather report. By the way, if you're wondering why there's so many tornadoes, a guy called into a Pennsylvania weather station and he had the solution. It's because of all the roundabouts, the traffic circles. He pointed out, all of a sudden, you've got all these new roundabouts. You've got all these cars going in circles. It swirls the air. I agree. And you have tornadoes. I hate those things. Yeah. So just next time you see a roundabout, save the country. Drive straight to the door.

When we come back, the Beastie Boys and the very fierce girl, Lindy West. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Let's play some games, everybody. I'm Ophira Eisenberg, host of NPR's Ask Me Another. Are you looking for the answer to life's funnier questions? Zamboni? That is correct. Every week, we blend comedy plus a special celebrity interview.

Jim Gaffigan. I've always done acting. I just have never gotten roles. Listen and tell your friends. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago,

Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you. So we're trying to cram in as much fun as we can in the last moments of summer. Time is short, so I recommend listening to this while playing beach volleyball while ziplining at a music festival. Multitask, people. Earlier this year, Hulu released a show called Shrill, based on the memoir by Seattle journalist Lindy West. We interviewed Ms. West herself in Seattle in December 2017.

So you grew up here in Seattle. You're an actual Seattleite. Yes, born and raised. My parents and I all went to the same high school. Not at the same time. No, that would have been weird. I was reading your book, Shrill, which is a great book, hilariously funny. And you were a very different person growing up than you are now. Yes. I was very shy and weird.

And I just wanted to hide it sort of under a blanket and never talk to anyone. Like in the book, you know, when I was eight or something, I just peed in my chair because I was afraid to ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom. And it wasn't like the first day of school. It was like I'd been there for months, and she was really nice. Let's just put this briefly. You're not like that anymore. No.

You have this chapter in your book about going to a menstruation festival, which is truly one of the great things ever. Yeah, to the red tent moon ceremony. It was just a bunch of ladies sitting in a fake tent. It wasn't in a real... They made a pillow fort, essentially, inside a community center. And then we sat on the floor and ate Hershey bars.

Oh, that sounds fun. I know. I would do that. I would do that. Yeah. That would be great. I mean, you know. No, you're not welcome. This is our thing.

Damn it. You wrote here in Seattle for The Stranger and you wrote for Jezebel, the feminist website, and you've written for, you've wrote your book, and now you write for the New York Times. Yeah. What is that like? Do you have to, like, wear a tweed jacket with patches?

What do you have to do? Yeah. The failing New York Times. The failing New York Times. It is terrifying. So I built my personal brand on, like, all caps and, like, farts and just horrible vulgarity.

And I can't do any of that at all. Oh, I know. When they brought you in, they said, Lindy, we admire you. We think you're interesting. We want to bring your voice to the Times. But there's a few rules around here. They didn't even give me that talk.

I think they were like, come on, you know. You have to have dignity, you know. Dignity. I know. Do you find, because you, of course, famously were trolled a lot on Twitter. You engaged one of your trolls in a great This American Life story and a chapter in your book. But do you find that the trolling that you get from the New York Times is different? Is it more sophisticated?

Yeah. What I get from the New York Times is like, well, I don't delve into the comments, but I do get like 10,000 word emails from, you know, 70-year-old men explaining to me. Oh, God, it's my father, isn't it? Yeah, I mean, it's fine. I'm sorry. It'll be like, here's a few things you need to know

about women's lib. Yeah, like... It'll be like, here's a few things you need to know about women's lib. It's actually very charming in a way. Instead of like a thousand tweets a day, once a week I get a couple just tedious emails. Yes. It's a different life. It's a new world for me.

I am reborn. I know. Tedium instead of like vicious misogyny. Yeah. It gets us better. Yeah. Well, Lindy West, it is a personal pleasure

for me to meet you because I'm such a fan. But we've in fact asked you here to play a game we're calling Jesus Christ. So. You are Lindy West.

