Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Brandi Carlile helps us say goodbye to Bill Kurtis!

Episode Date: May 23, 2026

This week, we bid a fond farewell to our beloved Bill Kurtis with Brandi Carlile and panelists Luke Burbank, Negin Farsad, and Paula PoundstoneSee pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences.NPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm legendary anchorman Bill Curtis. Where are we? Yeah. And here's your host at the Studio Maker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. Peter Seigal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.

We got a great show for you today. later on, we're going to be talking to the fabulous singer-songwriter Brandy Carlisle. But first, back in 2014, when our original judge and scorekeeper Carl Castle retired, someone suggested that we should ask Bill Curtis to succeed him. And I said, are you nuts? Why would Bill Curtis, groundbreaking journalist and giant of broadcasting squander his hard-earned reputation doing our silly little show every week? Well, today, either Bill is stepping down after being the hilarious basso-profundo soul of our show

for 12 wonderful years, or he finally came to his senses. So if you want to be one of the last people to benefit from his wisdom and or his mistake, give us a call. The number is 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-8-24-9-24. Now it's time to welcome our first list. and her contestant. Hi, you're on Wait Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Tiffany Washburn. I'm following from Dayton, Ohio. Hey, Dayton is a beautiful place. I think we're going there later on. What do you do there? I am a mom of two, and in my free time, I'm a can-can dancer with

Madame Gigi's. Hold on, wait a minute. Oh, another one. There's so many. I really, I got to talk to our screeners. Too many can-can. Wait a minute, you're a can-can dancer, like the Moulin Rouge Can-Can? You come up to... And da-da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-kn-knack. Exactly like that. Wow. That's amazing.

Is there a lot of call for can-can dancers these days in today's economy? A surprising amount of demand. Yeah. When you're in town, you should stop by practice with us. Oh, yes. I'm making a note here. Absolutely. Tiffany, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First up, a comedian who you can see in Chattanooga, Tennessee on June 24th at the comedy catch with the show The Muslims are coming with equally threatening friends. It's Nagine Farsson. God. Next, it's the host of the daily podcast, TBTL, and the public radio variety show Live Wire, which will be live at the Reeser Center for the Arts in Beaverton, Oregon on May 29th. It's Luke Burbank. Hey there, Tiffany. You can see her June 26th in Atlanta, Georgia at the Buckhead Theater, and hear her on her podcast. Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone.

Hey, Tiffany. Tiffany, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. All right.

Your first quote is from an NPR news story this week. Interest is surging in the tiny bulbous legumes. That was NPR's annoying way of saying that as food prices go up, more and more people are eating what? Is it chickpeas? It is chickpeas and other beans. That's the answer we were looking for. Oh, the magical fruit.

Yes. Economists right now are pointing to a somewhat troubling indicator. Americans are buying lots and lots of beans. I was worried when I saw the New York Times say, seven delicious meals you can cook over a trash can fire. This is an economic indicator. I mean, we've been focusing on the price of gas so much. We should have been focused.

on the gas that comes out of our butts. Exactly. When you think about it, I guess it won't work scientifically, but you could think one surplus would solve the other shortage, right? We're not just buying more beans. We're really into them. This is true. There are bean influencers online.

And real bean fans call themselves, again, I'm sorry to say this is true, leguminati. They run everything. They really do. I've heard that. It goes all the way to the top. Right, right. This is happening, of course, as beef prices are reaching record highs, as are smugness levels among

vegans. And vegetarians. Yes, true, true, true, true. I have to say, like, I know that this is sort of NPR framing this, the fact that people can't afford maybe to eat the kind of protein that they would like, which would be more like meat-based, chicken-based. But as a person who is, generally speaking, mostly vegetarian, I'm appreciating some people coming over to our slightly gassy side of the fence on this.

I was on Interstate 5 over in the Pacific Northwest where I live, and one of those big trucks that's got all the chickens in it, like bombing down the highway. And I looked at it, and a chicken looked into my soul. Really? And I have never been the same again. Yeah. But it was like, save me. I mean, it was. It was saying, you know, give the beans a try, everybody.

