Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Mariska Hargitay

Episode Date: January 7, 2023

Mariska Hargitay, star of Law and Order, SVU, answers three questions about Sweet Valley High, the location depicted in the teen book series. We also revisit our moments with Sean Hayes, Myles Stubblefield, and Mo Amer.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR WBZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm the old acquaintance that should never be forgot, Chioki Ianson. And here is your host at the Studebaker Theater in the Fine Arts Building in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki. Thanks, everybody. Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki. Thanks, everybody. So we have made it to the start of another year, the 25th of our show's existence, meaning we are finally old enough to rent a car. Shotgun.

Well, we decide where to go next. We thought we'd take one last look at where we have been. And one of the true highlights of 2022 was talking to Chicago's own Sean Hayes in June. Sean got famous playing Jack on Will and Grace and is now getting ready to open on Broadway in a new play about Oscar Levant. Thank you. Thank you. Before we get started, my physical therapist had to go for an injury. Before we get started, my physical therapist had to go for an injury. Sydney Krebsbach said she went to high school with you. Yes. And she says that you were very popular and that everybody knew you were destined for stardom. You know what I thought you were going to say?

Everybody knew you were gay. Sean, she said that too. But she also said the other things, and I was going to ask if you felt that way back in high school, here in the Chicago area. That I was destined for Star... No, because here's the sad truth. Every weekend, nobody would call me,

so I would watch Saturday Night Live, and that was my life. Really? Yeah. So what was your... I actually know this, and I found out in an interesting way and that was my life. Yeah. So what was your ambition? I actually know this, and I found out in an interesting way. You were actually headed into music. You were a classically trained piano player, right? Yeah, I studied.

You know, I came home from school one day. I was five years old, and my mom literally said, the woman across the street is giving piano lessons. Do you want to take piano? And I said, well, I'm not doing anything else, sure. is giving piano lessons. Do you want to take piano? And I said, well, I'm not doing anything else, sure.

And I started at five and went all through high school and college. And then, you know, I was a music director at Pheasant Run Dinner Theater. Wow. Oh, my God. You know what? They just closed that place. Which just burned down last week.

You finally had your vengeance. Yeah. Yes. I lit a match years ago, but it just caught on. I understand. How do you go from the musical director at Pheasant Run Dinner Theater to starring in America's most beloved sitcom in the early 2000s?

I packed my car, never even been to Los Angeles. I said, while I'm young, I've got to give it a try. If not, I have this piano thing to fall back on. And so I came out here and never looked back. And I moved to L.A. for a year and a half, and I got the show, which is like winning the lottery. It really is. Although I saw just this week, because somebody told me about it,

what I think was one of your first gigs. It was before Will & Grace. It was a Super Bowl commercial for a snack chip. Yeah. Oh, we can't say Doritos? Oh, I couldn't remember. 1998 was a big year for me because I had that spot on the Super Bowl, and I also had another spot on the Super Bowl that I was starring in

where I was a Bud Light commercial, and I was shopping with my wife, and all these guys are inside a clothes rounder, and they're barbecuing and watching the game. And I push all the clothes back like you do when you're a kid, and I walk in and I watch a game and I pop open a Bud Light. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, an adult beverage. So did you feel like you were doing, like, modern-day Paul Lynn type of things?

Remember when they tried to give Paul Lynn a sitcom where he was like, I'm a straight guy and this is my wife. People are like, I don't believe this. That didn't last very long. I do have a very fast, funny Paul Lynn story. Please tell me. One of my favorite things he ever said was on Hollywood Square,

if he was the center square, the host says, Paul Lynn for the X to win in the center square. He says, when a man falls over a boat, they yell, man overboard. What do they yell when a woman falls over the boat? And Paul Lynn goes, full steam ahead. Full steam ahead. What's amazing is you achieved very early the pinnacle of a certain kind of success, certainly for a comic actor,

being the key starring role in the huge hit sitcom. And so you decided, it seems, like there's only one more mountain to climb after achieving that, which was podcasting. And much to my annoyance, you've actually become really, really good at that, too. You have two hit podcasts. You have Smartless, right?

Yeah. Which is you and your friends You have Smartless, right? Yes. Which is you and your friends Will Arnett and Jason Bateman. Yes. Shooting the Breeze. And that is, I read, the number one comedy podcast in the world. It blows my mind as much as it does yours. It blows all of our minds. We're like, we were in our pajamas.

