Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Lindsey Vonn

Episode Date: December 5, 2020

Lindsey Vonn, Olympic Skier, joins us along with guest host Maz Jobrani and panelists Faith Salie, Euguene Cordero, and Jessi Klein.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hey everybody, it's Peter. So a little while after the lockdown started, I was sitting in my closet at home wrapping up that week's show, and I got to the part right before I end it by saying, this is NPR, you know, with a pause, and I blurted out something like, hey everybody, congrats for getting through the week, let's do it again, and somebody told me that was nice to hear, so I did it again the next week and the next, and now it has become a thing. I did it again the next week and the next, and now it has become a thing. And here is the thing. It's completely sincere. It's been a tough year for everybody, including everybody you're about to hear on our show this week, and doing our show for you in a real way with you has helped all of us immensely. We really are in this together, which is why we are taking a second here at the end of a tough year and

hopefully right before a much better one to ask you to donate to your local station. Go to donate.npr.org slash wait. Thank you and hopefully we'll see you and thank you in person next year. From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey Peter, cut me. I'm your umbilical cord, Bill Curtis. And here is your host, filling in for Peter Sagal, Maz Jobrani. Thank you, Bill. I am Maz Jobrani, and I'm so excited to be hosting this week and filling in for Peter Sagal, who just had a baby boy. Well, he didn't have the baby. His wife had the baby. But Peter was there, live-tweeting the event. He gained 10 followers and one baby.

Later on, we'll be... Thank you. Yes, I'll be here all weekend, folks. Later on, we'll be talking to downhill skiing legend Lindsey Vonn. But first, it's your turn to slalom in and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Adele from Chicago.

Hi, Adele from Chicago. How's it going over there? Great. I'm just sitting with my cat, ready to answer some questions. Fantastic. Are you disappointed that I'm not Peter Sagal? No. I guess maybe a little, but I understand the whole baby thing.

Yeah, the baby thing. This was his baby, and now he's got another baby. We're kind of jealous, but that's fine. We'll get over it. All right, Adele, let me introduce you to our panel. First up, it's a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and host of the new podcast Real Good from Stitcher, Faith Saley. Hey, Adele. Hey, hey, Faith. Nice to meet you. Hey, Adele. Hey, hey, hey. Nice to meet you.

Next, it's an actor you can see on Tacoma FD and here on Star Trek Lower Decks. It's Eugene Cordero. Hey, what's going on, Adele? Hey, Eugene. Finally, the author of the New York Times bestseller, You'll Grow Out of It, one of the stars of Netflix's Big Mouth, season four premiering this weekend, it's Jesse Klein. Hello. Hello, Jesse.

All right, here we go. Welcome to the show. Now, you're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice you choose from our show on your voicemail. You ready? Yep, I'm ready. Here's your first quote. I am a very good boy. That was a dog quoted in a Biden-Harris transition press release after the dog allegedly caused who to break their foot? Oh, my goodness.

Was it Joe Biden? It sure was Joe Biden. On the first day of his transition, the 78-year-old Biden shocked the haters by breaking something other than his hip. Yeah, poor guy. He got a hairline fracture while playing with his dog, which sounds bad, but Biden was just happy to have any kind of hairline. So, you know, this dog, Major, is one of two dogs, right? They've got Major and Champ, and they're both rescues, and Champ was 10 years old when they rescued major oh my god what if it turns out major has been has been like a secret republican this whole time i mean what if major is just like a fifth column

like a deep state dog and like saw saw his moment and was like i don't know it's an unlikely it's unlikely but or maybe this is the first time that we're hearing Biden lie because maybe he just fell and now he's already blaming the dog. So maybe this whole next four years, he's just going to blame Major for a lot of the things he does wrong. Like, oh, yeah, no, I was playing with my dog Major. That's why I haven't signed that bill yet. Yeah, he ate my peace deal that I was going to do with the Middle East. Yeah. Can I just say something about Major, though, for real?

Just like if I'm being very honest. Have you seen pictures of Major? He's a little scary. I'm going fully the other way, Faith. I find him to be very handsome. I mean, I'm just saying like if you've ever seen like Lady and the Tramp, do you know what I'm talking about? Have you ever been like slightly attracted to like a cartoon dog?

