Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Karamo Brown

Episode Date: March 7, 2020

Karamo Brown, reality TV personality, joins us along with panelists Mo Rocca, Faith Salie, and Demi Adejuyigbe.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Get quarantined in my stateroom. I'm your carny Bill Cruz. Bill Curtis. And here is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. We have a really fine show for you today, and it's not only going to be a good one, it will be useful because later on we're going to be talking to Karamo Brown from Queer Eye.

He's the guy whose specialty isn't fixing your hair or your clothes, but fixing your life. He has put together on that show so many moving moments and reconciliations, you could power a hydroelectric dam with the tears. So we'll give him a chance to fix all of your problems as soon as he fixes ours. But in the meantime, give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Amanda Long from Falls Church, Virginia. Falls Church. That's one

of those rustic places that's now like a suburb, right? Exactly. Lots of Best Bars and TJ Maxx's. Oh, how quaint. I do love to go down through the rolling Virginia hills to see the best buy. Welcome to the show, Amanda. Let me introduce you to our panel. First, she's a writer whose solo show Approval Junkie opens off Broadway for a limited run starting March 17th at Audible's Minetta Lane Theater in New York. It's Faith Saley. Hey, Amanda.

Thank you. at Helene Theater in New York. It's Faith Saley. Hi, Amanda. Next, it's the author of the New York Times best-selling Mobituaries, Great Lives Worth Reliving, and host of the Mobituaries podcast. It's Mo Rocca.

Hi, Amanda. Hello, Mo. And making his debut on our program today, he's a comedian who was a writer on The Good Place and The Late Late Show with James Corden. He hosts Everything's Great every month at the Dynasty Typewriter in L.A. It's Demi Odija-Ibe.

Hey, Amanda. So we're all here, and it's time to get started. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose on our voicemail.

Are you ready? I'm ready. All right, here's your first quote. It's a man having a moment of confusion Tuesday evening. This is my wife. This is my sister. They switched on me. That was somebody who might have been a little

confused as to who his family was, but knew that he won big on Super Tuesday. Who was it? It is Joe Biden! Amazingly, Joe Biden came from nowhere and took back frontrunner status from Bernie Sanders. It was just like that classic fable,

The Tortoise and the slightly older tortoise. Biden now has to consolidate the splintered Democratic Party under his banner with the slogan, Hey America, get on my lawn.

Biden and Bernie, it's like grumpy old men 2020. You know, the real stars of Super Tuesday were his Biden and Bernie and it's like grumpy old men 2020 you know the real stars of Super Tuesday were his were his wife and well

his wife and sister but really his wife yes and his senior advisor Simone Sanders no relation I don't think it's Bernie Sanders' wife

she had worked for Bernie Sanders but now she works for Biden and so these protesters rush the stage. Vegan protesters, right?

Lunging vegans rushed the stage. And Jill Biden and this woman, Simone, they just body check them. They did. And Jill Biden just stood there. No, Jill Biden came off the line like a weak side linebacker. I don't want to provoke something nasty here, but do you think if those protesters ate meat, it would have ended differently?

If they had a little more protein. They would have felt low-G, I think. This is crazy because three weeks ago, Joe Biden was so out of it, we didn't bother making jokes about him. Then on Tuesday, he won Virginia, Minnesota, Massachusetts, Texas. Wait, this just in, Joe Biden just won Bill's voice on his answering machine. He won states that weren't even states when he began his political career.

I know. I've won the Dakota territory. Well, what happened? Well, if you're a Biden voter, then it's that moderate Democrats follow the lead of African-Americans and chose a steady known quantity who has a good chance in November. If you're a Bernie voter, the night was even worse for Michael Bloomberg, who spent $500 million to only win American Samoa when he could have just picked up a box of Samoas for five bucks from a Girl Scout. It literally would have been cheaper for him to buy American Samoa. It's just an island or two.

For $500 million, I would demand that they throw in Guam. I know. This is a little bonus. For your next quote, Amanda, here is the president of these United States. I haven't touched my face in weeks. And I miss it. Mr. Trump said he was not touching his face because of what?

