Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Jordan Jonas

Episode Date: March 6, 2021

Jordan Jonas, winner of "Alone", joins us along with panelists Peter Grosz, Charla Lauriston, and Brian Babylon.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey there, Billie Eilish. Do a duet with me, Billie Kurnish. And here's your host, a man whose co-workers have totally forgotten what his legs look like. It's Peter Sagal. totally forgotten what his legs look like. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. And thanks one more time to our fake audience, which is celebrating a full year of being a part of our show. Speaking of the pandemic, if you think that you've been spending a lot of time alone, well, later on, we're going to be joined by Jordan Jonas, the winner of the reality show Alone, who spent almost three months entirely by himself in the Arctic wilderness.

That's right. He had to build his own Netflix out of sticks and fur. But right now, see if you have the survival skills necessary to win a voicemail. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Rich from Walpole, Massachusetts. Walpole? Walpole. Isn't Walpole where the state prison is? It is, yes.

That's one of our claim defense. I do know you're not calling Collect, so I'm assuming you're not in the prison. What do you do there? I manufacture medical diagnostics. When you say medical diagnostics, are these like the things that we're all supposed to be sticking up our nose every now and then? That's exactly right, yes. It's a new product for us, but yes.

You make the brain scrapes? We make one of the brain scrapes. Wow. Can I put in a request for softer and shorter? One size fits all. Well, welcome to our show, Rich. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, joining our panel for the first time,

she's the co-host of the Secret Lives of Black Women podcast, and her debut comedy album, Kar Karate is available on Spotify. It's Sharla Lauriston. Hi. Hello, Sharla. Next, the comedian whose new movie Bad Shrooms Good Trip with Hannibal Buress comes out on April 20th. Tickets at NFT shares at BabylonNFT.com. It's the Prince of Bronzeville.

It's Brian Babylon. Thank you. Hey. It's the Prince of Bronzeville. It's Brian Babylon. Thank you. Hey. Hi, Brian. And finally, it's a writer and actor who can be seen in season four of Search Party, currently streaming on HBO Max. It's Peter Gross. Hello. Hi, Peter.

Hey, Rich. Welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. You ready to play? I am. All right. Here, Rich, is your first quote. The last thing we need is Neanderthal thinking. That was President Joe Biden criticizing the governors who announced this week that they are lifting what? Their state investments. Exactly. And their other COVID restrictions. Vaccine production is up. More Americans are getting the shot every day. Nothing can stop

America's path to recovery. Wait, Texas, what are you doing? No, no, no. Governor Greg Abbott of Texas announced on Tuesday that he was lifting all mask requirements. He's going to allow all businesses to open. And just for good measure, he's requiring all residents to greet each other with something called the Fort Worth face lick. Watching cable news tear this apart has been a fun time. It's truly like watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta. They'll ask someone, did you see that the president called Governor Abbott a Neanderthal? And they're like, girl, he's stupid, girl. They're just bringing people on to start some drama.

They're just bringing people on to talk trash. It's just funny that like you thought you were done with the name calling when Trump left and then Biden comes in and like less than a month it's already Neanderthal and you're like, well, it's not great. It's not great. Yeah, well, it's a longer word. It's like a little smart. It's a little smart.

It's a $5 Trump word. I mean, this is the funny thing. So Biden says that. That's Neanderthal thinking. And all the Republicans, they got upset. How dare he refer to patriotic Americans as Neanderthals? First of all, Joe Biden would know he used to hang out with him. I used to know a guy named Neanderthal Rick.

Lifeguard in a pool. Good guy. Crazy guy. Always chewed. First guy to ever chew gum. I used to know a guy named Neanderthal Rick lifeguard in a pool, good guy crazy guy, always chewed first guy to ever chew gum really terrific he hung out with Scoopy Joe Biden's been telling that story since there were Neanderthals around

do you think Texas still really has this whole cowboy mentality I don't need any stinking badges type of energy we don't need cowboys didn't want to die so i feel like you know we're comparing nope neanderthals don't want to die like this is so clearly something that is risking people's lives it's so irresponsible you know what i am not on a soapbox so i will step down but the republicans are trying to make this weird neanderthal comment into the first big I am not on a soapbox, so I will step down.

