Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Big Boi

Episode Date: March 14, 2020

Big Boi, rapper and producer, joins us along with panelists Tom Bodett, Helen Hong, and Peter Grosz.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Don't touch your face, touch my face. I'm Bill Curtis, and here's your host at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, Georgia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. And yeah, that's about it it because there's nobody else here. We are broadcasting from the beautiful Fox Theater in downtown Atlanta, a very large theater, and we were expecting a big crowd, but something came up. So this week we are doing a show with no audience.

It will be unusual for us to make our little jokes without anyone laughing. But in the other hand, no, it won't. Later on, we're going to be talking to Atlanta's own hip-hop legend, Big Boi, and we'll be playing our games because, as of showtime, phone calls are perfectly safe. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Nick from Cincinnati,

Ohio. Hey, Nick, how are things in Cincinnati? You know, medium, larger than 100 people anymore. I know. Are you in quarantine right now? Are you hiding out? I am, I am. I'm a normal Bengals fan. Oh, I see, yes. You're used to misery and isolation then, so there's really no problem. Well, welcome to the show, Nick. We didn't let our audience show up, but we don't care if our panelists live or die. So they're here. Let me introduce you to them. First up, a comedian who just returned from a tour of China, South Korea, Iran, Italy,

CPAC, and the Utah Jazz Locker Room. Say hello to Peter Gross. Hello. Hi, Nick. Next, a comedian who tentatively, as of right now, is planning to perform at Hyena's in Fort Worth, Texas, April 2nd through the 4th. But if you're not leaving your house,

you can see her on the Netflix series Huge in France. It's Helen Hong. Hi, Nick, and nobody else. And a humorist who will be appearing with Wait, Wait co-conspirators Maeve Higgins and Jordan Carlos in the likely-to-be-cancelled-or-postponed Comics on a Mission at the Latches Theatre in Brattleboro, Vermont, currently scheduled for April 4th. It's Tom Beaudet.

Hello. Hello. Hi, Nick. Well, welcome to the show, Nick. It's nice to have you in our little sort of cozy gathering. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize.

Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am. All right. Your first quote is from a woman named Ellen Pearlberg. As a reminder, you are required to wear clothes during remote video meetings. Remember, people, you need to wear clothes

even if you are isolated because of what? Because of coronavirus. Yes, the coronavirus. The World Health Organization declared coronavirus a pandemic, which is less scary if you think of it as like millions of Peter Pan's flying around with Tinkerbell and licking everything. The experts are telling us to avoid all mass gatherings. So the NBA, the NHL, and the MLB have all canceled games. Conventions

and festivals are being rescheduled. Some people are taking it a little too far, though. For example, Harvey Weinstein is staying inside for 23 years. What a silver lining. What a great... There was some good news this week. That was the only good piece of news, and I feel like every news show should just lead with that. You know what else has happened, but we have to remind you, Harvey Weinstein is going to jail for the rest of his life.

Although he might also, he's 67? Yes. Or something like that. 67-ish or whatever, and he's got 23 years, so I think you think he's going to get out at 90 and be like, I made it. Toss away the walker at last. I was never really hurt.

The NBA first said they'd have games in empty stadiums for no audience, which I have to tell you is not optimum. I didn't really get worried about it until the NHL canceled their games. I mean, those people are nuts. They're not afraid of anything. Right. And when they're like, no, we better call it off.

I know, but the virus can get in their mouths because there's no teeth to block it. Oh, is that what teeth are for? Yes. Oh, that's great. I got a full mouth. Have you heard this about the coronavirus? That dogs are immune? Yes.

And everybody now has to work from home. I think the dogs did it. My dog would definitely partake in that. There's going to be a news report that's like, rubbing your dog's belly is the only cure for coronavirus. Where did this piece of news come from? My dog is like, rrrr, rrrr. Also, by the way, usually in times like this,

when we're told to stay in our homes with nobody to talk to but our family, it results in a baby boom. But this is 2020. It's going to mean that come summer, everybody's going to be announcing a new podcast. That's the real apocalypse right there. Here, still with us?

Of course you're still with us, Nick. Where are you going to go? Nick, if you go somewhere, the population of this show dips by 50%. It's pretty much all for your benefit, Nick. Stay with us. Nick, here's your next quote. I'm going to go out and slap you in the face.

That was a man talking to voters in Michigan on Tuesday. Despite threatening at least one of them, he's looking like the Democratic nominee for president. Who is it? That would be Joe Biden. Yes, it is Joe Biden. People all over the country voted Biden this week. He won every single county in Michigan, Missouri, and Mississippi, meaning he is a lock in the general election for any state, beginning with the letter M, including those plus Montana, Malabama, and New Hampshire. So everybody knows it's all over.

