Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Roger Bennett

Episode Date: July 3, 2021

Roger Bennett, co-creator of Men In Blazers and an impressive sports broadcaster, answers our three questions about bowling. He is joined by guest host Faith Salie and panelists Paula Poundstone, Cristela Alonzo, and Peter Grosz.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Watch out, I'm about to go Billistic. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, Phil again, for Peter Sagal, Faith Saley. Thank you, Bill. So, Peter Sagal is out this week pre-waxing for his 4th of July outfit. Gosh, that man is a smooth patriot. We have got a great show for you. Later on, we're going to be talking to America's most popular soccer broadcaster, Roger Bennett.

And in the spirit of what he loves, I will be doing the interview without using my hands. We don't care what body part you use to give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Well, hi, Faye. This is Stephanie Throckhound from Memphis, Tennessee.

Hey, Stephanie. It's nice to hear a little Southern accent. Yeah, there's a little in there. Tell me what you do in Memphis, Tennessee. So I'm the manager of education and marketing for the American Contract Bridge League, like the game, the card game. And what does your job entail? Are you trying to raise bridge awareness?

Yeah, that's the part of it. It's working. Oh, good. All right, Stephanie. Now we are going to introduce you to our panel officially. First up, a comedian and actor whose podcast is called To Be Continued, Cristela Alonso. Hi, what's up, Stephanie?

Hi, Cristela Alonso. Hi, what's up, Stephanie? Hi, Cristela. Next, an actor and comedian who will be co-hosting the new stand-up variety show We Fixed It at Littlefield in Brooklyn on July 14th. Tickets at littlefieldnyc.com. Peter Gross. Hello. Hey, Peter.

And a comedian you can see August 14th in Bayfield, Wisconsin at the Lake Superior Big Top Chautauqua and on September 17th in Atlanta, Peter. And a comedian you can see August 14th in Bayfield, Wisconsin at the Lake Superior Big Top Chautauqua. And on September 17th in Atlanta, Georgia at the Buckhead Theater, Paula Poundstone. Hey, Stephanie. Hey, Paula. Welcome to the show, Stephanie. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. Are you ready? I'm ready. All right. Here's your first quote. It brings back some pretty bad memories. I'll tell you that.

That was Michael Cohen talking to CNN about someone else getting indicted for his involvement with what? Oh, was it the CFO of Trump's organization? Absolutely right. Yes. On Thursday, the Trump organization and Donald Trump's top executive, Allen Weisselberg, were indicted on tax crimes. The Trump org was actually charged this time. I know it seemed like nothing could stop Trump before, but you know what? I'm just going to say it. I don't think he's going to be president too much longer. The Manhattan district attorney brought the charges after a three-year probe just in time to stop the insurrection against the U.S. Capitol anniversary party happening next January. Taxes is so boring, but it's how they get you.

Yep. Everybody gets gets screwed by like not wanting to give the government money. I was I was expecting like a sexier crime in a way, you know, kind of like. But then taxes. Yeah, but Christella, did you see this guy Weisselberg? You can't expect a sexier crime. I saw a news report that said in his 1965 senior yearbook, he said he wanted to be an accountant. I thought you were going to say he wanted to be indicted in 1965.

And so this is a dream come true for both of us. Christella, maybe this is sexy for you. Basically, the charges allege the Trump organization paid people with fringe benefits like luxury apartments and expensive private school tuition and didn't pay taxes on it. And Weisselberg allegedly avoided paying taxes on $1.7 million worth. The fact that they also kept records of how much they weren't paying to the government is just so insanely ridiculous to me. Yes, he had a ledger of like, don't forget to add that $50,000. I wonder if somebody got in trouble where they were like, hey, listen, this is the Trump organization. We write down what we are prodding people of, okay? So don't you go give that guy college tuition and not write it down. You are fired. You know, you know, Trump won't be charged because there's this New York state law where if you do all the crimes, you can't be punished for

any of them. Shoot the moon, baby. I know it's hearts. Wait, what is it? Shooting the moon bridge or is it hearts? Stephanie, Stephanie is shooting the moon bridge. Not that I know of. Not that I know of. Thank God you're here, Stephanie. I think it's hard. All right, Stephanie, your next quote is from someone commenting on a story in The New York Times this week. What moron came up with this? That was Mike in NYC talking about the ballot mishaps this week in what election?

