Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - Tariq Trotter AKA Black Thought from The Roots

Episode Date: May 1, 2021

Tariq Trotter, AKA Black Thought from The Roots, plays our game about "the suits," TV network and studio executives. He's joined by panelists Laci Mosley, Adam Felber and Helen Hong.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. The clock is ticking, so don't billy-dally. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, hmm, wait, is this a surprise? It's Anthony Hopkins. Thank you, Bill, and thanks to our fake audience, which in keeping with tradition will stand every time I say something they approve of. Later on, we're going to be talking to Tariq Trotter, better known as Black Thought. He's the lead emcee of The Roots, which is among many other things,

the house band on The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. But let's focus on the Right Now Show with you. Give us a call and play our games. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, my name is Elisa. I'm calling from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Hey, Milwaukee, right up the lakeshore line from us. What do you do there? I am a visiting assistant professor up at Marquette University in the English department. Oh, Marquette. Yeah. Oh, the fighting friars. Am I making that up?

I'm making that up. Something ecclesiastical and menacing. Yeah, I think so. Yes. Is that what they shout when they cheer from the stands? We're ecclesiastical and menacing. You know what? As an English person, I can't say it. You never go to the games. What are you? Well, Elisa, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panelists this week. First, a comedian who hosts the podcast Job Salete

and who brings awareness to Asian American issues with her family's YouTube channel, Old Korean Dad Stories and Sometimes Mom. It's Helen Hong. Hey, go Fighting Friars! Next, it's the co-host of the Nobody Listens to Paula Poundstone podcast, whose new podcast

Dad Band Land premieres next month on the Starburns Audio Network. It's Adam Felber. Hey, Adam. Hello. Hi. Go murderous monks! And finally, it's the host of the Scam Goddess podcast. You can also see her on a Black Lady sketch show on HBO and HBO Max and The Con on ABC and Hulu.

Welcome back, Lacey Mosley. Hello, Lacey. Yay! Let's go, Marquette. Marquis. That's it, right? Something like that. Yeah.

We don't know. We're all humanities majors. We don't know about any of this. Elisa, welcome to the show. You're all humanities majors. We don't know about any of this. Elisa, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill this time. Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose on your voicemail.

Are you ready to play? I'm so ready. Here we go. Your first quote is the very last words of a very long speech. Thank you for your patience. Who ended his first address to Congress with that stirring note of humility? President Joe Biden. President Joe Biden, yes.

Biden delivered his first speech of his presidency to a joint session on Wednesday, but to a very limited audience because of COVID. There were only a few hundred legislators and no special guests at all. Sorry, hero fireman's daughter. You have to fall asleep somewhere else this year. I'm sure you guys watched it attentively. No. No?

I've tweeted it. Yeah. Did you? Yeah. We did shots every time he said America. I super did not watch it. And I got to tell you, I've recently found these amazing CBD edibles that really knock me right out.

So I didn't need to watch it. That's why it was such a good speech, Helen, because after four years of every single day being an onslaught of mess everybody was like oh boring oh put me to sleep oh nothing give us nothing joe yes i thought it was a great touch at the very end when he read us all good night moon right i was like thank you pop pop by the way it was an historic evening uh because sitting behind the president as he delivered this congressional address where of course vice

president harris speaker pelosi it was so genuinely moving to look behind the president of the united states and see two people who were not mike pence inspirational wasn't it it really was and then of course after the his speech uh senator tim scott gave the republican response who were not Mike Pence. Inspirational, wasn't it? It really was. And then, of course, after his speech, Senator Tim Scott gave the Republican response from the MTV mask-free spring break house

in Jacksonville. Woo-hoo! Mitch McConnell did a body shot off him. Yes! Steve's right! All right. Here, Alyssa,

is your next quote hallelujah hallelujah that was someone in new york responding to the new cdc guidelines that came out this week saying vaccinated people will no longer need to do what outdoors wear a mask exactly right masks are coming off. Are you ready? Is your lower jaw in beach shape? New CDC guidance means vaccinated Americans can now go outdoors without masks and even associate outdoors with other vaccinated people without masks. Have you guys done this yet? Have you released yourself into the great outdoors? I am so excited about this because as someone who is single and thirsty, I am so sick of like hitting on dudes who like look really hot from the mask up and then they pull the mask off and it's like, yikes, wow. I didn't realize that your nose and jaw-

You're talking about guys who are COVID hot. Yes, yes, exactly. Like they say the eyes are the window to the soul. No, I did not know that the lower third of the face was doing all the heavy lifting. I did not know. I have to say, it feels so good, but it feels so wrong. We have gone to the houses of other vaccinated people and been inside in person without masks. And I got to tell you, that feels dirtier than if we were doing a masked key party.

Really? Yeah. Actually conversing, sharing air. Standing near somebody, sitting at a table with them, seeing their face. It's just, it feels wrong. Have you, have you guys, you've heard, I don't know, this joke saying, oh my God, what am I going to do? I need a new excuse to get out of social gatherings.

