Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Symone

Episode Date: May 8, 2021

Symone, winner of Season 13 of RuPaul's Drag Race, plays our game called "Lip Sync Meet Fix Sink." Three questions about plumbers. She is joined by Paula Poundstone, Alonzo Bodden, and Luke BurbankLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Hey there, Melinda. Why not try this bill for a change? Bill Curtis. And here's your host, a man who we introduce as your host each week, mostly because we need to remind him, Peter Sagan. Thank you so much, Bill. Later on, we're going to be talking to Simone, who was the winner of the latest season of RuPaul's Drag Race and some say the greatest contestant ever. So we expect her to be our greatest guest ever. But first, it's time to let your inner diva shine. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Judith and I'm calling from Hyde Park, Vermont. Hey, Judith, what do you do there in Hyde Park? So I work at a restorative justice center with youth who are transitioning out of high school and some who have actually opted out of completing high school. And I support them in finding work. Restorative Justice Center? Yeah. Yeah. It's a great program.

It sounds like something called a Restorative Justice Center in a small town of Vermont sounds like a great hour-long drama from the 90s. It could be. You know what I mean? Oh, my gosh. The Restorative Justice Center. Boom, boom, bum. Exactly. Or the place you take your cabinets

when you don't want them anymore and they're going to end up in somebody else's house. Either would be fine. Welcome to the show, Judith. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's the host of the daily podcast, TBTL on the public radio variety show, LiveWire. It's Luke Burbank. Hey, Judith. Hey, Luke.

Next up, it's the comedian who will be at the Spokane and Tacoma Comedy Clubs June 3rd through the 6th. It's Alonzo Bowden. Hello, Judith. How are you? Hello. Great. And finally, you can hear her every week on the podcast. Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone. Download it directly from her website, paulapoundstone.com, or wherever you get your podcasts. It's Paula Poundstone. Hey, Judith. Hello. Judith, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose on your voicemail. Are you

ready to play? I am so ready, yes. Here is your first quote. Fruits, legumes, fungi, grains, and so much more. That was Chef Daniel Hum reading off some of the ingredients he'll be using now that his fancy restaurant and many others will no longer be serving what? Meat? Yes, meat. Mr. Hum is the chef and owner of Eleven Madison Park in New York, called one of the greatest restaurants in the world, and the first three-star Michelin restaurant to make the change to an all-plant-based menu. The restaurant says the switch became possible after finally perfecting a way to force-feed a plant to fatten up its liver. Now, it sounds like a huge change, but remember, this is not a steakhouse or a burger joint.

This just means an end to like three small droplets of chicken foam placed carefully in a leaf of arugula like dewdrops in a meadow. I love the idea. You do? Yeah. I mean, I don't eat at really fancy restaurants, but I still love the idea. There's plenty to eat. Yes. In fact, they've asked me to write their slogan,

there's plenty to eat that is not meat. Restaurants like this, I mean, I'm going to speak for myself. I always look at them as artwork anyway. To go to one of these restaurants, I always think, where am I going to eat on the way home after I have dinner there? So I'm okay with their plant-based menu as long as I can grab a burger on the way back to the hotel. I don't know if this came up on the show recently, but there's a very fancy restaurant by where I used to live on an island. And the whole spiel from this restaurant was that all of the food that they served people

was from the island or from the waters around the island yeah and the the bill was significant oh yeah and there was a new york times expose two weeks ago that a lot of the food was from costco i've never wanted to be part of a class action lawsuit More in my life I want my 1100 back Willows Inn From Costco on the island So that made it okay Was the restaurant called Kirkland?

Just to cover up You know what? That was a dead giveaway It really was I'm not sure where exactly this restaurant is But there is a huge opportunity For someone to open like a Ruth's Chris Steakhouse right next door. Right next to it. Just right next to it.

There's 11 Madison Park, and look over here, 12 Madison Park. You just walk in. All right. Your next quote is a New York Post headline no one but no one clicked on. See inside Bill Gates' secret nests with gal pals bill gates love life is suddenly in the news this week why oh he and melinda are calling it quick they are bill and melinda gates have announced they're getting divorced after 27 years of marriage that raises so many questions what problems did they have that even an infinite amount of money could

not solve? Will their philanthropy be affected? It won't be the same if it's the Bill or Melinda Gates Foundation. Yeah. You know what? There's a beautiful moral in this story. What is that? People shouldn't be in couples.

