Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM: Bill Cowher

Episode Date: April 13, 2024

We're live in Pittsburgh this week, where Steelers legend Bill Cowher joins panelists Negin Farsad, Mo Rocca, and Maeve Higgins to talk winning the Super Bowl, yelling on NPR, and why his 20th high school reunion was such a nightmare.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

When voters talk during an election season, we listen. We ask questions, we follow up, and we bring you along to hear what we learned. Get closer to the issues, the people, and your vote at the NPR Elections Hub. Visit npr.org slash elections. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. City of Steel, Meet Voice of Gold. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Belladum Center, a venue of the Pittsburgh Cultural Trust in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Peter Sagal.

Thank you Bill. Thank you everybody. Thank you Pittsburgh. We're just as excited. We have a great show for you today. Later on we're going to be playing Not My Job with the legendary Pittsburgh Steelers head coach Bill Coer. He is now a regular on the NFL today on CBS where, somewhat surprisingly, all the other analysts predicted he would lose by six points to the Browns today.

And they're not even here. But first we want to see if you can beat the spread. Give us a call The number is one triple eight wait wait, that's one eight eight eight nine two four eight nine two four Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on wait. Wait. Don't tell me. Hi. This is Elizabeth from Waterbury, Connecticut Oh, I know waterbury. What do you do there? I am a sales force administrator for a nonprofit. Okay, that sounds I'm just gonna say exciting. I'm gonna say that's an exciting job Okay, that sounds I'm just gonna say exciting. I'm gonna say that's an exciting Basically if I do my job no one else has to worry about doing their job. So wow, I feel you and me both sister, you know

Well Elizabeth welcome to the show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week first It's a comedian and writer. You can follow an Instagram at Maeve in America. It's Maeve Higgins writer, you can follow on Instagram at Maeve in America. It's Maeve Higgins. Hi. Hello. Next, he's the host of the Moe Bituaries podcast and author of Rocktoe Janarian's Late in Life Debuts, Comebacks and Triumphs on Presale Now. It's Moe Rocka. Hi, Liz. What's up? Hello. And she's a comedian and the host of the podcast fake the nation. She'll be announcing her summer dates soon on Nagin Farsad.com

That's right. It's Nagin Farsad Hello So Elizabeth welcome to our show You're gonna play who's bill this time bill Curtis Of course is going to start us off with three quotations from the week's news If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them just just two, you will win our prize, any voice from the show you might choose. You ready to go? I'm so ready. Let's go.

All right. That's the attitude. Here is your first quote. Tired of not hitting your weight goals, big guy? Now that was marketing from a company called Fella Health. And they are among the first to market what popular weight loss drug directly to men? Ozempic. Ozempic, yes. Ozempic for men. Hey, men, are you tired of just punching the weight off of your face? Try Ozempic, or as these marketers are really calling it, Brozempic.

Ozempic, of course, has primarily been taken by women so far, so Fela Health and other companies are trying to convince men not to think of it as girly. Quote, we're a mechanic, you're bringing in a car that needs to get fixed, said the CEO of Fela Health, a talking rack of barbecued ribs. They should do like an Ozempic Viagra combo thing. Right? Because Viagra's already figured out it's popular. You don't want a skinny little... That's not what you meant. I like big fat

guys and big fat girls. You like big fat guys with big fat girls? No, I like just big fat people. You don't want to be like, meet my boyfriend, he's wasting away. Oh yeah, you have him up in your shoulders. Come on. I'll carry you bag of bones today. Yeah, I only date guys whose legs can like cross over at the knee and at the ankle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. If I can't count the ribs, I'm not interested. All right, Elizabeth, here is your next quote.

Brace yourselves, a huge number of them are going to live. Make sweet love and die in a tree near you. That was Wired Magazine warning us about the imminent appearance of trillions of what? The cicadas? Cicadas, yes, they are coming. They're already here. It is the convergence of a 17-year cicada brood and a 13-year brood. They'll be emerging at the same time, something that has not happened since 1803.

Imagine how thrilled all the cicadas will be to find out the laws in Arizona haven't changed at all. And these two broods, these two broods hate each other. Oh, it's going to be. They're like the Montagues and the Capulets of cicadas. But like in cicada sounds. Yes, exactly. Like the Montagues and the Capulets of cicadas. Bini-ni-ni-ni. But like in cicada sounds. Yes, exactly.

Bini-ni-ni. That's why the hot cicada summer has been trending all over TikTok. Exactly. It is perhaps the sexiest summer, right? Because as you heard Bill say, that's why they come out of ground. They haven't seen each other in like 17 or 13 years. They're like, oh, hanging out. Oh, hey, you.