But the Republicans are trying to make this weird Neanderthal comment into the first big scandal of the Biden administration. Senator Marsha Blackburn actually rose to defend the honor of Neanderthals. She said, quote, they're protectors of their family. They are resilient. They're resourceful. They tend to their own, unquote. She then dragged Amy Klobuchar out of the Senate by her hair. All right, Rich, here is your next quote. This is terrible news for my lifetime dream of opening a brand new shell station in Petaluma,

California. That was a man named Bobby Lewis on Twitter, where else, reacting to news that Petaluma has now banned all new what? Gas stations? Gas stations, yeah. Gas stations apparently will soon be a thing of the past, and not just because none of us go anywhere anymore. The town of Petaluma, California, has banned new gas stations, and other municipalities will soon follow suit. By the way, thank you, municipalities, a word that is only used when we've already said town we understand it's about moving to a post-carbon future but gas stations were just getting good those little tvs in the pump are my favorite place to see sports highlights from two days ago i hate those tvs with a really hot passion why i don't need screens

when i don't need like a TV. Yeah, you don't need a TV outside. Also, the content, it's not like, oh, I caught the most interesting thing while I was pumping gas. Yes, it's garbage content. It's like, hey, friend, are you done pumping gas? No, I just got to catch the end of the show. No, it's just gas just streaming out of the car while you're watching the end of the Texaco Theater. But there are other things about gas stations we're going to miss. For example,

a gas station is the only place where you say to yourself, you know what a healthy meal option would be today? Combos. Would this town put in a electric charging station? Well, that's the idea. The idea is we're not going to build any more new gas stations. We're going to look forward to a non-carbonized future where we'll build electric charging stations. That's the vision of the future, of course. So it'll all be the same stuff.

It'll just be electric combos and electric ding-dongs and ho-ho's or whatever. It'll be little screens with electric gas station TV anchors wearing presumably tinfoil suits and little space helmets. It'll be a while

for a car to charge. That's the only problem. It's like, what, 45 minutes or, you know. Yeah. Just think of all for a car to charge. That's the only problem. It's like, what, 45 minutes or, you know. Yeah, just think of all the combos you can eat. You absolutely will have no choice about using the bathroom eventually. That's when you need gas station

TV. There you go. Rich, here is your last quote. Go get them, Harry. That was somebody, again on Twitter, eagerly anticipating Oprah Winfrey's big interview with whom this weekend? With the royals, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry. Exactly right. Meghan Markle, Prince Harry, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex.

They are fed up with the incessant prying into their lives by the media, which we know because they scheduled an exclusive primetime interview with Oprah airing nationally this Sunday night. The previews, I don't know if you've been excited about this, they've promised, quote, bombshells about the royal family. What can they possibly be? The queen still gives out birthday cards with five bucks in them. Are they going to accuse the royal family of nepotism? Oh, they just pass on their jobs to their children. Oh, they just pass on their jobs to their children. Now, what's interesting is the royal family decided to preempt any bad publicity by leaking terrible gossip about Meghan in particular before the interview.

For example, Meghan was the subject of a bullying complaint. She was so mean and demanding, we are told, she drove two assistants away. Seriously, people, if you don't want to be treated like a servant, don't work in a castle. I do feel like though, what a power move. And you can't, I can't imagine that everyone's not super pissed about this power move. Like I can't imagine anybody other than a black woman, I'm sorry, just being like, all right, you guys want to play me? Peace out. We're leaving royalty behind because you guys keep wanting to play games so i'm not paying that much attention but enough attention to be delighted well just just just paying enough attention to be thrilled for it do you guys think you know those guys who wear those like

long march simpson afro hats the guards yes why would you describe it that way? I'm a little lost here. But I know exactly what you're talking about. The changing of the guards. You mean the big furry feet? Yeah, the bee feeder guy. I was there one day. I don't think those guys can fight. Do you think if you got them one on one?

Those are not fighting hats. Those aren't fighting hats. That outfit is not tough. That hat is the equivalent of a green beret in America. When we say green beret, they're like, oh, poofy hats. Well, the poofy hat brigade, they're very tough. Those are our best men, the poofy hats. You think they go out after when they're off hours and they don't mess with me, man.

I'm a poofy hat. Yeah, like if you're going to fight somebody, hold on. Let me hold my poofy hat. No, you know what they do? There's got to be like crazy ninja swords and everything inside. That's what it is. That's what they keep their throwing stars. Hey, Bill, how did Rich do in our quiz?

He did great. Three in a row, Rich, from Walpole. Congratulations and stay out of jail. Thanks very much. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye, Rich. Bye-bye. All right, panelists, some questions for you from the week's news.

Peter, pandemic parenting is hard. You know this, but thanks to a new play set from Fisher Price, while you work from home, your kid can now while away many happy hours pretending to do what? Also work from home. Exactly right. A little work set. Fisher Price has brought out the new work from home play set. It's everything your child needs to feel as empty as you do every second of the day the toy has all the work from home necessities a little plastic kid-sized laptop a headset a cell phone it is not a good sign

when your kid opens it up and is like mommy they forgot the daytime work wine i wonder if you have a feature to have the kid when it ends a zoom, just say bye a thousand times. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Am I still that?