Oh, the mayor's race in New York City. That's exactly right. The New York mayoral election. It was a thrilling week in the New York mayor's race. On Tuesday, the frontrunner Eric Adams saw his huge lead suddenly evaporate, plunging the election into uncertainty. Then they announced they'd accidentally counted 135,000 test ballots, plunging the election into stupidity. I couldn't understand the, I couldn't understand it. It was like a reality show. It was so much math when it shouldn't be math. This is like AP voting. Yeah. A lot of people are asking is ranked choice voting to blame? Okay. So for the first time, New Yorkers could pick their top five candidates. And if you're not familiar, the ranked choice voting system is based on this bold experiment based on the theory,

what if we never find out who won? No, you know what's going to happen? They're going to all have to come together like in the Avengers. Like all the candidates are going to have to be the mayor, maybe. rank your choices. So if you want this person first, put them first and all. And then they were like, don't rank the same person on two and don't put two people for the same number. That all makes sense. And then when they were like, after the first round, then the bottom person gets eliminated and then all their votes get distributed. Then the next person gets eliminated and all their, and I was like, this is legitimately confusing. Ranked voting basically turns an election into a trip to Baskin Robbins. You know, I'll have a scoop of Rocky Road.

Oh, sorry, we're out of Rocky Road. Oh, shoot. Okay. Then I guess I'll try some Andrew Yang. Can I get a taster of the comptroller candidates? All right, Stephanie, here is your last quote. Fried chicken, sushi, and carrot cake, preferably on the same plate. Fried chicken, sushi, and carrot cake, preferably on the same plate.

That was the Wall Street Journal writing about what you can get on the same plate now that the pandemic restrictions are finally being lifted on what? Buffets! There you go. Got it. Nice. Yes. Buffets are back, y'all. Pandemic restrictions on the human food troughs are finally being lifted. So the only thing between you and all-you-can-eat tater skins is good judgment.

Oh, it's been so hard during the pandemic to find a good place to get food that someone else has picked up and put back. Like, are they just generally back? Or there was like, was the mayor like cutting a ribbon somewhere? Like, please, buffets are back. You know, it was an announcement in the Wall Street Journal, which of course is the imprimatur anyone needs. But hours. Financially conservative buffets. Hours wait outside a golden corral in Chicago.

I am a big fan of buffets. Big fan. Humongous fan. I grew a big fan of buffets. Big fan. Humongous fan. I grew up in Texas. We have Luby's. Oh, I love Luby's. Luby's is always great. I think that to me,

like the golden corral, if you've never been, when they ring the bell, that means hot rolls are arriving and they're good. Come eat. And they have live steers that run through the restaurant.

There's one big change though, according to the Wall Street Journal, the beloved chocolate fountains will now be operated by professionals. It's heartbreaking that you won't be able to use the chocolate fountain, though Golden Corral assures guests they can still stick their mouths

directly under the soft serve machine. My favorite part in the summer is just opening up that chocolate hydrant and letting the kids dance in the street. Hey, Bill, how did Stephanie do? I bet she's hungry. Well, she did a perfect score. Built a bridge from zero to three.

Stephanie, good going. Congrats. Thank you. Stephanie, thank you for playing and I hope you get some sweet hands dealt to you. Yeah, me too. Bye-bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula, the Wall Street Journal reports that in addition to our country's independence, many Americans are planning to celebrate what on July 4th this year? Can you give me a hint, Faith? Yeah, we miss lots of stuff. And 4th of July is just one of the stuff we missed last year. So are they celebrating Christmas? Or like, are all the holidays, Halloween, and graduation, and weddings, and just everything all in one big chocolate fountain ceremony? Yes! Families are taking advantage of all being in the same place for July 4th by celebrating everything all at the same time

in one big super party. I, for one, cannot wait to blow out the Halloween candles on my bat mitzvah tree. You know, Americans just cannot wait for stuff. I mean, it's just so silly. It's one year. So you wait, so you do it next year. I've always thought that Christmas should be celebrated every other year anyways, just because, you know, it's a lot.

