Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Best of WWDTM February 2020

Episode Date: February 20, 2021

This week, WWDTM spends time with the people we wish had been our Valentines; Sarah Paulson, Tyra Banks, A'ja Wilson, and Andrew Rannells.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hey, it's Peter. We want to invite you to our brand new live event, the Wait, Wait Comedy Club on the Internet. It's March 2nd at 8 p.m. Eastern Standard Time. We'll have all kinds of comedy by our panelists, Joel Kim, Booster, Maeve Higgins, Helen Hong, and Mo Rocca, with guest stand-up host Maz Jobrani. Learn more and get tickets at nprpresents.org. That's nprpresents.org. And we hope to see you there, virtually. We can't actually see you, but you will be able to seeents.org. That's NPRpresents.org. And we hope to see you there, virtually. We can't actually see you, but you will be able to see us. Thanks.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey, Rose, our news quiz. Hey, Rose, forget about Jack. Near, far, wherever you are, your heart, Bill, go on. With me, Bill Curtis, and here's your host, the man who wants you all to know it's not Valentine's Day, it's St. Valentine's Day, Peter Sagal. Thank you so much, Bill. It was an odd Valentine's Day this year. If you're single, you haven't been able to go out and meet anyone for a year. And if you're married, well, a romantic night in did not seem that tempting. You should do what my wife and I do, Peter. We each start at opposite ends of the mansion. And if we happen to run into each other, it seems like serendipity.

We're all still recovering from chocolate hangovers, so this week we're offering a selection of segments that made our hearts skip a beat from recent shows. Speaking of hearts beating faster, we interviewed Tyra Banks in September of last year. Peter asked her if she had been taking it easy during the pandemic. Oh, no. I started an ice cream company during the pandemic. A year ago, I trademarked Smythe Cream. Smythe is the word I created, which means small

as your eyes. Oh, we know. Yes. And it was supposed to be a late 2021 business. But during the pandemic, I was like, people need ice cream. Are you ever tempted just to say, I've done enough in this world and put on your fat pants and lie around for the rest of it? Oh my God, hell no. I just, well, I have put on the fat pants during quarantine. Oh, most deaf. I would say running an ice cream company is a good step in that direction. Yeah, apparently. Now I want to get to smizing which, as you say, is a term you invented. I'm delighted you've trademarked it.

It's smiling with your eyes. How did you come up with this in the first place? I came up with it because there's a way that when you look at a photo and you feel nothing, it's actually because the person is not smizing. So it's like their eyes are dead and they're not giving you anything. So for me, I turned that into smiling with your eyes.

And I would teach models and even my family and friends about smiling with their eyes. And I was like, wait, that is too much. When we tell somebody to smile for the camera, we say cheese. So I need to make this one syllable. So I stayed up all night, y'all. One night, stayed up all night. And I was writing on my paper. Smize.

S-M-E-Y-E-S. Sm paper my s-m-e-y-e-s my s-m-i-s-e finally i was i put s-m-i-z-e and i was like that's it and then i ran and trademarked it before i said it anywhere in the world so you i love this not only did you come up with the idea you stayed up all night like a mad scientist in his lab running back and forth adjusting the machinery until you got the right word that's fabulous okay if we and we'll talk about like everyday people not models want to smile with their eyes and let people know that there's something going on what sort of things should they be thinking there's many different ways there's a sultry sensuous fierce. And you need to be thinking about something that you love, like pizza. Then there's the smize of delight and of pleasure and of sweetness.

So there's like different ones. And you have to think of different things to activate a different muscle in your face. I didn't realize there was all the different. I thought it was one smize fits all. I didn't realize there was all these different types. There's the super smize. There's the super Smize. There's the you better record Smize. There's the paper Smize.

There's all kind of Smizes. But you know what? Guess who will not put Smize in the dictionary? No, tell me. Merriam-Webster. Oh, wow. We keep calling the Merriam-Webster people. What?

And they're just like, oh, you know, we've had our eye on Smythe for a couple of years. And I'm like, you know what? Now you just hate me. Depending on the editors of the Merriam-Webster dictionary, you might be better off sending them the cover of that Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue. I do wonder, I mean, as someone who was struck by that photograph when it first appeared some years ago, I do wonder what you were thinking at that point. I was thinking, what the hell is this photographer doing? These Polaroids back in the day, they would show you

like a test shot with a Polaroid. Yes. These Polaroids look crazy. It's raining outside. It's overcast. I have dark circles under my eyes. This new ass photographer does not know what the hell he's doing. These pictures are going to be awful. And then the pictures came out and they were amazing. So I don't know what the hell he was doing with those Polaroids because they were a hot mess. So that's your look of confused dissatisfaction? That's the look. And then I was on it again last year. And for the first time in the history of the Sports Illustrated having a website, not Sports Illustrated, so food edition website, but Sports Illustrated website, it crashed. Really? I'm proud of that. You crashed the Sports Illustrated website. That's great. So one last question, if I can. You are, of course, as we have been discussing, a supermodel. And we read that the person you find most attractive in this world is Larry David from Curb Your Enthusiasm. And first of all, as a fellow bald Jewish man, thank you. But second, what is it about Larry David?