Beautiful, Paula. One of the things that happens, of course, whenever these very wealthy people split up is all of a sudden, instead of like a billionaire couple, you have two single billionaires. So as you can imagine, suitors will be flocking. Suddenly there are dozens of attractive, available women telling Mr. Gates that they have malaria. As for Melinda Gates, what do we know about her? She's committed to international philanthropy, so she'll be getting lots of DMs from doctors without pants. How much do the lawyers get paid in a divorce like this? I mean, they're dividing up, what, $100 billion?

They're not using lawyers. They're just working it out informally. Are they? Is that true? No. There's like a trillion dollars on the line. I imagine Jeff Bezos calls Bill Gates and says, hey, Bill, I got a guy. Right?

You can leave with a hundred billion. I got a guy. They should do. I don't know. This is a true story. When Warren Buffett and his wife decided they didn't want to be together anymore. Wait, when did that happen? That happened many, many years ago.

Many, many years ago. Oh, geez. In fact, his wife subsequently? That happened many, many years ago. Many, many years ago. Oh, jeez. In fact, his wife subsequently died, but this happened many years ago. And this is what he said. He said to her, why bother getting divorced? Go live your life with whomever you like, and I'll support you. I have more money than God. It won't be a problem.

Whatever you need, you can have. And I'll live my life, and we won't need to go through the misery and publicity and expense of a divorce. And they said, okay. And that's what they did for the rest of their life. life and we won't need to go through the misery and publicity and expense of a divorce and they said okay and that's what they did for the rest of their rest of their life the thing with warren buffett that's so charming is he you know lives in this house in omaha that he's lived in forever a very modest house he goes to i think it's like a particular fast food restaurant and gets his lunch every day and at some point his wife woke up and said, I believe we are billionaires. And I believe I would like to not eat at Wendy's today, Warren. Judith.

Yes. Judith, your last quote is a headline from the Washington Post. Okay. Are the Bidens giants? That question was prompted after a photo was published showing the seemingly enormous Bidens standing next to whom this week? Rosalind and Jimmy Carter. Yes, indeed. The Carters. That's very good. In case you didn't see it, some weird combination of a wide angle lens and forced perspective made it seem as if the Bidens were like three times

larger than the Carters, as if in the 40 years between their two presidencies, the human race evolved into a much larger form. Now, this is interesting. I don't know if you knew this. Joe Biden was the first ever sitting president to pay a visit to the Carter home in Georgia, partially because Carter was seen by previous Democrats as a loser, partially because not until the Bidens could anyone figure out how to get their normal human bodies through their tiny round door. Wouldn't you think that whoever gets the gig photographing presidents would know what they're doing? Like, that's got to be a good gig amongst photographers. Wouldn't you get somebody who's like oh i'm gonna make them all

look the same size like real life i'm gonna i'm gonna somehow magically reproduce them in the size they actually are how there's 25 million teenage girls who could have selfie this picture yeah better than whoever they hired by the, the Carters are the oldest presidential couple to have ever lived. They have survived longer than any other president and spouse in history. And you know what happens? Because they don't need a lot of food.

That's probably right. You know what happens when you get older is you shrink. They're smaller. In fact, he's so small now, the former president goes by the name Jiminy Carter. And you know how he used to be a peanut farmer now he literally is he farms one peanut oh all right bill how did judith do on our quiz judith is from vermont and why wouldn't she win she got three right congratulations

thank you thank you yes that's right judith congratulations thank you so much for playing thank you so much this is. Thank you so much. This was great. Take care. Bye, Judith. Bye. Thanks. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news.

Alonzo, as you and I both know, motorcycles can be dangerous, but a company called Klim has this new high-tech airbag vest that you wear that is designed so that it will inflate like a car's airbag if you happen to fly off your motorcycle before you hit the ground. That is great. It'll work as long as you wear it properly, keep it maintained, turn it on before you ride, and you do what? Unfortunately, in order to stay alive, you must pay your monthly dues. That's exactly right. You have to pay your monthly subscription to the airbag company or it will not work.

Now, the system is monitored by the manufacturer and it is turned off if you don't pay. So you hit a pothole, you're flying through the air, but don't worry, you're wearing your trusty airbag vest. But wait, did you pay the monthly subscription? Oh, you forgot. Not to worry. You have your phone.

Okay. Go to Klim.com. Oh, it's Klim.tv. Okay. Pay bill. Oh, Face ID isn't working with Apple Pay. Oh, it's because you're wearing your helmet. Okay.