Auditioning for the part of the Grinch, Paula Poundstone, very interesting. You know, you're America's sweetheart on this show, Paula, and you're really making a play for the villain. I would rather have stronger emphasis, like have the Christmas to beat all Christmases this year. And the Halloween, like, you know, just do Halloween for like a week. So not just on the 30th, but every day, go to your neighbor's house and dressed up and ask for candy just every day. Who doesn't love the Thanksgiving slash Christmas moment when you get your stocking

full of gravy? What? It's pink gravy. It's a gender reveal party too. I'm sorry, but as a Catholic, I feel weird celebrating both the birth and death of Jesus on the same day. Coming up, find out who makes the city go round in our Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-88-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

Capitalism touches every part of our lives. Capitalism is a giant force that I don't understand. I feel that it's a very safe system. I'm constantly in fear of losing my job. It is our biggest success and our biggest failure. On this special series from Throughline, Capitalism. Listen now to the Throughline podcast from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Cristela Alonso, Paula Poundstone, and Peter Gross. And here again is your guest host, who's doing such a great job, we can't actually remember who our regular host is. Lace Bailey. Thanks, Bill. I never get tired of hearing you say my name. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Tyler. I'm calling from Cleveland, Ohio.

Hello, Tyler. What do you do in Cleveland? I am an artist and an arts teacher at an all-girls high school. Ooh. Ah. My daughter goes to an all-girls school, but she's not in high school. I was going to ask you,

do you see a lot of artwork that is basically unicorns? No. They're all crying all the time and stressed out all the time. So it's artwork around those things. Right, because they're teenagers. Yeah, maybe their therapy should be like crying unicorns. Their therapy should be they should be forced to just draw unicorns. Just chill out and draw a unicorn. Fair enough. Well, thank you for bringing your artistic

prowess to join us, Tyler. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell the truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? City employee, we salute you. City employee. It's not just another job Andrew Yang failed to get. This week, we read about something new in the world of city workers. Our panelists are going to tell you about it, Tyler. You pick the one who's telling you the truth and you'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. You ready to play?

Absolutely. Great. Let's go. First up, it's Peter Gross. The residents of Sarasota, Florida, were tired of hearing all the jokes and negative stereotypes about Florida Man. You know Florida Man. He's always getting into minor scrapes with the law, either because he was drunk or on meth or both, or he got caught breeding iguanas in the employee bathroom at a Waffle House and he told the police he thought they were just long turtles. So this week, image-conscious Sarasota Mayor Eric Anis said no more. He officially unveiled the newest city employee, Florida Dan.

Florida Dan is an exemplary citizen. He's gallant to the typical Florida man's goofus. He says things like, Florida man makes sure his alligator is properly tied up in his yard so he doesn't get loose and run through his neighbor's christening. Or better yet, he doesn't own an alligator at all. Mayor Annis held a rally with Florida Dan this week and made the crowd take the Florida Dan pledge where he repeated phrases like, I will not mix alcohol with pontoon boating. I will not use gasoline to start my barbecue indoors. If my parrot gets out of its cage, I will call animal control instead of getting on my grandmother's jazzy and chasing it across a golf course during the Kid Rock Invitational Pro-Am. All right. That was upstanding, Florida man. Florida Dan from Peter Gross.

Your next story of a change for city employees comes from Cristela Alonso. Suit up and lace up those skates. No, I'm not talking about hot girl summer. I'm talking about hot counterterrorism summer. In Karachi, Pakistan, a new elite counterterrorism unit is patrolling the streets in rollerblades. Some say it's just a PR stunt, especially because the city is full of potholes, which in this case would serve as the perfect counter counterterrorism. Also, it's not that great if all a terrorist needs to do to get away is just go uphill. But they do have advantages, said one roller soldier. Quote, we can even hold on to a car at 75 miles per hour. Another officer on wheels said it's a new concept for the public. When we started skating, we were excited, but also nervous about falling.

