Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Our panel goes on shore leave with Maggie Smith

Episode Date: September 5, 2026

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From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm your judge and scorekeeper Alzo Slade, but my friends, they just call me your honor. And here's your host at the Rose Music Center in Huber Heights, Ohio, Peter Sago. Thank you for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to America's favorite poet, Maggie Smith. But first, I want to say how delighted we are to be here just outside Dayton, Ohio. And I mean that because between flight delays and cancellations, we almost didn't make it here.

It's like Dayton is the birthplace of flight, and they've decided no one else can have it. I'm going to recommend that you join us here by phone to play our games. The number is 1-3-8-8-8-8-2-4. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Ames from West Orange, New Jersey. New Jersey, my native grounds. What do you do there? I'm a public policy lawyer at a think tank in New York City.

Oh, wow. So you're coming up with really good ideas to improve society that will never, ever, ever be used. Hey, we have high hopes. And I'm also playing today, hopefully as a surprise to win for my dad is a long-time fan of the show. Oh, really? That's exciting. Was your dad, we've been around for a while, did your dad, did your dad? Dad forced you to listen to the show when you were a child? Way back in the Carl Castle days. Yeah, yeah. And so is this your thanks to him for doing that or your revenge? Thank you and many more.

Oh, well, that's great. Well, welcome to the show, Ames. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, she is the brains behind the internet goldmine depths of Wikipedia. You can follow her on socials at Deps of Wikipedia. It's Annie Rowerda. Next, he's the host of the Coastal Idiots Podcast, and we'll be appearing at the Comedy Studio in Cambridge, Massachusetts,

on September 12th. It's Shane Torres. He's a correspondent for CBS Sunday morning. It's our old friend Mo Rocca. So, Ames, welcome to the show. You're going to start us off with who's Alzo this time. Alzo Slade right here is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. Your job just correctly identify or explain two of them.

Do that. You'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready. Your first quote, then, is a sign at a bar in Thailand. Attention soldiers. The beer you deserve is here.

The bar put up that sign because what just showed up at a port in Thailand after a record setting nine months at sea? Would that be the aircraft carrier, Abraham Lincoln? It is the USS Abraham Lincoln. Very good. After an unprecedented deployment, the aircraft carrier just finally made port in Pataya, Thailand. And let me tell you, there is not a missile on board that can do as much damage as 5,000 sailors who just got their first shore leave in nine months. We've all seen the stories of deteriorating conditions on the ship.

The captain said at this point, the boat, quote, looks like a dirty car in a parking lot, unquote. So the sailors on board are excited to try all the amenities Thailand has to offer, like enough food and working restrooms. Boy, that must have been some poopy poop deck. That poor aircraft carrier. I never thought that an aircraft carrier could have it worse than the president it was named for. That's true. I mean, it's entreated worse.

other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how was the cruise? There are rules. They can't just go nuts. There are rules for this surely. This is true. The sailors are not allowed to go to the red light district in town or for some reason they can't do any jet skiing, right? But they are encouraged to check out the area's museums and religious sites. For example, they can go to the brand new museum of prostitution. Why are you looking at me?

I'm like. Did you know this, by the way, that apparently, even though Thailand is known for it, prostitution is actually illegal. Everything's illegal. No, even the king and I, it's illegal to stage a production of the king and I in Thailand. No, really?

It's true. That's not funny. It's just interesting. Right. Right. But you can grammatically stage the king and me. That's acceptable. Yeah.

That's how you get around it. The worst thing you can do in Thailand is have a bunch of prostitutes perform the king and I. I just think it's so funny to think that the king and I and prostitution are both, like, if they're both in jail, like, what are you in war? Singing. Yeah. Yeah, and when somebody sings getting to know you in prison, it's not something you want to hear. Getting to know all about you. No, please stay.

way. Here's your, here's, Ames, here is your next quote. We are a culture running full tilt toward little metal spikes. That was the New York Times writer talking about how Americans are all

suddenly very comfortable, voluntarily getting pricked with what? A vaccine? Not, actually, it's the only thing they're not doing is vaccines. Now that you mention it, but everything else, they're getting through what?

