Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Dame Karen Pierce

Episode Date: October 3, 2020

Dame Karen Pierce, British Ambassador to the US, joins us along with panelists Maz Jobrani, Jessi Klein, and Brian Babylon.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Who needs Ted? How about Bill's Excellent Adventure? I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, a man who sits quietly all week until I say his name, Peter Sago. all week until I say his name, Peter Sago. Thank you, Bill. And thanks once again to our fake audience, which this week is everybody whose cable went out right before 9 p.m. Eastern on Tuesday and stayed out throughout the rest of the week. It really was quite a week. Now, we all expected an October surprise, but we didn't expect it at 11 p.m. on October 1st.

And when you think about it, it really was more like an October, oh, what a surprise. Later on, we're going to be talking to an expert on dealing with the unexpected with aplomb. That's the British ambassador to the United States, Dame Karen Pierce. But right now, we are very eager to hear you say the appropriate things at a time like this. The number to call is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Chrissy. I'm from Grand Rapids, Michigan. Oh, Michigan. So is it fun these days living in a swing state? You know, it is. Is it fun these days living in a swing state?

You know, it is what it is. There was a time when living in a swing state was like, oh, it's great. The candidates all come here and pay us a lot of attention. And it has become, it is what it is. I completely understand. Chrissy, let me introduce you to our panel. First, it's a comedian you can see at the Tempe Improv in Arizona, November 12th through the 14th. His podcast Back to School with Maz Jobrani is available anywhere podcasts are found. It's Maz Jobrani. Hello there. I hope you're voting. Always. Next, an Emmy-winning

writer as well as the voice of Jessie on the animated hit Netflix show Big Mouth. She's also the author of the New York Times bestseller, You'll Grow Out of It. It's Jesse Klein. Hello. Hello. And the comedian premiering his new TV pilot, Eye of the Idea, on November 18th at ChicagoIdeas.com. It's Brian Babylon. Hey, Chrissy. Green Rapids in the building. Welcome to the show, Chrissy. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize.

Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Ready. All right, Chrissy. Here is your first quote. We will get through this together. That was the president announcing on Thursday night that he and the first lady both have what? Coronavirus. Yes, that's right. Now, we absolutely hope that both the president and his wife get well soon. And we do not want to make jokes about him getting sick

because it is a very serious disease, despite what you've heard from the president. Can I just say one thing? You may, Jesse. It's so, so important to wear a mask. Goodbye. It's so important. I'm just saying, it's just really important to wear a mask.

As a concerned citizen, I hope that he just takes the time to rest and stays off Twitter till November 4th and things will work out. I feel like we need to feel bad for the president. I mean, it's going to be hard for him to just, I don't know, sit around and watch Fox News all day instead of his normal routine, which is pacing back and forth while watching Fox News all day. And he's announced, the White House, I should say, has announced that they're going to be canceling or making virtual all of his upcoming campaign appearances,

which is another blow to the president, because his first idea was to hold a get well soon rally with 20,000 people on Monday. It's really important to also social distance. You've got to social distance. I's really important to also social distance. You've got to social distance. I'm just trying to say helpful things. I appreciate it.

I'm sure he's going to come out and be like, we had the best lockdown, the most tremendous quarantine. It was tremendous. It was amazing. I keep thinking, and I'm sorry, because we've all been quarantining for months now, but the president famously has sort of refused to do it now he has to what is the trump quarantine going to look like is like is milani going to post pictures of her sourdough starter and trump will be like bake news oh boy it's also so important to wash your hands.

Those things are really our main tools in fighting this pandemic. All right, Chrissy, let's move on to the other earth-shattering story from earlier in the week. Remember, there was an earlier in the week. Your next quote is from actor Mark Hamill. That was the worst thing I've ever seen. And I was in the Star Wars holiday special. So Mr. Hamill, bless his heart, was reacting to something that everybody ended up regretting watching on Tuesday night. What was it?