Bye. Hello. By the way, the Fisher price work from home play set does come with a little doll that your child can ignore while it has a little DVD player or a little iPad that it puts in front of a little doll and it says, watch this for 10 hours while I work. Exactly. I find any parent, and I'm not going to judge any parent, but if you buy that for your child, you lack imagination. You can get a shoebox and a few things and look, you can make something

like that. Brian, this sounds exactly like judgment. And you just said that you weren't going to do that. You lied. I'm not going to judge you. But here are a series. Here's a series of critical things about the way that you think. Coming up, treat yourself to our bluff, the listener game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, it's Ophira Eisenberg, host of Ask Me Another. I love film, food, TV, and clothes. So I was thrilled to talk with clothing designer, restaurateur, and fresh off the boat series creator, Eddie Huang, about his debut film, Boogie, and play a game with him. Listen now to the Ask Me Another podcast from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Sharla Lauriston, Peter Gross, and Brian Babylon. And here again is your host,

a man who wants you to try his fresh, homemade vaccines, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is John Anderson. I'm from Indianapolis, Indiana. Hey, how are things in beautiful Indianapolis? 60 degrees today and sunny and beautiful outside. There you go. And what do you do there in Indianapolis?

I'm a journeyman meat cutter, which is the fancy way of saying I'm a butcher. You're a journeyman meat cutter. It sounds better that way, by the way. Do you have to go on an actual journey to become a journeyman? Town to town, Sharla. Town to town. I don't know that it's required, but when I did finish my apprenticeship, I traveled for quite a while from town to town, actually, where they needed meat cutters in a store. I was, they called it a floater and I would float from store to store and fill in when

someone was on vacation or they needed help. Who is creating the job titles for these things? These make no sense. This has nothing to do with me. Well, John, it is nice to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is John's topic?

I need to self-care myself. It has never been more important to practice self-care, but self-care can be hard. It's basically like going to a spa where you have to be all the employees. Our panelists are going to tell you about someone who went to great lengths to ensure they spent a little time in themselves. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize. Are you ready to play? I am ready. Let's first hear from Brian Babylon. When police found 19-year-old Jason Solis, he was lying in the dirt in the Arizona desert.

His hands were tied behind his back with a belt and a bandana was stuffed in his mouth. He told the police. Then, once the bandana was removed, he told them that he had been kidnapped by a pair of desperados who boinked him on the head and then spent the day driving him around looking for buried treasure that his father had supposedly hidden somewhere in the desert. Scary! Except, the hospital said his noggin seemed to be fine. And after a week of driving around to places, Solis said the kidnappers took him. They couldn't find any sign that anyone at all had been there on the days in question.

Eventually, the police cracked the case. Young Mr. Solis really did not like his job at the local tire dealership, so in order to get out of working that day, he called in a tip to the police about where to find an injured man. Police said that he'll be charged for false reporting to law enforcement. Good news though, Mr. Solis, he'll be able to practice for an upcoming NBA 2K video game tournament or anything he'll like to do because he's been given the rest of his life off from that job at the tire dealership. A man fakes his own kidnapping in order to get a day to himself off from work. Your next story of someone daring to care is from Sharla Lauriston.

Jill Colson of Starkville, Mississippi had one too many Zoom calls with her kids interrupting when she lost her proverbial marbles and decided she was ready for some me time. But with no babysitters available or any other child care options, she figured her local fire station might be an option. Last Halloween, Colson's boys had gone as firefighters, so she dug the costumes out of the closet and yelled to her kids, let's play Halloween in February. That's a real game, I promise. She dressed them up and dropped the excited pair off at the Starkville fire department, hoping they'd blend in and no one would notice them hanging around the firehouse.

Interviewed later by the local NBC affiliate, Coulson said, it's just like take your son to work day, except I don't work there. Unfortunately, once Coulson got home, ran a bath and lit some candles, those very candles set her drapes on fire. The Starksville's fire department showed up and put out the blaze

with the help of two conspicuously tiny new firefighters who said it was, quote, the best day ever. Colson is currently planning where the boys will go for Halloween in February in March. A mom ships her kids off to the fire station in order to get some time to herself. Your last story of personal pampering comes from Peter Gross. Catherine James of Lake Forest, Illinois is used to getting what she wants. Every week she pays her favorite masseuse, Lawrence Bellows, $500 to come out to her 6,000 square foot mansion and give her a 90-minute deep tissue massage in her temperature-controlled relaxation studio. Babies are less pampered. So when Lawrence told her he was taking

a vacation to Palm Springs, she didn't take the news lying down. The only thing she takes lying down is a massage. So Catherine called up her travel agent. Yes, some rich people still use travel agents and bought a last minute ticket and jetted off to Palm Beach. Upon arriving, she texted him, hey, Lawrence, coincidence alert. I'm here in Palm Beach. Can I pop by for a massage? What hotel are you in? He texted back, actually, I'm in Palm Springs, frowned emoji. Sorry, we got our wires crossed, confused face emoji. Catherine sprung into action, calling back her travel agent, who was busier than he'd

been in years, and booking the next flight to Palm Springs, California. After seven hours in the air and a three-hour labor in Dallas, she finally landed and texted again. Lawrence, I'm here in Palm Springs, cactus emoji. Can I please swing by? Lawrence replied, actually, I'm in Palm Springs, Florida, alligator emoji. It's only a 20-minute drive from Palm Beach, Florida. I thought you'd just take an Uber here, car emoji, crying emoji. When reached for comment, Catherine's response was exploding head emoji, red-faced guy cursing emoji, turd emoji. Alright, here are your choices.