Jewish man, thank you. But second, what is it about Larry David? It is something about his humor. It is something about his walk. It is his facial expressions. It's his eyes. He just does it for me. Larry, if you're listening, you're welcome. Well, Tyra Banks, it is an absolute joy to talk to you, but we have in fact invited you here to play a game we're calling Catwalk Meet Dogwalk. You've spent years, among many other things, teaching aspiring models to strut their stuff in the catwalk. But what do you know, we wondered, about walking dogs. So we're going to ask you three questions about dog walkers, professional and otherwise. And if you get two right, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose in their voicemail. Bill,

who is Tyra Banks playing for? John Peck of New York, New York. Alright, here's your first question, Tyra. A dog walker in the UK once had police called on him after he was caught doing what? A. Sniffing the butts of humans while his dog did it to their dog.

B. Playing fetch with his dog with a hand grenade, or C, asking people for money to help pay for his, quote, son's hair removal surgery. Oh, it's definitely sniffing booty. The dog is sniffing the dog. He bends down and sniffs the person. People got upset and called the police. Yeah. No, it was actually playing fetch with a hand grenade.

Ooh. They found it in a washed up cache of ammunition from World War II. Not a problem. You have two more chances. Alright. According to the Wall Street Journal, dog walking in Manhattan is so competitive that what

sometimes happens? A. Premium dog walkers advertise the ability to speak up to 20 different breeds of, quote, bark talk. B, the occasional give us one dog to walk will give you back two special promotions. Or C, rival dog walkers will watch to see if you don't pick up droppings and then leave a little sign with your name by the poop if you don't. Whoa. I'm going to say C, three.

They are so competitive, they rat you out. answerer. I have no idea. All right. In 2016, a Los Angeles man had considered starting a dog walking business but didn't want to deal with the poop. So he pivoted to doing what instead? A, becoming a dog food sommelier who provides samples and recommend wines for your dog. B, a dog impersonation service. He'll act as your dog in a furry suit for 10 bucks an hour. Or C, he started the first ever people walking business. He'll take you out for $7 a mile. I think it is A. He is a dog sommelier and he has like fancy foods and like alcohol-free grape water juice.

So you think that people are like asking people like what pairs with Alpo? What pairs? Oh, with wine? I thought it was food too. No, it's just wine. think that people are like asking people like what what pairs with alpo what what pairs oh was it wine i thought it was food too oh no it's just wine no i thought wine for dogs okay i'm gonna go with uh people walk but for seven walks a mile i think he's really cutting himself short i love the fact that you knew enough that a you knew what he was doing and b you knew he was undercharging people that is a stan Stanford Graduate School of Business instructor, ladies and gentlemen. You're right. That's what it was.

And apparently there were a lot of people who wanted to take him up on it. People wanted to go for walks with company. Yeah, I can see that. Bill, how did Tyra Banks do in our quiz? Tyra did very well, two out of three. And she'll be waltzing and dancing with the stars. Congratulations. Thank you. Now you know how people feel when dancing with the stars. Congratulations. Thank you.

Now you know how people feel when they win your competition. Totally. I feel like great. Tyra Banks is a model, actor, host, bestselling author, and you can next see her as the host of this season of Dancing with the Stars, Mondays on ABC. Tyra Banks, what a joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much. Bye. Because it's a Valentine's Day themed show today, we need to offer a clarification before our next segment. Nudism has nothing to do with romance or sexuality. It's an expression of natural and healthy living. Thank you, Bill. And with that, we are proud to present this completely non-romantic segment from last August. Maeve, we're asking you to play a new game that we're calling What's New with German Nudists?

So, Maeve, in this edition of What's New with German Nudists, people enjoying a park in Berlin, Germany, were surprised when a naked man ran through the park doing what? Oh. I mean, I've seen German nudists, and you know what they love to do is put moisturizer on one another.

Really? So was he putting moisturizer on somebody else? No, he was not putting moisturizer on somebody else. He was just chasing his dreams. A German nudist was chasing his dreams in Berlin. Not quite. That just sounds like an album name. It's hard to hint.

Do either of you gentlemen know this? Did you catch this story? No idea. I will give it to you. He was chasing the wild boar that had stolen his laptop. It happened in a park in Berlin where people often sunbathe nude.

