Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Billy Porter

Episode Date: February 4, 2023

Billy Porter is an absolute legend. With a career that started in his teens, he's now 3/4ths of the way to an EGOT. He's also a style icon, who's always the most fashionable person in any room he's in. His new movie is 80 For Brady, but what does he know about the Brady Bunch?Sign up for Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Squeeze your peaches, we're having Billy Knees. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal, we have Peter Gross. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. I am indeed Peter Gross, filling in for Peter Sagal,

who is out for a very, very good reason. His son was just born, so that's wonderful news. Yes. And I want to say to Peter, Peter, if you are listening, first of all, Mazel Tov, I am so happy for you. And I am mostly happy that we can all celebrate there finally being another bald Sagal in the world. I think he feels right at home.

Later on, the great Billy Porter will be joining us to play our games. I know. Extremely exciting. But first, it is your turn. The number to call is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi there, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Liz Franchek and I'm calling from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Oh, hi, Liz. Hi. Hi.

Everyone else from Milwaukee apparently is here in the room. That's so nice to hear. Yeah. What's going on up in there in Milwaukee? What are you doing? What do you like to do up there? Oh, my gosh. How much time do we have?

Five seconds. Well, part-time, I am a Spanish instructor at Milwaukee Area Technical College. Oh, cool. And then full-time, I actually am the executive director at a nonprofit called the FAST Fund, and we work out of our faculty union at the college at the AFT Local 212. Cool. And we help our students with emergency basic needs grants so that they can stay in school. Wow. You do a bunch of great stuff so that they can stay in school. Wow.

You do a bunch of great stuff. Thank you. Good for you. Thanks. Okay, Liz, let me introduce you to our panel this week. Sounds good. First up, it's a comedian you can see in the show Upload on Amazon. She's also headlining the Wheeler Opera House in Aspen, Colorado on February 21st.

It's Zainab Johnson. Hello. Next, it's a comedian you can see at Hey Nani in Arlington Heights, Illinois on February 10th. It's Adam Burke. Hi, Liz. And finally, a comedian hosting a live taping of the Trivia Podcast, Go Fact Yourself at KPCC's Crawford Family Forum in Pasadena on February 11th. It's Helen Hong. Hi, Liz. Okay, welcome to the show, Liz. You're going to play Who's Bill this time.

Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you're going to win our prize. Any voice from our show that you choose on your voicemail. Are you ready? I am. Here's your first quote. Show me yours, and I'll show you mine. That was President Biden this week telling Kevin McCarthy

he wanted to see his what? Can I have a clue? Sure. It's a lot more boring than the quote implies. Maybe taxes? Not as taxes. It's something financial, though. Maybe you've heard about this sort of impending debt ceiling plan.

Exactly. Very good. Budget. Debt ceiling plan. Very good. Biden and McCarthy had their first in-person meeting to discuss raising the debt ceiling, and the stakes were very high for both men. For one, you know, Kevin McCarthy needed to be very careful that if Biden went in for a hug, he didn't stuff a bunch of classified documents

in the speaker's back pockets and then just go, look, Kevin's got them too. Everybody's doing it. Biden, Biden also needed to be careful as well well because McCarthy, he's a tough negotiator. He does not lose 15 times in a row. 14 maybe, but not 15. I, you know, I've obviously studied this subject a lot and I only have one question. What is the debt? It's usually about 10 feet above the debt floor, unless you're really lucky and then it's like 12 feet and you've got a nice place. I'm proud to say, Adam, that as an American, I have the same

question. Nobody knows. Zainab, what do you think? You're going to weigh in? Do you have any clue what it is? The debt ceiling? No, but I know what a glass ceiling is. Okay. That's true. They definitely didn't talk about that.

Definitely not. You know, it's interesting because McCarthy has proven that he's, you know, a tough negotiator. Just like with his approach to becoming speaker, he came into these meetings with a real, I probably won't take no for an answer attitude. Does our debt ceiling have a mirror on it? Like, is it a sexy debt ceiling? Yeah. Like a 70s sort of cocaine debt ceiling.

It would be much more exciting for the American people to talk about. Okay. Liz, you still there? I am here. Wonderful. We love that. Okay. Your next quote is from an NFL great speaking this Tuesday.

