Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Christine Baranski

Episode Date: May 2, 2020

Christine Baranski, actor, joins us along with panelists Alonzo Bodden, Amy Dickenson, and Joel Kim Booster.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hey, it's Peter. If you're feeling chatty, then join us on Instagram this Saturday, May 2nd, for a live Q&A about this week's show with panelist Joel Kim Booster. It's a great time to ask me pressing questions like, What day is it? We'll be on Instagram at WaitWaitNPR, that's at WaitWaitNPR, at 2 p.m. Eastern Time. Join us there. 2 p.m. Eastern Time. Join us there. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

The NPR News Quiz. Tastes great. More billing. Bill Curtis. And here's your host. A handsome, virile man who has so much free time, he started writing his own intros. Peter Sago!

Thank you, Bill. Artfully delivered. Thanks, everybody. And thanks, as always, to our producer, Mike, for standing in for all the people who love us by playing that canned applause. This was the week we were scheduled to go and do our show in Buffalo, New York. So in honor of Buffalo, we've done two things. First, we've invited the actor Christine Baranski, a proud Buffalo native, to join us for Not My Job later on. And second, I have coated myself from head to toe in spicy wing sauce. We always want to find out how you might taste, so break quarantine in your imagination by calling us at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Anna, and I'm calling

from beautiful Golden, Colorado. How are things in beautiful Golden, Colorado, where I believe, if I'm not mistaken, you have some sort of brewery? Yes, we have several of those, the largest one being Coors, of course, but they are gorgeous outside. I can see the mountains from my window. Yes, and what do you do there when you're allowed out of your house? I am an electrical test engineer for the spacecraft Orion, which is the world's only deep space human exploration spacecraft. No kidding! So, Wynma, you're helping to build the Orion, which is supposed to take us to Mars, right?

Yes, that is correct. So, I work as a test engineer. I do software and electrical integration. And next year, we are launching for the moon. Can you hurry? And how does one get a ticket? I'm just saying, if you can put in a good word for me, I can help you win this quiz. I might have to do that. All right. Welcome to the show, Anna. Let. I can help you win this quiz. I might have to do that. All right. Welcome to the show, Anna. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First up, a comedian whose podcast is called Urgent Care, and he's the co-host of the new Singled Out on Quibi. It's Joel Kim Booster. Hello. Coming to you live from Hollywood, California. Next, it's the syndicated advice columnist behind Ask Amy. It's Amy Dickinson. Hi, it's the syndicated advice columnist behind Ask Amy. It's Amy Dickinson. Hi, Anna. I'm so

in awe of what you're doing. It's quite amazing. And a comedian you can see at Nowhere Comedy Club, the first all-digital comedy club. It's May 7th at 10.30 Eastern. Tickets at NowhereComedyClub.com. It's Alonzo Bowden.

Hello, Anna. Nice to meet anub.com. It's Alonzo Bowden. Hello, Anna. Nice to meet an actual rocket scientist. That's very cool. Anna, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail.

Are you ready to play? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Here is your first quote. LeBron James gotta eat too. you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yeah, let's do it. Let's do it. Here is your first quote. LeBron James gotta eat too. That was someone on Twitter reacting to news that the LA Lakers are one of the many businesses who managed to get what from the federal government?

That would be a small business loan. Yes, a tiny little business loan. Very good, Anna. It is tough to be a small business owner in America right now. That's why hardworking restauranteur Ronald McDonald had to move into a sewer and start eating children. Huge companies like McDonald's have been sucking up money from the new small business loan program because they can count their separate locations as small businesses.

That's how Shake Shack got millions of dollars. But come on, they need it. They live in a shack. It's not Shake Mansion. Am I wrong? Or the Lakers don't even pay their cheerleaders, right? I mean, isn't that like a whole thing? Like, listen, if they're getting the money so that they can pay those cheerleaders to do their thing, I'm all about it. No, the cheerleaders get paid in exposure and sexual harassment.

That's their pay. And as a woman, I have to say that's compensation enough. Isn't it though? It's both different kinds of attention. What's the exchange rate on sexual harassment these days? Listen to all you non-sports fans. The cheerleaders actually do get paid.

They get paid about $100 a game, which is easy to live on here in LA. That's crazy money. That's paid about $100 a game, which is easy to live on here in LA. That's crazy money in Los Angeles. That's about the same as a Shake Shack employee, actually. I mean, it is ridiculous, though, Alonzo, that the Lakers got one of these loans for a struggling

business. I mean, they're not the Knicks. Yeah, that is true. Meanwhile, in other government business news, the administration finally drew a line in the sand. They won't use the Defense Protection Act to order companies to make ventilators, but they will use it to keep meat companies going. Wait, there might be a chicken nugget shortage? Get me Mayor McCheese on the red phone.

