Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Sam Sifton

Episode Date: March 20, 2021

New York Times Cooking creator and editor Sam Sifton joins panelists Amy Dickinson, Mo Rocca, and Negin Farsad. He plays our Not My Job game about vending machines.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey there, foodies. Try tipping 20% on this bill. Bill Curtis. And here he is, a man who wants to know how many roads he needs to walk down before we call him a host. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. And thanks once again to the fake audience. You are the fake wind beneath my wings. If you're like me, first, I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was contagious. Second, you've been cooking a lot more than you used to, and that means you might have used the New York Times cooking site, which is a wonderful place where people from all over the world come together to yell at each other about garlic. Later on, we're going to be talking to Sam Sifton, who created the site, but first,

get into our kitchen. You can stand the heat. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. It's now time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Megan Hall from Tallahassee, Florida. Hey, Megan, how are things in Tallahassee? They're hot. It's just March, but we're already in shorts. I'm going to tell you, we've been reading so many crazy things about Florida. It seems like things are nuts there, just with people running around and ignoring COVID and then people selling vaccines to the highest bidder and Florida men tattooing their crimes on their faces. Is it, in fact, the apocalypse down in Florida every day? It's all true. Yeah.

Don't come down here. It's all true. Yes. Stay away. Well, Megan, we're glad you're joining us. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, she's host of the podcast Fake the Nation and the voice of the mind-taker on the upcoming adult swim show Bird Girl, premiering April 4th.

It's Nagin Farsad. Hello. Next, she's the author of the syndicated advice column Ask Amy. Her weekly Asking Amy newsletter is now available on Substack. Amy Dickinson. Hey, Megan. And finally, a correspondent for CBS Sunday Morning and author

of the New York Times bestselling Mobituaries, Great Lives Worth Reliving. It's Mo Rocca. Hi, Megan. I love your dome. Hi, guys. Do we need to explain what the dome is? It's the Capitol. Tallahassee's the Capitol. Of course, and they have a Capitol dome.

Yes, that makes good sense. Megan, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? I'm ready.

All right. Your first quote comes from Forbes magazine. Soothe your soul. Stage a concert. Pay your estimated taxes. Those are three suggestions about ways that you can spend your new what? Stimulus. Yes, your stimulus check. People are already starting to receive their $1,400 stimulus checks, which is amazingly efficient. It was slow going at first. President Biden insisted on signing the checks himself, but he kept writing 1963 in the dateline. But no, it's a free money festival. Americans are going nuts and they're like, let's log on to Amazon. They're buying extravagant luxuries like half a month's rent and food.

But in the $1.9 trillion, I mean, invariably, there's going to be some pork. There's going to be some outlandish expenditures, right? Things that will raise eyebrows. And I know this sounds kind of crazy, but I was watching The Umbrellas of Cherbourg on Turner Classic Movies. That sung-through French musical with Catherine Deneuve where everything is in bright colors. No, everybody who listens to our show knows The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. Please. Proceed. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. No. Everybody who listens to our show knows the umbrellas of Schubert. Please proceed. And I was sitting there and I thought if in the stimulus package there was money to make an entire American city that colorful, to just repaint it in all those colors, I would go for that. Really? Just a whole new palette.

I would be okay with that. Why not? If you're just going to blow money, because some of this money is just going to be blown, do it on something just fabulous like that. If you're going to blow money, spend it on actual blow. There you go. Now, what's one of the things that's going on, I don't know if you guys have noticed this, but with the passage of the bill and the rising rate of vaccinations, people are already acting as if the pandemic is over. Spring breakers are partying all night in Miami as if COVID is no worse than the diseases they've been giving each other for years. My first thought is, gosh, you guys, I really miss gonorrhea.

You know what I mean? I remember the days of just like, guys, I really miss gonorrhea. You know what I mean? I remember the days of just like, oh, it's just gonorrhea. You know? Hey, everybody, let's clap for the clap. All right, moving on. Megan, your next quote is about an embattled governor. It may seem like everybody wants him to step down, but he does have one strong supporter left. He's my son, and I don't like what he's going through. That was the only supporter of this guy we could find. What governor's mom was that?

