Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Mo Amer

Episode Date: September 17, 2022

Groundbreaking Palestinian-American comedian Mo Amer, star of the Netflix series Mo, joins us at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago along with panelists Roy Blount, Jr., Helen Hong and Adam Burke to play a game about things called Les.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hey everyone, Bill Curtis here. If you're like me and you love the panelists on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, then check out the Wait, Wait, Stand Up Tour. This fall we're doing two shows in Michigan, October 21st in Ann Arbor and the 22nd in Kalamazoo. Both shows feature some of our funniest comedians. Alonzo Bowden is the host, along with Maz Jobrani, Helen Hong, and Nagin Farsad. See them live, uncensored, and uninterrupted by Peter Sagal. For tickets and information,

go to nprpresents.org. From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Slather on that belly jelly, it's time for your Biltra sound. Bill Curtis. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Great to see you.

We are excited very much to be doing our second show under the benevolent rule of King Charles III, long may he reign. That's right. Bill wants a knighthood. I look hot in armor. While we wait for the notice from the palace, we have a great show for you lined up today.

Comedian and star of the new Netflix show Moe, Moe Amer, will be joining us later on. But first, it's your turn to star in our show. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Peter. This is Emily from Atlanta. Hey, Emily. How are things in Atlanta? They're pretty great. Not too hot at all. So what

do you do there in Atlanta? So I'm a white-collar defense attorney and I own a restaurant with my husband. You're a white-collar defense attorney and you own a restaurant. my husband. You're a white collar defense attorney and you own a restaurant. Yes. You should embezzle from the restaurant so you can defend yourself and save a lot of money. Don't you get grease on that collar? Every attorney I know works incredibly hard and long hours. so how in the world do you manage to run a restaurant as well? We have a good team, and I don't sleep very much. Yeah, well, that'll do. Well, welcome to the show, Emily. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, a comedian who is recording his second stand-up album at Chicago's Newport Theater on October 27th. It's Adam Burke. Hi.

Hello. Next, a comedian whose comedy special, Well Hung, is streaming now and who would like to wish her father, Ray, a happy 78th birthday. It's Helen Hong. Happy birthday, Dad. Hi, Emily. What a beautiful daughter.

And a humorist and author whose substack is Take Another Little Piece of my heart now. It's Roy Blunt Jr. Hey there, Roy. Hey. I grew up in Decatur. And back then, nobody even had a collar. I go way back and I'm glad to hear that Atlanta's still down there.

I haven't been there in a long time. Emily, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am ready.

All right. Your first quote is someone struggling in his first day on the job. Oh, God. I hate this bloody pen. Every stinking time. That was someone whose battle with office supplies does not bode well for the rest of his career. Who was it? Was it King Charles? It was King Charles. King Charles III, I'll have you know.

As you heard, his reign as king of the United Kingdom began with a fountain pen leaking all over him. Honestly, it's the first time in his life this guy has seemed relatable. What he really wants to be is Britannia's tampon. You were so eager to get that. I know. I couldn't wait

I'm not going to say another word I take it you only mean because that's a quick way to soak up the ink right? exactly it was a rough start though to the reign of King Charles III and all this after all his hard preparation difficult work he had to put in to

assume the throne doing everything from being born to remaining alive. If his main duty is to sit on the throne, then an entire life of sitting on your arse, that is good preparation. Right.

Meanwhile, people are still expressing their love for the late queen. The cue to see the queen lying in state was at one point five miles long can you imagine standing in a line that long and you get to the end and you don't even get to ride to the coffin i was there for elvis's line. Elvis's coffin line. The true king. Yeah. So you stood in line to see Elvis in his coffin? Was it an open casket? What was it? Yeah, I saw him.

I went through twice. As a member of the media, I did not have to go through the line. But I interviewed people all up and down the line and they were sobbing and everything. Chewing gum. But Elvis was in there and I can tell you right now, people said, that's not Elvis, that's a dummy. You know, Elvis is not dead.

But he looked so awful. Elvis could have afforded a better looking dummy. Was it an open casket or an open fast food container? Yeah, was there peanut butter on it? He looked like he was not only dead, but sorry he was dead. And that's after he had been embalmed. That's like the best they could do. Here is your next quote.

