Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Jonna Mendez

Episode Date: September 26, 2020

Jonna Mendez, former Chief of Disguise at the CIA, joins us along with panelists Alonzo Bodden, Dulcé Sloan, and Joel Kim Booster.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Why not celebrate fall with me? A cup of hot Abel cider. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, a man who just had to re-read the instruction manual for his pants, Peter Sagan. Thank you, Bill. And speaking of Bill, we want to take a moment to honor our very own Bill Curtis, celebrating a big birthday this week. He turned 80 years old. So in honor of this, Bill, we got you a present.

We did. We got you the most esteemed and respected person we could find to serenade you. Thanks, Peter. Happy birthday to me. Happy birthday to moi. Happy birthday, Bill Curtis. Happy birthday, legendary anchorman Bill Curtis. Here's to a great and healthy 80 more years, Bill.

Later on, we're going to be talking to Jonna Mendez, the former master of disguise for the CIA. But first, you can pretend to be whoever you want just by changing your voice when you call us. That's 1-888-WAIT-WAIT or 1-888-924-8924 to play our games. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Shakara Barnes. I'm calling from Atlanta, Georgia.

Atlanta? How are things there? Kind of busy, I'm told. Yeah, you know, a little too busy for my taste. Really? Even these days? What do you do there? I'm actually a judge with Georgia's Administrative Court. And so yeah, court has definitely taken a different look these days. Is all court being done over Zoom these days remotely? Or are you actually meeting in person in the chambers? Occasionally, I will go into court, but for the most part, out of an abundance of caution, I've been Zooming along. Is it hard to put the fear of God into various defendants and lawyers over Zoom? Do you have to, you know, just scowl even harder? Yeah, you know, it's actually not that hard for me. Well, Peter, I think I've heard enough. I think she's ready for the Supreme Court.

I think so. She's got the job. She's got the job. She has the gravitas, the charm. I appreciate it. She's ready. Why not? Well, welcome to our show, Shakara.

Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a correspondent on The Daily Show and the host of the podcast, That Black Ass Show. She's got a new movie, Chick Fight, coming out in November. It's Dulce Sloan. Hey, girl. Hi. Listen, you know, I grew up in Atlanta,

so I am very supportive of what's happening right now. Okay, I am too. I'm feeling this. Next, a comedian whose half-hour special you can see on Comedy Central and is a writer for Big Mouth. It's Joel Kim Booster. I gotta tell you, the way you said abundance of caution really, like, did it for me. I'm rooting for you now. Finally, a comedian who could be heard on the podcast Who's Paying Attention on the All Things Comedy Network, it's Alonzo Bowden. Hello, Your Honor.

Shakara, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am ready to hear from the birthday boy. All right.

Bill, please give her her first quote. It's from President Trump. I actually like women much more than men. Now, the president was not filling out his Tinder profile. He'll do that next year. He was setting the stage for a big announcement this weekend. His choice for what position? The vacant Supreme Court. Yes, indeed. The open seat in the Supreme Court. vacant Supreme Court.

Yes, indeed, the open seat in the Supreme Court. Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg made history one last time. She became the first woman to be given the honor of lying in state at the Capitol and also the first woman ever to roll over in state at the U.S. Capitol. Trump has promised, we know, to nominate a woman to take her place. At least the seven, he said. Honestly, Peter, I'm just excited that if someone's going to take away my rights, they're an absolute girl boss slay.

Yes. Representation matters. Yes, girl power to end girl autonomy. Yes, that would be great. I can't wait to hear who Putin, I mean, who the choice is. No, this is, he's getting a dose of reality. When she's laying in state, he went there and they actually started chanting, vote him out. And I think that's only because lock him up was taken.

Right, exactly. Now, the Democrats, of course, are very upset about all this happening, but there's not a lot they can do to stop it. If they win everything in November, they are threatening to pack the court, adding judges to balance out Trump's conservative picks. At this point, it's going to take a lot to even things out, given what's happened. So we look forward to the confirmation hearings for Justice Bernie Sanders, Justice Colin Kaepernick, and Justice Toyota Prius come to life. Well, we'll see. The fortunate thing is that the Republicans are not hypocritical at all, that they actually explain their actions, and they're being fair to everybody, giving America exactly what it wants. It was amazing. They're like, we'll just flip completely. They don't

even flop anymore. They used to flip-flop, and I respect a flip-flop, but when you just flip with no flop, I can't respect that. Now, I'll say this. Say what you will about Lindsey Graham. Go ahead, guys. Say what you will about Lindsey Graham. Shakara, we have another quote for you. Here's Bill.

