Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Jason Ward

Episode Date: October 10, 2020

Jason Ward, host of Birds of North America, joins us along with panelists Roxanne Roberts, Mo Rocca, and Negin Farsad.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Forget about the debate, you've got the Bill, Bill Curtis. And here's your host, who follows all the latest fashion trends and is now wearing a fly on his head, Peter Sagal. Thank you so much, Bill. I really appreciate it. Thanks also to this week's fake audience, which this week is the answer to the ancient riddle, what is the sound of two hands clapping? Later on, we're going to be talking to Jason Ward, bird watcher and outreach director for the Audubon Society, because frankly, after two debates, staring at birds seems like a fantastic alternative. Give us a call and let us know what's hanging around outside your window. The number to call is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. It is now time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Sarah Leonard calling from Greensboro, North Carolina. I'm excited to be here. I'm excited to have you, Sarah. How are you? I, you know what? Better now. Better now that I hear your voice. I'm glad. Now, when you are allowed to do it, what do you do there in Greensboro? I moved back to Greensboro, North Carolina to work at a not-for-profit equity theater. Like other people who've been on this show, unfortunately, we all know that theater is not exactly viable right now.

And I'm actually moving to New York City because everyone else is leaving, so the rent's low. So that's what my priority is right now. That's amazing. Well, thank God you were able to take advantage of everybody else's misfortune. You know, that's really kind of been a thing in my life, apparently, I guess. No, I'm going up there and then I try to help out the economy and take care and make sure I wear masks the whole time.

Well, good for you. Well, Sarah, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a comedian and host of the podcast Fake the Nation, which Apple Podcasts just named one of the funniest and most informative podcasts in the universe. It's Nagin Farsan. Hello. Hi! Come to New York and let's be friends! Oh my gosh, I'd love it! Next, it's a style writer for the Washington Post who just realized that she's going to have to eat

all the Halloween candy she bought for the trick-or-treaters. It's Roxanne Roberts. Hello, it's Sarah. And finally, a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and author of the New York Times best-selling Mobituaries, Great Lives Worth Reliving, it's Mo Rocca. Hi, Sarah. Listen, if you need help moving, Nagin is available to help you. Thank you. I'll keep that in mind.

Sarah, welcome to the show. You're going to play, of course, Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready and willing. All right, here we go. Here's your first quote. I'm essentially very clean. That was the president saying on Thursday that we shouldn't worry that he's not been tested recently for what?

Well, it's got to be for COVID-19. Exactly. Yes, COVID among his many other norm-breaking firsts. Mr. Trump has become the first president to haunt the White House while still alive. After three days at Walter Reed, Donald Trump is back at the White House. He's hard at work. He's signing papers. He's spreading disease. You know, Trump, he's not happy being merely contagious. He wants to be the superest spreader ever.

Maybe in history, people have said. He's also doing late night cable ads already. I mean, in a sign of what's to come. I mean, that testimonial about Regeneron. I mean, in a sign of what's to come. I mean, that that testimonial about Regeneron, I mean, the energy. I mean, I just was a little it's not the Donald I'm used to, though, because I fully expected him to rebrand it as Regeneron. That's what I wanted to hear. So Mo mentioned the president hasn't appeared in front of the press since his diagnosis, but he's put out these strange proof of life videos like like this one. He came out. He called seniors his favorite people and said, quote, I'm a senior, too.

Nobody knows that, unquote, said the 74 year old man who spends all day watching Fox News and doesn't eat anything harder than a Big Mac. Can we talk about can we talk about his triumphant return from Walter Reed, though? I have sort of mixed feelings about it, about the balcony scene. Because on the one hand, it's devastating that we've lost so many of our countrymen and the economy is wrecked. On the other hand, I have to say, having Evita back in the news in the vernacular, as much as it is, kind of made me happy. I know. Our beloved leader moment.

All the Covita memes and all of that. Now, the White House, of course, perhaps coincidentally with the president becoming a carrier, has become a hot zone. become a hot zone. At least 30 people at the White House have become infected, including Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany, who confirmed she had coronavirus by denying she had coronavirus, and senior ghoul to the president, Stephen Miller, was infected, which means COVID got homesick for bats. The blight house. It's like the blight house. And what's amazing is so the president came down with this disease, which he had called a hoax and denied was serious or dangerous. And he came down with it and he had to go to the hospital. And who knows how sick he got.

And instead of like saying something to the effect of, oh, my God, we were wrong. It's a very dangerous disease. You have to be careful. They're actually trying to spin the president becoming sick as a good thing, you know, an indicator of his strength and fortitude. It's just like Abraham Lincoln's famous, see, bullets aren't so bad for you campaign. All right. Your second quote is from CNN anchor Anderson Cooper. He had a bloody eye and a fly on his head. That was Mr. Cooper's insightful analysis of one of the two participants in what event on Wednesday night.

