Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - John Cusack rides his Vespa straight into our hearts

Episode Date: March 14, 2026

This week, John Cusack joins us to talk high school reunions, graphic novels, and the secrets to keeping your Vespa's tank full. Plus, panelists Rachel Coster, Adam Felber, and Joyelle Nicole Johnson go on spring breakTo manage podcast ad preferences, review the links below:See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade filling in for Bill Curtis, who flew to L.A. to accept the Oscar for Best Pipes. And here's your host at the Studebaker Theater in the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. Peter Sago! Thank you, Alzo. Thank you, Alzo, especially for filling in for Bill, who will be back with us next week. Thank you all for being here at our beautiful home theater. We have a great show for you today.

Later on, we're going to be talking to Chicago's own legendary actor John Cusack. It is a big get, right? To book him on the show, I had to go stand on his front lawn, holding a boombox over my head playing our theme song. But first, it's your turn to say anything on our quiz. Give us a call. The number is 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-2-4. That's 1-8-8-8-2-4.

Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on. Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Jen Crowley from Roselle, Illinois. Hey, Roselle. Where is that exactly? Oh, you know, just about a half hour away from you. Yeah, well, I'm a Chicago guy. As far as I know, that's it. Yeah.

I don't live in Illinois. I've never heard of it. What do you do nearby here? I own a dog grooming salon and boutique. Wow. I imagine dealing with the dogs is much easier than dealing with the dog's owners. Yes, that's typically true. I imagine, yes. Well, welcome to the show, Jen. introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the host of Boy Room on TikTok and Instagram.

It's Rachel Koster. Next, it's the co-host of the podcast. Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone, which this week celebrated its 400th episode with a guide for new listeners. It's Adam Felberg. Hi there, Jen. Hey. And a comedian whose album, Yell Joy, is available through blonde medicine, and her special, Yel Joy Joy, is on Peacock. It's Joyle Nicole. John. So, Jen, welcome. You're going to play Who's Alzo this time. Alzo Slade is going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize.

Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to go? Ready to go. All right. Your first quote is a travel advisory for college students this week. Everything that can go wrong will go wrong right now. That was from a travel expert talking about the problems college students and others are facing when flying what annual ritual?

That would be spring break. Yes, spring break is broken. Thanks to a bunch of factors, including long TSA lines due to the partial government shutdown, spring break travel has become a nightmare. It takes so long to get to your beach resort, you barely have time to black out before it's time to go home. I think the spring breaker should cheer up. I mean, there's so many positives to being in the frozen north during spring break.

break. Yeah. I mean, it's much easier to clean frozen vomit. You just sort of chip it away. Yeah. That's a good point. And you can go to those clubs where you scream for people to put on more clothes. Yeah. I almost feel bad for this generation, you know, because they had to go through like Zoom school

and then prom with social distance and now they can't go to Mexico and get their first STD. Yeah, I know. And yet you almost feel bad for them. Almost. It would be terrible. if all those disasters combined into one and they had to get their STD remotely over Zoom.

Yeah. I find that if you do enough Molly, you can find your beach basically anywhere. Even at your neighbor's basement or something. Whatever it takes. I believe that was Molly's original slogan before Corona stole it.

So that's great. Were you guys Big Spring Rakers when you were in school of that age? I did it. I went to Trinidad once for Carnival. Yeah. And that was. super duper fun. But what had happened was I didn't do any research before I wait and the people

I was staying with had cats and I am deathly allergic. And I found that out the day I was going. So I had to bring my nebulizer because I have asthma. So I spent all of spring break in Trinidad half doing a nebulizer and half dancing across the stage with paint all over my face. It was a great time. So you had like the nebulizer in one hand, the drink in the other and you just kept alternating. Yes. That's a party. to B-18 again. Yeah. All right.

Your next quote, Jen, is the president of the United States talking to Marco Rubio about a gift he just gave him. It helps to be tall. They've got big heels. The president was talking about a gift which we found out this week he gives to all his top male staffers. What is it? It's shoes.

It is shoes. The Wall Street Journal broke a big story this week. The president really loves a particular kind of dress shoes, so he's been giving them out to all. all the men who work with him. And this is true. He doesn't ask their sizes first. He just looks and guesses,

and they never correct him. So because of this, and this is all true, I swear to you, people started looking, and so all this week we've been seeing photos of his cabinet secretaries and senior aides, sitting there next to him, wearing the shoes, all looking like little kids who are dressing like their dad.