We are regrouping. That was a spokesman for the Russian government explaining why what country seems to be kicking their butts out of their country right now. That would be Ukraine. Yes, Ukraine. With this new surprise offensive, Ukraine has taken back big parts of their country with reports of Russian soldiers abandoning their takes and weapons, sometimes even taking off their uniforms and dressing in civilian clothes so nobody knows who they are. They could have made the look even more convincing, but unfortunately, we here in the U.S. have apparently bought every single

Ukrainian flag there is. I can't believe that, like, I heard that the playbook was that Ukraine was like, we're going to do this, and then they end up not doing something completely. Like, their playbook was, psych! Pretty much. As the ancient Sun Tzu said, ha, gotcha. Well, apparently, I don't know how much you follow Russian news, but normally the way you get rid of someone you don't like in Russia

is they fall out of a window. Happens all the time. Yeah, and that's hard to do that with an entire country. It really is, yeah, pretty much. And back home, people are actually publicly poo-pooing Putin. Yeah, poo-pooing him. And this is how Putin, who started this whole war, reacted to this incredible setback of his troops.

He opened a giant new Ferris wheel in Moscow. That's absolutely true. He attended the opening and boasted that there is nothing like this in Europe. It should help improve the Russian military's morale. They're fighting for God, the motherland, and a carnival attraction. And didn't it break down

two hours after he opened it? It did. And not only that, that's true, it did break down. When Putin himself went up to try it, he was not tall enough to ride this thing. It's not the best metaphor for your big war campaign. Look at this thing that goes round in circles and goes nowhere. What goes around comes around. All right.

Here is your very last quote. Oh, my God. Is she naked? That was someone commenting on a video that Martha Stewart posted of herself rather scantily clad in which for the first time she reversed long-standing opposition to what flavor? Oh, my goodness. It's seasonal. Pumpkin spice?

Exactly right. In this video, Martha Stewart, who is, I think, 81, is wearing nothing but an apron, and she's making pumpkin spice coffee. It's an ad for all those people who said, I don't know how I feel about this flavor. Let me see an 81-year-old's naked shoulders before I decide. Now, you should realize how big news this is, because she has been a leading voice against pumpkin spice for years. To get a sense for how major this is, it's like the Pope getting bar mitzvahed. I love that the bigger controversy is that she now

supports pumpkin spice over the fact that she's naked in the ad and, might I say, looking like a snack. Yeah. A homemade snack. Yeah. Now,

the fact that she has reversed her long-standing position on pumpkin spice flavor might have a little something to fact that she has reversed her long-standing position on pumpkin spice flavor might have a little something to do that she is being paid to endorse a coffee company that sells pumpkin spice coffee. We don't know that. It's true. The video that she posted in question is, in fact, an endorsement of this particular brand of coffee, which has prompted the SEC to file criminal charges, wait for it, of

insider flavoring. Thank you. Bill, how did Emily do on our quiz? Emily did very well. She won with three in a row. Thank you for spicing things up, Emily. Emily, thank you so much for playing. Thank you.

Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, after word got around that Treasury Secretary Janet Yellen collects stamps, a tradition began where foreign leaders present her with stamps when they come for official visits. There's one little problem, though. According to the Wall Street Journal, what?

Is that they include them with something really ugly? No, no, no, no. They just give her stamps because they think she collects stamps. Oh, wait, she doesn't collect stamps. She doesn't, in fact, collect stamps. What? Oh, that's great. So, like, a British

emissary, Indonesian leaders, a Ukrainian diplomat, at least six foreign government officials have met with Treasury Secretary Yellen and presented her happily with stamps from their country, a thing in which she has absolutely no interest. This is the most boring rumor that ever was rumored. Well, and also the most hilarious prank. Like what?

Like somebody just started some weird rumor, like, guess what, she's into stamps. Yeah. Well, if you rumored. The most hilarious prank. Like what? Like somebody just started some weird rumor like, guess what, she's into stamps. Yeah. Well, if you think about it, of course she doesn't collect stamps. She is the secretary of the treasury. That's already more boring than any human can withstand. Apparently, it started because she had to do a list of assets, and she listed her mother's stamp collection.

So it's like, oh, she has a stamp collection. She likes stamps. And everybody starts giving her stamps. I'm trying to think what they could have mistranslated it as. You know what I mean? Stumps. I don't want to say it. Stumps.