The presidential debate. It was, yes. The first presidential debate of 2020 ended up being one of those epical, historic moments. Years from now, people will ask, do you remember where you were when man first walked on Chris Wallace? Nobody has seen men talking over each other that much since every Zoom meeting we have been to in the last six months. And the insanity of it made all the previous debate brouhaha's so quaint remember when al gore lost the debate because he sighed you know what they think when i saw the debates the first thing and i've been asking myself this is when are they

going to come out with that xanax mist like xanax but in a mist form you can spritz on people just to tone them down. You know? More subtle than this the tranquilizer dart to the neck, you think? Oh, I thought you were talking about something for us. Not for them. I was really into this. But it was like Chris Wallace was almost like a substitute

teacher that couldn't handle a class at an obnoxious boarding school for old guys. Old man boarding school. Like, hey, wipe down. Can I tell you the truth, though? I did not watch it. Nor will I be watching

the other ones, should they happen. I didn't because obviously... But you're the kind of person who can drive by a car crash and just keep on going and never slow down that's just you i'm good i need to get where i'm going and i want to get there right away and i will tell you what my counter programming was was i made i literally made myself a banana split and drank a tequila

and i'm gonna do it again. According to the ratings, you had a better time than 60 million Americans. I had such a good time. I put three chocolate chips on top of the whipped cream and then I ate it and then I ate the whole bag of chocolate chips and it felt like it was barely touching what I needed to touch. All the other chocolate chips thought they had escaped, but they didn't realize how stressed you were. No, it was just a mind game. So Trump's performance at the debate was panned all over the place. Republicans, Democrats, everybody. You have to hand it to him.

After the debate, he really needed to change the news cycle somehow. And boy, did he go for the gusto. But you have to give Trump some understanding. He was specifically asked to condemn this white supremacist group the proud boys and he couldn't do it but give him a break he's never had the chance to say proud and boys in the same sentence his boys are don jr and eric uh don't the proud boys sound like a horrible barbershop quartet from the 50s it's such a It's such a bad name. It really like, I don't want to help them in any way,

but I kind of feel like they need a better name. You are spot on because at least on the left, Antifa, anti-fascist, like the right has Proud Boys and then they got the Boogaloo. Horrible naming.

They both sound like things that Dunkin' Donuts almost made and didn't. But Antifa sounds like an old soul singer that didn't make it because Aretha Franklin was better. That's Antifa. You got to pronounce it as Antifa. Antifa, yeah. Antifa. 40 years later, there's a Netflix documentary where it's like like we all should have really been listening to Antifa

Alright Chrissy your last quote is a spokesperson for a major sandwich chain Our bread is of course bread The spokesman was responding to a judgment that their bread wasn't really bread

What is the chain? Subway? Yes Sub Subway. Very good. It turns out that when you buy a sub sandwich at a Subway shop, you're not buying meat between two slices of bread. It's more like two loaves of candy. The Supreme Court of Ireland ruled that it can't legally be called bread and thus be exempt from a certain tax because it has too much sugar in it. This is why so many parents tell their kids they can only have their Subway sandwich if they finish their dinner. I'm confused. Wait a minute. So Subway is like, so it's not bread, it's closer to cake than it is to bread? Yeah. So in Ireland, they have a tax on all foods except for what they call

staples, which includes things like bread and vegetables and stuff like that. And they determined that Subway bread isn't really bread because it has way too much sugar in it. So it's more like, as you say, a cake of some kind. I mean, have you eaten at Subway any time in the last 10 years? Yeah. I mean, when you bite into that bread, it's pretty clear it's not bread. It's like an improv show about bread.

It's like jokes and ideas and riffs on bread. We need a suggestion of a grain, please. Yeah, I need a location, the sandwich, a name, bread. A name. Bill, how did Chrissy do on our quiz? Well, Chrissy, you made Michigan proud. You got them all right. Congratulations, Chrissy. Thank you. Thank you Chrissy, you made Michigan proud. You got them all right. Congratulations, Chrissy.

Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for playing and take care. You too. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Brian, the UK's National Parrot Sanctuary had to remove five parrots from public view after they kept doing what? Swearing, cursing. Swearing, yes. They had foul mouths. The parrots were given to the sanctuary by five different owners in one week. And then when they were quarantining together, they taught each other

to swear. The park's CEO says that when the parents eventually went out on public display, quote, literally within 20 minutes, we were told that they had sworn at a customer. And for the next group of people, all sorts of obscenities came out. They say they worried about the children. But honestly, this is the only thing that would make me want to visit a bird sanctuary. Yeah, those parrots, they're PG-13. Those are R. And I'm sorry, if you want to go look at that parrot, I'm going to need to see your ID and have you sign a release. Who's like the Disney crows? Yes, the Disney crows.

I was just going to say, do you think we could get those parrots to moderate the next debate? Ha ha ha! in a magic key. All you need to let your life be free. That's the only way for you to be. Coming up, we pop the NBA bubble in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT

to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. There are these networks of staunchly pro-gun groups on Facebook. And one of them is run by these three brothers, the Doerr brothers. It turns out they don't just do guns. The Doerr family name has been attached to other causes.