And I'm like, are you kidding me? After a year and a half, just I'm so eager to be the awkward person at the party who's standing in the corner with nothing to say, wishing to go home. That's, I dream of that now. Are you kidding, Peter? I can't wait to be in a crowded room in the corner staring at my phone. Just like, wow. Wow. Wishing I was someplace else. crowded room in the corner staring at my phone, just like, wow, wow. Wishing I was someplace else.

I long for that feeling. I realize that is my fun. It's just wanting to go home and thinking about being in bed. That's me turning up. It makes bed better when you get there, right? It's true. You got to give bed some space. You got to make bed want you and you want bed. And that has not been the case during this

pandemic. Bed is always there. I'm so easy for bed. I get in bed and they're like, you're here again, girl? Like, what? What else? It's been two hours. Bed is so sick of me. Very good. Alyssa, here is your last quote. If we're kind and polite, the world

will be right. As I'm sure I don't need to tell you, that was Paddington the Bear in his classic lines from the movie Paddington 2, which just toppled what movie and was named the greatest movie of all time in its place? Citizen Kane. Citizen Kane, that's right. Citizen Kane is no longer the greatest movie ever made. That title, according to the review aggregator site Rotten Tomatoes, is now bestowed on Paddington 2. Film purists are upset. They say that since Paddington 2 is, of course, a sequel, the fair comparison should be to Citizen Kane 2, the legend of Rosebud's gold.

to the legend of rosebud's gold oh i don't want to i don't want to spoil this for anybody who hasn't seen paddington 2 yet but but rosebud is the name of his hat sorry so rotten tomatoes is very popular site and it summarizes critical opinion it comes up with a total score for films and what happened was this week they added to their the reviews of citizen kane this obscure review that was written 80 years ago and more or less lost. And when they added that score to the average, it lowered Citizen Kane's score enough so that Paddington 2 took the title, which is weird, of course, because both movies are based on the life of William Randolph Hearst. It's about time, though, that Citizen Kane got knocked off the pedestal, mate. Have you seen Cool Runnings? Citizen Kane is not even the best movie about sledding.

Yes. Wow. Truth. No lie detected. But I got to say, the whole method that Rotten Tomatoes does this by is like, if there's a negative review, it knocks it down. So the thing that just nobody hated ends up being the best movie of all time. That's like, you know, well, let's look at the greatest beverages in the world and water wins because nobody hates it.

Really? I don't know. You can just get like meh reviews, like, eh, it's okay. I don't think we review water enough to say it's the best. Talking bears, let's be clear, in a raincoat and rain hat, already out the gate better. And they called Orson Welles a wunderkind and he never thought of that.

Well, Orson Welles was eventually a bear, but kind of a different kind. Bill, how did Alyssa do in our quiz? Our English professor did it all. Three rights. Congratulations, Alyssa. Thank you so much. This was so fun.

Thank you, guys. Thanks so much for playing. Go Punching Padres! you so much. This is so fun. Thank you, guys. Thanks so much for playing. Go Punching Padres! Thanks so much, guys. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Lacey, for years, a Texas woman kept getting inexplicably and suddenly fired from various jobs. This week, she figured out why she had a felony on her criminal record because of her failure to do what? 22 years ago. Payer parking tickets. No, not that. Wow. Okay. I'll give you

a hint. It was a blockbuster crime. Oh, she didn't return the video. That's exactly right. She failed to return a videotape, a VHS tape. She lived for 20 years with criminal charges on her record. Because she did not return a VHS copy of Sabrina the Teenage Witch. What? By now it's Sabrina the Middle-Aged Witch. Sabrina AARP. Like, what do y'all mean?

And I will say, I resonate with that woman because I'm from Texas. And I also resonate with her because I got in trouble in college for one of those scary, like, internet piracy things. And the song that it was was Carrie Underwood, Before He Cheats. That almost got me kicked out of school. So I resonate with this woman. Wait a minute. So you use, like, LimeWire or whatever it was, and you downloaded illegally a song, and you got in trouble? On school Wi-Fi.

I stole so much money from Carrie. I'm sorry, Carrie. How did you get out of it? Well, I used a tactic that I call bias. So I was like, look at me. I'm black. I don't listen to that song. I'm from Texas.

I love that song. I definitely downloaded it. Really? I was like, I at me. I'm black. I don't listen to that song. I'm from Texas. I love that song. I definitely downloaded it. Really? I was like, no. I was like, I only listen to hip hop. OK? And I did a little hip hop dance. And they were like, oh, let her go.

A disgrace. I know. I know. A disgrace. Oh, Lacey. Coming up, we make an escape in our bluff listener game called 1-888-WAIT-WAIT-TO-PLAY. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. A few years ago, a website popped up in Stockton, California, and conspiracy theories started ramping way up.

