Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - We fold our phones and get roasted by Leslie Jones

Episode Date: September 12, 2026

This week, panelists Negin Farsad, Peter Grosz, and Sureni Weerasekera talk foldable iPhones, $5000 bribes, and the sicekst dashcam vidoes. Then, Leslie Jones joins us to roast our set, and explain the easiest way to become a famous comedian. Support public media with NPR+ and enjoy perks for over 25 podcasts like this one. This show’s perks include bonus episodes, the chance to be a contestant in those bonus episodes(!), and sponsor-free listening. Learn more at plus.npr.org.See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences.NPR Privacy Policy

From NPR in WBEC Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. The NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. And even if I wasn't the official judge and scorekeeper, I'd still be judging all of you. Just for the love of the game. And here's your host at the Studio Baker Theater at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. Peter Sago. Thank you, Alzo.

Thank you, everybody. Thank you all so very much. I share your enthusiasm. Because we do have a great show for you lined up this week. But first, Labor Day has come and gone. Summer is over. And we just want to say congrats to all the moms and dads out there who just got your kids back into school.

Parents, you can go back to day drinking. And teachers, you can go back to night drinking. Later on, SNL grade and comedian Leslie Jones will be playing our games. But first, it's your turn. If you'd like to play the numbers, 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-2-4, wait-8-2-4, that's 1-88-9-24. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on, wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Dudley from Nashville, Tennessee.

Dudley? How great. I have met few people named Dudley in my life, but I liked all of them. What do you do there? I am a research fellow at Aloku University studying the autoimmune response and type 1 diabetes. Wow. Huge diabetes fans in the audience. Oh, yeah, everybody loves type one.

You know, that's great. Well, Dudley, welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel. First up, it's a comedian and host of the podcast, Fake the Nation. You can see in the new season of Hazardous History with Henry Winkler on Hulu. It's Nagin Farsad. Hey. Hi.

Hi. Next, an actor and writer who can be seen in the acclaimed improv show 2Square at UCB, New York on September 23rd. it's Peter Gross. Hi, Dudley. Hi, Peter. And making her debut on our panel this week, you have seen her on the Netflix is a joke festival,

and she'll be headlining the New York Comedy Festival later this year. Please welcome Sereni. We're a Seekerat. Hey, how you doing? Don't mess this up for me. Dudley, you're going to play Who's Alzo this time.

Alzo Slade is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show, you might choose for your voicemail. You ready to go? I'll do my best.

Here is your first quote. It's from a review of a new gadget that was unveiled with much fanfare this week. I can't say I've ever wanted to fold my phone in half. That was the independent newspaper talking about the new foldable phone unveiled by whom this week. Would that be Apple? It would be Apple. Yes, very good. On Wednesday, Apple unveiled the iPhone Duo, their new $2,000.

foldable phone, although we will remind you, any iPhone is foldable if you try hard. Yeah, all you need is $800 or $1,000 for a new one. Exactly. I mean, there are a lot of advantages to a foldable phone. For example, it makes dramatically hanging up on someone much more satisfying, right? If you're holding out your phone out, it's unfolded, you go, I said good day, sir! And then you slam it closed, right? Wait, so does that mean when you're taking phone calls, you have this just like heeping thing against your ear?

Yeah. Right, you're holding like a placemat next to your head or something. You have to, right. Like, you're just like this. It's a full laptop against my ear. Like, that's awkward. But I guess, yeah, you can do a dramatic call ending. The dramatic call ending would be great if they were like, this is why we're doing it. We just found that people aren't hanging up our phones dramatically enough.

Exactly. If someone did that to me, I called them right back and asked them, did you just fold your phone? Did you fold your phone on me? Did I hear you folding your phone? It's, you know, it's a little bit like everything old is new again, like the way that we all had flip phones, you know, like 10, not even that many years ago.

Like they made us not have flip phones and now they're making us have flip phones again. It's like when there's commercials on streamers and you're like, I seem to remember television. Yes. The iPhone 20 is going to be like a, crank phone. And it'll come with its own pigeon to deliver your messages. Now, the other thing that Apple announced, less fanfare, but actually, I think much more important,

is this new feature on the Apple Watch called Live Rewind. Basically, your watch will be constantly recording everything it hears. So if you miss something that somebody says, your watch will show you a transcript for the last 15 seconds. Oh, it's a transcript like on the watch. Exactly. So I don't just have to hear my parents say they're not proud of me. I can read it too.

