Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Best of WWDTM Summertime 1

Episode Date: August 14, 2021

This week, WWDTM is on Summer Break, so enjoy some of our favorite moments from past shows with guests Zach Galifinakis, Kristine Lilly, and Charlie Day, plus the mysterious case of the Pooperintendent.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey, you've put in the work and watched what you ate. Time to show off your beach billy. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, a man who tattooed his six-pack on, Peter Sager. Thank you, Bill. It is August, the only month without any federal holidays. And in protest over this injustice, we are taking time off anyway. We will continue to do so until the government finally gives Herbert Hoover's birthday official status. Born August 10th, 1874, President Hoover's chief achievement is

really not seeming that bad anymore, if you grade on a curve. We are taking to the streets because that's how you get down to the beach. So in the meantime, we've got some fantastic stuff we would like to share with you. When comedian and actor Zach Galifianakis

joined us, his show, Between Two Ferns, which was either a parody of a cable access talk show or just a cable access talk show, had just been made into a movie. So we have a hooter. It's all right. So I watched the movie, which is hilarious and has a bunch of Between Two Ferns interviews and celebrities actually want to be on your show, right?

They want to come and do this. I don't know. I mean, I don't really know why they would want to do it but it's not a prank show. I'm not trying to prank anyone. And if I understand correctly you tell the celebrities their job is basically to sit there and just... Well, I tell them they don't have to be funny.

They just have to sit there and be weirded out. Yeah. And we will give them insults to give back to me. But sometimes in the moment we just get talking and the insults kind of fly naturally. I've cut an interview short because the person, and I don't want to reveal who it was, but the person was acting so well, I thought they were going to just choke me out in the parking lot. Really? So somebody was acting so upset at your character

that you honestly thought that this was going that badly? And I kind of said, we're done, to the director. And he said, we don't have anything. And I said, well, I want my life. You'd rather live. You can say Florence Henderson. You can say Florence Henderson. But it turned out that person just was that great of an actor.

I was just fooled by them. Wow. But I don't try it. I'm not trying to hurt anybody's feelings. I just am trying to cause weirdness. Yeah. But it is amazing. For example, you did one with President Obama. Oh, yeah, I forgot about that.

Oh, yeah, I understand. I'll have to set your mind. And so you're going to go to the White House. This is when they were rolling out the... Obamacare. The Obamacare thing, and they were trying to get it around to things the youth might watch.

And so when you got a chance to go do this bit with President Obama, what did you say to yourselves? I just couldn't believe... You know, even when we got to the White House, I just thought that it was never going to happen. And I was nervous. And actually, I sat on some historic furniture that was roped off at the White House twice. Really? Two different times.

I mean, was that like the rope tie between the arms? Yeah, it was next to the war room, or it was the war room, or the map room, and I didn't know that there was a velvet rope situation, and I had sat down on one of the seats, and then a security guard blew his whistle at my ear, and then I was so nervous I did it again. Zach, this is Roxanne Roberts.

Did the president have any sense of, or do any of the celebrities you interview, have any sense when you start what you're going to ask, or is it all news to them as you ask it? Is it more like improvisation? I don't give them the questions ahead of time. With President Obama, though, because of limited time, that one was more scripted

than the others, but he just kind of ran with it, and a lot of that is improv'd. Really? So, in your interview with President Obama, you sit with the then President of the United States, and you say, if I remember correctly, how does it feel to be the last black

president? And you said that to him. And I legitimately thought he was about to kill you. Well, he doesn't have to kill me. He has people around him. That's true. That was one of the questions where I asked his speechwriter,

I pointed to that question before we taped it, and I said, has he seen that question? And the speechwriter looked at me and said, yeah, I think so, and just walked off like, of course he hasn't seen it. So when you were sitting there with the president and you didn't know that he knew you were about to ask that, and you did it anyway? I'm playing an idiot.

So when you're playing an idiot, you kind of get away with things because part of the comedy for this thing is how not to be as a human being. Right, yes. So I don't know, he just took it in stride, and his response, I think, was made up. Yeah, do you remember his response?

He just told, I can't remember exactly what it says, which is weird, because I watch it 16 times a day. Yeah, I would too. I have to say, and I've seen baskets, which is great as well, you often play people who are terrible people. They're just,

they're not self-aware. They're not nearly as talented as they think they are. They're mean to people. That's correct. So when will you be running for president?

Yeah. Yeah. be running for president. Yeah. Well, Zach Galifianakis, we have asked you here to play a game we're calling Between Two Derns.