Somebody went to some lengths just to get some time for themselves. Was it from Brian Babylon, a man in Arizona who faked his own violent kidnapping just so he wouldn't have to go to work? From Sharla, a mom who put her kids back in their Halloween costumes as firefighters so that the fire station might take care of them,

or from Peter Gross, a woman who chased her masseuse across the country in desperate search for that massage. Which of these is the real story about someone just looking out for themselves? I think I'm going to go with Peter Gross' story about the massage. Okay, you're going to choose that story. Well, we spoke to someone who Peter Gross's story about the massage. Okay. You're going to choose that story. Well, we spoke to someone who knew a lot about the real story. The police found him by the town water tower.

He was found and cagged. It came out a week later that he had made the whole thing up just to get out of work. That was Aaron Dorman, the reporter who broke the story in the Coolidge, Arizona town newspaper. I'm so sorry. Peter fooled you. I bet it was the emojis. You didn't win, but you did earn a point for Peter just for being so convincing. Thank you so much. And if we ever need meat in Indianapolis, we will know who to turn to. Journey on. Sounds good. Thank you very much for playing.

Take care. Bye. And now the game where people with a particular set of skills suddenly find they have no use for them. It's called Not My Job. Alone is a reality show in which people with advanced survival skills are dropped into the wilderness with limited supplies and cameras to film themselves. And the one who lasts the longest wins half a million dollars. August wins half a million dollars. The winner of the most recent season was Jordan Jonas, who not only lasted 77 days by himself in the Arctic, but actually seemed to be having such a good time he didn't want to leave. Jordan, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, good to be here.

It's a pleasure to have you here. So for people who don't know the show, I described it accurately. The idea is this is a show that was, I think, originally on the History Channel. And they pick you up and they just drop you someplace. Yeah, they just dump you off somewhere in the middle of the wilderness. I imagine, first of all, that the legal disclaimer you have to sign must be the size of an inside of the theater, right? Yeah, of course, nobody read that, but we did sign it. And then they basically just set the helicopter down, give you the boot, and that's it. You have a tap out button when you're ready to quit and you just try to survive and film it while you're doing it. What, what instructions were you given where you said you got to film everything? Oh yeah. We were given, you know,

they give you a quick rundown of the cameras at orientation before they send you out. So you kind of get the basics and then, uh, yeah, they tell you every waking moment you got to be filming. They give you a few different cameras. You know, if you run out of batteries, they'll do a blind drop where they come set batteries on the shore and you go pick them up. And and yeah, if they find you're not filming enough, you'll hear from them. Really? You're sitting there freezing to death in the wilderness and somebody knocks on your tent and says, excuse me. Usually during the medical checks. Yeah, yeah.

And so, and yeah, you mentioned these medical checks, like once a week, they just show up and they make sure you're not dying. Yeah, yeah, that's right. They weigh you, make sure you can continue. If you start to have any signs of organ failure or anything like that, they might pull you. But it's only once a week, right? That's right. It's like roughly, usually more than that, maybe 10 days. So it's up pull you. But it's only once a week, right? That's right. It's like roughly, usually more than that, maybe 10 days.

So it's up to you. It's truly just up to you to like monitor yourself and know. It really is. They do it really good. It's pretty legit as far as what it's advertised as. They do a good job of, well, it's a good job of just leaving you out there. Like what, how do you, how do do you how do you know that you're good at that like did you grow up being just a orphan knowing like oh yeah i can live on the streets

i've lived for a bunch of years in siberia with some native nomadic reindeer herding folks i learned a lot of skills from them wait Wait, you just did that for fun? Yeah, you could call it that, maybe. That sounds like the sequel to The Revenant. The Revenant felt very familiar, yeah. Yeah, look at that. Did you, like,

casually drop that on your competitors during that orientation week? Oh, yeah. I haven't been outside this much since I lived for five years with nomadic reindeer herders in the far northern taiga. And they're all like, I live in Scottsdale.

All they had to do was retort with, yeah, but you look pretty skinny. Put me right in my place. I got the sense that you really enjoyed yourself out there. I did. I did. Yeah, honestly, when it ended, I expected it. I got the sense that you really enjoyed yourself out there. I did. I did. Yeah. Honestly, when it ended, I expected it might go twice as long.

