Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Craig Robinson

Episode Date: November 12, 2022

Craig Robinson, star of the Office and host of Peacock's Harlem Globetrotters: Play It Forward, plays our game about Craigslist. Joining him are panelists Tom Papa; Negin Farsad and Brian Babylon.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hey, winter is coming on, and instead of traveling to someplace that's, I don't know, warm, why not come to a place where we are actually good at winter? In Chicago, we all know how to drive on ice, we all have coats long enough to cover our butts, and when the wind blows hard off the lake, we fly kites. And then we warm up with a live show of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, where we have a liquor license, which also can help. More information at nprpresents.org. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

Chris Evans may be the people's sexiest man alive, but I'll always be the billiest. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Thank you all very much. We have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to Craig Robinson, who has starred in a whole bunch of things, but is probably best known for playing Daryl, the warehouse foreman in The Office. And he's a little intimidating in that role,

and I was a little worried about, like, maybe asking him a stupid question, but then I realized you can't turn and look at the camera on radio. We want to hear from you, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, how's it going? Not too bad. Who's this? I'm Franklin Klein from Kansas City, Missouri. Hey, how are things in Kansas City? Hello, they're rainy. They're rainy. Okay, well, that's nice. What do you do there? I work in education. I'm a curriculum director for a group. We go in and out of schools and help some kids get a little more self-confidence,

build relationships, and just help them grow. How do you help someone build confidence? I'm asking for myself. You just be yourself and let them feel comfortable in their own skin. And that goes a long way, you know, in elementary or high school. I thought it'd be like trials of strength or like you throw something at their head and they catch it or something. Not like that, eh? No, but I'm sure they, you know, I'm sure they would catch it if I... I'm sure. If I give them the confidence. Give them the self-confidence. Franklin, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First, a comedian and the host of Breaking Bread with Tom Papa, and whose tickets for his 2023 tour are already on sale at TomPapa.com. You have to guess who it is. Yes, you're right. It's Tom Papa. Hello. Hello. sale at TomPapa.com. You have to guess who it is. Yes, you're right. It's Tom Papa. Hello. Hi, Tom. Hi. Next, it's the host of the podcast

Fake the Nation, and you can also see her on Hillary and Chelsea Clinton's brand new show Gutsy on Apple TV. It's Nagin Farsad. Hey. Hi, Nagin. Hello. And the comedian behind the new music project Babylon Audio Dynamite and the music video Thieves Like Us on YouTube, it's Brian Babylon.

Hi, Brian. Hey. So welcome to the show, Franklin. You know what you're doing. You're playing Who's Bill this time. That means Bill will read and or perform for you three quotations from this week's news. Your job, correctly identify or explain two of them. You do that, you win our prize. Any voice from our show on your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I am. All right, let's do it then. Your first quote

is some trenchant analysis by a Republican advisor to an NBC political reporter on Tuesday night. This sucks. What sucked for the Republicans on Tuesday? The fact that the red wave did not occur. Exactly. In the midterms, the Republicans have practically been cackling in anticipation of the huge blowout in the midterms, but instead they lost a lot of races they had expected to win. It was the worst Republicans have looked since Steve Bannon. Democrats celebrated the fact that they lost the House and maybe the Senate, but by much less than they feared. We're number two, barely.

Really inspired by this, the Phillies are now planning a parade for winning two World Series games. Did you guys stay up to watch the returns? Did I stay up to watch Steve Kornacki and those tight-ass khakis? I don't know. Tom, how about you? I live in Los Angeles,

so we have that advantage of being three hours ahead of all my family back on the East Coast. And at one point, my mother just said, that's it. I'm going to bed. Text your father if the world's going to be over. I was like, I'll let you know. It was very exciting. It was really cool. I mean, politics, as Joe Biden has taught us,

should be boring. And that's a positive. That is such a great thing that you're not there to just antagonize us and scare us. Just do stuff and then maybe tell us once a month about it. And it was like, right? Now, it's not over, even though we all wish it was over, because there has to be a runoff in the Georgia Senate race between Raphael Warnock and Herschel Walker. That'll take place in December. That gives Walker one month to father more guests for his visit to the party. Seriously, he can get at least a couple more votes. You know, I was in Atlanta like a week and a half ago, and I was like, man, I want to write like a politic ad for the Warnock team where it's just Maury Povich

saying, you are the father. You are the father. Like straight DNA Maury Povich energy. All right. So here, Franklin, is your next quote. It's sick. It's ridiculous levels of wealth. That was wealth advisor Robert Pagliarini talking about the person in California who won what?