It's Germany. They do that. But it was unusual that a boar and her two piglets grabbed a backpack that just happened to contain this old naked guy's laptop, and they took off running, and the man got up to chase after them into the trees running past, and this is key, someone with their camera out. I guess, like, the boar needed to communicate or needed to get online for some reason. Hey, man, boars need to get on Instagram as well.

I mean, you know, come on now. That sounds like the story you would tell while you were doing something else. You know, officer, you're not going to believe it. A boar stole my laptop. I was chasing him into the woods. I didn't even know those women were there. I heard the squealing and I couldn't help looking. Yeah.

Now, it's a happy ending. The man got his laptop back. Plus, he got the phone numbers of three guys who admired his Weltanschauung. It all sounds so dangerous, also. The idea of running naked. Like, I just wouldn't want

to be anywhere in the brush. Like, it just feels like you could get hurt. That's true. And also, Berlin is such an urban... I mean, it's literally a city. I can't believe that there's boars there and there's space for nudists there. Thank God they got rid of the barbed wire. Oh, yes.

When we come back, star of stage and screen Andrew Reynolds, plus the bright side of being stuck at home. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. This episode of Life Kit, we're getting intimate. Exploring yourself is a really great way to, one, pass the time, but also just to get to know yourself better. Understanding the power of touch and self-pleasure. How self-appreciation can spark deeper engagement with ourselves and the world. Listen now to NPR's Life Kit. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host, the man who's still hoping to hear

back from the girl he passed a note to in seventh grade, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. This is a week in which you might have paid more attention to how you look than you have for the past year. And that for many of us just means putting on a slightly cleaner pair of pajamas. But last year we offered some tips on improving your look anyway, in limerick form. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Katie from Washington, D.C. Hey, Katie, how are you? I am about as good as one can be these days. That's the best that we can hope for. What do you do there in Washington? I am a policy advisor to a United States senator. Ooh.

Goodness. Is that as exciting and fun as I assume it would be? They have very serious meetings and walk briskly down corridors discussing important things? There was some of that, right, back in the day, but it's been several months. There has been no hallway brisk walking. Right.

Well, Katie, welcome to our show. Now, you're playing the Listener Limerick Challenge, which means that Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a big winner. You ready to play? Sure am.

Here is your first limerick. Though camping life can be a mess, I still wear fancy clothes that impress. It might come as a shock, I pitch tents in a frock. I go hiking while wearing a... Dress? Yes, dress.

Very good. This week, Outside Magazine published an ode to the adventure dress, a dress you wear while hiking. The magazine praised the dresses for being comfortable and flexible, while Poison Ivy called them a breakthrough in convenience. Sounds very Little House on the Prairie. Very much so. The adventure dress is gaining in popularity. You just pair them with a chunky sunblock and your favorite hiking stilettos, and you're ready for a night out on the trail. sunblock and your favorite hiking stilettos and you're ready for a night out on the trail. I thought this was not that big a deal, but apparently it is to have dresses that are made specifically for outdoor adventure. I mean, you know, there'll be hiking skirts, even kilts. Don't make a rock climbing kilt. There are some things we don't want to see. All right. Very good. Here is your next limerick.

All right, very good. Here is your next limerick. On TikTok, I've seen some reports that say legs look good on and off courts. More guys have now been seen with cute five-inch inseams. So I've cut down the length of my... Shorts. Right. While women are getting into hiking dresses, men are getting into Daisy Dukes.

Apparently, five and a half inch inseams on shorts make men way hotter. Finally giving admirers a good look at those hairy thighs. This is all according to the New York Post, so why would they lie? I hope this isn't a trend. I don't need the accessory of five and a half inch shorts. No, we have to, no. Alonzo, I did a story about this and let me tell you, the reason you want to be wearing shorter shorts is that on men, legs are the last things to go. You did a story about this? I did for CBS Sunday Morning about men's shorts

and why men should be wearing shorter shorts. I mean, I know it sounds a little weird. So what you're telling me is that as men get older, say to my age, and everything else has fallen apart. Everything else, Peter, everything else is falling apart, but your legs will stay intact pretty much until the very end. Really? So if I'm going to go out, I might as well show off the only part of me that does not look like a complete wreck. Exactly. And that's why so often now they have an open casket, but just the bottom half is open.

Exactly. Get a look at those pins. Sometimes a half a casket so the legs just stick out the bottom. Katie, Katie, here is your last limerick. I'll feign youth with no sarcastic perjury. I saw docs, but without drastic urgency. The pandemic allows lifted cheeks and firmed brows. I took time for some quick... I didn't hear the last word, but I'm pretty sure it's plastic surgery.