She collects stumps. She's actually tramp stamps. Yeah. Tramp stamps. I didn't want to say it, so I was waiting for you to say it. I said it. As rumors go, I mean, when you think about it, as rumors go, it could be worse. What if it got around that what she really likes, Janet Yellen,

she really likes people sneaking up behind her and blowing an air horn. Again, hate to harp on it, but, you know, now that the Queen's dead, a lot of those stamps, worthless. Pretty soon they'll be like, who's that lady? I've never given up. No, I've never given up. Coming up, something even better than tote bags in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY.

We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. So we're all traveling again and people are dreaming, visiting cities like Paris or Tokyo or Rio. And all those places are fine, I suppose. But do any of them have Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me live at the Studebaker Theater? Mais non, as they say in one of those places. Come to Chicago, see Wait, Wait live, and then with the rest of your time, well, I'm told the Cubs are rebuilding. That sounds exciting. More information at NPRpresents.org. NPRPresents.org.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Helen Hong, Roy Blunt Jr., and Adam Burke. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Thanks, everybody. Right now, it is time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Adam Javas. I'm calling from London. Oh, my gosh. Hello, Adam. You're calling from London. Is that where you live? I am a PhD student from California. I'm here doing historical research.

I see. What are you researching there in London? I study British Empire. Wow, okay. Did you hear about the Queen? Yeah. He has to update his whole thesis now. I'm so glad you called because this topic has been much in the news with the passing

of Queen Elizabeth. We don't have a lot of time so I'll just ask for a very simple answer. British Empire, good or bad? Go. Bad. Bad. All right. There you go. From a scholar. Adam,

okay, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, okay, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Adam's topic? Pass the hat. Fundraising can be fun. That is a sentence I am contractually obligated to say as an employee of public radio. Our panelists are going to tell you a story about a new inventive way of raising money. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win our prize, the weight weighter of your choice on

your voicemail. You ready to play? Yep. All right. First, let's hear from Adam Burke. Here in Chicago, one of our more dubious claims to fame is Malort, the famously indigestible digestive, a drink so bad it's given rise to such slogans as Malort, when you need to unfriend someone in person. Malort is also the Swedish word for wormwood, which means the Russian word for Malort is, and I'm not making this up, Chernobyl, which would seem to be the worst association you could possibly want for an adult beverage but not to be outdone a team of scientists working in the Chernobyl exclusion zone has come up with Atomic a brand of vodka distilled from grain and water sourced from a place still too radioactive

for human habitation. Professor Jim Smith, one of the brains behind the project, explains that most of the atomic profits will be used to support communities impacted by both the accident and subsequent conflicts. As for safety, Smith adds, this is no more radioactive than any other vodka. So take that, absolute polonium. From now on, I'll be using atomic brand vodka in my Three Mile Island iced tea.

Atomic vodka raising money for Ukraine by selling vodka made from grains and water from the Chernobyl exclusion zone. But don't worry, it's safe. Your next story of a new way to fundraise comes from Helen Hong. A non-profit in Los Angeles that provides free dental care to underprivileged kids is sinking other people's teeth into fundraising, literally. They're auctioning rubber molds of celebrities' teeth. The charity's founder is a former Hollywood talent agent who's using her connections for the novel event. Did you know that Patricia Heaton has two extra molars? We have her uppers. It's really extraordinary. And we're lucky enough to get both bottoms and tops from John Turturro. We're hoping to get at least $3,500 for those. Who wouldn't want

John Turturro's teeth on their bookshelf? The charity's white whale is a replica of Tom Cruise's teeth, but they say Tom believes that if a mold is taken of his teeth, it will steal his soul. A charity

raising money by selling rubber molds of celebrity teeth. The last story of somebody bringing the dough in comes from Roy Blunt Jr. This week, the Society of Cat Appreciation Today, or SCAT, announced a fundraising contest. For an entrance fee, cat lovers can put their best feline friend up for musical cat of the year by producing and performing an original cat song with their cat. Okay, it would be unethical for a Bluff the Listener contestant to actually enter another contest on the side. But for fun and bonding purposes, my wife Joan and I and our cat, Jimmy,

gathered around the piano. Quickly, we worked out words and music based on the old standard, my dog has fleas. Almost as quickly, we noticed that Jimmy himself had wandered off. We followed him to the kitchen and did 32 takes. This one captured Jimmy best. I don't like dogs.