Yeah, but I mean, Major is not going to like share one strand of spaghetti with you right well speak for yourself babe but we're all agreeing that we're all attracted to tramp right that's what i'm hoping we're all agreeing okay yeah yeah yeah i think the robin hood fox and the robin all right that's all I had to say. All right. You got that one. Let's go to our next quote from the New York Times this week, pleading with a major sports organization. For the sake of us all, stop. Play. The Times was asking what COVID-infested league to call it quits early this year.

The NFL? Yes, you're right. The National Football League is so full of coronavirus, it makes South Dakota look like New Zealand. Yeah, it's true. The Baltimore Ravens have more than 26 players. The Denver Broncos don't have a single quarterback who can play. Even Hank Williams Jr. was like, are you ready for some football?

And they were like, no. Wait, how does this happen? Why didn't they go the NBA bubble route? Why aren't they all at Disney World? Well, that's because they had the chance to look at what the NBA did with the bubble, what Major League Baseball did with quarantine protocols, and the NFL decided to go with orgy. Oh, wow. That's like the United States compared to everybody else in the world with coronavirus. Yeah. The NFL is the US of sports. You're absolutely right. I'll tell you right now, I'm a Detroit Lions fan, so I can wait

a year. I'm okay with it. I think that's a sports joke I get. I think they must be doing badly. It's a disaster all around. The 49ers can't play because in California, they're not allowed to, I guess, I think the San Francisco has a rule. So they had to go to Arizona to play. Pretty much, they're just looking for a playground that'll let them play. The swing sets out of bounds. They keep playing to the quarterback's mom, says it's time for dinner. I mean, that's where we're at at this point.

But here's a really important question. What will happen to all the Super Bowl commercials if there is no football, right? Yeah, that is probably the most important question because I got to see what coca-cola is gonna do with those polar bears this season did you see the denver game where so the denver broncos you guys um they ran out of quarterbacks i don't know if you heard about this so all three of the quarterbacks and the broncos yeah they were exposed to the virus this is what happens when your team shares one mouth guard. But the thing is,

they had to call up a wide receiver to play quarterback. And it wasn't just any wide receiver. It was their practice squad wide receiver. This is all true. And the guy was just terrible. He completed one pass. He completed one pass. And it turns out the coronavirus is the easiest thing to catch from a Denver Broncos quarterback. Oh, man. All right, Adele, let's go to your last quote. It was bleak Friday. That was a retail consultant talking about disappointing sales on what big day this year?

I want to go with Black Friday. You are right, Adele. You've been paying attention. The holiday shopping season has begun with the same success of Joe Biden playing with his dog. Maybe the reason Black Friday failed, though, is it's been nine months of Black Friday. We have been buying everything every day since the lockdown started. The Amazon guy won't stop showing up at my door. And you know who was really, it was really annoying to hear all the MAGA people who insisted that it's not Black Friday, it's All Friday.

Yeah, All Fridays do matter though. And it's not just Black Friday anymore. Now there's Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, Lie About Giving Wednesday. Sure. And is it still safe to eat last week's turkey Thursday? The answer is no. Well, listen, I thank God for all these theme days because it's the first week in months that I've actually known what day it is. Did you guys do any of the days? Did you celebrate any of the days?

I just want to say I did just join Weight Watchers. So that should tell you a little bit about what the last week has been. Oh, so you're doing Weight Watchers Wednesdays. I'm doing Weight Watchers Wednesdays. I'm doing Weight Watchers Wednesdays. I'm sorry, now it's called WW, apparently. Oh, got it. Well, Jessie, we only saw you from the torso up on Zoom and you look smashing.

Thanks, that's my thinnest part. My head, my head is my thinnest part and then from there it's basically gone. Your head looks really gaunt. It's like a garbage bag filled with wet sponges. Bill, how did Adele do? She did very well. We're going to declare her a winner.

Thank you, Adele. Awesome. Awesome. Thank you all. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Faith, this year has been tough on the scented candle industry.

They're getting bad reviews from people all over America with what common complaint? What common complaint? I don't smell anything because people have COVID? You are on it. Yes. Oh, my gosh. That's so sad. That's tragic.

Yeah, that's tragic. I have to tell you the only way I can ever. So I can't go into Bed Bath & Beyond because it gives me a headache with all their scented candles. So if I get COVID, God forbid, I will at least be able to shop there. One upside. Only in America do we have a government that goes, we don't have enough tests. Go to Bed Bath & Beyond and see if you can figure it out yourself. Yeah. See if you can still pick up the stank on a candle.

