Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Senator Elizabeth Warren

Episode Date: May 15, 2021

Senator Elizabeth Warren talks about her new book Persist and plays our game about "War and Peace." She is joined by panelists Karen Chee, Hari Kondabolu and Peter GroszLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. You can either be bellicose or you can keep Billy close. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, filling in for Peter Sagal, Maz Jobrani. Thank you, Bill. I am Maz Jobrani. Happy to be here. Peter Sagal is in the shop for service. We have a great show for you today. Later on, we'll be joined by Senator Elizabeth Warren, who has a new book called Persist. So she spent last year running for president and writing a book. But great job, everybody else, on learning sourdough. writing a book. But great job, everybody else, on learning sourdough. You can achieve something when you call in to play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Now it's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Marshall. I'm calling in from St. Louis. I'm excited to be here. Hi, Marshall. We're excited to have you, buddy. What do you do out in St. Louis? So I'm actually working remote right now. I'm virtually in the Bronx, New York. I work as a community organizer, as well as finishing up my last semester in my senior year of college at Manhattan College. Holy moly. Who do you think you are? Senator Elizabeth Warren, getting all this stuff done? What are you studying out there, Marshall? Political science and philosophy.

Well, that's a beautiful thing. I studied political science, so you're going to end up being a comedian, man. Well, Marshall, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, he has a Netflix special called Warn Your Relatives and his documentary The Problem With Apu is available on HBO Max. Hari Kandabuli.

Hey, man. Hello, Marshall. Hi. Next, we've got comedian and writer for Late Night with Seth Meyers, who's written for The New Yorker, McSweeney's, and Yearly Departed on Amazon, Karen Chee. Hey. Hi, Marshall. Hey, hi Marshall. Hi there.

And last, we have an actor and writer who you can see in the film Here Today, if you feel like going to an actual movie theater, and the film Things Heard and Seen, if you only feel like going to your couch, Peter Gross. Hello, Marshall. Nice to meet you. Welcome to the show, Marshall. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you choose on your voicemail. Are you ready? Absolutely. All right. Your first quote is an important announcement from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission this week. Do not fill plastic bags with gasoline. Why this week did people need to be reminded not to fill plastic bags with gasoline?

The colonial pipeline was hacked. And so people were hoarding gasoline. And I presume they didn't have enough of those red containers, and so they were putting them in plastic bags. Marshall, that's the most thorough explanation of an answer I've ever heard in my entire life. You're right. The pipeline hack, gas shortage. It was the weirdest hack ever. A shadowy group hacked a major fuel line in a ransomware attack, crippling gas stations throughout the East Coast.

Then, and this part is totally true, they apologized and said that they felt really bad about it. Wait, who was it? Well, the group was called Dark Side. They were called low self-esteem hackers. We're bad hackers we're sorry nobody knows what happened because it looks like they hacked and then the like their mother found out and made them apologize and wash their computers out with soap i think i know what happened though see they saw the word colonial right and they're like we gotta put a stop to this they They were like, we're Gandhi. Oh, no, wait a second.

It turns out maybe we're not. Did no one have a milk jug? Why are people using plastic bags? They were also like really large, like strange looking plastic bags. And so I saw a photo. It looked like people were just carrying trash bags full of urine in their car. And then I was like, oh, it's not urine. It's okay. And I was like, oh, wait, no, it's gas in your car by the way let me point this out they expressed all their remorse

and noble intentions after they got a five million dollar ransom for the hack so was it an apology or was it one of those like i'm sorry if you felt i crippled your infrastructure. My bad. I mean, they're just a startup hacking group. You got to appreciate an effort. They're not like anonymous, you know, like the big hackers. They're mom and pop hackers. And so I kind of appreciate that. All right, Marshall, your next quote is the sound coming out of the House of Representatives on Wednesday morning.

Boo! sound coming out of the House of Representatives on Wednesday morning. Boo! That was members of the GOP responding to remarks of someone they voted out of her leadership position this week. Who? Congressman Liz Cheney. Yes, yes, you are too good at this, man. Liz Cheney was ousted from her position as the number three Republican in the House on Wednesday. Republicans united in their opposition to Cheney with Jim Jordan calling her a, quote, traitor to the truth, and Matt Gaetz saying, quote, so how long have you been on the cheer squad? I mean, I just, I love the irony of this. Like, it's usually Cheney's that oust leaders out of office. Isn't it crazy?

