Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Everyone & Names

Episode Date: August 31, 2022

Comedian Peter Grosz joins Emma to spell check your kid's name and shop for the perfect tattoo.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hi, everyone. I'm Emma Choi, and welcome to Everyone and Their Mom, a weekly show from Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. This week, we're talking about baby names with Wait, Wait panelist, comedian, and someone who I feel like has the same shirt on every time I see him. It's Peter Gross.

Hi, Peter. Guilty of all three of those things. I very often wear the same shirt. For those of you who can't see me right now, which would be all of you, I'm wearing what would be, is this considered a polo shirt? Yeah, it's like a blue polo shirt. Yeah, it's a blue green polo shirt. Yeah. Well, I mean, I am really excited to talk to you about this story.

Great. Maybe you heard it. The Washington Post revealed the most misspelled baby names on birth certificates are Isaac and Chloe. That's the news story. Wait, but once you misspell it, are you stuck with that? Because people misspell on purpose. I don't know if this is a misspelling that somebody wrote. I would say a misspell on purpose is just a spelling, Peter.

It's a spell. Yeah. Let's get into it. Peter, disclaimer, I've never had a baby, okay? But I assume what happens is that they kind of just pop out and everyone's like real tired and then immediately you have to take a quick spelling test. And the question is, what is my kid's name forever? Right? Pretty high stakes. Well, the Washington Post found out that over the past five years, the two most changed baby names are Isaac and Chloe.

And not because they're not, like, lit names, but because they spell them super wrong. So this is what happens, okay? Yeah. The name Chloe, you know, super kind of common, simple name. Okay. It's often misspelled in a way that swaps the O and the L, so it's Chole. So C-H. O-L-E.

O-L-E. And then Isaac is supposed to have two A's, apparently. Sure. What do you mean apparently? It's like a biblical name. It's one of the first names. Thank you, pastor. Thank you, pastor, of the Jewish names.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A pastor whose degree is in Jewish names. Anyways, Isaac is supposed to have two A's, but sleepy parents often spell it with two S's, you know, because they like it twice as much, I guess. Yeah. And two A's or just? Just two S's. So it's like, is Zach? Like a question?

Is Zach? Is Zach. It's not good. I want to go back for a second to the Cholm spelling for a second because it's my favorite thing in the world. Like Cholpeter. spelling for a second because it's my favorite thing in the world like chole peter it's it's a perfect name because it both like conveys the elegance of chole right but also has the kind of strength that says my stomach with can withstand multiple corn dogs right it's the perfect lady's name oh you think it's a good lady's name absolutely chole it sounds like a like a character

from dune or something like this. Like if we cross the desert, Chol will be there and we'll have to defeat Chol. I mean, all names sound kind of dumb and ridiculous. We just, we have assigned meaning to them. Yeah. You know, like Peter, if you break it down, doesn't sound any different than Chol other than, than there've been a lot of Peters and a lot of Emmas and stuff. Not a lot of Chols. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you have a kid, right? Did you, how did that naming go? Pretty easy. My wife and I agreed immediately. What was it? His name is Abraham. I mean, did you spell your son's name right the first time? I originally spelled it C-H-O-L-E.

And then someone was like, that's not even close to Abraham. Right, right, right. You must have been really tired. If anyone's an expert in names getting all jumbled up and coming out the wrong way, it's our producer Oja Lopez. Oja, take it away. My name is Ojamanda Lopez, so Oja for short. It's only two syllables, O and HA. But people absolutely slaughter it in so many amazing creative ways that I've been keeping this list since 2013 of how people have messed up my name, which remember is OHA. So here are just a few.

is OHA. So here are just a few. Aloha. Ohana means family. Juan. Ola. Hoa. There's also Melania. No, thank you. Jojo. Joja. Now remember, my name is OHA. Omaha, never been. There's Ohio, never been. Oprah. I'm honored by that one. You know, I had a boss call me hoo-ha for an entire year. There's aloha, keeping with the Hawaii theme. Yo-yo, mojo, ho-ha. A woman at a spa one time looked at my name, o-ha, on a list and called me hoop. That's it.

Just the word Hoop. But guys, there is hope. In lieu of calling me something that sounds like a mud boot falling down a flight of stairs, if you aren't sure how to pronounce my name, just ask me, baby. It's Oha. So this is kind of like a story about people regretting stuff so hard. Is there anything you very much regret, Peter? Let's get deep.