I see where this is going. We're going to ask you about your probable relative, Kanye West. Yes. So we saw that coming. Answer two questions correctly about the man who gets to wake up to Kim Kardashian most every day. And you'll win a prize to one of our listeners listeners the voice of their favorite wait-wait person on their voicemail. Bill, who is Lindy West playing for? Carrie Lapina of

Everett, Washington. Now, we were looking into this and I actually found a column that you wrote, I think for Jezebel, about Kanye West. Oh, God. Whatever. I... Okay. We were wondering when we were coming up with this, we're like, maybe you're a huge fan, and you'd know all this stuff and correct us. No.

I mean, I really actually do love Kanye quite a bit, but I wouldn't say that I know things about anything. Well, we'll find out. Here's your first question. So Kanye West is a huge international star, global fan base, fans across the globe. In Beijing, his fans call him Kanye,

which is obvious, but it just so happens that in the Beijing dialect of Chinese, Kanye means what? A, quote, guy who steals your noodles with his chopstick. B, quote, someone who brags a lot with no actions to follow it up. Or C, quote, someone who brags a lot with no actions to follow it up. Or C, quote, essentially TMI. Okay, I'm going to go with C.

C, TMI? Yeah. No, it was actually B. Kanye is an idiomatic phrase meaning someone who brags a lot with nothing to back it up. That's so hard to know. So I was like, it can't be that one. What did it mean before Kanye? I know.

All right, we still have two more chances here. Okay. In 2008, Kanye went to jail briefly for destroying a paparazzo's camera. Who did he call with his classic one phone call? A, John McCain mistakenly thinking he had been elected president and might be able to help him. B, the paparazzo himself asking him if he'd gotten a good photo of him coming for the camera. Or C, he used his one phone call to order

Chinese food delivery to the jail. I'm going to go with B. You're gonna go with B? He called the... He called the paparazzo? Who he had just attacked? C? Is it C? I really want you to win the thing. Everyone seems to be yelling at me. Again, not something you're not used to.

I know, it's true. I feel nothing. Just because you're emotionally numb to it doesn't mean you won't listen. Okay, I listen. I will go with C. You're gonna go with C and you're emotionally numb to it doesn't mean you won't listen I will go see your Chinese friend You're right Why not? Here's the last question

If you get it right, you win everything Everything there is to win, you will win And if she gets it wrong? Terrible things Humiliation, awfulness Last question will win if you get this right. And if she gets it wrong? Terrible things. Humiliation, awfulness. Last question. Kanye recently was quoted by his own wife saying that something

doesn't get enough credit. What was it? A. Pollinating insects. B. Art Garfunkel. Or C. His own wife's boobs? Oh, you guys sound split. I need you guys to be unified in your murmuring.

Okay. Do you guys have a feeling? My inclination would be C, because... Because Kanye loves... I mean, those boobs are amazing. What else would they talk about? Seriously. Exactly.

Okay, I'm going to go with C. And you're right. Yeah! This is the quote Kim told GQ magazine Even though I'm an ass girl Kanye always says my boobs don't get as much credit As they deserve

Bill how did Lindy West do on our quiz She got two out of three So she's a winner Congratulations yes Lindy West thank you so much She's a contributing. Congratulations. Yes. Lindy West. Thank you so much. Thank you. She's a contributing op-ed writer for the New York Times. She's the author of The Shrill. Lindy West, thank you so much

for being on the show. Thank you. I'm old enough to have lived through a number of revolutions in pop music, and I pretty much missed all of them while listening to my scratched-up original Broadway cast album of Pippin. One of the things Peter was utterly oblivious to was the rise of the Beastie Boys, the New York-based trio who helped to popularize hip-hop with their albums from the 80s and 90s. So when I talked to Mike D and Ad Rock of the Beastie Boys,

the main thing I wanted to know was, what were their parents thinking? And it seemed like your parents, and this was back in the 70s, would basically let you guys do whatever you wanted to do. Like when you were like 14 or 15, your parents were like, yeah, you go see this Black Flag concert, go ahead, whatever you want. Just be back by morning. There wasn't that much of a discussion. Oh,

really? It was just, you just left? Yeah, pretty much. It's just a different type of parenting, you know? Yeah.