You take off your helmet. There, that worked. Oh, you never set up Apple Pay when you got your new phone and you're dead. Pretty much. I mean, yeah, what happens? This is one bill. I'll tell you what, this is one bill you pay yourself. You don't trust your spouse to pay this one. You don't trust in this one. You make sure you pay yourself every bill. I went to the website to check in the details and they have, as you might imagine, a FAQ

and a frequently asked questions page and among the questions is will you turn this off if i don't pay my bill and they're like no no no no no no no no absolutely not absolutely not absolutely not we give you a 30-day grace period so you're either way that fact is also what you yell as you're hurtling through the air realizing that you have not paid for your airbag subscription. Coming up, NPR turns 50 in our Bluff the Listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Today, it seems like everybody's got a bone

to pick with the news. So what happens when somebody stops talking smack and just decides to wage all-out war? First thing you do in an evasion, you eliminate the communications of the enemy. And what happens if they win? Visit Stockton, California, for a story about a revolt against the mainstream media

that's shaken up a city. From NPR's Invisibilia. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Luke Burbank, and Alonzo Bowden. And here again is your host, the man who swears the microphone adds 10 pounds, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me bluff to listen again. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game in the air. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Christian Neil Herman from Minneapolis, Minnesota.nesota hey how are things in minneapolis my former home for at least a little while oh they're they're doing well spring has sprung yes well our version of spring has sprung

i know and it's over sorry you just had it you just had spring sorry you sorry you wasted it with us are you um a native of you don't sound like one, a native of Minnesota? No, no, I'm not. I got here by way of Georgia and Texas. Oh, really? And how are you dealing with the winters? We've embraced it. My husband and I, we go ice skating. We tried to play some hockey games. We dove in feet first. I don't think you're a real Minnesotan unless you go ice fishing but we did that once uh yeah not my thing welcome to the show you christian are going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction bill what's christian's topic happy birthday npr this week we are celebrating 50 years

of npr congratulations to us we're old enough to be in the cover of aarp magazine now npr has profiled lots of fascinating people in those 50 years, and our panelists are going to tell you each about one of them. However, only one really was on NPR. Pick the panelist who's telling the true story from the NPR archive. We'll win our prize, 50 more years of journalism, and the wait-waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Absolutely. All right, Christian, here we go. First up, let's hear from Paula Poundstone. NPR doesn't usually do stories about weight loss fads, but this method gave them NPR-ish pause. Morbidly obese at 352 pounds and suffering heart disease, Oscar Goodman started to think. I couldn't even make myself get out of bed and stop mindlessly staring at the television Goodman told Morning Edition's Steve Inskeep. One day, I turned the TV off and just lie there thinking. Just thinking. Why, in touch typing, does the letter J get to be under what is, on average, the most dexterous finger of the human hand? Why did PE classes ever have kids choose the players for

their teams? Were chickens ever wild? At a point, I found myself in a pool of sweat. I looked at the clock and over two hours had passed. I started thinking for at least a couple of hours a day. I mean, intense, deliberate thinking. Goodman lost five pounds in the first week and has shed over 100 pounds in the year since. A man tells Steve Inskeep on Morning Edition about his thinking diet. Your next blast from the past comes from Alonzo Bowden. Most parents tell their kids don't talk back.

But what if your child could talk backwards? Randy Mia Berman is able to talk or even sing backwards. Her parents say she's been doing it since she was five. When she appeared on All Things Considered in 2002, she told Noah Adams and Melissa Block that she doesn't really try to do it, it just happens in her head. Instantly. She can take a phrase or song and repeat it backwards three ways, reversing words, syllables, or even pronouncing each letter backward, resulting in what sounds like a new language. How does one

use this talent? She says it's great at parties, and she doesn't mind showing off her gift and hopes someone will have a way for her to use it or to connect her with someone else who possesses the same talent. We can only imagine trying to follow that conversation. A woman who can talk backwards talked forwards to Melissa Block and Noah Adams on All Things Considered. And finally, your last story from NPR's attic comes from Luke Burbank. You could hear the suspicion in Lulu Garcia Navarro's voice as 13-year-old Scott McCulloch was ushered into the studio during Weekend Edition back in 2017. His claim? He could locate Pokemon Go characters without using a smartphone. The augmented reality game was all

the rage at the time, but most people needed to look through their phones to see where a Charmander or Bulbasaur might be hiding, but not Scott. Each Pokemon actually has a smell to it, he explained, diving into the corner of the studio and tackling a Pikachu, which he said smelled like almonds. A stunned Garcia Navarro watched through her iPhone as McCulloch proceeded to capture a Squirtle, onions, he said, a Raichu, vaguely bacon-like, and even an Arbok, which he said smelled like his brother Jeff's socks. in an Arbok, which he said smelled like his brother Jeff's socks. The segment actually received extremely low ratings, since radio is a visual medium, but has since gone viral on various Pokemon subreddits where it's described as epically lol-worthy. All right, then. Once upon a time, NPR, the nation's premier radio journalism outfit, broadcast one of these stories. Was it from Paula Poundstone,

