Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Reflecting Pools and Construction Zones

Episode Date: June 27, 2026

This week, we talk reflecting pools, hydration breaks, and hot dudes with Emmy Blotnick, Joyelle Nicole Johnson, and Gianmarco Soresi. Plus, Pavement's Stephen Malkmus joins us to answer three questions about construction zones.See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences.NPR Privacy Policy

From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm a household name, as long as you're in my household. I'm Alzo Slade, and here's your host at the Studebaker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you, Alzo. Thank you, everybody. You got a great show for today. Later on, we're going to be talking to indie rock icon Stephen Malcolmist leader of the band Pavement. But first, we want to congratulate Alzo Slade on his first month as our official judge and scorekeeper.

That means he has lasted longer in the job than five British prime ministers. But you never know what might happen. So you better call before there's a vote of no confidence. The number is one AAA. Wait, Wait, Wait, that's one 888-9248-924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, Your Honor, wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi.

This is David from Brooklyn. Hey, David from Brooklyn. Can you differentiate yourself? There are a lot of David's in Brooklyn. Well, father of two run two-half marathons, and I can see Barclay Center from my house. Whoa. That don't really narrow it down, anyway.

No, it doesn't at all, yeah. Oh, a marathoning dad in Brooklyn. Yeah, no. Well, David, it is nice to have you on the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, she's a comedian whose new stand-up special, What's Her Secret, is now available on YouTube. It's Emmy Blotnick.

Hello. Next, she's a comedian whose special Love Joy is on Peacock and whose album Yell Joy Joy is on blonde medicine. It's Joyle Nicole Johnson. What up, David? And making his debut on our panel, it's a comedian and host of The Downside Podcast on Vox. You can see his comedy special Thief of Joy on YouTube as well. It's Gianmarco Sir Rasey. Hello, hello, hello.

David, welcome to the show. you're going to play Whose Alzo? This time, Alzo Slade, is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voice, Mel. You're ready to go. I'm ready to go, and Alzo, congratulations on one month. You're filling very big shoes at a very big like turn. I like this guy. Yeah. I like this guy. I know. David, you've got three out of three already. Well, we'll leave it. Well played, sir. Well played. All right. Your first quote is from a White House spokesperson speaking on Tuesday about a body of water gone completely green with algae.

The pool is clear and reflecting beautifully. What pool was she talking about? He is talking about the reflecting pool. Yes, the reflecting pool on the National Mall. In May, the president announced he'd be renovating the reflecting pool, quote, ahead of schedule. And just a month later, it is a fetid mass filled with algae, floating debris. and a few dead ducks. But to be fair, it is ahead of schedule.

Trump said the pool had actually been damaged by vandals with knives, quote, probably in the dark of night, unquote. And do you know how bad a lie is that even Donald Trump used the word probably? I'm sure you guys have been following this national drama with rapt attention. Yeah, I don't know. The dead ducks, it kind of feels like the new groundhogs today. Like, if you find a dead duck around the pool, that means four more years of Trump.

Oh, God. Yes. Yes. It's funny that he said it was damaged by vandals when there's, like, video that they drove the motorcade. Yes, this is actually true. Yeah. When it was empty, he had his motorcade, which, as you know, he's the president. It's a huge thing.

Drive into the reflecting pool. and down the empty bottom and out. Yeah. I think you should do it while it's full. Yeah. The damage to the reflecting pool after this renovation includes holes, cracks,

peeling caulk in the seams and long sheets of the supposedly waterproof bottom coating floating to the surface. At the end of the week, this is true, they just, with all these people coming to gawk at the damage, they just fenced off the entire thing

so nobody can see what they're doing to it now. you know we're going to end up with the nation's first above-ground reflecting pool. I don't want to disrespect people who repair pools, but I kind of feel like I could have done a better job. Yes. Like just as a person, common sense, like, is it that hard? Apparently. Feels like they also haven't addressed the leaky pipes.

They went straight to the paint job. Right. What about the pipes? There you go. You see, right now you are now qualified. Exactly. And the algae, which is like just blooming like it's nobody's business, it's unsightly. It might, as I said, might be killing the ducks.

But in the other hand, RFK Jr. needs it to survive. All right. David, here is your next quote. It is from a sports fan. The hydration breaks are BS, but I can get my beers. That fan was one of many people excited to make a run for the concessions during the new hydration breaks. During what big sporting events? The World Cup, and I bet it was probably a Scottish fan because they drank Boston and every other city dry.