Shots. Yeah, needles, exactly. Whether it's Botox, wellness, vitamin cocktails, fillers, or simply good old heroin, America loves getting shots now. Celebrities like Gwyneth Paltrow and Harry Stiles have led the way by promoting their own wellness injection journeys. You can't argue with the results. Both of them are still alive. But I wonder if it's what celebrity would be the easiest to find a pain on?

because that's the whole, I'm just wondering, like that's the whole challenge, right? Like, it's harder, you don't like needles if it's hard to find a vein. Yeah, well, I think you just need to check the last issue of People Magazine with America's most vascular celebrities. I want to go back to the point

about the celebrities are endorsing their own wellness shot. So it's like on brand for Gwyneth Paltrow to have like lavender skin shot or whatever. I want to know the, like, the trashy version, like the jelly roll donut cake shot. Or, like, somebody I would

take a shot. Somebody, Ohioans would take a shot. All right, and here is your last quote. She inspires a lot of girls because she has 150 careers. That was someone in line at a book signing for a new novel about whom. Oh, gosh.

I'm going to ask her a hit one more time. Well, she's probably had more than 150 careers, and you can buy her in any of their costumes. Oh, that's definitely Barbie. It is Barbie. Yes, Barbie DreamScape is an instant number one New York Times bestseller. It's the first Barbie book aimed at young adults, but it has found an audience with lots of regular, lame, old adults.

The book tells what happens when Barbie graduates from Barbie school and is not assigned a job, right? So instead of being, say, Dr. Barbie or a race car driver Barbie, She's just failure to launch Barbie. And it's a crisis for her because there's no Barbie Dreamhouse, but there is a Barbie nightmare apartment with a mouse problem. Hey, Barbie, just keep at it, and soon you'll end up on the panel of wait, wait, don't tell me. Exactly. You know.

But apparently people are like really into this. They're into Barbie facing real issues. Like, well, she's always had relatable struggles with body image. Like, ladies, don't you hate it when your head pops off? But the thing is, so. there's this kind of nostalgia among adults to read about their childhood icons as adults. And so there are other possibilities. Like, it's finally time for the very depressed caterpillar.

On Monday, he ate through one leaf on Tuesday. He didn't feel like he could eat anything. The slinky with spinal stenosis. Can't even get down the steps. I'm just imagining a slinky having to use one of those little electric chairs going down. The stairway, oh, yeah, you know. When I was your age.

Yeah, I haven't been able to do that for a while. Five little monkeys jumping on the bed. One fell off and died. This getting real soggy. How did Ames do on our quiz? Ames made his father proud. He got three out of three. Perfect score.

Well done, Ames. I hope that pleases your father. Thank you, people. Thank you, Eldo, Your Honor. Thank you. Take care. Right now, panel, there's time for you to answer some questions

about this week's news. Mo, there's a new dating tactic among young men. They're bragging about it. They say that in order to be hudder and more attractive, they stop doing what? They stop showering.

They stop showering. That's right, Mo. This is a new trend, primarily among young men, called pheromone maxim. And the idea, it's genius when you think about it is if you stop showering, then you can attract people

with your natural scent, right? Nothing says mysteriously but powerfully attractive like ripples of scent emanating off you like heat waves off pavement, right? Dedicated pheromone maxers don't rely merely on their

natural musk. They also are learning how to inflate their colorful throat sacks. Can I just say for the listeners at home, there are looks of disgust and dry heaves in the crowd right now. It's hot enough. But also for the listener at home, it's 90 degrees in here, so everybody's must eat. Everybody's hooking up tonight.

Okay, sounds like a pheromone maxer here. The pheromones are sticking the air here at the Rose Music Center. So this pheromone maxing is just not bathing. Yes. Yeah. So this is like when an Uber came out and they're like, it's not taxi, it's ride chair. Like they're just kind of, yeah. They're selling us something we already.

Exactly. Wow, the USS Abraham, my God, can you imagine? That port of call must have been crazy. What a den of lust it must be. Coming up, our panelists clutch their pearls at the fruit farm in our beloved listener game. Call 1-3-8 Wait-W-W-W-W-W-T-Leg to play. We'll be back in a minute with more in Wait, Wait, Don't Tell me, from NPO. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait, to Play. Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Moraka, Annie Rarada, and Shane Torres.