You're right, plastic surgery. Very good. Plastic surgeons are reporting a backlog of people making appointments, citing that patients, quote, aren't liking what they're seeing on Zoom. So apparently your coworkers aren't actually listening to your presentation. They're trying to figure out if they would like your nose instead. Quarantine is also a great time to get surgery because we're not socializing. We can spend however many weeks in isolation waiting for the scars to heal. And when you go out, if you have to go out, you get to wear a mask. Plus, while you're getting the nose job, you can have your doctor seal up your nostrils for extra safety. You don't need a nose job if you wear shorter shorts. Because no one will be looking at your nose. They'll be going, oh my god.

Yeah, well, I did. Maybe now is a good time to say i got i finally got my butt implants that i've been saving you did and how do you feel do you feel better about yourself because it's really what it's about it's so comfy when i sit down now it's just whoo i thought you were sitting up higher on the screen i'm so happy thank you mo six thousand dollars worth of uh whoopee cushions that they just inserted into uh my lower back bill how did katie do on our quiz katie did great she got them all right very good congratulations katie thank you take care bye bye we've been stuck inside for almost a year now, but it hasn't all been bad.

We asked our panelists back in September about a benefit of being locked in. And also, when you finally can't take it, how best to get rid of your house. Hari, according to a new study, people have saved as much as $2,000 apiece during the pandemic. Just because they've been making what at home? Dinner. No. Lunch. Breakfast.

Can I get a hint? Sure. I've got a flat white for me. Is there a me here? Sex. Coffee. Yes, coffee. Estimates are that since people are making coffee from home rather than buying it from coffee shops,

we're saving up to $2,000 per person over the course of the pandemic. Of course, we still miss the experience of going to a Starbucks, so some of us have been recreating it by burning a $10 bill while misspelling our own name. Or, if you really want to capture it, invite random strangers inside to stay in your bathroom for like 25 minutes. And use your Wi-Fi. Exactly. Oh, I've saved money on everything since the pandemic. You know, the only thing I can't save money on is pet food.

Yeah, they just keep eating. When they look at me, you know, with those sad eyes, I go, but there's a pandemic. And they still want to be fed. You can make your own pet food at home. You can. I mean, all you need is like some dead animals in a blender. It's true. Anyway, don't get too cocky about saving all this money on coffee. We've also been blowing that money on sourdough starters and zoom couples counseling. Paula,

the wall Street Journal reports that people across the country are increasing the value of their homes by taking what simple step? Doesn't cost anything except maybe just a new sign on front. Oh, putting a political sign in their front yard? Oh, heck no.

I'll give you another hint. Like, you could be living in Poundstone Manor. Oh, they just have a name for their dwelling? Yes. Giving your house a name increases its apparent value. You could put a fancy new kitchen in your trash heap of a house, or you could just put out a sign that says, Trash Heap Hall, and get $10,000 over asking.

Wow. That's fair. Who wants a feral home? That's true. If you name your house, does it come when you call? My house, Pandemic Palace, should fly off the shelf. It should.

It should. Realtors and Airbnbers are finding a name really attracts customers. I mean, wow, I know this place has a weird smell, but what if I told you it was called Casa de Previous Owner Had Cats? Now, do cutesy names work? You know, I mean, you know, Wits End and stuff like that. How about New Zealand? I feel like New Zealand would be...

New Zealand would be an excellent name for a house, yeah. And you can use it as an excuse. No, I don't live with my mom. I live in Chateau Mama. Exactly. Le basement de Chateau Mama. Believe it or not, we weren't always locked inside. It's true.

There was a time when we were allowed to go to theaters and talk to people in front of other people. I was there. Don't believe him? Here's proof. In March of 2019, we gathered in our theater in Chicago and talked to Andrew Rannells, who became famous first on Broadway in the Book of Mormon and then on TV in Girls and Black Monday. But I wanted to ask him about all the jobs he lost before he hit it big. The sounds you hear as we speak to him are what we called an audience.

Okay, well, it was by my choice, just to be clear. I right. I was very good at an interview. I would give a very solid job interview, and then I would get the job, show up, work for one day, decide I hated it, and then leave. Really? So can you give me an example of the kind of job you did for a day, then left? Well, I did

work at a restaurant near Columbia University called Nacho Mamas. Yeah. And I worked there as a host for Columbia University called Nacho Mama's. Yeah. And I worked there as a host for one day, and then I just never returned. Right. Andrew, this is Paula Poundstone. Can I ask you a question? When you applied for work at Nacho Mama's, had you been there before?

Had you seen it? Did you know what you were in for? Yes, Paula. I am sad to say I knew exactly what I was getting into, but I had only been drunk at that bar. I had never thought about what it would actually be like to work for drunk people at the bar. So you didn't, did you ask any questions during your interview? Did you ever say, like, so what will I do? Oh, God, no, Paula. I, um, that was also, like, I had a job.