The Powerball Lottery. Yes, the Powerball Lottery. Yes, the Powerball Lottery, the largest Powerball prize ever. More than $2 billion. Sales of tickets because of this were through the roof with people who never buy tickets playing the lottery. I myself bought five tickets,

increasing my odds from zero to five times zero. I don't know if anybody, if you guys, or if anybody here bought a ticket, because between the time you buy the ticket and they announce the winner, which in this case was like a whole day, because there was a screw up, you start thinking about what you'll do when you win. And you start with like, oh, I'll take care of my friends and I'll take care of my family and then I'll give the rest to charity. But within like an hour, you're like, and then I am going to get Aaron Judge for my kids' little league team. Yeah, I was thinking, you know, you go through these fantasies and you have the discussions, like, would you change? Would you be the same person at all? And I was like, I was telling my wife, there's no way I would change. I mean, we would, we'd be smart. We could handle it.

And then I found $10 in my jacket just because it was cold in LA. It was like 60. And I found $10 in my jacket and I was like, I might leave them all today. I really got so excited. I was like, yeah, a billion dollars? You'd have to change everything. Oh, yeah. I have visions of taking my yacht up to the Studebaker Theater,

just right to the liberal stage. You know what I mean? You can make anything happen. Absolutely. Why not? What's amazing is there's a new billionaire out there, and it could be anybody, anybody at all. It could be like Bernie Sanders, right? Oh, I would like to revise my prior remarks about billionaires.

All right. Franklin, for your last quote, here is an official communication from the National Park Service. Please refrain from licking them. They're not talking about the park rangers. They're talking about what? That is a good... I think it's a good thing I don't know this, right?

Yeah, it bespeaks you're spending your time well in fruitful pursuits. What would be a thing you would even... Let me give you a hint. They're ribbit-licking good. Oh, the frogs. The frogs. Do not lick the frogs.

The Sonoran Desert Frog, found in Arizona and New Mexico secretes a poison that is also a powerful hallucinogen when you lick it. So, the National Park Service was prompted to issue a warning or perhaps create the next hot new TikTok challenge. This toad is apparently seven inches long and has large, oscillating, multicolored eyes that are meant to attract and entrance their partners. So hot. Now that I've described it, I'm kind of toad-curious myself, you know?

It's a little creepy that people are, like, walking around trying to lick frogs, but we're just lucky that that's the animal that turned out to have psychedelic properties. Otherwise, the headlines would be, another man dies trying to lick psychedelic bear. That's actually how I do my tequila shots. Instead of salt on my hand,

I just put a toad, give it a nice lick, do some lime, and then a tequila shot. Another thing nobody thought of, the National Park Service is telling people not to lick the frogs what if the frogs really like it what if you lick them and they're like great great now do the other side

Bill how did Franklin do on our quiz well Franklin won but he's still thinking about that frog aren't we all Franklin congratulations you did really well thank you so much but he's still thinking about that frog. Aren't we all? Franklin, congratulations. You did really well.

Thank you so much. Thanks so much for playing. Bye-bye, Franklin. Bye. Okay, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Tom, archaeologists have discovered the oldest example of a certain written language ever found carved into an ivory comb thousands of years ago. What is this oldest known sentence in this language about?

Lice checks. Exactly right. What? Lice. It's about lice. It's amazing. Just imagine, 3,000 years ago in the ancient Middle East, that special someone you've got your eye on gives you a present,

an ivory comb. She loves you back. And then you read the inscription, quote, may this comb root out the lice of the hair and beard, unquote. Oh, I mean, it's bad enough to have lice, but can you imagine having lice so bad your friends have to invent written language to tell you about it? I don't know anything about lice, man, Because you have no hair. Yeah. Have you guys ever had it? No, both my daughters have had it.

My daughters, too. Right, and it becomes a big thing. You've got to do the lice check, you bring them outside, and you've got to go through and find the little critters and then make them feel like they're not disgusting even though you're like, get her away from me. Get her off the couch now.

No, everybody gets it. She's disgusting. Coming up, it's a slumber party in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Papa, McGeehan Farsad, and Brian Babylon.

