Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Becca Mann

Episode Date: October 4, 2025

This week, special guest Becca Mann joins guest host Negin Farsad and panelists Shantira Jackson, Hari Kondabolu, and Adam FelberLearn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

This message comes from Next We Have with Gareth Reynolds. From The Dullop and we're here to help, Gareth Reynolds takes listeners on a hilariously unpredictable ride in his new variety podcast. Subscribe to Next We Have on podcast apps or watch on Gareth's YouTube. From NPR, I'm going to be easy, Chicago. This is, wait, wait, don't tell me the NPR News quiz.

Fun fact about my voice. this is me on helium. I'm Bill Curtis and filling in for Peter Sagle. Here is your host at the Studebaker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Adon, Nagine Farsad. Hey! Thank you, Bill. And thanks, everyone.

I'm filling in for Peter Sagle because thanks to the shutdown, He's stuck at his crafting convention in Sheboygan. Now, we have a great show for you today. We're going to be joined by record-setting open water swimmer, Becca Mann. That's right. And just to make her feel at home, we're going to make sure our show is also infested with Great White Sharks. But first, it's your turn to Brave the Phone Lines.

Give us a call to play our games. The number is 1-888-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-24. Now let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Stu from Amsterdam, New York. Hi, Stu. What do you do in Amsterdam? I teach high school civics and economics.

Ah. So do you get, like, do you have any finance tips for me? Absolutely. I work in public radio on occasion, so I might need them. Substitute teaching is quite lucrative. All right. Now, Stu, let's introduce you to our panel. First, his band's Super Spreader is playing the Village Arts Theater on October 10th with special guest Lisa Loeb. It's Adam Felberg.

How you doing, Stu? Hey, Adam. Next, a writer for Clean Slate. Now on Amazon Prime, it's Shantira Jackson. Hi, Stu. Hello, Shantira. And a comedian recording his next stand-up special in Chicago at the Den Theater on November 15th. It's Hariconda Bolu. Hello, Stu.

Hello, Ari. All right, so welcome to the show, Stu. We're excited to have you. You're going to play Who's Bill this time? Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotes from this week's news. If you can identify two of them, you'll win our prize, which is any voice from our show on your voicemail. Are you ready? Let's go.

All right. Here is your first quote from Pete Hegseth. No fat generals. That was Secretary of whatever it's called now. Pete Hegseth, speaking to a room full of whom at a big meeting in Virginia this week. That would be generals. That's right. So when hundreds of generals and admirals from all over the world were suddenly summoned to the U.S. for this meeting,

no one had any idea why it was happening. And now that it's over, we still have no idea why this is happening. Hegg Seth and President Trump both spoke to the group and they had lots to say about the general's appearance, calling out, quote, fat generals and beardos. Taking his cue from Sigma Phi Delta, Heg Seth then took out a Sharpie

and started circling all the general's fat parts. There was a 300-pound admiral who was like, but I'm cool, right? It's weird, right? How obsessed with, like, with the generals being hot? Yeah. They're like, the United States shall have the deadliest, bravest, most bangable fighting force of the entire world. Yeah, Hegseth red and no fat generals directly off his dating profile. We have a history of fat military men, though.

Colonel Sanders. True. I'm assuming General So was a little chubby. General Mills. Oh, very good. Cap and Crunch was not particularly felt. Not spelt. Wait, was Captain Crunch the parakeet?

No, Captain Crunch is a serial man. Oh, okay. Who is the parakeet? You're talking about Tucan Sam? Yeah, that's okay. Neverville. Sorry, is Tukan Sam not military? Well, he has a big beak, so he might not make it. He's not officer. that's for sure.

Well, disregarding that Fat Generals is an incredible name for a Chinese chain restaurant. Oh, yes. Many military folks made the point that these guys literally have more important things to be doing, right? Like, at this very moment,

Portland, Oregon is completely undefended. From what? Having too much granola. I don't know. They're famous doughnuts. I'm not sure.