Jimmy. Dogs don't like me. Meow. I wish all dogs. Come on, Jimmy. Would climb a tree. Full disclosure, Joan did the meow.

I did the purr. That was a good purr. So here are your choices. One of these was a way that somebody tried to raise some money from Adam Burke, people selling vodka made from grain and water from Chernobyl

to raise money for the good and deserving people of Ukraine. From Helen Hong, somebody raising money for a charity in L.A. by selling rubber molds of celebrity teeth. Or from Roy Blunt Jr., money raised by holding a cat singing contest or something. Which of these is the real story of a charitable endeavor in the week's news? I choose L.A. and the teeth molding because that sounds sufficiently ridiculous. So you're going to choose Helen's story of the molded teeth being sold for charity.

Well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to someone who helped out with the real fundraiser. Vodka's a kind of perfect product to make as the first product from Chernobyl. That was, in fact, Jim Smith. He is a professor of environmental science at the University of Portsmouth and one of the scientists who worked to develop atomic vodka. I'm sorry, Adam, but it turns out Adam was telling the truth.

You didn't win, I'm afraid, but you did earn a point for Helen. Thank you for playing, and I hope your thesis goes better. Thank you. Thanks. Thank you for playing. And now the game where we love to invite people we admire on to do something we are not sure they will enjoy. What can I say? We're complicated. Moe Amer is a legend of the Palestinian-American Houston, Texas comedy scene,

and not just because, as far as we know, he is the only Palestinian-American comic to come out of Houston, Texas. He has a new show on Netflix called, of course, Moe, and he joins us now. Moe Amer, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, thank you. No, really, sit down. No, no, really. Thank you so much for having me. I have been enjoying your show tremendously. It just so happens that you appeared on the show Rami with your friend and collaborator. And now he is, Rami Youssef, is collaborating with you on your show, which is cool.

And we had Rami on the show, and I asked him what the difference was between himself in real life and his character, and he said, well, it's me if I had no talent. So I'm wondering if you would say the same about Moe in Moe. Well, Moe in Moe is a case of like, what if I never found stand-up comics? And that's the difference. It's trying to explore what that world would look like. Right. So I'm assuming, I haven't watched the whole thing. I'm assuming in the end he does become a stand-up comic,

tours with Dave Chappelle and everything's cool. Yeah. That would be a hell of a twist, but it certainly does not. Now, here's the funny thing, though, because, you know, when I watched Rami,

I was like, okay, I can get that because Rami in his show is kind of a sad sack. He doesn't know what he's doing with his life. He's in a dead-end job, etc. I really love your character

because he seems great. For example, there is a sequence in an early episode in which you are selling knockoff merchandise out of a trunk of a car. And I'm like, I would buy what that man is selling. You are really good at that. And so did a lot of people when I was a teenager. I sold a lot of fake merchandise.

Really? I was going to ask you, can you do that? Are you that good at getting people to buy knockoff brands? I would. And the way I would do it is that I would put on some fake Versace sunglasses and when someone was intrigued by them, I'd be like, hey, it's my last one. And then once they bought it, I would put on another pair of sunglasses. So you were doing this at the same time. it's my last one. And then once they bought it, I would put on another pair of sunglasses.

So you were like doing this at the same time. You were like supporting your standup by selling knockoff things out of your trunk. Just for a brief time. Okay. Don't make me look. No, I'm thinking I work for public radio, dude. I'm always looking for a side hustle. I just don't think so. Mo, let me, let me ask. I'm really curious. So you're 14 years old. You're essentially a refugee. You're undocumented. You're in Houston, Texas. And you stand up on some comedy stage somewhere. And what do you do? What was your first act like?

Well, it was in my English class. I was getting schooled for police. And my teacher, my English teacher, is the one who brought me back. It was shortly after my father passed away. And she said, you know, if you stop skipping school, I'll let you do stand-up in class every Friday.

All you have to do is just mix in some Shakespeare, and I'm okay with it. That is... That is a cool teacher. That is some amazing pedagogy, as we like to say in NPR. Can you remember any of your early Shakespeare-related routines? What did you do?