Hmm. We've been talking about Between Two Ferns, but what do you know about the Derns? Specifically, Bruce and Laura Dern, the father-daughter team

of actors. Answer two out of three questions about the Derns, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose from our show. Bill, who is Zach Galifianakis playing for? Johnny Mays of Austin, Texas. Are you ready to play this game? Yes, I am ready.

Here's your first question. Bruce Dern got his start by getting rave reviews in a Broadway play in 1958. What was unusual about his role? Was it A, he remained entirely still and entirely silent for the entire play? B, he spent only 52 seconds on stage? Or C, he played the rear end of a horse? It is C. It is C, he played the rear end of the horse? Yes.

It was actually B. That's what I meant. That's what I meant. I understand. I understand. The theater critic Walter Kerr wrote of the play, which he did not like, quote, The play's saving grace is a 52-second performance by a heretofore unknown actor named Bruce Stern. Ooh.

But it started them off. All right, you still have two more chances. There's no problem. Bruce Stern later was horribly criticized for another role. He even received death threats for doing it. Why? A, he played the title role

in The Misunderstood Mussolini. B, he shot John Wayne in the back. Or C, he shot Raquel Welch in the front oh boy is this is this for me again this is for you

yeah um B you're right it is B in the movie wow he shoots John Wayne

in the back apparently nobody had ever done this to John Wayne in his entire movie career no villain had ever successfully killed John Wayne before the back. Apparently, nobody had ever done this to John Wayne in his entire movie career. No villain had ever successfully killed John Wayne before the end of the movie. And John Wayne on set said to Bruce Dern, you know,

people are going to hate you for this. And Bruce Dern said to him, yeah, but they're going to love me in Berkeley. Which is a great line. Alright. So that, we've been talking about Bruce Dern, the father. Let's talk about Laura Dern. Once, while working on a David been talking about Bruce Dern, the father. Let's talk about Laura Dern. Once, while working on a David Lynch movie,

Laura Dern told a producer, you're in a David Lynch movie, dude. You've got to sit back and enjoy the ride. What was she referring to? A, David Lynch had just announced that for the rest of the filming, the catering would just be ice cubes in the shape of demons. B, David Lynch had just told the producer,

from now on, Laura Dern over there is a kitty cat, and you are Laura Dern. Or C, David Lynch had told the producer he needed, quote, a one-legged woman, a monkey, and a lumberjack by 3.15 p.m. What are people saying in the audience? People are saying, we got a bunch of David Lynch fans. C, right? And they're all saying C, yes. Yeah, C. You're right, it was C. And in fact, the producer got them, but not until

4 p.m. Bill, how did Zach Galifianakis do in our quiz? He did very well. Zach, congratulations. You got two out of three. Congratulations. Congratulations. You did very well, Zach. Congratulations.

You got two out of three. Congratulations. Zach Galifianakis is a comedian, and he is the star of Between Two Ferns, the movie. It is streaming now on Netflix. Thank you so much, Zach Galifianakis. What a thrill. Thanks so much.

Take care, Zach. Bye-bye. Here's another bit of wonderfulness that keeps us even warmer on these warm nights. Mo, this week a woman in California made national news when she scared away a bear by using only what? By dressing up as a bigger bear. The bear knew it was in trouble because she called it by its full name, Grizzly Beth Marie Bear. Oh, wait, she pretended to be the bear's angry spouse? Well, close.

Like, where have you been, bear? You're so close. Not spouse, but... Oh, mistress! Oh, mother. Yes. Mother. I love that you went right to the spouse, mistress.

The mother. So an angry mother. It should have been mother-in-law. No, well, she says her mom voice. So she had it on video. This bear is like pawing at the door of her house near Lake Tahoe. And this woman named Brittany Christensen says she used her quote mom voice on it. She yelled, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Go away. Go. Wow. To which the bear amazingly responded, I hate you. I wish I was never born. You know what, Peter?

If she had done it in Korean, the bear would have gone to Harvard. When we come back, it's not Christmas in July, it's prom in August. And a star of the U.S. women's soccer team tells us why we just have to be a little bit more patient with the men's team. They're new at this. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. NPR's Planet Money Summer School is in session.