Their goal is to eliminate public education and to replace it with Christian schooling. The Roots of the Doerr Family on the No Compromise podcast from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Maz Jobrani, Brian Babylon, and Jesse Klein.

And here again is your host, the moderator of the next presidential debate, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill, and God forbid. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Peter. Thank you. This is Michael White from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. Lancaster. I haven't been there, but I understand it's the heart of Amish country. Is that correct? It is. And how have you been doing during lockdown? I have been doing great. Tons of baking, lots of NBA basketball lately,

and a lot of time with my one-year-old baby boy. Oh, my gosh. Well, it came at a good time. You can stay home from him, and that's really great. Yeah, I know. Well, Michael, welcome to our show. You're going to play the game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. What is the topic, Bill? NBA bubble toil and trouble. The NBA bubble is awesome because even if you're not into basketball, you like the idea of rich people

being trapped inside somewhere. Our panelists are going to tell you about someone making the most of their time in the bubble. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail.

Are you ready to play? Oh, absolutely. This is my life's ambition here. I'm ready to go. Oh, well. I'm both flattered and a little worried for you, but okay. First, let's hear from Maz Jobrani. The NBA is now truly an international league.

So what happens when you put a bunch of foreign-born players into a bubble with a lot of free time on their hands? For Iranian-born Majid Jahansan, the answer was simple. Open up a language school to teach your teammates how to speak Persian or Farsi. When the seven-foot third-string backup center for the Indiana Pacers found himself cooped up in his hotel room, he decided to offer free language lessons to his teammates. First, he had to come up with a name for the course. Says Jahansan,

I personally learned English from the app Babbel and we are currently in a bubble. So I took the letter A from Babbel and the letter U from bubble and picked the letter that comes in the middle of these two, which was K. So I named my classes Pakbul, which is the sound my chickens used to make on my farm back in Iran. To his teammates' pleasant surprise, many of the basketball terms in Persian were very similar in English. For example, the word for pass is pos. Shoot is peshoot. Basket is basket. If you had the opportunity to watch the Pacers play, you would have also heard them using Persian to trash talk their opponents.

One time upon scoring a three-pointer, the team's point guard turned to his opponent and screamed, Amat, which means your aunt. Asked why the term your aunt is an insult, Johansson said, It's like yelling yo mama, but mother jokes are a big taboo in Iran, so we make fun of your aunt. your mama, but mother jokes are a big taboo in Iran, so we make fun of your aunt. Jahan's son has chosen to stay in the bubble during the finals and offer his course to the Lakers and Heat players so they too can cuss each other out in Persian. An Iranian player taking advantage of the isolation to give Farsi lessons to his surprisingly enthusiastic colleagues inside the bubble. Your next hoop scoop Scoop comes from Jesse Klein.

There are two things it's hard to get in the NBA bubble. Coronavirus and a good cup of coffee. So the enterprising star for the Miami Heat, Jimmy Butler, has started selling coffee out of his hotel room in a business he calls Big Face Coffee. Butler, who at 6'7 is considered venti, has an unorthodox business plan. A large coffee is $20. A small coffee is $20. Two small coffees is $50. The high, confusing prices gave the Heath's athletic trainer Brandon Gilliam an opening. He started selling coffee out of his room at $5 a cup under the name Little Face Coffee. It should be pointed out that $5 is still a ridiculous amount to pay for a cup of coffee,

especially when the guy making your coffee's other job is touching groins all day. Little Face started posting reviews on his door, all of which are made up. Big Face had cups, t-shirts, and hats made with his own personal logo. What a fun rivalry, or quite possibly, we're witnessing what happens when you lock grown men in isolation for several weeks and they slowly go mad, but hey, at least they're not murdering. In the end, it's all just good for team spirit. As Butler says, quote, we got a little competition, but it's all fun and games. Now, I make way more money than he does over at Little Face. You should know that. An NBA star starts selling coffee for 20 bucks a

cup out of his hotel room, leading to a price war. Your last story of a bubble diversion comes from Brian Babylon. In the early days of the NBA bubble, a few players got into serious trouble for escaping to a club, and that ended any opportunity to have any fun at all. Then, on a Saturday night in late August, players heard a thump, thump, thump of dance music coming from the hotel lobby. Those who came down found a very tall man in a white track suit and a marshmallow mask who called himself DJ Carson Mello playing some serious beats on a very expensive sound system. Most surprisingly, the dance remixes were all made of basketball court sounds. The squeak of sneakers on hardwood, the clank of balls hitting the rim, and even players cursing. It's not a club,