Oh, God. But you know what? Maybe he just is keeping the meat plants open so that Rocky will have a place to train. Anna, here is your next quote. As long as we can boo the Astros. That was a comment about who's planned to have a season this year after all. NASCAR? Not NASCAR.

Oh, you are a nerd, aren't you? I love that about you, Anna. It's the sport the Astros play. Is that basketball? No, it's not. It's not basketball. Give her one more shot. Baseball, baseball. Baseball, yes. Yes, very good.

Baseball is coming back. Everybody's really bored with nothing to watch, which makes them think about baseball, which is how they used to be bored with something to watch. According to the latest proposal, we might get a baseball season this year, although it'll be very different. Not interesting, but different.

I'm always shocked when I go to a baseball game, first of all, that I'm there, and second of all, that baseball seems largely to be about the interstitials to me. Like there are so many like little skits that go on and games now. It's like they're trying to distract you from the baseball. So here is the proposal. There will be three new leagues arranged regionally so players won't have to travel far. We'd have great new rivalries. Instead of, say, Mets versus Dodgers, we'd have Tampa Bay versus whatever that other team in Florida is.

The new rules and the leagues will mean that players won't have to travel so far from home. They'll be able to spend every night back at their own homes. I don't know what that will do for the quality of play, but it will be terrible for adultery. You're going to have, you know, with this regional baseball thing, the players are actually going to have to trade regional groupies. So if you're a Chicago player who normally has one of your groupies out in LA, now you got to call someone

who plays in Arizona and say, listen, it's another draft that they're going to have to hold before the season starts. Trading regional groupies for the nearest one who can be close to home, but not so close that you can't get a hotel room. It's going to be a whole thing. I'm not sure if baseball is ready for this. The other problem with baseball, and I don't know if you've seen this, but they've actually shown basketball players doing these incredible workouts to stay in shape. Baseball players don't train when there is baseball. You think they've been training now that there hasn't been baseball? This is going to be the slowest game, the most late.

Eh, how about a quick walk to first base? I'm not really up for running just yet. No. Oh, by the way, you will, of course, and this is all for the benefit of viewers at home, so you'll be able to watch it at home, of course, but just to give yourself that stadium experience, make sure you pay $12 for your own beer. Anna, here is your last quote. Look at that thing, dude.

That was a pilot in a newly declassified video from the Pentagon. What was that thing, dude? First of all, I'm really happy it's not a baseball or a basketball. Secondly, it was a UFO. You're right! Very good! Oh my gosh, I realize we have an authority here. The Pentagon has now officially released these cockpit videos showing what they are calling encounters with UFOs. They're real! They're real! How refreshing at a time when we

long for physical contact that somebody, somebody is willing to get right up close and probe us. So they didn't land, none of these things, but would you? We're basically the galaxy's version of a gas station bathroom. Go if you have to, but try not to touch anything. I don't, I don't think they're UFOs. I just think they're some billionaire social distancing. They wanted to get away from the rest of us. They've got money. There's a spaceship. They'll be back. Yeah, it's just Elon. Now, some

of you might be saying, wait, isn't this the same video that appeared like three years ago and the only news this week is it just happened to be officially released by the Pentagon? Very good point. Aliens, please vaporize those people first. We are so desperate for non-COVID news. We're like, yes, give us this three-year-old story

that may end up with all of us being probed. And while we're at it, hey, Chilean miners, get back down there. But Peter, you just made me really thirsty for like a good toddler down a well story. Oh, anything, please. You made me really thirsty for like a good toddler down a well story. Oh, anything, please. You made me really thirsty for a good probing, Peter. Bill, how did Anna do on her quiz?

We're going to give Anna three right, hoping she thinks about us on the way to the moon, Anna. Thank you so much, Anna, for playing. Thank you. You didn't need my help, but I would like a ticket out of here, please. Take care, Anna. Bye-bye. Thanks so much. Bye-bye.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Amy, if you are having a hard time staying in shape during lockdown, never fear. A New York Times story this week says all you have to do is work out for how long? I mean, is this one of those hit? Yes.

Okay, so eight minutes. Oh, much lower than that. Oh, oh, I could qualify. Oh, wait a minute. Is it like a 30 second? Lower than that. What? I mean...

Keep going, Amy. 10 seconds. 10 seconds. Lower. You don't have to work out at all. No. Higher. A second.

Higher. Five seconds. Lower. Three seconds. What? Higher. Four seconds. Yes!