Hey, how are you? Hey, it's been so long. Are you still screaming for sex? Is there anything good about them? I like the sound. The crunching. Well, there's nothing particularly good for us. They're generally harmless.

But it is an unlimited, all-you-can-eat bug buffet for birds. They love it. One entomologist said, quote, it's like if you walked outside and found the whole world swarming with flying Hershey's kisses. Oh, my God. But here's the irony. All the birds just started an ozempic But you know what Peter cicadas apparently taste like shrimp

Especially the garlic lemon cicada Okay, Elizabeth here is your last quote why do they need all that money that was the New York Times talking about Vanderbilt University in Nashville becoming the first institution to charge a hundred thousand dollars a year for what? Tuition. Tuition, yes! It's done! The barrier has been breached. Next year, your child could become the first ever college student to sleep through $100,000 worth of classes. Vanderbilt, now they, you may be wondering why Vanderbilt, well they can do this because since Taylor Swift lives in Nashville, the average household income there is $100 million.

Well basically the only people that are going to be able to afford Vanderbilt are Vanderbilts. Right exactly. And is that for a specific class? Like is that to become money itself or something? Like how do you... You actually become money. You become a railroad baron. Yes. But like can you study anything and it will be a bit cheaper? I love know what I mean? I love the idea, it's like, oh, I got to pick a major. What's on a discount? Yeah. Well, we got pottery that's on sale, you know? I know you thought that like the caviar, the student union was too much, but it's so delicious, guys.

I mean, I am all for a liberal arts education. I have one myself, I appreciate it, but with a hundred thousand dollar tuition, you better be majoring in like oil profiteering. But isn't it the case now that like you can get your student loans forgiven if you make it to like 98 years old and you've worked as a social worker for 78 of those years? Those are in fact the conditions. It's such a great deal. But are we like, do we sound like these people that are like, in my day it only cost $80,000 to go to school?

But I don't want to be that guy who's like, in my country you don't have to pay. That would be a riot. Don't be that guy. Don't be that guy, man. I'm that guy. Sorry. You're all welcome.

Bill, Bill, how did Elizabeth do on our quiz? She made it to the final three. She is perfect. Congratulations. Yay, Elizabeth. Thank you. Good luck carrying everybody else on your shoulders Elizabeth. Thank you so much.

Take care. Thanks so much everybody. Right now, panel, put on your dark glasses because it is time for a new game we're calling Don't Stare Direct directly at this quiz. So Monday's total solar eclipse generated a lot of news. We're going to ask you about some of it rapid fire, true false style. Get yours right. You win a point.

Here we go. Maeve, true or false, the day after the eclipse, Google reported a massive spike in the search, is there another eclipse this week? I think that's probably false. That is false. The day after they reported a massive spike in the search, why do my eyes hurt? Oh no. No, true or false, doctors found that the cause of some patient's blurry vision and

ocular pain was the sunscreen they had put on their eyes. Oh, please, Lord, let this be true. It is! You're not supposed to put sunscreen in your eyes. You're not, Nage. No, no. Nagin, true or false, a farmer in Arkansas made tiny glasses for his chickens to wear during the eclipse. Oh, true. Absolutely true.

The farmer also made glasses for his cows, but quote, the cows refused to wear them. Cows have dignity. Maeve, true or false, a TV station in Mexico has apologized after airing an image of a lunar eclipse and saying it was the solar eclipse. Oh, false. It is false.

It's false. They are apologizing after airing an image of a man's testicles and saying it was the solar eclipse. That happens to the best of us. It really does. Moe, Moe, true or false. That sounds like a side effect of Brazempik or something. Moe, true or false, the residents of a town in the path of the totality in Michigan urged

their mayor to close all the roads to keep out tourists. True. No, false, they urged the mayor to, quote, stop the eclipse. He responded, quote, I do not have the authority to do that. That's federal. responded, quote, I do not have the authority to do that. That's federal. And that was this edition of Don't Stare Directly at This Quiz. We will be back with a new edition in 2044. In your eyes, babe

In your eyes, babe Coming up, the secret to a star's success, it's our Bluff the Listener game called One-Triple-Eight, Wait, Wait to Play. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR sponsor Policy Genius. Life insurance should be a part of your financial plan and usually costs more as people get older. Policy Genius' technology makes it easy to compare life insurance quotes. Policy Star hit just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage. Save time and money and provide your family with a financial safety net. Head to PolicyGenius.com to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save.

