Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - T-Pain

Episode Date: June 26, 2021

T-Pain, the musician who won the first season of The Masked Singer, answers three questions about the half-masked singer, i.e. The Phantom of the Opera. He is joined by panelists Brian Babylon, Amy Dickinson, and Josh Gondelman.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm a super villain, Bill Curtis, and here is your host, a man who hates being called Pete, Pete Sago. Thank you, Beth. Thanks, everybody. We have a great show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to T-Pain, the musician and producer who, among many other things, won the

first season of The Masked Singer where they give out awards to people without being able to see what they look like. Obviously, they stole that idea from us, and we will be suing them as soon as we can get a hold of our lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. In the meantime, let's do it old school. Give us a call.

The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Allison calling from Westbrook, Maine. Hey, Allison, how are things in Maine? Oh, they're so beautiful this time of year. What do you do there? I am a software tester for a veterinary diagnostics company. A veterinary diagnostics company? You mean there's a company that just does software for diagnosing

medical problems in animals? Basically, yes. So we produce analyzers and software that basically give the feeling for your pet. Really? I mean, does it like translate their noises? So like, means like I have a headache? I mean, it's mostly blood work. But we should we should start developing technology for that. That'd be helpful. Well, welcome to the show, Allison. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First, you can see his new live comedy show Beats and Bits, July 22nd at the Laugh Factory in Chicago and July 29th in San Francisco at Neck of the Woods. It's Brian Babylon. Hey, how you

doing? Hi, Brian. Next, it's the syndicated advice columnist behind Ask Amy. It's Amy Dickinson. Hey, Allison. Hi. And finally, a writer and producer for Desus and Mero and Showtime and the host of the podcast, Make My Day, Josh Gondelman. Hey, Allison. Well, Allison, welcome to the show.

You, of course, are going to play Who's Bill this time. Once again, Bill Curtis will start us off by reading three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voicemail. You ready to go? I'm so ready.

Here we go. Now, your first quote is from an actual decision by the Supreme Court of the United States. Although, unlike the court, we have to censor it. F*** school. F*** cheer. F*** everything. School. Cheer. Everything. The court ruled that even though somebody said those words, her school could not stop her from being a what? From having free speech? Well, no. Yes. Yes. They restored her free speech rights, but they also restored her position on what squad?

Oh, the cheer squad. Yeah, OK. That's close enough. They couldn't stop her from being a cheerleader. Cheerleader Brandi Levy was suspended from the JV squad at her Pennsylvania high school after reacting to not making the varsity squad by posting a picture to Snapchat with the quote you heard from Bill. The Supreme Court then decided that her suspension was a violation of her F amendment rights. of her F amendment rights. I've got to tell you, I want to hear this young woman's version of the classic be aggressive chant because I feel like her version of the cheer is way more aggressive. Who is out there Snapchat snitching?

That's another, that is a really good question. That's the real question. The whole point of Snapchat is that it won't end up in front of the Supreme Court. I think that's like the point of the app. You want to avoid litigation, use Snapchat. Now, the case was a big victory, really, for First Amendment rights, but it's terrible news for Mr. Jacobs, a math teacher who is about to get absolutely destroyed on TikTok. Oh, they've been waiting to unleash on that guy. Now, Amy, something I found out just today is that you yourself were a cheerleader.

Yeah, and I was tossed off the squad. It was, you know. It was a drama? Well, I got the lead in the school play. Ooh. And I thought I could do both. But the cheerleaders were like, no, you have to choose. You were thrown off the cheerleading squad for overachieving?

I was going to ask which constitutional amendment you violated. Were you forcing people to quarter American soldiers in their homes again? All right, Allison, your second quote is also about a Supreme Court ruling this last week. They're free to make a buck. Also about a Supreme Court ruling this last week. They're free to make a buck. That was Rick Thielander from the Chicago Sun-Times explaining how now, thanks to the Supreme Court, who can finally profit from their playing sports? Student athletes.

Student athletes, Allison. Yes, exactly right. The Supreme Court has ruled that NCAA athletes can finally get paid. Sort of. The NCAA has maintained for years, and this is true, they argue this in front of the Supreme Court, that they shouldn't have to pay the student athletes who make them all that money because the appeal of college sports, you see, is that the students don't get paid.

It's the spirit of amateurism. And they're right. There is nothing more exciting than a fast break during March Madness and the point guard has to stop halfway to work a shift cleaning dorm toilets. Peter, people who are fake Spider-Mans and Iron-Mans on Hollywood Boulevard get paid more than these players do. And those people do it for the spirit of being someone fake. Right.

