Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - We're live in San Diego with Ron Burgundy!

Episode Date: May 2, 2026

This week, San Diego's own Ron Burgundy joins panelists Eugene Cordero, Paula Poundstone, and Alzo Slade to celebrate his friend and mentor Bill KurtisSee pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for sponsorship and to manage your podcast sponsorship preferences.NPR Privacy Policy

From NPR and WVEC Chicago, this is, wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR News Quiz. I am the anchor man, the anchor myth, the anchor legend, Bill Curtis. Here is your host at the San Diego Civic Theater in San Diego, California, Peter Sago. Everybody, thank you, San Diego. We have a great show for you today because later on we're going to be talking to a true icon, the man who not only made San Diego Great, he kept it classy. That's right. Later on, we're going to be joined by the anchorman himself, Ron Burgundy.

It's your chance to join our action news team. Give us a call. The number is 1-T3-8-8-8-Wa-Wa-W-W-T. That's one 888-9-24. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on Wait-Wa-Wat-Don't tell me. Hi, this is Ben Johnson from Torrance, California. Hey, Ben, and Torrance up the coast in the L.A. area. What do you do there?

I am a municipal planner. You plan out municipalities. I know. It's very exciting work. Yeah, yeah. Well, Ben, let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a Pibody and an Emmy award-winning journalist and comedian. It's Alzo Slade. What's up, Ben? How you doing, buddy? Doing well, yourself? So far, so good. Next, you've seen him and heard him in The Good Blame.

Lokey, Star Trek, Lower Decks, and currently in Man on the Inside. It's Eugene Cordero. Hey, Ben. You can see her in Beverly Hills, California at the Wallace Ennenberg Center for the Performing Arts on June 12th. Her podcast is Nobody listens to Paula Poundstone. It's Paula Poundstone. So, Ben, welcome to the show, as is our practice. We're going to start with Whose Bill this time?

Bill Curtis is going to read for you three quotations from this week's news. if you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you know you'll win our prize. Any voice from our show you might choose in your voicemail. Are you ready to go? Ready. All right, your first quote is about somebody who made a state visit this last week.

People have switched them from no kings to, okay, one king. So that was a journalist quoted in the New Yorker about the reception to whose state visit? King Charles. King Charles, yes. Charles III. The president of the United States was absolutely thrilled to host the king for a state visit. They have so much in common.

They're both old white men who loved cheating on their wives. You know that's what the fist bump was about, right? At the state dinner that Trump threw for the king, the king gave Trump a, this is true, a giant gold bell that said Trump on it to signify that his British, friends were only a bell ring away, and it was excited. The president loved it. Melania was thrilled. She tied to the bell around the president's neck, so she knows when he's wandering near. I wonder, when they come over from across the pond, I wonder if they ask, like, how long are y'all going to call this New York in New Jersey? Like, it's been around for quite a long time. I think you

just call it, you know. Well, if we just called it York and Jersey, they'd have to call their places Old York and Old Jersey. Well, I think that's very American. Yeah. The only part of the whole thing that I saw, really, I heard about the speech, but I saw the clip on the Internet of Trump pushing, cutting in the receiving line between the Queen and King Charles. And they seemed surprised. Really? Because apparently the king's mother hadn't told him that Trump does that.

Yeah. Normally you have to be out on the streets to get that kind of rude stuff. That's true. You know, when you're in the roped off section, you're generally safe. Yeah. Well, it is true that Queen Elizabeth's presence was there at the dinner. I mean, he's only been king for a short while. Trump even took a moment to ask King Charles.

Remind me, was the dead lady, your wife, or your mom? Wow. Oh, San Diego, a little sensitive. Yeah. All right. And what was the answer? Apparently, the king, who knew, was very funny in his remarks at the state dinner. He, it was great.

He spared nobody. He was like, I see we're having the classic British dessert tonight, spotted Dick. Oh, wait, that's just Stephen Miller. You do a good king, kid. Charles there to you. Thank you. Yes. All right. Your next quote is from a Los Angeles real estate agent. It was designed so you don't ever have to leave if you don't want to. He was talking about one of his new listings with a price of $400 million. It is the most expensive what ever put on the market at America. It's like a home or a mansion. Yes, it is a mansion. Yes, at that price it would better be. Yeah. No. I will say that is not a home.