All right, I'm ready. Anarchists don't have jurisdictions. That's the whole point. That was a New York Times writer tweeting about the fact that what city was declared a, quote, anarchist jurisdiction by the federal government? Was it New York City? It was New York City. This week, the Justice Department declared that New York and a few other cities are, quote, anarchist jurisdictions. That means they won't get any federal funds. Yes, anarchy.

We've all seen it. That's what happens when an a cappella group from Ohio visiting the TGI Fridays in Times Square hears they've released 20 Hamilton tickets at the TKTS booth. You're there in New York, Dulce. How goes the anarchist jurisdiction? They're not working hard enough, apparently. The anarchists, you mean?

People just sitting outside in these here restaurants, enjoying their lives. There's no looting. No one's burning anything down. I mean, the craziest thing that happened was them starting to clean the subways. Like, that was the wildest part. Well, they recently just said you're no longer allowed to defecate in the subways. That qualifies as anarchy in New York. Clean subways.

I grew up in New York, and I was there in the good old days, in the 70s, where you risked your life in the subways back when we cared. Now you can just ride down there like people. You're spoiled, Dulce. You have no idea how it used to be. You think I ride the subway? I should point out that some, the people who are very unhappy about this anarchist jurisdiction are actual anarchists. One of them said, quote, anarchists don't do jurisdictions. We do what's

called prefigurative politics, building new, more equitable worlds now, which is a great anarchist statement because no single word in that sentence is cooperating with any other. All right, your last quote is from British comedian Noel Fielding. Is it scone or scone? That was the host of a popular reality show asking the most important baking question during the first episode of the new season of what?

Oh, gosh. Is it the Great British Baking Show? Yes, it's the Great British Bake Off. Congratulations, America. After a terrible, boring six months, there's finally something new to watch, and it's completely pleasant. Nobody gets fed to a tiger, and nobody's doing it in the hot tub, unless hot tub refers to a pot on the stove,

and doing it refers to making a delicate custard. If you haven't seen it, the Great British Bake Off is a reality baking contest in which 12 contestants from all over Great Britain get together to be super nice and love each other even though they're competing. Just one more way, it's completely un-American. Well, when they tried to do the American version, they lost something.

I had never seen Americans on a reality show be so nice to each other. Well, that's what's weird about it. They put them in the tent and they were like you know what i am okay i just want to make these biscuits i'm fine as opposed to every other american show i didn't come here to make friends you're like this is a cooking show you're on chopped why are you being so rude but i love that show my friend literally texted me today and was like hey the new season is out.

I got a link to seeing you. And I was like, oh, because you learn so much stuff. There's so much technique. Like what have you learned from watching this? Well, I learned, one, the metric system. I know why they didn't teach it to us. Tulsa, you learned the metric system from watching the Great British Bake Off? No, I learned that the metric system is hard. That's what I learned from watching the Great British Bake Off? No, I learned that the metric system is hard.

That's what I learned from watching the Great British Bake Off. She's gotten that far. Yeah, but a tablespoon is still a tablespoon, so they didn't get too far off, right? That's true. That's true. Bill, how did Shakara do in our quiz? The verdict is in, and she is an expert. She got every one right.

Yay! Congratulations, Shakara! Congratulations. Thanks, everyone.. Yay! Congratulations, Cara. Congratulations. Thanks, everyone. Take care. You too. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Dulce, a national park in Thailand has a great new idea for a souvenir for visitors.

After visitors leave, the park will ship what to your house? A plant? Not a plant, no. They don't want you to leave it there. That's why they're sending it to you. Plastic bottles. Close enough. All the garbage you left behind. They will mail it to you. Litter is a huge problem for national parks apparently all over the world. Here in America, of course, we just pile up the trash and put it on Dancing with the Stars. But one park in Thailand has come up with the perfect solution because all guests need to register at the park with their name and address. Rangers can just collect the trash and mail it back to them. Who's the narc? How do you know that's my trash? Yeah, who's the narc? Who's sneaking around the camp? Wouldn't it be easier to just see someone drop a piece of trash and go up

and tell them hey pick that up rather than sort of mark it down and then go and collect it later to ship that's postage you're right and this is why this is why i have always maintained camping is the most ridiculous vacation there is. Why would you work all year, then go out in the woods and pretend to be homeless? Why would you do that? People spend a long time inventing inside. Coming up, our panelists outstay their welcome in our bluff delicitor game called

1-888-WIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wit Wait Don't Tell Me from NPR. Activist Aaron Doerr tells his flock of pro-gun followers on Facebook that he's tirelessly fighting for their Second Amendment rights. But if that's true, why do so many pro-gun Republicans hate him so much? Aaron Doerr is a scam artist, a liar, and he is doing Iowans

no services and no favors. Find out on the No Compromise podcast from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Alonzo Bowden, Joel Kim Booster, and Dulce Sloan. And here again is your host, who just awoke from a beautiful daydream of salad bars gone by, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Isaac Rosa from West Warwick, Rhode Island. Hey, Isaac. I have been to West Warwick, Rhode Island. I just want everybody to know. What do you do there?