Cuomo. Andrew Cuomo, yes, of New York State. The calls for the impeachment or resignation of New York Governor Andrew Cuomo are getting louder every day. Republicans, Democrats, everybody wants the guy gone. Mr. Governor, you cannot succeed by perennially annoying everyone who knows you. You're not a podcaster. His only hope is that people will forget which thing they're angry at him for. Is it the nursing home thing, bungling the coronavirus response, the sexual harassment? He's a triple threat. Seriously, though, he is a predator. Stay away. He just does not have friends. He was not good at the friend-making thing. No, it is really true that we went and we looked for someone who was defending him,

and the only person we could find was his own mother. Yeah, like, why didn't he learn that thing of, like, if you're nice to people, and later on— Be nice to the people you invite into your office under completely false circumstances on the way up because they won't press charges on the way down. I love how we went from in this pandemic to everyone being like, oh my God, I'm a Cuomo sexual to like, oh no, Cuomo is too sexual.

Yeah, it's really true. It turns out he was sure for Cuomo sexual harassment. Yeah. Now, did you guys see that photo that went around of him apparently on the grounds of the governor's mansion? And he's got this blanket over his shoulders and he's talking to a phone and he's carrying a bottle. He's drinking something. Some people thought it was liquor, but others say, no, it was a bottle of Saratoga Springs water because even in disgrace, he is still promoting New York products. That's the spirit, Governor. Make sure you end up in a genuine New York state prison. Remember how we used to laugh at Chris Christie? Like, oh, New Jersey. What we wouldn't give. Now, New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio

has called for Cuomo to step down, which of course means Cuomo support just went up 30% statewide. It's just a reminder that Bill de Blasio still sucks. All right, Megan, here is your third quote. What if we could let people express themselves without regret? Now, that was an entrepreneur talking about their new product, something that only lasts one year. What is it? Oh, I don't. Usually these things are permanent.

A tattoo? Yes, a tattoo. Very good. Wow. Now, do you want to get a tattoo that you're not entirely certain? Well, say hello to the new ephemeral tattoo, which after a year vanishes without a trace. Because sure, you'll love your mom now, but that could change. This is a great opportunity for anyone who's ever wanted to lease a Celtic knot.

And it gives you a whole year to find out if that Chinese character really does mean tranquility. On the other hand, how will you remember when you were old that you used to be dumb? But you know what? I might actually be tempted to get a tattoo if I knew it would fade. Well, that's the thing. I mean, I'm one of those people. I'll get a tattoo someday. Never have done it.

I'm too, I don't know, squeamish or nervous or I'm afraid of offending my parents, even in middle age. But this is always like, oh, I can get a tattoo. See if I like it. You know, see what it feels like walking around with it. See when it fades. even even in middle age but this is always like oh i can get a tattoo see if i like it you know see what it feels like walking around with it see when this is your chance to get that teardrop you've always been one get the temporary teardrop tattoo when you just wounded him but he recovers by the way this really does defeat the point of tattoos which is to remember the summer you loved the red hot chili peppers for the rest of life. My mind went more sinister where it was like,

oh, you know, that time where you flirted with Nazism and then had to turn it into a flower. Bill, how did Megan do in our quiz? She did great. She got three right. Good going. Congratulations, Megan. Thank you, guys.

I hope you stay cool during the long Florida summer, and thank you so much for playing. Thanks, I had a blast. Bye-bye, guys. I hope you stay cool during the long Florida summer. And thank you so much for playing. Thanks. I had a blast. Bye-bye, Megan. Okay, panelists, some questions for you from the week's news. Amy, good news. As restrictions lift in New York State, weddings are now allowed. So you can let your hair down.

You can enjoy a reception. As long as everyone stays in their own six-foot-by-six-foot area specially designated for what? Six-foot-by-six-foot? The chicken dance? Well, dancing. Yes, dancing is the answer. New York State has lifted its restrictions on weddings. So now the only thing to stop you from getting married is that feeling that there must be somebody else out there.

But there are rules. You know, I'm a Methodist, so we have that anyway. So, yeah, just more of the same. So every wedding will be like an orthodox wedding exactly no touching no touching there are rules and like i said uh guests will be assigned their own 36 square foot dance zone that they have to stay in what does remote grinding even look like and the enforcement of this is going to be really difficult like i'm sorry i'm sorry this area is not zoned for the horror right how do you get boy that chair chair dance exactly what are you going to be really difficult like i'm sorry i'm sorry this area is not zoned for the horror right

how do you get boy that chair chair dance exactly what are you going to do at jewish weddings where you're supposed to haul them up in a chair now there are other restrictions for your new york state wedding you can have a maximum 150 guests oh sorry cousin jerry you were 151 and there's one weirdly specific rule nobody at a new york State wedding can take a damning photo of the governor getting handsy. Not that good in there. Also, and this is true, there must be a 12-foot distance between any wind instruments. Well, think about it. A trumpet is basically a COVID bazooka.