I can't remember anything. I wing everything. I'm winging this right now. Right. One of the things that you talk about in one of the comedy specials I watched was you, early on in our various wars in the Mideast, you volunteered to go out there and entertain the troops. I did.

And I got a couple questions. First of all, why did you do that? What inspired you to do it? You know, for so many times early on in my career, people told me I should change my name. You're so talented. If you only weren't, you know, you. many times early on in my career, people told me I should change my name. You're so talented. If you only weren't, you know, you. I was like, what?

So I had all this fear about being myself. So I said the best way to break that is to go, you know, in a war zone in front of U.S. troops and say, hey, guys, my name is Moe. It's short for Mohammed. Surprise, bitches. Maybe that'll make it. One last question. Again, from your show, there is this moment in your show,

and it was repeated, where your character, based on you, Moe, pulls out a little vial of olive oil. And somebody says, are you carrying around a little vial of olive oil? And you're like, yeah, other people carry hot sauce, here's my olive oil. Do you, the actual Moe Amer, carry around a little vial

of Palestinian olive oil? Correct. Really? Yes. So you have one within arm's reach right now? I have it in my bag, yeah, a little bottle of olive oil. We get shipments every six months from my family back home for olive oil. Right. So you carry this around with you. When you're like at someone's house and they out some, like, you know, cheap olive oil and pita,

do you, like, subtly reach into your pocket and have that instead? Oh, no, I'm not that guy. I definitely berate them immediately. Moe Amer, it is such a joy to talk to you, but we have, in fact, asked you here to play a game we're calling... Moe is Less and Less is Moe. So, you are, of course, Moe, in fiction and in real life. So, we thought we'd ask you about three things named less.

Answer two out of three correctly, you'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Moe Amer playing for? Lee Anderson of Seattle, Washington. Alright, you ready for this, Moe? Great. Alright. He's far enough away. He'll never find you. Don't worry about it. Your first question is about the famous guitarist and inventor of guitars,

Les Paul. Early in his career, Les Paul was in a terrible car accident that smashed his elbow and could have ended his guitar playing days. How did he solve the problem? A. He invented a one-handed guitar you strum with your knee. B. He asked doctors to fuse his bones in his right hand together at a 90 degree angle so he could keep playing. Or C. He had the amps on stage secretly run backstage where his brother played guitar while Les faked it. Is there a D? No, man.

No. One of those is true. I will say I will say you're going to go with B. You're right. It's true. What? Think about think about how a person plays a guitar, right? His left, usually right-hand person, left arm's extended,

right arm bent at a 90-degree angle, strumming the strings. He had his elbow fused in that position so that he could continue to play. That's commitment. It really is. I would have just started selling sunglasses out of my truck. I know, man. Well, you have that gift. Not many people do.

If I had that job, I would have ended up having to eat sunglasses to survive. It wouldn't have worked. All right. Your next question is about Les Claypool. He is a musician most famous as a singer and bass player for the band Primus. Okay. After Primus' success, Les Claypool started a supergroup with the guitarist Buckethead and the keyboardist Bernie Worrell, both legends. The band had a unique concept.

What? A, they never learned any songs and they never rehearsed. B, they performed every other song hanging upside down. Or C, their rule was at any point during the concert, anyone in the audience could yell switch and they'd all have to start playing each other's instrument. Jesus. I want it to be all of the above. I've never wanted

an answer to be all of the above. That would be awesome. I'll go with A. You're right again. These three guys, and if you've never heard of them, Buckethead, legendary guitar player who always performed with a bucket on his head. They were so good. They would just go on stage in front of paying audiences and start playing whatever came to mind with no rehearsal. Your last question is about the most popular Les of all time, Les Miserables. The musical, you know the musical,

was instantly beloved when it opened in 1985, but years later in 2001, the producers actually cut 14 minutes from the run of the show. Why? A, they got rid of a side plot where Gavroche convinces the other urchins to start selling newspapers. It was deemed too distracting. B, a term from the book that had been used throughout the show was discovered to be extremely offensive in Swedish. Or C, if they could get the running time under three hours they

could stop paying the crew overtime every night I want to say B but it's probably C it is C yeah wouldn't it be really great if the crew then revolted yes exactly all the stagehands singing, One day more. And then, as in the musical, they're all killed. It would have been very... That's exactly right. Overtime for the crew kicked into three hours, so they cut off enough to get the running time of the show

down to two hours and 58 minutes. Ah, capitalism. Isn't it amazing? Bill, how did Moe Amer do in our quiz? I am floored, Moe. In our most difficult game, you got every one right. Three in a row. There you go, man.