Right. This is going to be so useful. It's surveillance and reading. So you know, like, someone at Apple was like, have you ever wanted to, like, live with a court stenographer? How's your chance? Your next quote, Dudley, is someone responding to a new incentive to vote Republican offered by Donald Trump this week. I'm holding out for $25,000.

A voter was negotiating up after Trump offered every American how much this week if they voted for Republicans? Would that be $5,000? $5,000. Oh, I see. We got some rich people who were booing that. Wait, you cheer for diabetes and you boo $5,000 at this weird midterm Republican convention that's happening in Dallas on Wednesday night, President Trump promised that if the Republicans win the midterms, he will give every American adult $5,000.

Wow, that is two and a half foldable iPhones for everything. I would only be into this if he was like, all the money that I've earned from crypto, I've been in the White House, I'm just going to give that to people for $5,000. I don't want to give him taxpayer money. Oh, no, that's not his money. He's getting away. Oh, it's not. Oh, okay.

Now, somebody did the math. $5,000, $3,000, $320. Yeah, the price tag for this will be $1.1.2. $2 trillion. But remember, he is going to recoup that money by never actually paying any. Well, also, you know, he was already going to give us, like, $3,000 from doge cuts or whatever. He was going to give us, like, $2,500 from tariffs or whatever. I mean, he owes us, like, $10,000 at this point.

Yeah, I know. And he's, like, it reminds me of, like, a roommate I had who, like, never paid a share of rent on time, but then was always somehow in a beza. Trump told me he's going to pay it, but he's just going to use Klarna. So give him a second, you know. So this whole thing is very unusual. It is the first ever national party midterm convention. And they're calling this then, because President Trump wanted it to happen.

They're calling it the Trumpapalooza, which doesn't sound particularly attractive, but it is better than the other choice they had for the name, Burning Vance. All right, Dudley. Your last quote is from a viral YouTube video, one of many in this genre. Never drive without video evidence. That was a caption touting an increasingly popular technology that we are putting in our cars.

What is it? Can I get a hint? You can. Their name for the place that you generally put them in the car. Dash cams, yes. Dash cams. 30% of American drivers now use dash cams whenever they drive, and so many people love to watch the videos that are made from them

that experts worry that dash cams are making people drive more recklessly just to go viral. All right, that's why I drove straight into that farmer's market for clicks. Apparently people love watching dash cam videos. I'm a pedestrian, so I'm... Sorry, you pronounced the word target wrong. Now, Uber drivers use these dash cams, of course, I'm sure you've seen it, but they turn it around to film the passengers rather than the road ahead,

and they say they're doing that for everybody's safety. That's fine. But I want that to be like a roller coaster where they take a picture of you, and then at the end you get off and you can buy the photo. Oh, wow, look how scared I was. I would be terrified of Uber drivers releasing dash cam footage of me. because they'd be like, this this thing will not stop trying to talk to us.

Shut up. I'm like, guy, where are you from? Really? So what did your parents do? I am the worst. Really? He's like, stop harassing me. I'm at my job.

I got this Karen in the back of the car. I don't like getting into a chat. Alzo, how did Dudley do in our quiz? Dudley's a winner. He got three out of three. Congratulations. Yeah. Dudley.

You're great. Thank you so much. Take care. Thank you. This is fun. Right now, panel, it is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Peter, question for you. Peter, the baby boomers are all in their 60s now.

And according to the Wall Street Journal, a surprising number of them are choosing to move in with whom. Oh, no. Their children? No, not their children. Their parents? Yes. What? Their parents.

Wait, who? Old people are moving back in with. They're really old parents. Older people. Older people. We have an audience here of older people. Even older people. It's 60-year-old, or yeah, there's 60-somethings living in with like 80 and 90-something.

Exactly, yeah. It's like, and they move in. They're like living together, usually in retirement homes together. It's like we're living in your golden years, your glory days as a rebellious teenager. It's like, Mom, can I borrow the golf cart? Where are you going? Nowhere. You were up until 9 o'clock.

Where were you? You better be back for dinner at 4. This is very sweet. My son is going off to college next year, and I'm like lamenting losing him, but if I wait for 50 years, we'll just be back together again. You'll be roommates.

The arrangement for these people saves money, right? Because, you know, they're often paying for just one apartment in their retirement home. It offers security, obviously, that comes with that kind of facility. lots of activities to do. That said, if you try to sneak your 67-year-old boyfriend into the window because your mom doesn't approve of him, he's going to break a hip. Yeah, then he'll be in a different part of the retirement.