a man telling Steve Inskeep about how he managed to lose a lot of weight just by thinking seriously? From Alonzo Bowden, a woman who appeared on all things considered to talk backwards? Or from Luke, an interview that Lulu Garcia Navarro did with a kid who could find Pokemon Go virtual animals, creatures, monsters, by the sense of smell. Which of these is the real story from NPR archives? Well, sometimes when my two-year-old talks, I don't know if he's talking backwards. He can be hard to understand. So I'm going to say the middle one, the talking backwards one. So you are going to choose Alonzo's story of the woman who claimed and presumably demonstrated that she could speak backwards. Well, OK.

To bring you the correct answer, well, of course, here is the tape of the NPR segment in question. Let's try something from The Wizard of Oz that you may have in your mind that you could do backwards. OK, sure. See if we can recognize it. Pio, obner, adrevo, realmas. Now, of course, that was Noah Adams and Melissa Block talking to the woman who could speak backwards, but we owe you this when they reversed it. Here we go. I think we are going to be able to play that tape forward.

I think we are going to be able to play that tape forward. Some more over the rainbow. Of course, of course. Well, I know what tape will haunt my nightscape. So there you are, Christian. You got it right. That was the segment, and that's why we love NPR. You have earned a point for Alonzo. You have won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail,

speaking backwards, forwards. We don't care. We'll do anything. Congratulations, Christian. Thank you. Talk to you soon. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

And now the game where people who have won big have the chance to win very, very small. It's called Not My Job. For 13 seasons, RuPaul's Drag Race has given aspiring drag queens a chance to hit the big time under the tutelage of the greatest supermodel of the world. And aficionados of the show say that no champion matches Simone, winner of the most recent season for champion matches Simone, winner of the most recent season for style, beauty, talent, and sheer glam. We are delighted to have her with us. Simone, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, y'all. Thank y'all for having me. It is an absolute joy to have you. Congratulations on the big win.

Oh, thank you so much. I'm on cloud nine. Still, still up there. Yeah, absolutely. So I got to ask first, what has it been like since you won? I mean, I'm assuming it's like Miss America and you have to like go places and make. Yes, very nice. Everywhere. Everyone wants to talk to me. Everyone wants a piece of Simone. It's been great. It's lovely. That's why you got into this. Exactly. I've never been so wanted in my life. it's lovely that's why you got into this i exactly i've never been so wanted in my life um i want to get to your origin story first you grew up in arkansas so was there a big drag scene in arkansas when you were growing up there there yes and no like in little rock there was it was

a pretty good drag scene but it was very page, as you could probably imagine. And so not really my gig, but I learned a lot from the girls. But that wasn't my path. What do you mean pageant? Pageant? It's like, you know, very like there is a gay Miss America. There is a gay US of A. Like it's like a pageant. And girls go and they compete.

There's swimwear. There's, you know, Q&A. Like it's a pageant, but with drag queens. Right. And what was the version that you were more attracted to i was just i wanted to be a model a woman i mean for lack of a better term that's what i wanted i just it was a lot of money for a one out of 50 chance of winning right you just you just wanted to skip right to the point you get

when you win and just be the star. Yeah. Very that. And tell me about Simone as a character. Where did she come from? I would say Simone is me. I would say Simone is who I didn't let myself be when I was a kid. Sure. Very expressive, very just happy, effervescent, if you will, and just happy to be here. Gorgeous, stunning. That goes without question if only if only all our listeners could be on zoom stunning thank you did it was it a process of evolution to find your look and your and your persona or is it just there for you oh god yes um i at first i kind of was

just like i i just want to do drag you know and i don't really care about what i look like i just want to be on stage and i just, you know, want to feel happy. And then I kind of got to a point of like, okay, I had to figure out who I was really and really like dig down deep and find my passions. And it was definitely a process because honey, I used to wear tights and the foundation did not match the tights. Foundation didn't match the body. So there were three different shades going on.

And of course, I want to talk about the show, Drag Race, which is amazing. It's a competition show, but there are various things going on that are unique to it. But the show, if I understand correctly, the show often ended with a lip sync battle between two of the contestants and the loser had to leave. Had to leave. She had to go home, pack her bag, get out. between two of the contestants and the loser had to leave. Had to leave. She had to go home, pack her bag, get out.

And I watched maybe three of them from this last season just in a row. It was unfair. I mean, there was some poor person. Having to listen against me, the Ebony Enchanter. It is kind of unfair, isn't it? It was absolutely unfair. I mean, it was like this person, this drag queen is lip syncing this song and you're over here and it's like, oh, you're actually singing it. It was just, it was.