I was a temp at Ernst & Young. They asked me all these questions about, do you know how to answer phones? I was like, sure. Then once I was there... Do you not know how to answer phones? I think it was multiple lines. That's complicated.

That is hard. My only experience with that was watching Lily Tomlin in 9 to 5 do it. Now, you grew up in Omaha. We were just talking about theater kids in high school, so I assume you were one. Well, yes, but I went to an all-boys Catholic school that did not have a drama program, so I did community theater shows, which means I would often be like, I remember when I was like, I don't know, 17, and I did a production of A Funny Thing Happens

on the Way to the Forum, but the woman I was playing opposite was like 45. Right. I did a lot of shows like that. You did a lot of shows like that. That's called acting, Andrew. It's acting. It was acting.

I have to ask, how did the whole Catholic school thing work out for you? So great. So you move off to New York to be a performer, and how quickly did it take you to get actually performing jobs? You know, I started performing. I did some summer stock jobs right after, while I was still in college,

and then I did some dinner theater in Westchester. And then I did a really unfortunate tour of a show called Pokemon Live. Wait. So you were in a live Pokemon show? Was this performance on ice? How dare you? I know.

I'm a trained actor. Can you give us a sample? I have no idea what this was like. Can you give us a sample of what your lines were from Pokemon the Stage Spectacular? No, I will not. Pokemon the stage spectacular? No, I will not.

So we read that you used to audition all the time with just one song. That is correct. I decided for myself that I sounded very good singing Born to Run. Right. Wow. By Bruce Springsteen. So I would just sing that for every audition, whether it was correct or not. Like I sang it for my audition

for the Lincoln Center revival of South Pacific. I sang it for the revival of Fiddler on the Roof. Do you channel that white man emotion in that song? Yeah. Do you channel that into the performance? Well, lucky for me, I'm an emotional white man. Yeah, I know. Well, Andrew Reynolds, it is an absolute pleasure to talk to you,

but now it is time to play a game with you, and we are calling it The Book of Merman. Ooh. You started The Book of Mormon, but what do you know about The Book of Merman. Ooh. You started The Book of Mormon, but what do you know about The Book of Merman, namely Ethel Merman? Wait a second. Is this because I'm gay?

I mean, I'm fine either way. Okay. We're going to ask you three questions about Ethel Merman. You get two right. That's all you need to do. You win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Andrew Rannells playing for? Andrew Johnston of New York, New York.

All right. All right. Here we go. First question. There are a lot of stories of Ethel Merman's, quote, colorful language. Once she was backstage at Gypsy, of course, her big signature role, and overheard the stage manager swearing in front of the children in the cast. What did she say?

Was it A, nobody corrupts those little angels but me, so bleep off. B, nothing, she just sang a high C until everybody fled. Or C, quote, she said, don't say s*** in front of the KIDS. I'm going with C. You're right. A lot of stories about Ethel Merman's colorful language. There's a story that when a religious Hollywood actress asked her to put a dollar in a swear jar for saying hell,

she said, well, how much do I have to put in to make you a**hole? All right, next question. Ethel Merman's fourth and final marriage was to actor Ernest Borgnine. Yeah. It lasted only 32 days. Wow. What did she say about the marriage in her autobiography?

Was it A, my marriage to Borgnine was the only thing shorter than he was? B, at work, he did McHale's Navy. At home, he was McHale's Lazy. Or C, nothing. Ooh. A? No, it was not A. It was C. It was only a blank page. All right. Yeah, it was not good.

There are various stories about why their marriage broke up. One of them, believe it or not, is that Borgnine used to like to fart in bed and then pull up the covers, giving her a so-called Dutch oven. And I wish I was kidding. All right, if you get this last one right, Andrew, you win for your listener.

Ms. Merman continued performing almost up to her death in 1984. Which of these was her last role? A, the voice of the shrieking poltergeist in E.T., B, playing a crazy person who thinks he is Ethel Merman, or C, Grand Moff

Berfinian in The Empire Strikes Back? B. You are right. Wow! It's in the movie Airplane. Robert Hayes is telling a war story about the old corporal whatever who went crazy and thought he was Ethel Merman, and they cut to it, and it's Ethel Merman.

And that was her last role. That's some good casting. I know. Bill, how did Andrew Randall's do in our quiz? Two out of three. That's a big win for us, Andrew. Congratulations. I did it.

You did do it. I think it's awesome. This will be part of your volume two, I hope. I hope so, too. Andrew Randall's new memoir, Too Much Is Not Enough, is out now. Andrew Randall, what a pleasure to talk to you. And thank you so much for joining us. Thank you.