So here's what's happened. People are complaining their candles don't smell like anything. So a researcher at Harvard analyzed scented candle reviews online and said negative reviews, specifically mentioning a candle's lack of smell, have almost tripled since January. But not that it's a steady climb. There was a sharp spike in April. Then things got better over the summer. But in October and November, they shot up again for some weird reason. I'm going to start a candle company, and I'm going to make sense called, You Should Have Worn a Mask and Stay Six Feet Away. Sure, yeah. Who doesn't want to have

that candle called Running Out of ICU Beds? You know things are bad when people complain their candles don't taste like anything. Ha ha ha! their candles don't taste like anything. Coming up, our panelists do it like rabbits in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Women have been written off in rap and marginalized in the prison system. Philly rapper Isis the Savior is pushing back against both. Think about the music industry. It's really like only five labels in the world. And who owns them? Old white men funding black toxicity.

Listen now to Louder Than a Riot podcast from NPR Music. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Jesse Klein, Faith Saleh, and Eugene Cordero. And here again is your host, Peter Sagal's doula, Maz Jobrani. Thank you, Bill. Feel free to call me LaMaz. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, Moz. This is Bob calling from Chapel Hill, North Carolina. Hi, Bob from Chapel Hill, North Carolina. How are you doing today? I'm doing all right. How are you? I'm well. What do you do out there?

I'm in grad school at UNC studying chemistry. Well, you know, we need you, my friend. Any pointers on which vaccine is going to be the one to go with? I think as long as you take one, you should be all right. All right. Well, we'll take that, Bob. It's nice to have you with us. You're going to play our game where you must try to tell truth from fiction.

What's the topic, Bill? 400 Rabbits. you must try to tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? 400 rabbits. So this week, 400 rabbits made the news. Was it what they fed the 101 Dalmatians in a dark deleted scene? Was it a new pet they got Joe Biden in the hopes this one wouldn't injure him? Our panelists are going to tell you.

Pick the one telling the truth and you'll win the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play? I sure am. All right, Bob, here we go. First, it's Jesse Klein. There are many branches of the church, Presbyterian, Catholic, Protestant, to name a few. But 2020 being the special year it is, it seems there may soon be at least one new theological institution, the Church of the 400 Rabbits. This potential new church is in fact a tequila and mezcal bar in Nottingham, England. Under the current COVID restrictions in the UK, bars must close, but churches are allowed to be open. So James Aspel, owner of the 400 Rabbits Tequila and Mezcal Cocktail Bar, has sent in his application to register his tavern as a religious congregation.

With places of worship allowed to open in all tiers, we thought, F it, let's start a religion. Amazingly, those were the very same words that started the Catholic Church. To get approved, he needs a certain number of people to sign up and say they are members of the congregation. So he has allowed patrons to join his application as a, quote, bunny believer or reverend of the righteous rabbits. Why he didn't just change the name 400 Rabbits to 400 Rabbis is anybody's guess. I want to worship at the Church of Mescal, said one enthusiastic convert. said one enthusiastic convert. Certainly after the year we've all had, getting some takeout tequila shots while we pray safely in our homes for our vaccine shots doesn't sound like such a bad idea. A bar that turned into a church from Jesse Klein. Your next story of 400 Rabbits

in the news comes from Eugene Cordero. At first, the dating app 400 Rabbits, the first ever dating app just for magicians, seemed like a great idea. And rabbits were a perfect symbol representing both magicians and something that needs to get laid a lot. But recently, the app got a lot of criticism from users who say that people they were meeting look nothing like they do on the app. Apparently, magicians were using elaborate illusions to glam up their profile pics. One man known as the Amazing Gary used literal smoke and mirrors to make it appear that he still had hair, while a self-professed wizard who goes by the name Grimble Shank's Blood Rain used the classic trick called the devil's chamber to make his condo look like a two bedroom. I just wanted to find someone I

could have fun with, said one user, and maybe someday saw in half. 400 Rabbits, a dating app for magicians. Your last story of more rabbits than necessary comes from Faith Saley. Creating a cozy communal feeling is a challenge for holiday parties all over the world this year, which is why the Association of Welsh Councils decided to do something special for its 400 members last week. They wanted every council member, select person, and queen-appointed Lord Lieutenant in the country to enjoy a savory supper of Welsh rarebit together on a nationwide Zoom call. So they sent hundreds of orders of the traditional cheese toast to individual homes. Or at least that's what they thought. What actually happened was 400 people each received a live rabbit the