And it's being funded by conservative movement underneath the table. And I was like, oh my gosh, you guys, people really believe this. What happens when the local news outlet isn't fact-checking conspiracy theories, maybe encouraging them? Listen now from NPR's Invisibilia podcast. from NPR's Invisibilia podcast. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Lacey Mosley, Helen Hong, and Adam Felber. And here again is your host, who's a good boy. Who's a good boy?'s a good boy Peter Sagal Thank you Bill Right now it's time for the Wait Wait Don't Tell Me Bluff the Listener Game

Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air Hi you are on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me Hi this is Kelly Cox I'm calling from Sioux City, Iowa Wells Blue Bunny Capital Sioux Bee Honey Sioux Bee Honey Sioux Bee Honey that, Wells Blue Bunny Capital, Sue B. Honey. Sue B. Honey. Sue B. Honey. That's great. So what do you do there besides promote the good city of Sioux City? I am a lead chef at a senior living facility.

Now, I'm going to ask you, because there are cliches, we have indulged in them, about senior citizens' food, about getting their Jell-O at 4.45. Right. Can you tell me that this is not true, and true and that they in fact have discerning palates who demand the best of you as their chef? Well, our senior living facility is kind of high end. So I do cook things better than jello. Have you, I'm very, actually, I'm kind of curious about this. Have you ever tried something like, oh, they're going to love this. And like, they do like, no, what is this? Yeah, I did a papouche, it's like a French cooking technique, and you put the fish in wax paper.

And then they're like, so what do we do with this? How do we open it? What is this? A lot of good seniors ate a lot of wax paper that night. All right, Kelly, it is great to have you on our show. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Kelly's topic?

Get me out of here! Today's Bluff Game is on a theme that's going to be difficult for anyone in this world this year to emphasize with, but try to stay with me. We're going to hear about what it's like being stuck somewhere, unable to get out. Our panelists are going to tell you about a story we saw of somebody desperate to

escape this week in the news. Pick the one who's telling the true story. You will win our prize, the voice of your choice and your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes, I am. All right. Let's hear first then from Lacey Mosley. Wesley Conover, a 36-year-old self-proclaimed hipster dad, found himself in a troubling ordeal when he violated Disney's ride protocol by entering a restricted area on the Pirates of Caribbean ride April 16th, 2021. In an attempt to impress his children on their bi-yearly visitation, the 36-year-old father of two climbed into the Pirates' brig prison cell, only to find himself trapped there. His cries for help were so convincing, he was mistaken as a new exciting

feature on the ride and became an instant hit. Molly and Stephen Nolan, a couple from Kentucky, exclaimed, We loved the updated pirated look. We'd never seen a pirate in Birkenstocks in a t-shirt for the National. But his beard was really piratey and the way he yelled, Help! seemed so real. Wesley was such a hit, he remained trapped on the ride for two days before parents alerted park authorities when they saw a glimpse of a hipster Jack Sparrow crying on the ride.

Disney declined to comment, but an unnamed source did reveal that the company is currently brainstorming ways to incorporate trapped single fathers into their ride experience after the success of Wesley's ordeal. after the success of Wesley's ordeal. A man climbs into the cell in the Pirates of the Caribbean ride to Disney World and gets stuck there and gets then mistaken for a real animatronic pirate. Your next story of someone who shall be released comes from Adam Felber. Vladislav Ivanov is finally a free man.

But for the past three months, he has been held on an island against his will without a phone, trapped on a Chinese reality TV show. See, he was working as a translator when the offer came in. Would Vlad like to be a contestant on a show that would ultimately put together a K-pop style boy band? Vlad was bored, so he agreed, but soon regretted the decision. And then he found out that if he walked off the show, he'd face a hefty fine that he couldn't afford. And so Vlad set about trying to be voted off the show. He did lame raps as his fellow competitors

pranced and crooned. He begged viewers not to vote for him. Don't love me, he said. Please don't make me go to the finals. I'm tired. Chinese viewers loved him. He became an internet sensation with legions of fans who just wanted more of sad Vlad. And so for three months, episode after episode, his fans voted him forward, prolonging Vladislav's misery and captivity. It became an international incident with Russian bloggers begging the Chinese to stop voting for him. It's not funny anymore. Let Vlad go home. Naturally, he made it to the finals, on which he ate a lemon and frowned at the camera and asked to go home. Finally, he got his wish and found himself mobbed by fans at the airport as he headed back to Vladivostok.

He now has a huge internet following, forever to be known as the man who, when life gave him lemons, he ate a lemon. A man finally escapes from the Chinese reality TV show on which he is trapped, trying to not be put in a boy band. Your last story of somebody who's got to get out of this place if it's the last thing they ever do comes from Helen Hong. A solo adventurist wrapped himself in a world of trouble this past weekend when he zipped himself into a tight-fitting mummy sleeping bag and couldn't get out.

