Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Brian Cox

Episode Date: January 22, 2022

Actor Brian Cox, who plays Logan Roy on HBO's Succession, answers three questions about suck sessions, or vacuum cleaning. He is joined by panelists Mo Rocca, Paula Poundstone and Cristela Alonzo.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. You can keep your creminis. It's time for a portobello. Bill Curtis, and here is your host, give me a P, give me an et cetera. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. We're very excited because later on, we're going to be talking to actor Brian Cox, who plays Logan Roy on HBO's Succession. The character has become legendary for his catchphrase, F off, and we've taken bets on how quickly we can get him to say it to us. But first, we want to see if you can provoke us, so give us a call.

The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Margie Strickland. I'm calling from Cary, North Carolina. Well, that's awesome. Where is Cary, North Carolina? I'm not quite sure. Right outside of Durham. Okay, you're in sort of the, what do they call it there? The research triangle, the golden triangle? No, that's where they make the heroin.

Research triangle. That's it. Okay. Research triangle. Always getting me confused. And what do you do there? I work as an undergraduate admissions officer at Duke University. Oh my gosh.

You are an undergraduate admissions officer getting people into Duke. That's right. Now, I say this not on my own behalf, but on my many friends I know who very enjoy disliking Duke. So is part of your job making sure that they are unpleasant enough to thrive at Duke? That's one of the criteria. Of course it is. Of course it is. There you go, guys. Well, welcome to the show, Margie. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the comedian who is taping her second Netflix stand-up special on February 12th in Los Angeles.

It's Cristela Alonso. Yay! Did you just cheer for yourself, Cristela? Look, I'm in a closet right now. Yes, I did. All right. Okay, it's fine. It's a survival mechanism.

I love it. Next, it's a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and host of the Henry Ford's Innovation Nation Saturdays on CBS. It's Mo Rocca. Oh, hi, Margie. And her new comedy album, Paula Poundstone Goes to College for One Night is out and her podcast is Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone. Hey, Margie. Hi, Paula. Margie, welcome to the show.

You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Absolutely. All right, let's do it then. Here's your first quote. Oh, yeah.

Four free tests. One for each hole, baby. That was Meredith Dietz, a staff writer for Lifehacker, talking about the government's plan to send everyone four free tests for what? For COVID. Exactly. The Biden administration announced they will send four rapid COVID tests to anybody who needs them the moment they need them. So everybody check your mailboxes in May of 2020. People were amazed to get this news. The government was actually working every

single text thread and email chain, had everybody on it spreading the news almost as fast as they were spreading COVID to each other. Better yet, the tests were specially formulated for Omicron variant. They come with the two lines already printed on them because we know we all have it and is it with a self-addressed stamped envelope and how does this work my mother was asking me because she loves that it's free i said this sounds like a hassle and she said but it's free it's free it's free yes um apparently you just go to a government website and you just put in your name and address. Apparently, though, one problem was the system couldn't tell the difference between people's apartments with the same street address. Because it's one, you know, four tests per household or four tests per giant apartment building with 500 units.

So everybody there had to multiply use the swabs like one per wing. Can I just say I live in an apartment building and I am not about to tangle with Norma in 6J. I mean, she has been in this building for decades. She will cut me if I try to take that test. Oh no. Biden administration is also going to be distributing 400 million free N95 masks, but all of them are going to that one lady at the grocery store who is always wearing three of them. What I don't understand with the free masks is that you have to go inside a place to get them like a pharmacy. But what if you're not wearing a mask to pick up a mask?

Well, you trade up. You're wearing an inadequate mask and then you get your N95. Maybe. Maybe. I think the whole thing that I have to walk somewhere because I'm walking for the dramatic effect to get the mask is kind of crazy. You know what I'm doing? I'm wearing my whole house as a mask.

I just don't leave. That's what I do. It's your H95. Yeah, that's right. Exactly. Can I ask? I have something to say to Margie. Go ahead.

She's here. I think that if you can spell Krzyzewski, you should get into Duke automatically. Agreed. Yes. That's the entrance exam. All right, Margie, here is your next quote. So glad I voted no on this jerk. That was former Senator Claire McCaskill responding to news that Justice Neil Gorsuch refuses to do what when he's seated on the bench at the Supreme Court? Wear a mask for Sotomayor.