No. It's just one more sign that our revolution is overdue. The journal says that the house is listed at a price that is more than $100 million over the current record for an American home. The mansion has six family bedrooms, 10 staff bedrooms, a gym, a chef's kitchen, and a pool. Oh, wait. That's the guest house. Wow. The main house, this is all true, has its own chef's kitchen and gym, plus a spa, a beauty salon, 10 family bedrooms, and 13 staff bedrooms, which is a lot of staff bedrooms. I don't know.

If you're the kind of person who can buy a place like this, you should be careful about letting the staff outnumber you. I mean, $400 million. That's typical for L.A. You know, that's about right. All right. Big deal. I mean, doesn't it? it just seem a little tone deaf

with everything, you know, with people, you know, housing costs are... Really, you think $400 million is tone deaf? I kind of... I just feel like everybody's struggling to pay their rent or pay their mortgage and some, you know...

If they were a little bit more respectful of the trouble the rest of us in, they would have listed it at $399.99. Thank you. That's what I think. It has every possible amenity, including, and this is true, a working X-ray suite. Wow. Totally unnecessary. Wait, wait, wait.

Read it. It's working? Yes. Oh, okay. Okay, because in my house, I have a non-working x-rays. Just the worst. And I'm just like, what am I doing here? It's weird. I mean, it's unnecessary. If you have that much money, you should be able to replace your bones with something that doesn't break. I don't have an x-ray suite, but I have a guy who just guesses what's on your inside and sketches it.

Yeah. That's been enough so far. Can you imagine being a guest at this first? and you have such high expectations and you get into the shower and the water pressure is trash. All right. Ben, your last

quote is the Wall Street Journal again. This time they're writing about a new innovation in cars. It increases the risk of backing over something or someone. So apparently we're going to enjoy an increased risk of backing over something because

what standard feature are the newest cars getting rid of? Do I get a hint? You get a hint. Yeah, automakers are all about looking forward, right? Not looking behind you. Oh, are they getting rid of rearview cameras? No, we need those. In fact, this car will entirely rely on rearview cameras

because it will not have a... It won't have a back window? It will not have a rear window. Yes, it's gone. Gone by the... way the hand crank on the front of the car. It's all obsolete. The 2026 pole star 4 EV is sitting for 5, a 300 mile range, and no rear window. This is crazy. Actually, it's not that crazy. I just realized my own car doesn't have a rear window. It was just so focused on my phone while driving I didn't

notice. So you cannot see out of the back of the car. If you turn around is nothing. It's opaque. Instead, there are, of course, rear-facing cameras. And instead of a rear-view mirror, it is a mirror-shaped video display, right? Gives you all the advantages of a window, and it could stop working at any moment. They have a little sign on it that says objects are less important than they appear. Bill, how did Ben do in our quiz? Three up.

Got us off to a good start, man. Congratulations, Ben. Nice, Ben. Thank you. Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Also, there's a new app for fans of scary movies. It warns you just before what happens? You get scared.

Exactly. Something scary happens or jump scares. I was just joking. No, it's true. The app is called binge, and you just tell it what you're watching, and when you start the movie, it'll warn you about the jump scares before they happen. It's a great idea, but what you're watching. Why is the notification sound someone yelling, boom!

I mean, it truly does ruin the whole movie for them. Yeah. Well, I mean, apparently this is something that people want. It's a popular app. But I'm not a fan of horror movies myself, but isn't the point for those who do that they want to be scared? Yeah.

This is like watching the movie with somebody that's seen the movie already, and they say, watch this. I was watching before you said, watch this. Yeah. I could have used this when I was dating How so? They jumped down at you?

I would have my phone by my side and when I know what scares about to happen I just put my arm around the young lady And then so when she gets scared I'm already there to support her Yeah I'm that kind of nice guy No I thought

I thought what you meant was You're like you're at the date You're talking And like the phone lights up and says she's about to tell you she's a Scientologist. Yes. I mean, that would be a great app. Yeah, that would be a good app.

Yeah, that would be a good app. Brace yourself. Coming up, things are looking up in our bluff the listener game called 1-3-8 Wait-Wa-Wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more. Wait-Way, Don't Tell Me, from NPR. Hey, before we get back to the show,

a quick plug for a very special event. Now, you may have heard Bill Curtis, our judge and scorekeeper, is retiring from Wait, Wait, I still have problems dealing with it, but in Bill's honor, we are hosting a live virtual event on Monday, May 11th, and you can join us. Bill and I will talk about his time on Wait, Wait, his career as a legendary anchorman, and we'll be answering your questions about Bill and the show. So to get your invitation, just sign up for NPR Plus, and we'll send you a registration link. Signing up is also a great way to support the show and NPR. So just go to plus.npr.org and watch your email.