Different parenting decisions. I do not think my mom wanted to know the details. Like, if it was a black flag show versus, like, a bad brain show versus a treacherous spree, I don't think she wanted that kind know the details. Like if it was a Black Flag show versus like a Bad Brain show versus a Treacherous Speedy, I don't think she wanted that kind of fine print. Oh, really? She didn't know.

And one of the other things that I don't know how to put this, it seemed like you guys constantly had great strokes of luck. For example, you formed a punk band. The Beastie Boys are originally a hardcore band. And you did a song called Cookie Puss. Which people are like, oh, Cookie Puss. And British Airways stole it for a commercial. And gave you lots of money.

Which is great. That had happened, yeah. Yeah. And I'm like, does that strike you like an amazing stroke of luck? Because then you had money to like, you know, pay rent and buy that first drum machine. Yeah, it was pretty awesome to go from zero to we got a bunch of money. It was pretty nice. Yeah.

I've never had cash like that. I was at a friend's house and I heard our song playing from the TV set. And it was like, it was one of those things that make you go, hmm. And then, like, I don't know how long after your first hip-hop track, you were opening for Madonna. Yeah. Yeah.

Crazy, right? So you guys were like 19. You didn't even have your first album out and you were opening for Madonna on her first national tour. Well, Madonna, and didn't even have your first album out, and you were opening for Madonna on her first national tour. Well, Madonna, and also she went from, all of a sudden she's blowing up on MTV, and then she becomes the Madonna that is, in terms of just public consciousness, like the biggest pop star on the planet. She, like, shot up to the Prince Michael Jackson level. And you were, like, her opening act when this happened.

Prince Michael Jackson level. And you were like her opening act when this happened. Well, I don't even know opening act. Like, act is the right word. Well, what was it then? Spectacle. It was kind of like this assault on poor, unsuspecting 12-year-old girls. Well, that's one of the things I write about,

is like, you guys are on the way up, and you keep writing about it in your book, how you'd show up at this point before Licensed to Ill came out, and people would hate you, which is kind of fun for you to write about. Was it fun to live? Kind of. I mean, the Madonna tour thing was definitely funny that, you know, children were crying watching us. It was interesting seeing how angry their parents were. One last question about the book. The book has got some amazing stories in it about things you did and things that you saw.

Was there anything that was, like, too crazy for you to put in the book? You're like, no, we can't tell people that story? Um, yeah. And would you be willing to share it with us? No Probably not Well, Adam and Mike, we are delighted to talk to you

And we have invited you here today To play a game we're calling Beastie Boys meet the Yeastie Boys Hmm You make beets, but what about people who make bread? That's what we were thinking We're going to ask you three questions About the Yeasty Boys

Bakers, answer two out of three questions correctly I know The audience are leaving Wow It's both dumb and on brand Okay Answer two out of three questions You will win a prize

for one of our listeners. Who are Adam and Mike of the Beastie Boys playing for? Rudy Riott of Washington, D.C. All right. Here is your first question, and feel free to collaborate, argue, whatever you like.

Bread is really important to the French, as I'm sure you know, so much so that the French government once did what? A, created an award called La Croix du pat, or the cross of dough. B. Passed a law preventing bakers from taking vacations.

Or C. They sentenced certain violent criminals to eating only American bread. Definitely A. You're going to go A. Yeah, first off, it's definitely not B, because vacations are essential to French people. Yes. So you're going to go for the award of the croix du pat, the cross of dough. Yes. It was actually B, the one about taking vacations. Because the problem is, French do love taking vacations, but when the bakers take vacations, nobody else has any bread. I know!

So the bakers were not allowed to take vacations, but then they modified the rule. So now the bakers of France can either take vacations in July or August, but that way there will always be some bakers around. Yeah, maybe we need to inquire. You do. All right. Two more questions. Here we go. These days, most people are more excited about baking cakes than bread, making celebrities out of people like Buddy the Cake Boss Velastro.