This season is all about investing. Like, is it better to buy a lot of one stock or a little bit of a lot of stocks? What are bonds? Is it ever too late to start investing? New classes every Wednesday to Labor Day in the Planet Money podcast feed. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host, who's wondering if he can borrow your bucket to build a sandcastle, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. We here at Wait, Wait are on strike this week out of principle, and definitely not out of a desire to just hang around and try to perfect our mango lemonade

recipe. It's all about the pulp, Peter. All about the pulp. This last spring, many high school seniors missed out on their proms because of the pandemic. So in their honor, a prom-themed Bluff the Listener game with Nagin Farsad, Alonzo Bowden, and Maeve Higgins. Hi, this is Devin O'Donnell from Salt Lake City, Utah. Salt Lake City is a beautiful place. What do you do there, Devin? So I work at a warehouse during the day, go to cosmetology school at night, and I also work as a drag performer here in the city.

What can I ask what you're... I have a number of questions. First of all, what is your drag name? It's Gemma Nye. Gemma Nye. Okay. Sounds exotic. And when you're in cosmetology school, you're going to be a hairstylist? Yeah, absolutely. Hair and makeup. That's fabulous. Well, as a drag queen, you will absolutely be ready to do that. Yep, that's what got me started. Who knows better how to do makeup than someone who beats their face weekly? That's true. Well, Devin, it's nice to have you with us.

You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. What is the topic, Bill? America, will you go to prom with me? It's prom season! And that means two things. One, photos your children will regret forever. And two, new prom trends. Our panelists are going to tell you about what's new at prom this year. Pick the one who's telling the truth, you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? Absolutely. All right, let's

hear first then from Nagin Farsad. The 1990s hip-hop duo Criss Cross made an unlikely resurgence at Boise, Idaho's Centennial High School. You might remember them from that one hit, Jump, jump, the Daddy Mac will make you jump, jump. Criss Cross will make you jump, jump. The Daddy Mac will make you jump, jump. I'm sure it was a huge hit with NPR audiences. Anyway, you may also remember the curious fact that they wore their pants backwards. The kids at Centennial High could not get enough of crisscross and started dressing backwards on campus. While there were a few awkward

adjustments at the boys' urinal, school administrators viewed the whole thing as a passing throwback fad. But the trend continued to grow when the senior class decided to make the theme of prom backward. So they renamed it MORP, which is prom backwards for those of you who lack backward speaking facility. Not only did the students decide to dress backwards, long dress trains flowing forward on girls and corsages pinned on boys' backs, but they made everything backward. MORP nights started with the after party where students got exceedingly drunk and made mistakes they would soon regret

for the rest of their lives. As they danced through the night, they turned their moonwalks forward and their flossing upward. Their twerking had more chest and less booty and their gangnam style looked like a horse was riding them. The backwards prom.

Where everything is backwards, including the progression of events in Boise, your next promposal will come from Alonzo Bowden. Is your prom really chaperoned when the chaperone is Charlie Sheen? You might have to figure that

out, especially as the trend of celebrity prom chaperones is spreading, and also because Mr. Sheen is looking for work. TMZ reporter Selena Jones says it started at Calabasas High School in Southern California. Now, Calabasas is well known as the home of the Kardashian family. One parent called in a favor from her friend, Kris Jenner, and the next thing you know, Khloe Kardashian is at the prom checking kids for alcohol. Not to be outdone, ICM super agent Ian Arrigetti has a friend whose daughter is at Beverly Hills High School of the Arts, so now their prom will be monitored by Idris Elba. Interestingly, there may be more mom volunteers than actual students at that one.

News travels fast, and even faster on Snapchat. LA kids bragging got Nashville kids jealous, so their parents got into the act, and now country stars Carrie Underwood and Reba McEntire will be at the Nashville high school senior prom making sure the kids don't do anything that they'll have to later write country songs about. Not to be outdone, New York started rumors of Jay-Z at a Brooklyn high school, but these were unfounded, so Brooklyn Tech will have to settle for Chris Rock. All of this led to the nightmare scenario possibly coming true. Charlie Sheen, through his lawyers,

asked if chaperoning the LA Performing Arts High School prom would count as part of his community service. TMZ is waiting for the judge's decision. Celebrity chaperones is the new trend. The last story of what's new under the sea comes from Maeve Higgins. This year's big prom trend is inspired by a texting fail. Teens across the country texted their dates to check what kind of corsage they wanted, only to find that their phones auto-corrected the word corsage to croissant. Croissant. Seems like