No, no you haven't. I really have. Oh, come know. What do you do there? No, I know you haven't. I really have. Oh, come on. What do you do there? I am a second grade teacher in West Kingston, Rhode Island at the Meadowbrook Waldorf School. That's cool. I've always wondered what exactly is a Waldorf School? Based on the Muppets, I just assume that you sort of say mean things to the students from a window, but that can't be right. No, it's a little different from that. window but that can't be right no it's a it's a little different from that um it's an alternative style of learning that's uh yeah we spend a lot of time outside and we spend a lot of time with kind of the uh natural arts are you sure this isn't like some type of harry potter school in first grade it's all about building fairy and gnome houses out of trees and sticks and

things like that we often have kind of rural campuses. Yeah. Yeah, it's Harry Potter. Our school building burned down two years ago, and we rebuilt. So we're rising like a phoenix from the ashes at the moment. You see? You see? Like the order of the phoenix?

Isaac, it's great to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Isaac's topic? Be my guest. My terrible guest. When people tell their guests to make yourself at home, no one actually means it. I mean, have you seen what people do at home? This week, we heard about a notably bad house guest. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize. The weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? Yes, I am. All right. First, let's hear from Joel Kim Booster. It's hard to talk about Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu without bringing up a little

baggage. And today, I'm not talking about human rights violations or annexing parts of the West Bank either. I'm talking about actual baggage, in this case, bags and suitcases full of literal dirty laundry. All foreign leaders are extended the courtesy of laundry services while they stay in America. An iron shirt here, a dry clean dress there, reasonable requests any busy head of state might have. But according to accounts from staff members across multiple administrations, the Netanyahu's, like a college kid home from spring break, bring actual suitcases of dirty laundry for us to clean. But America isn't the only country Netanyahu sees as his own personal laundromat.

The laundry issue first surfaced after reports that the prime minister and his wife took a whopping 11 suitcases on a one-day trip to Portugal in December, which raises a different set of questions entirely. Like, how many dirty pairs of underwear can one despot actually generate? Benjamin Netanyahu, prime minister of Israel, always brings his dirty laundry with him when he visits so that his hosts can wash it. Your next story of a horrible house guest is from Dulce Sloan. In September 1999, Garth Brooks released his Garth Brooks In the Life of Chris Gaines album, and no one knew what to do. Even though the album was a commercial success, it left fans and critics confused.

So Brooks abandoned the rock alter ego professionally, but Chris Gaines has never left Brooks' side. His emo, entertaining, smoky-eyed Mr. Hyde is known to destroy hotel rooms in a very interesting way. He makes everything black. The entire room and bathroom, way. He makes everything black. The entire room and bathroom, wall, ceilings, floors are covered in black paint. The bed linens are changed to black and all the furniture is covered in black fabric. Every lamp is replaced with candles and a candelabra is hung from the ceiling dripping wax all over the room. When asked to pay for damages as he was at the Wyndham Hotel in Rosemont, Illinois in 2014, Mr. Brooks responds that he is not responsible for the damages because Chris Gaines was staying in the room. The hotel was never able to recover the funds to repair the room and is now called the Dracula Suite.

It's booked on Halloween till 2025. Turns out that Garth Brooks is a fine guest, but his alter ego Chris Gaines just absolutely wrecks hotel rooms. Your last one-star visitor report comes from Alonzo Bowden. Many ladies, and not a few men, dream of being visited by the mighty Thor, that is, actor Chris Hemsworth. But beware, because Thor always brings Odin with him, and Odin stinks. The large Mr. Hemsworth has a tiny shih tzu dog named Odin he takes everywhere with him, and Odin, well, he has a gas problem. It's well known in Hollywood that when Chris and his little Odie Wodie come over for dinner, the meal is served outside or not at all. I've spoken to him about it, says his assistant,

Mary, but Chris is like the farmer that can't smell his own livestock. I'll tell you this, I was wearing this mask long before the coronavirus. Rumor has it that Scarlett Johansson demanded to be killed off in the last Avenger movie just because she couldn't take it anymore. We all thought it was cute. Big guy, little dog. Then he visits your trailer, said Brie Larson, who played Captain Marvel. Yeah, my character can breathe in the vacuum of space, but she can't breathe that. All right, here are your stories of an unwelcome guest. Is it from Joel Kim Booster, Benjamin Netanyahu of Israel always brings his dirty laundry for his hosts to do.