The coronavirus. The coronavirus, yes. We have gone from concern about coronavirus to worry to full-on panic, especially because experts are telling us to stop touching our faces, and it is impossible to stop touching your face. If you want to find out how not touching your face

keeps you alive, ask the nearest Tyrannosaurus Rex about it. It is impossible. If you don't touch your face, how do, ask the nearest Tyrannosaurus Rex about it. It is impossible. If you don't touch your face, how do you know it's there? It's actually made me really hot for my face that I can't touch my face. The president, by the way, said that

at an appearance or a press availability, and then he immediately touched his face seconds after saying he's not touching his face anymore. It's possible he just doesn't feel it through the orange foundation. Listen, dealing with a nation in crisis may not just be in his skill set. You can't do everything. You can't be good at everything. Maybe like when the nation is terrified and in need of someone to calm them and reassure them.

That's maybe just not his bag. That's when you put them in the hands of Vice President Mike Pence. I have now a whole assortment of hand sanitizer because one cent is not enough. I feel like it's aromatherapy. Don't use it, Faith. Hoard it, and then after the apocalypse, you can trade it for gold.

Because it is, in fact, more valuable than gold. I don't know if you're aware of this. There are people trying to sell bottles of hand sanitizer on Amazon for like 300 bucks because there just isn't enough of the stuff. But it turns out, you'll be happy to know, that you can make it at home. You just get a bottle of aloe vera lotion and a bottle of cheap vodka,

and then you drink enough of the vodka so you just don't care anymore. I am kind of upset about the rise of artisanal hand sanitizer recipes on the Internet. You're going to look for one, and you're going to find a good one, but to get to it, you're going to have to scroll through 20 paragraphs about the time the author traveled through Tuscany and came down to Giardia. I can't wait to shake hands with someone and go,

Grey Goose? All right, Amanda, here is your last quote. It's not good, but it's something. That was Daily Variety's review of the new hit dating show on Netflix, Love is Blind. That's the name of the show,

but that is the show where people fall in love and get engaged all without what? Seeing each other. Seeing each other, Amanda. What? Amanda, do you know this show? Do you watch it? I did not stay up till 2.30 in the morning

the other night watching this show. I did not. No. Well, perhaps you then, like many others, watched The Bachelor and said to yourself, you know, it's humiliating, but it doesn't really highlight enough how human beings are ridiculously shallow attention addicts.

In this show, groups of men and women are put in, quote, pods where they can only speak to each other, and they keep doing it until somebody proposes marriage sight unseen. Now, you may scoff, but until the coronavirus thing is done, this is how all dating will be done. I feel like blind people look at this show and go, you're choosing to do this. Can I just tell you that this week,

the host of The Bachelor was hosting a different special, which was Nick Wallenda walking across a volcano in Nicaragua. But when I turned on the TV, all I saw on the TV, all I saw was the host of The Bachelor and a giant volcano. And I thought, this is a new twist on The Bachelor. Are the girls that aren't chosen

thrown into the volcano at the end? Bill, how did Amanda do in our quiz? Amanda knew every answer. Congratulations. Well done, Amanda. Thank you so much. Congratulations, Amanda. Well done, Amanda. Thank you so much. Bye-bye. All right, panelists, some questions for you about the week's news.

Mo, marketers love to follow social media influencers to get advance warning of the next hot trend. A new study has found another group of people they should be watching, a group of consumers who unfailingly predict products that will what? That will fail. Exactly right. Yes. Researchers at Northwestern University conducted a study using shopping reward card data and found there are a group of people who are consistently drawn to products that the rest

of us would find terrible. there are a group of people who are consistently drawn to products that the rest of us would find terrible. I think people who love watermelon Oreos or thought the best season of Game of Thrones was the last one. Do these people know they're being tracked, that they've been selected? I hope they don't because the researchers have called these people, and I quote them, harbingers of failure. They have like loser dust all over them. Exactly. They found their track record of picking failed items so reliable that a newly introduced product was statistically less likely to survive

if these people liked it. Let's hope they don't listen to this. Wait, were there really watermelon Oreos? I can't say for sure that I know. Okay. So these people just have a soundtrack following them of like, wah, wah. Exactly. Someone in this audience

is like, wait, I loved those Oreos. I know. It's not just retail products. The study looked at campaign donations and found that zip codes where a large number of Harbingers live tended to donate more money to candidates who ended up losing.