I have no idea how many people say that to me. They're like, you know, there's lip syncing, but it looks like those words are literally coming out of your mouth. And I'm like, I don't know what it is. I've always been able to do it. It's a gift for sure. It is a gift that I do have. All right.

As I think I have made clear intentionally or not, I am somewhat new to the world of drag and I wanted to ask you about some drag lingo that I have no idea what any of this means. Snatched. Snatched. That means that one of two things, actually. Some girls, they are snatched. The makeup is good. The makeup makeup is there your face is beat another word for beat really or you could be snatched in the sense of you know some girls they'll tape back the your temples for and you'll be snatched so you could make up can be snatched and then you can literally be snatched in the face right oh i see so but snatched is good snatch is good just to let you know when you said snatched is like beat it helped me not at all but let's let's okay but does she you know you're you said snatched is like beat, it helped me not at all. But let's, okay. But just so you know what you're dealing with.

What does serving face mean? Serving face. So serving face means kind of like you are beat and you're giving it to the camera like so. You're just serving face, darling. Giving him all the, everything that's here. You just served Peter so much face that he's going to have to take some of it to go. Right. And the last one, and this is a word I know,

but I'm told it has a special meaning in your world, which is sickening. Sickening. Sickening. Sickening, no? It's just so good that I'm literally having a reaction to it so visceral that it's sickening. I'm just so sickened by what you're serving me right now.

Okay. No, we gays, we dramatic, honey. So we'll say this is sickening, darling. I'm just so sickened by what you're doing. I wanted to ask you about another element of RuPaul's show, which I was amazed by, which is the snatch game. Yes. The all-time, the challenge, darling. Right.

And this, of course, was meaningful to me because I think I'm RuPaul's generation and I remember the old Match Game that it's based on, but could you describe it? So Snatch Game is a game on RuPaul's, a challenge on RuPaul's Drag Race where you come in and you do your best celebrity impersonation

of you get to choose, but you have to be in character. You have to make RuPaul laugh. Usually you're trying to be comedic and accurate right that's the goal what celebrities did you do i did harriet tubman wow what right what i did harriet tubman i did i did i was like what can i go in there and do that they are not going to expect i yeah so they're doing so like people are doing like celebrities. Celebrities, yes. And you come in as Harriet, did you have like the whole

Civil War era? I had on the garb, I had on, I drew some lines on my face. I had a headscarf on. I was giving it to you. Wow.

Yes. And were you a funny Harriet Tubman or a serious Harriet Tubman? I like to think so. I was, I mean, I made RuPaul laugh,

so that was the challenge and I succeeded. It is a delight to talk to you, Simone, but we have in fact invited you here to play a game we're calling Lip Sync Meet Fix Sync. Oh, chow! You are brilliant, as we discussed at the Fine Art of Lip Syncing,

so we thought we'd ask you about kitchen sinks and the people who fix them, That is plumbers. All right. Let me see what knowledge I got up in this knowledge. There you go. So if you answer two out of three questions correct about the plumbing arts, you will win a prize from one of our listeners,

the voice of anyone they choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Simone playing for? Grace Jensen of San Francisco, California. All right. Here's your first question. Plumbers are on call 365 days a year, but one South Florida plumber had an emergency call on Thanksgiving. Why? A, a homeowner didn't know what to do with her turkey carcass, so she flushed it down the toilet.

B, apparently the guy was a hunk and somebody needed the date for their family's Thanksgiving. Or C, as the customer put it, quote, my brother-in-law is coming over and I need you on standby. Oh, I'm going to go with B. You're going to go, because that makes sense. Like some guy, you know, he needed a date. He needed a date.

I was like, I'll call the plumber. The plumber will come. I like your thinking, but in fact, it was A, that the homeowner had this turkey carcass, didn't know what to do with it. You're kidding. Flushed down the toilet.

This is not a problem. Just like on RuPaul's Drag Race, you might've screwed up, but you still have a chance to win it all. Next question. Plumbers sometimes have hidden talents beyond just unclogging your drain, as proven by a plumber in Alaska who did what? A, invented ranch dressing. B, personally mothered an orphan flock of herons. Or C, he was the first and only male soprano at the Juno Lyric Opera?

Hmm. I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with that? You know, I'm just going to say that's just too straightforward for our show. The answer has been hidden to you so far, but you may find it. Hidden Valley.