From Dulce Sloan, Garth Brooks stays at your hotel, but it's Chris Gaines who leaves a mess. Or from Alonzo Bowden, Chris Hemsworth, great guy, good looking. His dog, very smelly, and he always brings the dog with him. Which of these is a real story of a notable person you don't want to stay with you? Well, in Waldorf schools, we always study Norse mythology around the fourth grade, and I know it's not that one, so I'm going to have to go with Netanyahu's dirty laundry. Your choice is Joel's story of Benjamin Netanyahu. Well, we spoke to one of the reporters who broke this important story. Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu is acting like a college student,

turns home from college and just throws a bag of laundry into mom's hands. That was John Hudson, the Washington Post national security reporter, who reported on Benjamin Netanyahu's dirty laundry. Congratulations, Isaac. You got it right. You're a credit to your school. You've won our prize and, of course, a point for Joel for just telling that story so well. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you so much, Peter. It's great to be on. Great to be on with you. Thank you so much, Isaac. Take care. You too.

And now the game were really interesting. People get asked about things that somehow failed to interest them until now. It's called Not My Job. A lot of people who work at the CIA say it's nothing like the movies. No skullduggery, sneaking around, or disguises. But not Jonna Mendez. She actually did all that cool spy stuff. And for many years, she was the CIA's chief of disguises. Jonna Mendez, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. I'm glad to be here. So I first of all, when I found out that you existed, I also found out that the CIA had a chief of disguise. Is that was that actually your title? A lot of people are amazed at that title. Yeah, we had quite an effort underway in the field of disguise. And and there's

a very famous story just to sort of start right off with your level of expertise that you went in to the oval office with the first president bush disguised as somebody else and he couldn't tell yes yes i was wearing a full face mask came with hair i looked great and and and and according to the story you you asked him to guess what you were demonstrating he couldn't do it and then you stood up and pulled off your face and presumably you know he had been chief of cia i remember that so he kind of knew where the where the level of expertise was this mask i was showing him was just notching it up about four levels i mean it was it was a huge leap in technology and um i told him that i was going to show him the latest disguise stuff that we had

and he's looking like, where's your stuff? And I said, I'm wearing it, but I'm going to take it off and show it to you. And he said, oh, don't take it off. And he got up and he came and he looked and he walked around. He said, okay, do it. So I did that Tom Cruise peel. Yeah. Which should be called the John Amendez peel because I was way ahead of Tom Cruise.

And I'm holding this thing up in the air and the White House photographer took a picture of it. Wow. So we have this moment captured in all time. It took me 10 years before they decided to send it to me. Really? And they airbrushed the mask out of my hand. What? What? In my library, you know, in the wall where you put all your good stuff. I've got a picture of myself sitting in front of the desk of the president of the United States with my finger in the air. It looks like I'm lecturing him. So you got involved in the CIA back in the 60s, right? Because you were dating somebody who, or you're married to somebody who turned out to be in the CIA. Is that right? right? Because you were dating somebody who, or you're married to somebody who turned out to be in the CIA. Is that right? Yeah. I left Wichita, Kansas to go be in a friend's wedding in Germany.

And I basically never went home. Right. I stayed, I got a job at Chase Manhattan Bank. I couldn't, I'd never worked in a bank. I didn't speak German. I couldn't do math. What was the fourth thing? Oh, and I didn't have a work permit and they hired me. I'm never turning down a wedding invite ever again, if that's how it can turn out. When they found out that you got a job in Germany with no banking experience, not speaking German, completely unqualified, was that when they realized you would be an excellent spy? Like you could fake your way through anything? No one ever asked me that question. So you got into the CIA.

Yeah. And did they immediately send you out on spy work, like, you know, to seduce various dignitaries and the things that we all see in the movies? No, I was the secretary for the director of this office called OTS. It was the Q. Oh, you've said this before. You've compared what you did to the Q branch in the James Bond movies. We made the gear, the equipment, the toys that the case officers needed.

Like the laser eyeglasses that turned into submarines, that kind of thing? If you brought us a good idea and it was feasible and you really needed it, we would probably make you one. But we were a little different than the movies because Q would always hand the weapons off and James would lose them. He would break them. He would, you know. I'm sorry.

I just imagine you watching James Bond movies and getting upset about what James Bond was doing with his tools. Like, damn it, James, put it back in the case. That's right. I want to know, how are you allowed to tell us all this? This seems like the kind of information that we're only supposed to speculate about, but never actually know these things happen. They must really know the NPR audience. We've written enough books.