but it's not bad, said James Harden, and it sounds like basketball practice, which makes up for the fact that there are no women to dance with. The identity of DJ Karshmello is unknown, but as one coach said, he's seven feet tall. How many people could it be? Oh yeah, lots of them. All right. These are your choices of a story of players amusing themselves inside the NBA bubble. Is it from Maz Jobrani, an Iranian player teaching anybody who wants to learn Farsi so they can trash talk? From Jesse Klein, one of the biggest stars of the league,

starting a coffee business out of his hotel room, selling it for $20 a cup? Or from Brian Babylon, the mysterious DJ Karshmello, who plays dance mixes of sounds from the basketball court. Like I said, I've been watching lots of basketball in the bubble, and I've been following it as well. So I'm going to have to go with very, very expensive cups of coffee from Jimmy Butler. Yeah, well, they could afford it. I give you that. All right, you've chosen Jesse's story of the coffee shop wars in the bubble.

To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to a journalist who has been following the real story in the bubble. Jimmy Butler selling coffee in the NBA bubble is amazing. Imagine your barista charging you $20 for a cup after they just dropped 40 points on you. That was Randy Buffington. He's a sports writer for Fox 26 and ESPN's Undefeated talking about the coffee war in the bubble. Congratulations, Michael. You got it right. You're in department for Jesse.

You've won our prize, the voice of your choice, on your voicemail. Congratulations. Oh, yes. Bill Curtis coming at you. Thank you. Oh, well, I guess you just tipped your choice, but I can't blame you.

I cannot blame you at all. He's a good one. I hope he doesn't bill me. Oh! Well done, sir. Thanks so he doesn't bill me. Oh! Well done, sir. Thanks so much for playing, Michael. Take care. Thank you.

Each coffee cup that I fill up brings back sweet memories Of that first day I heard you say Pass the sugar, please Just a cup of coffee That's all it ever took And now the game where we ask very respected people to knock themselves down a peg. Dame Karen Pierce of Great Britain is one of the world's most accomplished diplomats. She has served around the world, and now she's gracing the U.S. with her measured presence as ambassador to the United States. I should say, by the way, we recorded this interview before the

news about the president's diagnosis. Dame Karen Pierce, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you very much. It's a pleasure to have you. You have been on the job not quite a year, is that right? Less than that. I came in March and walked straight into lockdown. So actually, I've not been out and about much in Washington. So your impression of America then is it's about four conjoined rooms and not very well populated after all. Luckily for me, this is the fourth time I've served diplomatically in America, twice in New York. And this is my second time in Washington.

So I think that helps. It does. It does. I have a question. Go ahead, Brian. I've always wanted to know, I guess this was a Lethal Weapon movie. This guy would say, you can't touch me. I have diplomatic immunity. Is that real? And if so, what can you get away with as a diplomat here? Oh, I need to say we are very respectful of the laws of all the countries we

serve in, including in the United States of America. Right. So how many people have you killed? No, no, I'm a good civilian. And we obey the law. Not even a little temptation, like 20 items in the 12 items or less line, just to flex the muscle a little? Absolutely not. No, no. All right. I have a question. Are there any world leaders that we see depicted in one way but in reality they're actually very different like like is there anybody that surprised you when you met them you go whoa maybe in a good way um i used to work a lot on the balkans and i was always surprised particularly given the terrible things they did to each other in the 1990s.

But I was always surprised when you met them as individuals, no matter which ethnicity they came from. They were the sort of people you could easily go to a party with and sing songs with. All right. You've just raised an interesting question. So you were talking about your service in the Balkans, which is a byword for vicious internecine civil war. Let's not pick on Mr. Wallace. If you were the moderator at the next presidential debate, do you think you could handle it using your lifetime of diplomatic skills? Oh, I wouldn't dream of professional journalists like Chris Wallace. Is there a way that you can basically tell a powerful, arrogant person to their face to stop behaving that way in a way that they'll be heard? And here I'm asking for a nation. Asking for a friend who is also a nation we live in.

asking for a friend who is also a nation we live in when you're the president of the security council you actually control the speaking buttons uh so that's a great help oh wait a minute you actually you're sitting there when you're sitting in the president's seat then you can actually turn people off if you like yes you can are there any electric shock collars that you can or in the seats that you might be able to use and And if so, can we borrow them? I think you actually don't need anything other than the power of that mute button. That's a wonderful power to have. You also had the time to go viral in a video about making a proper cup of tea, if I'm not mistaken. video about making a proper cup of tea, if I'm not mistaken. Yes, that's absolutely right. There was an American lady living in the UK who put on social media how to make a cup of tea in the microwave. It may be difficult to convey to your audience

quite how dreadful that is from a British point of view. And our military felt particularly strongly about it. So they asked if I would front up this little Twitter video. And we had, you know, clips of a paratrooper making what we call a brew out in the woods somewhere with hardly any equipment. We had someone in a jet plane. We had someone else on the ship. The whole point being that wherever they were, they were not using a microwave. Right.