Exactly right. Wear a mask. Every other justice wears a mask on the bench, but Justice Gorsuch refuses. So Justice Sotomayor has to work from home because she is immunocompromised. You have to love Gorsuch, a guy who has no problem wearing like a Hogwarts robe to work, but he draws the line in a mask. Now, if you don't remember Justice Neil Gorsuch, you may know him better as Justice Not Merrick Garland. Well, hold on a second. Maybe there was a mix up and Merrick Garland ended up getting Neil Gorsuch's mask in the mail. That's possible. Everybody confuses them. Now, the reason this sort of thing happens, of course, is because of the way we select justices, because of the traditions of judicial restraint. You can't ask them at the hearings, what do you think about abortion? Or are you a jackass?

kerfuffle about this because this came from a report from NPR's own Nina Totenberg, in which we learned that the Supreme Court is basically real housewives of Capitol Hill. And it really does seem like a reality show, all these dysfunctional people trapped inside together. My favorite part of any Supreme Court case these days are the judges' introductions at the start when they come in, you know, here he, he, all rise. Jordan Roberts stands up and says, I'm the ultimate Southern belle and I get what I want. And then Brett Kavanaugh goes, I'm a straight up mess. No, I got to say, if you, if you haven't seen the entirety of Nina's report in which this mask name was

just a part, you have to read it or hear it because, all right. So obviously the liberals hate the conservatives, but the conservatives hate each other, right? They're like, they're constantly, yeah. They don't like each other because they each like they're right yeah they don't like each other because they each like believe that they should be like the lead conservative on the court it's like it's an absolute you know it's like it's like the marvel movies when uh you know when they're all the superheroes are there but they're not working as a team right exactly and then like thanos

has to attack so they can all sort of bind together. Well, it sounds like there's like four Thanos, though. Like, man, everybody's wearing a glove. Like, everyone's got one. How many stones do we need? Everyone's got one. All right. Here is your last quote. I enjoy being a hype woman for my friends. That was a candy mascot talking about her fresh new perspective. She's one of the newly redesigned mascots for what candy? M&M. M&M's right.

They have redesigned the M&M mascots, not the candy. No, those are the same. They've always been. Colored lumps, voicelessly pleading not to be eaten. Mmm, mmm. No, we are talking about the anthropomorphic M&M characters in the commercials, those candies with hands and legs and faces. Now, this may come as a shock to the ones of people who care about this, but the company has reconceived the appearances and personalities of these mascots because it is time to, quote, throw shine, not shade. And to spotlight a, quote, more dynamic, progressive world,

and, quote, it's time for us to do what we have been doing, and that time is every day. Well, that last one was actually Kamala Harris, but really, who can tell? Well, first of all, they're not mascots. They're spokes candies. Thank you very much. It really was about their footwear, and I believe it's Brown's. Brown has now has shorter heels. Green has sneakers. My favorite, I love Blue's shoes. They're kind of like nurses footwear. They're kind of like nurses clogs. Service shoes. And I would love, I mean, believe me, there are a lot of things that could be worse than having Blue as your home health aide at the end of your life, having an M&M carting you around. Really? I would love that.

That would be heartwarming. You had to have one. You know what's really tragic in all of this is that teams of people worked on this, maybe for years, but certainly for months. Teams of people. They were employed to do it. They had, Sometimes they had to work over the weekend. Some guys' kids wanted to play with them and the dad had to go,

honey, I can't, I'm working on this Eminem campaign. And they submitted one thing and they said, no, the boots are wrong. And no one cares because it doesn't matter. It's stupid. Teams of people worked on them and they still don't have hips. That's the crazy thing too. I mean, the way that it looks so uncomfortable because they just have these torsos and the limbs just pop out.

I'm just mad as a diabetic that one's not diabetic. Oh, that would be a great idea. That would be hilarious. I have eaten myself too much. I can't do this anymore. No, it would be like one of them is like looking at the others and going, get away from me. All right. Bill, how did Margie do on our quiz?

Margie's perfect. Got a perfect score from Duke. Congratulations. Maybe now that you've done well, you can get into Duke. Thank you so much, guys. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye, Margie.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about the week's news. Paula, President Biden has had a tough first year in the White House, we know, but this week he accomplished something remarkable. A new historic record for any president. What is it? The longest press conference. That's right, Paula. On Wednesday, President Biden held a press conference and spoke for one hour and 51 minutes, setting a record for presidential press conferences. Who imagined that Joe Biden would talk more than any other president in history? Wait a minute. Yes yes i'm being told everybody everybody imagine that he actually wore out the reporters the last three questions for him were

all mr president can we go home and ducey asked it twice exactly he didn't understand the answer the first time oh so we can let me that. Can I just ask you another way? So it was long, but it didn't build. Yeah, it didn't have a lot of structure. It didn't have a little structure. I mean, for example, I don't know this. I mean, I've been watching these things for a while. I'm no expert.

