Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me! - WWDTM Christmas 2020

Episode Date: December 26, 2020

We look back on our interviews with Don Cheadle, Tituss Burgess, and Jason Ward, as well as some fun moments with our panelists.Learn more about sponsor message choices: podcastchoices.com/adchoicesNPR Privacy Policy

Hey everybody, it's Peter. So a little while after the lockdown started, I was sitting in my closet at home wrapping up that week's show, and I got to the part right before I end it by saying, this is NPR, you know, with a pause, and I blurted out something like, hey everybody, congrats for getting through the week, let's do it again, and somebody told me that was nice to hear, so I did it again the next week and the next, and now it has become a thing. I did it again the next week and the next, and now it has become a thing. And here is the thing. It's completely sincere. It's been a tough year for everybody, including everybody you're about to hear on our show this week, and doing our show for you, in a real way, with you, has helped all of us

immensely. We really are in this together, which is why we are taking a second here at the end of a tough year and hopefully right before a much better one to ask you to donate to your local station. Go to donate.npr.org slash wait. Thank you and hopefully we'll see you and thank you in person next year. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. Do you hear what I hear? I hear me, Bill Curtis.

And here's your host, who bricked up his chimney just in case Santa was infectious, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. It is the weekend after Christmas, and we hope everybody found what they wanted stuffed in their stockings. I keep looking for a human foot so I can then solve the mystery. For our part, all we asked Santa for was a chance to relive some of our favorite moments from this year's Wait, Wait shows, and he delivered by these sackful. Some of them, in fact, have never been broadcast before. First, like a lot of people this year, we at Wait, Wait shows, and he delivered by these sackful. Some of them, in fact, have never been broadcast before. First, like a lot of people this year, we at Wait, Wait worked from home.

And sometimes, Peter didn't handle the walls closing in all that well. And here is your host from a jacuzzi filled with hand sanitizer somewhere in Chicago, Peter Sago. Thank you, Bill. And here's your host from exactly six feet away from me, from inside the same pair of pajamas he's had on for two weeks, coming to you from a hole he dug in his yard he's calling his new office. Probably wearing pants, but no promises, making a Chase Bank auditorium out of his mashed potatoes. And here's your host who enjoys the ants in his kitchen because it reminds him of being outside.

Who keeps a picture of his audience in a locket around his neck. A man who was just elected mayor of his living room. And here's your host, a man who just had to re-read the instruction manual for his pants. And here's your host at the Chase Bank, near his house cashing a check. And here again is your host, uh, no, no, no, no.

He's the father, not the grandfather, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Sigh of truth there. In just a minute, Bill's got... Every week we record far more material than we have time to broadcast. And this year we hired an intern to come in and sweep up the extra segments from the editing room floor. Here's a selection.

All right, panelists. It is time for a new game, and we are calling it... Name that drug. Now, you are actually going to need a pencil for this, so get ready, or a pencil or anything to write with, because this is what we're going to do. This week, Eli Lilly got emergency approval for a new coronavirus treatment.

We're going to give you the syllables of the name of the drug and you have to put them in the right order. Are you ready, Bill? Here we go. Here are your syllables. Mab. Nih.

La. The. Bam. So once again, we want you to put those five syllables together in some order to give us the name of the new COVID treatment. Can we get them again a little slower? Yes, we can. Here we go. Mab.

Ne. La. V. Bam. Okay, I'm ready. You ready? Okay, Maeve, you go first. What is the name of this drug? Bamamalaba.

Close, close. Did I get it? No. Alonzo, how about you? I'm working on it right now. I think it's Vibamnevlamab. Yeah, Vibamnevlamab. I'd shoot that up in a minute.

All right. Matter of fact, I'll get mine on a street corner. I don't even need a pharmacy. You've both come close. You have some syllables in the right place, but you haven't gotten it yet. Joanna, it's up to you. Bamlinamab. You are so close.

The correct answer is Bamlanivamab. Bamlanivamab. Bamlanivamab is the name of this new treatment produced by Eli Lilly. And we want to say to Eli Lilly, hey, guys, the next time, before you head out to the press conference to announce the name, look in the mirror and just take one syllable off. You don't need it. Yeah, or just give it a, you know, like a popular guy's name. Just call it Jacob. Yeah.

You know? Jacob the drug. I think that you shouldn't be taking the Bamlanivanab before you name the bomb la vibanab. That's true. The British retailer Marks and Spencer has a new Christmas-themed pastry with a very unusual name. Do you know what it is? Christmas theme. Hmm.

Well, I assume it has nothing to do with the birth of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. It does not. So I'm thinking tree themed, Santa themed. Santa themed. Santa themed. It is Santa themed. Yes. Santa paws?