I think this is a perfect time to remind everyone they do carry loaded guns at all times. All right, that was counterterrorism on teeny tiny wheels from Cristela Alonso. Your last story of city employees employing something new comes from Paula Poundstone. The COVID-19 pandemic has brought about some innovations that may stay with us long after the threat of the virus has been quelled. French government innovations that may stay with us long after the threat of the virus has been quelled. French government agencies that deal closely with the public have not only switched the method of interaction to Zoom, but agency employees have been issued hand puppets whose use de-escalates the stress of the interactions. When they first gave me a silly

little hand puppet, I vowed I would not use it. But the French public was so much more difficult to deal with during the pandemic, and most citizens already hated the French tax authority, explains Marguerite Blanchet, a tax agent in the city of Grenoble. One time I told a man of his 84,443.50 euro debt to the French government, and he began to spit at me. We were on Zoom. Still, he was so angry. So I took out my little hand puppet and I said, Monsieur Francois does not like when you spit on your phone.

And the man became totally engaged with the puppet. Since that time, I use little Monsieur Francois every day. The French people, they love him. Isn't that right, little Monsieur Francois? See him nodding his head? He says oui. Merci, Paula and Monsieur Francois. All right, Tyler, you had Upstanding Florida Man from Peter Gross.

You had Roller Soldiers from Cristela Alonso. And Hand Puppets Delivering Bad News to French Citizens from Paula Poundstone. Which one is real, Tyler? As much as I wish it could be all three Florida Dan hand puppet on skates, I do believe that it's the Pakistan story from Chrisella. Okay. To find out the correct answer, we spoke to a reporter following the real story. Pakistani police are being issued rollerblades to help fight theft and harassment. It's kind of like a crossover between law enforcement and X Games. There you go. That was J.D. Simpkins,

a journalist for the Military Times, who wrote about the rollerblading police force in Karachi. Congratulations, Tyler. You've done it right. Thanks so much. You earned a point for Christella, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. And you ruined my life. Tyler, thank you so much for playing with us today, and have a wonderful student-free summer. Thanks, everybody. Take it easy. Bye, Tyler.

Au revoir. And now the game where notable people do something not so notable. It's called Not My Job. If you're a fan of soccer, chances are you know the voice of Roger Bennett. He's the co-creator of Men in Blazers, which started as a humble podcast before expanding into a broadcasting empire and making him one of the country's foremost authorities on the game. His new memoir is Reborn in the USA. Roger Bennett, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. It is an absolute joy to be with you, Faith. Thank you. Congratulations on your bouncing baby book.

It just came out. It's a human wonder to have it out in the world, to put out a love letter to America over July 4th weekend. I'm a gentleman, even though my accent doesn't sound like it. I love America more than Kenny Powers loves America, which is what the book's all about. So that's the thing. You're a liver puddlian. You are an inveterate soccer fanatic. And yet you move to America, where soccer is not as beloved as it's meant to be. Why did you make that move? I grew up in Liverpool, the most magnificent city in the world in the 1980s, which was a dark time.

The economy in the north of England, you've watched Billy Elliot, you've seen it. The mines shut down, the steel mills shut down. But everybody danced. It's true, but my arabesque was just not up to scratch. Really, what ballet was to Billy Elliot, America was to me. I inhaled every television show, movie, cassette tape record, and Chicago Bears victory that I could get my hands on. And I told myself I was an American trapped in an English boy's body. And then you're an American trapped in a young Liverpudlian body. And so you decide to, you dress for the part you want, right are going to for example dress like you're on

miami vice in order to go on a first date can you please share with us what you wore oh god bless you watch miami vice from liverpool and you're like holy crap tail that color's not even been invented in my country yet and you are are just shocked. Every English television show was about working class misery. They said to the English people, you think your life is bad? Watch their lives. They're bloody terrible. So shut up. And in came these American shows. Miami Vice was not so much about two guys saving the world from narco kingpins. It was really a primer in how to be in this world. And how to be in this world was to take on all comers while dressed in pastels, which works in Miami and tropical

climes. But in the Liverpool winter, I've got to say every bus that drove past me splashed puddles on my linen. I could never get those stains out. But I tried, I tried, I tried. Your mother actually got you, God bless her, got you linen pants to wear in the winter. You saved your money for red espadrilles got you linen pants to wear in the winter. You saved your money for red espadrilles that you bought at a woman's shoe store. And then you take your bar mitzvah blazer and you take your mom's shoulder pads and put them in for this date. Yeah. I wish people were watching this Zoom in real life rather than just listen to it. Because I'll say I'm still wearing the exact same outfit now as I speak to you.

