Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Malala Yousafzai on winning the Nobel Peace Prize while in chemistry class

Episode Date: March 4, 2023

At the age of 17, Malala Yousafzai became the youngest person to win the Nobel Peace Prize, and now a documentary she executive produced is nominated for an Oscar. And, if she answers our three questions about puzzles correctly, she'll win the inaugural Nobel Pieces Prize.A message to listeners: a recent error with Apple Podcasts meant you might not have been able to hear our regular weekend show without signing up for Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me+. We have worked with Apple to correct the error. Regular episodes have not changed and will remain free and available. We've shared some information about managing your subscription via Apple on our Facebook page: https://bit.ly/3mamqm2Support NPR by signing up for Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me+ via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey, SZA, don't kill this bill. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. I'm Bill again. For Peter Sagal, it's Josh Gundelman. Thank you, Bill. And thanks, everybody. We have a great show for you today.

Later on, we're going to be talking to Malala Yousafzai, who became the youngest ever Nobel Peace Prize winner at age 17. Now she's 25, and she's an executive producer of an Oscar-nominated documentary. So yeah, she's still doing things that will make the rest of us feel like we've wasted our time here on Earth. We want to hear how you've been wasting your time, so give us a call and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, this is David Mandel from Denver, Colorado. Hey, David, how are you doing? Doing well, thank you. Of course, my pleasure. Thanks for being here. I've never been to Denver. What is your number one reason to entice someone to visit? Sunshine.

Over 300 days of sunshine here. You have that locked and loaded. It's why I live here. That's the reason. That's beautiful. You sound like you're very pro-Denver and you hate Seattle. I love Seattle as well. I lived there for four years.

I have family there and I love to visit it, but I like to live here and visit Seattle. You flipped it. Well, thank you, David, for being here. I'm thrilled to be filling in this week. And much like Peter Sagal, I have a great head of hair as far as our listeners at home know. Now, David, let's introduce you to our panel. First, she's a comedian who is hosting Butterboy Comedy every Monday at Littlefield in Brooklyn.

It's Maeve Higgins. Hi, David. Hi, Maeve. Next, he's a comedian who will be performing at the Village Theatre in Canton, Michigan on March 31st. It's Alonzo Bowden. Thank you. And he's a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and host of the podcast Mobituaries. It's Mo Rocca. Welcome to the show, David. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can identify

two, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. You ready? I'm ready. Well, here's your first quote. They must live under the same laws as SeaWorld. Now that was Governor Ron DeSantis laying down the dolphin law about what Florida company? Disney.

That's right, Disney World. Disney. Florida presidential candidate and part-time governor Ron DeSantis stripped Disney of its special self-governing status this week. He did this to punish Disney for fighting his don't-say-gay law, and because he's still mad the company rejected him as the eighth dwarf. The thing that's surprising right now is the same laws as SeaWorld, the same laws of nature. I mean, will they have to grow gills or just get scuba gear?

Actually, he's going to keep everybody from Disney in captivity, and then there's going to be a sad documentary about it. These are the laws that he means. For almost 60 years, Disney World was a, quote, special taxing region. Basically its own government. Which is why cutting in line at Disney was punishable by death. They were allowed to make that rule. And now DeSantis is in charge of

maintaining Disney's roads and sewage and sanitation. Which is ridiculous. Like, Ron, you've got Mary Poppins on the payroll and you chose to clean all this up yourself? That's ridiculous. It's really funny what sets him off. You know what I mean? Like, the battles he chooses.

So his problem is that a talking mouse, a talking dog, a duck with no pants, are all far too woke for him in his dog. When you tell... They're not all wokes. I mean, the country bear jamboree, those are definitely in his face.

That's true. That's true. And what's that dog? It's not Goofy. There's another dog. Pluto. Pluto. Pluto, right. Pluto and me, like, had vibes that we shouldn't have had when I went there when I was 14.

And I'm like, should I tell Ron DeSantis that? Or would he just be like, that's good? Also, when you tell Disney that they're indoctrinating children, they're like, yes, that is exactly what we do. That's the job. That's our business.

One more thing. This is what makes it so infuriating, right? This battle against Disney is really ironic. As DeSantis writes in his new memoir, which you should not buy, he got married at a Disney property. So not only is he a hypocrite, he's a hypocrite who had a destination wedding, a monster.