This is all true. Amy Klobuchar could have dropped out weeks ago and saved so much money if she had only noticed that all her supporters were wearing MC Hammer pants. Coming up, our panelists celebrate Mother's Day early and our Bluff the Listener call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Faith Saley, Mo Rocca, and Demi Adejuibe. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Richie from Montreal, Quebec. Hey, Richie, how are things in Montreal?

Great, pretty cold, but getting better. I've got to ask you, are you Canadians feeling pretty smug about us Americans right now? Yeah, I actually just had a big surgery and I left without paying any sense, so. Ah. Wow. Lord it over us. I will. Well, Richard is not...

Are you sure you're from Canada? Richard, it's nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Richard's topic? And mom of the year goes to mom. Being a mom is a lot of work.

Kids don't realize how hard it is just to get your helicopter parenting license. But this week we read about a mom who went above and beyond. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yeah, I'm ready. First, let's hear from Mo Rocca.

If only she could have held her baby inside her for another two days. An anonymous British mother of a four-year-old took to the website Mumsnet to explain her parental plight. Her son was born on December 26th, also known as Boxing Day, a bank holiday, and worse yet, a date that can never compete with the day that comes before it. On his last birthday, he really misbehaved. Due to being bored, having had far too many presents on Christmas Day, let alone more on his birthday, I felt sad for him as we couldn't make it special. But wait, she's not done complaining.

The weather this past December 26th was rubbish, so we wouldn't even go out for a nice walk or play in the garden. Her proposal? Change her son's birthday to December 28th, a day known for good weather, right? Everything would be open again so we could go to lunch, McDonald's, whatever he wants to do. But one user was quick to shoot her down. His birthday is the 26th. It's crap, but it is what it is. Pretending it's a different day will be confusing when he's older, not to mention it's simply lying to him so you don't feel guilty. A British mother tries to change her son's birthday so it's not Boxing Day. Your next story of a mother who went that little extra distance

comes from Faith Saley. Like many children, Delphine Babineau of Versailles loves the ballet. She also loves happy endings, which is why her very thoughtful, very rich mother, Anaïs Archambault, decided that for Delphine's sixth birthday party, she'd take her daughter and 12 friends to see Swan Lake at the Paris Opera Ballet.

But first, Archambault needed to change the entire ending of Swan Lake. Those familiar with Tchaikovsky's famous ballet know that in Act IV, the cursed Princess Swan, Odette, and her devastated lover, Siegfried, fling themselves into the lake to die together. It's not clear how a bird who swims can drown itself, but that's beside the point. Archambault, being the world's greatest maman,

did not want her daughter to witness a double suicide on her birthday. So she paid the Paris Opera Ballet to re-choreograph the denouement. It took two weeks of rehearsal and a 2.5 million euro donation to the Paris Opera to have the entire company throw out the choreography of Rudolf Nureyev and replace it with a dance to delight Delphine and her friends. For the finale, Odette and Siegfried jump into the lake and then emerge as two glittery unicorns flying through the air

while six-year-old girls threw macarons at them. while six-year-old girls threw macarons at them. A French mother pays the Paris Opera Ballet to change the ending of Swan Lake into something more cheerful. Your last story of a mother doing what mothers do best comes from Demi Odige-Ibe. There's no substitute for a mother's love, but if you're looking for a substitute for a mother's child, why not try a mother?

Recently, a woman in Wales was discovered to have been going to great lengths to help her son in school by attending school in disguise and taking his tests for him. She claimed the scheme started as one science project, but continued when Jimmy B said he was going to have a bounce house at his birthday, because no way was she missing that. The school released a statement upon learning of the ruse, saying they're disheartened by the lengths the woman has gone to stunt her child's education. They were also

surprised that a grown woman could ever disguise herself as a little boy, a truly shocking way to reveal Welsh people don't yet know about Bart Simpson. Fellow students weren't as convinced by the disguise, though. They knew something was up when she was the only student who could correct the gym teacher's sex ad lesson. The school was set to call the mother into the principal's office for punishment until she was bailed out by a very small woman wearing pearls and a pair of heels that were way too large for her

clearly pubescent feet. The woman promised that she would deliver a swift punishment for the child herself, telling the child, no more Julianna Margulies movies for a whole month! Alright. Richie. One of these stories about a very protective mother is true.