So those aren't really your shoulders? I was thinking you had really big shoulders, so you don't. Every day is leg day for Roger Bennett. So you have this love affair with American sports. And this is in the day when you couldn't get scores for your beloved Bears. The pre-internet days. Yeah. Can you tell us how you managed to get almost live updates from people in Chicago for the Bears?

My family, I should have said, three generations before me, they left Ukraine to be butchers. They wanted to go to Chicago, the hog capital of the world. And the myth of the Liverpool Jewish community is they saw the one tall building on the Liverpool skyline when the boat began to dock and refuel. And they're like, we're in New York, we're getting off. So we ended up in Liverpool. We weren't meant to be there. My grandfather, his whole life, when things were dark, was like, we should be in Chicago. We shouldn't be here. And so when I started watching the NFL, the Chicago Bears were my everything, but there be in Chicago. We shouldn't be here. And so when I started watching the NFL, the Chicago Bears were my everything, but there was no internet. And the only games on television were from a week before they played the games from a whole seven days before. So when they were

playing, I had a great friend, Jamie Glassman, still my best friend to this day. We'd go to his bedroom. His parents trusted him with a phone mine didn't and we would dial random 312 numbers long distance in chicago and people people people would answer and they'd be like hello and we'd be like how's the bears game going and they'd be like oh wallopanians just swept right for eight yards it's second down and two oh jim mcmahon's dropped back in the pocket and we'd just be like like, okay, keep commentating, keep commentating. So you fall in love with American football, but you manage to bring your deep love of, you know, European football,

we're going to call it soccer, with you. And now I just have to ask you, on behalf of a lot of America, sell us on soccer, please. The World's Game. It's hilarious. It's right now we're in the middle of a tournament called the Euros. Oh, yes. And when two teams take the field in the Euros, their nation's history take the field alongside them. And let's just say, especially when Germany are playing, there's a lot of history. It is genuinely, in every regard, the greatest human theater. I love American sports. I love when the Dodgers are winning. But when the Dodgers are

winning, the Dodgers are just winning. When Hungary, who are backed by an autocrat who wants to be a dictator, Viktor Orban are winning, and he's surrounded by 50,000 Hungarian fascists in black shirts, the stakes are a little bit higher. I didn't hear the word cheerleaders at all. You're right. You know, everybody's flawed. There's always room for improvement in all of us. Well, Roger, it's a pleasure to have you on this show and in America.

But we've actually invited you to play a game we're calling... Bowling. Yeah, that's right. That's right, Roger. Bill Curtis, American hero. Your knowledge of sports is vast and impressive, but let's see how deep it goes. We're going to ask you three questions about bowling, the only sport where hot wings are considered a performance-enhancing drug. And if you get two right, you will win a prize for one of our listeners,

the voice of anyone they choose on their voicemail. Bill, whom is Roger Bennett playing for? Ed Lynch of Portland, Oregon. All right. Here's your first question. Bowling is one of the oldest sports in the world, with its roots going back to the 4th century A.D. in Germany. What was the original purpose of bowling? A. It was a military strategy where they'd roll a giant ball at enemy soldiers to knock them down. B. It was a religious ceremony where if you

knock down pins, you were cleansed from your sins. C, trick question, bowling has never had a purpose. The clue in the question is Germany, right? Yeah, that's right. So it can only be A, it can only be just absolutely about obliteration of an enemy. Okay, so when you hear Germany, you just think military.iteration of an enemy. Okay. So you, when you hear Germany, you just think military. You don't, you don't think religion. I'm just taking a nuanced bet for Ed Lynch. Let's do it, Ed Lynch. All right. I'm sorry. It was B. It was a religious ceremony in Germany. Drink some brews, get absolved. It was a good time. All right. Here's your next question. Bowling isn't without controversy

in 2008 a seven-year-old in canada was stripped of his youth bowling title after a judge determined what a that his charcoal gray pants weren't sufficiently black to meet the dress code b that his preferred bowling stance the the wounded grandma, was illegal. C, that he was actually a 45-year-old man walking around on his knees. I'm going to go A, the Grey Pants. And you are correct. Oh my God. It is A. Can you believe it?