All right, David, your next quote is from a professional athlete named Manny Machado. I'm going down in the history books. Machado was celebrating that he is the first player ever to violate new rules designed to make what sport go faster? Is that baseball? It is baseball. That's right. faster. Is that baseball? It is baseball. That's right. Major League Baseball announced they're taking steps to make the game shorter, including a pitch clock. But don't worry, baseball purists, while the game is shorter, it's still really boring. I will say that I grew up a baseball fan. So when you grow up with baseball, it's not as boring as people who just try to watch it and don't get it. But the pitch clock has sped the game up so much. They had a video

side by side. They completed half an inning. They got three outs in the time it took one guy to throw one pitch. That's nice. It basically looks like a Benny Hill skit now. No, they just say, they need to pick up the pace. What's this business about

a seventh inning stretch? Come on, there's just two more innings. Stretch afterwards. That's right. They've actually replaced the seventh inning stretch with a sixth inning. Keep it going. Keep it moving. Are women allowed to play? They did. Because, you know, sometimes women can be a little bit more efficient because they have to get

back to the kitchen. To make the hot dogs. That was a real zig in his act, man. You were like, are women allowed to? She really covered every constituency there. You are so electable. She got the Ron DeSantis voters and the Disney supporters

on her side. I wonder if there's a rule against women playing or if they just don't play. I don't know if there's a rule. I guess there's probably not a rule. It's just one of those unspoken things that happens. Well, I saw the documentary about how they have their own league, but you're not allowed to cry. Oh. Your last quote, David, comes from Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz.

In over 40 years, I can't remember a time where I've been more excited. Schultz was talking about the fact that Starbucks will now be putting what in your coffee? I think I might need a hint on this one. Well, here we go. This is what I'm here for. You can now or you will soon be able to get an extra virgin cappuccino. Olive oil? Olive oil.

You said it like a question, but it is the right answer. He said it a little like Popeye. Yeah, like after she'd left him for 20 years. Olive oil? You came back? Starbucks is launching a new line of coffee drinks with a spoonful of olive oil in every cup. Call me old-fashioned,

but if I'm going to pour something weird and gross in my coffee, it better get me drunk. I mean, I would go for cod liver oil. You know, because that's, like, so good for you, good for your brain, but I can't bring myself to ever drink it. So you'd put it in Starbucks? I think so. That might improve

their coffee, yeah. I just think this is going to be like the baristas, as if it's not difficult enough when you have, you know, a double half-calf, extra hot, blah, blah, blah, extra virgin. They're like, okay, I just snapped. That's enough. That's enough.

But Alonzo, you shouldn't add in blah, blah, blah to your order because that makes it so much more confusing. Oh, no, they know that. When you do blah, blah, blah, they give you two shots of blah. They're good. The baristas are good. Don't even talk to me till I've had my blah I'm so conflicted about this because my Starbucks name was olive oil Because they couldn't get mo right They kept putting an E on it

When it's spelled M-E-A-U-X. My question is, who at Starbucks said, you know, this coffee isn't running through people fast enough? That's right. I know. That's right. We need to get this through a little bit quicker. How about we oil it up? Cafe au lait.

More like cafe au restaurant. I'm having one right now. We better hurry this show up is all I gotta say. I actually think this is Howard Schultz's sneakiest attempt at union busting, right? They're like, oh, my employees want to bargain collectively? Well, I'm going to introduce a menu item that turns every Starbucks bathroom into a Superfund site. Have fun mopping that,

guys. Oh, my goodness. Bill, how did David do on our quiz? David is Denver strong. He got them all right. Hey, congratulations, David. Thanks for playing. Thanks for having me. Thank you. Goodbye, David. Right now, panel, it's time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Alonzo. In a real twist for automotive safety, Hyundai is recalling hundreds of thousands of vehicles

because there's a risk their what might explode. There's so many things that could explode. I'm going to ask you for a bit of a hint. It's a car. Got that part. Got that part. Thanks, Maeve. It's what you might call a clicking time got that part got that part thanks me

it's what you might call a clicking time bomb oh the seatbelts? the seatbelts may explode how? this seems bad but at least you will be strapped tightly to the fire explosion when it happens this is what it is

basically when you crash seatbelts need to be able to retract explosively fast. And so the ones on these seatbelts do. Oh, so that automatic retraction is too powerful? Yeah. So the explosions, which you learned about in an article that included the phrase neck shrapnel, which is one of the worst kinds of shrapnel in my book.

Are the bodies exploding? No, no, no. Because of the seatbelt? No, it would be the mechanism that retracts the seatbelt. Oh, I thought the bodies were just going from the seatbelt going so tight. That one we all would have heard about by now. It's a weird thing, though,

an exploding seatbelt. Yeah. So the airbag is fine, but the seatbelt will get you. Airbag full of knives. Oh, okay. I think, by the way, the word recall, we need a new word because it sounds so gentle. It sounds nostalgic.