It was actually a limited ruling. The athletes can't be paid a salary like professionals, but they can be given things related to, quote, educational expenses. Like, wow, I didn't know they made Range Rovers with calculators in them. One argument, another argument is like, well, they are sort of getting paid.

They're getting a free education, right? But many of them don't. A lot of those players you see, even in big time schools are paying tuition it's this like pay us for the chance to work for a free thing you only see in like high-end college athletics and improv theaters the people were getting so mad at the athletes who would like to one year and then go straight to the league saying they were just ruining the college game like no i want to get paid people might like watching amateurs play but i'll tell you who's like not into the amateur experience is amateurs right yes good point yeah nobody plays

college sports division one especially as like a hobby they're're not just like, oh, you know, I just need something to do for 46 hours a week that makes me puke. All right, Allison, we've got one more quote for you. And here it is. We think it'll take a few extra weeks. That was a White House spokesman admitting toward the end of a long list of achievements he was bragging about that,

no, the U.S. won't make the president's goal for getting most people vaccinated by when? Independence Day. Yes, Independence Day, the 4th of July. The U.S. will not make its July 4th goal set by President Biden to have 70% of U.S. adults with at least one vaccine shot by Independence Day. Isn't it embarrassing? We couldn't get to 70%. Biden basically said to us, just get a C minus. And we couldn't even do that. We failed. And sadly, that means the country is going to have to repeat the last year. Well, what if we look at it on a nice little bell curve? You know, you never know. You get a B minus. Exactly.

Well, wait, between now and then, can't we think of some incentives? Well, that's the funny thing. Part of the problem is vaccines are now widely available, but a lot of people just don't want to get it. So states are doing all these incentives. Ohio will enter you into a lottery to win a million dollars if you get vaccinated. West Virginia is giving away guns to make up for the fact that you won't be able to kill people by giving them COVID. And maybe people are just holding out for better incentives like we do when the airlines want us to give up our seats. It's like, I bet if I hold out for a few more weeks and infect a few more people, I can get a fruit basket. Isn't D.C. giving out joints? Yes.

Actually, no. I think it was New York. There was one guy. There was one guy. There was one place. I will give you a joint if you show me your vaccination card. You've got to give me at least five joints. One joint is annoying. I need at least five joints.

Of course, a lot of people don't take the vaccine because they think it's unsafe, or so they will tell us on the 4th while shooting Roman candles at each other. So do any of you guys have plans for the 4th of July? Yeah, I'm going to hide from all the people who haven't gotten the vaccine. That's patriotic in its own way. Yeah. Bill, how did Allison do in our quiz? Allison, your puppies will be happy to see you. You got a perfect score.

Congratulations, Allison. Thank you so much. This was so much fun. It was fun to have you. You got a perfect score. Congratulations, Allison. Thank you so much. This was so much fun. It was fun to have you. Bye-bye. Bye. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. some questions about this week's news.

Josh, a new device that costs just $15 promises to finally cure what great scourge on humanity. Oh, gosh. $15? Yes. Just a plastic doohickey costs $15. A plastic doohickey. Because I was going to say, for $15, I can cure kind of the 2 p.m. snackishness that I encounter. Yes, exactly.

I'll give you a hint. Like here, when we all have this, no more trying to drink water from the other side of the glass. It cures hiccups? Yes, hiccups. This device will cure hiccups. The Hiccaway, the Hiccaway, let's pause to appreciate, is a specially designed plastic straw that uses, quote,

forceful suction to stop your hiccups. And preliminary tests indicate it works. Finally, no longer will we have to endure the agonizing previous treatment. Just waiting a little while. I'm I'm excited for the Hickaway scientists, because while the other scientists were like, oh, we have been working around the clock on vaccines. The Hickaway team is like uh idiots we are gonna be billionaires because people don't want to go anymore wait do you just carry this thing around for the chance that you apparently yeah i mean the idea is you'd have one i don't know you'd maybe you'd carry it in a

special sheath strapped to your thigh and then you you sort of suck water with it. I don't think I've had $15 worth of hiccups in my adult life. Are we that cheap? It's not even that cheap. It's just like, I'm just going to let it ride. I'll be fine in 90 to 120 seconds. I think everyone has that one friend that has cartoonish, loony tuned hiccup problems. Exactly. Like, are you kidding me?