All right, Stu. Here's your next quote from actress Emily Blunt. Good Lord. We're screwed. Blunt was talking about Tilly Norwood, the next great Hollywood actor

who just happens to be entirely what. Oh, geez. I don't know if I know this one. Um, uh, AI. That's right. That's a guess. That was a good one. That's a good guess.

Really good. That was the correct answer. This week, a technology creator unveiled Tilly Norwood, an AI actress that we may soon see in starring roles. If you're wondering what she looks like, imagine a woman. That's basically it. All right. But honestly, can you imagine going for a role and your agent telling you that Tilly Norwood

is already attached to the project. And you're like, well, I know. You're like, well, drag and drop her into another email then. I don't even know if I would be, I don't really feel worried because it's a teenage white girl and I am almost a 40-year-old black lesbian and we're not going to compete. Oh, so they don't. I'm safe.

They don't put you up for those rules. I feel safe. Oh, I see. I feel safe. I feel like I could lose a few rolls from it. Well, I can't wait to see the popular. paparazzi photos of her dating a MacBook Pro. But I'm so mad because I didn't realize she was fake until after I made her my celebrity hall pass.

Wait, if there's going to be no more actors, who's going to wait tables? I think that's the only thing they'll let us keep doing. All right. Stu, are you still there? Here, yes, we are. Okay, here's your last quote. Clean socks only. No holes. Those are the slated rules of a company in the UK. One of many workplaces now instituting a policy that people remove their what when they arrive at the office. Their shoes. That's right, their shoes. More and more startups are enacting no shoe policies to optimize efficiency. Now, I would certainly be more productive if I had to glue my eyes to my laptop to keep from seeing

whatever is going on with Kevin's toes. I don't, first of all, I don't want to see any man's foot ever, especially at work. This is a very pro-lesbian policy. Yeah. I don't want to see a man's feet at all. And then I also think that if you are going to show feet, you shouldn't have to do it for free. So, He cost money. 100% fair. We cost money, baby. So I'm not showing my toes to corporate.

Yeah, yeah. Subscribe to my only fans first corporation. Remember when we used to work from home and didn't have to wear pants? This feels like their peace mealing our freedom back. I don't like it. Right, all the comforts of home. How embarrassing would it be to get called into HR and they're like, and this little piggy got furloughed?

I'm so sorry. Bill, how did Stu do? It takes a teacher to lead us. That's 3-0 for Stu. You're a win. Well done, Stu. Yeah. Congratulations, Stu.

Thanks for calling it. Thank you very much. Bye. Right now, panel, I have some questions for you about this week's news. Adam, the UK's National Health Service made headlines this week when they officially encourage people to look at the benefits of marrying whom?

Um, they're moms. Oh my God, you're so close. Really? I've spent some time in England. It's actually less close than mom. They're stepmoms? That's just normal.

They're cousins? They're first cousins. That's right. I wanted you to get an applause, but it is really gross. According to some people who clearly want to marry their cousins, cousin marriage can be, quote, linked to stronger extended family support and economic benefits. Well, they definitely save on the wedding because you only need one side of the aisle for the ceremony. Fair. Are there's that? Am I going to get in trouble for saying this feels very British?

Yeah, who released the study, the royal family? This is totally the royal family's going to. Yeah, they got centuries in on that. And I know that my favorite part of any wedding is the father-slash-uncle-daughter dance. The only thing I want to do with my cousins is take a walk away from the family on Thanksgiving. Like, that's the best, like, you see your cousins and you're like, do you want to go talk about this family? And then you go outside and do the cul-de-sac together. Right.

That's true cousins. And in this scenario, right. And in this scenario, that's your meet-cute. No. I'm so sorry. Okay, look, look, look. If marrying your cousin seems wrong, we get it. Keep it casual.

Just be cousins with benefits. Oh, that's. That's worse. That's worse. That's worse. I know, sorry. For kings and queens for you and me. It's the same inevitability.