And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you. Thank you, everybody. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hey, this is Joe Hardina from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Oh, terrific. How are things up in Milwaukee? It's great. I'm not stuck in traffic, and things are good. Things are great. What do you do there? Kind of TBD right now, but, you know, I work from home.

You work from home. You're hanging out. You're doing those fun Milwaukee things. You know, Milwaukee is like really one of the great hanging out cities. There's bars in every corner. You just, people just hanging out. I like it. Well, welcome to the show, Joe. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Joe's topic? I am over this sleepover. Sleepovers! We remember them. You sleep on the floor, you eat too much pizza, you fall asleep at 4 a.m.

Well, what could go wrong? Well, our panelists are going to tell you about one sleepover that happened somewhere in the world that went very wrong. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

I am ready. Okay, first let's hear from Tom Papa. Sydney, Australia's Taronga Zoo invited guests for a sleepover as part of their roar and snore experience. Featuring intimate animal encounters, safari-style accommodations, and delicious food.

But for a while, it seemed the food might actually be the guests themselves. Five lions, one adult, and four cubs were observed in a small area outside of their main exhibit. Zoo officials woke the snoring guests, told them to get out of their tents, put down their s'mores, and run for their lives. The guests suddenly realized this wasn't a VIP experience, but that the roar and snore might be turning into bite and die. It makes one think that unless you're a wild animal, maybe sleeping in a zoo isn't a great idea. And what's so bad about sleeping in your own bed anyway?

Are wives so annoyed by their husbands' sleep apnea machines that they're willing to pitch a tent in a lion's den? The answer is yes. A fun sleepover for families at a zoo in Australia ends in terror when the lions get out of their enclosure. Your next story of a slumber party shenanigan comes from Brian Babylon. The show Young Rock, a television sitcom based upon the life of professional wrestler and actor Dwayne Johnson, was weeks behind due to the writer's inability to capture the essence of pro wrestlers.

So, show creator and executive producer Nanashka Khan had an idea. A camping retreat in Joshua Tree with staff writers and surprise visits by impersonators playing the legends of wrestling, who were told to be as authentic as possible. Everything was going great, and when Randy Savage appeared out of the darkness, the writers were thrilled. But then, Hulk Hogan ran into the camp and hit Savage in the head with a box of graham crackers. The Undertaker leaped onto the campfire and grabbed a flaming log and went after some skinny writer from Harvard. The Junkyard Dog hit Stone Cold Steve Austin with a Coors Party ball. And that had been the evening's only refreshments,

and things went down from there. But Ms. Khan is happy. She says she's sure the writers got a real sense of what pro wrestling is like, and she's looking forward to seeing their scripts once she can find out where they all have been hiding. The writers for Young Rock about the pro wrestler, The Rock, get a little frightened

when some pro wrestler impersonators raid their sleepover. Your last story of a you snooze, you lose delivery comes from Nagin Farsad. The New Life Congregation, an evangelical church in Phoenix, Arizona, wanted something different for their annual overnight Bible retreat. So instead of booking the Doubletree and Mesa like usual, they turned to the Zuni Meditation and Retreat Center in Tucson. But something strange happened. About an hour into dinner, this jolly gang of hardcore Christians started tripping balls. Apparently, the staff of the center got their retreats confused and accidentally dosed them with ayahuasca. That explains the church group's confusion when dinner started with the weird dirt-tasting tea

and why the group kept treating the resident shaman like a waiter. Ayahuasca trips are notable for how much crying, vomiting, and pooping is involved. So what ensued was the spirit of the Lord entering the congregants and then quickly exiting violently. Someone on the staff figured out the mix-up when they saw a congregant vomit and then say, my brother is gay and I'm actually okay with it. Turns out the experience really was healing for the New Life Church congregants, especially since HBO is optioning the story for its next season of White Lotus. All right, you've got three stories of a sleepover gone wrong.