I'll get right to the point. I'm retiring for good. Okay, Liz, that was somebody re-retiring from football this week. Who was it? I believe it was Giselle's ex-husband. We will take that answer. We will take that answer. Thank you. I don't know how excited he is about that, but we will take it. It's technically true. This was an unprecedented, completely precedented, shocking, and entirely predictable move of Tom Brady retiring.

Maybe this will become an annual tradition. Every February 1st, we'll gather around to watch Tom Brady retire. And then every February 2nd, he'll see his shadow, and it'll be six more years of football. Isn't he 75 years old at this point? Like, why is he still playing football? I thought at a certain point he'd be like, yeah, you know what? My body does not work anymore.

But I mean, it's all he knows, right? And there are men all over the world right now tearing their ACLs because they still think they can do what they did in high school. Oh, absolutely. He's 45. He's not 75. We should just say that, Helen. Isn't 45 the 75 of football?

It's the new 75. Right? Good point. Absolutely. He shouldn't even be playing flag football, much less regular football. Do you think he's going to be as competitive in retirement, like throwing 90-yard spirals at the ducks?

Yeah, catch that duck. None of you are gronk. But you know what? I really like how Liz described him. That's the only way I know famous men is I attach them to the women that they're with. There's a football player married to Sierra, right? And then we had a president married to Hillary. That's right. Absolutely. Although they're with. Oh, good. There's a football player married to Sierra, right? And then we had a president married to Hillary.

That's right. Absolutely. Although they're not married anymore, so Brady, so he ended his retirement announcement by saying that, you know, he's retiring to spend every other weekend with his kids. Okay. Liz, moving on, we got your last quote here,

and it is a big announcement from neatness coach Marie Kondo. I've kind of given up. Okay. We know who Marie Kondo is. What has she given up on? She's given up on being tidy. That's right. That is right. Marie Kondo, she became a household name for her book, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, and her subsequent Netflix show. But this week, she has said she's done. She said, quote, my home is messy. It's crazy.

It is a shocking 180. This is like if Michelle Obama said, when they go low, kick them in the balls. I laugh my tushy off because I have a toddler at home. And there's no, with one toddler, there is no way to keep anything toddler. And this woman now has three. And I laughed my butt off when she was like, none of it sparks joy. She explained she had to let go of her perfectionism after the birth of her third child and it's crazy because it got so bad she has even let her first two children out of their drawers

labeled kids that's how you know it's gotten she doesn't spark joy anymore is the only thing she sparks now is like a bong yeah whatever dude i feel bad for her husband who's like, so do I have to clean up now? Because you were doing it all professionally. I did watch, I watched one episode of that show and the only thing I took away from it was rolling your underwear into a ball and then that's the only thing I remember. Did you chuck it at someone?

And then you just throw them on the floor. Maybe we blame it on the TV producers, though. Maybe she was just like, I'm bored. I'm going to roll these socks. And Netflix was like, no, that's a show. Yeah, I mean, they have a show called Is This Cake? That's true. Is This Ball?

No, that is underwear. All right. Bill, how did Liz do on our quiz? Liz is perfect. As Marie would say. Liz, thank you so much for playing. Enjoy Milwaukee. Thank you so much for having me.

Bye. Thanks so much. Bye-bye. Thank you. Thank you. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, the company Shopify reports that they have increased productivity by the equivalent of roughly 95,000 hours of work this year,

simply by doing what? Getting a cattle prod and zapping the workers. The other way of doing it. I'll give you a hint. All of this could have just been discussed over an email after all. Oh, no more meetings? No more meetings.

That's right. They canceled meetings. This is from Shopify, a company that you have heard of but refused to learn what they actually do. Recently deleted 12,000 recurring meetings from their employee calendars. And that all alone,

that freed up one manager's just entire Monday afternoon. I used to work in offices, and if they cancel meetings, where am I going to fall asleep? Your desk, buddy. Sorry. The bathroom, like everybody else. We actually tried this idea of canceling meetings this week.

We canceled one. We completely eliminated our regular Thursday punchline meeting, and you know what happened? Damn it, I shouldn't have canceled that meeting. That is on me. That's my bad. That's my bad. No, what happened? We also canceled the improvisation meeting.

All the skills I thought I had. You'll have to make it up later. Until we meet again. Coming up, our panelists have the eye of the tiger in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We will be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Zainab Johnson, Adam Burke, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal, Peter Gross. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Okay. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air.