That was a workout. What? The four-second workout. That was a workout. What? The four-second workout. Researchers have discovered that people who exercise for four seconds at a time a few times a day receive multiple health benefits, including the fact they'll never get those weird thick neck muscles. These short, high-intensity workouts improve people's metabolism,

allow them to feel more smug because they could say, I'm going to hit the gym 20 times a day. Apparently, the benefits can be triggered by just this random burst of energy. Think jumping jacks, a quick trip up the stairs, or frantically cramming a bowl of chips into your mouth. Hey, it takes me like 25 minutes just to put on a pair of sneakers. Like, I don't get this. Isn't this, we're just getting that lazy that we've decided to justify our workouts. They just, yeah, four seconds. All right, yeah, let's print that. And you know what?

I won't even do that. You got up and you walked to the bathroom instead of just peeing on the couch. Great, you got some exercise. That's a quarantine workout right there. Up, down, up, down. Coming up, we regret the error. It's our bluff the listener game called 1-triple-8-wait-wait-to-play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

This message comes from NPR sponsor BetterHelp, a truly affordable online counseling service. Fill out a questionnaire online and get matched with a licensed counselor best suited to your mental health needs. Whether it's depression, anxiety, or trauma, BetterHelp will help you overcome what stands in the way of your happiness. Learn more at BetterHelp.com and get 10% off your first month with promo code PODCAST. BetterHelp. Get help anytime, anywhere. Hey, it's Ophira Eisenberg. So what happens when the stars from the shows you love, like NBC's Parks and Recreation, Superstore, HBO's Silicon Valley, Insecure, and Brooklyn Nine-Nine face off in trivia games on NPR's Ask Me Another? Find out by tuning in.

Listen and subscribe. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Alonzo Bowden, Amy Dickinson, and Joel Kim Booster. And here again is your host, from a room in his house filled with Stargate SG-1 memorabilia, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hello. Hello, who's this? This is June, September, April, living in beautiful Redding, Connecticut. Your name is June, September, April? Yes, that's absolutely right. And is that your real name? Why would I want something else? Strange is that not? I see your point. Well, June, welcome to our show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's June's topic?

Fake news. There's a reason we trust the news less than we used to, and it's not just because Anderson Cooper made certain promises he has not kept. You know what I'm talking about, Silver Fox. This week we heard the story of the news doing us wrong in a whole new way. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail.

Are you ready to play? I am always ready to play. First, let's hear from Joel Kim Booster. We've all heard it before, ask and you shall receive. Sure, that seems sensible enough, but unfortunately for two readers of the Charlotte Observer, whoever came up with that idiom should have been more specific. The kerfuffle centered around the paper's long-standing advice column,

Ask Aunt Alice. But after 30 years of no complaints, Alice's record was blighted on April 27th by a careless features editor who inadvertently swapped advice for two unlucky letter writers. The first, only identified by her pseudonym, Desperately Seeking Shelter, had written in about a problem she had encountered with a freshly adopted shelter dog. The dog had been causing trouble at home, chewing up furniture, scaring their neighbor's children, and otherwise terrorizing the letter writer's family. What was the moral thing to do?

According to Aunt Alice, the only thing that could be done was to put on a fresh face of makeup, get a blowout, and try to remember what made her sexy to him in the first place. Confused readers might question why Aunt Alice suggested dressing up for a troubled dog, but this is of course because this response was meant for the second letter writer of the week who was writing about what to do about a husband with a wandering eye. To this reader, Aunt Alice suggested daily treats as a reward for good behavior or a swift visit back to a shelter, even if the offender was eventually put to sleep for good. The goof only appeared in the physical copies of the paper, and the paper swiftly apologized in the correction

the following morning. But one hopes the damage was done. Perhaps the wife with the cheating husband really should have left her husband. And who knows, maybe a nice dress once in a while really would have improved the dog's behavior. Aunt Alice screws up her advice for a dog and a marriage. Your next story of a news no-no comes from Amy Dickinson, an actual advice columnist. This is a tough time for newspapers. I mean, leaving your house to pick up something of an unknown origin, which has been handled by unseen hands, and then to carry that thing into the house and pass it around to family members.

But still, newspapers are trying, trying to win over younger readers. One staple is the spot the difference feature. You know, two photographs or drawings that contain tiny differences and the reader has to spot them. It's really a throwback to a simpler time when people didn't go out much. Families spent a lot of time together playing games and making sourdough bread, a time exactly like this time, come to think of it. So pity the Baltimore sun. From Fells Point to Federal Hill, Riverside, and Inner Harbor,

readers picked up last Sunday's paper and could not spot the difference in the spot the difference feature. To the naked eye, the two pictures of a boy brushing his teeth looked exactly the same because they were exactly the same. Spot the difference had one job and much like the strategic national Stockpile, it did not deliver. This week, the Baltimore Sun had to notify readers. Correction. The images in the Spot the Difference feature in the Sunday editions were mistakenly the same image and not, in fact, different. The Baltimore Sun regrets the error.