From Tom Papa, a sleepover for families in Australia at his zoo where the lions got out and everybody had to flee for their lives. From Brian, the writers for Young Rock, the show about the rock. Try to find out what pro wrestling is really like and get a little bit too close a look. Or from Nagin, a church group gets dosed with ayahuasca, the ancient American hallucinogen, and has perhaps not the best time at their sleepover. Which of these was the real story we found in the news? That was a tough one. I think I'm a lover of the movie Jurassic Park, so I think I'm gonna have to go with the first story. So your choice is Tom's story about the sleepover at the zoo interrupted

by lions. Well, to bring you the correct answer, here's someone who reported on that real story. Around 6.30 in the morning, the zoo noticed that the lions were not in their enclosure and in fact walked out of their enclosure because of a halt in the fence. That was reporter Louis Jackson, who covered the story about lions escaping during a sleepover at the Taronga Zoo. You got it right. You picked Tom's story. He was telling the truth here. And to point for him, and you won our prize,

the voice of anyone you might care for on your voicemail. Congratulations. You did a great job. Nice. Thank you. Well done. Thanks for playing. Watch the big lion's lion son yawning and roaring.

Look at that tongue. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Now it's my own time. Whoa! Goodbye, goodbye zoo, there was nothing to see. And now the game where we reward people who've done a lot by giving them

the chance to do very little. Craig Robinson is an actor, comedian, and musician who's been in dozens of movies and TV shows and pizza ad ads, but he's probably best known for playing Daryl, the warehouse foreman on The Office, who, when you think about it, seems to be the only one that is actually cool at that workplace, which makes us cool by extension. Craig Robinson, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you. It's a pleasure being here.

I want to confirm that. I am just assuming, and this is not to put down any of your other stuff and all the movies and TV shows you've done before and are doing now, but The Office is so magnificently popular, I'm assuming that's what most people associate you with when they happen to run into you. I agree, yes. Yes. Correct.

And is that like, does that ever be overwhelming that everybody yells Daryl at you in the street or something of that nature? No. They do yell other things. They'll just yell like hot tub or something. But no, it's cool. I know it comes from a place of love, so

it's always nice. It's always good. We were talking about this because we were going over all the roles you played from The Office to Hot Tide Machine and This is the End and the movies you made with Seth Rogen. Is there like a Craig Robinson character that you play?

When they need a what, that's when they call Craig Robinson. I don't know. I do. What's up, Papa? Let's hear it. I know. What's up, Papa? Let's hear it. I know. Because he would do this to my kids.

For some reason, we would run into Craig at the airport a lot because we were comedians running around. And he does in real life what he does in his roles. He rolls up. He looks kind of intimidating. Doesn't say much. And then says something really funny and gives you that smile. And you fall in love with him.

That's Craig Robinson. I actually, that actually kind of sums it up. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Now, that being said, he hasn't called me in quite some time. I understand. Now, one thing I've got to talk to you about is,

because I'm kind of proud, you're from Chicago. Yes. Grew up here. And you were the, if I'm not mistaken, the son of a music teacher? Yeah, my mother taught music in there, and I ended up teaching K-8 music in Indiana and there's Chicago. Oh, wait a minute. So you, I know you're a musician and sometimes we get to see you play in your various roles and performances

but you actually taught music to children? I was a, I taught kindergarten through eighth grade music. Really? Yes. You were Mr. Robinson. This is correct. I hope they're not listening. My music teachers

were not so inspiring because they got very frustrated with our utter inability to make music as young children. How did you, were you a good one? Did you love that work? Did you go after it? Yeah, you know, being a music teacher, it was cool because, you know,

I would do these programs. I had kids singing in the choir and stuff. So it was nice. And the kids even reach out to me to this day, you know, hey, on social media. It's crazy, right? Hey, Mr. Robinson, it's so inspiring to see you, you know, doing your thing. And I always tell them the same thing, everyone. I'm like, hey, I'm not your teacher anymore.

Please don't contact me. Yeah. the same thing everyone i'm like hey i'm not your teacher anymore please don't contact me you know who i was but don't you know who i am can you explain to me why do children get taught the recorder and no one else ever in life is taught the recorder i wish i could it was uh but But it's one of the more simple things to get them going, you know, and it gives you some confidence once you start playing that. You play that Mary Had a Little Lamb, you figure out you can do that. You know, it unlocks something. So it was kind of, you know, it's a gateway.

And you still play music, right? You have a band. Yes, the Nasty Delicious. The N a gateway. And you still play music, right? You have a band. Yes, the Nasty Delicious. The Nasty Delicious. And how would you describe that music? We're funk mixed with stank. You're funk mixed with stank? Correct.

All right. Is that the first time you were... Wait a minute. No, hang on. You can't see me right now, so maybe you don't know. I'm white. I have no idea what you mean. So could you explain?

