Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Kellee Edwards

Episode Date: September 5, 2020

Kellee Edwards, host of Travel Channel's "Mysterious Islands," joins us along with panelists Adam Felber, Helen Hong, and Josh Gondelman.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Get out your pancakes. I'm about to pour on some Maybill syrup. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, a man who knows there's no place like home. And no place other than home. Peter Sago. Thank you, Bill. And thanks once more to our fake audience, which this week is the studio audience

from an old episode of Happy Days. We used Happy Days because unendingly monotonous days was not available. Later on, we're going to be talking to scuba diver, mountaineer, and pilot Kelly Edwards, who Outside Magazine called the most interesting woman in the world, about the amazing places she's been. And we're going to ask her to stress how terrible they all really were

so we don't feel even worse about not being able to go there. But first, we want to hear about your interior journey, so give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant to the show. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Matthew from Arlington, Texas. Hey, Arlington. Arlington is right near Dallas, right? It's where the baseball stadium is. What do you do there? I am on furlough since March, but before that, I was a director of

audiovisual and an asset manager for a large audiovisual company that works in a bunch of hotels all over the country. Oh, wow. I ask you this with no judgment because all I've managed to do during the lockdown is learn to play one video game. Have you been able to take your furlough time and do something useful with it, unlike me? I've cleaned my garage and I've helped my son start Zoom kindergarten. And I've slept in and stayed up real late. Yes, of course. Well, welcome to the show, Matthew.

Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, say hello to a writer and producer for Desus and Mero on Showtime, as well as the host of the comedy game show podcast, Make My Day. It's Josh Gondelman. Hey, so nice to be here. Hi. Next, it's a comedian who can be seen in The Babysitter 2, Killer Queen.

It premieres September 10th on Netflix and who hosts the trivia podcast Go Fact Yourself on the Maximum Fun Network. It's Helen Han. Hi, Matthew. Hey, everybody. Hi. And it's the co-host of Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone and the brand new Starburns Sports Simulcast, bringing

you hilarious alternative audio for this Sunday night's baseball game. Details at starburnssports.com. Adam Felber. Hey, Adam. Hey. Hi, Matthew. Matt, you're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can

correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose on your voicemail. You ready to play? I am ready. All right. Your first quote is from the vice president announcing what we are sure is a well thought out government plan this week. We think there's a miracle around the corner. What miracle do they insist will come right before the election? A vaccine. Yes, a vaccine for coronavirus. The Trump administration has told states to get ready to distribute a coronavirus vaccine by November 1st. And while some are skeptical, this is just to have something to brag about right before the election.

I will fully trust that syringe I get that has the words chickenpox crossed out and the word coronavirus written in in Sharpie. Don't be surprised if by January, Trump is still president and we all have fingers growing out of our necks. It's like the plot of a children's movie from the 90s. Like, yeah, kid, there's going to be a vaccine by the election. And your mom and I aren't getting a divorce after all. Like, it's just like you just say stuff, and then an angel is Christopher Lloyd.

Exactly. I wish coronavirus had never happened. Now, here's the thing. If the vaccine ever comes, there won't be enough of it for a long time. So scientists are, even even now trying to figure out who should get it first, which is leading everybody to try to justify their place in the line. So healthcare workers are like, I need the vaccine to keep you healthy. And journalists are

like, I need the vaccine. I keep you informed. And Stephen Miller is like, I need the vaccine to make sure Mexicans don't get the vaccine. I know It's so rare he gets such a pure opportunity to practice the eugenics he so craves. It really is true. But really, I mean, you have to, when you think about this problem, you have to thank Donald Trump for what he's done. In the last few months,

he's made the line for the vaccine about 180,000 people shorter. Oh. It's funny because it's not. Matt, here's your next quote. It's the owner of a hair salon in San Francisco complaining to Fox News. We're supposed to look up to this woman, right?

It is just disturbing. This woman was outraged that a particular woman came into her shop to get her hair done during the pandemic. Who was it? Nancy Pelosi. Yes, Matt, it was Nancy Pelosi, the Speaker of the House. She was caught on camera inside a beauty salon in San Francisco getting a blowout, despite the fact that all the salons are supposed to be closed right now. The president tweeted about it, and on Thursday, the White House spokeswoman started her press briefing showing a video of Pelosi in the salon like it was the Zapruder tape. Like, look, her hair flips up and to the left, up and to the left.

The most shocking thing about this, frankly, is that Mrs. Pelosi goes to a hair salon at all. We just assume she snaps off her hair and swaps it out like a Lego person. I am so confused by this story, Peter. Please explain it to me. So Nancy Pelosi called this salon, which is closed. All the salons in California are closed right now. Believe it, I know, because I've been cutting my own damn hair.