Drink from the other side of the glass. I didn't realize it was a hiccup remedy. I thought it was like kind of old timey, like, like a blow off, like take a long walk off a short pier. Why don't you go drink from the other side of the glass? Why don't you go pour a soda for a cat? Like that. Why don't you go drink from the other side of the glass? Why don't you go pour a soda for a cat? Wait, that came in. Don't need a doctor.

Don't need a nurse. Ain't a pill or a potion that can fix what hurts. It's been a long day. Had the boss in my face all week. When I think I've had as much as any man can endure Go to go Coming up, you don't get to be one of 2015's 11 most livable cities in the world by just sitting around.

It's our Pittsburgh-themed Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Capitalism touches every part of our lives. play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Josh Gundelman, Ryan Babylon, and Amy Dickinson. And here again is your host, America's sweetheart, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me Bluff,

the listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, this is Robert from Raleigh, North Carolina. Hey, Robert, how are things in Raleigh? They're going, for sure. They're going. Well, what do you do there in Raleigh? Well, right now, I'm just a college student at Wake Tech, just working on getting a degree like everyone else. Okay, that's good.

That's good. And what are you going to get your degree in? I'm thinking, sorry for this, I'm thinking of being a nuclear chemist. Whoa, really? Yes. Okay, just coming in with a slam dunk degree. Listen to me. Robert, get your degree in something useful that has applicable skills that people need a specialty for.

What do you mean? What is nuclear science? Take that from an English major. Yeah. Well, Robert, it is nice to have you with us. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's Robert's topic? Merino Numenae.

As I'm sure you know, that is the motto of the city of Pittsburgh, also known as the Steel City, the City of Bridges, Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, the Pit of Not Despair, Bergie Sanders, the Pitsy Bitsy Spider. Our panelists are going to tell you about a new fun activity that they're doing in old steely pants, Pittsburgh town. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you will win our prize, the weight waiter of your choice in your voicemail. You ready to play? Yeah, I think I am. All right. First up, let's hear from Amy Dickinson.

Pittsburgh is known for sports, but the most exciting competition these days is the Litterer League, a competitive trash collecting league that is far more interesting than the Pirates this year. It began when civic-minded trash pickers in Pittsburgh have used their free time during the pandemic to clean up illegal dumping grounds in this city. And as with any good deed, the temptation to cheat began almost immediately. So the official rules are trash must be man-made junk already in place. Volume and weight are the name of the game. You want your illegally dumped mattresses, your tires, your bathtubs, hopefully a piano or two. One fierce competitor noted, if you get obsessed with picking up cigarette butts, you're going to lose.

All right. Competitive litter cleanup from the good people of Pittsburgh. Your next story from the pithole engine that could comes from Brian Babylon. Every year, the physics department at Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh holds the Magneto Championship, named after the Marvel character. Students design and wear magnetized metal armor and try to attract the most ball bearings after they are dropped into the middle of a field. It's like Hungry Hungry Hippos, but with nerds. This year, because everyone has been locked inside so long, the department moved the competition to Heinz Field, and a set of ball bearings used one small

one-pound cannonball, so the competitors naturally superpowered their magneto suits to keep up. But when the ball dropped and they powered on, all hell broke loose. One competitor flew straight up and stuck to the metal support beam. Another found herself being chased by an empty car that was pulled from a parking lot. And as for the rest of the would-be supervillains, even though they avoided immediate danger, it turns out a one-pound cannonball flying towards your chest from 30 yards, it hurts. So the Magneto Championship goes awry when they try using cannonballs instead of BBs. Your last story from the town they sometimes call Pitter Sagal.

Well, you don't know they don't. Comes from Josh Gondelman. You probably know all about Pittsburgh's legendary steel industry. But now the city also has a burgeoning stealing industry. But now, the city also has a burgeoning stealing industry. Pittsburgh Steelers, spelt S-T-E-A-L-E-R-S, is the name of a recently announced 24-hour shoplifting jubilee. It was instated by the city to encourage citizens to return to stores and has been described by economists as a cross between an economic stimulus package and the purge. The 24-hour legalization of shoplifting is meant to get consumers back into stores as capacity restrictions are lifted, and it's getting rave reviews from some customers.

I think this could be a real boost for the city, said Eric Malloy, a local school teacher, who was carrying a trash bag and wearing cargo pants with the biggest pockets you've ever seen. To avert total chaos, the city has implemented a few guidelines to keep things from getting out of hand. Shoplifters can't steal more than they can physically carry. That's unfair. Shoplifters may not steal the personal belongings of retail employees. That's just rude.