And here again is your host at the Rose Music Center in Huber Heights, Ohio, Peter Sago. Thank you. Don't Tell Me, Bluff, the Listener game. Call 1-T-A-W-A-W-W-W-T-Eat-W-W-T-Eat-W-W-Tel me. Hi, Peter. This is Alex Urbanic from Peoria, Illinois. Beautiful Peoria, downstate. What do you do there?

I'm actually a freelance software developer currently looking for more contracts and spend my time hiking and doing woodworking stuff. Woodworking stuff? Really? That's pretty cool. There might be more of the future in that because they haven't come up with a chatbot that can do that yet. That's exactly what I've been thinking. Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Alex.

You're going to play our game in which you have to tell truth from fiction. Alzo, what's Alex's topic? Drama at the fruit farm. Who doesn't love? going to the fruit farm. Where else can I pay 50% more for apples and have to pick them myself? But this week, there was an unusual controversy at the Gravely Family Fruit Farm in the United Kingdom. Our panelists are going to dish about it. Pick the real story and get the wait waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play?

Absolutely. First, let's hear from Shane Torres. The Gravely Fruit Farm Weekly Farm Market is normally family friendly, featuring all the beloved farmers market staples, produce, pastries, a man playing guitar with no amplification. All of that came to a halt last weekend when two rival vendors had a war of words that turned into the British version of the OK Corral shootout but with fresh produce. Alfie Kane, a mild-mannered baker, accused Andrew Buehle of a pumpkin vendor of taking his coveted spot in the middle of the market. But the baker wasn't having it.

He took a three-day-old baguette, which is the hardest thing. known to man and smashed one of Kane's gourds before storming off. Hours later, the fight elevated when a giant pumpkin flew through the air and smashed the baker's stand. Taste my orange revenge, yelled Buley. Kane did not know that Buelly, outside of farming extremely large gourds, was also a well-known British war reenacted, such a serious one that he had a functioning replica catacobolt in his trailer.

Buey sailed pumpkins through the air with vengeance. Mayhem reigned over the market for close to three hours, with other vendors and patrons ducking for cover and building pumpkin bunkers out of what they could find. Finally, authorities showed up to stop the chaos, and for the next week, Gravely Farms has announced a new attraction, the pumpkin cataple, four pounds a shot. Food fight at the Fruit Farm.

Your next fruit scoop comes from Annie Roward. When Farmer Jim and Mrs. Farmer Jane at the Gravely Fruit, farm finally finished their annual corn maze design. They were ecstatic. They couldn't wait to fly over it in their tiny plane and photograph the design from the sky. Their design was of a proud farmer woman holding two blue ribbon melons. It's based off a real event when Jane won the melon contest last year. So when they flew over the maze in their Cessna, they were shocked at what they saw. She didn't look like a woman with prized melons, the fruit. She looked like a woman

with prized melons, the boobs. It was too late to change the corn maze. They could not make it less hot. The press was already there. When they unveiled the aerial photo to the crowd, people were aroused.

And I mean, shocked. When the local reporter, Robert Myers, asked, so, what's this based on? And Farmer John responded, my wife, murmurs of respect, dude, and hell yeah, spread across the audience. The fruit farm is now proud of their busty corn woman, and the maze is the most popular one in history,

with Royal Air Force planes buzzing over constantly. Corn maze at the Gravely Fruit Farm ends up being unintentionally R-rated. Your last story of a farm-fresh frenzy comes from Morocco. A carnival ride in the UK is being pilloried as distasteful over its Titanic-themed ride and slide. The ride at Gravely Fruit Farm takes place inside a replica model of the doomed 1912 liner. During each run, the mechanical stern emblazed with the name Titanic, tilts into the air nearly straight up. Riders cling on for dear life before gravity takes its toll and they slide down to a crash mat. You know, just like that scene in the movie where passengers slide down the deck.

to their deaths. Somebody must have watched that and thought, that looks fun. In fact, visitors do seem to love it. I mean, this ride is no Andrea Snoria. Still, many have taken to the farm's Facebook page to express outrage. So odd to have a children's ride themed around one of the worst tragedies in history, read one message. The farm had apologized, but has stuck with the ride's name. Why, said the farm's spokesman, were keeping the memory of the Titanic alive. and we're not making fun of the debt at all. Well, that's what I call a lame excusatania. All right, so something happened at the Gravely family fruit farm

in the United Kingdom that got in the news this week. Was it from Shane, a food fight sort of went nuclear in their marketplace? From Annie, was it that the corn maze ended up being somewhat lascivious? or from Mo Rocca, people are objecting to their new family attraction based on the sinking of the Titanic. Thank you. Thank you. Which of these do you think is the real story we heard about this family farm? I'm pretty sure I actually saw a video of kids getting flung down on a Titanic ride this week.