Just leave the windows open at night. Yeah, exactly. Here is your next quote. The Golden Girls Templates Endurers. That was the New York Times, talking about how the latest trend in TV is shows about whom? The older segment of the population? Yes, the older segment of the population, yes.

Seniors, old people, geysers, yes. More and more TV shows are both featuring and are designed for older people, from the Matlock reboot to this new Netflix show, The Burroughs, and other shows that will be on way too loud when you go home to visit your parents. It's true. There are a growing number of TV shows

are featuring older characters like Only Murders in the Building or Shrinking or 75 years young Sheldon. Why am I leaving now? That's true. This is your moment, Bill. I didn't love the fact that in this New York Times piece, the photographs of some of the actors

were, I would say, roughly my age. Yeah, terrifying, isn't it? Like, Alfred Molina is not that much older than I am. And yet, he's playing a senior citizen. Yeah, so this is their idea of, like, letting, you know... I wasn't ready to be part of that population so quickly, but I guess I'm here. In fact, this is interesting, the burrows on Netflix, this new show that sort of inspired this article, it's set in an old age home, and it's made by the people who made Stranger Things.

In fact, Stranger Things dragged on so long. they were just able to cast the original kids from the show with senior citizens. Just segueed into that. Have you heard about the, they have a new one of those reality shows, cops, but it's older cops, and the criminals just get away.

And they're going, I got, I got to sit. I just go, I'm fizzing. And I'm telling you, right, if you're younger, you want older, people to watch shows about older people, just to avoid that awkward moment when your uncle tells you he's all caught up in euphoria. Wait, what is euphoria? That's the right answer, Paula.

That's the right answer. Very good. You represented your demographic well. Tiffany, here is your last quote. Boo! Boo! That was graduating classes around the country reacting to all. these commencement speakers who chose to talk about what new technology.

AI. Yes, AI. It is commencement season. And speaker after speaker are bringing up AI and getting booed by the graduates. Yes, AI is not for graduation speeches. It's for writing the papers that help you graduate. Yes. Did the Secretary of Education, what's her name again?

Linda McMahon? Yeah. Did she do any gradients? graduation speeches and talk about A1? Which she famously did, reading a speech, reading from notes in Congress, talked about the potential of A1. Yes. Yeah.

But that was at the Western Oklahoma School of Rib Eyes. Exactly. So it was honestly relevant to the graduates. Any of you, assuming you all graduated college, if so, did you remember your commencement speech? Or the commencement speech at this given? No. No? No.

My son graduated from high school in a very small program. He graduated in a class of one. Really? Yeah. They had to cut pomp and circumstance short. Yeah. It must have to wait. You'd have to wait for his name to come around when they were accepting their diploma.

No, exactly. Duh, da-da. Okay. Bill, how did Tiffany do on our quiz? Tiffany was crystal clear with a perfect score. Congratulations, Tiffany. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula, I know you enjoy movies.

I do. When you're at the movies and you have to use the bathroom, it's stressful because you don't want to miss any of the movie. Right. But now a movie theater in Switzerland has found an elegant solution. What is it? They have a guy that sits beside you when you come back and whispers what happened while you're gone.

No? They have a guy that stands in the doorway just outside your stall and tells you what's happening on the screen while you're gone. At a normal volume. All right. All right. If he's in the bathroom with you, Yeah.

How would he be able to watch the movie? Okay, okay. They have a guy that stands just outside the actual bathroom, holds the door open so they can see what's happening on the screen, and shouts to you towards the stall where you're sitting. These are all wonderful ideas. If somebody steals this, I'm going to be so pissed. Literally.

Literally. But they came up with another solution. Who, boy, you got any hints from me? I mean, presumably you could sit. there and watch the movie the whole time. Oh my god. The film shows in the bathroom? Yes. Oh, that's awful. There are TV monitors in the floor smart in front of every toilet so you can watch the movie while you're using the toilet and not miss anything. Wow. Yeah. Have you, I remember when I watched Oppenheimer, I needed a break because I thought it was too intense and it would have been horrible if like I went to go take a break in the

bathroom. And it was still there. Yeah, and it followed you to your car. Everywhere you go Oppenheimer is playing. Yeah. No, that's abusive. That's not a good relationship with Oppenheimer. Yeah, when I walk into the bathroom, I say, I have become

deaf. Either of course. Coming up, what if our bluff the listener game was actually called Blurf the listener call 1-T-8, wait-wait-to-play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-W-W-W-W-T-L-M from NPR. From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is wait, wait, don't tell me, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, we are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, the Gine Farsad, and Luke Burbank.