Moe Amor is the creator and star of Moe on Netflix. It's amazing and funny and occasionally heartbreaking. Moe Amor, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. We're so grateful. Thank you. My pleasure. Take care, Mo.

In just a minute, find out the perfect way to spend that $2 burning a hole in your pocket in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We are playing this week with Roy Blunt Jr., Adam Burke, and Helen Ong. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Saggal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill goes on a seven-state rhyme spree in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Helen, according to research published this week, one way to reduce anxiety and depression is to stop doing what? Not taking your Zoloft. I think we knew that. A hint, please. A hint, please. Well, or you can, you don't have to stop.

You can do it like senior citizens tend to do at 4.30 in the afternoon. Have dinner? Yes, exactly. Really? Stop eating dinner. What? What?

I know. It's true. The scientists say this has to do with circadian rhythms. That's like your body's internal clock. Apparently, we humans evolved to eat only during daylight hours so we could spend the nighttime hours doing other things, like being eaten by lions. So people who eat late at night in the dark tend to end up being more depressed and anxious than people who don't.

You know what? Shut up, Peter. My parents, who are both pushing 80, eat dinner literally at four, dinner literally at four, and they are still anxious AF. So I'm going to call baloney on this. Well, so. What time do you stop eating, Roy? So talk me through this. It's the Neolithic area. I'm at a restaurant.

Are there candles on the rock? No, Roy, I want to hear your opinion. What time do you stop eating and how do you feel about it? I don't really stop. I've got a sandwich here. You kind of look like a sandwich in the pocket guy. You look prepared. That's how I was raised. I don't know.

Roy, a question for you. Yeah. Roy, engineers in Japan have finally perfected an advance in dining, the world's first electric what? Plate. No.

Electric fork. An electric fork. You're so close. I'm close. Electric spoon. Yes. The electric spoon has finally been invented.

Oh. This new spoon uses electric current to make your food Taste saltier without adding more salt It does this by repeatedly shocking your tongue until it agrees that yes. Yes, it's saltier. It's saltier So it sounds to me it's giving you lots of mini strokes No, no, no, it's not like mean, you're thinking like shocks to the brain. No, it's not like shocking the brain. It's actually...

Because that would be ridiculous. That would be insane. This is nearly shocks to the tongue. Like, yeah. Like a normal... He's having a seizure. Have him bite a spoon. No, not that spoon.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Do you have extra salt or perhaps a battery? Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you extra salt or perhaps a battery? Yeah. Oh, yeah. What do you do for pepper? You just stab yourself in the eye with a knife. Roy, in a recent chess tournament,

a player named Hans Niemann managed to beat the greatest player alive today, which was quite the upset. to beat the greatest player alive today, which was quite the upset. And some suggest he cheated by having moves sent to him during the match. How? Through a computer. I mean, some kind of, obviously. But the trick is how to get that move to the player in the middle of the tournament.

Flags. Surely someone would have seen that. Electric spoon. Currents on his tongue. telling him flags well electric spoon currents on his tongue like oh you're close but the wrong end oh oh through his seat through his bottom yes through his butt

okay so this is what happened world champion world chess champion Magnus Carlsen, greatest player alive, lost to this guy named Hans Niemann. And then he quit the tournament. He just walked out because he hinted he thought Niemann had cheated.

So a theory that has arisen in chess circles is that Niemann was receiving moves through Wi-Fi enabled beads. No. That he had. Peter, this is NPR. On his person. My God.

Can I ask really quickly, when you get chess moves signal through your butt, is that known as the end game? It is. Now, Neiman, of course, has vociferously denied it, saying, that's ridiculous. I read this story in the New York Times and there were no bees mentioned at all.

Nothing else. Because they're a classy institution. Classic liberal censorship. I should read the post. Exactly. Exactly. Coming up, it's lightning fell on the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. Click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And you can catch us here most weeks at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago and at Carnegie Hall in New York City, December 8th and 9th. Also, the Wait Wait stand-up tour is on the road right now. You can see your favorite Wait Wait panelists in Portland, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon, Kalamazoo, Michigan, and more. Tickets and info at nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Eric Tate from Columbus, Ohio.