So that was, of course, the vice presidential debate. That was, in fact, the vice presidential debate on Wednesday night. Vice President Pence and Senator Kamala Harris debated in Salt Lake City where we found out that after the insane poo-flinging brawl we saw last week, insane poo-flinging is really much more interesting. It was unique because it was the first time in our nation's history that Americans cared about the vice presidential debate. There were so many questions. Would Kamala Harris bring the kind of sharp attacks that Biden just couldn't manage? Would the plexiglass protect Harris from the

virus? Why could Harris see her reflection in the plexiglass, but Pence could not? Now, both candidates, as we all saw, came in highly prepared. For Kamala Harris, Pete Buttigieg had served as a practice stand-in for Pence in her preparation, and for Pence's rehearsal, Stephen Miller played the role of the diseased fly that landed on his head. Boy, that fly, that was amazing. Why are you so mean to that fly? The fly was the only entertainment of the entire debate. Peter, I actually have an announcement to make.

I was sent, and this is an exclusive, I was sent a transcript of Mike Pence's internal monologue while that fly was on his head. And I just want to read a short portion of it if I can. Okay, please. Mo Rocca presenting Mike Pence's internal monologue as the fly sat in his head. Let them see what kind of a person I am. I'm not even going to swat that fly. I hope they are watching. They'll see. They'll see and they'll know. And they'll say, why, he wouldn't even harm a fly. There's kind of a deranged, there's a deranged quality to that that I kind of really like.

But, Mo, you could think of it more as a fashion statement, like the world's tiniest fascinator. Oh. All right, Sarah, here's your last quote. It's from Katmai National Park in Alaska. tiniest fascinator. Oh. All right, Sarah, here's your last quote. It's from Katmai National Park in Alaska. He fulfills the fate of the fat and fabulous

as he heads off to hibernation. That was the description of the winner of an annual competition that crowns the fattest what? Oh, my goodness. It has to be the... It has to be a bear. It has to be the, it has to be a bear.

It has to be a fat bear. It is a bear. Very good. We figured it out. Fat Bear Week is Alaska's annual tradition of crowning the fattest bear on the Brooks River as they head into hibernation. The winner this year was Bear 747, who narrowly beat out Bear 737 Max, who mysteriously crashed and burned right before the finals. Oh, that's dark. All the bears in this competition, they live around the same creek, so they just spend

their time fighting each other for food, lying around and getting thick. So basically, it's just like lockdown. It's, except the bears are pretty cute. Did you see pictures of these bears? Well, it depends on your definition of cute. Well, I mean... I'm just saying, you have these enormous obese bears and you're calling them cute. What are you, the White House doctor?

Exactly, but I can't discuss my patients. It's against hippo laws. I feel like we're reverse body shaming bears. You know, we set up these impossible standards that they have to have really, really huge waists and really thick ankles. And who wants a skinny bear? That's true. You realize we're talking about the animals here, right, Mo? I just wanted to make sure you know that. Oh, I'm sorry. Can we go back to the beginning of this question? You live in Chelsea. You might have been confused. But yes, these are the animals.

Now, the loser of this year's competition was, as it always is, salmon. Seriously, guys, stop jumping in the air. It is a bad idea. Bill, how did Sarah do in our quiz? Sarah was a winner for us. Got us off right. Thanks, Sarah.

Thank you so much, y'all. Have a great move. You have a great move. Good luck in the Big Apple. Welcome to New York. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Nagin, Chinese researchers have found that men in relationships are more likely to cheat if they have a what? A wife? What? What? Give me a hint. I'll give you a hint. This is why Mrs. White could never trust Barry. Oh, like a deep voice?

Yes, a deep voice. A basso profundo. According to the study, men with very deep voices are more likely to be unfaithful to their spouses. This explains why Darth Vader walks around with disco lights on his chest. Give in to your feelings. Come to the after dark side. So which came first? Do you think it's the voice makes them cheat

or that women consider the voice sexy and throw themselves at these men who can't say no? Does that happen? Do women throw themselves at men because of their deep voices? Wait a minute, Roxanne. Why am I asking you? Bill. Do women throw themselves at men with very deep voices?

So many women. So many women. By the way, that's why I very safely married a man who talks like this. So I feel like I'm out of the woods completely. And you and Pee Wee are doing great. I love you, Nagin! That's what he says to me every night. What we have What we share

Coming up, our panelists score brownie points in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message comes from Capital One. With a Capital One Venture Card, you earn unlimited double miles on every purchase, every day.