Outdoor enthusiast Kale Chips, that's kale with a C and chips with two P's, thank you, was camping alone in Colorado when he settled for the night in his very snug, brand-name knockoff sleeping bag. After struggling with the sputtering zipper for a few minutes, it violently zipped all the way up, breaking the zipper handle on its way. The bag was so tight I couldn't move my arms at all, exclaims Mr. Chips. That's the last time I buy anything from Scatagonia. It's nothing like Patagonia. After hours of pulling, pushing, and even biting at his constraints, Mr. Chips managed to caterpillar shimmy his way to his backpack to extract a jar of peanut butter.

Using his jaw, teeth, and muscles he never knew he had in his tongue, he finally succeeded in opening the jar of Skippy and smearing peanut butter near the seams of the zippered bag. It took half a day of lying absolutely still, but eventually a family of chipmunks took the bait. The toothy little rascals chewed up the peanut buttered seams just enough to allow Mr. Chips to tear his way to freedom. With reverence and gratitude, Mr. Chips reports he'll never sing the Alvin Simon Theater song the same way ever again. All right. Here are your choices, Kelly. never sing the Alvin Simon theater song the same way ever again. Alright, here are your choices. Kelly, from Lacey, you heard about a man who got stuck in the Pirates of the

Caribbean ride, specifically the jail cell when he climbed up in it to impress his kids. From Adam Felber, a poor Russian guy who got stuck on a Chinese TV show where they were creating the next big boys band and he desperately tried to get out of that. Or from Helen Hong, a man who got stuck in his mummy sleeping bag

in the wilds of Colorado only to be rescued by some ravenous chipmunks. Which is the real story of a desperate escape in the week's news. I think it's the second one, Peter. All right. So you've chosen Adam's story of the poor Russian guy who got trapped in a Chinese reality TV show. Well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to the reporter who brought this to our attention. Even as he begged them to vote him off, they kept keeping him on the show, passing him on to the next round. That was Teo Armas. He's a reporter for The Washington Post who wrote about the poor Russian guy stuck on the Chinese reality show. Congratulations, Kelly.

You got it right. You've won our prize and you've won a point for Adam. Thank you so much for playing. Thank you. It's been great. Thank you so much, Kelly. Take care. Bye.

Bye-bye. I'm going home. I'm going home. I'm going home. I'm going home, I'm going home. Yeah, I'm going home, I'm going home. I'm going home, I'm going home. And now the game where people who have paid their dues join us to get some of the benefits of membership.

Tariq Trotter, also known as Black Thought, co-founded the band The Roots, which has put out dozens of albums, collaborated with just as many superstar musicians, and for the last decade or so has been the house band for The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Now, the one thing missing from that resume, classic works of modern drama. So his next gig is acting in an online production of Waiting for Godot. So he joins us now. Tariq Trotter, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, how you guys doing online production of Waiting for Godot. He joins us now. Tariq Trotter, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, how you guys doing?

Thanks so much for having me. We are absolutely delighted. I heard a story about how you met Questlove, the other leader of the band. I wanted to see if it's true. You met in high school in Philly, right? We did, yeah. And how did that meeting come about? I mean, it was a long time ago.

But as I recall, we were in the principal's office on opposite sides of the fence, so to speak. I was receiving a suspension. Yes. And I think he had come into the office to bring flowers to the principal. He was delivering an apple or something yeah i noticed uh he had a denim jacket with a peace sign that was hand-painted on the back of it and um i was a visual arts student and one of my sort of side hustles was that i would do jackets and jeans uh you know, with that same sort of design.

So it caught my eye. And I was wondering, you know, who's this guy sort of, you know, moving in on my turf. Right. We started a conversation. I found out he was a musician and a drummer and, you know, that know, into hip hop and sampling and stuff. And yeah, so we, we decided that, uh,

once I got back from my suspension that we were going to, you know, the only thing missing from that story is what did you do to get yourself suspended? Uh, you know, I think I'm, I was like making out with my girlfriend in school.

Um, like if that's a crime, I don't want it. Yeah, you know, like, come on, man. Come on. Love is a crime. Exactly. Exactly. You founded the band.