Well, everybody except one Bernard Sanders of Vermont. Bernie is still in it to win it, or at least to whine about it. He and Biden will have their final showdown on Sunday at a face-to-face debate, Old Mono, Old Mono. Are you excited to watch this? You better be. There are no more sports. I'm super excited, and I know why Bernie's staying in it.

It's because he can't believe that the candidate is going to be the person that inspires as much excitement as a colonoscopy. Like, seriously. Here's the thing, Helen. You compared him to a colonoscopy. Well, I happen to have gotten a colonoscopy recently, and here's the thing about colonoscopies. They're not as bad as you think, and you get a great nap. I'm willing to go for that in terms of natural leadership.

Bernie knows he's going to lose the election, but he's staying in it to make sure that his issues remain a priority. And because he still needs his campaign IT team to help him sign on to Netflix. Trump knows what's coming. He's already begun his attacks. He says that Biden clearly has dementia. Whoa, that is really the pot calling the kettle a hat and putting it on its head and wandering around saying, look at my new hat. It is true, and it's true, and I will concede this to you, Helen, that Biden did at a rally last week mix up his wife and his sister. But that was just a shameless ploy to win over Trump's base. See, if there was an audience to groan, they would have... Nick, here is your last quote.

Nick, here is your last quote. I've uncooked steak, a container of live mice, a full specimen cup from a nearby hospital. According to a certain company, that's the list of things that were left in the backseat of what last year? A certain company that provided people with things. If you needed to go to the airport right now, which I don't suggest. I want to say a taxi or like an Uber. An Uber, exactly right. Yes, every year Uber, the ride-sharing and kidnapping service, releases a list of the most interesting things

left behind in their car's back seats. In 2019, apparently that included an uncooked steak, a single hard-boiled egg, and as you heard, a full medical specimen cup, which means somebody had a really unpleasant experience when they took their sip from that little complimentary bottle of water. That was all in one ride? Quite a night. If you've left something in one of your Uber rides, don't worry. You can use the app to notify the driver. Uber says that most things that got left in cars eventually make their way

back to the rightful owners. Unless you forgot to tip, then your driver has no idea what gold bars you might be referring to. Sorry. A lot of people leave their dignity in the back of an Uber. I have. Well, I only take Lyft. So it was in the back of a Lyft. I take Lyft, too. Yeah.

And I wonder if Lyft is just as bad as Uber. They all work for both of them. Well, the drivers do work for both. I got into a conversation with my wife. It was one of those conversations where you're on opposite sides and you sort of talk past each other in an argument. It was one of those conversations. She was like, Lyft is terrible because I had Lyft on my phone and I would use Lyft.

She would always use Uber. All the Lyft drivers we have are terrible. And then she would order an Uber and be like, see, that was pleasant. That was fine. And I'm like, they are the same people. But, you know. I feel like I have left a hard-boiled egg in the back of the Lyft.

I'm not going to lie. Really? Come to think of it, my urine sample. Bill, how did Nick do in our quiz? Nick scored them all right. Yeah. Yay. I'm sure the audience would clap, right?

This is great. Imagine 5,000 people clapping for you, Nick. Thank you so much for playing, Nick. Thank you, guys. Bye-bye. Don't leave me behind. Don't leave me behind. Don't leave me behind.

Don't leave me behind. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Helen, a Komodo dragon at the Chattanooga Zoo, has become famous after she gave birth to three hatchlings without what? A male. Right, exactly right. She did it all on her own. Zookeepers were thrilled and surprised when the female lizard became a mother of dragons.

She did it without a baby daddy. It's exciting for a number of reasons. Finally, we know lady lizards can really have it all without a man. And we know that unto us, lizard Jesus was born this day a savior. I was going to say, was the Holy Spirit touched the clothes? It really was. No, I bet there's a little gecko somewhere. Big smile on its face.

And none of its friends believe it. The female lizard had shared an enclosure with a male lizard, but they never made it, which is weird, because that's the sort of behavior you'd expect from a bearded dragon. So they definitely did it. Well, no, but here's the thing, Helen. So they did a DNA test, and it came back, and they are totally not the male lizard's offspring.

Zoo staff suspect that the hatchlings were instead produced through a rare process of female-only reproduction called parthenogenesis, causing a spike in women Googling, How do I parthenogenesis? How do you spell Parthenogenesis? I thought that's what it sounds like. Just like a genesis plays a concert at the Parthenon. Coming up, get out your Shake Weight.