Hari, did you ever think you'd be rooting for a Cheney? Not in my lifetime. And I think it's really gutsy that they chose to do this considering who her father is. Like that dude shot somebody in the face and made him lie about it and say it was an accident. You really want to mess with his daughter yeah talk about dark side the original dark side yeah was it was interesting to see a cheney on the on the receiving end of regime of regime change that's it would be funny if it would be funny if she was like i am so sorry i did not know what would feel like this i just i always thought change was just good. And what we did was,

what my dad did was so wrong. And I'm just realizing it. Well, did you know now these guys have run off and the Republicans, I don't know if you guys heard about this, over a hundred Republicans are now talking about splitting from the GOP to form a third party opposed to Trump. And as one of the organizers put it, it's the, quote, rationals taking a stand against the, quote, radicals. The new group promises to be faithful to the truth, but to still be real crazy about welfare, guns, and gays. What's the term for a group of 100 Republicans? Is it a mob of Republicans? It's a white. It's called a mob of Republicans? It's a white. It's called a white of Republicans.

A white. All right. Now let's move on to the last quote about an every 17-year phenomenon. Once they're up in the trees, it's all about romance. That was entomologist Michael Rolp explaining all all the noise we're gonna start hearing from what the cicadas yes uh yes cicadas it's been 17 years and the cicadas known as brood x or brood 10 are about to come out and try and get it on it It's cicada spring break. Get ready for jello shots and wet exoskeleton contests. Well, you guys know about this, right? So these cicadas have been underground for 17 years and now they're coming out and it's

just a sex party. We were locked up for one year. They were locked up for 17 and they're ready to mingle, baby. They're also hot as hell. Just from being underground? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it's hot cicada summer. Oh, legs for days, yeah.

Listen, as a West Coaster, I don't get to hear it as much, but when I come to the East Coast, I always say, the sound you hear when the cicadas arrive, that's trillions of cicadas trying to get laid. Imagine a construction site with one trillion guys in hard hats screaming, baby, you should smile more at the same time. I like that they do it up in the trees. That's like very nice of them to sort of do it in private. They come up from the ground and then they go upstairs. Yeah, and that's why if you look up in the trees,

you can actually see little cicada socks hung on all the branches. Because they're all taken. The cicada knocks and he's like, okay, not here, moving to the next one. Goes to the next little branch. Well, this is going to be really tough for restaurant owners, though. The good news is you can

open your outdoor patios again. The bad news is your patio has a new carpet. It's made of moving cicadas. Our specials today are creak, creak, creak, creak, creak, creak, creak. I don't know. Is that a cicada sound? I don't even know. You got one?

Who's got a good cicada sound? Hari, let's hear your cicada. I don't know. I don't do impressions very well. Unless a cicada is doing the impression, I'm not interested. Peter, you got one? No. Well, you know, I watched Hari's documentary, and I think representation matters.

So I don't think it's up to me to do a cicada. I'd rather see a cicada doing a cicada. Karen. Cicada America. Karen. My dad is a cicada, so I think I can do it. Let's do it. Let's hear it. I think you've got it Let's do it, let's hear it

I think you've got the license I don't know what this is Best cicada ever Yeah, that's what my dad sings like all the time Bill, how did Marshall do? Marshall's strong They got them all right and quick Marshall, thank you so much for making us proud

And thank you for being such a great human being Thank you all This was a fun break from finals And I want to give a personal thank you so much for making us proud and thank you for being such a great human being thank you all this is a fun break from finals and i want to give a personal thank you to harry for making the show politically reactive uh it's been one of my favorite podcasts in my life so thank you i praise nice that is awesome bye-bye marshall Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Hari, we're finally starting to see the light at the other end of the pandemic tunnel. As this week, the UK announced it's finally OK to do what again? You can give a hug. Yes. Yes.