We hooked up to Zoom. We're just like, let's do one of these. And that turned into, let's do two more and 10 more. And now here we are. The 100th episode just premiered this week with Bradley Cooper. And it was, you just can't believe people find this remotely interesting. Don't oversell it. Yeah. But the other one I have is called hypochondriactor. Right. And that's the one I wanted to talk to you about. Tell me about that, please. Yeah. So I'm, I'm always been fascinated with medical stories. So I partnered with a doctor friend of mine, Priyanka Wally, and we bring on, you know, celebs and interesting guests around the world that want to talk about their medical

issue. And so, um, because I always say if I haven't had it, I'll probably get it. And you can name any part of my body and I have a medical story about it. So are there real medical stories or like a true hypochondriacal style? No, no, true real stories. I swear, except for like spleen or like gallbladder, but you know what I mean? Right. Well, what I've always wondered about, not being a hypochondriac myself, is when you don't die repeatedly, how do you maintain the firm belief that you're going to die this time? That'd be a fantastic question. Isn't it, though?

Yes. I think it's because you start to believe the worry protects you. So the idea is like, by worrying about the disease, that's why you don't get sick. Yeah, you're like, because I worried so much. That's right. And so you wake up every day and go aha if i keep having this anxiety i'll never get sick yeah i i gotta ask you so i was lucky enough to see it in chicago this new play that that you've involved in called good night oscar some other members of our audience saw it

and there's so many things to talk about it and i hope that everybody will get a chance to see you in this play by the great playwright Doug Wright, also with our friend Peter Gross in the cast. I hope that all happens. Nice. I've got to ask you for my purposes today about one thing, and I'm going to tell you something, and it is true. You and I had met a couple times before, but not for many years,

and I saw you come out on stage, and I said to myself, Oh, my God, Sean has gone to hell. You looked older and overweight and tired. And then I saw you afterwards, and you looked great again. Well, thank you. And I'm like, oh, my God, that was acting. And then I read that somebody who reviewed the show actually said that you were wearing a fat suit. Right, a fat suit and a plastic wig.

Right, neither of which was true. Correct. So I'm going to ask you, Sean Hayes, and I'm going to pick out of all the things about your amazing performance, which, by the way, includes a performance of Rhapsody in Blue, which will blow your mind that Sean Hayes actually plays. I'm going to skip all that and ask you, how did you make yourself look so terrible?

I woke up. Really, there's this crazy, amazing makeup artist that works at the Goodman that put my face on. And then I really kind of MFAT. And then I really kind of am fat. And it's just the way the pants, you know, are hiked up and they make your stomach stick out. This is all makeup. Yeah.

Yeah. This is all makeup. That's true. Bobcat was like, he had to spend four hours in the chair getting those prosthetic supplies. Had a full head of hair. Yeah. Exactly. Well, Sean Hayes,

you know, we could do this all day. I wish we could, but time is a wasting and we have business to do. It is time now for a game that this time we're calling Sean Hayes meet Purple Hayes. That's right. We're going to ask you three questions about different strains of weed. Hell yeah. Get two right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners.

And by the way, if there is not a pot strain out there called Sean Hayes, Hell yeah. Yeah. Sarah Matthews of Los Angeles, California. All right, here we go. First question. The super silver haze strain earned a distinction from professional sellers in Oregon. It was ranked the number one strain for what? A, for watching a presidential debate because it helps with, quote, stress and nausea. B, for repeat sales. 80% of super silver haze buyers returned the next day forgetting they had already bought super silver haze.

Or C, for smoking while operating heavy machinery? Wait, is this a real thing? It is a real thing. One of those is true. I'm going to say B. You're going to say B for repeat sales because people buy it, smoke it, then come back forgetting they'd already bought it. Yeah. No, it was actually A. They marketed the best for watching presidential debates.

All right. There you are. It's okay. Here's your next question. Strains can be highly specialized. As in which of these? A, there's a strain to help you get through someone telling you the same story again. The strain is called rehash.

B, skinny girl. It's diet guru Bethany Frankel's strain, custom designed to give you all the pleasures of pot except for the munchies. Or C, a new birth control strain called nothing but stems? Oh, my God. I mean, I'm going to go with B. Yes, it was. Skinny girl was a strain that Bethany Frankel was providing.

All right. Last question to get this right, you win. All right. Last question to get this right, you win. One of the most popular strains is actually named from something from our politics. Which of these is it? A, a very low potency strain called Jared Kush. B, government strain 13, allegedly engineered by the government to be the world's most potent weed. Or C, a strain that allegedly makes engineered by the government to be the world's most potent weed. Or C, a strain that allegedly makes you live forever called Chuck Grassley. Oh, my gosh. Yeah, I'm going to go with A.