a rose by any other name is a pastry. Cheddar's Scratch Kitchen, a Dallas bakery, is now selling the croissant corsage after the quirky autocorrect mistake blew up on social media. So instead of wearing delicate carnations and pretty lilies, youngsters are getting their prom dates corsages made from actual croissants. It's a lovely way to make a memory and a grease stain that will last forever. Surely this is just the first in a long line of carbohydrate accoutrements from, why is there so many French words? Surely this is the first in a long line of carbohydrate accessories from bagel buttonholes, cupcake cufflinks, and of course, a cumber sticky bun. It's all part of a lovely trend of having some fun and providing gluten intolerant people with yet another activity they

can't participate in. All right, which of these is a real prom theme or trend this year? Was it from Nagin, the backwards prom, or Morp, in which everything happens backwards, from Alonzo, celebrity chaperones, a famous person standing there at the door for you, or from Maeve Higgins, kids wearing croissants instead of corsages because of an autocorrect

failure? Which of these is the real story of a prom trend? Well, I think I'm going to go with the croissant corsage. You're going to go with the croissant corsage. You're going to go with the croissant corsage. I can't even say it. The croissant corsage. All right, well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone playing a role in the real

story. They would be asking their prom dates what kind of corsage they wanted, and autocorrect on their phone would change that text to croissant. That was John Felton from Cheddar's Scratch Kitchen, which is making croissant corsages for this year's prom goers. Congratulations, Devin, you got it right.

You earned a point for me for the pronunciation of croissant. And you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us. Thank you, this was amazing. Thank you, Devin. playing with us. Thank you. This was amazing. Thank you, Devin. The U.S. has had a kind of mixed record these past few years. A couple of hits, a couple of misses, a draw or two. But one consistent highlight has been the U.S. women's national soccer team. They dominate wherever and whenever they play, and they do it with style. In 2019, we talked to one of the team's early stars, Christine Lilly,

who has more caps than any other U.S. player. We have no idea what that means, but it sounds impressive. Thanks for having me. Thank you. So just to establish the credentials here, you were on the U.S. women's team for 23 years, starting when you were 16? Yes.

I know. It's hard to believe. Wow. So you were on the famous team that won in 99 with Brandi Chastain's final penalty kick? Correct. And you also won in the next and the next, right? How many championships?

Three? Well, I won two World Cups. So I was on the first one in 1991 and the second in 1999. Then I was part of two gold medal teams. Right. You've got some hardware. You've got some credel. I do.

Now that we've established you know what you're talking about, we've got to ask you about the topic of the week, which was the American match against Thailand. First of all, that was a little unusual, right? It was. I mean, you know what? I respect the Thailand team. They kept playing.

The U.S., you know, was on fire. I will confess, I'm rooting, of course, for the U.S., of course, but I felt a little pity for the Thai team. And I was like, come on, you guys get a goal. You can have a goal, too. Come on. Did you feel it for you? No, you guys get a goal. You can have a goal, too. Come on. Did you feel it for you? No, I didn't do it. It's tough. You know, I've been on

a team that scored a bunch of goals. I was in the World Cup in 07 and lost to Brazil 4-0 in the semifinals, which felt like it was 10-0. So it's hard to be on the other side of it, but like I said, I respect Thailand. They kept their heads up. They can look at it that way and maybe forget about the score for now.

Yeah, that's not going to happen. What is it like to be an American playing soccer? And we all know soccer is not one of the big sports here in America. Famously, Americans don't care about soccer. Do the Europeans and the Brazilians, the traditional soccer powers, do they get frustrated because it's Americans who are thrashing them? Well, I don't think they like us very much.

But it's funny. I was at the opening game, France against Korea, and there was other players from around the world that played during my time, a Norwegian, a French player, and I was talking to the Norwegian, and I was like, we didn't like you. And she was like, well, we didn't like you. It was pretty mutual playing,

but that's what made it competitive. That's what made great rivalry. And now we can sit and talk about it and share what we've learned through playing the game and what the women's game has grown into now. Do you still dislike them a little bit? Oh, yes, totally. Oh, yeah.

Do you know a lot of Norwegian curse words? Vilch. Yeah. Oh, I thought that was one. She doesn't learn Norwegian curse words. She inspires them. Is there a difference between the men's game and the women's game, other than the fact one is played by men, one is played by women?

Are there different styles of soccer? Do you see different things, if you know what to look for? between the men's game and the women's game, other than the fact one is played by men, one is played by women? Are there different styles of soccer? Do you see different things, if you know what to look for? The difference I would say right now, is that the men are a little bit more dramatic. Oh, yes! Whoa, whoa. Shots fired.

I know. Shots fired. Those men are just so over-emotional. I know. Shots fired. Those men are just so over-emotional. I know. So do your kids play soccer? They do. I have two daughters, and they both play soccer. Oh, my gosh.