Everything in those books is approved. What's your favorite disguise you ever did that you could tell us about? Well, it would be one that my husband did, but I helped him with it. Before you go on, I should clarify for the audience that your husband, I'm i helped him with it before you go on i should clarify for the audience that your husband i'm assuming you're talking about is tony mendez no now no longer with us yeah who was among many other things the character played by ben affleck in the movie argo that was him that was your husband he's the man who told ben affleck that he wasn't good looking enough to play him whoa it's about time someone took Ben Affleck down a path.

I know. Please proceed with the story. So Tony was showing our office director this new operational technique. We're going to use it in Moscow. Tony's at the end of a hall in a building we didn't use and he's wearing a raincoat, got a briefcase, he's wearing a suit.

He starts walking down the hall. He had 45 steps and 45 seconds to cover this ground. And in that 45 steps, he turned from a man in a business suit with a briefcase to an old lady in a pink scruffy thing with a shawl, gray hair, pushing a grocery cart. Wait a minute. A grocery cart? Where are you getting a grocery cart? That's where you come in. Get this lady out of here. She's a witch. She's a minute. A grocery cart? Where are you going to get a grocery cart? I was with you up until then. Get this lady out of here. She's a witch. She's a witch. I did read where you said that you could make a man into a woman or a woman into a man,

but something about the character of the CIA agents, the men didn't want to have to become women. No, they didn't. Neither did U.S. Marines. Really? How often did you have to ask a Marine to become a woman? Now and then. Wait a minute, was that professional or just a private interest of yours? I want to know if your child won the Halloween contest every year. Always. Really? So are you at all serious? And if so, can you tell us about some of the disguises or costumes that you helped your child create?

can you tell us about some of the disguises or costumes that you helped your child create? Oh, I remember one from Cats, where we can just do, we can do a great cat face. I remember one that was a bunch of pumpkins attached to each other, and then we discovered that no one could go to the bathroom all night because the whole patch had to go, and you know, they didn't want to. Wait a minute. Your child and his friend, I'm assuming he was a son, were all pumpkins attached to each other, so they all walked around as a group? Actually, that was Tony and me.

Oh, I see. You'd think two experienced CIA agents would realize that if they're attached by the stem, they'd have difficulty. We got into that stuff. That was fun. Well, Jonna, it is a pleasure to have you here, but we have, in fact, invited you here to play a game we're calling...

Disguise? Sure. But how about Doze Guys? We were thinking, you're an expert in disguise, but what do you know about doze guys? Meaning, of course, the mafia. Answer two to three questions correctly and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is John Amendez playing for?

Jillian Edwards of Orlando, Florida. All right. You ready to do this? I am. All right. Here's your first question. John A. Gotti is the son of John J. Gotti, the famous mafia don, but his friends and relatives realized that Junior was not cut out for the family business

when he said what? A, quote, wait, you mean dad's not in the sanitation industry? B, quote, let's make him an offer, see if he refuses, and if so, consider our other options. Or C, quote, I love Cracker Barrel, especially the country fried steak. I don't know much about the mafia, but I'm going with C. You're right. Turns out that the young Mr. Gotti fell in love with Cracker Barrel when he was visiting his father in prison in Illinois, and his various family members said, yeah, no. All right. That's one correct. Second question. Mafia guys are known, of course, for their colorful nicknames. Why was Salvatore Vitale, an underboss in the Bonanno family in New York, known as Good Looking Sal? Was it A, before he became a made man, he modeled menswear in the JCPenney catalog? B, he once foiled an attempt in his life by spotting his would-be assassin behind him in a mirror, or C, because he insisted that his underlings call him Good-Looking Sal?

No idea, so I'll guess A. You're going to guess A. No, he was not a model before he became a made man. He just insisted that everybody call him Good-Looking Sal. Apparently, you didn't say no to Good-Looking Sal. I don't know if you were allowed to pick your own nickname. Would you go something that, you know, that complimentary? I don't know. Some people would. I guess so. All right, last question. If you get this, you win it all. Prosecutors believe that the dumbest mobsters ever were the two sides involved in a 2011 crooked deal in New York,

in which what happened? A, one side sold cocaine, which was really crushed up sheetrock, to the other gang for money, which turned out to be counterfeit. B, one gang sold a building they didn't own to another gang, which tried to tow it away. Or C, a gunfight broke out when two gangsters showed up at a party wearing exactly the same pinstriped suit. They're all so good. I'm going with A again. You're going to go with A again. You're right. That's what happened.

The guy's trying to sell the cocaine. It wasn't really cocaine. They got money that wasn't really money. 23 men ended up in jail when all the dust, the sheetrock dust, settled. Well, that explains one of my Saturday nights a couple of weeks ago. Bill, how did Jonna do in our quiz?