And also the father-daughter dance will also be prohibited, but just because it's weird. Yeah, that's so awkward. It really is. That's the worst, yeah. Is it really that awkward? It's not as awkward as the rite of pre-monocty. That's true. But hold on a second. A socially distanced pre-monocty is just affectionate. It really is. It's just a kind wave from the feudal lord to the virgin wife on the night of the wedding. I'm so glad that NPR is bringing back Latin. Coming up, make yourself at home in our Bluff the Listener game,

call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Listener Game, call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. On NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast, we talk about what we're watching, listening to, or just trying to figure out. Like what concert films you should watch if you miss live music. And great books to read, alone or in your book club. All of that in around 20 minutes every weekday. Listen now to the Pop Culture Happy Hour podcast from NPR.

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with McGeehan Farsad, Mo Rocca, and Amy Dickinson. And here again is your host, a man who just discovered there's a smaller Peter inside of him, and then there's an even smaller Peter inside of that Peter, and an even smaller Peter inside of that Peter. Peter Segel. Thanks, Bill. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game.

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Kara Dunn, and I'm calling from a quiet corner of Morrisville, Vermont, referred to as Mud City. Mud City? So Morrisville, Vermont, a quiet corner of Morrisville, Vermont. I'm assuming that the rest of Morrisville is happening all the time. Spring break. It's spring break. Why is the section of Morrisville, Vermont that you're in called Mud City?

Well, I feel like it might be pretty obvious, but it is a muddy little corner that is predominantly a dairy farm area. So it's just very, very muddy. Wow. So the mud is more like poop-based, like from cows? Absolutely. It's nice and super sticky. All right. Ooh. Well, welcome to the show, Kara. You're going to play our game on which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Kara's topic?

Home, sweet home. More like home, sweeter home. Since we've all been stuck inside, home decorating and renovation is more popular than ever before. We're basically doing to our homes what we wish we could do to our bodies. Our panelists are going to tell you about three new trends in home design. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win our prize. You ready to play? I am super ready. Super ready. Great. Here we go. Let's start with Mo Rocca. The coronavirus is no flu, as we've all learned. But a chimney flu, it turns out, has lately become a great way to earn money. Quote, when someone from the Pentagon called and said they wanted to use my chimney as a missile silo, I was surprised, says Vandy Walker of Bronxville, New York.

Yes, to cut costs, the military is renting out residential chimney flues to use as missile silos. Quote, we live in a two-story colonial, so we could only accommodate a short-range cruise. But no warhead for us, thank you very much. We don't need that kind of heat. For this initiative, the military has partnered with Zillow. That's how they found Anne and J.B. Boris of Denver, Colorado, and a home for one of those hard-to-place ICBMs. We have a spacious home, but I really didn't think we could handle anything larger than a tomahawk, says Anne. So when they actually suggested a laser-guided, nuclear-tipped AGM Hellfire, well, let's just say I went ballistic. But then JB reminded me

that we'd just had our flu lined with high-density tungsten. So what's the worst that can happen? People renovating their chimneys into missile silos. Your next story of a home makeover comes from Amy Dickinson. Hollywood was abuzz this week when George Lucas's famed visual effects company, Industrial Light and Magic, announced that the studio was about to launch their latest project. Would it be a new Jurassic Park movie? No. The legendary company announced that they were moving into the construction business, creating structures that they are calling Zoom Rooms. A Zoom Room is a prefabricated six by eight foot pod. The company promises that what makes this more than just a fancy garden shed is the software. The entire structure is a screen. During virtual gym class, the kids can be chased by dinosaurs

from Jurassic Park. Mom can hang out in the snake pit from Indiana Jones. Or Grandma could put herself behind Michael Corleone's desk while she's Zooming with her book club. Unfortunately, early versions of the software revealed some virtual reality crossover. A prototype temporarily terrorized a San Francisco family with a ferocious grizzly bear from the movie The Revenant. Zoom bombed and appeared to attack Baby Yoda during a young student's online English class. A spokesperson for the company said that was more confusing than a Zack Snyder supercut. We promise it won't happen again. Zoom rooms with technical capacity to make your Zoom meetings even more exciting than they already

are. And your last story of the hottest new home trend comes from Nagin Farsad. If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. Bathrooms have too many walls. That's why home design enthusiasts will be pleased to learn about the newest trend in powder room design, open concept bathrooms. That's right. If you've ever been sitting on a toilet and wishing you could better see the breakfast nook or sitting on a toilet and wishing you could operate the TV's remote control or sitting on a toilet wishing you could have a conversation with mother in the kitchen, this bathroom is for you. Robert Nichols of the Boston Trust Realty Group says it could work if folks can live freely and enjoy it to its full potential. And by full potential, he means smelling up the entire house on those special trips to the commode. It may surprise some that this writer's experienced her fair share of open concept bathrooms, by which I mean one I experienced one in a hotel room. It was my first trip to the