day before the holiday party. And if you think a mistake like that can't happen, I have four words for you. Four seasons total landscaping. That's right. Someone messed up the order for a rare bit and each rabbit arrived with a note that said, for our holiday party, please heat up in microwave or eat as is. So when confused Welsh leaders all over the country joined the Zoom, some had jumping bunnies in their laps, others were picking bunny droppings off their keyboards, but a few, like Mark Child of the Mumbles Community Council, were ready to tuck into a steaming bowl of stew kuningen, which is Welsh for rabbit stew. Association of Welsh Council's spokeswoman, Carys Craddock, has apologized for the mistake, but says she's been giving her bunny a cooch, which is Welsh for a cuddle, and has named him Tom Jones, which is Welsh for sexiest man alive.

All right, Bob, there you have it. Is it from Jesse Klein, the bar that turned into a church so you can drink? Is it from Eugene Cordero, the dating app for magicians? Or is it from Faith Saley, the Welsh rare bit that was ordered but rabbits showed up, instructed to put into the oven? Which one is real?

I think I'll go with Jesse's story, the first one. You're going to go with Jesse Klein's story, the story of the bar that turned into a church. And to find out the correct answer, we spoke to someone directly involved with the 400 Rabbits. Because of new regulations in the UK, we sent off an application to be classified as a place of worship, the Church of the 400 Rabbits. Congratulations, Bob. You got it right. Yeah, Bob, you have graduate-level critical thinking skills.

Yeah. Thank you very much. You guessed right, earning a point for Jesse. And you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thank you for my point. Well, thank you for having me on here. This is a blast. Bye, Bob.

Take care. And now the game where people on top of the world spend a little time down here with us. Olympian Lindsey Vonn put on her first pair of skis at the age of two and before long was racing down mountains at 80 miles an hour, racking up win after win as one of the world's best downhill skiers. She is now the host of Amazon's The Pack, which is like the Amazing Race if you got rid of all the annoying people and replaced them with adorable dogs. Lindsey Vonn, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, guys. Thanks for having me. So, Lindsey, a couple of questions. I've been skiing

my whole life, and I've never gotten that good. Now, you started at a young age. So, do you remember when you were like, wow, I'm good at this, and I could be the world champ? It wasn't until I was a bit older. I actually was really slow when I was a kid. My coach actually made fun of me and called me a turtle. But it took a while for sure. I wouldn't say that I knew that I was going to be anything good until I was probably 13 or 14 years old. So when you realize you're going to be good, did you call that coach and be like, yo, it's turtle. What's up, dude? So when you realized you're going to be good, did you call that coach and be like, yo, it's Turtle.

What's up, dude? Ironically, he was my dad's coach as well. He's from Austria. So he kind of played it like he knew that I was going to be that good. He just like said it to kind of antagonize me. So tough love. Yes. Yeah.

So he turned around. He's like, I was trying to push her the whole way. I knew she was going to be very much champion. Yeah, I always knew. I always knew you would win. Did your coach ever set up like a fake rivalry with your dad? Was he like, oh, yeah, your father, he couldn't do this when he was raised. No, it would be like, I knew you would beat your father. If you would waste your father, you would for sure beat your father.

I love that everyone just went all in on this accent. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we just agreed that that's what it is. It sounded similar. I would say we're all not very good, but... You know, I watched your documentary on HBO, which I highly recommend. I always say you're inspired by greatness and mediocrity.

So when I watch you go down that hill, I'm like, oh, I'm going to go do that. And then I get on the hill, I'm like, no, I'm not going to do that. But there's times when you're going down. What was the fastest you've ever gone? Like 80 something? Yeah. I mean, the fastest I've ever been clocked was 84. But I would imagine it's somewhere a little bit above that.

Holy moly. I honestly don't think I've ever even been clocked going 84 in my car. I have a Prius. But no, so here's my, I got two questions about going 84 miles an hour. First of all, I've taken falls on ski slopes going like 30 miles an hour. As I'm falling, I'm like, oh no. You're going 84 and you're trying to win. What's going through your mind when you've taken a fall at a high speed?