So when it did end, I was kind of asking him if my wife could stay. Really? As long as we'd be out there. It was all set up. We had plenty of food. Well, wait a minute. All right. So give us a sense of this.

So your wife shows up because they bring your wife out to to say you've won and you say what would you show your wife give us a tour if you can of your little campsite well i wanted to show her all the things i showed her what i was using for toilet paper which was my roll of rabbit's feet i had a whole stack of rabbits from actual rabbits well you want to use all of the animals. So I would eat pretty much everything, but there's not much you can do with all those rabbit feet. Jordan, you have to play the lotto, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I understand. So what else? Continue the tour. I showed her and took her to the tour. I had actually saved her a piece of the moose heart that I was really excited to share with her. But by that time, it had dried up to a point that it was completely unappetizing but

the thought count everybody knows you want to get the moose heart in the first couple of months so yeah that makes sense what else what else around there should have known i showed her the little the food cash that i made it was like a little hut on stilts because i knew she'd recognize it from siberia and find it nostalgic. So we just show her around. You found the right woman, man. She loves you. Yeah. Wow.

I asked this question for everybody I know. You were alone for 77 days. A lot of us have been dealing with solitude. Do you have any tips for like how to deal with being alone most of the day? Well, yeah, you definitely, you want to keep busy doing productive things and not, not sit there and just wallow in your loneliness. You know, not having a lot of skeletons in your closets helps. So you're not sitting there thinking about all the regrets and things you should have done.

What a Zen master. Wow. Having good relationships so that, that you know even if you'll be separated for a while you can come back and pick right back up a few things to uh work out kind of before you find yourself in a situation where you're alone for a long period of time did you did you did you have to like figure out a way to entertain yourself in addition to getting means you can't just get up work all all day, eat, work all day. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, aside from just running around with my boat, trying to hunt things, which was really fun, I made a deck of cards, played some solitaire, did some – I thought you were going to say you did episodes of The Office and you played every character. I did do a lot of dumb skits. I was really hoping some of them would make it on and a couple of them did, but the one I was hoping the most would make it was the invasion of Normandy,

but that didn't make the cut. So like, tell me how you reenacted the invasion of Normandy by yourself. Well, I had a, I was on a beach fortunately so i had the beach yeah okay this was uh i could put a hat on if i was a german and take it off if i was the american and do bounce back and forth between charlie and fritz and we'd fight each

other these people are worrying about surviving and jordan's got a wardrobe for his skits. Yeah, you were thriving, man. Literally thriving. Well, Jordan, Jonas, obviously we could talk to you all day, but we have in fact asked you here to play a game we're calling... You'll Wish You Were Alone. You spent months alone in the wilderness, as we have discussed. We thought we'd ask you about an experience that happens with a very large gathering of people in the wilderness, namely Burning Man. Answer two out of three questions correctly, you'll win a prize. One of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might like in their voicemail.

Bill, who is Jordan Jonas playing for? Heather Walsh of Los Angeles, California. You haven't been to Burning Man. Have you ever burned a man to keep warm? It's a whole different story. I guess so. We won't get into that. All right.

First question. Burning Man is this festival, of course, where tens of thousands of people descend on the Nevada desert for a week at the end of the summer. And as you can imagine, sometimes people get hurt. The festival was sued once by a man who injured himself. How? A, he snorted one whole pound of confectioner's sugar

because he was convinced it would eventually turn out to be cocaine. B, he claimed his aura was damaged by an ancient spirit who was annoyed by all the electronica music. Or C, he walked right into the Burning Man bonfire while it was burning. Which one's the true answer? I'm going to have to go with B. You're going to go with B, that he claimed his aura was damaged by an ancient spirit.

Sounds about right. No, it was actually three. This guy decided the cool thing to do would be to walk into the Burning Man bonfire when they burn the man. And he said that the organizers of Burning Man should have prevented him from walking into the Burning Man at Burning Man while it was burning. Yeah. All right. That's okay. You still got two chances. Burning Man is, of course, famous for its committed countercultural vibe, leading to which of these people going there to spread their guru-like wisdom to the masses? A, 89-year-old sexpert Dr. Ruth, B, former Congressman Dennis Kucinich, or C, Fozzie Bear the Muppet?

I'm hoping Dennis Kucinich wins. You're right. Dennis Kucinich wins. He did. He spoke the same year that anti-tax zealot Grover Norquist spoke. Counterculture for the win.

All right. This is fabulous. Pressure's on now. If you get this one right, you win. Despite the anarchic vibe, every day is packed with organized activities

at Burning Man. At the last Burning Man, they managed to hold in the desert in 2019, you could do which of these? A. Bob Ross and Chill, where you go to watch old episodes of The Joy of Painting while listening to dance beats. B. An event called This is a Room Full of Balloons, which is in fact just a room full of balloons. Or C. The Insults Booth, which warns it will make you cry like the pathetic human that you are. I'm going to have to go with A. Yes, you're right. Of course, all of them were actual events that you could have enjoyed at 2019 Burning Man.