And shoplifters may not fight each other for goods. This isn't a clearance sale at a bridal boutique. Vendors may request reimbursement for any stolen merchandise. So let's hope this event is followed by a 24-hour legalization of insurance fraud. All right. One of these is a way that Pittsburghers are amusing themselves. Is it from Amy Dickinson, the litter league where people compete to pick up trash? From Brian Babylon, the Magneto Championship, where magnetized

physics students try to attract ball bearings. Or from Josh Gondelman, the Pittsburgh Steelers, a 24-hour jubilee of, well, stealing. Which one of these is the real good time in Pittsburgh? I'm being pulled towards B with the Magneto thing, but I think I'm going to have to trust my gut and go with Litter League. You're going to go with Litter League. That's Amy's story. Well, we actually spoke to someone involved with the real Pittsburgh pastime. The League was, I guess, a way to bring people together to do litter collection and, I guess, have some fun. That was Doug Clark, captain of the team Waste Deep, that's W-A-S-T-E,

of the Pittsburgh Litter League. Congratulations, Robert. You got it right. You've earned a point for Amy and you have won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail. Well done, sir.

Awesome. Thank you so much, Robert. That's really great. Congratulations, man, and good luck with the college thing. Thank you. Nuclear chemistry. Gen Z.

What are you even thinking? Thanks, Robert. Take care. All right. What are they even thinking? Thanks, Robert. Take care. All right. Thanks. Bye-bye. And now the game where people who are iconic do something ironic. It's called Not My Job.

Our guest this week is a multi-platinum winning DJ, singer, producer, rapper who's collaborated with everybody from Akon to Taylor Swift, popularized the use of auto-tune in pop music, and won the first season of The Masked Singer. But none of that is important. What's important is that he taped one of the most popular NPR Tiny Desk concerts ever, T-Pain. welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you. Thank you. I love you are our first guest in 23 years to bring his own sound effects, which I think everybody should have done.

It's going to be a disaster right off the top. I anticipate very positive things. I got to start by asking you about the NPR concert. You went and did a tiny desk concert. Yes. 2015. Uh-huh. It became at that point, the most watched,

uh, tiny desk concert ever more than 24 million views, something like that. But I just recently watched it again and, and you seem to be a little confused as to where you are when it starts. So, uh, the story behind that that the look on my face was one i'm just naturally ugly uh two um i had no idea what i was doing when you know my manager was just like you're gonna do npr didn't say like you gotta like sing songs and stuff they didn't say any of that they were just like you gotta go

do npr so i'm like oh okay cool so i can go hungover like freshly smoking cigarettes i was smoking cigarettes at the time i've since quit but i really thought i was gonna do like an interview and you know when you think npr you think really close up to the mic talking and uh this is how this is gonna go this week and uh we have t-pain coming in and we i didn't know what i was gonna do so uh yeah i didn't think that it was gonna be 300 people staring at me singing songs with nothing going on and in anticipation for it to be bad and not only and i love this was it the most popular tiny desk concert ever but everybody was so blown away that they invited you back to do a a concert at npr on the anniversary and you think i would have been prepared for that one but guess what you were smoking a cigar you were showing up yeah i switched to cigars no i'm joking but um

no i had a sinus infection that day but isn't a sinus infection just nature's auto-tune? I don't think that's how that works. I don't think you know how sinuses work. Speaking of your voice. So I just rewatched the big reveal at the end of your season of The Masked Singer. And you played this monster and everyone before you took the head off was guessing like who could it possibly be and people guessed you were jamie foxx and people guessed you were like yeah the guy from hootie and the blowfish they had

no idea said my hand too that was crazy that was crazy and then it wouldn't insult for them to guess someone who's not a singer like jesus what a way to tell me i sound terrible is it oscar the grouch in there what's going on is that grover what the hell is going on by the way you've if you haven't seen it you should because you've never experienced true emotion until you watch a man dressed as a one-eyed purple monster like breaking your heart with you know what's crazy about that man i really um i was trying to have fun with it because when on paper the way this show was described to me was like i i genuinely wanted to ask you're t-pain you got grammy awards you can do anything you want

and they come to you and they describe it in such a way that you say yes i will do this what did they say okay full disclosure i may or may not have been inebriated when they said it and i was just like yeah that, that sounds amazing. And just, but on paper, it sounds, it's, okay, so on paper, it felt like if the judges find out who you are, you gotta leave.

And I was like, oh, my voice is so distinctive, they're gonna find out first day. Give me the silliest costume you got. Just give me the... Just to you got. Just give me this. Just to get it in, because you're only going to be on one episode. I'm only going to have to do this one time. So I'm fine.