Is it normal at a presidential press conference for the orchestra to try to play him off in the middle of an answer? of an answer. Coming up, it's a neighborly bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Cristela Alonso, Paula Poundstone, and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host. We've just upgraded to 5P. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Bluff the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in

the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Fantastic. I'm so glad to be here. I'm Sean Kidd, and just across the lake from you. So if I stand on a real tall sand dune and wave, you might be able to see me. I'm waving back. I'm waving back. So you're in Michigan. Where are you? I am. I'm in Kalamazoo. Oh, I love Kalamazoo. Been there once or twice. It's really lovely there. What do you do there? I am a United Methodist pastor here. been there once or twice. It's really lovely there. What do you do there? I am a United Methodist pastor here. Oh, wow. Okay. Now, I have to admit, I'm not that familiar with the various, I don't know, divisions in the Protestant church. Right. So United Methodist is... Where's your religion in the playoffs, right? Exactly.

Oh, you know, we're hurting a little bit over here. Well, welcome to the show, Sean. It is nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Sean's topic? Good fences make good neighbors. Usually disputes between neighbors can be resolved with a simple conversation or a little arson. But this week we heard about a problem with the neighbors that got out of hand.

Our panel is going to tell you about it problem with the neighbors that got out of hand. Our panel is going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you will win our prize, the weight weighter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am. All right. Well, first then, let us hear from Paula Poundstone. The house at 522 Cold Rain Circle in the almost fairytale neighborhood in Sammamish, Washington, sold quickly to the Sedich family a year ago. And why not? Their neighbors were an older couple who had raised a big family there. They were lovely. Within months, the Sediches were calling the cops on their neighbors and petitioning for stricter zoning laws. They had 13 kids, says John Sedich, and every one of them got married and

remarried in their backyard. They sometimes have two weddings a weekend. They have a Beatles tribute band on salary. Susan went on, John and I had a fight during their son Angus's vows, right in the middle of our journey of love will never end. The whole wedding party could hear me scream, don't you touch me. We were patient with the manure smell from the brides that arrived on six white horses, but the rose petals fired from cannons at the Sunrise wedding and the F-16 jet flyovers were too much. We thought we were under attack until we heard the reggae version of Sunrise Sunset.

That's when we called the police. A neighbor gets really upset at all the joy and love and happiness at all the weddings in their neighbor's backyard. Your next story of a neighborly menace comes from Cristela Alonso. Can't sleep? Try counting toilet flushes, which is what a couple in the Italian town of La Spezia did, because the four brothers who owned the apartment next door installed their toilet directly on the other side of the wall from the couple's bed. So naturally, they took the brothers next door to court. And just this week, 19 years later, they finally got a judgment in their favor. The Supreme

Court of Italy has ruled that the noise of a toilet when you're trying to sleep is a violation of the European Convention of Human Rights. But why did it take 19 years? Because Italian courts both are forced to take any case that comes to them. And also, the judges are busy with passionate affairs and gesturing with their hands. the judges are busy with passionate affairs and gesturing with their hands. An Italian dispute between neighbors takes 19 years to be finally found a human rights violation by the Italian Supreme Court. Your last story of a problem next door comes from Mo Rocca.

It's no secret that brick and mortar retail has been fighting a losing battle with online shopping, and some of the biggest casualties have been mannequins. Joy Sims of Little Rock decided that these stoic soldiers of consumer culture past deserved a proper send-off, and so she turned her yard into a burial ground for mannequins. Soon enough, boxes were arriving from across the country, and Sims got ordained. A mannequin from Manhattan's chic Bendel's Boutique was buried after a short discreet service, the mourners in all black with sunglasses driven away in limos. But when a pair of mannequins from New Orleans' Maison Blanche department store were laid to rest after a raucous procession of jazz musicians

paraded through the neighborhood, the mannequins carried by horse-drawn carriage, neighbors began complaining. The final straw? When a mannequin from the Indian-owned Max Fashion in Denver arrived, says neighbor Evan Shield. When Joy built a giant funeral pyre in her backyard and set it on fire for the cremation of that mannequin, I said enough. But Joy Sims isn't backing down. Sir,

hate has no home here. My yard is a sacred resting place for mannequins of all fates. All right. So there was a neighborly dispute in the news. Which was it? From Paula Poundstone, neighbors in California getting upset with their neighbors for constantly throwing weddings. From Cristela Alonso, a dispute between neighbors in Italy that went all the way to the Italian Supreme Court, where they decided that a flushing toilet on the other side of a wall was a human rights violation. Or from Mo, a mannequin burial ground in Little Rock that caused a lot of consternation to the neighbors. Which of these was the real story of a dispute between neighbors and the news? Well, as much as I love weddings and funerals as a pastor, I think that both of

those sound a little outlandish. So I am going to go with the middle one. I'm going to go with number two. You're going to go with Cristella's story of the Italian dispute with the toilet on the other side of the bedroom wall reaching the Supreme Court. That's your choice. Well, we spoke to a reporter who covered the real story and brought it to our attention. They cited basic rights that all people have, and one of them is being able to sleep uninterrupted by the sound of a toilet.