Again, that's plus.npr.org. Our NWBEC, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Eugene Cordero, and Alzo Slade. And here again is your host at the San Diego Civic Theater in San Diego, California, Peter Sego. And thank you, every time. For the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff the listener game. Call 1-3-8 Wait-Wite to play our game in the air.

Hi, you are on. Wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, Peter. This is Tim Borden from Gallup, New Mexico. Gallup, New Mexico. What do you do there? I work for the National Forest Foundation. I do Forest Restoration and Reforestation project. And in my spare time, I travel around and I sing with a sea shanty band called the Strongback. You sing in a sea shanty band? The Southwest is known for its slash flooding, so you need to be ready. That's true. I see your point. Very good.

Well, welcome to the show, Tim. You're going to play our game, in which you have to tell you. truth from fiction. Bill, what is Tim's topic? A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. We all have bad days. You get dumped. You lose your job. You're in the Epstein files telling him how you got dumped and lost your job. But sometimes something bad can turn into a good thing. This week we heard about somebody whose bad day ended up with a surprising silver lining. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one that's telling the truth and you'll win the wait-waiter of your choice. on your voicemail. Are you ready to play? I am. Let's do it. All right. First, let's hear from Eugene Cordero.

In December, New York Giants kicker Young Ho Coe ran up to kick a field goal at the Monday night football game against the New England Patriots, and instead of the ball kicked the turf right in front of it. It was instantly deemed one of the most embarrassing kicks in NFL history, and Coe was cut from the team a few weeks later. So, it was pretty bad for him, but ultimately good for a fan. One, Mark Toothacker, watching from home, he replayed the slapstick kick multiple times and laughed so hard he had a seizure.

A feat every comedian dreams of. Luckily, Mr. Toothacker's wife is a nurse and rushed him to the ER where they discovered a tumor on the left side of his brain. The tumor was swiftly removed and turned out to be benign. So a terrible kick turned out to be a life-saving catch. One of the worst kicks in NFL history leads to a fan's tumor getting discovered and removed. Your next story of a silk purse from a sow's ear comes from Paula Poundstone. After an hour long standoff with a passenger who commandeered her drink card and food service tongs before being subdued, and duct-taped to their seat.

Flight attendant Phoebe Whalen used her incident recovery time provided by American Airlines to prepare and pitch a reality show to the television networks. We just got the green light from ABC after a huge bidding war, says an overjoyed Whelan. It's like below deck but higher. Each episode, the audience sees the struggles between the flight crew and the passengers they have to deal with. There are bloody fights over passengers putting their seat back. There are passengers claiming their steamer trunks or carry-on luggage. There's one episode where a famous violinist is forced to put their violin in the overhead compartment,

and another passenger releases termites into the compartment. And by the time the plane lands, there are termite mounds and violin strings in the overhead compartment, but no violin. Plus, the purser has a thing for the guy in 3F. A flight attendant's terrible day at work inspires her to create a new reality show about all the terrible days that flight attendants endure. Your last story of a bad day turning good comes from Alzo Slade. This story begins the day that the rapper, actor L.L. Koojay woke up to his girlfriend, frustrated with him over a constant problem. His ashy lips. His girlfriend looks at him and says, are you going to do something about your lips?

Every time we kiss, I need a bandaid. He laughs, she does it. She breaks up with him because of his dry lips. He grabs a cheap corner store lip balm, applies it. Thick, chalky, it's like his lips are wearing a sweater. He wipes it off and it gets worse. So it does what most of us do. He licks his lips again and again and again.

He goes to do an on-camera interview. Every question, lick. Every pause, lick. Every close-up, lick. But instead of nervous, it looks intentional. Instead of a problem, it looks like a move. And the next week, he has a product meeting. They ask him, you know what people associate you with, right?

He pauses, licks his lips and says, yes. So he introduces LL Koojay's Take a Lick lip balm, a flavored lip balm that inspires users to constantly lick their lips just like he does. This week, it officially became a billion-dollar business, which is why he's on the cover of this month's Fortune magazine on his yacht that he named from ash to cash. All right. Somebody's bad day turned into something good. Was it from Eugene Cordero, how they famously flubbed kick in the NFL, let a man to laugh at it so hard that he ended up getting a tumor discovered?