It's our Bluff the Listener game called 1-triple-8, wait, wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don'tuff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Tom Bodette, Helen Hong, and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the lovely Fox Theater in Atlanta, Georgia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

And thank you, tiny group of people. Did we leave a door open? How did these people get in here? Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Mitchell from Chattanooga, Tennessee. Hey, how are things in Chattanooga? Oh, rainy. And are you like everybody else,

holed up in your apartment, holding off the zombies? Well, I just got back from Korea two weeks ago, so I self-isolated myself. And so, yeah. Wow. How's that going? Since you've been doing it for a while, do you have any tips for those of us whose quarantine might lie in our future? Binge watch a lot of stuff. How's your toilet paper supply, Mitchell? My parents let me crash here after I got back at their place, so their supply is great. Oh, you're not just trapped inside. You're trapped inside at your parents' house. Oh, my God. Wow.

Well, welcome to the show, Mitchell. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Mitchell's topic? I am Thighmaster. Tried to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Mitchell's topic? I am Thighmaster. Gadgets to help us get back in shape,

go back ages, ever since Sisyphus and his fitness rock. But this week, we heard about an exercise gadget gone wrong. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one that's telling the truth. You'll win our prize. The weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Ready to play? I am. First up, let's hear from Peter Gross.

For months, Wendy Cronson told the employees at the Gold Gym in Simsbury, Connecticut, that they needed to fix that old treadmill in the corner. It would make weird noises and shake at any speed above five, Cronson told ConnecticutOnline.com. I knew it was a matter of time before something bad happened. And on Monday, something did. Gym patron Brad Feldman was running slowly on the treadmill, but when an attractive woman began running next to him,

he cranked the machine up to a 10. The old machine's belt immediately snapped, shaking it violently and propelling Feldman backwards, completely out of control, and through the open door of the gym's classroom, where Sasha's 10 a.m. Zumba class was wrapping up, knocking over Gabrielle Rugliano and sending her sliding out of the door

on the opposite end of the classroom into a cleaning crew worker, Frank Carver, who knocked over his mop bucket, spilling water all over the floor. At the precise moment, the two delivery men walked through the door, hauling a shipment of 20 fully inflated exercise balls, which made the men slip, sending the balls flying all over the gym, where one of them knocked over nutritionist Theo Washington, who was carting a case of 100 spent banana peels away from the smoothie station at the cafe, which launched the banana peels into the sky just as manager Robin Janis was walking out of her office, writing an email on her phone, and she slipped and fell on the banana peel, resulting in her sending an email before she was finished

composing it. It was a tragedy. Gym management responded to that incident by taping a sign to the treadmill that read, machine out of order. May we suggest running outside? A treadmill breaks and havoc is wreaked, added Jim in Connecticut.

Your next story of a workout widget comes from Helen Hong. CrossFit, the high-intensity workout craze that was ubiquitous five years ago, seems to be dying down, but not before taking casualties out with it. Faced with dwindling membership at his CrossFit gym, no pain, no gain, no brainer, owner Scott Schneider devised a marketing stunt to be conducted in the large parking lot of his gym.

to be conducted in the large parking lot of his gym. 30 CrossFitters would flip 30 giant tires at the same time in one massive, muscly, meathead move. I had to hit up three different farms across two different state lines, said Mr. Schneider. You can't just use any tires. They gotta be giant tractor tires, and the best place to get those is farms. Once the tires were acquired, 30 volunteers were invited from the gym's membership.

But having failed to achieve the number, the stunt was then open to newcomers who had never before attempted a tire flip. One of the newbies struggled mightily to get his giant tire upright. When he finally did, he proudly took his hands off the tire to gesture to the spectators and watched as his tire started to roll away, right out of the parking lot and into a busy six-lane main street. The giant tire hit a vehicle, which then hit another vehicle, and then another vehicle, you know. When all was said and done,

a seven-car pileup and a downed utility pole, which caused a blackout for 12,000 local residents, was the result. Although Mr. Schneider's business insurance will cover most of the damages, many locals joked that the gym should be renamed No Pain, No Gain, No Way in Hell should they be allowed to flip tires anymore.

A CrossFit truck tire gets loose from a CrossFitter and causes a huge traffic accident. Your last story of an exercise accessory comes from Tom Beaudet. Free-range chickens and pigs are the most desirable chickens and pigs because we can imagine them careening around pastoral landscapes, leading lives of discovery and self-improvement before being gradually introduced to their roles in the food chain. But how, you wonder, can we be sure they are actually ranging around in their freedom? The answer, for pigs at least,

is pedometers, step counters, pig Fitbits. The farmers make them wear them to prove they are free range. You think your training goals are complicated. Imagine if you had to achieve your 10,000 daily steps while still ensuring you had a nice plump hinder and marbled ribs. Plus, everyone around you is as fat as you are and getting fatter. At some point, if you were a pig, you will have had enough of the madness. You may even want to burn the whole insane system to the ground. That's what one enterprising pig on a farm near Branham, Leeds, in the UK, tried to do on Monday.