I promise you this. Someday you'll call the love. All right. Coming up, a totally bingeable bluff the listener game. Call 1-88-wait-wait-to-play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait-Way Don't Tell Me from NPR. This message comes from rinse, who knows that greatness takes time. So does laundry. So rinse will take your laundry and hand deliver it to your door expertly cleaned. And you can take the time pursuing your passions. Time once spent sorting and waiting, folding and queuing, now spent challenging and innovating and pushing your way to greatness. So pick up that Irish flute, or those calligraphy pens, or the daunting Beef Wellington recipe card, and leave the laundry to rinse. Rinse, it's time to be. be great. This message comes from The Extraordinarians. What does it take to be the best at something

extremely specific? Celebrated character actors Kristen Schall, Tony Hale, and Matt Oberg are on a mission to find out. Subscribe to The Extraordinarians wherever you get your podcasts. In the U.S., national security news can feel far away from daily life. Distant wars, murky conflicts, diplomacy behind closed doors on our new show, Sources and Methods. NPR reporters on the ground, bring you stories of real people, helping you understand why distant events matter here at home. Listen to sources and methods on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. From NPR, NWBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz.

I'm Bill Curtis, and we are playing this week with Harri Kandibolu, Adam Felber, and Shantira Jackson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, Illinois. Nagine Farsad. Woo! Thanks, Bill. Right now, right now, it's time for the Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, Bluff the Listener Game,

call 1-88-Wait-Wait-Wait to Play. Hi, you're on, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Kirk from Clemson, South Carolina. Hey, Kurt, what are you doing, Clemson? I am a sports broadcast TV. director and producer. Oh. So is this like a,

forgive me for literally knowing nothing about your field. Is there, is this like a good time for sports? Oh, yeah. Well, before I weren't here, I worked at a PBS and NPR station, so I would say

yes, it's a great time for sports. Fair. That's funny. That's funny. Well, it's so nice to have you on with us, Kurt. You're going to play the game where you tell the truth from fiction. What's the topic, Bill? The biggest thing to happen to TV since color.

Every so often, there's a huge leap in television technology. There was color, then HD, then collagen injections, after we all saw what we look like in HD. Now, our panelists are going to tell you the next great leap. Pick the one who's telling the truth, and you'll win the wait, wait, wait. of your choice on your voicemail. Voices such as this voice that you're hearing right now. Are you ready to play? I'm ready. Let's go.

Awesome. First up, it's Adam Felber. For The Geek Who Has Everything, there's a new TV feature that supplies the one thing they may not have. Friends. Last week, Amazon Prime showcased WatchPals, a new feature that allows you to turn on a variety of AI friends who will watch content with you

and kibits about what you're seeing. There's Nelson, the film nerd, who will pepper your viewing with trivia like, oh, hey, that's the guy from the Spranos. There's Eddie who will watch sports and root for your team, yelling biased commentary like, no way, that was a foul. Are you blind, ref? And then there's months, your funny buddy who roasts and jokes his way through the movie. At the demo, while watching John Wick 3,

months somehow fixated on fat-shaming Lawrence Fishburn's Bowery King character, saying things like, Bowery King, more like Burger King. Yes, just like your friends, the AI is not always funny. Amazon spokesman Audrey Wex says that watch pals are not intended to replace real friendships, but enhance them. Although it could end a few friendships, especially if you happen to be watching a movie with your buddy, Lawrence Fishburn. All right. A new AI friend for your TV viewing from Adam Felber. your next story of Tune Up for Television comes from Shantira Jackson.

With more and more Americans cutting the cable cord, a cable service in Omaha, Nebraska, is trying to win back people by offering a new TV plug-in called Make It Better that allows you to change the endings of your favorite television shows to the endings that you prefer. Do you wish the lady in Fleabag made out with that priest? With Make It Better, they make out for a long time. There's also a feature that just deletes all the episodes that are bad, making lost exactly four seasons long.

The plug-in is still in its beta stage, but a nationwide rollout is expected in the summer of 2026. All right. So a new service that will change TV show plots from Shantira Jackson, and your last story of a boob-tube noob comes from. Hari Kandabolu. Do you want a 55-inch TV, but don't want to pay for it? Historically, the only way to do this was armed robbery. But not anymore, thanks to Telly. No, telly isn't just the silly thing British people call television.