As you were right, we discussed that last week. Yeah, there for it. It is the World Cup. One thing soccer fans have always been proud of is that their game has no time out. It is just 90 continuous minutes of absolutely nothing happening. But for this year's World Cup, supposedly in response to fears about high temperatures, FIFA has for the first time introduced hydration. breaks, a three-minute pause in each half where all the player's mothers run out and give them

orange slices. I'm not a soccer fan at all, but now I call it football because I'm a British person. But I am a fan of men who don't skip leg day, so I have them watching. You got, y'all better not skip leg day. John Marco got his games out right now under the table. I do, I do. I don't, I guess we should have these breaks. I don't know why they're, don't call them water breaks.

The theater we call them intermissions. And I think they're wonderful. Yeah. I mean, they have to run so much in soccer. That's like, and they have to hit the ball with their head. I would need a break. As you can tell, this is the least athletic panel that's ever been on this show, which is saying something. Do you ever hear the sound of a ball hitting the goalie's hand?

You just want to go like, ow! Like, imagine a ball hitting your hand like that. Well, that's why they wear the big Mickey Mouse gloves, right? I don't even know. You don't know. Well, I should let you know, since you're not, the soccer purists hate this change, everybody is saying these so-called hydration breaks

are really just about giving TV another place to sell some ads, to which FIFA said, no, we just want our players to hydrate with a cool, refreshing taste of Miller Light. But if they're making changes for the American World Cup, why not think bigger? 15 minutes at the end, where everybody's allowed to use their hands.

I didn't know you couldn't use your hands. All right. All right. Joel, there is nothing wrong with not being a sports fan. She's just looking at legs the whole time. Yeah, true. I'm not just looking at legs as I'm also looking at butts. All right.

David, here's your last quote. It's about a guy who made headlines just for moving a podium this week. He's the only one at Downing Street whose approval rating is rising. That man has become famous because, one, he's hot, and two, he comes out to set up the podium whenever who announces their resignation? Well, it's really sad that he's more attractive than Kira Starma, but it's a podium guy.

Yeah, it's the podium guy, you know about him, but of course he's the guy who shows up to put up the podium whenever a British prime minister resigns, which this week it was Kier Starmor. Yes, the premier of the world's fifth largest economy resigned this week, but all anybody can talk about is hot. podium guy. Even New York Times, they're a big story about it.

That's right. There have been so many resignations of British prime ministers in the last few years that the hot guy who sets up for the resignation speech has become a celebrity. In fact, it is possible that the UK keeps running through new prime ministers because they just want to see more of this guy. You know, it's crazy, though, because I've been living in London

and I can tell you guys this, that A British 10 is like an American six at best. I don't know. Go look this guy up. It's easy to be hot next to Boris Johnson. That's true. How did David do in our quiz? My man, David, did well.

Three out of three. Congratulations, David. Well done. Thank you, thank you. Thank you, David. Thanks for playing. Thank you, thank you. Bye-bye.

all I'm going to do. My check. Check one. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Joyel, after the TSA kept stopping international travelers trying to bring it home in their carry-ons, Kraft has introduced,

quote, TSA-compliant three-ounce bottles of what? Something disgusting. It was like cottage cheese or something? No, it's the thing that all the European tourists, foreign tourists have decided is the best thing about American cuisine. What is the best thing about American cuisine?

Okay. Craft. Craft makes... Cheese. I'll give you a hint. This is even true if you're traveling home. They'll take it away from you, even if you're traveling home to the Hidden Valley. Ew, ranch dressing?

Ranch dressing. Wow. You've been in Europe, so you've missed this. All the tourists are going nuts for ranch dressing. The soccer players drink it on their breaks. It's crazy. I know. They make it travel-sized ranch dressing.

The draft is announced travel-sized bottles of ranch dressing to go through TSA because people are like, oh my God, this American delicacy, and they're buying bottles to bring home, but the TSA keeps confiscating the ranch dressing from passengers because technically it's a liquid, and you can't have that much liquid. Imagine you're in that situation, and you just do what you always do when you have a bottle of water in the TSA lane, you just, oh, I'll chuck it. This is getting grosser. You put a new sticker on it that says lotion. Yeah, maybe. But imagine being a kid in Europe

to stay home when your dad went to see the World Cup in America and he comes home and you're like, what'd you bring home from your trip? I hope it's a thick dairy product. I want to know what's going to happen, though, with all the seized ranch dressing

at the TSA checkpoint. Like this 4th of July, some TSA agent is planning on whipping up a few thousand hot wings and then using his swimming pool as a dipping bowl. It would have more reflecting capacity. Yes, that's true.