You can visit him in the ward, though. Safe word, sciatica. Coming up in absolutely bananas bluff the listener game, call on AAA, wait, wait, to play. We'll be back in a minute with more if wait, wait, don't tell me. from NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade.

We're playing this week with Sereniwere Seekerah, Nagin Farsad, and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the Student Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you, Alzo. Thank you, everybody. Right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me,

bluff the listener game. Call 1-3-8, Wait, Wait, Wait, to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on, wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Beth. from Fort Collins, Colorado. Fort Collins, I know where, up there on the front range. What do you do there? Yes, it's beautiful. Well, I work in human resources. That's important. You're resourcing humans. Yeah, I stay pretty busy between that and going to school for my MBA and raising three boys. I don't have much time for anything else.

Well, I'm really glad you made time for us. Thank you so much, Beth. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Alzo, what is Beth's topic? This is bananas. Bananas are quite possibly the world's most perfect food. They're delicious. They come with their own wrapper. And when the eggplant emoji isn't available, the banana is there for. Our panel is going to tell about a banana that made the news this week in a surprising way.

Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize. The wait-waiter of your choice and your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. All right. First up, let's hear from Peter Gross. This story comes from Middlesborough, England, where a 51-year-old, Christopher North stormed into a bank wearing a ski mask and pointed a gun at the tellers.

It was a scene right out of one of those gritty Guy Richie heist movies where you can't understand anything anyone's saying. Except Mr. North wasn't holding a gun. He was holding a banana. According to witnesses, North pointed something wrapped in a white cloth at cashiers while saying, I'm robbing the bank. I'm robbing the bank. Give me the cash. What he should have said is, I'm making a fruit salad. I'm making a fruit salad. Give me the mangoes. At North's home, police found his laptop three other bananas and five copies of a novel North had written called The Man Who Robbed a Bank with a Banana

about a guy who robs a bank with a banana after writing a book called The Man Who Robbed Bank with a Banana? Rumor has it Guy Ritchie is planning to buy the rights and cast Jason Statham as North and Danny DeVito as the banana. The man who wrote a novel called The man who robbed a bank with a banana tries to rob a bank with a banana.

Your next bit of banana banter comes from Sereni Weirasekara. While Europe endures a never-ending heatwave, one group of local monkeys are making the most of it. The wild macaques of Gibraltar have spent their summer the usual way, going, ooh-oo, ah-a, picking fleas off each other

and other stuff we think monkeys do. But one monkey has changed the monkey world this week by baking the first ever loaf of banana bread. The monkey, who local papers have named Carl, because he looks like a Carl, stole a bushel of bananas from a store, but couldn't eat them all before they got brown. When he realized his bananas were mushy and gross, he was furious. He threw all the bananas on the ground and stomped on them. Then he angrily threw some flour he happened to have in there, then pelted it with two

seagull eggs, mixed it all up, and left the mess in a ball on the floor before leaving in a hot But thanks to the heat wave in Europe, Carl didn't come home to a banana mess. He came home to a banana bread. It's great for the monkey community and horrible for the grocery store they love stealing from. The monkey colony on Gibraltar invents banana bread for themselves. Your last bananas? Comes from the gain Farsop. Grayson Fielder is a PhD in food sciences at Cornell University.

He's a serious student but got sucked into a world of food science that came out of a well-worn joke, that if you place a banana peel just so in the path of an unsuspecting protagonist, they'll slip and fall on their buttox in dramatic and hilarious fashion. Like a true food science dork, he wondered, is a banana really that slippery? So we went about testing the banana peel against other slippery fruit, and turns out the mango apple and nectarine peels smoked the banana. blow these many years, was it just actors making banana peels seem more slippery than they actually are? His butt cheeks bruised.

He was determined to engineer a more slippery banana. In a lab creation that would make European non-GMO standards blush, he engineered the slime banana, hopefully a working title. Even peeling the banana is a challenge because the peel emanates a fine mist of goo. It's pretty gross, actually. But Grayson is hoping there's a market in Hollywood for his creation and not just in the Minions movies. All right. Bananas made the news.

Was it which of these stories from Peter Gross, a man who wrote a novel called How to Rob a Bank with a Banana, actually attempted to rob a bank with a banana? From Serrani, was it that the monkeys of Gibraltar figured out themselves how to make banana bread from overripe bananas, or from Nagin Farsada, scientist actually figuring out how to make a truly slippery banana peel. Which of these are the real stories we found in the news? I am leaning towards the last one. All right. You're going to choose Nagin's story. Well, to bring you the news, we spoke to an authority on bananas. Honestly, bananas is a good choice, but if the gun part doesn't work, you could smack them over the head with his opinion. Yeah, that was, Brian Batridge is the

grower and owner of Batridge family farms talking about using a banana to rob a bank, which apparently is not a good idea. As you have no doubt figured out, you were fooled by I thought, McGeen's very convincing story of a scientific advancement. She's done it to many.