It was even called The Roots back then, right? No, no, no. Back then, we founded The Roots in 1987. And we were initially called Radioactivity. Oh. It wasn't called the seed no no you know my kid made made a similar joke earlier oh really yeah yeah my daughter is asking uh if i could quiz her on her knowledge of me and one of the questions that i asked her she's 15 one of the things i asked her was uh you know, what was the initial name of the band? And she said, was it The Seeds? And I said,

close. Do you feel good about that, Lacey, or not so good? I feel excellent about that. All right. I'm just trying to scan my way into also being Drake's daughter. Were you always the MC of the band? That was your role from the beginning? Yeah, that was always my role. It began as just an MC and a drummer. That was it, just an MC and a drummer? Yeah. And did you always, I mean, for those who don't know,

you are renowned for your ability, among many other things, to freestyle. Is that something that you had back then, or is that something you had to build and learn and work towards? I mean, it's always been a work in progress. But once the roots, once we actually formed a band and it was like, OK, we're going to do this thing and I'm going to rap over live instrumentation. I felt like I had to go, you know, just always be able to go above and beyond what was expected of me as an MC and as a performer. I say this as someone who's constantly making stuff up off the top of my head. Have you ever started a phrase and had no idea where it was going to end,

but it just like, and you get it? It's like, I hope I think of something to rhyme by the time, in three seconds when I get there. Yeah, absolutely. I've impressed myself, you know, quite a few times. So you've been part of this band since 1987, and you guys had a tremendous amount of success and credibility already. And how did you guys react when, I don't know who it was, Fallon or one of his producers came to you back, and this was when he had his late show, I remember. Yeah.

Before it became The Tonight Show. And so we want you to be the house band for this late night comedy show or talk show. came to the night show and said we want you to be the house band for this late night comedy show talk show initially it was disbelief and you know just distrust you know what i mean are we being punked and you know why us sort of thing i i can't say i know i know a lot about hip-hop but i'm just assuming that you guys as established uh people in that field were not like really excited to be the next paul schaefer yeah no no i wasn't written i don't think any of us were really excited this wasn't you know i didn't see this as part of our trajectory and it wasn't definitely not a rapper goal

I gotta ask you one last question before we go to the game and that is, you're famous for a lot of things some of which you've mentioned but one thing we haven't mentioned yet that you are well known for is your beard you have a magnificent beard

it is quite the thing has that been a pain in the butt during pandemic, trying to get a mask on that? Did you have one specially made? So there are lots of people in the roots who have beards, lots of people on step, and those people made masks to fit beards. I call them beardos. Sure. Just like longer masks that I think all of us have at this point that you can wear and you can sort of tuck your whole beard in. You can get a snack in there too. Yeah, right.

Well, Tariq Trotter, Black Thought, we have had so much fun with you today, but we have asked you here to play a game we're calling It's Great. Just Great. But we have a few notes so you're of course a founding member of the roots so we thought we'd ask you about suits that is network executives the ones who oversee movies and tv oh you gotta get me fired yeah no no we're not gonna ask you

anybody at nbc universal don't worry about it okay answered three questions about these very helpful people and their contributions to the creative arts. You will win our prize. One of our listeners, the voice of anyone from our show, they might choose in their voicemail. Bill, who is Tariq Trotter playing for? Andrew Stevens of Fort Wayne, Indiana. All right. Here's your first question. So the executive in charge of Back to the Future, back when that movie was made, thought the script was great, just great.

He did have one little suggestion, though. What was it? A, instead of a DeLorean, make the time machine a tricycle, because tricycles are funny. B, the hero, Marty McFly, should stay in the past and in the end be revealed to be his own father. Or C, change the title from back to the future to spaceman from Pluto. I'm like, I'm going to say B.

You're going to say B. Then he's like Marty, Marty McFly should go back, meet his mother and marry his mother and become his own father. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we are thinking about a network executive,

so it could happen that way. Is that going to be a choice? Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's B. I'm going to say B. No, it was actually C. He wanted them to call it Spaceman from Pluto. Here's your next question.

Mark Frost, the co-creator of Twin Peaks, among other TV series, was once hired to do a new version of Moby Dick for a movie studio in the 90s. And he says that one studio exec asked him the following question was it a can it be a dolphin instead people like dolphins b how does the boat go without a motor or c does ahab have to die in the end massive spoiler there peter it's too old to be spoiled there's no spoiler alert for 150 year old novel sorry okay i'm gonna say a you're gonna say so you're saying that the network executive who's who's commissioned a new version of moby dick said to the writer can it be a dolphin instead the great white whale he said does Ahab have to die? That's right.

He said, does Ahab have to die? Mark Frost also says that this guy used to refer to the protagonist of that film that didn't get made as Ish. Okay. Ishmael's too formal. He just wanted to call him Ish. All right. I kind of like that.

Yeah. All right. Here's your last question. You get this, you win. Which of these was an actual comment from a network executive at NBC when they passed on the pilot for The Walking Dead? Was it A, the US government would never allow a pandemic like that to get out of hand? B, instead of eating people, could the monsters have a thing for like Twinkies? Or C, this is awesome. I really love it. Does it have to have zombies in it? Steve. Yes! That one you knew.