And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter, Seigle. Thank you, Bill. Thank you so much. Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff, the listener game, call 1-3-8. Wait, wait, wait, if you would love. like to play our games on the air. Hi, Ron, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Rhonda Graff, calling from McCook, Nebraska.

McCook, Nebraska. Where is that exactly? We are smack dab between Denver and Omaha and home to Senator George Norris. Oh, Senator George Norris? Yeah, you've got to go back away to, you know, electricity. Oh, I'm sorry. And now we're to broadband. The Senator George Norris.

Now I know, yes. Well, Rhonda, welcome to the show. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Rhonda's topic? Just one letter. One letter can make a big difference. Consider the priest who told the congregation that all singers go to hell. This week we heard a story of something off just by one letter

and the consequences were remarkable. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the wait waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am. First, let's hear from Nagin Farsaw. Dr. Mariano Cohen is a well-respected urologist in Argentina who was invited to speak on a local radio station.

He was probably flattered that his vast knowledge of urology was going to be useful on a more public-facing scale. It's about time that the study of the testes, prostate, vast deference, and yes, the seminal vesicles, be taken as a serious matter of public health and not as an uncomfortable joke made by dirtbag comedians on silly quiz shows. But when the urologist went live on the airwaves, the first question he got was, where did he study to become a uphologist, as in someone who studies UFOs? Quote, I'm a urologist, not a uphologist, he said, as all the genitals he studied metaphorically shrank. In the end, urologists are still the one doctor no one wants to see, but they're a pretty decent stand-in when it comes to explaining inexplicable

orbs with strange behaviors. A urologist invited on to a radio show because they thought he was a uphologist. Your next alphabet account comes from Luke Burbank. According to a story this week in The Hill, about six months ago, Ben Forstag was at his desk as regional director of the FBI. the Farmington Bratworth Association, a Michigan-based lobbying group representing the Caste Meets Industry

when he got an email from Cash Patel ordering him to look into a series of bank robberies in the area. Why, though, would the FBI director reach out to him? Well, thanks to a typo on his LinkedIn page, his name came up when director Patel googled Michigan Regional Director of the FBI. Patel was actually emailing a guy whose real expertise was,

how spicy is too spicy when we're talking kilbasa. The even more amazing part, Forstag nabbed the suspect. With no legal authorization, he staked out the one bank in town that hadn't been robbed yet, and sure enough, he caught the bandit when he showed up, something he said he saw in a Matt Damon movie.

Someone listing his job is with the FBI instead of the FBI. A, ends up catching a criminal. Your last story of someone playing loose with the letters comes from Paula Poundstone. Tech Tech, who wired magazine, has put in the top slot of their who-to-watch in Tech List, recently held their Springfling employee recognition luncheon at the Southport Hyatt in Boston. The round tables were festooned with bouquets of flowers. The event featured an improv teacher who led the attendees in some hilarious group storytelling,

but there was something missing. The lunch. In fact, the crowd grew a little restless, digging through their bags for power bars and candy by the last speaker who shook its head slowly and moaned in response to each disturbance during his somewhat out-of-place testimonial about the challenges of his life as a very tall man, his struggles with depression, and the difficulties of finding work as a butler in the current economic climate. Of course, CEO Watson threatened never again to use, let's have an affair, her go-to party planners, until they showed her a copy of the email asking for the event to include Lurch.

Lurch was the butler from the Adams family. So, one of these single-letter typos made it into the news this week, was it from Nguyen Farsad, a urologist who got invited to talk about E.Ts and UFOs. from Luke Burbank, somebody who was a regional director for the FBI, being mistaken for someone from the FBI, or was it from Paula Poundstone, a corporate event that went awry because they ended up with this visit from Lurch,

the Butler from the Adams family, rather than a delicious lunch. Well, I love the Lurch idea, and I believe the FAA, I'm going with number one. You're going to go with Nogine's story of the urologist, mistaken for a uphologist. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the real story.