She's done it to many, Beth. You don't need to feel ashamed. Thank you. But you didn't earn a point for her. I want to now make you an engineered banana that's extra slimy. I want to make it real for you. It will be a Christmas gift this year. Thank you so much for playing with us, Beth.

Thank you. Bye, bye. Bye. We just try to survive and get what we never had. Don't say another word. Put the money in the bag. And now the game we call Not My Job. From almost the beginning of her stand-up career,

Leslie Jones was every comedian's favorite comedian, which is why Chris Rock personally recommended her to Saturday Night Live, where she became a huge star. She's got a new national stand-up tour coming up. and is the host of the new show, Roast My Rental on HDTV. She joins us now.

Leslie Jones, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Yes, great to see you. So I want to start with your origin story. You were a basketball star in college, and your stand-up career started when you won the funniest person on campus competition. How did that happen? At Colorado State, they have this community center

that has all the hearties and, you know, where people can come shopping all that stuff. and we were walking through and there was like a little billboard that said, hey, sign up for the funniest person on campus contest. And my friend was like, yo, you should do that. And I was like, what? I am not a comedian.

You know, Richard Pryor, you know, we'll be going over. Those are comedians. I'm just silly. She was like, no, girl, your ass is funny. And I was like, all right, I went to class, she went to class, and then we met back at my house. And she was like, girl, I signed you up for the contest. Really?

And I was like, why would you do that? I just told you I'm not a comedian, but I wasn't really mad, mad at her. Sure. And I was just like, so what am I going to do? She was like, just get up there and start talking because you're stupid. And I was like, that's not how it works. It's not how it works. So I put like, I remember this, 10 minutes set together, and I performed it for all my friends.

Sure. Because your friends are the hardest to make laugh. So I performed it for all my friends, and they laughed, but boy, did they have notes. Oh, really? Exactly, but it was, it was, and I went up and I won the contest. Whoa, and here we are. So a couple questions. How did your friend know that you were funny?

You were a basketball player. Were you, like, making people crack up in the court? Oh, yeah, everywhere. We would go to parties. Like, I said I had a lot of time on my hands, and I was party, and I was partying. And I was partying at Colorado State. Like, my grade point average was 1.7. Wow.

Yeah, because we was partying. Do you understand? I do. So every party I went to, we was, like, just whaling out. Like, we would drive to see you Colorado University and party with the Kappa's up. I can tell you some stories now. You know, I'm a member of Kappa Alpha-Sy. Really?

Yes. I'm a Kappa sweetheart. Let's go. You're sweet, you know sweet, yo sweet, you're sweet. Nobody in here has any idea. I joined the Kappa sweetheart because the Kappa's was so fine. They were always so fine, and they were the best dancing. We're going to stop and you're going to explain it to me.

The Kappa is the fraternity that Alzo was a member of, not necessarily at the same place at the same time, but it's a fraternity. of. And the Kappa Sweethearts were the girls who were... Like that, they were like, well, we were the Kappa Hose, but... I didn't say it.

I didn't say it. Sweethearts. You've never heard of sweethearts as a euphemism. Oh, yeah. So I want to talk about your new show, Roast My Rental. Essentially, as I understand it, you go into people's Airbnb's and stuff. And in, in insults it savagely

in the way only you can, and then when their ego is completely destroyed, somebody else comes in and fixes it. Is that about it? Well, I mean, I wouldn't describe it that way, Peter. Okay. Thank you. Let's be a little bit more positive.

It sounds great. I go in, and I lovingly, that their rental sucks. Yeah. The way you say, trap is so warm. Was it fun when the producers

came to you and said, so for our new show, we want somebody who has the comic chops to make even furniture feel bad about itself? Yeah. We thought of you. Yeah, yeah. Well, I pretty much do that anyway when I go to anyone's hotel or house. Oh, yeah.