So A, was it the ranch? Yes, it was. It was the ranch! Yes! Oh my god! Ranch dressing. Wow. Last question. If you get this right, you win. Roy Regal was the name of a plumber who passed away in 2017, and he so

loved his job that he requested what as a tribute? A, that instead of a typical funeral, his body should be fed down a garbage disposal. B, that the Roto-Rooter Company changed its name to Roto-Roy Regal. Or C, that his ashes I hope it's that one. Live your dream. So I'm going to say C? That's exactly right.

Yes. That's it? It's it. That's what he did. He was a big baseball fan, and according to his best friend, that mission of having some of his ashes flushed in a toilet in every one of the 30 baseball stadiums, Major League, was accomplished. Wow.

Good for him. Isn't it great? Bill, how did Simone do in our quiz? What a winner. She got two out of three, and that means you have snatched it away. Yes, Bill. Yes. Simone is a drag icon, activist, and the most recent winner of RuPaul's Drag Race.

Simone, congratulations on everything. You are fabulous and deserving. And thank you so much for being on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you guys so much for having me. I had such a great time. Thanks a lot. Take care, Simone. You guys, too.

Have a good day. time. Thanks a lot. Take care, Simone. You guys, too. Have a good day. In just a minute, Bill piles up the junk in his trunk in the Listener Limerick Challenge game. Call 1-888- WAITWAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Alonzo Bowden, Paula Poundstone, and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host, a man who is 100% effective after just one dose. It's Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill sings his favorite Olivia Rodrigo song, Rhymer's License. It's a heartfelt listener limerick challenge game. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, a businessman named

John Cox is running for governor in California's recall election. And to generate interest in his campaign, he's traveling the state with a thousand pound bear. So far, it's been pretty smooth. But Mr. Cox has one complaint. What? The bear is more popular than he is. Essentially, yes. He is complaining that people are only talking about the bear. He got tons of attention this week with his publicity stunt, but by Wednesday, he was complaining that the media was only talking about, you know, that, saying, quote, the coverage yesterday was all about the bear. Cox then told reporters that he wanted voters to focus on the changes he wanted to make in the state, which I don't really remember.

It was something about a bear. The bear, you should know, is part of Cox branding himself as, quote, the beast, making current Governor Gavin Newsom the beauty. So I can't wait for his appearance next week with a special guest, a teapot. Meanwhile, the bear is actually polling very strongly. He's in third place currently. is actually pulling very strongly he's in third place currently he is yeah he's doing great at what point if you're traveling with a giant bear do you think people are not going to be interested in the bear that i mean that's sort of the funny thing i'll tell you this if you rent a bear don't get the full coverage it's a total

ripoff use your own bear coverage that's how they. You know, the thing that I said what I hate is when they hate when they just try to upsell you the extras. No, it's like I'm fine. I understand you've reserved the brown, but I can upgrade you into a grizzly for only like $14 more a day. I've got this printout from Travelocity right here. It shows what I'm getting. Please just give me that. Paula, a 19-year-old womanlahoma was moving to arkansas so she found an apartment online it looked great she signed the lease before she even visited which is why

that she is now living where um i uh in a nursing home exactly right she's living in a senior citizen's residence she accidentally moved in this retirement home after signing a lease without viewing the property. It took her a full week, she says, before she figured it out. I wonder what tipped her off. The fact that all her neighbors were over 65? The fact that most apartments don't have help buttons on the wall or the giant sign out front that said, senior citizen's apartments. So now she's the youngest person by god knows how many decades she says she likes it she can constantly like brag to her neighbors oh i've fallen and i can get up

hey serve me your chewiest steak didn't she also say to one news outlet that was interviewing her that she can play her music as loud as she wants yes she actually really likes it she says that it's really fun she enjoys it you know i, think of all the things she gets to hear about the war at every meal. Wow. I'm just wondering how many gifts she gets from people who think she's their granddaughter. Exactly. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

Now, if you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or you can always click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. And check out our Wait Wait Instagram, where our very own Emma Choi hides all of her deepest secrets. And if you want even more Wait Wait, check out her upcoming virtual comedy club on May 18th, featuring Alonzo Bowden, Maeve Higgins, Adam Burke, and Karen Chee. Tickets are on sale right now at NPR Presents.org. Tell a friend or an enemy. Hi, you're on Wait Wait, don't tell me. Hi. Hi, who's this? This is Kim Higgins

from Tuscola, Illinois. Tuscola, Illinois. I, of course, live in Chicago, so I have no idea about any other part of Illinois. That's how we are. Where is Tuscola? We're about half an hour south of Champaign. Okay. I'm about a half hour away from Champ, too. Yeah. Since we wrapped this up. Ka-zing! Well, welcome to the show, Kim. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play?