tropics with my boyfriend at the time. And let's just say that relationship didn't last after that weekend, because if you can't openly evacuate yourself with a boyfriend you've had for only five weeks, then David Goldberg was not meant to be. All right. One of these three things is the happening thing in home design. Is it from Mo Rocca chimneys being converted with the help of the U.S. military into missile silos? From Amy, people installing high-tech Zoom rooms so that they can have Zoom meetings while in many popular movies? Or from Nagin, the open concept bathroom. Which of these is a real trend in home design? Well, I am disgusted by the open concept bathroom one. So I really hope that's not true. I think Amy's story about the Zoom room is the true story.

All right, you're going to choose Amy's story of Lucasfilm creating Zoom rooms that people can install in their homes. Yeah. Well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to someone who knows all about it. There was no wall separating the bathroom from the bedroom. So this was what's known as an open concept bathroom. That was Spencer Buell, the reporter for Boston Magazine, who let us all know about the new trend toward, yes, open concept bathrooms. You picked Amy's story, which wins a prize. But in the meantime, you can comfort yourself to know that you don't have an open concept bathroom at home.

That's right. Kyra, thank you so much for playing and take care. Yes. Thank you guys very much. Thank you. Come on, come on, come on and open up the door. All you gotta do is to step right through. It's what you've come here for. the past year, I've considered just eating another frozen Hot Pocket, but then I say no, and I open up the New York Times cooking app, and I read about amazing, delicious, easy-to-make recipes while I eat my Hot Pocket. Sam Sifton is the creator and editor of New York Times Cooking. He has a new cookbook out called No Recipe Recipe. Sam Sifton, welcome to Wait,

Wait, Can't Tell Me. Thank you for having me. It's a pleasure. Great to be here. One of the things that I was interested to find out is that you did not start with the New York Times or really in journalism as a food guy. You were like a news guy, right? Well, I've done one of the great things about being a journalist is it's a good job for people who have limited attention spans and issues with authority. Right. It's great to be able to go in and do lots of different things. I've worked on the food desk. I ran the culture desk. I ran the national desk. I was the restaurant critic. And now I'm hawking recipes.

Wow. Just to go back to something, you were the restaurant critic for the New York Times. Isn't that like an incredibly feared position where everybody was terrified of you coming into their restaurant without their knowledge and destroying them? I certainly was trying to get into their restaurants without their knowledge. As you know, Peter, there are a lot of bald white guys in the world. So it was a challenge sometimes to go unrecognized, but I gave it a shot. A little misdirection here or there, a little indirection works every time. And I say this because in addition to being a fan of New York Times cooking, I love your newsletters. You send out an email just about every week saying this is what you should cook this week.

But it's always so kind and always so like, oh, you know, you don't have to make anything fancy. You don't seem, what I'm trying to say, like the kind of guy who would be ready to go in and savage a restaurant. Did you ever have to do that? Sure, you have to do it. And this is where visiting three or more times comes in handy because we don't savage a restaurant just on a whim. It's really bad. And I've spent hours and hours of time in the restaurant eating the bad food or experiencing the bad service or the combination of bad food, bad service, terrible decor. So you can kind of muster some energy and almost anger or righteous fury about it. And then you can get it done. But most of the time, I'm trying to be empathetic and kind and get you to cook. And you can tell, though, when the staff knows it's the New York Times restaurant reviewer.

But sometimes they catch on and they get very nervous. Or you can see the inexperienced waiter getting tackled by a manager. Sam, did you use a fake name to make reservations? Oh, every time, Amy. It's like being Jason Bourne with absolutely no danger. You've got fake names, fake credit cards, the whole shebang. Oh, yeah. Moving on to what you've been doing more lately, you created the New York Times.

What do we call it? The New York Times cooking page, cooking site, cooking app. It's all those things. And from my perspective, I've been using it for some time. It's basically a very usable database of all the recipes the New York Times has ever published. Most of them. I mean, we've been publishing recipes since the 19th century. This collects virtually everything back to the early 1980s. And it's, you know, I didn't create it. A whole giant team of incredibly talented people created it.