We try fish and chips next. Is an electric kettle okay? Does that count or does it need to be over fire? No, no, you may use an electric kettle. Okay. But the British will almost tear themselves apart on whether you put the milk in first into a cup of tea or you put the milk in last. Well, you are. I have been so politely yelled at by my British friends about tea.

Yeah. If someone gives you a cup of microwave tea, would you spit it out? Like, how dare you give me this microwave water? Can you tell microwave water from boiled water? That's what caused the War of 1812, Brian. I'm not sure you knew that. Yes, I think you can tell. I wouldn't spit it out because that would be rude.

But I might find a reason to leave the room. Right. would be rude, but I might find a reason to leave the room. Right. Well, Dame Karen, it is an absolute joy to speak to you, but we have to put you through the paces. We have asked you here to play a game we're calling... I'd like my ambassadors to go vroom, vroom. So you are, of course, an ambassador by trade and training,

but we were wondering, what do you know about the AMC Ambassador, one of the finest low-end luxury American automobiles of the 1950s and 60s? So we're going to ask you three questions about the classic car. Get two out of three right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice and their voicemail. Bill, who is Ambassador Pierce playing for? Sam Dixon of Orlando, Florida. Here's your first question. The Ambassador was sold as a more affordable luxury car, so luxurious that the 1958 Ambassador was the only one of its competitors

to offer what as a standard feature? A, ashtrays for the whole family, B, five wheels for that extra wheel feeling or C. Fur-lined brakes Oh, please tell me it's fur-lined brakes. Now, do you want me to tell you that it is fur-lined brakes or are you asserting that it is in fact fur-lined brakes? No, I think it's five wheels.

Five wheels for that extra wheel feeling. No, it was actually ashtrays for the whole family. No. Two in the front, two in the back. It was a different time, Ambassador. What can we say? All right, you have two more chances. Here's your next question.

Now, the car line had its share of problems through the years. Why did Consumer Reports pan the 1967 Ambassador? Was it A, the Ambassador convertible model was just a regular car with the roof ripped off? B, if you hit the brakes too hard, the car would spill gasoline all over the place? Or C, the glove compartment was so big, people would actually lose their gloves in its depths?

I think we're right at the limits of my knowledge of cars here uh i'm going to go for the uh first one the first one that the that when they sold the ambassador convertible it was just a regular ambassador car that they had just ripped the roof off and sold it as a convertible yes i'm sure it's wrong it is in fact wrong the answer was the second one if you hit the brakes too hard the gasoline would slosh all over the inside and outside of the car because they didn't make the gas tank too secure all right you still have one more chance ambassador i'm sure you'll get this one now tom maliazzi who is the co-host of NPR's famous show Car Talk, often talked in the show about his beloved sleek black beauty, a 1966 Ambassador convertible. What were the circumstances

under which he parted with it? A, he sold it after knocking over his mailbox while backing it out of the driveway for the crusher. That is exactly right. That's what happened. Car Talk fans obviously would have guessed that anyway. Ray, the guy who got rid of the car, said it was so rusted that it couldn't even cast a shadow by that time. And Tom, the guy who owned it and presumably loved it, didn't even notice it was gone for six months. Bill, how did Dame Karen Pierce do on our quiz? Well, Dame Karen, we want to remain diplomatic. You got one right. And we're going to spread that into three right and judge you a winner on our show.

Thank you. It's our version of diplomatic immunity. You cannot legally lose on our show because here it is technically the territory of Great Britain, and you're a winner. Oh, well, that's very kind. Dame Karen Pierce is the British ambassador to the United States. You can follow her on Twitter at Karen Pierce UK. Ambassador Pierce, what an absolute joy to speak to you. Thank you for your service to your country and ours. And thank you so

much for being on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Well, thanks so much. It's such an honor. This has been one of the best things I've done since I came to Washington. I'm both flattered and very, very sorry. Thank you so much, Ambassador. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. In just a minute, we go to outer space and look great doing it in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell. From NPR. With the unemployment rate at record highs right now, millions of Americans are without health insurance. This week on ThruLine, how our health care became tied to our jobs.