So what kind of soccer mom are you? Oh, my goodness. Some days it's good. Some days it's not good. Describe a bad day. Well, I also help coach, so I get to say the things. But sometimes I'm like, oh, my gosh, I really want to say something right now, but I can't. So wait a minute.

You help coach. Yes. So that means there's a coach, and this poor woman has a 23-year veteran of the U.S. women's team with two World Cup and two Olympic titles standing there giving suggestions? You nailed it. I bet she knows Norwegian curse words. Yeah, yes, she does. And are you gentle about it? Oh, coach, you know, it's just an idea,

but maybe you could try to win a game. I'm a very good assistant. I'm sure you are. And how are you with your daughters? I mean, do you, like, you know, give them a talking to if they don't play to their potential, or are you one of those everybody's a champion kind of people? Oh, no, no, not everyone's not a champion. No, no, no.

Wow. Wow. Wow. Oh, my God. Wow. Wow. Wow. Damn. Harsh. Get that participation trophy out of my house. Exactly.

You ever been tempted to cut one of your daughters from the team? Not yet. All right. Well, Christine Lilly, it is a pleasure to talk to you today, but we have invited you here to play a game we're calling... Your Cup Runneth Over. You, of course, are a World Cup champion, but what do you know about the world's other cups?

We're going to ask you three questions about many different cups. All right. Answer two correctly and win a prize that is not a cup for one of our listeners. Instead, it's the voice of their choice from our show. Bill, who is Christine Lilly playing for? Shane Hyman of Lawrence, Kansas. All right. Ready to play?

All right, I am. All right, Shane. Here we go. I can feel you, like, getting ready to go. I'm in my game mode right now. You know, I'm very competitive. I know, I know. Here's your first question.

We've had cups of one kind, of course, for thousands of years. In fact, Pythagoras, the ancient Greek mathematician, was a pioneer in the cup field as well. What did he invent? Was it A, the novelty gift cup, with the message, World's Best Mathematician on it? B, the prank cup, which spilled wine all over the user when he tried to take a sip. Or C, the travel mug.

In his case, a cup designed to be latched to the saddle of a horse. I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with C. It was actually the prank cup. Pythagoras, the great genius mathematician, invented the prank cup. And it's really ingenious. If you pour in too much wine, it all of a sudden drains out onto your lap.

Next question. We all know and love Japan's famous cup of ramen. You know, it's a styrofoam cup. You pour in water, you get ramen noodles. It's great. Other countries have their own version, too. Like which of these? A, Russia's cup-o mashed potatoes.

B, Canada's cup-o mashed potatoes, B, Canada's cup-o bacon, or C, Sweden's cup-o herring? Oh, man. Those good old Russians. Let's see what they got. You're going to go with that? Yeah. You're right, of course.

Yeah. The cup-o instant mashed potatoes is available in chicken, beef, onion, and crouton flavor. And I'm going to be honest, it sounds great. All right, last question. All cars have cup holders now. That's passe. That's boring.

The real innovation in drinking while driving is which of these? A, the top-of-the-line Mercedes Maybach, which comes with sterling silver champagne flutes for each passenger. B, the new model Honda Odyssey minivan, which has holders for juice boxes in the ceiling so you can hang them above your kids like IV bags. Sweet juice. Or C, the new Ford 150 Tailgate Edition pickup, which has a built-in beer keg and tap.

Oh, these things are all just wrong. Oh, wow. I'm going with the minivan with the drip. Oh, the audience is rioting. So the idea is you put your kid, strap him in, hook up the juice box above their head, run the straw down to their mouth.

I think it's more like A, but I don't agree with it. So, in other words, you think A is the right answer, but you just think it's a wrong thing to have. Yes. Well, the truth doesn't care about your feelings. So you're going to pick it? Yes. You're right, of course.

Thank you, audience. This is a $200,000 luxury sedan, and you better believe, for that amount of money, it comes with a little fridge to keep your champagne cold. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Bill, how did Christine Lilly do in our quiz? Christine, you can hang another award up, because you won our quiz.

What a version. Christine Lilly is a Hall of Fame soccer player. She's played in five World Cups and three Olympics. Her new book on team building, Powerhouse, is on sale now. Christine Lilly, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you. Thank you. When we come back, we talk with Charlie Day,

Trader Joe's muscles in on our turf, and perhaps our favorite news story of the last decade, the mysterious case of the pooper intended. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, a man who would be a champion surfer if they just allowed you to lie down on it. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. So while we're taking off a little time to recharge, all NPR personnel are solar powered to be more sustainable, we are sharing some great bits from the recent past, including these questions we put to Luke Burbank, Faith Saley, and Maz Jobrani at a show in Austin, Texas in 2018.