And when I got, like, literally a day before, we were talking, and they were saying, no, if the judges find out who you are, just don't say anything. Just keep going. I was like, wait, so if the judges do find out who I am, just don't say anything, you know, just keep going. I was like, wait, so if the judges do find out who I am, I don't have to leave. And they were like, oh yeah, no, this is, this is all crowd and audience base. And I was like, oh, how do I, how do I get out of my contract?

And they were like, no, no, no, you can't do that. I'm I don't mean to, to be too on the nose about this, but you said you agreed to do the masked singer while drunk, which means you are literally currently blaming it on the alcohol, which is the greatest experience I can ask for. I can't debate that. I apologize. No, that was good. That was amazing.

When the reveal happens at the end of the show, you've been on 10 episodes, you've won this, you've impressed everybody. Um, and you, you revealed and everybody is stunned nobody had any idea it was you and they and if i may i don't think they knew it was you because everybody associates you with autotune absolutely nobody knew how well you sing and so like that brings up this question which is you sing absolutely beautifully you are like like i cried i cried i cried i cried too that's all right so here's so with a voice like yours why did you ever get into autotune i just wanted to sound different because you know with singing with my natural voice i'd just be

another singer like you know do you enjoy as since so many people know you from the autotune numbers uh some years ago to just laying your real voice on them and just like knocking them out i mean it's kind of the only way i can do it it wasn't like it's not like a you know it's not like a party trick or anything you know what i'm saying it's like yeah uh you know my my my actual party trick and when it's time to like show off yeah birthdays when it's time to sing happy birthday is that when you let it rip i'm going up top really that's the mark of a good singer when you can sing happy birthday and people are like that guy's good he's really that's some range it's the last one it's that last happy birthday to you.

And you got to like, you got to. Or if everybody, if there's like a bunch of singers, I'll like throw a harmony. Happy birthday to you. You know, I'd go, that's my time to shine. I know exactly where it's going. I know nobody else is going to divert from the standard cadence. I mean, you know, most people are like, who who are you and why are you at my child's birthday party

is that t-pain in this chucky cheese waiting for someone to start singing well t-pain we are having too much fun but but we have work to do. We have asked you here to play a game we're calling... The Half-Masked Singer. By which, of course, we mean The Phantom of the Opera. Star of the novel, some really good movies, an inexplicably popular Andrew Lloyd Webber musical. So we're going to ask you three questions about The Phantom of the Opera, the guy with the half-mask.

And if you get two right, you'll win a prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose in their voicemail. Bill, who is T-Pain playing for? Erica Roman of Oak Park, Illinois. Oh, I wonder where that is. All right. Here's your first question. The star of the Phantom of the Opera is, of course, the Phantom of the Opera. Though

it's never mentioned in the musical, he has a name. What is it? Is it A, Le Comte du Maire de la Chanteuse, B, Chevalier Maurice Berkowitz, or C, Eric? Oh, it's Eric. It's Eric for sure. It is Eric. You're right. Yes! Boom! Boom! All right. Here's your next question. Now, the show is the most successful in the history of Broadway, but it has a sequel love never dies and it did not have the same success in fact it was delayed for six months because what happened a one day andrew lloyd weber suddenly realized all of his music is terrible b his cat walked across his keyboard and erased the entire score or c he was sued by

a fan who said she had already written the sequel in which the Phantom becomes a superhero called Opera Man? The cat. You're going to go for the cat? The cat walking across the keyboard? I'm going with the cat. You're going to go with the cat? You're right again.

That's what happened. Let's go! We're counting down, counting down to the last question here we go now the show is famous for its big elaborate stage effects but things don't always go right for example what happened at a single production in los angeles a a lit candle rose from the floor and went right up the phantom's pants leg b a corpse dropped from the rafters right in the middle of the big love song or c the gondola in the famous lake scene went berserk and started speeding around so the phantom grabbed christine and just ran for it i'm gonna you know what the fact that i got the two right already which

qualifies the whole thing i'm gonna wildcard it right now c it was c it was also b and A. All three of them. Let's go. I know what happens when things on stage go wrong. You can't let anybody else know. Exactly. You got to swallow it. You got to roll with it. Bill, how did T-Pain do in our quiz? He got them all right.

T-Pain, I'll buy you a drink. Baby. Let's go. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I'm really good at this. You are.

You're very, very good at this. Very good. Yeah. T-Pain, you are the best. You are an absolute joy. Thank you so much for joining us, man. Thank you, guys.