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Legayden Forsad, and Roxanne Roberts. And here again is your host, who will magically appear if you say his name three times. Peter Sagal, Peter Sagal, Peter Sagal! Hey, Bill, it worked! Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air.

Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. This is Courtney Sanchez from Lawrence, Kansas. Lawrence, Kansas? Home of the Jayhawks, the University of Kansas? Yes. Are you a student there? Yes, I'm a second-year medical student at the University of Kansas School of Medicine.

Well, that's very exciting. It is. It's actually an interesting time to become a doctor, a little intimidating. Are you looking forward to actually, like, working working with patients or is it terrifying at this point? No, I think it's mostly just exciting. There's a lot of things in the world that are scary, but taking care of people is like, that's a big honor. Oh, well, good for you. I'm glad you have that attitude and I hope it lasts more than say through the first month. Let me tell you something about people. We are annoying, especially when we're sick. Fair enough, but I've nursed my husband through at least a couple of illnesses,

so I think I can handle it. Oh, if you've dealt with a man, then you're all set, because nobody's worse than a man. Yep, I'm ready. Okay, good for you. All right, Courtney, you're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Courtney's topic?

Good job, do-gooders. Being a good person can be hard. You have to be selfless, spend time and money, plus it's hard to think of fresh good deeds that haven't been done good before. So our panelists are going to tell you about somebody we found out about who helped out in a surprising way. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Absolutely. All. First, let's hear from Nagin Farsad. The Cornwall Community Dog Park in Cornwall, Connecticut is intensely popular. But when

Hurricane Laura hit the tiny hamlet in May, downed trees damaged the park's railing, forcing the city council to close it down. Plans to repair the park have been stalled ever since, which is really surprising because government normally works so fast. But anyways, after five long months of waiting, Shep Humphrey and his eight-pound Pomeranian Charlie decided enough. They were tired of playgroups in random fields where dogs had to socialize on leashes like animals. So Shep decided to stage a protest, a protest in which he took every dog in the neighborhood on an epic dog march. The rest of the owners carried signs that said, no justice, no pause. The city council stepped in a poodle of injustice. Open the dog park. It's the leashed you can do. We're paying the ultimate

price. Shep and his barkers blocked traffic and the incessant barking had everyone making a noise complaint. City clerk Vera DeMark issued a statement saying, We'll get the repairs done, now stop barking at me. When asked if he was satisfied, Shep said, I'm like the Greta Thunberg of this dog park. I won't stop until justice is possible. A massive dog march to help open a dog park. Your next story of a Super Samaritan comes from Roxanne Roberts.

Derek Southland decided October was going to be his month to give back. So the Louisiana Undertaker is taking a month-long break from the family business and donating his talents for charity, specifically for the Greater New Orleans Food Bank. His starter package, nighttime rides for two people, mask required in his hearse, $100 for a 60-minute drive around town. For another $200, he'll let you lie down in a satin-lined coffin in the back. Then there's his glow-up offer. For $250, he'll use all the makeup tricks he's perfected to make his dearly departed clients look their best for the living, who might be unhappy with their pandemic pallor.

And his ultimate night of the living dead package, the hearse ride, the makeover, a candlelight dinner in a cemetery, and a sleepover in a historic mausoleum, which will set you back $1,000 per person on every date except the 31st. He's already sold that night for $10,000 a person. As of yesterday, he's booked every night and has already raised more than $25,000. A funeral director in New Orleans offering his skills to anyone who might need them for charity. Your last story of a do-gooderist comes from Mo Raka. Cycling more than 2,500 miles to bring attention to the humanitarian crisis in civil war-torn Yemen doesn't sound like a laughing matter at all, but the dedicated young man who goes by the Twitter handle Ruby Drummer found a way to bring some comic relief by appealing to the fourth grader in all

of us. He began his odyssey in Poo Poo Point, Washington and ended it in PP Creek, Ohio. Yes, these are real places. Poo Poo Point is really more of a mound on West Tiger Mountain that got its name from the steam whistle sounds back when it was a logging area. Pee Pee Creek in Ohio was named after an American settler who carved his initials Pee Pee in a tree and then presumably raised one leg to make it official. When he finally arrived at his destination, Ruby Drummer tweeted,

Bro, I started crying tears of joy and then started laughing my ass off about crying over PP Creek. The nearly cross-country journey had Ruby Drummer whizzing through nine states. At one point, he passed Sharts Road. How do you know? You can still see skid marks. Sharts Road. How do you know? You can still see skid marks. All right. Courtney, somebody did something selfless this week. From Nagin Farsab was it a man who led a massive dog march to open up a dog park. From Roxanne Roberts, an undertaker offering all of his skills, including, you know, glow ups with his makeup skills to anyone who wants it for charity. Or from Mo Rocca, a charity ride from poo poo to pee pee. Which of these was the real selfless deed we read about in the news this week?