I'm just the monkey at the front leading the band. Right. And what's fun, by the way, is if you search for a particular ingredient, you'll get all the wonderful recipes made by your current cooks and contributors. But every now and then it'll go back and you'll get like a Pierre Franny from like 1970. Yeah. And it'll be like, acquire three pounds of lard. Or even more terrifying when you go back and discover there's like a microwave risotto recipe

from sometime in the early 80s. Really? They use science ovens then. You published, your last cookbook was called, I think, Sunday Dinner, where you put out the idea that you should always make a big dinner and invite your friends over on Sunday.

It's a wonderful way to either end or start the week. Yeah, it was called See You on Sunday. It came out on February 25th, so just a couple of weeks before lockdown. And it was more than inviting over your friends and family. I explicitly said, invite strangers. and family. I explicitly said, invite strangers. Be crowded, get close together and enjoy these feasts. Welcome the strangers. Oh, Sam Sifton's super spreader cookbook. And so then we had the pandemic and the lockdown, and a year later, you publish a new cookbook, just as everybody is saying, as soon as I'm out of here, I will never cook in this kitchen again.

a new cookbook, just as everybody is saying, as soon as I'm out of here, I will never cook in this kitchen again. For obvious reasons, more people, as we've been saying, have been cooking than have probably done so in a long time. So can I guess, because I know you say you read every inquiry you get, have you gotten any real helpless inquiries? Like how exactly do you boil water or what is a tablespoon? Not quite what is a tablespoon, but we do get, amazingly, we do get notes that are sort of in the middle of the act of cooking. Someone takes an email to say, when will I know it's done? Urgent, urgent. Urgent, urgent. It seems to be on fire. Is that correct? And I can't answer that in real time. I read every letter set, but not in real time.

What I really want to know, and this comes from the people on our staff who are frequent users of the New York Times cooking site. If the recipe calls for a shallot, a single shallot, and you take the shallot and you peel the shallot and there are two bulbs in there, is that one shallot or two shallots? Ah, excellent question. First of all, it's one shallot still, even though it divides. But here's the wrinkle. Yes. Shallots are just getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

They are. I feel like shallots used to be kind of small. And now some shallots are the size of an onion. If a recipe calls for one shallot and the shallot is the size of a soda can, that's too much shallot for this dish. This shallot conversation is like the most NPR thing I have ever witnessed in my life. No, wait a minute. You want to see that? Sam, what wine do you pair it with? Now it is. Yeah, there you go. Well, Sam Sifton, it's a pleasure to talk to you. I could ask you about cooking all day,

but we've invited you here to play a game that this time we're calling... I don't need a recipe. I've got a buck fifty and change. We were wondering what the polar opposite of your kind of home cooking would be, and we came up with vending machines. Talk about no recipes. Answer two out of three questions about vending machines. You will win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail.

Bill, who is Sam Sifton playing for? Dave Robinson of Portland, Oregon. Okay, you ready for this? I'm ready. Okay. Some date the vending machine back to ancient Greece, but most agree that the first modern mechanical vending machine appeared in London in 1822, in which it was used to sell what? A, raw oysters, in which it was used to sell what? A, raw oysters, B, dueling pistols, or C, banned books. Wow.

All right, so I'm going to take dueling pistols off the board. I'm a food guy. I'm going with oysters. I think he's throwing away his shot, if you know what I mean. Oh, gosh. All right, it's a gun. I can't believe that's the game. Now, I have to ask you, which is, I guess, your final answer? Dueling pistols. No, it was banned books. What?

I'm so sorry, Sam. Oh, you let me down. You were baited. How can it sell banned books that were politically dangerous. And he said to himself, I know if I'm not selling them, but a machine is selling them. I'm not really selling. Exactly. So they'll have to arrest the machine. It didn't work.

You have two more chances here, Sam. This is not going to be a problem. Not all vending machines are successful. In fact, Coke had to apologize for creating a soda vending machine that did what? A, catch your hand in the door and then demand another buck and a half to let you go. B, made you say it's the real thing really loud before it would sell you a cola. Or C, had a thermometer inside

and charged you more if it was really hot out. Interesting. We'll never, never underestimate the thirst of big soda for profit. Yes. So, temperature? You're right. That's what it was.

Search. It seemed to make sense. You know, peak demand. Search selling. All right. That means that if you get this last one, you win. People talk about the vending machine culture in Japan, but that's nothing next to the vending machines of Singapore. Which of these can you buy from a vending machine in Singapore?

A, gold bars, B, mashed potatoes with gravy, or C, Ferrari sports cars? Wow. In Singapore, it seems entirely conceivable that all three are possible. You're right. They're all right. Yay! Bill, how did Sam Sifton do in our quiz? Well, that means he won. He's a winner on this. Congratulations. Congratulations, Sam.