I'm going to go with Mo. Okay. You're going to pick Mo's story. Well, to bring you the correct answer, please listen to this. We're keeping the memory of Titanic alive, and we're not making fun of the dead at all. I think it's really good that we keep it as Titanic. There you are. That was Will Campbell Gray, the manager of Gravely Fruit Farm, defending the Titanic ride to the BBC.

Congratulations, Alex. You got it right here. To point for Mo, you've won our prize, the voice of your choice and your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you for having me. Thanks for being with us. Take care. And now the game we call Not My Job about a decade ago, perhaps for the first time ever, a poem became a viral sensation.

Good Bones by Maggie Smith was everywhere. That led to her bestselling memoir. You could make this place beautiful. Since then, she's written another New York Times bestseller, Dear Writer, Advice for the Creative Life, and she still lives in her hometown in Ohio near Columbus. Maggie Smith. Welcome back to Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thanks for having me. It's a pleasure to have you. It's nice to see you again. You joined us remotely when we were in Chicago some years ago. I did. Now we're here in your home turf. And I'm wondering, we're here in Ohio, where you live. Are you a local celebrity?

Do you get recognized? No. I mean, sometimes. OK. Yeah, sometimes. Every once in a while, like at the grocery store at the farmer's market or something, someone will pull me aside and say a little something. Like what?

Like, oh, I've been through something similar to what you've been through. Thank you for that book. And then I have to say, I'm sorry, let me get to the express lane. Please. Yes. Because the express lane is for people with 12 issues or less. Exactly. I was going to ask you about that. Because your poem, the one that became viral in Merrill Street read that everybody was quoting, Good Bones, was about your divorce, which you wrote about in your memoir. And I've heard that you've become kind of a divorce dula. and that people like come to you and they seek you out because I know you've been through it and that you're wise and seasoned and you have wisdom. Is that the case? Do I seem wise?

Well, you seem relatively wise. I have joked that I've become sort of a divorce whisperer that like people when they're going through a thing. Yeah. Will like slide into my DMs. Like people don't slide into my DMs for any kind of like fun reason. Right. It's always like, do you know a good lawyer? how do you sleep at night? Does it get better?

I know. I'm a lot of fun at parties. These pickup lines are getting crazy and crazy these days. Sometimes it works. Divorce Dula is a kind of fascinating metaphor. I'm just imagining like, I'm getting a contraction. My water broke. What do I do?

Bear down. Yeah. You do a lot of readings. I do. And I have to ask. Do you, when you do your readings, do the classic poet reading their own work voice? Oh, God. You know, because I could not stop for death.

It kindly stop for me. That one. I mean, we call it poet voice. Do you really? Yeah, it has a thing. I really hope I don't. But I worry I do. Really?

Yeah. Only because I think I have a certain amount of natural upspeak, where I talk, and it's Sounds like I'm asking a question, but I'm not asking a question. So that would be my version of poet voice. Like that up talk. Up talk. Yeah. And so do I.

And many great people do. I love that for us. I don't know. Because I could not stop for death, it can only stop for me. Right. Doesn't it make it feel contemporary? I think we should do the rest of the show in that voice. I think we should.

I like this. From NPR and WBEZ, Chicago. I'm Alzo Slagy. I've ruined this for everyone now. So your latest book is called Dear Writer, Encouragement for Wisdom Encouragement, Exercises for Writing. You've taught writing for a long time. And I want to know, as a teacher of writing, I've been one, I've met a lot,

what is your philosophy of feedback? Are you brutally honest? Ooh. I'm not. No. No. You do the compliment sandwich type approach. I...

Well, most of the words are spelled correctly. That's great. That's great. Yeah. Yeah. There's text on the page. Yeah. That's a great head start.