Part of the reason they look. so uncomfortable is because they also have to wear the mandatory toe ring that he slipped in. Yeah. They're all squeezed in there. Now, the exception of all this was Secretary of St. Marco Rubio. He didn't look like that. He was photographed sitting in one of the shoes as he rode it across the Potomac. Oh, little Marco.

Well, you know, if he hadn't gotten it for them, they would have bought him for themselves. Right. You know, because, like, they're all wearing bronzer now. Yeah. They're all, everybody's orange. Yeah. It's like there was a photograph. They were all wearing the same shoes.

They're all wearing the same suit and they're all wearing the same long red tie. Yeah. It's like the world's worst backup band. I will say that RFK Jr. seemed to be the only one who looked like he was wearing really nicely fitted black leather shoes.

But on closer inspection, that just turned out to be his feet. Oh. That's only because he didn't take the vaccine for toe fungus. My feet are better that way. Jen, for your last quote, it's an actor who seemed like he was cruising to an Oscar this weekend. No one cares about opera and ballet anymore. all respect to the ballet and opera people out there.

So the backlash to that diss of opera and ballet all of a sudden seems to have put this actor's Oscar in doubt. Who is it? I might need a hint. Well, let's see. I mean, he doesn't think that opera and ballet are as important and culturally significant as, say, movies about ping pong players.

Oh, I'm afraid I have no idea. Or chocolatier. You really live out there. Yeah, Jen, I am jealous, girl. You are protecting your peace, girl. I spend my time listening to NPR. Well, that's good for you. No, I'll give it to you.

It's Timothy Chalamey. The star of Marty Supreme seemed pretty much on track to win a best actor Oscar, but then he really pissed off the opera and ballet people with that comment. Weird move from a guy

whose own name sounds like a ballet move. Yeah. Pleiae, Relevee, Salame. Yeah. I tore our hamstring doing a Chalemay once. Yeah. You got to be young.

You got to be young and flexible to Chalameh. He said this. He was talking to Matthew McConaughey, of all people, about how he did not want movies to come, become irrelevant like ballet and opera. This brought an enormous clapback from people like Isabel Leonard and Sean Tester and many others that let us be honest, you have never heard it. It's my personal opinion that Timothy is beefing with his sister and mother right now.

Turns out, yeah, they both have this strong background in dance, right? Yes, because so that's why he threw that shot like that, because he said it after he's like, I'm throwing shots. And I was like, oh, he must be beefing with his sister right now to say something that crazy. Because I don't want to do brain surgery either. Like, what are you talking about? You don't want to do belly and opera. You can't. You can, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, opera fans especially are making a huge ruckus, and by that I mean their medic alert bracelets just beat because of an elevated heart rate. Help is on the way. Also, how did Jen do in our quiz? Jen respectfully, got two out of three. He won. You won. Congratulations, Jen.

Thank you. Thank you. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Joyelle, this week we heard about something every whole foods. secretly has somewhere inside. What is it? Mold. No.

Is this a food item? It is not a food item. It's a place. It's kind of a facility in every whole foods. Oh, so it's not a stuffed octopus. A morgue. That would be so awesome. That's not right.

But why would you think every whole foods would need a morgue? Because I do cruise ships against my will and every cruise ship has a morgue. I found this out. Right. Did y'all know that? But that's because cruise ships are often, let's see, for a week or two or even more. Yeah.

And Whole Foods, people are not in a Whole Foods for an entire week. So they wouldn't need a more, but they do need another kind of sort of a storage facility for people. It's what they do with you if, for example, you dare to get an organic banana, but only key in the code for the conventional banana at the self-scanner. Oh. They take you and they put you. A little jail? A little jail.

Every Whole Foods has a jail. There is a secret windowless room in every Whole Foods that they call the Whole Foods jail. According to a new investigation by Curbed, every store has one. No one can talk about it. So think about this, people, before you commit any jackfruit-related crime. Before you jack-a-jack-a-jack-fruit. Right? This is true.

After stealing a brownie from the bakery aisle on a Whole Foods, one person found herself in a room wallpapered with, quote, layers and layers of grainy faces of all the thieves that had come before me. unquote. Her photo was added to a binder. She was fined $300 and told never to return. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, $300 wasn't the fine. It was the price of the browning. Interestingly, cruise ships don't have jails.