That was Marissa Iatti. She is the Washington Post writer who reported on the Italian toilet and the human rights violation. Congratulations, you got it right. Oh, thanks so much. on the Italian toilet and the human rights violation. Congratulations. You got it right. Hey, thanks so much. You earned a point for Stella simply for telling a true story well,

and you have won our game and our prize, the voice of anyone you might choose on your voicemail. Congratulations. Thanks so much. How great. It's been a lot of fun. Thank you. It's been fun to have you.

See you over coffee this Sunday. See you there, Peter. And now the game where people who spend decades honing their talents are asked to try something that utilizes none of them. It's called Not My Job. Brian Cox is British theater royalty with leading roles at the National Theater and the RSC Broadway and in the West End. But the reason we are both very excited and a little scared to have him on with us today is his starring role as billionaire patriarch Logan Roy on HBO's Succession. He's got a new memoir of his life and career called putting the rabbit in the hat and he joins us now brian cox welcome to wait wait don't tell me it's a

pleasure to be there that's a program that i listened to when i first came to america many many years ago and i was very reassured by it yes i know we just like a little taste of the UK here, even though we're not nearly as good as the equivalent radio shows in the UK. I loved your book a lot. Thank you. It is amazing. One of the best stories, actually, I found was the story of your own first wedding. Oh, yeah. Which happened, I guess, was it back at the theater in Dundee where you grew up? No, no, no. It was at Birmingham Rep. I was at Birmingham Rep and I was doing, it was a time,

you couldn't do it now. It was a time, Michael Gambon, the actor Michael Gambon, old, old friend of mine, was playing Othello and I was playing Iago. So this is your friend, Michael Gambon, who we know, he plays Dumbledore in the Harry Potter movies. Absolutely. And on my wedding day, I had my wedding in the morning. I had a map of the Othello in the afternoon and an evening performance of Romeo and Juliet in the playing Mercutio. I just want to stop you there. You have a two performance day.

Yeah. And in the theater, that's not not typical it's usually one or two days a week where you do that and you decide that you're going to get married on the morning of one of those days well it was a saturday oh okay then we'll go on now it makes perfect sense flash dance schedule right all right so anyway i'm sorry i interrupt so it's decided to do it the morning of your two-day show matinee of Othello, evening performance, Romeo and Julio and what and how to go. So it turned out that most of the company got drunk apart from me. And I was clearing everybody out, trying to get everybody to get, you know, get over to the theater because we had a matinee.

But anyway, I moved the door. I was trying to close up. And then behind this door was sitting Michael Gambon. And he hadn't moved. And he had to get to the theater. And I had to get him there. And he was quite inebriated. So anyway, finally, I got him to the theater. And he was busily trying to dress himself. And he was putting on these trousers with suspenders

and he kept pinging them accidentally and hitting himself on the back. And he thought he was being assaulted from something above, but it was actually him who kept doing it. I mean, there was one actor who actually fell over in the first scene and remained there for the entire play because he was so drunk, he was out of it they were all drunk it was it was outrageous and how and can i ask how were the reviews for the wedding the wedding reviews were quite good

uh i mean everybody loved the wedding and we were all very civilized until we got on stage and then mayhem reigned. It sounds like either the very worst or the very best performance of that play. Well, it was probably the worst performance of that play. Actually, there was an actor who was in, actually an actress who was in, who said, this was an shameful afternoon and I think I'm going to complain to Eckhart. But she also was drunk. who said, this was an shameful afternoon, and I think I'm going to complain to Eckhart about it. But she also was drunk. Yes.

I would have you tell these stories all day, but apparently you're doing this rather good television program people are very interested in. Yes. Including myself, it is astonishing and great. And you get to play one of those very rare but wonderful characters, a character who more or less gets to do whatever he wants whenever he wants to do it. Yeah.

Which must be great. It is good. I mean, you've got to invest a bit more because you want a bit of comeback because it's either too easy, it all goes swimmingly, what have you. So there's a sort of, you know's either too easy you know it all goes swimmingly or what have you so there's a sort of you know the thing about logan is and and it went right back to jesse armstrong who was our creator and our showrunner i said yeah does logan love his children and because i'm not seeing much of it and he said no he really loves his children. So you realize that the man doesn't express love at all. And his kids are rapidly becoming a huge, massive disappointment to him.