Let's recall these Hyundai. Y'all remember those seatbelts that used to explode back yonder? Oh, I recall those exploded seatbelts. I do declare that was that summer that the self-driving cars started tearing through preschool parking lots.

I recall as well. Why am I suddenly uncomfortable? Coming up, our panelists get a little bit better. It's Bluff the Listener. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Maeve Higgins, Mo Rocca, and Alonzo Budden. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal. It's Josh Gundelman. Thank you, Bill. Thank you. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, how are you doing? My name's Kevin McCullough, calling from the banks of the beautiful Presque Isle River up in Presque Isle, Wisconsin. It's nice to have you. Oh, hey. Setting the scene.

Thanks for being here with us, Kevin, as well as on the banks of the beautiful river. No, it's frozen right now. Oh, it's frozen right now. Can you skate on it, or is it too thin? It'd be too thin. Current underneath there. Not a good idea. Josh, Josh, don't.

This is river safety tips that Josh got on NPR. Kevin, you're going to play a game in which you try to separate fact from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? Go improve yourself. Let's face it, self-improvement is hard, which is why you can always hire someone to help. A personal trainer, a dietician, a teenager to help you understand the drama between Selena and Haley. This week, we heard about a surprising new self-improvement service.

Our panel is going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play? You bet. First up, it's Alonzo Bowden. Doctors, lawyers, and celebrities are into a new cosmetic procedure, hiring a calligrapher for a signature makeover, finding a new way to sign their names on paper with ink.

Priscilla Molina, whose company Planet of Names creates up to 300 signatures a month, offers packages that have up to three ways to sign. She says with practice, they can master their new John Hancock in a couple of weeks. Oh, she said John Hancock wouldn't have needed her. While some say a signature makeover is a sign you have too much money, Sonia Pomelon, who drums up business on TikTok, says it's a way for people to reinvent themselves, saying how you present yourself on the outside reflects how you feel on the inside. Thank you. Alonzo Bowden with a signature remix.

Your next story of an improvement and innovation comes from Maeve Higgins. We all remember the Spice Girls, the only good thing to come out of England after the Yorkshire pudding. Speaking of puffy, bland people, I mean food, a brand new service is racing around the

globe. Lying Spice is a fantastic new service where subscribers pay the globe. Lying Spice is a fantastic new service where subscribers pay a set fee each month for a Lying Spice. That is a very convincing person who will spend mealtimes with you and be around you when you're eating in company. And what's the Lying Spice guarantee? They will tell others that you enjoy spicy food. It's so embarrassing not to like spicy food. It means you're unsophisticated in some way. But sitting eating a nice boiled chicken sandwich with mayonnaise will come across a lot

better with a friend hyping up to others at the table that one time they saw you talking into the most unbelievably challenging biryani. Oh, Sarah Beth, they will say when your mouth is full of white bread and Cheerios, boy, oh boy, that woman is so well-traveled.

Why, we had shakshuka this morning and she asked for extra chili peppers. The others will be so impressed. You can blush happily and let lying spice literally take the heat. A story of spicy talk from Maeve Higgins. Your last story of a bettering business comes from Mo Rocca. Higgins. Your last story of a bettering business comes from Mo Rocca. When Mel Roquefort began losing his voice in the summer of 2021, his very livelihood as an on-air weatherman was threatened. It turned out he developed a granuloma, a kind of inflammation on one of his vocal cords. After an evaluation from a speech language pathologist at Cornell Weill Medical Center in New York City, Mel discovered that the one thing, more than any other, aggravating his condition was his laugh,

best described as a sort of caw, like the harsh cry of a crow. Ah! Ah! Mel's backup laughs, a Betty Rubble giggle, hee-hee-hee-hee, and a Beavis, or was it Butthead, pant laugh, hee-hee-hee-hee, irritated the vocal cords in different ways. It was immediately clear, in order to save his voice, Mel needed a new laugh. After several

weeks of exercise, he debuted his Robert Goulet laugh, a smooth, rich, mellifluous diaphragm-supported sound. But a bit theatrical. Ultimately, Mel decided on the safest option for a laugh, a simple, that's funny. That's right. New year, new laugh with Mo Rocca. Okay, Kevin, we've got Alonzo's story about updating your signature. We have Maeve's story about someone lying to tell people that you like spicy food.