Coming up, our panelists step right up to our bluff, the listener game, call 1-3-8. Wait, Wait, Wait, Wait to Play. We'll be back in a minute with more. Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, from NPR. From NPR, in WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. The NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with John Marco Seraci, Joelle Nicole Johnson, and Emmy Blotnick.

And here again is your host at the Student Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you, Alzo. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Bluff, the listener game call 1-3-8 Wait-Wate to play our game in the air. Hi, you were on. Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Glenn calling from West Lafayette, Indiana. Well, that's fabulous.

What do you do there in West Lafayette? I just finished my PhD, and my side-hoppy lately has been planning my wedding, which is this weekend. Oh, my gosh. This weekend! That's so exciting. What are you doing talking to us? Shouldn't you be, I don't know, planning things, talking to your bridesmaids? out? I mean, this is...

No, they've got it handled. It's all planned. Wow. Well, mazel tough to you, but it is great to have you with us to play our games. You're going to play, in fact, the game where you have to tell truth from fiction. Also, what is Glenn's topic? Glenn, come on down. Game shows, of course, those most revered and important programs that run for years, famously, always with handsome hosts, sporting, beautiful, full heads of hair.

Well, this week we heard a really amazing story that came from the world of game shows. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one, and you'll get the wait-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play? Let's do it. Let's do it. First up, let's hear from Jail Nicole Johnson. Sakhanal Suos and his wife, Asia, won big on the only season of the Cambodian game show.

Take My Wife or My Life. It was a show that took the contestants on a year-long journey that makes Survivor look like a weekend at the spa. When aired the clips of the couple working together to complete. challenges and master tasks while still managing to love each other went viral on the internet, and they developed a cult following. So what did they do with the winnings? They started a game show based cult called The Gouver was right. We're not the Mansons. We got prizes. Their 82 followers lovingly refer to them as the chef and the Vana from heaven. Every single day is dedicated to a different game show on Wheel of Fortune Wednesdays. The followers spin the wheel of karma. Family feud

Fridays, everyone wears fake mustaches and wins prizes based on their bushyness. Saturdays are clothing optional. The followers are sometimes naked, but never afraid. When interviewed, cult assistant Rainier the Grand Mesa, says, it's not that bad as far as cult go. And unlike most cult leaders, Sakinell doesn't pursue the female members. He doesn't even let them kiss his cheeks because he don't want to smear his stage makeup. A game show winner starts a cult Based on game shows, your next story to buzz in on comes from M.E. Blotnick. A new study has found that if a male contestant on Wheel of Fortune refers to his wife with a complimentary adjective, such as, my lovely wife or my gorgeous wife, he's three times more likely

to stay married to her. Men who did not use a complimentary adjective about their wives were three times more likely to get divorced. The study was based on six years' worth of episodes, and it was conducted not by a team of researchers, but by one random guy. He watched nearly 2,000 episodes of Wheel of Fortune, and that whole time he wasn't even retired. He methodically recorded which men said a nice word about their wives and which did not, and then went and checked their divorce records. Wow. Sounds like he could really benefit from the company of a fantastic wife.

Another interesting finding was that the contestants who pay their wives' compliments also won more cash. But kind words don't need to be reserved for your partner or for when you're on Wheel of Fortune. Why not offer a complimentary adjective to a colleague and quietly hope for more money? And with that, I'll turn it back over to our bewitching host, Peter Sagle.

Thank you, Emmy. Thank you. A study found that men who referred to their wives with a compliment on Wheel of Fortune had more successful marriages than those who refer to their wives without one. Your last contestant is John Marcos Saraci. Plans for another season of Mr. Beast's Beast games on Amazon have been put on hold after it was discovered that an episode in season two

plagiarized several of the challenges from KGB interrogation techniques. The similarities were first spotted by former Soviet foreign intelligence officer Yuri Gordievsky, who remarked that episode five's grocery store challenge utilized an ultra-luminousin exposure technique that was originally designed by the KGB to make people temporarily insane, while also remarking that Mr. Beasts took it to an extreme that would, quote-unquote, never have been allowed in the Soviet Union. Since the news broke, dozens of other former KGB have come forward to say the show reminds them why they defected in the first place.