You're going to go with A, a low-potency strain called Jared Kush because it's the funniest one. I admire that instinct, but it's actually government strain 13. Bill, how did Sean Hayes do on our quiz? Well, Sean, you got one right, which isn't quite a win, but on the other hand, you have the most popular podcast for comedy in the world, so you ought to feel good.

You can catch Sean Hayes and new episodes of Hypochondriac Actor every Wednesday and new episodes of Smartless every Monday, wherever you get your podcasts. Sean Hayes, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. What a pleasure to finally have you on. Thank you, guys. You're a mention of delight. Thank you, sir. Don, you make us

proud. Thank you, thank you. Bye, guys. When we come back, Mariska Hargitay, also known as Captain Olivia Benson from Law & Order SVU, as you've never heard her before because we've never broadcasted before. That's when we return with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Chioki Ianson, and here's your host at the Studebaker Theater in the Fine Arts Building in downtown Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sigel.

Thank you, Chioki. So we cannot let 2022 vanish into the history books without letting you hear one of the best things that happened during it for the first time. So just a few weeks ago in December, we went to Carnegie Hall in New York and we did a whole second show there, including a visit from actor Mariska Hargitay, who has been playing tough-as-nails cop Olivia Benson on Law & Order S4U for more than 20 years. She showed us a very different side of herself. But first, here's the Bluff the Listener game from that show, with panelists Amy Blodnick, Maeve Higgins, and Hari Kondabolu. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Greg from New York City. How are you, Greg? I'm well, how are you? I'm fine, Greg. Greg, you're from New York City. What do you do here? I am a talk radio producer.

Are you? And what kind of talk radio do you produce? Sports radio? News radio? What do you do? Conservative talk radio, primarily. No! Yeah.

You're a conservative talk radio producer, and you're on NPR. Finally, we have met on the battlefield. Surprise! Surprise! Do your colleagues know you listen to us? No. Can we not tell them? I think you'll be safe because they absolutely don't.

So they'll never know, man. You'll still be in the closet. This is hilarious. Well, welcome to the show, Greg. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Greg's topic? Oh, yes. I'm going to say...

Good luck. Good luck, Greg. I'm just going to say it because the audience is thinking it. As a conservative talk radio producer, you may have a problem with that job. Bill, what is Greg's topic? Celery, not just the worst part of matcha bowl soup anymore. Celery. It's a beautiful name for a girl, of course, but a terrible vegetable. It became a hero this week. Our panelists are going to tell you what happened. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. Okay, you are ready to figure out who's

telling the truth. Okay. I'm sorry, you knew what you were getting into. All right. Let's hear first from Maeve Higgins. This week, celery was finally categorized for what it is. Celery is actually a type of rope. The medical potential of this natural and everlasting rope is exciting to think about, and it's so cheap. I mean, celery literally grows on trees, big, huge bunches of it, right? We interviewed a doctor who has been using celery to set bones for many years now. Dr. Lily Chen stated, kids' bones are bendy and always growing, just like celery. So when they snap them or crack them, which they always do, sometimes just for attention if you ask me. Anyway, when that happens, me and the girls just strap up their silly little limbs with celery.

It works and it looks hilarious. So, what Maeve said. Your next celery story comes from Hari Kondabolu. After years of being an absolutely worthless vegetable, celery has finally justified its existence. Sure, it's rich in fiber, lowers cholesterol, and treats constipation, but you can take pills for all that. A week before his next fight, boxer Jordan Harrison was 10 pounds over his fighting weight. After a record of 12 straight knockouts, he being the one knocked out, this was his last chance. He needed a miracle, and that miracle's name was celery.

He ate nothing but raw celery for two weeks, and the pounds rolled off. Not surprising, since he was starving himself with pure roughage. However, the bigger discovery was that the absurd difficulty of chewing all that celery led to his jaw being so overdeveloped and stiff that it was invulnerable to damage. And indeed, Jordan was not knocked out despite multiple blows to his powerfully muscular jaw. He instead lost in a unanimous decision. However, Jordan is still grateful for all that pre-fight celery loading.

He says of his new immobile massive mandibles, A boxer trained by eating nothing but celery and acquires an unbreakable jaw. Your last story of a celery savior comes from Emmy Blotnick. Last week, Kevin Butler of Wyndham, New Hampshire, took his family's trash to the dump like a dutiful husband.