Jonna got two out of three. That means she is a dyed-in-the-wool winner. Yay! Love it. Jonna Mendez is the former chief of disguise for the CIA and the co-author of The Moscow Rules. More information can be found at themasterofdisguise.com. Jonna, or whoever you may really be, thank you so much for being

on our show. It was a pleasure to talk to you. This was as fun as I thought it would be. Thank you. That's very good to hear. Thank you. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. In just a minute, Bill puts on his most expensive dirty pants in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. With the passing of Ruth Bader Ginsburg, the president is hoping to fill the seat with a conservative judge. And evangelicals who play an important part in American politics

have been waiting for this moment. But how did evangelicals become such a powerful force? Listen now to the history of evangelicals on the ThruLine podcast from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Alonzo Bowden, Joel Kim Booster, and Dulcy Sloan. And here again is your host, who just discovered in his past life he was also the host of a news quiz, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill orders his gin and tonic

with a twist of rhyme. It's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Rhino panel, it is time for more questions from this week's news. Joel, this week, police in Detroit managed to arrest a, quote, impaired driver. After he had done what at a drawbridge? He tried to drive over it while it was up. No, Joel, he succeeded in driving over it while it was up.

According to the drawbridge operator, the man smashed through the drawbridge's gate, accelerated as fast as he could, jumped the ramp and cleared the gap. It was like a scene out of The Fast and the Furious if Vin Diesel drove a 2002 Dodge Stratus. Sadly, the man barely had time to celebrate his achievement because when his car landed, all four of the

tires popped and the windshield shattered. That's okay, though. No windshield meant it was way easier to give the cops high fives when they showed up to talk about how cool that jump was. Honestly, let him go. Let him off the track. Let him go! The punishment fits the crime, I what crime the detroit the detroit free press said quote it was not clear to investigators why he did it unquote and everybody who has ever driven a car whispered i know why he did it we all know

why he did it we all know we've all wanted to do it. In other related news, a drawbridge operator had his first interesting day at work ever. What about, no, because sometimes him and the troll play lotto and they get a couple dollars. Joel, there's a new restaurant to get drunk and embarrass yourself in because they're now serving alcohol where? The MTA. No. I'll give you a hint. They're also adding beer barrels and wine barrels to go with the one they already have.

Oh, Cracker Barrel. Yes, Cracker Barrel. One more reason for John Gotti Jr. to love it. You can now order booze at America's favorite white person themed restaurant. love it. You can now order booze at America's favorite white person themed restaurant. The company is adding beer, wine, and mimosas to their menu so you can finally drink to forget

how many calories are in that country fried steak. But it's so good. It is a restaurant aimed at Mennonites. Like it is not it does not surprise me that they don't have beer. Reactions have been positive. Maybe the booze will finally help you win that stupid peg game. Plus, if you're a kid, your drunk parents will let you buy all that horrible hard rock candy.

That peg game. Yeah, but there's going to be some rocking chair accidents. Granny's going over. Granny's going over. Also, they're going to have to start putting time limits on those rocking chairs. Because if you have ever day drank on a a porch it's the best time ever in a rocking chair come on imagining i'm imagining things getting nuts of a sunday morning brunch people getting crazy and start grabbing those scented candles in the general store and smashing them to have bar brawls

already enough brawls i can imagine the people at Waffle Hut looking over at Cracker Barrel saying, boy, they don't know how to act. Well, the people don't realize that the missing ingredient to Waffle House is being drunk. Yeah, I mean, you can get drunk at Cracker Barrel and you're finally drunk enough to go eat at Waffle House. Right, because if you ever had

Waffle House sober at 11am, my mom was like, one morning, she was like, let's go to Waffle House. I was like, are we going to get drunk? Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the Contact Us link on our website at waitwait.npr.org. You can check out the Wait Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill in your home asking you questions. It's sort of like having people over. Remember that? Hi, you're on Wait Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Matt from Cincinnati.

Oh, great. What do you do there in Cincinnati? I'm a volleyball coach just across the river at Northern Kentucky University. Oh, that's cool. I've always wondered something about women's volleyball. Okay. After every point, they'll gather together in like a little huddle. Yep.

And then they go out to play again? Yeah. What is going on? What are they doing? They're usually cheering. They're just pumping each other up because volleyball is all about being hype. But they're also talking about their blocking scheme for the next play. But it's just all about celebrating and scheming.

Really, celebrating and scheming. Yes. Those are like two of my favorite hobbies. So I should be a volleyball player. Matt, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a winner. Ready to play? I'm ready.