Hi there. You're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. This is David Hobson in Marlborough, Massachusetts. Oh, nice. Marlborough, Massachusetts. How's it going there in Marlborough? Are you from there? Not originally. I just actually recently moved for work. Oh, cool. I'm originally from moved for work. Oh, cool. I'm originally from Texas. Oh, okay.

What part of Texas? I'm originally from a town called Beaumont, right near Houston. Oh, great. You got one woo. How does that feel? I heard that, yeah. Good. Good.

Very woo-able town. Nice to have you with us, David. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? Anything to win. Some of us will do anything to win. Work out harder, run faster, and speaking from personal experience, kneecap Paula Poundstone during her fill-in-the-blank round on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Really, just anything. Our panelists are going to tell you about someone who pulled out all the stops in search of a victory. You pick the one who's telling the truth, and you will win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready? I guess so. Let's do it. All right, let's do it. First up, Helen Hong. The town of Wheeler, Michigan doesn't offer much entertainment with the exception of one huge annual event, Frida's famously fast frog hop. Scooter Baker had taken part in the contest for years and was sick of his frog diesel never even cracking the top five. So this year he did what

any of us would do. He gave diesel anabolic steroids. At first things seemed to be going great. Diesel trained harder, jumped further, and because frogs have warts anyway, no one noticed his back knee. I have never seen Diesel so happy, said Baker. I had also never seen a frog with six-pack abs before, but that seemed to be a good sign. At the frog hop, Diesel took off at the bell with some solid high hops, but halfway down the course, as other frogs started catching up to him, Diesel turned to the closest one and punched him in the face.

With one witness swearing she heard him say, Ribbit, ribbit, bro. Diesel and Baker were disqualified from the frog hop. Baker complained to reporters that the hop had no rule against giving frogs steroids, to which hop officials responded, we didn't think we needed one.

All right. A story of a roided-up frog beating up his competition from Helen Hong. Your next story of competitive spirit comes from Adam Burke. At first glance, Baxter Starling's entry in his school science fair seemed pretty standard for an 11-year-old, a model of the solar system with papier-mâché or papier-mâché for the sticklers, flaking off the individual planets and the words our solar system in a childish scrawl. But this thing was impressive. He'd press a button and the planets would move perfectly around the sun. Baxter's model was so impressive, in fact, that the judges quickly awarded him first prize. It was only when Baxter's father, Ken, checked his credit card statement a week or so later and saw a $3,000 charge for something called an orrery that anyone smelled

a rat. I had no idea what an orrery was, says Starling, who looked it up only to have Merriam-Webster explain that it was, quote, an apparatus showing the relative positions and motions of bodies in the solar system by balls moved by a clockwork. The elder Starling rushed to his son's room, ripped into the paper mache, and found a glittering construction in brass and oak beneath. I guess he hadn't done any work on it and panicked, explains Starling.

It's my own fault for leaving my Etsy account open. From Adam Burke, a story about a paper mache solar system that was hiding a high-tech device inside. Your last story of Winner Go Home comes from Zainab Johnson. Arlicia Boykins, a 22-year-old JV basketball coach of Virginia's Churchland High School Truckers, had a problem. One of her 13-year-old players was out of town during a crucial game. Would she give up? Nope. Boykins, remembering the quote, a problem is a chance for you to do your best, took matters into her own hands and decided to suit up as the 13-year-old, especially since she used to be a student athlete herself and has great skin.

No one would notice. Well, according to the local news stations and everyone standing in line at the Piggly Wiggly, footage shows the full-grown adult destroying her adolescent competition on a court. She was driving a lane for a layup and blocking shots. She was the Jowana man to their banshees. Boykins was fired as a result of the stunt, and the rest of Churchland's JV players and parents elected to opt out of the remainder of the season because this kind of thing only works in a Disney movie.

Okay, David, those are our stories. I'm going to recap for you. You've got, from Helen Hong, a story of froggy roid rage. From Adam Burke, a story about a fake amateur science project. And from Zainab, a story about an uber-competitive coach dressing up like one of the players. Which one of the players. Which one of these stories is real?

Well, after the first two, I was almost certain it was going to be the third one, and then I heard it. Okay. I guess I will pick, I'll pick the third one. The third one, Zainab's story about the coach. Okay. Now, to find out the correct answer, we spoke to the reporter who broke the real story. This person tried to relive her basketball glory days as a 22-year-old woman

that went on the court to play with 14- and 15-year-olds. That was Craig Loper, the sports director at WAVY TV10, Fox 43 in Virginia, talking about the coach subbing in for her player. So congratulations, David. You got it right. Good for you. Thank you. David, David, I can't believe you didn't buy my story about the road rage. It may have been the point where the frog said the word bro. It may have been that.