While the show's future remains in limbo, several of the previous challenges have already been implemented to optimize performance in Amazon warehouses. So here are your choices. We found a news item related to game shows this week, was it from Joyell that there's a cult based on the host success on game shows.

From Emmy Blotnick, we heard about a study showing that if you are on Wheel of Fortune and you refer to your... wife with a lovely compliment, my beautiful wife, your marriage will be more successful, or from John Marco Seresi, a discovery that the Beast games stole many of their most exciting challenges from the KGB, which was the real story we found in the news? I can definitely see Mr. Bees doing something like that, and I'm a huge fan of John Marco,

so I'll go with number three. Whoa. You have a huge fan, John Marco. That's very nice. I know. So you're going to choose John Marco's story. Well, okay, to bring you the real story, we. spoke to an expert. Could you imagine your husband going on national television and referring to you

simply as his wife instead of his beautiful wife or wonderful wife? That was the man himself, Joey, on TikTok, explaining his detailed analysis of men on Wheel of Fortune mentioning their wives. So, as you no doubt have figured out, it was in fact Emmy, who had the real story. I feel terrible. Well, I feel terrible. And you did it to a fan, John Marco. Yeah, I'm sorry. And it really is crazy.

Only a man could need a six-year study to learn that he needs to compliment his wife. Glenn, I'm sorry you didn't win our prize, but you did earn a point for John Marco, so, and you said you're a fan. Thank you for the point. Thank you. You are a beautiful caller in. And let us not also for you. forget you will be a beautiful bride. So congratulations in your wedding. Congratulations. Thank you.

And now the game we call Not My Job, Pitchfork Magazine once wrote, quote, what the Beatles were to 60s pop, pavement, were to 90s indie rock. That seminal band, which influenced so many others, was founded in Stockton, California by Stephen Malchamus and his friends. And 30 years later, he and they are still making music, and he's doing it from his new home here in Chicago. Stephen Malcolm is welcome to Wait Wait. Thank you. Thank you. I feel we need to start with a fact check.

Was Pavement your band, the Beatles of 90s indie rock? I don't think so. No. There's only one Beatles. Yeah, I know. But maybe you were the Herman and the Hermits of 90s indie rock. Where would you place yourself on the spectrum? Were you the Wait Wait Don't Tell Me of 90s indie rock?

Yeah, there you go. I have no idea what that would mean, though. So Five piece So But the band I mean What I've heard about

Pavement is something That was also One said about the Velvet Underground Like you know They didn't have as many listeners as some other bands But everybody who listened

Started their own band Yeah we get Yeah I get a lot of CDs Remember those? CDs people are sending you CDs

Say No just at the shows People come up And they go You influence me Here's my band Yeah Because it's

Kind of Seems like you can do it If you hear us us. It's not particularly like virtuous. You're telling me that like the message that people got from your seminal records in the

90s was they listened to paper like, I could do that. Pretty much. You know, we have a relationship with tone and tuning and tempo that is loose.

Loose. Loose. Yeah. Can we? Can we go back to the origin? So you founded the band in Stockton, California. You were grew up. Where you kind of had a, you were sort of a juvenile delinquent, as they used to say. I think it says that on Wikipedia.

Yeah. I haven't bothered to change that. I don't know. Can you change it? Apparently you can, but the consensus is you should not edit your own Wikipedia page. It's not done. I mean, it's just ridiculous because I know there is something about me, like partying on rooftops

in the high school, and it was just one tiny thing. of all the terrible things I did. Really? So like Wikipedia, they missed all the other terrible things you did, but for some reason people are talking about this one party. You know what I mean? That becomes...

But the real question is, have you changed? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm older and wiser, and I don't climb on rooftops anymore. Yeah. Take the elevator, like a responsible guy. Do you get recognized by fans in the streets of Chicago?

Sometimes. Yeah? More when I go, I mean, if I hang out in front of, of a record store. You just stand there minding your own business, just tapping your foot. Next to the P section.

Tuning a guitar. Wear my t-shirt. Yeah, or your t-shirt. Now, you know that also in the Chicago area, Billy Corgan lives in Smashing Pumpkins. And he famously, in one of your songs back in 94, you called them out.

You called out the Smashing Pumpkins. In a way. In a way. I mentioned their name. In a not complimentary way. Not so bad, though. Would you say? I mean, it's really a nice thing to do

to even take the time to mention somebody. I see. So he should have been... Wow. He should have been flattered by, oh, wow, you name checked his band rather than the subsequent mention of waste of time. I'd say that.