It's just easier to kill you. Yeah, I know. Coming up, it's a bluff the listener game. Three decades in the making. Really? Call 1-3-8-Wait-wait-to-play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-Wait-W-Don-Tel me from end. From NPR and WVEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade.

We're playing this week with Joelle Nicole Johnson, Rachel Koster, and Adam Felberg. And here again is your host at the Student Breaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you, Alzo. Thank you so much, everybody. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-3-8 Wait-Wait to Play Our Game in the Air. How you were on Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Tara calling from Boise, Idaho.

Boise, Idaho, a place I've never been. What do you do there? I am a registered dietitian. I work at a small hospital, and I do telehealth from home when I'm not managing kids and family. Well, that's important. I'm a father of two young children, and as a dietician and a parent, I have a question, were you actually able to get your kids to eat healthy food? Actually, yes. Oh. How did you do it? Threats? So, Peter, it takes at least 12 exposures to a new food for children to often even try them. So if I do this, and we get to the 13th try, I can be like, no, Tara said you have to eat it now. Yes, yes, you've done your duty.

You forget it after that. It's chicken nuggets from then on out. I'll try it as soon as I get home. Thank you so much, Tara, for that advice. Now, it's great to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. I was over as Tahr's topic. 30 years in the making.

So this week, we read about someone meeting a rather extraordinary goal that they spent 30 years working on. And I'm not talking about me keeping this job despite being completely unqualified. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one telling the truth and you'll win the wait-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yeah. Okay. First, let's hear from Joyell Nicole Johnson.

Joyce and Davidson Clare of Stone Mountain, Georgia were married in the old. the days. 1996. Most couples freeze their wedding cake and eat it on their one-year anniversary. However, Joyce and David had to move overseas before their celebration. So, for safekeeping, they put their cake in a cold storage facility in Georgia aptly named Frosty the Storage Man. Years later, when they returned to the States, they found Frosty had gone bankrupt, and everything in its freezers had vanished. When their daughter, Nikki, came of age, she found herself obsessed with the cake mystery. And in a years-long search, she finally solved it.

The cake had been moved to a bunker in Alaska after being mistaken for nuclear waste. She flew to Alaska, and after proving to the soldier, manning the bunker that the cake wasn't dangerous to mankind, she was able to bring it home. Surprisingly, the cake tasted the exact same way it did 30 years prior. Turns out, vanilla really does just mean tasteless. A wedding cake lost for 30 years,

finally enjoyed by the happy couple. Your next story of a 30-year plan comes from Adam Felber. Ever since he was a young man in the 70s, Jimmy Rush loved going to Winsel's Oyster House in Mobile, Alabama, with his family. But sometime in the 90s, that love became an obsession of sorts, and that obsession's name was free oysters. See, there was a sign on the wall. Free oysters to any man 80 years old accompanied by his father.

The rushes took note, the years passed and the family moved away but always visited on their way to Mardi Gras. And still that sign haunted him. Until this week, when on his 80th birthday, Jimmy walked in with his dad and a large group to claim their prize, was it worth it? You bet your ass it was. Again, free oysters. The bartender and the staff were stunned.

Never thought about any birthday except my 80th, Jimmy says. But the story's not over. His brother Carl added, quote, we will be back to do this all over again in 2028 when I turn 80. My dad says he's going to make it, and that's good enough for me. A man waits 30 years to get his free oysters by bringing his dad to celebrate his 80th birthday. Your last story of three decades of determination comes from Rachel Koster. In a feat of athletic prowess that his wife is calling, annoying and dumb,

local man Neil Schaefer, 51 of Mass Buzz in New York, successfully completed a five-second unassisted keg stand in his garage last Saturday. Schaefer's obsession started during his junior year of college when his frat brother, Mikey Lambrusco, challenged the then-out-of-shape boy to an unassisted handstand on a keg of bud light. He struggled for a few attempts before giving up. It was humiliating to watch, said Lambrusco. Since then, Schaefer had been determined to achieve his dream, putting more effort into this than pretty much anything else in his life.

On Saturday, he gathered his family next to his Honda Civic in the garage and accomplished the impossible. I was worried he was going to pass out or puke in front of the kids, so I'm kind of glad he just didn't do that, said his wife, Shannon. I've accomplished my biggest dream, said Schaefer, drinking bad beer upside down. All right, here are your choices. Somebody waited 30 years to do something.