It may not. You earned a point for Zaynab, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Good job. Thank you very much. Thank you so much for playing. Have a good one. And now the game where big names have a little fun. It's called Not My Job.

Billy Porter thought he was going to be a preacher before discovering musical theater as a teenager and pursuing that instead. And while a Tony, an Emmy, and a Grammy means he definitely made the right choice, I would pay any amount of money to see a preacher wearing one of his red carpet looks. Billy Porter, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Yes.

thank you yes so we have to ask since we just mentioned it there in our introduction of you is that true tell us about this rumor or perhaps fact that you thought you were going to be a preacher growing up yeah i grew up in the pentecostal church and you know in that space, when somebody felt a special energy coming over you, they called it the anointing. And when that happens in my bubble, that means you're going to be a preacher. How did you feel? Did you feel like you could see yourself as a preacher? Because as somebody who had a performative gene and an instinct, that must have been exciting. gene and an instinct to you, that must have been exciting. Yeah. And I, and I took it on and I preached my first sermon when I was probably around 10 or 11 and I knew immediately, nope. Well, we are all, you know, it's not the traditional way. You know what I mean?

We're very happy that you were so unhappy at that point. of the way. You know what I mean? We're very happy that you were so unhappy at that point. You are a style and fashion icon in addition to, we'll get to the performing and stuff that you do, but I'm really, as somebody

who, you can't see me, Billy, but I am wearing an extremely boring outfit. Just to follow up on that, Billy, Peter's outfit right now, he bought at whitesisheteroman.com He kind of looks like he's about to ask us

to leave the restaurant. Adam, you can stay. But no, Billy. Oh my God, that's hilarious. My question was going to be, you're always sort of pushing the envelope and every time you have a look that goes in a new direction

and it sort of stakes out new ground, do you feel sort of pressure every time you have a new event? Like, what is it like for you to sit with a designer and think, what are we going to do next how am i going to top my last thing or do you even feel that um no i don't really feel that because it's what comes naturally for me good and i also have a styling team ty hesser and colin

anderson and sometimes others and you know i. And, you know, I have a lot of, I choose it, but they know what I like. Yeah, what options to give you. Yeah. Can I ask a question? Whenever I see people on the red carpet, there's always someone skulking behind them, like tugging at a hem or something, you know what I mean? Like positioning the gown. Who is that person?

What is the name of that person? How did they get into that job? I just really want to tug at things for a living. That's really funny. Most of the time, it is either a publicist, because they don't let a whole lot of people on the red carpet anymore. Oh, I know. Since COVID, you don't have a whole lot of people.

Also, Billy, many of your outfits are very large. They take up a lot of space. You're a perfect person for the COVID era. Because if you're wearing, you know. Totally. Are there any things that you've worn on the red carpet that's, like, extremely fashionable and extremely stylish but also extremely uncomfortable? That then, like, during the award ceremony or the event that you're in, you're just like, I'm going to change into some sweatpants because I'm going to sit here for three hours.

I can't be sitting in this, like, birdcage-looking cape thing or whatever. Yeah, you have to think about that and think about what you're going to take off. The hat that I wore to the Grammys that opened and closed. For people who don't know, it was this hat that sort of had this, it was like a 180 degree sort of curtain that was motorized. And he's saying it was very heavy and it motorized and it just opened up like a curtain in front of his face. It hurt so bad, it left a mark. It almost cut me. It left the indentation. It was so heavy. I was going to say, you're a singer, you're an actor, you're a director.

You have a degree in screenwriting. Is there anything that you're, like, bad at? Yes. A lot of stuff. I can't draw. I can't play the piano. That's my biggest dream. I think it's God's way of making sure I stay humble.

Because if I could play the piano, I would be a ****. Oh, my gosh. If I could play the piano for myself while I sing, if I could sit down and play the piano for myself while I sing, I wouldn't need nobody. So you're in this new movie, 80 for Brady, about four women in their 80s who go see Tom Brady in the Super Bowl. Can you tell us about it? First of all, it's the gayest sports film ever made. I don't know, Mighty Ducks. And it creates a conversation subversively. It doesn't seem like we would be together, but yet we are.