Thank you so much. Thrilled to be here. Thrilled to win. Sam Sifton is an assistant managing editor of the New York Times and the creator of NYT Cooking. His new book, No Recipe Recipes, is available now. Sam Sifton, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Peter. Thank you, Sam. And I'll see you in my inbox. That you will. In just a minute, Bill takes you to the cleaners.

It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. On NPR's Consider This podcast, we don't just catch you up on the news. We help you make sense of what's happening, whether it's how to tackle the challenges that come with pregnancy during a pandemic or how to understand the crisis unfolding along our southern border. We'll fill you in for 15 minutes every weekday.

Listen now to Consider This from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Mo Rocca, Amy Dickinson, and Nagin Farsad. And here again is your host, a man who just finished a pickup game of hopscotch, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill reads from Limerick Shrugged by Ian Rhyme.

If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Mo, researchers have discovered that when a certain type of sea slug has parasites in its body, it simply does what to get rid of them? Some kind of

liposuction? A sea slug will just cast them off? Will it cut off part of her body? You're almost there. Cut off part of her body. You're almost there. All of the body. Yes.

Leave the body behind. It will remove its own head from its body and use its little head to crawl away. And the head will then grow a new body. New body, new you. So it's really like a mind-body disconnection. Yes. Quite literally. This particular slug can pull its own head off and just crawl around as a disembodied head for a few days, and then it will grow a completely new healthy body. I can't decide if I'm revolted or, you know, just jealous. I mean, I'm growing a new body, too.

I'm just expanding my regular body. I've got a head for business and a body for parasites. Wait, so does the slug get to choose the size of its hips in the next body? Wouldn't that be great? How does that work? Do you get a better model?

It just grows back a healthy version of its old body, apparently. That's kind of great. It's actually very, it's like very generous of the slug. Oh, here, you can have it. I don't need it. You can have it, like, you know, in the spirit of giving. It's very Christian.

I was about to say it's a very Jewish mother of a slug. Oh, no, have my body. I don't need it. I don't need it. I can just be a head. Nagin, a restaurant in Toronto, has figured out a way to help people expense their lunch hour. How?

Oh, like even though they're working from home? Well, keep in mind this is Canada, where people are actually allowed to go back to work and have normal lives because they handled the pandemic better than we did. Okay. Can I get a hint? Sure. I think I'll have the stapler with a side of wireless mouse. have the stapler with the side of wireless mouse? Because there's going to be office supplies at the restaurant that are wirelessly connected to your office? Not exactly. How to get you there? You're ordering office supplies, but it's really just... Food. Yes. They have named all their menu items after office supplies.

Oh, that's fun. You see, we've all done it. We've tried to expense a double cheeseburger as an emotional support entree, but it never works. restaurant in Toronto, you'll get a receipt listing your purchases of office supplies, including wired earphones with mic, which is a veggie burger, and the mini dry erase whiteboard, which is the chicken burger. Also, mini dry whiteboard is an honest description of a chicken burger. But wait, if the name of the restaurant is like Sushi World, then like, it's going to be like, wait, you went and bought staplers from Sushi World? Yes, that's sort of the problem. And they have really great fresh staplers.

Do they serve alcohol? Because three-hole punch sounds like a really good drink. It does, actually, yeah. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924, or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. For more Wait Wait in your

week, follow us on Twitter at Wait Wait and on Instagram at Wait Wait NPR. There you can really be part of the Wait Wait fam. Our cool intern Emma is not letting me say the whole word. I have to say, fam. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, it's Shereen Sarek from Aspen, Colorado. Hey, Shereen, how are you? Fantastic. How are you, Peter? I'm well, although I don't get to live in Aspen, which now makes me feel sad because I've been to Aspen and it's pretty spectacular. Yes, I agree.

Now, what do you do there in that beautiful mountain town? Well, I try and do as much fun as I can in the mountains. Of course. But I'm also a substitute teacher at Aspen High School. I work at the Aspen Thrift Shop and I'm a rabbi. Oh my God. That's a triple threat. I have to ask.

So you're a rabbi as well as a teacher. I've never heard of a part-time rabbi. Yes, I'm a freelance rabbi. Wow, that's amazing. I can imagine being in Aspen that you've seen some pretty spectacular weddings and bar mitzvahs in your day. Yes, I have. Oh, yeah. Well, Shireen, welcome to our show.

Now, Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to play? Yes, I am. Absolutely. Here is your first limerick. Though I hate dirty clothes, here's my quandary.