It looks great, Helen. Thank you very much. Thank you. It's in a pony and it will never not be in a pony for the rest of these days. But so she got the owner to open it for her, but the owner. So it's a little it's a little complicated. But as far as I can tell, this is what happened. Nancy Pelosi got in touch with her stylist who rents a chair at a particular salon.

She said, can I come in for a haircut? Stylist says, yes, it's okay as long as you're the only one here. The stylist told the owner of the salon, hey, Nancy Pelosi is coming in. And what the owner then did, for reasons I guess we can guess at at this point, is instead of telling Ms. Pelosi not to come, she allowed it to happen. She recorded the whole thing in security video. And then she took that tape and she went straight to Fox News. Right. Wow. Right. So they did set her up. They kind of did. She should have known when Ms. Pelosi got the answer back. Yes, it's see the headline illicit blowout and find out it's not another story about Jerry Falwell Jr. Well, it is kind of like, you know, two people having an activity together while someone else watches from the corner.

It's not that different a story. Absolutely true. All right, Matt, here is your last quote. Guys, they're so good. That was a writer for Delish commenting on what is the first good news of 2020. It turns out that early next year, we're all going to get a brand new what? I have no idea. Well, I'll give you a hint.

Apparently, people were getting tired of just having thin mints and Samoas. Oh, yeah, a new Girl Scout cookie. That's exactly right, Matt. Finally, a reason to stay alive until next year, the Girl Scouts announced a brand new French toast-flavored cookie called Toast. Yay! We assume the Girl Scouts said, to make sure our product is unique, let's name it after the one phrase that no one ever has said once

I guess toast, boo was too on the nose By the way, for those who don't remember Yay is a word that was used to express joy back in the early 2010s For those who don't remember what joy is Well, hey, the Girl Scouts have a new cookie Yay It's really something. I miss Girl Scout season.

That wonderful season where not buying and eating boxes of cookies is the wrong thing to do. Exactly. Although you bring up an important point, Adam, which is how in the world are we even going to have access to Girl Scout cookies unless we're back in our offices? 85% of all Girl Scout cookies are sold to get the sad dad selling them to leave your room. It is a very 2020 thing, though,

that even the new cookie we're all excited for is named after the food you smell when you're having a stroke. You know, at this point, a new cookie may not be enough to soothe our feelings. We might need thick mints.

Bill, how did Matthew do on our quiz? Well, he continues the celebratory mood created by the Girl Scout cookies with a perfect score. Congratulations, Matt. Yay. Thank you. Well done. Stay safe, stay healthy, and we'll hope to see you on the other side of all this. I'll make it. Take care.

Alright, bye-bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Josh, a new survey suggests that people who eat peanut butter for breakfast are better at what? They're better at... Can I have a hint? Well, the people are students of the Skippy Sutra. Better at lovemaking? Yes. They're good in bed. A British cereal company

surveyed 2,000 people about their personality traits, then asked them what they had for breakfast and correlated the results. So the most successful people said they just have tea. French toast eaters are the biggest partiers. And yes, those who have peanut butter for breakfast say they are the most passionate lovers. Or as they... But they say! Well, actually, to be fair, what they say is,

I'm a passionate lover. Yeah, I don't know if I trust the self-reporting of someone who has peanut butter breath frankly yeah i would like to hear the survey of the the last sexual partners those people have had they're like oh yeah old peanut butter breath yeah he talks a good game he's uh i'll tell you what yeah when he gets in bed, it's more of a jiff, if you know what I'm saying. Wow. I'm going to have to do some research on this. And does it matter if it was crunchy or creamy?

I'm not sure. The thing that I can't think about is, so you get this survey from a company called Weetabix. And it says, describe yourself. Describe your personality. And one of the things you write down is... I like peanut butter for breakfast, and I'm good at sex. Yeah, basically. It's all right.

I don't know if it's causation or correlation, but there you have it. Coming up, our panelists go all Bear Grylls in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-triple-8, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and on NPR's How I Built This, how a simple splash of color accidentally launched Sandy Chilowich into a 40-year career as a designer, entrepreneur, and creator of the now-famous Chilowich placemat. Subscribe or listen now. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Adam Feldberg, Josh Gondelman, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host, a man who, as of this week, has officially gone feral, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill.

Right now it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff, the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Elliot from Essex Junction, Vermont, and I just finished my peanut butter toast. Oh, really? So you're ready to rock. Is that what you're saying, Elliot? Nice.

Where did you say you're from, Elliot? I'm from Essex Junction, Vermont. Oh, Essex Junction, Vermont. Okay, and what do you do there? I'm a Spanish teacher and a handyman. A handyman? Yeah. Okay.