What was it? Was it from Jail Nicole Johnson, a couple that waited 30 years before they could celebrate an anniversary by eating some of their wedding cake. From Adam Felber, a guy who waited 30 years to get free oysters by going into an oyster bar at the age of 80, with his dad, with him. Or from Rachel Costa, a guy who spent 30 years practicing

but finally did that kegstand he couldn't do in college. Which of these is the real story we found in the news? I'm going to have to go with Adam's story about the oysters. You're going to go with Adam's story about the man. who got free oysters by showing up at the age of 80 with his 99-year-old dad. Well, to bring you the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter who covered this real story. They went to cash in the sign that says free oysters to any man 80 years old, accompanied by father.

That was Joseph Lemore, a food reporter at the Today Show talking about the oyster special that was finally claimed. Congratulations, Tara. You got it right. You earned a point for Adam just for telling a story in a convincing way. and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice, and your voicemail. Well done. Congratulations, Farah. Thank you so much for having me. Thanks so much.

Take care. Thank you. Bye-bye. And now the game where we ask famous people about obscure things, we call it Not My Job. John Cusack made his first movie a short about managing life in high school when he was still a student at Evanston Township High School, North of Chicago. Wow. From that amazing start, he went on to star in some of the iconic movies of the last

40 years, high fidelity, the grifters, being John Malkovich, hot tub, time machine, and of course, say anything. He still lives here in Chicago, and now he's written his first graphic novel, John Cusack, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Time. Thank you. We're pretty excited to see you. Thanks for having me. I have a habit when I'm talking to actors with astonishingly long and very careers like yours

of asking what role they're most recognized for, but since I started this show with a say, anything joke. Do people ask you to either pretend to hold the boombox up like Lloyd did in the movie, or do they ever do that to you? No, I haven't had them do it to me, but they have asked me to hold it up, but I tell them I only do that at parties.

But there's been a strong reaction to that character at times. But there are no boomboxes anymore, so they just ask you to hold their iPhone up. Yeah. So I told my wife that you were going to be in the show, and I saw a look in her face. I've never seen before. She's like, John Qusack, really? And she told me that your character, Lloyd,

holding that boom box just absolutely blew her way. It's the most romantic thing she had ever seen. And I polled all the women I know, and they all agreed. Well, as I said, people like that character in that film a lot, which is pretty cool. Live Nation still does some screenings of the movie, and we do a Q&A afterwards, and people get pretty rowdy, which is fun. And a guy came up to the mic right over there, and he said, said, my wife left me because she said I wasn't you. Now, I sort of had the look that your face has. Well, you're thinking about my look and your look.

I'm thinking about that look my wife gave me, I mentioned earlier. You've got to go home. But the gentleman stopped, and then he said, and I want to thank you from the bottom of my mind. And he literally dropped the mic, And I thought that kind of covers the whole game. Right. I know this is a very tough question.

I was thinking about your movie career. I know I have a favorite movie of yours, which in my case would be being John Malkovich. Do you have a favorite of all the ones you've done? And I know there are a lot and a lot of great ones. You know, I sort of think back on them and they're sort of like a little bit of a fever dream. And some of the ones that I wrote and produced.

Gross points blank. Yeah. All right one. That's a fun one. I think just because that kind of, black comedy doesn't be done that much. That's the movie in which you play a hitman who goes back to his, if I'm not mistaken, 10th high school

reunion? I think it was his 20th. No, no, 10th. And I'm told that that was inspired by you actually attending your own high school reunion in Evanston? Yes. And you were like, so there you're back and you're, well, by that time, a very accomplished and well-known actor. And did you really say to yourself and discuss with your collaborators

in the film, you know it would be really cool if I was a hitman? Well, I thought to myself, I wrote the and I said, well, if we get funding for this, that's the only way I'll go to my 10-year high school reunion. Really? As research?

Yes. Oh, wow. I didn't think we'd get the funding, but then we did, so I had to go. I thought you were going to say you were inspired after going to your high school reunion because when you went there, you're like, I can't stand any of these fools. What this place needs is a hitman. You still live here in Chicago where you grew up, which I think is great. I do, sir.

And that is not a choice that a lot of people who get very successfully entertain. in business make. Why do you just stay here or come back? Perhaps. Have you been to L.A.? I have. Yeah. Yeah, I guess we don't really need to talk about that anymore. And I love this. You get around Chicago by scooter. It's true. When you're riding up and down in your scooter, do people ever pull up to you in division and look at you and go, hey, it's John Kusay?