Telly is a company that sends you a free TV in exchange for watching ads via an ever-present 10-inch display that stays on screen at all times. It's like Times Square in a box. even when you turn off the TV the ads stay on the screen forever reminding you that Hymns offers erectile dysfunction pills and capitalism will never let you sleep Tele also monitors your audio and video content channels you watch and duration of your watching

even telly is like Jesus Christ dude you're watching way too much naked and afraid It's just a nice free TV with an incredibly threatening aura that is constantly watching you, like the government. But don't worry, you don't have to watch the TV. Just kidding, you do. If you don't watch it enough, telecharges you $1,000. Even worse than the TV with mandatory ads, paying for a TV with mandatory ads.

Okay, Kirk, you've got an AI friend to watch TV with from Adam Felber. Make it better a new service that will change TV show plots from Shantira Jackson and from Harri Kandabalu, a free TV that forces you to watch TV. Which one is real? I got to go with Hari's teli TV, I think. Okay, and to find out the correct answer, we spoke with someone who actually tried this new innovation. Telly requires you to use the TV as the main TV in your home

and you're going to have to live with ads. Yes, booze. Also, this audience is like, we don't watch TV, we only listen to radio. That was Emma Roth, reporter for The Verge, who lived with a telly. Congratulations, Kurt.

You got that right. And you earned a point for Harry, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice on your voicemail. Congratulations, and thank you so much for playing with us today. Thank you. Took myself down to the TV store.

Replace the set I'd smashed on the floor. Like a lover's corner, guess I lost my head. I potted on that sucker till I knew it was dead. And now, the game we call Not My Job. Becca Mann is one of the most impressive swimmers in the world. In 2019, she became the first person to swim the 40-mile channel crossing three Hawaiian islands.

This was just four years after winning her second national championship in the Open Water 10K. She's also the author of two books, one a sports memoir and the other a dedicated. dystopian young adult novel. Clearly, someone got a pen that writes underwater. Becca, man, welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to be here. So, okay, I, like, fully don't understand why you do what you do.

So, I just, I have. A lot of people don't. You're in the majority there. I'm not even quite sure. Well, so I have so many questions. Let's just start with, like, do you ever get freaked out by the open ocean? Not the open ocean itself. I sometimes get freaked out by my mind just because it's so, like, I'm in a sensory deprivation tank, it feels like sometimes, and they can sometimes spiral out of control.

So that's honestly the only thing that really scares me about open water. So, like, your thoughts are more terrifying than sharks. Definitely. Sharks, at least you know what you're getting there. Oh, my gosh. I hope you do therapy. So, you know, one of the things that I thought about, like, when thinking about these adventures that you go on, is that you're in the water for a really, really, really long time.

So what are some of the weird kind of physical? side effects of this kind of swimming? So when you're in salt water, you will start swelling. So like about nine hours in, my nostrils were swollen together. And then when I got out of the water, my uvula was hanging on to the back of my tongue. And I couldn't swallow for the rest of the day. It's disgusting. Oh, God.

This is where I pretend to really know what a uvula is. It hangs in the back of your throat. Oh, got you. Either way, I sense that this is. bad. This again kind of conjured to the question of like, why do you do this to yourself? But what is your, like, what's your big goal now? I mean, you've already done so much.