He once tried to get out of a DUI arrest by telling the arresting officer what? A, quote, you see your way to letting me go. There's a soccer tort in it for you, sir. B, quote, I'm sorry. There's a what? A soccer tort. Soccer tort? You know, the Viennese cake.

Yes, thank you. tort. Soccer tort? You know, the Viennese cake. Yes. Thank you. That's why they're a good team. That's why they're a good team. That's expecting a lot from an arresting officer. I know. V, quote, he said, I'm sorry, officer, but do you know what happens

if you let fondant overcook? Or C, he said, quote, you can't arrest me. I'm the cake boss. Yeah, I'm going with C. Mike, how do you feel about that? You know, I know I'm going a little lowest common denominator, but sometimes you just got to go with it.

Yeah, right. It was, in fact, C. Yeah. One last question about baking. Nothing is worse than when you're baking cookies at home and you realize you don't have enough eggs. But not to worry. According to something called the Organic Authority,

what makes a great egg substitute? Is it A, blood, B, sugar, or C, sex magic? That's a good question. Wow. Wow. Interesting. I mean, I'm going to have to go with the sanitary bee. Yeah, bee, yeah, bee.

I mean, I'd like to say, yeah, bee is going to be the most hygenic. Hold on. Mike, you're clearly a culinary expert. Do you really think that the protein of eggs would be sufficiently substituted for by the pure carbohydrates of a table sugar? I do not. All right. The idea of putting blood. Remember, we're not saying you should do this.

We're saying you can do this. I feel like the blood would be thick enough to replace it. Your audience likes blood. They're clapping. All right, I'll find out pointing to blood here. We're all but telling you it likes blood. It's happening. All right, all signs off pointing to blood here. We're all but telling you it's blood. So the dude from D.C. should be happy. You're choosing A, blood?

Why? Yes, you're right, of course. Bill, how did Adam and Mike do in our quiz? I'd call you a fan of the Beastie Boys, but you're a winner in our book, two out of three. Congratulations. Mike D and Ad Rock are the Beastie Boys. Their new book, The Beastie Boys Book, is out now. It is fantastic, great for fans, or even if you're not.

Mike and Adam, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Bye, everybody. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye, everybody. Bye. When we come back, I talk to Matt Smith from Doctor Who,

and somebody else talks to Retta from Parks and Recreation. That's in a minute on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. While you're sleeping, a whole bunch of news is happening around the world. Up first is the NPR News podcast that gets you caught up on the big news in a small amount of time. Spend about 10 minutes with Up First on weekday mornings from NPR News. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you so much. Now, we are trying to make up for all the lovely summer days we wasted staring at our phones by revisiting some great moments from the recent past, which we were only able to experience the first time because our phones were dead. Parks and Recreation became a cult hit sitcom,

and one of its stars, Retta, also became a cult hero to fans of the show. Last year, guest host Helen Hong asked her about her role on the show and her new book. So the title of your book, called So Close to Being the Poop, y'all don't even know. Be honest, did you call it that just to watch interviewers squirm when they had to say it on the air? Little bit, little bit.

Because you're not the one that actually has to say the title, right? Other people have to say it. Yeah, generally I don't, but I do like saying it. What's the most creative any interviewer has come up with to say the title? Usually they say so close to being the blank, but Kelly Ripa said so close to being the S.

Oh, the S. Not Kelly, she's clever. She's a clever girl. Now, I know your real name is Marietta Sirleaf, which sounds so noble, I feel like I should bow when I'm saying it. You should. I just did. Marietta Sirleaf. Now, why do you just go by one name, Retta?

When I was in college, I hooked up with this guy from Georgia, and they pronounced Marietta, Georgia, Mayretta. And he started calling me Retta, as if I allowed it. And my friends thought it was hilarious, and so they insisted on calling me that. No! And then so, when I first started doing stand-up, I was doing an open mic, and the emcee came out and said, who's next? I was like, me. He's like, what's your name?