So many thanks, Anthony. Take care. When we come back, an interview with the best Drew Barrymore impersonator alive and the best basketball player ever named after a Steely Dan album. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. There is so much Black excellence in the sciences that we want to celebrate. So in honor of Black History Month, all this week, Shortwave is featuring conversations with Black scientists and educators, people doing incredible work and pushing for a world where science serves everyone. Listen now to the Short Wave podcast from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, one of the only people in the world to celebrate, say, Galentine's Day, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. It's our Valentine's Day edition, which we're using as an excuse to bring you some interviews with people we really love. For example, actor Sarah Paulson. She told us she hates to watch herself on screen. And Peter thought he might understand why. I kind of get you not wanting to watch yourself perform because I'm watching American Horror Story Asylum right now. And good Lord, they really put you through the wringer. It's true.

So how did it work? Like every year they came to you and said, oh, Sarah, you're going to love this year. This year you're going to be committed to an insane asylum against your will and then kidnapped by a serial murderer. And I'm like, sign me right up. Thank you. Sign me right up. Listen, all I ever wanted was like a black tooth and a peg leg. And so like I'm, you know, doing all kinds of wackadoo, running from clowns, screaming, crying.

Mostly it's a lot of screaming and crying. Does being tortured, fictionally, that much actually start to have an effect on your psyche? For me, it does. I've almost passed out a couple of times. They've thrown some salt tablets at me a couple of times. It's like, all right, everybody cut, break for lunch. Somebody revive Sarah, please.

Yeah, I could pick Sarah up, get some smelling salts. If you just want to throw her an electrolyte little tablet, I think it'll be good to go. And I still keep showing up every season. I don't know what's wrong with me. villainous to each other during the scene that as soon as they called cut wheel broke into laughter. Cause it was just so over the top cruelty. And did you ever, was it ever like that in the set of that show? I mean, so many awful things are being done to each other by each of you that when

they call cut, you're like, Oh my God, that was great. Oh, when you stabbed me, I love that. Some,

some other people on a set are doing that, but I'm over there like that really hurt. You know, it's like, I just take it too far, but there are plenty of pranksters on our sets who, you know, in my opinion, just don't take the work very seriously. And if they did take it more seriously and were more dedicated to their craft, they might too need to visit a psychiatric institution. I want to know, and I'm not, believe me, I'm not putting you on the spot here, but I just want to know, Drew Barrymore has a talk show now.

Have you been a guest on it yet? I haven't, but she's asked me. That is a really random question. No, it's because he's not random. He's actually asking an informed question because I do an impression of Drew Barrymore and have done it publicly. And so he's asking because he knows it. All right. Until this very moment, I did not know that a Drew Barrymore impression was even possible because I was not aware that Drew Barrymore spoke in such a distinctive way.

What? What are you talking about? There's like one very, very defining characteristic about her and that's her lisp. Lisp. All right. Show me. Yeah. Okay.

Hi. It's so nice to meet you guys. I'm so excited to be here. Thank you. All right, I am proved wrong. Thank you. You guys, I've loved being here. This is so wonderful. We understand that you actually had a role.

It was on Studio 60 in the Sunset Strip, that Aaron Sorkin show that came and went, in which you played an actor, a performer, whose great skill was imitating a whale. A dolphin. A dolphin, excuse me. So you presumably can, in fact, imitate dolphins. I can try.

It's been a long time. Hold on. It's been a long time. Hold on. Do Drew Barrymore talking to the dolphin. I just, I'm so excited to meet you. Actually, didn't she do a movie where she was rescuing a whale from underneath the cracked ice? I think she did.

Yes, I think she did. I think she did too. It's called Big Miracle. And it was with Drew Barrymore and John Krasinski. Thank you. Did you just Google that? No, Sarah, I just know that. Who doesn't?

So it has been a delight to talk to you. But, well, you starred in American Horror Story, so we have asked you here to play a game we're calling... Canadian Horror Story. So horror is a little different in Canada. We're going to ask you about three terrible, awful, bad things that happened to our neighbors to the north. Brr. Get two right, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose in their home answering machine. Bill, who is Sarah Paulson playing for?

Paul Brown of Cincinnati, Ohio. All right. You ready to do this? I'm a competitive person. Hit me. Go. All right, here we go. This is your first Canadian horror story. One of the worst scandals in Canadian political history happened in 1971 when Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau was accused of doing what? Was it A, parking in such a way that he took up two spaces, B, possibly mouthing a dirty word on the house floor, or C, cutting in line at a buffet saying he didn't have to stand in line again because he was just getting more bread?

I'm going to go with three. No, I'm afraid it was B. I thought that was too obvious. Can I do another one? No, sir. You don't understand. We're very obvious. Yes.