you can give a hug. Yes! Yes! You can hug someone. On Monday, British Prime Minister Boris Johnson rolled out of bed without combing his hair to announce new COVID guidelines

for the UK, including the return of what he called, quote, cautious hugging. Now, for those of you who don't know... No, that's a masterpiece theater. That is an incredible show it's so good it's all it's all like repressed british hugging they all don't want to hug each

other yeah well first of all who knew brits hug but let me yeah explain to you what cautious hugging is cautious hugging for those of you who don't know uh is what you give your weird uncle after he shows up to thanksgiving and won't stop talking about how much you've grown no i do feel like there was someone in his life who was like i can't hug you because of the pandemic and so he went away and made this new like proclamation it's like starting one day you must hug me cautiously coming up we do the crime so we do the time in our bluff the listener game call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY we'll be back in a minute with more of wait wait don't tell me from npr i'm yaway shaw i'm kia miyakanatis we're the hosts of the NPR podcast, Invisibilia.

You can think of Invisibilia kind of like a sonic blacklight. When you switch us on, you will hear surprising and intimate stories. Stories that help you notice things in your world that maybe you didn't see before. Listen to the Invisibilia podcast from NPR. Listen to the Invisibilia podcast from NPR. From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Karen Chee, Peter Gross, and Hari Kondabolu.

And here again is your host, filling in for Peter Sagal, Maz Jobrani. Thank you, Bill. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, Maz. Hi there. Who is this?

My name's Cynthia Reedy and I'm talking to you from Norway, Maine. Whoa, there's a Norway in Maine? There is. We're right next to Paris. What? You're confusing me. Are you guys good skiers and blonde or no? Oh, we love skiing. Absolutely.

It's fantastic out here. Well, Cynthia, that's great. It's nice to have you with us. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? What are you in for? There are serious crimes. Then there are the types of crimes Peter Sagal committed that got me this guest hosting gig.

Our panelists are going to tell you about someone else who went afoul of the law in an unusual way this week. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize. The weight weighter of your choice on your voicemail. Ready to play? You betcha. OK, first up, it's Peter Gross. Well, it was Mother's Day this weekend and Evan Roth of Louisville, Kentucky, missed his mother, Diane. It was the second year in a row that the pandemic prevented her from driving down from Covington for their Mother's Day tradition,

going to her favorite restaurant, Buddy's, for Mother's Day brunch and their famous bottomless Buddy Mary's, a big gulp-sized Bloody Mary free for all moms on Mother's Day. Their slogan? Give her a Mother's Day she'll never remember. When my mom couldn't show up, Evan admitted to local station WLKY, I got depressed and maybe made some bad decisions. Well, that's only if you'd call putting on a wig and dress, going to Buddy's, pretending to be a 70-year-old woman, sitting at the bar and drinking four Buddy Marys in 30 minutes a, quote, bad decision. I thought something was off when she, I mean, he first arrived, said bartender Lisa Fingarelli. But then he got hammered, his wig fell off, and I saw it was a bald dude under there. When his poor man's Mrs. Doubtfire ruse was unmasked, or rather, unwigged, Evan grew frightened and erratic, like a bird that accidentally flies inside and then drinks four giant Bloody Marys.

He slammed into a bunch of tables, knocked over some waiters, stood up on a table and screamed, I'm my own mommy. He was forced to pay the $5,000 in damages he caused and sentenced to six months in prison for disorderly conduct. In other words, a Mother's Day he wishes he didn't remember. All right. The guy who dressed as his mom for free booze

on Mother's Day from Peter Gross. Your next story of someone in the slammer comes from Karen Chee. Dr. Amanda Lang used to be known for her excellent bedside manner and her sharp diagnostic instincts. But from now on, she'll be known as the doctor who got arrested after totally freaking out more than 20 of her patients for a joke. With patient after patient, Dr. Langange would look at their CT scan, do a well-rehearsed double take, gasp dramatically, and then quietly murmur, oh my god, you have a third kidney. This obviously would send the patients into a panic. A third kidney? Then Dr. Lange would laugh and reveal that this was actually just a prank. Perhaps