And the story reaches everybody. Did you talk him into retiring again? Yeah, what do you think he should do? That was not me. What do you think he should do? You've done all these amazing things. Like we said, you have all these talents. You know style, fashion, the arts.

Is there a place? What can you see Tom Brady doing next? What would be a fun left turn thing for him to do? I mean, I love you all and I love Tom Brady. But I don't have the brain space to think about what he should do next. You got it. You got it. I'm going to leave it up for him to talk. Got it.

You got it. This has been really... My brain is already full up. Good. Yeah, you think about you. You think about you, Billy Porter. And you know what? We're going to think about you, too,

because we have asked you here to play a game that we are calling... And N.B. Davis as Alice. Your new movie is about a bunch of Tom Brady fans, so we thought that we would ask you about the original Brady Bunch, which is the Brady Bunch. Okay. Okay, so answer two of our three questions correctly about the most successful second marriage in TV history,

and you will win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Billy Porter playing for? Kathy Kim of Los Angeles, California. All right, here we go. Here's your first question. For our younger listeners, The Brady Bunch was a sitcom about a blended family with three boys and three girls. And one source of tension was that all six kids shared one bathroom, which was especially difficult. Why?

Was it A, each kid used a different shampoo, so there was barely room in the shower for a person. B, the bathroom didn't have a toilet. Or C, the bathroom didn't have any doors. Something weird. I want to say C. C, the bathroom didn't have any doors? Yeah.

The answer was actually B. The bathroom did not have a toilet. Yep, it did not have a toilet. Yep, it did not have a toilet. What? In 1970, here's why. In 1970, you could not show a toilet on television. What? Really?

Yep, that's why those kids all held it in for five years. Pretty insane. Okay, you still have two chances to win here, Billy, so we're going to keep going. Here's your next question. Okay. I watched the Brady Bunch a lot, but I didn't watch it like that. No, and I'm glad you didn't. I'm glad you didn't.

In one of the most famous episodes, Peter Brady hits Marsha with a football and he breaks her nose. So how did the director of the episode film that stunt? Was it A, they used a macrame football that the director's wife had made? stunt. Was it A, they used a macrame football that the director's wife had made? Was it B, Maureen McCormick, the actress who played Marcia, threw a football away from her face and then they ran the film backwards?

Or was it C, they actually hit Maureen McCormick in the face with a football? Alright, I'll say C. You'd be right. Yay! Very good. They actually did it several times, apparently, because the prop guy offscreen kept missing her nose. Wow.

So they had to do it over and over again. Okay, here's your last question. If you get it right, you're going to win. See, that's before there were laws. It's called Marsh's Law. We got laws in place now. It's called Marsh's Law. It's called Marsh's Law.

Very specific. You can't throw anything harder than a taco in someone's face. I don't know. Alright, here's your last question. Nowadays, the Brady Bunch is considered a classic, but in the 1970s, the cast, they weren't really such a big deal. For example, which of these is true?

Was it A, they had to pay to park at the lot at ABC? B, the cast was not provided food except for the bag lunches that Carol Brady made during the episode? Or C, the then president of ABC thought that all of their last names were actually Brady? I think A. You'd be right again. It was A. They had to pay to park at ABC.

Bill, how did the other Bill, Billy Porter, do on our quiz? Billy Porter got two out of three. You won, Billy. Great job. Oh, thank you. Billy, it was a pleasure. You are a treasure.

And it was just a real joy to talk to you. Yeah. You can see Billy Porter in the new film, 80 for Brady. Billy Porter, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Just one last thing. One last thing. Give it to us.

One last thing. Yes, sir. I'm going out on the road with my new music on a 35-city tour. Oh, man. Starting at the end of April. So I'm coming to a theater near you. Make sure you come and check me out. And what's the name of it again?

What's the name of the tour? The Black Mona Lisa Tour. Oh, great. Now I can't call my tour that. Okay. All right. Billy Porter, everybody. Thank you. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. In just a minute, we play with Legos for science. It's our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air.

We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. from NPR. From NPR at WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Helen Hong, Zainab Johnson, and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the

Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal, Peter Gross. Thank you, Bill. Thank you. In just a minute, Bill lets his RIMBA clean the carpet in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

But right now, panel, some more questions for you about this week's news. Helen, scientists are researching a mysterious shark that does not have sex until it is what? Uh, good and drunk. No. Um, I, please, a hint. A hint. Well, these sharks don't sin until they're a centenarian.