No. Like a bear claw? No. Is it a criss-cruller like Kris Kringle? That's also a good guess, but you're all wrong. I'm afraid I will tell you what it is. It is the Santa's Yum Nut. it is a donut croissant hybrid and the slogan is who wants a bite of santa's yum nut wow that's also what they say to threaten the elves when toy production slows down at the

north pole this is an american this is not american this is british i thought not because we would know better also they don't even call him Santa. They call him Father Christmas. That's true. So they couldn't call it Father's Yum Nut, so I get it. No, that gets a little weird. The Santa's Yum Nut is a flaky donut decorated to look like the top of Santa's pants with red legs and a belt buckle right across it. You think I'm joking. What?

But yes, Virginia, there is a Santa crotch. Alonzo, a team of scientists are being lauded this week for an experiment where they studied the vocal patterns of alligators after they made the alligator do what? Wow. It's just one of those things. An alligator question puts me in the mind of Florida, which means it could be anything. Anything. It could be anything on Earth. Feeding them a certain thing?

No. Is it feeding them something? Close, but no. Can you give me some kind of hint? Sure. Well, the trick was getting the alligator to suck on the balloon. Oh, they gave him helium? Yes, they gave the alligators

helium to breathe. The scientists were conducting a study about the vocal residences of alligators, which is boring, but you know what's not? Alligators talking with funny voices. They're a lot less scary when they're like, float up to you going, hey, come into the water. I'm going to bite you. Do you know how much better that show would have been if it was alligator and the chipmunks? It would have been one episode and the second episode would have just been alligator.

Are we sure this wasn't just a bet? I bet you can't get that alligator to suck up the helium out of this balloon. Maeve, Disneyland may still be closed. Oh. But amusement park lovers have another choice, Wunderland Kalkar in Germany, a theme park

built inside an old what? Oh, a car factory. No, I'll give you a hint. You'll have so much fun at Wunderland Kalkar, you'll glow. A radium, radium factory. Yes, a nuclear power plant. Chernobyl, more like Cheskil. Wunderland Kalkar theme park is built in 1985,

but it never went online due to safety concerns. Because when you get on a roller coaster, you want to know it was built somewhere that had to shut down because it was not safe. Oh, man. That's a great train of thought. Oh, it's a nuclear power plant. Oh, I won't go.

But don't worry, it was never put online. Okay, I guess I'll go. But because it wasn't safe. Oh, no, maybe I shouldn't go. No, apparently it's great. They offer 40 rides. They have a swing ride inside the old cooling tower, which they've painted.

It'll look really bright and fun. It's great. And just like Disneyland, there are fun characters everywhere. But at Wunderland, the giant mouse with the body of a man just keeps saying, please kill me.

Oh, no. It's nice to know that other countries have horrible ideas also. Because this does sound like something where you'd be like, wait a minute, there's a theme park in Alabama inside an old knife factory or something like that. I'm going to tell you, maybe I've been locked inside too long, but I was looking at the website for Wunderland Kalkar and it looked great.

All these kids having a good time. And I'm telling you this, with your price of admission, you get as much soda, ice cream, and french fries as you want. True fact. But I don't really know, like, the wisdom of giving a child as much soda, like, I don't know who's the parent here, but as much soda and as much ice cream and then putting them on a roller coaster towards a nuclear reactor, that just seems like a vomitorium, like, express. Sounds like an origin story for a superhero. Panel, it is time for a new game that we're calling...

Animal Crossing. As you probably know, the global lockdown has given the animals a chance to take the Earth back. So we're going to ask you about the new masters of the planet. But you have to give your answer in the form of the sound the animal makes. Here we go. Paula, the Wall Street Journal reports that with people at overseas call centers working from home, people have been calling customer service lines and more and more they're hearing what animal. And remember, you have to answer in the form of their sound. Oh they're working from

their home? Yes. So they're hearing meow meow. No they're hearing cock-a-doodle-doo. Oh. They're hearing roosters. Well that's it. Yeah but you know what my cat is an impressionist. All right Tom in Thailand In Thailand, without tourists to feed them, hundreds of monkeys were caught on camera engaging in a massive monkey gang fight. So what does a massive monkey gang fight sound like? Woof, woof.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. My bad. Yes, that was a very accurate rendition of a monkey fight. Nagin, this week in San Jose... That was actually done by my cat, just to prove a point. Nagin, this week in San Jose, California, a large herd of a certain animal broke loose and wreaked havoc in a particular suburb. What was the animal, or rather, what was that animal's sound? A herd of an animal.

You're so close. It was a goat. I can tell you did a sheep, though. I just want to say, that was my interpretation of a goat. No, that was a sheep. I could tell. Don't goats and sheep sound essentially the same? I think sheep are more like,

and goats are like, they're sort of lower and more... Oh, like my grandmother. Yeah. Paula, officials in China are denying reports that a pair of what animal stomped into a village and got drunk? What animal? Make sure you do the sound. How about...