It wasn't until later that he learned that his wife had just cleaned their wedding rings and put them in a napkin to dry, and now that napkin was gone. Butler returned to the dump. He said, I threw out the rings. The dump supervisor, Dennis Cenobaldi, said, Who are you? Butler said, and I'm paraphrasing here,

I'm a man who made a mistake. Together, they dove into a 20-ton trash trailer. They didn't literally dive in. They used an excavator. And it got through five or six delicious scoops of garbage before Kevin spotted his own trash. He knew it was his because it contained celery he recognized. Lo and behold, at the bottom of that trash bag, Sarah Baldy unearthed the napkin where Butler's wife had put their rings and they were still perfectly sparkling clean.

One man's trash really is that same man's treasure. This story has been brought to you by Celery. Don't throw your love away without it. Alright. So these are your stories from Maeve Higgins, A Fantastic Journey Into Her Delightful Mind.

From Harald Pondobulo, A Boxer Eats Only Celery and Develops Unbreakable Jaw. Or from Emmy Blotnick, How a Man Saved His Marriage marriage and his wife's Redding Wing simply by spotting some discarded celery there in the dump. Which of these is the story of celery coming to the rescue? Emmy Blotnick's in the ring, I guess. I think that's a good choice. All right.

To bring this back to answer, we spoke to someone actually involved in the real story. One of the things he said was celery stalks. And I could see one of them sticking out the side of the bag. He opened it up and there were the rings. There you go. That was Dennis Cinnabaldi. The man who helped Kevin Butler find the

wedding rings at the dump. Congratulations, Greg. You got it right. You earned a point for Emmy Blotnick. You avoided the wiles of Maeve Higgins. You've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us. Thank you, Peter.

Take care, Greg. Bye-bye. And now the game where we like to ask people who are really, really good at one thing about something else entirely. Back in 1999, Mariska Hargitay was cast as Captain Olivia Benson in a new spinoff from the Law & Order TV series. 24 seasons and 524 episodes of Law & Order SVU. Later, it is possible that Mariska has spent more time being Olivia Benson than being herself. The scourge of all criminals and defender of the innocent joins us now. Mariska Hargitay, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you so much. All right. I am very excited to be here.

So I do want to go back and go over your history because it is extraordinary. I want to say, I did not know this until recently that you were the child of Hollywood royalty. That your mother was Jane Mansfield, your father, Mickey Hargitay, bodybuilder and actor, which is amazing. And I was wondering, with that kind of legacy, were you like

always headed toward performance? No, not at all. You know, growing up in the shadow of um jane mansfield it's a lot for a kid and especially um the story and losing my mother at such a young age so i sort of went the other way and it wasn't until i uh went to high school that i tried out for a play and then went, this is fun. This is fun. Yeah.

And you were like a working actress and you were doing all the things that working actors do at the beginning. You were doing bits and commercials and odd little movies. You were in Ghoulies and you did your time on Seinfeld. I did. I know. That was such a pleasure and a joy. You played an actor auditioning for the role of Elaine in the show.

Yes. But in fact, you had auditioned for the role of Elaine for real. Yes. Right. And did the real-life audition go like the one on the TV show with basically Jerry Seinfeld massively hitting on you? Exactly like that. That's what happened.

That's what happened. I mean, look at me. I know. All right. So it's like 99 or so, and Law & Order has been out there for a while. And you get presumably a call from your agent saying they're casting a new show. It's called, if I'm not mistaken, Law & Order Sex Crimes.

Right. Okay. So first of all, it's even better than that. Oh, please. I had just come off ER. I did ER for almost a year. Right. And after I left that show, I said, I've hit the top.

Where am I going to go now? And I remember saying, the only other show out there is Law and Order. And I thought, well, Dick Wolf likes brunettes. And then, no joke, as if I was speaking to the man upstairs, the audition came. And that's what was so crazy. And the rest is history, people. So after all these years of doing that role, how much of, like, you has become Olivia Benson? Do you carry that around with you? I do.

And how does that manifest? Well, I am good in an emergency. Really? I jump into action. Yes. I jump in if there's a problem. Right. It just happened at the marathon.

What happened? I'm standing there going, go, Roger! Who's Roger? Any guy that's running by. Okay. No, what I'm saying is, the marathon is not the best day in New York City. I don't know what it is. Great day. I've done it.

It's amazing. And I was just there with my son, and then this guy cramps and, like, falls to the floor. And I jump in. And I'm grabbing him. I'm like, are you okay? And I pick him back up. He's having a cramp. And then I run to the side and grab somebody who had a roller.

He's covered in sweat. So gross. I grab the roller, and I start rolling out. I think there's photos of it online. I start rolling out his legs. Now, he's just like, I don't even know what's happening right now. But he was in pain. So he's running a marathon.

He collapses in the cramp. He got a bad cramp. I said, dude, eat a banana. He's like. And he's standing there. Captain Olivia Benson of the sex crime unit is rolling out his leg. This is a true story.