Right now, panel, time for some more questions for you from the week's news. Luke, this week, a library employee in Washington state asked patrons sincerely to please stop using what for bookmarks? How did this story escape my radar? I don't know. Stop using... Don't please... Can I get a hint, please?

Yeah, well, Swiss is good because you can still see some of the page through it. Oh, God. Cheese? Yes, slices of cheese on Tuesday. Anna Holmes sent out a tweet reading, Dear library patrons, please stop using cheese as a bookmark. Please. This tweet drew a lot of responses from fellow librarians around the country

detailing other things they have found as bookmarks in their library books. A strip of cooked bacon. A complete and whole banana peel. And on one bizarre occasion, a yarmulke. The yarmulke, though, could have just been someone expressing their bitterness about not being able to use bacon. Wow. So the books were coming back, they were being returned,

and they were finding cheese, bacon. Do we know what the book was? That's a good question. You know, maybe the book may have been about ham, in which case. Right, I mean, that just makes sense. If it were a sad book, it could be blue cheese. That's true.

Maz, we all love Trader Joe's stuff. Chocolate JoJo's, 2 Buck Chuck, you name it. This week, though, they unveiled a new offering. The jury's still out on it. What is it? Can I get a hint? Yeah, the final 10 minutes of each episode is just audio of people drinking really cheap wine. The final 10

minutes of... Oh, they got a podcast? Yes! Trader Joe's has a podcast. Well, everybody, the podcast craze was fun while it lasted, but it's officially murdered. Trader Joe's has killed it by launching their new corporate podcast, Inside Trader Joe's.

Like most successful podcasts, it explores mysteries, like why peanut butter filled pretzels are so murderously delicious. It's everything you were desperately afraid someone might insist on telling you about Trader Joe's, how they develop their products, what the hell a plum cot is, and how many gunfights break out each day in their parking lots.

Maz. Yes. A high school superintendent in New Jersey apparently had a beef with a rival school, so he decided to express his disdain for that school by doing what on a daily basis? I'm going to take a guess, but then maybe you should give me a hint. Does it have anything to do with urination?

You're awfully close. Just take that one guess and make it two. Oh, so he was pooping on the other school. He pooped on their football field, apparently. Officials at Holmdale High School were perplexed by all the poop they found in their field. Either a very large animal was lurking

there, or maybe their kickoff return guy had a bad case of nerves. They didn't know. To solve the mystery, they actually had to hire a, quote, surveillance team, resulting in the most disappointing espionage assignment ever. I think about that guy as like a private detective. We're going to do surveillance. What's the job?

What do we have to find out? Oh. But they did it. They found it out. On Monday at 5.50 p.m., they caught rival district superintendent Thomas Tramigliani In the act

He was charged with lewdness And littering Which seems weird I guess they mean it more in the sort of Cat litter sense, I don't know I believe it was 5.50am Oh, didn't I say that? I'm sorry. I meant to say that. Well, I go in the morning.

That's what I was going to say. This happened daily. This man at least deserves some approbation for his regularity. Yeah. And commitment. Because you know he had to set a clock for like 4.45, eat the All Brand, get in the car. Get his coffee, have a cigarette as he's sitting there.

And then still, by the way... That's discipline. And pull that off outside. I can't go to the bathroom at a Barnes & Noble like I get inside my head about it. Like on the field, outdoors. It's funny that they needed a surveillance team. How about just a camera?

As you know, we are a very serious news broadcast. So when there was an update on one of those stories a month later, we were honor bound to bring it to you. Hurry, update to a story that we have been monitoring on this show. It's about a school superintendent in New Jersey who was arrested a couple of months ago. His lawyer has now requested all the surveillance video of what alleged crime? Oh, boy.

Was he pooping in class? No, but I'm going to give it to you. What? He was... I'm amazed. I'm amazed you didn't hear this, Hari, because we devoted our entire hour

to it in a special edition of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me some months ago. Was I on that one? He was arrested for secretly pooping on the football field of a rival high school. Yes, I did hear about that. The superintendent has been charged with vandalism, although it's not graffiti, it's grafeces.