Maybe that was... They didn't have a pump in his phone. function, but, you know, they do truly have some good songs, and I do. I mean, have you run into Billy down at Pizzeria Udo, for example? No. He's, like, afraid of... You. Yeah, probably, yeah.

He lives, like, in the beyond Evanston, from what I understand. Way, way, way in the far north. Might as well be Wisconsin or so. I know. I know you've dismissed this question before. for that your rider is, tour writers for rock stars, famously weird. Yours is very straightforward, right? I'm told, like, do you, in fact, as far,

you go only so far as to specify a brand of seltzer water? Well, maybe La Croix, as we say it in France. Yeah. Or Montreal or something. Yeah, we have a basic writer. I don't, I mean, the other guys want towels. Tows. I don't use towels.

Ever? You just air dry? I don't sweat that much. Really? Not too much. I wouldn't do that on stage. Just kidding. Yeah, I don't need them.

And they're always black and kind of seem... What's wrong with that? I'm saying. I don't trust. There's something about a rock and roll towel that it's black. It's not just that black is rock and roll, like heavy metal. But also you don't know what's on there. on the towel.

Who knows when it's not clean, maybe. I'm not even a neat freak. I'd be more scared of a white towel. I guess so. I love this. But they're dry when we get them. I don't know.

They just, I see dust in them or something. It's always dusty back there. Y'all's is kind of dusty too. Wait a bit. Not the adjective. Oh, call me Billy Corgan. Well, we didn't get you right. so we didn't prepare.

I just love this, like, the father of indie rock is like, yeah, I don't know about those towels. They're unsanitary. That's not the lifestyle I imagine you living. I have to admit. That's true. Well, Stephen and Malcolm is it's a pleasure to talk to you and to welcome you to Chicago.

We have asked you here to play a game we're calling. Pavement repairs are underweight. So there's another kind of pavement workers, road construction crews. Naturally, we're going to ask you three questions about construction. and answer two out of three questions correctly. You'll win our prize point of our listeners. Also, who's Stephen Malcolmis playing for. Francis King of Missoula, Montana.

All right. Ready to do this? Yes. Recently, road crews in Southern England had to dig up a 65-foot-long stretch of road and repair it, which was necessary. But neighbors were not happy with the detour they set up to get around the 65-foot-long stretch of road.

Why were they unhappy? Was it, A, the detour to repair them? that was 41 miles around. B, the detour was also under construction, meaning people just had to go home or C, the detour across the river at a spot where there wasn't a bridge.

Oh, man. I will say, they say schmucks pick three, so I'll do three. You're going to do C, the crossed a river. Well, I guess you're not a schmuck, because it was actually A, the 41-mile

detour to avoid the 65-foot. long construction site. They estimated the detour. The officials estimated the detour would take drivers about an hour to travel the distance that would normally take two seconds. All right. Here's your next question.

When you're done with the construction in a neighborhood, the last step, of course, to put up new street signs. But in Reno, Nevada, the new street signs they put up on Virginia Street, once they finished constructing it, had a problem. What? Was it, A, they reflected headlights. so well. They were blinding drivers. B, they were missing the last

eye and said, Vagina Street. Or C, they read Buckthorne Avenue, which was the street two and a half miles away. I don't know. I mean, two is the funny one. That's right. It was also the true one, yeah.

Regina Street. This is great. You've got one with one to go. If you get this, you win. Here's your last Other types of construction have issues as well. In 1816, the U.S. constructed a border fort on Lake Champlain to protect against attacks from British Canada, but the fort had to be demolished. Why? Was it, A, they accidentally built the fort

on the Canadian side of the border. B, the commander demanded a wine cellar so big that half the fort one day just sank into it. Or C, the fort was made of birch logs, and birch bark is like catnip to moose. I've seen some moose not far from Missoula, Montana, so I really want to do it right for this guy. I guess that's a sign. I'm going to say C, even though it's probably A.

Wait a minute. You said C even though it's probably A? Yeah. So if it's probably A, wouldn't you want to choose A? Yeah, yeah. That's A, yeah, okay. Thank you. Alzo, how did Stephen do in our kids?

With a little nudging, he got two out of three. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Stephen Malcolmis is the lead singer and guitarist of pavement, and you can see them on tour starting in July. Stephen Malcolmas, thank you so much for being on waiting on Tom.