I have a four year old son who's very into potty humor. So I'm going to go with Mo's story. Is your son available to be on our show some days? He would fit in well. All right, you've chosen Mo's story of the bike ride from poo-poo to pee-pee. Well, we spoke to somebody who was deeply involved in this charitable effort. No one has ever gone from poo-poo to pee-pee. There is no better opportunity to do something with my sense of humor and bring awareness. That was Ruben Lopez himself,

the brave cyclist who traveled all the way from Poo Poo Point to PP Creek to raise money for the good people of Yemen. Congratulations, Courtney. You and your son got it right. You earned a point for Mo. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice and your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us. Take care, Courtney.

Thank you. Good luck with that medical career. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. And now the game where people who took an amazing journey through life somehow end up here. It's called Not My Job. Jason Ward was a teenager in the Bronx when he saw a peregrine falcon eating a pigeon. Instead of the normal reaction, disgust, with a little bit of gratitude to the falcon, he fell in love with birds and grew up to become a famous

birder, especially in urban settings, and the National Outreach Director for the Audubon Society. Jason Ward, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so very much for having me. It's a pleasure to be here. It's a pleasure to have you. So that's a famous story about you. Is it true? It is true. That your first exposure to birds was seeing a peregrine falcon eating a pigeon? Yes, yes. So it was like my spark moment, my aha moment. It was the moment that I realized that birds had this special ability to make me smile. One of my very first memories of birds, and a lot of people out there probably can identify with this,

is being pooped on by gulls in the parking lot of a supermarket. So that is my very first memory, but it wasn't the coolest. Hold on, can I ask about the poop, though, very quickly, since we're on that subject? Is it good luck? Because I have been pooped on a lot, and I had a terrible experience in college. I was walking across campus, I swear to you, and I was kind of half running with my kind of face in front of my body. This is going to be bad.

And so a bird that probably was flying towards me, the poop ended up in my mouth. Oh! So disgusting. Oh! was flying towards me the poop ended up in my mouth oh and somebody said to me at the time they said it's good luck if a bird poops on your head so it's like really great luck if it gets into your mouth which is very difficult to have happen that's never happened to me so either you have an amazing amount of luck or or the opposite i don't know exactly which way now uh there's a certain stereotype about birders uh i'm thinking well affluent white old ladies that's what i'm thinking you'd be right does that all right wait a minute you're saying that this

this stereotype has has roots in truth is what you're saying. Yes, 100%. Birding is largely thought of as something that's done by our grandparents. Right. And I am one of the many voices of individuals who are trying to break down that stereotype and introduce a new era of birders, birders who do things their own way and who break a lot of those traditionalist ways of doing things. And I wear what I want when I'm birding as well. I think that's a major thing. Whoa, you're like to hell with the cardigan vest.

This is going to get me just completely ostracized from the community. But yes, I don't wear floppy hats. I don't wear khakis. I'm out there wearing whatever I want. I can bird in a pair of flip flops and some basketball shorts. It doesn't really matter.

Wow, you're like a punk birder. But I have two questions. All roxanne go ahead okay question number one do you walk around being really distracted a lot because it seems to me that if you're always on the look for birds then you're always going to be kind of looking around just in case you might find one you know what that's That's a great question. No matter what I'm doing, if I could be walking down the street having a conversation with someone, I'll notice a bird out of the corner of my eye or I'll notice a bird song in the middle of their sentence. So I've developed an ability to, I guess, just pay attention to multiple things at once. For example, owls are really, really good at that. They're really good at being able

to hone in their attention on just one specific thing. Owls can hear a mouse's heartbeat underneath a foot of snow. So you think that with that kind of hearing, they just be absorbing everything happening in their environment, but they have this ability to just tune in to one specific area and block everything else out. So when I'm driving or when I'm walking and talking, I can simultaneously pay attention to either the road or the person that I'm with. And also like every single bird that's in a given area at any given point in time. So you're like an owl, basically, is what you're saying. I would like to think so. Yeah. Do you? Well, so that would lead to my second question.

Do you kind of have a favorite kind of bird? Absolutely. So my favorite bird is the peregrine falcon, that very first one that gave me that moment. It is the fastest animal on Earth. Take that, cheetah. It is also found on six of the seven continents. It's highly adaptable, highly resilient, and extremely powerful. Aren't those the kind of birds that often become

sort of social media celebrities when people put cameras on nests and everybody starts naming them and just falling in love with them and hoping that they kill a lot of things and make themselves happy? You know what? That's interesting.