If I don't like something in your house, I'll be like, so why do you have this in your house? Really? I was like, what is this? like why is it okay that's ugly do you like the layout

that we have here the two guys are there I hated so much like when I first came on I was like what is this like a cheap jeopardy

what is this I was like why is the black guy by the short white guy what is this whole set up can you think of like the worst thing you ever saw

on one of those places for real or on the TV show I know it's hard to be put in the spot It's kind of both, I would think, because I had one where I had a whole beehive in the wall and the master. I've had that where I rented that out. And he literally asked me, he goes, well, the bees wasn't there before you got there. It was, oh, I bought the bees.

I brought a whole hive and put it into the side of the wall, which is like so high. Like, oh, okay. There was one property we did where they had carpet in the back. bathroom and that is against humanity. They need to really put up the clips of what really happened when I walked in there.

They're doing the nice ones. We're getting like the safer TV version. Oh yeah. I scream so loud and then I started heave and I was like ugh. Can you imagine carpet in the bath.

Well, Leslie Jones, it is so much fun to talk to you, and we have invited you here to play it. It is, right? Yes, she's amazing. You know this. Thank you. Make sure you guys watch the show and come see me on tour. Well, we're not done yet.

We're not done yet, Leslie. We're not done yet because we have invited you here to play a game. We're calling, ooh. Okay, why you got to get the black? man. I said the same thing, Leslie. They don't listen. You host Roast My Rental, but what

about Ghost My Rental? So we're going to ask you about the haunted houses that pop up all over the world every Halloween. Answer two out of three questions correctly. You'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they choose on their voicemail. Also,

who is Leslie Jones playing for? Twyla Alexander of Erie, Colorado. All right. Get two to three right. Multiple choice. Okay. Okay. Here's your first question. Out of all the haunted houses

probably the most famous is the haunted mansion at Disneyland, but over the years, employees there have consistently had to deal with visitors who want to do what? Is it? A, throw holy water at the animatronic ghosts. B, try to spread their loved ones

ashes inside the attraction, or C, demand a refund because, quote, they're not real ghosts. You know what? I'm going to say C because people are A-E-I-I-I-I-I can't argue with your reasoning, but in fact it was B. People try to spread their lump ones ashes.

Because, you know, if you've ever been on the ride, at the very end, they say, we have 999 ghosts, but we always have room for one more. And I guess enough people were like, okay, how about Uncle Ted? I have him right here. All right. Next question. Shocktoberfest. It's a seasonal, quote, scream park in Pennsylvania,

which in 2013 offered an additional terror, if you will, to its haunted house attraction. What was it? A, a, quote, recurring nightmare room where you'd be required to take a high school history test without having studied for it. B, you and every other visitor are stark naked or C, an animatronic climate scientist

who delivered short lectures on the effects of global warming. Ooh. So it was... All of them sound pretty bad. They're pretty bad. So it was A. But I would have to say C again. The haunted house, scary, spooks,

werewolves, freaks, vampires, and... Freaks. Freaks. Okay, wait, wait. Okay, then, wait. What was B again? B was that you and everybody, all the other visitors, were all naked.

Okay, I'm going to say B. You're right. Yeah. You helped her. It's the Kappa to the Kappa-Sweetheart connection. You better know it. Yeah. It was called the naked and scared challenge, and the park owner said, quote,

the whole idea is to create this vulnerability and get their defenses down, unquote. And, of course, their pants. Yeah, naked and afraid. You bet. That was the theme. Last question, if you get this right, you win. Working at a haunted house is good seasonal employment, of course, but there are risks for the workers. What happened to an employee at a haunted house in Japan, 2011?

Was it A? A woman was convinced the employee was the ghost of her dead ex-house? husband and kept coming back to yell at him. B, an employee scared a visitor so much with his sudden ghostly appearance that the visitor, a black belt and karate, broke his jaw with a kick, or C, an employee became convinced that he was a ghost, tried to float right through a wall, and broke his nose. Oh, my God. Now, that's just dumb assness. Right. I'm going to say, I'm going to say B. And you're right again. Yeah. That's it. Also, how did Leslie Jones doing her Leslie Jones is a winner.

Two out of three. Congratulations. Yay! Leslie Jones is the host of Roast My Rental in HGTV, and she's on tour soon. Please go see her. She's amazing. Leslie Jones, thank you so much for joining us

on Brightweight Don't Tell me. Thank you so much. In just a minute, slither into our listener of Limerick Challenge call 1-8-8-W-W-T-W-T-J and we'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-W-W-T-T-L-MM from NPR. From NPR. Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade.