Marietta Shelly. What? I was like, ugh, just Retta. And that's how I got Retta for... What? Because you didn't have the patience to go over your actual name with them? No, I was like, if this is too challenging,

let's stick to the easy stuff. But now you're like a one-namer, which I think is boss. Yeah, me, Cher, Bono. Yeah. I heard you were about to pursue medicine before moving to L.A. to become a comedian. How did that work?

I was pre-med. I was all about the books growing up, and I was taking a year off after college, which was the first time I ever lived alone. And so I wanted a break just before I went into medical school. And I was living by myself, so my TV was my roommate. And after a while, I would be like, I can do this. I can do this.

What? But I decided that I wanted to have my own sitcom, which is why I started doing stand-up, because I saw that so many sitcoms were headed by stand-up comedians, so I went into stand-up. Yeah. I'm a stand-up comedian. I still haven't gotten one, so...

Oh, awkward. How... Don't you come from... Don't you come from an immigrant family, Retta? I do. My parents are Liberian. And how does your immigrant... Myself coming from an immigrant family, when I told them I was going to become a stand-up comedian,

they were like, what? So how did yours... Because you were actually on your way to medical school. How did they take that? They were actually pretty good about it. My mother said, you know, you're carrying around your father's last name, which is why I don't use my last name. And my dad's big thing

was like, just get health insurance. He's like, if something happens to you, we can't take care of you. Now, speaking of your dad's last name, I heard that you're actually the niece of a Liberian former president? Yeah. Ellen Johnson Sirleaf was married to my dad's cousin. So you come from not only an immigrant family, but an immigrant family that was really high up. Yeah, I guess our version of royalty over there, huh?

Seriously, it could be, because she won a Nobel Peace Prize, right? Seriously, it could be because she won a Nobel Peace Prize, right? And she met Oprah, homie. What? Better than a Nobel Peace Prize. That was even cooler because I got more calls

about her being an Oprah than her winning the Nobel Prize. Your biggest role was as Donna on Parks and Recreation. Yeah. And are you still...

Can I just tell you, I was a guest star on one episode of Parks and Recreation for literally 42 seconds, and I have had people accost me on the street. So I can't imagine what you must be dealing with, having been on a series regular on it the whole show. Oh, yeah. There's not a day that I walk out of the house and don't hear Treat Yourself. But it's fine. Oh, see?

We've opened the floodgates here. Exactly. All right. Retta, we have invited you here to play a game. We are calling... Good boy.

That's a good boy. You are currently starring on a show called Good Girls. So naturally, we want to ask you about good boys, as in doggies. We're talking about doggies. We're going to ask you three questions about dogs who have been very good boys. Get two of them right, and you'll win a prize for one of our listeners.

Any voice from our show on their voicemail. Bill, who is Retta playing for? Daniel Imami of Houston, Texas. Retta playing for? Daniel Imami of Houston, Texas. Retta, are you ready? Yes. Okay, here's your first question. A dog in England has been on a tighter leash since its owner discovered

it had been doing what? A. Licking all the freshly washed dishes in the house. B. Traveling by bus twice a week to a local pub where he was fed sausages. Or C. Attempting to mate with the neighbor's cat, which it must be said was a very doggish looking cat. Well, I'm going to go with C. C?

Humping on a cat. Humping on a cat. Humping on a cat. Yeah. Yeah? Okay. I'm sorry. The answer was B, traveling by bus twice a week to the local pub where he was fed sausages. The funniest part is apparently he could catch the bus there, but couldn't catch the bus back.

So he always had to be driven home. Hilarious. All right. Retta, here's your next question. It's okay, you have two more guesses left, so here's your next question. After being robbed several times, a tire shop in Texas decided to enlist the help

of a guard dog. What happened next? A, the owners returned to discover the dog had chewed up every single one of their tires. B. The dog distracted a gang of robbers by humping their legs until the cops came.