Pigs. No, it was actually an elephant. I'll try to do an elephant. I can't do an elephant. I'll get my cat to do it. Cat, cat, come here. Come here. Oh, that's pretty good. When we come back, the worst dinner party ever from back when we had dinner parties and the secret history of Don Cheadle. We'll be back in a minute with more from Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR.

What does it take to start something from nothing? And what does it take to actually build it? I'm Guy Raz. Every week on How I Built This, I speak with founders behind some of the most inspiring companies in the world. NPR's How I Built This. Listen now. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, who already took down his Christmas tree and released it back into the forest. Run free, tree! Peter Sagal.

Thank you, Bill. We are celebrating Christmas, or for our ancient Roman friends, the festival of Saturnalia, by feasting on some favorite bits from our shows during the past year. Back in February, we heard a story about a very strange dinner party and decided to make it the center of our bluff game. Little did we know that dinner parties were about to become extinct. Here's our game with Tom Papa, Helen Hong, and Alonzo Bowden. Hi, you are on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. Hey, this is Carl Davy Romano, originally from the Chicagoland area, but now in Greenville, North Carolina.

Carl, how could you ever leave our beautiful paradise by the lake? Oh, yeah, good question. I do miss the winter weather. And do you ever, like, just, you know, try to bring Chicago to you by just being bitter sometimes? Oh, all the time.

Do you enjoy living in North Carolina? It's okay. Culture's something different, but it's pretty. Okay. Well, it's great to have you with us, Carl. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what's the topic? This isn't a dinner party. It's a dinner catastrophe. Dinner parties are times when people eat too much, drink too much, and then say dumb things that will keep them awake for the rest of their lives. This week, we read about a dinner party that got way out of hand. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one and you'll win our prize, the weight-waiter of your choice in

your voicemail. Are you ready to play? Yes, I am. All right. Let's hear first from Tom Papa. Evergreen, Colorado can be a cold and lonely place in the winter. With a population around 9,000 and snowstorms a regular occurrence, residents can go for weeks without having anyone to talk to, eat with, or play twister against. So one can hardly blame a stir-crazy Colorado woman for reaching into her inner Etsy and planning a dinner party that quickly went off the rails. Everything was going smoothly. The house was clean. The table was set. Teeth were brushed.

The only problem was that the only guests who showed up were covered in fur, had antlers on their heads, and hoof-like shoes that were actually hooves. Of course, the woman recorded the entire affair, because why do anything these days if you can't post about it on Facebook? In the video, she invites a deer into her living room and serves up a bread buffet. Several other deer can be seen looking on from the front yard, apparently upset that they couldn't get in because they weren't on the guest list. The party was such a big hit that the woman kept it going for a second day. This quickly turned into a three-day event, reminiscent of Woodstock.

The third night was crazy, as the deer partied in the living room with their shirts off, while the woman fed them human cereal and even gave them nicknames. She called them Mackenzie Faye and Sandra Faye, making one wonder what this Colorado woman was really sprinkling on top of that cereal. But the party ended, as most good ones do, when the police showed up.

The deer were offended, the woman was annoyed, but they will always have the memory of those three days of peace, love, and Lyme disease. A woman invites a bunch of deer over for dinner and then gets in trouble. Your next story of a dining disaster comes from Helen Hong. Birthday gifts can be sweet, birthday gifts can be savory, but no birthday gift can match the delicious taste of payback. That's what Janet Kim, an accountant from Michigan, found out on her 34th birthday last week. The mild-mannered CPA thought she was celebrating the occasion with a low-key dinner party at her friend's home.

But an hour into dinner, the doorbell rang and in stormed a trio of magic mic-type exotic male dancers, complete in firefighter gear. All right, all right, all right, I hear there's a birthday girl in here who's getting a little too hot, exclaimed a doughy dollar store Matthew McConaughey. In fact, none of the male strippers were exactly in great shape. And as Janet took a better look at one of them in particular, she exclaimed, Mr. Peters?

Turns out it was her old boss from one of Janet's first accounting jobs. Mr. Peters was a disgusting boss who would make jokes like, this is Janet, my little Shanghai surprise. Janet hated him, but it was her first job and she didn't know how to tell him to get lost. Well, times have changed. Mr. Peters had since been fired for harassment and resorted to mail stripping to make ends meet. It was a great birthday surprise. Janet was pleased with the opportunity to make him work for once, shouting, I'm Korean, you dumb dumb. While the seemingly humbled Mr. Peters took the opportunity to apologize,

the night ended well. The usually reserved Janet got her revenge, and Mr. Peters left with his firefighter's helmet and his heart full of change. Strippers at a birthday dinner party provide the guest of honor with a chance for revenge. Your last story of an RSVP gone south comes from Alonzo Bowden. When the students of the daily 10 a.m. Warrior Woman workout class at the Woodland Oaks Athletic Club in California first met Richard Costas, a.k.a. Rocky, they were a little suspicious. He was the only man who'd ever taken the class,

but he quickly won them over with his charm and humor, and they began to look forward to seeing him every Monday and Wednesday. Nobody was more fun to kick in the face, said one student. So, of course, they were all happy to accept his invitation to a dinner party at his place. The food was great, the wine was excellent, and the furnishings were weirdly familiar. Wasn't that the vase from Cheryl's house? And isn't that Mindy's missing TV? And this silverware? Isn't that a wedding present from Jennifer's parents? As it happened, Rocky only came to class on Mondays and Wednesdays because he spent Tuesday, Thursday and Friday robbing the other students' homes.