A Spot the Dif difference photo game with two identical photos. Your last story of a media mess-up comes from Alonzo Bowden. The Ames Iowa Register received a simple order from the regional fried chicken place Cluck's Chicken. A simple ad with a promo coupon for 12 chicken nuggets for $2 for the first week of spring, or as they like to call them, Clucks Nuggets. Somebody didn't proofread the work, so the register printed 60,000 coupons offering 120 nuggets for $2, and hungry Iowans lined up in front of the store before it even opened. Bob Reed, the manager, knew he had to honor the coupons, but he also knew he didn't have enough chicken to sell 120 nuggets for $2 and stay in business.

Bobby, one of the fry cooks, had a simple idea. Make the nuggets smaller. Bobby said he could run chicken through the meat grinder and get long, small, round strips of chicken similar to straws, then cut those into small bits and fry them. Bobby showed how he could get as many as 200 of the tiny morsels out of a single chicken breast. And so was born the chicken dot. One quarter inch bites of delicious fresh chicken and 120 of them for $2 was not only an attractive price, it was actually profitable. The chicken dots were a huge hit. Manager Bob Reed is now planning to expand to multiple locations,

and Bobby the Fry Cook is now Cluck's Chef de Cuisine. No word on the fate of the coupon man over at the Ames Register. All right. I want a chicken dot so bad right now. I mean, that actually sounded really good. So here are your choices, June, from Joel Kim Booster, the story of how an advice columnist messed up her advice for a dog in a troubled marriage.

From Amy Dickinson, how the Baltimore Sun had to apologize for printing a spot the difference photo game with two identical photos leading to hours of frustration or from Alonzo Bowden how a misprint in a coupon led to the invention of the chicken dot in Iowa. Which of these is the

real story of a media mistake? Alright, I'm inclined to go with B. Well, your choice then is Amy's story about the two identical photos with no difference at all. To bring you the real answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the true story. It says that there are 10 differences in this cartoon. Two minutes in, I'm like, there are a whole lot of differences in these cartoons. And if there are, then like someone did a really good job of hiding them. That was Nathan Ruiz, a reporter for the Baltimore Sun,

the very paper who tweeted out the correction to the photo challenge. Congratulations. You earned a point for Amy Dickinson. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing, June. Thank you. It's a pleasure. Bye-bye.

Bye, June. And now it's time for the game where we call up a person in their home and make them play our games because we know, finally, they have nothing better to do. It's called Not My Job. Our guest today rocketed to international fame by starring in one of the highest-grossing, most beloved movie franchises of all time. No, not the Avengers or Star Wars. I'm talking about the Mamma Mia Cinematic Universe.

Tony and Emmy winning actor Christine Baranski starred in both Mamma Mia movies. She now stars in The Good Fight on CBS All Access. It just began its fourth season. Christine Baranski, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Oh, it's such a pleasure to be on the show. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining us. Where are we finding you? Where are you sheltering in place? I am in a back office at my country home in Connecticut, northwestern Connecticut.

It's a house on a lake. I'm actually talking on a landline, an old-fashioned landline. And who are you stuck at home with? Stuck is an interesting word. I'm blissfully with my... But also stuck, blissfully stuck with three little grandsons, my daughter and son-in-law.

This is like a grandma's dream, isn't it? To have your grandchildren with you and they're not allowed to leave. It's true. I can get my imprint on them and try to convince them of things like listening to Bach before bed is the most wonderful thing you could possibly do, or just planting seeds. And today we baked a cake. This is Amy. I think I read once that you never had a television in your home. Is that right? Yes. We took the television set out when they were little because it became clear that we couldn't monitor what they were watching.

So we just, I remember taking the television out physically. It was that small and I put it in a barn across the road and covered it with a blanket. Wait a minute, but your TV career started in the 80s, right? So your kids weren't even allowed to watch you on TV? No, they didn't watch me. No, no, they didn't need to watch me. I played a vindictive alcoholic divorcee, so it's not something they needed to see mommy do. Christine, this is Joel.

I'm a gay person speaking to you. And as a young gay child, I did watch you on television in that show and I did idolize you from a very young age for that. So I would like to say that I think you robbed your children of something very special by not letting them watch it at that formative age because it really shaped me.