You log on to a call to think you're going to be asked about your medical expertise, and then someone's like, do you believe in aliens? And you're like, how is this relevant? Yeah. How is it relevant? That was Dr. Rina Malik, a urologist, explaining the mix-up in this week's news.

Congratulations, Rhonda, you got it right. Thank you. Thank you. And now the game were people who have won a lot try to win one more thing. It's called Not My Job. Brandy Carlisle says that from an early age, she knew she was going to make it as a musician, and she was right. She has won 11 Grammy Awards and two Emmys.

She has an Oscar nomination for a song she wrote for her childhood idol, Elton John. Her new album is called Returning to Myself. And she joins us now. Brandy Carlisle, welcome to Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Let's start with this Elton John thing. I was reading your memoir, or rather listening to you read it, which was pretty great. And you write that you were such an Elton John fan as a pretty young girl. You actually dressed like him in a singing competition?

Oh, yeah, many singing competitions, and also Halloween. And I went to school with homemade Elton John jewelry. I mean, I was a massive Elton John fan as a teenager. Right. And how much did you stand out amongst your peers? being, you know, when they'd come in doing whatever they were doing. In Maple Valley. Yeah.

Washington. This is rural Washington, right? Your mother got you this white suit that she bedazzled and had big fake glasses. What did they think of you? Well, it was 1995. So it wasn't exactly the height of teen pop idol fame that Elton John experienced in the 70s. So it was like they were all discovering Elton John through me until the Lion King. And then they all understood my obsession.

Really? They all realized you were a prophet before your time. So later on, You not only met Elton John, but collaborated with him and became very close friends. How early in your relationship did you tell him about this? Like immediately, I got right in it. Hello, my name is Brett. You know, you just have to get it right out in the open, you know.

And I think when you're Elton John, you can't decide to choose friends based on who's a fan and knows your music. It's like he'd have no friends at all if he did not well. Granted, if you're an international superstar of that duration, yes, everybody's going to be your fan. Not everybody is going to dress up as you as a 12-year-old girl. One of the things that are about you is you meet Elton John, you become close friends. You meet Joni Mitchell, you become collaborators. Hi, Brandy.

Yeah. Have you ever felt shy about reaching up to any of your idols? No, I'm not very shy at all. In fact, I'm married to a British woman, and she just, she's in constant. state of cringe because I will walk straight up to new people or people I admire and I will just get right in there with a hug and I just I have no life is too short to not to not be friends and to get close with people you. I do you.

Have you ever been rebuffed? Yes. Oh, all the time. Really? Can you dish on somebody who wasn't nice to you? No, I can't get specifics. But I will say that I've had moments even with my closest friends where the, they've been like, oh, piss off, Brandy.

I didn't recognize you right away. I was fascinated to hear the details of your background. You grew up, as I said, in rural Washington State, you've written and talked about how poor your family was growing up. In fact, unless I got this wrong, sometimes the family would eat only if your father shot an elk or deer from your window?

I mean, I wouldn't say that we would only eat if we shot an elk or deer, but there were definitely a few elk and deer shot from the window. From the window part. I mean, we're just sitting around the house and somebody says, it's a reverse drive-through. Kind of. I don't understand why we can take the screen off. Yeah, true.

It's like, well, somebody says, so what's for dinner? And your dad says, well, let's find out. And he goes to the window. You also write about how your father more or less treated you just the same as he treated your brother, was very close in age. None of that girly stuff for you. In fact, and I loved this story, he drove you to go have a fight with a bully?

Yeah, he did. He drove me to go have a, you know, you don't miss, it was in the 80s. You don't miss your fist fight appointments, if you make them. Right. So, again, just, I mean, I guess plot it's to you for having the courage,

plod us to your father, for supporting you and your goals. But I'm just curious as to how that went down. Like, you see your dad, and you say, Dad, there's this kid who's been bothering me, and I challenged him to a fight, and we agreed to meet down by the lake at two. Can you give me a ride?

Is that what happened? That's exactly what happened. Really? That's exactly what happened. And your father said, okay. Yeah, and he drove me to the lake, and he dropped me off, and then he left, left, left. Wait a minute, so he drives you to have a fight with a boy.