All right, let's do it. Here's your first limerick. In 1912, northern Atlantic, some iceberg was blamed for the panic. But there was more malice in flares, borealis. The northern lights sank the... Titanic. Yes, new research suggests that the sinking of the Titanic may have been triggered by the northern lights. Specifically, they're suggesting that a geomagnetic storm may have interfered with the ship's navigation equipment. Not that the captain was looking up saying, ooh, pretty, and steering

right into the iceberg. Now, scientists are looking into the claim. It's important to remember that lights are air and icebergs are ice, so it's probably the iceberg's fault. Still props to the iceberg's new PR guy getting this story out there. I didn't know they

had that sophisticated a navigation system that the northern lights were affected. Or are they just saying that the guy who's up in the tower looking was blinded by these colored lights and didn't say turn left? Listen, they thought it was unsinkable. So they were probably not on their guard. They were probably like, we're an unsinkable boat. Let's go have some mimosas and some country fried steaks. And then

an iceberg showed up. Because it's like, I understand a Royal Braless is very beautiful. It's very pretty. Yes. But you still needed somebody being like at the starboard bow going, Oh, ice! Oh, ice! I'm just thinking, Dulce, if they had you on the bow keeping watch,

they'd be alive today. No, thank you. Here, Matt, is your next limerick. Part boar and part swine and real big. They will ruin your crops when they dig. They are fertile year-round and real mean, pound for pound. It's a super breed of feral... I'm going to say feral pigs.

Yes, feral pigs! There are over 9 million feral pigs now in the United States, and the Department of Agriculture has announced plans to curb this rising infestation. It shouldn't be hard. Just start with the ones who built their homes out of straw, then take care of the ones with the stick houses, and

worry about the brick house pigs last. Actually, I read about this these pigs are huge they're enormous they're huge and they're aggressive they're yes yeah they're not easy to kill they're they're like the worst of both right the worst of a wild boar and the worst of uh pigs that are bred to be huge and now they don't know what to do with them. Exactly, and apparently some of these, as you say, these domestic hogs which have escaped and have been bred to be very large, so they have more meat, have been breeding with wild boars, which are naturally aggressive,

and they have resulted in what scientists are calling, quote, super pigs. Why aren't we eating them? That's how you solve... Listen, people have been quarantined. We're looking for new meat. We're all bored with the meat we've been eating. No one wants to eat more chicken. Super pigs. Like, think of how amazing that bacon

got. Super bacon? Super bacon. Super bacon. People love bacon. I'm just thinking it's a little too much work to catch the super bacon. Well, Matt, we have one last limerick for you. Here we go. Part Costanza and part Stanley Tucci. Our pal Peter bought pants that seemed hoochie

because he, quote, works hard pulling weeds in the yard. He's got pre-grass-stained jeans made made by Gucci. Yes, Gucci. Good job. This week, Gucci unveiled their new pair of $1,200 jeans with pre-made grass stains. It's either a bold new direction in fashion or the designer had a long weekend doing yard work and forgot he was supposed to design new jeans by Monday morning. This is infuriating to me because I had to get my grass stains growing up like through blood, sweat, and tears, crying as I mowed the lawn for the upteenth time. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to play PlayStation. This is so like, what is it with rich people? All of their fads go back to wanting to look poor. It's very strange. That is like the richer you are, the poorer you want to look. It is so weird.

Because if you're very rich, poor looks fun. Poor is not fun. But if you're rich, you're like, oh, that looks like fun. Look at him actually working on the lawn. If we're doing grass-stained jeans, is Gucci also making pizza-stained T-shirts? I think you want to keep that idea to yourself until you patent it, or they're just going to be all over it. Damn it! Bill, how did Matt do in our quiz? Impressive. Matt got them all right. 3-0, Matt. Good going. Congratulations, Matt. Thank you.

Hey, thanks so much for playing, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they now can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Alonzo has two. Dulce has two. Joel has four. Oh, my goodness.

All right. Well, Joel's in first place. That means the other two of you are tied. And for just completely arbitrary reasons, I'm going to pick Alonzo to go first. Here we go, Alonzo. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the U.S. surpassed 200,000 deaths from blank.

COVID or coronavirus? Yes. On Thursday, nearly 500 national security experts endorsed blank for president. Biden? Yes, this week the acting secretary of homeland security said that blank were the U.S.'s greatest domestic security threat. White supremacist? Right, on Monday a judge ordered the USPS to treat all blank-related mail as priority mail. Voter-related or mail-in ballots? Yeah, election mail.