Yeah, and a college education does not make up for that. I wanted to be their mom. I just wanted to be a wife and mom and not larger than life. That's so wild because I also wanted you to be my mom. Speaking of your country house, there's this rumor that even got to us, and we don't know anything, that your lake house is famous for its skinny dipping. Is that true? Oh, gosh, this story will not die. It will not die. on my dock late at night, either skinny dipping or just, you know, I have a nice fire pit that we have, and we light fires and sing under the stars,

and I've had very famous, I'm not going to be a name dropper, but I have had some of the greatest actors in the world. I can name the actors, but I'm not going to accuse them of nudity. But I'm not going to accuse them of nudity. So, Christine, is this a clue as to why you and Meryl Streep and Audra McDonald were all in bathrobes at the Sondheim Tribute? Oh, thank you for bringing that up, Amy. Meryl Streep was one of the people on my doc. I know she was fully clothed when she has visited, I will say that. Wait a minute, we should just remind everybody that there was this wonderful online

tribute to Stephen Sondheim last weekend. And I think we can all agree, the highlight of a really remarkable evening of performing was you, along with Meryl Streep and Audra McDonald, doing a trio version of the great The Ladies Who Lunch from Company. And as Amy pointed out, you all did it at home in your bathrobes. In fact, I'm sitting at the very desk where I recorded my section of the music. And I could only record it late at night when my little grandsons were sleeping. But it's a song that requires some full-out belting. I was about to say, I mean, I just imagine your little grandchild getting up and coming,

Grandma, would you stop belting? I'm trying to sleep. Well, this is, I'm not kidding. This is what it sounded like. Let me try and do it. Another reason not to move. Another vodka stinger. I'll drink to that.

It's scripted that it's a rage. It's a primal, alcoholic rage scream. That's what you have to produce. So imagine me in front of my cell phone trying not to wake up my lovely grandchildren who could have been traumatized hearing grandma have some sort of, you know, quarantine meltdown. That was literally gay make a wish, Christine. That was like, I just can't even describe. Well, Christine Baranski, it is a pleasure to talk to you. Oh my gosh, I'm such a huge fan of the show. This is such fun.

Well, let's see how you feel after this. You star in The Good Fight, so we've asked you here to play a game we're calling... The Good Sprite. That's right. We're going to ask you three questions about The Good Sprite. That is seven up. Answer two of them correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they may choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Christine Baranski playing for?

Jared Rennie of Asheville, North Carolina. All right. You ready to do this? The good Sprite, huh? Yes. I did warn you that it would be stupid. So here we go, Christine. Here's your first question.

Here we go. 7-Up's popularity is probably in part thanks to its original name. What was 7-Up first marketed as when it was introduced to the market way back when? Was it A, Bib Label Lithiated Lemon Lime Soda, B, Carbonated Citrus Vim Rest B, carbonated citrus vim restorer. Or C, crack. They all sound utterly ludicrous. Why don't I just go with crack? I'll just go with crack.

You're going to go with crack. Good choice. It's always a fine choice. In games, in life, go with crack. But no, the answer was lithiated lemon-lime soda. By Bib label, lithiated lemon-lime soda. The lithiated in that referred to its key ingredient back then, which is lithium. That's the same medicine they give to people with bipolar disorder.

Good and good for you. All right. You still have two more chances. Here's your next question. 7-Up has many popular varieties like Cherry 7-Up, but not all the new varieties made it like which of these? A, Chocolate 7-Up. B, 7-Up with Old Bay seasoning, or C, 7-Up Upside Down, instead of Lemon Lime flavor, it was Lime Lemon flavor.

Old Bay! Old Bay! She's sad. I didn't realize it would be this stupid. I thought you were a fan of the show. C. So you're going to go with C? C.

That's right, Christina. They tried selling 7-Up upside down. Instead of lemon-lime, it was lime-lemon, and who knows what the difference is. All right. Here's your last question. You get this, you win. Here's your last question. You get this, you win. In the 1950s, a 7-Up ad campaign recommended that drinkers of the soda do what?

Was it A, sign a, quote, loyalty oath to 7-Up rather than communist vodka? B, dip cigarettes in it for that, quote, lemon-lime-tobacco flavor? Or C, mix it with milk and give it to infants. Good God. Would you give me A again? I'll give you A. Sign a, quote, loyalty oath to 7-Up rather than communist vodka. I'll go with that. Another vodka stinger.

Another vodka. This could be another vodka stinger. No, I'm afraid the answer was C, mix it with milk and give it to infants. Oh, my God. I know. In the words of the ad campaign, 7-Up is so pure, so wholesome, you can even give it to babies and feel good about it. Bill, how did Christine Baranski do on our quiz?

Well, technically, Christine only got one right. But you played it so well that we're going to make you a winner in this game, Christine. Have another vodka! I think we should give her a point just for the singing. Just for singing. Christine, thank you so much for playing. It is so delightful to talk to you.