May I ask a question? And please don't censor yourself. If Logan Roy had a public radio show, what would the name of it be? It would probably be called... With Logan Roy. a public radio show, what would the name of it be? It would probably be called... With Logan Roy. With Logan Roy. With Logan Roy, yeah. One of the things, we've heard that, for example, actors on The Sopranos were occasionally contacted by people who either were or knew people in the mafia.

This show has been a sensation. It's its third season now over, I think, four years. Have you or anybody associated heard from one of the families or people? I'm thinking, obviously, the Murdochs or people like that. Well, I live in Primrose Hill in London, which is a lovely area of London, Regent's Park. And I was in my local cafe ordering my latte, area of London, Regent's Park. And I was in my local cafe ordering my latte, and there was this gentleman behind me, sort of bearded gentleman, big, big fella. And he was saying, well, yes, well, you know, we're liking it. We are, on the whole, liking it.

And I went, what? The show, your show, we are, on the whole, liking it. I said, oh, on the whole, you're liking it. He said, oh, yes, yes. No, no. No, it's well done. Oh, God, it's on the whole, you're liking it. He said, oh, yes, yes. No, no, no. It's well done. Oh, God, it's well done. We have to.

My wife finds it difficult sometimes, but really, she's she's liking it. I said, well, I'm glad your wife is liking it. I said, why is she finding it difficult? Oh, well, it's it's it's hard for her. And I said, why is it hard? Well, she's Elizabeth Murdoch. And I went, oh, oh, oh, really? I said, ah, okay, yeah.

And then this parting remark to me was, could you be a little kinder to your daughter next season? That is remarkable. I am having too much fun, but my duty calls. And it just so happens that Brian Cox, we have asked you here this time to play a game we're calling... Succession? How about a suck session? We're talking about vacuums. I just want to get that out quickly as possible. Vacuums? Vacuums, yes. You're the star of HBO's Succession, which made us realize that every time one uses a vacuum cleaner,

it's a succession, right? Well, yes, I suppose you could put it that way, yes. So we're going to ask you three questions about vacuum cleaners. I know. Answer two out of three questions correctly. You'll win a prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Brian Cox playing for? Aaron Brown of Las Vegas, Nevada.

All right. Here is your first question. The vacuum cleaner was invented in 1901 in London by a man named Hubert Booth. But people weren't crazy about the invention at first. Why? A, to buy one. You had to agree that anything that got vacuumed up, he got to keep. B, his vacuum was an enormous machine

that he parked in the street in front of your house and he had to run hoses through your windows to clean your apartment. Or C, he insisted on referring to the process of air-based suction cleaning as breaking wind. I think it's the middle one. I think it's the hoses. You're exactly right.

It was this enormous contraption. It was portable. It was on wheels, right? Yeah. And he had to sit outside the window and they had to open the windows. And it was difficult, especially if you went upstairs.

You had to have different size hoses. You captured immediately your gift of the imagination. Apparently it frightened the horses, as they used to say. Yes, yes. All right. He had more challenges, Mr. Booth did,

such as which of these? Once, to test his idea of the idea of sucking dirt into a filter to trap it, he himself put a handkerchief over his mouth, sucked on an armchair, and almost choked to death on the dust. B, a coven of self-described witches claimed to put a curse on him for, quote, trying to discredit the broomstick. Or C, for his entire career, he couldn't teach anyone to spell vacuum. Does it have two Cs, two U's in a row? That just doesn't sound right. Well, I'm torn.

It's either that, the vacuum, or it's the fact that he put the thing over his mouth and did it. So I have to decide one of those. I think I'll go for the thing over his mouth. That's exactly right. That's what happened. Yes. Good.

That's what happened. You're doing very well, as I'd expect no less from a man of your parts. But here is your third and final question. The curator of the Museum of Vacuums in Rollo, Missouri, Tom Gasco, and his partner were featured on a 2019 episode of StoryCorps on Morning Edition.

What was the touching moment that ended that episode? Was it A, he and his partner said to each other, you suck and you suck too. B, his partner yelled, I love you, Tom, over the sound of a vacuum cleaner,

making Tom go, what? Or C, he asked his partner to vacuum up his ashes into his favorite vacuum after he dies. I'll go for C. You're exactly right again. You understood that there was a human moment there of real beauty. Bill, how did Brian Cox do on our quiz? I am shocked. You got them all right, Brian. Thank you, Bill. Thank you. Brian Cox's new book is Putting the Rabbit in the Hat. Brian Cox, thank you so much for being on our show. Oh, it's been a delight.