The kid's dad claims it was a conspiracy hatched by the judge so his hometown team would win. Here is your last question, Roger. All right, if you get this one, you win it for our friend Ed. No pressure. For a while, virtual bowling on the Nintendo Wii was almost as popular as a real thing. In fact, it was so popular, it even caught on with whom?

A, Queen Elizabeth II, whom the British press described as a natural at the game. B, the Amish, who made an exception to their restriction on electricity, which they called Wee Springer. C, drug kingpin El Chapo, who described it as, quote, almost as much fun as cocaine. For Ed Lynch, for the first time in a long time, I am going to say Queen Elizabeth. Yes, you took it for the team. Yes, answer is A. She was, in fact, amused. Bill, what is the score? Two out of three. He is a big, big winner. Good for you, Roger. Roger Bennett is a sportscaster and one of the creators of Men in Blazers. His new memoir,

Reborn in the USA, is out now. Roger Bennett, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me and happy Fourth of July, my friend. Thank you so bloody much. You're all amazing. Health and happiness. Enjoy. That was so fun. Take care. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. In just a minute, it's something borrowed, something blue. Cheese in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. from NPR. From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Peter Gross, Paula Poundstone, and Cristela Alonso.

And here again is your guest host, who Peter Sagal might want to note brought cookies for everyone. It's safe sailing. Nut free. Thank you, Bill. Enjoy, y'all. In just a minute, Bill gets some rhyme-medial education in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, time for you to answer some more questions about the week's news. Peter, the new Fast and Furious movie, Fast 9 or F9, is a huge hit. It broke the post-pandemic box office record. And the New York Times film critic really only had one complaint. What was it? That he was made to watch it. It was only one complaint and I didn't

want to see this. I'll give you a hint. You want a hint? Yeah, give me a hint. Helen Mirren and Vin Diesel sitting in a tree. His complaint was that they're dating in it or he wanted to see them go out? Yes, Peter, you're right. He wanted Helen Mirren and Vin Diesel to kiss. Dame Helen Mirren and Dame Vin Diesel, both star in the new movie, prompting New York Times- Sir Din Vin Diesel, excuse me.

Prompting New York Times film critic Kyle Buchanan to demand, quote, they must kiss. He even asked Mirren about it. Her response was, quote, yes. Have y'all seen any of these movies in this franchise? I was a big fan of the first, like, two, three ones. And then I don't understand why we saw, like, how can we keep driving? Are they lost?

Is that why they keep driving? No, they're running errands like i think that's what f9 is about i think they're just running errands right now it's like one of them they're just gonna be like uber drivers yes um you know what i especially don't like about the fast and furious movies is that they don't use their blinkers that makes you furious yeah it does i often drive with my blinker on for quite a while. And then when I realize it's on, I sort of overreact and I push the stick up too far and then it makes the other blinker go on. And then I put it back on the other side.

And so basically it's like left blinker, right blinker, left blinker, right blinker. And that is a signal. What it says is don't drive near me. left blinker, right blinker, and that is a signal. What it says is, don't drive near me. Paula, a new study in the Journal of Career Assessment looked at kids' dream jobs and concluded that we should be telling our kids not to do what? Give me a hint. Maybe, you know, live practically. Oh, that they're not going to be rich. They're not going to be singers. Right.

Not follow their dreams. According to a new study, most kids aspire to jobs that are incredibly difficult to obtain. So parents should be teaching their children to consider multiple options to, quote, shoot for the moon, but have a backup plan so they can land in the stars. But not by being an astronaut, because almost no one becomes an astronaut. Right. All the responsibility to lower expectations shouldn't just be carried by parents, right? We need a Disney song that's like, I want to work in retail much longer than expected. Late night shift at Denny's, Late night shift at Denny's.

Late night shift at Denny's, which I worked. Yeah, but in the song, they're like onstage singing. And in their head, they're like, I want to work at Denny's. I don't know about you, Peter. I know you have a kid. Every night I read to my kids that great book, Oh, the Ubers You'll Drive. And Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Every Day. Green eggs and ham.