Okay. Good to know. I'll make sure to keep that in mind going forward. What happened was, yes, this whole scandal, and it was a scandal, is known as the Fuddle Duddle scandal because he maintains that's what he was mouthing. Fuddle Duddle? Fuddle Duddle. Pretty sure that's not what he was mouthing. Yeahuddle-duddle? Fuddle-duddle. Pretty sure that's not what he was mouthing.

Yeah, the Canadians weren't buying it either, let me tell you. You have two more chances. All right. Don't worry about it. Another terrible thing, horrified uncounted numbers of Canadians in 1985, when what happened to them? A, they purchased canned tuna that may have turned bad. B, they paid for a pay-per-view curling event that ended up being about hair curling.

Or C, they saw Back to the Future and believed falsely that somebody had overdubbed Michael J. Fox's Canadian accent with an American one. Oh, God, C is so good. I want it to be C so badly. I do too. But I suspect it's A? And you're right, Sarah.

It was in fact A. This again was another huge scandal. People lost their jobs because this tuna that did not pass inspection was canned and sold anyway. And as far as anybody knows, nobody was affected by the bad tuna in any way. That's the real horror story right there. All right. Your last question. That's the real horror story right there.

All right, your last question. A Canadian named David Stupich was convicted for running a criminal enterprise that involved what sinister plot? A, selling grade B maple syrup that was falsely labeled as grade A. B, diverting the income from a charity bingo game for his own use. Or C, fixing minor league hockey games by slightly melting the ice on one side. It's not B, though. B is just too grim. It's funny because I was going to say B.

Oh, listen to Mo. Don't listen to Mo. B. Yes, it's B. See, my instincts are good, Mo. Your instincts are certainly better than yours. You are leading me the wrong way, sir. Absolutely.

No, it was B. It was known as Bingo Gate, and he was convicted of this crime and sentenced to two years of having to live with his daughter. I don't know why that was a punishment, but that was his sentence. Wow. Bill, how did Sarah Paulson do in our quiz? Two out of three, Sarah. That's a win. Thank you.

Yes, indeed. I love to win. I like to win. I like to win. I like winning. Sarah Paulson is an Emmy-winning actress you can see in the new movie Run, streaming on Hulu. Sarah Paulson, thank you so much for joining us. You were just delightful. Thank you so much for having me. Take care. Bye. Bye. Bye-bye.

Bye. The NBA managed to finish their season in, quote, the bubble in Orlando, Florida. But so did the WNBA, which played its entire season on a school campus near Sarasota. The MVP of that season was Asia Wilson, who some say is the greatest woman to ever play the game. Despite all the praise and trophies, she says it wasn't easy. But at the end of the day, I really miss my puppies. I miss my family and my boyfriend. It was so hard not having them come to the bubble. But yeah, it was definitely just like a different kind of feel. When I got out of the bubble,

my boyfriend kind of treated me like I was in prison. He's just like, you know, we're going to Chick-fil-A. You can use the credit card. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You spent, I don't know how many weeks isolated away from him and his idea of like a romantic reunion dinner is Chick-fil-A. Yeah. It was just, he knew that's what I wanted so bad. Like I just,

sure. I can see that. You've been an elite athlete playing to huge crowds for a very long time. So it must've been really weird to play in front of nobody. Am I right? Yes, actually. It was probably one of the worst things that didn't really play in my

favor because the refs can now hear what you have to say. So after I made a bucket, I was like, and then the refs just like, okay, I hear you now. So here we go. And it was in like game five.

Like it was just like elimination game, like winner go home. So like the stakes are high emotions flying. And all of a sudden, like I get teed up and I'm just like, excuse me. Like that is my paycheck you're taking out of. I'm here for three months. You're going to mad at me because I cussed on the court doing something that

I'm passionate about. So yeah, I missed the crowd in that way. Is that NBA, WNBA? Like what other leagues? I've seen them all cuss. The coaches cuss. That's what I'm saying. And I'm just like, all right. Is this sexism? I think it is. It's insane, man. Like the boys can cuss, but the girls can't.

They pay you a fraction of what they pay the men, and you're not even allowed to swear about it? Okay, I'm mad. Yeah, Steve. That's why I was like, ooh, I miss the crowds, because that way they don't hear me. But yeah, they were all up in our grill. That's certified nonsense.

That is ridiculous. You're a professional athlete. It's not like you're somebody on an NPR show. Yeah, me cussing would be ridiculous. Like, ah, I love the effing news. Like, no. I'm just saying. So I always assume whenever I'm lucky enough to talk to somebody at your level

that you were always good at basketball. I know your father played ball, right? Well, yeah. Yeah, I wouldn't necessarily say that I was always good. I was the young girl on the end of the bench that uniform was falling off of her. I had to hold my socks up with rubber bands because I was so skinny.