And we have Mo's story about an updated laugh that's easier on the vocal cords. Who do you think is telling the truth? What's the real story? All right, I'm going to go with Alonzo. All right, Kevin. Your choice is Alonzo's story. All right, I'm going to go with Alonzo. All right, Kevin, your choice is Alonzo's story. To find out the correct answer, we talked to someone involved in a real self-improvement business. Once I started posting kind of ways to revamp your signature for a specific letter,

a lot of people wanted that for their own signature. Great. That was Sonia Palamand, a TikTok content creator from St. Louis, Missouri, who runs a signature business. Congratulations, Kevin. You identified our only honest panelist. Thank you. You've earned a point for Alonzo and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thanks for playing, Kevin. Bye, Kevin. Thank you. Isn't he a great voice? Yeah.

You can write it down, it's a fact now. We're moving on now, we're not going back now. Headed to where the lights are bright. And now, the part of our show where we ask someone brilliant to play a game that is way, way beneath their dignity. And that has never been more true than it is right now. Today's guest won a Nobel Peace Prize at age 17. She's now an executive producer of an Academy Award-nominated documentary short film. Please welcome to the show Malala Yousafzai.

How are you doing today? I'm pretty nervous, if I'm honest. I'm not ready for the questions, but, you know, I'm here. I'm here. Look, I'm as stunned as you are that you're here. Malala, you won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014 when you were just 17 years old. Let's start there. Can you tell us about when you found out that you won?

Actually, I was still in school at that time. So I went to school. I was in my chemistry class that the school's deputy head teacher called me outside. She usually calls you when you are in trouble. So I was like, fingers crossed. I hope I haven't done anything wrong. But then she told me I had won the Nobel Peace Prize. Classic Dayton switch, yeah. We've all been there. How did you react when you went from thinking you were in trouble to knowing that you'd won the Nobel Peace Prize, which is what they call, where I'm from, a 180.

It was, you know, such a surreal uh because it was not just for me but it was for all the children who deserve uh to be heard it was raising awareness about child labor you know i i heard the news and then i shared a few remarks with my school friends and then after that i went back to my class i went to my physics class i said I have to finish my school day because when you get the Nobel Peace Prize for education, you have to finish your school day. Wow. So you have a peace prize, which comes, I imagine, with certain expectations, right? When are you the least peaceful? Is it at the airport? Do you scream at the screen when you're watching cricket on TV? I'm not a big fan of gym, running, walking.

I'm going to stand up. I'm like, oh, you know, I need some peace. I need to sit and I need to relax. to stand up, I'm like, oh, you know, I need some peace. I need to sit and I need to relax. So whenever you're standing upright, you fly into a rage. People just stand up for education, other than that. You heard it here first. Malala prefers to do her standing up while sitting down. That's amazing. And do people come to you to, like, mediate their arguments? Do people expect you, people in your life expect you to be, like, level-headed at all times?

Or is that out the window? Whenever people meet me, they're just so nice to me. And sometimes, like, they're very shocked to see me, like, being so short. Because, you know I in in real life I'm very short but I in on screen you can't tell that so when they see me they're like oh wait a second like is that really you like this small I'm like well like I'm five foot that's it so where do you where do you keep your Nobel Prize I can't I can't tell you that. Do you mean that that's a secret or that you've won so many awards you forget where you

keep them and can't tell Mo? I think it's probably both. Okay. And so now let's say your Nobel Prize came with free concert tickets but you had to choose between Beyonce and Taylor Swift. Who do you pick?

These are really tough questions. Sorry. It could start a war. So when I was little, I used to sing the Love Story song together with my friends. So that was one of the first few songs we started singing back in Pakistan.

And Beyonce, I mean, she's a legend. So I would want both tickets. I have the Nobel Peace Prize and I demand it. Yeah, incredible answer. So you're here now because you have a production company, you work in television and film. You're the documentary short Stranger at the Gate, which is incredibly moving, has been nominated

for an Academy Award. How do you balance activism and working in this kind of production? I'm lucky that I finished my university two years ago, so I do have more time to do more for the mission that I have taken in my life, which is empowering young women and girls from different backgrounds to get the opportunity to share with us how they see the world. And I started the production company because I believe that we need to help women

and young people to get the chance to reflect the world as they see it. And I'm hoping that I would be able to produce content, including comedies, documentaries, and TV series, everything. So I hope that people will watch it. And I'm so lucky to be part of Stranger at the Gate, which is a short documentary that has been nominated for Oscars now. Incredible. Congratulations.