You just got to come to the show. We got something for everybody. Really? Can I help explain it to Peter? Please, please. All right. Imagine you went for a walk. You stepped in some dog stuff, right?

And then you're like this, like, oh, I smell something. And then you, like, take your head back and forth. Like, mm, that smells horrible, but I hit the beat. Like, when your face is turned up like you smell something stinky, but it's a baseline, that's the stink, dog. Mr. Robinson, do you agree with Mr. Babylon's characterization? He could have said it better. Do you actually prefer playing music to performing? I mean, as an actor or as a comedian?

Playing music, I wish I could just... I would just play in a dark room. That's all I want to do. Wow, that's really cool. I'm kind of impressed. Ah, well, but sadly, you have to be a movie and TV star. Well, Craig Robinson, it's a pleasure to talk to you, but we have, in fact, asked you here to play a game

that this time we're calling You, Actor and Producer. Me, a free site for classified ads and also hooking up. Since you're Craig, we're going to ask you three questions about Craig's List, a website where you can sell odd items or services and hit on that woman you saw on the subway last year. Answer two questions correctly and you'll win a prize for one of our listeners,

the voice of anyone from our show for their voicemail. Bill, who is Craig Robinson playing for? Thomas Reynolds of Dallas, Texas. All right, you ready to prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone from our show for their voicemail. Bill, who is Craig Robinson playing for? Thomas Reynolds of Dallas, Texas. All right. You ready to do this, Craig? Let's go. Yes. Here's your first question.

Craigslist is a great place to locate hard-to-find items. For example, a man in Austin was throwing a party, and he advertised that he needed several live ducks so that he could do what? A, greet his guests with a duck in his head and wait to see if they mention it. B, at least have somebody attend his party. Or C, have a game where the ducks are strapped onto seats on a model train set wearing origami hats made of money and guests pay a dollar for a chance to grab a hat

off of a duck as they ride by. C. I'm going with C. Yes, that's right, of course. Sounds like fun. Sorry I wasn't invited. Next question. Craigslist has inspired me.

No, I've done that before. Really? That's fine. Oh, you're a Hollywood guy. The parties you go to must be crazy. Craigslist has inspired many tributes, including which of these? A, a man who made so much money selling used goods on the site, he named each of his three daughters and two sons Craig.

B, Craig's Diner, a Craigslist-to-table restaurant in Portland where the menu depends on what the chef finds available on Craigslist that day. Or C, The Craigslist Leader, an album of eight Craigslist personal ads set to classical music. Wait, what was C again? I didn't hear it.

C is Craigslist Leader, an album of eight Craigslist personal ads set to classical music. Yes, C again, that's right. It's not bad, actually. You can find it online, Craigslist Leader. Your last question, Craig. Craigslist is a great place to hire help for your odd jobs,

which is why a man in Washington State used it to hire what? A, people to appear at his office door and say, it's an emergency so he could get out of meetings. B, a wingman to stand next to him in bars and encourage him to talk to that girl or C,

decoys dressed exactly like him so he could escape from his planned armored car robbery. Wait, wait, wait. What's B again? B is a wingman to send next to him in bars and encourage him to talk to girls. Or C was decoys dressed exactly like him so he could escape from an armored car robbery. B.

You're going to go with B, the wingman. No, I'm afraid it was C. Oh. And not only was it C, it worked. What? So this guy dressed up like a road maintenance worker with a vest and a helmet, and he walked up and he robbed the armored car.

And the police came, right? And they found all these guys dressed exactly the same milling around. Wow. Because he said, I'm looking for road construction crew workers. Please dress in your safety gear and be at this intersection at this time. Brilliant.

Amazing. And he got away and they've never found him. He escaped on an inner tube down a nearby river. Wow. What's really weird is this sounds like a movie that Craig would be in. Exactly right. Bill, how did Craig Robinson do in our quiz? Two out of three, and that's a win in this quiz.

Congratulations, Craig. Craig Robinson is an actor, comedian, and the host of Peacock's Harlem Globetrotters Play It Forward. The Globetrotters U.S. tour begins in December. Craig Robinson, thank you so much for being with us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey. Thanks, Me. Hey.