That's what he said. They passed. It did pretty well, I am told, at another channel. Bill, how did Tariq Trotter do on our show? He won, won, won. Two out of three. Congratulations. There you go. Add that

to the remarkable resume. Tariq Trotter is an actor, producer, rapper known as Black Thought. He is the co-founder of The Roots. You can see him starting May 6th in an all-remote version of Waiting for Godot. More information at thenewgroup.org. Tariq Trotter, what a joy to talk to you. Thank you

for all the great things you've done. Take care. Thank you. Thank you for all the great things you've done. Take care. Thank you. Bye-bye. In just a minute in our listener limerick challenge, we reveal how to make the great outdoors less great. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis.

We're playing this week with Lacey Mosley, Adam Felber, and Helen Hong. And here again is your host, reminding his parents this is technically a real job, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill pays homage to the great pharaoh Rhymeses in our listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, a panel of some more questions for you from the week's news. Adam, because of a shortage of rental cars, apparently

many tourists in Hawaii are driving around in what? A vehicle crudely fashioned from coconuts and bamboo. In the manner of Gilligan's Island? That would have been great, though. Yeah. I'll give you a hint. It's great. You can head to the beach. You can go up to the volcano.

You can help locals move. Vans? Moving vans? Trucks? Yes. They're driving around in moving vans and trucks. What? During the pandemic.

But you can still rent those. Exactly. What? During the pandemic, many rental car companies actually sold off their rental fleets because they say, we thought everybody was going to die. So now we're taking vacations again and there aren't enough cars. They're very hard to find. And when you can find them, they're very expensive.

In Hawaii, a small car is going for 800 bucks a day. And then when you get there, they keep pressuring you to upgrade to one with wheels. So people are hacking the system because even though the rental cars are very expensive, you can rent a pickup truck or a van from a moving company or U-Haul for much less money. So that's what they're getting to drive around on their vacations. People are going to Waikiki in a U-Haul? Yes, they are. And look, I just want to say to people who are doing this, it's none of my business,

but I've done it both ways, people, and it is totally worth the money to hire professional movers to pack and carry you to the beach. Yeah. I was going to say, if you're, you know, most U-Hauls only have seating for two in the front cab. So if you're a family of five, what are they just throwing the kids and the dog in the cab? Exactly. Yeah. Absolutely. Seatbelts, meatbelts.

Just hold on. Hold on. Helen, according to an article about British soccer in New York Magazine, professional athletes are happy that fans are allowed back in the stands, but the play-by-play announcers are even happier because now that fans are back, they no longer have to worry about what? The play-by-play announcers, they had to eat all the hot dogs. No, I'll give you a hint. It really got dangerous if the players could ever figure out how to get up to the press box. Oh, like when they would say snarky, horrible things about the players, the players could hear them literally. Exactly right.

So sounds travel in these big, empty stadiums, and more and more announcers have stories from the pandemic where they would say something like, oh, terrible play by number eight there, and they look down at the field, and number eight is, like, climbing up the rows of seats toward them with a dagger in his teeth. So, you know, it was a tough adjustment

for people who were used to being drowned out by the crowd. It's always been a one-sided conversation, but now they'll go, what is he doing down there? And the pitcher is shouting back, the best I can! That is super awkward. And like, what happens, like, did this happen in hockey

when they're notoriously violent and they have weaponry? Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's bad. Now, fans are back. Crowds, of course, are being kept small due to COVID.

But that is pretty good news for the hecklers, though, because they're even closer than the announcers. And now they can know the players can hear them. It's like we need a pitcher, not a belly itcher. And the pitcher's like, hey, I have eczema. Lacey, the scientific community is all abuzz about a Tennessee elementary school student science fair project. He researched the number of surfaces W what touches during the course of a day i'm gonna go with hands no not hands i'll give you a hint he didn't need to inquire we all know

it touches the litter box every day oh cats what part of the cat cat anus yes a cat butt that's right the student research how many surfaces your cat's butt touches in your home? The answer, way too many. Oh, okay. Yeah, I would imagine. So the title of the kids' project was quote, does your cat's butthole really touch all the surfaces in your home? And his hypothesis quote, if a cat sits on a surface, his butt will also touch said surface. So how did he do the research?

I'm guessing an ink pad was involved. Sort of. No, he ran his experiment by putting a non-toxic lipstick on his cat's anuses. No. That's how I would do it. And then he checked the house for stains. The boy's parents are very proud. He's got national press for this project, especially his mother, who just threw away all of her lipstick.

Peter, you specified non-toxic lipstick as though there's another kind that sells popularly. You make a good point, Adam. I'm just saying. Great shade, matched the dress, almost killed me. Could you make sure this time? Anaphylactic shock is not what I want tonight. You'd be surprised. Wait, what did the cat say about the lipstick on his butt?

I don't believe the cat. The cat was probably just no more annoyed than a cat usually is. I'm going to say he was a little more annoyed. Probably. Lipstick stains. Lipstick stains. Lipstick stains on my white teeth. Lipstick stains. Lipstick stains. Lipstick stains

on my white teeth. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888triple-a wait wait that's 1-888-924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org and breaking there's another wait wait virtual comedy club it's coming your way may 18th featuring panelists alonzo boden mave higgins adam burke and karen chi tickets will go on sale May 7th at nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me.