Is it from Mo Rocca, the British woman who actually wants to change her child's birthday because Boxing Day is just no fun? From Faith Saley, a French mom who actually paid the ballet to make Swan Lake more upbeat, or from Demi, a Welsh mother who attended school in disguise to take her son's tests. Which of these is the real story of a mother going the extra distance? I think it's the first one, and even if it's wrong,

I want Mo to get the point, so. Oh, so much. Wow. Many people have fallen under his spell. I cannot blame you. All right. Well, you've chosen Mo's story of the British mother concerned with her son's birthday. Here's someone who knows a little bit

about the real story. Wanting to change her son's birthday is impossible. Pick another day to celebrate and have two birthdays. That was coaching psychologist and parenting expert Jessica Chivers explaining that you can't, in fact, change your kid's birthday.

You can just pretend it's another day. Congratulations, Richard. You got it right. You're the point for Mo. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice and your voicemail. Congratulations. You did great. Thanks a lot, guys. Now we have to play O Canada, so everybody hang with us for a bit. Thank you so much for playing, Richie.

Thanks, guys. Have a good day. Bye-bye. And now the game where we ask people who know a lot about something they know nothing about. When Netflix rebooted the show Queer Eye, they cast new people in the traditional roles, the fashion expert, the food expert, the grooming expert, and the culture expert. Now, that was Karamo Brown.

But over the show's four seasons, he's proved to be much more than that. He's the one that makes each show's hero confront their fears, resolve their conflicts, and hug it all out in the end. We have no doubt he will make us cry too. Karamo Brown, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Now, I have heard, and this is true, that you actually don't like to be referred to as the culture expert anymore. Is that right? Yeah, I don't know what it means. Yeah. You tell me what culture means. I mean, I know what the word culture means, but I don't know what it means in the sense of this show.

Like, I understand grooming, cook, design, culture. Don't know what to do with that. Right. So if you don't know what you were supposed to do with it, how did you get the job? I made it up. You just did? Yeah, just made it up. One day just woke up and was like, I'm just going to start making people cry.

Let's figure that out. Really? That was your goal? I knew, like, I have a background. I worked in social services for many years. I was a social worker. So I was like, I need to get to the core of what's happening. I was like, you know, there's some job security.

It's like, this guy can make them laugh and I can make them cry. There's something that's going on there. You actually have a sort of a pedigree in reality TV because you were, I'm told, the first openly gay person on Real World. Is that not right? No, no, no, not the first. There were many, many, many, many, many gays before me.

You were standing on the shoulders of other gays? Many gays, many gays. I don't know if you ever try to stand on the shoulders of gays. It's not an easy task, but it's been working for me. No, I was the first openly gay African-American.

Ah. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Well, I knew you were a pioneer. Do you remember, like, the first time on Queer Eye that you decided, I'm not going to care about, like, sending them to a show. I'm going to, like, find out what their trauma is

and bring them to catharsis? Yeah, episode one, the very first episode. Yeah, it was the very first episode. It was with a guy named Tom Jackson. It was our first time shooting, the very first episode. Yeah, it was the very first episode. It was with a guy named Tom Jackson. The first time shooting, the very first time working with someone. And I just was literally like, no, you're sitting in this room by yourself. I'm going to figure out why. Because all this other stuff we could change external, but if I don't figure out what's going on the internal, then it's not going to work.

And I was so proud because he had such a cathartic moment. And then I watched it back, and they cut it all out. No, really? Yeah. Because I actually – Season one and two, they cut it – most of season one, a little bit of season two, they cut out all of that stuff because that wasn't their vision for it. And so it's no shade.

You know, there's no shade at all. But, like, they would leave in, you know, me doing a, you know, photo album, you know, like, and you see the person crying and you'd be like, wow, that photo album was really good. But can I ask you if you had, let's say like the Karamo primary as part of the political season, are you confident that you could have gotten all the candidates to cry? Um, yes. Yeah. Which one do you think would be the hardest one?

Or which one do you think would fold right away, just start blubbering? Oh, Biden. I've met Biden before. Really? Yeah, yeah. He's a crier.

He cries a lot. He's a crier. Yeah, it takes nothing at all. I would just be like black people, and he'd be like South Carolina. Like, it's very,

very simple. All right, which one would have been getting, like, you know, blood from a stone? Which one would have been like South Carolina. Like, it's very, very simple. All right, which one would have been getting, like, you know, blood from a stone? Which one would have been hard to get to cry?