Thanks, Craig. Hey. Thank you so much. I love what y'all do and hope everyone listening donates to support their local station. Thank you so much, Craig. Well done. Thank you to Mr. Robinson. In just a minute, Bill takes a bite out of Bach in our Listener Limerick Challenge game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. ¶¶ From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tom Papa, Brian Babylon, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill bakes a Rhyme Apple upside-down cake in our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, time for you to answer some

more questions from the week's news. Brian, new research out of Australia finds that octopuses, just like us, sometimes do what to each other and not that? Thank you. I think I know what it would be. Oh no, he's got a seashell. Duck! They throw things? Yes, they throw things at each other. It's like an animal house food fight down there? Yeah, sort of, kind of. Yeah. Octopuses have been filmed throwing objects at each other, at

fish passing by, and this is true, at research cameras there to film the behavior, and man, you should see how hard they throw. They've got some really great arms. So they're like jerks? Yeah, well, that's the thing. The researchers don't know exactly why they throw things at each other.

The one hypothesis is that other octopuses are really annoying. Yeah, you know, when they came out with that documentary about the guy who fell in love with the octopus. My octopus teacher. Yeah, and my wife was like, you still going to eat octopus? And I was like, yeah. And she thought I was cruel, but I always was suspicious. They do seem nasty. And it was like, whenever I would eat them, I'd be like, you deserve it.

And now, I think this confirms it. Yeah. If you didn't eat them, he'd just be throwing stuff at you. Yeah. But they're also throwing things underwater. So how fast? It's like a gently gliding object. It's like those other fish are like Neo for the Matrix.

Like, oh, okay, octopus. Yeah. Whoa. Okay, I see you throwing stuff. What, you mad? Nagin, if you happen to be stressed out, don't worry. According to the Wall Street Journal, the popular new way to distress and relax is to do what?

It's so, it's toad licking. Ooh. No. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. Um, can I get a hint? Sure. You know, just, it's easy. You just put on loose clothing, put on some soft music, pick up your meditation shovel and go outside. Oh, gardening. No. Oh, wait. gardening. And you go out with your shovel and you just like start digging holes? That's it. You dig holes. Oh. That is it.

Digging a hole is apparently a great stress reliever, particularly if the thing stressing you out is, where am I going to hide this body? Where am I going to hide this body? Why aren't they also just like throwing a seed in there and calling it gardening? You know what I mean? Like why? It's a pointless hole? Yeah, it's a pointless hole.

Well, somehow Gwyneth Paltrow is going to make money off of this. This is going to be, you're going to get your goop shovel. Only $7,000. Brian, a man in Philadelphia became a local hero because of his feat of doing what every day for 40 days? Would it be, is it eat one of those sandwiches every day? He ate something every day. Give me a hint. Like what?

It was a finger licking good 40 days. Wait, KFC every day? I'll give it to you. He ate a rotisserie chicken every day for 40 days. Hold on a second. That's a feat. I know. All right. I'm not arguing with you. I'm like, wait a minute. Yeah, you ate a chicken a day. This is America, right? There are a million divorced guys who eat a rotisserie chicken every night and they still have

all the plastic boxes piled by the sink. Did he kill the chickens first? He did not kill the chickens. If he was going around like, hey, I'm going to find a chicken, I'm going to kill it. If he got up every day and did not know where he would find the live

chicken. In Philly. In Philly. In downtown Philly. Searching, searching for chicken. Chasing a Philly up those Sylvester Stallone Rocky steps. Yeah. He got one. Yeah.

Breaks its neck. Thank you. And then he plait the feathers. No, eats the feathers. If you eat the feathers, the beak, and the feet every day in town, that's a feat. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

Now, you can come see us here most weeks live at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. Or you can see us next week, November 17th, in Louisville, Kentucky, with a must-see panel. Don't say Sloan, Alzo, Slade, and Paula Poundstone. You can also see us on December 8th and 9th at Carnegie Hall in New York or at the Wait, Wait stand-up tour in a city near you. For information and tickets for all of these

great shows, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, how are you? I am fine. Who's this? My name's Emily. I'm from a small town just outside Indianapolis, Indiana. Oh, really? Okay. I heard of Indianapolis. What do you do there? just outside Indianapolis, Indiana. Oh, really? Okay. I heard of Indianapolis. What do you do there? I am a 911 dispatcher. No, really? I don't know that I've ever spoken to one without having to dial 911. I'm glad that's not how we're meeting.