Yeah, every once in a while. Yeah. In a car. Yeah. And this is Chicago, they're going to be cool about it, right? Everyone's so cool about it. Yeah. They're basically, they just go like, oh, hey.

That's the Chicago way. Which I love about Chicago. I heard this. I might get your assistant in trouble because we were talking about, well, when's John getting here? He's always coming into his Vespa. And she told me that your Vespa, which is a beautiful old Italian scooter, runs on gasoline, but not very much at a time, right?

It's got a small gas tank. And so she told me you have like a bottle filled with gasoline. That might be true, although that might be too much information from... Yeah, really? To be given out. But I'm like, okay, so you're riding around your Vespa, and you're like, oh, I'm running out a gas. Reach into the pocket, pull out the bottles, which is good... I don't even know if what I'm doing is legal, but...

Doesn't sound it. Yeah. Peter, you're a snicks. I know. You're still terrible. You've written a graphic novel. I grew up reading this kind of graphic novel, very big in Europe. In your case, this graphic novel is about 300 pages. long and it features sex, violence, drugs, aliens, Jackie Gleason, and a plot centered around

the very real French avant-garde artist and philosopher Antonin Artoe. So you've sold out and gone mainstream. Yeah. Well, just think of a metaphysical crime movie mixed with a kind of a drug mule movie mixed with E.T. So I think French connection meets E.T. meets my dinner with Andre, meets Smokey and the Bandit, meets the Mike Douglas show. Another of those? Yes. Not again. It's a shame to see an actor

become so derivative in his career. The origin of it was I loved this I love this artist Artow and then I thought well no one is going no one's going to give me money to make that movie yet

but if I write a graphic novel I always believe in the possibility of possible. Sure. It's pretty funny and very bizarre and I recommend it to everybody. Oh, thank you. It's really something. Thank you for reading it.

Oh, my pleasure. I know speaking for myself, I could talk to you all day, but we have business to do. John Cusack, we are thrilled to have you here, and we have invited you here to play a game we're calling. Say nothing. As we discussed, we started the iconic movie, Say Anything, so we thought we'd ask you about people who should have kept their mouths shut. Answer two or the three questions about some unwise statements. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Also, who is the legendary John Cusack playing for?

Jill Farrell of Beaverton, Oregon. All right. I'm going to do my best for you, Jill. I'll beaverton. Here you go. Here's your first question. Gerald Ratner was the head of Ratner's great Britain's largest jewelry store chain when he unfortunately called his own company's products, quote, crap.

How did he try to undo the damage? Was it, A, by trying to convince people that crap was a slang word he learned from his kids that meant really great. B, by having all his company's stores put up a sign in the window saying, what we mean by crap, cheap, reliable, and affordable prices. Or C, by saying, quote, producing crap is a universal part of the human experience. I'm going to follow the wisdom of the good and great Jason Benetti. Yes, on the show last week.

Always pick B. And you and Jason are right. It is in fact B. His plan was to put up a sign saying, Crap means cheap, reliable, and affordable prices. It did not work. And he had to step down from the company. And to this day, according to these, one source we found in the United Kingdom,

saying something really stupid and self-destructive for no reason is still called pulling a ratner. Wow. That was really good. Here's your next question. In 2005, former French president Jacques Chirac caused a diplomatic incident with the U.K. When he made a comment to Vladimir Putin that was caught on a hot mic. What did he say about the British? A, you can't trust people who cook as badly as that.

B, look, they were once conquered by us. How tough can they be? Or C, they think they're all Winston Churchill, but they're really just Benny Hill. Now, here's a problem. Can I say what I want to pick? You may. Yeah, this is your game.

I want it. to be C, but I think it's A. And you're right, it was A. Yeah. Right. Of course he's French. Of course he's going to insult their cooking. And of course he's French and he's not going to know who Benny Hill is.

Exactly. Also true. He also said on the same Hutt Mike incident that the only thing the British had contributed to agriculture was mad cow disease. So you're doing really well. Here's your last question. A lot of sports broadcasts, as I know you know, Mike the crowd as well as the announcers, and sometimes it can backfire.

as at a lacrosse game between Sacred Heart University and Sienna College last year, when the mic picked up one Sienna fan yelling what that made the ESPN broadcast. Was it, A, we wish we were watching football, B, stab them in the sacred heart, or C, sacred heart has diarrhea. Wow, wow. Wow. I mean, I want all of them. Different sections doing different chants, you know.