most confusingly, she broke the truth to them by exclaiming, April fools! This was weird because it was May. After complaints from 20 patients who, for the record, had a total of 40 kidneys, not 60, hospital officials called for her arrest for malpractice. Or in their words, quote, it's not malpractice exactly. Honestly, we don't even know what this is, but you shouldn't do it. Don't tell people they have a third kidney. All right. The three kidney doctor from Karen Chi. Your last story of an arresting arrest comes from Hari Kondabolu. Takashi Miyagawa, a 39-year-old man in Osaka, Japan, was arrested for a scheme in which he fooled 35 different women into thinking they were in a monogamous relationship with him so he could receive 35 different birthday gifts. The plan, clearly designed when he was six years old, involved telling each woman a different date of birth.

It's not clear if he himself ever gave his girlfriends any birthday gifts, but if he did, it appears likely that they were target gift cards. Mayagawa's plan, however, would soon unravel to the surprise of absolutely no one. The women found each other, banded together, and reported him to the police for defrauding them of 100,000 yen worth of combined birthday presents. It's unclear how everything went awry, but some initial guesses include his ID with correct birthday being discovered, his cell phone perhaps revealing 35 different copy and pasted text messages that read, hey baby, you up? Or maybe he called one of his girlfriends the wrong name. It appears Mr. Mayagawa got his just desserts and it wasn't

birthday cake oh nice so cynthia you've got from peter gross the guy who dresses his mom to get free booze on mother's day from karen chi you've got the doctor who told patients they have three kidneys and from hari kondabolu you have the 35 birthday gift guy. Which one is real? You know, those are all really fun. I think I'm going to go with the birthday boy. All right. All right.

I like that. Right to it. To find out the correct answer, we spoke with a journalist covering the real story. He conned at least 35 women so that she would always be receiving gifts. You got it. That was Tara Mahadevan, a news writer for Complex, talking about the man with 35 birthdays.

Congratulations, Cynthia. You got it right. Thank you all very much. Thank you. You earned a point for Hari, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Thanks, man. Thank you for playing today. Thanks a lot.

Bye. Goodbye. And now the game where we invite on people who've done big things to do a small thing. It's not my job. Elizabeth Warren was a law professor before becoming Massachusetts' first female senator in 2012. That went so well that she decided to join the 800 other Democrats running for president in 2020 and lasted longer than almost all of them. It's a story she tells

in her new book, Persist. She joins us now with her dog, Bailey, somewhere nearby. Senator Warren, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Oh, thank you. I'm so glad to be here. We're glad to have you, Senator Warren. So we do our research on this show, and we knew exactly what we needed to ask you about first. Okay. This is your chance to come clean. What's up with the HBO show Ballers and You? What's going on?

Are you kidding? Have you ever seen The Rock without his shirt on? Enough said. Is that it? Is it that simple? The Rock and his shirt issue so he could have been in any show you would have watched no actually that show has a lot of layers to it that show is about people who grew up tough i'm serious about this and all of a sudden things

kind of work out for him but is it going to last forever? Are you going to break an ankle? And that's, it's really, it's a great show. Well, as you watch Senator Warren, do you ever think to yourself, you know what, when I run in 2028, I might call the rock up and have him be my vice president. Oh my God. Now that's a thought. I'm telling you, we're here to help you out. Because we know, by the way, that you're known for having plans. Yes. Because throughout the, yes, you always said, I got a plan, I got a plan. First question, did you have a plan or were you just saying, I got a plan and then you're going to get to it later? I really did have a plan. I talk about the fact that I had 71 juicy, fabulous, detailed plans and how the plans and the personal weave together.

And they get me up in the morning and into the fight. And I hope they get a whole lot more people into the fight, too. Let me ask you a question. The book, the title Persist comes from Mitch McConnell trying to insult you by saying that you persist. Yep. How'd that work out for you?

Nice. I like that. Slam. I got two questions for you. Has anyone else ever tried to insult you with a positive word? And what were those other words? Gee, I'm running through

what Michael Bloomberg said to me. No, not that I can think of. I'm sure it's happened. Somebody must have called you smart at some point, thinking that was an insult. Yeah, prepared. Actually, it's funny you'd mention that one. Yeah, sounds like someone who prepared.