And how a temporary solution turned into an everlasting problem. Listen now to ThruLine from NPR, where we go back in time to understand the present. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell tell me the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Jesse Klein, Maz Jobrani, and Brian Babylon. And here again is your host, a man who needs no introduction, but it makes him feel good. So here we are, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill reveals his favorite George W. Bush speechwriter is David Freim. It's our listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Jessie, the Observer of London, notes that what time fashion faux pas is now a must-have look for men? An N95 mask. And a 95 mask. No, not that one. I wish. Can I have a hint? Yes, you can have a hint.

They call them Birkensocks. Wearing socks with sandals? Yes, socks with sandals are cool now. Aren't you excited? Very turned on. Keep talking. Well, Tim Gunn himself once said, quote, unless you are a

5th century pharaoh, socks and sandals is a terrible look, unquote. But then, just recently, David Beckham was photographed wearing socks and sandals. His wife posted it to her incredibly popular Instagram feed, and that said to unfashionable men everywhere, no, even if you do it, you still won't be

cool. Yeah, I don't like a man in a sock and sandal. Not even if it's David Beckham? Yeah, I would tell him to wear something else or nothing. But I... Well, the sandal makes sense because we're all in lockdown. You're going to go out of the house to go buy, I don't know, tequila or something. And you just put on your sandals.

But with the sock, it seems too much. It's like a glove inside a mitt. You don't need it. Pick one and go with it. Brian, a man in France is a tattoo enthusiast who has covered his entire body, his face, and his tongue with tattoos. He even recently had surgery to turn the whites of his eyes black to go with the rest of his face, and now he's complaining that his particular lifestyle choice has cost him his job as a what?

Oh, that was the preschool dragon. The preschool teacher dragon. Yeah. The kindergarten teacher. He lost his job as a preschool teacher dragon. Yeah. The kindergarten teacher. He lost his job as a kindergarten teacher. After parents of a three-year-old complained that their child had nightmares upon gazing upon this teacher's hellish nightmare of a face, officials at his elementary school told him he would no longer be allowed to teach kindergarten. He described their decision as, quote, quite sad, adding, quote,

I was exposed to freaky body modifications when I was a child, and yet I have turned out fine. Oh, my God. If you see this dude, he looks like some type of anime villain. It's like a Harry Potter, Voldemort. He's reptilian. He looks reptilian. He's scary. All these kids are calling their parents after the room because they're terrified their teacher is under their bed.

I'm 45 years old, and I saw the headline picture of him, and I was too scared to click any further. Here's the best part. So they said, no, you can't teach kindergarten, preschool, whatever they call it there. You're too scary for the kids. From now on, you can only teach, and this is true, first grade. Oh, no. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. Also, check out the Wait, Wait quiz for our smart speaker. Bill and I ask you the questions, Wait quiz for our smart speaker. Bill and I ask you the questions, and you win fabulous prizes. We are using the third definition of fabulous there, meaning having no basis in reality. Mythical. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, my name is Brittany Sue Hines, and I'm calling from Chicago, Illinois. Hey, Chicago, once the city right next to mine, now an exotic destination I haven't been to in years. How are things going there? It's fine. It's fine. That's about as good as we can hope for.

What do you do here in Chicago when you're allowed to do it? Well, when I was allowed, I was an actor, but I'm also a youth theater educator, which has surprisingly transitioned well online. How is it possible to teach kids theater over Zoom or whatever you use? I mean, everybody just wants to kind of create. So I think just gathering a bunch of kids on Zoom and letting them come up with their own material and letting them perform it. The world is my oyster on Zoom, apparently. I'm so glad to hear your attitude. Well, welcome to the show, Brittany. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that

last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to play? I am. I'm glad to hear it. Here is your first limerick. All by head-bobbings, not just for show. Is it caw or just caw? I don't know. As you see, there's much strain in my tiny bird brain. There is plenty of thought in this...

Crow? Yes! Very good! New research shows crows are capable of conscious, self-aware thought, something scientists have previously only seen in primates and humans. So when crows are eating that rotting possum corpse, it's not instinct. They actually thought

that's what they'd like to have for dinner. Now, all we need to do is crossbreed a crow, which can think, and a parrot, which can talk. And the bird's first words will be, wait, why do I want a cracker? That's terrifying. It's a little terrifying. We've always known that crows were smart. They use tools, for example. But they're very smart, apparently. They have the kind of awareness of time and place and memory that we've only seen before in primates.