Wait a minute. I'm remembering a detail. Two boys. Yes, yes, John and Michael's left. And he just leaves? He left. Yeah, I didn't see him until I went back home at dark. And me and the boys, we did get into a scuffle, and one of them fell in the lake, and we wound up playing the game of baseball, the baseball diamond altogether. Wow.

Who got the most points? I got the most points in the first fight, but I didn't go with a piece around baseball. So, as I indicated, you had an extraordinary amount of confidence in your career as a musician. You dropped out of high school. You went up to Seattle. You did make it, to put it mildly. I think we had the total as 12 Grammys to date, two Emmys, one Oscar nomination? 11. 11, excuse me. We'll keep our fingers crossed for this year.

All right. Your fingers crossed. I have to ask, that's a lot of Grammys. 11. Where do you keep them? I keep them all on top of my piano that I've had since I was 18. It's a 1900, upright old granny piano that I write tons of my songs on, and the whole top of it's just covered in Grammys and Christmas.

life. Wow. That's really cool. Thank you. It's enough, you know, it occurs to me, you have enough of them. You can do like a whole dinner party and everybody gets one at their place setting, like holding the napkin or something. Well, I definitely don't hide them when people come over. Oh, sure. Well, Brandy Carlisle, it is an absolute delight to talk to you. But we have asked you here to play a game. And since your latest album is called Returning to Myself, we've asked you're here to play a game that we're going to call returning to the store. Because when you think about it, returning to yourself, it's pretty easy. For example, you don't

need a receipt. So, returning to the store, though, is a different thing. We're going to ask you three questions about people returning things to the store where they bought it. Get two out of three right. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail. You ready to play? Yes, sir. All right. Bill, who is the great Brandy Carlisle playing for? Jennifer Coggins, Richmond, Virginia. All right. Here we go.

Here's your first question. In 2018, a man in New Jersey was sent back to the grocery store by his wife to return a $5 bottle of orange juice because she thought it was too expensive. His wife, it turns out, turned out to be very wise. Why? A, while he was at the store returning it, a plane crashed into his empty house. B, the next person who bought that orange juice found a lot. live scorpion inside, or C he spent the five bucks he got back on a lottery ticket that won him

$315 million. This feels like C to me. It is C, Randy. And we presume after he won $115 million in the lottery, his wife let him buy as much expensive orange juice as he wanted. Meanwhile, I get in trouble when I spend the grocery money on the lotto. I said, fine. Just got a win, baby.

All right. That was very good. Here's your next question. Amazon promises easy returns. But one Amazon customer who tried several times to return an item got so frustrated that she did what? A, as vengeance, she bought a piano on Amazon and instantly returned that so Amazon would have to pay for the return shipping. B, she went to Amazon's shareholder meeting and tried to return the item directly to Jeff Bezos. Or C, with a friend, she embarked on an epic quest to cast the package into the fires of Mount Doom.

Well, I really want this to be B, so I'm going to go B. That's exactly what happened. She turned out she was an Amazon shareholder. So she got to go to the shareholders' meeting. She stood up and said, Mr. Bezos, I have this package. You won't take it as a return. I want to give it to you. Bezos was very gracious about it.

He apologized. He asked if anybody else there. anything they needed to return. It was pretty cool. However, you can still hate him. All right. Here's your last question, Brandy. You're doing as well with this as you seem to do with everything. Here's your last question. Costco, famous for their incredibly generous return policy. In fact, at Costco, somewhere in the country, once accepted a return of which of these? A, the bones of the rotisserie chicken a man had just eaten in the food. court, be a dead Christmas tree in the first week of January, or see everything a particular

guy had ever bought from Costco. I'm going with the dead Christmas tree. Well, you're right, but all of them were true. Costco will take almost anything back if you bought it at Costco. That last guy, everything he'd ever bought, he pulled up with a U-Haul, he unloaded all this merchandise he had bought over the years, he said, well, I'm moving. And I figured instead of putting this in a moving van, I'll just return it to you, take the money and buy it new when I get to my new home.