So in your handyman business, you're a Vermont person, you're handy, of course. Can you tell us what's the oddest thing you've ever been asked to come over to somebody's house and do? You know, boy, that's a stumper. I would say fixing a gazebo by the shores of beautiful Lake Champlain. Yeah, I was hoping for something involving nudity or some embarrassing kind of home accident. But that's OK. That's lovely. That's good. Speaks well of you. That's what a Vermont answer to that question.

Like, what's the weirdest thing you're asking? You're like, I fixed a beautiful gazebo. Like, I live in New York City. And if I if a handyman here answer that, I'd be like, well, someone called me to get a rat out of their bigger rat. There's a rat stuck in my rat and I just need to de-rat the rat. Oh, that's your problem. Now you've got a rat in that rat. Well, anyway, Elliot, it's really nice to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Elliot's topic? You versus wild.

So, we've all wondered, if I were stranded and starving in the wilderness, what wine pairs best with bugs? This week, we heard about a new survival tip for the great outdoors. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize. The weight-waiter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yeah, you betcha.

All right. Well, then, let's do it. First up, let's hear from Adam Felber. Author Charles Lisby found himself in his own horror story last week while on a retreat to a rented cabin near Guerneville, California. Mr. Lisby had been catching a nap in a hammock when he was awoken by some prowling raccoons. Startled, Mr. Lisby panicked, thrashed, and got himself hopelessly entangled in a hammock, a human cocoon, unable to move.

Fortunately, his phone was on the ground beneath, but when he voiced out 911, he was told, A, that all the emergency personnel were combating nearby wildfires, and B, Charlie was pretty sure the EMTs were laughing at his description of his plight. Desperate, he had an inspiration. Using Siri, he voice-activated his Domino's app, ordered his usual, a double cheese pizza and sweet mango habanero wings, and, under special delivery instructions for the delivery man, he dictated, quote, stuck in a hammock, please help.

The plan worked, and soon Mr. Lisby was being cut free by local delivery guy, 17-year-old Ethan Curvella, who then received what he called, like, the biggest tip ever. Lisby had nothing but praise for the teen and the chain, saying, quote, the EMT said it would take hours. I got my rescue hot in 30 minutes or less. However, he added that his offer was not correctly fulfilled. Quote, when I saw he'd accidentally brought me a Hawaiian pizza, I almost asked him to leave me up in that hammock to die.

A guy stuck in a hammock far in the woods is rescued simply by ordering Domino's. Your next story of survival comes from Helen Hong. Getting drunk and heading into the wilderness seems like the plot of a slasher film where a bunch of oversexed teens get picked off one by one by a murderous maniac. But scientists have discovered getting drunk might actually be a great idea when getting lost in the woods. Researchers at the College of Little Compton in Rhode Island have discovered that intoxication may cause increased agility on rugged terrain.

They came to this conclusion after observing the patrons of the local pub, the loose and leaky lighthouse of Little Compton. The pub was on an uneven cobblestone street with broken sidewalks from overgrown tree roots. And I'm actually going to ask Josh to help me out with some quotes here. It's like an obstacle course just to get there, reported one local resident. People are spraying their ankles and smashing their noggins just trying to get there, reported one local resident. People are spraying their ankles and smashing their noggins just trying to get a drink. But patrons leaving the pub after a few pints never seem to have a problem navigating the dangerous walkway. Well, unless they are totally plastered.

College researchers then recreated the study with intoxicated hikers navigating highly technical terrain at a nearby wilderness park, and discovered that three beers or two vodka tonics actually improved the hikers' ability to not smash their faces in. The researchers were quick to emphasize that any more than three beers or two vodka tonics did not help agility. Again, you know, you can't get too hammed. Getting drunk helps hikers manage difficult terrain without injury. Your last story of ah, ah, ah, ah, staying alive comes from Josh Gondelman. Picture this. You're hiking through the remote tundra of the Arctic.

You're face to face with a polar bear and you're fully nude. No, this isn't the climax of a new Netflix dating show called Bearing It All. According to travel writer Paula Froelich, it's an effective method of surviving ursine attacks. If you should come face-to-face with a polar bear, back away while peeling your clothes off one at a time, says Froelich, whose strategy seems like it was pulled from a Looney Tunes episode where Bugs Bunny dresses up like a sexy lady to trick Elmer Fudd. It should be stated, however, that this is not an appropriate method to figure out if you and a polar bear have romantic chemistry or if

you're better off remaining friends. Just be an adult and ask the bear directly. According to Frolic, a polar bear's natural curiosity could cause it to sniff and play with each item of your clothing individually as you disrobe. Scientists hypothesize that this strategy could be an effective distraction on account of the bear's classification under phylum certified freak seven days a week. All right. So let's put it this way. You're somewhere in the wilderness and you're in trouble. Somebody has come up with a very useful thing to do. Is it from Adam Felber? If you're lost and you need help, just order Domino's.