Fire crews from the North Yorkshire Fire and Rescue responded to a blaze at the farm, which they determined was caused when a pig ate and digested a fellow pig's pedometer. Firefighters believe that copper from the pedometer's batteries reacted with the pig's excrement and dry hay to ignite the fire. It's not been determined where the pig learned the chemical principles required to stage such a stunt. There were no reports of free-ranging pigs from nearby technical colleges or libraries, so it is possible it was just a random and totally awesome day in the life of a pig.

All right, here you go. There was a piece of exercise equipment that caused a problem. a piece of exercise equipment that caused a problem. Was it from Peter Gross, a treadmill that broke at a health club and caused, well, a cascade of accidents? From Helen Hong, one of those big tires they pick up at CrossFit that rolled away? Or from Tom Bodette, a pig's pedometer which, once pooped, caused pandemonium? Which is the real story we found in the week's news? I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with C because you believe that people would want to know that information. All right, you chose Tom's story. Well, we spoke to someone who was quite well aware of the details of the real story. A pig pooped out a pedometer and copper from the battery started a fire.

That was Mindy Weisberger, senior writer for Live Science, talking about the pig pyromaniac. Congratulations, Mitchell. You got it right. You earned a point for Tom. You've won our prize. The voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today.

Thank you, Mitchell. Bye, Mitchell. Thank you very much. Bye. Stay inside. Bye-bye. with us today. Thank you, Mitchell. Bye, Mitchell. Thank you very much. Bye. Stay inside. Bye-bye. And now the game where amazing people are asked about pretty dull subjects. It's called Not My Job. Back in 1995, the hip-hop world was divided into two camps. There was East Coast and West

Coast. And then at that year's Source Awards, two guys from Atlanta called OutKast got up to the podium and said, the South has something to say. Big Boy, a founder of OutKast, is also a superstar, is a solo artist. He still lives here in Atlanta. Joins us now. Big Boy, welcome to Wait, Wait. Hey, hey. How y'all doing?

We're doing great. We're doing great. Good to hear. We're feeling safe because we're separated by a phone line. So you were pretty young when your career took off. Was that, like, weird? Were you ready for it? You were, like, what, 20 years old?

We started like teenagers, you know? So we were, like, 18 years old and things took off. By the time we were 19, we had a platinum album. I was just, you know, excited to be able to do what I love to do, which is make music and for the world to receive it, how they received it. It was great. I'm sure that was amazing,

but I'm also interested in what was the first cool thing you bought. The first cool thing I bought? Yes. It was two things. It was I bought a Lexus, 93 Lexus GS300. Nice. And then me and Andre invested into some beat machines and keyboards, and we started producing as well.

Now, you guys went from being artists to, as you say, producers here in Atlanta. And I wanted to ask you about that thing that I think it was Andre said at that Source Awards, that you guys represented, like, southern hip-hop. Is there a voice? Is there a style? Is there something that you guys were doing like, southern hip-hop. Is there a voice? Is there a style? Is there something that you guys were doing nobody else was doing? I think it was, you know, in the South, it was always considered to be not taken seriously as lyricists, you know, and we were really all about lyricism.

So they were drawn to the country draw, the way we talk. You know, we talk slow, you know what I mean? But at the same time, we rap fast and very eloquently. I'm just going to say this. You guys became so big that, like, a lot of white people really liked you. Which is, you know, and was that, like, was that cool? Or was that like, oh, no? No, it was basically, like, we want everybody that could dig the music to dig it.

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. White, brown, black, yellow, green, it don't matter. We've got like two generations, almost three generations of fans right now that's been following our careers for 20-something years now. I guess I need to ask for your, as you say, generations of fans, any chance there's going to be an OutKast reunion? You're going to do another album together?

We've got to talk to the Lord. Okay. Wait a minute. Is that you or Andre? I'm talking about Lord. Okay. Wait a minute. Is that you or Andre? Jesus. Okay. I wanted to ask you about some of your hobbies. You are an animal lover. Yes, sir. I heard that you once had a shark. Yes, absolutely. I had a nurse shark. His name was Billy Ocean. Yeah, it was real fun times, man. I got like a 500-gallon tank.

Yeah. And I had all stingrays and groupers and things like that. I've been breeding dogs now with my brother for over 25 years. We breed French Bulldogs. All right. I have so many questions. All right. So you had a shark.