Until they're a hundred years old? That is right. What? It is the role of a lifetime for shark Steve Carell as the 100-year-old virgin. It is a certain kind of shark, a Greenland shark, that waits until it's after 100 years old

to mate. I mean, it grows to be 400 years old. Whoa. That makes sense. That means there's a bunch of sharks, a bunch of shark creeps hanging around 99 year olds like any minute now yeah I mean it's also like

there's definitely a shark that like turns 100 and waits to be 100 but then only turns around and wants to have sex with 25 year old sharks and it's called the Leonardo DiCaprio shark this is the kind of thing that I'm always like, how did they find this out? Like, were they just trailing this one shark

and there was still no sex? There was a scientist. Still no sex, and then the scientist died. Yeah, and it was like, carry on my research. It's like, carry on my research. And they were like, what are you doing? He's like, just don't laugh laugh let me just tell you what it is I wait for sharks to have

sex where are you going Zaynab a company that makes organizers and storage items has a new kind of binder that has become incredibly popular especially with fans of true crime podcasts it's a binder that is to be used on a very special occasion what is that occasion when you get questioned by the police of true crime podcasts. It's a binder that is to be used on a very special occasion.

What is that occasion? When you get questioned by the police? Not when you get questioned by the police, but it is sort of crime-related. I'll give you a hint. It's got a section for your ID and a section to hold your ransom. Oh, when you kidnap somebody?

When you hold somebody? Oh, when you're being held hostage? Kind of, yeah. Your disappearance or your kidnapping exactly that's right this is for huge true crime fans so it's called the in case I go missing binder and it is for all the

people who listen to true crime podcasts and think I could do that I could be the victim of a true crime it's the hottest new trend in organizing it's anticipating your own abduction slash murder. The in case I go missing binder is something that you leave behind to help with the investigation of your disappearance.

Now it comes with pre-made hand illustrated labels for sections like passport and identification. And there's also a place for you to list all of your exes, which you can label suspects, and a section to list the people your exes have dated after you labeled accomplishes slash skanks. Can I question the wisdom of letting us know that this thing exists? Because if I was a kidnapper,

you know what I'm going to take with me? You're a kidnapper binder. Well, they have a plan for that because it also comes with an in case my in case I go missing binder kidnapper binder. Well, they have a plan for that because it also comes with an in case I go missing binder, goes missing binder. It's a second binder that you don't know about until the one I just told you about. Adam, we all know we need to regularly change our toothbrush and our underwear, but an article in the New York Times this week suggested

we should also be constantly changing what? Personalities? No. I'll give you a hint. It's something physical. Furniture? Yeah, I'll kind of give it to you. It's basically everything. What? The New York Times said we should change everything. Toilet brush,

surge protectors, cutting boards, humidifiers, soda stream bottles, pillows, mattresses, bike helmets. change it all. This was, according to the New York Times, we should be replacing everything all the time. Which is perfect because I was just about to trade my New York Times subscription for any other newspaper that doesn't tell me to do that. The idea is that bacteria builds up or things break down at a rate that you're not really expecting. So you should change things over more often than you should. I think they realize people get lazy and they have the same pillow or your forever yogurt that you love so much and you never eat.

But it's so oxymoronic because I buy things that have a lifetime warranty. This is a ploy by the shopping industrial complex. I 100% agree. It's insane. They give the example of your toilet brush, which in theory should be replaced every two months. What? But unlike mine, which I got for my

bar mitzvah and have not, I couldn't get rid of it. I can't picture getting rid of my toilet brush. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888- 924-8924, or

you can click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. You can also catch us here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago most weeks, and you can see us in Tucson, Arizona at Centennial Hall on March 23rd. Tickets and more info at nprpresents.org. Hi there, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Hannah Mimlis.

Hi, Hannah. Where are you calling from? Richmond, Virginia. Oh, nice. That's wonderful. A couple of claps for Richmond in here. Oh, nice. That's wonderful. A couple claps for Richmond in here. Oh, and a rebel yell for Richmond. We'll let that one slide. What do you do down in Richmond? I am a manager at a Lebanese restaurant called Natalie's Taste of Lebanon.