They'll find you in 30 minutes or less. From Helen Hong, if you have difficult terrain to traverse, get drunk because apparently that helps. Or from Josh Gondelman, if you're confronted by a polar bear, just take off all your clothes, which will distract and possibly titillate the bear. Which of these is the real story of a wilderness survival tip? Well, Peter, they all sound like they could work, but I'm going to go with Josh's story as the most believable. You're going to go with Josh's story as the one where if you were confronted by one of the deadliest predators on the planet, you simply should remove your clothes.

All right. To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the real story. I would suggest wearing as many layers as you can because you might run out of clothing before you can escape from the bear. That was Elizabeth Kruger.

She's the Arctic Wildlife Manager for the World Wildlife Fund talking about getting naked for the polar bears. Congratulations, Elliot. You got it right. You earned a point for Josh and you have won our prize,

the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations. All right. Yay. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Bye-bye.

Thanks, Peter. Another game where people who've been everywhere else finally arrive here. It's called Not My Job. You know how when you're hungry, you like to watch cooking shows? Well, when you're stuck at home, you should watch Kelly Edwards' show, Mysterious Islands. She's a pilot, scuba diver, sailor, and explorer, and we are so glad she's taking a little trip to be with us. Kelly Edwards, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you for having me. I love the intro. Oh, yes. Well, we loved having you. I wanted to do you justice.

Thank you. Have you been stuck at home like the rest of us these last five or six months? I actually have not because a little part about me that I should introduce to the audience is that I'm also a pilot. audience is that I'm also a pilot. And so I have the ability to get in one of the five airplanes that I fly and go to an untowered airport and hang out and have a picnic, grab a bite to eat. Wait a minute. So when you, and I know just a little bit about flying, when you mean like an untowered airport, you mean one of those airstrips in the middle of nowhere, that's just clear and anybody can land there whenever they want. because it's not under anybody's control. You don't need permission.

So you just get. Exactly. I live in Los Angeles, so I fly out of Van Nuys Airport and we have so many untowered airports here in California alone. One that I like to do. Take me with you. I live right near you. Me too. I can be there at 30.

So I have not been stuck at home because I have capabilities of taking myself where I like to go. Sorry. I will leave my family for you. Take me with you. I know. There must be so many people who are doing their best to become your best friend, right? When I say that I have a line around the corner, I mean it. I bet.

Well, that's less impressive now because everyone has to line up six feet apart. But still. I like that. Now the line has doubled because of the space. You are so right about that. Kelly, let's go to Catalina. We'll take the seaplane. We'll scuba dive near the arcade there. Come on. You know, it's fun to actually learn to dive in Catalina.

Because you're a diver, too. I am a diver as well. I am a Bond girl, Laura Croft, 007 in real life. So whatever you guys want to do, let's do it. How did you get interested in being basically an adventurer? Well, I started taking road trips with my parents at a very, very young age. And when I started to look at the world and watching Nat Geo and Travel Channel and all this, I'm like, oh, I should go to these places. So there are a lot of us who would just save up the money to get an economy class ticket.

You decided you would actually learn to fly and fly yourself. Yes, indeed. And that came about because I saw one man in a small airplane landing at Burbank Airport between Delta and Southwest and JetBlue. And I literally Googled at the gate, one man, small aircraft and general aviation came up. I had no idea that you didn't have to be a military pilot to become a pilot. And so I came back and took a discovery flight from a Groupon for a hundred bucks and got hooked and

sick in the plane, hooked and sick. Really? Because wait a minute. So the only time I've ever flown myself in a small private plane, general aviation, I got incredibly sick. And I said to myself, well, that's the end of this for me. Never again. And I've stuck to that. But you, the same thing happened to you. And your reaction was like, okay, great. When you've all cleaned up the vomit, I'm going to learn to fly.

Let me tell you why. And I'm not crazy. Okay. I just have to tell the truth. But I flew over my ex-boyfriend's house and I snapped a picture from the air and I sent it to him and his reaction was priceless. He's like, how did you get this picture? And where are you? And I was like, oh, I just need to be able to do this whenever I feel like it. A, I thought you were going to say I vomited out the window into his house.