Yeah, and you're like, thank you, I did. Did the homework, huh? Yeah, yeah. You know, John Boehner had a book come out recently, and when he did the audio version of the book, he talked a lot of the trash about the real stuff that was going on. Is there anybody in the Senate that you want to tell us about that you think is some dirt? I would, but they're all such nice people.

Oh, that's so amazing. Interesting. Stay tuned for the next book. I can't wait. I have one quick question because as I was reading your book, you talked about how when you were teaching at Harvard, you started going down to Washington and talking to them about the need for a consumer protection agency. And you said one Congress member laughed in your face. Who was that?

Oh, I'm not telling. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Who was that? Oh, I'm not telling. Oh, come on. Oh, come on. Once someone has decided that they are your friend and they have voted for something that you care a whole lot about, then my view is, gee, we must have been friends forever.

Nice. Can you tell us if they're still there? Is this congressperson still active? No hints at all. No hints at all. But that person, truly, I mean, when I say laughed in my face, I mean, ha, ha, ha, not in a big way. I can see that person's feelings. Wow. Now, this is another thing you talk about in the book. When you were on the campaign trail, you became famous for taking hours and hours of selfies. Oh, yeah.

What's a pointer you can give us on taking selfies that we should all remember the next time we do one? It's a moment of great intimacy. And it really is. I mean that. And we always call them selfies. In fact, Nora, who's with me, would always take the picture because it looks nicer. Selfie is really, your nose never looks good in a selfie. So, you know, Nora stands, you know, just a couple of feet away and takes it. But it also is a chance for people to just say the thing that mattered to them, that they wanted to tell somebody who was running for president of the United States. I feel so blessed to have had the chance to do that.

And I should say it informed and helped shape and gave me ideas for some of the plans that we developed during the presidential race. Wow. That's amazing. So you're meeting all these people, you're on the campaign trail. What was your favorite regional food? And what was one where you're like, I'm happy I don't have to be on the campaign trail? You can never say the second one, right? Everything is great everywhere, including some of the regional specialties. But, you know, that I will say about campaign. Dang, I ate a lot of cold food because somebody would grab it for you while you're doing the town hall. While you're doing the town hall and three and a half hours later when the selfie's done, I'm telling you, there's a lot of food that does not travel well. It has.

Gelatinous lasagna. Yeah, exactly. And it has. It's hardened. How the cheese hardens up. I have broken plastic forks trying to eat lasagna that is cooled off enough. And of course, all the ice in your iced tea has melted. So now it's just lukewarm, light brown stuff. Sounds really glamorous. You really are selling this presidential thing. I'm telling you. Yeah, exactly. Don't miss it. Well, Senator Warren, we've enjoyed talking to you, but we've asked you here to play a game we're calling...

Senator Warren, how about Warren Peace? Yes. Okay. Yes, that pun was a disaster, just like Pierre Buzakov and Helen Kurigana's marriage. But we couldn't resist. So we're going to ask you three questions about Leo Tolstoy's War and Peace. Answer two out of three questions right, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners. Bill, who is Senator Warren playing for?

Tricia Lang of Austin, Texas. All right. Here is your first question. At over half a million words, War and Peace is the go-to reference for the longest book ever written. But which of these actually contains even more words? Was it A, Tolstoy's other classic, Anna Karenina, B, the strategy guide for the 2010 role-playing video game Fallout, New Vegas, or C, the fourth 50 Shades of Grey book, 5,000 more Shades of Grey? Oh, gosh. I was hoping it was the fourth 50 Shades of Grey, but I'm afraid it's probably not. So I'm going to go with the second one.

B. Yes, you are right. The Strategy Guide for the 2010 Role-Playing Video Game, Fallout New Vegas. Nicely done. One for one. Okay tricia i'm i'm gonna do this you got it here we go here's your next question former rnc chairman michael steel back when he was in a debate against other candidates for the post said that war and peace was his favorite book what was his favorite quote from the book a nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. B. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. Or C. I could not, would not on a boat. I could not, would not with a goat.

Okay. I'm trying to think what Michael Steele might have said. Surely he didn't say it was the best of times, worst of times, because that's from Dickens. Unless he screwed up. Unless. Which is possible. Unless. Okay, I'm going with he said it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Your instinct is right, Senator Warren.