It was easy, Rocky told the Rancho Cucamonga Times from jail. I knew they weren't at home, and I knew their alarm codes because everybody told me the date of their wedding. But why, having robbed them, did he invite them over for dinner leading to his arrest? I know it was a mistake, he said, but they're all such great gals, so fun and welcoming, I almost forgot I had robbed them. So these are your stories of a dinner party with a surprise ending. From Tom Papa, a woman in Colorado who invited deer in to her home and fed them and photographed it and put it on social media, which resulted in her breaking multiple laws about wildlife. From Helen, a CPA who got vengeance on a terrible boss

when that boss showed up at her party in stripper garb. Or from Alonzo Bowden, a dinner party that got the host arrested because his guests realized that he had stolen all his furnishings from them. Which of these is a real story from this week's news? Well, I think I'm going to have to go with Tom and the deer crashing at the Lady's House in Colorado. There are people here who agree with you. Well, you've chosen Tom's story then.

To bring you the correct answer, we spoke to someone very close to the story. She enticed deer into her house with food items and then produced a citation for four counts of feeding That was Mark Lamb with Colorado Parks and Wildlife Talking about what happens if you have a deer over for dinner Congratulations, you got it right, Carl Well done, you're the point for Tom

You've won our prize, the voice of your choice in your voicemail Thank you so much for playing with us today Appreciate it, I really your voicemail. Thank you so much for playing with us today. I appreciate it. How are you doing? By the end of June, we had been locked inside for four months, and we were getting a little punchy as our guest Don Cheadle found out. I came out of California Institute of the Arts, and we were involved in comedy, drama, commedia, mime, you know, what have you.

Mime? Well, not in college. In high school, I was in a mime show. But that's a whole story. Wait, hold on. You can't just drop that. You were in a mime troupe in high school? Did you do like the classic,

oh, I'm in a box, you can't see stuff? Or was it more like dramatic? Come on, man. You're progressive. The box thing is so passe. That's so 1955, man. Pass that stuff. I wanted to get back to the range of work.

I just want to, if people who don't know your work, first of all, shame on you. Secondly, on one end, you starred in Hotel Rwanda, a very serious drama about a genocide. You were nominated for an Oscar. And you've also done an elaborate sketch about a testicle spa for Funny or Dumb. That's range, my friend. Yeah, man. And of which of those two are you most proud? God, I mean.

Which of his two testicles? No. The left one. Oh, that's not what you meant. Did you have to do a screen testy for that role? Yes, I did. No, ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cheetle was not just a gifted actor. He's a producer.

He came up with that bit, if I'm not mistaken. I did. I did. And I had it in the sack when I went in. It was just like. Man, that must have been a ball to film. It was just like... Man, that must have been a ball to film. It was. It was nuts, man.

Probably the biggest project you've been a part of are the Avengers movies. Is it true that you were given like an hour or so to decide if you wanted to be in those movies? Actually, I was at my daughter's laser tag birthday party. Sure. And they called me and they said,

we need to know in an hour. And I said, oh, my daughter's laser tag birthday party. They said, oh, oh, take two hours. And did you need two hours to think about it? Yeah, for sure. Because I mean, this was at the beginning. And it was six movies, which is 12 years, you know. And I took the whole two hours.

You did. You really considered it. Yeah. I imagine that as a trained mime, when you were in fact shot by your daughter in Lasertag, your death scenes were immensely great. Look, I was only in it for that. I don't, but I'm definitely a fan of death seats.

So, Oh yeah. I didn't think about it in that way, but great ideas about that. I do want to, before we get to the game, I do want to talk to you about black Monday, your show on Showtime, which the second season came out.

I had no idea what it was about until I started watching it this week. And then you had less of an idea. No, it is. It takes place in 1986. You play a character who's kind of a black Gordon Gekko. What would you call this guy? He's amazing. Yeah, I kind of feel like he was the white me. Gordon Gekko, right? Yeah, it's sort of a what if, kind of a reimagination of that time period. Were there to be a shop like that on the street that had a black trader at its core and then also had his number one being a black woman. That place really didn't exist.