Bill, how did Jordan Jonas do in our quiz? Two out of three. He won our event. Good luck. Congratulations. That's two huge wins. Yeah, totally. Jordan Jonas is a survival expert

and the winner of season six of Alone. You can find out more at jordanjonas.com. Jordan Jonas, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Congratulations. That was amazing to watch you, man. It's an honor. Thanks, guys.

Thank you so much for playing. Bye, Jordan. That was so awesome. Bye-bye. Bye, guys. That was so awesome. Bye-bye. Bye, guys. In just a minute, Bill orders room service from E.T.

It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, Up First listeners. You listen to this show for NPR's take on the top stories each morning, but the news doesn't stop in the afternoon. That's why we created Consider This, a daily NPR podcast that goes deep on a single story each day with context, backstory, and analysis. It's not just information. It's what the news means. Consider This. Listen now. Consider this. Listen now. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Brian Babylon, Peter Gross, and Sharla Lauriston.

And here again is your host, a man who wants to know if his Invisalign counts as a tiny face mask, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill spins straw into gold with his friend, Rimpelstiltskin. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. Brian, one year into lockdown, the New York Post reports that Zoom meetings are leading more and more men to do what um give me a slight a slight a slight hint well then up for men it's not called smoky eye it's called like applewood bacon oh you know what i think men are yes they are too men are touching up their makeup. Exactly right, Brian. Men who wouldn't otherwise know a Sephora from a pair of pantyhose are now turning to makeup to look younger on camera, not realizing everybody in Zoom is just looking at their own face anyway. There are a bunch of new products aimed at men like Manscara and Guy Shadow and lipstick that's actually just a stick you hit yourself on the lip with

peter you you know we've we've done that show windy city live and we have oh my god and they put makeup on you they do and i saw what i look and i get it you get your pretty boy on it's it you feel you just feel good you just feel you feel like that inner denzel like everything is clicking and then you look up it's all on your collar and you're like gross this is really great i mean now even a man's man can get into things like contouring and pretty soon like home depot will bring in a makeup section with products like eyebrow spackle oh we'll have to mix up that color for you. How many gallons of this lip tint do you need? So the good news is now that men are wearing makeup,

there will soon be legislation to have makeup covered by your health insurance. Ooh, that's true. Boom, boom. All right, it is time for a new game that we're calling... I have good news and bad news. We're all trying to be more optimistic this year, but sometimes you can't help it.

Things just take a turn for the worse. So we're going to ask you rapid fire style about some news stories we saw this week that seemed like good news. You tell us why they actually ended up being bad news. You ready to play? All right, real quick. Peter, the good news.

Here's the good news, Peter. SpaceX's new unmanned prototype, Starship SN10, successfully took off, executed this cool flip in midair, and came back down for a perfectly safe landing. That's the good news. What's the bad news? The bad news is it was not supposed to come down. No, the bad news was it then blew up.

Eight minutes later, it exploded on the launch pad. So just remember, if you fly SpaceX, deplane quickly. Brian, the good news a maskless woman in a supermarket in south africa was asked to cover her face and she did what's the bad news she did it with her underpants that's exactly right they said you gotta put on a mask she said fine she reached under her skirt she pulled off her underwear she put it on her face even worse it was a thong so it didn't completely cover her face. I can't believe it. You're gasping, Sharla.

You're gasping. Come on, lady. Well, you know, she was trying to make a point. Finally, Sharla, the good news, a priest in Brazil, despite the pandemic, was able to make the rounds in his neighborhood. He visited two supermarkets and a pharmacy in the course of just one hour. What's the bad news? He got COVID?

No. Peter, do you know? He got COVID? No. Peter, do you know? He had COVID to begin with? No. The bad news was he robbed all three places. The priest robbed all three stories with a plastic gun. He says he was just abiding by the Bible verse, blessed are the meek, for they shall hand over the cash.

No marked bills. Put it in the bag. Quick, quick, quick. Who was this? Guido Father Sarducci? Something like that. And now the good news is the game is over. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to

listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. Also, follow us on Twitter at WaitWait, or on Instagram at WaitWaitNPR, where our intern Emma is slaying. That's the word she told me to say. Slay, Emma. Hi, you're on WaitWait, Don't Tell Me. Hi. Hi, who's this?

This is Steve Bowden from East Lansing, Michigan. Hey, how are things in East Lansing? Pretty good. Unseasonably warm, then cold and then warm again. It's like that. It'll just keep happening. What do you do there? I am a digital media producer, which is a fancy way to say videographer at the MSU College of Music. So you're like doing video production for the College of Music, all the musicians there. Yeah. I guess you're pretty busy since everything has to be online these days, right? Yes, very busy. A lot of people ask me if I'm doing less, but I feel like I'm doing just as much, if not more. I can imagine. I can imagine.