Yes. Michael Steele. He said it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Okay. You're, Senator Warren. You said it was the best of times and the worst of times. You're right. Two for two. Here's your last question. Leo Tolstoy died at age 82 in a Russian train station after taking ill on the train. Why was he on the train? A, he was on his way to receive an award as Russia's greatest living writer. B, he was running away from his wife. C, he was doing research for his new book, War and Trains. Okay, I think it's probably not C. I'm going to go with A. You think he was on his way to receive an award as russia's greatest living writer yes and suddenly

he was disqualified that would have been that would have been a little sad uh but uh it gets even sadder he was actually running away from his wife i guess that's one way to win an argument bill how did elizabeth warren do on the, you got two of three, and that's a two-thirds majority. You're a winner. Oh, fabulous. Senator Elizabeth Warren's new book is Persist. Senator Warren, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. We really had a great time with you.

Oh, thank you so much for having me. This is fun. Take care. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. I'm a baller, don't need a baller chain. Looking this good, all that work would be in vain.

Never take a backseat, take it by the horn. Smoother than goose vodka, y'all are made of corn. In just a minute, we prefer our vampires non-sparkly thank you very much in our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Karen Shee, Peter Gross, and Hari Kondabolu. And here again is your host, filling in for Peter Sagal, Maz Jobrani. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

But right now, panel, some more questions for you from this week's news. Karen, the winner of the Kentucky Derby was busted for doping, but now the trainer has revealed the horse was just given steroids to cure a problem with its what? Legs? I'm going to give you one hint. The second place horse was staring right at it. The shoulder. The second place horse was staring right at it.

His butt. Yes, his butt. Also, do horses have shoulders? Yeah. Well, I've seen them in strapless dresses that they have something so this is what happened medina spirit the horse that won the kentucky derby tested positive for steroids the giveaway was all the other horses had jockeys on their backs and medina just had back knee so the the uh horse's owner initially had a bunch of excuses i don't know if you guys saw this guy he was coming up with all kinds of crazy stuff

he said uh he claimed the positive test had happened because a horse groom who'd been drinking cough syrup had peed on the hay in the horse's stall and then the horse ate the hay, but now they've revealed the horse was taking steroids to cure, quote, dermatitis of its hind area, which the blog defector referred to as butt fungus. I wish that he was like, well, you see, the horse was taking steroids so it would go faster. So it's a simple explanation and excuse. So gimme trophy.

And the poor horse, like first they accuse him of taking steroids. Then they tell the world he had butt fungus. It's like, really guys? Keep it on the down low. Karen, a man in Illinois broke the record for 100 miles run on a treadmill. And just to add a little challenge to it, where was the treadmill? On top of his house. No, let me give you a hint.

The running comes with a chaser. In a bar? Yes! Yes! In a bar. That's right. Treadmills are a great way to take up space in your basement. But one man in Illinois decided to take up space somewhere way more annoying, a bar on a

weekend. Taggart Van Eaton broke the 100-mile record by 40 minutes. Meanwhile, Brock from Bloomington broke the table when he got drunk and fell over. His name is Taggart... What's his name again? His name is Taggart Van Eaton.

Oh, and he's a poor gentleman he's the salt of the earth fellow from around the way so this guy taggart van eaton he ran 11 hours and then he went home and ate a whole pizza so taggart van eaton a pizza i wonder if people were offering him shots while he was running that would that would have added another element i wonder if they were offering him punches shots and punches those are that's see exactly he's like you think running 100 miles is impressive run 100 miles while taking shots and being punched in the face. You're right, Peter Gross. Peter, Massachusetts has updated its COVID guidelines, and as of August 1st,

your children will once again be able to visit what? As of August 1st, your kids can go to the Basketball Hall of Fame in Springfield, Massachusetts. Let me give you a hint, okay? Great. You can once again lose your children at a McDonald's play place. Oh, ball pits?