I am. Here is your first limerick. As each happy hour looms near, We breweries have one big fear. The global supply may have run a bit dry. So the pubs will all run out of beer. Right! After lockdown restrictions lifted, Brits enjoyed themselves so much over the weekend that many pubs ran out of beer. British people getting hammered again is so beautiful.

Nature is healing. But it must have been so frustrating to go out for the first time in months and not be able to drink a nice, hot British beer. And without a beer in front of you, what do you stare sullenly into? Did they actually run out or they're just worried they're going to run out?

No, they actually ran out. There were pubs like, I don't want any more beer because everybody wanted to go out and get a beer. There are things I want to do now that I just didn't care about at all before the pandemic. I'm excited to go to like a Ross Dress for Less and wander through the wreckage

of that store. It always looks like there's been a pandemic at Ross Dress for Less. No, didn't they expect a run on beer i mean you'd think you'd think you'd lay it in it was so bad they drank american beer oh no didn't get that bad here is your next limerick every day i feel stuck in a rut i'm just sitting on my you-know-what. It feels saggy and flat, but I'm working on that. I'm implanting a round

juicy... Butt? Butt, yes! People want big butts and they cannot lie, according to the data released by the American Society of Plastic Surgeons, which they do not refer to as ass peas, but we do.

In addition to our sanity, apparently many of us have lost tone and shape to our buttocks after just constantly sitting for a year. So butt implants, they say are up 22% from last year as our laughs caused by pants splitting. Now this is expensive to get plastic surgery to enhance your butt. So as a home remedy, just keep shoving tiramisu in your mouth and wait a bit. It's slow, but it is effective. How I use my stimulus check is nobody else's business, Peter. So I'm just imagining you're in med school. Yeah.

And what day do you decide, yep, I'm doing butts? I think the moment when most plastic surgeons decide to go into the business is when they are invited out on the enormous boat of another plastic surgeon. They're all of a sudden struck by an inspiration to help people with the size of their butts. Here is your last limerick. It's the best health incentive I've seen. Free donuts and weed and caffeine. If you get this shot, we will throw in some pot. Just make sure that you get your vaccine.

Yes, vaccine. States and businesses are now having to give out incentives to get people to take the vaccine. Krispy Kreme is giving away free donuts. If you have a vaccine card in Maryland, you can get $100. New Jersey will get you a free beer. And everywhere, you can get a life-saving vaccine that will let you go inside. What is wrong with you? One New Yorker started the Joints for Jabs initiative, where this is true. You get a free joint if you proved you were vaccinated, which has led to some people getting their third second shot of Moderna because they forgot about the first two.

Or if you're still wary of the vaccine, but you want some free pot, just go to a random party in Brooklyn and stand there for a while. I love that you can actually get some weed and free donuts. I mean, you're set. That's a weekend. I mean, exactly. Symbiotic. You got the vaccine, the weed, the donut, you're set. You're going back inside. You're like, I'm good. Yeah. Bill, how did Kim do in our quiz?

She did very well. Three in a row. Congratulations, Kim. Thank you. That's fantastic. Thank you so much for playing, Kim. Take care. Thanks. Love you guys. Bye-bye. Bye, Kim. Now it's time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Luke has two, Paula has three, and Alonzo has three. All right, Luke, you're in third place.

You're up first. The clock will start when they begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the White House announced its support for waiving the patent protection for blank. The vaccines. Right. This week, the Israeli opposition leader was given a chance to form a coalition government after blank failed to do so. Benjamin Netanyahu. Yes.

On Tuesday, the Department of Justice sent a letter detailing their concerns over an election audit in blank. Arizona. Right. After receiving over $200,000 in COVID relief money, a town in Japan spent it on blank. A giant squid statue. Exactly. And why not? On Wednesday, an oversight board upheld Facebook's ban of blank. DJT. Exactly. According to a new study, the U.S. blank rate fell by 4% in 2020. Birth. Yes, birth rate. This week, a boy in Minneapolis was declared safe and also the

envy of all his friends after he blanked at the airport. Got to fly the plane. No, better. Rode the luggage conveyor belt. According to airport security, the nine-year-old and his family were placing their luggage on the belt when the boy decided that he also wanted to be misplaced somewhere between Minneapolis and Atlanta and dove in after it. He was found after a little while when he was taken home by another family who picked him up off their conveyor belt because he looked exactly like their kid. And who checks the tags these days? Every child has wanted to do this. And I know because I want to do it yeah child how about 45 year old dude named me i feel like on the other side of that like plastic curtain yeah

it's like the inside of willie wonka's chocolate factory there's a chocolate river there's a world of pure imagination exactly they're just keeping it from us yes i don't know i don't know how much traveling you guys have done during the pandemic, but I'm going to tell you, the luggage carousel is the one place there was no COVID. Like people just completely forgot about it when they got to the luggage carousel. There'll be no social distancing. I'm grabbing my luggage. It was fascinating to watch.