Oh, my gosh. What's your favorite thing on the menu? I mean, it's got to be the chicken shawarma. That's great. You really can't go wrong with chicken shawarma. You can't go wrong. And by the way, I loved you on the menu. I just watched that.

You were fabulous. Oh, thank you. Speaking of food. Wonderful. Well, welcome to the show, Hannah. It's nice to have you. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each limerick.

And if you could fill in the last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. All right, here's your first limerick. It's a code fans of K-pop endorse, but they can't take a maritime course. So to learn dits and das, they go bug their grandpas. And young kids learn to message in... Morse? Very good, that's right! That was tough. Oh, thank God, I totally thought I was going to miss this, so I'm already happy. Good for you. It's also great news for ships lost at sea since the early 1900s.

Morse code is back! Teens across the globe have taken up the 180-year-old form of communication because K-pop bands, and this is true, they use it in their videos to tease upcoming music. For example, I learned Morse code, and I discovered that BTS' latest single is called SOS, please help, this band is a prison. That's really crazy.

Learning Morse code gives teens a way to communicate without their parents understanding them, which is awesome. And it's great because otherwise your mom would definitely know what you were saying when you told your friend, no cap, fam, these pizza rolls are major slay. Is there a new app called TikTok? That's the one that won't get banned. Everyone will be like, that's fine. All right, here's your next limerick.

Though they're yellow, they're nothing like Eggos. That's a sentiment each parent echoes. Nobody enjoys pushing out plastic toys, so don't swallow the heads of your... It's a really popular toy. It's a plastic toy. That rhymes with Eggos. Rhymes with Eggos.

Lego? That's right. Very good. Here's the story. Pediatricians wanted to prove to parents that kids swallowing a Lego or two doesn't necessarily merit a trip to the ER because Legos usually just pass through your body

and come out a day or two later, usually in your kid's litter box. So to demonstrate this, six doctors each swallowed one Lego figurine head. No, no. And they waited to see it again. Now, this is the little head, you know, that you would see on a Lego body. No one knows where they got the idea, but it is worth noting that they did choose the Lego piece that looks the most like a corn kernel.

How high did these doctors have to be to be like, it's not a problem, I'll swallow one right now. And was it one poor doctor that had to do Playmobil? Okay, you're doing pretty well. Let's give you your final limerick. More effective than just cutting sheep, my new slumber solution is cheap. This whole napkin, it goes smushed between all my toes. Once they've spread, I will nod off to...

I like to think of his sleep. That is right. There's a reason that's all you could think of. It's the right answer. This week, a woman shared her never-fail cure for insomnia. She found that weaving a McDonald's napkin between her toes made her fall asleep right away. Most likely because God wanted to protect her from having any more ideas that day.

Did it have to be a McDonald's napkin? It was in this woman's method. If you don't want to try this method, there's another one that you could use. This is what I do personally. Instead of putting the napkin in between my toes, I swallow it. And instead of using a napkin, I use an Ambien. Just another choice. Bill, how did Hannah do?

Hannah, stay away from the Legos. Got them all right. Very good. Congratulations, Hannah. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for joining us. Bye-bye. Thank you so much. Thank you so much for joining us. Bye-bye. Have a good one.

Okay, now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Zainab and Helen each have three, and Adam has two. Okay. Adam, you're in third place, so you're going to go up first. All right. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill-in-the-blank. Ahead of a summit with EU leaders, authorities in blank conducted a series of anti-corruption raids. Ukraine.

Right. On Wednesday, the U.S. reached an agreement with blank for expanded access to their military bases. The Philippines. Right. This week, the Federal Reserve raised blanks a quarter of a percent. Interest rates. Right.

This week, a man in Nevada who claimed to have definitive evidence of voter fraud pled guilty to blank. Voter fraud. Right. On Tuesday, Boeing officially ended the 53-year production run of the blank jumbo jet. 747? That's right. After winning their game on Sunday, the Kansas City Chiefs will face the blanks in the 2023 Super Bowl. The Eagles?

That's right. face the blanks in the 2023 Super Bowl. The Eagles? That's right. This week, researchers opened applications for a new sleep study that would pay participants $1,000 to blank. Sleep with a hundred-year-old shark. Eat cheese before bed. Sleep experts are testing to see if eating cheese before bed causes nightmares, and they're paying five lucky test subjects $1,000 each to find out. Getting paid $1,000 to eat cheese in bed and then be tormented by my own brain? Come on, man, I would do that for free. All right, Bill, how did Adam do? Six right, 12 more points, total of 14 in the lead.