And he's like, I have died. I'm so funny. I've had a massive heart attack, and this is heaven. Actually, truth be told, I don't think he recognized me. Right. And neither did anybody else. They're not thinking about that. Right.

They're not thinking that Captain Liv's going to save the day. Right. They're just not thinking that. Are you a good detective? Are you, like, good at finding your husband's lost phone, for example? Well, I found his first two mistresses like this. I found it. And he was like, how did you do that?

I was like, Peter, stop already. You know. And he was like, how did you do that? I was like, Peter, stop already. You know. You guys are laughing, and it's making me think that I picked the wrong show to be on. You don't understand. As comics, you're like one of our patron saints. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. Because we travel all over the country by ourselves, right? We are alone. We have these gigs, whether they go good or bad. We have to go back to the Hampton Inn or Hilton Garden Inn if you want to splurge. And we're lonely, and we put the TV on, and you're always there. Right. I am. Always.

You are home. Always. You are home to us. You don't understand. You are home to us. You don't understand. You are home to us. Can I get a part next season? I can play a body. I can play an uncooperative witness

in the neighborhood who ends up a body. I love all these ideas. We were trying to figure out earlier, would he be a victim or a special victim? Very. Oh, so very special. That is so funny. I'm America's dependable detective. You are.

You guys, let's make t-shirts. Am I right? I already have one that says, Arrest Me, Sex Cop. Yeah. I see a whole marketing thing. We could get rich. Well, Mariska Hargitay, we've invited you here to play a game. We're calling... Welcome to the SVU, the Sweet Valley Universe. That's right.

We're going to ask you three questions about the universe of Sweet Valley High, as described in the Teenage Book Series that sold 150 million copies between 1983 and 2003. Answer two out of three questions correctly, you will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they choose. Did you read any of those books? Not one. Okay, neither of them. Bill, who is Marisha Hargitay playing for? Kathy Goodwin of New York. New York. All right, here we go. I'm so nervous. New York. All right, here we go. I'm so nervous. Here's your first question. The credited author of the Sweet Valley High books was a woman named Francine Pascal, although she did not write a word of any of them. She farmed it all out to ghostwriters. Why did she say, did she not write any of the books herself? Was it A, because, quote, I'm more interested in math than literature, B.

You're going to go for B. That's exactly right. That's what she said. Her own writing, you see. They're the sophisticated audience. And then she went on to say that she wanted these books to be, quote, for everyone. All right, here's your next question. The Sweet Valley universe is a lot like our own

with some small changes. Which one of these things from the real world does not exist in Sweet Valley, California? A, cocaine, B, the F word, or C, vampires. I'm going to say the F bomb. Exactly right. In one novel, a character dies from trying cocaine, another Jessica, the character Jessica dated a vampire, but the series Ghostwriters were only allowed to use three curse words, and they were damn, hell, and a B word we can't say because NPR is more uptight than Sweet Valley High. All right, you're doing very well, Captain. Your last question, after 20 years of high school

dating and broken hearts and true friendship, Francine Pascal decided to end the series with a bang. What happens in the last Sweet Valley High novel? A, the entire series is revealed to be the creation of an 11-year-old girl playing with her Barbies. B, the town of Sweet Valley is utterly destroyed by an earthquake. Or C, the central characters, twin sisters Elizabeth and Jessica, are revealed to be aliens and they return to their home world to teach their own people how to go

steady. I'm going to say A. You're going to say A. It was B. The town was destroyed in an earthquake and one of the main characters got smooshed by a refrigerator too. It was serious. Maybe this is why I never read it.

What? I don't know. It's sad. Bill, how did Mariska Hargitay do on our quiz? Two out of three. It was a win on this show. Mariska Hargitay is the star of Law & Order SVU and the founder and former president of the Joyful Hearts Foundation. Mariska Hargitay, Thank you so much for joining us.

When we come back, comedian Mo Ammer on playing himself and the Worm King of Buffalo, New York. That's when we are back with more. Wait, wait, don't tell me. From NPR. From NPR in WBZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Chioki Ianson, and here's your host at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Chioki. Thanks, everybody. So when we think back on the past year, we will probably start with two of the more unusual conversations we had. Now, the first was when we went to Buffalo, New York for the very first time and talked to Miles Stubblefield, a man who has a unique claim to fame. Informally, I'm a vermiculturalist.

You're a vermiculturalist. Yes. I have heard you called the Worm King of Western New York. The Worm King. Yes. I like it. I've been called worse things. I bet you have.