Thank you. So you're going to the Oscars next week, is that correct yes i will be i am so nervous um i was at the oscars luncheon and i like already met some of the celebrities which was already like overwhelming um i saw tom cruise yeah tom cruise and Kihei Kwan and Austin Butler and his deep voice. I heard that. That's real. That's real. Who's taller, you or Tom Cruise?

If I wear my four-inch high heels, then I might be taller than him. Wow. Wow. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. I'm a big fan. I don't want to create enemies. I'm going to the Oscars. And you've won a, have you won a Grammy as well? Is that correct? No, not yet. Okay. Wow. Not yet. That's that Malala confidence that we all know and love. And once she does win that Grammy, she's doing the Super Bowl halftime show. So plenty of people, okay, so you said you haven't won it yet.

Plenty of people go for the EGOT, right? Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. How are you going for the EGOT, Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Nobel Prize, Tony? I mean, time will tell. Malala Yousafzai, thank you so much. Isn't there a game? Oh, game. I'm sorry. We have a game to play.

I screwed it up. I was like, phew, I survived that. No, sorry. No, I thought you were going to be off the hook. I jumped on it too quick. Malali Yousefzai, it's been a pleasure to talk to you, but we've asked you here today to play a game we're calling... You're about to win the Nobel Peace Prize.

You received the Nobel Peace Prize in 2014, but what do you know about jigsaw puzzle pieces? If you answer two out of our three questions correctly, you'll win the inaugural Nobel Pieces Prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Malala playing for? John Young of Reno, Nevada. Here, Malala, is your first question. Every year, Spain hosts the World Jigsaw Puzzle Championship.

In its very first year, it helped an Australian woman become accidentally famous. How? A, she slipped and knocked half of the Russian team's puzzle onto the floor during the finals. B, she was on vacation in Spain, went to the event out of curiosity, only to be entered into the competition as the Australian national champion.

Or C, the final puzzle was a picture of her face, a fact that she didn't know until she put it together? Ah, this is a tough one, but... This is probably one of the hardest things you've had to do. So is it cheese? Can I go with B? It's a guess, and, like, don't doubt my education. Like, I have a degree, so...

I studied at Oxford. I don't know if that helps, but I'm going to go with B. B. You're right. That's correct. B. They went, oh, you're from Australia? Sit here in the front row. And she came in 79th place. Here's your next question. A Swedish inventor is offering what she calls the world's worst jigsaw puzzle. What is it? Is it A, a 500-piece puzzle where all the pieces are solid white except for one piece, which is missing? B, a custom-made puzzle that, when completed,

is just a bunch of pictures of your ex and his new girlfriend? Or C, a 25-piece puzzle that's packed inside of an exploding box filled with glitter. I think highly likely that all the answers are correct, but I think I'll have to go with A. A, that's correct.

The puzzle takes a few hours to assemble and less than a second to destroy in a fit of rage. Here's your last question, and you're playing with house money at this point because you've already got two. Puzzles have been popular for centuries, and if you went to a pub in the 1800s, you might find which of these? A. Puzzle jugs, which if you didn't solve correctly, would spill your drink all over you. B. Puzzle outhouse locks, which were kind of the 19th century equivalent to a Starbucks bathroom code. Or C, puzzle mutton, where the chef

would cut your meat into weird shapes, and if you reassembled it correctly, your meal was free. Okay, I'm gonna eliminate C. Okay, that's, that sounds right. I would just go with A. Puzzle jugs, A. That's right. Three for three. No, I didn't spill my drink on my pants because I'm drunk. I did it because I'm dumb. Bill, how did Malala do on our quiz?

We should expect it. She got a perfect score. Incredible. Thank you so much. How are you feeling? Is this big for you? Really good. I mean, I need a trophy for this now.

Thank you. I still have space for more awards. But you won't tell us where you're going to keep it. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you so much. Thank you, Malala. Thank you, Malala.

Malala Yousafzai is a Nobel Prize winner and the executive producer of the Oscar-nominated documentary short Stranger at the Gate. Malala, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Bye-bye. Thank you. me. In just a minute, Bill regrets that spontaneous tramp stamp in our listener limerick challenge.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Alonzo Bowden, and Maeve Higgins. And here again is your host at the Stuudebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, filling in for Peter Sagal. It's Josh Gondelman. Thank you, Bill.

In just a minute, Bill auditions for his favorite role in Cats, Rhinable Shanks. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panelists, you're back in the hot seat. Maeve, Joe and Jill Biden created controversy last week when they went out to a Washington, D.C. restaurant and ordered what? Oh, this is so great.