We're playing this week with Sereni Rura, Noghara, Nagin Farsad, and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the Studio Baker Theater in Chicago, Illinois, Peter Sago. Thank you, Alzo. Thank you, everybody. In just a minute, we will stuff your ear holes full of rhymes in our listener at Limerick Challenge game. If, after hearing it put like that, you'd still like to play, give us a call at 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-2-8. That's 1, 888-924-8-924. Right now, I panel some more questions for you from the week's news.

McGeen, this week, the cut reported on a phenomenon plaguing friend groups across the nation. Apparently, after your gang goes out to dinner together, no one is doing what anymore? Oh, heroin? McGinn. I don't know what's far. They're doing heroines. Okay. They're eating the heroin.

Doing heroin eating. So, sorry, they're going out and they're doing... This is a trend. I mean, I'm sure this has happened to you. You go out with a bunch of people. Yeah. Right? And check comes.

There's like eight people. You all do different things. So you say, you'll put it, you'll put up my credit card. But then something that's supposed to happen is not happening anymore. And what is that thing? Splitting the bill? Well, so they're taking, they're doing that part. Yes, but then the follow up doesn't happen.

The follow up, which is... Ask him to use it in a sentence. Like, so. politely like saying to everybody that you love and appreciate them and then like leaving the restaurant? It's like when you say hey guys don't worry about it I'll put it

on my card and then you all can Oh repay me like Venmo me. Nobody is paying you back that is what the trend is Wow But also why isn't that person go aheading and sending a text to everybody? Well that's the thing

You see here's a thing apparently Passive regression is back too People are picking up saying, here I am, here's my VEMO, here's my Zelle, and then no one is paying back. It's like a thing that has stopped happening. Repayment avoidance, according to New York Magazine, is more common than ever.

The message from your friends is less, I'll get the next one, and more, I will never get anything ever. I'm kind of crazy where I tell people, I'm like, you can't leave the table until you Venmo me. And it works. Is that crazy?

Does it really? How do you enforce that? How do you enforce that? I say it at the table after I put my card down. I say, I jokingly, I'm like, no one's getting up until you pay me. You're like, I will let go of your throat when I, when it clears. I see your money.

I'll put the gun down once I get their little, chiching. It's a problem for everybody because these are your friends, right? Of course. Yeah, it's embarrassing to, like have to remind someone. You want to be chill, but you also want to have money. Right. It's like, how do you remind someone they owe you money, but in a friendly way? I said, hey, remember, remember that great meal we had last week?

I keep thinking about it because I haven't had the money to buy any food. Peter, there's new research on mosquito bites and how to make them less irritating. Experts say that to make those bites itch less, you should never scratch him. No, instead you should do what. Oh, gosh. I hate advice like this.

Like, don't scratch an itch. Don't, like, eat when you're hungry. Like, it doesn't make any sense. Don't, you should, like, rub up against somebody's arm or something like that. What? I don't know. It's not scratching, but it's like rubbing it.

I don't know. Oh, yeah. That would work out really well if everybody started doing that. Yeah. Everybody loves that. Hey, no, I'm not being weird. I just have a mosquito bite. Exactly.

Yeah, hi, I'm Peter. I'll be done in a minute. Stan, don't move, don't move. I'll be done in a minute. I just found the spot. If you move, it ruins it for me. Let's see. It's not scratching.

Can I have a hint? It's mind over mosquito. bite. Imagine you're scratching you? Exactly right. Just think about how much you want to scratch that it, but don't scratch it. A new study shows that if you think about how itchy your bite is, but you don't scratch it, it will actually heal faster. And if you do that, within 10 minutes, you'll be willing to confess to any crime at all. I thought it was going to be like, hit yourself in the toe with a hammer. Oh, my toe. I forget my mosquito bite. I can't walk. No, the idea is in pain management,

the more you direct your mental focus on pain or irritation, the better your body becomes at reducing the inflammation in that area. It's amazing. It requires focus and self-control and someone duct-tapping oven mitts over your head. Coming up, it's lightning, fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call to leave a message at 1-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-2-4.

That's 1-88-9-24. You can come see us most weeks right here, at the Studio Baker Theater in downtown Chicago. But you can also catch us on the road. We'll be in Omaha on September 24th and in Kalamazoo, Michigan on October 22. For tickets and information, for all of our live events, go to NPRPresents.org.

Hi, you're on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Michal, calling from Hadley, Massachusetts. Michal, nice to talk to you. My niece is named Michal, which is why... Actually? She actually is. Wow. Which is why I was able to say your name

without hesitation. I'm deeply impressed. I am too. Well, Mahal, it's great to talk to you. Alzo Slade right here is going to read you three news-related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly into the limericks, you will be a winner.