Well, it's just that crows are so creepy. And now to know that they know they're creepy. The counting crows might have actually been counting. That's true. Very good. Alright, Brittany, here is your next limerick. Going to and from work, brains reboot. Plus, you might finish projects en route. As you're working from home, we will let your minds roam on your virtual morning and root. As you're working from home, we will let your minds roam

on your virtual morning commute. Yes, commute! If working from home has you missing the rush of morning traffic or the smell of the six people crammed next to you on the evening train, Microsoft has your back. A new update to their Teams software

package recreates the sensation of a daily commute by forcing you to start and end each day by yourself, reflecting on your job and swearing at the idiot in front of you. So the idea is that doesn't make you actually drive around till you get on your meeting. It gives you like time at the start of your day and at the end of your workday to reflect, even though you're not leaving home, right? The software prompts you to set goals for the day and in the evening gives you space and time to replay over and over that awkward moment when you accidentally said love you to your boss. Isn't that just a meditation app?

The problem is when we used to commute, you could kind of zone out, you know, listen to the radio or whatever, whatever. So you should take the time. But Microsoft doesn't need to create a new thing to tell me that. Just tell me to get off my stupid computer and go look at the trees, look at the crows outside or something. Wait, who made this? Microsoft? Microsoft, who brought us so many good things.

Who brought us something called Windows. Open your window. Yeah, the first meditative break was when Microsoft Windows wouldn't work for hours at a time. Yes. Alright, here Brittany is your last limerick. Far from Earth,

flaky skin's a disgrace. You need night repair cream for the face. The shuttle's in motion, so put on this lotion. We're launching our skin care to... Space! Space! Yes, NASA this

week announced they were partnering with Estee Lauder to send 10 bottles of Advanced Night Repair Face Cream to the International Space Station. This seems foolish, but remember in space, it's always nighttime. You'd be a fool not to use advanced night repair face cream. You'll launch looking like Buzz Aldrin.

You'll return to Earth looking like Zendaya. I'm sorry, are they spending money to just send the cream, or is someone on their way and they're like, please take this cream? Well, the cream is going up in a regular resupply mission to the space station, although the makers of the cream, Estee Lauder, paid NASA $128,000 for this basic product

placement. This sounds like an elaborate Instacart order. I was just going to say that. I just ordered one bottle. You sent me 20. The pressure on people to look good, I'll say people, but I think mostly women, to look good while they're in space being astronauts is really depressing. But you know what, Jessie?

I'm going to be honest with you. If you have never put on face cream and zero gravity, you just drop, you just spray the little droplets and it just floats around and you just float your face into the droplets. Brian, how would you know? Oh, I've had this dream for a while. Bill, how did Brittany do in our quiz? She got them all right. A perfect score. Way to go, Brittany. Congratulations, Brittany. Great job. And as a big fan of Chicago theater,

I hope I see you on a stage around here pretty soon. You bet. Thank you, Peter. Take care. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer, of course, is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

Brian has two, Jesse has three, and Maz has three. All right. Brian, you're in third place. You'll be up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, President Trump signed a bill temporarily preventing a blank. TikTok ban. No, a government shutdown in this case. Hours before Tuesday's debate, Joe Biden and Kamala Harris both released their 2019 blanks.

Tax returns. Right. Tens of thousands of people in California's wine country were forced to evacuate as blanks continued to spread. Fires. Yeah, wildfires. This week, police in Florida, who were called to investigate someone threatening to shoot somebody, instead found blank.

Uh, a TV on. I'm going to give it to you. It was a man yelling, shoot, shoot, while watching a hockey game. On Thursday, General Stanley McChrystal endorsed blank for president. Joe Biden. Right. On Monday, the Tampa Bay Lightning beat the Dallas Stars to win the second blank in the team's history. The Stanley Cup. Right. This week, officials in Thailand threatened a tourist with a two-year jail sentence after he was caught blanking.

Chewing gum. No, posting a bad review of a hotel online. The man was frustrated by a $15 corkage fee that the hotel restaurant charged him for bringing in his own bottle of gin, which is an insane thing to bring to a BYOB restaurant, but you know, you do you. So he took to TripAdvisor and posted a one-star review of the hotel. He is now facing a two-year prison sentence for breaking Thailand's strict libel laws, but he may actually enjoy his time there, as the jail has promised. There's no corkage fee for toilet wine.