And my dad was my coach, so I knew I was not good at basketball when my own father wouldn't play me. Sounds like your dad wanted to win, yo. Right, winning over his daughter. I did it. It helped me because I was like, okay, I got to earn my dad's trust right now. I heard this and I just have to ask you if it's true that your first name is Aja, A-J-A. Is it true that you were named after the Steely Dan record? I was, yeah. That was my dad's favorite song.

He would always play it and he told my mom if he were to ever have a daughter, he would name her Asia. And when I was born, my dad was like, okay, Asia it is. How does it go? Could you just, I don't, I'm not familiar. Um, up on a hill, they go, ah, ah, ah. And then all I know is like, Asia That's how I tell people the song goes. I'm like, oh yeah, you say my name.

Just start pushing out in dance. Well, Asia Wilson, it is really great to talk to you, but we have in fact invited you here to play a game we're calling. Please take a number and stand in line so you're the mvp so we were wondering what you might know about the dmv the office where we are all forced to spend time if we want to drive answer two out of three questions correctly you'll win our prize for one of our listeners the voice of anyone they might choose in their voicemail bill who is asia wilson playing for andrew dunn of Boston, Massachusetts. All right.

You ready for this? Yeah. Here's your first question. A man trying to register his car in New England after moving there from New Mexico ran into some serious resistance at his local DMV. Why? A, they refused to believe that there ever was a car make called Datsun. B, the DMV official said, we don't register cars from foreign countries. Or C, the clerk said, wait a minute, New Mexico? You're Walter White fleeing justice, aren't you? I hate

you. I'm going to go with A. You're going to go with A, that they refused to believe there ever was a car called a Datsun. Yes. It was actually B. In order to register his car, he says, somebody had to go get a road atlas and show the people that yes, New Mexico is in fact a state in the United States. Alright, it's okay. You have two more chances. I love how competitive she is. She just

might cuss. Cuss! Cuss! Cuss! It's public radio. They don't ever have to pay for the bleeps. They got a whole bleep account that they've never used. Cuss. Bleep. Wait a minute. Dulce thinks we have like a box of bleeps somewhere we've never had to use because nobody

swears on public radio. I know that bleeps cost money, but nobody ever cusses on public radio. Asia, this is your time to shine, friend. All right. You still have two more chances you can win this thing. Here is your next question. The DMV is where you go to get vanity plates, which have gotten some people into trouble, like which of these? A, a California man who got a vanity plate that says null, N-U-L-L, and as a result, he gets sent every ticket when the traffic cop forgets to write in the license number. B, an Illinois woman who has caused 14 accidents with her plate.

Look B, hind U. Or C, a Utah man who was caught having an affair when his wife saw his cheatin' heart vanity plate in the parking lot of a motel. I have to get one of these. I honestly have never seen anyone worry as much about this as you are right now you're actually you're hyperventilating a little you're sweating i am sweating okay there's a reason why she's the mvp peter apparently this is the passion and intensity she brings to every competition i can see it now give her a and b again a and b is the california man he null, N-U-L-L.

I'm liking the null because every time you put an A, it forgets it because it's null. Right. You're going to choose that? Yes. Yes, you're right. Very good. You got that one.

Yes. We were all sweating. We were all sweating for you. I'm sweating for you. This is very exciting. I'm actually palpitating a little. This is very intense. All right, last question.

Some of the stereotypes about the DMV apparently have some truth to them as in which of these cases? A, a survey at a Michigan DMV office found that 30% of the people there sincerely believed that they had died and gone to hell. B, an investigation by the Chicago Sun-Times showed that all the computers in the Illinois DMV aren't even turned on and employees just pretend to type in things all day.

Or C, a state audit found one employee at a California DMV slept on the job for three hours a day, every day, for four years. Oh my gosh. C! Yes! Yes! That is right! C. Yes! Yes, Asia!

That is right! Turns out that woman ended up being paid for 2,200 hours of sleeping. Oh my God, I'm so happy I got through that. Bill, how did Asia do in her quiz? She won with two out of three. Asia Wilson is a forward for the Las Vegas Aces of the WNBA, and she was the MVP of that league for 2020. She's also the founder of the Asia Wilson Foundation.

More information at ajawilsonfoundation.org. Asia Wilson, what an absolute joy to talk to you. You're a delight. Thank you so much for being with us. You're the best. Thank you for having me. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Philip Godega writes our limericks. Our house manager is Gianna Cappadona. Our intern is Emma Choi. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Nurembos, and Lillian King. How now, Peter Gwynn? Technical direction is from Lorna White.

Her business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Mike Danforth. Thanks to everyone you heard on our show this week, all our panelists, all our guests, and, of course, Bill Curtis. Thanks to all of you for listening every week. Spring is almost here, guys. I can feel it.

I'm Peter Sagal, and we'll be back with a new show next week. This is NPR.