Well, welcome to the show, Steve. You're going to play the limerick challenge. That means that Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play? I am. All right, here's your first limerick. In the depths where we hunters embark, our fins and teeth glow in the dark.

Our luminous aura just adds to our horror. Now Jaws is a great glowing... Shark? Yes! Glowing sharks were discovered off the coast of New Zealand, and no, they were not really fun fruit snacks for kids. The phenomenon is called bioluminescence, which is when animals come with utilities included,

and it was discovered in three species of sharks, now known as the kitefin shark, the blackbelly shark, and the lantern shark. They mostly use the light so they can see which person they're eating. That's also called mushrooms at the beach. Maybe. During the daytime. One, we just want to wonder about the marine biologist who saw a glowing shark and was like, you know that shark that was glowing?

It's fin kind of looks like a kite. I'll call it a kite fin. You know what I don't like about sharks? What? The way they look at you. How often does a shark look at you, Brian? At the aquarium. When you go to that big tank, it's that shark that always floats by real slow with the eyes on the side of the face.

It's like, what are you looking at? But he won't give you real eye contact, but his side eye eye contact. Wait a minute. Are you saying you want sharks to be more frank and direct with you? I mean, give me a little something. Let, let you know that he knows you're there and respects you.

Yeah. I respect you. Cause you'll eat me, but respect me for living my life, man. Let's keep this balance. They should do an alone show where they put someone in the ocean and they see how long they can last down there.

Here is your next limerick. Because the shoreline is just past our reach, we New Yorkers all rush, curse, and screech. So construction is planned to import tons of sand. What Manhattanites need is a beach. Yes, a beach. Manhattan is getting a beach. And, a beach. Manhattan is getting a beach. And it's only

going to cost $70 million, or about the same price as a one-bedroom apartment in Tribeca. The sandy beach will extend into the Hudson River, you know, the river where all those bodies wrapped in rugs are floating. Sandy beach? The best they could come up with was the name Sandy Beach.

No, I don't know what they're called. Water Beach. The one thing the New Yorkers don't have is like a sandy beach. The new waterfront project will jut right out of Manhattan's meatpacking district, which is sure to give the beach that fresh slaughterhouse feel we all love to escape to. Oh, wait a minute. Just in. The meatpacking district is now mostly art galleries and high-end condos. Fine.

Instead, the beach will have lots of dog poop from tiny little fashion dogs. And that's my biggest fear about that. All those pretentious dog people with those little dogs and those little bags of dog stuff. I'm just really nervous about New York having a beach. Really? Why? Why is it going to be? I think it's going to be gross.

Some places should just accept that they're not beach places. Yeah, you're not a beach place. It's going to look like an ashtray at a poker game in two days. They should call it ashtray beach and not sandy beach. Just go right there. Alright, very good. Here is your

last limerick. All the rooms have a view of Earth's face and its time zones not easy to place. The rates are not subtle and there's no free shuttle to see the hotel out in space. Space. Yes, yes. A space hotel, a company called Orbital Assembly, has been actively working towards creating a space resort in low Earth orbit that they think could open as soon as 2027. They, of course,

have a few details to work out, like how to get those little mints to sit on pillows in zero-G. Apparently, the resort will have plenty of amenities, you know, the same ones we love in our Earth hotels. It'll have spas and bars and ice machines with ice made from recycled urine. The easiest job at the

space hotel is definitely the concierge, right? Excuse me, are there any good places to eat nearby? No, we're in space. Mars is open. We should at least pretend that we're trying to keep Earth alive. We're already deciding. Other planets. Oh, no, it's fine. We can destroy the planet.

There's a Hyatt in low Earth orbit. Bill, how did Steve do in our quiz? Steve got the trifecta. Three in a row. Congratulations, Steve. Really well done. Thanks, how did Steve do in our quiz? Steve got the trifecta. Three in a row. Congratulations, Steve. Really well done. Thanks, Steve. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. Take care. Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Well, Brian, Sharla, and Peter are all tied with three. Okay, you're all tied. So, Brian, why don't you go first? Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, New York Governor Blank says he will not resign over allegations of sexual harassment. Uh, nipple ring Cuomo. No, or Andrew, as he is often known. On Monday, a court in France sentenced former President Blank to three years for corruption. Sarkozy? Sarkozy, close enough. This week, a watchdog group found that former Secretary of Transportation

Blank had used her office to benefit her family. Elaine Chao? Right. This week, a woman in Tulsa was arrested on charges that she had blanked her neighbor's goat. Uh, cooked. Painted it blue after an announcement that six of his books would no longer be published due to offensive content, Blank shot up the bestseller charts.