You try to be like Gumby. You see the fence coming and I always think like, I got this, I got this, I got this. And then I don't got it. And I'm literally doing the splits and tangled in the fence like a fish. But yeah, you just try to go limp because the more you tense up, the more likely it is you're going to pull something or break something. But it's not fun. I can tell you that it's really not fun. I always have the analogy that skiing is like, you know, when you're going fast down the highway, you know,

stick your head out the window. That's kind of how it feels when you're skiing. But then if you crash, it's just like you're driving down the highway and then you jump out of the car. Oh my God. And then you slide for like half a mile, but you just got to go Gumby. You got to be like Pee Wee Herman. You got to do, do, do, do, do, do. Go, let it go. Go slow. Didn't your dad try to push you to do other sports?

I mean, I tried a lot of other sports, and I have to say I was absolutely terrible at all of them. I played soccer, and my only goal was against my own team. I tried figure skating, and I liked only goal was against my own team um I tried to figure skating and I like the outfits a lot but um my dad pulled me out of that after about a month tennis huge failure um gymnastics I was too tall since I was like nine years old so skiing was definitely where I had some talent it's funny because in a way it's's like you failed your way to a gold medal. You failed at everything else

and you're like, I'm just going to kill it at skiing. Correct. Exactly. It's funny because Lindsay and I, I was just going to say, Lindsay and I basically have the exact same trajectory with sports

except for I never got to the part where I was a gold medalist at skiing. I sucked at one after another, after another, and then also skiing. Now, Lindsay, your new show on Amazon, The Pack. Okay, so I just got a dog. This is my first time getting a dog. Whoa, what kind of dog is this?

We got a golden doodle. Her name is Yasu, and she's adorable. Aw, that's cute. Now, you got Lucy. Lucy's adorable as well. So, first of all the question is is this a show you wanted to do you were just looking for an excuse to hang out with lucy i mean it was kind of a great excuse to hang out with lucy but i was looking for kind of the next career move

after skiing and i was like i get to travel the world with my dog and 12 other dogs i was like that to me is the best case scenario. How's it been filming with dogs? Is there any trouble on set behind the scenes? The dogs were the best part of the show. I mean, who doesn't want to watch a Labradoodle running in slow motion with rainbow highlights? Well, Lindsey Vonn, we've asked you here today to play a game we're calling Go, Vaughn, Go.

You're used to hearing people yell, Vaughn, go. But what do you know about Van Gogh? As in Vincent Van Gogh. Answer two out of three questions correctly about the Dutch painter, and you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Lindsey Vaughn playing for? And you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Lindsey Vonn playing for? Andrew Campbell of Richmond, Virginia.

All right, Lindsey, here's your first question. After Vincent Van Gogh famously cut off his own ear, he painted a portrait of the doctor who treated him and gave the painting to the doctor as a thank you. What did the doctor do with it? A, he printed his name on it, then hung it up on a pole outside his offices like a sign. B, he used it to repair his chicken coop. C, he hung it up in his examination room as a warning to patients to take better care of themselves. I mean, all of these sound like not logical options. They're not.

Well, see, now you're thinking logical, right? You're thinking logical. Now, this show is not necessarily a logical show. I mean, I don't think it's the chicken coop, but it could be number one, but I don't know. I'm going to go with number three. The truth is it was the chicken coop. No way. Wow.

This guy hated the painting so much that he used it to repair his chicken coop. Now the painting today is valued at $50 million. That's insane. Wait, you mean they reclaimed the painting from the chicken coop? Or it would have been valued at $50 million? Yeah, how does that work? I think some of the paint isn't paint i think it's just chicken poop there you go it's just a dead chicken that you hang on

your wall so the name of the game is don't think logically there you go lindsey you got it right you go down a hill at 80 miles an hour you think that's logical that's not logical correct all right here's your next question you still got a a chance. You get two of these, this person wins. So the oldest woman who ever lived, who died in 1997 at the age of 122 years old, lived long enough that she actually met Vincent Van Gogh. It's a moment that she remembered her whole life. Why? A, because she couldn't get over how ugly he was. B, because he offered her his other ear saying, I feel lopsided with just one. Or C, because she posed for him, but in the finished painting, there was a guitar on the chair instead of her. I mean, I think maybe number one. You're getting good at this.

You're right. Yes. She says it's a moment she remembered her whole life because she couldn't get over how ugly he was. All right. You're one out of two. Here's your last question, Lindsey Vonn. well into the millions of dollars, bargain hunters can still own a piece of history for the fraction of the price, including which of these which recently sold at auction? A, for $80,000, a napkin on which Van Gogh doodled

a duck with a mustache. B, for $240,000, a letter between Van Gogh and Gauguin describing their brothel visits, or C, for $195,000, a VIP, quote, bedroom in Arliss experience where you get to stay in the actual room from the famous painting and leave with a copy of the painting with yourself added into it. Maz, it's Arl. Arl.