When short time is here, my mind's wandering. So I'm finding a coach who might change my approach. He will help me enjoy doing... Laundry. Yes, laundry. So I'm finding a coach who might change my approach. He will help me enjoy doing... Laundry. Yes, laundry. Patrick Richardson is out to make you love doing laundry. He says other household chores like cooking are elevated to beloved hobbies, so why not laundry? Not realizing there are several actual answers to that rhetorical question.

Mr. Richardson is trying to spread his love of sorting and folding through a new show and discovery called The Laundry Guy and a new book, the title of which is like a triangle, a weird circle with two dots in it, wavy lines and another triangle. He says laundry can be a meditation. It can give you a sense of accomplishment and it can tell you something about yourself. Like if I'm doing this, I must be out of underwear. Those hieroglyphs, though, I'll tell you. I mean, it's because I can never tell if it's Celsius or Fahrenheit. And I can never understand if it's telling me to use hot water or not use hot water or to use an

iron or not use an iron. It's like telling you the same and the opposite at the same time. We need a Rosetta Stone for it. Richardson knows most people don't enjoy doing laundry, but still hopes he can turn the tide. If people approach their dirty clothes with cheer, we'd all have something to gain in that fab new era. So it's worth the whisk. Okay. All right. You know, Peter, that whole run gave me a real bounce. All right. You know, Peter, that whole run gave me a real bounce.

All right. Here is your next limerick. As I'm taking a stroll around the block, the old COVID-19 gets a shock. In a simple foot race, it just gives up the chase because it can't match the pace of my... Walk. Walk, yes, walk. No matter what your body type, it turns out that fast walkers are much more resistant to COVID than slow walkers. That's especially true if you're currently walking through South Dakota.

Get out of there as fast as you can. There's a limit, though. Competitive racewalkers benefits are offset by increased risk of death by humiliation. Now, even though researchers are pretty sure this benefit exists is they don't get COVID. They don't die as often of COVID. If you walk fast, they're not sure why it exists. They postulate it's the cardiovascular health of fast walkers, but I postulate it's because COVID is just out of shape. So we can't catch the fast ones. I'm a fast walker. I've always held out hope

for the Olympics thinking I could still make the race walking. Sure. Okay, Shireen, here is your last limerick. Our amusement parks have a new theme. Keep your sounds inside. Don't let off steam. Just keep those sounds bottled as rides go full throttle. New safety rules say you can't scream. Yes, scream under California's new COVID-friendly amusement park rules. Screaming on roller coasters is now discouraged. Instead, use that time to think. Or maybe quietly say to yourself, this park has succeeded i am amused it makes sense when you scream of course spit flies out spewing germs into the air so singing shouting and screaming

are all discouraged at the newly opened parks this explains the huge slump in ice cream sales i can't scream you can't scream How will they know what we all want? So we should just make do with the existential screaming that's inside all of us? Exactly. Just scream, scream from the inside, scream from the inside. But the problem is if you can't scream, how will people enjoy the quintessential theme park experience, arguing with your exhausted family about where to eat dinner? I don't care if they have the characters at that restaurant, Madison. It's an hour wait, and I'm so hungry that if I see that mouse, I will kill and eat it.

Bill, how did Shireen do on our quiz? Shireen did wonderfully. She got them all right. Congratulations, Shireen. Thanks for the fun. Bye-bye. Bye. Thanks for the fun.

Bye-bye. Bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Sure can. Mo has two, Nagin has three, and Amy has three.

All right. That means, Mo, you're up first. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Biden traveled to Pennsylvania to promote the recently passed blank package. Stimulus package. Right. This week, EU regulators said there's no evidence suggesting that blank's vaccine causes blood clots. AstraZeneca. Right. After President Biden called their president a killer, blank recalled their U.S. ambassador. Right, on Thursday, Senator Sheldon Whitehouse raised concerns that the FBI investigation into Supreme Court Justice Blank may have been a sham. The confirmation of Justice Kavanaugh, the FBI background. Right, exactly. This week, a wax museum in San Antonio had to put its Donald Trump figurine in storage because Blank.

It began melting. The Dow. NCAA. Eating the food. Yes, eating the food. The man was this close to completing his delivery when the doorbell camera caught him rifling through the McDonald's bag, taking out a hash brown, and then sitting down on the porch to eat it. The man is now banned from DoorDash for breaking the company's number one rule, always eat the customer's food in your car. Bill, how did Mo do on our quiz?

Very well. Seven right for 14 more points. He now has 16 and the lead. Well done, Mo. All right. I'm going to arbitrarily pick Nagin to go next. Nagin, fill in the blank. On Thursday, the White House announced that they had hit their goal of 100 million blank weeks ahead of schedule.