Yes, people love doing that. They love placing cameras on the nest of birds of prey. And usually it's a really nice, success, heartwarming story until it isn't. There was a very famous incident that happened in Pennsylvania several years ago in which they were watching a bald eagle nest. And mom bald eagle brought back

some really nice cuddly kittens for dinner one day. And of course that made a lot of people very upset. My response to that is I totally understand why that upsets people. And this is why the best place for your cats are inside. And house cats are bad for birds. So it's like score one for the birds. They even the score a little bit. Have you ever seen a road runner? Yes. I've seen a ton of road runners.

I've seen a road runner and a coyote by the way, ton of roadrunners. I've seen a roadrunner and a coyote by the way one time. How did they interact? They were getting along. Really? No anvils involved? I think they've been lying to us. Propaganda all of these years. The cartoons have been lying to us. But these are birds

that eat whatever they want. They prey on mostly large insects but they'll catch another bird out in the air and just knock it against the ground and eat it. So these are- Roadrunner? Roadrunners, yes, roadrunners. You mean the hero of the cartoons

is actually a horrible cannibal? Let me tell you something. There's an image out there that we can probably look up after all of this. There's a notorious bird called the loggerhead shrike. It's known as the butcher bird. It's a songbird that impales its prey on thorns or barbed wire. So this is a hardcore small bird.

Roadrunners eat them. And so that horrible, tough, torturing bird. Yes. That vicious, amoral killer, the roadrunner just eats. Yep. Gobbles it up. Wow. That would be an interesting turnabout ending to one of those cartoons if the roadrunner just turns around and devours the coyote because that's the way it is. I'm just going to ask, has it been good for your romantic life?

I mean, are people like, oh, wow, you're a birder. Tell me more. You know what? Going into it, I thought, you know, this is going to suck. But it surprisingly has been. Whoa. Yeah. So if any of you are out there listening, hey, let's go birding sometime soon.

Hey. Jason Ward, it is a pleasure to talk to you about birding, but we've asked you here to play a game we're calling... Watch these birds, you nefarious pig. You're an expert on birds, but what do you know about angry birds? That computer game where you throw birds at pigs? It's become a huge sensation in the last decade. Bunch of movies. Answer two to three questions right and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Jason Ward playing for? Kevin Bell of Boston,

Massachusetts. All right, here's your first question. In 2019, to celebrate the game's 10th anniversary, the game's designer company, Rovio, created which of these? A, the Hyper Pig, an actual breed of hog created to be especially devious. B, the Rage Rider, a scooter that goes faster the louder you scream at it. Or C, real birdshot shotgun slug shaped like the Angry Birds, so you could be meta when bird hunting. Wow. I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with C.

They actually made shotgun slugs that look like the Angry Birds, so you could fire the Angry Birds at actual birds. Going with C, yes. I like your confidence, but no, it was B, the Rage Rider, you see, because they're celebrating anger. Okay. So you scream into the thing and it goes. All, the rage rider, you see. Because they're celebrating anger. Okay. So you scream into the thing and it goes. All right, you have two more chances.

This is not a problem. Here's your next question. Like any successful mobile game, Angry Birds has inspired its share of knockoffs. Like which of these? A, angry words in which you type as many curse words as you can in 60 seconds. B, angry curds in which Little Miss Muffet hurls pepper jack cheese curds at a spider. Or C, angry turds, where you are

a monkey throwing poop at the explorers that kidnapped your babies. Wow. All right. I'm going to go with C. You're right, angry turds. At this point, I think that's predictable, particularly if you heard the last segment, that that would be the true one. Yes, angry turds. Here's your last question. If you get this right, you win. The developers of Angry Birds were inspired to create

the game by a surprising incident. What was it? A, while he was playing Tetris while on Ayahuasca, the lead designer said, the shapes are birds. All shapes are birds. And the idea was born. B, the swine flu epidemic of 2009, because it showed the developers that pigs really are our enemy. Or C, one designer traveling in Norway observed McDonald's spicy chicken sandwich was called Angry Bird on bread there. All right, I'm going with B.

You're right. The swine flu epidemic, which of course is back in the news because apparently it was much worse than the one we're going through, I think. Yes, somehow. Was in fact the inspiration. They were looking around for villains in their game and they said, swine flu, pigs, yes, let's do it. Bill, how did Jason Ward do in our quiz?