That was fun as hell. I really appreciate that, man. Take care. Bye-bye, man. Bye. See you. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. And just a minute, the shocking truth about which words rhyme with other words. It's our listener limerick challenge. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis. We're playing this week with Amy Dickinson, Josh Gundelman, and Brian Babylon. And here again is your host, and we have a correction to our previous intro, America's sweetheart is actually Reese Witherspoon. Here's Peter Saglin. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill records some rhyme tone for his new podcast in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Josh, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops approved a plan this week that seems to be specifically designed to prevent whom from taking communion? Joe Biden. Yes, indeed. The bishops voted to draw up a document that would

prevent Joe Biden, who as far as I know, is the most Catholic person in America from receiving the right of communion because he's pro-choice. What are they doing? There is no better booster for the Catholic Church than Joe Biden. He talks about it all the time. Next, he's going to get banned from Amtrak. He has so few loves. Right. And for one of them to turn on him in this way, wow. Yeah. And then the local ice cream cream store and then he'll have nothing. Yeah.

And then just the sunglass hut will put down their shutters as he walks by. So will it be like Joe Biden gets to church and then his name is like, you know how in bodegas when people get caught stealing, you're not served. They put up your picture at the front of the church. It'll be more like the soup Nazi episode, except instead of soup, it's the body of Christ. No Christ for you. Amy, Netflix has come up with yet another variation on the dating show. This time, all the contestants will be flirting and dating and who knows what else, while they all are doing what?

Are they harvesting something? No. Yes, organs. Right. Oh, is there a hint that will help? Yeah, I have a hint. Well, it's a little ironic because they're all required to do this

just as the CDC has said the rest of us don't have to anymore. They're required... Oh, mask? Yes, they're all flirting and dating while wearing masks it's called sexy beasts it's like eyes wide shut mask no no this is the thing so the show is called sexy beasts and the idea is they go on dates with each other wearing these elaborate masks but they're not just like you know masks you'd get at a costume store. There are these like Hollywood level prosthetic headpieces in which the face is still there, but you look like a dolphin or a gopher or a devil, an alien.

And the idea is to see if these people can hit it off based solely on personality. But don't they usually have to make out in a hot tub or something? In the trailer, they show two of them kissing, wearing these animal masks. Yeah. It's nice, I guess, that the show is encouraging people to look past appearances and focus on people's personalities so we can realize everyone has also let their personality go during the pandemic. I got set up on a blind date in college with a young woman who was my college's mascot. So I do relate. I'm the only person in America who relates to this show. Can I ask? I think this is an important question, Josh. What was the mascot of your college? Ollie the owl, an owl holding a

gavel because they were the Brandeis judges and still are. Shout out to Beth if you're listening. they were the Brandeis judges and still are. Shout out to Beth, if you're listening. Beth the owl. I don't know if I'm even now allowed to dox her as having been the owl. Amy, the COVID pandemic is being blamed for a lot of things like the economic disaster and the fact that none of our pants fit. But according to a new study, you can now say that the pandemic is the reason your what is so terrible. Your social skills.

Close. I'll give you a hint. It's like you get to say, it's not you. It's not me. It's COVID. Oh, breakups. Well, essentially your relationship. Yes.

Yeah, yeah. You can blame COVID for how crappy your relationship is and it will actually help. It's like, sure, you and your partner might be fighting all the time, but that's because of the lockdown. You don't hate your partner. You just hate spending time with them. I think that that's always a great relationship strategy is finding something worse than your relationship to focus on. Oftentimes, it's someone else's terrible relationship that you can make fun of and be like, wow, I'm glad we're not them.

And I feel like I've coasted for like six months just on that with people in the past. And this is a great out, just blame everything on COVID. I'd love to get the vaccine, just been dragging my feet because there's a pandemic out there. I thought the answer to the original question was credit score. Because it's like, yeah, I've been buying a lot of stuff I don't need, making less money than usual.

Brian, we're all familiar with overseas call centers doing customer service, right? We've all had that experience. This week, we learned that some of those people in those call centers overseas have a new job. They're watching live security footage from the U.S. and doing what? Give me a clue. All right. Drop that. Get out of there.