Was it fun having a shark for a pet? Yes, yes. It for a pet? Yes. Yes. It was a lot of fun. Like, you know, I would buy hand-sized goldfish and watch them hunt and, you know. Wait a minute. What did you feed them? Hand-sized goldfish.

Hand-sized goldfish. The big goldfish. Yeah. Did you put the goldfish on, like, a trap door above the shark tank and when they displeased you, you pushed the lever and they fell into the shark tank? Something like that. I just dropped them out of a bag and it was just all hell broke loose. So I also found out that you, as you say, you've been a breeder of French bulldogs. Do you show your dogs?

Sometimes. My brother does. My brother runs the whole operation. I got like a 40-acre ranch by Six Flags out here in Atlanta. Indoor, outdoor facility. I like to call it the Ritz Carlton for dogs. Why French Bulldogs of all breeds? Because they look like teddy bears and they do the cutest things. Yeah.

Yeah, we do those. We do the pit bull terriers as well. Now, and then finally, you got into owls, of all things. How did that happen? I always was fascinated with owls. I mean, just, you know, the mysteriousness of them. And there's this wildlife guy that's a good friend of mine. He was like, hey, I can get you an owl. You know, and I was like, really?

So about a year and a half ago, I got two Eurasian eagle owls from upstate New York, and they're like the coolest animals ever. Like, they will perch for hours. You can sit them in the living room, and they'll sit there all day. You just got to watch them around the puppies. Oh, really? Oh, the puppies? Do they go for the puppies?

They try to chase them a little bit sometimes, but we kind of keep them separated. Wow. Do you ever bring them into the studio with you when you're working? Yes, yes. I bring them every couple of months. You know, if I'm working on something, I let them sit on the credenza for a little while, you know, while I'm writing or something like that. Wow.

Here's Big Boy, giant of hip-hop, who composes his raps while his owl is on the credenza. Yeah, there's the true meaning of who do you... That's what I was about to ask if you had any owl samples. You are such an icon in Atlanta. They're like young rappers out there going,

I gotta get an owl, man. Because big boys got one. Yeah, I mean, some of them have been saying that. They say, like, where'd you get it? When they see him in person, they're kind of really completely blown away when they come to the studio. And I'm walking around the studio with an owl on my hand. You're like a renaissance man, like from the actual renaissance. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

It's like falcons and owls. I know. I love the energy. I want to ask about owl sex, but I won't. Yeah, well. It's got to be a hoot. I got to tell you, man. It'd turn your head.

360 degrees. Well, big boy, it is a joy to talk to you, but we have invited you here today to play a game we're calling... I Like The Way You Move. Okay. My Stuff. We're pretty sure that your big hit, I like the way you move,

was not about moving companies. So we're going to ask you three questions about the people that move our stuff. If you get two right, you won our prize. One of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might like on their voicemail that is from our show. Bill, who is Big Boy playing for? Robert Brown of Atlanta, Georgia. All right. You ready to do this? Yes, sir. Here we go. Here's your first question. If you were moving apartments in New York in the 1960s, one option for you was a company called Low Rate Movers. Other than their great prices, what made the company special? A, your furniture would have been moved by the artist Chuck Close, the composer Philip Glass, and the actor Spalding Gray. B, for a low additional fee, you could just arrange your furniture in their truck and live there to save on rent.

Or C, they didn't move your furniture or your possessions. They moved your astral self. Whoa. I'm going to have to go with A. You're right, big boy. The company was owned by a well-known artist to move his work, so he hired other artists. Let's go. It is. Here's your next question. One moving company in LA with a lot of celebrity clients once got a call from a very big star asking them to do what? A, pick the person himself up from the couch and move him to his bed. B, pick up and move his entire house so he

could have a better view of the ocean, or C, move one chair from the dining room to the living room at 3 a.m.? C. You're right. That's amazing. That's great. True story. All right. Let's get as it goes.