And thank you for asking me. It's such an honor to do Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. I've been a great admirer of it for many, many years. Oh, you are too kind. Love it. We love having you. Thank you so much, sir. A real pleasure.

We'll look forward to season four. Bye-bye. Good luck. Enjoy. Bye, sir. A real pleasure. We'll look forward to season four. Bye-bye. Good luck. Enjoy. Bye, Brian. In just a minute, learn how the cat came back in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WVEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Cristela Alonso, and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host, who no matter what they say, I think he's great, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill gives you a rhymedial education in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, according to a new study, you are way more attractive when you wear a what? Mask. Yes, exactly right, Paula. You knew that exactly. People with masks seem more attractive, and now we understand why Neil Gorsuch is widely considered the ugly justice. But researchers in the UK recently released a study showing that both men and women find people more attractive when they're wearing protective masks. That is the number two reason that anti-maskers are having a hard time getting dates. Number one being they're all in the hospital. Yeah. Yeah.

In fact, I'm going to go a little further. I'm going to cover one eye as well. Just assuming that the more I can cover, the more attractive I'll be. Phantom of the opera. Well, it depends. I can cover, the more attractive I'll be. Right, pirate chic. Phantom of the opera. Well, it depends. I mean, it depends where your best parts are. I mean, I'm not bragging, but I've been told I have a real purty mouth. So, I mean, you know, that part of me is only going to make people even more excited. I didn't know where you were going, Mo, but I did not expect there.

Yeah, you do. I've been told that a truck stops them, you know. Absolutely. Anyway, yes. It is weird when you find out that like hiding half your face makes you hotter. Yeah. Like where's that dating site? I need that dating site.

No, I've really become, I wear my mask all the time. It makes me feel more comfortable. In fact, all this you're seeing on my chin, that's really just mask lint. That's why I wear an X95. I wear a triple X95, if you know what I mean. Ooh. Cristela, a Canadian restaurant's indoor dining section was shut down by health services this week after they learned that the restaurant was allowing people to enter after they showed what at the door?

Oh. Uh, fake ID card. Nope. Oh, man. I'll give you a hint. It was like, well, I mean, the logic here is like, well, nobody with an adorable pug like that could be infectious, right? A picture of their pet? Exactly.

Specifically, their dog. What? After receiving a tip about the restaurant's unorthodox screening procedure, two undercover inspectors from the Department of Health approached the entrance at different times, and when asked for their proof of vaccination, they presented a photo of their dog the staffer of the restaurant then held up an ipad to scan it as if it were a qr code or more like a qr code according to someone who was just fired from this show what if your chihuahua is named moderna and so you show that's moderna this is a moderna and this little cute guy is Booster.

Wow. I bet it was only one kind of dog. What kind of dog do you think it was? People really like those golden doodles now. I'll bet it was a golden doodle. You had to have a golden doodle. Wow. It sounds like a golden doodle hurt you, Paul.

It just, you know, people make such a fuss.'re everywhere oh yeah it's true mo this week an urban planner had a bit of advice for home buyers looking at you know old classic traditional homes with character what was that advice get a job at williamsburg virginia no and then you can like work they'll be around them all day no Can I have a clue, please? Well, it was a very simple advice. Buy one. No. Don't buy one. Right. They're terrible.

He was trying to dissuade people from being romantic about old houses. This is true. People say about old homes, well, it just needs a little love and care, but it's got great bones. Is that a compliment? Imagine how you would feel if they said that about you. Is he attractive? Well, he has great bones. I'll take it. Really? As for what that urban planner said, somewhere, a tiny single teardrop rolls down the cheek of Bob Vila.

Yeah. I mean, we were talking about, I was like, yeah, well, you know what I mean? Nobody has a show called, you know, this new house. It's this old house houses people love. And then we were all like, well, wait a minute. What is that show about? It's about repairing these horrendously horrendous homes in terrible shape. It's actually that's a great point because it ran forever. Yes. You were never done.

The whole point of the show is you'll never get a free weekend ever. And by the time they had gotten like the end of 10 years of 10 seasons of the show, they had to rotate back to the first house because things were falling off again. Yeah.

And the sequel was called This Old Old House. Yes. It's even older house. Coming up, it's Lightning Fell in the the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org, where you can find tickets for our upcoming IRL shows at the Harris Theater, Chicago, Illinois, February 3rd and April 7th.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, this is Chris Godden from Austin, Texas. Hey, Chris, what do you do there in Austin? I am a licensed acupuncturist. No, really? Yeah, yeah, a lot of people are into it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How long have you been doing it? I've been doing it for four years now.