Did they get, like, I want to say, something from SeaWorld? Like something, like a turtle, a rare turtle with a heart-shaped shell. They say that couples begin to look alike as they age, but maybe they also eat alike. Oh, they ordered the same thing. That's right. They ordered the same thing. Ordering the same thing as your spouse at a restaurant means one of two things.

Either you've been visiting the restaurant for so long, you've both developed favorite entrees, which happen to be the same thing, or you're both raging psychopaths. But I really prefer it than, you know, that thing that like couples do is, I'll eat half and swap over and then you eat half and then we both get to eat a delicious, no. You don't like that when other people do it? No, I don't like it when other people do it, no. And I would never ever do it if I ever had a partner. What is it that they ordered? They ordered... This is a great question. They went to the Red Hen

and they both ordered rigatoni with red sauce. So there is a chance they both ordered off the kids' menu. Yeah, right. That's such a basic thing to eat. Maybe they did the Lady and the Tramp thing, you know, where they both were like... But you can't do that with Rigatoni.

Rigatoni doesn't look like that. You start so close that you already... Yeah, it would be impossible. They would suffocate each other. You start by kissing and then pull away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess I don't know what rigatoni is.

That's actually your next question. Maeve, what is rigatoni? I like panic and jump out the window. Alonzo, this week, the gossip site Radar Online reported that now that Tom Brady has once again retired from the NFL, he might be pursuing a new career as what? Oh, I did hear about this, and we're all terribly frightened. He's thinking about becoming a stand-up comic. That's right.

The site reports that Tom Brady had such a great time working with Lily Tomlin and Sally Field on the movie 80 for Brady that he's looking at comedy for his next career. Upon hearing this news, the NFL immediately put him into concussion protocols. Now, does that mean that a stand-up will then have to become a quarterback to even things out? I was going to say, I think I would be a better quarterback than he will be a stand-up. But what we were talking about, what comics were talking about is who's going to coach him.

Because it's like such a great job. You know, you get to hang out with Tom Brady and you could charge him like a million dollars a joke because he doesn't know. I mean, I would tell him for free, it's very hard to be a comedian if you're successful and beautiful and everyone wants to sleep with you.

Take it from me, Tom. It'll be curious to find out, is Tom Brady funny? I don't think he's done anything in his career to indicate that he might be funny. I mean, he might be, who knows, but no one's ever come out of that locker room saying, man, that Tom was killing it. Maeve, a new study has determined that you are most stressed when? Well, first of all, I didn't realize they were doing that study on me. But I can tell you it's when I'm not near my knitting.

Really? Knitting is what keeps you level. Yeah. If I'm not near my knitting, that's when I'm at my most stress, and I'm pretty sure that's universal standard. Here's a little hint. It's between 7.22 and 7.24 a.m. 7.23.

7.23 a.m., that's correct. Wow. That's interesting. We got there. You really pulled the.m., that's correct. Wow. We got there. You really pulled a needle out of that needle stack. But I would never be awake at that time. But what happens at that time? Well, that's a good point, right?

We work in comedy. Right. 723 a.m. is a work of fiction to us. But researchers say it's the time when we have started to be aware of the responsibilities of the day, but we haven't yet had the time to address them, which brings stress to a peak. Now, if you're one of those people who gets out of the house early and has already started accomplishing things by 7.23 a.m., I would like to point out, maybe you left the oven on.

Yeah, Malala. We've got a lot of things to do A whole day of fun for me and you Chase all the sleepy dreams away It's time to rise and shine Get up early in the morning Get up early in the morning Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's time to rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And come see us live most weeks here at the beautiful Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Or come see us on the road in Nashville at the TPAC on April 27th. Tickets and information at nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi.

Hello. My name is, can you hear me? I can, you sound wonderful. This is Michelle from Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Michelle from Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Yeah. Oh, Cape Cod. You're in Cape Cod, Massachusetts. Michelle from Cape Cod, Massachusetts. You're in Cape Cod in March. That's like, that's what people around from call hardcore. Yeah, that is hardcore. Yeah, dude.

Yeah. Welcome to the show, Michelle. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing. If you can correctly complete two of the three poems, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick. When more missions are starting up soon, they'll say meet at Neil's footprints at noon. But whose noon will they mean?

And what ticking machine? It's real tough to track time on the moon? That's correct. The moon. Yeah. It's real tough to track time on the... Moon? That's correct. The moon. Yeah. The European Space Agency has proposed that the moon should have its own time zone.