Last question, big boy. Here we go. Okay. The government of Quebec and Canada has decided to honor the brave men and women of the moving companies of that province by doing what? A, they built a statue known as the Unknown Mover to honor all those who have died of hernias while lifting pianos. B, they created a holiday known as Moving Day when everyone is encouraged to move and the moving companies get to charge three times their regular rate. Or C, any professional mover in Quebec gets the prized first press of the

annual maple syrup harvest? C. That would be awesome. That would be great. But the answer, in fact, was B, moving day. It's a big thing in Quebec. Everybody's supposed to move on that day. The moving companies make bank. Triple the charge. That's not a good day to move. No, it isn't. But they're Canadians. They're obedient. They do it move. No, it isn't. But they're Canadians. They're obedient. They do it anyway. Bill, how did Big Boy do in our quiz? Well, he got two out of three, and that's a big win for Big Boy. Absolutely. Congratulations. If there were 5,000 people here, they'd be thrilled for you. Big Boy is a Grammy winning rapper and producer

Who you can see at the Kryptonite Fest In Atlanta on April 18th We hope tickets are on sale now Big Boy thank you so much for spending some time with us What a pleasure to talk to you Thank you Enjoy the city Thank you

We will In just a minute, our listener Limerick challenge game will shock you. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Helen Hong, Tom Bodette, and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the Fox Theater in Atlanta, Georgia, Peter Segal.

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, no one. In just a minute, Bill dusts off His old copy of Catcher in the Rhyme In our listener limerick challenge game If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT That's 1-888-924-8924

Right now, panel, it is time for a game That this time we're calling The Viral Load Coronavirus news is coming out faster Than sneezes out of that person you sat down next to on the train. We're going to throw him at you rapid fire with a true-false answer. Get it right, you get a point and a squirt of Purell. You ready to play? Oh, God, I need that squirt of Purell.

It's finally a prize that means something on the show. All right, well, Helen, we'll start with you. Helen, true or false, on Friday, experts flocked to New York for a coronavirus conference to find solutions to the crisis. False. That's right. The coronavirus conference was canceled because of coronavirus. Tom, true or false, in response to toilet paper shortages, an Australian newspaper printed eight blank pages for people to use instead. That's true.

It is. Helen, true or false, a strip club in Florida announced it would be closing due to coronavirus for the foreseeable future. False. Right. They announced all customers would get free face masks. Peter, true or false, Catholic churches in Colorado announced they would be replacing holy water with hand sanitizer. False. No, it's true.

Tom, true or false, in response to face mask shortages, some citizens in Japan have begun wearing women's underwear on their faces. I hope so. Yes. Helen, true or false, a Smurf rally in France was canceled due to the coronavirus. False. Right. The Smurf rally went on. And 2,000 people dressed as Smurfs showed up. The mayor said, quote, we must live. Peter, true or false, our audio engineer washed their hands before fixing your microphone.

True. Yeah. Yay, true or false, our audio engineer washed their hands before fixing your microphone. True? Yeah. Yay, I got one right. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Peter, Spotify offers a lot of curated playlists, but now they're in hot water after reports that it played ads for the horror movie It Chapter 2. In the middle of a playlist of what? Like kids' songs?

Exactly right, kids' songs. The Spotify curated list was called Classical Lullaby, so imagine you put your baby down for a nap, turn on some soothing music, and then just as they're drifting off to Slumberland, Pennywise the Clown comes on and says... For 27 years... I dreamt of you. I craved you.

No, kids, there's no monster in your closet. There is one in the Alexa, though. Wow, that's amazing. So it's like, oh, there's a monster in the device that talks to me and listens to me. And when I go to sleep, it reminds me that it's been waiting for me for 27 years. Oh, God. That ad really was terrifying. So, yeah, it is.

And people got upset. And they, you know, called up Spotify. But they say, no, we didn't know that this playlist was designed primarily for children. And reading down the list, you can see the names of such adult-oriented albums as, and this is all true, English Nursery Tunes and For Children, Volume 1. The ad placement has got

several families to cancel their Spotify subscriptions, explaining they're going to need the money for therapy. Tom, in a few months, a new law in Virginia will finally make it legal to do what in public?

You can spit. No? No. Oh, urinate, of course. Of course. Of course. So I've got that on the brain. Do you have a hint?

I do. It's about bleeping time. Oh, you can have sex in public. No. No. Tom, you're not making a good argument for you getting a ventilator right now. Does anybody else know? Yes, it's cussing.

Yes, swearing is now legal in Virginia. Swearing in Virginia has been illegal since 1792, which is how the state was able to stay a Virginia all this time. So slavery was cool and cursing was bad. That's exactly. Well, as long as you have your priorities. That's right. It never occurred to me

that you couldn't curse someplace. Right. Wait, has this ever actually been enforced? They haven't enforced it in many, many years. Like if you cursed in front of, if you curse on the street in Virginia, could a cop be like, all right. Gotcha. I bet it's like, you know, like really like snooty old women are like, I'm making a citizen's arrest.

This gentleman, he referred to human waste with a certain four-letter word. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, and for some reason you're looking for fun you can have without leaving your home, check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker.