C. The next time thieves broke in, they stole the dog and some more tires. Oh gosh. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, um I'm gonna go with C. Yes! That is correct!

They actually stole the guard dog on top of stealing the tires. The thieves must have had treats or he must have flunked guard dog school. All right, Retta, you are doing great. You got one right. Here is your last question. We like to give our dogs what they need.

Which of these was created just for dogs? A, a new dating website called Fetch Me helps your pup find true love by displaying photos and barks of the dogs registered with it. That's brilliant. B, Spotify launched Adoptify, a music service that helps you find a dog that shares your taste in music. Or C,

Petco created a new line of dog beds that you can custom order to smell like your dog's favorite butt. Well, I'm going to go with B. Spotify? Yes, that is correct.

Oh. Yes. You can find a dog that loves the kind weird emo music that you're into. And I say no matter how cute the dog is, music that you're into. And I say no matter how cute the dog is,

if that dog is into red hot chili peppers, keep it moving, dog. Bill, how did Retta do? You know, Retta is a winner in our books. Retta. Retta stars in the series Good Girls, which was just renewed for a second season on NBC. Retta, thank you so much for joining us on Great Great Dirt Home. Thank you.

Take care. If there was ever an audience to whom I didn't need to explain what Doctor Who is, I am looking at it. No, one of the actors who played Doctor Who is Matt Smith, who also plays the young Prince Philip in the hit TV show The Crown. Peter began our interview earlier this year by asking him which show had the most obsessive fans. There's only one winner.

Yeah. Doctor Who. Yeah. Doctor Who fans. Well, you were, as I understand it, the youngest person to take over the role of the Doctor. It was about 2010 when you did that. And for people who don't know,

the Doctor has been played over the course of 50 years by a bunch of different actors, and there's a conceit that he regenerates, and he becomes a different person, obviously. Yeah. And your Doctor seemed to be having a lot of fun well thank you very much yeah well you know he is he's you know he's an alien but that's what's so great about that is it gives you carte blanche to be very inventive like most other like characters if you take philip

for example to to get from a to z you've got to go through C, D, you've got to get to F, whatever. But with a doctor, he can just go A, Z, back, you know, and it doesn't really matter. He can skip all the letters of the alphabet. We lost a lot of those letters during the government shutdown. Yeah, I know. God, the government shutdown. I mean, blimey, guys. I know.

Look, I'm just going to, before you get all high and mighty, your country's about to fall off the edge of the earth. You know what's funny, of course, Matt, if Doctor Who were real, none of this ever would have happened. I know. He would have popped in. So you go from Doctor Who, this incredibly popular pop culture thing, to playing Prince Philip, who is a very real person.

So did you guys working on the show ever get anything back from the actual royal family about how they felt about how you were depicting them? I think that Philip was asked if he'd watched it, and he just turned around and said, don't be ridiculous, which I thought was very good. So sadly, you've been phased out of the crown because they're aging you out.

You're going to be replaced by an older actor, Tobias Menzies. Did you argue with him? Did you say, I can be old and decrepit? No, God no. You know, two years is enough. It'll be wonderful. I'm looking forward to the first season

of the next episode when, of course, Prince Philip dies and regenerates as Tobias Menzies. Yeah, yeah. Different costume. And then I just want to talk to you about your latest film, which is Mapplethorpe, that's out now, in which you play Robert Mapplethorpe.

Again, a very real person. He was an infamous photographer. Did you decide, like, okay, I'm going to play this gay, promiscuous guy who did hardcore sort of photography as art did you say like i will show all the people who love me as prince philip and dr who it was like distinctively trying to do something different no it wasn't that that much of a considered choice really it was just you know the script was around and and i found him very interesting i love new New York in the 70s and he had a propensity to be quite cruel and quite difficult

and I was interested in that. And so after playing a very difficult and complicated figure like Robert Mapplethorpe, you decided to do something light and play Charlie Manson. Yeah. Manson is someone I go, I don't really know where his truth lies.