Give it up for Stephen Malcolmas. In just a minute, Alzo puts on his radiest sweatsuit for our listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-3-8-W-W-W-W-W-W-T to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-W-W-W-W-T-M-T-T-M-T-LM-R. Beezee, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with John Marco Sarazi, Emmy Blotnick, and Joyle Nicole Johnson. And here again is your host at the Studio Breakers Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago.

Thank you, Alzo. In just a minute, we try out the hot new summer craze. People won't stop talking about. It's Limericks. It's our listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call. at 1-3-8-8-8-8-24-9-24. Right now, panel, though,

it is time for you to answer more questions from the week's news. Emmy, a question for you. There's a wonderful old historic house for sale outside Philadelphia. I'll take it. There you are. There's a wonderful old historic house for sale

outside Philadelphia, but anyone who buys it will have to live with what? Gritty? No. That would be an incentive. That would drive up the price. I feel like, okay.

No, I'll give you a hint. Oh, no, the red coats are coming. The red coats are coming to our yard. Kier-Starmor? Well, he does need some place to go, I guess. No, when I say redcoats, I mean like literal redcoats, dressed as British soldiers because they come to do a... Reenactment.

A revolutionary war reenactment. Exactly right. This nearly 250-year-old house comes with, quote, nine bedrooms, ten fireplaces, ample parking, and, this is completely true, an unbreakable agreement to let an entire battalion of dads reenact the Battle of Germantown from the Revolutionary War on the front lawn every year.

And it will only cost you $995,000, plus whatever you have to pay to get the hell out of Germantown once a year. How hot are the dads? There really is something about the phrase battalion of dads. I sat up a little straight. Joyelle, Time Magazine has given us something we could use. Good advice.

They have told us the best way to console someone whose sports team just blew a big game is by saying three exact words. What are those three words? Here's a sandwich. That's not bad. That would work for me, but that wasn't the three words they suggested. I know what three words I would say.

What three words would you say? Suck it up. That's pretty good. Does anybody else have a guess? Any book recommendations? No, I think I'll just have to tell you. According to Time magazine experts, the three words to say to somebody who was crushed by their team blowing it at the last minute

is, let's zoom out. What? Let's zoom out. Your friend just watched his team and he lives and dies by just blew it in the last seconds. He's on his knees, weeping. What do you say to comfort him? One psychologist recommends wording it like this. Zoom out a little bit.

Let's remember how great the season was. This helps your friend remember all the success that Gotham to the brink of glory and also helps by immediately giving him something to punch. Yeah, it sounds like the psychologist. was not a sports fan. No. Joyel, this week, dating.com announced a new job opening,

an executive that will provide clients with what specific service? Breaking up with people. Exactly right, Joelle. The website announced they'll be hiring a, quote, chief breakup officer who'll be paid $3,000 a month

to end other people's relationships for them. The ideal candidate will have good people's skills, a compassionate nature and at least a year experience working with drama. Where do I sign up? Really? You'd be good at this? I would absolutely be good at this.

Don't you think it would be, you know, a drain on your empathy? Do you have to call people up and somehow say, hi, I workfor dating.com, and I've been asked by whomever to let you know that they're not interested in seeing you anymore. I'm so sorry. I love that you think I have empathy. I would sign up for this in a second. Are you kidding me? I'm about to call them.

What you call it, dating? I'm so excited about this. I'm never coming back here again. I'm going to get this job. This is so unethical. You can't play both sides of the market. It's like profitable, but I don't think it's right. Okay.

How many women have you ghosted? Ghosted? Yeah. No, I pay someone to break up with them properly, like a gentleman. Breaking up again. Breaking up again. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank, but first it's the gamer.

you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call and leave a message at 1-8-8-8-Wa-Wa-Wat. That's 1-88-9-24-8-9-24. You can see us most weeks right here at the Studio Baker Theater in downtown Chicago. You can catch us on the road. We'll be at the beautiful Riverside Theater in Milwaukee on July 9th. You won't want to miss that one. And at the Rose Music Center just outside Dayton, Ohio, in September 3rd.

For tickets and information to all our live events, go to NPR Presents.org. Hi, everyone. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, Peter. This is Sharon from Bradenton, Florida. Hey, how are things in Bradenton? What do you do there? Oh, lots of sunsets on the beach, meeting with friends. I have also a cat sitting business on the side.

You have a cat sitting business? Yes. So do the cats come to your house or do you go to theirs? I go to theirs. Wow. What's the most interesting thing you have found rifling through people's drawers when they're not home? Oh, Peter, I don't do that. I'm there for about half an hour.