Christine Baranski is an award-winning actor and performer. She is the star of The Good Fight, streaming now on CBS All Access. Christine Baranski, what an absolute joy to talk to you. Thank you so much for joining us. Oh, my God. It was so much fun. Thank you for having me, guys. Thank you so much.

Thank you, Christine. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. in just a minute bill lifts our spirits and our foreheads in the listener limerick challenge call one triple eight wait wait to join us on the air we'll be back in a minute with more of wait wait don't tell me from npr Thank you. mobile puzzle game with over 100 million downloads. The game is updated monthly, so there are always new levels to play, events to master, and cute characters to collect. And you can play without an internet connection. Download Best Fiends for free on the Apple

App Store or Google Play today. That's friends without the R. Best Fiends. The biggest story in the world is a science story. And keeping up with all the latest coronavirus research, it's a lot. So on Shortwave, we translate the science you need to know into short daily episodes. Listen and subscribe to Shortwave from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Amy Dickinson, Alonzo Bowden, and Joel Kim Booster. And here again is your host from the Chase Bank Auditorium of the Mind, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill busts down your door with a battering rhyme in our

Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. All right, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Joel, if you're afraid of public speaking, you can now practice with your what? Your phone. Not quite. Another device. Your camera phone? No.

I mean, you might as well practice speaking to her because she's already... Oh, your Alexa. Exactly. Your Alexa. Wait, this is literally the same problem I had the last time I was on the show. It took me seven guesses to get to Alexa.

You guys are ruining me. You are truly, this is an attack. You are trying to make my relationship with my Alexa more difficult for me at home. You are coming into my home now, Peter, and you are making it difficult for me to interact with my Alexa because she knows that I got this question wrong. And I'm going to have to deal with this later. Do you know that in the last 30 seconds you said Alexa seven times, which meant that seven times people listening to this show, it stopped while their Alexa waited to be told what to do. Alexa devices will soon be able to act as public speaking coaches. You can practice famous speeches to the device and it will give you helpful feedback like, I'm sorry, I didn't get that. And okay, ordering four spores and seven beers to go. And remember, if you have stage fright,

just picture Alexa in her underwear. The thing is, Alexa sucks as a speaker herself. So I don't want her coaching other people. You know, she listens to you constantly. So she just heard that, Amy. Well, that's what I was going to say. If Alexa's listening to you all the time anyway, I mean, how are you practicing public speaking? You think she's not criticizing you? You think she hasn't had a great laugh with Siri about everything you've had to say? Do you think she's not calling OK Google? And then the idiot said, oh, yeah, she's got it all.

I'm more so worried that I'd be too inspiring to the Alexa, actually. You know? Really? I worry that I would sort of recite one of Dr. King's famous speeches, and then they'd all rise up against us. Yeah, that would be a danger. Alonzo, to help out during the coronavirus crisis, residents of Belgium have been asked to double their what?

Chocolate production. Close. They're not going to produce this. They're going to consume it. Ah, French fries. Exactly right. To eat more French fries, at which point Americans said it's possible to eat more French fries. Exactly right. To double the amount... Yes, they've been asked to eat more French fries, at which point Americans said, it's possible to eat more French fries? Exactly. Technically,

they've been asked to double the amount of fries they eat every week. So to help out with this potato glut that is threatening the whole agricultural food system of that country, Belgium is asking each of its citizens to eat double their normal frite intake. The thing is, of course, when you tell a European to double their fry intake, that takes them all the way up to like a Wendy's medium. Look at Belgium just showing off with their health care. We don't care about heart attacks.

Pump down those fries. When your heart stops, we'll cover you. Joel, the delivery service DoorDash has a new feature. Now when you order food from one of your favorite restaurants, they will also provide you with what? Gloves and a mask. No, I'll give you a hint. They don't require you to have a green screen.

They don't require... Oh, background. Of? That... You order food from your favorite restaurant and they give you the background... Oh, the background of the interior of the restaurant! Exactly right! They give you a fake version of the restaurant that you can put behind you when you do a Zoom call.

Because sure, you can order McDonald's delivered to your house now. But it's just not the same if you can't look over at a yellow table covered in smeared ketchup and loose salt. So now you can download virtual backgrounds of your favorite chain restaurants so you can go on Zoom with your friends and feel like you're actually in a cracker barrel. And to give you that really in-a-restaurant feel, they'll bring a couple to have a really unpleasant fight at the next table. Who would do that? Who would put that on their background?

Well, they have like a 16-year-old hostess who's going to be rude to me, too, because that's really why I go out to eat. Right. This is great because when you go to Taco Bell, the first thing you think is, oh, I wish I could live here. You know, all of this is really making me crave those chicken dots. I'm just saying. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank.