He did great. Two out of three. Keep looking for birds, Jason. You're a winner. He did well. Congratulations, Jason. Jason Ward is a naturalist and birder. You can check out his Birds of North America series on YouTube

and sign up for his virtual birding classes at atlasobscura.com. Jason, thank you so much. And by the way, happy birthday. Thank you so much. I appreciate you all for having me. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. In just a minute, Bill meets the Scallion Stallion in the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. This message comes from NPR sponsor BetterHelp, the online counseling service dedicated to connecting you with a licensed counselor to help you overcome whatever stands in the way of your happiness. Fill out a questionnaire and get matched with a professional tailored to your needs. And if you

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How Strange Fruit became an unexpected hit and brought on serious consequences for Billie Holiday. Listen now to the ThruLine podcast from NPR. From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Roxanne Roberts, Mo Rocca, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host, a man who's getting ready for this year's staff retreat by practicing socially distant trust falls. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill looks forward to the big deals at this year's Amazon Rhyme Day in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Mo, California's infection rate is still high and some are criticizing the state's decision to reopen indoor dining. But don't worry, the governor's office has a plan. They're advising diners to do what? To wear their masks in between bites. That's exactly right, Mo. Governor Gavin Newsom is advising indoor diners

to wear masks in between their bites. So you take the mask off, you take a bite, you put the mask back on, you chew, you contemplate the world, and then when you want another bite, you take it off again. It's a genius idea trying to distract from the dumb idea of reopening indoor dining with an even stupider idea. You don't, listen, you don't have to take the mask off. idea. You don't, listen, you don't have to take the mask off. What you do is, you know, stick your fork into the bite of food and as it comes towards your mouth, you just kind of coquettishly lift up your mask and put it in there. Or you can pull it down. Yeah, and then you pull it down. You don't have to do the complete ear unhook. You don't have to do that. No. Is the coquettishness one of the defenses against coronavirus?

I think it is. You're just sort of showing a little lip. Right, right. Won't that attract the virus, though? Because it's constantly looking for a little flash of lip. Have you guys done what I have done, which is forgotten when eating, in my case, outside, whether you have your mask on or not, and tried to push some food through it.

Because I've done it. I've lifted coffee cups to my masked lips, and that hasn't worked out well either. Roxanne, a Swedish town outside of Stockholm will become the home of the first secondhand store run by whom? Second Wise. I'm just trying to think what that would be like and what its name would be. home of the first secondhand store run by whom? Second Wives. I'm just trying to think what that would be like and what its name would be. But anyway.

I got all your stuff and I'm selling it cheap. I do like your thinking. No, it's not that. I'm going to need a hint. It's a secondhand furniture store and it's in Sweden. Swedish. Oh, it's got to be secondhand Ikea. Exactly.

Ikea is opening their own secondhand furniture store. The store is called ReTuna, after the Swedish word for used fish. The store will initially be stocked with merchandise from a nearby IKEA store that's been damaged or repaired, making it the best place in the world to get old IKEA furniture other than the alley. Half of everything on Craig's list is IKEA. Exactly right. making it the best place in the world to get old Ikea furniture other than the alley.

Half of everything on Craigslist is Ikea. Exactly right. It sounds fun, but by all means, skip the cafe. You do not want secondhand meatballs. It's all curbside pickup. It's just been sitting on the curb forever. Mo, Cal Cunningham, the Democratic challenger to North Carolina Senator Tom Tillis, is caught up in a sex scandal just weeks before the election. His sexts with his paramour have been released, and what's amazing about these illicit texts is that they are so what? Vanilla. Yes, they are incredibly boring.

I mean, come on, if you're going to immolate your career in hand control of the Senate back to the GOP, make it worth it. Use some imagination. Think of some spicy verbs. At the very least, name check some interesting body parts. Instead, we get this. Pick a day, start your white shirt, and be ready to kiss a lot. Ooh, Calgon, take me away.

Wow. This isn't a sexting scandal. This is what you say to a six-year-old when she asks what a sexting scandal is. But I think that, let me start your, what was it? Start your clothes. Pick a day, starch your white shirt, and be ready to kiss a lot.

That was actually from her to him. He texted back, I also like to kiss a lot. They're like ninth graders. They're not, have you met a ninth grader recently a lot. They're like ninth graders. They're not. Have you met a ninth grader recently? They're like sixth graders. They're like sixth graders. That's amazing.

I mean, it's, you know, it's not great, but it's also weirdly kind of sweet. We also got to see some texts that the girlfriend sent to her friend complaining that she doesn't hear from him enough. Quote, I know he's busy, but I mean, he has to poop, so that's the perfect time to text. They are going to swap cooties. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can click the Contact Us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. Also check out the Wait Wait quiz for our smart speaker. Bill and I ask you questions about the week's news whenever you desire. Just think of us as really lame genies. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, I'm Heather. I'm calling from Philadelphia. Hey, Heather. How are things in Philly? Things are all right. What do you do there? I teach high school English. Oh, my goodness.