Is there anything I very much regret? Or the last thing that you regretted. I'll tell you something I regret that is not, it's an inaction. Okay. Is I would like to have had a tattoo at this point in my life. That there have been times where I'm like, I should have, I've thought about getting a certain tattoo or another tattoo. Like when my son was born, I actually was going to get one.

And now I'm feeling like, oh God, this is a little too stereotypical. Like I'm a 48 year old man. If I get a tattoo, people are going to be like, dude, you missed the boat on tattoos. Yeah. No, I mean, I think you should totally go for it. I mean. I get a tattoo, people are going to be like, dude, you missed the boat on tattoos. No. Yeah. No, I mean, I think you should totally go for it. I mean. I have a good one. I got a great idea. Let's hear it.

Okay. So it was, I might combine it. So I was going to do one where I was going to try to get my son's initials and my initials like sort of like woven together, ACG and PEG. But then I was thinking, so my dad died in January, which I regret. I shouldn't have killed him. So I was going to get one. My dad was Romanian, and he had a saying, which was cin pumi, which means I'll keep my fist for you, which is basically the same as crossed fingers.

So I was going to get like a fist with cin pumi in Romanian. That's kind of awesome. Yeah. Because it's kind of like a good luck type of thing of like, and it made me like remember my dad and stuff. So I think I could get that. I think you should do it. I don't think I will.

I don't think you're ever too old. And the thing about it is that you just have to do it. Yeah. You just have to do it. Yeah. I just have to like decide that I'm doing it. Yeah. It's going to look dope, you know?

I think it'll look pretty good. I got to find somebody to like, I guess I'm just just gonna go find someone who I like and like go tattoo shopping. Hi, I'm Mira Mariah and I am Girl in New York on the internet. Yeah, you've tattooed everyone from Ariana Grande to Pete Davidson, which is crazy. Can we ask you a question from our friend Peter Gross? Yeah, for sure. Great. Okay. So he slash we're wondering if you're 40 and you haven't gotten a tattoo yet, is it too late to start getting tattoos?

No, definitely not. I've given someone their first tattoo at 94 years old. So I think it's like very much anything you want. And I think, you know, if you're 40 years old. So I think it's like very much anything you want. And I think, you know, if you're 40 years old, you know yourself so much better than you knew yourself when you were 20. So you're going to make even better decisions. Your taste is better developed and you have more money to spend on it. Totally. Yeah. Wait, I feel like you have to go back to the 94-year-old. What did they get? My friend's grandma got a little Italian name that her husband used to call her. Oh, that is so cute. Oh, my gosh.

So we've been talking about people changing their names and misspelling names. Have you ever misspelled a word that you put on someone? Yeah, this is like the love of my life. And she my best friend and we've been best friends since college and she always swore that she would never get a tattoo and um like a couple years into it she got a tattoo um on her bum and it that it was meant to say draw me like one of your french girls with the necklace from the titanic which is so fun because i always draw her like one of my French girls. And I don't even know, I think it says draw me like me, your French girl or something like that. And it's saying that way, I think. That's kind of great because that turns it from a quote to like an inside joke between the two

of you. That's, I love that. Yeah. I'm like, the lettering is really small. It's not something that stands out all the time. And, you know, like if I'm sure if anyone were to be like, wow, that's done wrong. She'd be like, yeah, like my best friend's a moron. But if she was going to mess up on somebody, I'm glad it's me. All right. Um, so if it's okay, let's talk more about my friend, Peter. He's open to getting a tattoo. Um, and he wants to go tattoo shopping. Peter, he's open to getting a tattoo and he wants to go tattoo shopping. Can we talk through about like what might be a good design for him? For sure.

Okay, great. Yeah. So, okay. First, let me tell you a little bit about him. He like always wears a blue polo. He kind of looks like a really nice high school AP chem teacher. Am I painting a good picture here? Yeah, for sure. We tattoo lots of cool dads exactly um do you have any questions before we start any any vibe suss outs what was his favorite band do you know oh he strikes me as a strokes guy oh okay brilliant yeah okay i'm good to go okay okay great i think maybe we should almost like make a flow chart for him. You know what I mean? So like, does he want the tattoo to look like a piece of graphic design? Or does he want it to look more hand done?