Um, I probably think, like, I don't know. Bloomberg, right? Bloomberg would probably be my choice, you know what I mean? You can't become a billionaire

without being a bit of an a**hole. So. I think it would be hard to get Buttigieg to cry. Oh, no. Buttigieg would be the easiest for me. Why? What would you do?

Oh, my gosh. Warren and Bloomberg would probably be the hardest because women have sort of been taught in our culture that show weakness makes them difficult or something. So I think she would probably be in the sense of, like, I have to be strong. And Bloomberg, like I said, that whole bit. But Buttigieg? Uh-uh. Are you kidding me? I think he listens to the show sometimes. Bloomberg, like I said, that whole bit. But Buttigieg? Uh-uh. Are you kidding me?

I think he listens to the show sometimes, so, you know, give it a try. How would you make Pete Buttigieg cry or get in touch with his innermost feelings? Um, no, I can't do it.

Like, the gays will attack me on Twitter. Like, right now. Oh, what are you going to say? You seem really straight. Yeah, I cannot say anything right now. Like...

All right. I'm trying not to be canceled in 2020, okay? You've been engaged for a while. Yes, I am. My baby daddy and I are getting married in September. Oh, that's awesome. Congratulations.

Again, just imagining the kind of pressure to excel that are on all of you. Do you have anything special planned for the wedding? Oh, this wedding is ridiculous. It's actually sent my fiance to the hospital twice already because of anxiety attacks. What? And I'm not saying this very proudly, but... Your wedding planning has actually put your fiance in the hospital twice? Twice. Okay. So the thing was that the first time

when I put the deposit down for our Ferris wheels, he was not okay with that. Neils, Lural. Wheels. Well, you have to. All right, go on. I also,

so we went to a spot here in L.A. where you can get peacocks trained to kind of, to show their like bloom of their feathers at the same time.

And so I wanted like when I say I do, peacock feathers to go up. And that set him. Wait a minute. That's like synchronized talking. You wanted the peacocks to actually spread their tail feathers on cue. Like Vegas peacocks. On cue. I say I do, and they go up, which is very possible to do

because peacocks can be trained. But it gives him a lot of anxiety I don't know why I had to say Ferris wheels and peacocks this is a very gay wedding can I ask a personal question I mean if your fiance doesn't make it because of the stress will you still have the wedding you can't get the deposit back on those strange peacocks well Karamo Brown it is really fun to talk to you, but we have invited you here to play a game we're calling... Mmm, yogurt.

So you're... So you are ostensibly the culture expert on Queer Eye. Yeah. So we thought we'd ask you about another kind of culture, namely the bacteria culture that makes yogurt such a delicious, nutritious treat. Answer two out of three questions about yogurt, you'll win our prize. One of our listeners, Bill, who is Karamo Brown playing for? Phil Deminski, who won our smart speaker quiz.

You can be a winner, too. Just say, open the wait, wait quiz. All right. Business done. Here we go. Just say, open the wait, wait quiz. Alright, business done. Here we go. Karamo, first question. Yes. Yogurt was introduced into Europe in the early 17th century by whom? Was it

A, a merchant in Prague who opened a shop whose name translates to the Habsburg Empire's best yogurt? B, a magician who advertised this amazing ability to eat spoiled milk with a spoon with no after effects, or C, the French king Francois I, who sent to Turkey for yogurt

because he heard it could cure his chronic diarrhea. I'm going to go with C. You're right. That's what happened. True story. And it worked. Yeah, it did. These days, everybody really loves Greek yogurt.

The Greeks sometimes use Greek yogurt for the traditional practice of yaourtoma, which is what? A, the practice of throwing yogurt on a politician in protest, which was so widespread in the 1950s that the government banned it under penalty of having your head shaved. B, a man hides a wedding ring in yogurt

and gives it to his beloved if she eats it without noticing they are officially married. We're getting a divorce. Or C, foretelling the future by leaving a cup of yogurt out and then reading the patterns of mold that appear. I don't know. Let's go with A.

You're right. That's what I thought. The real thing. And there really was a real problem with it in the 50s, so they had to threaten people with public shaming. Alright. Last one. If you get this one right, you're,

I was about to say perfect, but in your case, I'll say more perfect. Aw. Yogurt is an incredibly popular food, as I'm sure you know, but not all yogurt-based products succeed. Which of these failed to find an audience? A, Clairol's Touch of Yogurt Shampoo,

B, McDonald's Fil not like the American stuff. I love you for choosing it, but that's not right. The answer was Clairol's Touch of Yogurt Shampoo. Oh, because of the culture. Yeah. I didn't know what it meant. It's because of the culture. Yeah. I didn't know what it meant. It's all right.