I do think the compliment sandwich is helpful. It really is. And not just in the writing classroom. Oh, in life. No, it's just like, you know, with your spouse, with your children, anybody, your colleagues. No, I'm a questioner. All right. So instead of like concrete feedback, I'm like, um, I would like to know more about this.

Can you tell me more about X? Whoever told you you could do this. Who the hell do you think you are? That's a good one. That's a great one. Why did you think you could waste my time? You guys, there is a literacy crisis. I think we can encourage writing poetry even if it's bad.

And this is a question. I know this happened to me. This happened to me. This happened to me as a teacher. I'm sure it's happened to you. What do you do when someone who means the best and is going to do anything you ask who's going to work hard,

but they clearly have no talent for it. What do you do? I will be super honest and say I've never had a student with zero talent. Really? I just don't think that's a thing. Oh, if I thought that's what you told them,

I was like, oh, my God. You're the first. Look, I've seen a lot of garbage in my day. But who? You are a no talent? We are here and near your home in Ohio. You've lived you your whole life. I have.

Is Ohio poetic? Does it inspire your work? Is Ohio poetic folks? You're about to get junked in the parking lot. Ohio is incredibly poetic. We have amazing poets from Ohio. We have great musicians and songwriters from right here in Dayton, like Bob Pollard and Kim Diel.

Yeah. They know it. You know, I don't know if you heard the news, but speaking of Ohioans Travis and Taylor have bought in they got themselves a place up in Cleveland have you considered maybe writing a poem

of welcome to Ohio I haven't thought of that no yeah well maybe we can come up with the one right now like a limerick yeah well yeah for example I ask for professional interest

have you ever written a limerick No, I have not. I'm not very good at like occasional poems. Like I have to have an idea that comes to me. Really? And how are you with rhyming? Poor. So we couldn't, for example, you couldn't like improvise a poem right now? No. I mean, I could. But I'm not going to. Right. Well, I think we would all love to hear you try.

Roses are. Well, Maggie Smith, it's great to have you back on our show. and this time we have invited you here to play a game we're calling. Oh, no, it's the inverted stomp facebreaker. So we assume you could win a poetry slam, so we thought we'd ask you about body slams. Answer two to three questions about wrestling moves. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners.

Alza, who is Maggie Smith playing for? Melissa Groveman of Dayton, Ohio. Here's your first question. The WWE's Santino Morella had a nearly unstoppable finishing move called the Cobra. What is the cobra? Was it A, he'd wait until his opponent wasn't looking and then bite him in the ankle? B, he'd use a snake charmer's flute to hypnotize his opponent. Or C, he'd put a snake sock puppet on his arm, which would become sentient and bite his opponent on the neck.

I really want it to be B. You want it to be B in the snake Charmer's sleep. C. Okay, the sock puppet. Yes. That's right. Okay. Morella first introduced the cobra sock puppet in a match against Mick Foley, who had his own fighting sock puppet. Oh.

Mr. Socco. That was very good. You still have two more. Here we go. It's common to see foreign objects enter a wrestling ring, like your folding chairs, the occasional ladder. In 2022, Brock Lesnar raised the bar when he won a match by using what? a tractor, be a jackhammer, or C, 25,000 M&M candies.

They're like an A. I'm going to go with tractor. You're right, it was a tractor. He drove in a tractor and he used it to lift up the whole ring, spilling his opponent out on the ground. Okay. Last question, wrestling is huge in Japan, and if you don't want to watch the typical wrestling match,

you can enjoy which of these, A, big kaiju wrestling. where the ring is filled with a miniature cityscape, and the wrestlers are all dressed as giant monsters. B. Zen wrestling in which the two combatants meditate in order to see who can achieve inner peace first. Or see, quote, American wrestling in which the opponents shoot at each other with toy guns. I'm going to go with the Godzilla Cityscape.

You're right, kaiju wrestling. They love it there. I would pay to see that. Now that I would be excited about it. Alzo, how did Maggie Smith do in our quiz? Maggie Smith, you did great. Three out of three, perfect score. Maggie Smith is an award-winning poet

whose newest book, Dear Writers, is available now in Paperback. She's also the co-host of the podcast. You could make this beautiful with our very own faith saley. Maggie Smith, thank you so much. For joining us again and wait a wait, don't tell me. Thank you.