Why don't we eat them anyway? It's all about life. It's all about lifestyle. Get the best out of life. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out information about our upcoming shows in the real world, in real theaters, with real audiences. That means you. Join us August 5th at the Mann Center in Philadelphia and August 26th at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts. Find out more at waitwait.npr.org. Hi, you're on Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Jen from Minneapolis. Jen, you say Minneapolis. Does anybody ever say Twin Cities? Does anybody ever say I'm from the Twin Cities? Well, yeah. So I had this whole conversation with my family today about do I say I'm from Minneapolis for St. Paul for the Twin Cities? Oh, we technically live in St. Paul, but we decided to say Minneapolis. And I can't St. Paul, but we decided to stay Minneapolis.

And I can't tell you why, but it was a family boat, so I had to go with it. Really? That's funny. But I'm also going to get hate mail tomorrow, so it's fine. I mean, it's totally fine. I don't think it's just going to come in the mail. Well, welcome to the show, Jen. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. And if you can't pull it off, you're still special just the way you are.

Thank you. Here's your first limerick. No traffic jams here in the sky. And no crosswalks for birds passing by. The Jetsons inspired these cars without tires. At last, there's a car that can... Fly! Yes! The future is here!

A flying car has completed a 35-minute flight between two airports in Slovakia. A car has completed a 35-minute flight between two airports in Slovakia. The driver, or pilot, described the experience as very pleasant. Local birds described it as a shocking display of cultural appropriation. Wait a minute. Was it a plane? Or was it a car? Well, how do we know it's a car?

Like, if something flies, it's a car. Like, if something flies, it's a plane. Look, the car has wings that fold in when it's on the road and special windshield wipers to get the geese off. And they're a great way to use more gasoline to transport fewer people more dangerously. Jen, here is your next limerick. My diets have all grown too stagnant. When food's around, I'm always snagging it. I am wiring my jaw to obey Gauss's law. My teeth are kept shut by a... Magnet? Yes.

Well done, Jen. The Dental Slim Diet Control is a metal weight loss device that magnetically locks a patient's upper and lower teeth so they can only open up about two millimeters, or as they call it, two millimeters. According to researchers, it does not restrict speech or breathing, but that's good, but encourages weight loss by restricting you to a liquid diet. Perfect. Milkshakes are liquid. That is cruel. Isn't it just draconian?

Yeah. I mean, if you could do it to other people, it would be worth it. Yeah. If you could have a remote control one. Yeah, it's like, boom. Slap it on someone else. All right, Jen. Here's your last limerick.

In Wisconsin, we brides aim to please. So our wedding treats melt with much ease. When we have the right monger, our marriage lasts longer. With cakes that are stacked wheels of cheese. Cheese. The latest wedding trend from Wisconsin. Replacing that beautiful tiered wedding cake with a tiered stack of wheels of cheese. To be clear, this is not cheesecake. It's cheese instead of cake. Okay, you get a wheel of cheese, put a smaller wheel of cheese on top, a smaller wheel of cheese on top of that, and so on. And you have a decoration that looks like a wedding cake.

For a real authentic look, you know, cover it in buttercream frosting and have a drunk uncle crash into it way too early in the night. That does sound like a Wisconsin wedding. Bill, how did Jen fondue? What a winner she is. Knocking three in a row. Congratulations, Jen. Thank you. That was so fun. You fun did it. Jen, thank you for playing. Thanks, you too. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you update us on the scores? I can.

Paula has two. Peter has two. Christella, wait for it, has four. Yes, yes, yes. All right. You know what? I just flipped a coin in my brain. And Paula, would you like to go first?

Yeah, sure. You and Peter are tied for second place. You're going to go first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. The clock will start, Faith, when I say start the clock. She never treats Peter Sagal this way. This is real. You are not the boss of me.

Oh, my God. On Wednesday, the House voted to approve a select committee to investigate the attack on the? On the Capitol on January 6th. Right. Following U.S.-led airstrikes in Syria and Iraq, militias backed by blank have vowed to respond. Iran. Right. This week, the blank that's been hammering the West Coast began moving inland.

The heat dome. Right. After seven years, Meghan McCain announced she was leaving the... View. Right. This week, a wanted fugitive in Mexico was arrested after he decided to give police a fake name and chose blank. One of the cops' names? No, the name of another wanted fugitive.

Oh. On Tuesday, a leg injury forced tennis legend Blank to drop out of Wimbledon. Serena Williams? Right. This week, a woman in Moscow didn't suffer any injuries when the trust fall she was doing with her boyfriend went wrong and she blanked.