Let's say hand done. He strikes me as someone who wants something more like an art piece for his arm. Okay, cool, cool cool cool okay so from there I would say does he want something that he um maybe how old is his son his son is 13 his son is 13 does he want his son to participate in the design like could his son do a cool drawing for him that sounds cool yeah I'm sure his son would be up for that yeah so he could go in that direction, which, like, could be kind of dope. Anything else you want to, you know, float out there for Peter to maybe start thinking about? Like, I feel like he should, like, maybe ask himself these questions, right?

So, like, to wrap it up, the questions we want him to ask himself. Does he want it to look like, like, typewritten or something like that? Or does he want it to look hand-done? Does he want to look at his tattoo every day? Or does he want it to be something he can put away and just see in private? Got it. And does he want to involve his son in the design process, which I think could be really sentimental and really bonding for both of them?

Yeah, that sounds great. I mean, now I want this tattoo and Peter grows his son to draw it for me. So that sounds great. Cool. We're going to run this for me. So that sounds great. Cool. We're going to run this by Peter and see what he thinks. Hello. Peter Gross. Hello, Emma.

Big news. We talked to a famous tattoo artist named Maria and she has some great advice for getting your first tattoo. You want to hear it? Oh, great. I do want to hear it. Okay, cool. Okay, so first of all, great news, Peter.

You're not too old. You're the perfect age to start starting. Really? Yeah. She's tattooed a 94-year-old before. Isn't that crazy? That's about, yeah, so I'm like a couple years away from that. That's good.

And she asked you to help you find a tattoo that's right, yeah. So I'm like a couple of years away from that. That's good. And she asked you to help you find a tattoo that's right for you. Um, you weren't there. So I just had to like get into your head and make some executive decisions. So, um, she suggested that you might like something hand drawn. Do you want that?

Hand drawn. Yeah. Yeah. I think hand drawn is good. she also thought that you might like your son to draw something and I know you like your son. So I said, yes. Okay. Um, yeah. I think hand-drawn is good. She also thought that you might like your son to draw something. And I know you like your son, so I said yes. Okay. I think he could contribute, yes.

Okay, great. Okay. And the last thing is that she wanted to know if you wanted something more discreet or something more obvious. And I figured, like, hey, you know, you're Peter Gross. You probably want something to write on your face right that's here's where I think you start diverging from my normal line of thinking but I'm just gonna go with this all right okay so between your expertise and some executive decisions we made the perfect tattoo for you would be your son's handwriting huge across your forehead,

but we decided you should choose what it says. What do you think? Property of Abraham. And I know that any conversation I have with you is legally binding. That's something we discussed. So I have to get this tattoo. No, I don't have a choice. Yeah, I do have lawyers standing by, Peter. Also, do you like The Strokes? I do. I haven't listened to them in a while, but I remember liking them a lot when they came out 20-odd years ago.

She asked me what your favorite band was, and I said The Strokes. Good to learn more about you. I'm excited to see how the tattoo turns out. So, thanks. Thank you for providing me with an opportunity to tattoo my son's handwriting on my forehead. So, thanks. Thank you for providing me with an opportunity to tattoo my son's handwriting

on my forehead. You're welcome. I know you want to. Mm-hmm. Okay. Bye, Peter. Bye. Here's my favorite part

of the podcast, the credits. This show was brought to you by Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. This episode was produced by Haley Fager and Zola Ray, with help from Oja Lopez, Blythe Robertson, Lillian King, Sophie Hernandez-Simonides, and my grandmother's latest

patch of kimchi. It was a little bit better. Nancy Seychell, we love you so much. Please be my mom forever. Our supervising producer is Jennifer Mills, and our Lord of the Rings is Mike Danforth. Once again, Lord O'White, thank you for helping us with our sound.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you to Mira Mariah for being the coolest person I've ever talked to. I love this joke. Oja Lopez, thanks for sharing your personal story on public radio. You're the best. This is very fun. Thank you to my co-host,

comedian, Wait Wait panelist, and buddy, Peter Groves. Can I name a pet, Joel? You can see Peter in person

in the We Fix It stand-up variety show at the Caveat in NYC Thursday, September 8th and at the Laughing Tap in Milwaukee on March 18th and 19th. I'm Emma Choi

and you can find me at WaitWaitNPR and moving into my dorm room again, trying to figure out what's a fire hazard and what's not that. Okay, that's it. This is NPR.