And then B, I love that your pettiness drove you to learn how to fly an airplane. Girl, you're like hashtag goals. Thank you. I don't know if your adventures have ever called upon survival skills, but we were just talking about that on the show. Do you have any survival skills? I mean, for example, have you ever had to face down a polar bear? No, no polar bears. I've definitely had an encounter or two with some wild animals, including moose, wolves, bear from really, really afar, but more so just being out in nature. I do have my wilderness first aid certification. I'm going to go get my avalanche training

in October back in Colorado. I'm always ready for the apocalypse. in October back in Colorado. I'm always ready for the apocalypse. I'm literally coming to move in with you. I'm coming to move in with you because you are Lara Croft. You really are. My avalanche training was stay the hell away from avalanches. I would worry about being with you in the apocalypse because you'd be too good at it,

and I'd just be lagging behind out of breath. I'd grab you by that collar and we'd be out of there, okay? No. I tell you, I tell you. But everyone always says if anything goes wrong, call Kelly. She's going to load up the aircraft, she's going to have all the gear, and we're going to survive.

And I say that. So I'm like, choose your friends wisely. I'm one of those friends. Choose a friend. I mean, it is humbling to know that you have all these skills for the apocalypse. And my case it'd be like well peter could moderate the discussion at the campfire tonight that's all i got and i have my skill i would be like look i don't i hope it doesn't come to this but probably i'm delicious so i'll hold my breath i would i

would about to say in in the meeting of your new clan, don't lead with that, Josh. You're going around to find what everybody can contribute. Hi, I'm Josh. I'm delicious. Can you do the castaway thing that Tom Hanks did and actually make a fire from sticks if you needed to? I absolutely can. That's definitely one of the skills that you learn.

That's 101 survival skills. Fire is the most important. Come on, Peter. That's 101 stuff. the skills that you learn. That's 101 survival skills. Fire is the most important. Come on, Peter. That's 101 stuff. This is terrible, Josh. If you and I were marooned together, I wouldn't even be able to boil you. Although we could use the reflection off my giant forehead to call down a plane. Well, Kelly Edwards, it is an absolute delight to talk to you, but we have actually

asked you here today to play a game that this time we're calling Welcome to Staten Island. So you've explored many exotic remote islands, but what do you know about a pretty normal island right off the wild coast of eastern New Jersey, Staten Island? Answer two out of three questions about Staten Island and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners the voice of anyone they may choose from our show on their voicemail bill. Who is Kelly Edwards playing for? Leah Ross of Orlando, Florida. All right ready to go Kelly? Ready Freddy. All right first question about Staten Island. One of the best reasons to visit Staten Island is no longer there. Every year in the fall, people used to rush to the island for the ritual annual construction of what? A, the world's longest urinal.

B, the Birdman, a huge wooden sculpture of a man flipping Manhattan the bird. Or C, a giant bust of Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers based on the myth that Staten Island is the island in the stream. I'm going to go with C because, you know, Dolly is a queen and we're just going to say yes. You're just going to, because I said Dolly Parton, you're just going to go, yes, Dolly Parton. Absolutely. I like that because you're right. She is the queen. But the answer is the world's largest urinal.

Of course. It was a trowel. It was hundreds of feet long. It was built each year for the start of the New York City Marathon, but sadly no more. Now they go with porta-potties, which are duller. All right, next question. After months of receiving massive electricity bills in her mailbox, a Staten Island woman figured out the reason. Why? A, like all Staten Island residents, she left her Christmas lights up until August. B, the bills were actually for the electricity pole outside her house. Or C, Con Edison was paying tribute to the large Italian population on Staten Island

by tallying all bills in lira. I'm going to go with she left her Christmas lights on to August. You can see it from the sky, I imagine, as you fly around. That's my house! No, actually, the answer sadly was B. The bills were for the electricity pole outside her house. They were actually addressed to pole. As the woman said, quote, you don't write to a pole if you're normal.

All right, last question. Though it's not often thought of as a fine dining destination, visitors to Staten Island can enjoy food from which of these restaurants? A, the world's longest buffet built out of the previously mentioned world's longest urinal. B, Spinobon, a Cinnabon-slash-cycling gym, or C, Enoteca Maria, which only employs genuine Italian grandmothers as cooks? I'm going to go with C. You're right, Enoteca Maria. We presume dessert is them coming out and asking you why you're not married yet.

Oh, man, I got plenty of those. Bill, how did Kelly Edwards do in our quiz? One out of three. Now, Kelly, you'll be thinking about this on your next flight. So we love having you here. That was a great roundabout answer. It really was. It was very positive, I think.

Kelly Edwards is an adventurer, a mountaineer, a pilot and scuba diver. You can hear her every Wednesday on her new travel podcast. Let's go together. Kelly Edwards. Thank you so much for being on our quiz. Thank you guys for having me. This is so fun. Spread your wings and fly away. Fly away with me. In just a minute, our boss is finally nice to us in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air.