But let me establish your credentials. You are from around here, right? Yeah. Born and raised. Born and raised in Buffalo or more like the other place? Buffalo. Buffalo. Buffalo. There you have. But let me establish your credentials. You are from around here, right? Yeah, born and raised. Born and raised in Buffalo or more like the other place? Buffalo. Buffalo. There you are.

And you started out with working with dogs, right? Absolutely. I've spent maybe the last about 12 years just working on a whole new outlook on how I engage with dogs. I've worked at almost every dog kennel and boarding facility we have out here, and I've noticed that those dumpsters get fairly heavy. Yeah, they do. And so we're putting out hundreds and thousands of pounds of dog waste, and how do I get rid of it?

I tried to bury it. I tried to hide it. That didn't work. Just like a dog. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I try to get somebody to eat it.

Having seen some dogs in action, I hope you stopped with hiding it and burying it. You didn't move forward down the dog list of things to do with poop. I want to be honest, so next question. Alright, alright. And then you came up with something to do with all of this stuff. Absolutely. You compost it. Yeah, and I used worms to do it.

Right. Yeah. So that's how it started. That's how it started. So how many worms did you start with? I bought a little bin. Everybody thought I was crazy. I had about 2,000 worms in a little Tupperware container here. All right. How much are our worms? Oh, they're a lot.

They're banging for like 80 bucks a pound, 65 bucks a pound. $80 for a pound of worms? Amazon Prime to the house. Absolutely. Really? Oh, joke for you. Yeah. Right.

So two worms got mad at each other, right? Man, they start beefing. Yeah. You're doing their thing. It'll happen. And Chippewa got ugly. Right. So you know how it at each other, right? Man, they start beefing. Yeah, you're doing their thing. It'll happen. Chippewa got ugly. Right. So you know how it ended?

How? It ended in a tie. Oh. Worm humor, Linda. Worm humor. I love it. So how many, so you got like how many thousands of worms? How many worms do you have now?

We're probably a little bit over a million worms at this point. A million worms. Yeah. And why did you decide? What are their names? Alphabetical order, please. So where do you keep these million worms? Inside a building, a big warehouse with

our dog kennel. So not at the house? Used to be at the house. Yeah. Imagine if somebody tried to break in one night. They thought, oh, there's this big warehouse. There's some great stuff in here. And they break in and it's just the worms. Just dirt. If they knew how much they cost, they'd be like, I need the jackpot.

You know. I mean, you're an animal lover. Do the worms have any personality? Some of the bins do, yeah. Some are a little bit more spicy. Collectively, they have a personality. Like, bin A4. Those guys are great. It's like a party bin. Yeah, absolutely. I heard that they actually light tables on fire and

power slam each other. Only on Bill's game show. You have an emotional connection with these worms. Unfortunately, yes. So, the only thing I know about worms is growing up, we use them to go fishing. Okay. So is that offensive to you?

No, we can use them for fishing. Definitely. For sure. All right. The dull worms, the ones they send for fishing. Yeah, that's been 318. How big and also how old do they get to? And do they die of natural causes?

Usually they die of natural causes unless they go fishing. Or you step on them. Yeah, that happens. Does it really? But I didn't know we were going to talk about that. Oh, really? You've killed some of your own worms? You walk into the dark and just squish. Oh!

I can hear their little screams. Luckily, worms are all cannibals, so then, you know, their cousins come on, Yo, Eric didn't make it, guys! Really? Really? Oh, man. Well, Miles Stubblefield, it's really a pleasure to talk to you, but we have asked you here to play a game that this time we're calling We Will, We Will Rock You.

So you're an expert in worms, but what do you know about earworms? Those songs you can't get out of your head. We're going to ask you three questions about tunes that burrow into your brain. Answer two or three correctly and you'll win our prize. Bill, who is Miles Stubblefield playing for? Stephen T. Watson of Buffalo, New York. There you go. Alright, Stephen, let's get it.

Not just a neighbor, potentially a customer. There we go. Here's your first question. One of the biggest earworms of all time, of course, is Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. Now you will all hear it in your head. The song was so popular that when it came out, the band was sent sacks of fan mail from behind the Iron Curtain. Sadly, they didn't see any of them.

Why? A, the East German post office refused to believe that Freddie Mercury was a real name. B, a then 23-year-old Vladimir Putin confiscated them and all A, the East German post office refused to believe that Freddie Mercury was a real name. B, a then 23-year-old Vladimir Putin confiscated them all in order to, quote, prevent joy. Or C, all the mail was addressed to Queen, London, so postal workers dropped it all off at Buckingham Palace. Well, if that song was released this year, I'd say B. But however, I'm going to go for Charlie. Let's go for C. You're right. Yes.