Well, let's just go with the brothel letters because that seems most interesting. You are right, Lindsey Vonn. You're a champion. Look at you. He paid money for the brothel and now we pay to get the letter for $240,000. Bill, how did Lindsey Vonn do in our game? You know, she won a gold medal there and here. So congratulations, Lindsay. Thank you. Lindsay Vaughn is a world champion skier and the host of Amazon's The Pack, which you can stream now on Amazon Prime Video. Lindsay Vaughn, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you, guys. I really appreciate it. Bye, Lindsay. Happy holidays. Bye. Thanks, Lindsay. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Appreciate it. Bye, Lindsay. Happy holidays. Thank you. In just a minute, Bill gets lactose exuberant in the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Support for this podcast and the following message come from Masterclass. How can people find time to learn something new when they're juggling work and family? Masterclass makes it easy with inspiring classes designed to fit into your schedule. Each class with a well-known instructor is broken into lessons averaging 10 minutes,

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who teaches style for everyone, or guitarist and songwriter St. Vincent, who teaches songwriting. Thank you. you get another annual membership free. Go to masterclass.com slash wait. Hey, it's Peter poking my head in a gam with a reminder to donate to your local station at donate.npr.org slash wait. They actually care which shows listeners donate the most, and I want to kick Invisibilia's ass. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Eugene Cordero, Faith Seeley, and Jesse Klein. And here again is your host, filling in for Peter Sagal, Maz Jobrani.

Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, Bill gets his recommended daily allowance of Rhyme Bow Flavin in our Listener Limit Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. for you from this week's news. Faith, the people who bought the Cadbury Advent calendar this year were surprised when what message appeared behind the fourth door? Fourth door?

I need a hint, please. Let's just say it did not encourage you to celebrate Christmas by standing six feet apart. Kiss me? Come closer? Lick this? You're getting very close. by standing six feet apart? Kiss me? Come closer? Lick this? You're getting very close. What's between standing six feet apart and licking or kissing somebody?

What else could you do to them that wouldn't be kissing? Oh, go hug somebody. Yes. This message said give hugs at Christmas. No. Apparently the NFL was writing the messages. I mean, you can't even hug Santa this Christmas right? you can't hug anybody

it's only air hugs you can't even shake hands I've been going around namaste-ing people for nine months looks like the holiday is finally fighting back in the war on Christmas with its deadly advice to hug people this year the message does raise the question, though, if these calendars were printed when hugs were okay, just how old is that chocolate?

That's right. It's got that little white bloom on it. And you have to wonder, right? We don't know when we will achieve herd immunity and when everybody will be vaccinated. So you have to wonder how companies are planning for next year's advent calendars, right? Like hug if you've gotten your second dose, right? Or air hug somebody.

Or maybe like a scratch and sniff calendar. That's like, can you smell this? If so, congrats. Or that, you know what they'll probably do is they'll just steal from fortune cookie companies and they'll just just say this will be a lucky year you know well that message was uh it would be uncomfortable in a normal year to hug somebody but this year it's particularly bad timing but at least it's better than nestle's advent calendar which recommends you go to Sturgis. Baby, it won't feel like Christmas without you.

Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. Also, check out our new bonus podcast, Letter from the Editors,

where you can hear things that got cut from the show, things no one should ever hear, things that cannot be unheard. Find it in the Wait Wait podcast feed. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Julia Tilton calling from Cleveland, Ohio. Julia, what do you do in Cleveland? I'm a teacher. Have you been Zoom teaching or real teaching? So we were hybrid and we just went to Zoom about two weeks ago. Julia, can I just jump in and say you're doing an amazing job and thank you to all the teachers dealing with this right now. Oh, thank you. Jess, you make a great point. And since

Julia is a teacher, we're just going to give her the, you won. Yeah. You've already won the game. Let's just let her win. This is easier than I thought. Well, welcome to the show, Julia. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in the last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick. With their late 1800s design,

these ancient jeans held up real fine. Where once there was gold, I found treasures untold. These pants were found deep in a... Mine? Yes! The oldest pair of jeans actually aren't on

your dad. This week a pair of 136 year old jeans found in an abandoned gold mine were trending on Twitter. Can you imagine looking for gold and finding a dumb pair of Levi's? It's even worse that they were bootcut. Gross. Oh, my gosh.