It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions and then silently judging your responses. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. It's Andrew O'Farrell. Hey, Andrew O'Farrell. How are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm pretty good. Where are you calling from? Massapequa, New York. Massapequa? I would never have been able to guess you were from Long Island.

Well, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you're a winner. Ready to play? Good. Here is your first. We're ready, and I got my two daughters, Delia and Katie, here. Oh, really? Well, hold on. Can I say hello? Sure. Hi. Hi. So you're going to feed him the answers, and he'll tell us, right? All right., well let's do this. Here's your first limerick. Gold chains are played out. They're for

churls. But this oyster grits cultured for earls. So don't call me reckless. I've donned a nice necklace. I'm wearing a rope of white stuff in there.

I don't know. Earls? I have no idea. You said pearls, right? Yes, it's pearls. Very good. Yay! Did you figure that out or did your daughters figure that out? I think my wife figured it out. Oh, your wife too. Alright. Got a ringer in there. Yeah, that's it.

I'm bringing out all the horses here. Pearls are the new men's fashion trend with stars like Harry Styles and A$AP Rocky hitting the town wearing pearl necklaces. It's a bold fashion statement that says to the ladies, you're a rebel in the streets and a sleep by seven in the sheets. Yeah, I got a sick brooch that I like to wear, too, when I go out with the boys. I got mad brooches. Yo, that's a fresh brooch that I like to wear, too, when I go out with the boys. If you're a man who's... I have mad brooches.

Yo, that's a fresh brooch, bro. All right, here is your next limerick. Dear, my night sounds won't wake you no more. So now sleeping with me is no chore. Tiny volts have been flung at the base of my tongue. It gets zapped so I no longer tongue? No.

No? No. Snore! There we go! There we are, the whole group. You can finally stop elbowing your snoring spouse thanks to Snoozeal, a new anti-snoring treatment that calmly and efficiently electrocutes your tongue. Finally giving tongues exactly what they deserve.

These tiny electric shocks work by tightening up weak muscles in the tongue, giving it that slim hourglass shape. Wait, it zaps you so you wake up? No, it zaps your tongue so as to somehow prevent you from snoring. How does it work? Are they implants? I don't know. Does your wife actually stick something in your mouth?

It's what you think. I mean, I think... It's a giant, like, generator next to your bed. Well, I think she would enjoy that, actually. They keep doing it to you until you stop snoring or you start talking. No, it is. I think it's pretty simple. They do that until you stop breathing.

And then snoring doesn't really affect you anymore. Because you're dead. The other methods for stopping snoring out there include losing weight, exercising, or stopping drinking. So, yeah, you're going to go with the electric shocks, aren't you? Here is your last limerick. Off to work, and I'm feeling like crap. With me gone, my poor cat cannot nap. I'll stuff pillows in

pants, add some heated implants. I've created a substitute. Lamp? Lamp? Not lamp. It's the only thing that you have when you're sitting down but you don't have when you're standing up. And your cat likes it.

Lamp! Lamp! yes, there you go. Lap it is. A British couple's clingy cat named Ziggy would not stop snuggling on them, and instead of embracing the miracle of a cat that liked them, they found some old pants and made a fake heated lap for it to sit on.

Or we hope they made it and didn't just have a torsoless pair of legs lying around. They basically made an in-home all-crotch scarecrow. Somewhere in Oz, there's a guy with a new brain going, that's what I should have asked for. Bill, how did Andrew do? We're going to declare Andrew and company absolute winners. Congratulations, Andrew, and your entire family.

Well done. Thank you, Peter. Bye-bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Helen and Tom each have six points. Peter has four. Wow. So, Peter, you're in third place. You're up first.

The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. After dropping almost 29% since February, the blank officially entered a bear market. Oh, God. The Dow Jones. Right. On Monday, the U.S. troop withdrawal began in blank. New Rochelle. No, Afghanistan. Afghanistan. All Monday, the U.S. troop withdrawal began in blank. New Rochelle.

No, Afghanistan. Afghanistan. All right. On Thursday, the House announced it would vote on a bill for paid blank leave. Sick leave. Yes. At a rally on Monday, Reverend Jesse Jackson endorsed blank for president. Bernie.

Right. A man in Louisiana who was pulled over for driving with plates that had expired in 1997 explained to police he hadn't renewed them because blank. He stole that car. No, because he's been busy. This week, a hospital in Tennessee announced they would not charge medical fees to victims of last week's blank. They were tornadoes.

Yes, they were. This week, blank had to apologize after saying it paid female players less because their job requires less skill than male players. U.S. soccer? Yes, U.S. soccer. As if middle school gym class was not traumatizing enough already, there's a new version of dodgeball played with blank. Razors.