I'm a military guy. I heard that. The queen must have been very amused, though. All right. Here's your next question. Which of these songs is one of the top five earworms rated for its, you know, stickability in your head? According to a 2015 study from actual scientists who actually studied this at the University of London. Is it A, Worm in Your

Ear by the Buggles, B, Please Let Me Stop Humming God by the Plastic Ono Band, or C, Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie Minogue? To me, they all sound fake. Let's see. Let's see. We're going Charlie. Let's go. That's right. Yes. Can't Get You Out of My Head by Kylie Minogue. I That's right, yes It was ironically

One of the great New Year beer Alright Here's your last question, if you're trying to get rid of an earworm Many people suggest just Listening to a different annoying song Like for example the 1877 Cars for Kids jingle

But there's one proven effective cure for earworms. What is it? A, putting a metal trash can over your head and banging on it. B, chewing gum. Or C, screaming the song into a paper bag, then burying the bag. I'll try Charlie later, but I think it's Bravo. You're right.

Chewing gum, yes. Apparently, the jaw movement from chewing gum interferes with your ability to hear the song in your head. Try it. Chew some gum right now and see if it gets the Cars for Kids jingle to stop. Bill, how did Miles Stubblefield do in our quiz? A rare win, Miles. You got them all. Let's go.

Steven and I. Hey, before we let you go, I wanted to ask you one last question, and you'll see why I saved this for the end so you couldn't get too offended. People who work on farms smell like earth and dirt. People who work with cows smell like cows. What do you smell like at the end of the day? Peter, why don't you go over and smell them? I can't.

I'm tethered to my spot. Otherwise, I won't. What a weird question. That's why I saved it for last. I should probably ask the people you go home to. I work probably about 12 hours a day. I smell like after-club sweat. Yeah. Chipwagon. There you go home to. I should ask them. Probably about 12 hours a day, I smell like after-club sweat. Yeah.

Chip-a-wagon, Amy. There you go, man. That's awesome. Miles Stubblefeld, the Worm King of Buffalo, New York. Miles, thank you so much. Thank you. You were awesome. You're done.

And finally, just last September, we were able to talk to Moe Amer, one of the seemingly five million stand-up comedians who've gone on to star as themselves in a sitcom based on their own life. But his might be the best out there right now because of the title character. Peter asked Moe about the Mo he plays on his show, Mo. I really love your character because he seems great. For example, there is a sequence in an early episode in which you are selling knockoff merchandise out of a trunk of a car. And I'm like, I would buy what that man is selling. You are really good at that. And so did a lot of people when I was a teenager. I sold a lot of fake merchandise.

Really? I mean, I was going to ask you, can you do that? Are you like that good at getting people to buy like knockoff brands? I would. And the way I would do it is that I would put on some fake Versace sunglasses. And when someone was intrigued by them, I'd be like, hey, it's my last one. And then once they bought it, I would put on another pair of sunglasses. So you were, like, doing this at the same time. You were, like, supporting your stand-up by selling

knock-off things out of your trunk. Just for a brief time, okay? Don't make me look worse. No, I'm thinking I work for public radio, dude. I'm always looking for a side hustle. I just don't think. So, Mo, let me ask. I'm thinking, I work for public radio, dude. I'm always looking for a side hustle. I just don't think. So, Mo, let me ask. I'm really curious.

So you're 14 years old. You're essentially a refugee. You're undocumented. You're in Houston, Texas. And you stand up on some comedy stage somewhere. And what do you do? What was your first act like? Well, it was in my English

class. I was skipping school and my teacher, my English teacher is the one who brought me back. It was shortly after my father passed away and she said you know, if you stop skipping school, I'll let you do stand up in class every Friday. All you have to do is just mix in some

Shakespeare and I'm okay with it. That is a cool teacher. Can you remember any of your early Shakespeare-related routines? What did you do? I can't remember anything. I wing everything.

I'm winging this right now. Right. One of the things that you talk about in one of the comedy specials I watched was early on in our various wars in the Mideast, you volunteered to go out there and entertain the troops. I did. I got a couple questions.

First of all, why did you do that? What inspired you to do it? The purpose behind it was, you know, for so many times early on in my career, people told me I should change my name. You're so talented. If you only weren't, you know, you. I was like, what? So I had all this fear about being myself.