From Paula Poundstone, a flight attendant whose terrible day at work inspired her to become a reality TV mogul, or from Alzo Slade, L.L. Cool J. turns his dry lips ending a relationship into a problem. brand and a business. Which of these was the real story of good coming from bad? Well, I'm not surprised that the giants are going to be giving people seizures from how they were playing last year.

So I'm going to go with Eugene's story about the football fan with the humor. You're going to go Eugene's story about the football kick leading to an amused fan getting checked out when he needed to be. Well, to find out the correct answer, we spoke to that real person who benefited from a bad day.

I hate laughing. This kicker's expensive. but, you know, what might have been an embarrassing moment to him, it literally saved my life. That was Mark Toothacker, who laughed so hard at that muffed kick. It ended up saving his life. Congratulations, Tim. You got it right. You're into point for Eugene, and you've won our prize of voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations.

Thank you so much for playing. Thanks, everybody. And now the game we call Not My Job, there is perhaps nobody who represents the city of San Diego. better than the legendary local news anchor Ron Burgundy, whose story was told in two hit documentaries, Anchorman and Anchorman 2, both narrated by our own legendary newsman, Bill Curtis. We are delighted that Mr. Burgundy to join us here on stage. Ron Burgundy, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Peter.

Thank you so much for having me. It's great to be back here. I imagine, and I think our audience has proved it, that when you come back to San Diego, where you started your career, you get quite a response. people must be very excited to see you. People, well, I still live down here. Okay. Oh, I didn't realize.

I have a condo in Pacific Beach. Sure. I got evicted from my townhome in Rancho Panasquitos. So I'm now, you know, I'm walking around the beach with my metal detector. I still work with my charity, which is we're rehabbing dolphins. We're trying to keep dolphins to stay in high school. Right. Because guess what the dropout rate for dolphins are in high school?

I wouldn't know. 100%. Really? Yes. Wow. That's why I see so many dolphins hanging out in the street corners. No. And then on weekends, I have my sea shanty group.

You do? Yes. A lot of that going around. We go back and forth from here to Gallup, New Mexico. Sure. And we have competitions and things like that. So it's a very full, rich, busy life. Yeah, yeah.

Bill here, your colleague in TV news, he famously got his start as a young man when he went on the air in Topeka and warned thousands of people saving their lives about an impending tornado. I'm sure your start as a newsman was something like that? Can I just say something? I admire Bill Curtis so much. Oh, sure. You are the gold standard. Your legendary baritone voice is what I tried to emulate. and yet I couldn't hate someone more.

I've always been so jealous of your task. But Bill and I, we have had some times together. Really? Don't get Bill going on this story of Bill and I, Walter Cronkite, Angie Dickinson, and a flamethrower down at the dog track in Tijuana. Oh, wow. That's all I'm going to give you. That's all I'm going to give you.

I remember when Bill did that, all he said was, I'm on assignment. Now, Bill here, I know, having recently read his memoir, has covered some amazing stories. He was at Chernobyl, one of the first American journalists to go there. He covered the fall of Iran. Were you covering those stories as well? Yes. I would wait for Bill to file his report. And then I'd, you know, I'd embellish.

I didn't get the big assignments. No. When I was a younger man, I remember I reported the Vietnam War was over after one month. So they didn't give me the big assignments after that. Right. Yeah. You went over there, came back and said, it's going great. It's going great.

Yeah. Now they're looking for you to report on the Iran War. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That one should be over any day now. That's okay. Two weeks. The TV news business has changed.

Have you had to adapt from your early days here as an anchorman? It really, it really has. Network news is really down the old toilet. Yeah. So, an applause for network, for the demise of network news. I'm assuming that's what that's. Yeah, pretty much, yeah. Possibly for toilets.

Look, there could be a lot of people who just enjoy a good toilet. Who doesn't? Yeah. Who doesn't? I mean, when you walk into a bathroom, you see a finely sculpted piece of porcelain. Sure. You're like, that's a good-looking toilet. Yeah.

What were we talking about? We were talking about how you, Ron Burgundy, legendary anchorman, has adapted to the changes in television video news. I have, I pretty much broadcast my weekly report from my garage. Sure. I have a satellite link up with my good buddy Elon Starlink. Except he didn't give me access. I have Star Dink. Yeah.