I think, based on the state of America, it must be C. It is C, yeah. That's what he said. The chant from a Sienna fan who found the mic and ran up to it and yelled into it. It was hard to make out, but hopefully one of the ESPN announcers said, they're chanting, sacred heart has diarrhea. I'm sure he got a bonus that. He did.

Alzo, how did John Cusack doing our quiz? He said something. He got three out of three. He's a winner. Yeah. John Cusack is an actor, writer, and producer. His new graphic novel, Mo Mo Mo is available now. He's also a proud Chicago guy.

John Cusack, thank you so much for joining us here. John Cusack, everybody. In just a minute, we'll feel the churn in our listener-Limmer challenge game called One-T-A-W-8-W-W-Tolmay to join you in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, from NPR. From NPR and WBECD Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Adam Felber, Joyelle, Nicole Johnson, and Rachel Koster. And here again is your host at the Studio Burger Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago.

Thanks, Alzo. St. Patrick's Day, St. Patrick's Day, big deal here in Chicago, is coming up in a few days, so remember, if you get the limericks wrong this week, you go to hell. If you'd like to play, give us a call. One triple-eight, wait, wait, that's one 888-924-8-9-24.

Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Rachel, this week, the New York Times reported on a growing epidemic of extremely unflattering photos of women, taken by whom? The men in their lives. The men in their lives. Yes, they're boyfriends and husbands, yes. You've all seen one of these boyfriend photos.

They're the ones that make the woman say, finally, I know what my face would look like without bones. So the latest thing is women on TikTok and Instagram are sharing horrific photos that their husbands or boyfriends took of them. The actor Kerry Washington, for example, posted a bunch of them and said, I thought I looked pretty. Then I opened my husband's can. camera roll. I don't trust straight men to take pictures.

Really? I don't know. Y'all don't never know. The camera angle be all the way down here. It's blurry. I'm backlit. I don't trust it. You got to get you a good gay man to take a picture, girl. You'd be nice and glossy. So when you and your boyfriend, do I know and like when you're out like on the town? Do you always bring like a gay friend to do the photography? Oh, no. He's queer. He takes beautiful pictures. Okay. You know, I find that so offensive and accurate. Yeah. And tip straight men.

High angles, high angles, all right? Yeah, looking down. Looking down, yeah. Get up in the balcony and shoot me. But why do you all keep asking us to take the phone? I don't. There's no one else there. Thank you, Alza.

I do not. Testify. There's no one else there. We're not allowed to invite our friends over anymore because they're annoying. Yeah. Wow, that felt personal. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. My friends are annoying. Adam, this week we learned about a new problem threatening many marriages. People are starting to speak out about the struggle of being married to a what? Okay, so the struggle of being married to a... What? This is not a problem when both of you were like this. It's more of a problem when just one is. Somebody works at home. No, I'll give you a hint. You should have known when they wanted to get married at Space Mountain. A Disney fan? A Disney adult. Yeah. Right? An adult Disney fan. And an article in New York Magazine this week,

exasperated spouses shared the struggles of being married to a Disney adult when they are not one. If you haven't heard of a Disney adult before. I was about to, yeah, a Disney adult. It's basically an adult who was bullied either too much or not enough as a child. And I've known some. These are adults who are really, really into Disney.

Oh, I know some, yeah. You know some too. And like I said, two Disney adults, marry each other, find each other, that's great. Gay Gazint, enjoy your life. The problem is when one of them, keeps it a secret after they're married, right?

You marry somebody, you think they're normal. Then one night they say, one night they say, oh, come in, I have a surprise for you, and you're going and they're lying on the bed wearing the ears. Oh, yeah. And not on their head. Worst moment of my first marriage.

The first. Can you keep that a secret, though? That's crazy. That's, I mean, like, can you, from courtship through marriage, you know. Yeah. That's tricky. How do you keep that a secret? Yeah, because that bills on your credit card every year.

Yeah. That's a big bill. It's weird, you know, like they disappear for, like, long weekends and, you know. You're like, I wished you were cheating on me. Yeah, no, no, they were just. You know, you can screen your dates before you make the mistake of marrying a Disney person. You know, you could just be like, you know, just throughout in conversation. Hi-ho.

See what happens? See what happens. You can't say that to a woman. You can't say that to a black woman. Fair. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call it, leave a message of 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-8-2-4.