Just to give people who haven't seen the show an idea of its tone, there's a scene where your character takes his young protege out, what's supposed to be like the best night in the town ever. Yeah. And he takes him to see an execution. Yeah. Which in context is hilarious. Well, he goes, what are we seeing? He's like, death of a salesman. Did they ever pitch anything to you and you were like, no, I cannot do that.

Every day. Really? Because the stuff you do on camera is pretty severe. I'm saying the stuff we do is bananas. So you can imagine the stuff that they pitched. I'm like, I'm not saying that. Like, if you want to get in front of the camera, you can make that joke. I won't be making that joke.

And they're both Jewish. So they're like, hey, do this Jewish joke. I'm like, I am not doing. You guys can do that. I have to say, having watched a lot of the show, I cannot imagine what was too tasteless for you to do because the stuff you do. I mean, that's really kind of the concept is like to see how close can we toe the line without stepping over? And sometimes, you know, you put your toes over and you're like, okay, we might get in for that one but it's that's the whole point i think and it fuels the frenetic energy that that time period was yeah everybody was on coke everybody

was going crazy and what do you guys use instead of cocaine seriously what is the substance the um sometimes b12 sometimes cornstarch what is What is that like? It ain't fun. I'm not going to say it's fun. Can't you just mime it? You are trained. I offered that. I offered that. But going through the whole makeup, it was just a long time.

And being pretty confusing for the audience, I think. I understand. Why is he snorting cocaine isn't there? And why is he doing it inside an invisible box? And why is the cocaine real but but everything else is mime? I don't understand. Well, Don Cheadle, we have asked you here to play a game we're calling... Welcome to Black Friday.

You star in Black Monday, so we thought we'd ask you about Black Friday. That's the Friday after Thanksgiving when crowds show up to get a start on Christmas shopping, and also maybe do some murders. Answer two out of three questions correctly, you will win our prize. One of our listeners, Bill, who is Don Cheadle playing for? John Baker of New York City. All right, you ready to do this? Okay, I'm doing my best for you, John. All right, here we go. One of the huge toy fads was the Furby back in the 1990s. During one Black Friday during the Furby craze, which of these once happened in a big box store? A, a woman broke an employee's fingers to get a whole crate of Furbies. B, a

woman broke an employee's fingers to get a single Furby. Or C, a woman broke an employee's fingers to get a ticket to wait in line to buy a Furby. I just love that the truth in all of them is that a woman broke an employee's fingers. Yes, that's the one thing we can count on. I love it. I'm going to say to get one. To get one. No, it was actually to get a ticket to stand in line.

I'm going to say it's to get a ticket to stand in line. It's too late. No, apparently they were handing out tickets because you needed a ticket to hold your place in line. And she reached up and she grabbed an early ticket so hard she broke the employee's fingers. She was asked to leave, did not get a Furby. All right, this is fine. This is fine.

You have two more chances. During the height of Black Friday madness, one Walmart gave employees special training about handling the giant pallets of sale items. What was it? A, in a pinch, flat-screen TVs can be used as shields. B, when you hear the bells over the intercom, cut the plastic and run or C. Only use your tranquilizer darts on customers who are not holding expensive items.

Wow. I'm going to go with B again. Cut the plastic and run. You're right. That's exactly what he was advised to do because apparently you just didn't want to be between anybody and their TV. Yeah, that's smart that's i think so do you have um i'm sorry i'm quite distracted because mo has taken off his shirt he took it off about 10 minutes ago and it was wild i was focusing on you like a good host just seeing his head but now he pulled his shoulders into it should i save this for pledge week it's really hot in this room i'm burning up too but i'm not just roving people in closets and they're not taking their shirt off it's just so warm in here um we have all been locked inside too long, I think.

Oh, my God. All right. Back to the game. So you've gotten one right with one to go. If you get this, you win. And everybody's happy. One man who started standing in line at a Walmart on Tuesday to get a plasma TV when they went on sale on Black Friday, ended up walking away empty-handed.

Why? A, he was actually at a wall shop, Tucson's number one retailer of retaining walls. B, on Wednesday, he decided there was just more to life than, you know, accumulating things. Or C, he hadn't realized there was a different entrance that was much closer to the TV section, and when he got in, they were all gone. It's C for sure.

It is C, Don. That's what happened. Bill, how did Don Cheadle do in our quiz? He won. Two out of three. Very good job. Congratulations. Don Cheadle is a golden globe winning actor and the star of Black Monday. Season 2 is

airing right now on Showtime. Thank you so much for being on our show. We are all grateful. Thank you guys. This was a lot of fun. Thanks. Bye, Don. Thank you. Thanks again. When we come back,

we try to break Titus Burgess from Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and we ruffle the feathers of America's favorite birdwatcher. We'll be back in a minute with more Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me from NPR. Hey, it's Peter poking my head in a gam with a reminder to donate to your local station at donate.npr.org.