Yes, the ball pits. Oh, gross. Great news, kids and bacteria, ball pits are coming back. Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker says, ball pits, your favorite attraction, named after the two grossest parts of the body we'll be back this summer you know it's like a trailer for a horror movie the ball pits are coming back some people have really missed the ball pits the boston globe article on the reopening said quote some have found other ways to scratch the ball pit itch which is also what you do after using a public ball pit so everything's

working out coming up it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And if you want more Wait Wait, check out our upcoming virtual comedy club on May 18th, featuring Alonzo Bowden, Maeve Higgins, Adam Burke, and Karen Chee. Tickets are on sale now at nprpresents.org.

Tell everyone you know, or keep it to yourself. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Kelly Riley calling from Blacksburg, Virginia. Hi, Kelly Riley from Blacksburg, Virginia. What do you do out there? I used to be a student. I just graduated from Virginia Tech this morning. What?

Congratulations. Thank you. Are you really drunk right now? Please say yes. No. Okay. Are you? Yes.

Well, that's great, Kelly. Okay. Are you? Yes. Well, that's great, Kelly. Congratulations. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick. This Romania deal is spectacular. Don't worry. Old Vlad won't attack you.

Just skip the whole hassle and get vaxxed at my castle. Get your shots at the home of Count Dracula. Yes. Dracula it is. Listen, you can now get inoculated at Dracula's castle. I want to immunize your blood. The castle, once occupied by the man who inspired Count Dracula, is offering free puncturing services. Really, Dracula?

You think anyone's going to fall for this? Reps from the castle confirm that every weekend in May, walk-in appointments for the COVID vaccine will be available, but they cannot confirm you will walk out. He's Vlad the Vaccinator. Wasn't he Vlad the Impaler? Here, Kelly, is your next limerick. We will send in a force that combats our pestilence horde of wild rats. Soon, felines will reach North Avenue Beach. We have sent out an army of... Cats? Cats it is! Yes, cats! A Chicago organization is addressing the city's rat problem by releasing a thousand feral cats on the city's streets.

But wait, wouldn't a thousand feral cats also be a problem? Don't worry. That's where the thousand wild dogs come from. I love that Chicago, I mean, I haven't lived there in a while, but clearly they have just flat out given up. On running a livable city. I mean, forget all the stuff that people usually say about it, but this whole let's just throw a bunch of cats at the rats thing seems like

Mayor Lightfoot is really scraping the bottom of the barrel there. Okay, Kelly. Here's your last limerick. It's insane how much money I've got. You should see the new boat that I've bought. Though masts make it proper, I can't land my chopper.

So I got a small yacht for my. Yacht? Yes. Got a yacht for a yacht. Got a yacht for a yacht? Okay. We got a yacht for a yacht. Jeff Bezos has so much money. he bought a yacht for his yacht.

This is totally true. His new yacht is longer than a football field and comes with its own smaller yacht. Yes, we will finally be able to see a baby yacht roaming the open seas with its mother again. Nature is healing. Bill, how did Kelly do? She nailed every single one, so Kelly did great. Kelly, you killed it. Three for three.

Congratulations on graduating. Thank you. Go Hokies. All right, Kelly. Bye. Take care. Now, on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points.

Bill, can you give us the scores? Peter has two, Karen has two, and Hari has three. Peter and Karen, you guys are tied for last place. So I'm going to randomly say, Karen, you can go first. All right. So the clock starts when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Following the answer of Liz Cheney, GOP leader Kevin McCarthy affirmed that no one questions the legitimacy of the blank. The election? Right. On Monday, the World Health Organization said the COVID variant developing in blank poses a global health threat. In India? Right. On Monday, the White House approved the first major offshore blank farm in the United States. Wind turbine farm.

Right. After being robbed, a bakery in Milwaukee asked for the public's help by handing out pictures of the thief printed on blank. Paper. No, wrong. Delicious sugar cookies. On Wednesday, Chipotle announced they would raise their blank to $15 an hour. Pay. Yes, minimum wage. This week, a zoo in China was criticized for not warning guests about blank before they visited. Killer animals?