I know. And I am too. One of the things I know, because every now and then you, usually when something terrible has happened, you get to hear 911 tapes, right? And I've always noticed how incredibly calm you dispatchers are. Is that something you have to train to do? Yeah, I just take a deep breath and realize that I'm in a controlled environment. They're not, so. Right. And she's digging holes. Gotta keep your calm. Keep your calm. Well, welcome to the show, Emily. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks

with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner. Ready to play? I am ready. Here's your first limerick. Thomas Edison's hearing's not right, so he crowds the piano real tight.

Experiments found that his teeth carry sound, so he'll give the piano a... Bite? A bite, yes. A collector recently took possession of an antique piano and noticed that it had some curious marks on it, and it turns out they are Thomas Alva Edison's bite marks. The prolific and apparently somewhat hungry inventor

came up with many innovations, but sadly never created the gummy piano. This is true, though. The real reason was that Edison was hard of hearing. So when the piano was being played for him, he would bite down on various parts so he could hear the music through the vibrations of his teeth. That's how he would do it.

What? And it worked, because apparently it's like you really get the music inside your head. But can you imagine what it was like to play the piano for Edison and now Chopin's piano concerto number What are you doing? Wait, so did he like invent

like, is that the first pair of headphones, bro? Yeah. Well, I mean he hadn't invented headphones. But I mean like that's kind of his version. In a weird way. And that's why all of our headphones go in our mouths. Right, yeah. And that's also why he ran through 200 different light bulb prototypes before finding the one that worked.

He kept eating them. Here is your next limerick. We raptors no more shall be flown. So we guess buzzing pests you condone. We nabbed that spyware right out of the air, but no more are we hunting your... Drone. Drones. Yes, after a five-year trial, Switzerland has announced it will no longer use eagles to hunt drones. They had trained the birds to grab and destroy these drones out of the sky, meaning Switzerland does take sides, but only when it's really badass.

And apparently they're ending the program in part because drones have gotten a lot more sophisticated and it's much harder for the eagles to catch and kill them. And that's a problem because, according to one expert, who apparently has a really dark streak, quote, if an eagle cannot catch his prey, he may become so frustrated that he picks up something else, and eagle talons are so strong

that it can easily pierce a child's head. Told you. Whenever my wife is like, why are you still eating eagles? Didn't you see that movie about the eagle? It's very nice. Guy falls in love with one. All right, here is your last limerick. A regular iPhone has no flex, but my case meets top diamond and gold specs, and it features a watch that is Swiss and top-notch. It's my hundred grand phone case from... Rolex?

Yes, Rolex. A new phone case for jerks has an actual $135,000 Rolex built into the back of it. Oh, good. Your phone can finally tell time. The built-in watch has all the features of an actual Rolex, but instead of keeping it for a lifetime to pass down to your children,

you can have it for a few weeks before you drop your phone into a toilet. The case includes eight diamonds, black titanium casing, three additional dials, basically says to the world, I'm a seasoned ticket holder, but I only take clients. dials and basically says to the world I'm a season ticket holder but I only take clients but also that phone case sounds like ugly and useless and it's gonna be available at TJ Maxx in like three weeks that's a knockoff yeah trashy Bill how did Emily do in our quiz don't need to call 911 Emily is perfect. Congratulations, Emily. Well done. Thank you very much. Thanks so much for playing. Take care. Now on to our final game, lightning fill in the blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they now can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Nagin has two, Brian has two, and Tom has three. So, Tom, you're in first place. Nagin and Brian are tied for second. I will arbitrarily pick you, Brian, to go first. Here we go.

The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill-in-the-blank. On Wednesday, it was reported that the Senate race in blank would go to a runoff. Georgia. Yes. According to a new report, billionaires emit a million times more blanks than the average person. Carbon footprint. Yeah, greenhouse gases.

This week, several advisers for Donald Trump urged him to delay announcing blank. Do not run for president. Exactly. On Monday, Al Gore joined United Nations leaders for the blank conference in Egypt. That is the climate conference. Yes, known as COP27. This week, a man accused of throwing eggs at King Charles has been banned from blanking.

From noodling? No, from carrying eggs in public. This week, a judge ruled that InfoWars founder Blank had to pay almost $500 million in additional damages. Alex Jones. Right. On Wednesday, Adidas announced they would continue selling Blank's shoe designs but would remove his name. Alex Jones. Easy. Actually say action. Spielberg has sure that there were always Cheetos on set.