That's enough time. Yeah. Well, welcome to the show, Sharon. Alzo Slade is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, and two of the limericks will be a winner. You ready to play?

Yeah, I'm ready. Here's your first limerick. To make a tough workout more bearable, I bring clothes that are old but still wearable. Like a slob, I appear in my gross, sweaty gear. I go to the gym looking... Oh, terrible? Yes, terrible.

In recent years. Everybody at the gym has worn fancy exercise clothes, but according to the Guardian, the latest trang among celebrities and fashionistas is wearing crappy old clothes to work out. So now the rest of us can. Finally, I can throw out my sweat-wicking tuxedo. This is one of those recession indicators, who they're like, it's fashionable that your clothes suck now. Yeah, exactly. All the hot people are doing it.

The look is called Jim Goblin. Jim Goblin. Come on, the gym goblin, we all know this, is not the person who dresses down for the gym. The gym goblin is the guy who is way too comfortable being naked in the locker room. I'm curious, do you guys think about what you wear to the gym, assuming you do go? I try to dress up. I have some fancy tank tops that I like to wear.

Do you really? I mean, I mean, mini mouse. I have a mini mouse one. I have a Teenish Mutinyinja Turtles. I have, yeah, I like a little flare. What do you think fancy means? Exactly. Are you going to like a toddler gym?

That's weird. No, it's very, it's fun. I had a little color to the chin. Here is your next limerick. Most people will choose crisp tattoos, but this new kind is just black and blues. The ink under your shirt suggests you've been hurt because it looks like a permanent

Bruise. Right. More and more people are getting tattoos resembling stylized bruises because, actually, we have no idea why they are doing that. It's pretty crazy to look at. These tattoos are inked in purple, green, and yellow to look exactly like halfway-heeled bruises. It's crazy, and if you're looking for a cheaper, less painful way to get in on the trend, I suggest riding an e-scooter after a couple of beers.

It sounds like someone screwed up a tattoo and was. was like, no, it's a new thing. Yeah. All right, here's your last limerick. A commute. We'll just quit, said a bunch, and our office is feeling the crunch. So our plan of attack give them food. They'll come back.

We're offering snacks and free lunch. Lunch. Yes, free lunch. More and more companies have hit upon the solution at long last to bring workers back to the office. Free lunch. It's a refreshing change from the tactic most companies had been using. Come into work or you're fired.

Isn't there a saying about free lunches and how there's no such thing as them? Apparently there now is, as long as you come into the office. Wow. I have found this to be true across all demographics and certainly with myself, the universal appeal of free food. I accepted this job because of free lunch. Yeah. Alzo, how did Sharon do in our quiz?

She did amazing. Three out of three. Sharon, congratulations. Sharon, congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for calling and playing. Thanks.

It's been great. Bye. Now it's time for our final game. Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds and which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can.

Each correct answer now worth two points. Alzo, can you give us the scores? Yes, indeed. Emmy and Joyle are locked in a tie at two with John Marco in the lead at three. Oh, my goodness. Okay, so that means that since Emmy and Joyel are tied for second, I'm just going to pick Joyell to go first arbitrarily. The clock will start where they begin your first question, fill in the blank.

On Tuesday, all the candidates endorsed by Miramandani won their primaries in blank. New York, maybe. Yes, on Monday. Iran denied White House claims that it had agreed to let blank monitors into the country. Baby monitors. No. Nuclear monitors. According to the New York Times, new evidence does suggest that blank will have.

hold a wedding ceremony at Madison Square Garden. Taylor Swift? Yes, on Wednesday, the chief of staffer Eric Adams, the former mayor of Blank, was arrested on corruption charges. New York, baby! Yes, after a truck overturned on the highway near Yellowstone, Park Rangers are warning visitors to be on the alert for Blank. Drunk drivers.

No, 250 million escaped bees. On Thursday, Rockstar Games announced that pre-orders were open for the latest game in the Grand Theft Blank series. Auto! Yes. This week, attends standoff between a SWAT team in Arizona and an armed suspect was interrupted by blank.

The Jim Goblin? No, not a Jim Goblin. By a delivery robot driving right through the middle of the scene. Swat team's out there, they've got their guns, the guy's inside, he's armed, and right in the middle of the standoff comes this delivery robot. Door dashed delivery robot, beep, beep, beep, beep. And they couldn't make it go away and they couldn't get rid of it. But it actually ended up helping.