Give it up for Maggie Smith, everybody. In just a minute, Alzo has a wacky solution for anyone feeling burned out at work. that's in our listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-T-A-8 Wait-W-W-W-W-T-W-T-L-E-T-L-E-T-W-E-T-R-E-W-T-R-E. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-W-W-T-W-E-E-SELME. From NPR.

From NPR-R-EZ Chicago, this is Wait-W-W-T-R-W-Tel. The NPR-W-LINDS, I'm Al-O-Saw-W-W-S-LemrIC-Loreat. And here again is your host at the Rose Music Center in Huber Heights, Ohio, Peter Seig. Alzo gets crowned as this year's U. Limerick Laureate. It's our listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-2-4. That's 1-88-9-24. Right now, panel, it's time for more from this week's news. Shane, this week, former Congressman George Santos, the first person ever to be expelled from Congress without being convicted of a crime, achieved another honor. He received the prediction market

Calhese. First ever what? He was banned. Right. The first ever lifetime ban. Santos had tweeted that he was looking forward to attending the State of the Union speech, which drove up the odds on Calci that he would, and then he himself bet that he wouldn't attend, didn't attend, and he won $17,000. By coincidence, the same day he was banned for life, a man named Serge Gantos won $20,000 by betting that would happen. Would you like to hear my George Santos story?

Please. It's not great, but I have an ex-boyfriend. with whom I am on pretty good terms, and he bought me a cameo for my birthday from George Santos, because George Santos announced, for one and one time only, I will be doing cameos where I say a message to you, and it will never happen again, and because he is a perhaps pathological liar, I'm no psychologist, he has done it again and again and again, and has lowered the price over and over, so it's a lot less special now, but I do have one, a personalized birthday message from him. What does he say?

Happy birthday, Annie. That's it? That's deep. Well, do you think it was worth $400? Oh, no. You know where he put it? Couching. Yeah.

A lifetime ban, of course, doesn't mean much to a man who would fake his own death to get out of an awkward conversation. Right. Yeah. That's a load. God, he's to do Amway. Yeah. He's going to sell. Yeah.

Yeah, really. Yeah, because it's always, like, you know, when you see somebody driving like a pink Mary Kay, Cadillac, and you're like, that's a sociopath. His next plan is to sell boy bands to small towns in the Midwest. Annie, this week, Dyson announced their newest high-tech cleaning innovation for just $500 you can now buy a state-of-the-art, AI-powered, camera-equipped what? Guessing here. Vacuum?

No, they make a lot of those. This is a new product for them. Wall cleaner. I'll give you a hint. Watching machine. Sorry. It flosses, too. Oh, toothbrush.

A toothbrush. An AI toothbrush? A $500. A.I. toothbrush. Dyson's new camera jet. This makes me feel like the very depressed caterpillar. Really?

Why would you need that? I mean, you spend $400 on the Cento's version. I didn't. I didn't. Break up because he was a foolish spender? Yeah. It was complicated. Dyson's new camera jet toothbrush costs $500.

He uses AI to floss for you as you brush. It connects to. to your phone so you can live stream the cleaning as it's happening. From inside your mouth, right? It has a variety of useful attachments, but even at that price, it does not come with anyone who would actually want to watch a live stream of the inside of your mouth.

But this toothbrush is not just for making the grossest home movies ever. Dyson says that, quote, the camera jets gap optical targeting system analyzes 28 live images per second to identify and target gaps between teeth in real time, unquote, which it then attacks with targeted jets of water. How lazy are you going to get? You've got to hire a toothbrush to cross for you? Like, you're already there.

Just do it. It's crazy. What are we doing with this? Like, what a useless invention? Welcome to America. Yeah. I know where I'm at. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank,

but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-8-2-8-8-24. You can see us most. weeks at the Studio Baker Theater in downtown Chicago or catch us on the road will be in Omaha, Nebraska on September 24th. And in Kalamazoo, Michigan on October 22nd, for tickets and information to all our live events, go to NPRPresents.org. Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Megan calling from Boyertown, PA. Boyertown, PA. Okay, I assume you mean Pennsylvania. Yes, Pennsylvania. Where is that? It is southeastern Pennsylvania, between Allentown,

Philadelphia. Okay, great. What do you do there? I am a health care IT analyst and a mom of three. Oh, really? And how's that going? It's going. Are you happy to have them back at school? Oh, yes. It's like Christmas in September. Yeah. Well, Megan, welcome to the show. Alzo Slate is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word of phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a winner. Here is your first Limerick. My old meaningless job had me down.