Traditionally, a moon mission runs on the time of the country that sent it up there. But with more countries and private companies planning moon travel, having a common clock would make it easier for astronauts to get out of meetings with other astronauts. Oh, sorry, I'm busy at 3 o'clock moon time. My wife has a work thing, would you believe? Moon time.

Yeah, moon time. Sounds romantic almost. One more place to argue about daylight savings. They're like, why is there even daylight here? It's the moon. Michelle, here's your next limerick. By their words, no regrets. I'm persuaded.

So I got that tattoo just like they did. They said, have no fears, because that ink disappears. But guess what? My tattoo hasn't. Faded? Yes. Correct. Oh, thanks.

Good. Ephemeral tattoos in Brooklyn became a social media sensation last year when it developed a fading ink that was supposed to fade in mere months. But they aren't fading. And I mean, really, what's worse than a dumb permanent tattoo? A dumb tattoo that you thought was going to go away, staying forever. I know I, for one, regret going to ephemeral and getting, the current mayor of New York City is Bill

de Blasio tattooed on my chest. Here's your last limerick, Michelle. They were crossbred with boars and got big. Think more mosh pit, less jiggity jig. This bad wolf quit his tricks. Built a house made of bricks. He's no match for a quarter-ton... Pig! Yes! That's right. Very good.

America is being invaded by highly intelligent, highly elusive swine from Canada, known as the super pig. It can be hard to tell a super pig from a regular pig. You don't know for sure until it takes its glasses off. They're the result of interspecies breeding between pigs and wild boars. So it sounds like the real issue here is pigs lowering their standards. Or some very charismatic boars who know how to seal the deal. Am I right?

And it's their offspring that are growing up and then kind of... Coming to America. Yeah, trying to make it. And they're Canadian. They're Canadian. So it's a lot of bacon,

Canadian bacon. And they're single. Looking to mingle. Bill, how did Michelle do? Michelle was perfect. She got three for three. Congratulations, Michelle did Michelle do? Michelle was perfect. She got three for three. Congratulations, Michelle. Thanks for playing with us.

Hey, it's Mike Danforth. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Executive producer. In our latest bonus episode, you can hear what we had to cut from Natasha Lyonne's recent appearance on our show, including... It's a skill I developed watching old movies at the film forum.

Her secret to smoking and acting at the same time. It's about balance. A cigarette is like a yo-yo. And the fact that you had an answer for me from that question is the funniest. Listen to hear other healthier ways Natasha Lyonne has mastered her craft. If you're a supporter of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Plus. If you're not, sign up via Apple Podcasts or at plus.npr.org. Now let's move on to our final game,

Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Alonzo and Mo each have three and Maeve has two. Okay, Maeve, you're in last place, so you're up first. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the Supreme Court heard arguments over President Biden's blank forgiveness plan. No. I guess I'll have to say, I'm sorry, that's incorrect. Student loan forgiveness. This week, a U.S. intelligence report found that foreign agents were not the cause of diplomats suffering from blank syndrome.

American? No, I'm sorry, it's Havana syndrome. On Monday, the White House announced it was cracking down on companies violating blank labor laws. The? The labor laws? I'm sorry, it was child labor laws.

No, that wasn't close enough. Stop clapping for this. This week, two people in Texas were arrested for their part in a blank theft ring. Dallas. Scented candle. On Tuesday, the president of Mexico announced that electric car company Blank was planning to build a factory in their country.

Oh, Hyundai. No, Tesla. This week, you're not going to get this one. A toddler in Kentucky disappointed his whole family when he blanked. When he blanked on the name of his own grandma. When he told police his family was hiding a fugitive in their house. Officers were at the house to ask about the whereabouts of the fugitive, and while the rest of the family refused to say anything,

the toddler said, We shouldn't lie. She's upstairs. The whole thing is pretty incredible and will be featured on ABC's newest show, Kids Say the Darnedest Things and They're All Admissible as Evidence. Bill. Josh, you and I are friends in real life. I know, Maeve, that's

what makes this so hard that I have to ask Bill how many points you scored just then. Bill, how did Maeve do? Well, Maeve should skip the quiz. Bill, how did Maeve do? Well, Maeve should skip the quiz. Bill! And concentrate on her total,

which was two. There you go, and you actually double, you double, in this final round you get double the points. So that's still zero, Maeve. Zero times two is zero. You're on the scoreboard. Okay, Moe and Alonzo, you each have two points,

so I'm going to choose Alonzo to go next. Alonzo, fill in the blank. On Monday, Britain and the EU reached a post-Brexit deal concerning trade rules for blank. Fuel? Sorry, the answer is Northern Ireland. Following racist remarks made by its creator, over 100 newspapers dropped blank from their comic sections.