They actually care which shows listeners donate the most, and I want to kick Invisibilia's ass. From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me, the NPR News Quiz. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host, who's going to keep running the crushed ice dispenser on the fridge until he has enough for indoor sledding, Peter Sagal. Thank you, Bill. Now, we are celebrating Christmas with the best gift of all, nostalgia. It's free, it's environmentally sensitive, and you don't have to worry about the person who shipped it getting enough bathroom breaks. This year we spoke to two very different New Yorkers. First up, a successful New York theater actor who became famous playing a

completely failed New York theater actor on the sitcom Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt. Titus Burgess plays a character named Titus Andromedon on that show. And I asked if, given the similarities, people ever think he's just playing himself. Oh, yeah, sure. I mean, you know, I've often met people who are terribly let down and dissatisfied. Oh, really? They're dissatisfied that you're not sort of loud and brash and fabulous and slightly crazy? Yeah. I mean, like, honestly, guys, I hover at about a two on the scale of one to ten.

But look, I am so grateful. Call me Titus all day long if you want. You know, I wouldn't be talking to you guys if it weren't for that role i should point out that your name actually being titus probably everybody calls you titus but you know i was just thinking about how tough that can be to separate the character from the person i used to know a young woman who played a part on a daily soap opera and she could not walk down the street in New York without old women yelling at her,

you've got to break up with that guy. He's a bum. He's an absolute bum. And you're destroying your own marriage and your husband's a really, you know. People take it seriously. They really do. And, you know, aside from the minor inconvenience, I suppose, you know, I guess it's something to celebrate that they're that invested.

Yeah. It really is a good thing. So I'm grateful all things aside. One thing, you were nominated a whole bunch of times for an Emmy. You're up again, right? This is my fifth nomination. Yes. So wait, Titus, the other four times that you were nominated and you were in the audience, did they have the camera right in your face when they say? Of course they did.

Did you practice your look? Yeah. Because I've always wondered about that. No. But what I will say, it is a little uncomfortable knowing that they are waiting for your reaction one way or the other. But I've been so lucky to be in the company of such brilliant actors. And just the acknowledgement, I can hang on to that for years to come.

Okay, but you have to still have a little bit of disappointment. No. No. No. No. No. If you don't express that disappointment on the screen, that's what the casting directors are looking at. They're going, that guy's amazing. You'd never know what he's really thinking.

How is somebody going to moat? Six years ago, y'all had no idea who I was. He's auditioning right now. And do you do you and do you have a speech ready if um do you have a speech ready no um i think paula has one that she'd like to give in case i'm sure she does she's like give me this game i want to talk about your new show also on netflix wait a minute sing on what. What? Paula Poundstone. Yeah. Yes. I'm obsessed with you. Pardon me

for not doing my homework. I didn't realize you were part of this. You are so good. I'm part of this. Honestly, sister, I'm such a huge fan of your work. Well, thank you very much. That's nice to hear. Truly. So I feel honored and also embarrassed that I didn't know

you were you. You know what? No one else could be me. They'd crack like a ripe melon. I believe it. So let's talk about your new show on Netflix. It's called Sing On. It is something that I thought should have happened years ago. It's a karaoke competition show. Are they sober? Because I don't know about the rest of you folks up on the screen, but I've never sung karaoke sober.

Do you know what's funny? Yes. I despise karaoke. Really? I was going to ask you. I'm sure my publicist is like, oh, God. I don't know if professional singers like karaoke, but I maybe assume that you liked it because you're doing a show all about it, but you don't like karaoke?

I've spent all of my professional life being paid large sum of money to sing. And so the thought to go to a club and... I mean, if you're a professional quality singer, it must be tempting every now and then to just walk into some karaoke bar and just blow everybody away. No, that's just like asking a surgeon. Every time you walk by a hospital,

you're tempted to go in and perform surgery. Titus Burgess, it has been a joy to talk to you. We could do it all day, but we have work to do. We have invited you here to play a game we're calling... Give me a break. So you start on the unbreakable, Kimmy Schmidt. Yes, sir. What do you know about breakable things?

We're going to ask you three questions about stuff that is fragile. Get two right, you'll win a prize. One of our listeners, Bill, who is Titus Burgess playing for? Matt Roberts of St. Paul, Minnesota. All right, here we go. First question. A modern work of art was destroyed by a visitor to a museum in Germany a few years ago. That happens, but in this case she had an excuse.