It is true that for some reason at the luggage carousel, there seems to be a general belief that the last person to retrieve their luggage from the carousel will be killed. And so you have to do everything you possibly can not to be that person. It can get vicious. Bill, how did Luke do in our quiz? Well, he had six right, 12 more points. He now has 14. That gives him the lead. All right.

Let's arbitrarily say that Alonzo is up next. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, President Biden announced a new goal to blank 70 percent of adults by the 4th of July. Vaccinate. Yes. On Thursday, the governor of Florida signed a bill heavily restricting blank rights in the state. Voting rights. Yes. According to a new CDC report, deaths from blank are likely to fall sharply by late July. COVID? Yes. After trying to raise the money to buy the Colorado Rockies baseball team, a Denver-based brewery closed their fundraiser while short of their $1 billion goal by just blank.

$1,000? No, by $999,993,870. That's almost the same thing. Almost. On Thursday, the Texas Senate passed a bill to allow people to carry blanks without a license. Guns? Right. This week, a man in California had the chance to witness a stunning flock of 800 birds when they blanked.

Attacked him? No, when they flew into his house. More than 800 migrating birds decided as a flock to enter the chimney of Patrick Belville's home. According to experts, this kind of bird likes to roost in trees and caves, and that's what they thought his chimney was. But they decided to stay in the home

after seeing the tastefully appointed Spanish Revival-style living room. I'm going to go to the judges on that and say that if 800 birds come into your house, that qualifies as an attack. No, they were very nice. No one ever had 800 friendly birds come down their chimney.

No, like that classic Hitchcock film, The Friendly Birds. Where the birds descend on a town and fix everything for people. Bill, how did Alonzo do in our quiz? He had four right for eight more points. He now has 11, but Luke still has the lead with 14.

All right. And how many then does Paula need to win? Six to win. All right, Paula, here we go for the game. On Wednesday, Republican Senator Jody Ernst voiced her support for embattled GOP leader Blank. Cheney. Yes, Liz Cheney. On Tuesday, officials announced that Blank had surpassed 20 million coronavirus cases.

India. Right. This week, a federal judge struck down a nationwide freeze on Blanks. Evictions. Right. On Monday, a member of the Wisconsin National Guard was charged for participating in the riot at the Blank. Uh, at the Capitol.

Right. Last weekend, emergency responders in Pennsylvania were able to rescue a man after a tree fell and trapped him in blank. Port-a-potty. Yes. After the Secretary of Labor said that their workers should be classified as employees, ride-share app blank's stock fell sharply. Uber. Yes. On Wednesday, private space company blank successfully landed their Starship prototype rocket? SpaceX. Yes. While the Ohio State legislator considered a distracted driving law, one representative blanked.

Drove distractedly. Yes, I'll give it to you. He actually joined a legislative meeting while driving. The representative, Andrew Brenner, tried to hide what he was doing with a fake digital background of a living room behind him. But astute political observers noticed that he seemed to be wearing a seatbelt while in his living room. When he was busted, he insisted that he had been parked for most of the meeting. But those same astute political observers also noticed trees in the sky whipping past the windows of his living room. Bill, I think Paula did really well.

Did she do well enough to win? Look at Paula. She had eight right for 16 more points. So that with 19, she is this week and maybe one of the overall champions. Congratulations. You were in fact perfect. Wow. I know.

Perfect score. Coming up, our panelists predict, now that the fancy restaurant 11 Madison Park has gone meatless, what will be the next innovation in fine dining? But first, let me tell you that Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Godeka, Reiser Limerick, Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our social media star is Emma Choi. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Special help this week from Vinnie Thomas. Our dog whisperer is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Sir Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog, and the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike D.C. Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next innovation in fine dining?

Alonzo Bowden. I think they're going to get crazy and actually have live people in a restaurant with no partitions between them. Whoa! Luke Burbank. Hiring the farm animals to actually work at the restaurant so they have some sense of purpose. And Paula Poundstone. The chef will have an iPhone and he will tweet back and forth with the customers and text back and forth and they'll become known for having the slowest service in any restaurant ever. If any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Paula Poundstone, Alonzo Bowden, and Luke Burbank. Thanks to all of you for listening. I am Peter Sagal, and we will see you next week. This is NPR.