This is my voice. I can tell you a lot about me. And I'm not changing it for anyone. In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, you'll find a collection of NPR episodes centered on Black experiences. Search NPR Black Stories, Black Truths, wherever you get your podcasts. On the NPR Politics Podcast, our political reporters break down important stories and backstories from the campaign trail so you understand why it matters to you. Listen to the NPR Politics Podcast wherever you get your podcasts. From NPR and WDBEZ, Chicago, this is Wait, wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Nagin Farsad,

Maeve Higgins, and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host at the Benidom Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Peter Segold. Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you. Right now it's time for the Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me bluffed listener game. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play our game on the air or check out the pinned post on our Instagram page at Wait, Wait, NPR. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hello, this is Karen Pride.

I'm calling from Portland, Maine. Well, Portland, we love. We were just there not long ago. What do you do there in that beautiful place? I am a jeweler. I can calling from Portland, Maine. Well, Portland, we love. We were just there not long ago. What do you do there in that beautiful place? I am a jeweler. I can get just about anybody out of any fix and I can get it there on time. That is a bold promise, my friend.

All right. So since since that's how you pitched your services, what kind of trouble are you getting people out of with your products? We have had animals eat rings off of veterinarians' fingers. Oh, yeah. Wait, why would a veterinarian propose to a sick animal? They're caring, they're caring. Well, Karen, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Karen's topic? Secrets of the rich and famous.

All very successful people have a secret. And yes, 99% of the time it's just they're a nepo baby. But sometimes it's actually cool. This week we learned an untold story of a great talent who had a secret. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You will win the weight weighter of your choice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

Ready. All right. First, let's hear from Nagin Farsad. Neil deGrasse Tyson is known for being the chatty astrophysicist who uses the power of science to prove why movies are wrong. But when he started out, he spent a lot of time alone in front of a telescope, tracking comets, measuring radial velocity and endlessly judging Pluto. But while his mind expanded, his bottom flattened. Enter Irish River Dance.

According to legend, Irish step dancing originated so the Irish could dance behind hedges without the British noticing. Which seems both like a stereotype and a fact that Tyson would debunk. But soon enough, he transformed into some kind of astronomy duck, calm and collected on the top and wildly moving on the bottoms. Rumor has it he once tried to get Carl Sagan to join in on the lower body dance fun, but Sagan reportedly said no, dude, people already think we're weird from being obsessed with space. Neil deGrasse Tyson takes inspiration from River dance and Irish dancing to keep fit while keeping his head very still. Your

next tale of a talent comes from Mo Rocca. It's not over till the fat lady sings. More like it's not happening until Pavarotti puts away the puttanesca. According to Peter Gelb, general manager of New York's Metropolitan Opera, the late great tenor Luciano Pavarotti mandated in his rider that heaping plates of pasta be waiting just off stage for him to wolf down between scenes. Pavarotti actually sang better after going on a diet in the mid-70s, but the cravings won out. Nope, no ozempic for this othello. Instead some bucatini for his bohem. That's right, while Mimi was onstage dying from consumption, Pavarotti's Rodolfo was

just offstage living for consumption of carbonara. It's all for the best. Had the pasta not been there, there was a more than decent chance Pavarotti would have scarfed down a soprano. Some Manicotti with his Maria Callas, some Rigatoni with his Renata Tibaldi. The great tenor Luciano Pavarotti kept up his energy during those lengthy operas by running off stage and eating specially hidden caches of pasta. Your last story of a star's secret

comes from Maeve Higgins. Hollywood was rocked this week by revelations that one of their biggest and shortest stars had been keeping a secret for decades. The star, Al Pacino. The secret, a gorgeous blonde named Miss Gigi. You guessed it, all this time Al Pacino has been getting voice lessons from a golden retriever. The actor famed for his barking style of speech spoke about his relationship with the dog after the canine correspondent from the Hollywood Reporter found several receipts for throat lozenges and milk bones in Mr. Pacino's trash. In a short statement, yelled across the courtroom for no real reason, Mr. Pacino said,

I met Miss Gigi on the set of Scent of a Woman, back when she was tracing the scents of various different women. And I discovered, along with her great nose, she has this wonderful voice over her. So now we know, when Al Pacino uttered the immortal line, Say hello to my little friend, he really meant man's best friend, a dog. It feels so real. So Karen, here are your choices from Nagin Farsad, astronomer Neil deGrasse Tyson, who used the techniques of river dance, Irish dancing, to do his dancing while looking through telescopes. From

Morocco, Haluciano Pavarotti kept his strength up during those arduous operas by running off stage and eating the contractually stipulated plates of pasta that were there. Or from Maeve Higgins, Al Pacino's vocal coach, is in fact a golden retriever. So which of these is the story of a star's secret helper? I just love the idea of people in the front row of the opera saying, do you smell garlic? All right. You have chosen Mo's story of Luciano Pavarotti eating pasta during performances. Well, we spoke to somebody who actually reported on this secret. Marathon runners eat pasta, don't they?