Which only broadcasts about 500 yards outside of my place. The one you bought on Timo. The one I bought on Timo. Yeah, I love Timo. I'm a big Timo guy. Oh, gosh. Just as good, eighth of the price. Right.

And I think that's their jingle. Just as good. Eighth of the price. The price. So the Burgundy report is out there. The Burgundy report's out there. I'm still submitting my resumes to local news stations. Really?

Not getting any nibbles. I find that hard to believe, given your talent, given your resume. You would think so. Yeah. You would think so. Yeah. Isn't independent news the thing anyways? Don't you want to be on that train?

Yes. What you said. Yeah. I do. I want to be an independent journalist. I don't want to be told what to think or what to do. Well, Ron, have you given any thought using the TikToks and the Instagrams, for example? Look, that's a trend that's going nowhere.

Well, Ron Burgundy, maybe you can consider this a job interview because we have, in fact, invited you here to play a game we're calling. Anchorman, meet the Anchorman. You are, of course, the second most iconic anchorman in America, so we thought we'd ask you about Anchorman. men, that is sailors and seamen. Answer two or three questions correctly. You'll want our prize.

One of our listeners, the voice of the waitwaiter of their choice for their voicemail. Bill, who is your protege, Ron Burgundy, playing for? Dave Dennis of San Diego, California. All right. Dave Dennis. A viewer. All right. Here's your first question.

We'll start with Ernest Shackleton. He was the famed captain who kept his entire crew alive for 18 months after their ship got trapped in ice in Antarctica. It turns out, among other things, he was great at keeping up his crew's morale. They held debates and they held sing-alongs, and he let the crew do what. Was it, A, hold a weekly vote to update the rankings of who would be eaten first if they ran out of food. B, think up fun new names for the constellations, or C, build a big, sexy lady snowman. Well, I have been stranded before. and with a large group

and we knew everyone were one could be rescued for a while off the Aleutian Islands. Sure. What we didn't realize was that we were literally five minutes away from an army base. Yeah. But anyway, so we had to have that discussion

of who we would eat. I wouldn't say it's A. They made a list. They made a list of who would be eaten first. Yes. It was actually the big sexy snowman. Here's your next question. Rear Admiral John D. Bulkley

was a celebrated naval officer. He even has a destroyer named after him today, but he had an odd habit while he was in command of a naval base back in 1966. What was it? Was it, A, he would dress up like a ninja and sneak around the base to test security. B, he would get around the base on a rowboat mounted on wheels that he would row, or C, since the Navy banned alcohol, he would drink fruit juice and then just act drunk. Well, that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. I don't know why. I always started every newscast with a stiff scotch.

Sure. I would guzzle it down like there was the last drop of alcohol I was ever going to have. And I was ready to go. Yeah, sure. I'm going to say he rode around on a rowboat. He rode around in a rowboat. No, actually, he would dress up like a ninja and sneak around. And he never got shot.

Right. Either security was terrible or more likely. The security guard. were like, oh, geez, the Admiral's a ninja again. Just play along. Let him pretend we can't see him. Yeah. All right, you still can get one right here.

Captain Crunch of serial fame has been sailing the seas of breakfast since the 1960s. Always delicious. Always the best. But in 2013, he faced a scandal. People accused Captain Crunch of what? A, using child labor to pick crunch berries. B, violating the embargo on Cuba. Or C.

not actually holding the rank of captain. Wow. Yeah. D? Are you saying D? I'm going to say for Captain Crutt, if you look on the box, it looks like a guy who's willing to cut corners. You're going to go for C.

I'm going to go for C. That's right. He's guilty of stolen honor. Yes. Stolen honor indeed. According. to the number of stripes on his uniform, he'd been in Ensign, a lieutenant, and a commander, but he never wore the four stripes appropriate to a captain until 2024.

He'd never get away with that in San Diego. Never. No, that's right. Bill, how did Ron Burgundy do in our quiz? Well, he did really well. He got one. Yeah, he did. Ron Burgundy was the legendary Anchorman on San Diego's award-winning KVWN news team.

Ron Burgundy. Thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. In just a minute, why you better leave your umbrella at home. That's our listener Limerick challenge call 1-3-8-W-8-Wa-Wat to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, from NPR. From NPR and WVEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Alzo Slade, Paula Poundstone, Eugene Cordero, and Ron Burgundy.