Wow. Yeah, it's a lot of fun. Is it really? I mean, I've heard a lot of things about acupuncture, but is it actually fun to treat people with little needles stuck into their bodies? Oh yeah. I mean, I get to stab people for a living. It's great. Well, Chris, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner.

Ready to play? Absolutely. Here's your first limerick. Was ancient Peru well-behaved? They spiked beer at the parties they gave. In old Wari relics, we found psychedelics. The old kingdoms there held a big...

Oh, rave, rave. Yes, rave, exactly. According to a new study, the ancient Wari civilization from Peru forged alliances with neighboring tribes by inviting them to huge parties and giving them psychedelic drugs. It makes sense because we all know the best bonds are formed in the bathroom after midnight. Oh, my God, I love your outfit. We should never go to war. So the Wari brewed these big batches of a drink called chicha that was basically beer, but they spiked their kind with hallucinogens.

So the guests would then be indebted to their hosts because you will never fight with someone after you both spend an hour talking to a rock about that plant over there look i'm just saying as a latina this sounds like every family party i've ever been really really this is not different at all i i hear this story i'm like and i'm like oh it sounds like someone had a quinceanera well these quinceañera. Well, these quinceañeras are more fun than I've heard. I'm sorry. I've never been to one now.

Oh, man. Oh, Peter, you're going to go to mine. I'm going to throw one just so you can go to it. I'm going to have a 45ñera. A 45ñera. A 45ñera. A 45. A 45. A 45. A 45. Here is your next limerick, Chris. With my pet, I took pics on my phone.

Because in Insta, I can't post alone. And though he's dead and gone, I will still carry on with my pet 2.0. My pets. Oh, My pet's a clone. Yes, clone! Let's say that you're one of the people who made their pet into a star on Instagram with those adorable costumes and funny hats,

and then your cash cow or your cash dog, whatever it is, dies and you are completely out of luck and income. Unless you could clone it, you sick bastard. This leading company, Viagen, charges $50,000 to clone your dog or $35,000 for a cat. So that debate is officially settled. There is a cute dog that passed away years ago. His name was Boo.

Yeah. And he was known as the world's cutest dog. And I was very emotional when he died. You followed it, you mean, on Instagram? Yes, I did. How old were you when Boo died? 44. I think I was 38. It was a sensitive age. It was a sensitive age.

It was a sensitive age. You know what that's like, Paula. For me, when Spud's McKenzie went away, I was devastated. Oh, my God. Devastated. Your journals from that time are heartbreaking, Paula. Oh, honestly. It's like a really long country western song.

I'm still getting over the death of Cujo. No, off camera, he was really sweet. Of course he was. Yeah, that's what people didn't realize. He hated being pigeonholed as a vicious rabid dog. Cujo was an artist. Listen, people, hurt dogs hurt. Yeah.

All right, Chris, here is your last limerick. For their bread, many French people weep. It's high quality they'd like to keep. Oh, you know what they say. You will get what you pay. We're upset that baguette is too cheap. Yes, too cheap. As Europe looks to be in the brink of war, the citizens of France are outraged that their bread is now too cheap.

The Leclerc chain of supermarkets is freezing the price of their baguettes at about 29 cents each, and French bakers say that this ridiculously low price is an insult to their traditional craft because you cannot make the world's sharpest gum-cutting bread knives that cheaply. We must have the very expensive baguettes. I will not pay that small amount for a baguette. Marie! It's like I stepped right out of the pages of France. You really did.

You really did. It was like a Truffaut film. It was amazing. I was transported back to the streets of Paris where I've spent so many happy hours. Thank you for that, Paula. Bill, how did Chris do in our quiz? Chris is a winner for making sense out of our

silly limericks. What a good job. Congratulations, Chris. Yay! Thank you all. I appreciate it. This was a lot of fun. Bye-bye. Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which they answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points.

Bill, can you give us the scores? I certainly can. Mo has two, Christella has three, and Paula has three. Mo, you were in third place. You were up first. We'll talk to start when I begin your Mo, you were in third place. We were up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Following more reports that he broke lockdown rules, UK leader blank may face a vote of no confidence. Boris Johnson.

Right. On Tuesday, New York's attorney general filed papers accusing blank of a pattern of fraud. Donald Trump. Right. This week, the CIA said it's unlikely that diplomats affected by the blank syndrome were under attack by foreign agents. The Havana syndrome. Right. This week, the CIA said it's unlikely that diplomats affected by the blank syndrome were under attack by foreign agents. The Havana syndrome. Right. On Sunday, it was reported that former Israeli Prime Minister Blank was negotiating a plea deal for corruption charges. Benjamin Netanyahu. Right. This week, a reporter for a news station in West Virginia became a hero of journalists everywhere after she continued a live report after blanking. Give her a Peabody, a Pulitzer, everything.