Is there another, like, a record you want to set? Yeah, so I actually took, after that swim, I took five years off of swimming. That was, like, the last thing that I wanted to do with my career, because I just narrowly missed my third Olympic team, and I didn't want to end on a failure. So I love swimming, and I figured, why not just see how long I can love. swimming for in one period. And then after that took five years off and I was just really missing swimming. So I got back into it a year ago and then made the national team again after five months of training. So I'm hoping. Yeah. Thank you. Baddy behavior. Yeah. So now I'm just

kind of taking it six months by six months and seeing what happens from there. And as long as I keep enjoying getting into the pool every day to train, I'm going to keep sticking with it. When you're in the open water, are there people that are watching you or tracking you in some ways? You're not completely by yourself, right? Yeah, so there was a kayak that was probably like five to ten feet away from me the whole time

and then a boat that would stay like 200 meters ahead. And then every like 20 minutes I'd swim up to the boat and my mom was actually on the boat and she was violently see-sick the whole time. She was not happy never doing this again. And she'd throw

me a feed. We call them feeds. They're basically just, like, liquid fuel. So, like, a gatorade with, like, some sort of energy gel melted into it. So, yeah, I wasn't fully alone, even though, like, I couldn't touch the boat. Nobody was allowed to touch me because then you're disqualified if that happens. But there were people nearby in case I need help or anything. Okay, so there were people nearby. My question is, what's the most incredible thing you've seen in the open ocean?

Because I won't be going. I need to live vicariously through you. Um, I think I've seen three sharks and I really love sharks. Um, all of them were, it was two black tip reef sharks and then one white tip reef shark. And I think that they're just such beautiful creatures. Um, all of them were like very peaceful and, yeah, I love, I love all the animal. They're probably surprised to see you. Yeah.

Yeah, what are you doing at my house? Oh yeah, they have, they have a real, they have a real reputation for being peaceful. So that's. Those ones in particular. I met some nice ones. Well, so speaking of, like, fish, have you ever, like, had a relationship with a fish in this style of my octopus teacher?

I can't say that I have. I mean, are you open to that? You know what? I'm open to everything. We'll see. We'll hear what takes me. So, like, when you're, I guess, ever relaxing, if that happens for you,

like, you're on a girl's weekend at the beach, Are you just in the water because you feel like you have to be in it at all times? Like, what is your relationship with water when you're not racing in it? Yeah, I love the water. I especially love when I can convince my non-swimming friends to go in the ocean with me. I feel like that's the sign of like a true friendship if I can convince people to like go swimming in the ocean with me because that's where I'm the happiest and I love sharing that with people. And how do you convince them?

I tell them that if anything happens, I'll make sure that they're safe and I'm the one who drowns or gets eaten. So, like, there's such a small chance of that happening, and I think it reassures them, so that's usually my line. Do you ever, like, swim in a hotel pool and just, like, casually do laps, but also smoke everybody and show off? Definitely. Depending on what kind of mood I'm in. Oh, Becca, man. Well, we've actually asked you here to play a game. We're calling...

Tanks for joining us. So you know all... Oh, no. Oh, no is right. You know all about open water. So we're going to ask you about closed water, aquariums. Answer two out of three questions correctly, and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners,

the voice of any of us on their voicemail. Bill, who is Becca playing for? Ryan Campbell. of Houston, Texas. All right. All right. I won't let you down, Ryan. Here's your first question.

The San Antonio Aquarium has a touch tank which can provide guests with unique experiences like which of these. Is it A, an archerfish spitting water directly into your boyfriend's eye? Is it B, an octopus grabbing your six-year-old by the arm and trying to climb out of the tank to get the rest of her?

Or is it C, the Can You Handle a Lionfish Sting Challenge? I'm going to say C, just because I don't know if the aquarium would be able to get away with the first two. Oh, it is B. They got away with an octopus grabbing a kid. Don't worry. Don't worry, the kid is fine, and it only took three adults armed with ice packs to make the octopus let go. All right, here's your next question. The San Antonio Aquarium had another situation in 2018.

Oh, boy. When one of their sharks went missing. Yeah, fortunately, they were able to track it down quickly because security footage showed what? Was it A, one shark was hiding on the bottom of its tank while another shark buried it in the sand? Was it B, the shark jumping a barrier into the beluga whale tank, where it was now playing with a whale like they were best friends? Or was it C, two people lifting the shark out of its tank, putting it in a baby stroller and walking out of the aquarium?