So I said the best way to break that is to go, you know, in a war zone in front of U.S. troops and say, hey, guys, my name is Moe. It's short for Mohammed. Surprise, bitches. One last question, again, from your show. There is this moment in your show, and it was repeated, where your character, based on you, Moe, pulls out a little vial of olive oil, and somebody says, are you carrying around a little vial of olive oil? And you're like, Mo, pulls out a little vial of olive oil. And somebody says, are you carrying around a little vial of olive oil? And you're like, yeah, other people carry hot sauce. Here's my olive oil. Do you carry around a little vial of Palestinian olive oil? Correct. Really? Yes. So you carry this around with you. When you're like at someone's house and they put out some like, you know,

cheap olive oil and pita, do you like subtly reach into your pocket and have that instead? Oh, no, I'm not that guy. I definitely berate them immediately. Moe Amer, it is such a joy to talk to you, but we have in fact asked you here to play a game we're calling Moe is Less and Less is Moe. So you are of course Moe in fiction and in real life. So we thought we'd ask you about three things named less. Answer two out of three correctly, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Moe Amer playing for? Lee Anderson of Seattle, Washington. All right. You ready for this, Mo? Great. All right. He's far enough away. He'll never find you.

Don't worry about it. Your first question is about the famous guitarist and inventor of guitars, Les Paul. Early in his career, Les Paul was in a terrible car accident that smashed his elbow

and could have ended his guitar playing days. How did he solve the problem? A, he invented a one-handed guitar you strum with your knee? B he asked doctors to fuse his bones in his right hand together at a 90-degree angle So he could keep playing or see he had the amps on stage secretly run backstage where his brother played guitar While less faked it

Is there a D? No, man, no. One of those is true. I will say, I will say, you're going to go with B. You're right. It's true. What? Think about, think about how a person plays a guitar, right?

His left, usually right-hand person, left arm's extended, right arm bent at a 90-degree angle, strumming the strings. He had his elbow fused in that position so that he could continue to play. That's commitment. It really is. I would have just started selling sunglasses out of my trunk. I know, man. Well, you have that gift. Not many people do.

If I had that job, I would have ended up having to eat sunglasses to survive. It wouldn't have worked. All right. Your next question is about Les Claypool. He is a musician most famous as a singer and bass player for the band Primus. Okay. After Primus' success, Les Claypool started a supergroup

with the guitarist Buckethead and the keyboardist Bernie Worrell, both legends. The band had a unique concept. What? A, they never learned any songs and they never rehearsed. B, they performed every other song

hanging upside down. Or C, their rule was at any point during the concert, songs and they never rehearsed B they performed every other song hanging upside down or C their rule was at any point during the concert anyone in the audience could yell switch and they'd all have to start playing each other's instrument I wanted to be all of the above I've never wanted an answer to be all of the above that would be awesome I'll go with A. You're right again. These three guys, and if you've never heard of them, buckethead legendary guitar player

who always performed with a bucket on his head. They were so good. They would just go on stage in front of paying audiences and start playing whatever came to mind with no rehearsal. Your last question is about the most popular Les of all time, Les Miserables. The musical, you know the musical, was instantly beloved when it opened in 1985, but years later in 2001, the producers actually cut 14 minutes from the run of the show. Why?

A, they got rid of a side plot where Gavroche convinces the other urchins to start selling newspapers. It was deemed too distracting. B, a term from the book that had been used throughout the show was discovered to be extremely offensive in Swedish. Or C, if they could get the running time under three hours, they could stop paying the crew overtime every night. I want to say B, but it's probably C. It is C, wouldn't it be really great if the crew then revolted

yes exactly all the stage hands singing one day more and then as in the musical they're all killed it would have been very that's exactly right. Overtime for the crew kicked into three hours, so they cut off enough to get the running time of the show

down to two hours and 58 minutes. Ah, capitalism. Isn't it amazing? Bill, how did Moe Amor do in our quiz? I am floored, Moe. In our most difficult game, you got every one right. Congrats. Three in a row.

There you go, man. Moe Amor is the creator and star of Moe on Netflix. It's amazing and funny and occasionally heartbreaking. Moe Amer, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. We're so grateful. Thank you. My pleasure. Take care, Moe.

That's it for our final farewell to 2022. And here's to an even better 2023. We'll start reporting on how disappointing it already is next week. But until then, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks.

Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Durmboss, and Lillian King. Our production assistant is Sophie Hernandez-Semunidis. Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas

and special spanks to Peter Gwynn. Our intern is Vaishnavi Naidoo. Technical direction is from Lorna White, our CFO. Our production manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Thanks to everyone you heard, all of our panelists, all of our guests, Bill Curtis and, of course, Chioki I. Anson. And thanks to all of you for listening.

I'm Peter Sagal. We'll be back with a new show next week. This is NPR.