What was it? A, the artwork, a glass vase, happened to be right next to another artwork, which was a hammer. artwork, a glass vase, happened to be right next to another artwork, which was a hammer. B, the artwork was a half-filled crossword puzzle, complete with pens, so she naturally filled it in. Or C, the painting was of her ex, and as she put it, I guess I wasn't over her. C? C is the most dramatic, I'll grant you that. Can I change your answer? You may. C. Choose the one you love! No, that would be great. it was actually a half-filled crossword puzzle was a bit

of abstract art and they've been hanging there unfinished since 1965 and she's like well i'll fix that all right you still have your chances not a problem something turned out to be quite breakable at the grand opening of the ottawa international airport in canada when which of these happened a after the first passenger stepped on one, the moving sidewalks all had to be relabeled just regular sidewalks. B, the windows all shattered during a celebratory flyby of jets

delaying one terminal's opening by another year. Or C, their decision to use drug-sniffing cats instead of dogs resulted in the destruction of all the furniture in Terminal B. That's the funniest answer, so let's go with that, the last one. I admire your spirit here. I admire your flair for drama and entertainment, but I'm just going to ask you, are you sure? Are you sure?

No, it was actually the windows shattering. Apparently, they didn't check to see if the windows could withstand the sound of a jet going by at an airport. All right. You have one more question. It's from the theater, so you might go for this. The Greek playwright Aeschylus proved a little too breakable personally when he died after which of these happened? A, a passing bird mistook his bald head for a rock and dropped a turtle on it. B, he didn't survive the Greek opening night tradition of someone breaking a bottle of wine over the head of the playwright. Or C, he was

rightfully stoned to death after proposing the first ever jukebox musical. What was the one about surviving the bottle of wine? I think I'm going to choose that one. Yeah, he didn't survive the classical Greek opening night tradition where instead of a bottle of champagne on a ship, you smash a bottle of wine over the head of the playwright. That sounds plausible. Let's choose that. I love that, especially because, of course, they didn't have bottles.

They had clay vases. How dare you? I know. Actually, the answer was. Once again, you've lied. The answer was A. This is apparently true. Theater legend.

A bird was flying by with a turtle, thought it could drop it on a rock to smash open the turtle. Turned out it was Aeschylus. Birds don't carry turtles. This is also a lie. You have completely. I know. It's terrible. It's a terrible repayment for the enjoyment you've given me.

But nonetheless, that's what happened. Bill, how did Titus Burgess do on our show? Bill. Let's put it this way. Titus, you did it so stylishly. You are a winner. There you go. Oh, Bill. Let's put it this way. Titus, you did it so stylishly. You are a winner. There you go.

Titus Burgess, thank you so much for joining us. And thank you for all the great stuff you've done. It was a joy. This was so much fun. Bye-bye, Titus. Thanks again. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. Finally, we spoke to a New Yorker whose eyes weren't on Broadway marquees,

but whatever might be making a nest on top of them. Before becoming a professional birdwatcher and landing a job with the National Audubon Society, Jason Ward was a kid in the Bronx who one day saw a peregrine falcon eating a pigeon. Yes, yes. So it was like my spark moment, my aha moment. It was the moment that I realized that birds had this special ability to make me smile. One of my very first memories of birds, and a lot of people out there probably can identify with this, is being pooped on by gulls in the parking lot of a supermarket. So that is my very first memory, but it wasn't the coolest. Hold on.

Can I ask about the poop, though, very quickly since we're on that subject? Is it good luck? Because I have been pooped on a lot, and I had a terrible experience in college. I was walking across campus, I swear to you, and I was kind of half running with my kind of face in front of my body. This is going to be bad. And so a bird that probably was flying towards me, the poop ended up in my mouth. Oh!

So disgusting. Oh! And somebody said to me at the time, they said it's good luck if a bird poops on your head. So it's like really great luck if it gets into your mouth, which is very difficult to have happen. That's never happened to me. So either you have an amazing amount of luck or,

or the opposite. I don't know. Now there's a certain stereotype about birders. I'm thinking, well, affluent white old ladies. That's what I'm thinking. Yes, 100 percent.

Birding is largely thought of as something that's done by our grandparents. Right. And I am one of the many voices of individuals who are trying to break down that stereotype and introduce a new era of birders, birders who do things their own way and who break a lot of those traditionalist ways of doing things. And I wear what I want when I'm birding as well. I think that's a major thing. You're like, to hell with the cardigan vest. This is going to get me just completely ostracized from the community. But yes, I don't wear floppy hats.

I don't wear khakis. I'm out there wearing whatever I want. I can bird in a pair of flip flops and some basketball shorts. It doesn't really matter to me. Wow. You're like a punk birder. All right, Roxanne, go ahead. Okay. Do you kind of have a favorite kind of bird?