We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Come on and fly. tailored to your needs. And if you aren't satisfied with your counselor, you can request a new one at any time, free of charge. Visit BetterHelp.com slash wait to get 10% off your first month. Get the help you deserve with BetterHelp. If an elephant feels threatened, watch out. Elephants have picked up people and literally hurled them across the floor and just broken them. How can these two species live together in peace?

New ways of resolving conflict. That's on the TED Radio Hour from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Helen Hong, Josh Gondelman, and Adam Felbert. And here again is your host, a man having a cubicle installed at his home just to feel normal again, Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill feeds his gremlin after midnight. It's our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. All right, panel. Here are some more questions for you from this week's news.

Helen, we got some bad news for Kimberly Guilfoyle, among other people. It turns out that doing what increases the possibility of spreading COVID? Yelling! Yes, exactly right. Apparently, talking loudly helps spread COVID particles, so that group of ladies next to you at brunch who keep screaming, oh my God, seriously, have gone from annoying to deadly. According to a professor at the University of Colorado,

quote, every route of viral transmission would go down if we talked less or talked less loudly in public spaces. That, by the way, is great news for people who want to ghost someone. Sorry, I'm just talking less these days. For safety. I'm trying to protect you, baby. That's what it is. Yes.

But if this goes on, it will change culture, you know, like warrior chieftains giving speeches before battles will have to mutter, just don't let them take our freedom, okay? Everybody? Okay. And Secret Service agents leaping in front of assassins will have to whisper, no. Campaign speeches like,

today we're going to take Wisconsin and then tomorrow the whole United States. Well, I'll try that new Girl Scout cookie and go, yay. I feel like every song would sound depressing, right? Just Bon Jovi like,

oh, we're halfway there. oh, we're halfway there. Helen, there is a new scam to watch out for, I'm sorry to say. Several U.S. states have issued official warnings advising people not to be fooled by what for sale online? Soup that you can throw. No. Give me a hint, please. Aw, it's a fakera doodle. A dog? Yes, puppies.

What? Here's how it works. People offer adorable puppies for sale online. They trick you into sending them money for the puppy, but there is no puppy. Oh. Lots of people seeking animal companions during lockdown. The number of puppy scams is up

by almost 50% last year. I have noticed this because I am an avid Craigslist-er, and there are a ton of puppy listings on Craigslist. They're not real. Stop buying them. Oh my God! I thought I had 10 puppies on their way. They do pull that scam

over the phone, too, Peter, when you call them. They're like, oh yeah, I'll have them say hello to you right now. Uh, my God. I thought I had 10 puppies on their way. They do pull that scam over the phone, too, Peter, when you call them. They're like, oh, yeah, I'll say hello to you right now. Woof. I can't wait till the sting where whoever is there trying to bust them is like, show me the puppies and I'll show you the money. And they're like, show me the money and I'll show you the puppies. And this is the standoff. I can't think of a worse scam.

This is so heartbreaking. You have your heart set on an adorable puppy. You scrounge together all this money. You hand over the money and you're like, I can't wait till I get my puppy. And then there's no puppy. It does seem to target the world's loneliest people, right? Like the only sadder scam would be like, instead of fake puppies, it's fake body pillows and extra large wine glasses. Shut up, Josh. Shut up.

I don't like where this is going, Josh. Take it back. You hit a nerve there, Josh. Adam, a new study finds that in the distant future what may die out entirely? Um, pagers. No. Can I have a hint? I'll give you a hint. Of course the doctor was a woman.

That's the only possibility. Men! Yes, men! I'm okay with that! I think nobody's going to object at this point. The study says that X chromosomes, which when paired make a person female, and Y chromosomes, which insist on explaining to you which chromosomes are which, used to have the same number of genes in them, but Y's numbers of genes have been getting smaller.

And in 4.5 million years, there may be no men left at all. Wow. Well, after meeting Kelly, I'm like, yeah, who needs them? It's true. So that's 4.5 million years away? Yeah. So it's going to be awesome to be a man in like 4 million years.