What if there were like a 150-year-old pair of jeggings and we were all like, we thought we invented those, but no, they were here before. Yeah. Or if they picked up the pair and they were just like, what? These are sized husky? They still made those? Or like 100 years from now, you're going to find a bunch of sweatpants all over the place. Now, you may be asking, why were these jeans in them thar hills well they were of course down

in the mind because of the old prospector's custom when you find a seam of gold you take off your pants and leave them right there to mark the spot then you walk back up to the surface covering your privates with the canary was this like uh je Jeffrey Toobin's great-great-grandfather? Move on, Ross. Let's move on to our next limerick. At old records, this pizza chef sneezes. With his toppings, he does as he pleases.

His uses of dairy impressive and scary. It's well over 200 cheeses. Yes, it is. Very impressive and scary. It's well over 200... Cheeses. Yes, it is. Cheeses. Quattro formaggi?

More like 250 quattro formaggi with his 254 cheese pizza. This week, a French chef broke the world record for kinds of cheese on a pizza. And moments later, the world record for lact of cheese on a pizza and moments later the world record for lactose intolerance i am strongly against this strongly against this it's too many cheeses i give you one or two cheeses tops do you am i alone on this am i i just have such you're i don't even know i don't think i can name more than 10 cheeses period period. That's exactly what I was thinking, Eugene. 200 is crazy. This guy set a record with 254 cheeses on his pizza.

How bad do you think he felt when the first guy that bought a slice shook some Parmesan on there and hit 255? By the way, Jesse, you're totally right. I'm not making this up. I had a problem one time. I went to a pizza place and they had the four cheese pizza. I said, I'll have four cheese pizza. And they gave me four slices of cheese pizza with one cheese on it. Very confusing.

All right, Julia, here's your last limerick. The walls crawled and my stomach felt squishy. Saw my face in the mirror, cried, who's she? I am paying the price for some raw fish on rice. I ate five-day-old gas station sushi. You are right. Perfect. After a woman suffered from hallucinations, insomnia, and digestive problems for months, doctors were finally able to trace the source of her illness to the day she ate five-day-old sushi from a gas station. Ah, five-day-old sushi from a gas station.

It's a classic case of fool me once, shame on me. Jesus, what was I thinking? Was this in Wuhan? Was this COVID patients, Corral? I'll tell you, the best sushi in LA is at 7-Eleven. You've heard it here. You want soy sauce or unleaded? I'll take both.

Bill, how did Julia do? Julia did wonderfully. Just great. She's a winner, and let's do? Julia did wonderfully. Just great. She's a winner, and let's do it for the students. Julia, thank you for joining us. You won three for three. You're a winner. We appreciate you being the teacher that you are.

I appreciate it. It was so much fun. Thank you. Bye, Julia. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Thank you. Whether you've watched The Daily Show for years or you're tuning in for the first time, dive into today's news ears first. You can revisit your favorite interviews, hear exclusive extras, or listen to full episodes. As always, you'll hear from Trevor and the correspondents on the biggest news stories of today.

Listen to The Daily Show with Trevor Noah, ears edition, on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? I can.

Faith has two. Eugene has two. And leaving it to Jesse with three. How about that, Jesse? Let's go. Eugene, you're the newest member of the Wait Wait family, so let's go with you first. Yes. On Tuesday,

Attorney General Barr said the DOJ found no evidence of fraud that would change the outcome of blank. The election. Right. Negotiations between the White House and Congress restarted this week on a blank plan. On a stimulus plan. Right. On Monday, Merriam-Webster picked pandemic as their blank. Word of the day? Word of the year. We'll say close enough. Of the year? We'll say right. After 50 years of breathing problems,

a man in Russia finally went to the doctor and discovered the problem was blank. Asthma? A coin he'd shoved up his nose when he was six. Oh, boy. Yes. In Russia, coin goes up your nose. In America, nose goes in your... No, okay.

The man was so scared that his mom would be angry that he never told anyone about the coin and eventually forgot about it completely. But 50 years later, an x-ray revealed that it was still lodged in his nasal cavity. After a multi-hour invasive operation, the man is thankful he can breathe again and surprised that everything in the world doesn't

smell like rusty old metal. And thank God his wife loved him enough to marry him, even though one nostril was four times bigger than the other. Well, maybe she married him for his money. Oh. Bill, how did

Eugene do? Eugene had four right for eight more points. He now has 10, and that gives him the lead. Eugene, you are in the lead. I'll take it. Okay, Faith, you're up next. Fill in the blank. In a video posted online Wednesday, Blank hinted at a presidential run in 2024.