But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more Wait, Wait in Your Week, check out the Wait, Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions all in the comfort of your home. Wednesday, by the way, is a word we used to use back when there was any difference at all between the days of the week. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, I'm Neva. I'm from Houston. Hey, Neva in Houston. How are things? Oh, it's okay. It's getting warm again. So, you know, it's really humid. That'll happen. And so, are you normally in Houston or is that where you chose to shelter in place? So, I'm a senior in college. This is my last week of classes. Oh my gosh. And I, yeah, it's crazy. I went to school

up in Ohio and I actually drove back home a couple of weeks ago. Really? Are you able to do the traditional sort of college graduation things with your parents? Like for example, binge drinking? You know, I've asked them before, but I don't know if they're, like, pro-binge drinking yet. Only one way to find out. Go for it, Neva. Do a keg stand with Mom, Neva. Exactly.

Well, Neva, welcome to our show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Your job, of course, fill in that last word or phrase correctly on just two of the limericks. You'll be a winner, a graduate, if you will, of our rigorous program. Are you ready to play? I think as ready as I'll ever be. I think you're right. Here's your first limerick. In quarantine, I seem to grow locks and my forehead lines once again show shocks. To keep skin's perfection, I need an injection. So give me emergency... Botox!

Exactly right. Dermatologists to the stars are reporting that their clients are calling and begging for more Botox injections, even though the offices are all closed. Now, without Botox, known for giving celebrities that just-got-him-bombed look, the faces of celebrities quickly collapse. The good news is Justin Bieber has just landed a role in the new Cocoon reboot, and we've just learned Robert Downey Jr.

has actually been a Sharpay the whole time. We're all staring at ourselves on Zoom all day. I mean, of course we're going to feel a little crazy about the way our face looks. I've never been more familiar with my own freaking face. Do you guys, is this, I honestly thought this was just me, but I'm beginning to realize it's not. That when you're on a Zoom call and you're not talking, you're always just staring at your own face. Absolutely.

In horror, terror, amazement, fascination. I would be shocked that there's a Hollywood doctor that wouldn't make house calls for Botox. I mean, you're talking, you know how much money they're willing to pay for you to come in and give them a shot? I would guess a Hollywood Sharpay is getting better treatments than most of us sitting right here right now. Are you kidding me? Neva, here is your next limerick. This middle seat might squeeze my knees hard. As a flyer, I'm droplet and wheeze scarred.

To keep us contained, they're reworking the planes. The seats will all come with a... Um... You often find them on salad bars. Oh, a sneeze guard! Yes, a sneeze guard! Yes, a sneeze guard! If you're someone who misses flying, why? Airplanes, giant flying boxes filled with sneeze are innovating, though, in the time of coronavirus,

by putting smaller boxes of sneeze around every seat. These new devices, if they're used, they're basically plastic barriers between each seat. They're meant to minimize the spread of germs. But, you know, maybe if you want to do that, just start by putting your shoes back on, people. Seriously? Honest to God. This is a minor adjustment on aircraft.

I don't think that that's going to be the big issue. I think the big issue with aircraft is going to be getting people on them. Yes, that is a problem. And you know that even if they put plastic barriers between you and the next passenger, somehow they're going to figure out a way to fall asleep and drool on your shoulder. It just... If they made them, like, tinted, that would be pretty cool, so I don't have to talk to anybody.

Yeah. Whoa, I'm sorry. I guess I can't hear you talking about your grandchildren, can I? I can't hear you talking about your grandchildren, can I? So I have an unrelated question, but has anybody here been shamed for not wearing a face mask? Amy, I'm 6'3", 250. At this point, I'm not even wearing a mask to protect myself or others from coronavirus.

I'm just trying to hide the fact that I'm Asian. Oh, God. Neva, here is your last limerick. It's a Sims game with grand global scope where I travel, spread blessings, and hope. The great holy sea is where I'm roaming free. In this game, I pretend to be... The Pope.

Exactly right! The newly announced video game Pope Simulator will allow you to step into the pontiff's funny hat and lead the Catholic Church. It's Amiya Francis! The Pope is also now a playable character in the new Mortal Kombat, but his strategy

of just repeatedly turning the other cheek is not working for him. Bill, how did Neva do on our quiz? Neva did wonderful. She got all three. Congratulations, Neva. And even though no one can say it to you in a big, crowded field, congratulations on graduating college. Yay, Neva! Congratulations, Ne college. Yay, Neva. Congratulations. Congratulations.