Eric Tate, how are you, dude? I'm doing great. What do you do there in the beautiful capital of the Buckeye State? By day, I'm a producer and on-camera talent for Penguin Magazine. We're a big, fast website. I'm sorry, you dropped out a little bit. You said, what kind of website are you an on-camera talent for? Penguin Magic, we're basically a big magic website. Oh, you're a magician? Yeah, I'm a card magician.

Recently took third place at FISM, the Olympics of Magic representing the United States. Wow! I did not know there was an Olympics of magic. At the Olympics of magic, do the rings disconnect and then reconnect? Well, Eric, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. Fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Ready to play? Absolutely. Here is your first limerick.

Since the 90s, he's starred in big flicks. Now DiCaprio's learning new tricks. He would keep love alive till they turned 25. But this new one is past 20. Six? 26, yes. is past 26. 26, yes.

Leonardo DiCaprio, we all know, famously dumps his model girlfriends when they hit 25, and then he moves on to the next. But an investigation at Slate found that his dating pool have no idea who Leonardo DiCaprio is, but they find it, quote, gross that this 47-year-old

wants to date women their age. One said the actor used to be cute, but, quote, fell off, unquote. You know, like Jack in Titanic, but after spending four days in the water. But again, these women wouldn't know what you're talking about if you said that, because the movie came out before they were born. For business purposes the other day, I had a cup of coffee with a young woman, and she said, my grandfather was your biggest fan. Grandfather.

Yeah. You know what's worse than the word grandfather there? It's the word was. Was. That's brutal. Back when he was alive, yeah. All right, here's your next limerick. Old rock shirts are high in demand.

My parents do not understand. I have not heard the Stones or Led Zepp or Ramones. It's just fashion. I don't know the band. Right. According to the Wall Street Journal, vintage rock band T-shirts are all the rage among teenagers now, even though very

few of them actually know anything about the bands. There are kids who look at a t-shirt for The Who and say, The Who? Yeah, I was the same when I was a kid. I'd walk around rocking my Glenn Miller. Exactly. Alright, here is your last limerick.

Two dollars, I think, new luck struck. This wine's not a misbrewed muck suck. Fred Franzia knows how to serve Trader Joe's. He invented the cheap two-buck chuck. Very good! Wow! Fred Franzia, inventor of two-buck chuck, died this week, casting a pall over the wine and cheese parties hosted in college dorms.

For years, Franzia's bottles of Charles Shaw wine sold at Trader Joe's for just $1.99, leading to the phrase two-buck Chuck. These days it's more like four-buck Chuck. Thanks, Biden. He was quite a character. Somebody asked him, Franzia, why his wine was less expensive than bottled water, and he said,

because they're overcharging you for the water. And this is also true. He was once fined half a million dollars for wine fraud. And this is what he did. He took these vats of really cheap grapes and he scattered the expensive grapes on the top of it so it would look like it was all the expensive grape.

Oh, that old trick. Also, wine fraud is just what I call a sommelier. Oh, really? Notes of oak? Get out of here. Bill, how did Eric do on our quiz? Eric, you were three for three. A perfect score.

Congratulations, Eric. Thank you so much, and I'll look for you on the magic videos. Thank you so much. Take care. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points.

Bill, can you give us the scores? Adam and Roy each have two. Helen has three. All right. So Adam and Roy are tied for second. I am going to arbitrarily choose Roy to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank.

Here we go. On Monday, President Biden announced an expansion of his initiative to finally cure blank. Cancer. Right. On Thursday, Governor Ron DeSantis claimed credit for sending two planes carrying migrants to blank. To Martha's Vineyard. That's right. This week, freight and railway workers reached a tentative deal to avoid a blank. A strike. To Martha's Vineyard. That's right.

Right. On Wednesday, the FBI seized the cell phone of Mike Lindell, the founder of My Blank. My Pillow. Right. After police in Canada posted a suspect's wanted photo, the suspect blanked. Threw a mustache on it. No, he sent them a more flattering photo to use. the suspect blanked. Threw a mustache on it. No, he sent them a more flattering

photo to use. This week, California filed a lawsuit against online giant Blank for anti-competitive practices. Oh, Twitter. No, Amazon. On Monday, Ted Lasso and Succession were the big winners at the 2022 Blank Awards. Yes. This week, a nursing home

in Taiwan had to apologize after the Harvest Festival celebration they planned for their seniors included blank. Uh, Tai Chi. No, a stripper. People complained after a video of the nursing home's strippers and bingo party was posted online showing a woman in lingerie and high heels dancing for a group of elderly residents in wheelchairs.