It'll be in demand. Oh, totally. People in the future will have to say, ah, you know, boys were be boys. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And check out the Wait, Wait quiz on your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions. check out the Wait, Wait quiz on your smart speaker. It's out every Wednesday with me and Bill asking you questions. Wait a second, you don't have a smart speaker? Who are you talking to all day? Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter, this is Sydney. Hey, Sydney, how are you? I'm great. How are you? I'm pretty well. Where are you calling from? Dayton, Ohio. How are things in beautiful Dayton? They're as good as can be expected during a pandemic. Ah, yes, that is the standard answer. What do you do there? I am an

engineer in the aerospace industry. Oh, cool. So you design airplanes? Because that would be the coolest thing ever. Uh, sure. Close enough. Close enough for us civilians. Do you do the parts that flap when they go in the air? Yeah, those ones. Don't worry, Sidney. Men are going extinct soon enough. Well, welcome to the show, Sidney. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick. Nice people fare better at work. Being rude and mean isn't a perk. Evil mojo will stick to the guy who's a putz. It is bad if you're known as the... Jerk? Yes, jerk. Being a jerk at work isn't as beneficial as you may think. A shocking surprise to anyone who recently read that Elon Musk is now the third richest person in the world. Many of us are taught the workplace is a dog-eat-dog world where coffee is for closers and quoting old movies makes you cool. But a new study shows that people who are willing to lie and manipulate and step on other people to get ahead actually don't go any farther than people who are just nice.

The meaner people were also 40% less likely to be told about the pizza in the break room. When asked for comment, the chairman of the National Association of D-Bag Coworkers said, I don't need friends. I have a boat. Do you have a boat, you dingus? Here, Sidney, is your next limerick. Thanks to COVID, my trips, I'm revamping. I'm outdoors, though my legs soon start cramping. There's no poles for my tent, and the bears caught my scent. I don't know what to do when I'm...

Camping. Yes, camping. Very good, Sidney. Thanks to the pandemic, with all the restaurants and theaters closed, more and more people are giving up lavish vacations this summer, and they're trying the outdoors for the first time. One newbie from Chicago, interviewed by the Wall Street Journal, went backpacking in the Ozarks

but didn't bring a sleeping bag because summer, she reasoned, is hot. Turns out the hot part is the sun which goes away at night. The Chicagoan reported, quote, I've never been so cold in my entire life. This is true. This is a problem because

people who never go camping are trying camping right now for the first time. Yes, and they're not doing good at it. Oh, this would totally be me. Yeah, really? I love to eat out at restaurants and all the restaurants are closed so I have to do takeout and that's my version of camping. Yes, you're roughing it.

My Wi-Fi was out for like half an hour the other day, and I was like, gosh, isn't nature great? All right, here, Sydney, is your last limerick. Hello, Tower. We just had a setback. We are cruising as high as we get, Jack. But we just flew too near to some weird rocketeer. We have just passed a guy with a...

Jetpack! Jetpack, yes! An American Airlines pilot coming in for a landing at LAX was startled when he saw a man flying with a jetpack outside the plane's window at 3,000 feet. Now, he told the tower all about it, but not the passengers, which is a shame. And if you look out the left side of the plane, you'll see the Pacific Ocean and some dingus in a jetpack. Kelly's boyfriend will go to any length to win her back. Really, it's true.

I can't believe that we finally have jetpacks. This is what we were promised that the future was going to be like. Yeah, it's true. I can't believe that we finally have jetpacks. This is what we were promised that the future was going to be like. Yeah, it's funny. I read some science fiction when I was a kid, which was all about his nifty future with jetpacks, and some which were a dystopian nightmare, and it turns out we get both. Bill, how did Sidney do in our quiz? Sidney did great. He got them all right.

Good going, Sidney. Thank you. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. So fun. Bye-bye. Good going, Sydney. Thank you. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. So fun. Bye-bye. Take care, Sydney. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank.

Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Helen has four, Adam has four, and Josh has five. Helen and Adam are tied, so I will arbitrarily choose for no reason at all. Helen, the clock will start when I begin your first question. Please fill in the blank. On Wednesday, President Trump urged North Carolina to test the mail-in voting system by blanking. By mailing something. No, by voting twice, which is, of course, illegal. For the first time since World War II, the federal blank is set to exceed

the size of the economy. Oh, the deficit. Yes. According to a new report, President Trump did not want to go visit a military cemetery in France because he said blank. They're losers. Exactly. We also would have accepted suckers. This week, a woman in Australia discovered the reason her toilet was clogged was blank. There was a snake in it. There's a family of snakes living in it. I'll give it to you. On Wednesday, social media site Blank said it would limit political ads the week before the election.

Facebook? Yes, this week, Mackenzie Scott, the ex-wife of Amazon's Blank, was named the world's richest woman. Jeff Bezos. Right, this week, police were able to easily identify a man who robbed a Pizza Hut because he blanked. He stole the sign that said Pizza Hut. No, they easily identified him because he filled out a job application before robbing it. said Pizza Hut. No, they easily identified him because he filled out a job application

before robbing it. And I can tell you, after hosting the show for more than 20 years, this is not the first time this has happened. According to employees, the man entered the Pizza Hut location, asked for an application, filled it out,

and then grabbed the tip jar and made a run for it. In addition to including all of his personal information on the application, the man also left behind his backpack, which had his ID in it. Regardless, the pizza place is still considering hiring him.