It's failed. It's failed. Bill, how did Karamo Brown do in our quiz? Two out of three. That means you're a winner. Congratulations, Karamo. Thanks. Karamo Brown is one of the hosts of Netflix's Queer Eye and the co-founder of Mantle, a

skincare line for bald men. More information is at Mantlemen.com. Karamo Brown, thank you so much for joining us. Thank you so much. Thank you. Thank you. In just a minute, Bill slips into something a little more Kentucky Fried

in the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with

Mo Rocca, Demi Adejuibe, and Faith Saley. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sago. Thank you so much, Bill. In just a minute, Bill takes a ride on the merry-go-rhyme in the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to give our games a spin, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Faith, airlines have come up with yet another way to make money. Now they're trying to convince us to pay extra for getting a premium flight experience by sitting where? I mean, you can't go a first-door class than the cockpit. No. But that would be illegal.

That would be illegal. On somebody's lap? I imagine depending on the person you're sitting on, that could be a premium thing, but no. What other places are we missing? Well, you can brag about your great seat to the people on both sides of you. A middle seat? Yes, the middle seat.

What? Yes, the worst place. Who wants the worst place. Well, that's the trick. They're trying to convince you to want it. Exactly. Yes, the middle seat is, of course, as we know, the worst place to sit on the airplane, including the toilet. But more and more airlines are opting to make the middle seat about an inch wider and sell it as premium seating. So now when somebody coughs on you, you have an inch more to slide away from it. And then when that person on the other side coughs on you, you slide back. The airlines hope people will pay for the extra space, even though you'll be closed in, you can't look out the window. You're basically the overlapping part of a Venn diagram where two smells come together. As a child, I have fond memories of going to Christmas parties and eating lots of Christmas

cookies and then falling asleep and waking up and my head would be on the bosom of a woman, like a great aunt or somebody like that. And so I think that if I were in a middle seat between two great aunts, I would be okay with that. That was a very strange but heartwarming digression. Sometimes it's like cocoon-like heartwarming digression into your youth. Sometimes it's like cocoon-like to be like

kind of in the middle of two nice like older women with large ample bosoms bosoms and to just kind of

and they usually they're okay if you fall asleep in your head. Anyway, I'm just saying that if you have you

Mo Rocca have you fallen asleep in an airplane and woken up today as a grown man with your head nestled in the bosom of an aunt? It has happened. It has happened.

I'm telling you, if you offered that as a premium, I'd take it. Mo. Mo, as if doctors don't have enough to worry about right now, this week they have felt the need to specifically let us all know that you should not, as the internet might tell you to do,

treat your hemorrhoids with what? Nutella? I'm just thinking something like... Wow. Something creamy and soothing? Jeez. That you might confuse? How did you out-weird the great ending so quickly?

Like, immediately. You said that, and trying to wrap my head around that image. I'll give you a hand, please. It's called the Idaho Cure. So you should not stuff a potato up there. Yeah, that's exactly right, Mo. Okay. Wow. This week,'s exactly right, Mo. Okay. Wow.

This week, doctors put out a plea. I would hope it was mashed. I truly, I already spend so much time on Twitter. I'm like, I gotta get off this. I've never heard of this in my life. This is definitely dark web stuff. It really is. Are we talking like a tater tot time?

We are talking about frozen potato slices placed where the Idaho sun don't shine. Wait, wait, wait. Are they raw potato slices? No, they're like cooked, I believe. They're like steak fries? I hate steak fries. No, it's a great dieting trick

because if you eat fries that way, the calories do not count. Doctors are saying tossing potato salad up there is not an effective treatment and no the H in preparation H does not stand for hash browns. Doctors warned this home

remedy could actually do more harm than good especially if you use curly fries. But you know what does work? Sour cream and chives. 924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. Our first ever show in Buffalo, New York is coming up on April 30th at Shea's Performing Arts Center. If you want more Wait Wait in Your Week, check out the Wait Wait quiz for your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday

with me and Bill asking you questions all in the comfort of your home or wherever you have your smart speaker. It's just like this radio show, but now it makes sense that you talk to it. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Colleen from Clinton, New York. Hello, Colleen from Clinton, New York. How are you? I'm fine, thanks. All right, and what do you do there?