Dilbert. Right. This week, the Greek transportation minister resigned following a deadly head-on blank crash. Trang. Yes. On Tuesday, Lori Lightfoot lost her re-election bid for mayor of blank. Oh.

Oh. Wait, does anyone in the crowd want to shout out the answer? Chicago. Why the hell would I know the mayor of Chicago? The hell do I care? This week, a German man who was wanted for skipping out on a three-year prison sentence was arrested after he blanked. Went back to Germany?

Went back to a police station to ask if they could charge his phone. According to a new study, the popular blank diet is bad for long-term health. Atkins? Yeah, close enough. Keto, paleo, same thing. On Thursday, SpaceX successfully launched a rocket with four astronauts to the blank. Space station. Correct. International Space Station. This week, a group of teens in New York were arrested after filming themselves blanking as part of a TikTok challenge. Oh, boy. That's too many idiots on TikTok.

A Mayor of Chicago challenge. I'm sorry. They were bursting through their neighbor's fence like the Kool-Aid man. Police got a call about a group of teens taking part in the Kool-Aid man challenge by smashing through their neighbor's fence and saying, oh, yeah part in the Kool-Aid Man challenge by smashing through their neighbor's fence and saying, oh yeah, like the Kool-Aid Man.

Police eventually caught the kids, and they're now charged with a handful of misdemeanors, though they're expected to plead, not guilty. Bill, how did Alonzo do? He did well. Four right, eight more points. Total of 11 puts him in the lead. That's great. And now, Bill, how many does Mo need to win?

Four to tie, five to win. Okay, Mo, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Monday, the White House said there was no consensus within the administration on the origins of blank. The coronavirus. Correct. During a deposition this week, Rupert Murdoch acknowledged that employees of Fox News endorsed false claims about the results of of blank. The coronavirus. Correct. During a deposition this week,

Rupert Murdoch acknowledged that employees of Fox News endorsed false claims about the results of the blank. The election. Right. For the first time since the start of war in Ukraine, Secretary of State Blinken met with his counterpart from blank. Russia. Right.

On Wednesday, a California panel denied parole to Sirhan Sirhan, the man convicted of assassinating blank. Robert F. Kennedy. Right. This week, a business class passenger who ordered the vegan meal on his international flight was shocked to receive blank. Tampax. No, the answer is a single banana and a pair of chopsticks. For the first time since slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars, blank made an appearance at an award show.

Will Smith. Right. Slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars, Blank made an appearance at an award show. Will Smith. Right. On Wednesday, it was revealed that the royal family had asked Prince Blank and Meghan Blankle to vacate their UK home. Oh, Markle. And the other answer, Prince Blank.

Oh, Prince Harry. Yes. This week, a man stuck in the middle seat on a flight out of Glasgow airport shocked his seatmates when he eat blank. Purloined his seatmates banana with a pair of chopsticks. I'm sorry, when he pulled out and ate an entire rack of ribs. Shortly after takeoff, the man pulled out a giant box filled with a full rack of barbecue ribs, a side of fries, and an ear of corn, and proceeded to eat the whole thing. It was a pretty astounding sight, made all the more impressive because everyone

else on the plane was just eating a banana with chopsticks. I congratulate Mo and I hate that I knew that. I knew the ribs. Bill, did Mo do well enough to win? He got six right, twelve more points with a total of fifteen. He

is the champion. Congratulations, Mo. Incredible. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that baseball is speeding things up, what will be the next rule change to a major sport? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me

is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shana Donald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Suda Baker Theater. BJ Liederman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Roberson and Monica Hickey. The award for best Gwyn goes to Peter Gwyn. Our intern is Vaishnavi Naidoo. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Our senior producer is Ian Shellag. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Doggone Danforth. Now, panel, what sport will get a big change? Alonzo Bowden. Soccer. They're going to expand the goal, actually make it bigger so there's more scoring because one nil is not riveting to the Americans. Maeve Higgins.

Football is changing its name to soccer and netball is changing its name to soccer also. Mo Rocca. Due to climate change, the NHL is switching out hockey sticks for oars if any of that happens we'll ask you about it on wait wait don't tell me thank you Bill Curtis thank you also to Alonzo Bowden

and thanks to all of you listening I'm Josh Gondelman in for Peter Sagal and we'll see you next week this is NPR