Donald Trump. Right. On Monday, Wisconsin and Arizona certified Blank's election win in their states. Joe Biden. Right. This week, the CDC shortened their recommended blank time for people potentially exposed to COVID. Quarantine. Right. On Wednesday, three pro-democracy activists in Blank were sentenced to almost a year in prison. Hong Kong, China. Right. On Wednesday, three pro-democracy activists in blank were sentenced to almost a year in prison.

Hong Kong, China. Right, Hong Kong. As Los Angeles was overrun with cases, the city temporarily closed a coronavirus testing center in order to blank. Oh, in order to have a film shoot. Right. They closed down the testing center to shoot a remake of the 1999 Freddie Prinze Jr. film, She's All That. Worth it.

Worth it. This week, comedian John Mulaney revealed he was investigated by the Secret Service for a joke he made while hosting blank. SNL. Right. This week, Warner Brothers announced they would release all of their 2021 movies in theaters and on blank simultaneously. HBO Max. Right.

This week, a hunter in the Czech Republic called police to report a blank stole his hunting rifle. Oh, a deer? Yes. You are killing it! The man was tracking the deer when his dog startled it, causing it to rush at him, tearing his sleeve, and catching the strap of his rifle on its antlers. He called police immediately, who dispatched someone to the scene, hoping to find the gun before the deer gets too far,

or grows thumbs and decides to seek revenge. The deer gets too far or grows thumbs and decides to seek revenge. Bill, how did Faith do? Well, Faith was killing it. She had eight right for 16 more points. She now has 18 and the lead. You are fired. Those are some lucky guesses.

Bill, how many does Jessie need to win? She needs eight to win. All right, Jessie, you ready for this? No, but let's go. You got this. Okay, Jessie, this is the game. Fill in the blank. On Monday, Dr. Birx said that Americans who traveled for blank should assume they're infected and get tested. Thanksgiving.

Right. On Wednesday, blank made moves to ban inspectors at get tested. Thanksgiving. Right. On Wednesday, Blank made moves to ban inspectors at nuclear facilities. Iran. Right. This week, a federal panel recommended giving medical workers the first doses of Blank. Vaccine. Right. On Wednesday, former astronaut Mark Kelly was sworn in as senator from Blank. Arizona. Right. This week, a woman in Australia says that her Sarah Jessica Parker perfume is the reason she was blanked while out for a morning run.

Attacked. By a lion? A kangaroo. Yes, yes, yes, you're right. She says that her Sarah Jessica Parker perfume led to an attack by an amorous kangaroo. On Monday, cryptocurrency blank hit a record high. Bitcoin?

Right. A new report on Thursday showed another 700,000 people applying for blank benefits. Unemployment. Right. Over the holidays, the mayor of Austin urged residents to stay safe and stay home in a video recorded at blank. On vacation in Mexico? You are right. Holy moly.

Yes. At a private beach resort in Cabo. In the video, the mayor says, quote, this is what he says, quote, our numbers are increasing. We need to stay home if you can. This is not the time to relax. All while relaxing at a Mexican resort. Meanwhile, the hand just hands him a margarita in the corner of his Zoom window. Bill, how did Jessie do?

Did she do well enough to win? She did great. She had eight right for 16 more points. She now has 19, which means that Jessie is this week's champion. Woo-hoo! Yes! Oh, my God, guys, I needed this. Have we ever had two people get perfect?

They both got perfect. Wow. I feel proud, Justine. Can you hear the glass ceiling shattering? In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict what will be the first thing written on Joe Biden's cast. But first, let me tell you that. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions,ornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks from Ismael Lutfi. Peter Sagal's other new baby is Peter Nguyen. Technical direction

Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chalag. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will be written on Joe Biden's cast? Faith Saley. Joe, put your feet up. I got this. XO, Kamala. Jesse Clark. I think Major the Dog will write, one mistake and you're getting a cat. will write, one mistake and you're getting a cat? Eugene Cordero. Use me to walk. Signed, Joe Biden.

Well, if we see any of that, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Faith Saley, Eugene Cordero, Jesse Klein. Thanks to all of you for listening. Thanks to Peter Sagal's baby for showing up so I could get this gig. I'm Maz Jobrani and we'll see you next week. This is NPR.