Ready to play? I'm ready. Here's your first limerick. Opera's live. There are no extra takes. Steely reptiles will get their big breaks. While the voices get shrill, they must slither. and chill. At the Met, we're

auditioning. Snakes? Snakes, yes. A new production of the opera Kosi Fan Tuti is set in a 1950s carnival. And of course you need a snake handler and a snake at a carnival. So the Met had open auditions for the role of

Snake. Aspiring serpents lined up around the block at Lincoln's Center. They're all out there practicing nervously their arias. Yeah. Oh, you're going to get it. You're So good. And for my monologue, this is something from snakes on a plane.

I had to do an acting job with a snake once. You did? Yeah, high maintenance on HBO. I was in a snake episode. I believe it was even called Snake. And I didn't enjoy that. Really? I just didn't enjoy.

I felt nervous about being in a room with a snake. Is there an animal you would have preferred being on set with? Like a cute puppy? I don't know. Why isn't the Met auditioning cute puppies? That's the show I want to see. You have to ask the Italian guy why he didn't write a puppy into his opera. Yeah.

It was Mozart. Oh. I don't know. This Mozart guy sounds like a really crappy writer. Here's your next limit. Adult humans can be cookie hogs, leaving K-9 companions a gau. If you sit, beg, and shake,

then we Girl Scouts will bake. We are selling some treats just for dogs. Yes, the Girl Scouts announced their first ever Girl Scout cookie for dogs. Before this, the only Girl Scout cookie for dogs was any Girl Scout

Cookie that fell on the ground. Weirdly, some of this is not the first Girl Scout cookie made with bone broth. They're called Patchpatch pals, and this is true, they are blueberry muffin flavored. You can eat them probably. I mean, I feel

like I would try one. I will say, I feel like... I don't know, right? There's probably a gym rat out there that heard there's bone broth and the cookies and it's eating it. They're about to protein max with some dogs, Chris, scout cookies. If so, it was a joke, Brad.

Too late, too good. Too late, dude. All right, Michal, here is your last limerick. Insect. robots are easy to coach. In small spaces, they calmly approach. Though I'm in a tight spot, I can still get a shot from a needle attached to a roach. Yes, a roach. Great news for disaster victims. Live cockroaches with brain implants can now help deliver life-saving aid to disaster victims by scurrying into the rubble with medication and giant needles. No, thanks, man. I'm good.

I'm going to die. I would rather die. What do you mean with brains? What does that mean? So scientists figured out a way to put an implant into the brain of a cockroach that allows a scientist with like a joystick to steer the cockroach. If I saw a robotic cockroach coming at me, I'd think I'd be in hell. Like, I think I was already dead. What about a dog again?

Let's have a dog to go in there. I feel like my takeaway from the story is we've spent way too long talking about AI and literally no time at all talking about these brain-altered auto-cha-cha. Also, how did Mikhail do in our quiz? She did great. Three out of three. She's a champ. Congratulations, Mikhail.

Thank you so much. Thank you for having me. Bye-bye. Bye. Now on to our final game, Lightning, fill-in-the-blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds and much to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. each correct answer is now worth two points. Alzo, can you give us the scores?

Of course, Peter and Sereni are tied up at two, and the gine is blazing with the lead of four points. What? How did that even happen? All right, that means Peter and Serrani are tied for second. Peter, you're going to go first. The clock will start when they begin your first question, fill in the blank.

On Tuesday, President Trump expanded his trade war with blank. Canada. Right. On Wednesday, Space X launched a classified mission for the U.S. Blank Force. Space. Yes. This week, global blank prices rose above $100 a barrel.

Oil. Yes. On Wednesday, the latest storm in the 2026 blank season made landfall in Hawaii. WNBA, no, a hurricane. Yes, this week, the head of a venture capital firm said that he believed that after the apocalypse, blank will be used as currency. Skin. No.

No. Pokemon cards. Whoa. Got to catch them all. This week, Malibu residents were evacuated after a giant blank opened up at Nick Cage's house. I want to say like a party, but maybe sinkhole? Yes, a giant sinkhole. On Tuesday, ABC denied reports that Blank's late night show would end next year. Jimmy Kimmel. Right. This week, an ER in England got so overcrowded that one patient had to

have her IV bag hung from blank. Hung from another patient's broken arm. No, close, though, from a skeleton. I didn't say if it was dead or alive. True. When a woman showed up at the hospital complaining of a severe headache, the ER was all ready so overcrowded, they had to hang her IV drip from one of those model teaching skeletons they had around. It was on a stand. Even worse, when she asked where that skeleton came from, the doctor said, don't worry, that was just the last person that came in here with a severe headache. Also, how did Peter do in our quiz?