An avid morning jogger, the so-called pooperintendant, committed the act repeatedly, purportedly to get vengeance on this rival school. His lawyer, who has the second worst job in law after defending Michael Cohen, has requested all the surveillance footage of the incident be released to him, so sorry, everybody who's been praying

for the pee tape to be revealed. God misheard you. Whatever, he's a gardener. He added some manure. It's not the biggest deal in the world. The case has generated a lot of interest among legal scholars who can't wait to see the outcome of Board of Education versus Brown.

Lastly, it's been a tumultuous time, but one of the few constants, the one lodestar that all Americans could turn to, has been the exceptionally dark and hilarious sitcom It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, the longest-running live-action sitcom in television history. There's something about this saga of terrible people who never accomplish anything that speaks to the American spirit. One of the show's stars, Charlie Day, joined us in 2019. For people who haven't seen It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia, and there aren't a lot of them left, it's been so successful for so long,

can you describe the show? No, sir, I cannot. You know, it's pretty indescribable. I guess it's a show about watching terrible people do and say terrible things. Yeah, that's about it. That's it. I mean, if you thought Seinfeld was about a group of people

who were generally kind of unpleasant, it's like cranking that up to 12. Was that how you conceived of it? Did you guys say to yourself, let's just play characters who are the most awful people we can think of? That pretty much sums it up, I think, yeah. I think we thought that would be the funniest thing. We find terrible behavior amusing.

Yes. My understanding is you just shot this. We find terrible behavior amusing. Yes. My understanding is you just shot this thing with your friends in L.A. one day because you were bored and you came up with it. Yeah. No, that's true. That's true. I mean, we were looking to entertain ourselves. But the one thing you got wrong is the other two guys did change their names

and I just kept my name the same. I was smart because now I walk down the street and people don't yell Kramer at me. I see. Have you ever, because you also down the street and people don't yell Kramer at me. I see. Have you ever, because you also write the show and produce the show and you improvise the show with your friends, have you ever come up with something that's so awful you can't actually bring yourself to do it on camera, even as pretend? I certainly wouldn't say it in front of a large audience of people. I understand. But there have been meetings where somebody said, hey, how about if the gang does this?

And then you all looked at each other in horror, that sort of thing? No, not so much, because usually we get excited and we say, okay, great, now how do we make that funny? Can you... This is a terrible thing to ask any performer or artist, but I'm going to do it anyway.

Can you explain the show's success? Because, I mean, it's hilarious going to do it anyway. Can you explain the show's success? Because it, I mean, it's hilarious how awful these people are. And the conventional wisdom in television is you want people that people can enjoy, can admire, can like. Have you ever been driving on the side of the road and slowed down to look at a car accident? Yeah. I think there's something to that, which you just say i can't believe i'm seeing this i can't believe i'm hearing this but i i have to stop and look i understand um i wanted to ask you about something there is a meme of you as they say on the internet that i'm sure everybody

has seen it is you standing in front of what i guess we might call now a conspiracist blackboard. That's right. Yeah. And so that I assume came from an episode of It's Always Sunny, right? That is the Pepe Silvia meme. And that's from an episode in which I've taken a job in a mailroom and I'm going crazy and I'm getting letters for the guy named Pepe Silvia. And I think it's a big conspiracy and I try to crack the code. Some fans very astutely have put together that because my character can't read,

Pepe Silvia might be Pennsylvania on the mail. But actually, I don't think I think for us it was just a funny name for a guy to go crazy about, but I like their theory better. And so, but it has gotten to the point where at any time, especially on Twitter,

if somebody is making fun of somebody, they will put that gif of you to indicate crazy conspiracy theorist. I'm very proud of it. Are you really? I like it immensely. Yeah, I have a conspiracy theory that he's behind it. Yeah, may it all be. Oh, I wanted to ask you one last thing about this show,

and this is something I love. I was watching an episode just the other night in which your character, Charlie, has this mad crush on this waitress who wants nothing to do with Charlie, treats him with contempt and disgust, while has a crush on one of her friends. And I found out that is, in fact, your wife.

That's correct. Right. And you met doing an even weirder role together, right? Well, no. We did play incestuous twins once on an episode of Reno 911. I'm sorry, wait a minute. I just said you met doing an even weirder role.

Yeah, but we did not meet. That's not where we met, but that was our idea. Oh, okay. We were not together with that idea. I thought you were saying that wasn't a very

unusual relationship. It's not in certain parts of the country, but yeah, that would be weird. Does your wife enjoy getting regularly to play someone who hates you? Yes, very much.