Bill, how did Brandy Carlisle do in our quiz? Perfect score. She did three in a row. Wow, that's impressive. A lot of points. Amazing. Brandy Carlisle is a Grammy and Emmy-winning singer-songwriter. You can see in the road this year.

Tickets for the human tour are on sale now. Brandy, Carlyle. Thank you so much for joining us. I'm right away from time. Bye, Brandy. Bye, Brandy. Thank you so much. Bye, friends. Thank you. In just a minute, Bill shakes his moneymaker in our listener, Limerick Challenge.

Call 1-8-W-A-W-W-W-W-T to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-W-W-W-Telme. From NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait-W-W-E-Z-KIN. The NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Luke Burbank, Paula Poundstone, and Nguine Farsad. And here again is your host at the St.

Peter Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagle. Thank you. Thanks, everybody. And just a minute, Bill serenade you one last time with some topical yet beautiful poems in our listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-2-4. That's one 888-9-24. Right now, panel some more questions for you from the week's news. McGeen, according to the Wall Street Journal, to get their kids more time on standardized tests, parents are sometimes claiming those kids, suffering from what? Yeah, their kids suffer from, like, not wanting to do it. No, no, no, I'll give you a hint.

It doesn't stand for I be smart. Wait. Wow. Their kids suffer from international baccalaureate syndrome? So close, so damn close. Yeah, I don't remember. Wait, yeah, but pooping and stuff. Yes, pooping and stuff.

That would be PAS. Slightly more, yeah, it's more slightly more scientifically IBS, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Parents across the country are apparently falsely claiming that their kids have irritable bowel syndrome just that their kids can have unlimited bathroom breaks during the SAT test. Kids with IBS and similar issues, of course,

they're allowed extra time, so many parents have never been more furious to have children without any neurological or medical problems. Why aren't they, why doesn't the SAT, like, testing service just provide diapers? Yeah. You know what I mean? That'll show them. That's, yeah.

Yeah. So basically what's happening is, like, some parents are accusing other parents of having their kids fake this so they can get that extra edge. You've constantly being able to take extra time. Wow. And it is true. They've done studies of, like, like, eruptions, if you will, of IBS among young people, and they're sort of centered in wealthy neighborhoods.

Wow. Really? So there you go. That's because beans are better for you. No, this is... As a person who did poorly on the SAT, I can tell you that I would not have traded my low SAT score for my fellow Nathan Hale High School seniors thinking that I was about to absolutely destroy my pants.

There's probably like a lesser. There must be like a lesser thing that's like, I'm sorry. I need more time. I have bunions. You know what I mean? Something. Yeah. I got extra time for my SAT.

you by telling them I had bonespurs. I got a call. I got a... Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. You do like a play on air. Call to leave a message at 1-3-8-8-8-wait.

That's 1-88-9-24. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And you can catch us in the road as well. We'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, in July 9th, and in beautiful Sonoma County, California, making her debut there

in July 30th. For tickets and more information to all of our live events, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this? My name is Brooke. I'm calling from Paraland, Texas. So what do you do there in Paraland? I work in the nonprofit field. Yes. Oh, more and more of us are doing that. Highly recommend. Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Brooke. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the two of the show. the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play?

I'm ready. Here's your first limerick. With a permit at age 45, I'm the oldest beginner alive. I stall and I swerve. Go too slow, hit the curb. I'm an adult who's learning to... Drive. Yes. A column in the Guardian describes the humiliation of learning

to drive as an adult. Makes sense. Nothing strips your dignity away like one of those student driver, be patient bumper stickers on your BMW. I should, like, maybe be taught how to drive by an adult because I have a driver's license, but I don't really drive. Yeah. You live in New York.

I live in New York City. I don't need it. And then now it's just, it's terror. And at one point, I was driving in Los Angeles, but then I had to, like, parallel park. This was years ago. And I couldn't figure out the parallel park. And there was a guy, and it was a large space.

I should have been able to do it. And ultimately, I was so stressed out, and this random stranger was, like, helping me. And then I was like, can you just do it? So a random man got in your car. Got in my car and parked it for me as I, like, gently cried on the corner. That's very nice, though. It's a lovely story.

Thank you. Yeah. Did you fill out a police report when he drove off? Here is your next limerick. It's a baby name you will regret. Even Romeo would be upset. G-H-I for a J is just not okay. It's 12 letters to spell...