And she fell a thousand feet off the Russian Grand Canyon. No, fell forward into a stream. In a video of the incident, you can see the woman standing with her arms out, ready to be caught by her boyfriend waiting behind her. Unfortunately, instead of falling backwards, she leaned forward and tipped right into a stream. So the trust fall didn't so much go wrong as go opposite. Bill, how did Paula do? Very well. She had five right, 10 more points. She now has 12 and the lead. Okay, Peter, you are up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the Supreme Court left the CDC's moratorium on blanks in place. Evictions.

Right. State Department officials announced Wednesday that U.S.-issued blanks will now offer a third gender option. Oh, the passports. Right. Fearing further collapse, rescue operations for the condo in blank were suspended this week. Miami. Right. In a dissent, Justice Kagan called the Supreme Court's decision to uphold Arizona's restrictive blank laws, quote, tragic. Voting laws. Right. This week, a man in New Jersey parallel parking his car accidentally drove onto the curb and into blank. Into the arms of his soulmate.

No, into the front of a driving school. On Tuesday, former Defense Secretary Blank died at the age of 88. Donald Rumsfeld. Right. This week, a driver in Iowa blamed her GPS when she accidentally blanked. Drove into the arms of her soulmate. Drove into a construction site and sank in a pile of wet cement. The woman explained to police that

she thought her GPS knew what it was doing and that's why she drove through several warning signs, a handful of barricades, and all those construction workers screaming at her to turn around as they bounced off her windshield. Is she the one that did the trust fall forward? Bill, how did Peter do? Peter had five right for 10 more points. He now has 12, and that means he is tied with Paula for the lead. Well you, Bill. How many does Christella need to win? Well, she needs four to tie, so she needs five to win. All right, Christella.

Let's see how you do. Ready? This is for the game. Fill in the blank. According to a new report, Pfizer and Moderna's blanks will likely provide years of immunity. Vaccines! Right.

This week, the House passed a bill seeking to remove all blank statues from the Capitol. Confederate. Right. On Thursday, a judge denied Blank's request to remove her father as her financial conservator. Britney Spears, free Britney. Right. After it went missing for almost a full day, a family found their lost dog when it blanked. Rang the doorbell. Yes, showed up on their porch in the middle of the night and rang the doorbell. After two years in prison, the Pennsylvania Supreme Court overturned disgraced comedian Blank's conviction. Bill Cosby. Right.

This week, police in Pennsylvania were called to a Home Depot to remove a group of people blanking in the lumber aisle. Um, fighting? to a Home Depot to remove a group of people blanking in the lumber aisle. Fighting? No, performing an exorcism on the wood. According to the police, it was the middle of the afternoon when a group of people wandered into the Home Depot and started exorcising the wood. And you know how it is at Home Depot. The demon left the wood and immediately looked for someone to possess, but it could not find a single damn person who worked there. Bill, did Christella do well enough to win?

I think she might have. Did she ever. Five right, ten more points. That means with 14, she's the champion this week. Congratulations, Christella. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists, now that New York tried ranked choice voting, what'll be the next trend in elections? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks.

Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our social media superstar is Emma Choi. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas and Adam Burke. Our TrustFall coordinator is Peter Gwynn.

Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what'll be the next trend in elections? Christella Alonzo? Obstacle courses.

You need to know the candidates, how long it takes to go like Midtown during rush hour. I want challenges. I want subways. I want bus routes. Peter Gross. Buffet choice voting. We throw all the candidates in a giant chopper fountain and the one who survives wins. And Paula Poundstone.

Before the primary, the candidate runs in a weight class. So in the primary, you have narrowed it down to one Democrat and one Republican in each category. Featherweight, lightweight, middleweight, heavyweight. Then everyone puts the name of their favorite candidate in a big bowl. Then we empty the bowl, fill it with water, and Randy Credico's dog drinks from it. the bowl, fill it with water, and Randy Credico's dog drinks from it. Then, when the dog pees, we decide which candidate

the shape of the pee looks the most. Like, then we just ask Sidney Powell who she wants. Got it. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill

Curtis. Thanks also to Christella Alonzo, Peter Gross, and Paula Poundstone. And thanks to all of you for listening. And we'll see you next week. Peter, we love you. This is NPR.