You can come see us most weeks here at the Studio Baker Theater in downtown Chicago. And catch us on the road. We will be in beautiful Savannah, Georgia on March 26th. And in San Diego on April 30th, for tickets and information to all of our live shows, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi. My name is K.D. York. I live in Edgewood, Maryland.

Where's that exactly? About a half hour outside of Baltimore. Oh, Baltimore. Baltimore is a fun city. Do you enjoy it there? I do. Yeah. What is your favorite thing about Baltimore? Oh, there's lots of choose from. Probably some of the sweets like egg custard snow cones and burgers, chocolate cookies. Oh, yeah. Those are great things.

Well, welcome to our show, Katie. Alzo Slade, filling in for Bill Curtis this week, is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to apply? Yep, ready.

Here is your first limerick. I run till I wheeze and I sputter. Heavy cream in this bag goes aflutter. My legs and arms turned, and I act like a churn. As I run, I am making some... Butter? Yes, butter. If you are tired of your exercise routine failing to create any butter, we have good news.

Oh, good, finally. A runner went viral this week when she shared how you, yes, you can churn butter while running. You just pour heavy cream into a Ziploc bag and then, quote, secure the bag inside your running vest. It's pretty simple, although not as simple as running to the store. Peter, you're a runner. I am. Oh, I'm never in my life. I'm thinking about it because how great would it be to like finish a, you know, grueling 15-mile training run?

And right then, I could refresh myself with some nice, thick butter. If you're just like jogging, does it only turn into whipped cream? Yeah, I think so. Here is your next limerick. Watching videos loudly will spread groans. It makes passenger. anger hit red zones. Now United's new rules will not suffer those fools. They can't fly if they're not using their phones. Headphones, yes. United Airlines announced that they will now kick you off your flight

or even ban you from the airline forever if you listen to music or watch TV in the flight without headphones. Yes. Yes. Best parts of flying is watching your neighbors TV or listening to whatever they're listening to on audiobook. Really? Yeah, sometimes I forget to bring stuff. I run out of Charger halfway through, and it's nice to just that someone else provide. It is, it is, it is, it is a rule of human behavior that what

somebody else is watching on the airplane is far more interesting than what you're watching. Yeah. Rachel's on the plane snatching people's headphones off saying, you're being selfish right now. This sounds, it does not like United Behavior. This sounds like spirit behavior. I can't believe it. See, I'm the type of person.

I'll say something to you. This is why I can't ride the subway in New York because I will get into a fight. Like, it's my biggest pet peeve if somebody is listening to something without the headpoles. What do you say? Stop. Okay.

What's wrong with you? All right, here is your last limerick. After maches and chis that it bought her. Here's a new trend. The internet taught her. It helps her digest, and there's less to invest. She just boils and. drinks some hot.

Water? Yes, water. Drinking hot water in the morning is the new internet hack for gut health. People say hot water in the morning can help speed your digestion. That's particularly true if the hot water has coffee in it.

Are in a recession. You really are. Influencers say hot water is the perfect drink if you want to rid yourself of toxins and quote de-bloat. I started doing this. You started drinking hot water in the morning.

Yeah. Because... What's it doing for you? I don't want to tell everybody. Okay. But yeah. Yeah, really? Yeah.

It's just a different, something about it, but the Asian girl he's told me to do it, and they look amazing. So I'll listen to anything they say. Right. Yeah. If they told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it? Let's end this. Okay. Also, how did Katie do in our quiz?

They got three out of three, a winner. Well done, Ganey. Congratulations. Thank you. Now on to our final game, Lightning, fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Alzo, can you give us the scores?

Absolutely. Rachel has one. Yes. Knew it. Joyel, don't laugh too much because you have two. Damn. And Adam has a whopping five points. Whoa.

All right. That means, Rachel, you're in third place, you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Pentagon reported that the war with blank had already cost $11 billion. Iran. Right. On Sunday, police confirmed that an explosive device was thrown outside the home of New York Mayor Blank.

Momdani. Right, thanks to a rise in colon cancer for people under 50. More experts say the recommended age to start getting blanks should be lowered. Yes. During severe storms on Tuesday, several states reported softball size. Blank? Hail. Yes, hail. Softball-sized

creative. You're so cute. This week, a man was arrested at an airport in Kenya after he was caught smuggling blank. A dead monkey. No, 2,000 live ants. On Wednesday, astronomers reported that they may have witnessed two blanks colliding.