I am a law clerk for a Supreme Court judge. Oh, really? A New York Supreme Court judge? Yes. Wow, that's exciting. Does the New York Supreme Court handle important issues of great state, I guess, importance? We handle pretty much everything but criminal law, so we could have a divorce one day and a dog bite case the next. Wait a minute. The state Supreme Court

of New York is handling dog bites? Oh yeah. We've had many dog bite cases. Do you ever hope that you'll get a man bites dog case? I wouldn't be surprised if we did. Alright. It's New York. Who knows? That's right. Colleen, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is now going to read

you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play? Yeah. All right. Here's your first limerick.

These are crocks I am sure I'll look sick in. And just wait till the fried scent will kick in. It's the KFC stripes, but without handy wipes. It's like wearing a bucket of... Chicken? Ah, yes. Very good, yes. Very good.

Hungry foot fetishists rejoice. There's a new crock that looks and smells like a bucket of fried chicken. The crock was made in response to an increased demand from people who were just tired of being forced to wear empty chicken buckets as shoes that show that just-fried feel. It's groundbreaking technology. It's the first time you can have

congestive heart failure in your feet. So, toe-looking good. Yeah, exactly, yeah. Colleen, here is your next limerick. Some daytime shows make this nudge broody, but one host performed unsmudged duty. She calls what she sees and won't tolerate pleas, yet they're putting an end to...

Judge Judy. Yes, Judge Judy. You got it. After 25 seasons of forcing deadbeat roommates to pay for that yogurt they took without asking, Judge Judy is leaving the bench. But she's not retiring completely. She's launching a new show called Judy Justice,

where she travels the country administering swift, no-nonsense judgments. You're too old for those skinny jeans. Did you know this? Judge Judy is the highest paid personality on TV. She makes $47 million a year. Oh. It's true.

Which to put into context means it would take her 11 years to pay for Mike Bloomberg's presidential campaign. I have interviewed her. She is lovely. She is really great. I just wanted to point that out. If you made $47 million a year, wouldn't you be lovely, too? She hasn't flown commercial in about two decades.

Yes, I can imagine. Oh, she's missing out on some great aunts. All right. Here, Colleen, here is your last limerick. For this face paint and garish bright rayon, I hope you don't have the wrong day, Mom. This costume is slick. I'm a wax color stick. But you sent me to school as a...

Crayon. Yes, it is. Crayon, yes. A British mom created adorable crayon costumes for her two young children and sent them off to school for crayon day. They were so cute. One was the red crayon with a red smock

and his face painted red and the red pointy cap. The other one was the same but yellow. And it turns out it wasn't crayon day. In fact, crayon Day is next month. If the kids handled this with the maturity and calm you'd expect of nine-year-olds. It's weird. Crayon Day is not like just another obscure British holiday like Guy Fawkes Day or Cinco de Spotted Dick. It's part of the school's upcoming Spirit Week. The mom told the Daily Mirror, quote,

My kids came home and went mad at me, saying I had got the wrong day, and they looked like absolute wallies. Bill, how did Colleen do? Colleen was just supreme. Three votes correct. Congratulations, Colleen. Thank you. Colleen, thank you so much.

Take care. Thanks a lot. Bye-bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Debbie and Mo each have three. Faith has two. Okay, Faith, you're in second place. You're up first. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Chief Justice John Roberts rebuked blank for saying

members of the Supreme Court would pay the price if they rule against abortion rights. Chuck Schumer. Right. After a primary on Tuesday, Jeff Sessions was forced into a runoff election in his bid to reclaim his Senate seat in blank. Alabama. Right. This week, Israel's legislature united behind a bill intended to block blanks re-election. Netanyahu. Right. To help combat the economic effects of coronavirus, the Fed announced it was cutting blanks by half a percent. Interest rates. Right. During a wellness conference last weekend, Oprah Winfrey was giving a speech on the importance of balance when she blanked. Fell over. Yes, she lost her balance.