Okay, I feel like it could be any of these three things. C seems like it would be the most fun, so I'm going to go with C. You're right, it is C. Oh, my God. I can't believe you got it. that. Police recovered the shark from the guy who wanted it

for the quote, extensive aquarium habitat in his garage. I really see a lot of myself in that guy. All right, here's your last question. According to a 2017 interview, when the sharks at one aquarium

wouldn't mate, the staff solved the issue by doing what? Was it A, piping salt and pepas push it into the inflows. Was it B, putting jasmine oil into their water as an aphrodisiac, or was it C putting lipstick on the female shark? What is the, okay, what's the audience thinking?

A? Okay, I can't say no to that then. It has to be A. Oh my God, that's right. Pushit is a cross-species sexy song. Wow. Bill, how did Becca do on our quiz? Well, she did swim a very long way.

So we're going to call her a winner, two out of three. Yeah. All right. I think we could call the audience the true winner, though. Well, Becca Mann is a champion open water swimmer and a writer. Becca, man, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you for having me. This is so much fun.

In just a minute, while you better take away your dog's car keys right now. That's in our listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-8-88-wait-wait to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of, wait, wait, don't tell me, from NPR. Chicago. This is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Adam Felber, Harigandibolu, and Shantira Jackson. And here again is your host at the Studebaker Theatre in Chicago, Illinois, and a Gien Farsad. Hey!

Thanks, Bill. In just a minute, the game that somehow didn't realize the thing that was fun about Limericks is they were dirty. It's the listener Limerick. challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-8-24. But now, panel, I have more questions for you from this week's news. Adam, according to the Wall Street Journal, the famously dog-friendly city of San Francisco has decided it still loves dogs, but it can't stand what? When they dress up as fighter pilots. That's so cute in my mind. I'll give you a hint.

The problem is at the other end of the leash. Dog owners. That's right. Dog owners. The Wall Street Journal gave a huge list of examples of dogs behaving badly and dog owners doing nothing about it. And if you're about to correct me and say, it's not a dog owner, it's a dog mommy.

You're part of the problem. Now, some examples include, a dog pooping on the floor of a target, a stranger's dog licking the face of a man doing sit-ups at the gym, and a black lab who grabbed a croissant right out of a man's hand outside the coffee shop, after which, and this is true, the barista said, oh yeah, that's the dog that always steals croissants. I'll be honest, I'm not trying to victim blame here, but if a dog lick me a at the gym, that'd be really cute.

Like, you're down there. He expects you to play with him. And the store is called Target. Yeah. All right, Harry, people are debating the etiquette of a wedding guest's decision to do what during a friend's wedding reception? Take off their shoes. Here, I'll give you a hint.

Yeah. She made it fancy by springing for the stuffed crust. Ordering pizza? That's right. During the wedding? Yes. So a guest at a wedding who felt the food was taking too long, took matters into her own hands and ordered a pizza for her and her date, and people are divided. Why? I mean, on the RSVP, she had checked the right box where it said fish, steak, or piss off the bride. I kind of love it. I kind of love it. Like, if it was your wedding, would you be like okay with it?

If you give me a slice, we're good. And my understanding of the story is that they didn't get enough pizza for everybody. That's fine. As long as you give it to the bride. I don't care about the groom eating. Wow. He can buy food. Okay.

I'm not mad at it. I'll just go on record and say that I'm not mad. But it's also not my wife. You're also not the bride. I'm not the bride. Shantira, a toy company is making headlines after unveiling what new tool for kids? Sledgehammer.

Oh. Hey, you're, yeah. It's a hammer, right? Like a s, like a s, sound. A bee with the sledgehammer. You know what? Because you're in the general world, I'm going to give it to a table saw. It's called the chop saw.