Now I'm wearing an upside-down frown. My red nose and big shoes help me kick off those blues. I have a new lease on life as a... Clown. As a clown, yes. The Wall Street Journal reports that an increasingly popular solution to career burnout is to go to clown school. They were inspired people who do this by one of the first people to think they were losing

their mind at work and decided to try clowning, that's how we got pennywise. People say the physicality and playfulness of clown school allows them to explore their feelings and take themselves less seriously. That's true. I just found out my doctor was secretly also a clown and I have stopped taking him seriously. I was in Edinburgh at the fringe festival and I housed with a bunch of clowns. Five of them. Oh my God. It is the most endless sea of riffing you have ever seen. They are always, like, playing. Like, I would be up making eggs,

and it was the longest morning of my life every day. You can't just sit and do something. Everything is a tool or a toy for these people, so, like, oh, your wooden spoon is also a microphone, and you're the egg DJ. This is not a good riff. You're the egg DJ. Tell me more about them.

But also, Richard Kine lived with us for three days. Oh, wow. Yeah, so I came down the stairs, and I just heard him go, And he was there in a gray towel. And that's a big moment for me. I'm sure. Yeah.

All right, here is your next limerick. The petting zoo's goats just had babies. I'll back off, though, because cuddles might slay me. If they nibble or bite, they'll snuff out my light. It turns out the goats all have. Rabies? Rabies, yes. You can applaud.

Be adorable baby goats at the farm adventure. Petting Zoo in North Carolina tested positive for rabies. Maybe more petting zoo should have a, you know, a sick animal wild card. We do things a little differently here. One of these llamas has Ebola. Megan, here is your last limerick. If I want my whole home to stay purdy, I need space where my clutter can't hurt me. This room takes the heat so my house can stay neat.

It's a zone I allow to stay. dirty. That's right. According to organization experts, having a dirty zone or a designated messy area of your home can prevent clutter and mess from taking over the whole house. You're basically fighting a land war

with your own clutter and you have to make some sacrifices. Surrender the hallway closet in order to have strategic control of the living room. But this makes sense if you think about it, right? Like, instead of trying to keep your whole house clean all the time, just throw the stuff in like one place. And the

rest of the house can be clean. But that's like, that really is, I don't know, that's a slippery slope, you know? Like, that's like, you know, like, people have a junk drawer or whatever, and then you're going to, like, make it a closet. Make it a junk room. Yeah, like, this is, this is not good. Yeah. This is one.

It's a creeping. Yeah, it's going to get bigger and bigger. They're like, it started off with, like, oh, I don't know where all these, what all these keys fit to, I'll just put them in this drawer. And then before you know it, you have 80 cats. Like that. Alzo, how did Megan do in our quiz? Megan did great.

She got three out of three. Perfect score. Congratulations, Megan. That was well done. Thank you. Thank you so much. Take care. Now it's on to our final game.

Lightning, fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Alzo, can you give us the score? Of course. Shane and Annie are tied at two with Moe having the lead at three. All right.

So, Shane and Annie are tied for second. I'm going to pick Shane to go first arbitrarily. Here we go. The clock will start when I begin your first question, fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the U.S. carried out more strikes against targets in blank.

Around. Right. On Monday, the Supreme Court ruled that construction of the new White House blank could proceed. Ballroom. Right. This week, election officials said they have no time to comply with Trump's proposed rules for mail-in blanking.

Voting. Right. On Wednesday, Golf Superstar, Blank, took a plea deal in his DUI. case. Tiger Woods. Right. This week, CNN has apologized for a company and coverage of the death of Dolly Parton with a photo

of Blank. Oh, God. Loretto Lynn? No, a Dolly Parton impersonator. Oh, ha. On Tuesday, a 91-year-old man named Dale Saunders became the oldest person to hike the blank. Everest?

No, the Appalachian Trail on Monday, Tim Cook had his last day as the CEO of Blank. Apple. Right. This week, police in Indiana, responding to worried reports of two lions wandering the City, launched a full-scale investigation, and found blank. Lions? No, two pigs that people kept mistaking for lion. Oh, Jesus.