It went up to the door and said, look, I'm on your side. here. If you let everybody out of the house unharmed, I can guarantee you a bag of lukewarm French fries. Also, how did Jol do in our quiz? She did all right. She got four right for eight more points, total of 10. She is now in the lead. All right. Emmy, that means you are up next. Here we go, fill in the blank. On Wednesday, two back-to-back earthquakes struck the northern coast of blank. Venezuela. Right. This week, the U.S. warned that AI is just months away from being able to launch powerful blank attacks. Toilet?

They're swarming us. No, cyber attacks. On Wednesday, Trump said he wanted the Justice Department to investigate if oil companies are artificially inflating blank prices. Gas. Right. This week, thanks to Space X's stock price, Elon Musk became the first ever blank.

Big stupid baby. The first ever person who had been a trillionaire to become an ex-trillionaire. According to sources, Apple will release a foldable blank this September. phone? Yes, foldable iPhone. This week, a Scottish man

who went to the doctor for vision problems discovered the reason he was having trouble seeing was because blank. He was wearing eye patches. No. He was having eye troubles

because he kept using a massage gun on his eyeballs. Oh, my God. Doctors were shocked when the man told them that he'd been regularly using the massage gun on his tired eyeballs once a week for at least three months.

That explained several of his symptoms, including his blurred vision, his persistent floaters in his vision, and the fact that his eyes are now set all the way to the back of his skull. That sounds painful. It really does. I'm just trying to imagine the guy going, yeah. I'm sure this is good for me.

Also, how did Emmy Blotnick do in our quiz? She got three right for six more points. Total of eight, Joyel is still in the lead. All right. So how many then does John Marco need to win on his debut on this show? Debut, John Marco. You only need four points. Brethren.

All right. Here we go. You ready to do this? Yeah. All right. So for the game. As extreme weather continues to hit Europe, France recorded its blankest day in history. Hottest.

Right. On Tuesday, AJ DeBanza was the number one pick in the blank. A FIFA thing. No. NBA draft. This week, President Trump said he intends to finish his border blank before the end of his term. Wall. Yes, according to a new study, 77% of Americans think that the blanks would be disappointed at how the country has

Turned out. Founding fathers. Yes. This week, J.P. Morgan Chase fired one of their executives after she was caught on camera, blanking during the New York Knicks victory parade. Stealing a trash can and pouring it all out on the street. That's exactly right. It was a Knicks-themed trash can, and she wanted it. On Wednesday, NASA's Perseverance Rover detected organic carbon on blank. Mars? Yes. On Tuesday, Meta released a new cheaper version of their AI blank.

A headset. VR headset. Oh, I'm going to give it to you glasses. Glass. This week, customers accused REI of using AI in an Instagram ad because the bicycle they posted there has blank. Six fingers. No. Fingers to begin with, I guess, in a bicycle would be weird.

No, this bicycle was pictured with handlebars at both ends. REI came in for some criticism when their ad for the EDRF bike had handlebars on the front, and instead of a seat, even more handlebars pointing the other way. Honestly, though, anyone criticizing the ad is kind of full of it. Oh, this looks so uncomfortable, unlike that paragon of comfort, a bike seat. Alzo. Did John Marco do well enough to win?

He kicked ass. Hey! He got six right for 12 more points, 15 total debut champion. He came, he saw. He conquered. Wow. Way to show up the vets, man. That was something.

In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what surprising thing authorities will find when they finally drain the reflecting pool. But first, let me tell you all. Wait, wait, don't tell me.

It's a production of NPR and W. BEZ Chicago, in association with urgent hair cup productions Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address to announcer is Paul Friedman. Our ops manager is to Sierra Vardak, thanks to the staff and crew

with the studio Baker Theater. BJ Leaderman composed our theme Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles, Miles, Dormbus, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Mohanad al-Shehi. Peter Gwynn is our lead singer. Emma Choy is our vibe curator, technical directions from Lorna White.

Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer, Wait Wait, Wait Don't Tell Me, is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will they find on the bottom of that reflecting pool? Emmy Blotnick.

The enormous sapphire and diamond necklace known as the heart of the ocean. Joe L. Nicole Johnson. Jimmy Hafa. And John Marco Sarezi. The real Melania Trump? If any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you to Alzo Slag. Thanks also to Jail Nicole Johnson, Emmy Blotnik. John Marco Seresi for a great debut. Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagle. We will see you next week. Is NPR.