And, you know, an opera is somewhat the equivalent of a musical marathon, isn't it? Yeah, that was Ollie Coleman. He is the deputy editor of Page Six in the New York Post because who else would have been drawn to this story? He was actually defending the eating of pasta during operas. Congratulations Karen you got it right you earned a point for Mo for all his pasta alliteration and you have earned our prize the voice of anyone of us you might choose for your voicemail. Congratulations! Tell me what the secret is. Tell me what the secret is.

Tell me what the secret is. And now the game we call Not My Job. Our guest today needs no introduction in his hometown of Pittsburgh, everybody comes up to him and thanks him for his 15 years coaching the hometown team, the Pittsburgh Steelers, leading them to their first Super Bowl win in decades, which may be why he had to move to New York. Coach Bill Cower, welcome back to Pittsburgh and welcome to Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. So I want to establish something first that I wasn't kidding about that, that after you became the hometown hero who took over the team, brought them back to the Super Bowl and won it, it kind of got hard for you to wander around town, is that right?

Yeah, I mean it was, yeah. So you know, I said when I came back here, if I can just make three years, I can go back to my 20th high school class reunion as a head coach for my hometown team. And ironically enough, that third year, we lost in the championship game to the San Diego Chargers. And we had to reunion, and it was on a boat on the side, the Gateway Clipper, and I just thought, okay, my wife says, you know, we're not going back there. She goes, we're not going back there

because you're gonna sit there and just be with all your buddies. And then I go, no, no, no, we'll just stop and we'll just say hi. Right. Right. So we got on the boat and we started talking, then the boat took off. So this is at the scene. This was like a, this is like a three hour cruise. I'm like, oh man.

You are stuck in a boat with your high school classmates. And my wife was getting madder and madder as the night's going on. And then the guys were getting drunker and drunker and tell me all the things I did wrong in the San Diego Chargers They asked you why all you think you're too good for us to get us tickets So everyone wanted tickets like oh like like oh now you can't talk to us anymore And I so I was so I got off the boat my wife wasn't talking to me and made half the people in her mad And it was just was it was kind of to put the tipping on that year because we lost the championship game to a team we should have beat. So it was kind of like that was kind of my career. Yeah.

I love the fact that you were yourself a professional football player. You were fearless in the field but you couldn't handle the Steelers fans in your face. I was one of them at one point. I know what they're about. Oh yeah, they're the worst. Now you became a coach at a young age so that means you had to learn quickly what I assume are the essential skills of coaching, which include doing these interviews on the field sometimes and after the game in which you manage to say nothing.

Right. And so is there a secret to that? Yes. So ask me a question. I know what I want to say, and your questions are relevant. Right. All right. We'll try it. We'll try it. I'm going to ask you. Because I want to control the narrative.

All right. All right. Okay. So I'm going to test you because I'm going to ask you a tough question now. Okay. In front of this crowd, you're going to show me how it's done. So I understand you have lived many years now in New York City. Yeah. Is New York better than Pittsburgh? You know, one of the greatest things about New York City is the diversity. One of the greatest things about living in Pittsburgh is the upbringing.

And when you combine the two of them, you recognize that your core values that you've learned came from the city of Pittsburgh. But yet, it was able to allow you to sit there and go to this great city of diversity in New York City with multitudes of people, but it's that grounding that you had in Pittsburgh. It allows you to survive. So what's your takeaway? That was amazing. Can I try a question? Yes. Coach Cowher, you have one of history's great jaws. Is it true that you once opened a can of tuna fish

with your jaw? No, but you asked me one more question, I can open up your head. Hey! I'm good, bro. We're good. We're good. Did you?

I know. I used to show my emotion a lot. Well, you did, actually. I used to show my emotional life. Well you did actually. I didn't think about what I never, I was very passionate about our job and I wanted our team to be passionate about our job. So sometimes I had to be the calm and the storm and sometimes I had to be the storm. So that was my attempt. That's actually, this is relevant because we're about to ask you to play a game. And I saw a film about you in which you said that one of the things you had learned as a player and then as a coach was that some players need to be encouraged and some players need to be yelled at.