She's very good at it. And sometimes she takes her work home. She's really a pro. Are you sometimes on set doing that bit, and you're like, she's getting a little too into this? It's a blurred line, yeah, but she's a method actor. That's the problem.

Yeah, I understand. Would you recommend for other people who are in marriages and want to keep them healthy just to regularly play act like one of them just loathes the other and treats them with contempt? I think a lot of people get a lot of practice at that all the time. That's true. You're not that unusual. You just get paid for it.

Yeah, that's right. Well, Charlie Day, it is a pleasure to talk to you, but we have invited you here to play a game we're calling... It's All Connected, don't you see? So as we were discussing, you are famous for that meme indicating a crazed conspiracy theorist. And now it's often used to make fun of conspiracy theories, so we're going to ask you about some more obscure conspiracy theories that we were able to dig up. Answer two out of three questions and you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their answering machine.

Bill, who is Charlie Day playing for? Tom Jaworski of Archer, Florida. Alright, Tommy, here we go. Here we go. Here's your first question. You probably remember the ice bucket challenge, the thing where a couple of years ago people were dumping buckets of ice water in their heads to raise money for ALS research. Conspiracy theorists say it wasn't really for charity, though. What was it? A, a secret campaign by the bucket lobby to sell more buckets. B, a ploy by the Catholic Church to quell sexual desire all over the world.

Or C, a satanic ritual meant to purify people before human sacrifice. Well, I went to Catholic school growing up, so there's a lot of people suspicious about the Catholic Church. I think we're all finding out why. You're going to go for B. They believe it's a ploy by the Catholic Church

to limit sexual desire by tricking people into putting ice water. They're trying to kill us out. Yeah. No, it was a ploy by the catholic church to limit sexual desire by tricking people into putting ice water kill us out yeah no it was the satanic ritual but i think if the catholic church is listening they might want to go this way because nothing else is working all right still tumor chances you're charlie not a problem okay that's fine you've heard of the illuminati that's the shadowy cabal controlling world yeah i meant it. We told you this at the last meeting. You're not supposed to say. It's a conspiracy. It is a conspiracy.

Anyway, the Illuminati, shadowy cabal controlling world events. But you may not have heard that what is part of the Illuminati's evil schemes? A, the TV sitcom Saved by the Bell. B, the public radio show Thistle and Shamrock. Or C, Mike's Hard Lemonade? Oh, I mean, I love the idea that somehow Mike's Hard Lemonade is all wrapped up in this. I got to go with that one. That's too fun.

How exactly would Mike's Hard Lemonade fit into... I don't know, but I want it to be. You want it to be. So even though I'm broadly hinting that it isn't, you're going to choose it anyway? Okay, all right. Perhaps I've just been saved by the bell. Yes, it was saved by the bell. I don't know if you enjoyed that 90s sitcom,

but apparently it was projecting Illuminati propaganda to the world. The lead character graduates, goes to Yale, center of the Illuminati. That's how you know. Alright, your last question. If you get this right, you win. There are lots of conspiracies about things that we think are real,

but the conspiracy is they don't really exist. We've been fooled. Which of these things are believed by a conspiracy theorist to be entirely fake? A, J.K. Rowling, author of Harry Potter, B, the country of Finland, or C, the moon? Oh, well, you know, a lot of people

are probably not trusting that moon up there. It's suspicious, right? Why is it thin sometimes and why is it fully round? Yeah, let's go with the moon. Well, you're right, but the real answer is all of them. They're all believed to be fake by conspiracy theorists. Just so you know, J.K. Rowling is a front, a pseudonym for a group of writers. No one person could do

all that. Finland was invented by Russia and Japan for reasons of their own, and the moon is a hologram. Now you know. Yep, yep. I never trusted Finland. I know, really. Bill, how did Charlie Day do in our quiz? Two out of three we're going to give him.

So you did win Congratulations, Charlie Thank you Charlie Day stars in It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia The new season has just launched on FXX Charlie Day, thank you so much for joining us I'm Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Thank you, guys Bye-bye

That's it for our Man, We Should Have Worked on Our Tans More Slowly edition And if you want to see our beautiful new sunburns Be sure to join us at Tanglewood That's it for our Man We Should Have Worked on Our Tans More Slowly edition. And if you want to see our beautiful new sunburns, be sure to join us at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts on August 26th. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona.

Our social media superstar is Emma Choi. And our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Thanks to everybody you heard on this show, And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Thanks to everybody you heard on this show, all the panelists, all of our guests, and of course, Mr. Bill Curtis. Thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal, and we will see you next week. This is NPR.