Though no nearby zoos had reported any missing lions, police took the report seriously and launched a high-tech search, utilizing both drones and thermal imaging cameras. In the end, officers were able to put the public's mind at ease, saying, quote, there's nothing to worry about. It's not a lion, it's just a pig whose mouth is covered in blood. So how did Shane do in our quiz? He got five right for 10 more points, giving him a total of 12.

All right. All right, Annie, you're up next. Here we go, fill in the blank. On Monday, the U.N. said that 4,500 people are still unaccounted for after the blanks in China and Nepal. Floods. Right. This week, Dwayne Davis was found guilty of ordering the 1996 murder of rapper Blank. Tupac.

Tupac, yes. On Wednesday, the U.S. Mint began selling $1 coins with Blank's portrait on them. Did you know? This week, a Russian television station aired a congressional election debate, even though all six candidates blanked. Died. No, did not show up for the debate. On Monday, soccer superstar Blank announced he was retiring from Argentina's national team.

Yes, messy. According to a new study, blank drugs may increase hair loss in men. A GOP1? Right. This week, a debate has risen over whether a hiker in New Jersey took a photo of Bigfoot or if it's just blank. A pig. No. A chubby, naked, old guy.

That was what I was going to say. I know. The figure in the photo that the hiker took in her iPhone camera was hairy and stooped with a prominent gut. People who believe that it's a cryptid are calling it the Syracuse figure. Which is the phrase you really don't want to catch on. Yes, personality's a 10, but he's got a real Syracuse figure. It's better than a Utica butt. Alzo, how did Annie do in our quiz?

She got five right for 10 more points. Total of 12. She's tied with Shane. All right then. How many does Moe need to win? Mo, you need five to win, buddy. Mo, this is for the game. Fill in the blank.

According to a new poll, only 14% of people are in favor of renaming Lake Ontario Blank. Lake America. Right. On Monday, a new study found that up to 25% of football players may end up being diagnosed with blank. CTE. Right.

On Thursday, feminist icon, Blank passed away at the age of 92. Glorious Dinem. Right. This week, Reese Witherspoon revealed that she was once made the foreman of a jury because the other juror is blank. Oh, thought that she had gone to law school because of her legally blonde character? That's exactly right. The convincing performance. On Monday, paleontologists in Africa announced the discovery of another new blank. Dinosaur?

Yes. This week, a woman in Virginia having a dream about nuzzling with a cute mouse woke up to find blank. that she was nuzzling with a cute mouse. No, that she woke up with a bat in her mouth. Finally, after somehow getting into her bedroom, the bat thought her mouth looked like a nice cave and headed on in. Thankfully, after she woke up, her husband caught the bat. Great job.

You couldn't have caught the bat before it threw into your wife's mouth. Alzo, did Mo do well enough to win? Yes, he got five right for ten more points, total of 13. With his chest hairs out, he is the winner. No pictures, please. Coming up, our panel's predict, now that we're all fans of needles, what's the next scary thing

that we'll all come to love. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with urgent hair cup productions, Doug Berman, benevolent. Philip Godica retts our limners. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our ops manager is Jazeera Vardak.

Thanks to the staff and crew here at the Rose Music Center. And special thanks to Luke Dennis and everyone at W. WYASO. Later on composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Grunboss, and Lillian King.

Special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas and Peter Gross and Janie Hoffman and Dom Bannis. Peter Gwyn is our Simon called Peter. Emma Choi is our vibe curator. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller, our production manager. Is Robert Newhouse, our senior producer, Ian Chilog, and the executive producer.

Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, is Mike Danforth. Now panel, what scary thing will we love next? Shane Torres. When people leave conversations, we will soon be giving catchphrases as we exit. Like, oh, H. You suck up. Annie Rowered up. Legionnaires disease, because in a warming world, it's just nice to have AC.

And Mo Rocca. The original wellness remedy, leeches. And if any of that happens, panel, we'll tell you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Alzo. Thanks also to Shane Torres, Mo Rocca, and Andy Rowardah. Thanks to our fabulous audience here at the Rose Music Center in beautiful Central Ohio. Thanks to all of you for listening. Wherever you may be, I'm Peter Sagan.

We'll see you next week. Is NPR?