Depends. What motivates. Right. What kind are you? Yelled at. You get yelled at. I guess I was raised that way. Okay. I was warranted. I mean, if you grew up in Pittsburgh,

sometimes you don't sugarcoat things. We just kind of taught it the way it is. Has anyone ever even yelled on NPR? We just kind of taught the way it is. Has anyone ever even yelled on NPR? Having watched a lot of film of the coach last week not like he does so all right. All right, Jerry gross Fretchen at air You didn't even consider all things Morning edition, my ass. Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! That's it.

Now you're starting to sound like a Pittsburgher. There you go! Ha ha ha! I like this. Well, Coach Cower, we are delighted to talk to you, and we've invited you here to play a game that we like to play and this time we are calling it Bill Cower meet these cowards.

Alright so you clearly have some guts as you have sown so we are going to ask you Bill Cower three questions about people who chickened out. Get two right you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of anyone they might choose for their voicemail. Bill, who is Coach Cowher playing for? Josh Smith of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. You got there. Uh, ready to go?

Here's your first question. Robert Ford, or as he is known to history, the Cowher. Robert Ford, or as he is known to history, the coward Robert Ford famously shot Jesse James in the back. He was so widely condemned for that act that he spent the next few years doing what? A, finding anyone with the last name James and apologizing to them in case it was a relative. B, touring the country with his brother, reenacting the murder live on stage, or C, allowing people for a five cent fee to shoot him in the back with a BB

gun. It's hard, isn't it? It is. What was number two? Number two was he toured the country with his brother, reenacting his murder of Jesse James live on stage. Number two. You're going to go with number two.

You're going to go with number two. You're going to go with number two. You're going to go with number two. The second choice. That is correct. That's what he did. They didn't have a lot of options for entertainment back then before pro football. All right. Next question.

The producer William Castle made horror movies back in the 50s and 60s, and among his many marketing gimmicks, he once offered customers refunds if his movie was too terrifying for them. So many people took advantage of the deal that Castle finally did. What? A, he required people present a genuine pair of wetted pants to prove how scared they were. B, make them go to his quote refund office to get it which he put on the top of a greased hundred foot pole. Or C, forced anyone who asked for that refund to go sit in the cowards corner where a recorded voice would yell

watch the chicken watch him shiver in cowards corner. in Coward's Corner. So weird. I'd say C. Yeah, that's right. And not only that, not only that. It's a Coward's Corner. Coward's in a Coward's Corner. You can have Coward's Corner in the show if you want. But not only did he do that, but in order to get to Coward's Corner, you had to walk down a path

with the sign Coward's Keep Walking, and they had a quote, nurse, to take your blood pressure. All right, last question. You can go for perfect and win it all. Napoleon Bonaparte, French emperor, was not known for cowardice, but he did run away once from what? A, a group of school children making fun of him for putting his hand in his jacket like that all the time be a horde of a thousand hungry rabbits or

See a bunch of taller officers who liked to rest to their drinks on his head Hey, hey, you're gonna go for a all right. Let me try your style of coaching here. A, you think the answer is A? Peter is trying really hard to get you to think it's not A. B. It's B. That was on your rabbits. So for relaxation one day, the emperor went out and was supposed to be at one of these arranged hunts

for aristocrats where they would release the rabbits. But the rabbits, who were domestic, thought they were going to get fed, so they rushed the party of hunters. And Napoleon and his retinue all ran away. Bill, how did Coach Gower do in our quiz? It's what the Chargers score should have been. Three right for a win!

Bill Cower is the Super Bowl winning former coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers. Bill Cower, thank you so much for joining us on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Give it up for the coach! Music In just a minute, a place that's definitely not safe to get back in the water in our Listener Limerick Challenge. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to join us in the air. We'll be back in a minute with more of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. This is my voice. It can tell you a lot about me and I'm not changing it for anyone.