Wonderful. Okay. All right, Zainab, you're up next. Fill in the blank. Wonderful. Okay. All right, Zainab, you're up next. Okay. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the FBI reported they had found no classified documents in a search of blank's Delaware vacation home. President Biden? That's right.

Citing ongoing investigations into lies he told while campaigning, Representative Blank stepped down from his assigned committees. George Sanchez? Right. According to the Pentagon, officials tracked a spy balloon from blank as it flew across the U.S. Russia? China. In what can't be a good sign for the coming months, just before emerging from its hole to predict the weather,

a groundhog in Canada blanked. Saw a shadow? No, he died. Oh, he died. What? I know. It's not a good sign for winter or the groundhog. Over the weekend, the sequel to Blank became the fourth highest grossing film of all time. The sequel to Blank. Oh, I have Titanic.

That's okay. Same director. Wiggly clone. Same director. Avatar. It's Avatar. We'll give it to you. Why not?

This week, a pastor in Texas described a harrowing near-death experience where he was dragged to hell hell and worse forced to blank dance no forced to listen to Rihanna's umbrella oh I did hear that story to be clear the pastor was not saying that Rihanna herself was in hell but that her song umbrella was being played by a cover band made up entirely of demons. And while I definitely do not believe this guy actually had an out-of-body experience, I absolutely believe that hell is a karaoke bar. Alright, Bill,

how did Zaynab do? Three right, six more points, total of nine. That's not bad. I'll take it. Not bad, okay. So, based on that, how many does Helen Hong need to win? Helen needs six to win. Here we go.

Helen, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, former South Carolina Governor Blank announced she was running for president. Nikki Haley. Right. On Monday, the White House announced plans to end the blank public health emergency declaration. COVID. Right.

Following criticism from Governor DeSantis, the College Board made changes to an AP course in blank studies. African American history. Right. Following criticism from Governor DeSantis, the College Board made changes to an AP course in blank studies. African American history. Right. After returning to the station from a call, firefighters in Florida were shocked to find blank. A fire. Their firehouse was on fire. We'll give it to you. The kitchen, specifically, was on fire. On Tuesday, an ice storm sweeping through the United States caused the cancellation of thousands of blanks. Flights? Right.

On Thursday, a rare green blank made its closest pass by Earth in 50,000 years. A rare green comet? Right. Oh, this week's Twitter suspended the account of a British bird conservatory charity after they repeatedly tweeted about blank. They were talking trash about birds. Well, I can't give it to you. They were tweeting about woodcocks.

The British Trust for Ornithology was in the middle of a major birding event. I mean, to me, they're all major, but this one was very major, when their tweets about spotting a woodcock led to a week-long suspension. What? Woodcock. Oh! The ban caused a major interruption in the event, and even worse, left spotting a woodcock led to a week-long suspension. What? Woodcock. Oh. The band caused a major interruption in the event, and even worse, left

the British Trust for Ornithology without any way to promote their OnlyFans. Bill, did Helen Hong do well enough to win? Well, she got six right, twelve more points, and with one point, her fifteen wins! Congratulations! Congratulations! In just a minute, points, and with one point, her 15 wins. Congratulations.

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, after Tom Brady and Marie Kondo, who will be the next person to give up. But first, let me tell you that. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug

Berman Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theater. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Oja Lopez. The next quarterback for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers is Peter Gwynn. Our intern is Vaishnavi Naidoo. Technical direction by Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production

manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now panel, who is going to give up next? Zainab Johnson. I think that I don't know how to say it correctly, but Punxsutawney Phil? Yeah, I think he's going to give up next? Zainab Johnson. I think that I don't know how to say it correctly, but Punxsutawney Phil?

Yeah, I think he's going to give up. He's like 137 years old now. He just really wants to go back to Florida and have a Mai Tai. Adam Burke. The next person to give up will be the head of the National Archives. So screw it. You know what? Just keep the certified documents before pouring

himself his fifth martini of the day. And Helen Hong. The researcher who studies hundred-year-old sharks. Because after you find out when they have sex, what else do you really want? And if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it right here on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks, Susanna Johnson, Adam Burke, Helen Hong. And thank you all for listening. I'm Peter Gross filling in for Peter Sagal. We will see you next week. This is NPR.