And here again is your host of... the San Diego Civic Theater in San Diego, California. Peter Sego. They're flums in your ear. Unfortunately, they're limericks. If you'd like to play, give us a call of 1-3-8-8-8-8-8-8-2-4. That's 1-8-8-8-24.

Right now, panel, though, some more questions for you from the week's news. Alzo, there's a new amenity for travelers. Starting soon, you'll now be able to do what at the airport? Mm. Sleep. Oh, people have been doing that for a long time.

Can I have a hint, please? Yeah, you can have your hint. Good luck getting your personal bottle of body wash through security, though. Oh, wow. Shower? Yes, you can shower at the airport. That is gross. That is great.

There's a lot of musty people at the airport. Yes, exactly. That's just gross. Some airports, mostly at this point in Europe, are offering a new amenity for arriving passengers. You land, you go to the arrival lounge where you can freshen up and take a shower. They've just started installing these. Congratulations to that one passenger, whoever it was, who smelled so bad he inspired a whole new advance in the travel industry. Well, that's the thing.

It should be before they depart, because that's when you're going to be sitting close next to... Exactly. Yeah. They should require it. They should make us all go through the shower on a belt like a car wash. Or you know what? Where the light and the AC are. On the buttons up there?

Nozzle. You just right. Exactly. You push. And you get a little puss. And they'll be part of the security thing. Make sure you wash your own hair and rinse before washing the hair and rinsing of somebody with you. Can you imagine going through TSA and the thing beeps and they tell you, excuse me, Mr. Slate, can you come aside?

You've been randomized and they just hand you a bottle of soap. Yeah. And point you to the shower. It's like the airline equivalent of like a friend just offering you a breath. Yeah. Yeah, right, yeah. Eugene, this week, the Washington Post reported on a bold and effective new idea in conservation. You can save endangered species like gorillas if we simply give them what?

What do they offer endangered species? Yes. Other than hope? No, we can't do that. Oh, we can't do that. I'll give you a hint. The hard part is teaching the gorillas to sign their name on the checks. Giving Gorilla's jobs?

No, not jobs. Oh. You sign a check to draw money from your bank account? Yes. Give Gorilla's bank accounts. What? What? So a man named Jonathan Ledgard runs a nonprofit that sets up bank accounts for individual animals.

I would so like to hit up a gorilla for five bucks. Exactly. Because you know what's going to happen? People are going to like go out to lunch with the guerrillas. And when the check comes, they're all going to be like, oh, wow, I forgot. Wow. So here's how it works. They set up the accounts for the animals, and then, like, when someone provides a guerrilla

service, like, say, clearing a path, the gorilla pays that person. But don't get too excited. Gorillas are horrible tippers. I don't know if I like this. Why not? It's discriminatory. You have to be endangered to get a bank account. Imagine the species that are not endangered.

They're like, this is messed up. Yeah. Yeah, giraffes have been making millions. You know what I'm saying? And they've just been putting it under a mattress. Yeah, mosquitoes have a Venmo thing now. When you check their Venmo, it's just drop of blood, drop a blood, drop a blood, drop a blood. I'm not even sure I understand it, but I don't want my cats to find out about it.

I know that. Coming up, it's lightning fill in the blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-3-8-8-8-Wa-Wa-W-Wat. That's 1-88-9-24. You can catch us most weeks back at the Studio Baker Theater at our home in Chicago, or you can catch us on the road. We will be in Austin, Texas, at the Bass Concert Hall on June 4th. For tickets and information to all our live events, go to NPR Presents.org.

Hi, you're on Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't tell me. Hi, this is Marisa calling in from Bellevue, Washington. Bellevue, Washington. Up there near Seattle, right? That's right. What do you do there? I'm a lawyer, but right now I'm enjoying my daughter's senior year. I'm on a sabbatical, and she's enjoying her senior year before I become an empty nester.

Really? So you took off a year of work, a sabbatical, just to be with your 17-18-year-old daughter. That is correct. To her chagrin some days. You know, I was about to say, when you told your daughter, this is your last year of high school, you're a senior, you can relax and have fun, and I've decided to stop going to work so I can be here with you all the time. How did she react?

She immediately lobbied for a pet, or maybe a hobby for me. For you, yeah, it's not for her, I understand. Well, welcome to the show, Marissa. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly and two of the limericks will be a winner, you ready to play?