She got hit by a car and kept going. Absolutely. On live TV, according to a new study, most side effects from the blank vaccine are caused by the placebo effect. Oh, the COVID, the coronavirus. Citing waning demand, stationary bike company Blank announced it was temporarily halting production. Peloton.

Right. According to court documents released this week, a woman in Idaho who said she needed a short break from her husband blanked. Accidentally killed him. No, she faked her own kidnapping. You know how it is. You just need a little space, a little me time. So you text your husband that five masked men approached you after work and demanded you get in an unmarked van the husband was initially scared but started to catch on after the kidnappers demanded sixty thousand dollars in ransom and also that someone start doing the dishes every once in a while bill how did mo do in our quiz no came to play he got seven right seven out of eight for 14 more points he now has 16 and the lead. All right. All right.

So, Christella, I'm going to arbitrarily pick you to go next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Supreme Court rejected Donald Trump's request to block his records from going to the committee investigating blank. January 6th. Right. On Friday, Secretary of State Anthony Blinken met with his Russian counterpart in a push to de-escalate the situation in blank. Ukraine. Right. This week, it was revealed that the man who held people hostage at a synagogue in blank had been under investigation by British intelligence. Texas. Yes.

Due to concerns over Omicron, China announced it was halting ticket sales for the 2022 blanks in Beijing. Olympics. Right. This week, a new line of cosmetic skincare face masks was released by blank. I have no idea. Oscar Mayer on Sunday, winter storms across the South forced the cancellation of over 2000 blanks.

Flights. Right. On Thursday, teenager Zara Rutherford became the youngest woman to blank solo. Fly around the world. Exactly right. Last week, residents in the town of Hamilton, Ontario were shocked when they woke up to find that it was raining blanks. Oh, ice. I don blanks. Oh, uh, ice, I don't know. No, raining beans. A company called Bunge is taking responsibility for the bean rain. Love it. Blaming a malfunction at one of their

nearby factories, but honestly, this is what they get for building the factory on top of that famed geyser, Old Frijoles. Bill, how did Cristela do in our quiz? Well, she had six right for 12 more points, and she now has, what was it? 15. But Mo still has the lead with 16.

How many does Paula need to win? Paula needs seven to win. All right, Paula, this is for the game. On Wednesday, Senate Republicans blocked Democrats' blank rights bill. Voting rights. Right. On Monday, Dr. Fauci said it was too soon to tell if the blank wave will be the last pandemic surge. Omicron. Right. This week, the January 6th committee subpoenaed former Trump lawyer blank. Rudy Giuliani. Right. On Sunday,

tsunamis rocked the nation of Tonga after an underwater blank erupted. Volcano. Right. This week, a car thief in Ohio was caught after he stole a vehicle without noticing blank. Without noticing. I don't know. Give me a hint. There was a guy asleep in the backseat. This week, a car thief in Ohio was caught after he stole a vehicle without noticing blank. Without noticing. I don't know. Give me a hint. There was a guy asleep in the backseat. On Monday, France's sports ministry suggested that unvaccinated tennis star blank would be barred from the French Open. Uh, Djokovic. Right. On Thursday, online giant blank announced plans for their first brick and mortar clothing store. Amazon.

Right. This week, a company who wants to make staying at home easier began offering a service that would set up blank in your driveway. Oh, museum. An Irish pub. For just $800, the company will set up the Wee Irish Pub right outside of your front door. It's a tiny 12-seat bar on wheels and the perfect gift for anyone who wants to turn their driveway into a place where off-duty cops can come to blow off some steam. Bill, did Paula do well enough to win? Yes, it's so close. Six right, 12 more points for a total of 15.

And that means, with 16, Moe is the champion this week. Ah! In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after Eminem's, what will be the next commercial mascot to get a makeover? Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our social media superstar is Emma Choi.

BJ Lederman, composer. Our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Nornbos, Lillian King, and Nancy Seychow. Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas. Peter Gwynn is one of the Doobie Brothers. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock, the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth.

Now panel, what mascot's getting a makeover next? Cristela Alonso. Little Debbie would like to acknowledge she's older now and prefers to be known as Big Deborah. Mo Rocca. In a corporate mascot merger, the Michelin Man is deflating his tires and becoming a Weight Watchers spokesperson. And Paula Poundstone. Mr. Clean is going to have kind of a golden doodle wig. Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Cristela Alonso-Moraca and Paula Poundstone. Thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal. We will see you next week. This is NPR.