No. A bow and arrow. What? Archery dodgeball is exactly what it sounds like. Players line up on either side of the room and then fire bow and arrows at each other until one team is eliminated. The whole game lasts about 30 minutes, and then there's a two-hour break to have the arrows removed and cleaned of blood.

This is Game of Thrones, isn't it? Is this like Hunger Games High School? Pretty much. Actually, it's played by adults, and they use foam-tipped arrows. Wow. That's fun. That's fun, actually. Bill, how did Peter do in our quiz?

Very well. Six right, 12 more points, total of 16 in the lead. We flipped a coin. Tom's elected to go first. Here we go. Fill in the blank, Tom. This week, wait, wait, guest host blank revealed he had tested positive for coronavirus. Oh, no. Tom Hanks. Yes. On Tuesday, Russian President blank backed an amendment that would let him remain in office until 2036. Putin. Right. This week, Cory Booker and Andrew Yang became the latest former rivals to endorse blank. Joe Biden. Right.

Senator Ted Cruz announced he was self-quarantining after coming into contact with coronavirus while attending blank. The CPAC. Right. People in Spain were panicked when a lion was spotted roaming around town. They were relieved to discover blank.

It was a cowardly lion. No, it was just a dog with a funny haircut on monday virginia became the latest state to decriminalize blank cursing no marijuana this week a middle school in florida had to be evacuated after a student mistook blank for a bottle of axe body spray um what could smell worse thane body spray. What could smell worse than Axe body spray? My whole house is just like, it's this complex carbon molecule.

Two teenage boys upstairs. It was, he must have mistaken like butane. No. A bottle of pepper spray. Oh, Lord. This is not, by the way,

the story where in his high school had to be evacuated because of the Axe body spray. This was worse. Okay, who was the jerk in his gym class who swapped his Axe body? You think that's what happened? You think it was a prank? Yeah, of course it did. I went to middle school. No.

Bill, how did Tom do in our quiz? Four right, eight more points, total of 14, but Peter is still in the lead. All right, how many then does Helen need to win? Five to tie and six to win. Here we go, Helen, this is for the game. On Monday, Prince Harry and blank officially ended their royal duties. Meghan Markle. Yes, this week a judge sentenced disgraced producer blank to 23 years in prison.

Harvey Weinstein. Yes, oil prices fell sharply on Monday after Saudi Arabia began a price war with blank. Russia. Right. In order to prevent people from stealing toilet paper, a grocery store in Japan blanked. Locked up the toilet paper. Put a curse on it. On Sunday, the blank dogsled race began in Alaska.

The Iditarod. Yes. On Tuesday, former InfoWars host Blank was arrested for driving while intoxicated. Alex Jones. Yes. This week, a state senator in Michigan was ordered to take sexual harassment sensitivity training after allegedly harassing a woman during Blank. A sensitivity training. Exactly.

Sexual harassment sensitivity training. According to reports, Senator Peter Lucido was attending a required sexual harassment seminar for all government employees when he sexually harassed some government employees. Lucido has apologized and said all of this is a huge misunderstanding. He thought the seminar was teaching you how to sexually harass. Bill, did Helen

do well enough to win? She got six rights, 12 more points, and her total of 18 wins! Yay! Oh my god, and the crowd goes wild! Pew, pew, pew. Pew, pew, pew. Wow, you five

people sound like five thousand people. No, they sound like ten. Five, yeah, maybe. On a good day. Yeah. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Him is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, On a good day. Wait, wait, don't tell him. He's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord.

Philip Koticka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King.

Our hand sanitizer is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. And now a public service message we heard from a listener that her 74-year-old mother is refusing to take all this coronavirus stuff seriously and will only believe

it if she hears it on NPR. So, Miss Kitty Desmond, you shouldn't panic, but please do take all necessary precautions and most importantly, listen to your daughter. Now, panel, what is our audience doing right now instead of being here? Tom Bodette. Online, of course, while they're eating hoarded Oreos, alternating between binge cringing the news and developing crafts to sell on Etsy and Pinterest. Helen Hong. Making toilet paper origami. And Peter Gross.

Helping out Joe Biden by making huge, easy-to-read signs that say wife and sister. Well, if any of that really happened, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Donate. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Tom Beaudet, Helen Hong, and Peter Gross. Special thanks to the entire staff and crew at the Fox Theater in Atlanta who are here with us. Thanks to everyone at WABE and at GPB. Thanks to all of the people who had hoped to come at WABE and at GPB.

Thanks to all of the people who had hoped to come here to see us at the Fox Theater. We promise we'll be back as soon as possible, and we'll look forward to seeing you then. Thanks to everybody out there for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.