Absolutely. All right, here's your first limerick. This Egyptian found Greek stories yummy. That's how Homer wound up in his tummy. And this corpse, Inspector, found traces of Hector on fragments

embalmed in a mummy. Yes, in a remarkable discovery. A page from the Iliad was found in the abdomen of an Egyptian mummy, meaning that either it was stuffed

inside this mummy during the mummification process, or this man died from eating the Iliad. Now, papyrus has been found inside mummies before, but it's always like religious texts. This is like the first time it's been a page just taken from a book. But of all the books to be buried with, the Iliad is pretty cool, right? Yeah. Sophisticated guy, whoever this guy was.

How embarrassing would it be, for example, to be dug up 2,000 years from now with a copy of like the Da Vinci Code inside you? I was thinking more like green eggs and ham or something like that. Don't knock green eggs and ham. That's a classic. Yeah, see, I went with the Hardy Boys. Yeah, exactly. All right, here is your next limerick. This thunderstorm resets your brain.

Get umbrellas and walk down the lane. Emotional pain will just wash down the drain. When you take a calm walk in the... In the rain, yes. You know this living in... Washington, according to experts, getting rained on is good for you, and not just because it's literally the most romantic thing that can happen to someone. It also apparently chemically boosts serotonin in your brain, that feeling you have

when your genes are soaked through and everything is chafing. That's happiness. I also heard that if you run in the rain, you'll get more wet than if you just walk. Oh, right. That's like a physics conundrum. That's a physics conundrum. Because you're moving through like more volume of water or something. Yes, because I try to run through it and I'm not having fun. No. And if I walk through it, I feel like I'm really going to have a blast. I can't wait for the next time it rains so I can have a blast being soaking wet. It's the best. Here is your last limerick. For my workout, I need a fresh spark. I'll run faster if dogs chase. and bark. To avoid indoor stench, I'll do dips on a bench. No more gym I work out in the heart. Yes, if you don't want to pay for a gym membership, don't worry. The New York Times says a public park

has all the workout equipment you need. They published a list of exercises you can do using a park bench like step-ups, tricep dips, and jump-ups when you realize what you just sat in. And if there's a monkey bar, you know, monkey bars or a pull-up bar, you can be the guy who says, mind if I work in, to a six-year-old. I've seen some adults working out at a park while I'm there with my children. Really? And it looks terrible. How so?

Just because the kids are just having fun and then there's just a grown man sweating very close to us. Yeah. And we don't need that. One of the exercises the time suggests is resting, if you can picture it, your upper back on the seat of a park bench, and just doing upward hip thrusts. Oh, in a public park in New York City. Can you imagine you just, you're walking your dog and you just want to sit down?

We're like, hey, buddy, can you move that pelvis thrust somewhere else? Bill, how did Marissa do in our quiz? Marissa was perfect. Congratulations on your sabbatical. Well done. Thank you. Bye. Bye-bye.

Now it's time to our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill in the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores? Eugene and Alzo each have three and Paula has two. Okay. How did that happen? Don't ask silly questions, Paula.

Just roll with it. So, Paula, you are in second place behind the two gentlemen, so you'll be up first. The clock will start when they begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Pentagon reported that the U.S. had spent over $25 billion on the war with blank. Iran. Right.

On Monday, Cole Allen was charged with attempting to assassinate the president last week at the blank. At the White House Correspondents dinner. Right. This week, Jerome Powell held his final meeting as chair of the blank. Of the Fed. Right. Federal Reserve. This week, Chanel's newest shoe drew mixed reactions because it's literally just blank.

It's just, I don't know. It's just a heel. Oh, just a heel. Just the heel of a shoe, nothing else. On Tuesday, UPS and FedEx said they would return refunded blank payments to their customers. Tariff. No, yell tariff. This week, the chief of NASA started to push to make Blank a planet again.

Pluto! Pluto! Yes, this week, authorities in Sri Lanka arrested Blank for trying to smuggle 200 pounds of weed into that country. Elon Musk. No, 22. 22 Buddhist monks. The monks were just getting back from a weekend holiday in Bangkok. Monks go to Bangkok for the weekend, apparently,

and they told the officers that arrested them that the $2.5 million worth of weed was a, quote, donation to the temple. You know it is. You're in the temple. The donation plane comes around. You're like, oh, man, I don't have any cash on me. All I've got is this enormous bail here.