According to a new memoir, former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was once so angry at Mike Bloomberg, he threatened to blank. Uh, close New Jersey? No, to sit on Mike Bloomberg. This week, Michael Bloomberg paid the fines for 32,000 felons in blank so they could vote. Florida. Right. This week, a man in Wales discovered that for over a year, every time he turned on his TV, he accidentally

blanked. I don't know. Turned out the lights? He accidentally shorted out the entire town's Wi-Fi. The Welsh town was without internet for 18 months because of this man's vintage TV set. It kept interrupting the Wi-Fi signals. Authorities finally figured it out by

using a device to scan for signal disruptors, which seems like a great first or second day solution, not something you try at month 18. The Wi-Fi is now fixed. Unfortunately, no one can log on because the password is in Welsh, so no one can spell it. Bill, how did Alonzo do in our quiz? He's in good shape. He had five right for 10 more points. He now has 12, and that's the lead. All right, Dulce, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, a GOP-led committee in the Senate said it found no wrongdoing by Joe Biden in his dealings with blank. Ah, Ukraine? Right. On Tuesday, the House passed a budget compromise narrowly averting a blank.

Government shutdown. Right. This week, Johnson & Johnson moved into Phase 3 of testing for their blank vaccine. Coronavirus! Yes. This week, the Royal Mounted Police in Canada investigated claims of a nude man hiking the blank trail. Comet? No, the full frontal trail.

That's what it's called. On Tuesday, the CDC recommended that families avoid blank this October. Or blanking. Trick-or-treating. Right. This week, we learned the co-founder of Costco, Jim Senegal, threatened the life of the company's new CEO, saying he would kill him if the CEO dared to blank. Raise membership fees.

No, close though. Raise the price of their food court hot dog. Wow. People love that $1.50 hot dog and a soda combo from Costco, so much so that when the new CEO suggested raising the price, Wow. Wow. But would you pay $2.50 for it, Peter? No. One of the things that makes it taste so great is it's the $1.50 Costco hot dog and soda. But would you pay $2.50 for it? No. One of the things that makes it taste so great is it's only $1.50. It's awesome. Those are 1975 prices.

1985, actually. It's been priced that way since then. I was going to say 1985. You really love those hot dogs. I really love those hot dogs. Bill, how did Dulce do in our quiz? Dulce has four right, eight more points. She now has ten.

But Alonzo still has the lead with twelve. How many, then, does Joel need to win? Joel needs four to tie, five to win. All right. Here we go, Joel. This is for the game. You got this, Joel. Come on, baby.

On Wednesday, California signed an executive order requiring all cars sold in the state to be blank by 2035. Carbon neutral. Yes. On Tuesday, the CIA said that Vladimir Putin was likely behind an operation to denigrate blank before the election. Joe Biden. Right. On Thursday, the White House press secretary said that despite what he said on Wednesday, President Trump would accept blank. Losing the election.

Right. Later on Thursday, President Trump said that he would not accept blank. Losing the election. Right. Later on Thursday, President Trump said that he would not accept blank. Losing the election. Right. On Tuesday, the Hallmark Channel announced their first Christmas movie featuring a blank couple would air in November. Gay couple. Yes, indeed. On Sunday, Schitt's Creek set a record after sweeping the comedy category at the 72nd Blank Awards.

Emmys coming. Right. This week, a new campaign from Georgia Republican Kelly Loeffler brags that she is more conservative than blank. Um, Ronald Reagan. No, more conservative than Attila the Hun. Oh, shh. What?

While it's unclear from a policy standpoint why you would compare yourself to the guy who regularly put his enemy's heads on spikes, it might help in debates. Of course, Senator Loeffler is from Georgia, so there's a chance she thought it was Attila the Hun with an O, as in, well, bless Attila's heart. Aside from that whole raping and pillaging thing,

he's sweet as pecan pie. It's always sad to hear Yankee do that. I know. Bill, did Joel do well enough to win? Everybody sit down. He had six right for 12 more points. That means with 16, he's this week's champion. There you go.

Oh, I never win. This feels amazing. I'd like to thank my mom. In just a minute, our panelists predict what will be the big surprise twist in the new season of the Great British Bake Off. Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks quite well. Our public address announcer

is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Darius Cook. Our social media manager is Emma Day, and our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program was produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Our Rick Roll historian

is Peter Gwynn. Special thanks this week to Ismail Lutfi. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Wolverine. Dan Forth.

Now, panel, what will be the big surprise on this season of The Great British Bake Off? Joel Kim Booster. Every week will be bread week in order to honor all of those in lockdown. Sourdough, sourdough, sourdough! Dulce Sloan. The grand finale will be a grand display of desserts enjoyed in America, such as pecan pie, moon pies, and 7-Up cake. And Alonzo Bowden. They're going to old school and if you want to bake you got to build your own fire so you start with two sticks.

Well if any of that happens panel we'll ask you about it on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. Thank you Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Alonzo Bowden, Dulce Sloan, and Joel Kim Booster. Thanks to all of you for listening. We made it through the spring. We made it through the summer. We can do the fall. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.