Spielberg has revealed that Lynch's only demand in exchange for the cameo was on-set Cheetos. Honestly, Spielberg got off easy. Usually Lynch's writer demands potato chips, uts, the crab flavor served on a constantly rotated Victrola, and they must scream when I eat them. Bill, how did Brian do in our quiz? Very well. Six right, 12 more points, total to 14. Brian, you're in the lead.

For now, let's see. Let's see. All right. Nagin, you're up next. Okay. Fill in the blank. According to a new report, Twitter has lost over one million users

since Blank's takeover. Elon Musk. Yes. On Tuesday, five states passed ballot measures codifying Blank rights. Abortion rights. Yes. Following a growing outbreak of COVID-19, Blank announced the new lockdown affecting five million people. China.

Right. On Wednesday, lawyers for WNBA star Blank confirmed she'd been transferred to a Russian penal colony. Brittany Greiner. That's right. After holding an online poll to determine its name, a new museum in Perth, Australia, will be called blank. The Perth Australian Museum.

I'm going to give it to you. The answer is the Perth Museum. On Tuesday, Tennessee voted to officially ban all forms of blank in the state. Guns, I wish. No, slavery. On Thursday, a new study showed that taking Paxlovid may cut your risk of long blank. COVID. Right, this week, a new study showed that taking Paxlovid may cut your risk

of long blank. COVID. Right. This week, a man on the run from the law after defrauding the pandemic relief fund took a vacation to Disney World and ran into blank. Ted Cruz. No, he ran into the federal agent who had been trying to catch him. A man named Quashon Burton stole around $150,000 in relief funds and then went on the run. We're pretty sure the last place he expected to run into the agent chasing him was in a line at Disney World, but I guess it really is a small world after all.

Bill, how did Nagin do on our quiz? He tied it up. Six right, 12 more points, 14, just like Brian. There you are. All right, so how many then does Tom need to win? Six to win. All right, 12 more points, 14, just like Brian. There you are. All right, so how many then does Tom need to win? Six to win. All right, here we go, Tom. This is for the game. On Wednesday, officials in Ukraine said that Blank had agreed to withdraw its forces from Kersan. Russia. Right. In an interview on Election Day, Donald Trump said the GOP should replace Blank as Senate leader. McConnell. Yes. This week, social media giant blank announced

it was laying off over 11,000 employees. Metaverse. Yes, Facebook. On Thursday, Hurricane Nicole made landfall on blank's East Coast. Florida. Right. This week, a man was banned for life

from London's Royal Opera House after he blanked during a performance. Fotted. No, yelled rubbish during a 12-year-old child's solo. On Wednesday, Pfizer completed a three-phase trial for a vaccine combating the respiratory virus affecting blanks. Children. Right. This week, a man who stole almost $20,000 from a high-end store was caught after he blanked while trying to escape.

Ran into the window. That's exactly right, although technically it was the glass door. Yes. Right. The robber wound up hitting this door so hard that he knocked himself unconscious, and worse still, the whole thing, grabbing the things, running for the door, bang, falling backwards unconscious, was caught on video. It led to the store posting stills from the security footage with the question,

have you seen this man? If not, you should. It's hilarious. It was really funny. Yeah. Bill, did Tom Papa do well enough to win? Well, at first, we'd think he'd tied with six right, twelve more points,

but his total score is fifteen. You won, Tom. Oh! Happy birthday, buddy. Thanks, guys. Me and Brian and Gene did. It's a birthday present. Congratulations, Tom, and a happy birthday. We fixed it so you could win. Thank you.

Coming up, our panelists predict what will be the next warning issued by the National Park Service. But first, let me tell you. Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ, Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew here at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed

our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Drombos, and Lillian King. Our production assistant is Sofia Hernandez. Special thanks to Ojal Lopez. Our vegan option today is Peter Gwynn. Our intern is Vaishnavi Naidu. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our

CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Mike Birthday Boy Danforth. Now, panel, what will the Park Service warn us about next? Brian Babylon. Beware of two talking bears that steal picnic baskets.

Nagin Farsan. Uttering the word glamping at a national park will be grounds for arrest by park rangers or at the very least a very serious eye roll. And Tom Papa. If the Winnebago's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'. Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Tom Papa,

Nagin Farsad, Brian Babylon. Thanks to our fabulous audience at the Studebaker Theatre. Thanks to everybody out there in Radioland and Podcast World for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week.

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