That's all you get. I'm sorry, Neva. Wear sunscreen. Take care and thanks for playing. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer

as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Alonzo has two, Joel has two, and Lamy has three. Okay, that means that Joel and Alonzo are tied for second. Because nothing matters anymore, I'm going to arbitrarily pick Joel to go first. So, here we go, Joel. You're up first.

The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill-in-the-blank. On Wednesday, researchers reported that an antiviral drug showed promise in treating blank patients. COVID-19. Right. On Tuesday, former Democratic nominee blank endorsed Joe Biden. Hillary Clinton. Right.

This week, the Fed announced they would continue keeping blanks hovering near zero. Mortgage interest rates. Right. Interest rates. On Monday, New York election officials canceled that state's blank. Primary. Right. This week, police in Florida came back to a house with a warrant

after they encountered blank on their first visit. A doormat that said, come back with a warrant. Exactly right, Joel. And when they did come back with a warrant, they found a drug lab. On Tuesday, the blank awards announced that films no longer need to be released in theaters to be eligible. The Oscars. Right. Firefighters in a British town answering a distress call arrived on the scene and rescued Blank.

A cat. No, they rescued a donkey who got his foot stuck in a tea kettle. According to the official report, the donkey named Daniel managed to get his whole hoof stuck inside a teapot. The crew was able to free him, not with the jaws of life, but with the much smaller pliers of life. His owner says Daniel has apologized for all the fuss and feels like a real ass.

Bill, how did Joel do in our quiz? He had six right for 12 more points. He now has 14 and the lead. All right, very well done. Here we go. On Thursday, the Director of National Intelligence debunked theories that COVID-19 was blank. Created in a lab in China? Right.

Man-made. This week, the governor of blank announced the state was closing all beaches and parks. California. Right. Grubhub users were up in arms this week after discovering that the pizza they ordered from Pasquale's pizza was actually blank. Domino's. Almost. Chuck E. Cheese.

On Monday, the Prime Minister of blank said that her country had won the battle against coronavirus. New Zealand. Right. This week, police in Spain fined a man for breaking quarantine rules after they caught him blanking. Running from police. No.

He was walking his pet goldfish. Spain's strict lockdown rules include exceptions for people taking their pets out for walks, but local police weren't buying one man's explanation that his goldfish really needed some outdoor time. That said, if you think you can't stand being cooped up in a small space for six weeks, imagine how the fish feels. Bill, how did Alonzo do in our quiz? Alonzo had three right for six more points. He now has eight, but Joel is still in the lead with 14.

Okay. The next question then for you is how many does Amy need to win? Amy needs six to win. All right, Amy. Here we go. This is for the game. According to a new report, the number of confirmed coronavirus cases in the U.S. has right, Amy. Here we go. This is for the game. According to a new report, the number of confirmed coronavirus cases in the U.S. has surpassed blank. A million. Right. After weeks

of confinement, President Trump announced plans to travel to blank on Wednesday. Oh, he's going to Arizona. He is. This week, Governor Cuomo announced that New York City would be shutting down blank for four hours every night for cleaning. The subway. Right. In order to discourage residents from visiting a local park, officials in Sweden are blanking. Um, does it involve Canada geese pooping? No, no, you're so close. Oh my gosh, they're filling it with 2,000 pounds of chicken manure. A teacher filming a virtual story time for her class at a horse farm in the UK had to relocate after the horses started blanking. Mating.

Yes, indeed. Making little foals. The teacher wanted to make her reading of Peekaboo Unicorn extra special, and apparently so did the horses behind her. After noticing what was happening, the woman moved to a new area and completed the reading. But honestly, what did she expect? Everybody knows that peekaboo unicorn is page five in the horsey sutra. Bill, did Amy do well enough to win?

She got four right. That gives her eight more points. And with 14 points, Joel is our winner. Oh, my God. The first time Congratulations, congratulations Bill, tell him what he's won Joel, you have won

nothing Congratulations, Joel In just a minute we're going to ask our panelists to reveal what message those aliens were trying to send us Wait, wait, don't tell me This is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions,

Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godega writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our house manager is Gianna Capodona, our intern is Emma Day, our web guru is Beth Novy, BJA Leaderman composed our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills,

Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Our official falconer is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what message were the aliens bringing us?

Joel Kim Booster. You can drink a little bit of bleach as a treat. Amy Dickinson Earth? I don't think so Hard pass And Alonzo Bowden What are you kidding? Of course Carol Baskin killed her husband and fed him to a tiger Well if the alien said any of that

We'll ask you about it on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me Thank you Bill Curtis, thanks also to Joel Kim Booster, Amy Dickinson, and Alonzo Bowden. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. You stay right where you are, okay? Because we'll be back next week. This is NPR.