You're an English teacher. Have you changed your reading list in just response to everything that's going on? Yeah. I mean, we are sometimes reading about current events, but it's very hard to keep up. Oh, really? I have no idea about that. Yeah, I'm glad you understand. I do. I have some sympathy for you. Well, Heather, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you'll be a winner. You ready to play? Yes. All right,

let's hear your first limerick. This dairy has no guarantees. All these wheels must be turned by degrees. But when COVID got hot, we simply forgot. And we now have a new kind of... Cheese? Yes, cheese. Very good. We can finally thank COVID for something. New cheese. Earlier this year, French cheesemakers had so much unsolved monster in their hands, they did what no one else in lockdown was capable of doing.

They just left some cheese untouched in the fridge, and voila, it became a whole new cheese. Since the secret was just letting it get old without it doing anything, it's a Munster spinster. The cheese is notable because it is actually rare to have a new cheese variety. In normal times, cheesemakers have lots of orders with a high storage turnover, little times to innovate. Why do you think it took so long for Doritos to come out with cooler ranch? So Munster morphed into a new cheese? Yeah, basically it's like, oh, it's a new cheese. Because especially in France, cheeses are made in a very particular way that have been established for centuries.

So you don't just make a new cheese. You don't just see what happens. You got to do it the right way. But apparently they had so much cheese sitting around, they let it age more than they normally do. And it turned into a new cheese. Was this a happy accident or bad cheese? I have not myself tasted it, but I'm guessing because it is a French cheese, it is very good. All right, Heather, here is your next limerick. This planet's the place of our birth, but we value it more than it's worth. There are planets and suns far more safe and more fun. There are homes out there better than... Earth?

Earth, yes. Scientists have discovered dozens of planets that offer greater conditions for life than Earth. They're warmer than ours, they're bigger, more fertile, and have continents that are way easier to draw. Scientists have identified 24 planets they're calling, quote, super habitable, which is what coronavirus said when it saw Stephen Miller. So there are two dozen perfect planets out there. Bet you we can burn through at least 10 of them in the next year or so. Fortunately for the planets, they are 100 light years away from us, minimum. A light year, of course, is a massive measurement of time and space equivalent to 1 October 2020.

The interesting thing is, of course, that scientists have discovered many, many what they call exoplanets that seem theoretically to be capable of life. But they've discovered no life, which clearly means that there is intelligent life. They're intelligent because they're hiding from us. Or they're just like, let's blow this joint. This place is dead, you know, and they're just going to another party. I just imagine on Mars as the Curiosity rover just slowly moves and turns around,

all these Martians are like staying behind it. Quick, quick, keep moving, keep moving. Don't get in front of the camera. All right, here's your last limerick. Walla walla, our bulbs are too stunion. With the sensors, we've just had a runion. The Inquisitors found we're too shiny, too round. So now Facebook is banning our...

Onions? Yes, onions! Very good! You are really good. Facebook took down an ad from a Canadian seed company after determining that its photo of a basket of onions was too sexy. The picture showed seven sweet onions in a basket, and it was flagged as, quote, overtly sexual, which is yet another reason to avoid the salad bar at Facebook headquarters. The Walla Walla Sweet Onions company picture, which, to be fair, is what you would call a produce-themed strip bar.

Oh, let's go down to the Walla Walla Sweet Onions. Probably automatically triggered Facebook censorship protocols. Facebook has yet to respond to the ban, probably because they're trying to figure out who let Kyle the onion pervert work the censorship desk again. What is sexy about the picture of the onion? Two beautiful, round, luscious onions. Firm. Perky.

Sitting right next to each other. Bill, how did Heather do in our quiz? Heather did great. She got them all right. She's a big winner. Congratulations, Heather. Thank you so much. Take care.

You too. This message comes from NPR sponsor WeTransfer. We all have doubts, but where do they belong? Are they simply to be surfaced and forgotten? WeTransfer believes your doubt needs a place where it can grow into something useful. And WeTransfer's set of tools can help you do just that. By collecting, sketching, presenting, and sharing your thoughts with the world. It's where doubt transforms into ideas.

Meet Paste, Paper, and Collect by WeTransfer. Go to toolstomoveideas.com to learn more. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds of which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? I sure can. Rox has two, Nagin has two, give us the scores. I sure can. Rox has two. Nagin has two. Mo has three. Oh my gosh. Very good. All right. Rox and Nagin are tied for second, and I'm going to arbitrarily choose you, Roxanne, to go first. All right. You're up first, Roxanne. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, a federal appeals court said that Blank must give his tax records

to New York prosecutors. President Trump. Right. On Tuesday, Facebook announced they were banning all accounts associated with conspiracy theorist group Blank from their platform. QAnon. Right. This week, Derek Chauvin, the former Minneapolis officer charged with killing Blank, was released on bail. George Floyd. Right.