Peter got six right for 12 more points, total of 14 and the lead. All right, so. For now. For now. Sereni, you're up next. Here we go. Fill in the blank on Tuesday, a former employee of Anthropic warned there was a 10% chance that Blank will soon destroy humanity. AI. Yes. On Wednesday, the Seattle Seahawks beat the New England Patriots in the opening game of the blank season.

Football? Yes. Okay. You got it, yes. NFL, according to a new report, this last summer is officially the blankest on record. Warmest. Yes, hottest on Monday. Thieves managed to steal two Renoir paintings from a museum in blank. Paris. Yeah, France.

This week, Marvel Studios recommended that before seeing the new Avengers movie this fall, audience members need to watch blank. Marvel. Captain America. No, yes, and 42 hours of all the earlier Avenger and Marvel movies. Okay, let me hear that ding. This is a man in New Hampshire is facing multiple charges after he called 911 to report a fire at his own home and then blanked when firefighters arrived. Freaked out.

No, stole their fire truck. What? The homeowner in rural New Hampshire reported a fire at his two-bedroom house just before sunrise, and when the firefighters showed up, he stole their truck. Listen, you may not approve of this, but find me a better way to trade a two-bedroom house in rural New Hampshire for a new truck. Was there even a fire there? It was actually a fire. Because you had to distract the fireman when they got there, right?

So you can stake for a truck. Also, how did Serenie do in our quiz? She got four right, eight more points, total of ten, which means Peter Gross is still in the lead. Oh, right. Four nine. You did that. So how many then does Nguine need to win? Five to tie, six to win.

All right. Ready, Nguine? Here we go. Fill in the blank. On Friday, residents of New York City commemorated the anniversary of Blank with seven individual moments of silence. Nine-11. Right. This week, the whistleblower reported that blank skipped basic background checks in their rush to hire new officers.

Pete Hex-F. Ah, no, in this case, ICE. This week, health experts warned that new strains of the flu and blank were circulating. COVID. Right. According to new data, blank cases in the U.S. are at their highest level in 30 years. Measles.

Right. This week, two police officers in Washington escaped uninjured when they were sent to arrest blank. Puppies. No, a quote, really strong-looking goat. On Wednesday, a man in Singapore pled guilty to scamming people

out of $240 million worth of the cryptocurrency, blank. Bitcoin? Yes, according to a new study, taking a 30-minute brisk walk once a day may be just as effective as getting in your 10,000 blanks. Steps. Right. This week, an art collector in Los Angeles offered $4,000 at a gallery for a sculpture

of a broken vacuum only to discover blank. That it worked. No, that it was just a broken vacuum. Janitor cleaning up the gallery, vacuum breaks, leaves it in the corner where he thought it would go unnoticed, but he didn't count on one collector's very sharp and completely undiscerning eye. So the man offered to the gallery $4,000 for the vacuum, which is crazy. It wasn't even a Dyson.

Alzo, did Naguine do well enough to win? No, but she did do well enough to tie because she got five right for ten more points. Total of 14. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after that new iPhone duo. What will be the next, surprisingly foldable product on the market? But first, let me tell you that, wait, wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WB EZ Chicago in association with urgent hair cup productions. Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica writes our Limerick.

Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our ops manager is J. Vardak, thanks to the staff and crew at the Studio Baker Theater. B.J. Leaderman composed, our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks this week to Mahana Dahl Shehey and Jamie Hoffman and Dom Banas. Peter Gwynn is a really strong-looking goat. Emma Choi is our vibe curator.

Technical directions from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer, Ian Schillag, and the executive producer of Wait Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, is Mike Danforth. Now panel, what company is going to unveil a foldable product next? Sereni, we're a saccharact. Bath and Body Works are putting out the first foldable fitted sheet.

Can't be done. Can't be done. They're not be done. No more crying over your queen-sized bed, okay? It's against the laws of physics. Peter Gross. Ford will announce their new Ford F-150 truck with the slogan, the F is for foldable.

And again, Fars up. Apple is going to not only have the foldable phone, but a foldable laptop because laptops already fold, but now you can fold them three more times. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't tell me. Thank you. Thanks also to Peter Gross, Nikin Farsan. We congrats this so rainy for making a fabulous debut.

Thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We will see you next week. Is NPR.