Absolutely. So my favorite bird is the peregrine falcon. That very first one that gave me that ah moment. It is the fastest animal onine falcon that very first one that gave you that moment it is the fastest animal on earth take that cheetah it is also found on six of the seven continents it's highly adaptable highly resilient and extremely powerful aren't those the kind of birds that often become sort of uh social media uh celebrities when they like people put cameras on nests and everybody starts naming them and just falling in love with them and hoping that they kill a lot of things and

make themselves happy you know what that's interesting yes people love doing that they love placing cameras on uh the nest of birds of prey and usually it's a really nice success heartwarming story until it isn't um there was there was a a very famous incident that happened in pennsylvania uh several years ago in which uh they were watching a bald eagle nest. And mom bald eagle brought back some really nice cuddly kittens for dinner one day. And of course, that made a lot of people very upset. My response to that is I totally understand why that upsets people. And this is why the best place for your cats are inside. Have you ever seen a roadrunner

yes i've seen a ton of roadrunners i've seen a roadrunner and a coyote by the way one time um did you and what were they how did they interact they were getting along um they were getting along really i think no anvils involved they've been lying to us propaganda all of these years um the cartoons have been lying to us but But these are birds that eat whatever they want, right? They prey on mostly large insects, but they'll catch another bird out in the air and just knock it against the ground and eat it. So these are roadrunners. Yes, roadrunners. You mean the hero of the cartoons is actually a horrible cannibal?

Let me tell you something. There's an image out there that we can probably look up after all of this. There's a notorious bird called the loggerhead shrike. It's known as the butcher bird. It's a songbird that impales its prey on thorns or barbed wire. So this is a hardcore small bird. Roadrunners eat them. And so that horrible, tough, torturing bird.

Yes. That vicious, amoral killer the roadrunner just eats. Yep. Gobbles it up. Wow. That would be an interesting turnabout ending to one of those cartoons if the Roadrunner just turns around and devours the coyote because that's the way it is. Jason Ward, it is a pleasure to talk to you about birding, but we've asked you

here to play a game we're calling... Watch these birds, you nefarious pig. You're an expert on birds, but what do you know about angry birds? That computer game where you throw birds at pigs? It's become a huge sensation in the last decade. Bunch of movies. Answer two to three questions right and you'll win our prize for one of our listeners, the voice of their choice on their voicemail. Bill, who is Jason Ward playing for? Kevin Bell of Boston, Massachusetts.

All right. Here's your first question. In 2019, to celebrate the game's 10th anniversary, the game's designer company, Rovio, created which of these? A, the Hyper Pig, an actual breed of hog created to be especially devious. B, the Rage Rider, a scooter that goes faster

the louder you scream at it. Or C, real birdshot, shotgun slug shaped like the angry bird so you could be meta when bird hunting. Wow, I'm going to go with C. You're going to go with C. They actually made shotgun slugs that look like the angry bird so you could fire the angry birds at actual birds. I'm going with C, yes. I like your confidence, but

no, it was B, the Rage Rider, you see. Because they're celebrating anger. Okay. So you scream into the thing and it goes. Alright, you have two more chances. This is not a problem. Here's your next question. Like any successful mobile game, Angry Birds has inspired its share of knockoffs. Like which of these? A,

Angry Words, in which you type as many curse words as you can in 60 seconds. B, angry curds in which Little Miss Muffet hurls pepper jack cheese curds at a spider. Or C, angry turds where you are a monkey throwing poop at the explorers that kidnapped your babies. Wow. All right. I'm going to go with C. You're right, angry turds.

Here's your last question. If you get this right, you win. The developers of Angry Birds were inspired to create the game by a surprising incident. What was it? A, while he was playing Tetris while on Ayahuasca, the lead designer said, the shapes are birds. All shapes are birds. And the idea was born. B, the swine flu epidemic of 2009 because it showed the developers that pigs really are our enemy. Or C, one designer traveling in Norway observed McDonald's spicy chicken sandwich was called Angry Bird on bread there. All right. I'm going with B.

You're right. The swine flu epidemic, which of course is back in the news Because apparently it was much worse than the one we're going through I think, yes, somehow Was in fact the inspiration They were looking around for villains in their game And they said, swine flu, pigs, yes, let's do it Bill, how did Jason Ward do in our quiz? He did great

Two out of three Keep looking for birds, Jason You did well, congratulations, Jason Jason Ward is a naturalist and birder. You can check out his Birds of North America series on YouTube and sign up for his virtual birding classes at atlasobscura.com. Jason, thank you so much. Thank you so much.

I appreciate you all for having me. Take care. Bye-bye. Bye-bye. That's it for our special, not really Spirit of Christmas Past, more like Spirit of the Past During Christmas show. It's Dickens Adjacent. Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is a production of NPR and WBEZ Chicago

in association with Urgent Haircut Productions' Doug Berman Benevolent Overlord. BJ Litterman composed our theme. Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dornbos, and Lillian King. Peter Gwynn is Ten Lords a-Leaping. Technical direction is from Lorna White. Our business and ops manager is Colin Miller. Our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is Ian Chilog.

And the executive producer of Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me is Mike Danforth. Thanks to everybody you heard this week, all of our panelists, all our guests, and of course Bill Curtis. And thanks to all of you for listening. I'm Peter Sagal. We'll see you next week. This is NPR.