What a great way to help your kids say how old he is when he's four. and a half. Is it really functional, or is it just like, does it actually cut wood? No, I mean, they say it's totally safe for kids. Who is they? The National Chainsaw Association. I mean, I'm not a scientist, but anything that cuts wood can cut kids. Well, and look, I mean, if you guys are concerned about, you know, their fingers or something,

thing. Don't worry, those are just baby fingers. The adult fingers will come in. No. Coming up, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-8-88. Wait, wait, that's 1-88-9-24-8-9-24. You can see us most weeks here at the Studebaker Theater in Chicago, or come see us on the road. We'll be in Honolulu next week, October 9th and 10th, and in Costa Mesa, California on November 6th. For tickets and info about all our live shows, go to nprpresents.org. Hi, you're on Wait, wait, wait, don't tell me. Hi, this is Lauren from Stoughton, Massachusetts. Lauren, hello, what's going on in Stoughton,

Massachusetts. I mean, there's not much to it. I think everybody might know Stoughton as the home of the only IKEA in Massachusetts, so everyone has to make a pilgrimage there at least once. You should really be working for the Stoughton Tourism Bureau with this kind of chatter. It's amazing. Well, welcome to the show, Lauren. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you're a winner. Here's your first limerick. My new outfit's like spraying some mace. If you're close, it will get you in your face. With hoops and balloons, I take up extra room. I now have lots more personal space. Space it is. That's right.

Space. Personal space. This season, designers are, all about garments that scream, stay back. Reviewers see the trend as a statement about bodily autonomy and clothing as armor. These clothes sound perfect because honestly, I'm so tired of doing windmill arms at the club. All right, here's your next limerick. My cat likes to drown his regrets, and my dog wants to drink to forget. So we go to a bar that will serve Peter Pino Noir, I am getting some wine for my pets.

That it is. That's right. Pets. Finally, you can give your dog the Eucharist because there is now wine for pets. New Zealand company Mutley's Estate released a collection of wines with adorable punny names, things like champagne and Pino. No, no, no, no, no. Bad dog. Bad.

This is why there's dogs pooping in targets. They're drunk. They're drunk. Yeah, dogs act drunk all the time, drunk and high all the time anyway. They're like always hungry, and they're always like, I love you, man. I love you, man. I love you so much. They don't need help in this department.

All right. Here's your last limerick. In our nets, their eight arms make a lot of fuss. Now these cephalopods feed a lot of us. Many fish got their wishes to stay off our dishes because Britain's run over by... Octopus? That's right.

Oh, my God. So impressed. Octopus. Bricksum, one of the largest fish markets in England, has been invaded by octopuses. Instead of their usual hall of lobsters and crabs, fishermen are pulling up nets. full of octopus.

Luckily, octopus is a lucrative catch and a crucial ingredient in English dishes like big wiggly salad. It doesn't make me want to eat them either. Like now that I'm seeing them in this overpopulated life, like they're trying to do

something, you know? I would still eat them. Have you eaten octopus? I've never had octopus before. I'm from Florida. I'd have had it just about everything. It's in the frozen section right next to manatees. We don't touch manatees.

That's the only animal that we don't kill him for. Bill, how did Lauren do? Lauren ripped three in a row. She's good. Oh, my God. Congratulations, Lauren. Thank so much. Thanks so much for joining us.

Now on our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank, each player will have 60 seconds to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer is worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores. I can indeed. Harry has three. Shantira has two and Adam has three. All right, Shantira, you're in third place.

That means you're up first. Okay. The clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the White House warned that mass federal layoffs were imminent due to the blank. The government shut down. Right. On Tuesday, President Trump announced he was creating a website called Trump RX to sell discount blanks.

Prescriptions? Right. According to a new study, children who were infected twice double their risk of long blank. COVID. Right. Following an explosion, a high rise in blank partially collapsed. Brooklyn? In the Bronx, I'll give it to you.

This week, a court in India ruled that doctors in that country would now be required to blank. Do a little dance. Improve their handwriting. Best known for her work studying chimpanzees, conservationist blank passed away at the age of 91. Right. This week, rescue workers in Ireland successfully saved a young child who got stuck inside blank. A chimney. No, a claw machine.