Hi, how you doing? I'm doing all right. Who's this? This is Diego from Amherst, Mass. Hey, how are things in Amherst? It's actually Amherst, Mass. Oh, excuse me. Excuse me.

No, that's okay. Only the H is silent in Amherst. Right. Right. And what do you do there in Amherst, other than correct people's pronunciations thereof? Well, as it turns out, I am a middle school principal. No, really? Oh my God. I've always thought that the toughest job in the world would have to be middle school teacher,

but now I revised that to say middle school principal would be even tougher. It's actually lots of fun too. Oh, I'm glad to hear it. Well, Diego, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you'll be a big winner. You ready to do this? I am ready. Let's go. All right. Let's hear your first limerick. Top-notch ice cream is Italy's motto. For each cone and each cup that you've bought-o, milk, eggs, and flavor is all that you'll savor. We have outlawed imperfect... Gelato?

Yes. Very good, Diego. Gelato. A new law in Italy will make bad gelato illegal. Bad gelato can be anything from gelato that has too much air pumped into it or gelato that has robbed a bank. It's kind of weird that Italy is deciding to draw a line in the law at artificial ingredients and saturated fats in gelato, but they won't do anything about whoever built that crappy tower in Pisa. And who knew there was such a thing as bad gelato? There's good gelato and gelato you'll eat anyway.

Is there an official gelato. There's good gelato and gelato you'll eat anyway. Is there an official gelato quality test dude? Yes. Apparently they're going to... You are going to have to go to a gelato jail. Yes. Can you imagine you're in jail, you're like, well, I killed somebody. What are you doing it for? And the guy's like, bad gelato.

Killer backs away. All right, Diego, here is your next limerick. Our new office space doesn't flout floors, and our janitors left without cords. There's no windows, no walls, and no long, dismal halls. Our new workspace is set up... Indoors? Outdoors. Outdoors, that's it.

Due to the pandemic, many landlords of office buildings are opting to reconfigure their office spaces to be outdoors. So get ready to rub sunscreen on your boss's back. Leave it to work to ruin outside for everyone. Soon you'll be like, how was your lunch break? And your coworker goes, I went inside. It was so good just to feel the fluorescent light on my face. It might get a little challenging to do office work outside. Like, if it

gets windy, you'll have to carry around a bucket of rocks to weigh down your reports. The candy jar on the receptionist's desk will always be swarmed by seagulls, and the lions know we gather around the water cooler, so that's where they wait for us. All right, Diego, here is your last limerick.

My makeup is taking a fun turn. It's a summer trick you cannot unlearn. I use SPF to make cheeks more high def. I will contour with help of a sunburn. Sunburn, yes, a new beauty trend. Where you intentionally get sunburned is worrying doctors. The idea is that you only put sunscreen on certain parts of your face and the resulting sunburn adds contour sleekness and that sexy, je ne sais, melanoma.

It's like, wow, you look so hot. Like, literally, are you okay? Your face is peeling. I inadvertently did this the first, like, summer when we were all wearing masks and i gave myself like a mask tan on my face well how did it look did it get cheekbones yeah it was hot now uh if unlike me and helen you're not a makeup expert contouring is using foundation or concealer to darken or lighten areas of the face it can highlight your cheekbones or

in my case my jowls. But with this trend, you put sunscreen everywhere where you don't want to look darker and then you stare into the sun. But to be clear, don't do that. It is a bad idea. Well, I guess I'll just have to go back to sucking in my cheeks all day.

Bill, how did Diego do? Well, Diego scored big. A perfect score. 3-0. Congratulations, Diego scored big. A perfect score. 3-0. Congratulations, Diego. Thanks so much. It was lots of fun. Bye-bye.

Take care. Bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Sure can. Helen has two.

Lacey has three. And Adam has three. All right, Helen, you're in third place, so you're up first. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, federal investigators searched the home of Trump lawyer blank. Rudy Giuliani. Right.

On Monday, the White House announced plans to send 70 million blanks to countries in need. Vaccine doses? This week, Biden signed an executive order raising the minimum wage of federal contractors to blank dollars an hour. 15? Yes. On Sunday, it was announced that vaccinated Americans could travel to blank dollars an hour. Fifteen? Yes. On Sunday, it was announced that vaccinated Americans could travel to the blank this summer. Europe? Yes.

This week, a flight in China was canceled after a passenger blanked. Didn't want to go to China. No. Threw coins into the engine for good luck. Despite GOP calls for protest, the ratings for televised blank games are up over 22% this season. NASCAR? No, baseball. On Sunday, Nomadland director Chloe Zhao became the first woman of color to win a blank for Best Director.