Stop robbing immediately. They are doing this to scare off burglars to pretend when people are not home to pretend like they are home. Like, leave my Amazon package alone, but this person's in Bangladesh. Pretty much. That's it. They are actually shouting at robbers. 7-Elevens is actually a retail thing. 7-Elevens and other businesses are paying people in overseas call centers

to keep an eye on their security cams. And if they see somebody, you know, pilfering the Pringles to just let them have it over a speaker. So you're just, you know, doing some light shoplifting and suddenly you hear the voice of God, like put the Skittles down or don't make me come in there. That doesn't work with every voice. Like with my voice, if I was like, hey, stop stealing those Pringles, people would be like, ooh, free Pringles. And I get to beat up some doors. Coming up, it's lightning fell in the blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT.

That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the Contact Us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about our upcoming live, real, in-person shows. Yes, in Philadelphia, August 5th. And atperson shows, yes, in Philadelphia August 5th, and at Tanglewood in Western Massachusetts August 26th. Also, if you have ever wanted a T-Pain-Bill Curtis collab, follow us at WaitWait on Twitter and at WaitWaitNPR on Instagram. There you can see show news, amazing videos, dumb videos, all kinds of things.

Hi, you're on WaitWait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Chrissy from Streamwood, Illinois. Oh, that's not far from here, right? Not far from Chicago. What do you do there in Streamwood? I'm a hospice chaplain. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Yeah, that usually elicits a reaction. Yes. Do you enjoy the work? Do you get a lot out of it? I love it. I was made to do this. Some days it's praying with patients and doing serious things like the rosary, and some days it's milkshakes and music therapy that's pretty awesome it is i love it a lot the milkshakes sound better of the two options but sure well if you are ever my hospice patient i'll bring you a milkshake

is that a threat oh god well chrissy it is a pleasure to have you bill curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner. You ready to play? No, I'm nervous. This cannot be the most stressful situation you've ever been in. I would rather deal with somebody on their deathbed than the nerve-wrackingness of this. This is more nerve-wracking to me.

This is less in my element, but I'm going to try. All right. Let's give it a try. Here is your first limerick. There are lots of green shells in the stash, he shows. When he sells them, he might get some flashy clothes. The market he gluts with his large cache of nuts. The market he gluts with his large cache of nuts.

He stole thousands of pounds of... Pistachios? Pistachios, Chrissy, yes. A man in California was arrested for stealing 42,000 pounds of pistachios. The theft shocked local authorities, who would assume that the guy on the wiretap saying, I got your pistachios for you, was kind of using a code word. An employee of a hired trucking company made off with a tractor trailer's worth of the nuts, but his plan was foiled when every single one of them were the kind without a crack in the shell, so you can't get them open. I hate those. The cops just went down the line of truckers,

arrested the guy with the bleeding fingernails. You know what else is very valuable by weight and by volume is stolen guacamole, but you have to flip it really fast, obviously. All right, here's your next limerick. The water we're close to condemning. Can we clean it? We're hawing and hemming. It's not toxic waste, just needs help with its taste. We're suggesting a slice of fresh... Lemon? Yes, very good.

But due to California's historic drought, Sacramento's citizens found that their drinking water now looks and tastes vaguely like dirt. So officials are recommending everyone in the city just add a little lemon. According to the city, adding lemon to cold water neutralizes the taste and neutralizes this being our problem and also yeah i mean and and then if like there's smog in the air blow some bubbles it'll catch all the smog exactly but why not just say add a little scotch add a little bourbon add a a little, you know. Use it as a mixer, right? Yeah. Yeah, there you go. All right.

Here is your last limerick, Chrissy. No, it's fine. Stick your hand in this low slot. When your fingers come out, they'll look so hot. This buffing machine leaves them polished and clean. Our manicure is done by a... Robot? Yes, a robot. A robot can give you a manicure for less than 10 minutes in San Francisco.

And all it costs is $8 and one finger tops. The company's motto is no slip-ups, no slow-downs, no small talk. But what if you like small talk? You ask the robot how it's doing and it says, oh great, hey, are these nails the hardest part of your exterior? This is like me, I'm like, these robots are taking your DNA from

your fingernails. There's really nothing worse than having your hand stuck in the robot manicure machine and it says, do you have kids? Is one of them John Connor? Bill, how did Chrissy do on our quiz? Chrissy was alive with a perfect score. Nice. Well done, Chrissy. Thank you. Bill made a hospice joke.

That was crazy. Yeah. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Brian has two. Josh has three.

And Amy has three. All right. That means, Brian, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Here we go. All right. That means, Brian, you're in third place. You're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. Here we go. All right.