Vaccines? Yeah, vaccine doses. On Monday, Deb Haaland was confirmed as the first blank to serve as a cabinet secretary. Native American? Right. This week, the FBI filed additional charges against the leaders of white nationalist group the Blanks. Proud Boys? Right.

In a statement released on Monday, the Vatican said that priests cannot bless Blanks. Same-sex marriages. Right. This week, a shop owner in Minneapolis was unable to placate an angry customer who complained, quote, I ordered a dozen masks from you

and you only sent Blank. One mask? He complained, I ordered a dozen masks and you only sent me 12. Following his interview with Oprah, Blank says he has spoken with both his father and his brother. Prince Harry?

Yes. With 10 total nominations, Mank leads the pack for this year's Blank Awards. Oscar nominations. Yes. This week, the starting pitcher for the Arizona Diamondbacks was placed on an injured list after he injured himself blanking. Dancing on the field. No, he injured himself blanking. Dancing on the field. No, he injured himself shaving. I guess he nicked his throwing cheek.

The Diamondbacks say pitcher John Duplantier cut himself while, quote, trying to put his razor together, which is a weird way to describe assembling something that only has two parts. Of course, plenty of people think this story is just a cover-up. Look, I don't know how you could cut your finger on a mistress, but that's 100% what happened.

Bill, how did Nagin do in our quiz? She had six right for 12 more points. She now has 15, but Mo still has the lead with 16. Wow, impressive. All right. How many, then, does Amy need to win? Need seven to win. Seven to win. Here we go, Amy. A tall order, but you can do it. Fill in the blank. This is for the game.

On Wednesday, the IRS announced plans to push the blank deadline to May. Tax filing. Right. This week, a Texas man was arrested with a gun and ammo near blank's official residence. George Bush? No, Vice President Harris's. Despite the growing economy, the Fed said they would not increase blanks. Interest rates? Yes, this week a man in Texas was arrested for borrowing a loaner car from a BMW dealership and blanking.

Driving it into a Toyota dealership? No, he drove it to a bank, robbed it, and returned it to the dealership and tried to use the stolen money to buy a BMW. I won, I won, I won. On Tuesday, Israeli archaeologists found dozens of fragments of new blanks hidden in a cave. Oh, like Dead Sea Scrolls? Exactly. With big wins on Sunday, both Beyonce and Taylor Swift set new records for blank awards. Grammys.

Right. This week, two people driving a stolen car in Maryland Swift set new records for blank awards. Grammys. Right. This week, two people driving a stolen car in Maryland were left stranded after they blanked. Ran out of gas. No, after they stopped to help someone with a flat tire, and the person with the flat stole their stolen car. The two men had just stolen a Toyota RAV4 when they spotted another driver struggling with a flat tire on the side of the road and being really sweet car thieves, they decided to stop and help. Unfortunately, while they were replacing the tire in that guy's car, the driver with the flat jumped into the RAV4 and drove away. On top of that, it turns out the car with the flat tire was also stolen. It just proves that old saying, two wrongs don't make a right, so why not try for three?

Bill, did Amy do well enough to win? Amy had four right for eight more points. So why not try for three? Bill, did Amy do well enough to win? Amy had four right for eight more points. She now has 11. But that means with 16, Mo is this week's champion. Congratulations, Mo. That was amazing as you were like tracking Amy's performance. Yeah.

You at the moment where you had seized victory. I know. It was really great. I just thought I'd call it. Coming up, our panels will predict, now that they can only last a year, who's going to finally get a tattoo and what will it be? But first, let me tell you. Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions,

Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our house manager is Gianna Cappadona. Our intern is Emma Choi. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian Rollerblade Queen King.

Our audio Gwynn is Peter Gwynn. Special and belated thanks, by the way, to Stephanie Farr from the Philadelphia Inquirer for always finding our favorite stories for our Bluff the Listener game. Stephanie, we owe you not one, but apparently about five. Technical direction is from Lorna White.

Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike, Catherine Grace Danforth. Now panel, who will get a temporary tattoo and what will it be? Nagin Farsad.

Anthony Fauci is going to get a tramp stamp of the COVID molecule. Amy Dickinson. Alec Baldwin is going to get a tattoo of the number of kids he has. It's bound to change. And Moe Ryan. A whole lot of people are going to get the I heart my governor tattoo. Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis.

Thanks also to Amy Dickinson, Mo Rocca, and Nagin Farsad. Thanks to all of you for listening, not just today, but all this past year. We're so grateful that you've been with us. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.