The good Dr. Seuss. Right. On Sunday, Beyond Meat announced a new partnership with fast food giant Blank. McDonald's. You're right. 12-bit performer Aaron Veidight is favored to win the award for Best Actor at this year's Tony Awards because he is blank. Dead.

No, the only person nominated for Best Actor in a Musical. Thanks to the pandemic temporarily halting all theater productions, Moulin Rouge's Aaron Twight was the only person nominated for Best Actor in a Musical at this year's Tony Awards. But here's the thing. Because of the way Tony voting works, he can still lose.

Do you have to get a certain percentage of voters? Apparently, how awful would it be to anxiously wait for the envelope to open in here and the Tony goes to B, none of the above. And then the camera's on you because you're the only person on camera and you have to be happy for nobody at all.

Also, when is B, none of the above? It's got to be D. There's A, Aaron's fight. B, none of the above. That's all they got. Bill, how did Brian do on our quiz? Brian had five right. For 10 more points, he now has 13 and the lead. All right. All right, Charlie, you're up next. Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Democrats announced plans to narrow who could get checks in the new blank bill. COVID relief. Yes. Following opposition from Republicans, the White House withdrew the nomination of blank to head of the Office of Management and Budget.

Nina Tandon? Close enough. Nina Tandon. This week, the House canceled their Thursday session after being warned of far-right extremists who plan to attack the blank. Capital. after being warned of far-right extremists who plan to attack the blank. Capital. Yes. In London, passengers were delayed for hours, and a high-speed train was taken out of service because it blanked.

Stopped. It had a cat on it. On Sunday, Costco raised its blank to $16 an hour. Minimum wage. Yes. Thanks to a state Supreme Court ruling, police in Washington have been told to stop making arrests for blank. No masks. No, no, no more arrests for possession of marijuana.

This week, a woman told BuzzFeed that thanks to recent events, she now regrets getting a tattoo that simply said blank. Pill popper. No, she regrets getting a giant Q tattooed on the back of her neck. Oh, God. The woman says that she got the tattoo years ago as part of an inside joke between her and a friend. It was definitely not a reference to Q, the deep state source at the heart of QAnon, which is exactly what Q would say. Am I right? It's pretty embarrassing now.

But honestly, the worst thing about having a giant Q tattoo is that it is useless unless she's standing next to someone with a giant U tattoo. Bill, how did Charlotte do in our quiz? Good start for a first-timer. She had four right for eight more points. She now has 11, but Brian still has the lead with 13. Okay, and how many, then, does Peter Gross need to win? Well, Peter needs five to tie, six to win. All right.

Here we go, Peter. This is for the game. Fill in the blank on Monday. The White House announced they'd allow separated blanks to be reunited in the U.S. Families. Right. Investment app Robinhood is now facing over 50 lawsuits over its decision to suspend trading of blank. GameStop?

Right. This week, security forces continued their violent crackdown against people protesting the military coup in blank. GameStop? Myanmar. Russia. SpaceX? Right. After receiving a $9,000 electric bill, a man in Blank filed a $1 billion class action lawsuit against Gritty Energy Company. Texas? Right. This week, a plastic surgeon came under fire after he attended virtual traffic court while blanking.

Doing plastic surgery of some kind. Exactly right. The plastic surgeon attended a Zoom traffic court hearing mid-operation, showing that not only is he a bad driver, he is a bad doctor. The court session started off really well when the judge said, it looks like you're in an operating room. The doctor said, I am. While both the judge and the medical community are upset

about the incident, the patient just said I have no complaints from his mouth, which is now on his elbow. Bill, did Peter do well enough to win? Well, he did very well. Seven right for 14 more points. His total is 17. He is the champion this week.

Congratulations, Peter. That was very, very strong. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists, after Harry and Meghan, who will be Oprah's next big get, and what bombshell will they drop? Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godega writes our limericks, our house managers, Gianna Capodona, our intern is Emma Choi, our web guru is Beth Novy,

BJ Lederman composed our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Moo Dernbos, and Lillian King. Our tutor is Peter Gwynn. Technical program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Moo Durnboss, and Lillian King. Our tutor is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me,

is Mike Gwendolyn Danforth. Now, panel, who will be Oprah's next big interview? And what will we hear? Brian Babylon. It will be Baby Jane, because whatever happened to her. Sharla Lauriston. It'll be Bruce Springsteen

and he'll tell us about how much of a diva Barack is. And Peter Gross. It's going to be a lone winner, Jordan Jonas, who will reveal that he's in development

with Netflix for a limited series called The One Man's Reenactment of the Invasion of Normandy by a Crazy Person. If any of that happens, panel, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Sharla Lauriston. Great job, Sharla. Peter Gross and Brian Babylon, thanks to all of you for listening. The world is thawing, and maybe we are too. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.