In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, you'll find a collection of NPR episodes centered on the black experience. Search NPR Black Stories, Black Truths, wherever you get podcasts. This election season, you can expect to hear a lot of news, some of it meaningful, much of it not. Give the Up First podcast 15 minutes,

sometimes a little less, and we'll help you sort it out, what's going on around the world and at home. Three stories, 15 minutes, up first every day. Listen every morning wherever you get your podcasts. In this country, some truths aren't self-evident. In NPR's Black Stories, Black Truths, a collection of stories as wide-ranging and real as the people who tell them, we celebrate the Black experience for all its soul and richness. Search NPR, Black Stories, Black Truths,

wherever you get podcasts. -♪ -♪ From NPR in WBEZ, Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Mo Rocca,

Sagane Farsad, and Maeve Higgins. And here again is your host at the Benidam Center in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Peter Segal. Thank you, Bill. And just a minute, it's our Super Bowl, the listener limerick challenge. If you'd like to play, it's a little easier than the real one, but it still counts. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, I'll panel some more questions for you from the week's news. Mo, experts are now saying that no matter how much affection you feel for the birds you see, you should no longer do what to them? Kiss them. Exactly right, Mo. In fact, you got that so quickly, I'm a little suspicious. Because, I mean, it's hard not to feel like you're in a cartoon when a bird flies near you, and in the cartoons you you kiss birds don't you? What cartoons have you been watching? Snow White? Is that yours? No, I feel like Cinderella and Snow White have both made out with birds. Made out?

What versions have you been watching? Ness, the advice is do not kiss birds. Specifically do not kiss sick birds. We get it. Birds are helpless, they're fluffy, and sexy as hell. But just don't do it. Apparently, many people, like Moe, are doing it because this is the real headline on this story from the New York Times, quote, seriously, now is the time to stop kissing sick birds.

Wait, hold on a second. It is, I find it rude and cold if you meet a love bird to extend your hand. It's just weird. And the bird's like, what happened to us? It's a love bird. But you're also like, in your situation, you're like making out with them and they're like.

Well, that's what happened when I met Big Bird What's uncomfortable is all the people who went told they should not kiss the birds are kind of like upset and ask for exceptions Like, you know, okay fine. No kissing but over the feathers stuff is still okay You can go through the bases with a bird real quick, they're small. That's true. Especially those city pigeons. A pocket bird. Mo, I have one more question for you. Mo, this week a German art museum fired an employee after they discovered that he had done what? That he had licked all the paintings. What is a clue? Lichtenstein. What's that?

What is a clue? Oh, no, I mean, can you give me a clue? Oh, okay, fine. I was going to define it. I thought you knew after all these years. Existential question. You would like a clue. Here's one.

Well, okay, here's a clue. You know, there's nothing like confidence for an artist. Oh, he was clue. Here's one. Okay, here's a clue. You know, there's nothing like confidence for an artist. Oh, he was putting up his own painting. Yes, he did. He did. He put up his own art in the museum without asking permission. In hopes of, quote, achieving his artistic breakthrough, the employee drilled two holes

in the museum gallery's wall in order to hang his own work. He was immediately fired for the stunt, but we should just be grateful he did not work at a natural history museum. Don't tell anyone I brought in some bones from home. Was it any good, the art? That is a good question, and frustratingly, none of the articles we could find about this said so. I would have loved, because wouldn't it be great if he turns out out to be the next great artist and that's how he was discovered? Yeah, because that's like the goodwill hunting moment where like Matt Damon's like doing

the calculus problem or whatever. And that guy was like really, yeah, it turns out he could do calculus. It was like he's Van Brough. That's movies. It's the real world. It was probably just cats with really big eyes. Beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. Coming up, it's lightning fell on the blank, but first it's a game where you have to listen for the rhyme.

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can see us most weeks back at the Studebaker Theater in downtown Chicago. And you can come see our panelists on the Wait Wait Stand Up Tour. Shows are coming to Syracuse, Baltimore, and Hershey, Pennsylvania between the 26th of April and the 28th.

Information and tickets are over at NPRpresents.org. Hi, you are on Wait Wait Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Nash calling from Raleigh, North Carolina. Hey, Nash, how are you? I'm doing great. How about you, Peter? I'm doing very well? I'm doing great. How about you, Peter? I'm doing very well. I'm in Pittsburgh.

What do you do there in Raleigh? I'm a transactional attorney. Okay. Oh no. Every attorney I've ever met is transactional. I have found much to my frustration that I have to give them money to get them to do stuff. But what do you mean by that?

I don't litigate. I'm just a contracts attorney. Yeah, I do real estate and things like that. Right. So you sit there and you help draw up the contracts. You sit and explain to people like me what these pieces of paper are that we're signing. Yes. Right.

And I'm assuming you're constantly lying about that. Because I have no way of knowing. I've never, never done that, ever. Never, ever. Well, Nash, welcome to the show. Bill Curtis is going to read you three news related limericks with a last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly, two of the limericks will be a

big winner. Ready to play? Ready. Here is your first limerick. There is a calm here. You cannot deny it. Our cafe, where a sneeze causes riot. There's no music or talking.