On Monday, students at universities across the U.S. protested the use of blank recognition technology on campus. Facial. Right. Best known as the host of Inside the Actor's Studio, Blank passed away at 93. Aw, James Lipton. Yes, a Polish soccer player's overhead bicycle kick would have been amazing if he'd hit the ball, but instead he blanked. He kicked his own head. Yes, he did.

He kneed himself in the face and broke his own nose. Polish defender was hoping for a little on-field glory when he tried to net a goal with an overhead bicycle kick. That's where you floor yourself upside down and kick the ball in the air. Unfortunately, he missed the ball entirely and instead drove his knee directly into his own face. The whole thing is amazing, not only because the defender attempted something most offensive players can't even do,

but also because this is the first time in soccer history that someone was not faking an injury. Bill, I think Faith did pretty well, am I right? She did great. Eight. Right. Can't get any better did great. Eight. Right. Can't get any better than that. Sixteen more points. Total of 18 when you put them all together. Well done.

All right. We just flipped a coin in the booth, and we've decided that Mo is going second. So, Mo, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Trump administration filed a libel suit against the Washington Post for two opinion articles linking Trump to blank. Russia. Right.

During a live segment on Monday, MSNBC host blank retired on air. Chris Matthews. Right. Following Joe Biden's Super Tuesday wins, the blank jumped 1,200 points. The Dow Jones Industrial Average. Yes. On Sunday, a court ruled that the White House cannot continue returning asylum seekers to blank. To Mexico.

Right. On Wednesday, fake meat company Blank announced it was cutting prices by 15%. Oh, it's Vegemite. I don't know. No, it's Impossible Foods on Tuesday. Impossible Foods. Jeopardy host Blank gave a one-year update on his cancer diagnosis. Alex Trebek.

Right. Parents in the UK who wanted their 11-year-old son to stop playing the violent video game Grand Theft Auto allowed him to blank instead. Steal a car. I'm gonna give it to you. They let him drive a car around for real. It was theirs.

The family hoped letting their pre-teen child drive a car around town would get him away from the crime-based video game and into the much more lucrative world of actual crime. He was eventually pulled over by the cops for reckless driving, but because he did not fight them or steal their guns, he had to start the whole level over. Bill, how did Mo do in our quiz? He got six right, 12 more points, total of 15. Faith is still in the lead.

All right, and how much does Demi need to get to win? Demi needs eight. All right, Demi, this is for the game. On Wednesday, the House approved an $8.3 billion bill to combat blank. Coronavirus. Right. Despite signing a peace deal last week, the U.S. conducted an airstrike against the blank in Afghanistan.

Taliban. Right. Emergency crews are still looking for missing people after tornadoes tore through blank this week. Tennessee. Yes, indeed. On Monday, the Surgeon General urged people worried about coronavirus to stop buying blank.

Dirt? No. Face masks. On Tuesday, the Chicago School District announced they would replace Columbus Day with blank. Crayon Day. No. Indigenous People's Day.

On Monday, New York Knicks fan blank was briefly barred from his seat after refusing to use the VIP entrance. Spike Lee. Yes, a man in China who texted his friends to let them know he'd just finally gotten his driver's license missed their responses because he blanked. Crashed. Right.

He immediately drove his car off a bridge and into a river. The man's route home from the DMV went over this very narrow bridge with no guardrails that was also used by pedestrians, so it made perfect sense that the new driver chose that moment to check his texts.

Fortunately, emergency workers arrived before the car was fully submerged, but it took them a while to get the man out of it because he refused to leave until he texted all his friends, OMG, I'm in the river. Bill, did Demi do well enough to win?

Well, he got five right, ten more points, total of thirteen, which is very good for your first time. Thank you. Yes, it is. Very good, but that means... That means Faith is the winner. Congratulations, Faith. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists

what will be the next heroic act Dr. Jill Biden will perform. Special thanks to Stock and Ledger Restaurant for feeding us this week with a macaroni bar. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godega writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman.

Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Day. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Our chief Googler is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White.

Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now, panel, what will Jill Biden do next? Demi Adjibay. She's going to marry Joe's sister so that his mistake makes sense. Faith Saley. Dr. Jill Biden will get Joe Biden's forehead to move

And Mo Rocca A la Uma Thurman and Kill Bill Using her gravity-defying martial arts skills She'll fight off a mob of machete-wielding Bernie bros Well, if Jill Biden does any of those things we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Faith Saley, Mo Rocca, and Demi Adeduebe. And thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.