Oh, that's way more fun. According to reports, the kid climbed up the slot where prizes come out and got stuck inside the machine. His parents had to call 911 to get him out. But, you know, before they did, the husband was like, quick, get me a quarter. I've got this. Bill, how did Shantira do? Real well, Shantara, five right, ten more points. Settle at 12.

Oh, you are in the lead. I'm in the lead. You're in the lead. Right now. Okay, Hari, you're up next. Fill in the blank. On Wednesday, the Israeli Navy intercepted an aid boat attempting to reach blank.

Gaza. Right. According to a new report, almost 25% of adults in the U.S. struggled with their blank health last year. Brain health. Mental, I'll give it to you, mental health. After learning the troops had arrived,

in Portland, activists said they'd organize an emergency blank. Protest? An emergency naked bike ride. Oh, yeah. Protest. That's Portland. That is a Portland protest.

I'll give it to you. Thank you. Here we go. Following a bankruptcy filing, door-to-door magazine seller blank said the past winners of their sweepstakes wouldn't be paid. Publishers.

Clearing house. Right. On Sunday, it was announced that Bad Bunny would perform at the blank halftime show. Super Bowl. Right. After evading police for eight weeks, a robber in Colorado was finally caught when he blanked. Poopped in a target. That'll do it.

Walked right by a TV news crew doing a story about him. The man was accused of committing multiple. robberies over the past few weeks and had managed to completely elude police capture until he walked right past a news crew that just happened to be filming a segment about him. It's amazing that even if they're on the run from the law, some people can't resist being like, oh my God, you're talking about me? Bill, how did Hari do? He had five ride. Ten more points. 13 puts him in the lead. All right. All right. And Bill, how many does Adam need to win?

Five to tie, and six to win. Okay. Adam, this is for the game. On Sunday, Eric Adams announced he was bowing out of the mayoral race in Blank. New York. Right. On Wednesday, it was revealed that the blank would start making top-ranking officials sign NDAs. Pentagon.

Right. This week, retail giant blank said, would remove artificial dyes from their house brand products. Walmart. Right. On Thursday, the U.S. Meteorological Service said they were monitoring two blanks moving toward Bermuda.

Hurricanes. Right. This week, a woman in Florida gave birth and then five days later blanked while holding the baby. Gave birth. What? Give it to him. Give it to him. A slow twin. No, she won a mortal combat

tournament. On Tuesday, a grizzly named Chunk was announced as the winner of Blank Week. Fat Bear Week. Right. This week, a man in Virginia is calling it a miracle that he had a heart attack while driving and crashed into Blank. An ambulance. A cardiologist's house.

The doctor immediately rushed out and administered CPR saving the man's life. It was an amazing moment. of heroism, which was slightly undercut when the doctor found out the guy wasn't in network. Bill, did Adam do well enough to win? Well, after a close reading, he got

five, right, ten more points. Total of 13 gives him a tie with Harry. Yeah. How about that? Shall we cheer for that? All right, congratulations. I'm sorry. I am. stuff. In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists to predict now that he's banned fat generals,

what's the next improvement Pete Heggseth will make to the military? But first, let me tell you that. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago in association with urgent haircut productions Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Godica writes our limericks. Our public address announcer is Paul Friedman. Our tour manager is Shane Adonald. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Sudebaker Theater. B.J. Leaterman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles, Miles Dornboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Vinnie Thomas and Monica Hickey.

Peter Gwyn is our full-time controller. Emma Choi is our visual host. Technical direction, Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilag. The executive producer of Wait Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Now, panelists, how will Pete Hegzeth improve the military next?

Adam Felber. Once slimmed down, Hesgeth will have the generals pose for his own personal calendar. Quote, I like General February. He seems so down to earth. Shantira Jackson. He's going to ban giving a little treat when you're sad because happiness only comes from war now. Hariconda Bolu.

Make the Navy bring back those silly-ass white hats. And if any of that happens, panel, we'll ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Adam Felber, Shantira Jackson, a hariconda Boliv. And thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Nickyne Farsal, Phyllian for Peter Sagal, and we'll see you next week. This is NPR.