You try it, you're walking. Our cafe, here, has strict peace and... Quiet? Yes! A new cafe in Osaka, Japan. You know cafes in Japan, they have animals, all kinds of different gimmicks. Well this gimmick is complete silence. No music playing, talking is completely discouraged.

It's just you, your tea, and more loud chewing noises than a cicada emerges. So it's like the quiet car on the train. Exactly. Except not moving. Yes. I love that. You on the train, except not moving. Yes. I love that. You do? Yeah, I think so.

Because you're not even allowed to have a conversation. Not at all. Even like with somebody. So, like, if you sensed, and I'm not saying this happened, that somebody wanted to break up with you and said, let's meet up, we need to talk. I said, great, I'll meet you just in Osaka. We'll go in there, and then he wouldn't be able to do it, would he? Would you, Henry?

All right. In this scenario, you've flown to Osaka, you've gone into this cafe, you've met up with this guy. He's trying to break up with me. His name is Henry. And so you're in the cafe, but then what do you do? Because as soon as you leave, you can do it. And then he says, you know, I think you're a great person.

And we all say, pssh. Pssh. And you just stay there forever. Yeah. We don't move. Maybe I get on one knee, and I take out a ring, and do the first silent proposal. Yeah, mime proposal.

Mime proposal. Yeah. There's nothing against mime proposal. Mime proposal. There's nothing against mime at this cafe, right? Our engagements? I'll have to get back to them and let you know. Alright, here, Nash, is your next limerick. Though some lexicographers dabble, our word game is meant for the rebel. So let's stop flipping boards.

Don't throw tiles on the floor. Please collaborate when you play. Scrabble? Scrabble, yes. Mattel has announced Scrabble Together, a new version of the classic game Scrabble intended to be less competitive and less intimidating. The idea is instead of competing with each other to gain points by making words, you do it together. You achieve mutual goals like, and this was a real one, play a horizontal word.

So you can either play this version, get big points with your whole family, group of friends for doing that, or just play regular Scrabble, seize all the glory for yourself in just one move. Or you play together Scrabble, and I partner with my daughter who can't read, and it's still clear that I have all the glory. That's true. But, Nagin, your daughter's 17 now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And I've kept her illiterate for a reason, babe. McGeean really enjoys winning at Scrabble.

That's all we need to say. All right, Nash, here is your last limerick. For us athletes, the Sen looks trade grim, because with filth it is filled to the brim. All the cleanup has failed. Even fish have turned tail. In these waters, we won't want to... Swim?

Right! Swimming in the River Seine in Paris has been banned for a hundred years for health reasons. Think about that. It was so filthy, they knew it was dangerous in the early 1920s. But France has promised to clean it up in time for the Olympics this summer so they long-distance swimmers can swim in it That will be difficult because recent tests show it is still swarming with E. Coli. In fact, it's so thick with bacteria They might be able to run the marathon on top of it It sounds very unsanitary

Like switch it up totally. Yes. Drain the sin, fill it up where the bag gets, and have it just be a different type of game. I think that's probably more realistic than trying to clean it. Well, that's what I'm saying. Bill, how did Nash do in our quiz? Nash, here's the transaction. You get three wins for a perfect score.

Do you accept? Congratulations, Nash! Yeah! Nash, thank you so much for playing. Yeah, thank you so much. Take care, sir. River running way too high. Girly water take your life.

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Time for our final game, Lightning Fill in the Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many Fill in the Blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now Worth two points bill. Can you give us the scores? The game has three bow and may have each have four. Oh my goodness. What I'm not even sure how that happens, but Nagin you are in second place, right? So you're gonna start us off. Here we go The clock will start when they begin your first question fill in the blank Despite multiple attempts to delay it, a judge ruled that

blank's hush money trial will begin next week. Trump. Yes. On Thursday, President Biden held the first-ever summit between the US, the Philippines, and blank. Japan. Yes. This week accused murderer and football star blank died at the age of 76. OJ Simpson. Yes. On Tuesday, the White House finalized the new national standard to limit so-called blank chemicals in drinking water. E-coli-se. No, they're called forever chemicals. This week three men were rescued from a desert island after they blanked.

After they did a bunch of ecstasy. No. After they used palm leaves to spell out help in the sand. According to the Wall Street Journal, a number of companies are now vying to make taking blank cool and sexy. Taking, um, taking getting fired. No, they're now vying to make taking fiber supplements cool and sexy. Fiber one, you've all heard of it, you know who takes that, but are familiar with Belly

Welly whose slogan, this is true, is hot girls have IBS. The race to create hip, sexy fiber supplements is on. This is why you're soon going to see the catchphrase, Metamucil, we're into butt stuff. Oh my goodness, he sure is. Bill, how did Nagin do on our quiz? Three right, total of nine. She's in the lead. All right, Maeve, you are up next.