And the one thing I sort of took away from him was I just went he's just really annoying It's a delight to talk to you there's so many things to talk about we have a game to play But there is a question and we ask this I don't know if you know our show we ask this of all our guests and sort of a tradition have you ever been stung in the testicles by a wasp Yeah Have you ever been stung in the testicles by a wasp? Yes. Oh!

Finally, we got one. Yes. Tell us about it. Well, I mean, it's funny that you ask that question, because yes, I have. I mean, briefly, I was in a moment of passion in the outdoor arena, as it were. And in said moment of passion

and ecstasy and joy and all that stuff, I was stung on the bollocks by a wasp. And I got up and ran around and, you know, it was both uncomfortable and with hindsight funny, but at the time I was just afraid.

Well, Matt Smith, we're all delighted to talk to you and could all day, but it is time to play a game, as we do with everyone. And this time, we're calling the game... You don't have to be beautiful to turn me on. So you play Prince Philip in The Crown, but what do you know about the true prince, Prince? We're going to ask you three questions about the purple one,

blessed be he. Get two right, and you three questions about the purple one. Blessed be he. Get two right and you'll win a prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Matt Smith playing for? Cody Benjamin of Atlanta, Georgia. Okay. Alright, here we go. Now, Prince was Prince's real name. He was born Prince Rogers Nelson. But when he was very young, he preferred

to be called by a nickname. What was it? A. Sex Monster. B. Beto, or C, Skipper? Beto? Yes. I'm going to go with B. You're going to go with B.

We should have anticipated you being British and not knowing about him. No, I'm afraid the answer was Skipper. Prince? Skipper. Skipper.

When he was a child, he'd like, call me Skipper, he'd say. Prince got an early break as a musician when he was hired to open for the Rolling Stones at a concert in L.A. in 1981, but it didn't go well. What happened? A, Mick Jagger looked at him and said,

nobody goes on stage who's skinnier than I am. B, fans chased him off stage by throwing garbage at him. Or C, Prince announced his set by saying, sorry, but it all goes downhill after I'm finished. B. It was B. So yes, it was B.

They chased him off the stage with garbage and he was very upset, but it was two nights and they said, don't worry about it. That was crazy. We're so sorry. Go on the second night, and it will be fine, and he went on the second night, and they chased him off the stage with garbage again. Wow.

But he got his vengeance by becoming amazingly successful and popular. All right. Yeah. Last question. If you get it right, you win. Prince once, later in his life, gave NBA star Carlos Boozer a check for half a million dollars just to apologize for something that Prince had done to him. What had Prince done?

A. He once criticized Boozer's playing style on the basketball court by saying, more like Carlos Snoozer, am I right? B. When Prince rented Boozer's home, he turned Boozer's bedroom into a hair salon without asking. Or C. At the 2007 NBA All-Star weekend, Prince hooked up with Boozer's girlfriend, Boozer's ex-girlfriend,

and then Boozer's mom. God, I wish it was C, but it's B. It is B, Matt. That's exactly what happened. Boozer rented Prince his L.A. mansion. Prince totally redecorated it, made the bedroom into a hair salon. Boozer's like, what'd you do?

Prince said, oh, here's half a million dollars. I'm sorry. But then Prince totally redid the house back to the way it was, and Boozer gave the half million back. Bill, how did Matt Smith do in our quiz? He would make Prince Philip proud. He got two out of three, so you're a winner, Matt.

Congratulations, Matt. Matt Smith, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you, thank you. Matt, thank you. Thank you, Matt. Thank you, sir. That's it for our special cramming all the fun in the limited time left edition

Wait, wait, don't tell me Is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago In association with Urgent Haircut Productions Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord Philip Godeka writes our limericks Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman Our interns are Panina Beattie and Lila Francis Our web guru is Beth Novy

BJ Lederman composed our theme Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Technical direction is Melona White, our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth.

Thanks to Bill Curtis, all of our panelists, all of our special guests, and of course, thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal, and we'll see you next week. This is NPR.