The elderly residents did not complain. The video is honestly kind of heartwarming, especially the part where the seniors put a dollar in her thong, but not before tucking it into a birthday card. Bill, how did Roy do on our quiz? Pretty good. Five right, ten more points, total of twelve in the

lead. All right. Adam, you are up next. Fill in the blank. In a filing this week, the DOJ said they'd be willing to accept one of Blank's special master recommendations. Trump's. Yes. According to a new study, older adults who caught Blank are at least 50% more likely to develop Alzheimer's. COVID.

Yes. After the victory of a right-wing coalition, the prime minister of Blank resigned on Thursday. Sweden. Right. COVID? Sweden? Supreme Supreme. No, Italian taco. On Thursday, 20-time Grand Slam tennis star Blank announced he was retiring. Is that Federer? Yes. On Tuesday, NASA announced a new launch date for the Artemis

mission to the blank. Moon! Right, this week at a soccer game in Spain, the goalie for one of the teams impressed everyone when he saved blank. Uh, money on his car insurance. No, when he saved Somebody out there just got

an idea for a great new ad. No. He saved a man's life. The goalkeeper realized that a fan up in the stands was having a heart attack during the game, so the goalie sprinted to the sidelines, granted defibrillator, and threw it into the stands. Thank God this all happened close to the goalie, because none of the other players are allowed to use their hands to toss the defibrillator. Bill, how did

Adam do in our quiz? Five right, ten more points. We have a tie at twelve. Alright, how many then? Does Helen need to win? Five to win. Alright, Helen, here we go. During a meeting on Thursday, Putin thanked

blank for his stance on Ukraine. Xi Jinping? Yes. On Tuesday, Lindsey Graham introduced a nationwide Blank ban in the Senate. Abortion ban? Yes. This week, Donald Baldock won the GOP Senate primary in New Hampshire despite denying Blank. That Joe Biden won the election?

Right. On Tuesday, the second defamation trial against InfoWars founder blank began. Alex Jones. Right. Best known for his investigation that led to Bill Clinton's impeachment, lawyer blank died at the age of 76. Kenneth Starr. Yes. A delivery company in LA is blaming human error after one of their delivery robots drove through blank. Um, a Taco Bell drive-thru. No, an active crime scene. The robot was caught on video trying to go through that yellow tape at the perimeter of a shooting, and a news cameraman sort of lifts up the tape, and the robot trundles right in. Got even more embarrassing when it tried to deliver pod tie to the white chalk outline.

Bill, did Helen do well enough to win? Five right, ten more points. It looked like a three-way tie, but she had one more, so she wins. Congratulations, Helen! What a present for your father's birthday. Thank you. In just a minute, we're going to ask

our panelists to predict, after the long queue to seeing the Queen, what will be the next miles-long line people will stand in, And for what? Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks.

Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane O'Donnell, thanks to the staff and crew at the Studebaker Theatre. B.J. Liederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Drombos, Lillian King, and Nancy Seychow. Our production assistant is Sophie Hernandez-Simunidis. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson this week.

Peter Gwynn is our medical guinea pig, technical directionist from Lorna White. Thanks this week to Gary Yeck. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock, and the executive producer, wait, wait, don't tell me, is Michael Danforth.

Now, panel, where are people going to line up next? Adam Burke. They will be in line for Martha Stewart's new brunch spot, Martha's bottomless mimosas and topless muffins. Helen Hong. They're a line up for

t-shirts with Vladimir Putin saying, don't. And Roy Blunt Jr. Angry mega people wind up outside the gate to heaven. Well, when that happens, we're going to hear about it on

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Adam Burke, Helen Hong, and Roy Blunt Jr. Thanks to all of you in the Studebaker Theater. You're fabulous. And everybody who is listening at home. I'm Peter Sag you in the Studebaker Theater. You're fabulous. And everybody who is listening at home, I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.