An Academy Award. Yes, indeed. In what's being called a, quote, uniquely Canadian turn of events, the internet for an entire town in British Columbia went down after blank. Someone was playing hockey while curling, and there were geese, and there was geese involved, and someone said A. That's pretty Canadian, but you missed the one element. The internet went down after a beaver chewed through the cable. Oh, the dear beaver.

Everyone in the town of Tumbler Ridge was without internet for two days after a particularly hungry beaver ate not only all the cables, but the four and a half inch thick conduit that was protecting them. It's really the city's fault, though. That'll teach them to never, ever use bark flavored conduit. Bill, how did Helen do in our quiz? Helen had five right for ten more points. She now has 12 and the lead. All right. I'm going to arbitrarily choose Lacey to go next, so Lacey, fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, India reported another single-day record for blank infections. COVID infections. Yes. This week, President Biden proposed an $80 billion plan to help blank crackdown on tax evaders. IRS. Yes. This week, two D.C. cop cars were totaled after the officers driving them blanked. Left them? IRS. Left them?

No, after they challenged each other to a drag race. This week, a probe uncovered that the Trump administration blocked Blank from receiving hurricane aid. Florida. Puerto Rico. On Monday, tech giant Blank announced plans to build a new $1 billion hub in North Carolina. Bill Gates. No, it's Apple this time. This week, a massive battle took place in a field in Nebraska where 50 people all claimed to be the rightful owner of the name Josh. That's right, Lacey.

Last year, a man named Josh Swain invited a bunch of other people named Josh to a battle royale, which would finally determine who could legally use the name. It was delayed, but it happened this week when 50 people showed up for the fight. Most of them fought with pool noodles, which was a real advantage for the one Josh who brought a machete. Bill, how did Lacey do in our quiz? She had three right, six more points. She now has nine, but Helen still has the lead with 12. Go, Helen.

She now has nine, but Helen still has the lead with 12. Go, Helen. Okay. How many, then, does Adam need to win? Five. Count them. Five for Adam. All right, Adam.

This is for the game. Fill in the blank. According to census data, Texas, North Carolina, and Florida will all gain seats in blank. The House of Representatives. Yes. On Monday, the Supreme Court agreed to hear a case that could make it legal nationwide to carry blanks outside the home. Guns? Yes. Concealed weapons. Specifically this week, Pfizer said that an oral medicine to treat blank could be ready by the end of the year. COVID-19? Yes. Now entering its third month, protests against the military coup in blank are now calling for work stoppages.

Myanmar? Yes. A man in the UK who robbed a McDonald's demanding money and Chicken McNuggets got the money but was denied the nuggets because blank. They were out of them. Because it was 7 a.m. and they only had breakfast. Of course. On Thursday, the administration announced a ban on blank-flavored cigarettes. Menthol.

The administration announced a ban on blank-flavored cigarettes. Menthol. Yes. On Wednesday, Michael Collins, the command module pilot on the blank mission, passed away at the age of 90. Apollo. Apollo 11, yes. Thanks to a clerical issue at the hospital, a woman in Seattle trying to name her daughter Cora accidentally named her blank. Corgi.

No, corn. On the baby's birth certificate, her name was clearly printed as Corn Tate. Even worse, it was corn with a K, which is a really awkward conversation to have with your daughter. Mommy, what does my name mean? Oh, sweetie, we named you after the collection of white dreadlocks behind such hit songs as Freakin' Elisha and Ball Tongue. Now, go play with your brother, Papa Roach. Bill, did Adam do well enough to win? He needed five and he got six right for 12 more points. That means with a total of 15, he's a champ.

Congratulations, Adam. Well done. I won something finally. Finally, finally. Makes this whole pandemic worthwhile. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict, now that we can take off our masks outside in certain situations, what will the CDC tell us we can do next?

Wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with Urgent Haircut Productions. Doug, two eclairs. Berman, benevolent overlord. Philip Godeka writes our limericks. Our house manager is Gianna Cappadona. Our social media superstar is Emma Choi.

Our web guru is Beth Novy. BJ Lederman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Nurnbos, Dolores Dolores, and Lillian King. A special thanks this week to Vinnie Thomas. Assistant to Dolores Dolores is Peter Gwynn. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse.

Our senior producer is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog. And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will the CDC advise us to do next? Helen Hong. Call your mother. Oh wait, never mind, that's just my mother pretending to be Dr. Fauci again. Adam Felber.

Now that they've learned that they can get us to do just about anything, it's going to be the CDC National Pull My Finger Initiative. And Lacey Mosley. The CDC will advise that we all start watching Dr. Phil and 90 Day Fiance so we can re-acclimate to our normal level of poor mental health and toxic dating habits. Well, if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it. Son, wait, wait, don't tell me.

Thank you so much, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Helen Hong, Adam Felber, and Lacey Mosley. Thanks to all of you for listening. We're going to see you outside, and we know we will real soon. I'm Peter Sagal, and we'll see you next week. This is NPR.