Bill, how did Brian do on our quiz? Brian had five right, ten more points. He now has twelve and the lead. Very good, Brian. All right. I'm just going to arbitrarily choose Jesse to go next because, you know, I'm in charge. Who cares? Here we go, Jesse. You're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, Amy Coney Barrett met with GOP senators on her push to be confirmed for blank. Supreme Court. Yes. On Sunday, a federal judge blocked the Trump administration from banning social app blank. Tick tock. Right. In the hour following Tuesday's debate, blank's

campaign raised over four4 million. Biden. Yes. On Wednesday, the Kentucky Attorney General was granted a delay on releasing grand jury transcripts in the case of Blank. Breonna Taylor. Right. This week, a court in the UK rejected the case of a man demanding that his parents support him financially, likely because he was Blank. Asleep.

41 years old. On Thursday, merchandise with the phrase Stand Back and Stand By was banned from online giant Blank's Marketplace. Amazon? Right. Following an outbreak of COVID-19, the Blank postponed Sunday's game

between the Titans and the Steelers. The NFL. Right. This week, realtors in Britain started a promotion to help sell a home, buy the house, and get a free blank. A free mug? No, a free grave. No, a free grave.

Jesse, a free grave. Real estate agents in Britain were having trouble selling the house because it was located right next to the town cemetery, so they did what any smart realtor would do. They made the house smell like cookies. But when that didn't work, they decided to offer a free grave instead. The plot is the standard nine-foot-by-four-foot area, or as it's known in real estate circles,

a one-bedroom apartment in New York City. Bill, how did Jessie do in our quiz? Very well. Jessie had six right for 12 more points. She now has 15 and the lead. How many, then, does Maz Gabani need to win? The Maz needs six to tie, seven to win outright. All right, Maz.

You ready to do this? Let's do it. All right, Maz. You ready to do this? Let's do it! All right, Maz. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the worldwide death toll for blank surpassed one million people. Coronavirus. Yes. According to a report, ICE is planning raids of so-called blank cities right ahead of the election.

Sanctuary cities. Right. During a Senate hearing this week, FBI Director James Comey defended the investigation into blanks, election med cities. Right. During a Senate hearing this week, FBI Director James Comey defended the investigation into blanks election meddling. Russia. Right. On Thursday, the CEO of Moderna said the company's blank wouldn't be ready until spring of next year.

Vaccine. Right. On Wednesday, it was revealed that the White House had blocked a CDC order to keep blanks docked. Keep blanks docked. Oh, the cruise ships. Right. Citing massive losses at their theme parks, blank announced they were laying off 28,000 employees. Disney. Right. Citing massive losses at their theme parks, Blank announced they were laying off 28,000 employees.

Disney. Right. This week, the staff at the University of Alabama had to post a sign in the school's elevators reminding students not to blank. Not to fart. No, not to, quote, push the buttons with their genitalia.

You know how it is in college. You're going from class to class. Your hands are full of books. It means there's only one way to hit the fourth floor button. Apparently, the problem had gotten so bad that the University of Alabama had to warn students that cameras were watching them. Really makes you pine for the good old days when every elevator had an attendant who would ask which floor you're heading to and then press the button for you using their genitalia. Bill, did Maz do well enough to win? Well, he had six right, 12 more points.

That means he's got 15 and Jesse has 15. They are co-champions. Congratulations. Yay. Huzzah. We're going to get to it. All of us. Everybody wins.

Everybody wins. The ambassador won. You won. I won. It's awesome. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict. And now that we've gotten the first October surprise out of the way early, what will be the next one? Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord,

Philip Godica writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our house manager is Gianna Cappadona, our intern is Darius Cook, our web guru is Beth Novy. And this week, we are forced, after putting it off for six months, to say goodbye to our intern, Emma Day. She was a delight to have around,

a genius at these memes that young people are so excited about these days. And on a personal note, the only person ever to ask permission before she made fun of me

for being bald. Good luck, Emma, and thanks for everything, especially for photoshopping my head onto that hot bod that one time. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Peter Gwynn is our lawn care specialist. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Her business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth.

Okay, panel, what will be the next October surprise? Brian Babylon. Economists say that since there will be no Halloween or trick-or-treating, the stock in candy corn will tank. Jesse Klein. The October surprise will be that after four years of Trump's political insanity and a global pandemic, Americans are so incapable of being surprised that there can no longer be an October surprise. And Masrobrani.

The big October surprise will come at the third debate when Joe Biden pulls off his mask and reveals that he actually is Bernie Sanders, screaming, I fooled 99%, but the Donald is the 1% who knew I was 100% Bernie all along. And if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Brian, Jesse, and Maz. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal.

Hey, we made it to October. We are doing great. We'll continue to do great, And we'll see you next week. This is NPR.