They're just waiting to hear back from his reference, a Burger King he robbed last week. Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz? Well, look out for Helen. She had five right for ten more points. She now has 14 and the lead. Whoa, well done. All right, then.

Adam, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, Joe Biden called for charges against the officers who shot blank in Louisville, Kentucky. Breonna Taylor. Right. On Sunday, the governor of blank urged President Trump not to visit the state. Wisconsin. Yes, he went anyway.

This week, Dr. Fauci rejected the White House's idea to pursue a herd immunity strategy to combat blank. Coronavirus. COVID-19. Yes. On Sunday, thousands gathered in the streets of blank to call for the removal of President Alexander Lukashenko. Belarus. Yes. During a raid in Michigan this week, officers arrested three men for possession of cocaine, ketamine, and blank. Ringdings. Two Arctic foxes on Thursday. Private company Blank launched 60 satellites into orbit. SpaceX.

Right. On Wednesday, actor and former professional wrestler Blank became the latest celebrity to reveal he had contracted COVID-19. Dwayne the Rock Johnson cannot smell what he's cooking. As if it weren't hard enough to find people to help you move, a couple in England are looking for people to do it while blank. Naked. Yes, very good, Adam. The couple are nudists themselves, and they posted an ad saying they were searching for a, quote, naked mover

to help them out of their old home and into their new one. They have no takers so far, but a bit of advice for whoever moves into their old place definitely spring for the professional cleaning. Whoever moves into their old place, definitely spring for the professional cleaning. Bill, how did Adam do on our quiz? We've got a game. Adam had seven right for 14 more points. He now has 18 and the lead. Well done, Adam. All right, then, how many does Josh need to win?

Josh needs seven to win. All right, Josh. Here we go. This is for the game. Fill in the blank. According to a report released Thursday, the Justice Department is preparing antitrust charges against search giant blank. Google. Right. On Sunday, the head of the FDA said he might approve a blank before human trials have ended.

Vaccine. Right. This week, President Trump ordered federal agencies to cut funding to cities run by blanks. Democrats? Right. On Wednesday, Germany's government said that a Soviet-era nerve agent was used to poison Putin critic blank. Oh, gosh. Navalny? Yes, Alexei Navalny. Very good. But according to a new memoir by Sarah Huckabee Sanders, one time White House communications chief Anthony Scaramucci bragged about doing something he'd always wanted to do, blanking.

Uh, skydiving. No, pooping in the West Wing. On Sunday, United announced it would be dropping blank fees for all passengers. Baggage fees. No, ticket change fees. Best known as one of the greatest pitchers of all time, Hall of Famer Blank, passed away at the age of 75. Tom Seaver.

Right. Saying the city has a chance to be a social leader, a man in Nebraska pleaded with the Lincoln City Council to ban the misleading term blank. Boneless chicken tenders. Exactly right. Or actually boneless chicken wings. Good enough. Boneless chicken wings.

He said that one of his arguments was they're really just chicken tenders. The man begged the city council to, quote, remove boneless wings from our menus and our hearts because clearly they're not boneless chicken wings. They're just chicken tenders. and our hearts because clearly they're not boneless chicken wings. They're just chicken tenders. No word if the council will take action, but in response, KFC has introduced their new product, Bone Full Chicken Wings, which is just a plate of bones covered in buffalo sauce.

Bill, did Josh do well enough to win? Well, he had six right for 12 more points with a total of 17. But guess who had one point more? Adam is our champion. Another win for Adam. Congratulations. Thank you. I want to share this win with my fellow panelists.

I'll take it. I'll take it. Yeah, I'll take what I can get. Absolutely. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that Nancy Pelosi has been busted, what will be the next big sting to nab somebody? Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions.

Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our intern is Emma Day. And our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dernbos, and Lillian King.

Peter Gwynn is our staff vaccine tester. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now paneled, what will be the next big sting? Adam Felber.

Campbell's Soup will be caught fulfilling a sting operations order for six cases of weapons grade cream of mushroom. Helen Hong. An FBI investigation finds that Colonel Sanders, Ronald McDonald and Wendy from Wendy's are all actually the Taco Bell Chihuahua in drag. And Josh Gondelman. bell chihuahua in drag and josh gondelman thanks to a secret camera and a lens crafters we learned that joe biden's famous aviators are actually bifocals oh and if any of that happens battle we'll ask you about it on wait wait don't tell me thank you bill curtis thanks also to adam felber helen hong and josh gondelman thanks to all of you for listening i'm peter segal

get through next week, and we'll see you after it's all done. This is NPR.