This week, a CNN reporter's confrontation with Blank at the White House went viral. The raccoon! An angry raccoon thanks to a hiring slowdown. Bl Blank at the White House went viral. The raccoon! An angry raccoon. Thanks to a hiring slowdown, Blank claims this week were worse than expected. Job numbers. Right. Known as one of the greatest rock and roll guitarists of all time, Blank passed away at the age of 65. Eddie Van Halen.

Right. This week, British lexicographer Susie Dent had to apologize after her new book, Word Perfect, was blank. Had all sorts of typos exactly right roxanne suzy dent who also happens to be the honorary vice president of the chartered institute of editing and proofreading says that the errors were the result of her publisher using an early draft of the manuscript she promised to reprint would be error-free or her name isn't Sushi Damp. I'd like to think that she spelled word, W-E-R-D. Word. Bill, how did Roxanne do on our quiz?

She's off to an early start. Roxanne's seven right, 14 more points. She now has a total of 16 and the lead. All right, McGee, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Trump said he was suspending blank talks until after Election Day. COVID relief. Right. On Thursday, President Trump announced he was unsuspending blank talks before Election Day.

COVID relief. Yes. This week, two members of blank were charged for their involvement in the murder of journalist James Foley. ISIS. ISIS. Right. On Wednesday, Blank said it would block all political ads through Election Day. Facebook. Yes. This week, a former employee of Texas Public Library was charged with stealing $1.3 million worth of Blank.

Binder clips. So close. Printer toner. On Wednesday, Emmanuelle Charpentier and Jennifer Doudna became the first women to share the blank prize for chemistry. Nobel. Right. May the sexiest candidate win. This week saw the release of 2020's hottest Halloween

costume, the sexy blank. COVID virus. No, the sexy mail-in ballot. From Yandy, America's leader in making inanimate objects slutty, comes the sexy mail-in ballot costume. Technically, it's a sexy mail-in ballot envelope, a white pull-on tube dress with two strategically placed I voted stickers. Proving that, despite what the Washington Post might say, democracy also gets a little freaky in darkness.

Bill, how did Nagin do in our quiz? Well, she got five right, ten more points. She now has 12, but Roxanne still has the lead with 16. All right. And how many, Bill, does Mo need to win? Seven. Count them. Seven.

Here you go, Mo. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Thursday, the FBI said they'd thwarted an attempt to kidnap the governor of blank. Michigan. Yes. On Tuesday, it was reported that the amountwarted an attempt to kidnap the governor of blank. Michigan. Yes. On Tuesday, it was reported that the amount of early blanking had already broken records. Voting.

Yes. This week, the FDA released their official standards for a blank vaccine. Coronavirus. Right. On Monday, Justices Alito and Thomas criticized the Supreme Court decision that legalized blank. Same-sex marriage. Yes. On Monday, the CDC revised guidelines to confirm that coronavirus spreads through blank transmission.

Airborne. Yes. This week, scientists announced they've found a cure for tinnitus. To stop the ringing in your ears, you just need to blank. Oh, and I have it. It's really bad. You have to meditate. No.

No, Mo. You just need to give your tongue electric shocks. Okay. Tinnitus is a chronic ringing in your ears that affects 15% of humans and 100% of Kamala Harris' trying to debate Mike Pence. Fortunately, doctors say that targeted electric shocks to your tongue can cure the condition for over a year. Now they just need to find a cure for chronic buzzing tongue and we'll be set.

Bill, how did Moe do on our quiz? He did five right. Ten more points. That gives him a total of 13. But with 16, Roxanne is this week's champion. Congratulations, Roxanne. Yay! Victory!

In just a minute, after the fly at this week's debate, we will ask our panelists what will be the next insect to make the news. Wait, wait, don't tell me. He is a production of NPR on WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our house manager is Gianna Cappadona. Our intern, who we cherish, is Darius Cook.

Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liedemann composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Our lesser sabatka is Peter Gwynn. Special thanks this week to Ismael Lutfi, technical directionist from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production

manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Shillog. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Dan Succulent Danforth. Now panel, what will be the next insect to make the news? Nagin Fars what will be the next insect to make the news? Nagin Farsad. At the next debate, a bunch of breathtakingly beautiful butterflies are going to show up and form in the air the word vote.

Roxanne Roberts. To elevate the tone of the next debate, the Presidential Debate Commission will name a dung beetle to moderate it. And Mo Rock. The entomology entertainment world will be rocked when some very brave young ladybugs step forward to bring down a powerful cockroach. Some older established ladybugs will pretend to be surprised by the revelations. But come on, how could they not know?

He's a cockroach. Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Mo Rocca, Nagin Farsad, and Roxanne Roberts. Congratulations to everybody for getting through another week. We are on the home stretch.

I just know it. Keep going. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.