Goes with Romeo. Juliet. Juliet, yes. This week, the mirror reported on a woman who is in a horrible fight with her best friend, Lorene, over Lorene's new daughter's name. That new daughter is named Juliet. That's lovely, but Lorene has spelled it,

G-H-I-U-L-I-Y-E-T-T-E. Julietette. It's an incredibly elaborate way to spell it, and by elaborate, I mean, dumb. Was she on Wheel of Fortune when she was naming the kid? It's possible. You do get more points. That's true.

Well, she'll be called Miss G her whole life. Yeah, or whatever her middle name is. What yonder window breaks? Here is your last limerick. Older wedding guests started to tut. But mostly, we busted a gut. She was doing the worm, but her clutes were too firm. So her dress tore, exposing her...

But, yes. Good guess. This week's viral wedding video was of a bridesmaid who danced with the groomsman down the aisle to the couple at the altar like the cool kids do. And then, as a little extra flourish, both she and the groomsman hit the floor right in front of the couple to do the worm. And her dress immediately split open from hem to the middle of her back revealing her entire butt. Everybody knows. That's a terrible faux pa. You're not supposed to steal attention from the bride's butt.

Thankfully, somebody captured all this on video from just the right angle behind. And the bridesmaid herself posted it with the caption, and this is true, stop zooming in, you bastards. But then, of course, it led to this insane bradzilla moment when the bride said, well, I wanted matching bridesmaid dresses, so the rest of you hit the floor. Bill, how did Brooke do in our quiz? Brooke did really well, got them all right.

Wow, Brooke. Congratulations, Brooke. Thank you so much. Take care, and thanks for playing. All right, bye-bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players left 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions

as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you get Give us the scores. Again, Paula and Nagine each have two. Luke has four. All right, Paula and Nagin are tied. So, Paula, why don't you go first? Here we go.

Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump announced a new $1.8 billion fund that could benefit the people involved in blank. January 6th. Right. On Thursday, the DNC released the so-called autopsy of the 2024 blank. Presidential election. Right.

This week, the Surgeon General posted an advisory about the dangers of blank time for kids and teens. Screen time. Yes, screen time, Paula. After being forced out by CBS Blank, ended his run as the host of The Late Show on Thursday. Stephen Colbert. Yes. This week, analysts reviewing President Trump's financial disclosure suspect that while attempting to buy over a million dollars of pharmaceutical stock,

he accidentally blanked. Bought over a million dollars of pharmaceutical stock. No, he accidentally bought more than a million dollars of a conveyor belt sushi restaurant stock. Wow. Because it had a similar name. following negotiations with FIFA, Mayor Zoran Mamdani, was able to secure $50 blank tickets for New Yorkers. Soccer tickets?

Yeah, World Cup tickets. Very good. Best known for being the U.S.'s first openly gay congressman, blank passed away at the age of 86. The great Barney Frank. The great Barney Frank. This week, spectators at a runway show at Sydney Fashion Week. We're surprised to learn the Avant-Garde soundtrack playing as the models were coming down the runway was actually blank.

Lion King. No, it was actually just the fire alarm going off. The models at this Australian Fashion Week show walked the runway for a good five minutes back and forth as the fire alarm blare. Oh my gosh. The sophisticated audience was like, wow, what a

cool artistic choice commenting in the heightened sense of emergency in our society. The flames and smoke filling the room. Also a bold choice. Bill, how did Paula do on our quiz? She got six right to total to four. Dean, she did very well. She's in the lead.

All right. McGeen, you're up next, filling blank. On Tuesday, a Trump-endorsed challenger beat representative, blank in Kentucky's GOP primaries. Massey. Yes, Thomas Massey. On Monday, a judge ruled that the gun found in his backpack would be allowed as evidence in the trial of blank.