Fill in the blank. This week another system of dangerous blanks passed through the southeast. Oh, earthquakes. No storms on Monday. Norfolk Southern agreed to pay $600 million to settle lawsuits over the 2023 blank in East Palestine, Ohio. The train? The train derailment, yes.

This week, a woman, very good. This week, a woman received $105 speeding ticket in the mail, even though in the photo, her car was blank. She's asleep in the car. No, her car was in the back of a tow truck. On Monday, blank beat Purdue to win their second consecutive NCAA title. Chicken?

Chicken, no. UConn, University of Connecticut. This week, a mother and daughter in Texas were arrested for blanking without a permit. Oh, kissing? Not kissing, oh my God. Kiss me. No, they were arrested for providing people with butt injections without a permit.

Oh, never do that, take it from me, fellas. Ha ha ha. According to police, the two women had injected tons of people's butts with a quote, unlabeled brown liquid. So if you've ever paid a mom and daughter in Texas to inject a mystery liquid into your butt, first of all, you look amazing.

And also your butt is now filled with old swamp water. Bill, how did Maeve do on our quiz? Well. Good, right? The train, remember I got the train? Yeah, you did. You got one right. All right then, Bill. How many does Mo need to win? Three to win.

Three? Just three. Here we go, Mo. I've already won. Bo, this is for the game. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, five major TV networks urged President Biden and Donald Trump to commit to participating in televised blanks. Debates. Yes.

According to new data on Wednesday, the US blank rate has risen higher than expected. Inflation rate. Yes. This week, the state Senate in Tennessee passed a bill allowing teachers to carry blanks in school. Firearms. Right.

According to Nielsen data, the women's blank final drew over 19 million viewers. The NCAA basketball. Right. Just one week after he was fined for throwing a bumper at another car, NASCAR driver Joey Gase blanked. He threw a carburetor at the same driver. No.

He got a sponsorship with a bumper company. Following a dispute between TikTok and her record label, Blank's music is now back on the social media site. I mean, it's always Taylor Swift. It's always Taylor Swift. On Wednesday, health officials once again warned states about rising blank cases. Oh, COVID. Measles.

This week, a man named Iron Man made headlines for blanking at a bar in Brooklyn. For smelting at a bar. No, for ironing customers' shirts for free. It's such a fun idea because who hasn't been surrounded by drunk people at 1 a.m. in Brooklyn and thought, you know what, this place needs somebody holding something scalding hot. Bill, did Moe do well enough to win? Well, he got five right for 14 more points. He's the winner. Yay.

I'm a saint. Congratulations to Moe. In just a minute, we're going to ask our panelists to predict after the cicadas what will be the next thing to emerge after years of being hidden away. But first, let me tell you that Wait wait, wait, don't tell me, is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago,

an association with Urgent Haircut Productions, Doug Berman, Benevolent Overlord. Philip Kodekar writes our limericks, our public address announcer is Paul Friedman, our tour manager is Shana Dommel. PJ Liederman composed our theme, our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dernbos, and Lillian King.

Special thanks this week to Monica Hickey and Blythe Robertson. Peter Gwynn is our Iron Man. Emma Choi is our Vibe Curator, Technical Direction from Lorna White. Our CFO is Colin Miller. Our Production Manager is Robert Newhouse. Our Senior Producer is Ian Chilag. And the Executive Producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Tech Support Danforth. Now, panel, after the cicadas, what is going to appear next after being away for a while?

Maeve Higgins. My fiance fiance Henry. Come back to me. I won't do it again, Henry. Nagin Farsad. Powdered wings and Tudor collars. They both look so comfortable. And Mo Rocca. The truth, damn it all to hell, Peter. The truth! And if any of that happens, we're going to ask you about it on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Thank you, Bill Curtis. Thanks also to Maeve Higgins Mo, Raqqa, and Nagin Farsad. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Benningham Center. Thanks to everyone at WESA in Pittsburgh.

Thanks to our fabulous audience who came to this beautiful place in this beautiful city. And thanks to all of you for listening out there. I'm Peter Segel, we'll see you next week. ["The New York Times"] This is NPR. With NPR+, you get bonus content from behind the scenes of your favorite shows, like the NPR Politics podcast.

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