Bill, how did Paula do on... our quiz. Five right. Good start. Ten more points. Twelve is her total. She's in first place. All right. Eugene, I'm going to pick you arbitrarily to go next. Okay. According to new data, blank prices are the highest they've been in four years. Oil? Yeah, gas. Oil prices. This week, a Taco Bell employee in Florida was accused of pulling a gun on the customers who blanked. Didn't pay. No, who asked for a cup for free water, then went over to the machine and put soda in it. Whoa. We're all feeling a little guilty, aren't we?

On Wednesday, health officials warned of a blank outbreak tied to chicken in 13 states. Oh, San Manila? Right. On Wednesday, the Flyers beat the Penguins to move into round two of the blank playoffs. The Stanley Cup playoffs. Stanley Cup, yes. This week, after a 31-day winning streak came to an end, Jeopardy champion, Jamie Ding, saying that he may have finally lost because blank.

He got tired? No, because he forgot to pack fresh socks and underwear for the taping. Jimmy Ding said that he knew his losing Game of Jeopardy was going to be a tough one because he forgot to pack socks and underwear when he flew out to L.A. for the taping. Sting still had an amazing run, but it must have been even harder for him because the guy he lost to was only wearing socks and underwear. Wow, man. Bill, how did Eugene do in our quiz? Three rights. Six more points. Tuddle to nine. Still trails Paula. All right.

And how many then does Alzo need to take it? Five to win. All right, Alzo, this is for the game. Here we go. On Wednesday, the Justice Department once again indicted former FBI chief blank. Comey. On Monday, the Mexican government arrested another high-profile blank member. Cartel?

Right. This week, the United Arab Emirates announced it was planning to leave blank on May 1st. The LIV? The golf tournament, no. OPEC. They're going to leave OPEC on Monday. The White House once again put PROMPEC. Once again, put pressure on ABC to fire late-night host blank.

Jimmy Kimmel. Right. This week, a French teenager faced jail time for blanking in a public place. Peeing. No, licking a straw, then putting it back in the dispenser. No. You're like, put them away for life. That'll do it.

That'll do it. On Wednesday, J. Craig Venter, the man who decoded the human blank, passed away at the age of 79. Genome. Yep. After losing Saudi Arabia. as an investor, PGA competitor, blank, is at the risk of shutting down. Yeah, I see, I was ahead of you.

You were. L.I. Is it lived, right? Live, LIV golf, yes. This week, a woman in Massachusetts was convicted for sicking her blank on a group of police trying to perform an eviction. Her pet rabbit. No, her swarm of bees. Whoa.

In 2022, housing advocate Rory Woods pulled up in her truck to try to stop sheriff's deputies from carrying out an eviction when they would. She couldn't listen to reason. She went to her truck, selected one of her hives, and released the bees. One of her hives. Yeah.

A bunch. Sadly, she was then arrested for assault with a hilarious weapon. Bill did Alzo do well enough to win. He needed five. He got five. There you go.

Congratulations. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict what will be King Charles's favorite souvenir from his trip to America. Wait, wait, don't tell me. is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago,

in association with urgent haircut productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord, Philip Godica writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. B.J. Leaderman composed, our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dorn Boss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blythe Robertson and Monica Hickey,

Peter Gwyn is the comptroller of the city of San Diego. Emma Choi is our vibe curator, technical direction is from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. And with this show, we are delighted to welcome to our crew, our new operations manager Jazeera Vardack. Our production manager is Robert Nuhas. Our senior producer

is Ian Chilog and the executive producer of Wait Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, is Mr. Michael Danforth. Now panel, what will be King Charles's favorite souvenir from his trip. Alzo Slade. Paper crown from Burger King. Eugene Cordero. A doggy bag from the Virginia

potluck. And Paula Poundstone. He got one of the last cracker barrel t-shirts with the new canceled logo. Well, if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it, wait, wait, don't tell me. So thank you to Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Alzo Slade, Eugene Cordero, and Paula Poundstone.

Thanks to Carolyn Satter and the staff and crew at the San Diego Civic Theater. Special thanks to Heather Milne Barger and everybody at K PBS here in San Diego. And thanks to all of you for listening wherever you might be. I'm Peter Sagan, Bill. Stay classy, San Diego. This is NPR.