Mangione? Luigi Mangione. This week, tens of thousands of people faced evacuation orders as blanks blazed through Southern California again. Wildfires. On Monday, the WHO said that the blank outbreak in Central Africa merited serious concern. Ebola. Right, this week the new CEO of Xbox

announced plans to make that game system relevant again by changing its name to blank. OZAMPEC. No. Good idea. Changing the name from Xbox to Xbox but now it's in all capital letters. This week, a school

in Maine apologized after Your students attending a dinner at the school were served blank for dessert. Shards of glass. No. Although close, they were served a tray of baked dirt. According to school officials, a science class had been conducting an experiment to see if plants could grow in soil that had been sterilized in the oven. And this baking dish filled with dirt was accidentally picked up with the food for the dinner and placed down the table. And trust us, you do not want to know what those are.

gummy worms actually were. Bill, how did Naguine do? Well, she got four right, eight more points. Total of ten means Paula's still out there. All right. And now for the, what I hope is the last math problem you're ever asked to do,

how many does Luke need to win? Five to tie, six to win. Here you go. I just want to double check. You got the note from my mom about the IBS. All right, Luke, this is for the game. Fill in the blank on Monday, the average blank price

in all 50 states rose above $4 a gallon. Gasoline. Right. On Wednesday, the U.S. indicted former Cuban President Blank on murder charges. Castro. Right. This week, Iran's leader said that country's enriched blank must stay within its borders. Uranium.

Right. On Wednesday, Space Company, Blank announced plans to go public. SpaceX. Right. This week, a politician in the U.K. who declined interviews due to what he said was an important prior commitment, was seen minutes later blanking.

Feasting on beans. No, drinking beers at a pub. After she was found not guilty of tax evasion, a court ruled that Spain's tax authority must pay pop star blank $64 million. Shakira? Right, on Monday, auditions for who will replace Daniel Craig as the next blank began.

Bond. Right, this week, the Washington Post profiled an airport detection dog who recently sniffed out two duffel bags filled with blank. Illegal food. Yes, I'm going to give it to you, 100 pork sandwiches. Merla the Beagle sniffed out the sandwiches

at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport where someone was illegally transporting those sandwiches from Thailand, officers celebrated this dog for his remarkable achievement, rightly so, because of this one thing that really proves a dog is an elite law enforcement canine, it's immediately detective when someone is holding a meat sandwich. He should be allowed to eat whatever he catches. Yeah, I think so. That's true. with.

Yeah. Bill, did Luke do well enough to win? Wow. He got seven, right, 14 more points. 18 wins this week. Congratulations. Thank you. Lou, you can hear the enthusiasm in that result.

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict now that Bill is retiring from our show, what will he do next? But first, let me tell you that. Wait, wait, don't tell me. a production of NPR and WBEC, Chicago, in association with urgent hair cut productions. Hey, Doug, what are you doing here?

Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our ops manager is Jazeera Vardak. Thanks to the staff and crew always at the Studio Baker Theater. BJ Leideman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills,

Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwyn is our Tomatow. Emma Choi is our vibe curator, your technical direction from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock.

And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me. That's Mike Danforth. And now, for 12 remarkable years, Bill Curtis has performed with us and he has traveled with us. Hang on. He has traveled with us from Seattle to Florida. He has stood on stages in places like Red Rocks and Carnegie Hall and Tanglewood.

And he has said, the most ridiculous things in that most serious of voices. And he has often said how lucky he feels to have done all that with us. But Bill, for once, you're wrong. We are the lucky ones, the producers and engineers

and managers of our show and the panelists and, of course, me, because we got to spend 12 years doing that with you. So, let's in fact give it up for our legendary anchorman. And our dear friend, Mr. Bill Curtis, one more time. So panel, what will Bill Curtis do next?

Nagin Farsad. He's tired of being objectified for his voice, so he's going to be a male bikini model so he can finally be objectified for his body. Yes, I'll do it. Luke Burbank. Whatever the fuck he wants. And, you know, and...

Paula Poundstone. Bill will be applying for the weaponization reparations from the $1.7 billion. And if I do any of that, we're going to ask you about it, and wait, wait, don't tell me. So thanks to Nadeghine Farsad, Paula Poundstone, and Luke Burbank. Thanks to our fabulous audience who are here for this show at the Studio Baker Theater in downtown Chicago. Thanks for you for listening in wherever you may be. I'm Peter Segel and Bill, in the end. only way you know something is absolutely true is if you say it. So would you please do the honors? This is NPR.