I'm going to give it to you right. The lepers that had escaped earlier. Nice. Officials say that three lepers had escaped their enclosure and no one at the zoo bothered to tell anyone. Fortunately, two of the leopards were captured quickly, but the third one is still on the loose. The zoo isn't worried, though, and says the pack of rabid hyenas that escaped last week

should take care of them sooner or later. Bill, how did Karen do? She had five right, ten more points. She now now has 12 and karen you're in the lead all right came over we're done okay peter you're up next fill in the blank on thursday the cdc said that fully vaccinated people could be indoors without blanks masks Masks. Right. On Sunday, Senator Bernie Sanders called for passing the $2 trillion blank bill without the GOP. The next spendy one. Infrastructure bill. Infrastructure spendy.

Yes. This week, the Federal Reserve hinted it may raise blanks to combat rising inflation. The interest rates. Right. After the White House reopened the exchange, over one million additional people applied for blank. Oh, Obamacare? Right.

After 19 seasons on TV and numerous allegations of running a toxic workplace, Blank announced she was canceling her daytime talk show. Ellen DeGeneres. Right. This week, a man in London realized he'd wasted two years of his life after discovering blank in his apartment. Ellen DeGeneres. I don't know.

That's a good answer, but wrong. He had a dishwasher. The man was shocked, posting on Twitter, quote, lived in this flat for two years and only just discovered it has a dishwasher. Apparently, the appliance was made to blend in with the cabinetry, and he never bothered to check what that handle was connected to. He then followed up the tweet the next day saying, you're not going to believe this,

but I finally opened the closed door and it turns out my apartment has had a bathroom the whole time. Bill, how did Peter do? Well, good. He got four right for eight more points. He now has ten, but Karen still has the lead with twelve. All right,

and how many does Hari need to win? Well, he only needs five to win. All right, Hari, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the CDC endorsed using Pfizer's blank on teenagers. Pfizer's vaccine. Right. On Monday, President Biden restored health care protections for transgender people,

reversing policies enacted by? The Trump administration. Right. On Tuesday, a federal judge enacted by? The Trump administration. Right. On Tuesday, a federal judge dismissed Blank's petition for bankruptcy. The NRA. Right. This week, a group of doctors in Japan

warned about holding the blank during the pandemic. The baby. Wrong. The Olympics. With rising prices leading to increased theft, Target announced they'd no longer sell blank for the safety of their staff. Guns. Wrong. Pokemon cards. On Thursday, Elon Musk announced that you could no longer purchase a Tesla with blank.

Bitcoin. Right. On Tuesday, 40 U.S. Attorneys General sent a letter urging Facebook to not create a version of blank for kids. Instagram. Right. This week, a bride in India dumped her groom at the altar after discovering he couldn't blank. For personal reasons, I cannot answer that question. He couldn't complete a math test.

The woman had started to think that her husband-to-be had lied about his extensive educational background. So, she decided to test him during their wedding ceremony. After he failed to complete a standard multiplication table, she left him on the spot. So, while the groom may not know 8 times 15,

he does know that 1 is the loneliest number. Reinforcing stereotypes. Why don't I just say win a spelling bee? Bill, how did Hari do? Did he do well enough to win? He needed five. He got five for 10 more points.

Means with 13, he is this week's champion. And the winner, Razor 10, mind you. Way to go, Hari, and good effort to Peter and Karen, you guys. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict what the Brood 10 cicadas will see when they wake up 17 years from now. But first, let me tell you that. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman, Benevolent

Overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our house manager is Jana Capadona. Our social media superstar is Emma Choi. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman, composed our theme? Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. A big thanks to Vinnie Thomas. Figure drawing by Peter Nardo Deguinchi. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. The executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will the cicadas see when they wake up 17 years from now? Ari Kondabolu. The president of the United States is now Florida man. Karen T. They'll have seats to see the premiere of Paddington 8, Paddington Goes to Space. Peter Gross.

They'll see Liz Warren, who still won't be telling us who laughed at her Consumer Protection Agency idea. If any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait. Don't tell me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Hari Kamabolu, Karen Chee, and Peter Gross. And thanks to all of you for listening. Peter Sagal is back next week. I'm Maz Jobrani. I'm back on tour, and you can find my full schedule at mazjobrani.com. And my podcast, Back to School, is available everywhere.

Thank you so much. This is NPR.