On Thursday, President Biden announced he agreed to a bipartisan group's trillion dollar blank deal. Infrastructure. Exactly. This week, a woman who pled guilty to participating in the riot at the blank was given three years probation. Capital. Right. Though finalizing the count could take weeks, early reports indicate that Eric Adams has the lead in Blank's mayoral primary. New York City. Right. This week, legendary runner Usain Bolt welcomed his new son into the world, Blank Bolt. Usain. Thunder Bolt. Thunder

Bolt. On Thursday, rapper Blank sued Walmart, claiming the company ripped off his shoe designs. Kanye West. You bet. After accidentally sending out an email that just said integration test email number one to their millions of subscribers, HBO Max blanked. They blamed the intern. That's right. The mistake went viral, so they had to say something. And what they said was, quote, it was the intern. No, really.

They went on to blame the intern for the last season of Game of Thrones, too. Bill, how did Brian do in our quiz? Well, he had five right. For 10 more points, he now has 12 in the lead. Oh, very good. All right. We'll arbitrarily choose Ms. Dickinson to go next. Amy, you're up next.

Fill in the blank. According to health experts, COVID's blank variant is spreading rapidly in unvaccinated areas. Delta? Yes, the Delta variant. In an effort to curb violent crime, President Biden announced a proposal to crack down on gun sellers who fail to run blanks. Background checks. Right. According to an assessment from intelligence agencies, blanks government could collapse after the U.S. military withdraws. Afghanistan. Right.

Authorities are investigating the cause of a condo collapse in blank on Thursday. Near Miami. Yes. A fisherman in Chile was being interviewed on TV about a, quote, plague of sea lions when the interview was interrupted by a blank. A sea lion. Yes. In her hearing about her conservatorship on Wednesday, blank spoke passionately about wanting control of her life back. Britney.

Britney Spears. This week, parents were outraged when a school principal in New York was caught trying to blank. Um, uh, skip school. No. Start summer break a week early. The principal didn't give any explanation when she sent parents an email informing them there'd be no classes for the rest of the semester. But it's safe to assume that Groupon de Playa del Carmen had a pretty narrow travel

window. After receiving several complaints, the principal reversed course, leaving parents proud that they had saved the school year and that their kids said thanks by giving them a cool new nickname, NARC. Whatever that means. Bill, how did Amy do at our quiz? Very good. Six right, 12 more points. She now has 15 and the lead. All right.

How many then does Josh Gondelman need to win this thing? Well, he needs six to tie, so that means he needs seven to win. All right, Josh. This is for the game. Let's go. On Tuesday, the GOP blocked the Senate Democrats' blank rights bill. Voting. Right.

On Monday, an appeals court blocked a ruling overturning California's ban on blanks. Automatic weapons? Yeah, assault weapons. This week, a report from Michigan's GOP-led Oversight Committee said there was no evidence of widespread blank fraud. Voter fraud. Right. Following a raid by police,

the last pro-democracy newspaper in blank announced they were shutting down. Hong Kong? Right. This week, an independent analysis conducted by the New York Times failed to find any tuna DNA in blank. Subway's tuna sandwiches. Home prices? NFL.

Yes. A group of French soccer fans who flew in to see their national team play Hungary missed the game because they blanked. Uh, got too drunk. No, they flew to Bucharest instead of Budapest. Would have been fine, except Bucharest is 500 miles from Budapest and in an entirely different country. Not to worry, though, they will have another chance.

They've already booked their tickets to Melbourne for France's game against Austria. Bell, did Joss do well enough to win? He did pretty well. He did better than pretty well, and we should stand and pay our respects because Josh got seven right for a total of 17,

and that means he is this week's champion. Yay! Time for Josh. Thank you. If T-Pain were here, he would play that awful noise. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, after the SCOTUS ruling, what will be the next shocking headline from the world of cheerleading.

Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago, in association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our house manager is Gianna Capodona. Our social media superstar is Emma Choi. Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Litterman composed our theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Nurembos, and Lillian King. Special thanks again to Vinnie Thomas. Peter Gwynn is responsible for integration test email number two. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Nuss. Our senior producer is Ian Shellock. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is it's Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will be the next shocking

headline from the world of cheerleading? Brian Babylon. And some positive news, George W. Bush and Ronald Reagan will be inducted into the Cheerleading Hall of Fame. Amy Dickinson. The number one foam index finger will be replaced by a middle finger. And Josh Gondelman, the human pyramid will be revealed to be an Illuminati symbol. If any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Brian Babylon, Amy Dickinson, and Josh Gondelman. Thanks to all of you for listening.

I am Peter Sagal, and we will see you next week. This is NPR.