Asteroids. No, planets. On Tuesday, officials said NASA's mission to the blank would likely face more delays. Moon. Right. This week, a Russian man who'd been away from his apartment for three years, returned to find blank living there. An old friend. No, hundreds and hundreds of pigeons.

Not as good. They came in through a window he had left open before he left, and if you've ever seen the sidewalk beneath a highway overpass, picture that, but everything you own. Sometimes all you can do is back slowly out of the front door and say, it was a good home, but it belongs to the pigeons now. Alzo, how did Rachel do in our quiz? She did pretty good. She got five right for ten more points.

Yes. Yes. Let's give her a total of 11. Thank you. Right. All right. That was very good. Joyelle.

Yeah, buddy. Joyelle, you're up next. Let's go. Here we go. This week, industry analysts said the average blank prices could soon rise above $4 a gallon. Milk. Gas prices. This week, the medical trial found a pill that can improve blank by 50% without a CPAP machine.

Sleep. Snorbing. Nouring. Condition. I'll give it to you sleep apnea. Oh, apnea. Yeah. According to new research,

taking a daily blank may slow the aging process. Pill. Sure, what the hell? Multivitamin. On Wednesday, the lineup for the MMA fight at the blank was revealed. That's the square God.

No, the White House. Officials in Georgia are asking parents to double check when they're packing their kids' lunches since one elementary school student accidentally brought blank as a drink for lunch. Oh, it was like an alcohol, cooler or something like that. It was a martini. Yeah.

All right. The canned lemon drop martini looked exactly like a soda, so the mistake was understandable. The martini was taken from the student before he could become the coolest kid in the third grade. But he was able to give his jar of blue cheese, olives, and his pack of smokes. Alzo, how did Joyel do in our quiz? She did all right. She got three right for six more points, a total of eight, which means Rachel is still in the league.

All right. How many then does Adam need to slip up and take it from her? Three to tie, four to win. All right. Adam, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Sunday, Mostaba, Hemeni, was named the new Supreme Leader of Blank. Iran.

Right. According to new data, the U.S. economy lost 92,000 blanks in February. Right. With Michigan confirming their first case of 2026 on Monday, the spread of blank continued. Measles. Right. According to new data, adult blank use reached a record low in 2024. Uh... Phone?

No, cigarette use. This week, a man at a fishing tournament in Texas was arrested after he was caught blanking. Smuggling fish. No, after he was caught putting weights inside the fish he caught to. the fish he caught to cheat at a tournament. Oh, it's awesome. On Thursday, Netflix confirmed it had green lit

a sequel to the hit animated film, Blank. Oh, the K-pop demon hunter. That's the one. On Thursday, Apple began selling their new $600 blank. Shirt. I'd believe it if they were, but it's a laptop. This week, the mayor of a town in Texas

who thought he was running for re-election, unopposed, was shocked when Blank entered the race. His mom. No. A candidate named, quote, literally anybody else. Fair. The new candidate who had his name legally changed to literally anybody else in 2024

is shaking up the race for mayor in North Richland Hills, Texas. That said, he may also face an uphill battle as the race now is the third candidate, someone named that one guy from that commercial. You know, you love that guy. How'so, did Adam do well enough to win? Well, he got four right for eight more points, a total of 13, which gives him one more point than Rachel and the wins. Wow.

I would like to share this. I'm happy for you. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict the big surprising moment at this weekend's Oscars. But first, let me tell you all. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago, in association with urgent hair car productions,

Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Thanks to the staff and crew here at the Studio Baker Theater. BJ Leatherman composed, our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles, Dornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Mahanad al-Shehi and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwyn is a man of much talents.

Emma Choi is our vibe curator, technical directionist from Lorna White. Special thanks this week to Travis Hagan. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse, So senior producer, Ian Chilog, and the executive producer. Wait, wait, don't tell me, is Michael Danforth. Now panel, who is going to surprise us at the Oscars?

Rachel Koster. Kylie Jenner is going to do the Carmina Barana on point. Adam Felby. A contrite Timothy Shalomey will walk the red carpet in a tutu and Viking helmet. Enjoy Elle Nicole Johnson. After her performance, celebrating sinners, Black ballerina Misty Copeland will slap Timothy Shalmay in the face. And if any of that happens,

We'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Alzo Slade. Thanks also to Rachel Koster, Adam Felber Joyal and Nicole Johnson. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Studio Bicker Theater in downtown Chicago. Thank you all for listening wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagle and we'll be back with Bill Curtis next week. This is NPR.